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Episode 934 comparing our inside to other People's outside.

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You're listening to the official BI podcast with BI founder and chief visionary officer Dr. Ivan Meisner. Stay tuned for networking and referral marketing tips from the man who's been called the father of modern networking, along with suggestions and insights into getting the most from your membership in the world's largest networking organization, bni.

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Hello everybody, and welcome back to the official B and I Podcast. I'm Priscilla Rice and I'm coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California. And I'm joined on the phone today by the founder and the Chief Visionary Officer of B and I, Dr. Ivan Meisner. Hello, Ivan, how are you and where are you?

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I have just gotten back from the B and I membership cruise US cruise to the Caribbean and spent several days with BNI members from all over the United States. It was a blast.

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Wow, that sounds like fun. Okay, and what do you have to share with us today?

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So for quite a few years, I have, you know, talked to my kids and mentored business people, particularly when, you know, they felt like they just weren't enough, they weren't as successful as they should have been or, or could have been, or are. And, and you know, they would sometimes compare themselves to other people. And you know, I really, I've thought about this a lot and I think the problem with that is that we compare our inside to other people's outside. And so I'll explain that more, but first, let me, let me say why I think we do this briefly. What it means is we compare who we are and we know who we are to what we see from other people and how they behave. And we do this because I think it's human wiring to some extent. Our brains are built for a social comparison. It's how we assess where we fit in a tribe or a community or a chapter. The problem is that today's tribe or community or chapter includes curated Instagram feeds and highlight reels. Right? I think impression management is part of it. People show the polished outside of their successes, vacations, best angles on social media. Rarely do they show the tears, the struggles, the sleepless nights. We forget that what we see is to some extent, marketing. It's certainly not the full and complete reality of someone's life. We have emotional blind spots. We have full access, full access to our insecurities, our failures, our doubts. But we only see the edited trailer of other people's lives, not the behind the scenes footage. I also think there's a bit of A survival bias. We notice the winners, not the strugglers. It tricks us into thinking that everyone else has figured it out except us. I can't tell you how many times people said that they have got it all figured out and. Or sometimes when I'd talk to people and I'd say I really struggled with that and they would say, wow, I thought you had it all figured out. Well, it's because you see my outside, you don't see my inside. I struggle with the same kinds of things that a lot of other people struggle with. I think there's a cost of this kind of comparison, and it begins with this comparison to me is the thief of joy. It distorts reality. You judge your whole messy inside world against somebody's carefully staged outside and it's an unfair fight. You'll often lose that fight. I think there's an element of a paralysis and imposter syndrome. And when you constantly measure yourself up against others, it can stop you from taking risks, starting projects or celebrating your own progress. I would urge the listeners here to Listen to episode 912 of BNI podcast 912 about imposter syndrome where somebody was came to me and asked me about imposter syndrome and I have a whole episode on that. The third thing I want to talk about is how to avoid the comparisons. These are some things to consider to avoid comparing your inside to other people's outside. First flip the frame. Instead of saying why am I not where they are? Ask what can I learn from their journey? Turn envy into education. What is it that I can learn from what they did to get to where they are? I think gratitude as an antidote. And I've talked about gratitude. Do a search on B and a podcast, you'll find quite a few podcasts that I've done on gratitude. Write down your daily wins, small or big. Gratitude focuses you on what you do have rather than what you lack. And I think it's a powerful, powerful thing to include in your life, to be grateful for the things that you have achieved in your life. And we've all got things that we're, you know, we feel we could do better at. I certainly do, but I try to spend as much time as possible in gratitude. This is an important one. Curate your inputs. Let me explain that if certain social feeds trigger comparison, mute them. Don't consume content that poisons your self worth. I started saying this during the COVID pandemic. Micro dose the news. I really feel strongly about that one. The news has become less about news and more about opinions regarding the news. And so don't consume content that poisons your, your self worth, your value or that that has you. You know, be fearful of the world. Go back to the state of gratitude. Remember the rule of context. You know your whole story, but you only see others highlight reel. So give yourself the same grace you give them. You have your own highlight reel and you know they see that and they may not see the other troubles that you've got and understand that you, you know, you, you, you run your own race. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Yes, I wrote a book with that title. Networking is a marathon, not a sprint. And it's a callback certainly to the title of that book, which I'll be talking about in some future podcasts. The only competitor worth beating is the you of yesterday. So run that race. You know, be better than you were yesterday. On my social media, I have a whole series of Ivanisms. So I'm going to give you some Ivanisms before I wrap up.