Episode Overview

Episode Title: Comparing Our Inside to Other People’s Outside
Podcast: The Official BNI Podcast
Host: Dr. Ivan Misner
Episode Number: 934
Date: October 29, 2025

In this episode, Dr. Ivan Misner, founder and Chief Visionary Officer of BNI, discusses the dangers of comparing our inner experiences (“behind the scenes footage”) to the carefully curated exteriors people display to the world, especially through social media. He explores why we engage in such comparisons, the psychological cost, and practical strategies to overcome this tendency and focus on personal growth.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Why We Compare Ourselves to Others (01:10–04:30)

• Human Wiring for Comparison:
  Dr. Misner explains that social comparison is part of human nature, a remnant of how we determine our place in a tribe or community.

  “Our brains are built for social comparison. It's how we assess where we fit in a tribe or a community or a chapter.” (01:35)

• Curated Perfection:
  In today's world, especially with social media, people tend to present a polished version of their lives, hiding struggles and failures.

  “People show the polished outside of their successes, vacations, best angles on social media. Rarely do they show the tears, the struggles, the sleepless nights.” (01:50)

• Impression Management:
  The version of others we see is often marketing, not reality. We have "emotional blind spots" because we know our own insecurities but only see others’ highlight reels.

  “We only see the edited trailer of other people's lives, not the behind the scenes footage.” (02:20)

• Survivor Bias:
  We often only notice the “winners” and forget that most are struggling behind the scenes, which warps our perceptions of success.

2. The Cost of Comparison (04:30–06:05)

• Thief of Joy:
  Comparing ourselves to curated exteriors distorts reality and can rob us of happiness.

  “Comparison to me is the thief of joy. It distorts reality. You judge your whole messy inside world against somebody's carefully staged outside and it's an unfair fight.” (05:00)

• Paralysis and Imposter Syndrome:
  Such comparisons can fuel imposter syndrome and stop us from taking risks or celebrating our own progress.

  “When you constantly measure yourself up against others, it can stop you from taking risks, starting projects or celebrating your own progress.” (05:25)
  Dr. Misner references Episode 912 for a deeper dive on imposter syndrome.

3. How to Avoid Unhelpful Comparisons (06:05–08:07)

Dr. Misner shares actionable strategies:

• Flip the Frame:
  Turn envy into education—rather than asking “Why am I not where they are?”, ask “What can I learn from their journey?” (06:15)

• Gratitude as an Antidote:
  Practice daily gratitude by writing down small or big wins.

  “Gratitude focuses you on what you do have rather than what you lack.” (06:34)

• Curate Your Inputs:
  Be mindful of your media consumption—mute social feeds that trigger negative comparison.

  “Don't consume content that poisons your self worth.” (06:47)

• Micro-dosing the News:
  Avoid overconsumption of news, especially when it erodes your self-esteem and creates unnecessary fear. (06:55)

• Rule of Context:
  Remember that you know your own struggles but only see others’ highlight reels.

  “Give yourself the same grace you give them… Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” (07:07)

• Compete With Yourself:

  “The only competitor worth beating is the you of yesterday.” (07:24)

4. Ivanisms: Dr. Misner’s Key Takeaways (07:00–08:07)

Dr. Misner shares four phrases—or Ivanisms—to reinforce the episode’s main message:

1. “Stop comparing your behind the scenes footage to someone else's highlight reel.”
2. “What we see in others is often performance, not reality, not the total reality.”
3. “Your inside voice doesn't hear their inside struggles, so don't assume they don't have any.”
4. “In life, the only scoreboard that matters is your own growth.”

“Run your own race because your inside journey matters more than anyone else's outside show. And stop comparing your life to someone else's Instagram feed filters, they don't pay the bills and hashtags don't hug you at night. Run your own race, laugh along the way. And remember, even the highlight reel has bloopers that other people haven't seen.” (07:43)

5. Discussion on Social Media and Authenticity (08:34–09:43)

• Social media often presents a "false narrative" of others’ lives.
• Dr. Misner acknowledges he uses social media but emphasizes educational over self-promotional content.
• Not everyone’s life is perfect—there are always challenges and “bloopers” behind the scenes.

Notable Quotes

• “Comparison to me is the thief of joy.” (05:00) – Dr. Ivan Misner
• “Stop comparing your behind the scenes footage to someone else's highlight reel.” (07:04) – Dr. Ivan Misner
• “Life is a marathon, not a sprint. …The only competitor worth beating is the you of yesterday.” (07:13, 07:24) – Dr. Ivan Misner
• “Run your own race because your inside journey matters more than anyone else's outside show.” (07:43) – Dr. Ivan Misner
• “Hashtags don't hug you at night.” (07:50) – Dr. Ivan Misner

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:10 – Introduction to topic: inside vs. outside comparisons
• 01:35 – Why we socially compare: human wiring and community
• 02:20 – Emotional blind spots and the highlight reel effect
• 05:00 – Cost of comparison: ‘thief of joy’ and its consequences
• 06:15 – Strategies to avoid comparison (flip the frame, gratitude, curate feeds)
• 07:00 – Ivanisms and key takeaways
• 08:34 – Social media, authenticity, and educational content

Closing Thoughts

Dr. Misner encourages listeners to recognize their own unique journeys, focus on personal growth, and be mindful of the curated nature of others’ public personas—especially on social media. The only “scoreboard” that truly matters is one’s own personal development and happiness.

For more on imposter syndrome: Refer to [Episode 912].
For more on gratitude: Search the BNI podcast archives for gratitude-themed episodes.