The Official BNI Podcast

Episode 943: What to Say to Boring People
Host: Dr. Ivan Misner
Date: January 14, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Ivan Misner addresses a common challenge at networking events: what to do and say when you encounter "boring people" or find yourself in a dull networking environment. Through personal anecdote, research, and practical tips, Dr. Misner reframes the problem, turning the responsibility for engagement back onto the networker and offering actionable advice for transforming uninspiring conversations into meaningful connections.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Rethinking “Boring” Encounters

• Personal Accountability in Networking

  • Dr. Misner shares a pivotal memory: He once attended a networking event he found boring until he realized, "If I'm bored at this networking meeting, it's all my fault." (03:11)
  • He elaborates that networking is not a spectator sport—the energy and quality of the event often mirror your own level of engagement.
  • Quote:

    “Networking is not a spectator sport. And it certainly doesn't start with being interesting. It starts with being interested.” (03:34)

• Mindset Shift: From Passive to Curious

  • Instead of waiting for entertainment, Dr. Misner recommends engaging other attendees with sincere curiosity, which immediately makes interactions more interesting.
  • Memorable Moment:

    “It wasn't the room that changed, it was my attitude that changed.” (04:13)

The Science Behind Connection

• Research Insights
  • Meaningful two-way conversations reduce anxiety, increase likability, and build trust.
  • People reveal their most interesting sides when talking about subjects they genuinely care about.
  • The main reason people seem boring is often due to being asked overly generic questions; they haven’t been given a chance to shine.

Ditch the Sales Mindset

• Avoid Transactional Approaches

  • Biggest mistake in networking: approaching with a sales mindset, treating the room like a marketplace instead of a community.
  • Quote:

    “The less you sound like a salesperson, the more likely you are to eventually get a referral, which is counterintuitive.” (06:24)

• Focus on Connection Over Transaction

  • Rather than closing deals, seek points of collaboration, mutual interests, or just a positive interaction that could sow seeds for future credibility.

• Gains Exchange

  • Dr. Misner refers to the G.A.I.N.S. Exchange (Goals, Accomplishments, Interests, Networks, Skills) as a holistic way to find common ground.

Upgrading Your Questions

• Examples of Engaging Questions (08:20)

  • What’s been the best part of your week so far?
  • Besides work, what gets you up in the morning?
  • Are you working on any fun or meaningful projects right now?
  • What personal passion project has your attention these days?
  • Memorable Example:

    “I asked that question of Richard Branson once, and he just lit up and started talking about a project that he was working on that he really, really loved.” (08:55)

• Small Talk vs. Smart Talk

  • These recommended questions prompt deeper, more authentic conversations—“These questions aren’t small talk. They’re smart talk.” (09:15)

Social Intelligence in Action

• Make Others Feel Interesting

  • Dr. Misner references an insight from Medium.com: being socially skilled is about making others feel seen and valued.
  • If a conversation feels boring, assume you haven’t found the other person’s “spark” yet.
  • Techniques:
    • Ask open-ended, personal questions
    • Listen for passionate topics
    • Avoid yes/no or work-only questions

• Reflect on Your Own Role

  • Challenge yourself: are you contributing to a bland conversation by sticking to work, weather, or complaints?
  • Quote:

    "Half the people you tell [complaints to] don't care, and the other half are glad you're worse than they are. So don't talk about complaints." (10:45)

Take Responsibility for Engagement

• Shift Your Expectations

  • Expecting entertainment leads to disappointment; expecting engagement promotes success.
  • Giver’s Gain—show curiosity and genuine interest, reap connection, opportunity, and trust.

• Final Actionable Message:

  • “You say something that gives them permission to be interesting. Because almost everyone has a great story inside them. They just need the spark. And sometimes that spark is you. Be the spark that brings out the best in others. When you light someone else up, the whole room gets brighter.” (11:18)

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• “If I'm bored at this networking meeting, it’s all my fault.” (03:11)
• "Networking is not a spectator sport. And it certainly doesn't start with being interesting. It starts with being interested." (03:34)
• “Put the pitch away. Be curious instead of trying to make an impression.” (06:30)
• “These questions aren’t small talk. They’re smart talk. And smart talk is the gateway to collaboration.” (09:15)
• “Networking is about taking responsibility for the quality of your interactions. The moment you choose to be interested, you influence the energy of the room and that energy comes back to you.” (10:55)
• "Be the spark that brings out the best in others. When you light someone else up, the whole room gets brighter." (11:18)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 03:11: Realization of personal accountability for feeling bored at an event
• 06:24: The power of a non-sales mindset in referrals
• 08:20: Examples of transformative, curiosity-based questions for networking
• 10:55: Taking responsibility for engagement and energizing the room
• 11:18: Dr. Misner’s final actionable message and encouragement

Takeaway for Listeners

This episode encourages listeners to shift blame from others or the environment and instead take proactive responsibility for their networking experience. By elevating their curiosity, asking thoughtful questions, and focusing on genuinely engaging others, networkers can break through dull interactions and discover the fascinating stories in everyone they meet—an approach that not only enriches the moment but also builds lasting trust and collaboration.