Episode 958: How You Stand Changes Who You Meet (Classic)

Summary

The Official BNI Podcast

Episode 958: How You Stand Changes Who You Meet (Classic)
Host: Dr. Ivan Misner & Priscilla Rice
Date: April 29, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode revisits a classic but highly practical concept in referral marketing and in-person networking: the idea that how you physically stand in a networking situation has a significant impact on who you meet. Dr. Ivan Misner explains the importance of body positioning—specifically, the "open twos" and "open threes" approach—as a technique to improve approachability, foster better conversations, and create a more inclusive networking environment. The discussion includes actionable advice for both newcomers and seasoned networkers, including tips for introverts and organizations seeking to make their events more welcoming.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Dr. Misner’s Recent Experiences & Networking Evolution

• Dr. Misner shares recent global speaking experiences (in-person and virtual), including events in the US, China, Malaysia, and on Clubhouse, an audio-based networking platform.
  • [01:05–02:08]
• Brief explanation of Clubhouse and its networking utility.
  • “Clubhouse is an online social media platform where people basically come into a room and you can listen to a speaker… it’s an interesting program and I do see a lot of BNI people on Clubhouse.” – Dr. Ivan Misner [01:47]

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The Power of How You Stand: Open Twos & Open Threes

• Problem Set-Up: Walking into a crowded networking event can be intimidating; many don't know how or whom to approach.
  • “Sometimes you walk into a room full of people, you look around and you have no idea where to start. None.” – Dr. Ivan Misner [02:15]
• Concept Introduction:
  • The way people group themselves—how they physically stand—signals openness or closeness to outsiders.
  • Open Two: Two people standing in a “V” shape, making it easy to join.
  • Open Three: Three people forming a “U” shape, inviting a fourth.
  • Closed Two/Three: People standing close together or in a tight circle, making it hard to break in.
  • This is not just a matter of etiquette but a strategy for maximizing networking opportunities.
  • [03:22–06:50]

Why “How You Stand Changes Who You Meet”

• Practical Tip:

  • Look for open twos, open threes, or larger open groups when looking to join conversations.
  • Avoid closed groups unless you know someone within them already.
  • “What you want to do is look around the room and figure out where do you start. So I’m going to make it a little bit easier for everyone…” – Dr. Ivan Misner [02:22]
  • “An open 2 looks more like a V… An open three looks a little bit like a U. There’s an open spot.” – Dr. Ivan Misner [05:20]

• For BNI Chapters or Event Organizers:

  • Actively encourage members to stand in open formations.
  • Survey feedback revealed that simply standing in open twos and threes led visitors to perceive groups as friendlier and more approachable, even if nothing else changed.
  • “Always, always, always, always stand in open twos, open threes, and open groups.” – Dr. Ivan Misner [07:40]

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Real-Life Examples & Notable Stories

• Visitor Feedback Case Study:

  • A BNI chapter’s survey found visitors felt the group was friendly to each other but not to outsiders.
  • By intentionally using open group formations, feedback shifted to comments like:
    • “I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it was just so easy to talk to people in this group. Very, very friendly group.” [09:10]
  • No additional changes were made—just the open stance.

• Dr. Misner’s Personal Experience:

  • After a keynote, while standing in a closed two, was alerted by a fellow member that their formation was “closed.” When they purposely opened their stance, people rapidly joined to form a large, welcoming group.
  • “As soon as the third person came in, we looked at each other and we said ‘close three’ and we laughed and opened it up. And immediately a fourth person came in… All we did was open our stance and be friendly.” – Dr. Ivan Misner [09:40]

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Special Advice for Introverts

• Counterintuitive Tip:
  • Introverts may find it easier to join larger open groups, as it allows them to blend in and ease into the conversation.
  • “The really introverted people, I would recommend they look for the larger open groups… because you’re kind of unnoticed… it’s not as abrupt as walking into an open 2.” – Dr. Ivan Misner [11:16]

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Implementing the Technique

• For Newcomers:
  • Scan the room for “open” groups or individuals.
• For Members/Hosts:
  • Proactively maintain open stances in every networking setting to foster approachability.
• Overall Principle:
  • Subtle but significantly increases connection opportunities and supports a relationship-building culture.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “How you stand really does change who you meet.” – Dr. Ivan Misner [03:22]
• “If you have an open stance, you’re going to meet a lot of people that you may not have had an opportunity to meet in the past.” – Dr. Ivan Misner [09:21]
• “It is incredibly subtle, but it obviously works.” – Priscilla Rice [10:36]
• “You also have to greet them in some way right when they’re coming close, and entice them into your circle.” – Priscilla Rice [10:44]
• “It helps if you’re actually friendly when they do step into your group. No question about that.” – Dr. Ivan Misner [10:46]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:05] – Dr. Misner describes his recent networking experience and explanation of Clubhouse
• [02:15] – Introduction to the “how you stand” concept
• [03:22–06:50] – Explanation of open/closed twos and threes; practical applications
• [07:40] – Instruction to groups on creating open formations
• [09:10] – Case study on chapter visitor feedback
• [09:40] – Dr. Misner’s anecdote illustrating the impact of stance
• [11:16] – Advice for introverts on joining larger groups

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Final Takeaway

Dr. Ivan Misner’s open twos and open threes technique is a deceptively simple but powerful strategy to foster approachability, inclusivity, and better connections at any in-person networking or BNI meeting. For both individual networkers and organizers, being conscious of body language and group openness changes the social dynamics in a way that benefits everyone—reminding us that sometimes, the smallest adjustments have the biggest impact on whom we meet and the networks we build.

Transcript

[A]

Hello, this is Priscilla Rice and I'm coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio. This week we're going to have a rebroadcast of one of our earlier classic podcasts. We hope you enjoy it and thanks so much for listening. Episode number 732, how you stand changes who you meet.

[B]

You're listening to the official BNI Podcast with BNI Founder and Chief Visionary Officer, Dr. Ivan Meisner. Stay tuned for networking and referral marketing from the man who's been called the father of modern networking, along with suggestions and insights into getting the most from your membership in the world's largest networking organization, bni.

[A]

Hello, everybody and welcome back to the official BNI Podcast. I'm Priscilla Rice and I'm coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California. And I'm joined on the phone today by the founder and the Chief visionary officer of BI, Dr. Ivan Meisner. Hello, Ivan, how are you and where are you?

[C]

Still zooming around the world. Have gone to a couple of actual locations. I was asked by Jack Canfield to speak at his event not so long ago and had a chance to see Jack again. I've done a US Corps zoom meeting. Regions from all over the United States that are run by global. I been to China for a live webinar, Malaysia for the national conference and Clubhouse again. I've actually been doing a number of. I've been asked to speak at a number of Clubhouse events. The last one was with Dr. Finance on a great clubhouse group. So still zooming around a lot.

[A]

Great. I don't know what Clubhouse is, but

[C]

Clubhouse is an online social media platform where people basically come into a room and you can listen to a speaker and raise your hand and ask questions or you're invited to be a speaker. And it's an interesting program and I do see a lot of BNI people on Clubhouse.

[A]

Huh. Interesting. I never heard of it. Okay, great. Well, what are you gonna share with us today?

[C]

Well, I'm gonna share a concept that I have talked about for many years. If you've heard me do a presentation, this has been in my talk. And my assistant Dana just recently pointed out you don't have a podcast on this and it's, it's a key element of my presentations. And now this is aimed at people with an in person meeting. So, you know, maybe a hybrid where occasionally you're going in person or regular in person BNI meetings or you go to a conference and it's in person or any networking event and it's in person. So the Technique I'm going to give you today is a technique that I've used and talked about in many of my books about open twos and open threes. And it is for in person meetings. So sometimes you walk into a room full of people, you look around and you have no idea where to start. None. You think, who do I walk up to? Who do I talk to? It's that moment where some people think, who do I know? And why did I even come here?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And what's true is how you stand really does change who you meet. And so what you want to do is look around the room and figure out where do you start. So I'm going to make it a little bit easier for everyone. Now, I understand that many people listening to this are beyond this point, and I get that a lot of people really understand how to network and they go to networking events where they know a lot of people. But it's important for you to recognize that there are many people that are presently having the experience I just gave. And if you recognize them and that situation, you can actually be a better networker yourself by understanding the concepts of open twos and open threes. So let's go back to the scenario of walking into the room. I've attached to this podcast transcript, a graphic to the podcast that you can download. It is from Networking Like a Pro, the book I wrote, second edition. And the first slide is where do I start? Where do I start? And it's a view from above, looking down. This could be, you know, just maybe one small corner of the room where you entered. It could be many, many more people around you than what this shows. But the idea is you walk in a room and you see from above all of these groups of people talking to each other, mixing and mingling. Now, the second slide is a slide called Closed twos or Closed threes. And if you're listening to this podcast and you don't have the slides in front of you, imagine that you're, you know, on a balcony looking down on everyone. And there's two. And by the way, Richard Quest with cnn, I talked to him about this technique and that's exactly what he did on his CNN broadcast as he stood on a balcony looking down at the audience and he said, oh, look at that. There's a close two. There's an open three, there's. And so he. You can see it looking down, but a close two are two people standing perpendicular to each other having a conversation. A close three are three people. So it's like a Triangle from looking down from above. And it's really hard to break into those conversations, especially if you don't know any of those people. And so what I recommend is that if you're going to a group, you don't know a lot of people. You want to look for the open twos and open threes, which is the third diagram that I have in the transcript. And I'll describe it for those of you listening who don't have access to the Transcript. An open 2 looks more like a V. V as in Victor. There are two people standing askew, which makes it really easy to walk up and introduce yourself. An open three looks a little bit like a U. There's an open spot. An open four would be like, you know, a huddle with an opening or a five or a six. You know, the more people in. Just having an open spot is so incredibly important. And now if you go back to the first slide, if you look at slide number one and you look down at it, the, the bottom left is the person or the is the open two, the top right or the open three. Those are the, those are the kinds of things that you want to be looking for. And of course individuals walking around. But those open groups are what you want to be looking for because you can walk up and have a conversation with those people very easily. Now, if you are running a B and I chapter or even if you're a member of a B and I chapter, if you really want that group, the visitors who come to that group on an in person meeting, you want them to feel that you're very open and easy to talk to. Always, always, always, always stand in open twos, open threes and open groups. I had a chapter who did a survey of visitors and asked them what they their honest opinion of the chapter. And the overwhelming opinion from visitors was they weren't real friendly. They really seemed to like each other a lot, but they didn't really reach out to the visitors. And so the visitors are like, well, what can we do to improve that? And I said, start with this. Just do this and we'll add layers to this down the road, but just do this. So the chapter really made an effort to always stand in open twos, open threes, open groups, so that when a visitor came in and the visitor host was walking them around, or if the visitor broke loose from the visitor host and was walking around, it was easy to strike up a conversation. And the surveys then from the visitors came back significantly different. They had comments like, you know, I can't Quite put my finger on it, but it was just so easy to talk to people in this group. Very, very friendly group. And they hadn't done anything else other than do the open twos, open threes concept. So if you are new to a group and you walk in, look for those. If it is a group that you're a member of, always try to make sure to stand like that. To stand in open twos, open threes. And that's what I mean when I say. And it was your suggestion. I love the title. How you stand changes who you meet. Because if you have an open stance, you're going to meet a lot of people that you may not have had an opportunity to meet in the past one time. It's so funny. I did my whole keynote presentation, Priscilla, and at the end I was signing books, meeting people. It was about a half hour later I met one member and we're having a conversation and he looks at me and he says, and he points down at our feet like someone's looking from above. And we were standing perpendicular to each other. And he said, we're in a closed too. I'm like, oh, yeah, you're right. Okay. So we opened it up. Here's the amazing thing, Priscilla. Immediately, and I mean immediately, a third person came in. And as soon as the third person came in, we looked at each other and we said close three and we laughed and opened it up. And immediately a fourth person came in. We opened it a fifth, a sixth, a seventh, an eighth. It was a large group very quickly and all we did was open our stance and be friendly. And it really makes an incredible difference. This is such a subtle but significant technique in embracing a relationship building component of your networking process. Open twos, open threes. I highly recommend it. I'll have graphics from networking like a pro in this podcast. What are your thoughts, Priscilla?

[A]

It is incredibly subtle, but it obviously works. And you also have to greet them in some way right when they're coming close.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And entice them into your circle.

[C]

Yeah. It helps if you're actually friendly when they do step into your group. No question about that. Here's something that's counterintuitive. You know, oftentimes introverts tell me they have a hard time striking up a conversation. And this is totally counterintuitive, but it works. The really introverted people, I would recommend they look for the larger open groups. You know, an open four, open five, open six. And that sounds counterintuitive. Why would someone walk into a larger group? You walk in for the introverts here, because you're kind of unnoticed. It's easy to just slide into a larger group and eventually someone's gonna say, hey, hi, nice to meet you. What's your name? And you haven't a chance to introduce yourself, but it's not as abrupt as walking into an open 2. And now you gotta speak because there's only two of you.

[A]

Yeah, right, I see that.

[C]

It's a counterintuitive concept, but trust me on this, it works. And it works extremely well.

[A]

That's funny.

[C]

Well, that's all I've got for today, Priscilla. Thank you.

[A]

Okay, that sounds great. Well, thank you. That's it for this week. This podcast is sponsored by MeisnerAudioPrograms.com these audio programs will provide you with the tools and the inspiration to powerfully enhance your B and I experience and help you boost your business. So check out the great material available to [e-mail] and use the promo code IVAN5O for 50% off all of the audio programs. All of the proceeds are going to go to the B and I Foundation. So thank you so much for listening. This is Priscilla Rice, and we look forward to having you join us again next week for another exciting episode of the official B and I podcast.