Episode 959: Make Yourself Referrable

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Official BNI Podcast

Episode 959: Make Yourself Referrable

Date: May 6, 2026
Host: Dr. Ivan Misner
Guest: Laura Reid, Storytelling Strategist, Author, and Lecturer

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Episode Overview

This episode explores how professionals can significantly increase their chances of receiving referrals by making themselves memorable through storytelling. Dr. Ivan Misner welcomes guest Laura Reid, who shares practical frameworks and personal experiences on leveraging stories—rather than generic descriptions—to become more referable in networking contexts. The conversation focuses on turning individual stories into lasting impressions, addressing speaking nerves, and introducing useful tools for public speakers.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Explaining vs. Being Referable

(02:04–03:43)

• The Problem with Over-Explaining:
  Many believe listing all their services helps get referrals, but it actually overwhelms listeners and makes it harder to remember what you do.
  Quote:

  “If they list and explain everything they do … their fellow members can't remember anything specific.”
  — Laura Reid (02:23)

• The Power of One Story:
  A specific, concrete story creates a “hook” that’s easy to remember and repeat, facilitating referrals.
  Quote:

  “Instead of thinking Laura's a speaking coach … they think Laura is that person who helped that nervous accountant give a confident presentation and land a big contract. That's referable.”
  — Laura Reid (02:47)

• Ivan’s Perspective:

  “Specific is terrific in doing your weekly presentation. If you shotgun rather than sharpshoot your presentation, you’re not giving anyone information they can remember and share.”
  — Dr. Ivan Misner (03:21)

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2. The Mantras: "Be Specific to Be Terrific" & "Be Memorable to Be Referable"

(03:43–04:20)

• Expanding on the BNI Mantra:
  Laura builds on the familiar “be specific” saying, adding that memorability is equally important for referability—even suggesting it as a book title.
  Quote:

  “Be specific to be terrific. But I would also add be memorable to be referable … You can have that, Ivan, if you want.”
  — Laura Reid (03:43)

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3. The "Three S’s" Story Framework

(04:20–06:27)

• Simple, Proven Structure:
  Laura introduces a practical, easy-to-use model for structuring referral stories, ideal for business owners:

  1. Situation – Describe a real client or scenario.
  2. Struggle – What was the challenge or what was at stake?
  3. Solution – The action taken and the outcome/result.

  Example Shared by Laura (05:36–06:27):

  • Situation: Business coach asked to speak at an international conference but lacked confidence.
  • Struggle: Nervousness, not wanting to waste a big opportunity.
  • Solution: Laura helped her craft her presentation and find confidence. The client told Laura, “You just changed my life,” went on to lead her BNI chapter, and spoke at a national conference.

  Quote:

  “Once a business coach came to me because she was asked to speak at an international conference... After her presentation, she called me … and said five words I'll never forget: 'You just changed my life.'”
  — Laura Reid (05:36 & 06:15)

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4. Using Stories to Ease Speaking Nerves & Connect with Others

(07:34–09:29)

• Stories as Nerve-Reducers:
  Real-life stories are easier and less stressful to share than memorized lists because you have lived them.
  Quote:

  “When I was up on stage sharing a real story from my life, I wasn't thinking so much about every word. I didn't have to memorize it because I experienced it.”
  — Laura Reid (07:44)

• BNI Members as Weekly Speakers:
  Everyone in BNI regularly presents—sharing personal stories improves connection, authenticity, and recall.

• Ivan on Nerves:
  Even experienced speakers feel nerves; Ivan re-frames nerves as “adrenaline” that leads to better performance.
  Quote:

  “I still get a little bit nervous before I go up and speak. ... I tend to embrace that discomfort as opposed to ... be afraid of it.”
  — Dr. Ivan Misner (08:34)

• Rebranding Nerves as Excitement:
  Laura shares her trick of viewing nervousness as excitement, making it easier to handle.
  Quote:

  “The nervousness feeling is so close to excitement. So I like to just rebrand my nerves that I'm really just super excited.”
  — Laura Reid (09:16)

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5. The Importance and Impact of Sharing Your Stories

(09:40–10:50)

• Your Stories Matter:
  Sharing your authentic stories can be a gift to others, tapping into our innate love of storytelling. Quote:

  “The stories we might be scared to share, but we put them out there … end up being such a gift for other people.”
  — Laura Reid (09:40)

• Maya Angelou Reference:
  “People will forget what you said, they will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” Reiterates the emotional lasting power of stories.

• You Are the Differentiator:
  Even if many people do what you do, your stories set you apart.
  Quote:

  “There are many people who may do what you do, but they don't have your experiences. And those experiences become your stories, and your stories become powerful … hooks … to have people remember what it is that you do.”
  — Dr. Ivan Misner (10:39)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Be memorable to be referable." — Laura Reid (03:43)
• “You just changed my life.” — Laura’s client (06:16)
• “If you're not a little bit nervous, then you may have stopped caring, which is not good.” — Laura Reid (09:09)
• “There are many people who may do what you do, but they don't have your experiences.” — Dr. Ivan Misner (10:39)

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Useful Tools & Resources Mentioned

Speech Slayer Website:

• thespeechslayer.com (Laura's site for public speaking coaching) (10:52)

New Public Speaking App: Orator

• Developed by Laura and BNI members; recently launched for iOS.
• Spelled: O R8T O R
• Purpose: Helps practice and deliver impactful stories. (11:15)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Explaining vs. Being Referable – 02:04–03:43
• BNI Mantra & Storytelling – 03:43–04:20
• Three S’s Story Framework – 04:20–06:27
• Reducing Nerves Through Story – 07:34–09:29
• The Importance of Your Story – 09:40–10:50
• Resources & App Announcement – 10:52–11:40

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Episode Tone & Takeaway

The tone is warm, supportive, and practical. Laura is honest about her own struggles, while Ivan is enthusiastic and encouraging, making the advice truly accessible. The main takeaway: If you want more referrals, don’t recite a list—tell a specific story. Make yourself memorable and relatable, and your networking will become more impactful and rewarding.

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Transcript

[A]

Episode number 959. Make yourself referable.

[B]

You're listening to the official B and I podcast with BNI founder and chief visionary officer, Dr. Ivan Meisner. Stay tuned for networking and referral marketing tips from the man who's been called the father of modern networking, along with suggestions and insights into getting the most from your membership in the world's largest networking organization, bni.

[A]

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the the Official BNI Podcast. I'm Priscilla Rice and I'm coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California. And I'm joined on the phone today by the founder and the Chief visionary officer of BNI, Dr. Ivan Meisner. How are you and where are you?

[C]

Hi there, Priscilla. I am doing great and I just got back from the US Conference in Orlando, so it's really good to be back. And I have a guest on today. Her name is Laura Reed. I'm pronouncing your last name correctly, right, Laura.

[A]

Yes, you are.

[C]

Glad to have Laura on. Laura was at the BNI convention in Hawaii recently. She's a storytelling strategist and public speaking and book coach who helps people turn their stories into impact, which I think is really important. What I thought was interesting in her bio was that she's a former stutterer who once struggled with severe speaking anxiety, and she transformed her greatest challenge into her life's work. I like to call that, too. Sometimes what's in the way becomes the way. And I think that's probably your story, Laura. You're the bestselling author of the Public Speaking Horror Show. You're going to mention an app that you got when we're done. And you're a lecturer in public speaking at Hawaii Community College. Been a B and I member for eight years. And as I mentioned, you just recently spoke at the B and I convention. So welcome to BNI podcast, Laura.

[D]

I'm thrilled to be here, Ivan. Thank you.

[C]

Well, it's great to have you. So this podcast, the full title is Make Yourself Referable with One Story. So the first question I have for you is can you explain to me what you mean and what I saw about, you know, what you put together about explaining versus being referable?

[D]

Absolutely. Well, most people think that if they list and explain everything they do that they're really covering more ground and therefore increasing their chances of getting a referral, when in reality the opposite happens because their fellow members can't remember anything specific, so they don't know how to refer them. Now, a short, concrete story gives the brain a hook. If It's a specific type of client, a clear problem and a visible result, then that's going to pop into someone's mind later when they're talking to a friend, a colleague or a client. So really, for example, instead of thinking Laura's a speaking coach who does a bunch of things to help people with public speaking, they think Laura is that person who helped that nervous accountant give a confident presentation and land a big contract. That's referable and that's a story that can retell word of mouth and that's what turns introductions into real business.

[C]

Yeah, listen, I couldn't agree with you more. I've been preaching this for 40 years. Specific is terrific in doing your weekly presentation. And then if you, you know, basically shotgun your presentation rather than sharpshoot it, you're. You're not giving anyone information that they can remember and that they can share. And that's basically what you're saying here, right?

[D]

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's a common mantra in bni, right? Be specific to be terrific. But I would also add be memorable to be referable. And now it doesn't rhyme as well. It would make a good book title. You can have that, Ivan, if you want.

[C]

No, you should do that one.

[D]

Thanks.

[C]

I'll do, I'll do, I'll do the forward for you.

[D]

Okay. All right. I'm going to hold you to that. But yeah, really put simply, I mean, you can't refer someone who you don't remember. And there's a reason that we remember stories from our childhood, but we may have forgotten the information. Heavy PowerPoint from yesterday.

[C]

Yeah, well, anyone who's ever seen my PowerPoints, they're almost all photographs, graphics, written words, because I think you remember the image and you remember the statement more than you remember a laundry list of verbiage. What's a simple referral story framework that you recommend?

[D]

Yeah, I love simple frameworks because it really demystifies stories for business owners where sometimes we think that we need to be creative or good writers to create good stories, and it's really not true. It's very scientific. So here's a three part structure that's really easy to remember. I call it the three S's situation, struggle and solution. So the situation is simply a real client or scenario that you experienced when one that you remember well, because if it comes to your mind clearly, likely there's a good story there, and then two is a struggle. What was going wrong? What was at stake for that client? And especially like, what did they have to risk by Maybe not being your client. Right. And then the last is a solution or the result. How you helped and what the member did and that outcome. So can I share an example?

[C]

Yeah, please.

[D]

So here's one that always comes to mind for me. Once a business coach came to me because she was asked to speak at an international conference. Okay. There is a situation. She was freaking out because she had never spoken at a conference before and lacked speaking confidence. But. And she knew this was a huge opportunity for her. She didn't want to blow it. Okay. There's a struggle. I helped her craft a powerful presentation and find her speaking confidence. There was a solution. After her presentation, she called me, and she was crying, and I was like, oh, no. But then she said five words, I'll never forget you just changed my life. And her life really did change after that. She went on to take on a leadership role in BNI as president of her chapter, and even spoke at a B and I national conference. There's the result.

[C]

There you go. That's. That's outstanding. And if you can, if you get creative like that, you know, it's amazing the results that you get. I know. I have a podcast. I don't know what podcast number it is, but with an accountant who was petrified to speak. But I remember asking her, would you be willing to. To give people a test? You don't have to talk, just give. Just read the questions. And it was at a B and I chapter meeting. And she said, yeah, I can give a test. It was so funny because she came up with these 10 questions, and everybody. Half the people were missing most of the answers about taxes, and they're like, oh, my gosh, I'm gonna go to jail. This is horrible. And she just got everybody so engaged. And what was funny was that she was petrified to speak for the 10 minutes that she had. And she went over time because she started speaking, you know, just. Just on her own and extemporaneously. And she was. She's just comfortable. And so, you know, look for techniques that will let you, you know, open up and speak. Great story.

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

All right, so using story to reduce nerves and increase referrals. You want to talk about that?

[D]

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, as someone who grew up with extreme public speaking anxiety. Right. I have found that stories work really well to ease your nerves. One way that I really got over own nerves was I started entering storytelling competitions. And I found that when I was up on stage sharing a real story from my life, I wasn't thinking so much about every Word. I didn't have to memorize it because I experienced it. And I think BNI members find that, too, because, I mean, we have to speak as BNI members every week. You know, whether we consider ourselves public speakers or not, we are. That's what we're doing. So sharing simple stories that they're not memorizing, that they've experienced really builds that connection, and it connects them, too, with their own voice. And they're going to naturally just feel less nervous because they're just being present and sharing that story.

[C]

Yeah. And, you know, here's something that I think surprises people when I tell them is that I still get a little bit nervous before I go up and speak. And I've been doing this for decades, and yet I have kind of reframed my mindset that those nerves are my adrenaline, and the adrenaline will help me do a better job. And so I. I tend to embrace that discomfort as opposed to use it and be, you know, be afraid of it. And it, you know, it takes a little practice to get to that point, but once you get there, it's, I think, powerful.

[D]

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, if you're not a little bit nervous, and you may have stopped caring, which is not good.

[C]

Not good.

[D]

But nerves, the nervousness feeling is so close to excitement. So I like to just rebrand my nerves that I'm really just super excited, as I did this morning before speaking to you, you know, that's funny. Yeah.

[C]

All right, so we're almost out of time. Is there a specific thing that you want to end up chatting about before we wrap and give your website?

[D]

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, what I most want people to know is that their stories matter. And what we find, I think often is that the stories that we want to share and that we might be, you know, scared to share, but we put them out there into the world, they end up being such a gift for other people, you know, because our brains are really hardwired for storytelling. And, I mean, as Maya Angelou famously said, people will forget what you said, they will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, that's so true. And, you know, I mean, I meet a lot of people that they talk about writing a book, but it's like so many people have done books on that topic. And I said, yeah, but they don't have your stories. Yeah, your stories are personal to you, and they may resonate with somebody in the book. And I think it's the same thing when you're doing a presentation. There are many people who may do what you do, but they don't have your experiences. And those experiences become your stories, and your stories become powerful, and they become hooks, as you call them, to have people remember what it is that you do. If. If you're specific enough in this, storytelling is the way to do it.

[D]

Yeah, absolutely.

[C]

You have a website that we can share with our BNI members and listeners? It is the speech slayer.com I was

[D]

a Buffet Vampire Slayer fan back in the day.

[C]

Okay, that's good to know. The Speech Slayer.com you an app. Do you want to tell everybody what the app is real quick?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

This is so cool. Actually, at. When I was speaking at the convention in Hawaii, I met two other BNI members from London, and together we've developed a public speaking app that got released recently on the Apple Store. And it's called Orator, and It's spelled O R8T O R. And I'm hoping it'll really help other members be able to practice and deliver even better stories.

[C]

Yeah. So I. Just for the record, before we went on live, I mispronounced it or ater, but it's Orator with the eight in the middle, which I think is great. And we'll make sure that it gets in the transcript of this podcast. Listen. Thank you so much for being on, Laura. I really appreciate you.

[D]

My pleasure, Ivan. Can't wait to see you back this side one day.

[C]

All right, I look forward to it. Over to you, Priscilla.

[D]

Aloha.

[A]

Okay, great. Well, I think that's really fascinating. Thank you very much. I think that's it for this week. This podcast is sponsored by MeisnerAudioProGrams.com these audio programs will provide you with the tools and the inspiration to powerfully enhance your BNI experience. So check out the great material that's available to [e-mail] and then use the promo code IVAN5O for 50% off of everything. All of the proceeds go to the B and I Foundation. Thanks so much for listening. This is Priscilla Rice, and we look forward to having you join us again next week for another exciting episode of the official B and I Podcast.