Sam Sa (0:01)

A Mochi moment from Tara who writes for years all my doctor said was.

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Eat less and move more which never worked.

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But you know what does?

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The simple eating tips from my nutritionist at Mochi. And after losing over 30 pounds, I can say you're not just another GLP1 source, you're a life source.

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Thanks Tara.

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Sam Sa (0:59)

These are my personal opinions. Always seek a professional when you're making choices about your mental health and well being. All right, this is the secret to getting away with anything you want. This is the key. This is the key to allowing you to do anything you want with somebody else. And what I mean by that is getting away with bad behavior. The key is when they call you out, when somebody says, hey, I don't like that, don't do that. All you have to do is say the following. This is a result of your actions and that'll be it. That'll solve the problem. Now you can get away with anything you want. And of course I'm joking. Of course I'm being sarcastic. And this is something that somebody told me recently on a message they sent me. This woman wrote to me and said that her wife has basically put her through the wringer and said all the stuff that I'm doing to you is a consequence of your actions and she didn't know. The person who wrote to me didn't know how to respond to that or doesn't know how to respond to that or maybe she did didn't tell me. But that is something that basically pushes you against the wall and you don't know how to answer it because it seems illogical. It's like saying I smacked you in the face because you changed the channel so it was your fault. Your smack in the face. The one I gave you is your fault because you changed the channel. It's illogical. Of course it's illogical. It doesn't make any sense because the punishment doesn't fit the crime. A, there's no crime. It was only a perception that somebody had that they interpreted as something offensive or insulting or hurtful, and then they administered a punishment. If somebody blames you for something that they did to you, you have to put it in perspective. First of all, where is the blame coming from? What is the source? Do they always blame others? Do they always blame you? Do they ever take responsibility? If they don't ever take responsibility for things and they're not the kind of person that apologizes, then you can't use them as a credible source. You can't say, oh, if I did something wrong and I got punished for it, and they're the ones who punished me, you have to take that into account. It would be like saying that fox is trustworthy even though there are missing chickens, that fox can be trusted even though every night another chicken gets missing. We probably shouldn't have the fox guarding the hen house. Probably shouldn't do that, and then believe the fox when it says, well, you know, that's not my fault. It's not my fault the chickens are missing. Are you hungry, fox? No, I'm not hungry. But it has nothing to do. Nothing to do with the chickens that are missing. There's a lack of credibility. The fox was supposed to guard the henhouse, and there are chickens missing, and the fox doesn't have an excuse why the chickens are missing or he makes up a lie, and so there's no credibility there. So when you have somebody that says, it's your fault that I did this to you, and they are not the type of person to take responsibility for the things they do, and they're not the type of person to always tell the truth, then I want to make sure that you do not use them as a credible source, a reputable source, because if you do, you're only hurting yourself. And they win. And it's not a game or a contest, but they win. They win when you believe anything they say, when it comes to what you did wrong according to them or what you did to hurt them according to them, they have to have some sort of reputation. What do I mean by reputation? A good example is my relationship with my wife, Asha. If I did something. Well, first of all, if she blamed me for something and I said, what are you talking about? I didn't do that, or, no, that's not true. You did that. Or you are the first one to say this thing that started the argument and then we talked about it or got louder and had an argument about it. Yes, it does happen. I'm still human. It happens. But our arguments are so productive, even though they're very tough. But we go back and forth until somebody says, either one of us says something that is true, that rings true. We are not stuck on being right. We are stuck or attached. We are attached to finding the truth. So when the truth comes out, when she says something like, well, you said, right before you put the egg in the pan, you said the following. And then the light bulb moment happens, and I think, oh, she's right, that's what I said. And then I'll back off. I won't stay attached to being right. I'll stay attached to the truth that comes up. And so my way is saying, you got a point there, or yes, I did say that. I understand now. And then I'll apologize if that's where it needs to go. Because if there was something that I said that I realized, oh, crap, I shouldn't have said that, or that was hurtful, now I understand, I'll apologize for it. So I take responsibility for it. And the reason I say our arguments are so productive is because she'll do the same thing. She'll do the exact same thing. I've never been with somebody where. Let me think about that. I've never been with somebody where both of us will let go of our attachment to being right and instead look for the truth and then take responsibility when we are called out and it makes that light bulb go off and we realize that, oh, yeah, I did that. She'll say, you're right, that's fair. That's a good point. And then it'll either cool down or turn into something else. Yeah, well, after you said that, you said this or you did that, and then we'll have that conversation or argument, whatever it leads into. But there's always a conclusion to our arguments. There's always a finality. And that's a good thing because you have to reach closure. In my opinion, you have to reach closure to get into a better space with another person. How do you reach closure? I mean, there are times that we disagree on things and then the argument ends and we're still trying to put the pieces together, trying to figure out what just happened. And then we'll come together, but there's nothing left open. There's no open loops, because I prefer finality. I Prefer a conclusion, let's finish this business. And so we do try to do that every single time. It may not happen right away, but it usually does happen. And that is because we let go. There are some things you can let go of. Your attachment to being right, for example, to allow a stronger connection to take its place. What I mean by that is when you let go of an attachment to something that you want to say, or something that you believe wholeheartedly, or something that you don't want to be found out about, or something that makes you look stupid or vulnerable, when you let that go and you let the other person speak their truth be right. And you know, especially if it is the truth, when you are allowing yourself to let the truth be the deciding factor in how the conversation or argument goes, when you allow that to happen, you can create a stronger bond. And this is something that we've been practicing for the last 10 years. As of this recording, we are together for 10 years. And that has been something I've never experienced. Mainly because of me. I've usually been very stubborn. I'm very stubborn in making my points. And it comes from my past of never wanting to look stupid or weak or vulnerable or just wrong. I don't want to look wrong. I want to be seen as the guy who knows everything. At least back then. It may sound like that's who I am today, but that's not who I am today. I just. I want to help if I can, but I know I don't know everything. And I have come to a place where it's okay. It's okay not to know everything. It's okay to be wrong about things. And it's also okay to be so adamant about being right about something and then getting called out and backing off and saying, oh, you're right about that. I shouldn't have said that. You're right. And you know that feeling you get? I can feel it as I talk about it. You know that feeling you get when it's like you have this power inside and you are. You feel empowered in your point? Well, this is the way it is, and this is my point. And you don't want to let go of that power because letting go of that power puts you into that vulnerable space. Like, oh, crap, they could now crush my heart. They could say something, they could crush my ego. They could make me feel so small. When you're with the right person, that's not what happens when I back off when she calls something out and she's right, or at least she spoke of a truth that I agree with, meaning I agree that the truth that she spoke is. Is exactly what happened. And now I have to admit to it, that feeling, that shift of going from empowered to humble, that's exactly what happens. I go from empowered to humble, and she does the same thing. But that feeling, that shift, that pullback is very uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable for me, no matter how many times I've done it. And it's very uncomfortable. So uncomfortable for some people that they won't do it at all. They will just stick to their guns. And then if you are talking to a person or having an argument with somebody like that, who will stick to their guns no matter what, you can't get anywhere. You won't get anywhere, and the relationship will suffer. All because the other person refused to back down, refused to be humble, refused to be vulnerable. And because they refused, it keeps the subject open. That's that open loop, the unfinished business. And if the subject stays open, then that deteriorates the quality of the relationship. And the reason is because we carry it around with us. Like, I know I'm right. You might think that I know I'm right. And the other person might be thinking, that was ridiculous. Why are they so mad about that? Yeah, I did it. But I'm not going to admit to that because it's just stupid. I don't want to bring that up and make myself look stupid. You know, that's probably not what they're thinking, but that might be what's going on. That might be what's happening, is that they don't want to be vulnerable. They don't want to be humble, which I'm going to say is stupid. It's just stupid not to do that. Because when you're with the right person and you choose to be vulnerable and humble, when the truth comes out, what happens is the relationship strengthens because the right person won't attack you in that moment. They might say, that's what I'm trying to say. See, that's what I'm trying to say. That's what happened. And if you're humble and vulnerable, meaning you are letting your guard down, you can stay in that space of, yeah, you are right. I'm so sorry, I didn't realize it until now. You made a good point. And when that happens, I mean, what happens to you when I say that? Let's just say that we're arguing, no, you're wrong. And this is why. And then you say something that you know is right or you have a 99% belief that it's right. And I say, oh, you're right. You did say that. That's a good point. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I said. I'm sorry. Does that make you want to attack me? I mean, maybe if you're mad enough, it might. Or maybe if I've been a jerk a lot and then this is the first time you've heard me say it, it might make you feel more powerful, like, finally, he let his guard down. Now I want to attack him, but most people don't. Most people will back off and say, well, that's what I've been trying to say. Or they'll think that that's what I've been trying to say. He finally gets it. Why did it have to take this long? He finally gets it. And you'll probably look at me with more endearment, maybe with more compassion, because now, you know, I'm in a vulnerable space, and I put myself there in front of you. Meaning I am trusting you with my vulnerability. I'm trusting you with my heart. And that's scary for a lot of people. That's why you have to be with the right people. You have to be around people that you can do that. You can be vulnerable, you can be humble. And instead of attacking you, they'll say, I'm glad that we can have this conversation. This feels more connecting. This feels real. What doesn't feel real is someone sticking to their guns and doubling down on what you know is wrong and they know is wrong. Yet the conversation or argument continues. Now, you will have circumstances where two people will know they're right. I've had these arguments. She knew she was right. I knew I was right. I'm not backing down because I know I'm right and she knows she's right. What we often do, Asha and I, what we often do is we'll get into that back and forth. Fortunately, it doesn't happen a lot, but sometimes I know I'm right. I know I am. And she does, too. And I know she does. I know she's not sticking to her guns when she knows she's wrong. I know it because we've had too many arguments or conversations where we were willing to back down. This is why I started saying, okay, are they the type of person that will say I'm sorry or take responsibility? Because if they aren't, they don't have a good reputation for that. Specifically, they don't have a good reputation for taking responsibility. So they can't be trusted when they say you're wrong, you're responsible. That slap in the face was your fault. I wouldn't have had to have given it to you if you didn't change the channel. That's why you can't trust somebody that has never taken responsibility or never does and never apologizes. So coming back when you're willing to back down, you are more likely to trust the person that backs down. Or let me rephrase that, you are more likely to build more trust with the person that, who backs down because you can see they're reasonable. It's so wonderful to be with somebody who's reasonable when they're unreasonable. Those are the people that never take responsibility, never apologize, think they're perfect, think that you're the one who causes all the problems, and they can do no wrong. Consider the source. Because if you're the type of person who will take responsibility and will apologize, you're a more credible source. And if you are lucky enough to be around someone who will do the same thing, whether it's a friend or family or a romantic partner, that is a wonderful and healthy and probably long lasting, strong relationship, that will likely persevere, that will likely stand the test of time. I don't really have enough bandwidth to hold space for people who don't take responsibility. I don't. It's just my life is too short. I don't want to go the very few years that I have on earth and keep people in my life that refuse to take responsibility, refuse to apologize when they're wrong, refuse to back down when they've been called out because it's not worth the energy. It's not worth it. Sure, the average lifespan is what, 70, 80, 90, but I could die tomorrow. So I don't want to take the chance that the people I'm with, the people that I like to hang around, the people that I call friends, the people that are the closest to me, like if you met the people in my life, I would have no problem telling you that all of these are high quality people. The closest people in my life, my friends, my wife, my family, people I've worked with over the years, and the people that I could call anytime, I would have no problem saying, yeah, these are trustworthy people and they are people of integrity. To me, it does come down to a person who watched their talk, a person of integrity, a person who isn't afraid to admit when they're wrong. When that happens, you have a trustworthy person. When it doesn't happen, when somebody doesn't want to admit when they're wrong, there's probably insecurities there. There's probably the fear of being found out, or the fear of looking stupid, or the fear of not being liked. All kinds of insecur. Insecurities surrounding those thoughts and feelings. People like that make life very difficult. And I'm not saying that. Let's just say that you're like that I can't be found out, or I can't be wrong, or I can't be humble because it's too dangerous. What's the other side of this coin? The other side of this coin is if there are people in your life that you can't be humble or vulnerable with because they will crush you. They will crush your ego or your heart. Then again, life is too short to expose ourselves to people like that. We should be able to be humble and vulnerable in front of people, and when they give us the space to do so, they are the right people. And when you have the right people in your life, you don't have to walk around on eggshells. You don't have to walk around thinking, oh, I better not say the wrong thing. I better not do the wrong thing. I better take responsibility for things that I'm not responsible for, just to keep the peace. 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This supplement is drug free and lowers cortisol levels naturally while boosting feel good neurotransmitters. Don't let stress control your life. Try Ashwa Mag Risk Free with this exclusive listener offer. Visit ashwamag.com that's a s h w a m a g dot com and use the code brain at checkout and you get 20% off your first order plus free shipping. Ashwa Mag is nutrition for a better mood. And thinking back about my childhood where growing up in an alcoholic home, my stepfather was very scary when he was drunk. He would kick holes in the wall, he would throw glasses, drinking glasses, he would smash things, he would yell and he hurt my mom several times. He might have hurt members of my family. I was very fortunate, was very lucky that I didn't get the brunt of anything. A couple things have happened, but nothing serious. Well, I had to heal from. I had to heal from a few things. But after that, after I grew up and got out of that household, I wasn't healed by any measure. In fact, I had a lot of healing to do. I took a lot of dysfunction into my adult relationships and it took a long time, it took 15, 18 years, something like that, to start healing from these toxic behaviors that I was doing that I learned as a child or my coping mechanisms that turned into dysfunctions. And I took all these not helpful, hurtful behaviors. Really, I took these behaviors into my adult relationships and ruined most of them. And I also didn't have personal boundaries because I was a people pleaser. And not having personal boundaries allowed people to steamroll over what I wanted. But then that caused me to be resentful toward them and they weren't even steamrolling. They were just thinking that I was okay with things because I never spoke up. But why didn't I speak up? Because I was afraid of my alcoholic stepfather. I mean, I carried that around with me in a different form, but I made decisions based on the fear of the consequences. So if I believed as a child that the consequences were going to hurt me and I didn't want to suffer, then I made sure to avoid those consequences. Which part of all my dysfunctional behavior back then. But the point is growing up around somebody for 20 years or so that I was afraid of that didn't take responsibility for his own behaviors. And when he got drunk and violent, he made messes that my mom would clean up. And I never heard him apologize once. He never said, I'm so sorry I did that to you. You didn't deserve that, nothing like that. And so I look back and the reason I'm talking about this is I look back in my childhood and say I had a guy in my life for 20 years that never took responsibility, never chose to be humble or vulnerable and basically hurt people, affected people, and even to this day affects people he may not be necessarily in anyone's life doing what he used to do. But he's still what I call a vortex of misery, Meaning anyone that gets into his life in any way experiences some sort of suffering. It's weird. You know, that almost sounds ridiculous, exaggerated, but it's 100% true. Anyone that gets into this person's life experiences misery, suffering, something bad, something that makes them feel bad. So I called him, or I call him now, a vortex of misery. Everyone that gets sucked into that vortex becomes miserable around him because of him. So that might sound unfair, that might sound like I'm putting someone down who can't defend himself, but I'm giving my personal opinion and my personal perspective of certain people that when they are who they are, where they don't take responsibility and they don't feel they need to change, or maybe because he's an alcoholic, he can't change. No matter what the challenge is, the person isn't changing. Therefore, should they be in your life. That's what it comes down to. And that's how I look at things. I had this person in my life for 20 years, so I don't want anyone like that in my life again. And that's my point, is that life is too short. Like 20 years of my life. I mean, it was my childhood, my upbringing. Those were very impressionable years. That upbringing changed my life, changed my trajectory, and I had to pivot my current trajectory and go in a better direction. That was the healing process. But during that healing process, I realized I can't allow anyone else into my life like that because what will happen to me? I think that's an important question. When you allow somebody into your life or they just happen to end up in your life, or they're in your life and they've always been in your life, what happened to you? How do you feel every day? How is your belief system? What do you believe about yourself? Do they make you believe things about yourself that aren't true? Have they become true? Because this uncredible source is it incredible, I forget. But this person who isn't capable of living their own truth, you know, understanding the truth about themselves and living that truth, walking their talk. If they're not capable of doing it for themselves, they are not the person who you can trust to define you. You cannot trust someone's definition of you when they haven't accepted the truth about themselves and live that truth. This is why I choose humility. I don't want to come across to you or anyone that I know Everything, then I've got the answers. I can't trust people like that. So why would you trust me if I came across like that? Now I'm talking about in the land of emotions and relationships, somebody in business might say, this is what you need to do, and they might be right. And people like that, sure, if they're good with business and they're making money and they seem to be right about everything else, great. More power to them and more power to you for following somebody who is credible, that's a credible source, because they're walking their talk. But when it comes to relationships and emotions, they're very complex. Everyone has their own experience of them, their own reality and their own history of their upbringing and any unresolved traumas or challenges that they dealt with that they haven't resolved in themselves yet. Even the simple stuff, even the simple comment by that one person that one time that you might still be carrying around. I can already hear the gears turning. I can hear the gears turning in people's heads where they think, oh, yeah, that one guy said that one thing, or that one person told me that one thing that one day, and I have never forgotten it. If that is still affecting you, if that is holding you back in any way, that would be something to work on for sure. If it's holding you back. If it's not, it just bothers you. Maybe no big deal, maybe move forward and who cares? You know, people are people and that's what they do. And sometimes you just have to consider the source. But if something like that is holding you back, then it's important to address it. It's like some of the entrepreneurs I know, they have been told, you can't do that, you won't be able to do that, or don't do that, just get a regular job like the rest of us. And who are they listening to? Probably not entrepreneurs. Or if there were, they were once entrepreneurs who were saying these words, they probably didn't make it. So they're going to project that belief that you can't make it onto that person or you. That is what happens too. People project their inability to make it or go anywhere or succeed onto you. And because they couldn't do it, they think that nobody can, or they see you as equal or below them, and so they keep you down. And when you have people like that in your life. Where am I going with this? Life is too short to keep people like that in your life because they are holding you back in some way. I know that has a lot of implications. When I say that, that could be somebody listening now that says, but I've been with this person for 30 years. Are you telling me to leave? No, I'm telling you to have faith in yourself and don't trust some sources. Because if those sources don't have a credible, reputable background where they are walking their talk and willing to take responsibility and able to apologize when they're wrong and admit when they're wrong and just accept the truth instead of staying attached to being right and staying attached to not being vulnerable and humble in front of somebody else. You just have to know that that's the type of person they are. And to remember not to see yourself through their eyes. Because when you do, you see their own limitations about themselves and about you. And their own limitations can increase their ego. A lot of people might have these limitations inside themselves and so their ego increases. So they project something into the world that shows them that they aren't that way, even though they're carrying it around. If you understand narcissism, you probably understand that very well. The most insecure people project the most security and will come across as superior and put you down. Even though inside themselves, if they don't act that way, they feel completely vulnerable. And it's sad because if they chose to be vulnerable, then people might look at them with compassion and accept their vulnerabilities and love them, accept them into their lives because they're willing to, to walk their talk, to be a person of integrity. And so this all stems from a message that I received. I'm not going to read you the whole thing, but she wrote and said that her ex and her are friend or were friends. And her new partner didn't want her talking to her ex, which she shared custody of children with. Don't talk to your ex. Don't be friends with your ex. That's what the message that she was getting. And so she complied. She said, okay, I won't talk to my ex. I don't want to ruin what we have. So I'll keep our conversations minimal with my ex and I and we'll just talk about the children. So that friendship had to dissolve because of this new partner. And then the person who wrote had an old boyfriend and they were friends too, but she decided not to share her communication with her old boyfriend with her new partner. Why? Because if her new partner doesn't want her to have friends, even exes as friends, because her new partner, or her long term new partner I guess, is very insecure about other people in her life, or at least old relationships in her life, then sharing something like that, sharing a friendship that she has with an ex, will definitely cause a problem. And so this person is telling me that her partner does other controlling things. And at the end, she is asking, you know, is it me? Is it because I broke her trust and I didn't tell her about this other person? Or, you know, am I the bad one? And if I am, what do I need to do to change? The first thing is to remember what I talked about earlier, which is, does that person have credibility? Are they showing up in trustworthy ways of integrity that make you realize, hey, what they're talking about is right and true and good for me, good for my life. Because if that person is not of integrity, not of the reputation, walking their talk, taking responsibility for what they do in their life, and not constantly blaming you and all that, then maybe you can look at their words and think, okay, they're saying this from a place of wisdom. Maybe they're smarter than I am in this area of life. And maybe keeping an ex in my life as a friend will cause a problem, not because my partner's insecure, but because having exes as friends is dangerous, because it could create a situation where we might get back together again or something like that. But look at the source. Is the source credible? Is the source of integrity? Or is the source projecting their own insecurities, their own fears, and what they do in their life onto you? Because if that's the case, and if that's what they always do, then you can't trust that source. The real answer here, it's not something that your partner wants to hear, but what you should hear is that people can have exes as friends. You got together with them in the first place, and sometimes they're really good people, and sometimes we become intimate with really good people, and then sometimes we realize, oh, that relationship's not going to work out, but they're still a good person, so why would you get rid of them? Why would you get them out of your life? Because of someone else's, in my perception, insecurity. Someone else is so insecure about you having an ex as a friend that they dictate what you should do. But what is the source? Who is this person who tells you who you should hang around with? Are they perfect? Are they wise? Do they have great relationship advice normally? Because if you don't feel good about the other advice they've given you, then I would see this more as an insecurity in Themselves that they're projecting onto you so that you don't do something that makes them feel uncomfortable. And I know there are people listening now who have a partner that says, you shouldn't be talking to your ex. And let me. Let me give you a lesson that I've learned, and this is something that I fully tested, and it's a wonderful test. When you allow a romantic partner to have any friends they want, including exes, they will feel so welcomed by you, they will feel so accepted by you that they will want to be with you more, they will want to share things with you more. They will want to be honest with you. They will want to tell you more. They won't hold anything back, or most things, they probably will never hold back because you are the safest person in their life. That's what happens. When I met Asha, she had a friend that she really cared for, a male friend that she really cared for and quite possibly could have had a relationship with. And I knew he was her friend, and I almost felt a little like, what's going on there? But at the same time, I'm just going to back off because I have to trust that she will make the right decisions. And if she doesn't make the right decisions or the decisions that I want her to make, then it was still her choice. And to accept someone's choice, to allow them to talk to anyone they want and be around people who they want to be around, what you're doing is making it safe for them to be themselves, making it safe to make their own decisions about life and relationships and anything they want. It's showing them that you trust them. It's showing them that you accept them exactly as they are, even if you have insecurities. When you accept somebody exactly as they are and they make decisions that they feel are good and right for them, what ends up happening is that they want to be around you more. They want to be connected to you. They want to get closer to you. Because people love people who accept them as they are. People love people who trust them. This person who wrote to me, her partner doesn't trust her. If her partner trusted her, then they would say nothing about the friends that she chooses unless there was a real danger. Like, the friend is a career bank robber. You shouldn't hang around with that person. They rob banks. You're gonna get in trouble. That makes sense. That's, like, common sense. But to say, you can't talk to your ex, you can't be friends with your ex, is like saying, I Don't trust you enough to be in a situation with somebody who you used to have a relationship with. Because I fear something evolving into whatever they fear. A romantic connection, a fling. I don't trust you not to have a fling. That's. I mean, that's what it looks like and that's what it is. Let's just say it's a bottle fling. I'm sure it is. Unless they really hate your ex for some other reason. Like if they really hate your ex because your ex brings guns to a drug deal and things like that, then there might be some common sense there. But if your partner doesn't like your ex because they're your ex, they're saying they don't trust you. Now, they may say, I don't trust your ex, but then that's like saying, I don't trust you to thwart off the advances of your ex. It's still about trusting you. And of course you're not going to tell your partner about some other old ex that you are still friends with because you don't feel trusted, you don't feel safe. And you know it'll turn into something that you won't be able to get closure on. Bring this full circle. Why do we walk around with these open loops? We want to close these loops. And if you can't close a loop with somebody in your life and they're the ones that keep all these loops open because they can't stand the way you make decisions or the people you hang around with, you have to really ask yourself if it's worth walking on eggshells and keeping secrets. I mean, think about your relationship values. What do you value in a relationship? I bet trust is really near the top. Trust and respect and honesty and having your dignity at the end of conversations and having fun. If all of these aren't met, your top values in a relationship, if they aren't met, nothing else works. That is a formula. If your top values in a relationship aren't met, well, I shouldn't say nothing else, but most things won't work. It will not give you a solid foundation of a relationship because that doesn't work. That doesn't work. That. Okay, that works. That one thing. But this doesn't work. This doesn't work. And you will never be as fulfilled as you could be because those top values aren't met. The person who wrote to me you asked, is this because I broke her trust? The problem is she broke her trust in you. She couldn't trust you in the first place. But that's not on you, that's on her. She can choose to trust you or not, but she's setting up unreasonable guidelines for the relationship that when you don't meet those guidelines, she's not considering that the guidelines might be unreasonable, but. But that you are untrustworthy. So that's like setting you up to fail. Now, some people listening might say, well, it's wrong to keep things from your partner. I agree. I mean, there are certain things that you should talk about because you know that it bothers the other person. So let's bring it up. And I know when you do with certain people, they're going to make your life very difficult. They're going to get angry and they're going to say, see, this is why I can't trust you. But that trust was broken a long time ago. Because if you had trust, if you had your top relationship values met, you would never feel the need to hide something like that, something innocent. Because you are basing all your decision making on their insecurities. And when you have to walk around on a shells because they have insecurities, you basically have to admit that you can't be yourself. And let me ask you this final question. Will you be okay never being able to be yourself? Because if not, if you're not okay not being able to be yourself, then it might be time to have a hard discussion. And that discussion may go something like, I don't want to be judged for the friends that I choose. I'm laughing because I know how terrible that will go with certain people. But you have to know what your values are in a relationship so that you can define them to the person that you're with to find out if they will accept you and accept the values that you hold true to yourself. Don't live your life based on somebody else's insecurities. And don't be fooled into thinking that you are what what insecure people tell you you are. Don't be fooled into thinking that those insecure people have some infinite wisdom that they're espousing onto you for your best and highest interest. Because that's not how people who project their insecurities operate. They are more fearful and worried about themselves and serving their own interests than yours. And they believe that others should conform to what they want. I hope this gives you some direction. I hope this helps. I want to thank the person who wrote and thank you for listening to another episode of the Overwhelmed Brain. I want to thank the patrons that give to this show every month. And I Have one person that gives once a year. And I am so grateful for all of you. Thank you so much. And I'm going to try to pronounce this person's name because they wrote to me and said, this is how you say it. I'm still gonna get it wrong. This is how you say it. It's. I can't. I'm so afraid to say this. I used to call her Supraha or Supraha, and I think she says it is super Ha. Super. I. I don't know what to emphasize. Is it super Ha? Something like that? I am so sorry to butcher that, but I am so grateful for your patronage for giving to this show and thank you for sending that pronunciation. Someday I'm gonna get it right. I appreciate you. Thank you to all the patrons that give back. I am very grateful and very humbled by your generosity. If you find value in the show and you want to give back, you can head over to MoreToB.com and there are options to do that over there. And we got into some of the weeds of relationships today. But if you want to get a lot deeper into those weeds about relationships and trying to figure out how to deal with some of the more challenging aspects of relationships, head over to my other podcast. It's called Love and abuse over@loveandabuse.com and I get into some pretty deep stuff over there. And it can be very helpful to those of you facing difficulties in your relationship. And if you know you're the difficult one in the relationship, I have a program called Healed being over@HealedBeing.com that helps you stop showing up as the hurtful person in the relationship. So if that's you and you're listening to this right now and you've either been told that you're being hurtful or emotionally abusive, or you just realize that you need to work on your own stuff, head over to healedbeing.com and see if that's right for you. And with that, always keep your mind open because that's how you make the best decisions and be firm in your decisions and actions so that you can create the life you want. Always take steps to grow and evolve. You are powerful beyond measure. And above all, and this is something I absolutely know to be true about you. You are amazing. Sam Sa.