Podcast Summary: The Overwhelmed Brain – “Stop Blaming Yourself for Your Stupid Decisions”
Host: Paul Colaianni | Date: February 8, 2026
Episode Overview
In this episode, Paul Colaianni explores the concept of regretting past decisions and the tendency to blame oneself for perceived "stupid" choices. He emphasizes self-compassion, the truth about how decisions are made with the knowledge and resources available at the time, and practical ways to move beyond regret and fear-driven choices. Through personal stories and listener experiences, Paul illustrates how honoring your own boundaries and focusing on the future you want can free you from cycles of self-blame and help create more empowered, authentic decisions.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Stop Blaming Yourself for Past Decisions
- Main Insight: Decisions aren’t “stupid”—they’re simply made with limited information or resources.
- Paul’s Assurance (01:10):
“If you had known better, you would have made a different decision. So you can’t blame yourself for something that you didn’t have the capacity to do at the time.”
- Blaming yourself for not knowing or being capable enough is both unfair and unhelpful.
2. Every Decision is the "Best" Decision at the Time
- Decisions are made based on available resources, knowledge, emotions, and beliefs.
- Sometimes, decisions are made to avoid pain, conflict, or suffering—even if that means choosing short-term comfort over long-term well-being (04:45).
“Every decision that you make is the best decision based on the resources that you have and what you know and how you feel.”
- Regretting past actions can lead to unnecessary negative self-judgement.
3. The Role of Fear in Decision-Making
- Paul recounts personal experiences growing up with an abusive stepfather, explaining how fear heavily influenced his choices (07:23).
“My decisions back then were to avoid conflict and avoid a violent or aggressive reaction, to avoid pain.”
- Even into adulthood, fear can cause people to delay or avoid important confrontations or assertive actions.
4. Overriding Fear with Your Vision for the Future
- Practical Tool (17:05):
“If I had absolutely no fear of the consequences, what would I do or say?”
- By envisioning the desired future, you can let that hope override current fears, allowing you to act more courageously and authentically.
- Example: Paul finally telling his stepfather he was not welcome—choosing to face the potential conflict to create a different future for himself and his family.
5. "Eat That Frog" – Facing Difficult Decisions Head-On
- Delay in making tough choices leads to ongoing stress and drains energy (24:22).
- Tackling the hardest task first (making the tough call, saying the hard truth) gives a powerful sense of relief and increased energy.
“Every single time we did that, life improved… our stress levels decreased and our positivity, our optimism improved because we ate that frog… which allowed us to move on from it.”
6. Healing "Unhealed Tethers" by Addressing Lingering Issues
- Untended emotional issues are likened to “unhealed tethers”—they subtly sap energy until addressed.
- Paul shares a story about his wife making a hard but overdue decision, leading to a sense of relief and newfound energy (31:11).
“By addressing the topic… there was a release of sorts. Now, will this be a buildup of something else? Maybe. But that release has happened, that has now been addressed.”
7. Making Decisions for the Life You Want
- Prepare for life-changing decisions—sometimes it’s wise to plan, but don’t endlessly delay (35:10).
- The goal of decision-making is to get closer to the future you truly desire, even if it means facing temporary conflict or discomfort.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
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On Letting Go of Regret:
“Stop blaming yourself for not knowing better. Because if you knew better, you would have made a different decision.” (02:55)
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On Standing Up to Fear:
“I’m not giving you this advice. I’m saying in this moment, I felt like I had grown up… I could face him without fear, even though it was still there, and say what I want to say without fear, even though the fear was still there, and just face the consequences.” (15:09)
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On Decision-Making Philosophy:
“When the future that you want overrides the fear of the decision you’re about to make, you will make a decision that makes for a better future.” (19:45)
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On the Energy of Unresolved Issues:
“It was like trapped energy there. And by addressing the topic… there was a release.” (32:10)
Important Timestamps
- 01:10 – Permission to let go of blaming yourself for “stupid” decisions
- 07:23 – Example: Growing up in an abusive household and decision-making under fear
- 15:09 – Overcoming fear when it matters most
- 17:05 – The “no fear” question for decision-making
- 19:45 – Shifting focus from fear to desired outcomes
- 24:22 – “Eat that frog” – Addressing the hardest decisions first
- 31:11 – Story: Paul’s wife and the energy boost of healing a long-held issue
- 35:10 – Strategic planning vs. endless delay in decision-making
Takeaways
- Self-Forgiveness: Your past “bad” decisions were simply the best you could do with what you knew and felt at the time.
- New Decisions, New Futures: If you want change, let your desired future—not fear—be the main driver.
- Action Brings Relief: Tackling tough issues or having difficult conversations can free up emotional energy and foster personal growth—even if it’s uncomfortable at first.
- You Are Capable: As Paul reiterates, you are “powerful beyond measure” and “amazing”—capable of making aligned, courageous decisions for yourself.
For more structured emotional support and guidance, Paul recommends his additional resources:
End on Encouragement:
“Always keep your mind open, because that’s how you make the best decisions. Be firm… so that you can create the life you want… you are powerful beyond measure… you are amazing.” (38:10)