← The Pediatrician Next Door - Simple Advice on Parenting and Family Health
The Pediatrician Next Door - Simple Advice on Parenting and Family Health
Ep. 127: Who Should Parents Trust? Parenting in the Information Age
00:23:15
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I'm Dr. Wendy Hunter and today I want to talk to you about something that I see almost every day in my practice. And honestly something I've experienced on the other side too as a parent. And that's information overload. I mean, have you ever felt like there is so much parenting advice out there that you don't even know who to trust anymore? Have you ever left your pediatrician's office and went online to double check everything they said? It's okay, I get it. I'm really glad you're listening to this episode because it is exactly what we all need right now. I feel like every decision that parents have to make, like from screen time to snacks to what sports your kids play, it's turned into a debate online. If you have noticed that too, you're going to want to hear this episode. It is really hard to parent right now. I see it. We're living in a time where information is everywhere. And yes, it is kind of amazing. I really appreciate having all of this information. I mean, you can search for a rash on the Internet, you can watch a video about sleep regressions and read five parenting blogs before your coffee even gets cold. But all of that access is coming at a price. I think the price is our sanity and our self esteem. And in this ocean of advice and opinions, there's one relationship that is getting strained and that's the one between parents and their pediatrician. So today's episode is about that relationship, about parents and pediatricians connecting and how it's being impacted by information overload, social media, and the cultural pressure that you have to be the perfect parent. I'm also going to share how I try to support my own patients and families through all of this and how you, as a parent, can feel more confident and less overwhelmed. I'm Dr. Wendy Hunter, and I'm the pediatrician next door. I'm that doctor friend you call for practical advice about your kid's health. I mix the science of medicine with the reality of parenting. As a parent, do you ever feel like every source of advice, news, friends, social media tells you something different, and you're left wondering who actually knows what they're talking about? Let me start by saying this. I've been a pediatrician for over two decades, and I've also been a mother standing on the other side of the stethoscope. And I, too, am filled with questions and fears of my own. I know what it's like to second guess everything. I myself had a premature baby, and I remember feeling like every decision carried more weight. Every feeding, every fever, every growth percentile. I mean, I'm a doctor, and I still felt that worry. So I want you to know if you've ever left your pediatrician's office wondering if, did I ask the right questions or should I trust what they said? You're not alone. But here's the thing that's changed dramatically in the last 10 or 15 years. When I started practicing, parents came in and they were mostly looking for my guidance. They might have had a question or two from a parenting book or something, a friend told them. But now parents walk in with tabs open on their phone, screenshots of blog posts, TikToks, Reddit threads. And sometimes they're not just asking questions. Sometimes they're challenging what I recommend. And I get it. We are all being bombarded with information. We want to feel in control. But it's also created a dynamic that can feel more like a debate sometimes than a dialogue. So today, I want to answer a series of questions that I have gotten about this topic. And the first question was from a couple who were expecting their first baby. They came in to vet me as a pediatrician, and they asked what makes a strong, supportive relationship between a pediatrician and a parent. So, to me, the answer to this question is the most important thing to look for and to expect is mutual respect. I bring my medical training, my experience, and my knowledge of child development. But you, you bring the intimate knowledge of your child. You know them better than anyone. Their habits, their patterns, their quirks. You know what your baby's cry means. You know when something is off and we need to listen to that. A good pediatrician never forgets that I spend a few minutes. If I know you well, maybe I spend an hour or two with your child. But parents know their children well, and your doctor needs to respect that. The second piece is that you should feel psychological safety with your physician. You should feel comfortable asking anything, I mean, anything in the exam room. If you've ever felt like your question was dismissed or you sensed a subtle eye roll from your doctor, I'm sorry, it's not okay. A strong pediatrician will be skeptical about something you bring up, but will be curious. They might say something like, tell me more about that, or that's a great question, because they know that every question comes from your place of love and concern. So when you're looking for a doctor, look for connection. Ask yourself, do I feel safe here? Is this someone I can be honest with? Okay, the next question. I often get this at prenatal visits, when families are looking for a new doctor, they ask me, what should they look for in a practice? Honestly, one of the most important things is to pick someone who is located conveniently. Especially during the early years. Do you remember how often you went to the doctor? You live, like, at the doctor's office, so you need it to be really convenient. So location is number one. But also, how hard is it for you to reach the office if it takes you 45 minutes on hold on a phone call to make an appointment, if you or no one calls you back, that's not just inconvenient, it's a barrier. So access is also important. And the other thing you know is ask your friends who they like. That's a great way, too, just to find out who's a good doctor. So convenience, access, and responsiveness, they aren't luxuries, they're essential. But let me get back to the elephant in the room we were talking about. Basically, Dr. Google. You know, I was recently a guest on another podcast, and the host asked me if I have seen the pediatrician parent relationship change as people are using Google More for their answers to medical questions. And what's my take on patients getting information online? Okay, the sheer volume of health information online is frankly staggering. But here's the truth. Not all of it is good. You know, none of us were taught in school how to use the Internet to do research. So we actually need to learn now. And one thing I've noticed is that parents sometimes walk into my clinic, not just with questions, but with answers that they've already found online. And I do get that? I mean, when your child is sick or, or you're worried about their health, you should want quick, clear solutions. But the Internet can make this harder. I want you to know that. Think about it. Internet algorithms are designed to keep you clicking. They're not there to give you balanced, evidence based answers. So if you're worried about vaccines, for example, your Google answers and your feed are going to serve up more stories that confirm your fear. If you're searching for natural remedies, for example, you're quickly going to find that you are scrolling through DIY cures that sound scientific, but aren't these sites serve you? And social media, that's a mixed bag. On one hand, yes, it can create community and make you feel less alone. I love that about social media. You know, seeing other parents struggle with the same things, that's obviously comforting. But it can also add a crushing layer of pressure. And I'm going to come to that later. You know, suddenly parenting feels like a competition. It's not enough for you to just pack a healthy lunch. Now it has to look like a zoo animal bento box. So how could you filter through all of this noise? That's next.
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If you're reading medical advice online, look for sites that are credible and have a track record of accuracy. I like to steer parents towards websites that end with dot org or academic sources because they are less likely to have a hidden agenda. You know, one I like is HealthyChildren.org, which is from the American Academy of Pediatrics. But orgs exist to protect public health, not to get clicks or sell products. And if you're looking specifically for vaccine information, VaccineInformation.org is a reliable clearinghouse that can help you sort fact from fiction. But even with good sources, you need to stay skeptical. If something sounds too extreme, like if it says always do this or never do that, that is a red flag. Real medical advice really never lives in absolutes. We love the gray area. Like if I diagnose an ear infection in your child, I might recommend antibiotics, but I'm also going to talk through the option of waiting a day or two to see if it clears up on its own. So I usually see a gray area in any area of medicine and we can make a decision together. So if a website or an influencer doesn't give you a nuance, it's probably not trustworthy. You know, life is messy. It's not going to be in absolutes. Then there's the human part of this. Just ask your pediatrician. I mean, I promise it's literally our job to help you interpret and weigh the information you're receiving. Bring us the article you read or the video you saw on Instagram. A good pediatrician isn't going to roll their eyes or make you feel silly. We want to be part of this conversation because we know your child and can help you apply the information to your child's unique situation. Okay, I've got a few more strategies that I think are going to be really helpful to you. First, pay attention to how information makes you feel. Feel. If something you read or something you watched leaves you feeling panicked or guilty or like you're failing, just pause for a second. Your emotional reaction is often a sign that the content is designed for more clicks or shock value than to actually be accurate and provide information to you. My next tip Limit your scroll, slow your roll. If you've been on Google for an hour reading conflicting opinions, it's time to close the laptop. Just choose one or two trusted sources. Let the rest go. Your mental health matters. And if you're constantly second guessing every decision, that's just going to leave you more anxious. Okay, my last piece of advice. When you're looking at a website, look for the why behind the advice. A good source is going to explain their reasoning or the science behind a recommendation. When they say because I said so or have that gist to it, that's not a good enough answer, especially when it comes to online resources. And I want to add one more resource because I think most parents are curious about this. Yes, I have done definitely tested AI tools like ChatGPT and if you know how to use them, they can be a great starting point for information. I always tell parents, ask the AI to show you its resources and you can ask it to tell you how confident it is in its answer. But remember this, no computer knows your child, obviously, and it can't hear your baby's cough or know the subtle things that you know as a parent. That's where your own instincts come in. At the end of the day, all of this information is just a tool and what matters is how you use it. But there's another source of pressure that we haven't delved into yet, and that's social media. It's where many of us go for advice and for community, but it sets an almost impossible standard. So let's talk about how social media has changed the parenting landscape and why it might be adding to your stress rather than helping you feel supported. Let's be honest. Social media is everywhere in our lives. We use it all the time. It's where we share our milestones, swap advice, and sometimes we just scroll because we're tired. And while there are some amazing parenting accounts out there, there are so many I love. They offer solid tips and really good support. There's also an unspoken competition that creeps in. I just want you to be aware of that, and I know you are. Social media has made parenting not just visible, but it's like, performative. We're not just raising kids. We're looking at curated images of what parenting is supposed to look like. And that image is often impossible. You know exactly what I mean. I mean, picture it. You know those posts where someone has packed a perfectly balanced, color coordinated lunch that looks like a work of art and you're meanwhile tossing granola bars into a bag? Or every influencer's toddler who's smiling peacefully in matching linen clothes while yours is literally throwing their socks across the room and jumping on the sofa? Of course, this isn't just about appearances. Social media is where a lot of parents get their health information. But here's the catch. Social media is not really there to inform you. It's designed to keep you watching. And I know this to be true because I am part of it sometimes. But the most sensational and fear inducing posts get the most clicks. And when that information conflicts with what your pediatrician is saying, I know it creates doubt in your mind. Because I've had parents come into my office stressed out because they saw a video warning them about something that, like all doctors, are hiding. I know you've seen those posts. Or they read a comment where strangers have been debating their child's symptoms. It's no wonder that in this environment, trust can kind of go out the window. So here are my recommendations about how to protect yourself from that pressure. First, of course, we talked about this already. Remember, social media is a highlight reel and no one's posting pictures of the chicken nuggets that they gave three nights in a row. Second, be selective about who you follow. If a parenting account makes you feel bad, get rid of it. Curate your feed to include voices that feel realistic and encouraging. And then lastly, I love using social media for connection and not for comparison. It is a great place to find solidarity. You know, you see like, oh, your toddler painted the dog with yogurt. But that's not where you want to get your medical advice. So here's my rule of thumb. If you wouldn't trust a random stranger at the grocery store to diagnose your child, you should not trust the random stranger on TikTok either. So if you're a new parent, or an expectant parent, or even a seasoned one with teenagers who roll their eyes at you, here are the three things that I hope that you'll take away from today's episode. First, trust your instincts. Your gut batters. If you're unsure about something that your doctor said or something you read or saw online, go ahead and ask more questions. Because curiosity is going to get you further than fear. And now you have some resources to help sort things out. Next, I mean this, and I've said it before, build a relationship with a pediatrician you trust. If the first one doesn't feel right, it's okay to keep looking. Most of us are fantastic humans, to be honest, but this is one of the most important partnerships you're going to have as a parent. And then last, and I say this all the time, you do not have to be perfect. You just need to show up and listen and love and ask questions. That's enough. Just be present. So let's not forget the real reason that we're doing all of this, why we're reading and googling and screenshotting and podcasting. We all just want our kids to be okay, to be safe and healthy and maybe happy. But when we lose trust in our doctors, in ourselves, it creates a lot of distance and it creates anxiety. And I know what we need to get back to basics is human connection and conversation and mutual respect. Thank you so much for spending time with me today. If this episode helped you feel a little more grounded or a little less alone, I'd love for you to share it with a friend or leave a review for me. It really helps the show to reach more families. And as always, I am here to answer the questions you forgot or were too embarrassed to ask at your last doctor's visit. Until next time, I'm Dr. Wendy Hunter and I'm the Pediatrician next door. For more from the pediatrician next door, find me on the web@ pediatriciannextdoorpodcast.com if you've got a question about the weird things kids do, send an email to hellopediatriciannextdoorpodcast.com for a chance to hear your voice on the show. I'm Dr. Wendy Hunter and I'm the Pediatrician next door. This show is produced by Red Rock Music. Make sure to subscribe and leave a review wherever it is you're listening. I'll be back next time with more mom and dad. The school supplies you buy me this.
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