654: The Pete and Sebastian Show - EP 654 - "Airplane Kleenex & Bury Boxes"

Summary

Episode Summary: The Pete and Sebastian Show - EP 654: "Airplane Kleenex & Bury Boxes"

Release Date: May 13, 2025

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Introduction

In Episode 654 of The Pete and Sebastian Show, hosts Pete Coriali and Sebastian Maniscalco dive into a blend of relatable comedic anecdotes and thought-provoking discussions. This episode, aptly titled "Airplane Kleenex & Bury Boxes," navigates through the frustrations of air travel and transitions into a humorous yet insightful exploration of religious education in modern society.

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1. Airplane Anecdotes: Navigating the Skies with Hilarity

The episode kicks off with Pete introducing a listener named Patrick, who shares his less-than-pleasant experience during a recent flight. Patrick recounts being seated next to an elderly woman with a cane, leading to a series of comedic frustrations.

Key Discussions:

• Claustrophobia and Seat Selection:

  • Patrick (02:13): Expresses discomfort with window seats due to claustrophobia but reluctantly opts for one on this particular flight.

• Tray Table Etiquette:

  • Patrick (02:53): Criticizes passengers who misuse tray tables as cluttered desks, piling receipts and miscellaneous items, making it difficult for neighbors.
  • Pete (03:38): Agrees, highlighting the annoyance of others' clutter interfering with personal space and comfort.

• Overcomplicated Phone Cases:

  • Patrick (04:29): Voiced frustration with multifunctional iPhone cases that double as wallets, leading to unnecessary clutter on the tray table.
  • Pete (05:19): Questions the practicality, prompting a humorous debate about the necessity and effectiveness of such accessories.

• Assistance Devices and Boarding:

  • Patrick (06:50): Discusses the inconvenience caused by the cane being hooked into the seat pocket, complicating his journey to the bathroom.
  • Pete (11:08): Muses on the potential medical needs of elderly passengers requiring frequent bathroom visits, adding a layer of empathy to the frustration.

• Bathroom Etiquette and Delays:

  • Patrick (07:18): Shares his ordeal waiting for the elderly woman to vacate the bathroom, fearing that prolonged absence might lead to incontinence.
  • Pete (08:53): Relates with experiences of passengers lingering in the bathroom, causing unnecessary delays and doubts about others' bladder strength.

• Creative Solutions and Pet Peeves:

  • Patrick (15:55): Attempts to self-resolve his runny nose situation by using a microfiber cloth, leading to a humorous malfunction.
  • Pete (17:17): Joins in the laughter, illustrating the lengths passengers go to cope with minor inconveniences.

Notable Quotes:

• Patrick (08:22): "I could tell from the get-go right away going, okay, this and, okay, you're gonna be a problem down the road somewhere."

• Pete (04:15): "Would you rather fly aisle seat coach or window seat first class?"

• Pete (05:19): "I don't like that. What's wrong with that?"

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2. Religious Education: Navigating Faith and Modernity

Transitioning from the chaos of air travel, Pete and Patrick delve into a discussion about religious education, specifically focusing on Catholic schools in Texas. They explore the intersection of faith, education, and children's understanding of religious symbols.

Key Discussions:

• Exploring Catholic Schools:

  • Patrick (24:35): Describes a visit to a Catholic school in Austin, Texas, noting the prominent display of religious symbols like an eight-foot Jesus on the cross and statues of the Virgin Mary above classroom lights.

• Children's Perception of Religious Symbols:

  • Patrick (37:54): Shares a poignant moment where his children, upon seeing Jesus depicted on the cross, innocently question the nature and meaning behind the imagery.
  • Pete (40:00): Humorously suggests explaining Jesus's crucifixion as a misunderstanding of magic performances gone wrong, highlighting the challenge of conveying complex religious concepts to young minds.

• Uniforms and Individuality:

  • Patrick (32:52): Explores the pros and cons of school uniforms, appreciating the reduction in peer pressure over attire but also contemplating the need for self-expression among students.
  • Pete (34:32): Supports the idea of uniforms, emphasizing the focus on education without the distractions of fashion choices.

• Modern Challenges in Religious Institutions:

  • Patrick (35:07): Makes a tongue-in-cheek remark about the hidden behaviors of students shaped by rigid religious environments, blending humor with social commentary.

Notable Quotes:

• Patrick (37:54): "My son goes, why did someone throw diamonds at him? They thought that the nails were diamonds that someone threw at him."

• Pete (43:54): "You just made it sound like Jesus is on the cross because it was a rough crowd and he was having a bad set. Had a bad set and they nailed him up there."

• Patrick (56:11): "If my kids got a shot, I tell them, listen, you want to be a priest, you be the best. You'd be the best of the best. And you go and try and be the Pope."

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3. Light-Hearted Interludes and Banter

Throughout the episode, Pete and Sebastian intersperse their conversation with playful banter, humorous hypothetical scenarios, and comedic takes on serious topics. They discuss the implications of religious leadership, the hypothetical logistics of Papal requests, and the amusing dynamics of celebrity interactions.

Key Highlights:

• Papal Permissions and Family Dynamics:

  • Pete (59:16): Imagines the Pope granting extravagant requests like a private tour of the Coliseum, blending absurdity with a playful critique of authority.

• Cologne on Coffins:

  • Pete (49:08): Proposes a humorous idea of spraying cologne on a coffin, leading to a mock-serious debate about the appropriateness and practicality of such gestures.

• Celebrity Encounters:

  • Patrick (65:25): Shares a playful thought about Tom Cruise potentially appearing on their show, highlighting the blend of pop culture and personal anecdotes.

Notable Quotes:

• Pete (60:05): "I don't know if anyone's ever banged in the Vatican. Can you imagine saying that?"

• Patrick (62:27): "He was sleeping in the Vatican getting chef meals, you know?"

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Conclusion

Episode 654 of The Pete and Sebastian Show masterfully balances comedic storytelling with insightful discussions. From the maddening intricacies of airplane etiquette to the profound yet humorous exploration of religious education, Pete and Sebastian offer listeners a rich tapestry of laughter intertwined with thoughtful reflections. This episode not only entertains but also invites listeners to ponder the everyday situations that shape our experiences and beliefs.

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Notable Quotes Overview

• On Airplane Etiquette:

  • Patrick (02:53): "The tray table is not for a variety of things. All right? It's for food, a laptop, an iPad. I don't want to see, like, wrappers, phone, pieces of receipts. This ain't your desk."

• On Religious Education:

  • Patrick (37:54): "I gotta go ask ChatGPT how the hell to deal with this. This is my explanation of why Jesus is up on the, on the cross..."

• On Humorous Hypotheticals:

  • Pete (53:46): "You just made it sound like Jesus is on the cross because it was a rough crowd and he was having a bad set. Had a bad set and they nailed him up there."

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This summary encapsulates the essence of Episode 654, highlighting the comedic elements and the hosts' ability to traverse diverse topics with ease and humor. Whether you're a regular listener or new to The Pete and Sebastian Show, this episode promises both laughter and meaningful conversation.

Transcript

[Pete Coriali]

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[Sebastian Maniscalco]

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[Pete Coriali]

This is the Pete and Sebastian show with Pete Corieli and Sebastian Maniscalco.

[Patrick]

All right, everybody, welcome to the Pete and Sebastian Show. We have Patrick who is on a full night of sleep. Last night was not a 48 hour bender. So he's up and running on a full tank. I'm gonna just jump right into some, some stuff that happened to me on an airplane. We haven't talked airplane stories lately, so let's get into it.

[Pete Coriali]

Let's do it.

[Patrick]

I need your take here. I was on a flight, it was booked kind of last minute, so I was at the window. I don't like the window because I get claustrophobic. But sucked it up and did it. Woman next to me had a cane and right away I just knew that you ever just. No one has to say anything and you just look at what they're doing and go, I don't like you.

[Pete Coriali]

Oh, most of the time. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. You don't even need dialogue to make that decision.

[Patrick]

Yeah. So she just had a lot like she opened up the trade table and I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And I don't know if you do this, if you do, then you got to stop. The tray table is not for a variety of things. All right? It's for food, a laptop, an iPad. I don't want to see, like, wrappers, phone, pieces of receipts. This ain't your desk. Right, right.

[Pete Coriali]

Yeah, I hear you. I don't like the. Yeah, go ahead. What.

[Patrick]

What don't you like?

[Pete Coriali]

I don't. If you notice, people take what they eat, and while they're watching whatever they're watching, they keep folding it smaller and smaller and smaller, and then they stick it in that. They just fucking suck now. And they don't even realize every fold is for someone without headphones. This is that dick. And you just want to go. Do you think you're the only one on this fucking plane? Would you rather fly aisle seat coach or window seat first class?

[Patrick]

Window seat, first class. The coach is a whole other problem. All right? But I'll.

[Pete Coriali]

I'll.

[Patrick]

I'll be. I'll be claustrophobic rather than fly coat.

[Pete Coriali]

I hear you.

[Patrick]

All right. She's reading a. Here's one. She's got an iPhone case, and this bothers me beyond belief. Where it's like a booklet. The. Ever see where they have to open it up and then. And then. Bro. Sorry. The case doubles as a wallet. I'm sorry, I.

[Pete Coriali]

Don't you like that? What's wrong with that?

[Patrick]

Your iPhone case is. Your iPhone case. There should. You shouldn't open up your iPhone case and have a visa and your license, you know, like.

[Pete Coriali]

You know, you could buy that, right? They advertise that. So. So it's a billfold. So your wallet and then the back part is your phone. I mean, I'm not saying I'm for it. I'm just trying to let the listeners understand why you have a problem with.

[Patrick]

Goes along with having shit all over the tape like that. That behavior of having. Of having a wallet and your iPhone goes. Is directly correlated with the receipts on the tray table. You know, it's like, she wouldn't have. Again, she's reading a book on her iPhone, right? And the letters are so big, you know, because she's an older woman, the letters are so big that she's reading, like, 12. 12 words, and then she's got to flick it. I'm like, come on. Right?

[Pete Coriali]

The dog went to.

[Patrick]

All right.

[Pete Coriali]

Now, where's the cane, by the way? Where does that kept.

[Patrick]

And it bothered. Bothered me limping around.

[Pete Coriali]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Cain was tucked in the. What do you. What are you. The. The thing in the. Where they. All the books are held. What do you call it? The.

[Pete Coriali]

Oh, the seat pocket. In the front.

[Patrick]

Yeah, the seat pocket. So the cane was hooked into there. So now, listen, I got. It's a three hour flight. I got to go at least to the bathroom once. And the way she set up. This is the problem I'm having. The way she set up the breakdown to that, to get me out of there, just in case I got you is. Is I'll piss my pants by the time this woman gets up, right?

[Pete Coriali]

You got to use the bathroom. She's packing up like her fucking lease is over, right? Don't forget the filing cabinet. Jesus, I don't. I see that, too. And then they give you the huff. You ever see that? Oh, oh, listen, guy, this ain't a office.

[Patrick]

Yeah, she gotta unplug. She's got. She's got in the outlet, you know, one of these, that, that, that, that. All of a sudden, now, now we gotta charge the phone. What the hell were you doing last night? What did you. You didn't charge the phone at night. Now we gotta plug in. We gotta unplug this shit. Okay, So I do. I do a class move. I go, all right, you know what? I gotta go to the bathroom. But I ain't tapping this woman to get up because she's older, she's got a cane, she's got the. So I'm gonna wait. I'm thinking, all right, listen, you're in your late 60s, early 70s. I'm thinking, as soon as you hit the seat, you gotta go take a piss, right?

[Pete Coriali]

The way you describe this lady, I figure she's due for an insulin shot within 45 minutes, right? I mean, come on, ladies. I mean, you got a cane? I'm thinking, a lot of bathroom trips. Lot of bathroom trips.

[Patrick]

That's what I'm thinking.

[Pete Coriali]

Falling apart.

[Patrick]

So you ever get mad at somebody on an airplane that they're not going to the bathroom when you're in the window seat, like, going, okay, nothing hitting you. That fucking Sprite didn't kick in yet.

[Pete Coriali]

I've had people when I'm in the aisle and they're in the bathroom, I. I almost want to lean over and go, do you have to go to the bathroom? Because you've been sitting there for six and a half hours. Either you got a diaper on or you're breaking records, you know? I mean, and then they're not even rushing to get off. I don't know what that's about. Makes me second guess my bladder when I see that. I'm like, people are doing six hours. I didn't know that Was a thing.

[Patrick]

You really start to see how weak your bladder is when you're on an airplane, right? As you say, you know, you see another guy go, it's like his third time. That guy's got a prostate issue. You're like, you could, you could.

[Pete Coriali]

That's why we would go on the road in the van with it ain't right to it. You never had to say, I got to go to the bathroom. There was four or five middle aged guys on there. You're like, somebody's gonna have to go before me. So this lady held it in, huh?

[Patrick]

No action, no action. So finally she gets up. Finally she gets up, she goes again. This is just all etiquette. And I get up right after her and I wait in the galley because if I feel, if I wait for her to come back, somebody else is gonna go. And now this woman is going to have to stand and wait, you know, like I, I just like, I'm there. You get out, I go in. You don't have to wait, linger long at your, you know. And then I come back in and then you sit down. Okay, that all happened.

[Pete Coriali]

She bring a cane to the bathroom.

[Patrick]

By the way, Kane didn't go to the bathroom, which was suspect.

[Pete Coriali]

I mean, you either need a cane or you don't need a cane, right? What the fuck? Yeah, is it a cane?

[Patrick]

We bring in a canine to get on first.

[Pete Coriali]

Oh, man. Well, I mean, you're already in first class. You can't get on much faster than that. But like, what are you waking up going, it's a cane day and not a cane day?

[Patrick]

Well, no, it's a cane day when you're flying because you get pre boarding before anybody else. Anybody that needs assistance getting down the thing, hey, I got my cane today.

[Pete Coriali]

I thought about doing that. Just walking up once in a while with a limp and just be like, I never do this. But I pulled something. You know, there's a guy who was on the tour, roady, who does it every single time. And he goes, they never say anything. What are they going to say? They're going to ask me what medical condition I have that makes me need to get on first. He goes, they never ask.

[Patrick]

Legally can't. They legally can't ask you. So it's a HIPAA law where they can't go, what do you got? And then, you know, I got, you know, I got diabetes. Why? What's the fuck?

[Pete Coriali]

Get out of here. They can't ask me that. Why are more people doing that?

[Patrick]

Yeah, because there's Like a bit of morality involved in that, you know, like.

[Pete Coriali]

This is a certain, certain level of a hole, right?

[Patrick]

Although I could see you going the next time you take a flight, walking up there like fucking Quasimodo. I need to get on the airplane.

[Pete Coriali]

Actually, I just pushed back on my last one because it was just too immorally not right. I stopped doing it. You know when. When you agree to check your bag, you go, if you take it to your final, that will let you board with zone two. And then I've been ripping it off down the thing and I'm like. And then I see people in my zone trying to get to find a spot, but I feel terrible. I feel terrible. It's a dog eat dog world out there, guy. You know what I'm saying?

[Patrick]

That's it.

[Pete Coriali]

I love it. I wish you flew commercial more often. Keep going. What happened next? So did you. Did she. Please tell me she waited for you.

[Patrick]

She waited. She sat down. Now another hour goes by and I don't know. And we'll get into this. I don't know if I had Covid. I don't know if I had a bad allergic reaction or something, but for, I don't know, four or five days, I had. My eyes were red. I had like a stuffed up nose, but no sore throat, no fever. So I had it. I had a runny nose. And I'm talking runny. I don't know if you've ever had a type of runny nose where it's almost like water and it's. It's just. It comes out of your nose. It doesn't like stay in there. It like it drips. It's dripping out. You could just almost feel it dripping down your. So I had one of these, right? I never do this because I'm always in the aisle. I ring the bell.

[Pete Coriali]

Oh, my God.

[Patrick]

Why I need Kleenex.

[Pete Coriali]

Bro? This ain't that jets guy. You don't ring for. This ain't a private chat. You don't ring the bell for a tissue. Mr. Belvedere. What the holy.

[Patrick]

I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed because I normally carry Kleenex. I was out, right? So I'm like, I. I need. I need a. I need something, right?

[Pete Coriali]

Yeah. You. You are first class. You are first class. I'll give you that.

[Patrick]

Ding. 5, 10, 15 minutes, nothing, right?

[Pete Coriali]

Really?

[Patrick]

Wow. Do you ever, like, look where the ding goes? Like if we. When you ding it. Do you ever look going, oh, all right, there's the. There it is. That's the light. That they should be looking at.

[Pete Coriali]

I've never dinged in my life, but I've noticed that when it dings, it usually lights up. Who did the dinging? Yeah, right.

[Patrick]

So lights up here, but yeah, good.

[Pete Coriali]

But you got to do a double ding. You always got to do a double ding. Because they think the first ding is you trying to find your overhead light. Because that's every fucking yo yo does that. So they let that one pass, and then you double ding two, three minutes later. And they know, okay, this ain't a light. Somebody needs a tissue.

[Patrick]

They have a light in the galley that goes off when somebody dings. So they're notified up there as well. So not only does it light here, it lights up there. So I'm like, oh, yeah. 15 minute. I don't even see a flight attendant.

[Pete Coriali]

Because they think it was an accident. I just told you.

[Patrick]

Ding. 5, 10, 15 minutes.

[Pete Coriali]

Second thing, second thing.

[Patrick]

Half an hour I'm waiting. Fucking. I got snot coming down my chin, right? So bad. Where you know what? I go? I gotta take matters into my own hands. What's your take on this? Now, I travel with a microfiber cloth to wipe my sunglasses, right?

[Pete Coriali]

Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow.

[Patrick]

So I shoot a snot rocket in that thing, right?

[Pete Coriali]

Oh, I've. Listen, that thing does not. Does not absorb at all. Jesus. You know, the funny thing about this story? Starts out, you're like old lady with a cave. Meanwhile, she's somewhere right now talking about the white trash she flew next to. She goes. So this guy gets on his window, cedar. He's got a.

[Patrick]

You know.

[Pete Coriali]

So what happens with. So using his. So that's Ray Ban dust. The.

[Patrick]

Well, talk about blowing snot. We know what you're blowing snot in. In the garbage in the garage.

[Pete Coriali]

Well, we're doing it. This is called deflecting. But now that you bring it up, I'd like to thank Stacy Krell, a listener of this cast, who sent me two boxes, 45 per box. Garage rags. Fresh in the brand new white ones. So thank you, Stacey. I won't be using the restroom in my home the entire summer. What did you do with this snot rag? You know, sunglasses, duster. Cause it doesn't really hold liquid. It kind of just like.

[Patrick]

Well, it did the job for one blow.

[Pete Coriali]

Did it.

[Patrick]

And then I shoved that right where she shoved her cane. Oh, oh.

[Pete Coriali]

Now, you know, folks, when people say, don't put anything in those pockets, you know, and they always go because of baby's diapers. And you go, oh, I never Saw. Forget the diapers. You got dirty canes. You got tissue snot rags, bro, this is like. This is like 1998 travel behavior for you. I'm blown away by everything I'm hearing right now.

[Patrick]

This is what happens when you put me by the window now. And. And I was trying to do the right thing by getting a Kleenex. Now what? You take care. The guy finally comes to my ding. This one is giving him her garbage. Like, she stole my ding, right? Whoa, whoa.

[Pete Coriali]

Yeah, yeah.

[Patrick]

Because as soon as he came to the thing, right away, she had garbage to give him. Here, take that. And I'm going, oh, this is for my snot rag. Stuff for your garbage.

[Pete Coriali]

What a row.

[Patrick]

What a row.

[Pete Coriali]

This is between you two. Did you tell her? Were you like, listen, he's here for me. I blew the whistle. No.

[Patrick]

And then he turned around and walked away. And I'm like, now I took care of it in the microfiber cloth, but what if I really needed my Kleenex at that point, this woman. And again goes hand in hand with the reading the book, the thing, the shit all over the. It goes hand in hand. All this behavior goes hand in hand. That's what I'm saying. I could tell from the get go right away going, okay, this and, okay, you're gonna be a problem down the road somewhere. And it. She stole my ding, and.

[Pete Coriali]

I got. I did. I think you ended up being a bigger problem than her, to be honest with you.

[Patrick]

But I didn't bother nobody. I didn't bother nobody. The only. But the only problem is that somebody might reach into that thing and grab a microfiber snot rag.

[Pete Coriali]

That's the only.

[Patrick]

That's the only issue.

[Pete Coriali]

Let's just cross our fingers that somebody with blue glove on getting paid to do. To die. What?

[Patrick]

Unbelievable.

[Pete Coriali]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

She did another move, which I've never seen before. And I'll tell you, I've seen it, but I've never seen it like this. She put her head on the. She took a nap with her head on the. On the. On the. On the thing. Now, I've seen that done. I just think when you get to a certain age, right, you don't put your head on that thing, right? Because she looked like she might have died. Right on.

[Pete Coriali]

I call that the bankrupt sleeping position, right? Like if somebody told you someone called you up and said, someone wiped out your account, there's nothing left. You go, oh, Jesus. What the. That's this. That's the only time you ever put your face. Head down like that. Because if you find out you have no more money. God, the. I gotta go back to the funny bones, bro. Who am I kidding? I'll probably be playing one this summer anyway. But they have that blow up thing that you're supposed to put on the tray. Have you ever seen that? So it is position.

[Patrick]

But my question is, if I were to put my head and my body weight on that thing. These tray tables, they used to be sturdy, remember you used to take it out and it used to be like heavy, right? You could like put a. Put a safe on there and it would still now you. That you take them out. It's almost like a little fan. It's like a fan, you know, like you can barely put the. Any weight on it. So to put a body on there, I would snap the thing right off this. This was laid out with a bad. It's like. Yeah, you're right. It's like a bankrupt bad. It's like bad news. Like she looked on her phone, somebody died in her house. And I don't. So she's laid out. Yeah. So here, here's this thing, bro. If I saw somebody get. If I saw somebody sleeping in one of these things on the airplane, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, bro.

[Pete Coriali]

I. I could picture you before it's even blowing up. They pull it out, they're like two puffs in when you're going, guy, yeah, what are we doing? It looks comfortable though. I mean, they always got. Look at that. Beautiful. Now if that beautiful lady, that model pulled that thing out and did that, she's making it look like it works. Yeah, well, I've never seen it.

[Patrick]

It's not. It's not that lady that's doing that. Believe me. That lady ain't coming on a plane with something like that.

[Pete Coriali]

All right, Two things I gotta ask you, bro, about this whole thing. One, first of all, with the nose drip, I've had that happen too. I remember it happened in this winter once where you ever have your nose drip before you can even get to it, like, you're like, oh, that's the. That's the lowest form of white fucking trash you could ever do is body fluids are dripping out of you and you're not even catching them right. You know, I mean, that's like. And now you threw something out that I think I'll listen as known as myself kind of like a little flippant, and I'm like, where was that coming from? You go, I don't know, I might have Covid or something. I don't know. When did Covid become like, hay fever? Like, you threw that out there. Like, I might have Covid. I don't know. Like, you're not testing anymore. You're. You're getting on, sitting in the mid. Right on a plane.

[Patrick]

I'll sneeze right on.

[Pete Coriali]

Blowing his Covid into a well. I can't think. What do they call the. Oh, yeah, blowing the COVID into the Ray Ban thing. Sticking it in.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Pete Coriali]

All right, because you. You used to test all the time, so.

[Patrick]

Yeah, I used to test when, you know, when it could have killed somebody. But now it's. Come on, you get Covid, you shake it off, you know, you fly. Covid now is like, you know, you do go around your everyday life.

[Pete Coriali]

Why though? Why. Why are we dying from it? I'm not taking the vaccine anymore. You're not taking the vaccine anymore. It's just not a big deal anymore or just because, like, I don't get it. It's not as strong.

[Patrick]

Yeah, the strain is not as strong when it first came out. It's like, you know, the.

[Pete Coriali]

The.

[Patrick]

Listen, I ain't a scientist or a doctor.

[Pete Coriali]

All right, fair enough.

[Patrick]

I catching it.

[Pete Coriali]

I believe the children.

[Patrick]

Now I want to get into. We took a trip to Austin with the kids looking at schools, right? And we went to an Episcopal school, which is, you know, all the different types of Christianity, right? They don't. Yeah, they don't throw it in your face. It's. They have a chapel. Nice school. Nice. Nice school. Then we go to the Catholic school. Now, I didn't go to Catholic school. I got friends that went, but I never really spent time in a Catholic school. Now this is Texas, right? You walk in the lobby and there's an eight foot Jesus nailed to the cross. Oh, wow.

[Pete Coriali]

Beautiful. What a way to start your day.

[Patrick]

Right?

[Pete Coriali]

I mean, even if you planned on cheating on that science test, you walk in, look at Jesus dangling from the cross. You're like, how could I? How could I?

[Patrick]

And I see, I've seen crucifixes and Jesus depiction on the cross, right? But this is like, this is Texas, bro. This is like they got blood on the floor around the cross.

[Pete Coriali]

They got a sound effect of a moaning. They just added that, hired a guy to moan. Oh, and they. Because, bro, I've been reading up on Texas a lot, and they say that they're so conservative. They go, even their public schools are outstanding and conservative and great. So I can't imagine the level of a high end Catholic school. Wow. They're probably legally allowed to hit the kids, the teachers, right?

[Patrick]

But what I wasn't prepared for. Now to give the listeners a little.

[Pete Coriali]

Thanks to Shopify for sponsoring this episode. If you shopped online, chances are you've bought from a business powered by Shopify. You know that purple shop pay button? You see a checkout? The one that makes buying so incredibly easy? Yeah, that one right there. That Shopify baby. And there's a reason so many businesses sell with it. Because Shopify makes it incredibly easy to start and run your business. Shopify is the commerce platform behind 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started. Shopify gives you that leg up from day one with hundreds of beautiful ready to go templates to express your brand style and forget about the code. Tackle all these important tasks in one place. From inventory to payments to analytics and more. If you want to see less cards being abandoned, it's time for you to head over to Shopify. Cha Ching Seriously man. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com thecast the cast is all one word, so go to shopify.com thecast shopify.com thecast Cha Ching baby.

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[Patrick]

Kind of history of my religion and my wife. I grew up Catholic, went to church every Sunday, was an altar boy in my adult life. Church hasn't really been a part of my life. Right. Lana, Jewish. Went to Catholic school growing up because that was the better school.

[Pete Coriali]

Wow.

[Patrick]

Interesting. Lana took the body of Christ as a Jew.

[Pete Coriali]

Wow. That's like.

[Patrick]

That's undercover operative or something. Well, that's. That's. That's, you know, that is Jewish. They don't care. Get the education, Whatever it takes. You need to get the body of Christ and you get it for the A in mathematics so you could go to Ivy League school. That's why these Jewish people are so damn smart. They don't get. They don't give a shit. Take the body of Christ and then go to Duke.

[Pete Coriali]

Is that why their food doesn't taste good? They're like, if it tastes good, they're gonna sit there forever. Let's serve them shit food so they can get back out there and work more. I like your thing. So you're saying they go, we'll let you go be Catholic for a little while and get all that good Catholic education. Then you come back and be Jewish and make big money for the church. I love it. That's nice. You know what it is? Progressive. Progressive thinking.

[Patrick]

So we take the tour of the school, right? We go into class. Some art the kids did. And, okay, the art was like the cross, you know, like all these crosses on the. On the wall.

[Pete Coriali]

Okay.

[Patrick]

Go to another class. I noticed on the. Above the light, where you put the light on in the classroom, statue of. Of the Virgin Mary. So there's. It's like. It's prevalent throughout the school that this is the Lord's home.

[Pete Coriali]

Now, was that the project or, like, could you have drawn a dog?

[Patrick]

I don't know.

[Pete Coriali]

Like, is everybody just, like, leaning this way?

[Patrick]

I don't know. But they said, like, pick a cross or you're going home.

[Pete Coriali]

You know, draw whatever you want, kids. Better be a goddamn cross. Uniforms, too.

[Patrick]

The day we went, there's no uniforms. It was like a school spirit day. But uniforms. Right?

[Pete Coriali]

That's good.

[Patrick]

And I'll get into the uniforms because I think there's a something about uniforms at recess I ain't into. Sorry. I think there should be a different outfit for the playground. Oh.

[Pete Coriali]

A little chance to show your true colors.

[Patrick]

Well, you know, just like, guy, like, going out for a pass with a collared shirt at the recess. I just can't. I can't wrap my head around it. Right, guys. Guys doing a sprint with slacks on.

[Pete Coriali]

I'm sorry, but this is what I love about the Catholic schools. Because that's so funny. You're right. But they're also reminding you, you know, it's got 10 more minutes. We're back inside, we're gonna learn. All right. You know, fucking public schools, you know, you have them working up a sweat. You get, it's lunchtime, and then you're like the rest of class, you're just like, we're picking it up tomorrow at cafeteria. Like that's more important. We used to get to the bus stop early to play football. Just to play football, right? And the thing about the uniforms, dude, is, like, especially with your daughter, there's no. What do I look like? What am I wearing? It's all done. There's no peer pressure with all that bullshit. You know what you're wearing? That's great.

[Patrick]

I know. That's what I told Lana. There's two frames of thinking here. There's one where you don't have to pick out an outfit every morning. It's there, you're wearing it. Everybody's got the same thing on. And nobody's wearing a half top, crop top, nothing like that. You know, it's. It's dialed in. But then there's a other thought of, you know, there's just something to be said about individuality and having your own. Like, oh, expressing yourself with this, that and the other. But that could be a distraction. So there's two ways to go. The uniform I like, but I feel like there should be changes throughout the day. I've often said this about what is.

[Pete Coriali]

This, a Madonna concert? You wear one outfit, you go to school at it, and then you go home. You know what the problem is? You gotta get outta la. There's too many rights for kids, not enough expression. Graduate and then go express yourself. But right now, put the uniform on and learn, bro. I don't know. Are you leaning towards the school?

[Patrick]

Listen to me. Listen. I know these Catholic girls are fucking more slutty than the public girls. Cause they had to keep that shit in. Next thing you know, they're sucking dick on the playground.

[Pete Coriali]

I know what you're saying, bro. You ever see an Amish person when they get in front of McDonald's? It's fucking barbaric. It's the same thing. They haven't been around it their whole lives. They can't get enough of it. I hear you, bro. The Pete and Sebastian Show.

[Patrick]

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[Pete Coriali]

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[Patrick]

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[Patrick]

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[Pete Coriali]

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[Patrick]

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[Pete Coriali]

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[Patrick]

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[Pete Coriali]

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[Pete Coriali]

This is happening then, huh? Wow.

[Patrick]

Well, I mean, I was impressed with the school. I mean, say what you want about the Catholics, yeah, they got a problem with the priests and whatnot, but God damn, they know how to do education, right? I mean, it's dialed in over there. So we leave, and my son and daughter, before we leave, are looking at Jesus, right? They're just like, looking at. They're looking at this guy and they get in the car now, I wasn't prepared for this. They're like, who's that guy on the wood? I go. Because there's been really no mention of Jesus Christ. Other than when daddy gets mad, right?

[Pete Coriali]

Not even. No one's asking it when it comes up in A Christmas Carol, all three kings comes on. No one's asking who the kings are. Nothing.

[Patrick]

Bethlehem. There's none of that shit here anyway. If it ain't in the Frosty, the Snowman or the Grinch, they're not hearing Jesus. So I said, that's Jesus Christ. And they're like, oh, that's, that's, that's who you. The only third they heard Jesus Christ was when I go, Jesus Christ. What the. That's it. That's their only, it's their only exposure to him when Daddy gets mad. So they're like, oh, is that the guy that you talk about when you get mad? They go, yeah, that's the guy. They're like, why, why is he up on the wood? And why does he have diamonds in his feet? They thought.

[Pete Coriali]

Holy shit.

[Patrick]

My son goes, why did someone throw diamonds at him? They thought that the nails were diamonds that someone threw at him.

[Pete Coriali]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

I go, no, those were nails. And again, for a kid to process that there's a man with nails on boards. They can't. They go, why did, why did that happen? Now I got to explain this, bro. This is how I explained it. And I gotta go ask Chatgpt how the hell to deal with this. This is my explanation of why Jesus is up on the, on the cross, right? I said, nah, he was doing magic around town and people didn't like it, so. So they, they nailed him to the cross. They're like, what? I go, yeah, no.

[Pete Coriali]

What is that?

[Patrick]

What do you mean, what is that? How would you explain it? How would you explain why is he up there?

[Pete Coriali]

You just made it sound like Jesus is on the cross because it was a rough crowd and he was having a bad set. Had a bad set and they nailed him up there. And well, I don't know, it's interesting because you're dealing with such a blank slate, I have to pretend I'm dealing with a completely blank slate.

[Patrick]

They don't know anything. They don't know anything. My kid's five. They don't know nothing. Why is that guy up there to a 5 year old? What do you say?

[Pete Coriali]

Well, if you say because he was spreading a religion that people didn't believe, they'd already go, what's religion? Right.

[Patrick]

Yeah. What's that? He died for our sins. What does that mean? I mean, he was doing magic.

[Pete Coriali]

Do you know if someone heard that? An adult heard your child not know who Jesus Was in Texas. You might. I think you get arrested for that. That's like a form of child abuse. Like, not. Not, you know, educating. That like. That's wild. Now, do they know anything about the Jewish religion?

[Patrick]

Nothing. Hanukkah.

[Pete Coriali]

Does the Jewish schools, do they have, like. You have great Catholic schools. Are they Jewish schools like that, too?

[Patrick]

Yeah, there's temple. There's temples.

[Pete Coriali]

You know, the way you said it, the way you said it, if I was married to you, it sounds like it don't matter what temple they got, we ain't going to it. You go, yeah. This temple you didn't go, yeah, no, there's some good temples. Yeah. This temple. This temple. Kids now wearing a yarmulke to social studies, if that's what you're getting at.

[Patrick]

So they said. How did they. How'd they get him up there? How'd they do what? How'd they nail him to the cross? Right? How would you explain that to the kid?

[Pete Coriali]

Oh, I'm thrown away. I'd say that the king didn't like that. He was spreading something else that shouldn't be said. And. And he wasn't thinking right, and they thought he was a bad person and they nailed him to the cross. Why did they nail him, Daddy? Why didn't they just tie him? I don't know, right? Like. I don't know, bro, but it makes. So does it? Yeah. I've never heard. It's never been a kid that wanted to know. You tell a kid they don't give a shit, and you make, you know, you make them go to religion and stuff. But this is fascinating. Your son's asking you.

[Patrick]

My son has said. I go, well, they. They put the cross on his back and they had him carried across, right? So my son goes, oh, they wore him out. They wore them out. I go, yeah, they wore them out.

[Pete Coriali]

They did.

[Patrick]

And then he died on the cross. And then three days later, as I'm saying this, right, three days later, he rose from the dead. He goes, what do you mean? I don't understand. He got out of his buried box. He calls a coffin a buried box. But by the way, side note here. And I want you to pull this up. Pull up the Pope's casket. Do you see this?

[Pete Coriali]

No, but I might have to steal berry box. I like that.

[Patrick]

He got out of his berry box. So I go, he rose from his berry box. And he goes, I don't understand why the flowers are involved. I go, what? He goes, why are the flowers involved? I go, no, no, he rose he thought he got out of his berry box with roses. He didn't know. Rose from the dead, man rose up. He thought it meant there was flowers in the fucking box. He's like, why are there flowers? So he goes. And I'm sitting there going, he rose from the dead. And then they went to go find him. He wasn't under the blanket, whatever. And I'm thinking, I believe this shit at one point. Like, what the.

[Pete Coriali]

Like, you don't now.

[Patrick]

Oh, wait, you never. You never. Oh, what, we're gonna. What, is this gonna go on the religion podcast now?

[Pete Coriali]

No, I just. I don't even know who I'm casting with. You're like, oh, I think I might have covert. I'm not sure. I blew my nose. I can't believe I used to believe in God.

[Patrick]

What the.

[Pete Coriali]

Did you do what Twilight Zone over here. I'm not saying I haven't questioned it, but I don't. I mean, I haven't said that I don't believe in it. I mean, why? Crazy.

[Patrick]

What? Because if you feel like.

[Pete Coriali]

Because I don't want to lay in a fucking berry box for eternity, so I believe in it. That's why. Okay, what are you going to do? You could have worms coming through your ears because you didn't believe me. I'm going to float away up there, be fucking drinking with Sinatra? Guy, I don't know what you're doing.

[Patrick]

You act like I'm alive in the box and sitting there going, oh, I wish I would have believed. Yeah.

[Pete Coriali]

And to some extent, yes, you're dead. What? Dead. There's gonna be teenage kids making out on your tomb, and I'm gonna be way up somewhere in heaven, hanging. I'm telling you, you gotta believe more now than ever, Guy. You know, you're getting closer to the gates.

[Patrick]

No, I believe. Listen, listen. For the sake of getting. Getting into the school.

[Pete Coriali]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Just. Just in case anybody listens to this. I believe.

[Pete Coriali]

Well, but getting into this school, I mean, your. Your children are intelligent children, but to not know who Jesus is, to enter Catholic Catholic school, it's like. It's like going into ninth grade not knowing how to read. Like, they're like. They're like, what? There's so much catching up to do. There really isn't. You already caught them halfway up, right? What more is there? Then there's Christmas and then a bunch of shit. I don't even know why it's that thick.

[Patrick]

40%. Like, half of the kids there aren't Catholic.

[Pete Coriali]

What is that? Is that even how Is that allowed? I thought Lana was, like, not telling them.

[Patrick]

That's what I thought before I walked in. I go, hey, everybody, we're Catholic today.

[Pete Coriali]

Don't let them know anything. We don't do nothing but Hanukkah. So anyone could get in, huh?

[Patrick]

Yeah, anybody could get in. Listen, if you got the bread, come on in.

[Pete Coriali]

Wow. All right.

[Patrick]

So.

[Pete Coriali]

So I.

[Patrick]

Can we put this thing up? I want to get your take on this, by the way. We got a lot to talk about here. What's your take?

[Pete Coriali]

Oh, that's a nice box. Right? I like its simplicity, yet it's not. It's simple, but it's not, like, you know, poorly done. It's very. I like it. Why? What do you think?

[Patrick]

Who.

[Pete Coriali]

Who's standing in front of it? That's a. What a great photo.

[Patrick]

I don't know who that is, but this guy was like. He's. He's not about popping circumstances. He's low key, right? He. I think they even said that he didn't live where the Pope normally lives in the Vatican. He lived in a. An off room or whatever. But in my. This being in Italy, you're written. You're the Pope. I thought the thing was going to be made of, you know, Carrera marble. I thought this thing was going to be a beautiful casket. And I would like to look up previous popes who were Italian to see what their casket looked like. This guy wasn't Italian, so he didn't. He didn't go with the. He didn't go with the marble. But this guy was from Argentina. He went like a simple. But if he was Italian, he would have had a beautiful marble Carrera. Nice, Costa custom made.

[Pete Coriali]

Well, I got a question for you. Now. You're going with this coffin. I don't want to get all over the place, but if you were going into your coffin and you were going to have a couple of pumps of a cologne put into the coffin with you as you're going into the netherworld, what cologne would you have pumped into your Berry box along with you? Just a couple hits on the side of the satin.

[Patrick]

Go a step further. When. Because I'm having open casket open.

[Pete Coriali]

Oh, God. Oh, my God, bro. You're gonna have your cadaver sprayed with a fucking cologne. Is that what. Oh, God.

[Patrick]

Oh, come on. Can you imagine coming up to the casket and saying a prayer and then go, what has he got on?

[Pete Coriali]

I smell it. That would mean that there's something on your body that's getting up in my nose. Now. I'd feel like death particles fucking getting up there. Oh, come on.

[Patrick]

It's formaldehyde coming off the damn thing.

[Pete Coriali]

I've never smelled the subject of my visit.

[Patrick]

Cause nobody's wearing cologne when they're dead. That's why. You haven't smelled. Smelled anything. You spray it right on the suit.

[Pete Coriali]

I don't know. That might be. That's weird. I don't know if that's weird. Bro.

[Patrick]

Bro, Right. You spray it right down the tie. Whoa.

[Pete Coriali]

We need to get a huge. We need to get a listener vote, because that's either the coolest thing ever or morbid. All right, what would this cologne be, by the way? Which, by the way, every cologne company out there is going, God, don't let it be me. Don't let it be me.

[Patrick]

I would say I make my own cologne called Death Cologne, right? Just called Death. I go with an old classic. I go with Drakkar, Little Jakkar. Old classic on the right, down the tie. That's what I would do.

[Pete Coriali]

How many pumps?

[Patrick]

Two sprays. Actually, you know what I started doing with Caruso yesterday? I start putting cologne on him before he goes to school. I put a spray on his wrist, and then I take some on my hand, and I just do his cheeks. Well, this guy, he goes, daddy. He goes, daddy. Because he brings a football to school. He goes, this is. This made me proud. He goes, my football smells like cologne. Because he was carrying his football. And then after I sprayed him up, he had his football and he went to school and his football smells like cologne. I guarantee you, nobody in this country has a five year old walking around in a football that smells like cologne.

[Pete Coriali]

Oh, my God. The fact that you're cloning your kid off of school is just beautiful, man. Holy. He's gonna go to Catholic school, day one. They're gonna go, I'm just cruise. I'm sorry, we don't wear. Fragrance gave away. My Draco is ridiculous. Molding him after you, bro. I love it. I love it. Oh, God.

[Patrick]

That's so funny, by the way. Oh. Do you think the coffin is custom to the Pope or do they got like. Yeah, Pope died. Get the coffin out of the coffin. Oh, no.

[Pete Coriali]

Custom like a suit custom like a suit. Man, he fits perfect. It even. Yes, absolutely.

[Patrick]

Is this. Yeah, this was 2005. Jesus. This thing looks like they made it in wood shop at high school.

[Pete Coriali]

What? I think it's. Oh, that's pretty. I like him. See, I wonder if there's any Pope who's like, listen, get a photo of Me in the simple one. Then put me in the hot tomato with the gold trim and all that shit. Don't bury me in that shit box.

[Patrick]

Could you do research, a little bit of research here, and tell me where all the Popes are buried? Is there a specific cemetery or are they buried in the Vatican?

[Pete Coriali]

I believe they're all buried in the Vatican. I think he was the first in years to decide not to. Now, quick, before I forget, speaking of church, because we do go when I'm home. Jackie doesn't go with Sadie. She just has me go. So we've been going. We go at 11 o' clock on Sunday. We usually have this young guy who's totally into it and I've told you about him, Father Bob. He explains what everything is, is really good. So this last time we went this week, we had an old. This old guy who fills in from time to time. He's basically retired, really old. And he comes out and it's just me and Sadie. And he says that this is his fourth one of the day because Father Bob's got a foot problem and he can't walk. It was my fourth one of the day. And he starts out by saying, let me wish everybody a happy Easter. And I go to Sadie, holy shit. This guy still thinks it's. I didn't realize they still say that a week later. Did you?

[Patrick]

No.

[Pete Coriali]

Yeah, it's still Easter. It's a weird thing. I did not know that. But. So that was explained to me. But at the end, when we were walking out, it was really long. Sadie said to me, which I thought, oh, man, this gets molded after me. She goes, I was walking out, she goes, well, finally we're done with Father Biden. Oh, wow, he looks like a little too. And he kept repeating himself, oh, God, I laughed. So but my question to you, the bigger question is because I think of Father Bob and then I think of the way Caruso. And I know you're going to say that he never would, but the way he was asking you these questions. I remember Father Bob telling us. When I first started to understand it, I was like, why this and why that? And I wanted to know more. Your kid comes to you in trueness and says, dad, I want to make a life with God. I want to be a priest. I'm not going to be any priest, dad. I'm going to be a great priest and someday have a giant church in Rome. Maybe even go for the Pope someday. I feel it that. I feel like that's what I was meant to do. Are you going to embrace that? Or are you going to be like, why don't you sleep on it a little?

[Patrick]

Listen, if my kids got a shot, I tell them, listen, you want to be a priest, you be the best. You'd be the best of the best. And you go and try and be the Pope. So if my kids got a shot at being the Pope to get me into the Vatican on a wing, I'm in, right? I'm in.

[Pete Coriali]

Pope is like the NBA. What about Cardinal Cardinal of Chicago or New York or Cardinal Bishop Bishop of New York City doing prayers at St Patrick's Cathedral?

[Patrick]

Do you know the power, Popobus? You know, the power of the father? I'm surprised. These fathers, maybe they're not a living. But that's. I want to see a younger Pope in his 30s, right? And, you know, the father of the Pope has got to be. Can you imagine going around Italy, going. They're like, sorry, sir, we have no more tickets. I'm sorry. My son's the Pope.

[Pete Coriali]

That makes you like, Joseph, right? Lana's married.

[Patrick]

Well, yeah. Well, if the Pope has parents, do they live in the Vatican? Or if the Pope's got a brother and sister. If the Pope's got a brother, could he go to the. Could he go, hey, listen, my brother's gonna be moving in, too, so could we fix up a room for him? Get him all dialed up, right?

[Pete Coriali]

I mean, wouldn't you have to? Because, like, if not, could you kidnap the Pope's brother? Or would the Pope be like, I'm. I'm for the people now everybody's my brother, Everybody's my sister. Like, does it not have any. Like, is he not more. More. Is that not more bad than it would be if someone he didn't know was kidnapped? You know what I'm saying? Because he's given his life to God.

[Patrick]

Stills brought his blood.

[Pete Coriali]

Well, then. Then they got all. Get protection, right? Like, what if you're at a party and someone says to you, are you like, oh, you're from Italy? Oh, she doesn't like to make a big deal out of it, but the Pope is her cousin. Their mothers are sisters. Would you be like your Pope? That's huge, right? Do you think people like someone who's the Pope's cousin just floating around, living a regular life? Where does it stop?

[Patrick]

I don't know. I don't know. If the Pope does, the cousins call and go, listen, we're having trouble getting on the tour for the Coliseum because we're coming to Italy this year. Could you pull some strings? Does the Pope, if he's living in Italy and he's got family coming in. Right. Could he shut down the Coliseum for a day and go private tour for my family? They're coming in. What kind of power. What kind of power does this guy have?

[Pete Coriali]

Private tour, private dinner. We're gonna bring in catering and you know where they used to hold the lions before they'd come out and fight the gladiators? Right in there. We're gonna have a little cocktail party. My niece, the post. The Pope's niece is getting married, and he loves her so much. The wedding is gonna be at the Coliseum.

[Patrick]

What?

[Pete Coriali]

A happy hour under the Sistine Chapel. And I decided instead of a hotel, which was going to be the Hassler at the top of the Spanish Steps, we decided we want you two to spend your first evening together in the Vatican. So you consummate your marriage in the Vatican. I don't even know if anyone's ever banged in the Vatican. Can you imagine saying that?

[Patrick]

Listen, do we got. Now that the Pope is dead, this woman that we know. Where are we at with this? What do you mean? It's tricky.

[Pete Coriali]

I almost. Yeah. You know, I'm sorry. The person you were going to come on and speak to us about has passed away. But will you still. So I want to. Now that the Mass has ended, I want to reach out with condolences. And then, because it was a friend, too, and then be like, we'd love to still have you on, but I just giving her a little breathing space.

[Patrick]

Oh, she might be looking for a new job, right? I mean, she's unemployed right now, right?

[Pete Coriali]

I know, I know. I was her, I'd be. As soon as he died, I'd be like, okay, page one. So when I first met the book, you know, like, I'd write that book, right? They're like, oh, do you know the Pope died? How much money he had in his bank account? Did you know that?

[Patrick]

No.

[Pete Coriali]

They all say it. How much? Would you guess how much money the Pope had in his bank account? What was his net worth when he died?

[Patrick]

Well, based on the fact that this guy's been being buried in a cedar box, and he didn't take the Pope room $4.

[Pete Coriali]

Well, $100. 100. Yeah.

[Patrick]

That goes to show that he was basically living off the church, right? This guy.

[Pete Coriali]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

I don't know if I like this, bro. I don't know if I like this.

[Pete Coriali]

It's like. You know what?

[Patrick]

It's like what? This guy's going out to dinner. I'm the Vatican.

[Pete Coriali]

I told you. The lady said he eats in a little area like everybody else. Like when we were on tour with you for the It Ain't Right tour. When I go on tour with you, I could have $100 in my pocket, cash. When I leave to go on tour on Thursday, and it could still be in my pocket Sunday, because meals are there if I want them hotel rooms taken. So Pope ain't going out where he's dropping cash. My daughter's like, Sadie goes, dad, he only had $100 on him. I go, yeah, and he's sleeping in the Vatican getting chef meals, you know?

[Patrick]

Well, that's. That's what. That's what. I want to talk to this woman. What is covered under the job description for expenses. If this guy wants to go out and buy a pair of jeans or sneakers, is it on the Vatican? What the fuck, man?

[Pete Coriali]

It's like you said, he's. Bro. In my opinion, he's the closest thing to a living God, except for Tom Cruise, other than that. So what he can do is just. He just walks around, bodyguards protect him. He can point at anything. He can be like, give me that. Give me this. Whatever he wants. Get a Pope. Whatever the fuck you want. Whatever you want.

[Patrick]

I don't know. No one comes up to him and goes, that's not covered under your per diem.

[Pete Coriali]

You don't say no. You go up to him and you kiss his feet and you pray, and, you know, bro, you live longer if you touch him.

[Patrick]

Pope wants a Ferrari, right? His handler goes to. And I don't know if there's, like, a council or like a. Like a board of directors at the Vatican, and they go, listen, Pope wants a Ferrari Merlinetta. And which, you know, what am I going to tell them? And then they go, what the fuck does this guy want? Ferrari. Tell them to go scratch. Give him a Ferrari. Or do they go, okay, give him a Ferrari. Come on. What the.

[Pete Coriali]

What.

[Patrick]

What the fuck could this guy buy? He's got dollars. This guy. This guy didn't carry a wallet. It reminds me of some of the family members I know on my side.

[Pete Coriali]

Yeah, but, you know, those family members aren't gonna, you know, touch your shoulder and make arthritis go away. This guy can.

[Patrick]

Bro.

[Pete Coriali]

All they want is a photo of him getting into the Ferrari. Into your question. It's done. It's done, Jake. Jesus. If he just held up a thing. If the Pope just held up and didn't even know what it was. It just said, Pete and Sebastian show, we'd be beating Rogan. By the way, Theo Vaughn had Ben Affleck on. And I caught a clip. It was very interesting. It was very interesting, man. It was Affleck. I caught a clip where Affleck said, a little side note, but he was like, every time they're photographing me, I'm with my family, so I'm annoyed, and I'm looking at them annoyed. So if every photo and video you see of somebody is them annoyed, you assume they're always angry. You know, he goes, but the minute they're gone, I'm not. And I'm like, oh, now I know why people go on podcasts and such, because that was so well explained. You're literally more cool to me now than you were five minutes ago. And I already thought you were cool, but now you're much cooler. It's amazing, right? One little thing. Boom.

[Patrick]

One little thing irons it all out. Speaking of celebrities, and I told you this on a text. The video that we put together for Tom Cruise has landed at his publicist desk. She has watched it, got a kick out of it, right? So it's there. I don't know if he saw it yet, but it's in the inner sanctum. We penetrated the sanctum, and I still have a feeling that this guy's gonna walk in, right? Could walk in, right? Tom Cruise is the type of guy, I think they would just pull up to my house and go, do you want me to end the podcast? Now? Here's a scenario. Cruz comes to the house.

[Pete Coriali]

Yeah, that'd be terrible.

[Patrick]

No, no, no, no. I call you. Cruz is at the house. You're at Sadie's diving competition. Do you leave the competition and do the cast with Cruz.

[Pete Coriali]

For diving competition? Well, she doesn't dive anymore, but, like a swimmy.

[Patrick]

Yes, Swimmy. You leave.

[Pete Coriali]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, bro. I mean, I don't want to listen say this out loud, but I will if I have to. Anything that doesn't have operating table in the sentence, I come and I do the. I come and I do the cast. Okay.

[Patrick]

Oh, okay. All right. I mean, it's in motion, bro. It's in motion. It could happen. It could not. But as long as it's out there, our time is up here. Pete and Sebastian show, Religious Edition. We could literally hang this up on the religion podcast and be number one by next week. We got more to talk about. Much more to talk about next week. We will see you then. Happy day. Oh, happy day. The show has ended. She stole my ding. Right Whoa, whoa.

[Pete Coriali]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Because as soon as he came to the thing, right away she had garbage to give him. Here, here, take that. Take that. And I'm going. Oh, wait a minute. This is for my snot rag. It's not for your garbage.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

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[Patrick]

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