← The Sebastian Maniscalco Show
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- [00:03]
A
This is the Pete and Sebastian show with Pete Corieli and Sebastian Maniscalco.
- [00:16]
B
Take my hand.
- [00:19]
A
I'm a stranger in paradise. Pete and Sebastian show again. Up and running.
- [00:28]
B
I don't know any more about Mexico. There's got to be. I thought there was so much more. We didn't tap into that all over the place last week.
- [00:35]
A
Well, let me. Let me. Let me break into this. So Lana and I, over the years, have yearned for a sense of community that we just don't feel we have. And in where we live, we live in a gated community. However, it's just. Gated community should not even be a part of the sentence. It's gated. No one's coming over with banana bread.
- [01:11]
B
No parade on the 4th of July coming around the bed.
- [01:15]
A
No, no. There's a trick or treat and everything's dark. Yeah, it's. It's not a community. So, you know, we've tap dance with. Oh, should we move? Should we do this? Should we do that? Well, this vacation, we stayed at a.
- [01:37]
B
Community.
- [01:39]
A
A bunch of homeowners. You know, we were. We stayed in a community where people buy homes in Mexico.
- [01:50]
B
Wow.
- [01:52]
A
It's attached to a hotel. But where we were at was homeowners. Now we're in the pool, and Lana, of course, is. I'm with the kids going down. What's your take on this, by the way? They had a water slide.
- [02:09]
B
Okay.
- [02:10]
A
Not huge. Not huge, but you want to just. So what's your take on adults going down a kiddie slide?
- [02:21]
B
You got. If you have a kid.
- [02:23]
A
Absolutely, absolutely.
- [02:26]
B
I mean, if you have a kid and your kids by the chair, not even in the pool, and you're going down it, that's a problem. But if you kid somewhere in the water, you can go down it. Absolutely.
- [02:37]
A
All right, so Daddy's going down the water slide with Caruso and Seraphina, and I notice up top, Lana's chatting it up with a woman in the pool. So I go, here we go, here we go. So I come up there, and it's one of those things where I'm there in the pool, Lana's talking to the woman, and. And I'm not one of these guys that when my wife's talking to somebody I don't know, I don't come up behind Lana and go, hey.
- [03:18]
B
Hey, babe. Who's this?
- [03:21]
A
Yeah.
- [03:23]
B
Why?
- [03:25]
A
I do a light, like a. I come into the pool, but it's very. It's like an alligator. Like, you know how alligator comes in the water? You don't make a big splash. He just kind of floats on the top. That's me, right? I do a stealth. Like they don't even. The woman don't even know I'm associated with my wife. That's how I come into the pool. And I just do a light drift off and I'm getting sun just by the ledge. Well, Alana's talking, right? So Lana comes over to me and she, you know, she's like, hey, what's going on? And the woman's there, hey, how you doing? Nice to me. And then the other two. The. The two husbands come over. Yeah, and I'm sorry, what's your take on this? Koozies.
- [04:28]
B
Oh. Oh, come on. Come on. That's like what I need to know. I need to know the design or if there was a slogan.
- [04:41]
A
I don't own. I don't know. It's where you went to college.
- [04:48]
B
Listen, listen. You could be at every zoo where they give you the koozie like they would give you a straw. You don't know. You don't know. Okay, so let's not over judge, but listen, you like saying you want to be a part of a community, and this is like practice and you're failing Lana's passing.
- [05:07]
A
You're fair.
- [05:08]
B
What are you going to do? You're going to be the guy sitting in the garage with the garage door open, waving line over. What did he say? What'd she say? Like embrace judging already with a koozie? I mean, I hear you, but it can't be. It can't be. It's total stop.
- [05:25]
A
Let me tell you where I coming from. I don't own a koozie, okay? Never have.
- [05:32]
B
I respect that. I believe you about you. I believe that about you.
- [05:37]
A
Could you imagine Frank Sinatra walking around the pool with a USC Koozie Trojan?
- [05:44]
B
No, I could not.
- [05:45]
A
No.
- [05:46]
B
Yeah, yeah, I know, but so, yeah.
- [05:55]
A
So we're in the pool, we're talking. I'm not talking really. I'm just listening. I often listen when I'm in these environments. I'm not spearheading the conversation I don't like, though.
- [06:08]
B
Are you within earshot? Can you hear the conversation? Cause I don't like the. If you can hear it, either get in it or get the hell out of here.
- [06:18]
A
I'm in the conversation, but I'm not like, offering information.
- [06:22]
B
You're being your typical, you know, unapproachable self ball pleasantness Lana's got to deal with. You're like she's been jogging with a weight vest for 10 years. Every time she goes out to a social event, she's crushing it. But she's like, you know, she's dancing for two here. She's got this thing holding. Like. What do you. What do you mean? You don't talk? Do you say anything? Do you go, ha, ha? No, I hear you. You're just like. Like, you just come out and.
- [06:53]
A
Well, here's the issue. You're really jumping ahead here and you're. I'm sorry. No, that's fine. That's fine. But I think you're going to be surprised at the end of this thing, where this thing's going. Here's the thing. I come from working middle class family. We didn't have a second home growing up. We went on one vacation a year. I was taught to never voice to anybody outside the family what you make, what you earn, what you have, et cetera. Right. And what I've noticed, being in the economic bracket that I'm in now, that the people in this economic bracket, I don't like them.
- [07:59]
B
Okay. Yeah.
- [08:05]
A
I just prefer all of them.
- [08:08]
B
Obviously. Not all of them. Not all of them, of course.
- [08:10]
A
I'm just saying you run into these groups that have to, like, tell you what they got, right? And I don't like. And I think we talked about this on the cast before, but it's worth re mentioning. I don't like people who think that you just, at 52 years old, just came on your first vacation. And I'll tell you, I'll give you an example.
- [08:40]
B
Yeah, please.
- [08:42]
A
You know, like, it'd be like me telling you, oh, you gotta go to Italy. You gotta go to Rome and see the Colosseum. But I'm assuming you've never been to Rome, man. You ever run across these people where they're like, you gotta go to the Adirondacks. It's unbelievable.
- [09:13]
B
I hear you're. You're easily offended, though. That's your. You know, I mean, I know there's a presumption that there is this presumption that you know in your head you're taking it right away to. You don't think I can afford to go where you went or that might have heard of it. Well, it's like. It's like maybe they just didn't think you ever got there in your travels, but right away you go to that. Like, again, your upbringing. I've been places, right, Patrick? Am I wrong to see it that way? I'm not just trying to stir a pot that doesn't need stirring. I don't know if it's necessarily about being able to afford it or not. I think it's like, you're not traveled. Like, I would. I would give anyone the benefit of the doubt about traveling to presume that they could have been anywhere. But it would be like, you'd. That you'd say, that's like a high schooler. Like, when you get out in the world, go check out. He's offended, too. You're right. I apologize. I. I don't. I don't know. That was offensive.
- [10:20]
A
It's offensive. The way. The. The way to address that, this lifestyle show, and for those of you that didn't grow up with parents that are listening to this, take note. The way to address that with someone is. Have you ever been to Rome? No, I haven't. Oh, when you go, you got to go to the Coliseum.
- [10:44]
B
Beautiful, beautiful.
- [10:49]
A
You don't start with, oh, there's a Coliseum in Rome. Is amazing. It's. It's. Yeah, it's just like, you're assuming or. Or you go, oh, my God, you gotta drive a Porsche. The handling is unbelievable. It's like, all right, whatever. Or you gotta try a hot dog. It could be anything, right? Don't assume. I never fucking had a hot dog.
- [11:13]
B
I love it, bro. And you should say, and if we're gonna do that, Bill, then I'm looking at you saying, you gotta try doing an hour of standup at Madison Square Garden. Because I'm assuming you didn't do that, Bill. Right? We're doing assumings. Yeah. But again, still, bro, I'm trying to be with you because you're my friend, but I still think I'm taking it a little too. You're taking it like Sinatra would. You really are. Sinatra is easily offended. If you got up early to go to bed and didn't finish your drink, it was like, you're dead to him. So, you know, God forbid. I assumed you didn't make it to, you know, the Poconos. Holy shit.
- [11:51]
A
No, it's an attitude. It tells me a lot about a person when you start just shooting your mouth off about, like, oh, you do this, you do that.
- [12:02]
B
Well, my big thing, too, is, like, if I inherited all my money, like these billionaires, like a Kennedy or these iconic people, it's so funny to me when they just drive around like. Like everything I say would start out with. Or, you know, when my grandfather was fortunate enough to start that with the. The whiskey that, like, has made my family. So I was now able to go, like, I Would. I would. Like every time I mentioned something I did because of money, it would start out with a speech about the family member that made me rich to begin with. You know, it would, it would never just be like, we went to Monte Carlo, we were bored, and luckily my grandfather made a fucking jillion dollars in whiskey that I could do that. Always had that. You know what I mean? I agree.
- [12:54]
A
Don't be shooting your mouth off like you earned it. Right?
- [12:58]
B
Yeah, right. Just exactly say, if you earn your own, then you own your own. That's fine.
- [13:03]
A
But that's it.
- [13:03]
B
You gotta exactly if, if you're on.
- [13:06]
A
A vacation because someone in the family made money, don't act like you fucking bought the plane ticket.
- [13:17]
B
Right. Perennially grateful. Yes. That's half the reason why I haven't taken you up on any of your vacations yet. Thank you for this meal, Sebastian. Alana. Thank you for this.
- [13:35]
A
I'm not like that, though. I offer, but I'm not like looking for like. But what I'm saying is there's people, like there's people out there, okay?
- [13:49]
B
No, there is. Expectant.
- [13:52]
A
It's. Yeah, yeah. Just, just don't, don't act like you. Don't act like you. You got to give credit where credit's due. Don't act like you came to the party with a bag of cash that you don't. You didn't earn. Right? But this is not the case here. This is not the case here. This is, this is like pissing on their territory. They're just pissing on it, right? Like this is all this, this way, like, we don't care what anybody does here. This is the guy. We don't care what anyone. We don't ask what you do. It doesn't matter what you do. Right. By the way, Jeff Bezos owns a home right here. You know, that's the. Oh, yeah. He's talking out of two sides of his mouth. Right? We don't care what you do, but I'm going to tell you what everybody does, you know?
- [14:53]
B
Yeah, but I'm such a. That's such a ridiculous thing to say in that neighborhood because it's like, I don't care what you do, but I don't care what you do because I know you obviously did something that was extremely successful or we wouldn't even be having this conversation. So I'm pretty sure I'm never going to have to worry about a pop up camper in your front lawn. All right? You know what I'm saying? By the way, where you were looking probably, you know, you could easily. Everyone has got some level of. If you Google them, you know who they are, whether in the financial world or whatever. In those kind of environments, bro, it's so. I don't like the fact that people can know what you paid for a house. That should be a private transaction between the homeowner and the buyer or any potential buyers. It just drives me nuts. It was always such a personal thing growing up and now it's instantly, you know, you can know right away. It's like, I don't like that. I don't like that was so too much shit. But I'm, I'm sidetracking. You say you don't like this environment of people, but yet you also gotta take into consideration because I've seen it. When I walked in Seattle with you in the market, we really were out there in public. And you know, it's a very fortunate thing and I know you felt it too, but you couldn't go very far without someone wanting a photo or a handshake. So, you know, you can't live in any old community because you know if you're mowing your lawn and someone drives by and they see you, they're going to get out of the car, be like, can you get off your toro and take a photo with me?
- [16:28]
C
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- [17:42]
B
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C
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- [19:15]
A
Listen, in this situation, I know they don't know I'm a comedian. I know they don't really. Yeah, I could tell. I could just tell. I know they don't know. I know.
- [19:34]
B
Was this in Mexico in the vacation?
- [19:38]
A
Yeah. This is fine. This is fine. I've been in many situations where I don't expect people to know. I don't go into any situation expecting people to know what I do for a living. I just don't.
- [19:53]
B
Good. That's a good thing to do.
- [19:55]
A
Yeah. Like, I never go, oh, you don't know who I am. Or like, I actually prefer it. That they don't. That they don't know. I actually prefer that. So I'm talking this and that. Oh, you gotta do this. The people here are great and they're nice enough people. Right. Why don't you come over to the house tonight, I cook you dinner. Now I'm like, hey, gang, I'm on a vacation with my family. I ain't going over to a stranger's.
- [20:33]
B
House for dinner if he Knew you, he wouldn't ask. Keep that in mind. He'd know how ridiculous that was. I mean, just to put that in perspective, not even the standup. Little side note, our daughter is away for camp this week. Tonight's the last night. Jackie's like, we gotta watch a movie and really have a good night. We're going with the Irishman start to finish. So we're not even talking about the comedic side. You're part of a classic film here. This man should know. But again, you're like, I like people not knowing who I am. So he doesn't know you. He's getting to know you and he's inviting you for dinner. And now you're like, yeah, even know me?
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A
Yeah, I just. We ain't doing still.
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B
I hear you still got two.
- [21:23]
A
I got, I got two nights. I got two nights at this place. I spending one of the nights with somebody I don't know in their house. I'm going to. I want to go to a restaurant. I want to spend time with my kids. Nice offer, but I ain't doing it. Okay. Next day at the pool. Here they come again. And now I told Lana, the community, I, I'd stay here and I'll build a moat around my house. I, I could not live in a community where I come out. They got the fucking. I like, I don't want to come out. And then my neighbor's out, right? And if I don't like the neighbor, the neighbor comes over. Hey, what are you guys doing with the koozie? Hey, what are you guys doing? You want to watch the game? No, I don't want to deal with this shit. So they're in the pool again. They asked us if I'm going to come up to the house now. They got kids too, but the kids are a little bit older than ours, but want to come and see our house now. We wanted to see a home there just because we were curious of what the homes might look like. So I said, yeah, okay. We go up with another couple that they just met. So it's three couples that are kind of strangers to each other. And we're in the house. What's your take on this? And I don't know if we covered this in the past. Home tours. Let me take you for a tour.
- [23:17]
B
Oh, God, you are too funny. That's what you wanted to.
- [23:26]
A
That's what you want. I see it, I see it.
- [23:34]
B
You don't want a room to room thing.
- [23:36]
A
Oh, you don't want to save a little nook and Cranny, Nice home. We walk in, nice living room. They have a backyard pool. Go out to the pool, see the kitchen. Okay. Now, generally speaking, it's like a spec house. It's not like a custom made home. It's like what they make. The house next door looks exactly the same, just different people.
- [24:01]
B
Okay.
- [24:02]
A
Okay.
- [24:02]
B
Yeah.
- [24:03]
A
So generally speaking, I get the vibe of what the home looks like, but no. Okay. I take the tour. Oh, fuck. So walking around, walking around. Here's the bedroom. Okay. Here's the shower. We go into the master bathroom. So here's the shower. She opens up the shower door. Come in, come in. What? To your shower? She goes, no, you have to see there's an outside shower at the fuck. I ain't going in to somebody's shower. Right.
- [24:44]
B
Oh, my God. This toy sounds like make me an offer. She can stand there in the shower. Yeah. Oh, my God. But like, you're making me bring you ask you, what's your take? What's your take? Because you said, I see enough. I see the kitchen. Da, da, da. And I get it right. It's basically upstairs is all the personal homes and bathroom. And I don't need to see that. What's your take on telling a homeowner, I'm good, I don't need to see the upstairs. Is that offensive? Do you have to take the tour, or is that wildly offensive to say that?
- [25:18]
A
Well, I'll tell you what I did. It was five bedrooms. After the second bedroom, I peeled off the door. I vanished.
- [25:29]
B
You were like Willy Wonka and his grandpa. Stuck behind, drank the fucking soda bottle. I peeled off the tool. That's a nice move, man.
- [25:44]
A
Well, the guys didn't go on the tour. The two men were in the kitchen when the tour started and they attached themselves to the tour. So I just flaked off into the kitchen with the guys while the girls were doing the tour. But again, I understand people might be proud of their home. They want to show it to people, but the way this couple. The way this couple were behaving prior to this, it's like, for example, our. How our house back home is twice this size. Okay, we're good. You know, like, you know, one of these, they got to, like, tell you, I'm not into this and not into telling you what. What you got? Just let me just, like, in the course of the time we're here, if we run into something that's yours, you know, fine. But we don't got to like, tell. Tell me you got a Ferrari at home. You Know I'm saying, right, well, if, if I'm at your house and we go into the garage and there's a Ferrari, just let the Ferrari speak for itself.
- [26:51]
B
That's it. Yeah, that's it. And if I'm not, if I'm not at the house with the Ferrari, then, then I don't know. I don't know that you have a Ferrari.
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A
That's it.
- [27:00]
B
I mean, you cross your fingers and hope Ferrari comes up in a conversation.
- [27:04]
A
But otherwise, even if Ferrari came up in a conversation or whatever, let's say here, I mean, it doesn't have to be a Ferrari. Let's say if somebody starts talking about what do you got a Tahoe?
- [27:19]
B
Yeah.
- [27:22]
A
Somebody starts talking about the Tahoe and go, yeah, my Tahoe I got at home, man, it's got so much room, it's unbelievable. You know, I could fit, I could put a desk in the back of the Tahoe if I put the seats down automatically. Do you go, oh, I got a Tahoe. Or do you just like let that sit? Do we need to say that you got a Tahoe after somebody else says, I don't say it because I want.
- [27:47]
B
To go, he's starting a Tahoe conversation.
- [27:54]
A
No, because this is what people do. Oh, you got a Tahoe? I got a Tahoe. Fuck it. Let them. Just let them shine.
- [28:04]
B
Wow.
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A
With the Tahoe story, now you gotta.
- [28:07]
B
Come in a Porsche. A Porsche. You want to say the more high end. If I, if someone. Why are you getting so frustrated?
- [28:14]
A
I think you're wrong.
- [28:15]
B
If someone said, I have a. If I had a Porsche and you go, oh, my Porsche goes too fast. Of blah, blah, blah. I probably might not go right into. Oh, I like the way mine. I have one too, and I like to die. Although I still might, bro. You know what would be more weird? This would be more weird. The guy's talking about his Tahoe, or in the case of you, whatever, maybe a different car, but talking about Tahoe. And then maybe five minutes in I'm going, yeah, no, right. I. I just chat with him and then he goes, what do you drive? And I'm like, oh, well, we got a Tahoe. He would go in his head. Kind of asshole just lets me rattle off about a Tahoe and doesn't give his opinion when he literally drives a Tahoe. Weird.
- [28:54]
A
No, no, you know what? He's. No, no. In my head, you know what he says? Oh, what a. What a great guy. He let me, he let me share my Tahoe story and he didn't Want. He didn't what up me with his Tahoe story. So. Here, here. No, no, I'll do give you another scenario.
- [29:19]
B
All right?
- [29:20]
A
Guys, like, guy talks, guy goes, oh, my God, we went to the Coliseum in Rome. Oh, my God. While we were there, they had a reenactment of what it would been like watching a da da da at an event, like a gladiator event. They had like a simulation there, right? This is someone saying that story, right? And if you saw the simulation story, right? If you were in Rome and you were at the Coliseum and you had seen the simulation a year before, but now they're telling you the story. I don't tell them I saw the. I don't tell them I saw the same thing. Wow.
- [30:04]
B
Wow, I've done that. Move on, people. That's the ultimate. I don't want to be in a conversation with you. I've been the way you're talking about vividly. I remember it vividly. And I'm zipping it because I don't want to chat with you any longer than I have. No, it's not that sounds all right.
- [30:22]
A
It's not that. It's the fact that they brought it up without saying to me, have you seen the simulation?
- [30:30]
B
Oh, my God. Back to that. Why does everything have to start with I don't know if you did this or not? Sebastian, I don't want to offend you, and I'm asking you if you have before I mention that. Oh, my God. God. So if I, like, try, like.
- [30:49]
A
I.
- [30:49]
B
Don'T want to get into it right now, but this thing called Bliss Blister Water that's hitting the market, do I have to assume. Do I ask you, did you try yet? Or can I just go, I've been using blister water. It's unbelievable. Like. Like it seems like everything has to start with that.
- [31:06]
A
I would think if you're talking to somebody and you're unaware of if they ever use the product or not, you would start by saying, blister water. You ever hear of it? No. And then you go into it. You don't go, I've been using this thing called blister water. And then I. All of a sudden I have to go, oh, I use that too. And then you go, what are you trying to one up me? I got my.
- [31:33]
B
I hate it. It's a vibe, though. It's a vibe personality. Yeah. Have you personal stuff, by the way? Have you heard of this stuff? No, I haven't tried it, but apparently, you know, when, like, you Get a blister. And, like, if.
- [31:46]
A
Okay, this is a perfect. This is a perfect example. This is how the conversations start. Have you tried it? No. Okay. Apparently. And then I'm like, oh, okay, now I'm learning something. All right.
- [31:57]
B
I haven't tried it either, honestly, but I haven't even seen it. But that water, it's like a saline. Salty. When you have a blister and it pops in there, they collected it somehow, this company put it through a process, and you drink it. Not a full amount. Like, you just need, like, a capful. And apparently, you literally do not age. And this shit is all the rage. I don't know who's supplying the blisters, where they get in the water, but.
- [32:22]
A
I mean, wait a minute. You got a blister and the pus that comes out of your blister, they're.
- [32:27]
B
Saying it's a water. It's a water. It's like a saline. It's a salty water.
- [32:32]
A
See? So they bottled that, and you're drinking people's blister water.
- [32:40]
B
Yes. I mean, well, it's also put through a process, and now I think they're trying to figure out a way to make that same liquid the same ingredients that make that blister up. Yeah, and it's supposed to, like, literally stop aging.
- [32:55]
A
Okay. No, you should not drink fluid from a blister. The fluid inside a blister, also known as serum, is a natural part of the healing process. Helps protect underlying skin produced by the body. Here's why you shouldn't drink it. So that.
- [33:12]
B
Why shouldn't you drink it?
- [33:15]
A
Cleaning it if it blisters? Pain. Yeah.
- [33:24]
B
I'll see if I can find that problem.
- [33:26]
A
Find the blister water.
- [33:27]
B
He won't find it. He won't find it. He won't find it.
- [33:31]
A
Why? What do you mean he won't find it? What you know of it and that Google doesn't.
- [33:36]
B
I made it up. I was dangling. I was trying to fish. I told Jackie about this. She thought it was a great idea. I was doing. I was doing some yard work the other day, and I had a big blister. I was telling Jack the other day.
- [33:52]
A
Last night.
- [33:52]
B
I was telling him last night, and I bit it. It was a big bubble and I bit it, you know, And I was like, salty, right? Hold on, let me finish this. You're gonna laugh at. So at night, I go to Jack, I had a blister. You know, when you bite it? And I go. It's like. Was it, like, salty? She's like. Yeah, it's like saline. Like flavor. It's like salt. I said, I was thinking about telling Sebastian there's a product called blister water and it's made up of blisters just to see if he'd, like, get it. And she goes, that's funny. You should do that. But you know what I bet he's gonna say? And I go, what? He's gonna say you bite your blisters and send. You know. You know what I'm talking about with that. That feel, that liquid.
- [34:37]
A
If there's a blister. Oh, with those teeth.
- [34:41]
B
Oh, God.
- [34:42]
A
What's the. Damn it, man. Oh, no. A blister. You. Yeah, that's like. It's like an. That's like an animal.
- [35:02]
B
Then when you pop it, the extra skin, it's almost like when you get liposuction, because when you're fat but your skin is still stretched when you pop a blister, you just got that, like, top skin that just. Do you do a peel and let that whole thing air out or do you just. I let. I let it cover just slowly fall off on its own throughout the day.
- [35:31]
A
Oh, God, bro. It's terrible. No, but you had. You had us with the blister water.
- [35:39]
B
I did?
- [35:40]
A
Yeah.
- [35:41]
B
I could see you after the show, going, lining. You ever hear this?
- [35:44]
A
Blister water. Oh, God. The Pete and Sebastian Show.
- [35:59]
B
This is Casey Kasem reminding you to tune in to Loose Ends. Every Tuesday at 8:30pm Eastern Time, Pete.
- [36:05]
A
Corieli connects with you, the Pete and Sebastian fans. It has music magic, and sometimes Sebastian.
- [36:13]
B
Sebastian's here. It's a wild variety show only on.
- [36:17]
A
The Pete and Sebastian Patreon. So we left the people's house and I turned the light on and I said, screw the community. We'll just. This is where I'm at with vacations now. I'm bringing the party. I'm bringing the people. That's why I say, hey, you want to go? I figured we'd go. We know the people, we know what we're getting. Yeah, the whole thing about going and in the pool, sitting in the pool. Yeah, I get it. You meet new people. I'm not against that. But if I'm gonna go on a vacation, I'm just bringing everybody. That's it. That's it.
- [37:08]
B
Well, I want to ask a couple questions. When you say the community, are you looking to, like, have a vacation Community? I mean, were you looking to have a community vacation? Where. When you go on vacation for like, a month or Something if it's too hot, maybe where you are, you just want to get away. You know, the people that own these homes around you, if they're there, it's going to be Ken and it's going to be Cindy. Like that.
- [37:33]
A
Yeah. We were tap dancing with buying a house that maybe we could go to as a, as a vacation home.
- [37:42]
B
But with the people that have them around you, would they be renting theirs when they're not there? Would it just constantly be moving people, transient?
- [37:49]
A
No, no, no. It's the people who own are the people who are there. It's not something that's like an Airbnb where other people are renting out the homes. It's a tight knit community of people. And I'm not saying I'm totally against it. However, on a vacation, and we're not the type, we get bored easy. So it's like we would get bored going to the same place year after year after year. We like to mix it up. And I feel if you own a second home, there's an obligation that you're like, we have to go there to get the usage out of it. And we're more from the school of, you know what, this year we might want to go to Australia, this year maybe we want to go to Japan. We want to do other things other than go to the community, see the same people that, that, that, that, that, that's just what we kind of figured out. And then on top of that, it's like, you know, if you're at a community and you're at the pool and you don't like, some of the people in the community, they're at the pool too. And then it's all of a sudden, okay, we gotta stay away from them because they're going out to dinner where we're going out to dinner. I don't want to see them at dinner. You know, I don't want to deal with this shit.
- [39:02]
B
Well, I, I, I don't want to deal with it. I'm, I'm not trying to disagree, disagree. You make me laugh very hard here with this. But I feel, I feel like one of these, like from 4th of July to like beginning of August month, sort of a beach house community with like minded folks, you really might thrive. And I, the pro, here's my thing, number one with vacation, when you bring people, there's gonna be times, man, when you wake up in the morning and that particular morning you're just gonna want to hang out with your family and you can't because you Brought people that you might not want there all the time. Whereas if you were in a community. Hey, today I want to hang out with other people. Lana, let's go hang out with the so and so's down the block. It's. It's. You can dip in and dip out. And the other part, I think, which you're not taking for granted. What about molding your gang? You know, like finding a community. Pick five guys. Like the guy that. Whoever you talk about now. Right. Maybe he was nervous. Maybe he real. You gotta let him realize he ain't down with that, so he gets a second chance. You mold them to be like Sam Malone and Cheers man. He wouldn't hang out with Norm normally, but he molded Norm and Cliff into being guys he likes to be around. You know what I'm saying? You gotta. You gotta work on your gang a little. It's like working in a baseball glove. They're not just all gonna plop down in front of you and be perfect hangs. You're not gonna find me wherever you go.
- [40:37]
A
Well, I'll give you an example. In Italy, we met the polo player. Remember?
- [40:45]
B
Right.
- [40:45]
A
I told you.
- [40:46]
B
Yeah.
- [40:47]
A
That group. Right away, boom. I go, these guys are good, good guys. I could see me hanging out with these guys.
- [40:53]
B
Oh, my guy, guy. No. No offense. Am I annoying you? I don't mean to annoy you if I'm annoying you.
- [41:00]
A
No, that's not.
- [41:01]
B
Because you look away. They don't want to hang out with you permanently. You were a quest in their day. He's famous. You said they're young and dashing, rich polo players. You know, it was great to meet a famous comedian by the pool. We had a fantastic day, and now we're off to Greece. Done.
- [41:21]
A
No, but if these guys lived in my community, this would be a different thing. Like, if I met these guys in the community, I'd go, all right. This is a nice community.
- [41:32]
B
Okay, so you're looking to live next to professional, legendary polo players that are also drop dead hands.
- [41:40]
A
One guy was a polo player. The other guy was in. The other two were in real estate.
- [41:44]
B
Oh, you said there was two polo players. They were unbelievably handsome.
- [41:49]
A
One polo player broke his leg with the ball.
- [41:51]
B
You were 40. A few episodes ago, you were 40.
- [41:54]
A
It's interesting.
- [41:56]
B
He brings 24 horses to a. Jesus Christ. You gotta bring a polo. You have to be a famous polo player to live next to you.
- [42:03]
A
What about not even that?
- [42:05]
B
What about a guy who just, you know, is a detective? He saved all his money, man. Perfect.
- [42:10]
A
Love it, love it, love it. It don't matter what you do. It's just like, this guy was interesting. He could do stories that beat me. A bowler player, by the way. Hulk Hogan, dead at 70. I don't know if you heard this. This is going to be dated, but Hulkster has passed. Is this. Do you have a deep attachment to the Hulkster? No.
- [42:37]
B
I also was thinking, I gotta mow my lawn after this. Halfway through. That's. Sorry. But I will say it is a sign that we are getting older. Because, you know, I remember him watching him when I was a kid. And now he's not alive anymore.
- [42:52]
A
Did you know that?
- [42:54]
B
No. Ozzy Osbourne died as well.
- [42:56]
A
Yeah, Ozzy Osborne. Were you a big Ozzy fan?
- [43:01]
B
I mean. No, I wasn't. I just never was into that kind of music. Well, who is your. Do you have, like, one famous person, you know, that you maybe have admired for years or something, that you have that one in your head? Like, when that person goes in your eyes, you're like. I'm like, next up, it's just me and my generation.
- [43:25]
A
Are you saying when a famous person dies, as soon as that happens, you feel like you're on deck?
- [43:35]
B
Yes, because that's someone that you've admired for so long and they've always been a part of your world, whether they were your most favorite celebrity or someone you just like. You know, it's almost like he was never everybody's favorite celebrity. But I'm sure when, like, Dick Clark died, a lot of people like, oh, wow, the clock is ticking on me if Dick's gone, you know?
- [43:58]
A
Yeah, yeah. But, like, you would have to think that if it's like, someone. I think that happens when you're older, like in your 70s, when people start picking off. So, like, when I'm in my 70s and say Chappelle passes, I go, oh.
- [44:18]
B
No, no, no, no. That's our generation. That's horrifying. I'm not talking about that. I'm not talking about when we are literally standing over looking down. I'm saying when. Like, you know, when it's a long line for a ride and you get close enough where you can hear the ride and the screams, you know, you're not to it yet. That's where we're at now. But like, to me, up top, where you just talked about, that's like Billy Joel. When. Billy Joel. Stay with me, Billy. When he goes, I'm like, oh, my God. Billy Joel, Larry Bird and Howard Stern. I'm like, oh, my God, what the fuck? I'm like, up next.
- [44:57]
A
So, okay, so like, the guy, like the Hulkster, right? 71. He's 19 years older than I am. Grew up with watching him, right? So when these guys start dying that you grow up watching, I feel then you start to feel, wow, Hulk's dead.
- [45:19]
B
Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's what I say. Way more long winded.
- [45:27]
A
Like, I think Stallone is too old. I mean, to have that. But, like, the Hulkster's a good guy. Like, guys in there, like, 65, 70, if they start dying off, then it's like, okay, wow, we're getting up there.
- [45:43]
B
Yeah, exactly. Like, I agree with everything you just said, man. Like, again, Stallone, I feel like, yeah, he's up, up there. He's way up there. But like, that a little in between. I don't even want to mention names because I don't want to jinx anybody. But. Yeah, sorry to see the Hulks. They go. But it is amazing, though. No matter. Seemingly know with Ozzy and. How old was Hulk?
- [46:06]
A
71. Ozzy was 76.
- [46:10]
B
Yeah, I mean, but seems like 74 to 82 is the sweet spot. No matter what you do. Eat well, don't eat well, run, don't run.
- [46:22]
A
You know what should take. Do you think if you hit 85, you got a good chance of going to 100? Or what's the. What's the number where it's like, man, I'm still here. Like, I guess my question to you is, what age do you start feeling when you get up? You're like, wow, I made it. Like, when do you think you start going, man, I got another day out of this.
- [46:53]
B
When do you start going, I got another day? Like, I don't have a bucket list, but I have a.
- [47:04]
C
Live list.
- [47:05]
B
It's like, people don't take that into consideration. There's certain people, when they're not alive anymore, I don't want to. What am I doing? It's like being at a party and everybody I came and hung out with left, you know, And I'm just standing by the door having fun. Everyone's like, oh, God, get the fuck out of the. You know what I mean? So, like, if my wife is gone, you know, my list, you'd be on it. My friends would be on it. And they don't have to be people that, like, I hang out with every day, but just knowing they're out there and I can get together. But, like, if, if, if everybody. If I don't. No one I was friends with is around Anymore. I mean, I. I've had plenty of time with my daughter, you know, what do you. I don't need to do a hundred, you know, unless, like, friends were.
- [47:56]
A
I know. I feel. I feel I would love to do a hundred. Yeah.
- [48:05]
B
I'd love to do 100 at 94.
- [48:08]
A
I don't want to be a hundred, though. And it's like, you want to see dad today? You want to go see dad today?
- [48:18]
B
Okay.
- [48:19]
A
And dad is in the corner of a home, right? Slumped over, looking at the window. And the kids come in. Hey, dad. Dad, it's me, Caruso. Dad, that ain't. That ain't a good hundred. No, what you take.
- [48:42]
B
I don't even want to do the other way. I don't even want you to come out and do a hop skip. And I'm going, look at pa, pa, pa, pa, still skipping at a hundred. Like, it's. Just. Wrap it up, guy. This other acts. This other acts. Jesus. You see? How do you think it's a pop? Because there's a pop and there's a pop. Pop your pop. Pop, pop, pop. We don't even have that many pops. Sounds weird. You know, you're stepping on the toes of grandparents now. You know what I mean? It's like Dick Van Dyke in it. So what is it, right?
- [49:23]
A
Oh.
- [49:27]
B
You see that video of him singing Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?
- [49:31]
A
Oh, my God.
- [49:32]
B
I didn't know Dick was making a horror movie. So, you know, that's what I'm saying, bro. It's selfish of you to want to burden people. You're like talking furniture at 100 years old.
- [49:47]
A
Okay, what's the age? What's the age you want to go out at? Like, what you.
- [49:54]
B
You want me to get? I'll give you a shoulder tat. I'll let you know.
- [49:58]
A
No, no, you, like. What do you think is a good age to go? Okay, it depends on the.
- [50:04]
B
It depends on the person. But I've never, I, you know, I mean, the most perky person, a male that I've ever seen. 100. Is George Burns. And even he looked like a headache to be around with. Oh, God. There we fake laugh at these puns, you know, So I, I, I, I guess, you know, you 85. If you get to 85. That's unbelievable. Of, of contributing. Of, Of. Of people still going, oh, Sebastian's here. Instead of, oh, Sebastian's here. I. Right, let's go. Yeah, like, I don't want my health to be the. When your health starts being the first thing we talk About. You're sniffing it, man. We're not there though, bro. We're not even close to there. I know.
- [50:57]
A
Okay, so if you're 85 healthy. All right, 85 healthy. But you know, you have no cardiovascular, no cancer, but you have. You starting. Starting to smell.
- [51:13]
B
Well, why would you be. What if you have no nothing and you're good, why do you smell all of a sudden?
- [51:22]
A
You're old.
- [51:24]
B
What the fuck? People just smell when they get old.
- [51:28]
A
Yeah, they have like an old smell coming on.
- [51:31]
B
I thought it was because they don't shower as much because it's dangerous to slip. You could die. So they don't shower and bathe. Well, I didn't know it was because you literally decay. Is that what you're telling me?
- [51:43]
A
85 year old hair. What does that smell like when you wash it?
- [51:47]
B
It smells like Oz.
- [51:49]
A
No. Does it? I don't know. I'm just saying. By the way, I'm taking two showers a day until I die. There's not going to be. I don't give a shit. I'll set it up in the shower where I'll lay down and just have the water hit me. I ain't not showering.
- [52:04]
B
You say that, but by 85, you're going to take as many as the nurse decides you can to take. That's what I'm trying, you know, so. But as far as this, I had Patrick have something ready to go on Google. I am having hair and I'm sure you have had to, like, I got my haircut the other day and now the lady does, which I don't know how I feel about this. When she's done, she does with the buzzer over the ear rim and then a dig in with the. And like, you know, if I pull down a shoulder, she could get that too. Why does the man's body, as he gets older, start to grow hair in spots that he never used to grow it, like, you know what I'm saying? And I don't. Patrick, did we get an answer on that?
- [52:49]
A
As men age, they tend to grow more body hair in certain areas due to a combination of hormonal changes and genetic predisposition. Specifically the hormone testosterone and its derivative die High flashes.
- [53:05]
B
Last show before we started. You get hot flashes. That's what that must have been.
- [53:09]
A
No, you know what that was, though? Too much caffeine. And I just got out of the steam room when I came up here, so I was feeling residual effects of the steam as well as the caffeine intake.
- [53:25]
B
By the way. Did I tell you about the steam with Sinatra?
- [53:30]
A
No, I was going to ask you any other. No.
- [53:34]
B
Well, I haven't had a chance to read anymore, but I remembered another one. This is a great one. Every time they played Vegas, it was understood. 5:00pm we all meet in the steam room and we chatted out and we hang out and we make the game plan for the night. Talk about for doing the show together. When you'll come in, we're gonna hang out later. It's all you mean. And if you don't meet, if you're not there with Frank at 5 o' clock in the steam room, he needs to know why. And it better be a good reason. I love you, pally. And I need you there, pally. So, you guys, it's a lot of pressure being this friend. Same way with that. When I did, when I come through with the Yankee tickets, you Sinatra'd me. You were not happy with me. You not. You're not happy with me.
- [54:21]
A
And I was. We had to discuss that, though. It was like there was something that bothered me.
- [54:30]
B
All right, so where were we, bro? I'm sorry, we're all over. I keep interrupting, but we're having fun. You're talking. What the hell are we talking about?
- [54:37]
A
I got an update. On what? The rats. Oh, God.
- [54:43]
B
Yeah. What is up?
- [54:46]
A
I had the guys come out, took a look at the feces. It's old. There's no indication of any new rats in the home. This is the same company that was with the previous owners and they had issues with rats because they left all their doors open a lot so the rats would come in. So there's like one of these people that didn't close the door. And then the rats came in and basically set up shop here for a while with a plate and a fork and a knife.
- [55:32]
B
I was going to say, is there any explanation of the plate and how that might have got in there?
- [55:42]
A
No, they still try. I can't figure that one out. I don't know if they just came in the kitchen one day and took a plate up there. I don't know what they did, but yeah.
- [55:53]
B
All right. But that's great news. That's fantastic news.
- [55:57]
A
Yeah. So we're happy that there isn't a rat issue here at the house.
- [56:03]
B
There's a win.
- [56:04]
A
There's a win.
- [56:07]
B
Quick rat side thing. He's getting a house built and he's in a temporary apartment. And he sends me on a thread, high school bud with some of us. And he goes, I gotta get the fuck out of here. Oh, his house is almost done. He's single. And he goes, this place is disgusting. And his dog is in the kitchen and on the ground is a rat and there's blood around it. And I don't know his dog's name. He goes, da, da, da. Caught this today. And the video, he plays a video and it's him going, you don't see him on camera, but this dog sitting right next to the dead rat. And my buddy going, good dog, good dog. And my one buddy, someone was like, oh, that's a great dog. Someone else says something about the dog. And then my one buddy goes, jesus Christ, bro. That's fucking disgusting. So I like. I feel like, you know, rats are something we all get. But to send the photo with the video of you of a dead rat, even though it's only a temporary housing, I wouldn't send that out. Right. You know?
- [57:11]
A
Yeah. Temporary housing. Well, I don't like the dog eating rats. I don't like. I don't. I don't like that vibe.
- [57:19]
B
Aggressive.
- [57:21]
A
We do have a problem here at the house. Not a problem. I shouldn't say, but when we were on vacation in the patio area, we noticed ants. Yeah. So ants were around, I think it was like a potato chip. And they got together and they were taking this potato chip back to the back home, right? So all the ants had it on their back and there's a trail of them. You know, this is one thing I don't love is ants. And there's something about seeing one ant, and then there's something about seeing 300 ants. One ant that's lost trying to find its way back. 300 ants. Where are they? There's a nest, something, right? So I go, let me go get the spray. Kill these fucking things. Right? Seraphina, Like, Seraphina, you're not killing these ants. I go, what? You're not going to kill these ants. These are living things you're not going to kill. So Seraphina's got a problem with killing anything that's living. I think this is. I don't know where she got this. I think you're born with this shit. Like, don't hurt anything. We didn't teach that here at the house. I'm killing everything that I see in this house.
- [59:01]
B
That's because you were born. Kill it, kill it, kill it. I can hear my. I can visualize every parent and family member saying that at some point, growing up.
- [59:14]
A
Get it, Kill it, kill it. What the fuck? Kill it before it gets you. Know, it was. It was like a pressure. Kill it before it goes under the.
- [59:22]
B
Give me a newspaper. Hurry up. Get me something. Give me something. It's getting away. Ah, Jesus Christ. I don't know where it is. It's somewhere. Yeah. So. Yeah. It's how you were raised. I'm sorry. It's not how you were born. Absolutely disagree with that.
- [59:34]
A
You know, But I'm saying this. I was in a hotel room. I was in a. There was a. A moth in our hotel room. And I had a towel, right? Yeah. And I was trying. Because I ain't going to bed with a moth flying around the room, right? And the kids were. So the kids saw this. Daddy's killing a moth.
- [59:57]
B
Okay?
- [59:57]
A
But I don't know where this happened. Where. Now, my daughter don't want anything to die.
- [60:03]
B
All right? All right.
- [60:04]
A
So I said, okay, I won't kill the ants. So when she was in the shower, I got the fucking spray out and I lit these fucking things up.
- [60:16]
B
Didn't even keep your word.
- [60:18]
A
Fuck that. I ain't having this shit outside. Okay? Now. Now she's in bed. This is in Mexico. And by the way, Mexico has bugs I've never seen before. Serafina gets in bed. There's an ant in her bed. She goes, daddy, there's an ant in the bed. And I go, see, if you would have let me kill them, they wouldn't be in your bed. She's like, don't kill this one. Just get it out. She wasn't even like. But there's one thing that she wants me to kill, and that's spiders. Spiders, dead. Anything else? We gotta keep. We gotta keep alive. But I don't know, man. I don't know how I feel about it.
- [61:12]
B
Charlotte's Web. Has she seen the film Charlotte's Web? Julia Roberts voices the spider. I think Patrick can look it up, but it's a children's movie, not a children's movie. It's perfect for her age. I'd even watch it again now. So it's all about the spider. And I think it'll change her opinion on spiders. But, you know, it's sweet of her. You should have told her. Right? If you were doing like she's doing, you should have been like, that's the aunt coming to thank you for saving all the other ants that Daddy really killed behind your back when you were shouting.
- [61:55]
A
Oh, shit. Okay, so a couple things here. Doing a show in Saudi Arabia, part of the Riyadh Comedy Festival. A lot of comedians are going to be out There. Bill Burr, Whitney Cummings, Gabriel Iglesias, Jim Jeffries, Saudi Arabia.
- [62:15]
B
Wow.
- [62:17]
A
Between September 26th and October 9th, I do not have the exact date I'm performing it. All right. I might have it, but I'll tell you. Next cast and I'll be in Abu Dhabi, which is right next to Dubai. It's an hour from Dubai. I've been to both of these places in 2008. I'm making my return. Tickets are on sale for those of you who are listening to the cast. In the Middle East. I don't know if we have a Middle east following. I'm putting this out there and then.
- [62:50]
B
That's really cool, man. I can't wait to hear about that one. Abu Dhabi and Saudi Arabia.
- [62:58]
A
Yeah. So. Should be interesting.
- [63:00]
B
So cool.
- [63:01]
A
Sebastianlive.com Tickets on sale for Pete's tour. Pete Corelli.com he is starting that in October and is going to go through March. Cities including Hawaii, Honolulu or Maui.
- [63:18]
B
Yes, Honolulu.
- [63:19]
A
Honolulu. Honolulu. Pete is coming. Yeah, with his lei and coconuts to the great state of Hawaii. Make sure you catch him out there. This is the Pete and Sebastian show. We are done.
- [63:56]
B
The show has ended.
- [64:01]
A
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