680: The Pete and Sebastian Show - EP 680 - Contractors & Gummies

Summary

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The Pete and Sebastian Show – Episode 680: Contractors & Gummies

Release Date: November 11, 2025
Hosts: Pete Correale & Sebastian Maniscalco
Episode Theme: Juggling the comedy and chaos of home life – what to save, what to let go, contractor headaches, family discipline, and trying (and sometimes regretting) a little edible “relaxation”.

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1. Overview

In this episode, Pete and Sebastian dive deep into the everyday struggles of suburban adulting, peppered with their signature comic banter. They wrestle with sentimental clutter (should you save old cards or kids’ art?), home renovation contractor nightmares, the subtleties of parenting with discipline (and no gummies after sports), and the sometimes surprising effects of cannabis edibles. The episode is a hilarious and poignant look at the stuff that fills—and stresses—the lives of two very candid, honest comedians.

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2. Key Discussion Points & Insights

Sentimental Stuff: To Save or Toss?

[01:06–11:01]

• Sebastian tosses a 25th anniversary card from his wife Jackie and gets caught, leading to a debate about whether saving such mementos is meaningful or just clutter.
  • Pete argues that no one on their deathbed ever asked for their old cards or photos; it just creates more to clean up later.
    • “Life moves, baby. Move with it... I gotta sit down there and read cards? It's crazy, bro.” – Pete [03:41]
  • Sebastian muses that maybe future generations would appreciate glimpses into their parents’ love, but Pete shoots back: “All I have in common with him is my dad... sperm. For lack of a better way to put it.” [06:14]
• The “Pottery in Amalfi Coast” story: Sebastian and Lana debate paying $260 to ship kids’ pottery home from vacation—deciding it would only clutter up their storage (which Sebastian admits he never visits).
  • “The kids already forgot about it. Did it. It’s over. It’s freeing, bro.” – Pete [11:01]

Memorable Quotes:

• “When you pass away…[your kids say] ‘Look at the love here’…Or nothing.” – Sebastian [03:02]
• “I'm saving someone the chore of throwing out my saved cards.” – Pete [02:26]

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Modern Marriage: Who Decides What?

[11:54–13:19]

• Both hosts riff on how their wives essentially make all household decisions.
  • “The last decision I ever made was marrying a Jewish woman. After that, all decisions funnel through my wife.” – Sebastian [11:58]
• Pete jokes about the house’s two dogs and misophonia: Sebastian’s noise sensitivity is especially bad with barking dogs.
  • “These dogs are ruining my life…when the dogs bark, it literally runs through my soul.” – Sebastian [12:54]

Memorable Quotes:

• “There's an old joke, the last decision I ever made was marrying a Jewish woman.” – Sebastian [11:58]

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Contractors & The Cost of Doing Business

[18:13–43:47]

• Contractor markup confusion: Sebastian vents about not understanding contractors’ pricing, especially why subs invoice the contractor and not him directly.
  • “If I default on payment…the subcontractors could put a lien on my house…why not on the contractor’s house?!” – Sebastian [19:08]
• Comparing bids: Should you get another estimate while someone’s already working in your home?
  • Pete warns: “If you come back and go with me anyway, I don't know if I'm giving you as good of a job as I would have given you before.” [27:59]
• Modern fee structure annoyance: Contractors add itemized “gas/transportation” fees rather than baking it into their quote. Both hosts compare it to hidden “resort fees” at hotels or “health insurance” line items on restaurant bills.
  • “Just bake it into the price of the lasagna. You don't have to…nickel and dime me three separate line items.” – Sebastian [31:10]
  • “Now by the time this guy’s season is over, he could drive across the country on all the free gas.” – Pete [42:21]
• Pete tells a great story about ‘DIY dads’: Like his own dad, who sources a knockoff convertible top to save money, even if it barely fits.

Memorable Quotes:

• “This is like having dark hair. You can't help it. You just have dark hair. This is what I have, I inherited this from my father.” – Sebastian [24:43]
• “Stop looking around the corner and you'll be fine.” – Pete [42:50]

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Parenting, Snacks, & The Art of “Chill”

[53:18–63:19]

• On motivation & hustle: Sebastian proudly shares a story of his son’s exceptional hustle at soccer, attributing it to six years of conscious parenting—no junk snacks, no iPads, personalized encouragement.
  • “The hustle don’t happen overnight. That’s six years of parenting.” – Sebastian [55:40]
• Pete claps for all “parents doing the job” and jokes about rewarding his son with steak after losing 19–2.
• Control-freak tendencies: Sebastian micromanages at restaurants—moving knives, coaching his kids on how to lift glasses, worrying constantly.
  • “Do you think maybe you're trying to prevent a disaster but you're accidentally causing a giant one, which is you?” – Pete [63:01]
• Pete relates with a story about his wife Jackie coaching texts to their daughter, and reflects he’s “unbelievable at this – I should be on Oprah!”

Notable Quotes:

• “He’s not on the iPad. He’s not on the iPhone. We are outside, we’re playing... Everything is a teachable moment over here.” – Sebastian [58:16]
• “Maybe you'll enjoy the evening… I'm unbelievable at this. I should be on Oprah.” – Pete [63:51]

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Edibles Adventure: Gummies & Letting Go

[64:25–77:47]

• Inspired by a recommendation at a party, Sebastian tries a 10mg THC gummy at home—without telling his wife.
  • At first, he’s amused: “It was almost like I ignited another part of my brain that was accepting stuff it generally doesn’t hear.” – Sebastian [68:49]
  • He becomes abnormally amused by “bobbing for apples” in a movie and ends up confessing to his wife: “I did a gummy. Huh?” [71:26]
  • Realizes the dose was too strong for him: “10 milligrams is way too much for me…I’m gonna cut this thing into a third.” [72:57]
• Pete shares his own edible excess: eating half a bag at a friend’s lake house and “could just eat those things like goddamn pretzels.” [66:29]
• Both note that edibles change how you focus, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the surreal: “All the other bullshit, it’s noise—it fades away and you’re hearing things you didn’t always see.” – Pete [75:40]
• Fun with lingo: Sebastian, ever formal, says “I’ve done marijuana”—and Pete teases him for sounding like a narc.
• Sebastian vows to try again at a lower dose for a calmer vibe: “Just want to be a little more relaxed…Dog's barking, I'm feeling good.”

Memorable Quotes:

• “A normal night…but on drugs.” – Sebastian [69:21]
• “You're trying to prevent a disaster, but inevitably…but you're accidentally causing a giant one, which is you.” – Pete [78:21, echoed from earlier]

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3. Notable Quotes & Moments With Timestamps

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |-----------|-------|---------| | 03:41 | “Life moves, baby. Move with it... I gotta sit down there and read cards? It's crazy, bro.” | Pete | | 11:58 | “The last decision I ever made was marrying a Jewish woman. After that, all decisions funnel through my wife.” | Sebastian | | 12:54 | “These dogs are ruining my life...when the dogs bark, it literally runs through my soul.” | Sebastian | | 31:10 | “Just bake it into the price of the lasagna. You don't have to…nickel and dime me…for health insurance, service, menu, cleaning…” | Sebastian | | 42:21 | “Now by the time this guy’s…season is over, he could drive across the country on all the free gas.” | Pete | | 53:18 | “Bro, what the hell did I just hear? That's it. Nobody wants to hang out with Clark Kent. They all want to have a drink with Superman.” | Pete | | 55:40 | “That’s six years of parenting. Okay, but a lot of people don’t realize.” | Sebastian | | 63:01 | “Do you think maybe you're trying to Prevent a disaster, but you're accidentally causing a giant one, which is you?” | Pete | | 68:49 | “It was almost coming in…like I ignited another part of my brain.” | Sebastian | | 69:21 | “A normal night, but on drugs.” | Sebastian | | 76:13 | “I feel like marijuana sounds a little bit more classier. Like eh, smoked a little marijuana last night. It’s like, I had a nice Bordeaux…” | Sebastian |

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4. Essential Timestamps for Segments

• Sentimental Clutter: 01:06–11:01
• Contractor Woes/Renovation: 18:13–43:47
• Parenting & Snacks: 53:18–63:19
• Edibles Stories: 64:25–77:47

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5. Episode Tone and Style

Expect the classic Pete & Sebastian “gripe-fest” with blistering honesty, neurotic self-reflection, family man pride, and raucous laughter. Dialog is constantly self-deprecating, riff-driven, and conversational, dropping wisdom amid the rants.

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6. Conclusion: Why Listen?

This episode perfectly captures the anxiety and absurdity of modern adulthood, with Pete and Sebastian sharing personal stories that are both hilarious and relatable. Whether you battle sentimental clutter, wrangle contractors, strive to be a present parent, or just want to take the edge off with a gummy, their blend of comedy and real-talk offers both laughs and a surprising amount of life advice.

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If you want more:

• Check out Pete’s “As I Was Saying” tour (dates at pcorreale.com)
• Drop your own “taking the edge off” recommendations in their comments

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Transcript

[A]

What do you think makes the perfect snack?

[B]

Hmm, it's gotta be when I'm really craving it and it's convenient.

[A]

Could you be more specific?

[B]

When it's cravenient. Okay, Like a freshly baked cookie made with real butter, available right down the street at a.m. p.m. Or a savory breakfast sandwich I can grab in just.

[A]

A second at a.m. p.m.

[B]

I'm seeing a pattern here. Well, yeah, we're talking about what I.

[A]

Crave, which is anything from AM pm.

[B]

What more could you want? Stop by AM PM where the snacks and drinks are perfectly craveable and convenient. That's cravenience. Am PM Too much. Good stuff. This is the Pete and Sebastian show with Pete Corieli and Sebastian Maniscalco.

[A]

As you promised me that I was more than all the miles combined. You must have had yourself a change of heart attack halfway through the drive because your voice trailed off exactly as you passed my exit sign.

[B]

Pete and Sebastian Show. We are are up and running here once again. Well, let's.

[A]

I'll just start with this one. Felt terrible. I'm in the basement the other day and I'm. I'm on the bike and. And Jackie's got a garbage can down here because the laundry's down here. And I was doing some cleaning of my office area and I threw out a card. A 25th wedding anniversary, a card she wrote, you know, and stuff like that. And she's like, guy. And she sees it and she goes, you throw out the card. And I'm like, I'm sorry, baby, I didn't want you to see that. I didn't mean for you to see that. And I go, but I just reread it again today and it's like, just like. Still you throw it out. I'm kind of insulted. And I was like, please don't be. And anyway, without her seeing I took it out. But like, what. What's your take on what are we doing? Like, do you save the cards when Lana writes you a beautiful card?

[B]

Yeah. This has been a debate ongoing throughout the years. Do you save cards? Do you throw them out? What's the purpose of saving the card? Are you going to put it in a box, open up the box in 10 and reread it and go.

[A]

Well, have we. Have we discussed this then? I'm sorry.

[B]

Yeah, we have.

[A]

Well, what about. Are there any monumental ones that you would hold to?

[B]

Like 50th, I mean, 25, I think is a big one that you'd have to tuck away and not just throw out with the potatoes. You had last night. I think that's something that maybe you save. I don't know.

[A]

I watched two people pass away that were close to me and my mom and dad. And not once ever did either one of them say, not once, get out there. Get out the photograph. So can you get me my cards? It's just something else that we gotta clean out when somebody else passes away. I'm saving someone. The chore of throwing out my saved cards. I don't. I'm not gonna go through it, bro. I'm living it. I'm living it.

[B]

I'll give you this, then.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

Let's say you tuck the card away and you put it in a box. Right?

[A]

Right. I got over there now.

[B]

Okay. And then when you pass away. Right. Sadie's cleaning out the crawl space or the basement with her husband and her kids. Look at this. It's a card my mother wrote to my father on the 25th anniversary. Look at the love here. Unbelievable how much they loved each other. That's unbelievable. I got to save this or nothing.

[A]

I. Well, I can listen. I've come across those kind of things. Cleaning out for my mom and dad. Too busy. Didn't read it.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

I knew what they. There's nothing to read, bro. They weren't like my great great grandparents. I'm not reading about their journey on the Titanic. I was. I know they loved each other. I was living there. I saw it. I don't need to read that. I was probably there when she gave him the card. Life moves, baby. Move with it. Move with it. I gotta sit down there and read cards? It's crazy, bro. It's crazy talk. I don't think you will either.

[B]

What if you opened up the card that you threw out that you didn't read, and your mother wrote a card to your father on his birthday, and in the card it says, happy birthday, honey, We've been through so much. And I'm sorry about the affair I had last month.

[A]

Exactly, bro. Another reason not to read it. Yeah. No, you bring up a great point. Let it all die.

[B]

It could be something in there. That or listen. Happy birthday, honey. We all know we love Pete more than any of our other kids.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Right. Right. You don't want to know that.

[A]

I think we made the right choice never telling Pete he was adopted. It was the.

[B]

I don't know, man. Better just left unsaid and buried with the people who die. Or would you like to know some loose information that could possibly be out there buried into a Letter or a card that's in a box in the crawl space that you reveal a whole. Yeah. Or. Or.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

No.

[A]

Let it die. Let it die with the person.

[B]

Would you like to know if you have a brother out there that maybe your father or your mother, who knows, prior to getting together, they had a family, a one off.

[A]

Maybe my dad was in college. Maybe he got a woman pregnant, knocks on the door. I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart, I couldn't care less. And I wouldn't even want to know. I'd be like, the fuck? I'll meet this guy. You know? Like, would you. Like, there's nothing. I got nothing with the guy.

[B]

Yeah, I think you're looking at more at the negative. Like, this guy's going to be a slouch.

[A]

But what do I have? All I have in common with him is my dad, you know, sperm. For lack of a better way to put it. There's nothing there, bro. I mean, if there's something advantageous to it, like if you lived in, like, Rome and. And had a lot of money, then I'd be like, bro, what's up?

[B]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[A]

Like, but if you lived in where you were two weeks ago in Oklahoma, it's a. A one bedroom in Tulsa. Keep it, Guy. I don't know you.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

Right? What the. How about you? You would you want to know that? No, no. They could want money from you, bro.

[B]

The whole family. Forget it. So.

[A]

Of the whole family. Oh, I think I pull some of my neck. Oh, God. All right, so.

[B]

So, okay, so you kept a card. You pulled it out of the. So now your wife. I kept it. So are you going to keep it for the rest of your life, or are you going to keep it?

[A]

No, I'm going to keep it till she forgot about it and I'm going to throw it out again.

[B]

Well, it came up last night, similar discussion with Lana and I when we were in Italy. We went to a pottery class where the kids made pottery. They made, like, little cup and a plate and they.

[A]

Fantastic. Where were you? What city?

[B]

This is Amalfi coast.

[A]

Oh, wow. That's a memory. Making pottery on the Amalfi coast. Nice. Okay, here we go. What happened?

[B]

Well, obviously we couldn't take the pottery with us, so they said we could ship it to you later. So Lana's like, they're going to ship the pottery. It's like $260 to ship this shit. I go, keep it. Solana's like, you sure you don't want it? I go for what. What are we gonna do with this? It's gonna go into a box, right? And we're gonna forget about it. It's gonna be a plate in a box, and we're gonna forget about it. So what are we doing here? Yeah. So I present this to you. Would you have said yes? Send us the pottery that they made?

[A]

Yeah, well, I just. I'm laughing hard, even, because I've been with you at Pike's Place in Seattle where I think you paid more to have fish fucking delivered to your house.

[B]

You're right.

[A]

But you, like, keep it. They were probably stunned. They were like, they bank on that part of the business, and then we ship it to the people. Way over the price. It costs us $24 to put it on a freight boat, but we charge them 240. So when you said no, it was like, so. I don't know, man. I mean, I'm not trying to put you on the spot, but were you off financially? Yeah. I think you half assed it. I would have got the shit shipped.

[B]

What? I mean, this is like one of these things.

[A]

You're talking about it now, years later. Obviously you miss it. Why does it come. Why did it come up with you and Lana?

[B]

Listen, I have two storage units with stuff. Some of it's Lana's artwork and whatnot. But, like, a lot of the stuff in there. What the hell are we holding on? Like, it's there. It's in the storage unit. I haven't been to the storage unit in five years. So there's stuff in there that I'm keeping. For what? Right. What are we keeping it?

[A]

Well, when you're old. Yeah. And, like, you're sad and you're sad and nobody wants you to be in their movies anymore or whatever.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I don't know if there's. Because that's the only. Like, I can't imagine the time when that would happen. Like, you're gonna always do stand up. You're always gonna live a life. So you're never gonna be sad and alone and open it up and go through everything and remember, like, I don't. I'm with you. But what made you think of the pottery? It sounds like you dropped the ball. You're bringing that up again. Why'd you bring it up? Why'd you bring it up? Is one of.

[B]

I'm bringing it up because it coincides with the story of throwing out the card. How much shit are you gonna save? And the Pottery. And we're not gonna be eating off the plates. We're not gonna be drinking out of the cup. The kids forgot about it. Already forgot about it. They're not sitting there going, once our pottery coming, they forgot they made it. Did it. It's over.

[A]

It's freeing, bro. They say if you don't use it or look at it or wear it, within five years, throw it, man.

[B]

That's it. That's, like, similar to what you guys did when you moved. I'm sure there was a lot of things where you're debating out, should we pack it? Should we bring it to the new house? No, you did it. You did a full cleansing of assets and you got rid of stuff.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I think. And come to think of it, we were supposed to go to the storage unit this week to clean it out, and Lana put a kibosh on it. She's like, I don't want to go there. So I might go in there myself and just sit on a stool and look at stuff.

[A]

You don't have the authority to look at it. You can, but you don't have the authority to throw it out. Only lying does.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Like, you can't make that. You can't make that final call. Not even just.

[B]

There's an old joke. There's an old joke, and then I've used it this week, the last decision I ever made was marrying a Jewish woman. That's it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

After that, all decisions funnel through my wife. And this is the problem I'm having. And in a relationship, some of them are glaring.

[A]

Some of them are glaring. Like two dogs. I was like, yeah, well, that's gotta ask.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. I didn't sanction this, but next thing you know, and the dogs. I gotta tell you, and I'm sure there's dog people out there. How dare you? Whatever. And I just don't. I don't get it. I really don't get it. These dogs. These dogs are ruining my life.

[A]

And I. Come on, man.

[B]

And I'm going to go back to the condition I have. Misophonia, a intolerance to noise. Specifically dog barking. I'm reading a book of how to possibly cure this misophonia and how to live with it. But when the dogs bark, it literally runs through my soul. Oh, wow.

[A]

Well, you know, you could get a thing that you put on your dog's collar and you have it in your hand. So when your dog barks, you electrocute your dog. So it makes him Stop. Hey, let's just cut to it. Patrick. Google that. Can you Google that?

[B]

No.

[A]

I swear to God.

[B]

I've heard of this. I've heard of this, but I don't.

[A]

Know if fucking thing will stop. Quick, get the message. Quick.

[B]

Does it work?

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

I'm sorry. Does it work?

[A]

I've heard wonders about this thing. Listen, if it don't work, your dog will be dead by dawn because I'll just keep shocking the shit. It'll either work or die. You'll call dog.

[B]

You think the dog has enough wherewithal that he hears somebody at the front door and he's going to go bark? But he's like, should I? Because if the last time I did this, I had electricity running through my spine.

[A]

Listen. 100%. Yes. But it is a little bit like giving a drug to someone who's depressed all the time. It's like it's. He. Your dog won't have the same personality he used to have because it'll be like, I don't know, what am I going to say? It's going to get me electrocuted. So it'll just be like docile forever. You know, he'll just sleep eating shit and that's it. Which is fine. That's really all you wanted to do. But anyway. Seriously though, I think if you just give it a little dab, it gets the message. Because sometimes I think it's just a nervous thing they say dogs do. Listen, I'm no vet. I'm just saying electricity works wonders. Oh, my God.

[B]

Yeah. No, my luck, I'll electrocute the thing and it will have a heart attack and die. And then they're coming. What happened? I don't know. My friend Pete told me to electrocute the dog when it barks and now it's. It's belly up in the living room.

[A]

Yeah, well, with any luck. What? A coyote will go out, get out one in one of these days anyway.

[B]

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[A]

It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together.

[B]

Use polls to settle dinner plans.

[A]

Send event invites and pin messages so.

[B]

No one forgets mom's 60th and never miss a meme or milestone.

[A]

All participants protected with end to end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp message privately with everyone. Learn [e-mail] the P. Corieli as I was saying tour, it's going everywhere, man. Everywhere from New York to Jersey to Portland, Maine to Hawaii to, you know, Idaho, Ohio. Gonna get outside of Chicago. So if you go to pcorielli.com all the dates are there and more dates are being added constantly. This thing's gonna go for a while. I really look forward to getting out there and everyone's already gotten tickets. Thanks. I hope you can get out. See you there. Pcorielli.com As I was saying to him.

[B]

It'S, it's very trying with these puppies, man.

[A]

So really though, it's, it's, it's that.

[B]

Bark though, really does that to you so bad. Like I could hear it.

[A]

Have you ever considered, have the doctors ever mentioned like heavy duty headphones during the day that just block out all noise? Just kind of walk around like that? I mean, I mean, is this really a disease or is it just because it's funny that you bring it up.

[B]

It's a problem. I have something that is very specific because it's not affecting anybody else. Nobody else has a problem with it in the house. But I hear it and I hear it and it's like, man, I could hear it across the house. And I'm like, God. Because my house has no carpeting, there's nothing to absorb sound, which we're fixing right now. I don't know if you could hear. There's a. There's a full blown drill going on over here. We're right above the kitchen. They're finally getting the kitchen up and running, which has been. It's another thing, bro. Trying to figure out contractors.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Can't even imagine if there's contractors out there. Please chime in, we would love to hear from you. Trying to figure out how contractors make their money. In this particular instance, there's a contractor charges a fee, a percentage of the job. So if the job is $100,000 and their fee is 18%, they would get $18,000 from the job. Right. But my question is this. When they go out and hire subcontractors, electricians, plumbers, carpenters, is there an upcharge on the subcontractors? So electrician comes in and says it's going to be 20 grand. Does the contractor turn around and charge me 25 grand and make 5 grand off the subcontractor? That's my question. Because the invoices go to the subject, the invoices go to the contractor. So electrician gives the invoice to the contractor, and then the contractor tells me what the electrician charged him. My argument is, why not send the invoice to me and I'll pay all the subs. So I see the exact amount that I'm getting charged. The argument is they're not working for you, they're working for the contractor. All right? However, if I default on payment, if I default on payment, the subcontractors could put a lien on my house. So why is it in default all of a sudden now you're putting a lien on my house. Why don't you put a lien on the contractor's house? He's the one that you're so called working for. But all of a sudden, now, all of a sudden, payment goes awry. Now we're gonna take me down. I've had it. Oh, wow.

[A]

That was very old school. Yeah.

[B]

That's another thing that has gone by the wayside. I've never seen this. Used to be in the 80s, you give one huge someone one of these. Have you seen that? That's like a.

[A]

No. You threw me off last time. I think someone hit me with one of those. They had a 711 Big Gulp in their hand. That's how long ago it was. I Mean, you know, but, bro, it does work a little bit like a producer with a movie, right? Like, there's a finance and finance in the movie, but the actors don't work for the guy financing the movie. They work for the director and the producer. And if the money goes awry, it's on the investors, right? I mean, I think that's how it works. Bottom line, this is. Again, this goes back to last cast. Bro, all you need to know is after they're all done ripping you off in their own clever ways, you'll be paying $100,000 and 18% more for me. That's all you need to know. Know that. Get the fuck out of here and sleep at night. Why do you keep sticking your head under the hood? Stop sticking your head under the hood. It's none of your business. Nobody pokes their head in your writer's room and go, how long does it really take you to write a movie script? Because you charged a lot of money for that fucking. You know what I'm saying? You drive yourself crazy with that.

[B]

Yeah, I do. I'm sorry.

[A]

Stop. Don't you have a. Don't you had a therapist or something walking you through this, bro?

[B]

I mean, there's no therapist that could fix this.

[A]

This is.

[B]

This is. This is my father coming through. My father used to do this shit. Right? You know, it still does to this day. You know, like, I don't know if I told you, like, my father wants his convertible. He's got a convertible. He's got a Chrysler Crossfire convertible, right? This thing is, he treats it like a Ferrari. Like it don't come out during the winter, right? Yeah, it needs a new top. The top of the convertible. It needs a new top.

[A]

Yeah. You would tell me. I don't think you said it on the cast, though.

[B]

Hilarious. So he needs a new top. A normal person would go to Chrysler and go, I need a new convertible top for my car. No, not my dad. Because it's too much money to go to the dealer and get the top. He goes to, you know, Peticelli. Peticelli Auto Parts, Right, the guy who. The guy who took a mobile station and now turned it into his garage and he's going to get the top from him. Now, Petticelli says it's not going to be the same top that Chrysler gives you, right? Like, this could be like an Afghan rug that my dad's gonna put up on his. On his Chrysler.

[A]

Right? But we'll make it fit, though. We'll make it fit.

[B]

It's gonna have fur on it, though. But he say. He said he saved. You know, you saved 35, so that's the way he's gonna. So. So it's. It's. This is like this. It's, like, in the DNA, bro. It's like having dark hair. You can't help it. You just have dark hair. This is what I have. I inherited this from my father.

[A]

One of our favorite shows of all time again, Del Feeney and. And Sopranos. There were faults he had, and he was trying to not die of a heart attack from these certain things. And I'm just saying, it's like you hear the. You hear the, you know, dog barking, because that's what you choose to hear. It's like, you gotta, like. I feel like it's all about, I don't know, maybe cranking some classical music. Just find a different mindset. Stop. You look for everything like Secret Service.

[B]

I equate it to an allergy. If you're allergic to peanuts, you have a reaction. It's not like, oh, I choose not to pay attention to the peanuts. If the peanuts are in the room, you're gonna have. If I'm allergic to cats, if a cat walks into a room, I start sneezing, my eyes watering. If somebody's working for me in this capacity, it's like an allergy. It's a rough way to live, man.

[A]

It's across the bear, bro. Really is, man.

[B]

It's across the bear. So I got this guy downstairs. I bring it in, another guy to give me an estimate, you know, for the rest of the work. Because I just. This is.

[A]

Oh, no. Now we're doing estimate comparisons, and then by the time you make a decision, the first guy's now not available. They go like that, bro. They go like that. They'll leave you hiding.

[B]

I told the guy that's doing no joke. I go, I just want to. Just want to get another. Another look at this. Another set of eyeballs. And that's another thing. You know, why not have three contractors work on the house at once? I got one guy in the kitchen, one guy outside, one guy. One guy in the covered patio.

[A]

Have.

[B]

Have three crews working. That's something.

[A]

I mean, you know, I don't know that they not like to work side by side. I don't know.

[B]

But, like, if. If. If each job doesn't affect. Like, if I'm doing work in my bedroom and work in my kitchen, and this guy's got only a certain crew that he could do the kitchen with, why not Bring in another full crew and have them work on the. On the bedroom. It has nothing to do with one another.

[A]

Yeah, well, I mean, I got to ask you a bigger question here. The guy who you said, I want to get another set of eyeballs on this, is he already doing stuff for you?

[B]

The second guy. Second guy?

[A]

Does a guy. You said. Who. You said before I say yes to you. Whatever. I want to get a second pair of eyeballs on this. Right. That guy you said that to, has he already been doing work?

[B]

Yeah, he's in the kitchen right now.

[A]

See, like, if that was me and I'm doing work on your home, then you're telling me you're going to get another estimate. My work is supposed to be blowing you away in and of itself that you don't even worry about another estimate. You just trust me and you go with me. So now you go to get your other estimate. If you come back and go with me anyway, I don't know if I'm. I don't know if I'm giving you as good of a job as I would have given you before.

[B]

No, that's.

[A]

What do you think about that?

[B]

That's the choice. I'm just gonna have to live with that. I'm trying to keep this guy honest in the pricing. The pricing is what I have a problem with. And if the pricing comes back on the second estimate equal to or greater than what this guy's, then okay, at least I did my due diligence. But just to take this guy's face value, I need to see. I don't know anything about contracting work. I need another set of eyeballs. Guy comes in and go, yeah, I could do this for. He doesn't know what the other guy charged me. I could do this for this amount. Then I could compare apples to apples and go, okay, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But don't you have a guy? Don't you even know a contractor? Even if he works out of Houston or something? Like your friend, hypothetically, like a friend. Mike. Mike, can I do a zoom with you? Show you what I want done? And what do you think something like this would go for?

[B]

Because I live in a fricking area that you can't compare. Like, I have a plumber friend back in Chicago. I'll get a plumbing estimate. I'll send it to him. And he goes, what?

[A]

So.

[B]

It'S so specific to the area. And then all of a sudden, there's also. There is a percentage that I get charged based on. They pull up and go, okay, this is 20% more than what I normally charge. Because they take advantage of you. They do. I'm not saying the guy that's working here now is taking advantage, but if you're coming in as a plumber and you see the house and you go, oh, okay, they can afford it. I get dinged.

[A]

Yeah, listen, they're probably coming up the hill, calling back to the. To the family, going, tell her she can go to that college after all. Yeah, I'm going.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like, due to plumbing up top.

[B]

It's like your bit about the. The teeth, the orthodontist.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, exactly. But, you know, man, it's the price of where you live, I guess. Right. I don't know what to say.

[B]

You know? You know what they're doing now, and I don't know if this is a national. Are they what they're charging for gas money to get to the job. So I'll get an invoice that says $65 transportation cost to get here and to leave here. Now, when you run a business, there's expenses associated with the business. Okay. Gas is one of them.

[A]

Absolutely. I work for landscapers. You mow the lawn. This is how much the landscape business would charge for a lawn. They didn't go, oh, and $20 to get gas. It's included.

[B]

So I'm seeing this a lot where this is kind of like an a la carte itemized menu of costs associated with a service. And I think I brought this up with restaurants, too, where you go to a restaurant now and they're itemizing health insurance cost, service charge. You know, it's like. It's like, just bake it into the price of the lasagna. You don't have to. You don't have to, like, nickel and dime me three separate line items for health insurance, service, menu, cleaning, whatever the hell they're charging you.

[A]

But if I put that on the price of the lasagna. You would never order the lasagna because it would be up to just $275 for a piece of fucking lasagna.

[B]

No, it's not a huge upcharge if the lasagna is $17.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now it's $19 because you baked in the. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna blink at that. But if It's. If it's $17 normally and now it's $39. Yeah. Okay. That's a huge price. Cost. Price difference. But.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

I just don't want to see gas, you know, charging me $65 to get here.

[A]

Right, Right. Well, exactly. It's like, even put it on the bill, right? Because what about when they're having lunch? Does it say ham sandwich? Like, I saw you eating that in the backyard at one point. So, like, when that. Where does it stop when you. We had. We had guys working here. That was the craziest thing, man. They were just doing a good job. They were just putting in a door or whatever. And then Jackie goes, well, because back in Fredonia, we had a guy named Phil. He was great. Phil was our guy. He could do everything, you know? So Jackie goes, what if we just. Da, da, da. And the one guy goes, oh, yeah, we could do that. And then the younger one goes, absolutely. But it's break right now. And the first one goes up, okay. And they put their tools down and they go, we'll be back in a half hour. And I said to Jackie, I'm like, they could be done in a half hour. Like. Like, it's like they're almost done. It's very. But it's just like, I'm taking the break, coming back. And that's just how. Like, in the old days, you just didn't do that, man. It was a different. But, you know, it's all. It's a different time now, bro. So, yeah, gas, all of it. Did they charge you the time for traveling as well, or just the gas?

[B]

Well, I mean, it says transportation. It's like, it's. It's a time thing. So if it takes 45 minutes to get here, they're going to charge you to 45 minutes. Where, you know, it'd be like Patrick saying, okay, it takes an hour to get here. I'm going to ding you. You know, he just charges as a fee, and it's whatever the travel's fucking baked into the fee. I don't know if he. When. When he was coming up with the fee, if he looked at it and go, okay, it takes an hour to get there. Charges. I don't know if that was the. But I ain't seen it. That's. That's what I'm saying. I just. It's in there somewhere. Whatever the cost is, it's in the price. Here's the money, Go home. That's it. Right. I don't. I don't need to see all the different things. And as a businessman, you don't charge for cost associated with the business.

[A]

Well, you do, but you don't. Let you see it.

[B]

You do, but you don't. You know what I'M saying you get it.

[A]

You do, you do. Because if the guy's paying $6 for gas, then yeah, man, I got it. If it's going to cost me a lot of money to get to you, then I got to add that to your bill. Absolutely.

[B]

When I was working like this, is this when I was working a job at a restaurant and it took 20 minutes to get to the restaurant?

[A]

Right.

[B]

I didn't tell the restaurant, I need gas money to get to and from the job. No, I got the pay from the restaurant and then from that pay, an expense associated with me getting to my job was gas, which I then took. If I made $100, I took $5 out of that and filled my tank with it.

[A]

Right, right. But, but, but if they said, if the job said, this is how much we can pay you, and if you thought about how much they could pay you, and you're like, well, I'm not going to be able to afford gas to get there and food, so I can't take that job. You understand? I'm saying, so, like, the guy who's coming to your house is like, this is what it's going to cost for me to come to your house because I do have to pay for your.

[B]

But that, that is, is out of your profit.

[A]

This is a business expense, guy. You can write it off.

[B]

I need, I need another, another voice in here. Maybe I'm wrong.

[A]

Okay. So it depends on if you are working for a fee on delivery.

[B]

Oh, Jesus. I'm hearing that in your thing. Is that, is it? Yeah.

[A]

Bad.

[B]

Yeah, Filter it out. Jesus Christ.

[A]

I gotta be honest with. You know, the. What? The drill is less, the drill is less boring than Patrick's explanation right now. I'm not gonna lie to you. It depends on how much time you want to spend looking at my details. If you want a whole number. I like working with whole numbers. But if you want the details, I can show you the break.

[B]

Yeah, but I, I, I.

[A]

Perfectly put, but you don't need to know that. But, but Patrick factored in the cost to get there in his final bill to you.

[B]

I get it. I get it. But what I'm saying is. Man, that thing is loud. What I am saying is there's expenses associated with running a business. So let's say a guy has a brick and mortar deli shop.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's making sandwiches.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If his air conditioner breaks, that's an expense that he's got to take out of his profit till to fix that, he does it the next day. Go. My air conditioning broke. What we're doing now is we're charging on top of your sandwich. We're charging two extra dollars so I could pay for the fucking air conditioning to fix it. That's what I'm saying.

[A]

Correct? I agree. Right? Yeah, but the gas is an accident that came out of nowhere. It's a fucking expense.

[B]

The business you're running, right.

[A]

It's not outside. So. So that's going to be baked into the price for whatever you're doing. Like, it's like you said, the sandwich shop guy, he charges you a price for the sandwich based on the fact that I have to pay for electricity. Well, because that's what he needs to run his business. A guy who's working on your house needs gas to get to your house. So I'm going to factor. It's really cut and dry, bro. It's cut and dry.

[B]

Is it, though?

[A]

What kind of education you got out there in your college in Michigan, in Chicago?

[B]

One second. It's what?

[A]

If you're in business with somebody, you should be able to ask for details. They might be able to express frustration. Like, hey, the price of lumber tripled overnight. It's gonna. I'm gonna lose150,000 doing this.

[B]

Okay, that's. That's the conversation.

[A]

But like, a business doesn't need to tell anyone. Just patronizing the business what their ups and downs are.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

No, but, Patrick, that's two different things. I understand. You don't want to know. You don't want to see the gas bill. Now you're saying something different, though. What you were saying was whatever they need to pay for gas to get to this job shouldn't be factored into the bill. That's what you were saying. But you know what I'm saying. And it should be. It should be like, even when Patrick decided to do this and he came up with a figure that it would cost to come and do this, gas is part of the expense. He just doesn't show it to you.

[B]

I understand. I understand that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And when you're starting a business, you have to factor in your costs to run the business. Right? And then when you're coming up with the price of your service and or goods, that price reflects your expenses along with what profit you would like to make off the service or goods. All right. All right. What I am saying to you is the plumber or electrician or whoever's coming to your home to provide a service in the past, did not itemize. This is what it costs. And this is what it costs to get to your home. When I see the extra cost as a line item, as a customer, I perceive that as, oh, this is your price and now you're making an extra $65. When I see the price, I see the prices being that the gas is included already. And now you're fucking nickel and diamond me for another $65 and calling it a transportation fee. That's what I'm saying.

[A]

Back to where we were. No, the initial fee is if I had a fucking magic carpet and I just ended up at your house. The ad on 65 is how we got to. I hear you. We're on the same page. You just don't need to see it. If it's $500 and then another 65 in gas, just show me a bill for $565.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And let me think. And let me think that. That I'm not paying for your gas because that bothers the shit out of me that I'm paying for your fucking gas. And by the way, the exact amount. The exact amount. Like, do you turn the fucking meter off when you're done going back and forth to my house, or am I paying for you to go to dinner on gas, too and take your little girlfriend out? Pay for the whole tank. Am I paying for the whole tank, but only getting a quarter of it?

[B]

Yeah, because this guy might have another job. This guy might have another job. Ten minutes from here, he's going to charge him $65 and act like he never came to my house and then went to that guy's house. So now you got 130, $30 on gas, but it only costs you 50 to fill the tank.

[A]

We go, by the time this guy's fucking season's over, he could drive across country and all the free gas, he's probably got barrels in his backyard. I hear you, bro. That. And that is exactly why you turkey to get hair transplants, okay? Because you're driving your fucking stress levels through the roof. Moroccan hair oil. Stop looking around the corner and you'll be fine.

[B]

I mean, I don't know what the listeners are thinking right now, that some of them are, you know, run a business and they're like, oh. They're probably saying, oh, you know, yeah, I charge for gas, too, this and that, but I never charged. Any job I've ever went to. I've associated the, the to and from is. I am paying out of my salary the expense to get to the damn job.

[A]

Yeah. Now listen, I hear you. Don't need to see it. I hear you. It's even like the resort fee at the hotel. Just add it to the bill. It annoys me to see it. It's so ridiculous.

[B]

Exactly. Add it in. Add it in as a whole number.

[A]

Resort fee. It's for the gym and the spa and the pool. And then if you go. I didn't use any of those things. Well, you still have to pay it. Then just put it on there because now I'm fucking pit. Now I'm not coming back.

[B]

Now I'm not coming back.

[A]

Right. I'm with you, bro.

[B]

All right, here it is. You will give Paulie five carpenter jobs, two no shows and three no work.

[A]

The Pete and Sebastian show.

[B]

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[A]

Gain super flings.

[B]

Gain super flings Laundry packs have four times the oxy cleaning power and three times the Febreze. Freshness versus gain original liquids. Super fresh, super clean.

[A]

Gain super flings.

[B]

Gain super flings for next level laundry. Oh, God. So anyway, that's. That's. That's. That's why my hair is falling out. Because I'm looking at transportation costs.

[A]

Yeah. I. A guy I've come to really like in this town, I went to a. I actually went to a function at something that you would have kind of went to. It was a fundraiser. I dropped some coin and anyway, the guy wasn't there. One of these guys I like. And it turns out he's in Turkey, you know, getting the hair thing. And I know you're not really. We were joking about it, but, like, it's. It's a very. Everyone's going over there to get it done. Why are they doing it cheaper over there? What's that about? First of all, you know why. Why is everyone going to Turkey?

[B]

I ain't going to Turkey. Yeah. For anything.

[A]

I know. I hear you. No, I know. I said you were joking about it.

[B]

I know, but what I'm joking is these people that are going there to get their hair transplant, to get butt lifts, to get any surgery, what have you. I'm good. I'll do it here.

[A]

Right. Yeah. All right. Well, listen, it's very patriotic, but I'm saying, do you know why they going in?

[B]

It's cheaper.

[A]

Oh, that is why.

[B]

Okay, so popular term for phenomenal individual training for hair transplant procedures resulting in many patients seen wearing a headband. Yeah. But, like, could you. Is there a. Is there a review of the Turkish Hair transplant based on comparing it to the American hair transplant.

[A]

Yeah, like if you found out Tom Cruise went there, you'd go there. You know, if you were gonna do the procedure, then you would be more inclined to go there.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know. I just. I don't know. You always hear these stories coming out of the well there. New hair in seven days, no shave transmitter.

[A]

This is what it is.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

I've. I've figured out that. I figured out the secret. And I'm.

[B]

I'm like.

[A]

I really could do something about it, but I've been. This is my infomercial for it. Ready? If I was doing it when you hit the ad and it comes on. I've been in a tug of war with my hair my whole life. We all have. Pushing it this way, spraying it that way, scrubbing it this way. It took me to my age now, folks, to realize my hair is like a pet. And the nicer and gentlier I treat it, the more it shows effect, affection to me. And that's why it's Moroccan hair oil and nothing else. I don't even wash it that often. Pick that up from Jude Law, which is ironic because he has lost his hair, but he rarely ever washes his hair. So maybe once a week I'll do a little dove shampoo. Just a little bit, but otherwise just Moroccan oil. On Moroccan oil. I don't wet my hair now. I have spray that to fill with water, a spray bottle, and I lightly spray it. In the morning, I hit my face too, to wake me up, just water hit it. Then I run a brush through it. And then maybe just a little light from a distance hair dryer. But just nothing but love for my hair. And it's flourishing, bro. It's really paying me back in spades. Stop fighting with your hair and dance together. Dance together.

[B]

Though if we could cut that out and send it to the Moroccan hair oil people, I would suspect that you would get a box on your porch the next day.

[A]

My God, that stuff costs more than gas. I mean, that'd be worth it. We gotta cut that and send it.

[B]

All right. We might have to tag Moroccan oil in that thing because that was a beautiful soliloqu colloquy of what the hell this thing is actually doing for your hair.

[A]

But here's the deal. And you could do this too, with the Moroccan oil. They say just do a little dab. I use the Moroccan oil as if I was a billionaire. I'm doing a small puddle in the palm like that. Ho ho. And then I stole from you because you used to do Moroccan oil, and you said you do a body rub with it after. So I do that. I rub my arms with the Moroccan oil. It's really, you know, your friend, man. So I think you should revisit that. You should revisit it.

[B]

Actually, the way you talked about it just now, it made me want to go buy some.

[A]

I thought you had it. I thought you always had it. I feel like it's good for the scalp.

[B]

Everything Lana had had it and I was stealing hers. But I think I have to go get my own supply. You should.

[A]

And just really get aggressive with it. Just like, really just let it go.

[B]

That's what I'm going to start doing. I'm just going to start. After I look at an invoice, I'm going to go and put Moroccan oil in my hair.

[A]

These invoices.

[B]

I went to a dinner party last night, and I didn't know a lot of people at the party, and it was small, 12 people and a Converse. It kind of threw me because normally at a dinner party, people kind of branch off. Like, if I'm sitting next to somebody, that's going to be my person for the whole dinner, talking to the person to the left, talking the person to my right. Is that very. Is it getting louder?

[A]

Yeah, it's getting closer and louder. I'll do a filter job on the audio.

[B]

All right. It's like, when I don't want them to work, they work, right? Like, like, like if I was down there, they'd be laying down. Right. I'd be bitching work. Right. But so the conversation was spearheaded by the host, and the conversation was the whole table. So there was no, like, it was the whole. All 12 people were talking about the same thing. So one person would say something, oh, I agree with you. And then I never seen that before where, where everybody is in unison at a dinner party talking about the same topic.

[A]

I, I, that sounds like a, a meeting at a board meeting or something. Did you like it?

[B]

Because I was put on the spot where I had to talk in front of, like, 12 people. And sometimes it's like, all right, if you're talking in front of 12 people, you really don't know what each individual person is kind of thinking. But if you're talking to one person and there's like, you know, you throw out a few little crumbs of, let me see where this person is here, let me see. And you get to know the individual, like, where they stand, maybe Politically, where they stand as a parent or whatnot. And then you could adjust your conversation based on what you're getting from that individual. But when you got to speak in front of a group and you don't know, there's 12 different opinions there and you're like, I don't know. Did I say this? Should I say that? How honest can I be? Do I have to pull back? And I was a little more honest than I thought I was going to be. And I kind of felt it in the room. I'm not going to tell you what we were talking about, but you know, I was like, you know what, Let me throw this out there. It was premeditated and I want it.

[A]

Well, that's the thing, because your normal is. You, like some people are kind of bland anyway, so they really don't have to adjust that much. But your normal is, you know, your opinions are clear. Not. I'm not talking about politically, I'm just talking about life, about everything. It's like, you know what I'm saying? So there's no so. You know, for you to disguise that. You really got to pull back on your personality a lot, right. To try and police that.

[B]

So now you're right. You know, it goes back to a couple casts ago about me being boring.

[A]

Remember I said you're not.

[B]

Well, I'm boring when I have to hold back these things, right? And I can't really be honest in how I really feel about something because I don't know what that's going to do to somebody because it comes off so in your face honest that people are just like, jesus, what the hell did I just.

[A]

Bro? What the hell did I just hear? That's it. Nobody wants to hang out with Clark Kent. They all want to have a drink with Superman, you know what I'm saying? So you gotta clock Kent. These fucking situations, right?

[B]

Clark, Kenton, my whole life right now. Because if I put the cape on, forget about it. It's over.

[A]

Oh, God. Especially where you are up there in California. You're gonna fend, you're gonna offend half the table. Two sentences in if you let loose with who you really are. So there's too many people listening. I hear what you're saying. Normally you're at a party, you find people like minded, you can lean in and go get a few laughs and get through tonight.

[B]

Well, here, I'll give you an example where I had a. At a Clark Kennett played soccer game. Caruso played a soccer game last week and they got killed. They don't keep score, but I keep score. 19 to 2, they got wiped out. This team. Team was older, plus they were well coached. They had a definite system and how they were playing and our team was. And I'm not faulting the coaches for this, but they just. They're not good. They're just not good. There's some people, some kids that are better than others, I happen to notice. And I'm not just saying this because it's my kid. I happen to notice. Caruso's hustle was noticeable. He was all over the field. Was he dribbling through these guys? No, but he got in there. He was scrappy and he wasn't letting the score deflate his effort. Excellent.

[A]

That's all I can ask at this age.

[B]

He, at the end of the game, got a sticker, and the coach came up to me and said, hey, what are you doing with Caruso? Can you teach the rest of the team how to hustle like that? And jokingly, I said, yeah, I'm having a seminar at my house on Tuesday at 9 o'clock in the morning. If you want to bring the team over, I'll. Yeah, just joking. Sarcasm.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[B]

Clark Kennedy. Oh, man. What they don't know is my son is 6 years old. The hustle don't happen overnight. It's not something you teach overnight. That's six years of parenting. Okay, but a lot of people don't realize. Well.

[A]

Yeah, you can't say. This is a coach. He'd be like, just take the fucking sticker guy.

[B]

All right?

[A]

Holy shit. Exactly. You got to just go, yeah, I'm having a seminar.

[B]

No.

[A]

This is what you really want to say, though? This is six years of parenting. I can't teach this to the rest of you roster.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. This is six years of after the game, he don't participate in the snack that they give to the kids after the game. They give garbage. They give popsicles, agami, bears, whatever. And I told you this before, he don't participate in that. That's part of why he is what he is. He's not participating in the junk shit food that you're handing out to these kids after the game, number one. Number two, what I do is after the game, I get on a knee and I look him dead in the eye and I after each game, and I said. And I give him my honest opinion of what I saw and that game, I said, I'm proud of you. I said, I'm always proud to be Your father. But today I'm extra proud because you gave effort when you were down, when the team was down, and you played outstanding. That's all I could ask for you as a son, that you never give up. Right? And then there's times that I say, you know what? You let me down today. You didn't give it your all. I know this. It's in the scope of parenting. And that's why at 6, you see this kid hustling because Lana and I put the time in. He's not on an iPad. He's not. And I'm not looking for this. I'm just. I am.

[A]

I am. To all parents, that was a clap. To all parents that are doing the job.

[B]

He's not on the iPad. He's not on the iPhone. We are outside, we're playing. We're doing football, we're doing soccer. Everything is a teachable moment over here. Right? And I'm disappointed in a lot of the parenting that I'm seeing, particularly in the Los Angeles area. All right? It's. It's not good. It's not good. That's my piece. That's my sermon. And my sister, who watches these things going, you know what? Sometimes you're not funny on these things. And I go, yeah, okay, it's not all supposed to be. Yeah, but at the end, there's supposed to be like a. Like a. Like a morsel of humor to button it up. And sometimes you don't give the morsel of humor. I go, that's fine, right? It doesn't all have to be dying, laughing.

[A]

But I think it is to me, though. To me, it is. Because this is to me, it's like, there's no, like, funny joke at the end, but this is just you again doing what you do. Like, the TV's too loud.

[B]

And I told Lana, I gotta.

[A]

I gotta.

[B]

I gotta, like, tone it down.

[A]

Well, why don't you just tell the coach? Why don't you just tell him what he said? What do I do the rest of it? Well, we could start with the snacks. Maybe they don't need gummy bear.

[B]

I'm not going to get into that. Because I don't, like. They don't like me. And, you know, it's like I. We went out to dinner the other night. My family.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Took my mother. So it was after. After. Where did we go? Oh, after the soccer game, we went out to dinner. That was a nice place. It was steak joint. And I want to take my mother there. And, you know, just so happened To. It's a nice place for kids. It's like one of those places where.

[A]

Time out of time. I got.

[B]

Bro. Bro.

[A]

You're like, my kid doesn't have the snacks because we're going for filet mignon. You don't want to fill up on that kid about to buy a steak for going 19 to almost winning. Only lost by 17 goals. Let's go get a steak.

[B]

Good point. Good point, good point.

[A]

Oh, God. Anyway.

[B]

So funny. So when we're out at the restaurant, I can't relax because I'm always.

[A]

Why not?

[B]

There's a lamp on the table. There's a lamp. Yeah. Seraphina, pick up the lamp, right? Put the lamp down. Puts a lamp down, right? There is a steak knife that. That. That you could kill somebody with on the table right now, my son's like a. You know, he's moving around. I tell my wife, take the steak knife and move it. You know, move the steak knife away from him. So, you know, so there's a lot of. Like, you. You.

[A]

You.

[B]

You're massaging your forehead as if. That's very telling. Like, oh, God, this guy's a nightmare to go out with, right? You wouldn't be doing it. You wouldn't be doing that.

[A]

Okay. How do you think all the times they eat out when you're on the road and he doesn't accidentally stab himself with a steak knife? Now all of a sudden, you're saving the day because you're moving a steak knife.

[B]

Just.

[A]

You gotta relax, guy. There's like. I mean, Lana's just saying it because you're just. Just to appease you. All right, Move the thing up. But she's not like, good call. He could have stabbed his hand. You know what I mean? It's a lot of unnecessary stuff.

[B]

Again, they bring water in a big glass goblet. Caruso got a small hand. He went to go pick it up with one hand. Now, I could tell this thing could fly out of his hand at any moment, right? So I tell him, cup it with two hands. Drink it with two hands, right? So there's a lot of these. This is a lot of what's happening at the table. A lot of correct, preventative.

[A]

Oh, my.

[B]

I'm trying to prevent a disaster. Right? Knife.

[A]

I see what you're doing.

[B]

Glass were sitting next to glass. She picked up the light again and was. Yeah, Boom. That's it. The fucking glass cracks, and that's it. A lot of it is preventative, but.

[A]

Do you think maybe you're trying to Prevent a disaster, but you're accidentally causing a giant one, which is you. I mean, you're a disaster because you're driving everybody going crazy with all your policing the moment.

[B]

I'm policing what's happening, and I have to learn to relax a little bit. All right? It's just finding that kind of happy medium. That's what I'm having a problem with, because it's not.

[A]

Jackie was doing the same thing downstairs the other day. She's seeing the text Sadie's getting from a friend, and she knows Sadie's upstairs responding, and Jackie's telling her, sadie, tell them that you won't be a fan. I go, jack, let her. Let her respond to a friend's herself. You don't have to tell her what to say.

[B]

So what do you get?

[A]

Well, she's gonna say something.

[B]

What does Jackie tell you?

[A]

Well, she's gonna say that she's gonna tell a time, and then she's not gonna be available that time because she doesn't even know her own schedule. And then the friend's gonna wonder why she didn't call at that time. And I'm like. And then she'll have to explain to the friend that she fucked up and told you a time that she wasn't available. And maybe he'll drop the goblet and maybe she'll break the lamp, but maybe you'll enjoy the evening. Oh, my God. I'm unbelievable at this. I should be on Oprah. Holy shit. It flows.

[B]

So that night.

[A]

Does Lana tell you to chill?

[B]

Oh, yeah. She's chill all the time. All the time.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[B]

So that's good. I was at a party and I was talking to a guy, and I was telling him this, that he goes, do you ever try marijuana? I said, I've tried it, but it's not something that I go to. He goes, I take a gummy. Every time I come home before I come home from work, I take a gummy. And it's changed my life. I'm just.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

You know. And my wife even says, don't come home until the gummy kicks in. Okay.

[A]

Wow, bro. So digging it.

[B]

The other night, I came home from this party. I have some gummies in my drawer. I never use them. So I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna pop a gummy. I ain't gonna tell anybody. So I popped this thing right about an hour in. I'm like, jesus Christ. I think I took too much. Now, how many milligrams? And I know you don't Do a lot of edibles, but what would you say? A good amount of pot.

[A]

I've been doing them a lot lately. I've been getting into them.

[B]

Okay, so what's the milligram do, you know?

[A]

Well, yeah, it's usually like those gummies. Usually 10 milligrams, maybe a 5 milligram one, but 5 or 10.

[B]

Okay, I took a 10. And I don't do this right.

[A]

That's nice for somebody like you. I can't even tell you what I do. I do enough to put a fucking Clydesdale down. All right? It's really. It's embarrassing. It's ridiculous.

[B]

You do more than a 10 milligram.

[A]

Put it this way. We went to a friend's house at a lake house. This was bad, bro. This is like.

[B]

This is.

[A]

I told you a few fun stories about that night, but the friends, they own a pot place or they're in business one, and they gave us a bag of 100 milligrams, 10 gummies, 10 milligrams each. And they gave it to me, you know, because I'm like, oh, thanks. You know, so like, literally four hours later, man, you should say this out loud. The friend and Jackie were in the bedroom where we're staying, and the gummies they gave me were on the counter. And the woman saw them. She'd just give him. She's like, oh, yeah, I wonder if Pete tried him yet. And she opens it up and she's like, oh, wow. I guess he likes him. And Jackie goes, guy. They were like, you had, like, five of them, and we just got there, and you ate five of them right away. What the fuck? And I'm like, we're at a lake house. They take. I could. I could. I could just eat those things like goddamn pretzels. All right, so. But 10 is a lot for you.

[B]

So you're on. You're on. 50 milligrams, right into the. Right from the jump.

[A]

I'm on. Take a meeting.

[B]

That's what I'm.

[A]

Yeah, I don't even do. I don't even do them because, you know, when they do kick in, I. It's fun. It's great. It feels great. But, like, I saw this video. It frightened me of Nick Swartzen. Funny guy, too. Maybe a year ago, he was on stage somewhere, he had taken too many of them because you can't really balance it, you know? And that's never happened to me where I couldn't speak. But, you know, like, you take them. You're like, they're not working and not working. Then you're like, oh, my God, I don't know how to balance. Yeah.

[B]

So.

[A]

But 10 is perfect. How did you feel?

[B]

We were in bed as a family, and they were watching a movie, and I was hearing certain parts of the movie. Really, like, it was almost coming in. Like, it was weird. It was weird. I was hearing the movie, but certain dialogue was so isolated. And I felt like I ignited another part of my brain that was accepting stuff that it generally doesn't hear.

[A]

Yes, bro. Yes. You're opening up another tunnel. It's like. Yeah. You're, like, allowing. So it is a little odd to be on drugs in bed with your whole family, though. That's a little fucking.

[B]

Well, I thought. I thought it was just. I wanted to try it around the kids to see if my patient level around them.

[A]

Not cuddling with them.

[B]

No way they were there. I figured, I'm just gonna use this as a. As a normal night, but on. On drugs. All right.

[A]

A normal night, but on drugs. Holy.

[B]

So.

[A]

Oh, God damn it.

[B]

In the movie, they were bobbing for apples, right? And Lana goes, there's a thing you don't really see anymore. People bobbing for apples at a party. Right?

[A]

Right.

[B]

And she goes, you know, everybody. They got their head in the fucking tank. They're spitting the thing. And then somebody else goes in. It's, like, unsanitary, right? I start dying laughing just hearing that. I just. It was so funny to me, bobbing for apples and how people, like, there's, like, 19 heads in this fucking thing. And God knows, the hair and whatever. I was dying. Nobody knows I'm on this shit, but I'm dying laughing. I'm dying laughing so much that it's abnormal in my eyes. I never laugh like this. And Elana's showing me and a video of some people bobbing forever. I'm dying laughing at that. And now I'm, like, getting upset with my wife going, you don't know something, you know, like. Like, you. You don't. You can't see a difference here. I'm seeing it. But that was like, if my wife was Matt all of a sudden mad. What the is wrong with you? It's not you, right? I'm upset that she's not realizing that I'm on a drug.

[A]

That's fucking great. That's another reason why I don't like to do them. Because Jackie can tell. She's like, did you do the edibles again? Because I get a little goofy, like. Whereas one weed. I don't I don't. So maybe Lana did notice, but she was just enjoying the moment so much.

[B]

So she's laying down, and I'm laying on her, and I go. I creep up on her and go, I did a gum. I did a gummy. Huh?

[A]

What? Bro, that is so uncool on so many levels.

[B]

She goes, what?

[A]

I didn't. Call me.

[B]

She goes, you didn't tell me. I just wanted to see if you'd notice. She goes, oh, my God. Oh, my God. I go, you didn't. I go, you didn't pick up on it? I was dying laughing with the apples because the kids are sitting like they're watching the movie, and I'm having, like, a side conversation in bed. Everybody's in bed, and I'm just. You didn't notice that I was dying laughing at the apple thing? She goes, nah, I just thought I was funny. I thought I was being funny. I go, funny. I go, no, this is 10 milligrams of gummy coming out of me right now.

[A]

But. But it could be the future. It could be all the time now. Oh, my God. That's hilarious.

[B]

So I was shot. I was shot. The whole night was shot for me. I couldn't. I couldn't, like, get out of bed. I was done. She put the kid. Normally I put the kids to sleep with her. I go, you're gonna have to do this on your own. I'm looped out. I don't know what the hell's going on. So what I've determined is 10 milligrams is way too much for me. Way too much. I'm gonna do. I'm gonna cut this thing into a third. I'm gonna take maybe. Maybe the head off and an arm off this gummy and do that. I ain't doing the whole. The whole thing. Put me down. But I can see at a lower dose, this being an enjoyable night where I'm just a little relaxed. That's all. I just want to be a little bit more relaxed and just, hey, the dog's barking. I'm feeling good. You know, that's where I want to get to. But I could operate, you know, I could get up. I got up to go to the bathroom, and I was like, whoa. You know, it's like, not. Not buzz, you know, it's not a buzz. It was like. It was like, you know, I can't operate machinery on this.

[A]

For you. Yeah, definitely should be end of the night, you know, kind of situation. You're not ready to take this puppy for A walk during the day yet?

[B]

During the day. Forget it, forget it. This is a nighttime seven o' clock to 9:30, two and a half hours. But I'm going to try it out this week, this weekend. And again, I'm not going to tell anybody about it.

[A]

You, I, bro, I'm telling you man, I just. Yesterday the dispensary I go to, the guy talked me into a little bit of hash. Just take a tiny little bit and put on. And I did a hate yesterday and I'm like, and I'm looking at a squirrel across the street going up and it's. And I'm like, I wonder if like the squirrels like this time of year, they're like, damn, having taken me more time to find nuts. Like. And, and I said to myself, man, I love how this shit just makes me get all the other out of the way and, and like just focus on something really neat. And that's, that's what you're doing, bro. That's what you're doing. All the other bullshit, it's noise, it's white noise, man. And when you get high sometimes you just, that all fades away and you're hearing things and seeing things that you didn't always see. And autistically sometimes it's fun.

[B]

Yeah, listen, you know, I've done marijuana. I don't know if that's the right term.

[A]

I've done marijuana. Just the way you say it makes me think you have done marijuana.

[B]

And I thought things were funny. And then the next day I look back at what I thought was funny. I go, what the fuck is funny about that? So the fucking thing dumb.

[A]

By the way, no one calls it marijuana. It's like, what do you, you know, it's what you say when you catch a kid with a bag in his bedroom. You know, this is weed. I don't smoke weed.

[B]

I feel like marijuana sounds a little bit more classier. Like eh, smoked a little marijuana last night. It's like, I had a nice Bordeaux. You know, I feel weed sounds like. Weed sounds like, hey, I had a, had a Jagermeister shot last night. Yeah, that's a certain type. You smoke a little marijuana. I feel eh, marijuana is like, you give it its respect that it deserves.

[A]

Well, you know, I mean you're smoking a joint, but you can also almost now just say we were smoking last night because almost nobody smokes cigarettes anymore. So if you say yeah, yeah, I like to hit. I gotta get you some mints. They're like, okay.

[B]

We're like all of a sudden not drug bodies. And this is what I feel. It's like you open up to somebody about doing, like, the drug that they do. Now all of a sudden. I gotta get you some mints. What? These things do keep your. In your own closet, right? I. I got my own stash over here. So a comparative product.

[A]

Oh, God. All right, fair enough. Don't come to crying to me when you want a nice recommendation. I know, hilarious.

[B]

Send them mints.

[A]

Oh, you're killing me today, man. Holy.

[B]

All right, listen, that's it. We're done here.

[A]

So funny.

[B]

Sebastian show. If you have any. If you have any marijuana recommendations, drop them in the comments. We'd love to hear what you guys are doing to take the edge off. So I. I'll. I'm gonna do it again this week, and I'm gonna give you the report on a lower, lower dosage. But until then, Pete, Sebastian, we are out.

[A]

The show has ended. You're trying to prevent a disaster, but inevitably. But you're accidentally causing a giant one, which is you.