698: The Pete and Sebastian Show - EP 698 - MR. MOM

Summary

The Pete and Sebastian Show – Episode 698: "MR. MOM" (March 17, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this lively episode, comedians Pete Correale and Sebastian Maniscalco dive into the realities of being hands-on dads, managing household chaos, and modern masculinity. With their signature banter, they explore everything from snot rags and parenting dilemmas to cultural jokes, family dynamics, and the nuances of judging in sports. The theme centers on Sebastian’s temporary stint as “Mr. Mom” while his wife recovers, unraveling the comedy (and stress) of running a family solo.

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Key Discussion Points

1. The Great Snot Rag Debate & Laundry Philosophies

• Sebastian’s Use of “Multi-Purpose” Towels
  Sebastian opens the show by defending his use of a used dish/ gym towel to blow his nose, much to Pete’s horror.
  • "A dish towel starts as a dish towel, goes to the gym, and then, if it's nearby… I'm blowing my nose in it." (01:20, Sebastian)
  • Pete is shocked, likening the towel to “an oil rag for a dipstick.” (03:52)
  • Sebastian maintains there’s an old-school beauty to a handkerchief: "Cloth trumps tissue in every capacity. If you could blow your nose in cloth the rest of your life..." (02:04, Sebastian)
  • Listener Stacy, a fan, sends Sebastian boxes of rags, affirming his unconventional habits. (04:14)

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2. Mr. Mom: The 11 Days of Solo Parenting

• Sebastian has been “quarterbacking the family” as Lana is under the weather.

  • He reflects on the modern dad’s role, contrasting himself with stereotypical dads who are “at the bar” or “at the train set.” (05:05, Sebastian)

• Self-Awareness and the Need for Validation

  • "Sometimes I step back at a 35,000 ft view... If we brought another man in and you swapped me out for 11 days—would he make it?" (05:32, Sebastian)
  • Pete pokes fun at Sebastian’s need to count days and suggests he may be exaggerating men’s flaws: “I don’t think there’s as many men doing those things as you think...” (07:08, Pete)

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3. The 'Are You Hungry?' Spat: Emotional Labor & Gender Dynamics

• Dog Drama & Parental Frustration
  • Sebastian tells of discovering, via Nest Cam, that their dog is loose inside the house due to his daughter’s laxness. He lectures her on responsibility, gets snubbed, and then is hit with Lana’s question: “Are you hungry?”
  • “Why is anger associated with a deficiency you had before the anger?” (12:04, Sebastian)
  • Pete relates: “For me, it’s tired. ‘I know you’re tired.’ I’m tired of the shit you’re doing.” (12:29, Pete)
  • Both agree that dads often walk around with mental to-do lists, and family members don't fully get it. “My mind is like that kitchen drawer with tax forms, scissors, duck sauce packets...” (13:56, Sebastian)

Memorable Quote

• "If I'm happy, do you go, 'Oh, did you just have a sandwich?'… Why, when I'm angry, am I just hungry?" (12:04, Sebastian)

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4. Parenting Styles: Handling Kids’ Anxiety & Social Hesitation

• Soccer Clinic Saga with Caruso
  • Sebastian’s son, Caruso, melts down upon facing a clinic with unfamiliar kids and coaches. Sebastian tries compassion first, then classic tough love ("I didn't drive 50 minutes for us to sit on the sidelines!") (25:04)
  • Pete admits he’d skip kindness and go straight to tough love: “I wouldn’t even did the first part. I would have went right into this...” (25:08)
  • Sebastian laughs about resorting to ChatGPT for parenting advice mid-crisis. The AI is “great for the beginning, but useless once you’ve already threatened to pull him from the league.” (31:45)

Notable Segment

• Handling Parental Guilt and Public Parenting
  • Both discuss navigating their public image as parents at practices—balancing discipline with social optics. (35:54)

Key Quote

• "I went silent Sicilian...I’m just so disappointed, I’m not gonna talk to him." (28:33, Sebastian)

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5. Changing Family Dynamics & Chasing Alone Time

• Desperately Seeking Solitude

  • Sebastian bemoans that even when he tries to meditate or read in his house, someone always finds him:

    • "I feel like my family goes after like six minutes, ‘Where’s Daddy?’" (38:42, Sebastian)
    • Lana interrupts his meditation, then takes a nap in the same room: “If I was on the toilet, she would have taken a nap in the sink…” (42:09)

  • Pete warns: cherish this while it lasts—soon the kids will ignore you: “There is gonna come a day…you’ll walk past your daughter in the hallway and she’ll blow right past you.” (44:19)

Decision Time

• Sebastian resolves to get an office to escape home chaos:
  • "I ain't getting shit done here, bro.” (43:24, Sebastian)

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6. Handling In-Laws & Extended Family Visits

• Pete shares the comedic exhaustion of hosting his aging in-laws while his wife “goes off to work out,” leaving him to entertain and wrangle family logistics (48:12).
• An exchange in the car sees Pete telling his mother-in-law, "Ma, I'm talking to my daughter. Don't worry about it," when she tries to discipline his child.

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7. Why Can Everyone Make Fun of Italians?

• Cultural Stereotyping in Good Fun
  • Pete and his Polish father-in-law visit a Polish market, where the owner hits Pete with rapid-fire Italian jokes. He wonders, “Why are you allowed to make fun of Italians and no other nationality?” (49:39, Pete)
  • Both riff on Italian stereotypes, family pride, and the double standard in ethnic humor.
    • “It’s beyond me… It’s like, ‘to New York—TONY.’ I like that one!” (51:13, Pete)
    • "How come there’s no Jehovah’s Witnesses in Italy? Because they don’t like any witnesses." (51:16, Pete)

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8. Judging, Recognition, and Sports—Olympics & Kids Gymnastics

• The comedians vent about subjectivity in judged sports (gymnastics, ice skating, Top Chef).

  • “You got to have judges with no relation to the event. France can’t be judged by France!” (55:29, Sebastian)

• They suggest that anonymity should rule: “No one should know what country until it’s over—like, you win and then take your helmet off and, surprise, it’s Germany.” (56:14, Pete)

Olympic Color Commentary

• Sebastian is amused by Italian athletes’ flair and style—especially after watching an Italian skeleton competitor “flirting with fans after his run… It’s like Gucci made his helmet!” (60:05, Sebastian)

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Memorable Quotes & Timestamps

• On Snot Rags:

  • "Cloth trumps tissue in every capacity." (02:04, Sebastian)

• On Parenting Loneliness:

  • "My mind is like a kitchen drawer you just throw tax forms, scissors in." (13:56, Sebastian)

• On Emotional Labor:

  • "If I’m happy, do you go, ‘Did you just have a sandwich?’ No, I’m just happy!" (12:04, Sebastian)

• On Moment of Silence:

  • "I went silent Sicilian. I’m just so disappointed; I’m not going to talk to him." (28:33, Sebastian)

• On Ethnic Humor:

  • "Why are you allowed to make fun of Italians and no other nationality?" (49:39, Pete)
  • "It’s like, 'How do you know if it's an Italian airline? There's hair under the wings!'" (51:13, Pete)

• On Parenting Realities:

  • "There is gonna come a day… when your daughter will blow right past you like you’re a stranger on Second Avenue." (44:19, Pete)

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Notable Moments (with Timestamps)

• Sebastian justifies his rag usage: 01:20–05:05
• Mr. Mom monologue, recounting solo dad stress: 05:05–08:06
• ‘Are you hungry?’ debate on emotional attribution: 10:03–12:29
• Soccer clinic parenting dilemma, ChatGPT mention: 21:18–31:45
• Meditation/ seeking solitude fails, plans for an office: 38:41–43:24
• Cultural jokes & Italian stereotypes in the Polish market: 49:39–53:42
• Discussion of subjective judging in sports, Olympics riffing: 54:05–60:45

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Tone and Style

The episode maintains the show’s trademark style: quick, real-life storytelling, back-and-forth ribbing, and raw authenticity. Both hosts poke fun at themselves, their families, and each other, unearthing the humor (and frustration) in everyday dad moments, never shying away from self-deprecation or taboo topics.

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Summary

Episode 698 is a comedic confessional on modern fatherhood under duress, delivered with the sharp observational wit of two seasoned comics. Sebastian’s “Mr. Mom” saga anchors the show, threading through snot towels, emotional labor, the gauntlet of child anxiety, generational clashes, and the enduring mystery of why Italians are fair game for any cultural punchline. Add in Olympics-adjacent tangents and the search for a few quiet moments, and you get a refreshingly honest—and hilarious—take on the juggling act of being a dad today.

Transcript

[A]

This is the Pete and Sebastian show with Pete Corieli and Sebastian Maniscalco.

[B]

I'm not going to start with, hey, welcome to the P. I'm not going to do that. And what I want to pinpoint. And you're probably gonna get, like, a little annoyed by this, but I'm gonna say it anyway because Patrick and I saw it and I think it needs an explanation. We could cut this out if you want.

[A]

I don't know what we're getting into

[B]

on our end. We just saw you, I don't know, blow your nose into a beach towel.

[A]

Oh, man, I got no problem with that. Yeah.

[B]

What?

[A]

Old dish rag.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

You know, we're good. There's a good yin and yang sometimes for the listeners out there. Way you go about life. Because in our house, a dish towel starts out as a dish towel, and then after it's done, being a dish towel becomes a gym towel that you use to, like when you're sweating, which this was today, I worked out. And then afterwards, I got my laundry right to the right. I didn't. This didn't get tossed over to laundry yet. So now I just finished using it for the gym.

[B]

I'm blowing my nose in it.

[A]

What's the big deal?

[B]

Multi. I don't know how we go from, like. How do we go from, like, regular towel usage and we just skip over Kleenex just right over to right over the hurt, bro.

[A]

Listen, we did it at another way. We talked about something else with cloth. Cloth trumps tissue in every capacity. If you could blow your nose in cloth the rest of your life. I mean, that's why I use handkerchiefs, bro. They're phenomenal. You've seen me use them on the road when we were doing the tour. I mean, it's a lost. It's a lost beauty to hanky.

[B]

Listen, I always go and revert back to. If you were dating Jackie, right, for a couple weeks in and you had to blow your nose, would you be picking up a old rag to do it? I mean.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Where does it fall apart along the way? Or does it, like. Where does it just go? Put it. All right, Pete, Sebastian. Where does it.

[A]

That's the opposite of falling apart. Let's take that. Let's take the dating out of the equation and put it on an airplane. When I'm on an airplane and I feel a sneeze coming on, I can time my sneezes. Like, I. I can tell where it's at, how much time I have. Like, I'll Go. So it's coming. So I reach in my back pocket, I, I'll even give it a little snap to open it up and give it one fold. And I feel the people around me love, they love. They're like, this guy doesn't grab him tissue, a little Kleenex, takes a full on cloth, gets a full cover of his nose and mouth, throws his nose in there, folds it, puts it back in the pocket and like we're all back in the game here. I think people appreciate the handkerchief being used next to them. Well, because the mask guy, the mask guy takes his mask fucking down to sneeze. It's like backwards. The whole thing is backwards.

[B]

I get the handkerchief. I just, I never seen. And maybe, maybe the listeners out there have seen this. I've never seen someone use what is equivalent to an oil rag. I just never seen it before. That's what you take. The dipstick, the dipstick, you.

[A]

Well, there's a woman who loves the cast named Stacy. And when we had that one I had told you about where we discussed how I use rag in the garage for other things. It's an old episode. So she sent me a big box of rags and then for Christmas she sent me another one. Bro, look at these things I get. They come in a plastic bag with about a hundred in a bag, three, four bags in a box. So I got like 500 of these. So when I'm working on the weekend, I take one and I put it right here around the garage. And if I get oil on my hands, I wipe. If I got a sneeze, it's just, it's a tool. It's a tool and it should be seen as one. Bro, you need to do it. You need to work a day in construction. You'll have a whole new look on life.

[B]

All right, so. So we got the clarification on the snot rag. Lana's been not feeling up to par. So I've been kind of quarterback in the family, right? And I think we've gone over this before in the cast. Again, I don't know how to say this without sounding like I'm bragging or I'm sounding like I'm needing a pat on the back, but this is the only way I know how to do it. I often, sometimes not often, but like during this 11 day stretch, you ever take a step back at a 35,000ft view at what you're doing as not only a father, but as a professional? And just think, man, is if we brought another man into this Relationship and you swapped me out for 11 days. And again, I don't know if we went through this. I tell stories a lot to a lot of different people. I don't know where I tell them. That's where my mind's going. I don't drug, I don't booze. You don't find me at a strip joint. I don't have a golf problem. Right. I don't have a train set that I go and tinker with in my basement. I am a comedian. Husband and father. Right. That's kind of my jobs now. Would you say, majority of the fathers out there, I don't go to a bar and sit on a stool and talk to the bartender. Yeah. I'm not.

[A]

Well, I think you should pull it back a little bit. I don't think there's as many men doing those things as you think there are doing them. I think there's a. I mean, I think you're off the road. By the way, the fact that you have a day count, that alone speaks volumes to me about where your head's at. You're like 11 days.

[B]

11.

[A]

I'm putting it on. You're doing it or you're not. You're counting it.

[B]

Is it 11 or is it 13? I just threw 11 out there to give you a fucking taste.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I could have said. I could have said two and it would have been not the same impact.

[A]

No. You're around there for a while. I don't know, it just seems to me like you're looking in, in the morning to see if your wife's feeling better, and then you're walking out going, I guess we're doing. Ah, I'm not. Yeah. You know. So on the 11th day, you want a parade? No, no, no, no, no, no.

[B]

So I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what set me off so last week. And again, I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself. Just cut me off if I am.

[A]

By the way, can I. I have to interrupt one thing, and I've said this before, which just has no effect on you, which is fine. But when you tell people that you don't remember who you told what to, that's insulting. That's insulting that you don't remember what you told me. That's fine that you don't think so, but I think so.

[B]

Okay. Could you remember where you told a specific joke and where it was at?

[A]

No, but I remember what I tell my friend. I do that. This is a little bit of A different day. Sorry, I don't remember if I was telling this to you or Ken when we had lunch yesterday.

[B]

Well, listen, you don't tell the story repeatedly over and over again to different people.

[A]

I may. But I do remember what I tell my certain friends.

[B]

How many people? What?

[A]

How many people might. As many as you. Not as many as you. I don't share as much stuff with as many people as you.

[B]

Okay. I share a lot of stories to a lot of different people. Okay, so when. I don't know when I told it, because it's like, this is the seventh. Like, if you're doing seven shows in one night and you go, I tell this joke already. I. I know it's not a friend, but I'm just saying it's more of like, okay, okay, so.

[A]

But if you were, like, if we were Mormon and you had seven wives, it would be a fucking nightmare being married to you. Was I telling you this or was I telling Kathy on Tuesday? Oh,

[B]

yeah, I would fare well in a Mormon relationship.

[A]

I don't. Anyway. All right, so go ahead, continue.

[B]

Last week, yeah, we got a notification from the nest camera that one of the dogs were loose. Did I tell you the story?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay. No.

[A]

On the cast, though. I understand you don't remember what you told, but. No, I didn't. How does. How does your nest know that? That's interesting. How do you.

[B]

It's a camera. So, like, you get a notification if there's movement on the camera. And then Lana looked and said, the dog's loose in the house. Then we weren't there, but we can

[A]

get off the property and was run.

[B]

No, no, it's in the house. It's loose in the house, which is. It's even worse. Yeah. So we have construction people there. So I asked who, you know, who tied the dog to the door and Seraphims. I did. And I said, seraphina, you gotta, like, be more. You gotta pay attention more. You know, like, this is responsibility of having a dog. You know, if they get loose, you know, they could eat stuff and they get sick and this and that. You gotta be a little bit more intentional with your. I am sorry, Daddy. I'm sorry. I go, well, you know, it's like, you say sorry, but, you know, like, you know, I need you to, like, hone in. Right? So I got a little upset that this was happening. And then when I dropped him off at school, Lana was in the car as well, dropped him off at school, door shut. And I'm like, you know, it's like, you gotta. You know, I'm kind of, like, aggravated talking to Lana. And I get. And I don't know if you've ever got this from your wife, but I got. Are you hungry? Like, the hunger is like, why I'm acting this way, you know? Like, I feel like a lot of times when I'm angry or frustrated that there needs to be, like, an excuse other than the situation of why I'm behaving the way I'm behaving. Right?

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I get. Are you hungry? Listen, I said. And then I went into a rant. And this is life, all right? I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm frustrated, I'm depressed. It's all.

[A]

This is it.

[B]

I feel everything right. Why. Why you gotta be hungry? If I'm happy, do you go, oh, did you just have a sandwich? No. You just say, I'm happy. You know, it's like, why all of a sudden I get angry? And all of a sudden I'm hungry. Did you sleep well? Why is. Why is anger associated with a deficiency that you might have had prior to the anger? That's what I'm trying to figure out.

[A]

That's fascinating. I. I get tired. Same thing, though. But it's. For me, it's tired. I know you're tired. I'm not tired. I'm tired of the. That you're doing.

[B]

Right? Like that.

[A]

Yeah, but I'm right, so it's more tired than hungry for me. But is your daughter and son also. Because this is what happens now sometimes in my family that I don't think I'm wrong or, like, even unreasonable, but, like, the whole family's turning on me.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Why is dad so angry? You know, that's what I get. Like, why is my father so fucking. Like. I don't know. I feel like you. I feel like I have a valid argument of why I'm angry. The dog is loose now. Do they know the underbelly of what's happening? Because I feel like a lot of times men are walking around talking to themselves, right? Like, you know, like, a lot of times I'm having a conversation with myself in my own head going, the fuck. The kitchen ain't ready. The kitchen remodels. I gotta pay the guy to. I feel like I'm walking around, like, constantly trying to figure it out. Right? And generally speaking, my wife don't walk around with any conversations in her head. So she's like a clean slate. And I got like. My mind is like a drawer that you have in your kitchen that you just throw like taxing scissors papers that I feel like that's.

[A]

Yeah. Some duck. Duck sauce from the Chinese restaurant. You got it in.

[B]

Right?

[A]

I. I get mad about things that didn't even happen. I'm like if that person does that, I'm gonna. And I'm like they didn't even do it. Yeah. Like so. But just prepare my question. I want to ask you. Does that stop? I'm hoping someday. And I don't want to be there anytime soon. But when you retire do you put all that away? Is you get fuck all that. Or was it still man Is still happening in other ways. Like so and so on the co op board. Doesn't want guests at the pool. Fuck that. You know. Right.

[B]

I think. I think it's just you subs like you said. You substitute it with something else that's going into your life. This never going to happen.

[A]

Jeez.

[B]

It's never going to end.

[A]

That's why we have heart attacks. And you really. That's why a woman never has a

[B]

heart attack because she's not thinking nothing.

[A]

Not that stuff.

[B]

She's that.

[A]

But maybe she's the. That's. That makes them smarter than us.

[B]

Bro.

[A]

Because where's it getting us?

[B]

Where's it getting us?

[A]

I mean, you told your daughter to tie a tight. There's nothing more to say to her. She made a mistake. She could be 32 years old and still make that same mistake. So how many times you're going to hit her with. You got to be more, you know.

[B]

Okay. Looking at the mirror. Okay. And when I see the reflection. I admittedly know. I know that I have a hard time resetting the table after something like that happens. Like I can't just go. And another thing. Tie the dog. Anyway. You want to go for breakfast? There needs to be almost like. You know when you like to have a cooling off period for three days before you buy a gun?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I need a cooling off period after something in my life happens where it sets me off. I need to like, okay, let him rest. Let him go in a room. And then they'll come out new. I can't just like hop into the day after something like that happens. All right.

[A]

Right. Right. That's phenomenal. That's true. You need a little time to. I hear you.

[B]

I hear you.

[A]

Man.

[B]

I'm so also at that particular point. My cup has runneth over the 11 days prior of what I've been doing. Right. Kind of hit a tipping point. And the dog thing on the leash was what set me over the edge.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Now, if it was a normal week, the dog thing, probably I could have let that go a little softer. But since I've been dealing with, you know, listen, I'm not looking for a pat on the back. I'm just saying I was in Las Vegas. I did four shows. I'm partying with the. You know, the. The Steve Aoki. And then I come home, I'm in Long Beach, I'm doing a gymnastics. And the next day, I'm with Caruso. And this is. So There's a lot. And I have a story about Caruso that I need your opinion on. Just a. Just a side note. So anyway, now I'm angry. I'm getting the. Are you hungry? And then I go, no, I'm not hungry. This is life. And then Lana starts getting emotional. I just. I just want, like, a nice day. And it just. This energy is hard to be around, you know, ever get this.

[A]

Oh, I love it. I love it. Oh, my God, that's awesome. Doesn't that just immediately make you turn?

[B]

There's a part of me. There's a part of me that goes, okay, listen, I know I'm being difficult here, but there's also a part of me that is like wishing she would react in a different way. And I know that's not, you know, wishing somebody would react in a certain way is not healthy to do. But what I'm looking for in those moments is going, babe, I know you've been under the gun, all right? You got a lot of fucking pressure right now on your shoulders. I get it. But look it, you know, that's what I'm looking. I'm looking for the acknowledgement of why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling. I'm not looking for. I want to have a great day. This is hard to be around. I'm looking for some compassion. So we get out of the car. Egg shells.

[A]

I get the eggshells. That's the one I get. Oh, yeah. I'm always on eggshells.

[B]

Oh, you're on eggshells?

[A]

Yeah. You're on eggshells.

[B]

I didn't know you. Eggshells. Yeah.

[A]

I didn't know it was so volatile.

[B]

Stop cracking eggs.

[A]

Great.

[B]

This energy. Oh, God.

[A]

Good for Lana.

[B]

So she gets out of the car, and as she's getting out of the car, she tells me that her time of the month just came.

[A]

Right

[B]

now. The way she was behaving in my head, I go, okay, I know where it is. You know. I know what time we're. I know the time of the month. This is what I want to ask. And this goes for all the women out there. Why do women do not notice that it's that time of the month and men notice, you know what I'm saying? Like, if I started crying, just out of nowhere, I would go, oh, my period's coming.

[A]

No. Really? Yeah. Nah, I. I've never had that in my life. I've never, like. No, I could never tell when my wife was on it or not or anything.

[B]

I don't know. Could you tell?

[A]

No.

[B]

No. Okay. Lana has a specific energy that she has when that's approaching. It's sometimes emotional, sometimes it's overwhelmed. And okay, it's three days away. It's coming. There's the Runway. Right. So anyway, so I broke. I got it. I broke the, you know, I broke the tension with a little laughter. And, you know, you ever, like, say, say what you want about comedians. Yeah, we're up, we're down, high, low. This, that and the other. However, what we do have is the ability to take a situation and flip it on its head and make a joke out of it in the moment where it kind of eases the pain a little bit. So I threw something in there about this time of the month and this. Then she laughed, we laughed. Okay. We reset the table with a laugh. However, I've been taking on a lot, and I was at soccer practice. It's not even a practice. They call it a clinic. It's separate from the practice. So I told Caruso, we're going to go to a clinic today. All right. It's associated with the league that he's in. It's at a different location. The location it's at, he has been once for the tryout. And it's a turf field, very nice field. Right. It's like what they play on, you know, that turf stuff. Normally he practices on a field that is grass filled with potholes and garbage.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

He's excited to go. And granted, I just picked him up from a six hour sport camp. They had the day off on Friday. Was it Friday? Yeah. So he was at the sports camp. They played football, they played basketball, a lot of activity. So I picked him up. We're gonna go to an hour and 15 minutes of the clinic. So we get there early. And he likes to pass the ball around with me before. So we're just passing this and that. I'm giving him lobs. He's stopping it and he goes, dad, this is Great. This is great, Daddy. I love this field. The ball moves so much quicker on this grass. I said, yeah, no, it's really, really good. So I said, hey, bud, the clinic is starting, so get with the kids, and I'll be over here, you know, watching. He goes, where's my teammates? I go, no, Bud, this is. This is just a clinic with a bunch of different kids. You know, where's my coach? I said, no, your coach isn't here. It's a different coach. It's separate from what you're used to. It's just a. You know. And then I start seeing him, well, up, right. Start starting to cry, right? He's trying to hold it in. So I walk away to go to the sidelines. I turn around, he's coming back to me crying. And we've had this before. But earlier on, he has a problem entering situations that he's unfamiliar with. Right. It's. It's very reminiscent of how I was as a kid and still am. Like, I don't play well with others that I don't know yet. You know what I'm saying? Like, it takes a while. Like, I'm like a souffle. I gotta, like, take time, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Same thing with him. And I don't want him to be like me. I don't know if you've seen characteristics in your daughter. You're like, that's me. And I don't like that about me. I hope she doesn't. Oh, she's not that way. Right. Same thing here. I don't want him to feel like he can't participate in things if he doesn't know or feel comfortable.

[A]

So I said, by the way, I'm the opposite. My daughter gets some of my traits, and I'm like, good for her. She's got that,

[B]

All right.

[A]

But there's certain. Almost like an anxiety you get a little bit around new environments.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, when I was a kid, I had a problem going, like, the first day of school. I never wanted to go in because I didn't know anybody, you know, And I would hang on to my mom. I don't want to go. I don't want to go. Right. So same thing here. So the approach I take is, you know. You know, compassionate. Very like, hey, man, listen, I said, we don't quit in this family. If the going gets tough, we get going, you know? And I know you don't know these kids. I'm not asking you to, like, start friendships. Now he's crying during this whole Thing. Right. And if you know anything about kids, they don't. They're not, like, processing the information you're telling them while they're emotional and crying. It's just. They don't have the capability of doing that. Although I don't. You know, I don't. I still talk, even though. Yeah. Somewhere in the back of my head, I know this ain't even sinking in. So I said, listen, man, you gotta go in there. It's like, I know you don't know anybody, but you felt this way when we started the soccer and remember, you had a few touches, and then you felt great, and you. I don't want to go in. I don't know. It's only an hour and 15 minutes. You're. You were so excited to be here on this field, right? I don't want to go in. I don't want to go. And then I turn into my father, right? Like, the nice shit ain't working. So I go. I didn't drive 50 minutes for us to sit on the sidelines. And I get it. And I go into a.

[A]

This is.

[B]

This is the complete opposite of what he just heard.

[A]

Yeah. I wouldn't even did the first part. I would have went right into this. I swear to God. That's where I go. And I try to make it like it's not even a thing. I'm like, well, this is like when Sadie does that kind of. About something. Like, I don't even know. What do you even. It's not even a thing. Just go. Just get the. Like, try and make it small, you know? I don't know. Make him think like that. Like what you are worth worried about isn't even a real thing. Caruso, just get your ass out there.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

I know you know your boy. I know you know your boy.

[B]

I didn't start with that because if I went with that, it would have been a whole. We would have got nowhere. I figure. Let me. It's hard to go for. It's hard to go from mean to nice. It's easier to go from nice to mean.

[A]

Yeah, no shit.

[B]

Because now he knows. Oh, that was the nice. This is. He means business. He means business and still don't work. You go to nice then. So I go, nice, mean, Right? Right. So I go, you get it. You get in there right now. We don't quit. Basically saying the same thing, but now with it, with an attitude.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You don't go in now. I take you out of soccer altogether. You know, that's sort of that's.

[A]

That's all shit.

[B]

Still ain't doing shit. Still crying. So there's the director of the clinic there. I go over to him, I go, hey, man, listen, I'm having a problem with my son. He's a little reluctant to go into environments that he's unfamiliar with. I said, do you mind maybe massaging the situation, get the coach and maybe get him playing with somebody. I'm going outside the Maniscalco Realm to see if they could facilitate, right? So he gets down on his knees, like, hey, man, we could. In the way. He starts talking. I go, bro, I thought you had the secret sauce. Like, I, you know, you do this.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

This guy's fumbling with his words. I go, this guy don't know what he's doing. He's as clueless as I am.

[A]

He's probably like, if you weren't a famous comedian, I'd have just said, no, I don't do that. But because you're you, I'm going to try. I'm going to get down on one knee here and see if I can get you kid to kick the ball.

[B]

What.

[A]

What did he say?

[B]

Oh, he was like, hey, man, I'll take you over there and. And then you could just watch for a little bit, and then if you want to get in, you could get in. So he was. He was. He was. So he.

[A]

That's cool. Yeah.

[B]

So he. He. He. My son's going with him, right? Because I didn't want to go. I. I wanted to detach myself from the situation because I'd rather have, like, I'm not always going to be there, right? Yep. So, yeah, the coach takes him over. Now, listen, man, the guy running the clinic, he's a. He's a really good coach, but he's, like, from Colombia and he's foreign, and he's. You know, the way he talks is very like. He's like a man, you know, he's

[A]

like, come on, get the money.

[B]

And I'm like, yeah. So my son is walking into this, right? It's like he's walking into, like, FC Barcelona practice.

[A]

You know what I'm saying?

[B]

This ain't like he's a. Come here, son. Come here. My son ain't gonna respond to this, you know, I'm like, oh, my son comes running back, right? He comes running back to me. He's like, daddy, I don't want to go in. I don't want. And I. And I. And I go silent Sicilian. I don't. I just. I'M just so disappointed I'm not going to talk to him. So we both, I sit down and he sits down and we're watching the practice in silence. Oh. So I, I start saying, wow, that was a great move that kid just did. He faked that kid out of his shorts. And he's like, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to get, like, trying to get it back to zero where he's not crying, I'm not angry. And we're just watching a soccer game. I said, oh, wow. Do you see how that kid uses his right, right foot and then he used his left foot. That's why I told you, you know, you gotta use both feet because you can't just be a one sided player. And he goes, yeah, dad, yeah, dad. He goes, oh, man, I would have went left instead of right or said something about that. I go, well, bud, you can't really sit here and critique from the sidelines when you're not really participating in the game. That's not fair. These kids are out there, you know, breaking their ass and you can't just sit here and relax and say, you would have done this, you would have done that without, without actually participating. It's not really what we do, you know. Okay, so listen, there's, you know, there's 15 minutes left. Do you want, do you want to get in a couple touches? No. Okay. So I saw a mother that I knew. She's got older kids. I went over to talk to her and he's just sitting there alone. I figured, let me, let me just go talk to this mother. So I start talking to her about, you know, this situation. She goes, oh, my older son was like that. And what I would do is I would take him out and I would, you know, if he wanted not to go in, I would take him out and we would go out for ice cream. And I'm really upset that I did that because now he doesn't want to participate in things that he might feel uncomfortable with. I think I fucked up. I said, yeah. I go, I don't want to do that either. So I felt sorry from. I just, my son's sitting there and I went over there and just said, pick up your bag, we're going home. Picked up the bag, get in the car. Five minutes of silence. And then I said, you got anything to say? He goes, no. And then a minute later, I look back, he was out cold. Now, was he tired? Yeah. Am I blaming the exhaustion on why he didn't want to go in? Not necessarily. Because we've seen this behavior before and he hasn't been tired. So going through that, right? Yeah. And this is another thing I did in the middle of this when he was with the Colombian coach, I chatgpt, what do you do in this situation? I figured fucking AI would give me something to navigate the situation. I gotta tell you, for those of you that are not using AI get on it because it gave me a step, it gave me a step by step. But the problem it did was it gave me a step by step from the beginning of the situation. It didn't give me like what to do in the middle of gave me how you approach it from the car walking to the field. It said, it said right away, as soon as you get there, go to the coach and tell the coach, could you get my son playing with, passing with a couple of teammates right off the bat? So it's not like a shock that we're. We're throwing them in the hot water. We're coming in and we're easing our way in. So it's which I like, but I was way past that. And Chachi's Beatty had no, no, no solution for. What do you tell your kid after you say, I'm going to take you out of the fucking league if you don't get in? It didn't have a response for that.

[A]

Right? Yeah, No, I would chat bg say when I said I'm going to grab the kid his waistband and. And I'm going to throw him out on the fucking field. I'm going to literally throw him out there. I just. Yeah. Oh, man. This is a fascinating story to me, bro, the way you're handling all this. Went about it and every kid's different and all that, man.

[B]

Yeah, it's all parenting now. Seraphina, completely opposite. You put her in a new situation. She comes in, she's doing cartwheels, flips, she's teaching the girls how to do handstands. Totally different, right? My son is more like. So I went, I talked to my mother and I said, ma, when I had a problem going in to things, what did you do? How did you handle this? She said, I told you, go in and I'll take you to McDonald's afterwards. Yeah. I said, did it work? She goes, yeah, you went in and we had a big Mac afterwards.

[A]

All right, that's it?

[B]

Yeah, that's it.

[A]

I participated.

[B]

And then I got diabetes on the way out.

[A]

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[A]

See homedepot.com licensenumbers Nothing wrong with this, you know, and I'm a fan of the Maniscalco clan, obviously, but there's a lot of LA California theme in the show today from Lana saying it's negative energy vibe and it's not working for me. To your son not wanting to go in the game and you sitting there watching it with them and going, that's okay, buddy. A lot of Gavin Newsomesque vibe going on here. Like, you know, like. And where we live. Jackie would say, you're being a dick. What's your problem? You know, with me with the first part and with the second part. I know is, bro, it's like, that's a tricky one. Like, you know, and the hardest part about what you're doing is there's other people around. So, like you can't even do maybe private methods where maybe you would grab my arm and go, I didn't come this far. But you know, people looking and shit. I know you're trying to thread the needle.

[B]

I know I'm around a lot of parents, so. You're right. The environment, you know, because I've seen that. You ever see the parent that don't care about the environment that they're in? Yeah, I've seen that. Where the kid, I've seen a guy drag his kid by the shoulder across rocks. You know, there was a. We were outside a restaurant, there was rocks and bushes and he go, get that fuck over. You're like, jesus, like, what if he's doing that in public? What's going on at the house right?

[A]

Right now? Track that kid. That's the kid that's gonna Go to West Point someday. Cause his dad dragged him across the fucking ro. But when you're watching that practice and you're being patient with your boy right next to you, when you. Because I've been in that position too, where you. Then you think, you reset it and you go, want to go in for 15 minutes? And they say no.

[B]

You're like,

[A]

all right. That's what you,

[B]

you think. You think you're like. For 15 minutes you're setting the table and then you're just gonna go. You want to go in? He goes, yeah. Like, Then you're like, well, you're right. When you think you'. Oh, okay, we're at a better place now. Now he's going to go, no. Yeah, get in the fucking car. Yeah, it's like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So anyway, there's been moments like that throughout the. 12 days, 11 days, 13, whatever. It's been where, you know, I'm just looking for. I'm looking to tap out and listen. I can't live. And I don't know if. I don't know if this is just in my relationship or my family, but I notice when Daddy tries to. What are you looking at?

[A]

My daughter's just down here. Just put it down. Go to school. Jesus. I know it's break. Goodbye.

[B]

All right.

[A]

She's gone. She went back up.

[B]

Well, you know, it's funny when the kids are home, but your kid is older, but you have to like go back when she was 6, 7, 8. Sorry.

[A]

She's yelling. What say up in your room, you can. Thanks. Yeah, when they were like six.

[B]

Sorry, bro. That's okay. I don't know if this is just a California thing, but Presidents Day here, it's like Friday off and Monday off. So it's like a four day weekend. That's a big one. When the kids have bookends on the weekend and you got them for four days, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then it's raining, right. So there's, you know, there's a lot of, like. It's a lot, right?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And Daddy was just looking for a little time to himself. There was an article that I wanted to read. Yeah, yeah. In the newspaper. So I come up here to the theater and I'm like, let me just close the door and I'll read the article. I don't know if you're dealing with this, but like when Daddy vanishes, is there like a search party that goes out for you in your house? Like, I feel like. I feel like my family goes after like six minutes. Where's Daddy.

[A]

You ever hear one family member ask, like, you ever hear Lana ask one of the kids where you are? And you hear it, you know what I mean? I can like, Jackie, go, where's your father? And I can go, I'm down here. But I'm like, well, let them figure it out.

[B]

Yeah, you figure, like, the time it takes for them to find you is just a little bit more time you're gonna have to read the article. Nast, whatever the hell it is. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Then you come up and they go, we were looking for you. And you're like. In my head, I'm like, I heard. I heard the whole search party.

[B]

Yeah. I feel like all of a sudden, we gotta go find Daddy. Right? Right? Yeah. So I'm reading the article and, you know, Seraphina walks in, she's like, hey, Daddy, what's going on? And of course, you know, I'm not gonna. You know, I turn into like, oh, hey, what's up? You know, like, I'm not gonna tell my daughter, get the fuck out of here. But I'm doing this meditation, right? And once in the morning, once in the afternoon, it's 20 minutes of pop. So around 1 o', clock, I. I go up in this room and I meditate. I told Lana. Yeah, told Lana I'm going to go meditate. Now, in my relationship, I noticed that my wife doesn't necessarily register a lot of the times what I tell her. So I'm meditating and I hear the door. The door is like. It creaks. And sometimes I'm in a light REM sleep when I'm meditating, which is okay. The meditation I do. If you fall asleep, that's fine. But I'm very sensitive. I'm a light sleeper. I wake up with, you know, anything. So I hear, and. And I'm like, you gotta be in my. In my head. You gotta be kidding me, right? And then Lana's walking in and I go, I'm not trying meditating. Supposed to get you in relaxed, you know? So the door's open. I go, not now. Yeah, So. So I open up my eyes and then she puts the. The phone flashlight on. You got to be kidding me. What am I dealing with, a prowler? I go. I go, no, no, no, no. Like, I. I don't want to get out of, like my. My meditative state. So I'm just trying to shut it down.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

What the. And she walks in. I go, you. And she goes, and. And she goes and meditates. She's going to do her meditation or whatever. She's taking nap in the same room that I'm in. This is a big house. No other rooms. No other rooms. The room I'm in. Like, if I was in the bathroom, she would have. And I was on the toilet, she would have took a nap in the sink. Why? I got. And I figured it out. I figured it out. Yeah. And you've talked about this and you haven't pulled the trigger. But I'm going to pull the trigger. I'm going to get an office where I could go because I can't get anything done here. I cannot get anything done. There's too much traffic. There's too much shit going on. The remodel. I got guys, they have construction guys that. That I can't unsee what's going on with them. Right. We've talked about you. I said, I'm looking at lunch and they're grilling kebab and shit. Like, I can't. I can't not see what's happening at the house. So I got to tap out. Yeah. And I'm going to go get an office because I ain't getting shit done here. Bro. Just.

[A]

Even if you. Even if you end up going there and taking a goddamn nap, I'm telling you, you need one. But, you know, you also. This is. We got. We got to tag this show, bro, because your daughter. And I'm telling you, I only say this because mine's a little. There is going to come a day sooner than you think, and you're going to have women probably emailing you this after this cast. Be grateful she still wants your attention because it's about. I mean, I. There's times now I just. Just for a test, I'm like, let me just see. I'll walk past my door in the hallway. Let me see. If I don't say anything, she'll. She'll blow right past me like we're passing on second Avenue. She don't even go, what's up, Dad? I go. I go, not even a hello?

[B]

And she's like, hey.

[A]

I just said I. Like, so, you know, and same thing, you know, you got a wife that wants to be near you. People will be grateful for that. And I know you're being funny. I'm just saying we're gonna do a cast pretty soon where you're gonna be like, bro, nobody even, like, acknowledges me when I walk into a room. And then I'm gonna have to remind you of this cast when you're Like, I can't ditch these people.

[B]

Oh, no, I get it. And I've. I've heard that too. And I'm not. I'm not. You know, I know there's going to be a day where I'm sitting there going, wishing. No, I wish my daughter would come in. I get it. I'm just saying, this last two weeks, I've been in it, I've been in the mud here, and I was just looking for a couple moments where I could, like, regroup, reset the table, come back fresh. I just couldn't get that. I just couldn't get those moments right. So I think we're out of the. I think we're out of the woods right now. Things are back to normal. They're resetting, and I'm here. So listen, I'm sorry, I'm monopolized the time. What?

[A]

No, no, this is all flowing. I got to say though, when I hear these stories, I feel like. Like knowing your sister and your father a bit and all that, I feel like out of your family, I feel like Seraphina gets the man of Scalco way more than anyone else. Like, if I had to take one back to the homeland to say, bring her, you know what I'm saying? She's more like, I get it that. I get it that I got more maniscalco in me than these two, but

[B]

I agree, I agree.

[A]

The parenting, though, I got. I gotta say, I love the way you handled it because Jackie's parents visited this weekend and it was a handful, man. They're old now and it was a handful. And at one point, Sadie had a swim meet, and after the swim meet, we were going out to dinner and Sadie goes, oh, I'm so mad that she didn't like her tights that she brought. Dad, we have to stop at home so I can change. And I'm like, you think we're stopping at home so you could change your pants? You're eating dinner with your grandparents and your parents, nobody. You ain't got to see anybody say, I don't give a shit. And Jackie, same thing. She's like, sadie, we're not stopping. And she wouldn't stop. I really want to stop, you know? So then we get into Tahoe and she's like, we're going a block away. I go, sadie, we're not. And she, dad, Sadie, shut up. I go like that, right? And my mother in law goes to me, okay, hey now, all right, that's enough. We're not going to talk to her. That I Go, ma, I'm talking to my daughter. Don't worry about it, Mom, I'm like looking in and I'm driving. I go, I'm talking to my daughter. Mom, don't even worry about it, okay? I'm talking to my daughter. And she fucking got it. You know, because she does that with Jackie. And I usually. I'm good about it. I have been for years, but I'm done with it. You just finished saying we're great parents. We are. Why do you think we're great parents? Because I tell her to shut the up sometimes. That's why. Jesus Christ.

[B]

So now, now when you say that to your mother in law, is Jackie with you? She in the front seat.

[A]

Oh, everyone's in the car.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So Jackie says, I'm so glad you said that.

[B]

You have a relationship that's very unique in the sense that I've never seen two people on the same page like you. I mean it's always, there's always like if in a normal relationship, I would say the majority of the relationship, if you said, ma, I got it, Generally speaking, the wife of the mother would go, hey, you know, take it easy on my mind. You're a little older, a little harsh, but you guys, you're like, you give it to her again next time.

[A]

No, not always. I mean, we fight with Sadie like crazy, man. Like disagreeing. I say Jackie's way too hard and vice versa. But then I see the results and I see my kids not, you know, is happy. So. But I had my in laws for like my father in law can't hear anymore. He can't hear like you gotta talk really loud. And my mother in law doesn't talk loud, so he can't hear her. So it's very frustrating for those two. So when they came, Jackie has them come and they're gonna. One day we're gonna go to see Sadie swim, and another day Sadie has a piano thing. But in the meantime, I go, Jack, you, you, you don't do anything with them. They're just sitting there.

[B]

You.

[A]

She wakes up and she goes, I'm going to go work out. And I'm like, so then I got it. I take a father for like an hour and a half walk around the neighborhood. And I'm talking this loud the whole way because he's deaf. And then I come back and she. And I'm like. So by the time I said it to my mother in law, I'm like, I've been entertaining your parents this whole weekend. You're not even Doing anything. She goes, you don't have to entertain them.

[B]

They're fine.

[A]

I go, they're just sitting there. So anyway, yeah, you have that.

[B]

You have that guilt. You have that guilt where you need to step in and you feel like you need to entertain. Yeah. You know. Yeah. And it's not even your parents, right? It's, it's. It's her side. So you would think that she would go, okay, my dad, why don't you come with me? And no, no, she's on a. She's on a run. And you're. And you're. You're out for coffee with these two.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Now I need your opinion about this. Your. Your take. Why is this. Why are you allowed to make fun of Italians and no other nationality? And let me explain. I take my father in law. I find there's this Polish market in town. It's been around forever. They get products from Poland. It's a really neat place. My father in law is all Polish. So I take them there and it's fantastic. It's like even the potato chips are in Polish and they're from Poland and the meats. And that is that. And you know, I couldn't even believe how many Polox.

[B]

Polish.

[A]

Polish people were in there. They call each other that. That's why I said that. My father in law, they call. Now, the guy who owns a place is an old time Polish guy, right? And I come in, I go, my father in law, he can't hear that well. He's Polish. I'll show you around. You're not Polish, are you? I go, my half Italian, half Irish. You're Italian. And then he starts, let me just give you a few hits with the first one. He goes, you know why? You know why all the Italian men are named Tony? And I go, no, why? He goes, because Italian men are so dumb when they come from Italy to America. He goes, they won't want to come to New York. And they're too dumb to explain. So they just put on their forehead, T O N Y to New York. And then they land in Ellis island. And Ellis island goes, you're Tony. You're Tony. You're Tony, right? And I'm laughing. Then he goes, why do Italian boys all have thin mustaches? And I go, I don't know. Why? Because they want to be like their mama. What the fuck?

[B]

So

[A]

how come there's no Jehovah's Witnesses in Italian? I go, I don't know. Cause they don't like any witnesses. Then I Go, I got one for you. I go, how do you know when it's an Italian airline? He goes, how? I go, there's hair under the wings, right? And I'm like, now, now I'm making fun of my own people. Why is it with no, no other nationality if I was black, you think this guy's gonna start going, hey, why do black people. Because. Is it because, why is it because we're so cool we don't even mind because we know what a king says? I mean, I'm only half. I love the Irish. I'm sorry too. I love the Irish. Folks don't go, but why is that? It's beyond me. To New York. To New York. I like that one.

[B]

I don't, I don't know. You bring up a great point. I don't understand. And like, it's one thing to make fun of Italians, not two Italians, but they feel so comfortable telling you these jokes about Italians that are so derogatory. I mean, like, yeah, we're dumb. We got hair on our armpit, you

[A]

know, it's like, jesus, Italian, flat tire. He goes, it goes, dago wap, wap, wap, wap, dago wap. What the fuck is this guy doing just hitting me with rain facial slows while I'm shopping in his place? And you still, and you still bought more? More? Cuz I found it charming.

[B]

What the.

[A]

Imagine being a black guy going, he called me the N word, so I want more stuff.

[B]

Nuts. Yeah, man, I, I don't know. I, I, I have no idea. Like, if you would have hit him with a Polish joke, do you think it would have went over right now?

[A]

I think he would have told me to get the fuck out of the store. Right? I mean, it's amusing hearing a Polish guy tell you Italians are dumb. I'm like, I'm in a fucking Twilight zone right here. I mean, it is books just loaded with jokes about how dumb you people are. You're making fun of Italian.

[B]

Oh, God damn.

[A]

Anyway, that's because we can take a hit, right? Yes, we can take the hit as Italians when you know you got the best food, the best. I tell you, though, you've been watching the Olympics. Yeah, I, I'm not into these things where there's judges. It's like, it's, it's like too subjective, man.

[B]

Too subjective. I know we deal with it with Seraphina's gymnastics where, you know, she does something and then we see the SC and, and all the time I go, that, the 8.7, you got, you know, me and Lana are sitting there going, kidding me? But I'm looking around and I asked line, I go, are we the only parents that are getting robbed? Like. Like. Like, I'm seeing 9 5, right? 97 and see if you get 9 1. So I know they're giving this stuff out. I know they're giving the scores out on a higher level. But I'm going, are the people that get a 95 going, 9 5. That's a 9 9. You know, like, are we the only parents that are upset with the scores?

[A]

Does the 95 parents think the kid should have got, like, a 9 8? You know, like, it just keeps. Yeah. Oh, that's it. That's a very. That's too frustrating, man. That's too frustrating. That's. The Americans lost the ice skating because the French won the ice skating, right? The French judge gave the French seven points higher than they gave any other performance. And then they gave the Americans seven points lower than any other judge gave you. Dude, that is, like, not.

[B]

So anyway, you got to have judges that do not have any relation to the event. So if. If a French, Italian, and American are in it, you got to have a Hungarian, an Australian, and a Russian judge. You can't have a judge associated with the. You know, France can't be judged in France.

[A]

No, you're right. Like, I. I don't. I think, honestly, getting back to making fun of Italians, the Italian athletes, you shouldn't even know they're Italian until afterwards. Like, if you go, those two get the goal, then they go, we're Italian. Then the judge would have went, thought they were French.

[B]

I think you make a great point. No one should know what country until it's over.

[A]

Like, you just win the skiing thing. You take your helmet off. Germany.

[B]

Yeah. No, I think you got. I think you're onto something with this. Like, I feel the same way when I watch, like, Top Chef or any cooking show and there's judges, because I would rather have them eat the food and then find out who the chef is. Because, listen, can you separate your hatred or your dislike for a chef and then eat their food and give them a high score? You know what I'm saying? Like, if you eat the food but you don't like the chef, do you go, this sucks. Even though you think it's good, but you don't like who. Where it came from?

[A]

Right?

[B]

So anything with judging, I'd rather have a blind test. You give the three plates of food, you don't know where they came from. This is the best one who did this? Oh, you. I hate you. But this food's great, right? Oh, yeah. Same thing with this. Same thing with the Olympics. I think you're something.

[A]

I agree. And it's not only. It's not only. It's male, female. You know, maybe they go, there's not enough female chefs out there getting their due. You know, Bill. Bill's gonna land on his feet. I'm gonna vote for Sally to move on to the next round. You know, Here we go. If you didn't know who made what, you would have picked Bill's lasagna. We both know that. We both know that. I'm with you. Yeah. Anyway, by the way, you should do a bit about the Olympics. I mean, about your daughter's judging. Like, how I could never be a gymnast. Because that's a funny bit, because if they go A4, I'd be in the box.

[B]

Go A4?

[A]

You. Who gave me the A4? You. I know.

[B]

It's. Speaking of the Olympics, I don't know if you saw this. I was watching speed skating. Do you see any speed skating?

[A]

Yeah, that guy. That team dude from America was like the next Eric Haydn.

[B]

Okay. And I don't know if this is a typical in speed skating, but there was a Canadian guy at one point. I didn't watch the whole thing. I'm just watching, like, fragments of it. It's a Canadian guy that won. And then after he won, he took the zipper and fucking unzippered his. His skate, his suit, and his chest hair was just. And he's just. He was just skating around the thing with his chest. Jesus Christ. This is like an Italian move from a Canadian.

[A]

I. I do see when they unzip him, but, no, I haven't seen that guy. He was probably. That was a win just to show. Oh, man. Beautiful. I bet the women were loving that, man.

[B]

Oh, bro. It was. It was like. Then there was an Italian, and I was watching Skeleton. Have you seen this? Where they head first on the sled? No. You've seen it. Oh, God. Go watch Skeleton. This is something that I don't even know.

[A]

It's.

[B]

It's a.

[A]

It's an event.

[B]

Yeah. It's like. It's like the luge, you know, where they go in the. On their back, but this is forward. When they go forward and they got their head. So they're like a bullet.

[A]

And they're on their belly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Holy.

[B]

I don't think 70 miles an hour on their belly.

[A]

Face first. Head first.

[B]

Face first. So. Oh, My God. The Italian guy went. By the way, the Italians got the best outfits, best helmets. I don't know if you've been picking up on some of the. The wardrobe.

[A]

I watch it. Yeah. I didn't notice, though, that they had the best.

[B]

Oh, God, bro. The helmet's the Italian flag. And then it's got, like, him. It's just. It's like. Like Gucci made it, right? So beautiful. So the Italian does the skeleton, and he gets up, and this guy's flirting with people in the audience. After he did the skeleton, he got up. Hey. Like, he. He was picking up girls in the stairs from the. From the sled.

[A]

Eddie's, like, from Italy. So he's like, I got a place here, baby. Don't want you to come back with me. We'll have a good time.

[B]

It's my home. Feel loving the Olympics. Yeah. All right, listen, that's the show today. Thank you for tuning in. Got next week, got some special guests coming up, and yeah, we'll see you next week here. Pete and Sebastian Ch show. We're out.

[A]

The show has ended. Jeez.

[B]

It's never gonna end.

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Yeah, because she's not thinking nothing. Set the right tone from the first hello.

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