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Adam Rippon
Foreign.
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And welcome back to Intrusive Thoughts. I'm your host, Adam Rippon. It's good to be back. I need to do a little bit of housekeeping at the top of this. So there was an episode, a few back where I mentioned that there, there's some things that need to be done in the house. And I know at this point with me doing so many episodes, if you, if you see me, if you're watching this, I'm currently like in my dining room right now. And if you see me in the dining room, you know that I'm home alone. Jp, my husband, he's not here. I know it's starting to feel like he left me, but he didn't. He's still with me in my heart, not in my house though. That is the key to this. But basically I'm still on the marathon of just doing things around the house that need to be, get, be getting done. I don't even know if that's English. We'll do a lingo it later. I have finished up a few things. So this is the housekeeping I need to get. Yeah, housekeeping for the podcast. Housekeeping for me actually doing, doing stuff I mentioned. And I know I've been getting thousands of emails about this. What happened to your garbage disposal? Not actually a little rude. No one's asked about it. And yeah, it wasn't working for a second. You know, they're right to not ask about it. What was it? The fuse blew out. So that's what it was. Did I, you know, was I kind of fishing around trying to figure out what was going on for about 45 minutes? Yeah, I was. And then I just decided, should I just check the fuse because it just wasn't turning on. Yeah, blew out. So not exciting. What is exciting though is that I personally and single handedly changed. So in my home, I had a microwave above the oven. I know, I think it's so ugly. It's so tacky. Like it's, it's just like not elegant, right. To have a microwave above the oven and nobody is like immune to it. It happens. Right? And if you live in a place where like that's the situation, you know, it happens. I don't blame you. I see you. But I didn't want to see it, the microwave anymore. And so this was something that I had talked about with JP for a little while of like, we gotta get rid of this microwave. And every time I talk about it, some major piece of it would fall apart. You know, like there was this like Cover. I was, like, wiping it off because it's also like a grease pit. And so I'm like, you know, wiping it off. A giant, like, cover, like, tumbles to the ground, and so, like, wires are exposed. I'm like, now this is just, like, absolutely too much. I want you to know it wasn't ever my choice. It was just when I moved here, it was installed that way. So I watched some videos on how to get that undone. So basically, I have, like, a vertical venting, which means that it, like, goes. Shoots right up through the ceiling again. Welcome back to Intrusive Thoughts. If you thought any show was going to be cohesive or make any sense, you were sadly mistaken. Back to the venting and to the H vac situation. So vertical venting comes from the microwave, right? So basically, for the microwave, it's, like, screwed. I have, like, cabinets. So it goes underneath these, like, short cabinets. So you unscrew two giant screws. The microwave won't just, like, fall down. It's on a bracket that's on the back of the wall. All right, so then there's this bracket on the back of the wall. You unscrew the screws, and the microwave kind of goes like, oh, but it's not going to go anywhere. You kind of got to just ride with it, right? Like, you just let the microwave kind of do its thing. You got to, girl, like, move it back a little bit. Whoa, there. And then you lift it off the bracket and you take it down. The Microwave is roughly 450 kilograms. It's the heaviest. It's so heavy. And slip. It's slick. It's slick as a fucking hog in mud because you're like, whoa. It's just like old grease all over. And I'm telling you, I'm scrubbing everything down in this house. I don't deserve. I don't. I didn't deserve to be covered in. The amount of grease covered is a bit dramatic. You know, it's like, I got a few fingerprints there. It's not. It's not that bad. I just, you know, more than I want. So I take it off and I want to just assess the situation because obviously, I think I'm going to need a professional to install the hood. How could just one simple man do that? It's not even strength. It's just coordination of, like, it's wide, 30 inches wide. Come on. How could one boy handle that? Don't answer that. But do give this podcast five stars and a stunning review. Back to the hood. I want to assess the situation. And as I'm doing that, I'm looking at, like, the venting from the H vac, and I'm going, that doesn't look good. I didn't do this, by the way. Like, this is. And I'm the first person to live in this place. When I moved in here, this was like, they had just built this. I'm the first owner. Okay. So I'm. God. Does not look good. You know, there's, like, a tube coming from the ceiling, and then there's, like, tubing that's, like, attached. Right. I'm painting the picture. If you know me and my friends who are an H Vac, we know, right? But if you don't know that's what's going on, that doesn't look good. So I'm like, you know what? Let me just. It's probably a bit grease filled, which I was correct. So let me just kind of clean it up. And as I'm cleaning it up, I'm like, this doesn't even look attached. So then I start to peel the H vac aluminum tape back. And as I'm doing that, I'm like, oh, it's not attached. It's literally dangling like a mobile in a children's cradle. Just like, laying back and forth. It's, like, not secure at all. All right, I'm going to explain to you how this was set up. Tube from ceiling coming down. Right? Can't do. Not can't said. Can't do nothing about that. I don't know where that came from. Can't do anything about that. Excuse me. Can't do nothing about that. I was insane that my body. That's what my body wanted to do, but my mind said, get it together. Okay. Tube coming from ceiling. As I said, can't do nothing about that. And then there's like, you need to kind of, you know, choose your own adventure of how, you know, you need to get, like, venting pieces. But. So this is what happened. There's a part that attaches to the vent opening of the microwave or the range hood. Please do not stop listening to this episode. It will get so good. But. And if you're into this stuff, it already is. And I know I've hooked you. Okay. There's something that attaches to the. The. The range hood or the microwave. Whatever. It goes there. Then there's like, you need tubing, whatever there. So basically, to. To, like, let you know, they had a part that was, like, too big at the bottom. So it was like. Like 21 inches in diameter. It was the opening of that hole. And the hole at the ceiling is 19 inches in diameter. Okay, yeah, we talk about math here, too. Greece math. And when you can't do nothing about it, which means that if. That if you were to get the pieces that go to the 21 inches in diameter, you go up, up, up, up, up, up, up. It's not going to fit on the tube that's coming from the ceiling, which, like, as I said, and I'll say it again, until the cows come home, you can't do nothing about. So they had the wrong, like, pieces. So what did they do? They cut a piece of metal, looks like two tuna cans, and they just bent it together and they taped it into the shape of a cylinder. And then they just taped it all together so it's, like, not secure at all. And was hanging on by just tape. And it was starting to become clear to me that, like, oh, maybe this is why it wasn't working that well. So be it. I didn't like the microwave either, so I redid all the H vac my fucking self. And there's no air gaps. It's done correctly. I do think I did a great job. Now for the sake of time and my own sanity, basically, I'm gonna just cut to the chase. And from there, I was able to install the range hood. And I did that on my own. Right. Nobody was in this home when I did it. I just kept, like, taking the next step. And eventually it was like, I guess I'm done. And I want you to know something else, that I took it a step even further. So, like, there's a backsplash again, I didn't choose the backsplash. It's very, like, country crock French cottage. Like I say, it's like if you, like, the worst person in the world designed a French cottage, but, like, they were based in, like, Wisconsin, right? Like, that's what the tile is. It's like somebody from Wisconsin deciding what was, like, French cottage core. So it's just missing the mark for me. Okay. It's. It's less Provence. It's more Pittsburgh. Okay. That's what I'm thinking, but so be it. You know what? I'm not redoing the tile right now. Sorry. But so it goes up to a certain point, and then there's, like, white wall and the hood range is stainless steel. So I thought, what's the next step I could do to just polish this up? I don't know what came over me, but I Started Googling. And what I figured out to do is I was gonna get like a small sheet of stainless steel. So I went to like, you know, Home Depot or whatever. And I see that they have these like sheets of stainless steel, but they're way too big. They're like, it's like 50 bucks. It's not crazy, but it's, you know, whatever. But I need, so I need to get it cut. I only need it to be. Because it's 30 inches, like across and like, it's the width and the length. I only need it to be like 7 or 8 inches because that's just how big the gap I needed to just slip under there. So it looks like all one thing. I can't get it cut at Home Depot. They. They don't. The people at Home Depot don't want me there and they don't want to cut things for me. I know that. I'm not going to ask. I know where, you know, I know what my place is, and my place is out of there. So I'm like, where can you even get this done? So I find out that if you need like, like custom cuts of stainless steel, sniff, you should figure out and find a stainless steel fabricator, which is exactly what I did. And I'm thinking, okay, if I want this sheet, even the one that I got from, you know, if I wanted to get one at Home Depot, I just need a cut. But that, that's like 50 bucks. So I call the stainless steel fabricator and I'm like, okay, you gotta, you know, be real real with me. Can you do this? They're like, yeah, of course we can do this. You're asking for an 8 by 30 piece of stainless steel. Like, it's the size of a plank. It'll be fine. And I'm like, okay, do you. What do you think the cost is? And I'm thinking, like, you know, it's a custom cut piece of stainless steel. This is going to be a stupid thing, but I just want it to like, look finished and nice. I'm thinking, okay, it's going to be like 250 or 300 bucks. Just, you know, if the, if the stock one at Home Depot is 50, this is custom, right? They say, I don't know, it'll be $15, $15. I said, when is it ready? I'm coming by with a 20. You can keep the change. Which is exactly how this went down. So I came flagging that 20. Bill said, I'm here for my custom steel and I want you to know that they really do anything with steel. A steel fabricator. They had built a suit of armor in there. They were building signs like it was. It was incredible. So what I was asking truly was like, bottom of the barrel, like, oh, this idiot just needs, like, a plank of stainless steel. It was heavy, though. Heavier than I thought. So got little liquid nails. Can't do nothing about that. That's haunting me now for the rest of this episode. So I got liquid nails, glued that onto the wall, sealed off the top of the tiled backsplash. You know, I did what I had to do. And it looks phenomenal. It looks professional. And I'll tell you that my vacuum does work because I then, like, made something on the stove. I was like, let's just see if this works. I did live through the absolute surreal experience of watching something sizzling on the stove, but seeing absolutely not one. Sort of like, doo, doo, doo, doo, like, thing of smoke, a smokeless sizzle. I've never seen it in my life. It was like completely. It took me completely, completely out. We're coming into the voicemails. I have one more thing to say. God, I should really just not. But I have to say this. I have to. I'm acting like there's a gun to the back of my head, but I have to say this. And please wait. Please just wait until I tell you what it is. And you will be scratching your head until the end of fucking time going, you had to. And I had tears streaming down my face going, no, I had to share this. I want to talk about water bottles for a second. Good night. I pass out. I'm so sorry. Whatever. Okay. I've been a yeti guy for many years now, and I basically, I like the. The Big gulper. It's like 30 something ounces. And basically I like it because you, like, whip the. The cap off and you got glug, glug like it's an open hole. Sorry, there's like, no better way to say it. And you can just glug the water, which is like how I like to do. I don't like to, like, sit there and sip like I got somewhere to be. I got. I got to get these ozs into the B O D Y. All right, so, you know, times the clock's a ticking, time's a ticking. I don't know which one it is, but it's. Things are ticking. And so I. But the cap of it is like something you, like, screw on, screw off. And I've had it for a while. And the threading of the plastic just like got messed up so I couldn't close the bottle anymore. And I was like, oh, God. And so then I was just scrolling through a tick tock. Always no good story ever starts with this. I'm scrolling through TikTok and I see this ad for. Maybe you've heard of it. The Oala. The Oala. What kind of water bottle is that? My Oala. So I see this ad and I see this like, truly, absolutely miserable person explaining to me that, like, I've never seen the water bottle like this. And it's. I'm like, I cannot listen to them, but I can watch them. And I'm watching them, you know, kind of. They're like a wall Lister to us and we're doing exactly what we say we love. When like I'm like, okay, like, I'm hating everything that's coming out of their mouth, but I'm loving watching everything that's happening with their hands. And in their hands they have this. Like. Basically it's the size of a pipe bomb. So it looks truly, absolutely insane actually. Why don't I just pull it up? Because I did buy it. Yep, I did buy it. And I have to say, it is. It's phenomenal. It is the size of. Oh, God. I mean, it looks. It's the size of a football, to be honest. But I will say far superior to the setup of the Yeti. But I also will say this. It's 40 ounce. Who needs that much water at a time? But you know, I'm pumping through it. And the other thing. I'm not selling this to you, by the way. That would be my worst nightmare. But like, you open the cap. You open the cap and there is. And I thought that, like, this is like, gonna be dumb. Like, I wouldn't like this, like, because they have to open Holy hole. Right? I am no better than that girl who is trying to sell this to me. Okay, there's an open, like, spout here where you can, like glug it, but there's this like, other hole here where like a straw is attached. So you can like choose your own adventure, like if you want to sip or glug. And that's. I thought that, like, who cares about that? But I like the part where it's like, the cap goes like this because it's nice to not screw. And the handle. I didn't. These were all parts of this that I was like, I don't really care about if a water bottle can do that because the Yeti is very kind of like, guy, bare bones, like, no frills. This is like, kind of no frills, but, like, there's some frills. And I've got to tell you, it is. I kind of. I kind of get it. And then when they were like, it fits in my cup holder, I was like, who cares? And then I like, put it in the cup holder and was like, it fits in the cup holder. Like, I'm just repeating, like, you know, I've got. Basically, I'm like brainwashed. Gosh, let me move along, but let me take a sip from my oala. It's like, very easy. And there's a lock on the back. I'm just. I'm like, literally right wing propaganda. Like, that's. I'm just repeating everything from the ad. Okay. But I don't have an affiliate link yet. I can't wait for a Walla to be our first sponsor, our first corporate sponsor. Okay. Now I would like to move on. And I know that I'm not alone. I'm sure that there are people out there going, just get, get to it. And I'm getting to it. And one quick sniff. Now, should we. And I think we should get to some text messages and then we will get into some voicemails. So our first text message today is from Bev. Hi, Adam. My name is Bev. And what I would like to know is what is something that, upon learning it about another person, makes you immediately judge them, not something important like their political views? I'm talking learning that someone is a Disney adult or that they don't like dogs. This is interesting. You know, I. I feel like something is coming to me as I'm thinking about this, but I. I can imagine that there. There are a few things and I can't really think of one at the moment, but I will. And I'm just gonna kind of go on until something eventually. Oh, my God. There's like a big, beautiful butterfly. I. I have to say something, Bev. Sorry. I'm being followed by, like, butterflies. And I'm not. Like, butterflies are all. Whenever I am anywhere, there are always, like, butterflies. Does that mean anything? I'm just putting that out there. But, like, that is I. Because there was just this gorgeous butterfly out the window. And it's always so nice when the host of the podcast talks about things that are just exactly. They stay focused. All right, Bev, I'm so sorry, but, like, that was just. I've never. It was beautiful too. Like, they're all. Every Time. I. Again, it's over there. I think it means something. I don't know if somebody knows what it means. Like, please call into the podcast, because I see them everywhere all the time, just, like, beautifully, like, fluttering around me. It's. I am. I. I am highly favored. Okay. Basically, whatever. Bev, back to you. And not about, like, the. The signs from the universe. All right. Is something that I would judge somebody immediately for. Yeah, there is. I think if I go to somebody's place and it's, like, fil. Dirty. And I'm not talking about, like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't know people were coming over dirty. I'm, like, crusty, musty dirty. And another thing is, like, with people's cars, like, if you go and you get into somebody's car and it's just, like, a. A mess, that makes me judge somebody. Like, there's now two butterflies out there. I'm being. I. Please tell me this is a good sign. Okay. I mean, you know, it is. It is what it is. I love that. I love this. For me, I really hope that what you don't judge people for immediately is that they have an incredibly hard time focusing when, like, a beautiful insect is constantly following them. Yeah. If somebody doesn't like dogs, I always assume that it's, like, not their character flaw. I assume that, like, something happened when they were, like, younger to dogs. Because you just don't not like dogs. Something happened. All right. And there's. Then you haven't unpacked it yet. It's a little bit darker than, like, I just don't like that they are, you know, hairy. Like, it's. It's darker than that. Somebody. You know, I'm just saying Disney adults. You know what I just have to say, I think that, like, if anybody has any sort of passion, good on them. We live in such a passionless time that if they're so passionate about, you know, Disney, so, so be it. That. That doesn't really get me. I think when somebody. This is a. A bit real, but when somebody doesn't, like, respect themselves, that's. That would make me. That makes me change, like, my opinion of them. I feel really sorry for them. Did that take a turn? A little bit. I can't think of anything where. Because I. I know what you're saying that, you know, political beliefs, some, like, major, major, big thing that obviously, like, completely skews my opinion of somebody, but I can't say that. Top of mind. There's something that just, like, somebody will Say something or actually, the way that people treat like other people, that is a big thing of, like, you see somebody, like, interact with somebody outside of, like, your relationship with them, or, like, the way that they. They'll talk to, like, a waiter or they'll ask a question to somebody else. That would complete. That completely skews my opinion of somebody. If they don't treat other people, like, with respect and give, like, if they're not kind to other people. And I see that they've always just been kind to me. I never give anybody the benefit of the doubt with that. Of, like, oh, they must have been going through, you know, a tough thing. I don't know. I don't. Sorry. I don't believe in that. I don't believe in, like, taking it out. I believe people have, like, outbursts or, like, you know, like, you have, like, a moment where you, like, say something like, maybe you don't mean. But I don't believe in, like. And I treated somebody like. Because I felt bad. I think that is, like, the lowest form of human interaction. You're so unevolved and awful. I just. I think that would. That completely changes my opinion, and I don't believe. I can't ever. Like, nobody ever comes back from that in my eyes. Because I'll always remember that, like, in a moment where you didn't feel good, you decided to try to make somebody also feel not good. Good. And so that was your gut reaction. I just would never move like that. So now I'm, like, actually mad. All right, Bev, that's kind of my answer. Hi, Adam. I've been following you ever since I saw you on TV at the Olympics. Something about you. Well, you just being you. But I've loved you since then. I miss all your Instagram stories, and I'm so happy to have you in podcast form now. Yeah, you know, there's something. The Instagram stories were, like, a real time. I don't know. Sometimes I'm just like, why, period. Moving on. My question for you is about organization. I know you keep such a tidy house, and I'm wondering if you have tips for purging. Because I also like to have things. Things clean. But I'm a lover of stuff. It's hard to keep it from taking over. I would like to hear your intrusive thoughts or routines on buying new stuff and getting rid of old things. Clothes are especially bad for me. I keep everything. Love your podcast, Olivia. Okay. I actually do have, like, a great tip for this. So I would say, like, less now, because I've decided that, like, my style, and the style of, like, my everyday is that I will not ever wear anything with, like, a label. I will never wear anything that's just not, like, a solid color. Like, I just. Sorry. Not doing it anymore. So this has really helped me kind of purge a lot of things from my wardrobe over the past, like, few years. And I also make sure that everything I. This is gonna sound so crazy. I make sure that everything. I'm looking around, make sure the police aren't here. I make sure that everything I wear is tailored. It's not as expensive as you're thinking. And if you're like, how do you do that? Like, you could probably just go to your local dry cleaner and ask them, hey, can you hem these pants? Hey, can you, like, make this shirt not go down to my knees? Little things like that, right? Like, I'm not like, you know, they're pinning everything and whatever. It's like, you know, we're just making sure that fit things, like, kind of fit the body a bit better. It makes absolutely a world of difference. So I don't actually have a lot of clothes because I make sure that I like everything that I have and that everything I have fits me perfectly. If not perfectly, like, it fits me well. And that way I actually use it all. Okay. Now, there are things that, like, don't fall into this category of, like, solid color. Like, just, like, strong, basic, whatever. And, yeah, sometimes I don't want to wear that. Sometimes I want to wear, like, the fun shirt or whatever, you know what I'm saying? And so I do have things like that now when I go through the closet, I'm, like, looking through the closet to see what I have and what I should get rid of. And I have a little section at the very end of the closet. And in this little section, I call it close purgatory, okay? And I call it close purgatory because I decide if there's something that I'm, like, scanning the closet for, and then all of a sudden, I come to a piece and I go, should I get rid of this? If I even question it, I put that piece into close purgatory, okay? And I just. I make sure that, like, it's just always on that side of the close. And then every so often, I think maybe I'll, like, go through my closet. I used to do it maybe like, once, twice a month. Like once or maybe once every month or every, like, two or three months. Now I do it even less because, like, I just don't really get new stuff. But anytime I go through the closet again, if there's some piece of clothing that I had put in close purgatory, and I'm going to scan the closet again and I haven't worn it, I have two days to wear that. Or we are donating that thing. We're either going to the Salvation army or we are dropping that off at the Real Real. Right? Because if that was an expensive shirt that, like, let's say it was like some sort of like, nice sweater or whatever, and it was like a few hundred dollars. Yeah, I'm dropping that off at the real Real so that they could pay me $5 for that. $5 made, right? The real real is a scam, dude. Like, they are scamming, but I'm falling for it every single time. Okay? But that's. That's how I'm doing it. I. If I've questioned that this thing needs to go, I put it in a place and I set like, a time limit for myself and I'm like, well, if I haven't used it in this time period, then I'm not going to use it. I'm just holding onto it. And I believe that sometimes, like, you need to let go to let God. You need to let go of things so that, like, other things can, like, come into your life and, like, whatever, right? So it's just like, don't hold on to it. And then if you like to collect stuff. Right, Great. I think that, like, homes that have a lot of stuff, we don't have a ton of, like, stuff around, but I think that, like, homes that have stuff, it's like, very homey and cute and it's very, you know, personable. But if you feel like you're just, like, collecting things, I think, like, let's sit down and, like, sit with that. Like, if you're collecting junk, you have to reason with yourself, is it junk? Or if you, like, went on a trip and you're like, well, I got these three souvenirs. I think you need to go through them and be like, you'll remember the whole trip. Even if you just have one souvenir, maybe get rid of two of them. Right? And I. I'm not a big, like, collector of stuff person, but sometimes when I, like, go do some event or work somewhere or take some trip, I will try to get, like, one little thing that, like, will remind me of the trip or of, like, to help, like, you know, make a memory of. With. Make a memory of with God. I can't do nothing about it. All right? And if there is the one thing, I have a box in storage, like, in the garage. And in that box, I have a label on it, and it says momentos, right? And when I come back from my trip, my little memory that I just want to remember, I throw it in that box so it's just not hanging around, because I don't really, like, want it out, but I wanted something to, like, remember the trip with, right? And so it's basically this little time capsule that's out and about for me to go through at any time, but it's out of sight, out of mind. And I remember when I used to go to these, like, competitions when I was competing. And then, like, now when I start, like, working different events, sometimes you'd be like, oh, I want, like, some, like, little keepsake from this, like, event. And I decided the only thing I'm keeping from these events is, like, my credential. It's like, it's a basically, like, this laminated thing, like on a lanyard. And that's what I've decided is, like, basically the only thing I keep from, like, the events that, like, you go to where you get this credential, a lot of times you get, like, a swag bag filled of, like, basically complete shit. And so I'll give that to, like, other people or I'll donate it or whatever, but I'm keeping the credential because I decided that that is my momento. So I think maybe you need to set some, like, boundaries with yourself of, like, what's the momento I'm allowed to get when I'm on a trip? And then also, if you feel like it's all over the place and you want, like, a tidier home, you don't need to get rid of it. You can just, like, create a space for all of it to live and think of it as sort of a time capsule or, like, a box that, like, you can go through anytime you want when you just want to, like, sit down and reminisce. So, like, you have it, and there's a reason you have it, but it's just not scattered around because if you're feeling like maybe it's a little untidy, that would help. But you don't want to get rid of that stuff because, like, it reminds you of good times or, like, fun trips that you've taken. I don't think you need to get rid of it. I think that you just need to find a designated place for it and maybe it needs to be out of sight, but not out of mind. Right. And then also just like, to kind of really button this up. I think the parameters you need to think, like, do I have, like, five things from that one trip? Do I have the tote bag and the water bottle and the seashell and the magnet and the. The necklace? I think we choose the flattest one, right. Maybe we just choose the seashell or the necklace and we go. Yeah, it's. Yeah. I don't think the. The water bottle and the seashell are maybe not evoking any extra memories that the necklace isn't. But the necklace fits in a Ziploc bag. Right. So I think you need to think of if you like to collect. And I'm thinking, like, those are the things, right. If you have a collection of stuff, right? Like, if you're like, I collect teacups or I collect whatever, just put them all together and display them all together as, like, your little collection. That's beautiful. Right? So if you have collections of stuff, I think that's different. You got to put them all together. Because if you have them all together, it all, like, it's. It's cohesive. It all makes sense. It'll make you feel like it's more tidy, too. I actually think I need a little bit of clarification of, like, what's the stuff? Stuff is a scary word. Stuff could be anything, you know, because I went from teacups to seashells. And so if I don't know what this stuff is, I don't know if I can exactly help you, but this is. I hope that these are, like, basic things. So I would really. Actually, Olivia, please text the. The podcast back and let us know what the stuff you're talking about is so we can give some clear guidance on this. But good luck. Right? I hope it's seashells. I do hope it's seashells. Let's do a voicemail. Please leave your message after the tone.
- [38:02]
Hey, Adam. This is my second voicemail. I am the girl who called in anxious about getting proposed to, and it did not exactly go the way I thought. Was not 100% sure, clearly, because my boyfriend and I are taking some space right now because he's struggling with some mental health stuff, and he's not sure if he can, like, wants to have kids, and I do, and that was just a real change of events, and I moving in with my parents for the month of August, and he's taking the month of August to, like, go to therapy and figure things out, which is great, but I'm really struggling and I miss him and I want to give him the space he needs, but I also really feel like he's the person for me. And you know, I just don't know how this whole thing is going to work out and it's killing me a little bit. So if you have any suggestions, let me know because last month did not go as planned. Having a lot of intrusive thoughts. Thanks for your help. Bye.
- [39:19]
Okay, first, I am sorry that this did not go the way that you wanted it to, but I also want to say that this caller also followed this up with a text message to give us a little bit more details and it says the anxious not and girl, the anxious not engaged girl here again. Glad to have you back, girly. So nice to start the podcast with me changing arrange hood to an unproposed woman to butterflies to seashells. And you'll only get it here, folks. You'll only get it here. The only other thing that you can get here is the a wall of 40 ounce water bottle. No, please. If I've influenced you to do one thing, it's to get the size of a pipe bomb fucking water bottle. Okay, the anxious not engaged girl here again. I just left a voicemail. Just wanted to add on that he has that he's already purchased an engagement ring that we picked out together. Okay. So this also does make it. I mean, let's just be honest, it makes it a little bit. Feels like a little bit worse because it does feel like you were on the same page, at least to a point. Okay. I actually hate when people say like everything happens for a reason. Like I hate that because there's so many things that happen that there is no reason for. But I do think that every situation is an opportunity to see how you'll react and to see what you'll do next. And so listen, I'm gonna say this, and what that is is you would much rather have your partner tell you that he doesn't want to have kids before he proposes to you because you are not going to be clouded by the excitement of the engagement and compromise on something that might be something that you really want. And then you get married and then the dust settles a little bit and then you're left with the realization of like you compromised on something that you didn't want to compromise on and that wasn't compromisable, if that's a word. Hope it is. Yeah. If it just wasn't something that you like, if it was a non negotiable for you and you decided that in the moment and in the excitement of it all, it was right. Right now is a time where you'll able to tell like, no, that's something that like I really want and it's something that is important to me. And if I am not aligned on this, then this is like, not, it's just like not the right partnership. I know that like you feel that this person is like the person for you and also listen, like, I don't know him. I don't know, like, I don't. I'm just giving you like from the context of like what you've given me, different scenarios and such. And this is, this is what I think. These are my like, intrusive thoughts on this. Give this podcast five stars, right? This is what I think. I think that like with the. It can feel really scary when you're like looming towards like engagement and like marriage and you know, it's just scary. It's like this like kind of like boogeyman in the distance that like you've always heard about it and you're like, oh my God, am I actually doing this right now? Like, it feels like surreal and bizarre even though it's like something that so many people do and have done throughout the history of time. Right. Like, it's nothing unique, but it feels very serious and like, important. And it is. And you really want to be sure that you're like, making the right decision when and when you're getting into these like, big like milestone moments of like, marriage and I think like making the right decision decision of like one listen, you never know how like anything is ever gonna go, but you need to make sure that like, you and your partner are aligned on things that are important for you and that you're willing to make this like, commitment of, of partnership to each other and to honor each other in that way. And if you're willing to do that and, and, and all of these like really important things to you, like, are aligned, then I think that's how you know, it's like you'. I also feel that like when you are with somebody, there is this, you know, nobody's perfect. Right? And I think sometimes, especially with like digital media, it's really easy to have this like, the grass is always greener syndrome of like, yeah, everything's great with my partner, but like, is there something better out there or whatever? I think that is so true with like dating and like the, the like the dating apps, because it just becomes like A swiping game. And I think that when you are thinking of, you know, when you're in a relationship, there's just, there's always going to be like a little like compromise here, a compromise there. But it shouldn't be like, on what's important to you and it shouldn't be on what's like, listen, it should be unlike, I don't like these paper towels and I don't. And I would like, if we did this, like, it should be something so superficial, like a little give and take to like appease each other and do something nice. I think that's like you're. It's going to happen and sometimes it'll be annoying. But doing those like, little things over time will mean a lot to like, the, the people in that relationship. Right? But I think that when you and I think that like the, the major big things, if it's, if it all aligns and it all feels like, right, that's, that's the right relationship to be in, in that moment. Right? Like, people grow and stuff. And if you don't feel like you're growing with that person, then maybe you like, started out at the same point and you just grow in a different way. But if you feel like you're growing and learning with that person, like, if you are growing and learning and evolving and that also growing and learning and evolving with you, that's how I know that. That's not how I know. That's what I. That's when I feel like it's the right relationship. Because I am a firm believer that things should grow and evolve. You should grow and evolve, right? Like, if, if a few years down the line you just like, look in the mirror and you just like, don't recognize the person you're with, like, they changed, I think you should also look in the mirror and say, okay, if they've changed, why haven't I changed? Why haven't I, I grown? Why haven't I evolved? Right? And sometimes you have and just somebody evolved in a completely different way and you didn't evolve together and whatever. And it's sometimes not even a deal breaker. Sometimes it's like amazing. People change and are different and whatever. But I think that maybe when you got into this relationship with your partner that like, you were both coming at it at the same POV and the life experiences that you've had and you've grown together, but like, you've grown different ideas of how you see your life next. And that's also okay. And if, if it Is like the end of this relationship. It doesn't mean that, like it needs to be a blow up. It can just mean that like, yeah, like we've just come to a point where the, this has run its course because it's sad right now, but if he doesn't want kids, he's not going to be the father that you want your kids to have if he just has them and. Or you're never going to be the mother that you want to be. Right? And that's. I think you always, I think that like, we should all think very selfishly, like from our own perspective of like, what's important to us. And like, what do I want out of my life? And I can't remember if I've ever said this like on this podcast before, but I've said it on maybe other podcasts before. I'm spewing this, this propaganda that I'm about to share. But there was this like one woman I knew who's. She was very rough around the edges and she would smoke cigarettes with no filters. Not no filter, like half a filter. And the rest was like an empty too. It was, I'd never seen anything like it. And she. One day I was, she was. We were like at a little like cookout. She's smoking her half filtered cigarette and she goes, you know, here's the thing. And she's scratching her. And I have no better word for it. She's scratching her while she's saying this. Legs sprayed open, sprawled open. It's not crotch, right? I'm just saying, like, she's not. There's a difference between like some scratching their crotch and when somebody's scratching their, like that's what it was. And I'm sorry, I said that twice and three times for good luck. So she's sitting there scratching her, smoking her cigarette and she said, you know what, I know that, that a lot of people don't want to hear this, but we come into this world alone and we leave alone. And I think that's a beautiful thing. And you know, everybody's like, oh my God, is she scratching her? And then they listen to what she had to say and it's like, oh my God, that's so dark. But it's not actually that. It's like actually true, right? Like you, you're born and you're the only one that's born at that time. And when you die, even if you're like with a partner or like whatever, you're doing that alone, right? Unless it happens like suddenly both of you together. But, yeah, you're doing it a lot. It's not sad. It just. It is what it is. But it also, like, puts into perspective of, like, it's our own thing. Like, this life is our own life. Right? Like, if it's our own life and we do these two major things of how it starts and how it ends on our own, shouldn't we go through all of the experiences, like, that we want to have on our own? Why do we need to compromise on those? Right. I think that, like, if your partner, the person that you're with, should be there to, like, only add to your life, if they're not adding anything to it, and they're just there, and it's just a way for you to not be lonely. There's not really any. You're living your life for them or for the partnership. Like, you should be living your life for yourself. And I think it goes both ways, that if your partner is looking at you and you're not adding into their life, you know, what's the point of having you there? It's dead weight, right? Like, that's just what I think. And that's how, like, I approach, you know, my relationships with my husband. And I'm not an expert by any means. Okay, please remember a few minutes ago, I was, like, pedaling a water bottle on this podcast for free, actually, for. For I. For $45 down. Okay. Because I spent money on that. And I'll tell you one more time, the handle on this thing is quite nice. And I do forget what I was talking about. I don't. That I am no expert. Yeah. I'm not. I don't know. I'm just not an expert. But I. Oh, my husband found it. I found it. I found it. I found it. I remember that before we met, I was just. The place I was in was like, I told myself, I'm just gonna be single forever, whatever. Maybe I'll go and I'll have my fun and whatever, but I'm gonna be single, and I'm gonna figure out where, like, my best friends in the country, like, where they all live, and I'm gonna live in a place that's, like, close to them, and I'm just gonna surround myself with, like, the people that, like, I love spending time with. And it just, like, was not a priority for me to meet somebody, which is then eventually how, like, I. I met somebody when they're, like. It happens when you least expect it, like, okay, yeah. But I also think it comes at a time when you're, like, open to, like, making. You're not trying to make something out of something. Right. And I share that because, like, if this relationship isn't the one that's like, for you, don't make it into something that you just don't force it. And this might just be like a moment in time where, like, especially if you guys have been together, like, there, people will go through ups and downs and like, have full out crash outs. You know, it's normal. It happens. I don't know if it's normal to be like, oh, they're just having their, you know, weekly crash out. Not, I don't mean like that, but like, you know, there's ups and downs to, like, the life experience of people. And this could just be one of those moments where he's just like, I just need to take a step back and assess the situation because obviously his feelings for you were strong enough that he got the ring that you guys have been looking at, right? Like, he. He already got it. So it's not a question of, like, does he care about you? And whatever. I think it's a question of, like, he does need to. Absolutely. And good on him for, like, taking the time to, like, step away and for vocalizing that. Right. And not being dishonest about the way that he was feeling, because that wouldn't have been fair to you. And I think just like, time will tell, but I think you need to now in this moment, like, this is what I mean, I don't believe it. Like, everything happens for a reason. Everything happens. And it's an opportunity to see what, how you'll react. And so I think in this time when he's figuring out what he wants and he's gonna meet with a therapist and that is all good, and that is his journey. This is not a time for you to sit back and wait for him to figure it out and then you make your next move. No, this is absolutely like, the universe has presented you with an opportunity to, like, rediscover yourself and to figure out what is actually important to you and what are things that you actually want out of this life and what are things that you actually want in the next five years, 10 years, 20 years. Do you know what I mean? Like, this is absolutely an amazing opportunity that you get to do and you get to really, at your core, figure out what do you want instead of just sitting around and waiting to see what your partner is going to do next. Right? And there's two things that will, like, happen that the therapy that Your partner does brings him to this place of clarity, and the time that you get to spend on yourself brings you also to a place of clarity. And you guys come together and it's, you know, better than ever, and you feel more connected than ever. Or they will go through this therapy and they will realize that they are completely unaligned on what you want, but you have done some work on yourself and, you know, clear clearly what you want. And then when you try to come together, it will be so clear to you that this is just not the situation that you want to be in that it will be a million times less painful to see it end. It'll be sad. I'm sure. I'm sure you both have, like, strong feelings for each other, but if you have done some work to figure out what is it that you really want and don't put him in these situations, put, like a blank face partner on it. You know, like, close your eyes. Think of, like, what is the life that you want to be living? You want to have the kids? What. Where do you want to be living? What kind of house are you working? Are you doing this? Are you doing that? You want to have a business? Think of those things and think of how your partner, like, fits into that. And if you come to the conclusion that, like, these are the things I want, and then you come to your partner and that does not align with his vision at all, it's. Then you can look back and go, okay, everything happens for a reason. Because then I wouldn't have done this. But. But I think everything is an opportunity. And it's an opportunity that no matter which situation, if you come back and you guys are more connected or if you come back and you realize you're so disconnected, but there's still love there, it will. You will look back and you'll be so glad that you, like, took. Seized this opportunity. I just think right now it's absolutely. It's confusing, it's sad, it's whatever, but it's a huge opportunity for you to, like, figure out what do you want? But I'll say this. I know what I want. I want you all to call and text the podcast, right? I want you to do that. I want you to get no walla water bottle. I want you to collect stuff, put it in a. In a box, and then put that box in a garage. But to go back to the first one, if you'd like to call the podcast, we'd love to hear from you. You can call or text that number. That number is 310-909-9717. Like I said, you can call, you can text, you can call me, beat me if you want to reach me. 310-909-9717. Make sure that you give us a five star review, give us a glowing review, truly, and then call the podcast like as I said. 310-909-7117. Now, to be clear, I do actually want to know a little bit about the Just tell me if you know anything about the butterflies following me. It feels like a good thing. I don't know if it's bad, I don't want to hear about it. Let's just say that. But if it's good, call or text. You got the number. Well, this has been intrusive thoughts, and I have been and always will be Adam Rippon. Until next week. I'll see you later, everybody. Bye.