Caller (28:15)

Hi, Adam, longtime listener, first time caller. Wanted to get your thoughts on a problem that has plagued gay men for millennia and that is having to deal with the slow walkers. I'm from the Midwest, so I deal with this so often, whether it be at the airport or at Costco anywhere. How do you deal with the intrusive thoughts? I'm just wanting to scream at them. Get out of my way. That is all kings. Bye.

Adam Rippon (28:44)

Okay, I have to say, God, Okay, I'm going to tell you this, that I absolutely, like, feel your pain and the disdain that you have for people who walk slow. Sneaker shufflers. Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. Pick up your feet. Pick up your damn feet. Okay, I feel you. I want you to know. I feel you. But I want you to know something else. That I was raised by a fast walking woman, okay? So I don't even think it's just gay men that this has been plaguing. It's been plaguing also a certain woman I know called my mother, who was 5 foot 2, and if you're from Pennsylvania, from the Scranton area even, and you've ever seen a fast walking blonde woman in a wooden clog in the early 2000s, walking quickly, you know, that was my mom and that's who raised me. My mom's walking 20 miles an hour and she'll leave anybody behind. And she always has like this excuse of like, well, I have to walk fast because I'm so much shorter than everyone. Well, yeah, but she's also genetically designed to whoop your ass down the sidewalk and she will charge down there. So that's how I was raised. I was raised, hey, we pick our feet up in this house and on this sidewalk, we walk quickly. We have somewhere to go, we have calories to burn. We have to get down from 173 to the high of 160s. Quick. Ballerina Farms ain't helping us now. We've got to do this on our own. And so that's how I was raised. I was raised with the metronome going click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. I was raised that way. So it is. I'm. I'm predisposed to being a fast walker now. There's a few times where, God, it doesn't really pay to be a fast walker. One, when you're walking with a group of people who Are like medium paced. You know, nothing will make you feel like you're wearing shoes that are 10 times too big than like trying to find the right pace. And you're like, how in the world is this comfortable for you to be walking this slow? I just, I don't understand. I don't, I don't understand. I. It feels good to walk at a fast pace. For me, you know, I don't really believe in a leisurely stroll. I'm not one to stroll in a leisurely way or fashion. I like the feeling of the wind blowing through my mullet because believe me, I'm walking fast enough where I can feel that wind. Like I said my mom, 5 foot 2, 20 miles an hour, wooden clogs, open backed shoes. She's wearing open back shoes going, 20 miles an hour, going, come on, let's go. Pick up your feet. Leaving, oh my God. People in her dust. That's like I said, like, that's, that's how I was taught to walk. So that's how I believe it should be done. And yeah, it can be really tough when you're walking with friends because it's like a mortifying experience of like, where did these monsters learn how to travel? Like, what is going, like, let's go. We could have been there five minutes ago. So that's a real tough pill to swallow because also there is a time and a place where you realize, maybe I am walking a bit fast. You know, maybe I'm walking a bit fast because people around me are huffing and huffing, right? They're, they're patting their chest, looking for their inhalers that they've not pulled out in years. And you're going, yeah, you're kind of making your friends go through an exercise induced asthma attack. Maybe you need to slow it down a bit. And it takes so much control to slow down the walking. But I get, I get told when I'm walking with friends that I need to slow it down. So I do for them as a courtesy. They couldn't do me the courtesy of walking a bit faster, but I can do them the courtesy of walking much slower. Okay? So don't ever tell me I'm not a good person. Because a good person does that, right? That's what a good person does. But when there are others around me that are slow walkers, oh, I don't. It's all right. I'm putting on the blinker. Yeah, I'm in my blink, blink, blink. I'm doing the hand signals like I'm on a Bike and I'm just going right around them. I don't care how I need to do it. I'm doing it. Like if they're, It's a real problem to me when somebody's slowly walking in the middle of the sidewalk and you're behind them and they're just not noticing the heavy pace of walk coming behind them, which is me. They're not noticing that at all. Or maybe they are and they just don't care. Doesn't matter to me because I want to walk fast. If they don't wanna walk fast, that's fine, but I will, yeah, walk into somebody's lawn to kind of go around them. I'll walk onto the street for a second. I'm not making it a big deal, but I'm just making it a point that I'm not going to be, you know, on their ass until we get to a street crossing. Right. Because when you get to a street crossing, it's road rules then, you know, you can just go right around. But you know, if I'm walking somewhere and there's like a boulevard before the street, I'm walking onto the boulevard, I'm walking into somebody's yawn, I'm lawn, I'm doing a quick little job. Sorry. And then I'm fast paced walking again. I'm not waiting for you. Right. It's. Sorry. I'm going around, I got to. Calories are not going to burn themselves. I have protein ice cream waiting for me in the bathroom that I need to get home to. So I deal with it in my own way where if it's somebody I don't know, I'm going around them and if it's somebody I know, I know it's time for me to take my time, maybe kind of level with the people. And so that's how I'm dealing with it. And I, I hope you found some sort of peace with that where it's like, you know, you, you know that the fast paced walk is the best version of a walk. You know that and that's, you have to hold on to that tightly and don't ever lose perspective of it. Please leave your message after the tone.

Caller (35:36)

Hey Adam, It's Anna from St. Louis. I have been a longtime listener. First time caller. When I saw that you were coming out with a podcast again, I was elated. It got me through some actually pretty dark days of postpartum recovery. I had a baby in January and your podcast was kind of a little gem that I looked forward to every week. I Do want to ask? So as a mother of a two and a half year old and now a five month old baby, I have a lot of friends who don't have babies. I'll try to stay connected with them and be the fun girl I used to be. Do you have any advice for people out there who are friends with people who have kids? How do you stay connected to your friends that have kids? And as someone who has kids, how do I maybe be a better friend to my friends without human children? Anyway, thanks so much for everything and just keep continue being in you. Thanks.

Adam Rippon (36:49)

What a beautiful voicemail. I have to say that. Yes, there, there is, you know I've talked about it before but like in that, like that glow up there is such like ugliness in it. But it's kind of the best part, you know, like you gotta get down and dirty to get up and pretty, you know you do and it's like it and it can be really fun if you see it that way and you see like that, that journey. So that's what I was talking about with like the, you know, wanting to make like a comeback for yourself and I, yeah, I'm really touched that that resonated with you. But now let's get to the, to the kids and being a mother, which I am not as you probably could assume, but I am the oldest of six kids. So growing up I was like around a lot of kids and I have friends that have kids now and I'm going to say a few things and this might be a bit scattered but it will all come together in the end. I think because I grew up around a lot of kids, I've always been really aware of how much work, time and effort that they take. I've been aware of it but I think I was about like 25 when one of my friends had her first baby. And so then at 25 I could see somebody like my own age trying to deal with being a first time parent. And I could really see you know, as an adult, like from a different perspective of how much work having like a baby and being a parent was. And I have also friends that don't have any kids. I don't have any kids. I have two dogs. Right. Love them to death. If we kind of look back, one of them, Tony, who is usually here for almost every episode, is absolutely on his side right now. He looks like a picture of like if you had to find cuts of pork, you know, at a butcher. He's like kind of just like laid down on his Side like that I completely put him to sleep, you know, by recording this podcast. Actually, I'll get. I'll get back to this in a second. Every time I'm coming into. And I'm in my office at my house, every time I come into my office and I'm going to record, I yell to Tony and I'm like, tony, let's go to work. And he gets so excited and he runs in here and he jumps on this, like, ottoman behind me and he, poof. Lays right down on his side, and he looks like the chart at a butcher of different cuts of pork. So that's my experience of being a mother, which is absolutely none. But this is what I'm gonna say. The friends that I have who don't have any kids, some of them are, you know, either only children themselves or they grew up with, like, one other sibling that was, like, very close in age to them. And I think it's important that I mention, like, I have, that I'm the oldest of six, because as the oldest of six, by the time, like the third and fourth child that my mom had, and my mom had six individual children, like, she wasn't doubling up. Like, these are six different pregnancies. It's kind of like a hundred grams of protein in one yogurt bowl. But it's like you had quadruplets still. There are four people here. Yes, you're right. That's 100 grams of protein. But it was one pregnancy. So I'm saying that because everybody was like, spread apart. Right. So there was like, I was born 1989. My youngest sibling was born in the year 2000. Yeah, my mom had kids over three different decades into two different millennia. That's true. But what's also true is that by the time I was like 10, 11, I was babysitting and I was taking care of the kids in a way that, you know, an 11 year old can. But I knew the responsibilities and I knew what it was like and I knew how much work and I knew how vigilant you needed to be with, like, a child. And I'm saying that because the friends that I have, if they have a sibling or if they have another sibling that's like, close to them in age, they. They don't have that perspective of ever having to babysit or, like, take care of a baby. And I have some friends that, like, are. I would even say, maybe not even understanding of the friend that has the child. Like, not understanding of, like, how much time and effort that takes or that you Know, at a. You can say, hey, I'm free at 5. And then all of a sudden, you know, a baby can be. Then just decide that they want to start barfing fucking shit at 4:55. So then maybe you're not going out at 5 because your kid has diarrhea out the front and the back, you know, there's nothing you can do. That's just kind of what it's like being a mom or being a parent. And sometimes my friends who don't have kids are like, ugh, that's annoying. And I think that there are a lot of people. And listen, I'm like, all for people not having kids. I don't think that I want to have kids, you know, But I think that people who don't have kids need to start showing a little bit more grace to people who do. Because I think that there's like, a definite discourse of, like, look how happy I am, and I have no kids. And there's definitely the discourse of, like, I'm pulling my hair out. I'm a mom with three kids. Like, who's happier, right? Like, listen, it's all relative because it's not always, like, sunshine and rainbows having no kids. It's not always, you know, you're in the depths of despair having them, right? There's, like, beautiful moments of both. Yes. Like, one can come with, like, more freedom. But there's, like, a beauty in having kids, too, right? I'm, like, convincing you. I'm like, keep the kids. You have two of them. One's five already. It's a little late. What I'm saying is that I have noticed that there's, like, friends of mine that. Yeah. Like, they might not be that understanding and they'll be annoyed at, like, God, like, things are just, like, not the same. And I'm like, listen, I think we have to have a real, like, come to Jesus moment where things staying the same isn't always a good thing, right? Like, I. I'll break this down in figure skating elite athlete talk, right? So sometimes you'll go to a competition and you'll perform and skate amazing, right? Like, you'll be amazing. You'll land every jump, and you'll just feel like you were in the right headspace and just like, every. Everything was coming together. And then you'll get home and you'll start getting ready for the next competition, and you'll be like, okay, I just want to do exactly that at my next one or at the most important one that season. I want to do exactly that. And I feel that that's like the worst mentality that anybody can have. Because if you want to do exactly what you did at that one competition, that was a year ago, a few months ago, okay, that means that you've not improved at all. Because if you continue to improve, maybe one of those jumps would have gotten a little bit better or maybe you would have skated a little bit faster or maybe you would have performed to an even greater extent, right? But if you want to skate exactly. Or perform exactly how you did a year ago or a few months ago, it means that you've decided that it would be best that you did not improve at all within a year or within a month. Right? And that's. When you, when you put it like that, it's like, no, things have to change, things have to evolve. It's not good when things stay the same. And I feel like I can relay that into, like, I'm speaking now to like, the people who get annoyed with when their friends have babies, right? Because I see it and I'm like, I don't understand it, but I, I understand that, like, you don't want to lose your friend, right? And your friend is now, like, very busy or they're inconsistent in a way where this person used to be super reliable and always be able to show up at like a moment's notice. And I think for some people, it's like, it's jarring because they can see the themselves on the, in their friends, like, mental totem pole of like, what's important, important falling down in a ranking. And now they're behind this, like, little human that looks like a fucking raisin. Right? I get it. I would not want to be behind a reason either. But that reason is going to grow up into a person who's going to be their daughter or their son or whatever, right? So you get it, but you're still mad. But the thing is, is that, like, you have this amazing opportunity to like, the, the, the par. The friend that you have that has. The kid is also feeling a lot of anxiety because they're wanting to balance being a parent. And they're also trying to balance having the same friendships and being there for you in the same way, even though they can't. They can be there for you in a different way, but the way that you can be there for them is to be a stress reliever, right? And to, and to be there and when they can do something to like, make it a really fun thing, because it's not easy being A parent. I say that as somebody who's not one, but I have a lot of friends that are. And I grew up in a big house. I've seen it first hand. And I think to my fellow listeners out there who, like, don't have kids and do get annoyed that when their friends have kids because things change, I would say to you that, like, if things were to stay the same, it means that you've learned nothing at lean. It means that you've matured. Not at all. It means that you have nothing more to bring to the table, that you are completely okay just leveling out and being done, growing. So that's not a good reflection on you. You should take a look in the mirror and be like, okay, how can I get better and improve? And our relationship is growing and changing. And if you're really going to be friends with this person for, like, years on end, let me tell you, like, the, the baby stages will come and go, but, like, when we get older, like 20 years is going to pass like that, and you're going to be able to do whatever you want with your friend, but they'll remember how annoying you fucking were when their baby was having diarrhea. Right? Like, that's what I'm saying. So I think that. How can you. Our caller. Our beautiful caller. How can. That sounded so like a Donald Trump thing to say. I'm so sorry that I said that. Our beautiful caller. Okay, I'm sure you're gorgeous. Anyway, I take it back. Let's keep it. Our beautiful collar from St. Louis. I think that you can, you know, touch base with your friends and, you know, it's gonna. There's gonna be craziness at your house. You know, you have one young kid and you have a newborn, but don't be afraid, especially if your friends are like, no, we'll come over. Like, I'll come over and we can hang out at the house. Go over and let them hang out at your house. And the thing is, it's like, we know kids cry. We know kids throw fits, right? I think that, like, if you're the friend going over, then you're. And you're like, okay, I'm gonna go over there and like, and I'm gonna do it. When your friend needs to take some time and, like, deal with the baby, like, they don't need to apologize for that, right? And if you're the mom, you don't need to apologize for that. That's what babies do. That's why we went to the house, right? It is what it is. You're still spending time together. It's gonna be different. But, like, you need to realize what your friend who is now the parent is going through, and you need to be there for them and be supportive of them. So that's what I think. And I feel like, find ways. If you're like, it's different now. I keep going back and forth of, like, who I'm speaking to. You get it, you know what I'm saying? But if you're the person who does not have the baby, I think that you should find ways to. You got to win that baby over, you know, go over with a little toy, go over with, like a little something, make it so that that child feels comfortable around you and they enjoy when you're in their company because it will be fun when you can integrate them into when you're hanging out. And it will be fun. And they'll understand, like, hey, I like this person. I know why my mom or my dad likes hanging out with this person. So I get it. Kids can be really perceptive and they'll, like, pick up on the situation. But like, the. If you try to exclude them, like, there's going to be anxiety from the kid of when you come over. There's going to be anxiety from your friend when you come over because they're going to know that, like, you're resistant to the. The child or the baby being there. So, like, grow up a little bit, okay? It's not a good look. I'm telling you. If you are somebody and you're like, I actually don't like that you're saying that you need to take a look in the mirror. I think, because I don't think that you've been giving your friends some grace. And I think if you're the parent, another thing you should. If your friends are, like, wanting to integrate themselves or do things and you're like, hey, can I bring the baby? If they say yes, listen, they signed up for that. And so with the baby's crying at a place, they signed up for that. They know that that's going to happen. They're there to help you, and they just want to be around you. So, like, accept it, right? Like, accept. Accept the help. Accept the. Your friends want to be around you. If they want to go home and you have to, you know, correct one of the kids and pick up a, you know, toys on the floor or whatever, it's. It's part of it. They just want to be around you. So you don't need to Apologize. And you guys can, you know, you can meet each other in the middle. But I think sometimes us folk who don't have kids can show a little bit more grace and understanding to our friends that do because it's a full time, 24 hour non stop job. Being a mom, being a dad, being parent, like it's, it's a lot. And so we can be there in a different way and we can be understanding because again, if nothing changes, it means that we've not grown and we've not improved at all. And that's not a good thing. Right? Means you've learned nothing. Not good. And it's always good to learn something. And it's always good to get five stars on your podcast review. As I said in the beginning, it's always that good. You know, all of that's so good. But I think that's a wrap on the intrusive thoughts just for today, you know, we're back. You know, I didn't. I scared one listener into thinking I was never coming back. But jokes on you here I am never going away. About to be the number one ranked podcast in all of America. That's right. Now before I go again, I want to thank you all for listening, for giving this podcast five star reviews and for whoever is going to get that $10,000 I'm going to give away to one of you one day, I'll do it. Mark my word. Clip that. Let's save that. But if you'd like to call the podcast and leave a voicemail, that number is 310-909-711 17. Call in. You can also text us. Like I said, that was not the right number. And there is a Miguel who is kind of on the loose. Can't find him. And they were just asking when he was going to be into work and yeah, so if your name is Miguel, they're, they're asking if you will be at. Was that it? No, it was not. Hold on, I'm going to look at the text message. Nope, it wasn't work. When are you coming over? Later today. That's what it was. So it was sort of a friend emergency, not a work emergency. So if you'd like, you can leave a voicemail, you can leave a text message, you can give us five stars and you can just continue to really get your intrusive thoughts out there. I love you and I will see you next week. Sam.