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- [00:00]
Nikki Klosser
Hey there, it's Nikki Klosser and I want to let you know about an awesome free giveaway for people on our email list. If you haven't already, click the link in our podcast description or go to theportraitsystem.com signup to get on the list. If you sign up, you'll get a free posing 101 PDF to jumpstart things. It's an epic PDF, so you'll definitely.
- [00:19]
Sue Brice
Want to get this.
- [00:20]
Nikki Klosser
Also, just by being in our email community, you'll get deals, sales, and information about any of our upcoming events and activities. So head over to theportraitsystem.com signup and sign up.
- [00:31]
Sue Brice
Today you're listening to the Portrait System podcast.
- [00:35]
What do you want? Not what do you want? Everyone hears what do I want? And then they think it's things. It's what are you? How do you want to live? How do you want to wake up? How do you want to be loved? How do you want to love? How rich is your life? And I don't mean money. How rich is your life?
- [00:57]
Nikki Klosser
Welcome to the Portrait System podcast. I'm your host, Nikki Klosser, and this show is here to help you succeed in the world of photography and business. To help you learn to become financially free, doing what you love and so much more. With over 1 million downloads, countless photographers have taken what they've learned from both our episodes and from theportraitsystem.com and they have grown their businesses, quit their day jobs and are designing a life of their dreams. We keep it real and share stories about the ups and downs that come with running a photography business. You'll hear real life stories of how other photographers run their business and you'll learn actionable steps that you can take to reach your own goals. Thank you so much for being here. And let's get started.
- [01:37]
Sue Brice
Hey everyone.
- [01:38]
Nikki Klosser
For today's episode, I have Sue Brice.
- [01:40]
Sue Brice
Back on the Portrait System.
- [01:42]
Nikki Klosser
You asked for it.
- [01:43]
Sue Brice
A woo woo type talk. So this time we went deep into what sue calls manifest action and how you can create the life of your dreams.
- [01:51]
Nikki Klosser
Talking about self value and achieving your.
- [01:53]
Sue Brice
Goals is one of Sue's superpowers.
- [01:56]
Nikki Klosser
And frankly, this is one of the.
- [01:57]
Sue Brice
Most powerful talks I think she's ever given and also one of my most.
- [02:01]
Nikki Klosser
Favorite conversations we've ever had together.
- [02:04]
Sue Brice
Okay, as always, please enjoy listening to and learning from Sue Brice. Hi, Sue Brice. How are you?
- [02:12]
Very good. Nikki Closet. How you doing?
- [02:14]
I'm wonderful. I am very wonderful. Okay, so last episode that we did together. We talked about how we were going to do sort of like a woo woo manifestation, law of attraction type thing. But before we talk about why and how maybe we should talk a little bit about the stigma around it.
- [02:35]
Yeah, look, I don't actually believe. Well, I wholeheartedly believe in the law of attraction. It definitely is a law. I wholeheartedly believe in what manifestation is, but I don't believe that's the root of what you want to create for yourself. I absolutely believe in it. But I also believe that it's more about you and what you believe about yourself and you can change that. So for me, I'm more interested in what people believe they are worth, what they ask for, the boundaries that they set around that and their relationship with money, the depth of their personal relationships, their family relationships, their friendships, their. And you know, how they treat money, how money treats them, how they treat people in the relationships around them, how they treat them, how they feel about all of those areas of their life really for me, come down to self value. And I just realized that the more I worked on my self development, the better my life got in all those areas in my relationship of my money and my business and my career. And I honestly, I couldn't create anything for myself without a sense of worthiness first. And I, I could see that I could go through all the motions. But the more I focused on making myself more valuable, the more valuable all the areas of my life became. So that is definitely intense focus and it's definitely focus and emotion and I can see how that manifests and creates that law of attraction. But to me, I'm just more interested in what you believe you are worth. And that comes down to self value for me.
- [04:29]
Oh absolutely. It's funny cause when I think back to before I met you, I didn't even realize I was doing it, but I was working on self value in the relationship department. So like when I met you, I already had Dan. But prior to Dan, I really like struggled with my value for finding a partner. And it was something I was working on and I didn't even realize it. And then I met you and it was like, okay, I need to work on. Okay, I feel good about feeling loved in the relationship department, but it was like the rest of my life that was kind of. I had no self value around.
- [05:04]
Right. Yeah, I didn't have any value around myself or a relationship either. I think I was just always trying to be something instead of being myself and meeting somebody from that place of, you know, love. I believe you have to see yourself as more in order to get more right. So for me, self value, it's not so much about manifestation, it's more about the world is responding to your emotions. So that for me is it. And my emotions around a relationship were always like, I'm not good enough to be in a relationship because I didn't feel ready and I didn't feel good enough. And I keep carrying this belief with me into every date that I went on, into every relationship I had. And inevitably I ended up being not good enough for that relationship because that was my focus. My focus was always to be focused on my deficit and what I was lacking. And I just know this. My evidence and experience is this. Nikki. Any focus with emotion, any focus you hold with emotion attached to it, in the positive or the negative, it will come to fruition. You are so powerful. It really is your emotional state and then your focus state. Now when you're emotionally upset about something, you're hurt. Let's say you're just hurt by something somebody said to you or something somebody did. You focus on it and you hold this emotion of hurt. And what you don't realize is you attach it to this poor me or the sad story, or this past evidence you've had that you're not good enough. And then a narrative builds inside you. My needs are not being met because I'm not good enough. And it's this constant perpetuating cycle of not good enough focus, of not good enough obsessed about not being good enough. And inevitably that focus you're holding is just going to keep attracting this negative, you know, negative result every single time. So to me, it's not that I'm not manifesting in that moment. I'm telling a story about myself that is not true in the negative. And it happens in the negative as quickly and as powerfully as you focus on it as it does in the positive. And the only way you can shift the negative thought or a negative emotion into a positive thought, you can't say affirmations in that moment. An affirmation is just a positive statement. But if your negative emotion is inside you, if that positive statement does not counteract that negative emotion, you'll stay in that focus. So affirmations never worked for me. When people would say, you know, go to the mirror and say I love my body. Well, I was trapped in self hate and binge eating and I was so focused on how much I hated it, I would go to the mirror and I would be like, I love my body. And then I would look in the mirror and say, I hate you. I hate everything about you right now. I hate that you're out of control. I hate how ugly you look. I hate this protective layer you've put around you. And I couldn't love myself. And no affirmation was going to change that. I had to shift my emotional self. So that focus you hold is what manifests. I'm more interested in that focus than I am in what you're manifesting.
- [08:37]
Yeah, you had said something before, something about a triangle. It was like raising awareness, self consciousness, and self value. Like, does all of that. I feel like those three things can apply to every part of our life. Money, business, relationships. And it's like you can. Okay, so here's a question then. If you work on one part of your life, can it. And feel strong, you know, in value in this part, does it spill over to the rest, or do you still have to work on the rest? Like, how does this all work together?
- [09:13]
I guess in order to create anything that you want for yourself, you have to be in a good emotional place for it. You have to have some clarity about what it is that you want and some good intention. Because clarity, intention, and joy bring you back to that project every single day, which is holding that daily focus of joy and action and walking towards what you want and making that really clear to both yourself and the universe and the people around you that you're someone that perpetuates and takes action. But anything you take your eyes off is not going to fall away. So let's say I start to manifest clients. But then I really want to focus on my relationship and I keep my business going with lots of love and joy. But it's not my ultimate focus to grow my business right now. My business is going to stay the same. It's only when I get into a negative emotion around something and start thinking and perpetuating this constant thought that I'm not going to get something or I don't have something. Yearning is the worst emotion. If you're yearning for something, you're telling the universe you can't have it. You're telling yourself you can't have it. You're telling all the people around you you can't have. You can have anything you want if you focus on it and go after it and step up to receive it and look for opportunity and empower it with enthusiasm. That is all just a positive intention and a positive focus. You know, I believe that the more I focused on taking action, doing what I wanted, every Day in a positive focus, it changes significantly. Okay? And that is money, business, health, body connection. So many people, Nikki, are disconnected from their own bodies. I was living from the neck up for years. I just ignored my body. I couldn't focus on it because it was a problem for me. Obviously I was using food as avoidance to take action because I was too scared. And I was also using food to process emotion when I didn't know how to set boundaries around myself. And part of self value is, is deciding what it is that you want and what you want to do every day. And I challenge every listener out there to really tell me what they want. Because if you don't know what you want, you are an A class people pleaser. And you, if you, you honestly sit in front of me and say I don't know what I want, I say bs, I say, everybody knows what they want. You might not know how to get it, you might not believe you are worth it right now, but you 100% know what you want. And if you don't know what you want, I implore you to just take three days to lie still or walk on the beach, or walk in the forest, or put your feet in the grass or the sand, feel a little bit of nature, reconnect to yourself, your body, your emotions, what you want in life, and ask yourself, am I living the way that I want? Am I the person I want to be? Do I have the career or the job that I want? Do I have the relationship that I want? And if you truly sit there and say no to all of those things, it's time you sat down and asked yourself what it is that you truly want. Not as a people pleaser, not as somebody. Because honestly, if you don't know, it tells me that you're doing what you think somebody else wants for you. And if you're unhappy in any way, and that's mom and dad doing that, or your spouse or your siblings or your best friend saying, you can't do this because you're not doing what you want. You're not living your dreams. And I was, I was so stuck in people pleasing because I did not know. This was my core belief. And so many people out there have this core belief. I did not know how to meet my own needs, Nicky. And I 100% had evidence that nobody was meeting my needs for me. And I 100% reflected back that I actually did not know how to meet my own needs because I don't think I even knew what they were or what I wanted. And you know, for me, I was just focused on what I didn't have. Now, people pleasers are the most resentful people on the planet. I was so resentful that my gallbladder filled with gangrene and collapsed and I had to have an organ removed. And when I metaphysically read what that was, it said, resentment. I have bitterness and resentment. And it was so easy to be resentful when you're a people pleaser because I did everything in my energy to nurture everybody around me but myself. And people pleasing really opens the door for, to the conversation about boundaries. If people don't know how to respect you, you don't know how to respect yourself. If people don't know how to love you, you don't know how to love yourself because you're not showing them with your boundaries that you sit around you and saying, this is what I'm worth, this is what I deserve. You know, we have this expectation that people know how to treat us or should treat us a certain way. But if somebody's treating you poorly, if somebody's treating you with disrespect, if somebody is treating you with less than the love you deserve, it's because that is how you are treating yourself and it is coming out of you. And that gets reflected back to you. And then you decide whether you're worthy or not. Because when I built my business and I upskilled and I started to become valuable in my craft, people were reflecting that back. They were telling me that I was valuable. And I started to think that they were setting my value, but they weren't. I was setting my value by pricing myself. I was setting my value by putting my business out there and gaining confidence and learning how to speak about it. I was telling people that I was valuable by saying I'm worth $2,000 a shoot. I. I was, in my actions, letting people know what my level of respect was, my boundary was. And of course, when I started, it was low. So people just treated me badly. Guys treated me badly when I dated them because I was, you know, I was always under the table waiting for scraps. I was always just expecting to be treated badly. And then I would literally walk away hateful and resentful because these people had treated me badly. And yet I'm the one waiting under the table for scraps. I needed to change the way I was setting my boundaries by the way I was treating myself. And self care, self respect, self love, all of these things are self. They start with the self. No one is going to love you and show you how to be loved until you show people how to love yourself and how to be loved. And the fastest way to do that is work out what you want in your life, the relationship you want in your life, the body you want, whatever makes you feel good, you know, the income that you want and the house that you want, the children you want. You can build this, you can create this by really asking yourself what it is that I want. That was such a long answer.
- [16:58]
No, I loved it. Something that you said that I think is so common that people do, and I think it gets in the way of that self value. Exactly. What you said is they look at what other people have and they get bitter and resentful. And I remember this was pretty early on when we had met. You said something like, when you see something that someone has and you start to feel any sort of bitterness or resentment, it's like you have to switch that into, okay, I must want what they have because I'm feeling a certain way about this. So switching it into, okay, so how can I get what they have? Because clearly I want it. If I'm feeling the way that I'm feeling about it, that really helped me shift and change and stay focused within myself and not what everybody else has. And if I did start to feel that way, it's like, okay, well, how can I get that? That helped okay so much.
- [17:54]
If you feel blocked and you are looking at somebody that's achieving something that you want, it's going to make you angry because you can't have what they have. You can't have it because you're blocked. And right now it feels like you can't. And it is like, honestly, it is like a law. You just feel like, I cannot move through this. And that's not the truth, but it feels like that. And that emotional state goes to envy and anger because I want what that guy's got, and he's not even that good. I'm better. And I've met him. He's not even a nice person. I'm a good person. Like, why does he have that? And you know, it's not good or bad. It's not. If you're a good person or a bad person, it's worthy and worthless. It's what you believe you're worthy of. And if you believe you're not worthy of it, you can't have it. And it's also what you focus on. So if you're focused on the fact that he's got it and you don't you're empowering that. You're empowering that he's got it and you don't. So that's yearning. And yearning hardens the heart and it makes us completely detached and disconnected. Because yearning means I can't have it, I can't create it for myself. I don't believe I can. And that's not true. So you've literally got to write down goals, you've got to write down desires, you've got to break them down into steps, and you've got to walk towards it. Because taking action takes you out of your mind for a little bit. It just takes you out of the worry and the focus. And taking action means that you're asking for this next step, you're doing it and you're walking towards it. And you're gonna learn a whole lot in that process. And that's really, really important to identify it. Get clarity, certainty and conviction. Those two things. When you decide you want something, the more certain you are and the more conviction you have will just bring you back to the altar every day. But Nikki, we had certainty and conviction. How many times did we go into that space without joy? So certainty and conviction without joy is just obsessive focused. And it doesn't mean that's enjoyable. It can be stressful, it can be filled with resistance. And you're doing that because you don't feel comfortable doing the certainty and focus. You know what you want, but you're not comfortable getting there. I did this for years. I had so much certaining focus and conviction about building sbe, but I had no confidence to be on a live physical broadcast because that's not who I was. I was a very good business owner and photographer. When I had a one on one client in my studio, all of a sudden I had this desire to speak on stage and share my experiences and my journey. And I was terrified of actually being seen physically. And I wasn't good at that. So inevitably, I filled that space with fear and resistance and self hate. Because I would go up there and give my heart and soul and intention teaching and then I would see myself afterwards on the screen and my voice of self hate would go, you're old, you're fat, you're ugly. You know, why are you doing this? People are going to be like, who do you think you are? And I would sit there afterwards and then I would start to tell myself that I, I shouldn't have done it. And I would get upset and I would be in bed. And then one day at this hotel, I was finished a creative live broadcast, a big one that got big hits and big responses, the biggest they have. And I was telling myself, because I saw a photo on Facebook screenshot that was so ugly, and I got in my head about how I looked, and I just forgot that I dropped, like 28 hours of incredible connection and intention and love and education, and I gained like 11,000 followers that day. And they were writing me letters of thank you and just appreciation. And you've changed my life. And I was stuck on how I looked. And then I went, this is old. I don't believe this anymore. I don't care anymore if people think I'm old, fat and ugly. I am. To some people, I'm old, fat and ugly. To others, I'm youthful and slim and gorgeous. It doesn't matter what you think of me. It only matters what I experience. And I can choose to believe that I did that from a place of deficit, or I can choose to believe I did it from a place of love and experience and joy. And it was my own brain doing this little narrative of not good enough, just in case somebody trashed me online and I got kicked off the lead horse. And then I was like, this is 15 minutes of fame, man. And if you don't, it doesn't matter. I'm not trying to be famous. I'm not even trying to be liked. I have an incredible story to share, and those that resonate and vibrate with that story and this message and this intention will be brought to my. To my audience. And they were. And those that envied me didn't realize they wanted it. And if you envy me now, you're probably not listening to this because I struggled to listen to anybody that I envied. But if you envy me, it's because you want it. And I'm telling you, you can have it. Write it down, decide what you want, put it out there with joy and intention and nurture your creative self. Nurture your inner self with self, care, self, love and boundaries. Speak always authentically because everyone can hear it when it's not true. They can just hear it. It's like, I am energy. Everything I say is energy. Everything I do is energy. Everything I speak is energy. So you are transmitting all the time. And if you are not transmitting from a place of intention, it's always going to surprise you what you get.
- [24:29]
I know there's a lot of people out there thinking, like, how do I make this shift? Like, from the place that you were at when you saw that, that photo of Yourself and it, you know, you went to this horrible back to the self loathing, like for someone that's like, but how, but how? Like truly, what do you do? I mean, I know you said write things down, figure out what you want, you know, it's omitting this positive energy and out to the universe or God or whatever, you know. But how I know someone is still thinking that?
- [25:07]
Okay, so number one is awareness. Why am I feeling this way right now? Okay, why? Because I just did something really scary and I put myself on a platform where thousands of people could take shots at me and put me down. And I have no confidence around my weight, my age and how I physically look because I've just spent 10 years building my business and I ignored my body. So for me it was simply vulnerability that translated into self hate for me because vulnerability translated into not good enough, which translated into people are gonna attack me. Which translated into why are they gonna attack me because I'm old, fat and ugly. Like that was my programming. It's what I believed. So instantly I focused on that. Because as soon as you focus on something then you're going to bring it to you. And I instantly realized that that's not what I just experienced. That's what I believe people out there might say about me. So that's not even true. It's just what I actually thought people could and would say. So I was attracting that and I was looking for that. So for starters, identify. I'm not attracting that or looking for that. I have a fear of that. So I'm going to attract. That's why you attract what you fear because you focus on it. And I just needed to say acceptance. So awareness first. Why do I feel this way? Acceptance. People might say I'm this, this and this. Is that true? Well, yeah, to some people all of those things are true. So it's okay. To other, many other people they're not true. So that's fine. What you say about me holds more truth about you. But if I can accept the baddest thing you say about me and just accept it as being something you've said but not the truth for me, that's when I know I've loved myself enough. You know, loving yourself or self confidence is not I hope they love me, it's I'm okay if they don't, right? I love myself enough that you don't have to love me. I didn't need acceptance from the audience. I needed connection. I didn't want them to love me. I wanted them to resonate with my story so that they could walk this path in full power. So my intention was good. My fear was that I would be criticized for how I looked and because all the other instructors at the time were young, skinny, and super gorgeous. But I had more experience, more time, I made more money, and I had a better business model than anybody that was bright and sparkly. So I had more inside. And I just had to have faith that that was enough. And then I just sat there one day and I said, enough. I choose to believe that I had an incredible experience these last three days. I choose to believe that I worked with authenticity and intention and love. I choose to believe that the people that are attracted to my education and my journey and my story will be bought with a full, open heart because they want to create what I've created. They want to become something that I've become. They want to be more Nikki. They want more money for a better life for their family, for their children. They don't want to struggle month to month. And I will never be there ever again, because now I know how to never, ever struggle around money again. Most people don't know this, but two of the biggest verticals in SBE are money and self value. And when I put those two, two verticals in, for the first four years, nobody talked about them, nobody commented on the videos, and yet they were the most watched videos in sbe. And the best part about it is now, six years after launching this education site, my life is my long term photographers like you and all of our mentors, our moderators, and our intermediate advanced members, they literally nothing comes out of their mouth without saying money or self value in the sense that they will say, I just did a $48,000 corporate booking for 20 executives. And I understand that six years ago, I had no self value around creating my business and how I would even charge for a job this big. And I went through my money blocks. I broke through selling, and now look at me sustaining a $4,000 average with a studio that's making $280,000 per year. And you know, they say their path of finding their value and their self value and breaking through money blocks and breaking through selling blocks, because that's money blocks. It's literally in their language now. But I had to, oh, I was doing that live broadcast last live, and Felicia Reeds did her introduction, and she's one of our intermediate members that has broken through money and selling and success. And she's here to talk about her new marketing campaign. And she said, first I made a believer out of my family and then I, you know, made my business happen. And I said, felicia, first I had to make a believer out of you. I make a believer out of you first because nobody believes me. When they come to this platform to learn photography and business, that it's about self value and what you can create for yourself and the energy, the energy that is your emotional self, your wants, desires, and then the energy around you, which is how you treat yourself. You know, I've got to ask some big questions right now. If you want to move forward, ask yourself this, what do you want? And I'm not saying, what do you want? They're not things. I'm saying, what do you want? A deeper relationship? What? A better family? Do you want forgiveness? Do you want love? Do you want a better body? Do you want to not care about how your body looks? You just want to accept it, love it? Do you want an income that you really want to build a life with? Do you want a career? Like what? What do you want? Not what do you want? Everyone hears, what do I want? And then they think things. It's, what are you? How do you want to live? How do you want to wake up? How do you want to be loved? How do you want to love? Like, how rich is your life? And I don't mean money. How rich is your life? You know, we grew up working class, but I understood by the time I was 20 that my family was richer than just about any rich family on the planet. Because we had love and laughter and we just had creativity and we had joy. And my family just loved being together. And they're simple folk and they're just good people, you know? But I wanted more. And I felt bad about that because I think my mom said to me when I was like, 13, she said, you should have been born to a family with money. I said, why did you say that to me? And she goes, you've always wanted more. You wanted more as a kid. As a kid. You said, why did they have that? I didn't know that. And I said, I'm sorry. I said, don't ever think that this family didn't give me everything I ever needed. And the older I got, right up until the day my father died, I realized in that moment what I had that other people didn't have. And it wasn't things, it wasn't money, it was just energy. And my family had that. So what do you want? How do you want to live? What do you ask for? What do you ask for? Do you ask for help? Because I never did as a people pleaser, never asked anybody for help. So people always took advantage of me. So always felt like people always taking advantage of me. I was not important because I never asked for anyone to reciprocate. Which means I had no value in asking for balance and equal exchange. How was I ever going to have a business if I couldn't ask my friends to help me? I could not receive help. I couldn't receive money either. What do you accept in your daily life? What do you just accept? Someone treats you like absolute crap. You just accept that that's okay. You don't stand up to them and say enough. You don't put a boundary around these people and say I don't engage in this anymore. I don't want to be treated like this anymore. I have more self respect and more self love. I love myself more. I'm going to walk away from this situation. I'm not going to sit under the table and wait for scraps from these people. I am worth more. Just walking away. Not walking away and saying ha, I'm walking away from you. That's the wrong intention. Walking away and saying I'm worth more, I deserve more and I need to accept more. That's a boundary. Just telling yourself that, not saying it to them but still feeling resentful and angry, that's not moving through the emotion. That's just putting that emotion on that person to make them feel worse so you can walk away. You've got to take care of you. Self value is about looking after your emotional state because the world is responding to your emotions. So you have to come to that place. You do that with awareness, acceptance, okay? Acceptance of what is happening and then more self focus, self soothing, self care, self love. You've got to come back to yourself. What you're putting out there is returning to you and it is very, very important.
- [35:25]
When you said about asking for things, so I remember you said recently, I think it was Craig said to you how like you can build the best teams or. And your response really got me thinking that when you ask for things it's not just me saying, hey sue, can I have this? So maybe you could talk about how when you omit the energy and when you ask you shall receive the no more, no less. All of that, that I think it's hard because it's not tangible. But I've watched you do it. I've learned to do it. Maybe talk about that.
- [36:08]
It's alignment, right? You align your mental focus with what it is that you want? What it is that you want? Okay, we don't say what it is you want. We say what it is you want. So I don't choose amazing people to work with me. They come to me. And I'll tell you how I do this. I think about how I want to spend my day and with who, with whom. What sort of person will bring value to my world, to my day? And when I wanted Caitlin, an assistant, I didn't want Caitlin. I didn't know Caitlin existed yet. I just said, I want an assistant that can work with me three days a week with calm energy, someone that's really good with computers and people and not a photographer. And I really sort of thought about the sort of person that I wanted in my studio every day. And then I said to a friend of mine, well, you know, she was like, it took me a long time to find my last assistant. And I said, well, when you're ready, you just tell the universe, you know, what it is that you need hold the focus of the sort of person that you want around you, and they literally walk in your door the next day. And then she called me the next day and she said, you're not going to believe this. She said, a girl just walked past and put her resume in my studio door, and it's absolutely perfect. And she sent it to me and we shared that assistant. And the crazy part about that story is I said, yeah, I believe that because to me, every time I've called or asked for what I've wanted, I've just held the focus of what it is that I want. I see myself having it. I imagine what it feels like. I ask the universe, and you can put it in your prayers 100%. You can speak to the universe. You can speak your intention. You can speak. Speak your gratitude out loud. You can write a journal. You can see it in your own handwriting. That just holds your focus. That's all. All those things simply bring you back to focusing on what you want. I write a list. I put it by my bed. It's a joyful list. I read it every day. I'm excited by it. It's not a worry list. It's not a to do list. It's a dream goal list. And it's something that invigorates me. You know, that is an energy and intention, and that's what you put up and out there.
- [38:35]
Nikki Klosser
Hey, just a quick break to tell you that since you're here listening, you have access to a really great offer for our listeners Only we have a special promo code you can use to get 50% off the cost of membership. Just go to theportraitsystem.com or click the link in the description and use the promo code PODCAST50 to get 50% off of a membership. We rarely discount membership, so this is a big deal. As I hope you already know, the membership is how I and so many guests on this podcast reached our success. And it gives you access to countless amazing videos, an awesome community, and all the tools you need to build a massively successful business. So use the code podcast50Now to join the community and to start building the business of your dreams. I'll see you there.
- [39:21]
Sue Brice
So what if someone's like, okay, well, I want a million dollars, then I'm going to put that out there right now. But then they don't take action. I feel like there has to be. You have to be in a place where you are ready to have a team if you want a team, or.
- [39:39]
You know, I don't know how that actually works. But I will tell you this. If I said to you, I want a million dollars, and then you go, great, that's a great manifestation. And then I go, well, we're in this manifestation club. What are you manifesting, Nikki? And you go, well, I want to, you know, buy a new car, right? Or whatever it is. And so we both go out. Now, that's a really dumb manifestation, for starters, because straight away, the first thing both of us are going to think is, how am I going to do that? And if I have to take action to do this, then how am I going to take action on making a million dollars? And I'm always like, okay, so you also have to be kind of realistic and ask yourself, like, is million dollars really what you want? Or is it just a flow of income? Because why would you. Yeah, and secondly, if you say a million dollars, you're literally looking for a million dollars, and it's hard to find a million dollars. You can go and buy a thousand lotto tickets in the next 10 years and manifest a lotto win that, you know, like, there's also millions of people trying to do the same thing, which is, you know, fruitless. And you're all putting money into the same pool which one of you gets, which is really interesting. So it's like, you know, how you manifest anything or what you're asking for is really the bigger thing, not like how it affects you and how it's going to make you feel. This is a really great question. What do you believe like if you don't have something right now, right. You literally have this belief that you can't have it. So when you go to manifest something, you're going to ask for the thing you don't believe you have right now. Right. You already believe you can't have it emotionally. So how's that going to work? It just doesn't work like that. You just have to. Okay, I kind of think that the best way to do it is you have to ask yourself the most important questions. What do I want? How do I want to live? Okay, then you have to ask for it. Like I want that. You have to identify it, get some clarity and certainty and conviction around it. Right. You have to look at what you accept every day and start putting boundaries out there, because that's taking action to show people that you're worth more by putting your boundaries up on how you treat yourself. How you treat yourself, because how you treat yourself is how other people treat you. And as soon as you shift that, you start getting more value, more feedback, you get more interest. You get people that are like, oh, you know, you're someone that has self value. You're someone that has strong boundaries. You're someone that speaks up for themselves when people speak badly. You're someone who holds the energy high in the room. You're someone that elevates conversation. You are someone that brings that. And then you want to obviously get that clarity. And then you want to make sure you're not people pleasing in that boundaries. Because boundaries and people pleasing are the two biggest opposites. Once you've decided what you want, you want to wake up every day and re. Empower that feeling of I'm creating this, not wanting it, not yearning for it. I'm creating it. I write it down, I make it a goal, and I step towards it every day. And it's so exciting because I'm. Yes, because I'm so empowered by the energy of what I'm creating for myself. Because it's what I really want. I go out every day scared, but I go out every day, know that I'm learning and getting confidence. And then I take action every day because I know that every day I'm just actively reinvigorating this dream and this creation. And here's the best part. Every single day I wake up. I don't try to create something or I acknowledge my existence, my resistance around something or fear around doing something, but I reinvigorate the alignment and the energy of what it is that I want and not what I yearn for what it is that I am creating. So this brings me to the most powerful thing you can do. I believe everything you speak, everything you say, everything you do creates what you're being and what you're seeing. So you have to go inside first and listen to the resistance and the self hate and the stupid voice inside your head that has been programmed wrong. And you need to come back out and you need to say, what am I saying? What am I doing? What am I seeing? What am I being? And what am I believing about myself? Because the second I change my voice, my thoughts, my voice, my words, my energy, the reflection of the universe comes back beautiful and strong. And you suddenly get evidence that you're good enough to step forward. And it's gotta come from you. It comes from you out to the world. It gets reflected back to you. And then you make a decision based on what you see as to whether or not it attaches to a positive narrative in your own mind or a negative old story that maybe your mother told you when you were 6 years old that you are now re empowering is the truth. And that is energy. And when you can get there, you can shift all of the pain inside you. You can shift your debt, you can shift what you believe you're worth. You can shift your relationships. We are talking about deeper meaning. More connection. More connection in your physical body, more connection in your life. And that is what we all want is to. To have deeper meaning.
- [45:33]
I mean, it's like just go back and rewind that and listen to that a couple times. It truly just. Even just like listening to you. Because I know I've gotten to a place that you're talking about that place. I'm there. I just feel so much joy and happiness and energy and I can't wait to see what's next. It's like, what'd you say?
- [45:56]
You never forget. You never remember. You never remember how blocked you used to be.
- [46:02]
And I was, you know, I was.
- [46:06]
I was no more than me. No one more than me. I mean, I was just a walking, talking, poor me. And also I, you know, people need to know the old surprise. I mean, I'm a sassy girl, so I'm. When I'm in the negative, I'm sarcastic. I'm mean. Like I was filled with envy. Why do you think I had an organ collapsing with gangrene in it? Because I was so filled with bitterness. Because I wanted so much for myself, but I just could not work out why nobody was helping me get it. I just couldn't work out why nobody was making my business amazing. I couldn't work out why nobody was making my body better. I couldn't work out why nobody out there cared about my money situation. Because everybody's just trying to do their own. They're all trying to manage their own. And I believed it was coming to me. I believed the way people treated me was because I simply was maybe just not good enough. I never saw it as being my programming, my energy, my voice, my focus. And it wasn't until I started to shift my focus. And you're going to fall off the wagon. You're going to go back to your old narrative. You are going to go to all these places, you're going to just constantly return to that old story until you keep telling yourself that is not the truth. I choose to believe that my experience was different. And honestly, if you get to a place of self hate, you are more focused on what you think other people think of you and you've returned to people pleasing instead of being focused on the experience you just had. How did you feel about that experience? Now if I had got there faster, I would have come off that stage on Creative Live. I would have felt the self hate come in. I would have sat in my hotel room, I would have ordered room service because I can eat whatever I want after just spending that amount of energy. I would have said I choose to believe that I had an incredible experience this weekend that profoundly changed the course of my, the path of my life to where I am sitting right now. And I did that filled with fear and filled with self hate and an old narrative. But I gave with so much intention and love. And I choose to believe that I was enough. I choose to believe that it was enough. And I choose to believe that people will love me because of it. Because they identify that I'm not bright and sparkly and skinny and young and beautiful just up there because I'm a facade. I am a real voice and a real person that broke through selling and broke through money and did everything they had to do to have a business and that somehow I ended up on an international stage being live broadcast, feeling like I shouldn't have been standing up there and yet giving every reason why I should. And the numbers that came back were I identify with her because it was an authentic voice. So regardless of what that self hate was saying, my authentic voice was speaking loud and clear. And then I could have said to myself, the experience that I just had was I can't believe I just did that. I can't believe this. Uneducated, 42 year old, overweight, don't know how I got here from South Auckland, just did a three day live education broadcast and rocked the world of portrait photography. Because I had built a business 10 years before that that I really wanted. That I really wanted. And it's not about the wanted guys, it's about the I. So when you believe you are good enough to do something, build something, be something, change something, ask yourself this, if I don't have something right now, what do I truly believe? If somebody did something, what would I truly believe would have to happen for me to have that? And that answer to that question is wrong. Because what you would truly need to have to have that is self love, self focus, self care. That you can wake up every day and put yourself on that path and nurture yourself and nurture your emotional self on it so that you can learn and grow and process and become. And had I had that, I think I would have had a very different experience.
- [51:09]
I mean, I don't even know where.
- [51:10]
Nikki Klosser
To go from here.
- [51:12]
Sue Brice
I mean it's just so profound, everything you're saying and you know, for people listening, maybe you're not up on a stage or on an education platform, but you can bring it back to what it is that you're doing and what you want. And it's all so relatable to you in your life.
- [51:33]
Yes. So listen to this. We have this expectation that our parents are supposed to love us and unconditionally. But they are human beings, they are not gods. And for the first, maybe 10 years, 15, you see them as these people that control all your emotional life. But what if they don't love themselves? What if nobody taught them? What happens if your parents get treated by like complete crap out in the world and you see that as a child because your parent doesn't know how to speak up for themselves, doesn't know how to set boundaries, doesn't know how to love themselves. You see that? That's just how you guys get treated. There is no way past that. That's just it set in stone, right? And that is not the truth. I'm going to quote Mario Martinez because he has this incredible quote in his book. It's is phenomenal. I propose that abundance is not sustainable without a strong sense of self worth. Why not? Because maintaining health, reaching wealth and finding love require the capacity to accept that you are worthy of good fortune. You can't ask for it if you can't receive it. You can't receive it if you don't believe you're worth it. So you don't ask for it and you don't even realize you're not asking. You're just spending all of your energy in a focus of what you don't have. Well, I'll tell you this, if you are yearning for something, you're saying already that you can't have it. If you ask for something and then say, how is that coming to me? You've already told the universe to send it back, okay? So all you have to do is want and know that you're worthy of having and creating whatever you want. You become valuable when you start to feel valuable to others and then you see it, right? And then you achieve a new skill level or whatever, you step up or you break through selling and you start speaking that value and you start speaking with value, you start to work with value. And then all of a sudden you have this connection and this confidence because you're practicing it and you're doing it and your confidence will just grow exponentially. And then it's how you treat yourself. So all of a sudden others are treating you with value. You get more opportunities, so you start dressing better, looking better, you start valuing yourself more, you start putting boundaries out and then all of a sudden you are acting with value, okay? And then you have this self respect, you're saying, hey, hey, don't speak to me like this. You're putting boundaries up on how people treat you. Just with your own self love, just with your own energy of self care. People know that you're valuable because they go, she treats herself with value, she acts with value, she works with value and it's authentic. And the more you build that, the more valuable. And all of a sudden the evidence that I was seeing coming back to me was you are valuable. But that wasn't coming from these people, that was coming from me and being reflected back. And the more valuable I treated myself, the more valuable it got shown back to me, the more I had this evidence that I was valuable. And then the cycle of being in a cycle downwards of no one values me, I don't know how to meet my own needs. I don't get what I want is being perpetuated in the complete opposite direction. And all of a sudden I'm just constantly attracting better people into my life, more opportunities into my life. I get magical emails were coming to me like I want this opportunity to give this opportunity to you. And I was like, how is this happening? And then I was like, really? You're going to Say how.
- [55:08]
Well, that's what I was going to ask you to go back to because you said, but when you say how the universe is just going to send it back, will you go back to that? What do you mean by that?
- [55:20]
No one's giving this to you. The universe is just open and abundant. The only person stopping it is you. So as soon as you say, how am I going to get that? You've either set the wrong goal or you really haven't thought that out. It's not magic. There's no magic. The magic is work turns up, people turn up. That's magical. But that income just doesn't turn up for no reason. It just doesn't. Yeah. So to me, as soon as you say, I want a bouquet of flowers, well, how is that going to happen? I've already decided it's not going to happen. I've already decided it's just not going to happen. I've already said, well, how? I'm just sending it back. When people achieve something for the first time, they always say, I can't believe it. And I go, you can't believe that you just did that. Because if you say, I can't believe it, it will go away. You'll make a big sale and then you'll say, I can't believe it. And then they cancel this and want to repack. It's just energy. It's constant energy just cycling through, like how you speak, what you say, what you think that is. That is accepting the how and what you're asking, Right? Just thinking it and knowing it's coming is accepting it. Refocusing on it every day is just going to make you a champ because you're just going to keep bringing it to your energy. Because what you focus on expands. What you focus on grows. What you focus on comes to fruition and the positive and the negative. So shift your focus and then protect your emotional self and then write me goals that you want, that you want. Like, how do you, how do you want to spend your months, days, years with your boys? Nikki, if you have children, this should be one of the biggest determinants in self. And I will tell you, nobody has Burnt top syndrome more than a mother. A mother will say, I will not live my dreams. A mother will nurture her children over her. A mother will nurture her spouse a lot of the time, although that's shifting. We've got a lot of men nurturing their women in our community, you know, or supporting through business and work or partnership work. But the truth is, is if you over nurture your children and you don't nurture what you want in that relationship with your children and that relationship with your work, with your career, with yourself, with your body, they don't learn from what you did in your nurturing, they learn from what you do. Our children, they don't believe what we believe, they do what we do. It's that simple. And you can believe something, but your actions are not showing that. And your children will absolutely do that. How do I teach my child self worth? How do I teach my child self value? How do I teach my child speaking up healthy boundaries? How do I teach my child that money is fluid and it's energy so if they value themselves and the work they do, it comes in equal exchange. How do I teach my child to love themselves and say I don't want to be treated this way by a stranger or I don't have to listen to you speaking to me this way or even I do not want to say yes to this request because I don't feel like I want to do it and I shouldn't have to explain it. How do you teach your child these incredible things? How do you teach your child that your self love is self sustaining and that the greatest love you will find on this planet will be the love you have for yourself and then anything else after that will be abundant. And that's it for me. You teach them by being that, by showing them that, by being that person, they learn to set boundaries because you teach them how to set those boundaries. And you are all of those things because you walk into all of those energies of being that thing, being that thing, being that person, being in that space. They know that you love yourself because you show them how to care for yourself. And that is how you speak, how you act, how you dress, how you eat, how you move your body, how connected you are to your body. I'm not saying you have to look a certain way at all. You should always just be comfortable in whatever your body wants to be or ever you want your body to be. Because there are people that carry weight, that are super fit and strong. I was not. I just ignored my body. So I was in pain and I could barely walk. You know, you want to be healthy, whatever that means for you. You want to be rich, whatever that means for you. You want to be filled with love and the people around you, whatever that means for you. It's your wants and it's your desires and it's your life to create and then it's your life to curate. So if you want to teach your children that be it and when you start being it, everything around you literally is attracted to it. So to me, I am energy. My emotional state and the energy I'm in is what's transmitting. So I am the most important energy first and then everybody else is secondary. Well, I tell you this, if you honestly don't believe in manifesting anything, or you don't believe in the law of attraction or whatever it is, tell me this. Look at your, your relationships, your family, your business, your money, your body, all those things. Check your relationship with all of them. Where do you feel strong? Where do you feel empowered? Where do you feel disempowered in all those areas. Look at the areas you feel disempowered or is there yearning there? Is there something you want that you're not creating for yourself? And tell me this. By giving yourself goals, clarity, really asking yourself what you want, infusing them with joy and enthusiasm, telling yourself you can create what you want, live your dreams, and then walking towards that every day, how could that not make your life more abundant? How could that not make your relationships deeper, your bank account bigger? Or maybe that's not what you want. How could that not? Because everything you are focused on right now, you are focused on in the positive. It doesn't mean you're happy and it doesn't mean that you are holding this constant happiness. Humans are not happy all the time. Mostly they're just neutral. But I'm looking for peace of mind, no resistance and clear goals. And then a good, healthy, positive energy around how you feel about yourself. Hold that focus for any extended time and you are so powerful and it's self acceptance and self love. And if you don't believe me, you can challenge me in a thousand different ways. I'll just keep finding ways to prove it to you.
- [62:13]
I wonder if our next talk should be about creating those clear goals. Like yes, people need to figure out what they want, but maybe even just breaking down even more how to create.
- [62:26]
That what they want.
- [62:28]
Step system for a vision or goal setting or whatever that looks like. That might be a good one.
- [62:35]
Yeah, I'd love that. That's a good one for me. Yeah, because that's when you get a little bit off track because fear comes up. Fear and avoidance are the two things that knock us off any focus. You know, the fear of doing something, the fear of taking that action can sometimes just knock us off the path. Avoidance is what we do when we're scared. It's just we Feel pain when we're in fear or fear of rejection. So we go to avoidance behaviors in order to distract ourselves from what we're supposed to be doing, which is usually gossip or cigarettes or alcohol or shopping or some passive inaction that is stopping us from getting what we want. I think the underlying mantra should be, I can create anything I want, so why am I not? You know, there's this saying that's like, if birds can fly anywhere, why don't they?
- [63:30]
I thought that the other day when I was looking at a bird, I was getting gas and this bird was building a nest in the gas station and I was running from home.
- [63:37]
Dude, you could live anywhere.
- [63:39]
Like, what are you doing?
- [63:40]
You could have a penthouse, like in New York. Like, what are you doing? What are you doing at the gas station? Just living my life at the gas station, doing my. You know. And I think we all want to be more, but the more is like more, it's not. I want to be. I never set out to be anything physically that I thought other people wanted for me. Once I decided that I could focus on anything I want and just bring that into the creation of my life, I really focused on what truly makes me happy. And I'm constantly unfolding that because I'm never just happy and satisfied. I'll get through something. An old block or an old belief, and I realize I don't believe in it anymore. And I'll write some education about it so I can teach other people how to get through it. That's what I do. I share it because I'm like, this is way too good a lesson to keep to myself. And it works. And I want you to be more. I want you to have a deeper meaning in your life. I just reread Viktor Frankl's book and it's all about deeper meaning. And I was so drawn to this idea that. That I want to constantly experience deeper meanings in my relationships. I gotta say this, you know, I had friends together for my birthday and we were all vaccinated. And it has been 18 months since we spent. We were together in a group and we spent the weekend together. As you know, you were one of them. And I have never had deeper, fuller, or more present conversations than the conversations I had over this weekend. Because people have been starved of face to face, of the energy of being. I felt more love in this group of friends and just this energy and intention of just complete reconnection. And if you're lacking, if you're feeling down right now, if your finances are beating you down. And you can't break the month to month. You know, you've got to pull yourself up and out of it. You can't focus on the debt. You can only focus on the solution. That's how I did it. And trust me, that took me years. And I was so locked in the debt pain, I couldn't focus on the solution until I got to a place where I started creating my business. Then when I realized I was creating with joy and money started to come to me, I could easily pay all my debts. And then that came to fruition. So you have to get out of the focus first, emotionally, before you can step forward. And if you tell me you can't break the focus of emotion, that's when I look at you and say, well, you're the one choosing to think about it. You're the one choosing to empower it. You're choosing to do this so you're not moving forward for two reasons. You're either scared or you've set the wrong goal for yourself. Because I don't believe you. If you tell me you can't break the emotional focus, I don't believe you. You're choosing that. You're choosing to empower it in the negative. You can stop doing that right now. You can give yourself some grace, come into full awareness, sit down and ask yourself some big questions. What is it that you want to do? Suprise.
- [66:57]
On that note, there you go.
- [67:02]
I do enjoy these talks so much. And yeah, I would love questions. I would love questions. The one thing I miss on the podcast is when we do our podcast, we don't get to ask feedback. So, you know, I always question answer.
- [67:17]
Thing where we have people post in the Facebook group questions after they hear.
- [67:23]
This is a great. Actually we could Q and A just this talk. If you have a question specifically about anything that Nick and I have just spoken about, please send it to. I'm going to send it to Support at Support Education. And if you put in the title question for the podcast, we can read out your question and answer it for you. But I would love to do that because I know what I'm doing right now is challenging your actual belief system. And your belief system is pretty set in stone because that's how you're living your life and you're listening to this maybe because you're resonating with it. Maybe you're resisting it. Maybe you turned it off 30 minutes ago and you'll come back. Maybe it's not ready for you right now. Maybe you're hearing it, but you're not hearing it. That light bulb hasn't gone off yet. And sometimes you gotta hear it 10 times until it clicks, right? But here's the thing. Whatever reason you're listening to it is because you want to be more. And because you don't want something anymore. You don't want this pain. You don't want struggle, you don't want resistance. And you want to walk your true path and your true soul calling. And you know what your true soul calling is? Do you know what it is, Nikki? Your true soul calling is the thing that lights you up and makes you a better human being. The meaning of life is deeper meaning. The meaning of life is to find meaning. That is the meaning of life. Find meaning in yourself. Find meaning in your family. Find meaning in your work. Find meaning in your struggles. Find meaning in your resistance. And find meaning in your path. And then have some purpose there. Because the deeper meaning you find in all areas of the life, the richer you become, that is abundance. The richer you become, all the way around, that is abundance. The more I walk towards what I want, the more abundant I am. It's that simple. The more I love myself, the more I create for myself and you out there, every single person out there, nobody taught you how to love yourself. But the good news is, I would like to. Because when you learn to love yourself, every area of your life just gets better.
- [69:36]
Thank you so much for listening to.
- [69:38]
Nikki Klosser
The Portrait System podcast.
- [69:39]
Sue Brice
Your 5 star reviews really help us to continue what we do. So if you like listening, would you.
- [69:44]
Nikki Klosser
Mind giving us a review wherever you listen?
- [69:46]
Sue Brice
I also encourage you to head over to sue briceducation.com where you can find all of the education you need to be a successful photographer. There are over 1000 on demand educational videos on things like posing, lighting, styling, retouching, shooting, marketing, sales, business and self value.
- [70:04]
Nikki Klosser
There's also the 90 day startup challenge.
- [70:06]
Sue Brice
Plus so many downloads showing hundreds of different poses.
- [70:09]
Nikki Klosser
We have to do checklists for your business, lighting, PDFs.
- [70:12]
Sue Brice
I mean truly everything to help make you a better photographer and to make you more money. Once Again, that's Sue briceducation.com it.