← The Product Boss with Jacqueline Snyder
The Product Boss with Jacqueline Snyder
752. The Cost of Being the Strong One: Why Doing It All Is Hurting Your Product Business
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If you are the one, everyone depends on, the one who handles it, fixes it, carries it, keeps going and says, don't worry, I've got this. This episode is for you. Because being the strong one might look admirable on the outside, but over time, my friends, it can cost you your health, your peace, your relationships, your business, and even your sense of self. And I think a lot of women are paying the price for being the strong one that no one is really talking about. So let's talk about it today. Hi, I'm Jacqueline Snyder and this is the Product Boss podcast. I've helped launch and grow thousands of product based businesses, even one of my own. And over the last 20 years, I've seen behind the scenes of businesses just like yours. Whether they are makers, manufacturers, artists, or food and beverage businesses. I have spent so many hours studying it all. I've discovered what makes them successful, what mistakes they could have avoided, how did they turn their ideas into successful business? And. And what are the strategies that they have used to make more sales and be discovered by more customers? And this is what this show is all about. Whether you're just starting out or you're looking to become a million dollar product boss, I'm here to give you the permission to chase your dreams no matter how big or small. All you need is the right mindset, a little courage, strategy and support, and you too can be the next million dollar product boss. Let's do this. Welcome to the Product Boss Podcast. I'm Jacqueline Snyder and on this show we help product based business owners who grow towards and beyond a million dollars in revenue with stronger strategy, better systems, and a business that doesn't rely on them for every single decision. My friends, if you are ready to simplify, scale smarter, and stop being the bottleneck in your business, you are in the right place. Today's episode is a personal one, but it also has everything to do with business. Because how we live, we lead and how we carry our lives is often how we carry our business. And I've been thinking a lot about this lately, about the cost of being the strong one. Now this has come up because I've been on so many calls with entrepreneurs and business owners that are women. We've been enrolling them into our program, the Collective. And as I talk to them about their vision, their dream, what we're going to celebrate a year from now, I next ask them what's getting in the way of having that? And I saw this repeated pattern and that's what I really wanted to get into today. So you know who I mean. It's the kind of person, the woman that everyone counts on, the one who knows what needs to happen before anyone else says it out loud. The one who anticipates and manages and organizes and takes care of everything, right? The follow ups. They remember the things, they fix the things they hold the things, they keep things going. The one who can function even when she's tired, overwhelmed, grieving, stretched too thin, or maybe just not okay. The one who makes sure everyone else is okay first. And if you're like, oh, hello, the one is me, well, great, perfect. This is the show for you. Because that has been me at so many different points in my life. And I want to talk about it because I think for a long time that kind of strength gets rewarded, right? The one who just keeps going. The one who. Who puts everyone else before herself. People will praise it. People will actually rely on it, right? They're like, oh, she's got it, she's got it. She's fine. People trust you because of it. I know. Because that's me too, right? I've become known for it. Have you? Part of it becomes your identity. Because of course you're capable, of course you're dependable. You are the one who can handle a lot. And if you're anything like me, you may have even taken pride in that. I know that I did. I wore it as a badge of honor. But here's another thing that I've learned, that being the strong one often comes with a price. I mean, seriously. And we're gonna talk about some of the prices that you pay, some of the prices I've paid. And the hard part is you usually don't see the bill until much later. And it's the kind of bill that you're like, what? I don't want it. Okay. Cause it will show up in your body. It'll show up in your piece, it'll show up in your business. Sometimes it will also show up in your relationships. And honestly, I think it shows up in that quiet feeling that you feel like you're carrying too much and no one even realizes how much you're actually holding. So I want to talk about it today because I think a lot of women, especially entrepreneurial women, are living inside of that pattern without even realizing it anymore. For me, one of the biggest costs has absolutely been physical. And I say that because I have moments and have had moments in my life where my body was clearly telling me something was wrong, and I still overrode it. I still kept going I still acted like I could handle it. I still made sure I wasn't inconveniencing anyone else. Okay, so let's talk about it. Okay. Way back in the day, I remember I had, like. I started to have pain in my body. And I was like, I don't know what this pain is. And I had little kids, and I was like, all right. I'm just. I'm just gonn. I'm just gonna. Maybe it's just something, right? I'm just gonna get through it. And I remember thinking, like, well, I'll be okay. I just. I gotta just, like, lay down. I just gotta drink some water. And really thinking of that memory and that mindset of, like, don't worry about me. I've got it. Literally, I was like, I've got it. Little did I know my gallbladder was, like, gangrene and about to jump out of my body. And even to my husband, I was like, don't worry, I've got it. I'm gonna take an Uber to the hospital in the middle of, like, this New Jersey suburb that I had never been to. And when I say that out loud, it sounds almost unbelievable. Cause I didn't want to inconvenience him. I was like, let's get the baby going to bed. Or the babies. And, like, I'm in this cab literally thinking this might be where I die. Because it was pretty close to it. And I know I'm not the only woman who's done something like that. And I know I'm not the only one who's minimized my own pain or talked myself through it, or pushed myself through it and made myself the last important person in the room, or at least the one who could ask for help. And I think that's one of the hidden costs of being the strong one. You stop treating your own needs like they matter in real time. And you wait until it's just so bad that the doctor's like, how did you wait this long? Okay? That's what they literally said. You wait until it's undeniable. You wait until your gallbladder is gangrene and, like, near death. You wait until it's an emergency. You wait until your body forces your hand. There was this other time I'm just gonna reinforce, because physical is, like, so such a thing. Okay, so a couple, like, many years later, and this is actually right before my mom died. And I was really just not in a good place. I mean, really, everything was kind of crashing down around me. And before even my mom Passed. My mom was like, the final straw. But before that, I remember being at this mastermind. Okay? It's a mastermind with moms. Literally, everybody at the table was moms. And we're in Texas, and it's super hot outside, and I'm wearing my jacket in the middle of summer in Texas. Not a good idea. And I start getting really hot. Partially it's because they were talking about a weird birth story at the table. And I started like. I didn't think I got queasy, but maybe I was dehydrated. I have no idea. But I ended up being like, oh, my God, I feel really dizzy. I might pass out. Instead of looking to the right or the left or across the table or down the way where one of my best friends was sitting, I. I was like, I'm just gonna try and get myself into the hotel where it's colder and then get cold, and then I'll be okay, you guys. I stumbled. I don't even know how I made it inside. And then I literally woke up with my face on the floor bleeding. I know it's, like, absolutely insane telling you the story. I was more willing to try and figure out how to be okay than to ask the women around me for help. And so literally, I'm on the floor, don't even know how I got there. Finding my phone and calling my friend at the table to be like, I just went inside the hot. And I blacked out. So not only did that happen because I didn't ask for support, then the emergency services come. They put me on a gurney and wheel me out past the bar where all those women were hanging out. You guys, that moment was such a wake up call for me. Just another example of how long I had been functioning on override, pushing through, holding it together, telling myself I was fine, telling myself I just needed to get through this part of the day, this event, this season. And, by the way, not asking for. For any help. So if I'm being honest, a lot of that was happening during a season when, you know, I said, like, my mom was sick, and I was just trying to be strong. I was trying to hold it together. I was just trying to get it together for a lot of people. And I think that's what happens sometimes when you're the strong one, right? You're the one who says, I got it. I'm gonna hold it together. And then your body starts to tell you, no, you can't. I was like, well, the universe literally says, smacked my butt down on the floor. And was like, hold up. Something needs to change. That's the hard truth. That's my experience. And those are two major pivotal points in my life where when the gallbladder thing happened in 2019, I made some major shifts in my health and my diet and how I took care of myself. And then cut to 20, 25 some years later. Great, I got the lesson again. Noted universe, right? So many of us have been taught that strength looks like endurance and that it looks like you get to just push through. But honestly, you get to take care of yourself. Because if you keep saying that you're gonna take care of everyone else and you don't need anything for yourself, well, that's not strength. That's just hiding. That's just putting on a mask and pretending that you are the strong one or the person who doesn't need anything. Or quietly, you're resenting everyone around you going, like, wait, wait, I need help. Because you don't always have to be the person that everyone goes to and leans on and needs to come off as being strong. One of the biggest costs, I think, for being the strong one and overriding is your health. So, my friends, if you're the caregiver or the mom or the one everyone else depends on, it is very easy to live with this mindset that your body comes last, that you come last, that your rest comes last, right? That the appointments to go to the doctors for the ones that are going to save your life comes last, that your healing comes last. We don't get to negotiate this anymore. We don't need to cooperate with this anymore. We get to make the shift. And I remember when I used to hear people say, put your oxygen mask on first, right? I didn't fully get it. I was like, okay, that sounds nice, but, like, the kids around me need the mask. But actually, in fact, this is where we're at. You get to put your oxygen mask on first, because who else is going to be able to hold the responsibilities of the business and the family and the people who actually need you if you don't take care of yourself? And what I've realized as I've gotten older is that my body has needed more from me, and I get to take care of it first. So that's a big cost. Of course, like, that is the greatest cost. But let's go to the next one. And this one, I think, also, in fact, impacts our bodies. But the next cost is emotional, because being the strong one doesn't just mean that you do a lot. It often means you hold a lot. The emotional tone, the logistics, what needs to happen next, like the things that people aren't even seeing next, right? Especially if you're a mom, you're like, whoa, I can see it all, right? It's the things with tension, the follow through, the details, the care, all of it. And that's really beautiful. That's love and leadership. But it's also a role that maybe you've learned to survive in. Sometimes it's how you stay in control. I know, like, I'm like, I need control, right? It makes me feel a certain way sometimes. It's how you avoid falling apart or how you avoid asking for help. When my mom died, I remember that there was grief, of course, like the worst kind of grief. But there was also me being the oldest and needing to manage and handle all the things, the responsibilities. I got to take care of my grandma, my kids, my family, my siblings, myself, my business, the people who work for me, and all of you. And there were still so many other things that needed care. And so being the strong one, there's almost no clean line between your own pain and everyone else's needs. For me, for example, I was grieving, but I was also handling the things. I was hurting, but I was also organizing stuff. I was tired, but I was also still showing up overwhelmed, great, but still the person that people look to. So if that's you, I think that's what I want you to know, that a lot of strong women, they may end up feeling alone or even when they're surrounded by people feeling that way. Because being needed is not the same thing as being supported. And I gotta say that again, being needed is not the same thing as being supported. Part of this is that you just get to choose to be supported. I think a lot of people avoid the support. They're like, no, no, no. It showed that I was weak to ask for support, but I got to ask for support. Now, I know that feels hard. And actually, in the world that we're in right now, this conversation of, like, I can do it, I can do it myself. Like, look how strong I actually am, when in fact it's just not true. I mean, we used to live in villages. People helped us. Like, women together, raised children, men together, worked together, right? We were all living together and taking care of each other. And I'll say that that's one of the biggest things that I've got to lean into, even though I come from a really big family, is to ask for support, to ask my husband for support. Who's currently helping me record this thing and help with the kids and the puppy and all the things, right? And to get through it, to pull me up off the floor, my team, to stand in and be like, you got it. Go take a nap. You got this, right? People who brought us food, people who said, like, how can we help? Because the thing is, is that you don't have to do this alone. I get it. I get that you're caring a lot at home, and you're carrying a lot in your business, too. Yeah. You're answering the questions and you're making the final call. And you're the one checking all the things, catching all the things, the things that got missed. You're the one smoothing things over or solving the problem before it even gets bigger. But here's the thing. It's not okay to always say, it's okay. I'll just do it, right? That's gonna work until it doesn't. And it works for a while because, of course, you're capable and because you can handle a lot. I can handle a lot. You can handle a lot. I know you care deeply. I know you're responsible. But when do you get to slow down? When do we get to start thinking about the emotional toll on yourself and your body? Because when everything routes through you, you are going to become the bottleneck. And when it depends on your awareness and your memory and your energy and your emotional steadiness. Right? What happens? The business can only move as fast as you can carry it. And if your life is already full of other people and responsibilities and all the labor that comes with the emotional labor of it, business is gonna start sitting on top of a woman like you that may already feel super overloaded. And that's a cost. And I think this is one of the many reasons women feel maxed out in business, Even when on paper, things are going well. It's not just the business. It's literally that the business is being carried by someone who's caring too much everywhere else and not being supported in the process of this. So I know it's a pattern. I see it all the time. I see it in myself. It's something that I constantly am working towards, and this is something that we get to be supported in. When your identity gets wrapped up in being the strong one, that's where it really gets complicated. Because then the question becomes, who am I if I stop caring at all? Oh, I felt that in my chest as I said it. Let me just sit with that for a sec. Who am I? If I stop caring at all, right? Who am I? If I ask for help sooner, who am I if I say I just can't do that? Who am I if I stop being the one who everyone defaults to, right? Because so much of this is a worthy conversation. So much of this is an identity that we're wrapped up in that maybe you're wrapped up in, right? Like, who am I if I'm not the one holding it all together? Can I even trust someone else to do it? My friends, this is the identity cost. Sometimes a strong one is not just a role. It's the version of you that got rewarded. It's the version of you that felt safe and the person that people admired. It's like a badge of honor, right? Look at the business I built. Look at the family that I handled in the crisis. Look at how I kept it all moving. So of course it's hard to let go of that identity. But I think what I'm realizing is that there is a difference between strength and self abandonment and the choice there. And a lot of women have confused the two. A lot of us have been praised for how much we can endure, how much we can hold, how much we can do without complaining, right? How much we can manage without breaking. But being able to abandon yourself and still function is not the same thing as being well. And being able to override your body is not the same thing as being healthy. And being able to keep producing in a very hard season of life is not the same thing as being supported. Listen, being able to handle everything does not mean you were meant to. I know you can, but it doesn't mean you should. So I think this is especially true for entrepreneurial women because ambition adds another layer. You're not just managing home or family or your own life. You're also carrying payroll and customers and team and inventory and launches and strategy and all the things right? And the emotional tone of the business too. So it makes sense that it gets heavy. It makes sense that your body keeps the score and that maybe resentment is showing up or exhaustion or the sense of numbness, right? Like just wanting to numb out. It just makes so much sense when you hit that wall and think, like, why does this feel so hard right now? Could it just be easier? I know. I've had that thought. So listen, my friends, it's not because you're weak. It's not because you can't handle. It's just something that I wish that more women understood that the answer is not always to be stronger and to Push harder and to be more efficient and like, to keep carrying it all. That's just not the answer. Sometimes the answer is just to stop normalizing the amount you're carrying. Right? Sometimes the answer is just to listen sooner. I wish I did. To ask for help sooner, to receive sooner, to let support in before it becomes an emergency, literally. And stop making your collapse the thing that finally qualifies you for care. Right? And that one gets me because I think a lot of women do exactly that. And I'm literally a model of it. We do not ask when we are tired, right? When we're feeling completely depleted. And honestly, like, not telling the truth when something actually just feels off. It's almost like we tell the truth when our body forces us to, or when something happens in our mindset, like when you can't get yourself off the floor, out of bed, like you've just hit a breaking point. And I know it's not sustainable and it's not strength. And I've walked this entire path and it feels so real to me. Because also, the journey that I've done in the past year has been, okay, this version of me no longer serves me, no longer serves where I wanna go, this community that we're building and the strength that I get to have to support so many of you. And as you have this breakthrough, the strength that I've learned and the one that I want to share with you is it's not measured by how much I've been able to carry alone. It's strength by paying attention sooner, by taking care of myself, by honoring my body right, by telling the truth sooner, by asking for support, getting care, having, like, leaning into my husband, leaning into my siblings, asking my kids for help, my team, stepping in, taking time off when needed, getting support in the places of the house that, like, I just don't have the capacity to do because I want to be with the people that I love. Really real strength. And also what it takes to be an entrepreneur is creating support systems that are not the last line of defense for you and not the last line of defense for everything. It's letting people show up for you, too. That applies to home, that applies to your emotional state, that applies to motherhood. Business. It just goes the full gamut. Because if you're building a business where too much still depends on you and you're living a life where too much still depends on you, then your aversion of strength might be costing you more than you realize. And it's probably putting a limit to the growth Limit to the growth of your business and what's possible. It's costing your energy and your joy and your health and really your peace. So what we really get to do here is figure out, like, how do we stop paying the costs? How do we stop paying the price and really start to benefit? So I just want to say this to all the women that are listening right now, right? The ones that are strong in your family, in your business, for your friendships. The one who everyone in the room walks into. You do not have to collapse to deserve support or rest. You do not have to be in crisis to need care. You don't have to prove how much you can care to be worthy. You are worthy just as you are. Doesn't matter what you do. The doing is not what matters. It's who you get to be while all this is happening. And you don't have to carry everything alone. So I want you to ask yourself today, okay, before you end this episode, I want you to ask yourself, maybe pay attention to these. Is it your body? Is it your emotional state? Is it your identity? What's the cost that you're paying? Which is the one that feels most alive to you right now? And then what's one thing you can ask for, for support around? Who's one person you can call? What's one stretchy thing you can do? I'm gonna just give you a really quick example. My husband is so good at asking for support and help. Like, he'll ask the neighbors to take our garbage cans in when we're on vacation. I'm like, what? You're asking the neighbor? Like, how could you even ask the neighbor? Like, it's a weird thing for me. So what I realized is that whenever I would get support, I would have to pay. I would pay for the support. I'd be like, all right, I'm going to pay someone. I'm going to pay a nanny or somebody to drive and pick up my kids. Really, it was like, support around, like, my family, my kids. Like, I would say, those are some of my bigger ones. And I always feel like I had to pay someone for that support instead of asking. Well, this last year, my stepdad has really been awesome and stepped up. And one of the things that I got to kind of start switch around was what I Is that I asked him to pick my kids up early in the morning to take them to school. When he lives somewhere else, he has to drive to our house and then takes him to school. And it was something I would have never done. But the Stretch. For me, the thing that was uncomfortable was the thing that was pointing me in the direction. He was like, so grateful to take my kids to school for me to ask. It was something my husband would have asked for, but I was like, usually not feeling like I could receive that. I was like, well, maybe I'll just figure it out. Maybe I'll change my meeting time. Maybe I'll, you know, see if I can get the kids there early, like spinning out. When the simplest answer was just asking for help. So where can you, even though you're the strong one and you can hold it all, where can you ask for help? Where can you get some extra rest? Where can you outsource something? Where can you just let something go? This is something that I work with my clients on all the time, right when, when they join the collective. The thing that I love about that program, which, which I know I'm talking about a lot lately, but like, what I wanted to create from it was this environment where women got to come and thrive as business owners, as established product based business owners, right? They've got traction and they know they're making the sales, but they also know that they can't keep doing it the way that they've been doing it. So the support that I wanted to create within this program was not only business strategy and personalized like feedback and the opportunity to talk to advisors, but it was also a place where women could really grow, that we could come together, that we could talk about all the weight that we carry as well as the ambition that we carry and grow together. Because being around other women like you, women that are ambitious and entrepreneurial, but also have responsibilities outside of business, to themselves, to their families, to their kids, to people they love, their friends. It was this environment that it's like, how do you do it? And when you fall down, I'll lift you back up. And when you win, I will applaud for you. So that's what I really want you to take away from today. I want you to ask yourself, what's the cost? What's the price? And is it worth it? Instead, if you're building this beautiful business, how do you get to thrive and use what you're creating like the fruits of your labor and pour it back into your life. If this sounds like you and you're like, hey, I'd love to learn more about the collective or potentially work with us at the product boss, I invite you to book a call@theproductboss.com bookacall. You'll book it with our team and we'll talk about where you are, where you want to go, what's getting in the way and how we can support you. Because that's my biggest goal right now. I can give you all of the strategy, but if the mindset and the beliefs are still getting in your way, then the strategy won't matter. And that's the thing that I really want to marry here at the Product Boss, on the show and in all the ways that we support you, supporting you, the person who's doing the doing as well as your business so that they can all grow and you can have everything that you want. All right, my friends, I'll see you in the next one. Thank you for being here and listening all the way through the Product Boss podcast. If you love our show and it has helped you in any way in your business, would you mind doing two things for us? Subscribe to the show so you never miss an episode and leave us a review. Reviews help other product entrepreneurs know that this is the place to be to grow their businesses and realize that they're not alone. And we know that you all know that a five star and honest review helps you sell more products to more people. So you know that your reviews help us reach more listeners around the world. Remember, what we give is what we receive and we are all about helping each other in the Product Boss community. We are all in this together. We would be so appreciative of you if you could take the time right now to subscribe, subscribe, leave a review and even share this episode on social or someone you know so we can impact more lives. 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