Podcast Summary: The Psychology of Your 20s | Episode 271: Overcoming Our Purpose Anxiety ft. Elizabeth Gilbert

Introduction

In Episode 271 of The Psychology of Your 20s, hosted by Patricia, the conversation centers around the pervasive anxiety surrounding finding one's purpose—a common struggle for individuals navigating their twenties. This episode features acclaimed author Elizabeth Gilbert, best known for her works like Eat, Pray, Love and Big Magic. Together, they delve deep into the societal pressures of discovering a unique life purpose, the misconceptions surrounding it, and practical strategies to overcome such anxieties.

The Myth of a Singular Purpose

Patricia begins by sharing her admiration for Elizabeth Gilbert's TED Talk, "Your Elusive Creative Genius," and her transformative book, Big Magic. She expresses her long-held desire to host Gilbert on the podcast to explore themes of success, inspiration, failure, and the essence of being human in one's twenties.

Elizabeth Gilbert introduces herself, highlighting her work as both a fiction and non-fiction author. She emphasizes her focus on "creative living," a philosophy centered on making decisions driven by curiosity rather than fear, fostering a more creative and fulfilling life.

Purpose Anxiety: Debunking the Theology

Patricia raises a critical point about the societal indoctrination that everyone is born with a unique, singular purpose. Elizabeth Gilbert (referred to as Matt in the transcript) passionately critiques this "purpose theology," arguing that it breeds immense anxiety and unrealistic expectations. She states:

“Everyone is born with a unique purpose that is completely their own and totally unrelated to anybody else... there is this thing called purpose anxiety, and I scarcely know anybody who doesn't suffer from it.” (08:32)

Defining Hobby, Job, Career, and Calling

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around distinguishing between four key concepts: hobby, job, career, and calling. Elizabeth Gilbert meticulously breaks down each term:

1. Hobby: Activities pursued for fun and enjoyment without any pressure to monetize or excel.

   “Hobbies actually bring an end to anxiety, like puttering about making things for no reason, doing something simply because it's a pleasure.” (15:05)

2. Job: Employment undertaken to earn a living, which doesn’t necessarily align with one’s passions or purpose.

   “A job is just a thing you have to do to make some money so that you can go home and have hobbies.” (16:53)

3. Career: A job that one is passionate about and derives significant satisfaction from, often leading to personal and professional growth.

   “If you are passionate about it and you feel like, this is what I'm here to do, then you pour yourself into your job.” (17:19)

4. Calling: A profound sense of purpose driven by spiritual fulfillment, not necessarily tied to financial gain or societal recognition.

   “A calling is something that you feel you are compelled to do because it's a spiritual fulfillment.” (18:35)

Elizabeth emphasizes that conflating these distinct categories leads to confusion and unnecessary pressure, contributing to purpose anxiety.

Strategies to Overcome Purpose Anxiety

Elizabeth Gilbert offers a counter-narrative to the purpose-driven life by advocating for a life of presence and curiosity. She suggests:

• Embrace Curiosity: Instead of fixating on a future purpose, engage with life’s wonders and follow what genuinely intrigues you.

  “A life of presence is simply being a witness to the extraordinary, unknowable, miraculous strangeness of being a human being on this planet.” (12:25)

• Distinguish Roles: Clearly differentiate between your hobby, job, career, and calling to alleviate the pressure of meeting societal expectations.

  “Whether you've had a hugely positive, massively fantastic, big new crazy thing happen in your life or a hugely negative, massively horrible, big new crazy thing in your life, you've got to learn how to ground.” (27:19)

• Grounding Techniques: Connect with nature and engage in activities that bring you back to the present moment, fostering inner peace and stability.

  “You have to get low to the earth and go to the beach or go in the ocean... you have to get animal, you have to connect with elemental things like fire and water and earth.” (42:49)

Dealing with Success and Failure

The conversation touches upon the emotional impact of success, as illustrated by Elizabeth Gilbert’s personal experiences. She compares major successes to natural disasters in terms of their psychological effects, stating that both can be equally destabilizing:

“A really big swing in the positive direction has the same impact on my nervous system as if there was an earthquake or a death in the family.” (40:03)

Elizabeth shares how she coped with the overwhelming success of Eat, Pray, Love by taking a year off to ground herself through gardening, illustrating the importance of maintaining balance amidst external achievements.

Creativity vs. Anxiety

Elizabeth delves into the relationship between creativity and anxiety. She explains that the fear response, an ancient part of our consciousness, often hinders creativity by resisting the unknown. However, embracing creativity is presented as the antidote to anxiety.

“The opposite of anxiety is creativity. It's creativity is the only way out of anxiety, and the only way into creativity is to live from a spirit of 'that's interesting' rather than 'what a nightmare'.” (29:39)

Elizabeth Gilbert’s Personal Journey and Upcoming Works

Elizabeth discusses her latest memoir, All the Way to the River, which chronicles her tumultuous relationship with her best friend Raya Elias and the complexities of love, addiction, and recovery. She emphasizes the cathartic nature of writing and the therapeutic benefits it provided in her healing process.

“It's a book about recovery and resilience and finding your way back to your center after having been through a time of such drama and trauma.” (53:17)

Advice for People in Their 20s

Towards the end of the episode, Elizabeth offers poignant advice for those in their twenties:

1. Live Authentically: Emphasize living your own life imperfectly rather than imitating someone else’s perfect facade.

   “It is better to live your own life imperfectly than to live a perfect imitation of somebody else's life.” (57:13)

2. Avoid Romantic Enmeshment: Protect your sense of self by avoiding over-dependence on romantic relationships for validation and happiness.

   “Avoid romantic enmeshment at such a young age... I turned myself into all sorts of people and gave all this time and energy that I wish I could have every single minute of it back.” (60:03)

Conclusion

Episode 271 of The Psychology of Your 20s offers a profound exploration of the anxieties surrounding purpose and the societal pressures to find one's unique path. Elizabeth Gilbert’s insights provide listeners with actionable strategies to navigate these challenges, emphasizing the importance of presence, authentic living, and creative expression as antidotes to anxiety. By redefining the concepts of hobby, job, career, and calling, the episode equips young adults with the tools to build a fulfilling and balanced life amidst the uncertainties of their twenties.

Notable Quotes

1. Purpose Anxiety:

   “There is this thing called purpose anxiety, and I scarcely know anybody who doesn't suffer from it.” – Matt (Elizabeth Gilbert) [08:32]

2. Defining a Hobby:

   “Hobbies actually bring an end to anxiety...do something simply because it's a pleasure.” – Matt [15:05]

3. Living Authentically:

   “It is better to live your own life imperfectly than to live a perfect imitation of somebody else's life.” – Matt [57:13]

4. Opposite of Anxiety:

   “The opposite of anxiety is creativity.” – Matt [29:39]

5. Grounding Techniques:

   “You have to get low to the earth and go to the beach or go in the ocean... connect with elemental things like fire and water and earth.” – Matt [42:49]

Time stamps are indicative and based on the provided transcript.