Podcast Summary: The Psychology of Your 20s

Episode 340: The 10 Regrets I Have About My 20s (So Far)
Host: Jemma Sbeg
Date: October 7, 2025

Overview

In this personal and reflective episode, host Jemma Sbeg departs from her usual research-driven storytelling to share her own top 10 regrets from her twenties (so far). With honesty and warmth, Jemma discusses the experiences, mistakes, and patterns she’s learned from, spanning relationships, personal boundaries, money, career, self-care, overthinking, and health. Her aim is to offer these insights as both a “time capsule” for her future self and as valuable wisdom for listeners navigating their own journeys through young adulthood.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

[03:27] 1. Doing Things for Others I Didn't Want to Do

• Summary: Jemma’s biggest regret is consistently saying “yes” to things she didn’t want to do—stemming from early patterns of wanting to be liked and accepted.
• She connects this behavior to childhood bullying, explaining how her desire to please to gain acceptance followed her into adulthood.
• Notable Quote:

  “If you are constantly like the yes person and the pushover, you get invited, you get to see behind the scenes, people include you…because they know that you will help them and you will bend over backwards for them and you will sacrifice for them and you won’t stand up for yourself.” (06:25)

• She’s actively trying to unlearn this pattern, hoping it won’t make her regret list in later years.

[10:20] 2. Impulse Buying Clothes I Never Wore

• Summary: During a wardrobe clean-out for her international move, Jemma reflects on the money and energy spent on clothes she never wore, often purchased to fill an emotional void or to project a persona she didn't truly identify with.
• She’s drawn to the idea of adopting a minimalist, capsule wardrobe.
• Notable Quote:

  “The second biggest regret is the money that I have put into clothes and items that were really just like representing my desire to be someone that I was not.” (11:37)

[13:01] 3. Ghosting Friends, Even if They Weren't Good Friends

• Summary: Jemma regrets ghosting friends—even those who treated her poorly—instead of having honest closure.
• She acknowledges that ghosting can be more about sparing herself discomfort than actually protecting the other person's feelings.
• Notable Quote:

  “It’s kind of selfish to not want to experience the discomfort of upsetting people, but therefore, maybe actually making it a more upsetting experience for them.” (14:16)

• She urges herself (and listeners) to be braver in hard conversations.

[16:15] 4. Focusing Too Much on Dating in Early 20s

• Summary: Jemma wishes she spent less energy seeking validation in romantic relationships and more time on friendships and self-development when she was younger.
• She specifically addresses listeners in their early 20s, encouraging them to relish being single and to resist the perceived pressure to find a partner.
• Notable Quote:

  “You do not need to start focusing on dating until you are at least 25.…I regret so deeply how much time and energy I put into trying to make men like me…” (16:45)

• She shares personal stories of relationships that cost her valuable friendships.

[20:30] 5. Tolerating Bad Behavior from People I Dated for Validation

• Summary: Continuing from the previous point, Jemma discusses remaining in unsatisfying or disrespectful relationships for the sake of validation or fear of being alone.
• Advice: She wishes she challenged her romantic partners’ poor behavior instead of excusing it.
• Notable Quote:

  “If this was your soulmate, would your soulmate treat you this way? …Every moment that you stay in those situations where your confidence and your sense of self and your sense of self-esteem is like degraded, is a moment you don’t get back and is important.” (21:34)

[27:25] 6. Not Journaling More

• Summary: Jemma reminisces about her detailed teenage journals and regrets not maintaining the habit in her early-to-mid 20s, leading to missing “big chunks” of her story.
• She values journaling both for emotional processing and as a narrative memory bank.
• Notable Quote:

  “There is this big chunk of my story that is missing, if you were only to read my journals, because I just, I was so distracted that I didn’t do it…” (27:45)

[29:21] 7. Overthinking Instead of Taking Action

• Summary: Jemma reflects on a life pattern of overthinking decisions, from trivial moments (choosing ice cream flavors) to significant opportunities (career moves), often resulting in regret for what she didn’t do.
• She wants to learn to trust her intuition and accept mistakes as part of growth.
• Notable Quote:

  “I just wonder how much time and opportunity I’ve wasted thinking about it.” (30:12)

• She encourages leveraging trial-and-error to distinguish intuition from anxiety.

[32:20] 8. Not Trusting My Gut on Big Financial Decisions

• Summary: She admits to being talked into financial decisions against her better judgment—including investments—due to pressure from others and a lack of confidence in her own research.
• Bonus regret: Not investing earlier.
• Notable Quote:

  “Every part of me was like, don’t do that. Like, don’t spend this money.…And yet I did it. And I really, deeply regret it.” (33:29)

[36:35] 9. Not Making the Most of Free Time in University

• Summary: Jemma regrets not taking advantage of the flexibility and freedom in her student years, instead focusing on padding her resume rather than pursuing joy and exploration.
• She now recognizes the value of carving out time for well-rounded fun experiences, rather than just pursuing what is expected.
• Notable Quote:

  “I wish I’d just done a few more day trips. I wish I’d done a bit more exploring…my life enjoyment would have been improved so much better by just having some fun.” (38:20)

[41:00] 10. Delaying Medical Appointments

• Summary: After a recent health scare, Jemma regrets putting off medical (and mental health) appointments, reminding listeners of the importance of proactive care—especially when healthcare is accessible.
• She extends this advice to mental health, urging others not to wait until crisis points.
• Notable Quote:

  “The peace of mind that I felt afterwards was so, so relieving. Please do it for me. Do it, do it for us.…And that also counts for your mental health as well.” (42:20)

[43:41] Bonus: Letting People I Don't Respect Make Me Feel Bad About Myself

• Summary: Jemma adds an extra regret—allowing online strangers or people she doesn’t respect to influence her self-esteem.
• She calls out the emotional toll of online criticism and “rage baiting,” recognizing it as an ongoing challenge.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “This podcast is many things to many people, but for me, it’s also kind of like a personal diary or a little bit of…a time capsule.” (04:29)
• “The only way you can know what is intuition and what is anxiety is to just act on whatever comes up first and…distinguish in hindsight which was which.” (31:29)
• “The way that you really love someone is reflected in how the relationship ends. And I definitely could have honored other friendships…better in the goodbye.” (15:26)

Quick Reference: The 10 Regrets (and a Bonus)

| Regret | Main Takeaway | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------------------------------------|----------------------------------------------------------|------------| | 1. Doing things for others I didn’t want to do | People-pleasing and boundary issues | 03:27 | | 2. Impulse buying clothes I never wore | Emotional spending, unfulfilled self-concept | 10:20 | | 3. Ghosting friends, even the problematic ones | Avoidance vs. honesty in endings | 13:01 | | 4. Focusing too much on dating in early 20s | Missed opportunities for friendships/self-growth | 16:15 | | 5. Tolerating bad behavior from partners for validation | Self-respect, standards, and emotional safety | 20:30 | | 6. Not journaling more | Loss of memories and emotional clarity | 27:25 | | 7. Overthinking instead of doing | Trusting gut, seizing opportunity | 29:21 | | 8. Not trusting gut on major financial decisions | Assertiveness, self-belief in money matters | 32:20 | | 9. Not making the most of student free time | Savoring freedom, balancing “shoulds” with fun | 36:35 | |10. Delaying medical (and mental health) appointments | Proactive health/self-care | 41:00 | |11. Bonus: Letting people I don’t respect affect my self-esteem (esp. online)| Boundaries with criticism/social media | 43:41 |

Final Reflections

Jemma wraps up by recognizing that regret is universal and often necessary for growth, but that learning from others’ stories can help us evolve faster or avoid repeated mistakes. She encourages listeners to share their own regrets and to prioritize gentle self-reflection and growth.

“I feel like that list is going to change in the next couple several years as I get older and…I’m going to learn more.” (44:13)

How To Connect

• Follow @psychologyofyour20s on Instagram, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube and Substack.
• For full transcripts, studies, and references cited, visit the podcast’s website or Substack.

This summary captures the episode’s candid, thoughtful tone and is intended to both inform and inspire listeners to reflect on their own paths through their twenties.