Podcast Summary: The Psychology of Your 20s

Episode 363: Let People Have the Wrong Impression of You ft. Eli Rallo
Host: Jemma Sbeg
Guest: Eli Rallo (Author & Content Creator)
Release Date: December 12, 2025
Podcast Network: iHeartPodcasts

Episode Overview

This episode is a candid conversation between host Jemma Sbeg and guest Eli Rallo, diving deep into the emotional and psychological challenges of being in your 20s—especially when pursuing creative or unconventional paths. The discussion centers around comparison, embracing the realities of being misunderstood, managing expectations (internal and external), and the complexities of work, relationships, and self-worth in the age of social media.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Eli’s Journey: Following Creative Passions (05:31–08:19)

• Background: Eli introduces herself as a content creator and author, sharing her trajectory from childhood aspirations ("I wanted to be a writer and I wanted to be on Broadway" – Eli, 07:47) to current life as a multi-book author and online personality.
• Core Insight: Relentless pursuit of creativity, even if traditional success isn’t guaranteed:

  "If I don't make it, it's gonna be the love of my life forever. Either way, if I don't make it, I'm always going to write." (Eli, 08:26)

2. Navigating Dreams: Realism vs. Delusion (10:15–11:56)

• Delusional Optimism: Balance between believing in your ambition and staying grounded in reality.
• Parental Influence: Eli attributes her pragmatic yet bold approach to her parents, who were honest about effort and ability:

  "My parents were not...you're perfect... we had to earn applause from things. And I think that it taught me...to understand my strengths and learn how to work on my weaknesses." (Eli, 10:59)

• Manifestation Skepticism: Gemma reflects on the anxiety of "jinxing" outcomes by hoping too much, leading Eli to share how focusing on the process and enjoyment, not outcomes, is crucial.

3. Overwhelm & Time Management in Your 20s (14:32–16:51)

• Reframing Abundance: Instead of seeing many life choices as a burden, Eli reframes it as “what a privilege” to be so enthralled by life’s possibilities (16:32).
• Focal Points: Suggests picking one area (career, relationships, friendships) to prioritize, understanding others may be sacrificed—but this can change over time.

  "You have to figure out what your priorities are, figure out what the center point is going to be...and be okay with the boundaries you have to set and the sacrifices you have to make..." (Eli, 15:53)

4. Authenticity, Agency, and Listening to Yourself (17:39–18:59)

• Key Question: "What do you want to do?"—Eli argues adults overcomplicate by not getting in touch with their intrinsic desires versus external validation or expectations.

5. Jealousy as a Guide (19:02–20:34)

• Healthy Envy: Gemma discusses using jealousy as an indicator of one’s true desires.
• Eli’s Take: Jealousy is a signal, not a vice, if seen as motivation:

  "Jealousy is...a signal that somebody else has something that you want... instead of being like why them and not me, you could just as easily be like why not us both?" (Eli, 20:10)

6. Comparison & Competition, Especially for Women (25:14–29:22)

• Influencer Stigma: Eli unapologetically embraces being called an "influencer," pushing back on its use as a misogynistic insult:

  "How are you going to use this term as an insult...it literally describes an economy of mostly women who are pulling themselves out of student debt, buying themselves homes, creating generational wealth...which should be celebrated." (Eli, 25:39)

• Competition as Community: Encourages seeing peers as community, not competition:

  "Rising tides raise all boats. When one of us wins, we all win." (Eli, 28:09)

• Universality of Comparison: The drive to compare never disappears, regardless of environment.

7. Letting People Have the Wrong Impression of You (30:13–37:45)

• Online Misunderstandings: Eli shares her experience of rumors (e.g., parents buying her book deals) and the futility of trying to prove otherwise.

  "There are people that are hell bent on misunderstanding you...the story is riddled with confirmation bias..." (Eli, 30:13)

• Peace with Yourself: The key is being at peace with your own truths, not outsiders’ narratives.

Notable Quote

"If you try to...someone said she had a nose job and you never had a nose job, so you went on a lie detector test...they would be like, she paid off the lie detector. Like, if they believe that you had a nose job, even if you never did, they're never not going to believe that..." (Eli, 30:38)

8. Money, Privilege, and Transparency (36:32–41:23)

• Privilege Discourse: Both discuss being open about privilege and how dishonesty (from others online) warps audience expectations.

  "To omit the truth about your reality on the internet in order to make it appear a certain way...people will feel influenced by you." (Eli, 41:04)

• Double Standards: Critique on how self-made women are targeted for ambition in ways men are not.

9. Relationships: Finding "the One" (51:51–56:45)

• Knowing vs. Wondering:

  "If you have to ask, it's not the right person...It's the most subtle and also deeply comforting feeling of just like, this is my person." (Eli, 52:56)

• Leaving Relationships: Trust your gut, talk it through, don’t linger too long if doubts persist.
• Singlehood:

  "Being single is not a waiting room...being scared means you care, and I think that's a really good place to start." (Eli, 55:48)

10. Reflection & Advice for Your 20s (58:49–59:16)

• Embrace the Present:

  "Don't try to be, like, on to the next all the time...I just, like, really regret not living in the present more." (Eli, 58:49)

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• When pursuing your dream:
  "No one can take writing away from you if you can't publish traditionally, which would be the dream...you can publish yourself." – Eli Rallo (08:26)

• On healthy delusion:
  "You have to be a little wacky when you're going to dream really big and you have to believe that you can. And sometimes that takes...kidding yourself in a way." – Eli Rallo (11:39)

• About jealousy:
  "It's a signal that somebody else has something that you want...why can't I have that thing too?" – Eli Rallo (20:10)

• Let people misunderstand you:
  "Once you just free yourself from the idea that people are hell bent on having the wrong idea of you, why would you focus on anyone who has the wrong idea about you? You know the truth." – Eli Rallo (31:18)

• On relationship certainty:
  "If you have to ask, it's not the right person...It's just very comfortable, very subtle, very comforting, very obvious." – Eli Rallo (52:56)

• Biggest lesson for your 20s:
  "Don't try to waste it away. Don't try to be on to the next all the time...lean into the moment even if it's uncomfortable, sticky, shitty...You're never going to get the time back." – Eli Rallo (58:49)

Important Timestamps

• Eli’s introduction and background: 05:31–08:19
• Purpose and process vs. outcomes: 10:14–13:31
• Overwhelm with choice & time management: 14:32–17:16
• Authenticity & agency: 17:54–18:59
• Jealousy & comparison: 19:02–20:34, 25:14–29:22
• Handling being misunderstood: 30:13–37:45
• Privilege, money & transparency: 36:32–41:23
• Relationships: knowing & leaving: 51:51–56:45
• Book insight & advice for 20s: 57:52–59:16

Memorable Moments

• Eli and Gemma’s open vulnerability about being misunderstood and misrepresented online, and the importance of not trying to convince those committed to their misconceptions.
• Powerful reframing: Both guests continually reframe obstacles—overwhelm, jealousy, external judgment—as invitations for gratitude, agency, or self-exploration.
• Advice about being present rather than wishing your 20s away, striking a resonant note for all listeners navigating this tumultuous decade.

Final Advice

• Eli’s closing wisdom:
  "Lean into the moment even if it's uncomfortable... You're never going to get the time back. Who knows what the future holds." (58:49)

Where to Find Eli

• Instagram / TikTok: @elirallo
• Books: Available wherever books are sold (see episode description for links).

For young adults and creatives navigating their 20s, this episode offers relatable, actionable insight on finding agency, setting boundaries, embracing uncertainty, and the importance of honesty—with yourself and others.