The Psychology of Your 20s — Episode 365

"The BEST advice for managing ADHD in your 20s ft. Chris Wang"

Date: December 19, 2025 | Host: Jemma Sbeg | Guest: Chris Wang (Co-founder & CEO, Shimmer ADHD Coaching Platform)

Episode Overview

This episode explores managing ADHD in your 20s, particularly for those diagnosed as adults. Host Jemma Sbeg interviews Chris Wang, CEO of Shimmer and an influential voice in the ADHD community, who shares her personal story of late diagnosis and practical strategies for thriving with ADHD. The duo covers misconceptions, strengths of ADHD, challenges in relationships, dealing with rejection sensitivity, and how to find balance in work and life during your formative years.

If you feel “traditional productivity advice never worked for you” or worry about being “too much” for the world, you’ll find support, solidarity, and actionable advice throughout this honest and engaging episode.

1. Understanding ADHD: Personal and Broader Perspectives

Chris Wang’s Story of Late Diagnosis

• Background: Diagnosed at 28, after struggling for years with “doing life wrong,” Chris found relief and meaning through her journey and now helps others through her ADHD coaching platform, Shimmer.
• Discussion of ADHD Types: Chris details the three subtypes—Hyperactive-Impulsive, Inattentive, and Combined—and emphasizes the diversity of experiences.
  • “People’s ADHD looks really different...it’s really important to learn about the symptoms, and how they coexist and go through that process yourself.” (09:00) — Chris Wang
• Cultural and Gender Factors: Chris shares how cultural background (as an Asian woman) and masking skills led to undetected symptoms and delayed help.

The Stigma and Misconceptions

• Smart Kids and Masking: High achievement in school can mask symptoms, leading to the myth, “You’re too smart to have ADHD.”
  • “ADHD has nothing to do with intelligence.” (14:13) — Chris Wang
• The Media Narrative: There’s a “fake epidemic” narrative and dismissive articles falsely claiming “everybody has ADHD now.”
  • Chris: “People with ADHD face those symptoms way more severely and every single day, all day. What people don’t understand is the compounding effect of the severity and the frequency.” (16:15)
  • Jemma: “It's like hearing about plane crashes—makes you think they're common when they really aren't.” (18:11)

2. The Power and Pitfalls of Diagnosis

• Personal Relief and Understanding: Diagnosis allowed Chris to reframe years of shame and realize she wasn’t “a bad kid” or “broken”—just different.

  • “I used to think I was a bad influence...now, I can look back and say, I wasn't a bad kid. These were things I was struggling with.” (19:53) — Chris Wang

• Identity and Communication: Knowing her diagnosis helped Chris find language to advocate for herself in relationships and at work:

  • “Now, I can better communicate around it with myself and people around me...so it doesn’t sound like excuses.” (20:10)

3. Rethinking ADHD: From Deficit to Balanced Perspective

Moving Beyond “Deficit” and “Superpower” Narratives

• Chris warns against both extremes: the “deficit-driven model” (trying to fix everything “wrong” with ADHD) and the “toxic positivity” of calling it a superpower.
  • “People with ADHD have challenges. That’s important to be aware of, but it doesn’t mean you need to solve all of them...But you also have strengths.” (22:45)

Leveraging Strengths

• Creativity, non-linear thinking, impulsivity (helpful for entrepreneurship)—these can all be assets.
• Chris’s approach: “Define where you want to go in life before focusing on fixing weaknesses. Sometimes you don't need to fix everything—just leverage your strengths and work toward your own goals.” (24:00–26:06)

4. ADHD-Friendly Strategies for Work, Focus, and Life

Practical Tips and Mindset Shifts

• (32:52) Identify Motivators: Understand what drives you (novelty, accountability, urgency, etc.) and hack your environment to create external motivation.

  • “It’s easier if you set up your life to be different instead of trying to do something different internally.” — Chris Wang

• Environmental Design:

  • Dedicated work and rest spaces
  • Visual or physical cues (e.g., a sign to indicate “deep focus” time at home)

• Micro-Urgency for Procrastinators:

  • Break tasks and deadlines into smaller chunks
  • Schedule check-ins and external accountability before main due dates

• Energy Management:

  • Accept and plan for your own unique energy cycles and circadian rhythm
  • “Work with your brain and body instead of fighting against it.” (36:24)

• Capture Progress and Wins:

  • Keep a “wins” folder—screenshots of praise/testimonials to remind yourself of your value on rough days. (38:00–41:28)

Notable Quotes on Executive Function and Self-Management

• “When I can just look at these messages, it grounds me. Because it's harder for people with ADHD to remember the past, especially when emotionally dysregulated.” (41:28) — Chris Wang
• Anecdote: Scheduling false deadlines in a calendar to trick yourself into early completion can be a surprisingly effective hack for some. (41:48–43:31)

5. ADHD and Relationships: Love, Rejection, and Communication

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)

• Definition: Heightened sensitivity to real or perceived rejection, common among ADHDers.

  • “It's a lifelong unlearning...my immediate reaction is, ‘I must have done something wrong, you must hate me’.” (44:17) — Chris Wang

• Managing RSD: Identify your triggers and practice self-awareness (“putting yourself in a waiting room before you react”). (45:59–48:17)

• Self-Esteem: The sting of rejection often reflects our own internal insecurities more than others’ actual opinions.

  • “If you think everyone's having some sort of negative thought towards you, I would challenge you to think if you maybe have that negative thought towards yourself.” (49:31) — Chris Wang

Love Bombing & Relationship Intensity

• ADHDers often experience emotional extremes—can “fall hard” quickly (aka love bombing), and may struggle as initial intensity fades.

  • “In early stages, we love bomb. Everything gets heightened. Sometimes helpful to just communicate openly and be aware of it.” (51:11–52:24)

• Boredom after the “love high” and impulsive relationships—build self-awareness via non-negotiables, but Chris admits, “I’ve never really chosen a relationship; I’ve just fallen into it.” (53:39–55:10)

ADHD in Partnerships

• ADHD–ADHD Relationships: Chris shares that, despite shared challenges (e.g., chores), there's comfort in not needing to “explain herself” or “feel judged” for neurodiverse quirks.
  • “We laugh at ourselves rather than at each other...communication is just more open.” (61:41–63:22)

6. The “Too Much” Feeling: Navigating Work, Friendships, and Self-Perception

• Many ADHDers fear being “too much” (too talkative, too scatter-brained, too intense).

• Chris’s advice: Adjust your context and environment rather than your core self.

  • “Everything is contextual—too much for what? If you change your comparison point, you’re just different. Not too much.” (64:35–67:10)
  • In entrepreneurship, “You’re expected to be too much—so that helped.”

• Self-confidence is a practice—surround yourself with supportive people and track your wins.

  • “A lot of times we sit wishing the world was different, but if you treat others how you want to be treated…they will gas you up back.” (67:42–68:56)

7. Final Advice for Listeners in Their 20s

Jemma asks: “What advice would you give to someone in their 20s (outside of ADHD)?”

“Just experiment and have fun. We take everything too seriously and get lost in things that weren’t even important to us to begin with. Figure out your values—they might change—and live semi-accordingly, then just try stuff. Sometimes you don’t know if you’ll like something until you try. Don’t feel forced to pick one path for life.” (69:24–70:36) — Chris Wang

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On strengths and weaknesses:
  "I don't need to sit there saying, I have a bad memory, I need to solve that problem. I'll never have a great memory, and that's okay." (22:45) — Chris Wang
• On battling urgency/procrastination:
  "You probably face a large degree of shame leading up to the last minute...that’s a really, really large cost." (38:00)
• On relationships:
  "I'm just here for the ride, wherever this goes. I kind of know I might not be in control for the first little bit...I do enjoy it." (55:10–55:29) — Chris Wang
• On being “too much”:
  "It's a mix of being too much and not enough, which is kind of ironic, but you constantly feel like you’re in one of those two buckets." (64:39)

Key Segment Timestamps

• [05:26] Introduction to Chris Wang — personal story and Shimmer
• [07:55] Chris explains ADHD subtypes & her childhood experience
• [12:53] Misconceptions: “Too smart to have ADHD,” masking, and difficulty diagnosing women
• [14:13] Intelligence & ADHD — myth-busting
• [16:15] Media narratives: “Everybody has ADHD”
• [22:45] Moving beyond “deficit” and “superpower” models
• [32:52] Executive function strategies & daily hacks
• [37:15] Using urgency as a motivator, setting up micro-deadlines
• [44:17] Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria: why it happens and how to mitigate it
• [51:01] Love, relationships, love bombing, and managing emotional intensity
• [61:32] ADHD–ADHD relationships: pros, cons, and communication
• [64:21] Navigating “too much/little” feelings and finding the right context
• [69:12] Final wisdom: advice for all twentysomethings

In Summary

This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating young adulthood with ADHD, or for those who want to better understand neurodiversity. Chris Wang offers validation, hope, and practical solutions—emphasizing that “you are not too much,” and that it’s possible to design a life that works with your unique brain.

For more from Chris Wang:

• Shimmer ADHD Coaching: shimmer.care
• Instagram: @adhdcrystal

Host: “Balance is always where you find peace, which is what you're saying.” (26:06)
Chris: “Exactly.”