The Psychology of Your 20s

Host: Jemma Sbeg
Episode 376: 7 tips for moving to a new country in your 20s
Date: January 19, 2026

Overview

This episode of The Psychology of Your 20s tackles one of the most defining – and daunting – transitions for twenty-somethings: moving to a new city or country. Drawing from her personal experience (including her recent international move to London), host Jemma Sbeg breaks down the psychological challenges, science-backed insights, and practical strategies for making a new place feel like home. The tone is warm, candid, and encouraging, balancing the excitement of a fresh start with the realities of loneliness, identity shifts, and homesickness.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Is Moving So Hard?

[02:38-11:37]

• Moving to a new city is a universal rite of passage for many people in their 20s—romantic in theory, but often conflicting and overwhelming in reality.
• Psychological Grounding:
  • We’re “grounded by what we know and by having a stable environment,” which links directly to emotional (and even physical) health.
  • New environments force our brains to constantly process unfamiliar stimuli, increasing cognitive load and emotional exhaustion.
• Homesickness as Grief:
  • Moving can feel like “grieving someone”—we have attachments, memories, and even traditions with places, not just people.
• Social Disconnection:
  • Lack of local support is deeply isolating: “Sometimes you just want a friend you can go out for a beer with once a week.”
  • Starting from scratch socially is the norm and makes coping harder.
• Identity Reset:
  • “When you move to a new city, you don’t just lose places and people. You lose mirrors”—the people and contexts that previously reflected and reinforced your sense of self.
  • Research on self-concept clarity: losing external validation and continuity increases anxiety, doubt, and emotional volatility.
• Adjustment Timeline:
  • “You can’t trust your feelings before six months.” It takes about six months to know if a new city is the right choice—a blend of the standard “90 days to form a habit” plus further months to evaluate if you actually like the new routines.

Notable Quote

“Moving away from where we used to live is an unacknowledged grief that things are never going to be the same. That’s grief, that’s sadness.”
— Jemma Sbeg [06:15]

2. Tip #1: Don’t Go Home for 3 Months

[11:38-16:57]

• Avoid returning to your old city for at least the first three months. Frequent trips back prolong your adjustment and reinforce old emotional associations.
• Jemma likens this process to “going no contact with an ex”: you can’t move on if you keep revisiting the past.
• Negative Reinforcement: Escaping discomfort by returning home just strengthens avoidance habits, stalling your integration in the new city.

Notable Quote

“If you want to feel like your new city is the new normal... go no contact with your old city.”
— Jemma Sbeg [14:55]

3. Tip #2: Never Spend a Friday Night at Home (First 3 Months)

[16:58-24:16]

• For the first months, prioritize social activities over recharging at home—at least once a week.
• Even introverts should try this, despite it feeling “controversial.”
• Lowers resistance to socializing and increases the chances of forming connections.
• Be (appropriately) Desperate:
  • Don’t be afraid to come on strong, reach out to loose acquaintances, or try things out of your comfort zone. “Friendship meetups, concerts alone, dinner by yourself—chances are, if someone else is there, they’re feeling the same way.”
• Lower Social Expectations:
  • Focus on finding “just one person you click with” rather than building a big group right away—it can take years for a fully cohesive friend group to form.

Notable Moment

Jemma shares her boyfriend’s example: “Thursday, Friday, Saturday, goodbye, you will not be seeing me.” Even introverts can adapt, riding the initial motivation wave to push themselves into socializing.

4. Tip #3: Make a City Bucket List & Tick Off Weekly

[24:17-28:14]

• Create a list of experiences, attractions, and places to explore.
• Going out, even alone, keeps you occupied, boosts your mood, and helps you romanticize your situation (“treat it like you’re a long-term tourist”).
• Place Attachment:
  • Meaningful places arise from memories and effort, not just relationships or time.
• Dopamine & Resilience:
  • Bucket lists generate novelty and anticipation, combatting emotional flatness and giving you something to look forward to regularly.

Notable Quote

“Having this bucket list gives your brain something to look forward to... that sense of forward motion is protective during transitions.”
— Jemma Sbeg [26:22]

5. Tip #4: Build Consistent Routines

[28:15-31:25]

• Routines create stability and anchor your identity amid change—even for self-proclaimed “routine haters.”
• Frequent local haunts (coffee shops, gyms, markets) foster a sense of belonging through repeated exposure (the “mere exposure effect”).
• These small, low-key interactions reduce feelings of invisibility in big cities and gradually help you like your surroundings and meet like-minded people.

Notable Quote

“We like people and places more simply because we encounter them repeatedly. Frequency for adjustment matters.”
— Jemma Sbeg [30:52]

6. Tip #5: Don’t Sign a Lease Immediately

[31:26-35:05]

• Try to avoid signing a long-term lease before arriving or within the first weeks.
• Use Airbnbs or short-term sublets as “insurance” while you explore neighborhoods and get a feel for commutes, amenities, and atmosphere.
• Personal anecdote: Jemma almost locked herself into Notting Hill, London, based purely on reputation—not suitability.

Notable Quote

“It’s worth the extra money and the reduction in security to really explore before you commit.”
— Jemma Sbeg [33:20]

7. Bonus Tips

[35:06-38:35]

• Make Your Living Space Comfortable:
  • Invest a little in making your accommodations cozy (“nice bedsheets and towels, a nice lamp, a little art”). It helps you recharge and makes enduring the hard days easier.
• Don’t Recreate Your Old Life:
  • Resist the urge to duplicate everything from your previous location. Use this as a chance to reinvent yourself, experiment with new routines and interests.

Notable Quote

“No matter how hard you try, [your new life] is just never going to be the same, and it’s just going to make you more miserable... this is your blank slate.”
— Jemma Sbeg [37:00]

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• “Moving away from where we used to live is an unacknowledged grief that things are never going to be the same. That’s grief, that’s sadness.” [06:15]
• “Go no contact with your old city.” [14:55]
• “Just one person that you click with... then move from there.” [20:14]
• “Treat it like you’re just a long-term tourist, at least at first.” [25:03]
• “Frequency for adjustment matters... That’s why your old town felt special.” [30:52]
• “Having that two- or three-week buffer is insurance for the choice you make on the location you live.” [33:35]
• “If I don’t feel comfortable, I’m going to be gone in six months because I’m going to hate it.” [35:42]
• “This is going to be hard. It's also going to be a freaking great adventure.” [37:14]

Structure of Key Tips (with Timestamps)

| Tip | Timestamps | Key Message | |----------------------------------------|-------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 1. Don’t Go Home for 3 Months | 11:38-16:57 | Break the habit of returning to your old city; it prolongs adjustment and loneliness. | | 2. No Friday Nights at Home (3 Months) | 16:58-24:16 | Prioritize weekly social activity, even alone, to build new connections and routines. | | 3. Bucket List (Tick Off Weekly) | 24:17-28:14 | Cultivate excitement and attachment by exploring like a tourist—and making memories. | | 4. Build Consistent Routines | 28:15-31:25 | Create stability and local belonging with repeated habits and familiar faces. | | 5. Don’t Sign a Lease Immediately | 31:26-35:05 | Use short-term housing to explore and ensure you pick the best neighborhood for you. | | Bonus: Make Home Cozy | 35:06-36:17 | Invest in bedding, lighting, and décor for mental comfort and resilience. | | Bonus: Don’t Recreate Old Life | 36:18-38:35 | Embrace the new, reinvent yourself, and avoid clinging to your previous lifestyle. |

Closing Message

[38:35-38:52]

• Jemma encourages listeners to embrace the adventure, take care of themselves, and look forward to the growth and friendships ahead.
• She leaves practical and uplifting advice: “It’s going to get great. It’s going to be amazing. It’s going to get better... I sent some amazing friends and some amazing memories in your near future. I just have a good feeling about it.” [38:30]

Summary Table: Adjustment Timeline

| Stage | Months | What Happens | |--------------|--------------|--------------------------------------------------| | Initial | 0–3 months | Cognitive overload, loneliness, identity shifts | | Habituation | 3–6 months | Routine forms, stress lowers, place feels normal | | Evaluation | After 6 mo. | Decide: Stay, go, or adapt further |

For anyone considering or facing a move in their 20s, Jemma’s advice blends science with empathy and actionable insight—reminding listeners that yes, it’s hard, but also, it's a unique chance for growth, reinvention, and adventure.