← The Psychology of your 20s
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- [00:00]
Gemma Speck
I'm Gemma Speck, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Have you ever been at the pharmacy counter and your mind goes blank when the pharmacist asks any questions? That is why you need to listen to beyond the script from CVS Pharmacy and iHeartMedia. Hosted by Dr. Jake Goodman, this podcast answers the questions you'd wished you'd asked, like which meds may not work well together, what vaccines you might need before a holiday, and even some of the questions you're too embarrassed to say out loud. Listen to beyond the script on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Special Agent Riegel, Special Agent Bradley Hall. In 2018, the FBI took down a ring of spies working for China's Ministry of State Security, one of the most mysterious intelligence agencies in the world. The Sixth Bureau podcast is a story of the inner workings of the MSS and how one man's ambition and mistakes opened its vault of secrets. Listen to the 6th Bureau on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [01:07]
Nancy Glass
I'm Nancy Glass, host of the Burden of Guilt Season two podcast. This is a story about a horrendous lie that destroyed two families. Late one night, Bobby Gumpright became the victim of a random crime. The perpetrator was sentenced to 99 years prior to Until a confession changed everything. I was a monster. Listen to Burden of guilt season two on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [01:38]
Gemma Speck
Before all of the algorithm fed Bilar and the endless sea of dupes, shopping used to feel more fun. But here's a confession. Podlings. You can find that fun feeling again on ebay. It's not mindless scrolling, it's a fashion pursuit. I recently found a dress I had been looking for since I was probably 19 that I saw on a show moons ago and the feeling was exhilarating. There's always more to discover on ebay. Ebay has millions of pre loved finds from hundreds of brands backed by ebay. Authenticity Guarantee Ebay Things People love on
- [02:13]
Nancy Glass
the Adventures of Curiosity Cove podcast. When Peanut Butter disappears from school, Ella, Scout and Layla launch a full detective mission. Their search leads them back in time to meet a brilliant inventor whose curiosity changed the world in this Black History Month adventure. Asking questions questions, thinking creatively can lead to amazing discoveries. Listen to Adventures of Curiosity Cove every Monday from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast.
- [02:47]
Gemma Speck
Hello everybody. I'm Gemma Spike. And welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through the biggest changes, moments and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. It is so great to have you here back for another episode as we of course break down the psychology of our 20s. I'm going to give a little heads up to you guys today. I am. I'm quite ill. If you're watching on Netflix, you will see I have this cup of tea in front of me and there's a little secret to this cup of tea. There's actually three tea bags in it. I mixed two lemon and ginger and then one throat soothe. So I've invented an entire new tea flavor and I also don't have any taste buds right now, so it's honestly doing the trick. But throughout this episode, I'm sure you're gonna hear some horrible nasal noises and I'm so sorry and I wish I could fix it, but the show must go on. Especially because there was no way I was missing. There we go. We just got some. There's no way I was missing today's episode because it is a long awaited episode. Probably one of my most personally researched. We're talking about the psychology of personal style. I have been so drawn into the psychology of fashion recently. I'm not a particularly fashionable person. I don't really think about it that often, but like just the psychology behind why we wear what we wear, why we choose certain colors, why we are drawn to certain accessories, even certain animal prints. Like there is a massive rabbit hole that you can fall into looking into this. And I want to share some of my findings. The thing is, what we choose to wear isn't. It's not the most important thing about us. And I'm sure there are some people who would disagree with me. There are some die hard like fashion fans out there who would say it's the most important thing in the world. But you know, there's definitely plenty of more that matters. What you do with your time, your values, your hobbies, et cetera, et cetera. But when you think about it, getting dressed is incredibly psychologically revealing because it is a ritual. It is a thing that we do every single day. And what we choose to get dressed in every single day, that decision can reveal some really significant things about our personality, about our insecurities, how we were in childhood. It's honestly mind blowing. What we're going to get into today, whether you care about fashion A lot. You have a Vogue subscription. Whether you care about it a medium amount or not at all, I really don't care. Because you're going to hear a fact today that is going to blow your mind. I promise you that. And you may also learn how to make better style choices based on your identity and your personality. And you may also save yourself some money and some time by being able to curate a wardrobe based on what you're gonna what you're gonna find out about yourself today. So without further ado, let's get into the psychology of personal style. I think the magical thing about fashion and personal style is that clothing is obviously one of the most immediate and obvious forms of self expression that we can have. And that is what makes it so mentally significant. Because it's basically looking at what somebody wears every day can help us decipher so much about how they want us to see them. Your clothes aren't just pieces of fabric. They are a first impression. They are a profession. For some people, they are an identity hallmark and they cause a reaction in other people. A 2023 Canadian study found that people immediate immediately make some pretty rapid and pretty on the nose conclusions about everything from our cognitive state to our social status to our esthetic status within seconds of seeing what we're wearing. And they're very accurate assessments. And as people, we know that. We know that whether we like it or not, people are making broader assessments about us based on our clothes. It's why we agonize over a first date dress or we agonize over what to wear to a job interview or what to do. Color of jeans is best when they all kind of look the same. Those reactions we get to our clothes are part of what actually informs our personal style from a very, very young age. I think we take personal style for granted sometimes and we think that it's just kind of like appeared or it's just based on trends. But from very early on, we are actually conditioned to choose the kinds of clothes that we continue to wear for the rest of our lives. And I think that is something not many of us know. Our childhood is a huge fundamental part of our fashion choices. And this is because of a very fundamental psychological process called associative learning. Essentially, at some stage, your brain begins to link clothing choices with certain feelings and certain outcomes that were either good, bad, neutral, exciting, terrible, or something else. So this starts actually fairly randomly. Most associative learning does, but obviously when we're young, when we're kids, like, we don't pick Our clothes. Our parents pick our clothes for us and their style is essentially our style. My mum was born in Wisconsin, my dad was born in Queensland. And so when I was a kid, I was always dressed in like a mix of oshkosh Bagosh overalls, if you know what those are. And like beach wear and T shirts, you know, you don't really have a choice. But what you do start to realize and notice is when certain items get a positive reaction and when certain items don't, or how certain items make you feel. What made you feel comfortable? What made you feel safe? What made you feel close to your parents? What made you fit in? I remember there was a certain long dress I used to wear that my grandma bought me. And the first time I wore it, like, everybody in my family made such a huge fuss about how nice I looked in it. And I would wear it all the time. I would literally twirl in it. I would go up to strangers to show them my great dress and they'd be like, where the hell is this child's parents? But that was such a learned association and it was so funny. Last week I was looking for an outfit for a friend's wedding and I found a dress that looks really similar. And it was like this gravitational pull, like, this is something that I know, this is something that, like, I have this long ago positive association with. And I ended up buying the dress for that reason alone. I also remember feeling the most myself in like my Buzz Lightyear shirt. I knew that was comfortable, I knew I could move around. I knew I could be a child in that. That was my, my safety blanket. So that's how you learn. But on the other side, you also learn. Yes, through positive things, also through negative things. You learn what gets you teased, what elicits negative reactions. Maybe it was wearing a crop top in your childhood, teased for it, you were shamed for it. Some kids said terrible things for you. And so you grow up thinking you can't wear that and you never do. Or you wear a type of pant or a type of jean that ripped or gave you a rash and for some reason you've avoided that for the rest of your life. Clothes carry learnt associations. That is why certain clothes like we were talking about, feel emotionally relevant, because they are often tied to memories, the same memories that our identity is built on. In fact, researchers from the University of College London looked at this in great detail and they basically said in this article they wrote, and I can't remember the name of it, but they said that clothes are instruments for anchoring the self and remembering the past. And by and through that, they enhance our well being. They are like this weird rope that ties together who we want to be, who we are now and who we were in the past in like one long line. Clothes are a mix of, yes, practicality and what's affordable, but also of mood and memory. And that is constantly playing subconsciously in the background of the choices you make around fashion every single day. It's incredibly emotionally evocative. It's incredibly representative of the past. It's why I think we struggle to throw out items that we don't wear anymore, but used to be our favorites. It's why we have really distinct childhood memories, not just of moments, but of the clothes that we wore in them. They are not neutral items. Beyond these past memories, research also shows that your baseline personality can also predict how you will dress. Essentially, there is this kind of theory that if you were to take somebody's outfit, you could pick it apart and basically make a composite of what their personality is like. Based on some, some pretty amazing correlations between personality attributes and clothing choices, we can specifically look at this through the big five personality domains or personality principles. So just as a little refresh, the biggest theory on personality is that our personality is made of five traits. Those are extroversion, openness to neuroticism, agreeableness and conscientiousness. And if we look at the profile of each of these, where you sit on those ladder, where you sit on that spectrum for each of those traits is going to essentially reveal your clothing choices. So starting with openness to experience, people high in this trait often value play and they value aesthetics and they are creative and they are curious and inquisitive and unconventional because of that. According to a paper published in the Polish psychological forum in 2024, if you are high in that you are more likely to seek original items of clothing, you are typically more fashionable, as they called it. You are most likely to be somebody who adopts the new trend first because of that intellectual curiosity and that kind of experimental personality that you have. People, in contrast, who are low in openness to experience, there's actually been all this research that they wear more subdued clothes. They're more likely to want a capsule wardrobe. They're more likely to gravitate towards the same shapes, colors, like, yeah, silhouettes or features of clothing that they have for a very long time. So openness to experience is this first thing that we can kind of divide fashion profiles by. Are you more colorful, creative, experimental, or are you more. Do you kind of more dress? I don't want to say subdued because that's kind of. I think that has negative connotations, but in a more subtle way, in a more ordered way. Next up are the extroverts. According to a 2021 Frontiers in Psychology study, extroverts do in fact dress differently from the rest of us. For this group, clothing is a significant social signal. The study looked at almost 800 women and found that extroverts preferred clothing that is seen as dramatic. They are more likely to comb styles and combine color palettes. They are less likely to choose clothes that camouflage them. And that really makes a lot of sense. I feel like extroverts are the ones like holding up the fun jewelry, Etsy shops and like the worded T shirt stores because they're looking for a way to display their personality as vividly as possible to kind of almost like a butterfly, like attract people in. Let's go in the the opposite direction. If extroverts lean more that way, what does this say about people whose clothes are always professional and pressed and very neat and tidy? These people are like the hallmarks of conscientiousness. According to that same 2021 study, these individuals, although they are very socially aware, although they are confident, they seem to gravitate more towards classic formal styles. They seem to represent themselves as organized, as reliable, as punctual. They use fashion to signal competence and order. You want to know the weirdest fashion psychology fact I learned the other day? If someone is wearing a wristwatch, that can actually tell you something about their personality. So a 2015 study looking at, I think over 700 people found that people who wear wristwatches are more conscientious, more responsible, more real following compared to people who don't wear wristwatches. They're typically less conscientious and they're less likely to follow the rules. So there you go. If you want to look good in a job interview, show up wearing a wristwatch because it signals a lot of really good things. It's just so weird how, you know, fashion and, and personality kind of connects in that way. Something as simple as a wristwatch, like, that's like a peek into who you are as a person. Two final conclusions from that same study, just because it was just such a magnificent one, we have to go into detail on a little bit more people who are high in agreeableness. They were also more likely to wear less dramatic or unusual clothing. So they're more likely to want to blend in or wear traditional clothing. Obviously they want to be friends with everyone. They're agreeable. Anything that makes them stick out or makes them controversial is not something they're going to be leaning towards. And people who are high in neuroticism actually used clothing as a form of emotional regulation or security blankets. So apparently these individuals are more likely to be self conscious. People hiring neuroticism are more likely to be self conscious and to engage in body surveillance. So they may actually use specific clothing styles to manage their body image and on top of that their social anxiety or general anxiety. Often opting for safe choices, often opting for things that are comfortable or that avoid drawing unwanted screens, scrutiny or judgments from other people. So that's like a whole profile of all the big five and like how your measurement on that might turn the dial on your clothing choices. Essentially it's this thing we've been repeating. What you choose to wear can be a really subtle personality cue. And now that is not permission to go and judge or assess every single person you are meeting based on this profile. Like that must like if they're wearing a wristwatch or if they're not wearing a wristwatch, like that must say that they aren't a kind person or whatever. Like these aren't rules to follow. People can very easily be outliers or shift from the norm here. It's just one singular peek into fashion psychology. I'm Jemma Speg, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Have you ever been at the pharmacy counter and the pharmacist asks you do you have any questions? And suddenly your mind goes blank? That is exactly why you need to listen to beyond the script from CVS Pharmacy and iHeartMedia. Hosted by Dr. Jay Goodman, a board certified psychiatrist and health educator, this show takes you behind the counter to answer the questions you'd wish you'd asked. Like what medications might not mix well, what vaccines should you consider before a big trip? And even those questions you're a little bit too embarrassed to say out loud. Each episode busts myths, decodes health trends, and gives you real trustworthy advice from the experts you see the most. Your neighborhood CVS pharmacist. No white coats, no lectures. Just real talk, real answers and maybe a few laughs. Listen to beyond the script on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts guests. Let's be honest, sometimes a home cooked meal just tastes better and it feels better as well. And hellofresh makes it so easy to do more of that. This year with recipes that feel good and they taste delicious. I found myself ordering way too much takeaway last year and Hellofresh basically allowed me to switch to cooking more high quality meals at home. They have over a hundred recipes per week. I'm a huge fan of any of their taco recipes and they have heaps of high protein and sustainably sourced options as well. I also like the fact that their meals are made with seasonal products. My last box literally had rhubarb and pear crumble in it. I love HelloFresh. I use HelloFresh and you should too. Go to hellofresh.com gemma10fm to get 10 free meals plus a free thrilling knife that is a 144.99 value may I say on your third box offer valid while supplies last free meals applied as discount on the first box. New subscribers only. Varies by plan Hi, this is Jo
- [20:28]
Nancy Glass
Winterstein, host of the Spirit Daughter podcast where we talk about astrology, natal charts and how to step into your most vibrant life. And I just sat down with a mini driver, the Irish traveler said when I was 16. You're gonna have a terrible time with men. Actor, storyteller and unapologetic Aquarian visionary. Aquarius is all about freedom loving and different perspectives and I find a lot of people with strong placements in Aquarius like are Misunderstood A Sun and Venus in Aquarius in her seventh house spark her unconventional approach to partnership. He really has taught me to embrace people sleeping in different rooms on different houses in different places, but just an embracing of the isness of it all. If you're navigating your own transformation or just want a chart side view into how a leading artist integrates astrology, creativity and real life, this episode is a must. Listen Listen to the Spirit Daughter podcast starting on February 24th on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your podcast.
- [21:33]
Gemma Speck
Before all of the algorithm fed bala and the endless sea of dupes, shopping used to feel more fun. But here's a confession Podlings. You can find that fun feeling again on ebay. Because on ebay it's not just shopping, it's a full on fashion pursuit. And when you find the thing that adrenaline hit is real. I recently found a dress I had been looking for since I was 19. I saw it on a TV show and I swear it called out to me and it has been something I have come back to time and time again. I have searched everywhere, every single secondhand store until finally I found it in my size. I on ebay it's about the thrill of finding pieces just like that. And I want you to find pieces that feel like you as well. There's always more to discover. Ebay has millions of pre loved finds from hundreds of brands backed by ebay. Authenticity guarantee eBay things people love in
- [22:36]
Nancy Glass
2023, a story gripped the UK evoking horror and disbelief.
- [22:41]
Gemma Speck
The nurse who should have been in charge of caring for tiny babies is now the most prolific child killer in modern British history.
- [22:50]
Nancy Glass
Everyone thought they knew how it ended. A verdict. A villain, a nurse named Lucy Letby.
- [22:57]
Gemma Speck
Lucy Letby has been found guilty.
- [22:59]
Nancy Glass
But what if we didn't get the whole story?
- [23:02]
Gemma Speck
The moment you look at the whole picture, the case collapses.
- [23:05]
Nancy Glass
I'm Amanda Knox and in the new podcast Doubt the Case of Lucy Letby, we follow the evidence and hear from the people that lived it to ask what really happened when the world decided who Lucy Letby was. No voicing of any skepticism or doubt.
- [23:22]
Gemma Speck
It'll cause so much harm at every single level of the British establishment of this is wrong.
- [23:27]
Nancy Glass
Listen to Doubt the Case of Lucy Letby on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [23:36]
Gemma Speck
I think clothing, again, why it's so important is because it's one of the quickest ways that we can communicate not just our personality, but our identity. Before you've even spoken like your outfit can signal to other people, I see myself as this kind of person, or I see myself as one of you, or I want to be seen as one of you, or as one of these kinds of people. Clothing and the role it plays in social cohesion and social conformity is another major piece of this puzzle. So much of personal style is tied up in who we want to align with. Subcultures, subgroups, little tribes with their own codes and aesthetics and shared references and their own music tastes and values and political views. You know, a band tee isn't just a band tee. It's a sign of the world or the subgroup that you're in. And with that becomes a lot of information about certain likes or dislikes. A particular hiking shoe, it's not just a shoe. It's a signal that you love the outdoors, but you also love the city and that these are the two sides of you, like blending in together. There is something for everybody. In that sense, a certain silhouette isn't just a silhouette. It can reference a scene, an era, a movement, a set of beliefs about class, about what's. What gender even means. Clothes are as political and as psychological as they are Fun. And where we can really see that is in women's athleisure wear trends. You know, the rise of conservatism came at the same time as the rise in Pilates wear and in pink matching sets and ballet silhouettes, things that are very traditionally feminine. Now what's trending more in this day and age is especially for women, trekking pants, double stacked sports bras, practical hardcore hiking shoes like Gore Tech. It's like this real signal of that pushback, right? This pushback against traditional feminine ideals, the fight back, the literal protest against authoritarianism that is like taking place in the world. You can really read a lot about what is happening in society based on fashion trends and based on where people kind of present themselves on the spectrum. Everything you choose to wear has a message contained if you look for it. Sometimes it's explicit, like a slogan or a flag or a badge, or like university merchandise, your literal favorite band on a T shirt. That's an explicit message of how you want to be seen. And sometimes it is more coded. It's like anytime you see somebody with like visible mending or stitching, that might be a sign of, of sustainability values or you know, of, of class or income level or if you wear athletics wear outside of the gym, you know, that might be a sign of how you, again, how you want to represent yourself as a healthy person. Or if you blend typically masculine and typically feminine clothes together, that signals gender non conformity. I'm giving you a lot of examples just to say that the brain pays attention to this stuff and it pays attention to this stuff. Yes, to categorize and to understand people, but mainly to use clothing as a mental shortcut and to be able to then identify the people you want to relate to or the tribe you want to belong to and those that you don't see yourself close to or as a part of your brain often scans for these familiar cues because we're naturally attracted to similarity. So somebody is wearing a similar silhouette, similar colors, similar brands, a similar uniform to you, that is a visual marker of somebody who's going to be part of your in group. And when we find them, that registers as safety and that registers as belonging. One distinct example of this and how this happens is like. And how identity forms through clothes is like punk. And what made punk so big predominantly in London in like the 70s and 80s. It was like this counterculture reaction to economic and to like social unrest during this period. And designers like Vivienne Westwood, like they really had their rise during this time because they utilized A lot of this like anti monarchy, anti establishment, anti capitalist messaging that a lot of people were getting behind and kind of flocked to. And like the androgynous silhouettes and the ripped clothing and the tart that was ripped and the non traditional hairstyles and the safety pin visual that represented to people a kind of philosophy and a kind of sub genre of people or people with certain beliefs that they wanted to gravitate towards. And so it is used almost like a badge. What we wear is symbolic of how we want to be seen, which then also impacts how people treat us. And that in itself either strengthens our identity or diminishes it, or you know, it either reinforces the cycle or again, through that learned association, it kind of teaches us or guides us into being somebody else. Here's something Super Interesting. A 2025 study found that we often dress more group aligned when we feel socially uncertain. That is why micro trends and fast fashion caters more towards younger people. Yes, because it's cheaper, but also because they don't know who they are yet or where they fit in. They also don't have a sense of personal style because they don't have that identity. So they're really quick to buy whatever is trending because of that lack of, you know, identity stability, regardless of whether it's made poorly, because it doesn't really matter. They don't need it to fit. They don't need it to be something they wear in like three months because their identity is probably going to change as fast as, as the trend is. It's also why teenagers or people in high school, younger people, that's where subgroups really start. Often in younger groups of individuals because their identity is so unstable. There's this greater sense of wanting to align with a subgroup or a type of fashion or a type of identity that is represented through fashion that is stable and that is, that means one thing and that can be categorized because it's kind of like this life raft for them. It's kind of like this thing that they can hold on to when everything else about them is kind of like floating around similar to this. It's also why when we enter a new social environment, we really feel the need to reinstate or reinforce our personal style or reinvent it. So that's why we go and buy new outfits for a new job. It's why freshmen always buy new wardrobes before they start university. It's why someone who just moved to Berlin wants to dress more Berlin. This is what is called enclosed cognition. It is A psychological phenomenon coined by this man, Harjo Adams, whereby the symbolic meaning of our clothing actually influences our cognitive processes, which in turn affects our thoughts, affects our feelings, affects our behavior. The researcher who coined this term in his research, he basically discovered that this can influence everything from our emotional state to how we see ourselves to our intelligence. What you wear can literally influence how smart you feel and how smart you are. In this now very famous 2012 experiment, participants were essentially asked to complete a bunch of attentional and memory tasks, either wearing a doctor's lab coat or not. And some were even told like the lab coat was like a painter's coat and then some people didn't wear it at all. The people who went into these tasks wearing the doctor's coat did significantly better on those tasks compared to the others. And there was a large sample size here. And the only thing that was different, yeah, maybe there were slight personality and intelligence differences, but that was definitely controlled for. The only major difference was that they dress smarter. This is why things like dopamine dressing or dressing up for a date or dressing for the job you want, not the job you have, can actually change the way you feel in those situations. A 2020, a 2010, not 2020, 2010 study from the University of Huddersfield actually found that certain clothes, if they were the participants favorites, actually served as emotional regulators like we were talking about before. Meaning that the participants were more likely to feel able to, you know, they were more likely to feel in control of their emotions and in control of their environment if their, the outfit they were wearing was their favorite. Nothing else changed, just the outfit. And again, I could cite so many more sources like this that essentially all say the same thing and reach the same conclusion. Clothing is a mental leather that we can use to direct our emotional state. And we can therefore take advantage of that knowledge to change our mood in situations where we want more control using our clothes. Like we can literally feel more confident, more competent, more safe, more everything based on what we're wearing. And you can do that both ways, right? You can, yes, choose what you're going to wear to best embody an emotional state you want to have. You can actually also examine the clothes that you are unconsciously choosing at a certain time in your life to tell you what you're avoiding or tell you what you're feeling. Like when you suddenly find yourself unable to wear your favorite pair of jeans or completely avoiding any tight clothing, that's saying something about your self esteem, that's something you need to focus on. Or when you find Yourself leaning more towards revealing tight, colorful clothing. Maybe this is a natural sign that like, you're really feeling yourself right now. Maybe it's time to like, schedule some dates. Maybe it's time to like, get out there because people are gonna see this like enigmatic, amazing side of you and like the side of you that feels very, very alive. You know what I find interesting though? What I really find interesting is that despite all this, like, we know personal style is supposed to be self expression and it has this effect and it's so emotionally powerful and yet there are so many moments where like, we know what we want to wear and we know it's going to make us feel good or we know that this is something we like and then we don't do it. This is this weird contradiction with personal style. We have personal style and sometimes we avoid our style. I feel like right now I have all these really cool clothes that I really like in theory that I think represent me, but I never wear them because they're too out there or they're too different. And I'll try them on every few weeks and I'll seriously consider wearing them and then I'll like, put them back in my closet. We so often choose the safe outfit, the one that we, yes, no, we feel comfortable in, but the one we know won't get any comments. The one that won't make us feel too visible. Because a lot of the time I think we're dressing not for ourselves, but we're dressing for the imagined audience. Right? Most of us. I know I do carry around with us a mental panel of judges. Whether they are colleagues, whether they are strangers, whether they are friends or an ex, people on Instagram. There's this panel of people who we almost present every outfit we wear too before we walk out the door. It's this weird, like they're not there, but it's this weird social monitoring that we have in our head. How is the general public going to feel about my outfit? We put that before how we're going to feel. And that is why we constantly come back towards three or four outfits that we feel the safest in because we feel they are the easiest. What's important to know is that we tend to really overestimate how much other people notice us. Psychologists, I think we spoke about this only a couple of weeks ago, call this the spotlight effect. It's that feeling that if you wear something bold and everyone's going to stare, everyone's going to comment, everyone's going to judge you or remember you Everyone will see how, you know, the fabric pulls slightly or like that. Your bra sticks out a bit like that. It's a bit different from what you're used to. They know it, we know it. Like it's this weird thing. So we should just take it off. Like we just shouldn't wear that. It's so funny because in reality, most people do not give a flying F. They are not thinking about you, they are thinking about themselves. If you listen to our how to stop taking things personally episode, like, you'll know this very well. Only 22% of our daily thoughts are spent thinking about other people. And often even when we are thinking about other people, we're thinking about their behavior in relation to ourselves. So if we're judging somebody else's outfit, it's not really about them, it's about us and our lack of confidence to wear that. If we are looking at somebody else's coat, perhaps part of it is because we wish we had the boldness to wear it. Social media has definitely exacerbated this. It's definitely made this harder and it's partially responsible for, I also think how fast trends come and go these days because we are all judging ourselves based on this impossible what's hot, what's not. That changes every few weeks. Like what was the print that was like trending a couple weeks ago, like deer print? I was seeing all these articles about like deer printers in deer print is the next thing. And then just last week there was this TikTok being like deer print is cheap, deer print is last season. You can't win when you are judging yourself against the imagined current status or current state of what is cool and what's not. As soon as like you adopt the trend, the trend goes out of style. Because the moment that more than 50% of people are wearing what is cool, it's no longer cool anymore because it's gotten too public and it's no longer something people can gatekeep. The author, Paula de Elia she talks about the fact that social media fashion culture has actually increased self objectification and comparison pressures. And that actually means that that style and fashion has suddenly become incredibly basic and that a lot of our personal style choices are really based on like what looks good based on a trend, what we think will photograph well, what we think will get likes, or what we think will look right next to everybody else. Most of our fashion choices are are for the feed and the more you lose touch with what you actually enjoy or feel best in, the worse it becomes and the Harder it is to come back and the harder it is for society as a whole to have originality. I read this other article that talks about this thing called aesthetic convergence or a narrowing of what is most often shown, liked, copied and worn. So essentially this researcher did all this analysis and found that we're all starting to look the same. Not just like physically in terms of our faces and our bodies, but fashion. Because it's becoming more and more trend based and competitive. Brands know that the only way to make a profit is to follow what is trending and what people like in the moment. They're not going to create something different or new because that's going to be less likely to sell. It's not the current style and who's not wearing the current style. So all our options are becoming increasingly similar and increasingly siloed into categories. So there's like the cool girl brand, the athletic brand, and they don't really have as much crossover, which is why we feel like we have less and less choice. It also explains why I know, I've personally noticed trends are always just one degree, a one degree shift from the last trend. Like they're never that revolutionary. Take like animal print. A couple years ago it was cow and then the slight change within its cheetah and like now it's deer. Or like it went from like matching gym sets to like clean girl Pilates sets, to like Y2K yoga mom set. Nothing is ever a full sweep. It's always just this tiny change. No brand, no fashion house is ever going to move too far because they don't want to fall off the balance of something that is fresh and new without being too different and therefore difficult to market. Like, this is a question I genuinely want you to ask yourself. When was the last time you saw something new? It's not because people aren't inventive. It's definitely not because people are boring. It's because we are social learners. And fashion is one of the fastest moving social signals that we have to conform to. You know, in social psychology, conformity is what happens when we adjust our behavior to what the group expects. That is what's happening with our fashion choices. Sometimes that's because we genuinely believe the group is right. This is known as informational influence. So, you know, if everybody's doing it, they probably know what's good. And sometimes it's just because we don't actually like the trend. We just fear rejection. This is known as normative influence. So I don't want to look weird, even though I hate those Adidas, sambas or whatever, like everybody's wearing them, so I better wear them. Either way, the result is the same. We all drift towards the center of what feels socially safe. And clothing is especially vulnerable because it is so public and because it is tied in yet again to our identity and to how we see ourselves. I'm Gemma Spagh, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Have you ever been at the pharmacy counter and the pharmacist asks you do you have any questions? And suddenly your mind goes blank? That is exactly why you need to listen to beyond the script from CVS Pharmacy and iHeartMedia. Hosted by Dr. Jay Goodman, a board certified psychiatrist and health educator, this show takes you behind the counter to answer the questions you'd wish you'd asked. Like what medications might not mix well? What vaccines should you consider before a big trip trip? And even those questions you're a little bit too embarrassed to say out loud. Each episode busts myths, decodes health trends, and gives you real, trustworthy advice from the experts you see the most. Your neighborhood CVS pharmacist. No white coats, no lectures. Just real talk, real answers, and maybe a few laughs. Listen to beyond the script on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. China's Ministry of State Security is one
- [43:11]
Nancy Glass
of the most mysterious and powerful spy
- [43:13]
Gemma Speck
agencies in the world. But in 2017, the FBI got inside. This is Special Agent Regal, Special Agent Bradley Hall. This MSS officer has no idea the
- [43:25]
Nancy Glass
US Government is onto him. But the FBI has his chats, texts,
- [43:30]
Gemma Speck
emails, even his personal diary. Hear how they got it on the sixth Bureau podcast? I now have several terabytes of an MSS officer. No doubt, no question of his life.
- [43:42]
Nancy Glass
And that's a unicorn.
- [43:44]
Gemma Speck
No one had ever seen anything like that. It was unbelievable.
- [43:49]
Nancy Glass
This is a story of the inner
- [43:51]
Gemma Speck
workings of the MSS and how one man's ambition and mistakes opened its vault of secrets. Listen to the 6th Bureau on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [44:06]
Nancy Glass
In 2023, a story gripped the UK, evoking horror and disbelief.
- [44:11]
Gemma Speck
The nurse who should have been in charge of caring for tiny babies is now the most prolific child killer in modern British history.
- [44:20]
Nancy Glass
Every everyone thought they knew how it ended. A verdict. A villain. A nurse named Lucy Letby.
- [44:27]
Gemma Speck
Lucy Letby has been found guilty.
- [44:29]
Nancy Glass
But what if we didn't get the whole story?
- [44:32]
Gemma Speck
The moment you look at the whole picture, the case collapses.
- [44:35]
Nancy Glass
I'm Amanda Knox and in the new podcast, the Case of Lucy Letby. We follow the evidence and hear from the people that lived it to ask what really happened when the world decided who Lucy Letby was. No voicing of any skepticism or doubt.
- [44:52]
Gemma Speck
It'll cause so much harm at every single level of the British establishment of this is wrong.
- [44:57]
Nancy Glass
Listen to Doubt the Case of Lucy Letby on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [45:06]
Gemma Speck
Before all of the algorithm fed Bala and the endless sea of dupes, shopping used to feel more fun. But here's a confession Podlings. You can find that fun feeling again on ebay. Because on ebay it's not just shopping, it's a full on fashion pursuit. And when you find the thing that adrenaline hit is real. I recently found a dress I had been looking for since I was 19. I saw it on a TV show and I swear it called out to me and it has been something I have come back to time and time again. I have searched everywhere, every single secondhand store until finally I found it in my size on ebay. It's about the thrill of finding pieces just like that. And I want you to find pieces that feel like you as well. There's always more to discover. Ebay has millions of pre loved finds from hundreds of brands backed by ebay. Authenticity guarantee eBay things people love hi,
- [46:09]
Nancy Glass
this is Jo Winterstein, host of the Spirit Daughter podcast where we talk about astrology, natal charts and how to step into your most vibrant life. And I just sat down with a mini driver.
- [46:20]
Gemma Speck
The Irish traveler said when I was
- [46:22]
Nancy Glass
16, you're gonna have a terrible time with men. Actor, storyteller and unapologetic Aquarian visionary. Aquarius is all about freedom, loving and different perspectives and I find a lot of people with strong placements in Aquarius like are Misunderstood A Sun and Venus in Aquarius in her seventh house Spark her unconventional approach to partnership. He really has taught me to embrace people sleeping in different rooms, on different houses, in different places, but just an embracing of the isness of it all. If you're navigating your own transformation or just want a chart side view into how a leading artist integrates astrology, creativity and real life, this episode is a must. Listen Listen to the Spirit Daughter podcast starting on February 24th on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast or wherever you listen to your podcast.
- [47:14]
Gemma Speck
If you want to reclaim your personal style, here are four really easy ways to do it. Number one, Reduce the wardrobe clutter. You know those pieces that I was talking about that we own and we would never wear. But we just keep them because they're cool or because we bought them because they were like the trend. Like, we want to be the kind of person who's going to wear them, but we don't. For me, it's like this big fluffy hat and a couple other things, but the fluffy hat in particular. These pieces are mental clutter and they are blocking your personal style by increasing a sense of decision fatigue, essentially giving you more options to consider when that option isn't really a true option, but you feel like you have to consider it. It. You feel like it's kind of there. And when you do finally choose it, you. You're never going to be comfortable in it anyways. So basically you're just slowing down the process of getting dressed every morning. So I need you to do a closet purge. When you do a closet purge, what I need you to ask yourself is, have I worn this in the past three months or have I worn it at all? And if it's not something like a big winter coat or like your wedding dress or a summer dress, you know you're going to wear heaps when the sun is back up. Sell it on Depop, give it to a friend. Sell it on Vinted. Start not from scratch, but from your favorites. Basically, get down to that capsule wardrobe. And speaking of favorites, also notice the things you keep rebuying in a slightly different font or in a slightly different version. I realized this the other day when I was looking back at pictures of me from 2022 for this, like, I don't know, something I was doing on Instagram and I was looking at this photo and I real. I was wearing the exact same outfit in those pictures as the one I was wearing. Just like, as I was looking on my phone. And none of those items were the same items. Like, I had replaced my wardrobe from 2022 to 2026 and I was still wearing the same thing, just not with the same clothes. And I genuinely, I wish I could. You could see this side by side. It was like boot cut, baggy white jeans, cropped, kind of like cream gray cashmere type, type V neck sweater. Literally the same shoes. And I was like, why did I throw those pieces away only to replace them like, three years later? I think it was because at some stage, like, I tried to reinvent my style and I tried to, like, do this whole, like, overhaul of what I wore. And it was this weird thing where it's like, this is my equilibrium that I keep coming back to. Like, as much as I try and be this kind of person or whatever. Like. Like there are some core things that I'm always going to have in my closet. I know for me, that is like a chunky blue sweater, a striped blue collared shirt. I literally used to wear them to high school when I was 15. I looked like a little businesswoman and like a pair of blue jeans. And if you go through your pictures, you will notice the things you always end up buying and wearing, even as the trends change. And that is your personal style. That is the best base of your wardrobe. So if you're going to invest in anything, invest in having good quality versions of those historical style pieces that you can structure the rest of your wardrobe around. I would also say create your own style archetype. Archetypes are everywhere in society, everywhere in psychology from Jung to Greek mythology to the seven feminine archetypes. You know, the maiden, the mother, the mystic, the huntress, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It is such a great mental shortcut for figuring out what you want to wear and why you want to wear it. And you can make your own fashion archetype. This is how you're going to do it. You're going to begin with some descriptors. What do you need your clothes to do for you day to day? What are your clothes need to make you feel like and look like comfortable, flexible? Do they need to make you look effortless, smart? You know, if you're an artist, what does that mean? Maybe if you're a social worker, it has to be understated, grounded. If you work in carpentry, choose three words that are essentials for your clothes, and those are your basis. So mine are like comfortable, smart, and I would say unassuming. That's just what the preference for what I need my clothes to do for me. Then add your aspirational words. So think of five people whose style you like, really admire. Stevie Nicks, Jennifer Lawrence, asap. Rocky, Emma Chamberlain, I don't know. Adam Sandler, whatever. Five people whose clothes you really admire. Get on Pinterest, get on any platform. Make a PowerPoint presentation. Put a bunch of their outfits that you love on that PowerPoint slide. What are the core, like, words or themes that define all of those pieces or all of those outfits? Bold, sleek, branded, colorful, maximalist, chaotic, athletic, simple, like, whatever it is, find the connecting words. Choose two of those words and then identify the word that would best describe your personality or how you want to be seen or how you see yourself. So like dreamer, mystic, intellectual, adventurer, nurturer, entrepreneur. What word? If you could choose just one. Just one word sits at like the center of your identity as your archetype. Then you put it all together. The effortless but bold entrepreneur, the sleek, flowy mystic, the smart, colorful intellectual, the unassuming, accessorized creative. This sounds so cliche. It sounds so silly, I know, but you have no idea how helpful this, this is mentally, how much of an identity shortcut this has been for me in realizing my personal style. Especially in a trend heavy society, if I find myself wanting to buy something, especially an impulse purch, especially if it's a micro trend, I go back to my archetype and I basically ask, is this something like a smart, playful scholar would wear? That's my archetype, by the way. That feels very private to share. But smart, playful scholar. That's how I make all my clothing choices. And it really, really helps if it doesn't match that and if that's how I want to be seen. And obviously you could have a couple if you want, but I'm not gonna wear it like, I'm not gonna wear something that like a maximalist entrepreneur would wear, because I'm not a maximalist entrepreneur. I'm not gonna wear something that like a bold. I don't know what's, what's some of the words, like a. I don't. I was gonna say simple scientist, but that's kind of rude. But you know, like all these other archetypes, they're wonderful and I'm sure they all dress well, but they're not me. And so it stops me from. This is so cliche, but like trying to be something that I'm not trying to be. Like trying to dress away that like, I'm just never going to enjoy. I would also say kind of as part of this as well, pick a uniform similar to that kind of historical analysis of past items we were talking about. What is the staple outfit you wear almost every day? Like blue jeans, blazer, sneaker, midi skirt, tight top, boots, suit pant, cool shoe, tote bag. Like, what is your uniform? When in doubt, just change one item from your uniform every day. You know, I didn't come up with that advice. I heard somebody else speak about it. But again, it stops you from buying pieces that you have nothing to wear with. Because if they wouldn't go with the uniform, chances are like they aren't going to go with the other things that you own either. And it keeps everything kind of centered around what, you know, you already lean towards. Finally. I feel like this is such an underrated Tip. But pay attention to what you are drawn to outside of clothing and fashion if you are committed to finding your personal style. Often things that are seemingly unrelated to fashion are the most inspiring things because of the feelings they evoke. And I'm saying that as somebody who doesn't understand fashion at all, I've just been told. But it might be like a certain color or like a mood or your favorite film or an album cover or a music video or like even nature. The one I always think of is, like, the Mamma Mia. Movie. How many people dress the way they do because of the Mamma Mia. Movie or abba. Look at tons of different things. Look at all these different influences and allow that to inspire you, because I think fast fashion can make our pool of inspiration so narrow. You got to try your best to broaden this in whatever way you can by looking elsewhere so that I don't know if this is an ambition. Maybe you're happy to look like everybody else and honestly, power to you, but if that's not your ambition, this is the way to prevent that from happening. Seek inspiration from beyond. What is the easiest thing to sell you? And what is the easiest thing to sell you? Because everybody likes it, because it is trending. Also, vinted depop op shops, charity shops do that as much as possible. This has nothing to do with psychology. I just think the most stylish people, people I know, know how to hunt for their clothes and they know how to find, yeah, really basic things, but versions that very few people have. Like the white T shirt. My friend found, like, this crazy white T shirt from, like, the seventies the other day on, vinted for, like, five pounds. Like, that's incredible. Nobody else has that white T shirt. Like, it's about taking, yeah. Those fundamental things and just making it more fun and enjoyable because I think that's what fashion should really be about. Our final golden rule for personal style is about impulse shopping. And I have to sneak this one in here because it is so important. I used to have a huge problem with impulse shopping. I think a real reason why our personal style gets diluted and gets mashed up and, like, ripped apart is because we just, like, because of emotional regulation in a way. Like, this is something that I found. I would just shop when I felt sad or lonely and I wasn't being intentional with the pieces I was buying. So I would just have all this, like, crap and none of it went together. And I felt. I'd feel, like, guilty one week and then I'd feel the emotions come back And I'd overspend the next week, then I'd feel guilty. Wait 72 hours, 48, 72 hours before you buy anything you want to buy. Unless it is something that you literally could not live without. Like if you genuinely are on holiday and you've run out of underwear, you, you can obviously break the 48 hour rule. But nobody needs like another pair of like your fourth pair of blue jeans like instantly as soon as you're seeing them. And even if you do, even if, for example, you like need a skirt or you need like a suit jacket for like an upcoming event, if that is the case, make it your mission then to find the best version of that at the price point you can, not just the first one. You see, I think when it comes to personal style and the psychology behind personal style, yes, it is about understanding your personality and yes, it is about understanding how style and identity contribute to each other and go hand in hand. I also think then there's this like second element where you understand it and then you put it into practice and, and if this is a priority for you and if you want to look, if you want to have like that brand, if you want to have that real, identifiable Steve Jobs esque kind of look, like people know that those are the clothes you wear, you've got to be intentional, you've got to be focused on what it is that you actually like. And in many ways you have to actually buy less. All of those tips that I kept coming back to for that weren't just mine, that are tips from like stylists. And I don't even know the word, so obviously I'm not as clued in as they would be. But like fashion editors and fashion journalists, that's the word. They're all about consuming less actually. And I think that's this real thing, the thing that's making us have less personal style is this just like, like periodic blasting of the trend of the season. And this like periodic. This periodic, like I don't know, I don't want to say archetype, but yeah, like archetype. Like this year, this month we're fairy core and next month we're cottage core and then we're like grunge core and all these things and all that is just asking you to buy more and to keep these big fast fashion businesses in business. And it's not doing great things for your personal style. It's obviously not doing great things for the planet either. If you want to break out of that, you've got to kind of look away from trends. You've got to consume more slowly and more intentionally and you've got to focus on like the real soul of your clothes and how that is like a direct peek into your personality. This is going to sound so woo woo. Maybe I've gone too far here. Maybe it is time to end this episode. But like this just came to my mind honestly. Maybe that's the assessment you have to do before you buy anything. You have to genuinely look at this item and be like, does this say something about me? Like could somebody say, could somebody tell you something about the person I am from this item and why I'm choosing to buy it? Bit wacky. I don't know. You can take that or leave that, but I think I'm gonna start doing that. I think that is a great way to make more interesting intentional purchases. So thank you for listening. If you have made it this far. Our question of the day if you are listening on Spotify, what is your uniform Slash? What is the item of clothing that you have had the longest and why? I will go first. It is a Brandy Melville Khaki singlet that I bought in 2013 and I actually don't own it anymore. I only recently threw it out and that singlet has not been where wearable outside slash didn't even fit for years. But it was this weird thing where I was like really? I was really holding on to it tight and I couldn't let it go. So what is, what is your version of the Brandy Melville Khaki singlet? I want to know. Leave a comment. Thank you as always to our lovely, wonderful researcher Libby Colbert. She really did some amazing research for this episode, so we appreciate her so much. Make sure as well that if you are listening and you are in the US or Canada, you get give us a watch on Netflix. That is correct. Video episodes of the podcast are now on Netflix and we would really appreciate it if you are in those two countries checking it out and telling us what you think. You can also follow us on Substack if you want the episode transcript for this episode, including links to any of the studies. But until next time, be safe, be kind, be gentle to yourself. We will talk very, very soon. This is Special Agent Riegel, Special Agent Bradley Hall. In 2018, the FBI took down a ring of spies working for China's Ministry of State Security, one of the most mysterious intelligence agencies in the world. The Sixth Bureau podcast is a story of the inner workings of the MSS and how one man's ambition and mistakes opened its vault of secrets. Listen to the 6th Bureau on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [63:03]
Nancy Glass
I'm Nancy Glass, host of the Burden of Guilt Season two podcast. This is a story about a horrendous lie that destroyed two families. Late one night, Bobby Gumprite became the victim of a random crime. The perpetrator was sentenced to 99 years until a confession changed everything. I was a monster. Listen to Burden of guilt Season 2 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts on the Adventures of Curiosity Cove podcast. When Peanut Butter disappears from school, Ella, Scout and Layla launch a full detective mission. Their search leads them back in time to meet a brilliant inventor whose curiosity changed the world in this Black History Month adventure. Asking questions, thinking creatively can lead to amazing discoveries. Listen to Adventures of Curiosity Cove every Monday from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [64:04]
Gemma Speck
What if mind control is real?
- [64:06]
Nancy Glass
If you could control the behavior of anybody around you, what kind of life would you have? Can you hypnotically persuade someone to buy a car?
- [64:13]
Gemma Speck
When you look at your car, you're gonna become over overwhelmed with such good feelings.
- [64:17]
Nancy Glass
Can you hypnotize someone into sleeping with you?
- [64:20]
Gemma Speck
I gave her some suggestions to be sexually aroused.
- [64:23]
Nancy Glass
Can you get someone to join your cult? NLP was used on me to access my subconscious mind games. A new podcast, Exploring nlp, AKA Neuro Linguistic programming. Is it a self help miracle, a shady hypnosis scam, or both? Listen to Mind Games on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [64:44]
Gemma Speck
You can scroll the headlines all day and still feel empty. I'm Ben Higgins and if you can hear me is where culture meets the soul. Honest conversations about identity, loss, purpose, peace, faith and everything in between. Celebrities, thinkers, everyday people. Some have answers. Most are still figuring it out. And if you've ever felt like there has to be more to the story, this should show is for you. Listen to if you can hear me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.