I Trust Myself to Make the Best Decision With What I Know Now

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Psychology of Your 20s

Episode Title: I Trust Myself to Make the Best Decision With What I Know Now
Release Date: March 17, 2025
Host: Gemma Sbeg
Podcast Series: The Psychology of Your 20s
Host Platform: iHeartPodcasts

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Introduction

In the episode titled "I Trust Myself to Make the Best Decision With What I Know Now," Gemma Sbeg delves deep into the intricate psychology behind decision-making in your twenties. This period is often marked by significant life choices related to career, relationships, personal growth, and more. Gemma explores the common misconceptions about making the "perfect" decision and offers invaluable insights on overcoming decision paralysis, embracing self-trust, and navigating the uncertainties that come with this transformative decade.

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1. The Myth of the Perfect Decision

Gemma begins by challenging the pervasive belief that there exists one perfect decision at every pivotal moment in life. She emphasizes that the idea of a flawless path is not only unrealistic but also paralyzing.

• Key Points:
  • Impossibility of Perfection: Gemma asserts, "Making the most perfect decision is not actually something that we can always do because we don't always have the information that hindsight kind of provides" ([04:15]).
  • Nature of Decisions: She explains that decisions often involve choosing between equally good or equally challenging options, making the concept of a single "right" choice a misconception.
  • Consequences of the Myth: Believing in perfect decisions leads to excessive pressure, fear of regret, and ultimately, inaction.

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2. Decision Paralysis and Choice Overload

Building on the idea of imperfect choices, Gemma introduces the concept of decision paralysis or choice overload—a state where individuals feel overwhelmed by too many options, hindering their ability to make any decision at all.

• Notable Insights:
  • Overestimation of Outcomes: Gemma discusses how more options can ironically lead to less freedom and increased stress ([06:30]).
  • Emotional Overwhelm: She highlights the mental strain of constantly weighing "what if" scenarios, which detracts from peace and actionable steps.

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3. Regret: The Cost of Inaction

A pivotal segment of the episode focuses on the emotional aftermath of decisions—or the lack thereof. Gemma references a seminal study on regret, underscoring that inaction often leads to deeper and more lasting regret than any wrong action could.

• Key Quotes:

  • "You are more likely to regret inaction than action" ([09:45]).
  • "People came to resent their past self not for a choice, but for a lack of choice" ([11:20]).

• Study Insights:

  • Those who experience the most regret often reflect not on their mistakes but on the opportunities they didn't seize due to fear or hesitation.

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4. Effective Forecasting and Emotional Resilience

Gemma addresses human tendencies in effective forecasting—the flawed ability to predict future emotions and outcomes accurately.

• Main Points:
  • Emotional Extremes: We often anticipate extreme happiness or devastation based on our decisions, but reality is more nuanced ([12:10]).
  • Adaptation: Referencing a study from Deakin University, she explains that humans adapt to circumstances much faster than we expect, returning to baseline emotional states swiftly after both positive and negative events ([13:50]).
  • Resilience: Emphasizes our innate resilience and ability to navigate unforeseen challenges post-decision.

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5. Building Self-Trust

At the heart of her discussion, Gemma introduces self-trust as the cornerstone of effective decision-making.

• Definitions and Components:

  • Interpretation of Current Information: Trusting one's ability to make sense of the information available at the moment ([14:30]).
  • Future Self Empowerment: Believing that one's future self can handle the repercussions of today's decisions.

• Strategies to Foster Self-Trust:

  • Trial and Error: Encouraging a mindset of experimentation, learning from both successes and failures ([15:00]).
  • Listening to Intuition: Differentiating between genuine gut instincts and anxiety-driven thoughts to guide decisions ([15:25]).
  • Forgiveness and Grace: Adopting an attitude of self-compassion regardless of outcomes, thereby reducing fear of regret ([14:50]).

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6. Personal Reflections and Lessons Learned

Gemma shares personal anecdotes about moments when trusting herself was challenging, illustrating the practical application of her philosophy.

• Key Reflections:
  • Facing Uncertainty: Narratives about leaning into the unknown and the growth that ensued ([16:00]).
  • Overcoming Fear: Lessons on overcoming the fear of making wrong choices and embracing the journey of continuous learning ([16:30]).
  • Empowerment Through Trust: How trusting herself has empowered her to make decisions that align with her true self and values ([16:45]).

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Conclusion

In wrapping up the episode, Gemma reiterates the importance of trusting oneself in the decision-making process. She emphasizes that while no decision guarantees a perfect outcome, embracing imperfection allows for personal growth, resilience, and a richer life experience. By letting go of the unattainable quest for perfection and fostering self-trust, individuals in their twenties can navigate their formative years with confidence and authenticity.

Final Takeaways:

• Choose Action Over Inaction: When torn between options, opting to act is generally more fulfilling than remaining stagnant ([05:50]).
• Embrace Imperfection: Accept that no choice is flawless and that each decision contributes to personal growth ([07:10]).
• Cultivate Resilience: Trust in your ability to adapt and thrive regardless of the decision's outcome ([13:20]).

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Notable Quotes:

1. "Making the most perfect decision is not actually something that we can always do because we don't always have the information that hindsight kind of provides."
   — Gemma Sbeg ([04:15])

2. "You are more likely to regret inaction than action."
   — Gemma Sbeg ([09:45])

3. "Self trust is built on resilience and trying over even when it didn't go right the first time."
   — Gemma Sbeg ([14:30])

4. "The opposite of decision anxiety or anxiety in general. It's not calm, it's not peace, it's trust. Knowing that whatever happens, you are going to be okay."
   — Gemma Sbeg ([15:55])

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Final Thoughts:

Gemma Sbeg's insightful exploration into the psychology of decision-making in your twenties offers a compassionate and scientifically grounded approach to overcoming the paralyzing fear of making the "wrong" choice. By fostering self-trust and embracing the inherent uncertainties of life, listeners are empowered to navigate their twenties with greater confidence, resilience, and authenticity.

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For more episodes and insightful discussions on the psychology defining our twenties, listen to The Psychology of Your 20s on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or your preferred podcast platform.

Transcript

[Ed Helms]

Prohibition is synonymous with speakeasies, jazz flappers, and, of course, failure. I'm Ed Helms, and on season three of my podcast, Snafu, there's a story I couldn't wait to tell you. It's about an unlikely duo in the 1920s who tried to warn the public that Prohibition was going to backfire so badly it just might leave thousands dead from poison. Listen and subscribe to snafu on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Cheekies]

Hey y'all, it's your girl, Cheekies. And I'm back with a brand new season of your favorite podcast, Cheekies and Chill. I'll be sharing even more personal stories with you guys, and as always, you'll get my exclusive take on topics like love, personal growth, health, family ties, and more. And don't forget, I'll also be dishing out my best advice to you on episodes of Dear Cheekies. It's going to be an exciting year and I hope that you can join me. Listen to Cheekies and chill season four on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Dan Roth]

Ever wonder what it would be like to be mentored by today's top business leaders? My podcast this Is Working can help with that. Here's some advice from Jamie Dimon, the CEO of JPMorgan Chase, on standing out from the leadership crowd.

[Jamie Dimon]

Develop your EQ A lot of people have plenty of brains, but EQ is do you trust me? Do I communicate well? Develop the team, develop the people, create a system of trust. And it works over time.

[Dan Roth]

I'm Dan Roth, LinkedIn's editor in chief. On my podcast, this is Working Leaders Share Strategies for Success. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Tomer Cohen]

I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's chief product officer. If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, then tune in to my podcast, Building One. I speak with some of the best product builders out there.

[Dan Roth]

I've always been inspired by frustration.

[Gemma]

It came back to my own personal pinpoint, so we had to go out to farmers and convince them.

[Dan Roth]

Following that curiosity is a superpower.

[Tomer Cohen]

You have to be obsessed with the human condition.

[Ed Helms]

Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Gemma]

Hey guys, it's Gemma. First, I just want to take a moment to say how grateful I am to each and every one of you who tune into the psychology of your 20s. This show is honestly such A special space. And knowing that so many of you are listening and reflecting and growing alongside me, it really does truly mean the world. I have so many instances of people DMing me and reaching out, saying, you dropped that episode right when I needed to hear it. And I think it's because we're all so tuned into each other and so aligned in so many life experiences, which is just incredible and such a deep pride of my life, that I've created a space where all of us can come together. A couple of months ago, a few of you already know this. I launched a brand new show called Mantra, and I honestly feel like it is the perfect companion to the psychology of your twenties. Each week I introduce a new empowering phrase, one simple but powerful mantra, and then I unpack its meaning. Both what it means to me personally, how I've maybe struggled with it, how I've tried to implement it, and also what it means on a collective conscious level. This show is really deeply personal to me. It's where all the vulnerable conversations are taking place. And if you haven't had a chance to check it out yet, I'd love to invite you to listen. I also just started releasing monthly bonus episodes for Mantra on Open Mind, where I answer some questions and DMs that come through to Mantra Open Mind on Instagram. So if there's something you've been dying to ask me that I haven't done an episode on, I may just answer your question over there. I have so much in store for this season of Mantra, and I hope you'll join me over there if you haven't already. I also wanted to share a clip from one of my favorite episodes so far. I trust myself to make the best decisions with what I know now. Check it out. Okay, Reformer, Pilates aside, let's get into it. It's time for this week's Mantra. I trust myself to make the best decision with what I know. Now, a big misconception or myth that we tend to believe as humans is that there is one best decision for us to make at every single turn. And if we are to carefully observe and analyze the environment, all the context, all the information that we have, we will be able to discern what that decision is. And it's that decision that will unlock our dream life. To take that kind of further, that means that there is this perfect path through life almost. And we can obtain that perfect path by making the correct choice at every single point where we need to make a choice. Do you kind of see the impossibility of that. Because that's really what it is. It's impossible, it's improbable. Making the most perfect decision is not actually something that we can always do because we don't always have the information that hindsight kind of provides. What we tend to forget is that there really is never a perfect choice, otherwise it wouldn't be a decision. Right. Like the word decision means to resolve some kind of competition between two juxtaposed and perhaps equally good outcomes or options, or equally bad outcomes and options. I like to think about it this way. If you had to choose between two choices on a menu and one choice was your favorite meal ever, and you know, it's cooked deliciously and it's only $10, and the other dish is a food that you're allergic to, surrounded by other food you don't like, and it's out of your budget. The choice is actually quite easy. So it's not really a decision. Right. A decision only emerges when we feel torn by two alternative outcomes that have very similar pros and cons. And the reason we feel stuck in those moments is that we don't want to regret not choosing the right one. What we're battling is perfectionism. Of course it is perfectionism. You probably already guessed that. But it's also our desire, maybe even our need, to be in control and to have some assurance that it's all going to turn out okay, which is, quite honestly, something that no one can really give us. You're just going to have to see for yourself. And that's scary. But it's also really exciting when you think about it, because if you knew the outcome of every single decision that you were ever going to make from now until the day you died, what's the point of living your life genuinely? What is the actual point of waking up and going forward without a little bit of excitement and a little bit of surprise? But sometimes the possibility and grappling with the what ifs and the alternative hypotheticals, it's a scary, you know, mental environment to be in. And so we don't see it in the same way that I was just describing it. We don't see it as exciting. And in our desire to make the perfect choice, we do end up sacrificing a few things. Peace being one of them, action being the other. This specific kind of inaction that I'm talking about, it has its own name. You've probably heard of it. It's called decision paralysis or choice overload. And it explains what happens to our brain when we feel Overwhelmed by all the possibilities and all of the potential what ifs. What if it turned out this way, but what if it turned out that way? You kind of see where I'm going with that. We would think naturally that having more options would make us feel more free and more liberated. It seems that it actually does the opposite. I want to talk about one of my favorite studies ever of all time. And it's a study that was done on regret. Regret is really at the heart of this whole question of how do I trust myself when I don't have full information? Because what we're really worried about is what if I make a decision and I regret it? So this study was published almost two decades ago, but the findings still ring so very true. Basically, what this study found is that you are more likely to regret inaction than action. Time and time again across this research project, these researchers found that those who they spoke to who had the most regret in life, it didn't come from one decision. It was not a singular decision or even multiple wrong decisions that heightened their regret. It was regret from times when they had stayed stagnant because they were too scared to make a choice. They had stayed in the same place to avoid discomfort, stayed in the same job, stayed in the same relationship that they knew wasn't right for them. The same city where there were bad people, where there weren't opportunities, where they felt lonely. And eventually they came to resent their past self not for a choice, but for a lack of choice, for a lack of decision making. This is what the misplaced desire for perfection in all decisions costs us. It ends up costing us, costing us our happiness. So this is the first takeaway of the day. If you are stuck between doing and not doing something, always choose to do it. And with that, I want you to know that choosing to live imperfectly, choosing to make a choice even if you're not sure if it's the right one, it's actually going to give you so many more experiences, so many more options to learn than you would obtain from just trying really hard to make one right choice. The second thing to note when we talk about making the best decision is that as humans, research has shown that we are pretty bad at predicting what is going to make us happy or unhappy about the future due to something called effective forecasting, where we tend to think about our emotions as being more heightened or stronger in the future. So either we're going to be so much happier, incredibly happy, if everything works out the way we want it to, or we're going to be truly devastated if they don't. So really what we are, what we are stuck between is two extremes. And that means that the stakes feel especially heightened. What actually happens, though, when we make a decision, when we get to our future, regardless of what the outcome was, we actually tend to return to a pretty stable emotional state fairly quickly after good or bad things happen. So a study from Deakin University here in Australia found that actually we overestimate the intensity and the duration of how long our happiness, but also how long our misery is going to last. What we are really good at, though, is being resilient and adapting to our circumstances. We are highly adaptable creatures. So even if you may think that it's the wrong decision, most of the time you can still progress and find a way out. It's also not like once you've made a decision, you are locked into that decision for life. You can change your mind. You are allowed to change your mind. Also, I always pose this hypothetical to people who have found themselves regretting past actions or past choices. I get so many messages from people saying, I'm so upset at myself for doing this. I feel like I've completely ruined my life. I feel like I can link everything back to that time five years ago. How do you know that that choice didn't save you from an even worse fate? How do you know that this actually wasn't the better outcome? You can't. And the chances are you're coping with it better than what a previous version of you would have thought you could cope with. So if we can't ever truly know what is going to make us happy or how things are going to work out, how do we still make the best decisions? Because it is important to still put some thought into it. Well, what it comes down to is self trust. I love self trust. It is one of my favorite concepts. But basically what it means is that you trust your ability to interpret the information you have now. But you also trust your future self to handle whatever comes their way. You are not so focused on trying to make grand predictions. Instead, you go forward with the information you have currently available to you. And you also go forward with an attitude of forgiveness and grace. If it doesn't end up being what you wanted all along, you forgive yourself for not knowing. And with that you have greater acceptance for whatever is going to be. Each of us, I think, has a very ancient and deep intuition for what we know is right. You can kind of feel it in your body. You can feel it by where your thoughts keep returning to by your emotions, but we can become detached from that in modern society. So to get our way back to trust and trusting our intuition. I do think it's a process of trial and error. Letting yourself be led by your gut instinct and just seeing whether it's right and self correcting, going back and learning, okay, what reactions did I listen to that I maybe shouldn't have listened to? What reactions were happening to oppose those reactions that are actually maybe my gut instinct. If that makes sense. You want to also start asking, you know, can I trust the little voice in my head? Is that voice my intuition or is it my anxiety when I listen to it and I follow its directive, do I end up happier or not? Self trust is also built on resilience and trying over even when it didn't go right the first time. You know, if we were defined by one failure, one poor choice, one bad decision and that was where you stayed, almost all of the world would still be where they were when they were teenagers, afraid to never try again. But we do. We face failure, we face bad decisions and we overcome them. And people go into create to see to do amazing things and they learn how to better judge what's right for them and also trust that they'll be capable anyway even if they fail. That is why I always say that the opposite of decision anxiety or anxiety in general. It's not calm, it's not peace, it's trust. Knowing that whatever happens, you are going to be okay. You'll manage, you'll find your way through. You are going to make the most of your situation. We've already talked so much about embracing the wisdom we already hold, trusting our intuition to letting go of the pressure to make the perfect decision. This mantra is all about showing up with confidence, accepting that we are doing our best with what we know right now, and knowing that growth comes from trusting the process as well as ourselves, even when the path feels uncertain. So coming up up let's Get Personal. I'm going to share some moments when trusting myself felt really, really difficult and the lessons I've learned from leaning into uncertainty and how this mantra has shaped the way I make choices today. Stay tuned after this brief pause. Now that we've looked at the meaning behind today's mantra, it's time to get personal with you guys and share some of my own insights and reflections about this phrase. I trust myself to make the best decision with what I know now. Thank you so much for listening to catch the rest of this episode and honestly, so much more Search for Mantra wherever you get your podcasts. We'll also drop a link in the Show Notes, of course, and as always, make sure to follow Mantra to help others discover the show. Talk soon.

[Ed Helms]

Prohibition is synonymous with speakeasies, jazz flappers, and, of course, failure. I'm Ed Helms, and on season three of my podcast, Snafu, there's a story I couldn't wait to tell you. It's about an unlikely duo in the 1920s who tried to warn the public that prohibition was going to backfire so badly it just might leave thousands dead from poison. Listen and subscribe to snafu on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Cheekies]

Hey y'all, it's your girl, Cheekies. And I'm back with a brand new season of your favorite podcast, Cheekies and Chill. I'll be sharing even more personal stories with you guys, and as always, you'll get my exclusive take on topics like love, personal growth, health, family ties, and more. And don't forget, I'll also be dishing out my best advice to you on episodes of Dear Cheekies. It's going to be an exciting year and I hope that you can join me. Listen to Cheekies and chill season four on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Dan Roth]

Ever wonder what it would be like to be mentored by today's top business leaders? My podcast this Is Working can help with that. Here's some advice from Jamie Dimon, the CEO of JPMorgan Chase, on standing out from the leadership crowd.

[Jamie Dimon]

Develop your EQ A lot of people have plenty of brains, but EQ is do you trust me? Do I communicate well? Develop the team, develop the people. Create a system of trust. And it works over time.

[Dan Roth]

I'm Dan Roth, LinkedIn's editor in chief. On my podcast this is Working Leaders Share Strategies for Success. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Tomer Cohen]

I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's chief product officer. If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, then tune into my podcast Building One. I speak with some of the best product builders out there.

[Dan Roth]

I've always been inspired by frustration. It came back to my own personal.

[Gemma]

Pain point, so we had to go out to farmers and convince them.

[Dan Roth]

Following that, curiosity is a superpower.

[Tomer Cohen]

You have to be obsessed with the human condition.

[Ed Helms]

Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts.