← The Rachel Hollis Podcast
The Rachel Hollis Podcast
936 | 5 Reasons You Keep Quitting On Yourself (and how to stop!)
00:48:23
Fan Fave Replay Original Air Date - December 16, 2024 Rise is Back! Get your tickets while they last! - Live Events!! Upgrade to the Ad Free Premium Podcast Experience - https://rachelhollis.supercast.com Have you ever wondered why so many people give up on their dreams? In this episode, we’re diving into the five biggest reasons people quit—and more importantly, how you can avoid falling into the same traps. Whether it’s fear of failure, lack of support, or feeling stuck when the road gets tough, we’ll unpack the hidden obstacles that hold people back and share actionable advice to help you stay motivated, focused, and on track. If you’ve ever felt like giving up on a goal, this episode is for you. Let’s turn those doubts into determination! Get your copy of Rachel's Book Here: Audible, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Millon, Bookshop.org, or wherever books are sold! 00:00 Stop Wasting Energy on Naysayers 01:02 Introduction to the Podcast 01:42 Why People Give Up on Their D...
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If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. Stop giving energy to people who cannot see your vision. Stop trying to paint the picture of what the future looks like to people who cannot see. Stop. It is a waste of energy. It's a waste of resources. And all of a sudden your dream becomes about convincing other people that the dream is a good idea. It is gonna take everything you've got to make this dream come true. It's gonna take everything. It's gonna take grit, tenacity, determination, heart, soul, courage. It's gonna take it all. And you're not gonna have it all to give. If you're spending your time trying to convince Meemaw that this is a great idea, convince yourself and go make a decision and go. Stop putting time and energy and resources into what they think.
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Hey guys, I'm Rachel Hollis and this is the show where we talk about life, real life. Around here. We cover everything from habits and motivation to relationships, parenting, and what it looks like to build a life that you love. If you're trying to grow, heal, or just feel a little bit more like yourself, you're in the right place.
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Hi guys, it's Rach. Welcome to another episode of the podcast and a Conversation for the Dreamers. This conversation is specifically for any of you who feel like you have got to the end of the year and the dream has died out. Maybe you started 2024 feeling really excited, feeling really motivated and life got in the way, or life kicked your butt, or you just fell off course, you fell off track. Maybe you went all in on something and you've made Some mistakes. And you're really close to giving up, or perhaps you already have. I want to have a conversation about why people give up on their dreams to see if any of these resonate with you. And also, obviously, to pump you up in the other direction so that you don't give up on the dream. Because if there is one thing I know for sure about pursuing success in any area of your life, and it is that tenacity is the key. The willingness to go again, the willingness to stand up and try, the willingness to believe in yourself one more time, and then one more time after that, and then one more time after that. That really is the key. So perhaps this is finding you as I'm recording it at the end of 2024, or perhaps this is finding you on the exact day that you need it in whatever year it happens to be. And you just need someone to say, don't give up. That's what I'm here to do today. I would love to explore the five reasons that people give up on their dreams. This is actually a keynote speech that I used to give at Rise Conference. So if you've ever been to a Rise conference with me, you have heard some version of this keynote. But given that I haven't done a Rise Conference in five years, I feel like even if you've heard it before, there's going to be some value in it for you. Today. Let's dig in. Let's talk about the five reasons that people give up on their dreams and what you can do to not be one of them. These are in no particular order, but I do think this one is a really powerful motivator to get people to quit. And that is. A voice of authority tells you no. A voice of authority tells you no. Someone that you have put in a position of authority or that your business has put in a position of authority, or society has put in a position of authority. They tell you that the dream sucks. They tell you that you're not strong enough. They tell you this, that, and the other thing, whatever it is that they tell you, you interpret the meaning of that conversation or that rejection to be that you are not supposed to pursue this dream, that this is not the goal for you. Because a voice of authority told you no. This has killed more dreams than Simon Cowell on American Idol. A voice of authority. This is particularly powerful for any of us who were not raised to trust our own inner wisdom. We're not raised to have a faith in ourself. We were raised to have faith in someone who Knew better. Whether that was mom and Daddy or someone at church or someone who was older, it's super common. And man, it's keeping so many people from being as great as they could be. I was almost one of those people. So when I finally finished my very first book, which is a fiction book called Party Girl, about the years when I was an event planner, when I first finished that book, I really believed in my heart that if I could just finish a manuscript, then I would be a published author. Like, I really believe that the only thing that was standing between me and this dream that I had was my ability to finish. So I had told myself the story that if I could only finish, then I would be a New York Times bestseller and then Pulitzer would call and then I'd have all of these offers for my writing and it's just absolutely not the case. But I didn't know. And so I really thought, okay, all I've got to do is finish. And if you have ever tried to write a book, there's a very strong chance that you have tried to write 20 books. Most writers I know do not start with one piece. They start with lots of things. They start and stop. They get three chapters in on one and five chapters in on another. And they rarely finish anything. So I told myself this story, man, the only thing that you have to do to become a published author is finish the book. So I finished the book and I just wait for the magic to happen. And I found a literary agent. She sent the book out to all the publishers that were available at that time. And all but two rejected the book. And that was a bummer. But I had two, right? I had two people that were willing to have a call with me and talk to me about this book. And I got on these calls and y', all, I was so innocent and bright eyed and bushy tailed and so excited that there was someone in publishing who wanted to have a conversation with me. And both calls went basically the same, which was telling me, like, the book's like a really great star and like we think it could be really cool. And both said some version of it's really sweet. The book is really sweet. And I remember saying, oh my, oh my gosh, thank you. Like, that's what I was trying to do. I was trying to write a book that was very sweet. Sweet. And they were like, no, sweet is not a good thing. And it just so happened. This was right when 50 Shades of Gray had become a phenomenon. And you can think what you like about that book. You Cannot deny the fact that it was a massive bestseller. I can't even imagine how many copies it sold all around the world. It was huge. And the book is very steamy, to say the least. And my book, my first fiction book, not steamy at all. It was very sweet. It was about a girl moving to la. She wanted to be a party planner. It was very much based on my real life. And in that book, she does find love. She falls in love with somebody, but it was. There were no sex scenes. There was nothing sexy about this book. And so I realized on both of these calls, what the publisher is essentially asking me is, we think there's a really good idea here. We are only interested in this book if. If you can spice it up, can you make it less sweet? Can you make it more steamy? Can you make it, you know, something more like 50 shades of gray? And I remembered it feeling like an After School Special. And if you're old enough to remember an After School Special, I hope you're using a night serum, because only the oldies will know what I'm talking about. But it felt like an After School Special. Like, they were like, if you just do this one thing, then all of your dreams will come true. And I have nothing against a sexy book. Like, I have. Oh, my gosh, I'm here for all of them. But it's not my style of writing. It's not really something I knew how to do. I definitely wouldn't have had the courage to do it back then. I definitely didn't want to do it on my very first book. And so I found myself in this situation where I realized to say no to this opportunity, to say no to what they wanted from me, meant that I would not get a book deal. And so I had to politely decline both offers to sex up my book. And in doing so, and saying no to those two opportunities, not only did I lose the opportunity to publish my first book, I also lost my literary agent. Because she was like, well, this girl's cold product. Nobody wants her. Nobody likes her book. I'm done. Wonder where that literary agent is today. Curious. Anyway, I remember it was a Friday evening. It was the very last day, the very last publisher had said no. And you maybe have heard me tell this story. I went into my bathroom, I closed the door, and I slid down the wall, like, legitimately crying back against the wall, slid down to the floor. I can see it so clearly in my mind, sitting in the room, staring at the toilet and just bawling, because I genuinely thought that My dream was dead because, y', all, when I tell you that every publisher, every publisher in North America did not want the book I had written. And so I was like, well, I'm done. It took everything in me to get this book out of my brain, and now nobody wants to turn it into a book. So I'm down on the floor, I'm crying, and I hear this voice. Inner wisdom, God, an ancestor. I don't know, say, well, you already did the hard part. You did the hard part. And I realized, yeah, I did do the hard. I did the hard part. I wrote 90,000 words. I did the hardest part. And there was something about that phrase like, well, you already did. You did the work. What, are you just gonna let it b. And I got up off the floor, and I walked to the kitchen, got a little box wine. I'm not gonna lie. That was back in my boxed wine days. Oh, man. I got myself a little box wine, and I went over to my computer and I googled, how do you self publish a book? And this is 2013, guys. It is much easier to figure out how to self publish today, 2013. You had to do some digging. But I thought, you know, my dream was just to be able to hold a finished book in my hands. And if that is my dream, well, I can make that come true for myself. I don't need those publishers to buy into the dream in order for my version of this dream to become true. So I figured out how to self publish my book, and I self published Party Girl. And, you know, the COVID like, literally the COVID of that book is me. I couldn't afford a model, so I was like, what body part could sort of look like a girl in her 20s? And I'm like, well, my ankles aren't bad. I had someone come over. We rolled out a big piece of white paper. I borrowed some pink heels from a friend of mine. I stood on this white paper, and one of the people who worked at the blog with me, she. She took a picture of it, and that was the COVID of the book. I made the COVID of my first book. In a word doc. I didn't spell check properly. I didn't grab. I didn't know you could hire a freelance editor to help you make it better. I didn't. I just, like, got her done. You know, I got her done and got the book out into the world. I put it out on Valentine's Day, February 14, 2014. And what's funny about that is I didn't know that all books come out on Tuesdays, had no idea. So Valentine's Day was like a Wednesday or Thursday or whatever, but put it out. And I'm gonna guess I maybe sold 100 copies. I don't know for sure. I'm going to guess I maybe sold 100 copies. That was based on the people who read my blog at the time. I know my husband at the time, like, bought a box of books and, like, hid them in the garage. And y', all, I could not have been happier. I was tickled pink. I cried the first time I held that book in my hand. I was so proud of myself. Fast forward six months that book to no doing of my own had been passed around from friend to friend. People were telling each other about it. Kept growing, kept growing, kept growing. Six months in, I get a call from a publisher who says, hey, we can see that your book is selling really well. We think we can help you with it, and we think it's a series. We don't think this is a standalone book. We think this is a series. I had never, ever occurred to me that it might be a series of books. And I was so ecstatic. And I signed with them, and I wrote two more books in that series. And I tell that story because the people telling me no for my dream to be an author, the people telling me no, it wasn't like mom and Daddy. It wasn't a friend who didn't know better. It was the authority figures in the field. It was the smartest people in publishing who were telling me that nobody would read the book. They said, this is not the trend. Nobody's going to read this sweet little book. People are looking for something different. And they said no. If I had listened to them, if I listened to the experts, if I listened to the authority figures, I would still have that book on my computer. Signing the deal with that publisher launched my career. That book led to the other books, led to the cookbooks, led to eventually, girl, wash your face. Led to the life that I live today. This podcast that I am recording for you and the fact that you even, even know my name is because I decided that the authority figure did not get a say in my life. I heard a preacher say once, stop giving people in the cheap seats an expensive opinion in your life. How many of you are giving someone in the cheap seats, Someone who's sitting in the back row, someone who is not doing the work, someone who is not in the arena, someone who is not fighting, is not striving, is not doing their absolute, very best to follow this dream, how many of you are giving them the most powerful and expensive opinion in your life? Someone in the cheap seats. You know how you slice up an apple for the kids and then like 10 minutes later because they're little and they didn't eat it, the apple's now brown and now they won't eat it because they think there's something wrong with it. That is not the case with Opal apples. These bright yellow beauties stay naturally crisp and non browning. No preservatives, no tricks, just nature doing its thing. They're also packed with the good stuff. Fiber, vitamin C, antioxidants, everything you'd want from a wholesome, real fruit snack that fuels your day. Guys, they're sweet, they're crisp, they're juicy, they're refreshing. It's the perfect apple. And I'm a little bit partial. My grandma's name was Opal, so I feel like anything with her name on it is always going to be good for me. You can find Opal apples in the produce section of your favorite grocery store or on instacart.com visit opal apples.com to learn more. I think too. You know, I've told this story so many times over the years, but I think the powerful lesson in that for me now two things pop into my brain. One is that nobody knows what's going to trend. I don't care. I don't care who is like the futurist and they figure out the market and whatever people who are following what is trending now, you are already too late. And trying to guess what is going to trend in the future is a losing battle because everything is changing and ebbing and growing and it's all just move so fast. You don't know what's going to be a thing. But you know what you're excited about and you know what you care about and you know what you think is cool. Focus in on those things. The reason nobody wanted Party Girl was because it was too sweet. And that is the exact reason it ended up succeeding. Because there were a whole group of people who wanted something that was sweet. They wanted something that they could give to their 17 year old daughter and not feel weird. You know, I had these like young women coming up to me at book signings. I promise you that. You know the person who had written the Super Sexy Book 2 Two Tables down at the multi author signing, we had very different audiences who were waiting for us to sign. Nothing wrong with that, but there is a place for us all. But if you try and chase a trend, or if you try and copy what someone else is doing, you're never going to find your own voice and you're never going to find your own community. And I don't think it's possible to experience real and lasting success because you don't know who you are. You're just trying to copy the market. So that's the first thing I'll say. But the second thing I'll say is I found my path because I was focused on what my dream was, not what the market said my dream should be. My dream was holding a book in my hand. Literally. I was not thinking, I want to self publish because I'm going to go find my own audience. That didn't even occur to me. I knew I had people who read the blog and I thought maybe a few of them might want to read a fiction book. But that wasn't my aim. My aim was I wanted to hold a book I had written. I dreamed about that for so long. That was my dream. That dream was achievable. But the only way I knew how to get a book printed was to self publish it. By focusing in on what you are interested in or on what your dream is like the specificity of your dream versus what the market thinks it should be. Man, that's where the magic is. That's how you move forward. Couple of thoughts on this before I move on to the next reason that people give up on their dreams. A question that I've gotten over the years is something along the lines of if the authority figure is my husband, if the authority figure is mom and daddy, if the authority figure is someone whose opinion I value and I feel really hurt and really disappointed that they are not supporting me, should I confront them? Should I challenge them on where their support is? Should I talk this through? And ultimately that is a decision for you. You know your relationship better than I do. You know the people in your life and how they'll respond to that. But if you're asking your girl, Rach, absolutely not. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. Stop giving energy to people who cannot see your vision. Stop trying to paint the picture of what the future looks like to people who cannot see, stop. It is a waste of energy, it's a waste of resources. And all of a sudden your dream becomes about convincing other people that the dream is a good idea. It is gonna take everything you've got to make this dream come true. It's gonna take everything. It's gonna take Grit and tenacity, determination, heart, soul, courage. It's going to take it all and you're not going to have it all to give. If you're spending your time trying to convince me, Ma, that this is a great idea, convince yourself and go make a decision and go. Stop putting time and energy and resources into what they think. You know what I've been thinking about lately? This occurred to me yesterday and I was like, oh, thank you for this word. You know, I'm. I'm not going to say this to people because I'm polite, but I have this, this thought and I think maybe it could be helpful to some of you. I did not ask for your opinion. I did not ask for your opinion. I do a job that is very public facing. Right. I have a book coming out and I have this podcast and I have all these people in my life, people who work with you, publishers and agents and publicists. There's just like so many people when you're building up to launch a book. I was on a call yesterday. It was a group of people who work with me. And I'll tell you what the person said. I was just like, I'm like, people are wild. The things that they say to me. And probably the things like, you'll have your version of this. They were like, you know, it's just like, it's so great that the book's coming out because there's just been so much negative press and like so much trauma that you've lived through. And it would just really be great if those things went to a lower page on Google. And it's wild because what they're talking about is my children's father passing away and how traumatic that was and how hard that was. And people say these things so flippantly, you guys. And I just sit on these and I'm like, okay, this is wild. But I got off that call and. And obviously it, like, it hurt my heart because the people pleaser in me thinks like, okay, like, I don't. Well, I don't freaking know how to fix that. I can't. You know, I'm just over here doing my thing. I had this realization where I was like, wow, I have accidentally gotten myself into a career where a lot of people, both people I know and people I do not know, like to give me their opinion on what to do next. They like to tell me what to do next. They like to tell me what I've done wrong. People love to tell me what I've done wrong. They like to tell Me what they would like to see, they would like to. And I. I had this, like, epiphany yesterday. I'm like, my goodness, I am not asking for your opinion. I didn't ask. I didn't call a meeting. I didn't ask. I didn't. I didn't ask for your opinion. And yet I get the opinion all the time. And then I had this trip out because so often I tell you guys, you know, like, I wrote about this in girl, wash your face that my therapist said to me years ago, someone else's opinion is none of your business. And it's the first time it's occurring to me that there are plenty of people who are giving us their opinions when we didn't ask for it. How often is the authority figure trying to tell you something, and you're like, what now? If you go to them and you say, hey, here's my business plan. Here's what I'm thinking about doing? What do you think you have opened yourself? You open that can of worms, you better be ready to go fishing. You're going to have a lot of worms to work with. But if you're just going along in life, doing your thing, trying to stay focused, putting your energy in the right place, and someone tries to give you their opinion about it, but you didn't ask, I don't actually have an answer for you yet about how I'm going to respond. But I noticed it for the first time yesterday. I noticed that that is what was happening. Cause I was having the best day. We had this great photo shoot for some stuff that we're doing on the website. Was really excited. I was working with this amazing team of women. I brought Noah to the shoot because I was like, oh, this is so cool. There's so many incredible women. It's all women doing this thing. There's like, food stylists and photographer and, like, prop master. Like, just really cool stuff. And I. I brought her, and she brought a little camera. And she was like. Because I said, I want you to see all these women. And then as we were there, I'm like, oh, no. Like, go help her. And like, go do this. And it was so cool. But I was having the best day and then got this call. Then someone just, like, threw that out, you know, like, oh, we just really love, like, would love. It's gonna be great to have new press in here. So, like, this isn't what people talk about. So weird. Like, I'm like, you were talking about the death of my children's Father, but thank you. It's worth noting when you're doing your own thing, when you're focused, when your energy's in the right place, when you're doing exactly what you should be doing, and out of the blue, energetically, something shows up to throw you off. I don't know if y' all ever experienced this. I experienced this a lot. And I am going to take this as a sign of testing my mettle. Number one, I'm vowing to stand up for it the next time something like that happens, where someone tries to shut down something I'm doing, or they try to add their opinion, or they say something negative like, I'm just going to be like, oh, wow, didn't ask for your opinion. I probably won't say that I'm not that confrontational, but I'm going to find a polite way to tell them to right off. Yeah, I don't know if this is going to resonate with you guys, but I just felt the need to say it. Like, I'm going to see these as signs that the universe is that wants to see how focused I am. It wants to see how much I mean this. Because if I can be thrown off by the opinion of some random agent saying some stupid thing, if I can go into this tailspin like, oh my gosh, like I don't know how to. Man, I was having such a good day. Be careful about giving people in the cheap seats an expensive opinion in your life. The people who are trying to throw their opinion on me, People are trying to throw their opinion on you. They're not in this with us. They're not in the. You wanna link arms with me and try and like move forward and do some stuff, then you get to talk to me about how hard it is to move through the slog. Otherwise. Ooh, you better focus in on yourself. You better keep that energy for yourself. Cause you're gonna need it.
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I told you guys that I brought
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the on the counter Aquasana filter out into my new office.
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We are out in the country now, so we're on well water, which is great, but I also just want to
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make sure that it's clean. Aquasana's advanced Filtration removes harmful contaminants while preserving the beneficial minerals. So every sip supports better hydration. Visit aquasana.com and use promo code RACH for up to 50% off select systems. That's a Q U A S A N A.com promo code R A C H Aquasana. Healthy living starts with healthy water.
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Next reason why people give up on their dreams? Somebody else beats you to it. The second reason why people give up on their dreams. Somebody else beats you to it. Someone else already did it. To this one very simple answer I'm going to tell you. Everything has been done. Everything's been done. It has been done. It has been done. But it hasn't been done by you. Hasn't been done with your story, with your information from your community, with your unique humor, with your unique telling ability. Whatever it is, guys, it hasn't been done by you. The amount of women who've come up to me over the last five years and said some version of like, you wrote my story. Girl, wash your face is my story. That's my story. They'll be like, this is the exact lie. Like, I'd love to write a book. But you already wrote it. I'm like, girl, you what? First of all, no. Because if you grew up with my mom and daddy, we need to be in some group therapy together. Secondly, I didn't write your story. I wrote a story that is maybe similar, but your version of that is going to be totally different. And the world needs your story. The world needs your unique perspective. Because all any of us can ever do is our version of the small town bakery, is our version of seventh grade math teacher, is our version of starting the non profit. That's all any of us can ever do. We need your version of that. Not ours, yours. So telling yourself that you shouldn't follow the dream because someone else has already done it is an excuse. It is a massive excuse that you tell yourself so you don't have to face the fact that you're afraid. Or so you don't have to face the fact that it's scary to have some kind of competition in your own mind. It is an excuse, plain and simple. Everything has been done. It's all been done. So yeah, I think on that one, stop kidding yourself. That's a really flimsy excuse and it's keeping you from a better life. Okay? The third reason that people give up on their dreams, it's hard. It's hard. It's too hard. It's so hard to do this Whatever it is, whatever it is that you are chasing down, it is so freaking impossible to do the thing that you are trying to do. It's hard to. This one I say this is not an excuse. This is a reality. It is so difficult to have a future that is better than your past. It is so difficult to choose the right step again and again and again. It is so difficult because of whatever circumstances you find yourself inside of as you pursue this new thing. It is so freaking hard. That's real. And it's the price of admission. It's the price of admission. It is hard for everyone. Yes, maybe there are some kids whose parents are billionaires and they got a. They got. They started on third base and like they got. Yes, maybe, maybe. But then they don't have the things that you have. They don't have the skills that you have. They don't have the street smarts that you have. It's hard for everybody. But you know what? Mediocrity is hard. Living the same year over and over and over and over is hard. Not ever improving is hard. Staying right here is hard. It's just comfortable. That's the difference. It's just more comfortable with this hard that you know. It's more comfortable with this hard that you're super familiar with that you've been doing the same way for the last decade. This is a hard that you know. And we talk about this a lot. People will stay inside of a familiar hell rather than reach for an unfamiliar heaven. Because the unfamiliar heaven, you don't know the circumstances of that. You don't know if it's going to make things better or worse. So you would rather stay here with a hard that you know. Okay, so if it feels too hard, I have some ideas for you. Number one, how do you eat an elephant? Say it with me. One bite at a time. You need to break this big, hard, crazy dream down into small, actionable pieces. Small bite sized pieces. In my book, Girl, Stop Apologizing, which hopefully you have read. Don't worry, you don't need to get it. I'm going to give you like a Cliffs Notes right here. There is this whole chapter about a roadmap and there's lots of frameworks for how to achieve a goal. Go look some up. But my favorite is to start with the end in mind. Make the goal the dream. This idea that you have, make that your finish line. And then my thing is how do we create a roadmap between where we are and where we want to go? So if the dream Is I want to be a published author. That's the finish line. And then I have this whole roadmap between where I am and becoming a finished author. I like to divide that into three big chunks. I call these mile markers. So mile one, mile two, mile three. And again, I work backwards from the main goal. There's, like, graphs and illustrations in that book. Go grab your copy. Like, go. It's on your bookshelf. Like, go grab it and look at it again as we break down this roadmap. But the idea is that you keep starting with where you want to end up. So the final goal is, I want to be a published author. If there are three miles in this map between where you are and where you want to go, what would be the last big mile before you become a published author? And then what would be the second mile? What would be the thing that would happen before that last big mile? And then finally, what's the first big mile marker that you would need to pass on this roadmap? Essentially, you break the big goal down into three more manageable goals, and then you break those three more manageable goals down into teeny, tiny steps, and you ask yourself, what is the next right thing for me to do? What is the next step that I need to take that gets me closer to that goal? Because no matter how far away it is, it is something that can be broken down, and therefore, it is something that can be achieved. The next thing I would tell you to do, if you're feeling like the dream is too hard, is you gotta get around some other dreamers. You've got to get around people who have achieved something similar or have achieved something in the same category, have achieved something in the same industry. You have to be around. Around people who are at a further mile marker than you are. You have to be. Because if you are hanging out with Huzy and Wutzy from back in the day, if you're hanging out with, like, the high school friends who are still doing the same crap that you guys did in high school, and you're wondering why you can't progress, it is because you are rising to the level of those around you. Have you ever thought about the fact that birds of prey, eagles and hawks and peregrine falcons, fly higher than the birds in our garden? They fly higher than sparrows, they fly higher than crows. They fly higher than pigeons because they're birds of prey. You're trying to be an eagle. Your dream has you at eagle status. You're trying to be an eagle, but you're flying with a bunch of pigeons. It's no wonder your wings aren't very strong. It's no wonder you don't know how to get higher up. It's no wonder you have no one to teach you. You have no one that's even working on that effort. You must, must, must be around people that are accelerating their growth, that are trying to become a better version of themselves. Because who you hang out with is who you become. So if it feels hard, get around some people who have gone before. Yes, it's hard, but you're a badass. Stop crying about it. Get up and go again. Sometimes you need someone to hold your hand, and sometimes you need someone. In this case, it's going to be me reminding you that you are a badass. You have lived through tougher than this. You have been created for this exact moment. And you get to decide right now if you stand up and go again or if you lay here and stay here. We both know that you're going to stand up and go again. We both know it. So save yourself six months and stand up now. The fourth reason that people give up on their dreams? It's taking too long. It's taking too long. You've been at it for a year. You've been at it for five years. You've been at it for 10 years. Though I actually think more commonly now, people have been at it for two months and they're frustrated that they haven't seen better results. My favorite quote for you in this is something I heard Tony Robbins say a very long time ago. He said, people overestimate what they can accomplish in a year and underestimate what they can accomplish in a decade. And truer words have never been spoken. If you look at what you've done in the last 12 months, you might be bummed because you wish that you were further along. But if you look at how far you've come in the last five years or the last 10 years, you'll astound yourself. I am an enneagram3. I am a high achiever. I am constantly pushing myself and trying forever to balance being grounded, being calm, going with the flow, being great with what is all that stuff. That being said, it's very easy for me to get caught up in thinking that my last 12 months should have been better, cooler, stronger. Like, it's ridiculous. I've written a book, edited a book, about to have a book come out. Like, how many podcast episodes have we done? My kids are thriving. Like, there's just so many Things that I can look back and be like, good job, Rach. But my instinct is to constantly think, could have done better. But even I. If I look at where I was at 31 versus where I am at 41, even I am like, okay, okay. Good for you, sis. Good for you. At 31, I was doing the blog. My. I mean, just personal style was abysmal. I didn't know how to do this eye makeup. Still not perfect, but it's better than it was. I didn't know myself. I wasn't as healthy as I am. I wasn't as calm as I am. I just, like, I wasn't anywhere near as good of a mom as I am today. Oh, my gosh. Like, I just. I've gotten so much better in so many ways. I have a million percent 10x my life based on where I was 10 years ago. We overestimate what we can accomplish in a year and underestimate what we can accomplish in 10 years. It's gonna take a minute. It takes a minute. It takes a lot longer than a minute to be real. Now, I will add this in. If you feel like. If you're being, like, super honest with yourself and you have been working, working, working, working for years with an S, and you're still not seeing results, it's not that the dream is wrong. It's not that you are wrong. It's that your action plan is all wrong. If you're doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, it's the definition of crazy. Don't change the dream. And don't assume that something is wrong with you. Assume that the pursuit is flawed. And it can be flawed by the way you are going about that thing, or it can be flawed like you actually aren't yet the person who can pull the dream off. Some of you think it's all about the action that you take. Like, well, I do this, this, this, and this, and I'm not getting results. And maybe it's not those actions. Maybe it's actually you. I've got another Tony quote for you, which is, all of the problems in a business or a company or a family are the results of the psychology of the person at the top. Let me say that again. Every single problem in a business, in a family, in a relationship are the results of the psychology of the people at the top. So if you want better results, change the person at the top, which in this case is you. Maybe it's about your growth and your development. Maybe it has nothing to do with becoming A better real estate agent or knowing how to do TikTok to sell houses in your community or better marketing to the local peeps maybe has nothing to do with that and everything to do with. Do you think you deserve this success? Do you think you deserve this thing that you want so much? Do you have the psychology to pull it off? Are you strong enough? Do you have the connections that you need? Do you have the self belief that you need? Maybe it has nothing to do with better marketing and everything to do with better mastery of yourself. So yeah, it takes a long time, but as long as you are making progress, you are moving in the right direction. The last reason that people give up on their dreams. I'm sure there are so many, but I'm only doing five today. One of the last reasons that people give up on their dreams is that a short term failure becomes a long term decision. You've experienced a short term setback and have decided this is the new place that you take up residence. You've experienced something short term and given it full authority in your life. Failure is part of it, guys. Failure is part of this journey. I don't care what it is you are trying to do, failing is part of it. Can you take ownership of that experience? When we did Rise conference, we used to have three days and the first day was own your past. The second day was own your present and the third day was own your future. And it was all about taking ownership of who you are and where you are and what comes next. And some people are freaked out by that idea. There's a chapter in the new book that asks, are you the problem? Are you the problem? And I was on a podcast interview and someone said, man, can you unpack that? That's a really hard thing to hear that we might be the problem. I'm like, oh, you're always the problem. Because y', all, if you are the problem, you are also the solution. Taking ownership of your experience and your life means that you are down to admit when you are wrong to talk. Yep, I did that. Messed up, gonna continue, keep going. I'm gonna learn from this. I'm gonna grow from the. Hey, you know buddy, I'm sorry that I. I'm sorry that mom got frustrated. I'm gonna do better next time, like own the experience. And by the way, can we own both sides of it? Because women are freaking legendary at owning all the things that we messed up on and beating ourself up endlessly for how we messed up, but not owning the things we did right. In fact, I'm going to challenge you to do something we used to do at conference, which is to write a letter to yourself from your tenacity. Write a letter to yourself from the part of you that kept going, from the part of you that never gave up. Dear Beth, I am your tenacity, and this is what I want you to know. Dear Rachel, I am your grit, and here is how I showed up for you. Dear Sasha, I am your perseverance, and this is what I got us through. I am the one who put us through school. I am the one that helped Mama when she was sick. I am the one that got through five years of college. I am the one who built this business. Write a letter to yourself from yourself and account for all the awesome stuff you have done. We are so freaking great at admitting how we suck. Oh, I mess up on this and I should be a better mom. And I shouldn't have eaten that thing. And I definitely should have run an ironman by now and I should stop. Amazing. Take ownership of the experience and admit when you mess up. But can you also give yourself credit for the things you have done, for the distance you have traveled? You have done incredible things, and you will continue to do incredible things unless you decide that you messed up or you waited too long or you gave up or you fell off the wagon or whatever, and this is it for you. How ridiculous. And remember, I talked about those. Those opinions. Other people like giving us their opinion. The people in your life, especially the mediocre people, the people who don't get it, the people who don't see the vision, they love to remind us of how we messed up in the past. They love that because they're scared. Whether they're scared and wanting to protect you or scared for their own reasons, they are operating from a place of scarcity and fear. And so they want to give you their scarcity and fear to share. And we don't have to say it out loud because we're not rude, but I just want you to think in your head, huh? I did not ask for your opinion. Wise counsel is powerful. Someone that can be an accountability partner is powerful. Someone you can trust is powerful. There are people in my life whose opinions I admire, whose opinions I want, whose counsel I seek out, what I think we have to be on the lookout for are those people who try and weigh in on something that is none of their business. This area here, this is my business. That area over there, that's your business. Feel free to just hang out in your own Zone. We're not stopping here. We're not stopping here. No way. You've come so far on this journey. Don't you dare give up now. Don't you dare. If you can't do it for who you are today, find someone that you can stand back up for. Stand back up for your kids. Stand back up for your babies if you don't have kids, stand back up for who you were when you were 10. If that doesn't resonate, stand up for who you're gonna be when you're 70. If that doesn't resonate for you, do it for who you're gonna be at 72. If that doesn't resonate, if it's not enough to do it for yourself, do it for someone in your community who needs you. Do it for a kid like you, who needs someone to show up for him because nobody showed up for you. You know how it feels. Do it for the kids in your class. Do it for the people on your team at work. Do it for the other members of the congregation. Do it for the other women. Do it for your daughters. Do it for your sons. Find a stronger why you're gonna come back here again. You will. There's no way you made it through an entire hour long podcast about not giving up on your dreams. There's no way that the person who did that is gonna give up forever. Which means you are absolutely gonna find yourself here again looking for motivation. So just save yourself the time. Find a why that is strong enough to go again. Even if the why you got to find is proving those mother wrong. Find a why. There are so many freaking reasons why you could give up on this dream and one major reason why you shouldn't. Because the divine source that put this idea on your heart and put this potential in your body, the divine source who did that, did it because you have the ability to make it manifest. You, not them, not the people in the cheap seats, not your mother in law, not your big sister. You. And I don't know how you're going to get there. And you don't have to know how you're going to get there, but you have to stand up and go again. Guys, I hope that this conversation was helpful for you. So much of the work I've done over the last decade is about hopefully giving you ideas that inspire you. The new book comes out on January 7th. We're doing a book tour all throughout January. Check out the link in the show notes. But the new book is the latest in a series of my intention, which is to keep doing work that inspires you to do your work. So I hope you'll check out the new book if you grab it before January 7th. There's also sorts of amazing freebies that we're giving away. Check that out in the show notes as well. I will be back soon with more conversation. If you found this helpful, please please please consider sharing with someone in your own community that you think might like it too. And until next time. As always, I love you and I'm rooting for you.
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The rachel hollis podcast is produced by me, rachel hollis.
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It's edited by andrew weller and jack noble.
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LinkedIn hiring pro can't predict the future, but it can help you feel confident about future hires because Hiring Pro combines real time insights and candidate Data from the LinkedIn network with the criteria you've set for your role to deliver you a list of top fit candidates. Businesses who use LinkedIn are 24% less likely to reopen a role in the next 12 months. Hire right the first time with LinkedIn hiring pro post a free job today@LinkedIn.com Pandora
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Instagram Teen accounts have built in
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protections for who can contact teens and what they see. Learn more about teen accounts@instagram.com teenaccounts.