
This episode of the RHP features another segment of Ask Rach where Rachel responds to listener questions with a mix of tough love and encouragement, focusing largely on personal growth, resilience, and finding direction. She advises one caller dealing with severe chronic illness to explore alternative healing approaches and the power of mindset when traditional medicine reaches its limits. Another caller, struggling with a lack of identity and motivation after years of prioritizing family and survival, is reassured by Rach that her feelings are common and is guided through reflective exercises to help rediscover purpose and joy. Throughout the episode, Rach underscores that vision and goals are like muscles that must be practiced, encouraging listeners to allow themselves to dream, experiment, and gradually build a more fulfilling life.
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Rachel Hollis
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Caller Felicia
Hey, Rach.
Caller Erin
Hey, Rach.
Caller Felicia
Hi, Rachel.
Rachel Hollis
Every single week, you guys call the hotline, tell me what's going on in your life, and I give you real talk and tough love and the big sister energy you didn't know you always needed. So if you've got a question about life, love, work, parenting, how to find your purpose, honestly, anything, call me and spill it. 737-400-4626. And your question might just show up right here on the podcast. Let's see what the community is asking about today. Hello. How are you guys? Welcome to a new episode of the show where I am answering all the questions that I can find to answer as I settle back into a rhythm. Post Rise. Elevate shout out to any of you who joined us in Austin, Texas, for our first Rise event in five. No, six years. Six years. Five years. It's been a long time is my point. And I'll tell you that I went into that event feeling at times trepidatious, at times excited, at times like, oh, my gosh, what am I doing? And then I got to within a couple days of the event and then got to Austin, and I just felt so freaking grateful for the chance to be together in a room with you guys. So those of you who were there know how absolutely amazing the time was, and I'll just tell those of you who didn't get the chance, or maybe a conference is not your thing. It was just. It was so special. I am forever astounded at what happens when a group of women get together. Well, women and four dudes. There's always a few guys, and I really respect them. A couple of them were there with their wives, and a couple of them were just there because they wanted to be there and learn and grow. And I think that requires such an incredible level of courage for a man to go to a women's conference. It shouldn't. It shouldn't require courage, but it does. So it was rad to see everybody there. And when you have a community like that, the community is almost exclusively entrepreneurs. We probably had a handful of people who were there to work on their career, but mostly it was people who are entrepreneurs or people who wanna write books or start a podcast or, you know, become content creators. Whatever it was, it's just magic. It is just magic when that many people come together and their hearts are open and they're so collaborative. We break out in all these different sessions and you Te up with people. And I just was watching the room all day, so blown away by the energy and the love. And I know I sound a little bit cheesy, but it was just so special. And I'm so grateful for the time and I have been inundated by requests for if we're going to do a next one or when we're going to do a next one. I promise we are working on it. I don't want to rush it. I. This is a big thing for me and this particular brand, the Rise brand, has been around since 2017. And it started as this opportunity to create events where women could come together and work on their lives and work on their businesses and get a chance to step outside regular programming. And as the events got more and more successful, the energy around them from the team of people I had around me at the time was like, do more, do more, do more. And that's just not. That's just not my energy. At 43, I'm just a different bird than I was back then and my energy is less, but better. I want to do things well and I want to do things even better than we just did them. I want to take our learnings and elevate from there. Pun intended. So we are working on something new and I promise you will be the first people to know, but I do not have a date for you yet and I don't have a city for you yet. I don't have any of that stuff. But I promise I'll tell you, we had over a hundred people on the wait list for the event event after it sold out, which was incredible and lots of people couldn't go. I got a lot of notes from like, CPAs who were like, it's tax season. I can't take a day away from work. So I promise we're working on more things. But in the. In the interim, I'll tell you my heart is full and I'm happy to be here with you and answer today's round of questions, which I'm going to jump into in no particular order. And let's see what you guys are wondering about today.
Caller Felicia
Hey, Rach. My name is Felicia. Recently, over the last eight years, I've been fighting multiple neurological disorders. I've had around 11 brain surgeries, complication after complication. Three years ago, I suffered a TBI at work and I have not had a day off from my migraine since. It's been over three and a half years since I have a level 10 migraine, double vision, permanently, and some other things going on. We just found out this weekend by going to the ER that there really isn't anything else that they can do to try and manage my pain. The hardest part about all of this was I was a leader to so many young women. And I ended up having to give that up and go on to disability. And while my body isn't fully fixed yet or fully where it needs to be, I just lost 70 pounds to try and help myself. But I would love any advice that you would have from someone who has gone through a complete and utter change of life. I am a completely different person than I was with completely different objectives and goals and abilities. I have seizures some days I can't get out of bed. So consistency is apart right now for me. But I just wanted to like, I know you've weathered so many storms. Is there anything that you can foreshadow that could help me stay confident, know that I can do this? But then those other times when you just feel like giving up because it hurts so bad. Like I said, my doctors are not really treating me anymore. I'm thinking about going off of all medication and trying to navigate every avenue I can to be better. Thanks, Rach. I'm always rooting for you, sister.
Rachel Hollis
I am so sorry that you find yourself in this place. And I wish that I didn't know other people who had experienced something similar, but I do. As weird as it sounds, you were telling me this story and I am thinking of the sister of a friend of mine who had not the same experience, but very, very similar. And what I think to tell you is not motivational and it's not health advice and it's not whatever other platitude you might have heard a million times before. I'm going to tell you what I would say if you were my friend. I know that our minds are powerful beyond measure. And so if you were my friend, I would tell you to first watch a documentary that I think is on Netflix called Heal Heal. It's not the greatest documentary ever made, but it is a fantastic look at the brain's ability, the mind's ability, the spirit's ability to heal things and that modern medicine said were impossible to heal. Our minds are so freaking powerful, we don't even know. We haven't even scratched the surface of how powerful our minds are. And whenever someone finds themselves in a place where Western medicine or modern medicine says there's nothing else that can be done, the thing that can be done is already inside of you. So I would tell you to watch a documentary called Heal. And then I would tell you to look into the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza. Now, I'm not like an apostle of his work. I don't. It's not something you've heard me talk about a lot here on the show, but I don't know that anybody working today is doing as much research, like data backed scientific research on how to heal your body. And he does incredible conferences and workshops and he travels all around the world and the results that come out of those conferences and those seminars are astounding. And he's done it for so long. But you know, like anything in this space there's a lot of people are like, oh he's a charlatan, like he's making it up. So then he has devoted his whole business, as far as I can understand to now backing up everything they're doing with third party, you know, like blind testing, like all of these things to make sure that they're legitimizing our body's ability to heal itself. That is where I would go. If you are running up against roadblock after roadblock and wall after wall and people who say it can't be done, you have to stop talking to those people. And Salisha, it sounds like at this point you have nothing left to lose. Potentially everything to gain, but nothing left to lose. So even if you're not someone who thinks of themselves as a hippie or into woo woo or into energy work and healing, girl, it's time you get there. It's time you try. Because you staying in the state and just trying to survive, there's literally no way. There's no way. It's one thing when I think we deal with illness that affects our ability to live fully. But when you add pain, like if you add constant pain into that mix, it's not living anymore. And I know that there are things, even if it's just meditating to help yourself get above that pain, I just, that is what my instinct tells you to do. Try something new, try something you haven't done and go to a place. That's the place that pops into my head as someone who's doing science backed research proving what he's doing. But yeah, just go check out their social, go look at their website, they have meditations that you can download. Like I have some of his meditations on my phone just cause they're really good. He does like walking meditations or just, just go check it out. That's what my heart tells me to tell you to do. And I hope that it's helpful because it is so deeply unfair that people go through things like you're going through. It's so deeply unfair. But just because something is unfair doesn't mean that we have to accept it. And I say that you don't. I say that you fight like hell and you find different paths. And I hope you feel better
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Rachel Hollis
they'll love at Target. Okay, let's see our next question for today.
Caller Erin
Hi Rach, this is actually a follow up question because I called a couple months back and you actually answered. It was about how to motivate my children and you were, you're dead on. I need to lead by example. And thank you so much for answering that question. My problem is as I sat down to do a vision board and I don't have vision, I don't have goals. When I was 15, I started working to help pay bills and so I think I was like a parentified child. Sorry. I met my husband when I was 17. So we got married. I think that was my goal in life was just to get out of my childhood home. Not that it was bad, but I was put underneath a lot of pressure to be responsible at such a young age that if I was going to do all the work, I wanted to be on my own and doing it. So had I found my husband and we've been married since I'm 41 years old right now. We're still married, we have two children. But I don't know what brings me joy. I do go to therapy and she has asked me that question of when was the last time that you were really happy? And I come up blank. I don't have a lot of memories from whenever I was a child, I think because it was just not a great childhood. Again, not like traumatic, just not the best, like not motivational. It was just I was left to fend for myself and I didn't have anyone else around me to show me what it was to be like to be a Kid. So I was never a kid and I'm working on that. And if you asked me as a child, I would have said I want to be a stay at home mom. And I don't know if that's because I didn't have like a present mom or someone to nurture me as a child. So I wanted to be that for my kids. I know I can't be a stay at home mom forever. And my son is 14, my daughter is 11, and they're more independent. And I find myself at a loss in the evenings. Like I don't have any desires to do anything. I used to craft, but not really motivated to do that anymore. And my job? I work at a animal hospital as a surgery tech two days a week. And the other two days a week I have my own house cleaning business where I clean houses. House cleaning is not my dream job. It is a source of more money. My animal hospital job, I do enjoy at work. I'm surrounded by a lot of negative people. There's not really any other animal hospital that has a surgery center in my area that is less than an hour and a half away. So I can't really transition out of that. I like it, but again, I try to limit how much I'm there. So I'm only working there on surgery days two days a week. And then I clean houses two days a week to kind of compensate for money that I need. So I don't have a ton of money to just throw away, but I don't know how to figure out what I want. Yeah, I'm just at a loss of, I guess coming up with a vision for myself so that I can set a good example for my kids. But now I know that's why my kids aren't motivated, because I'm not showing them that I'm motivated. I just don't know what to be motivated for. If you have any advice, that'd be great. And I appreciate everything you do. And I'm sorry I just kind of word vomited everything on you.
Rachel Hollis
Never apologize for word vomiting on me, guys. I'm a mom. I've been thrown up on many times before. Also, I am the kind of person who verbally processes, so I don't mind it at all because I think sometimes when we have those full blurt out sessions, we can see things that maybe we wouldn't see otherwise. So what I first want to start by doing is acknowledging all the things that you just said. Now, typically I ask the team, like, we will have someone who will leave A longer voice memo and I'll ask the team to kind of edit it down. And in this instance, I ask them to keep it as it is. But because I think you were saying so many things that you have no idea how many people listening are going to resonate with what you said. And I know this is true because it is a really common thing that would come up at RISE conference. I started this episode talking about these, this one day event I just did for rise, and incidentally, that was an event for entrepreneurs. And it was the first time in all my years of doing these events that when we would talk about goal and vision, every single person in the audience was locked in. They were so into it, they were emotional, they were excited because they knew exactly where it is they wanted to go. But I noticed it in a big way because that's never happened before. It is very atypical for everyone to be on the same page. What is way more normal is women just like you who say that they don't have goals and they can't figure out a vision and they don't know what they want. So I want you to understand that it's normal because of course you've been doing what most people are doing, which is just trying to stay alive, right? You're trying to take care of yourself, you're working really hard, you're taking care of the babies. And we do follow a path laid out for us by society. And there's nothing wrong with that. I did the exact same thing. You know, the goals were get married and have kids. And then it's like, oh, well, could we ever buy a house? And then you just follow the quote unquote American dream. But unfortunately, a lot of those choices are about external things that we chase. It's not about trying to figure out who we are on the inside or our hearts, our spirit, our faith, our spirituality. Like none of that is there. So it's really super duper normal to feel the way that you're feeling. But let me give you some questions that I think you could ponder or listeners could ponder and it might help you to figure out a little direction. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention that my last book that came out last year is 27 questions. The whole point of the book, what if you are the answer is created for women just like you who feel like they don't know themselves. And I tell you this, you don't have to buy that book, like go get it at the library for free or if you've got like a audible token. Like, that came with your prime membership. Like, use your audible token, I narrate it. So if you like the sound of my voice on the podcast, there's a chance you'll like the sound of that. But each chapter in that book is a different question that you can ask yourself to figure out what it is you want at this stage of your life. All of that to say, when you were talking, I was thinking about. For some reason, this question popped into my head and it's. It seems kind of boring, this question, because we've all heard it so many times that it becomes like white noise. But I actually think asking yourself every once in a while, if I wasn't afraid, what would I do right now? If I wasn't afraid, what would my hobby be? If I wasn't afraid, how would I put myself out there? If I wasn't afraid, what kind of friends would I try and make? Fear holds us back in so many ways. And I always encourage you, you don't have to take action. Even if you come to an answer. Like, if you're like, well, if I wasn't afraid, honestly, I would love to start a tap dancing class for adults. I don't know. I'm making something up. It doesn't mean you have to go do the thing, but at least knowing what the thing is puts you miles ahead of most other people. Okay, so that's the first place to start. If you weren't afraid, what would you be doing? Usually people can come up with a lot of answers. If you can't come up with any, I've got more ideas. I've got more questions for you. If you had $1 million. If I drive to your house right now, I give you a check for a million dollars, I want you to think of that million dollars in two ways. Number one, how would you help your family? A million dollars. What would you do different? What would you do to help your family? Who comes to mind? Are you, you know, buying a house for your husband and your kids? Are you doing something for your parents? Are you taking care of your community? This is what I know to be true about the women in this community going on over a decade. This is not a community that dreams of a Birkin bag. This is not a community that wants to buy a Lamborghini. I have done this work for so long. I can tell you, predominantly people in this community, they want to help others, whether that's the people in their online community or their employees or their kids or their parents. They want to help other people. In fact, they have a hard time the women in this community actually doing something for themselves. So start by asking, what would you do to help your family if I gave you a million dollars right now? Okay, that's one line of thought. And then let's go. What would you do for yourself if I gave you a million dollars? And, like, everyone's taken care of, they're all fine? What would you do for yourself? Do you even know? All of these are sort of paths that you can explore. I like to call it the Oprah test. I always ask myself, like, if I was Oprah and I had all the money in the world, what would I want to do this month? Or what would I want to do this summer? Or what would I want to do with the week ahead? I don't have Oprah's money, unfortunately, but it does give me some idea of what I would like to be doing. So maybe I'm like, well, if I had Oprah's money, I'd take a round the world trip. Okay, well, that tells me I'm craving adventure and newness, and that is something that I can replicate in my own life, in my own community, in the place that I actually live. No matter where you live. If I'm like, well, if I had Oprah's money, I'd go to a spa and get a massage. Okay, well, that's telling me I'm craving rest. But it just starts by you allowing yourself to dream. All goals and all vision for our lives. Just start as a dream. It's a daydream. It's a fantasy. It's using your imagination to ask how something might be made better. And the reason I ask you to look at what you would do for your family is some people get an idea, they know exactly what it is. They're like, well, I pay off all our debt. You know, our debt is so stressful, and if we didn't have debt, it would just would change my life and it would change my husband's life. And just that idea gets them so excited and so pumped up that then that becomes a goal. So we're looking for the dream that can fill our whole body with energy. That's usually a signal. Like, I can dream of a lot of things that might be cool, but every once in a while, I'll run across an idea where I'm like, oh, my gosh, everything. I love that idea. I freaking love that idea. And then that makes me want to ponder that more. That makes me want to sort of dig in more deeply and see what's there. But the thing that you need to know is the goals don't need to be perfect and they don't need to look like her goals. They just need to be something that you can get excited about and then. Okay, well, what makes it a goal? You know how you slice up an apple for the kids and then like 10 minutes later because they're little and they didn't eat it. The apples now brown and now they won't eat it because they think there's something wrong with it. That is not the case with opal apples. These bright yellow beauties stay naturally crisp and non browning. No preservatives, no tricks, just nature doing its thing. They're also packed with the good stuff. Fiber, vitamin C, antioxidants. Everything you'd want from a wholesome, real fruit snack that fuels your day. Guys, they're sweet, they're crisp, they're juicy, they're refreshing. It's the perfect apple. And I'm a little bit partial. My grandma's name was Opal, so I feel like anything with her name on it is always going to be good for me. You can find opal apples in the produce section of your favorite grocery store or on instacart.com. visit opalapples.com to learn more. So good, so good, so good.
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Rachel Hollis
There's a great old Dolly Parton expression. She says a goal is a dream with its work boots on. Meaning a goal is just a dream that you have. It's an idea that you have, but you actually create a plan to get there. That's what makes it a goal. If you decide that if you had a million dollars, you'd get healthy in a way you've never been healthy before. And then you do that. You go, okay, well, what could I do? Okay, I'm gonna get a gym membership. And, you know, I don't really know how to use a gym, and it intimidates me. So then I would get a trainer, and then I would start eating better. And then you kind of lay out all of these things. You're creating A plan. Now we're starting with the if I had a million dollars game, because that gives you freedom to dream in a life that's not your own. I was just talking to the coaching community about this. Last week we had coaching, and I was saying, if you have a hard time coming up with good goals or coming up with good dreams, don't think of it as your dream. Pretend you're dreaming for someone else. Think of someone that you think, like, has their life together. You really admire them, even if it's like a celebrity that you don't actually know in real life. And go, okay, well, what would they do in this scenario? What would their dream be? And that can also give you some ideas that maybe you would subconsciously block because you're like, well, that's not for me. I don't believe that. I believe that you get the ideas you get for a reason. But it's like anything else. This is a muscle that you have to flex. Okay? You know how when you're working out, you're like, you have to work out the muscle over and over. You have to break the muscle down, and then it builds back stronger. It's the same thing. If you don't naturally gravitate to having vision for your life, then you have to practice it. But you know what? It's so fun to have a vision. It's so fun to have an idea of what you can do that helps you to come up with something new and exciting. So don't beat yourself up. Allow yourself to daydream, because daydreaming can be really fun. But please know you are not alone in this spot. I would say just hearing all the things that you said, I would start with the parts of your life that are working and ask how you can make them 1% better. If you really like the job that you do two days a week at the surgery center, is it the animals that you like? Is it the surgery that you like? Right? So, like, we. We gotta, like, break things apart, see which element we're enjoying, and then go, okay, well, these people here are tox. But I really like the medical profession, you know? So maybe it's like, all right, is there a. A med spa? Typically, the girls at a med spa are very perky. I don't know where you live, but it might also mean that you get, like, a little free something something, right? It change, you know, changes the vibe, changes the energy. You go work somewhere else. And I don't even know I'm saying this. I don't know what's applicable. But if you're like, actually, that is really interesting. Like, I might want to work in the medical field, but with humans in whatever capacity, well, that could become a goal. Okay, well, what school do I need to go to? And when I say school, I understand that finances are a thing and that you work full time. You don't have, like, an a ton of extra time or money to throw around. But again, when it's a goal, we create a plan. Okay, are there any online places, like, are there any online schools where I could learn how to do this thing in order to go pursue this other path? But at least just allow yourself to dream about how you can make a better life for yourself that feels better than the one that you're living today. I promise, achieving a goal is addictive. It's the best kind of addiction that you can have is like, how do I make my life just a little bit better? And then you do it and it sticks, and you're like, oh, wow, what else can I touch? It really, really is an incredible path. But just be gentle with yourself. You don't have to have it all figured out just yet, but play around and see what you come up with. Okay, one more question before we wrap up for the day. See what they're wondering.
Caller Erin
Hi, Rachel, it's Erin. I did just call and leave a voicemail, and I don't think I was super clear with my question. So I was just listening to your episode 9 18, and you referenced that during COVID you wrote a new book that you were super excited about called Girl what the Health, and that someone talked you out of publishing it, and you seemed super excited about it, and it sounds like a fabulous book that I would love to read. So my question is, you've already done the work.
Rachel Hollis
You've already written it.
Caller Erin
You sound very passionate about. Sounds like an amazing book that a lot of women would love to read. So I'm curious, why don't you publish that book now if the work's already done? Again, I'm just curious. I think I would love to read it, and I'm sure other readers would too. Thanks.
Rachel Hollis
Thank you so much for this question. It's funny, ever since I mentioned that I've gotten so many questions about it and people hit me up in the comments section on Instagram, and I do see your questions, so I'll tell you why. Absolute truth. I never run out of ideas for books. You should just always know that I am always writing. At this exact moment, I have two books happening at the same time. So it's not that I won't publish it. It's not that I'm not interested in it. It's that I hope that this makes sense. Like, if I wrote something, when I wrote this book, I worked on it at the end of 2019, and the person that I am, the writer that I am, the perspective that I have in 2026 versus 2019, they're just different humans. So as much as that book is done, I am very confident that in order to actually get it to a place where I would turn it into an editor, it would need a full rewrite. So it's not that I'm not interested. It's just that it's more work than just sort of publishing it. And I do think that that book has a place in my. My book story at some point. But the way that I pursue books is it's sort of like a bunch of horses are in a race with each other, and in the beginning, there's like six horses. Like, if I'm starting a new project, there'll be sort of six ideas that I have, and I've been carrying them around for years. And then I will start to work on a few different at the same time. And then eventually, like, there becomes a clear winner. Like, my heart really wants to write this, or I'm most interested about this, or I think that this is really important. The next book that you get from me will come sooner than you think. And it's a completely different format than I've done before, so I'm really excited about it. And it's actually a book that kind of won't leave me alone because I feel like it's important. Yeah, I'll leave it at that. But I promise there will be a new book. You'll hear more very, very soon. And Girl with the Health is still there. It's still in my heart. It's just I have to take a very deep dive into that process in order to get it to a place where I think I would be proud of it and I would be proud for you to have it in your hands. So stay tuned. But thank you so much for the question. If you guys have an answer for me here on Ask Rach, as you can see in this episode, it's a bit of everything, and I'm happy to answer your questions. You can call the podcast hotline at 737-400-4626. Leave us a voicemail. I promise I will incorporate as many as I can into upcoming episodes until next time. As always, I love you and I'm rooting for you. The rachel hollis podcast is produced by me, rachel hollis. It's edited by andrew weller and jack noble.
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Rachel Hollis
so good, so good.
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Rachel Hollis
How did I not know Rack has Adidas? Because there's always something new.
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This episode centers around Rachel Hollis directly answering questions from listeners facing significant challenges. The focus is on two deeply personal and poignant listener calls: one from Felicia, dealing with a life-altering health crisis, and another from Erin, struggling to find vision and motivation in the next phase of her life.
Rachel provides her signature blend of tough love, empathy, and practical, actionable advice, helping listeners harness the power of mindset, daydreaming, and incremental change. Throughout, she normalizes struggling with vision and motivation and provides tools for beginning the process of self-discovery and healing.
For more listener questions and Rachel’s advice, call 737-400-4626 and leave a voicemail to possibly be featured on future episodes.