← The Rachel Hollis Podcast
The Rachel Hollis Podcast
957 | Building a Plan for When You "Fail" & My Pop Culture Commentary (LIVE Podcast Recording)
00:54:15
Upgrade to the Ad Free Premium Podcast Experience - https://rachelhollis.supercast.com Get your copy of Rachel's Book Here: Audible, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Millon, Bookshop.org, or wherever books are sold! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices In this experimental, live-recorded episode of The Rachel Hollis Podcast, Rachel experiments with a looser Rach Talk format recorded in her Instagram broadcast channel, mixing personal development advice with casual life updates and pop-culture commentary. In this episode, her main message is that falling off track is inevitable, so people should stop treating failure as proof of who they are and instead build a daily “reset plan” to help them recover quickly. Using examples from baseball, tennis, journaling, and inner-child visualization, she encourages listeners to identify the emotions...
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- [00:00]
Rachel Hollis
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- [00:40]
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- [01:11]
Rachel Hollis
Hi guys. We are doing something a little different today and that is a live podcast recording. Just for funsies, I thought that I would record today's episode of the POD live on Instagram. Instagram and maybe if you're part of my broadcast channel over there, you actually were part of this when we taped it on Friday. But if you didn't, I wanted to bring it here and see what y' all thought. My intention with this episode is that it just brings a little bit of energy. It's old Rach talk vibes, if you know what that is. Those were episodes where kind of talked about anything and everything. I did a little bit of teaching, a little bit of commentary, talked about my life. The kind of thing that you listen to while you're doing something else, while you're driving or maybe doing work or the dishes or whatever. Not one of my Deep Dive episodes, but just something fun and hopefully informative to get you through the day. But check this one out. Let me know what you think and if you dig it and want to join us live. I will be back again this Friday at 11am Eastern inside the broadcast channel over on Instagram. I'll put a link in the description of this episode if you're not sure what I'm talking about. But you can join us live or just listen to the replay over here. But yeah, that's what you're about to hear. So if you hear me talking about comments or you know Saying hi to people or chatting with someone as I'm talking, you understand what it is that I'm doing. I hope you dig this episode. And let's. Let's jump on it. Hey, guys. Hi, I'm Rachel Hollis, and this is the show where we talk about life, real life around here. We cover everything from habits and motivation to relationships, parenting, and what it looks like to build a life that you love. If you're trying to grow, heal, or just feel a little bit more like yourself, you're in the right place, Y'. All, I'm happy that you're here. You know what? Where are y' all from? Where is everyone from? Oh, and thank you for the love for the cardigan. I'm feeling very param menopausal today, if I'm telling you the truth. And sometimes when I don't feel awesome, I like to fake it with colorful clothes. And that is what is happening with my giant cardigan today. Thanks, guys for hanging out. Thanks for being willing to try a little live podcast episode. I promise I'll hit a little bit of a rhythm here in a moment when my tech figures itself out, but I'll tell you the intention behind this episode and why I thought it would be fun to do a live moment with you guys. I looked it up today and hello in New Mexico, hello in Scottsdale, Hello. I am loving New England, hello from Poland. Amazing. I have done today. I started my podcast in 2017 and I have done 1066 episodes, 1066 episodes of the podcast since 2017. And since my focus is predominantly on personal development and self work and how we can, you know, work on the quality of our life, I've talked a lot and I've talked about the same topics pretty often. And every once in a while, it's nice just to shake things up and do a different format. It sort of adds some nice energy. And I thought this way as I was sharing this idea that I have for you today. Maybe you're, you know, asking questions or like adding your thoughts or you tell me if this is something that resonates with you. And I want to tell you a little bit of what I'm dreaming that we're going to talk about today. So I am really into this idea of what does it look like to have a reset in your life? Specifically this idea that when we try and do anything, so whether that's, you know, working on your health, growing your business, working on your family, just anything that you are aiming at doing, understanding that along the way to building that dream to trying for something new, to changing your life, you 100,000 million percent are going to fall off track. You are going to fail. And I'm using air quotes because there's so much emotional baggage around this idea of failing. And really, failure is just a part of the process to becoming who you're going to become. But if you can understand that it's going to happen, if you know that it's going to happen, you can plan for it. And if you plan for it, it's not so scary and it doesn't knock you completely off track. So if you're watching this and you have the ability to drop a little comment in, will you let me know if there's something in your life right now that you are currently working on? Specifically if it's something that you've worked on more than one time? What I mean is, are any of you aiming at a goal, aiming at a project, trying to do something, and in the process of trying to do thing, you maybe have started and stopped over and over and over. You maybe did a thing and then, you know, life got in the way, or you were rocking and rolling for a couple of weeks and then you feel like you got knocked off track and maybe it took you a while to come back online. Does anyone have that kind of story in their experience where you really felt like you were doing something for like two days and then life happened? So drop that in comments and let me know if that's something that resonates with you. I feel like this was my story. So often writing a book, not my first, haven't started and stopped, but just working on the next. Absolutely. Trying to find me again. Felt my responsibilities became my identity. Absolutely. Building my writing business and getting stuck or off track, good sleep habits at night, focusing on sustainable meal planning and overall health. All of these things are so real. What I think. Well, there's a few things that I think really throw us off. I'm actually working on my next edition for Field Notes. I don't know if any of you are familiar with Field Notes, which is this new essay thing that I do on LinkedIn that sounded so cheesy, but it is really fun and I'm really proud of the first one and I've been working on the second one for a couple of weeks. They're sort of like bigger pieces for me, not like an Instagram post, but just something a bit more thoughtful. And one of the ideas that I keep circling around are I think that one of the biggest things facing us today that makes us fall down is that we are adding ideas to our life that are not aligned with anywhere you and I are actually trying to get to. So we see on social media, we see in a magazine, we read a book, we listen to a podcast, and we hear something. We hear something like cold plunge, we hear something like yoga. We hear 5am Morning routine. We hear, you know, certain types of therapy or, like, the newest boutique fitness trend. We should try the new diet. We should try. We hear all of these ideas and all of them on the surface are. Are good, right? I don't think anyone would be like, yeah, if I did yoga every day, that would be terrible. We're like, yeah, that probably would add something to my life. Or, oh, you know what? My cousin, she went back to school, she got her PhD. Like, if I had a PhD, that'd probably be good. They're all, on the surface, really good things. The problem is not that the idea isn't good. The problem is that you're starting with the ingredient instead of knowing what recipe you wanna make. If yoga would be great for everybody, like, if we all see that and we're like, yeah, I wanna be a yoga girly. Like, I wanna be the kind of person who does that thing, then you might start trying to add yoga to your life. You know, that's what I need. I need to get up at 5am I need to do 10 miles. I need to go get to a yoga class. I need to do these things. Cause I see other people doing. It really works for them. The problem is that you are not aligning the ingredient with the recipe you are trying to create. The recipe you are trying to create is the recipe of a better life for you. And what's a better life for Annie or Sonia or Nikki or Em or Drew is not the same thing. That's a better life for me. Yoga might be amazing for a lot of people, but if you're already overwhelmed with your current schedule, yoga's not gonna work for you. Joining a marathon group and running your first marathon might be super inspiring for a lot of people, but if your nervous system is coming off the back end of five years of really intense work and you feel stress, then adding that as your workout routine probably not gonna be helpful. Probably way more powerful to go on long walks and listen to the birds and, like, talk to your best friend, that would probably be way healthier for you than what someone else deems healthy. So we've talked about this a ton over the years in Rise or in my books or in podcast episodes. This idea that you have to start with the end in mind. I really want to encourage you. If you're going through social and you see an idea, I want you to tell yourself, like, ooh, that's an ingredient. That's a fun ingredient. That's a fun ingredient. But just because they're fun ingredients doesn't mean they work for your recipe. Or maybe you get a fun ingredient. For now, you kind of like, stick it in the back of your hat and you were, you know, like, later, I'm going to come back to this when I have more capacity, when I have more energy. Does this resonate with y' all like you? Do you ever find yourself kind of like, adding ideas from other people's routines or other people's life, but they don't necessarily work for you or where you are? It's really, really, really essential that we consistently go back to whether or not the thing that we are choosing to do is aligned with who we are becoming. When I was younger, I just thought if I did what I saw in Cosmo, right? Like, if I read Cosmo and it told me to do a thing, then that's probably what would make my life better. Because my greatest go to look like someone on the COVID of Cosmo that definitely dates me. If any of you are not familiar with getting all of your information about life from a magazine, you are not in your 40s, because those of us who are like, that's where we got our info. Anyone else having coffee? By the way? I am having. In case you wondered, you didn't. But I'm going to tell you, I am having a cappuccino with pistachio milk, which I absolutely love. This is a brand called Tasha that I found out about a few years ago, and I love, love, love the flavor. And I love them because they don't have any other. They don't have oils mixed in, but it doesn't blend well. So if you look down in your cappuccino, it looks like nothing you want to drink, but it actually tastes delicious. Just like from me to you mug from Hawaii. Yes, it is. This is from Nore Ceramics, which I've shared a ton on Instagram. I absolutely love her. She's amazing. Let's see. I see someone's having Nespresso. I feel like I have too many creative ideas, and then I feel like I have too many to focus on. And one strong one. So, yeah, this is. Let's circle back to this real quick, because this is actually something that I talked about earlier this week on the podcast, where I did a really big deep dive on the idea of keeping a promise to yourself. If those of you who follow the podcast haven't listened to that episode, go check that out. It came out on Wednesday. But I really began to change my life for the better when I stopped looking at all of my concepts as ideas and I started looking at them as a promise. Because maybe it's, I don't know, like the little girl in me, but when I was little, if you made a pinky promise with someone, did anyone grow up making a pinky promise? Like, you'd say, I'll do it, I promise. And then someone would go, pinky promise. And you would never, ever make a pinky promise that you didn't fully commit to. At some point, I realized that I needed to start looking at any of my commitments with the intensity and the emotion that I added to a pinky promise. When I began to see the things I was committing to in my life as a promise that I was making to myself is when I started to actually see change in my life. It's when I saw change in my health. I don't know if you guys know, but I, for a very long time, was 50 pounds heavier than I am today. And I always say, I do not care what you weigh. I do not think that weight or what your body looks like, any of that has any value on your worth or who you are as a person. But if you've ever been 50 pounds overweight, you know, that doesn't feel good on your body. It's painful. It, you know, makes you feel a certain way. You don't have as much energy. I was 50 pounds overweight because I was absolutely abusing my body with food. I was eating garbage, and I lived off of fast food, and I lived off of Frappuccinos. And, you know, those were the good old days. Life felt amazing when I didn't care, except that it didn't. And my body would feel it. And then I'd go try and make myself feel better by eating a thing or drinking a thing or having a cocktail or doing something that would numb out the feeling that I had for at least a little while before it would just all start all the way back over again. And what I realized, actually wrote this down as I was, like, coming in to talk to you guys today is, like, every single time that I made a mistake or that I failed or I fell off track or I did something that was misaligned with who I wanted to be I let that completely knock me out for weeks or even months, Right? Like, please, like, if you. If you have the courage to share, will you tell your version of this? Like, have you ever. You're working on something and you know it's really important and it doesn't go the way you want it to, or it's harder than you thought, or for some reason, you get thrown off and you know that you need to try again, but it's maybe gonna be like a month, two months, six months, because you're just, like, so pissed off that it didn't work, right, that you end up giving up on the whole thing. So what I want you to hear me say and what I want you to take in, if you're willing to receive this today, is don't let today's fail become tomorrow's identity. Okay? Don't tell anybody, but we're trying to buy a new house. All right? We're trying to buy a new house. And not only are we trying to buy a new house, but we are buying a house that's, like, essentially my dream house. And it is my dream house because there is more fabulous outdoor space than even. Like, I don't even pay attention to what's going on in the house because the outdoors is so much fun. If you love being outside in the spring and the summer, just like I do, we're gonna do a whole makeover on Wayfair. Okay? Wayfair is the place to get all the things you need for every part of your house. But this time of year, most especially, to make that outdoor space so elevated, so fabulous, so comfortable, so ready for a little spritz out on the patio. They have filters. They have customer reviews. They have visual tools that help you to actually imagine which items will look good in your space. With everything from seating to grills, lighting, and decor, Wayfair is your one stop. Shop for home, get prepped for patio season. For way less, head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home.
- [17:15]
Morgan Stewart
Hey, everyone, it's me, Morgan Stewart, and I have a new podcast called the Morgan Stewart Show. Join me each week as I talk about pop culture, fashion, my personal life, and just a warning, I'm going to be giving my opinion on everything. I'll also have some really fun guests to join in on the fun. The Morgan Stewart show is out now. Listen and follow wherever you get your podcasts or watch full video on YouTube.
- [17:39]
Rachel Hollis
Don't let this thing that you did today or this thing that you did in this moment, you still got a whole day ahead of you. Don't let this one little thing today become the definition of who you are. That's not who you are. It's a thing that you did. You had a bad moment, you know, you made a choice you wish you hadn't made. You barked at your kids because they weren't getting their shoes on fast enough. Now you're driving back from school drop off and you've decided you're the worst mom alive. And see, I knew I couldn't be a calm and present mama. I knew I'm never going to be like my sister in law. I'm never going to be like those people I see on Pinterest. You like make up this whole identity. And by the way, that is everything that your subconscious wants for you. Meaning your subconscious has only one job, like all of that programming. Like you have all these ideas up here, right? You get all these ideas. I'm gonna change my life, I'm gonna do a thing. That's what's going on up here. I like to describe it as like imagine, you know, I love coffee. Imagine a coffee pot and imagine that like you're, you've got the best water in the world going into your coffee and you've got the best beans. You have these like beautiful roasted, amazing beans that were made by like a woman owned farmer and she roasted them herself. And like everything about the beans is amazing and they're being filtered through like into this, that, that little, like this. What is that? The filter holder thing? Oh gosh. Okay, so imagine a coffee pot. I think all of us have some version of this. You can have the purest water in the world, you can have the best machine in the world, you can have the best beans in the world. But if all of those things are being filtered through a subconscious that does not believe you can change, a subconscious who wants you to stay here and stay stuck, a subconscious who tells you you're not good enough, you're not worthy enough, you're not strong enough, you're not smart enough, all that crap, right, that's in the back of our mind, that's playing in the background. All that stuff that's there, that's the filter that everything you're, you're inputting so much good stuff. You're reading the books, you're listening to the podcast, you're praying, you're meditating, you're doing the things, but you're still Filtering it through this thing that's been with you for decades. And it's not this, like, evil part of you. It's a part of you that that piece is what has kept you alive. That thing that's, like, on the lookout for what could go wrong or for how life could slip off track. It has one job, and that is to keep you as safe as possible. It wants you to stay safe. To your subconscious, to your, like, lizard brain, the thing that keeps you safe is staying the same. That's what safety looks like. Tell me if this resonates with you. Like, staying the same. Staying here. Right here is what keeps, like. Keeps that part of us feeling good. Because it's like, you know what? I know how to keep her alive in this scenario. Yeah. She has these big dreams. She wants to do these cool things. But I don't know if we're safe over there. Remember that your subconscious will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven. It's like, yeah, Becky, you've got these ideas, but I don't know if we'll be okay if we try and do a bigger thing. But right here, even though it sucks, even though it's hard, this is a heart. I know. So everything in you will rise up to try and keep you right where you are. It's not wrong. It's human. But you have to know that it's gonna happen. And you have to know that sometimes it's gonna win. Sometimes your fear, it's gonna win. Yeah. I wish we were all David Goggins. Okay? I wish we were Navy seals. I wish we just, like, ooh, rah. We jumped into the water. We did what? Like, I wish. I don't think that's reality. Because life will continue to serve things up to us that feel scary, that feel hard, that feel wrong, that feel like it completely jars us and throws us off track. Expect it, y'. All. Expect it. Expect that it's gonna go wrong. Expect that you are gonna have days where you crush it. And you're on days where you're have to put on a bright cardigan because you don't feel good and you want to, like, help yourself to feel better. Do not let today's mistake become tomorrow's identity. Today, it's a mistake. Today, it's a little like, you get thrown off. Tomorrow, if you do it again, there's a really strong likelihood you're gonna do it the next day and the next day and the next day, and suddenly it does become who you are. And that's not who you are, That's a choice that you made. Yeah. These are my thoughts. This is what I'm thinking. Field notes. I think I'm gonna finish up today and I'll get it out on LinkedIn and then I'll send it out in the letter as well, because I know I did that once and we got really awesome feedback from it. But, yeah, I really just want us as a community to understand that 100%, you're gonna have days where it doesn't go right, and you're gonna make choices you wish you hadn't. The question is, what are you gonna do when you get there? What does it look like to reset? So in this episode I did, where I talk about how to keep a promise to yourself, there were five components, and the fifth one was, you must have a reset plan. You must have a plan for what happens when it doesn't go your way. How are you going to get yourself back on track? So my idea for this was inspired by a baseball game. I went to Sawyer's baseball game a couple weeks ago, which P.S. i think I told you guys this. We lived in California, right? And then we moved to New York State, the Hudson Valley, specifically, back in December. And my son is now at a school with a much higher level baseball team than we ever had before. I don't know if there's any. Any sports parents up in this mix, please let me know. So my son's at this school with a higher level baseball team. And to give you some context, in California, they were pitching, like, 75 miles an hour. In New York, these gentlemen are pitching, like, 95, 90, 95. It's. I was standing behind home plate and I was terrified for my life. Like, I'm behind a fence, behind. But just, like, watching how fast that ball is coming at you, this is a whole other level. These boys are like. I don't even know. I. They look like grown men. They look like 40. I'm like, you. There's no way. You're in High School 100%. You have a mortgage and a family of three. This is wild. These are grown adult men. And then there's my, like, baby who would actually die if he heard me calling him a baby right now. All of this to say because we're playing at a higher level. There's some different things that are happening on this team. And one thing that I notice and loved is every single player on his team who got up to bat would get into the batter's box, which, if you're not a baseball Person. I'm not a baseball person. I've just had to watch a lot of it in my life. There's a certain, like. Imagine, like, a square that you stand inside of that. That's where the ball gets pitched at, and they can't throw the ball at you unless you're in the batter's box. The analogies for our lives, guys. You can't get the ball pitched at you unless you actually show up in the batter's box. Anyway, they get up there and use my. My highlighter. They get up there with their bat, right? And they're ready to bat, and they. They pitch 1,000 miles an hour. And these boys swing, and plenty of times they swing and they have a strike. Okay? When you get a strike, you only get three. In baseball, when you get a strike already, you can see the psychology messing with them. You can see it messing with them. You can see that it wants to bring them down. What I watched all of these boys do was step out of the batter's box and do something, whether it was physical. Like, some of them literally shook their body out. Like, Sora does this little, like, wiggle with his butt. He literally steps out. He does a little wiggle. He takes a breath. He steps back in the batter's box. Because remember, they can't pitch unless you're in that square. So if you step out of it, you get to take a moment and, like, figure your life out and then step back inside. So Sawyer did a wiggle. There was another boy who stepped out. He crossed himself. He, like, said a prayer. He got back in. They will do this over. And as many times as they get hits, meaning as many times as they get to swing at that ball, they would step out, reset themselves, and get back inside. Why? Why does that matter? Because all you have is this moment. You don't have what's already happened. You don't have what's gonna happen. You have this exact moment right here. There's an incredible speech, if you can find it. I think it's a commencement speech, but it could be something else with Roger Federer. Roger Federer's one of the greatest, if not the greatest, tennis player ever, and he retired, and he tells this story. I'm gonna, like, absolutely get the percentages wrong, but he tells this story about, you know, he is well known to be one of the greatest tennis players in the world, and he has the winningest, you know, history of winning all of these matches in the history of his career. He said, you know, we did the stats on this, and it turns out that in the history of his career, he only ever won half of his points. So if you know a tennis game like you're throwing a ball, right, and you're trying to get a point in that moment, you hit it back and forth and then someone got a point. He only got a point half the time. So how is it possible that the winningest tennis player in the whole world only won points half the time but won the most games? How did he win the most games if he was constantly failing inside that game because he had this incredible ability to play the current point, Whether he lost that last point or won that last point, he did not focus on it. He just centered back to where he is right now and he focused on the now. It's the same with the boys getting in and out of the batter's box. It's them understanding that to perform at their best level, and this is resonant for you to perform at your best level, you need to take those moments, you need to take a breath, you need to try again. Even when you're crushing it right, you need to take that beat and go, okay, great. Am I still aligned? Am I still. Is this where I want to go? Yes, it is. Okay, we're going to go again.
- [28:24]
Gabby Windy
Hi, I'm Gabby Windy with Long Winded. And I'm not going to lie, I'm desperate. I'm desperate for your attention in any way possible. So listen to my podcast, won't you? It has great insights, exceptional humor, and plenty of pop culture to fill your dark souls. And some even say it's a great way to fall asleep due to my soothing voice. And I don't take that personally. Fall asleep. A listen is a listen even when you're sleeping. And a view is a view even with your eyes closed, if you dare. And it doesn't take much gumption. Enjoy. Listen to Long Winded. Wherever you get your podcasts, the Jack
- [29:06]
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- [29:38]
Rachel Hollis
My question for you today is, do you have a reset plan? Do you have something in your life that helps you when you fall off track? And I was really Thinking through this, like, oh, what's a bunch of ideas I could give the guys? You're my guys. What's a bunch of ideas I could give the guys to? How to reset. And I realized, I don't know if this makes sense for you, but I really think for those of us who have busy lives and responsibilities and other people counting on us, we're trying to take care of our health and our hormones and the kids and the family and mom and daddy and everything else, I think that we cannot have a reset plan we rely on. Sometimes I think we need to have a reset plan as a part of everyday life. Those boys playing baseball do that over and over because they're playing baseball every day. You know, if you think that these kids play baseball in a season, you ain't never been a sports mom. Those of us who are, who've been on travel teams since our kids were like, six years, we can tell ya this is not a season. It's just like, all the time, you're never not playing the sport. Which means that they get to practice that reset over and over and over. And the more you practice your reset, the better you're gonna be at doing it. It you're going to be so much better, so much more inclined to reach for this tool when you need it, if it's a part of everyday life. I guess how I would think of resets is. What are your current spiritual practices? Spiritual practice does not need to be religious. A spiritual practice is something that you do every day and you treat it as something sacred. This could be a gratitude practice. This could be meditation. This could be prayer. This could be religious. If that feels good to you. I know people who turn coffee into a spiritual practice. Going on a walk in nature, getting some sunshine on your face. I really love morning pages. If you've ever done the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I journal every single morning. I do two pages. You see my little notebook here? This is just. I mean, I have millions of these just in a bookshelf over there. I've collected these over the years. Every single morning I get up, and while the coffee's brewing, I start writing pages. And it's just a chance to connect with myself. What's on my heart, what do I need to work through. It's a place to practice my gratitude. It's a place to get real on what I need to accomplish today. I see someone said their morning workout. Yeah, So I see your question now for my reset, gratitude, meditation, journaling, prayer, outdoor walk every day Nikki, those are awesome. What does it look like for you? And it doesn't have to be mine. Again, remember, you wanna create a recipe that's what you want for your life. Not just get a bunch of ingredients from other women you wanna really look at. If you need to figure out what your reset should be, you need to look at what. Okay, this is good, guys. Here's how we figure this out. What is the energy that you feel? What is the feeling that you feel when you fall off track? What is the feeling that you feel when you fail? What does that look like? Okay, start there. And if you're willing to share, we'd love to hear what it is. But if you can identify the feeling. So sometimes when I fail, and if you can't see me right now, if you're only listening to me, I'm using air quotes every time. Because failure is not a dirty word. Failure is the path. Failure is the only way you're going to try some stuff. You're going to experiment. It's not always going to work. You're going to try again. For me, if I fail, a lot of times the emotion that comes up is anger. I get very angry at myself. I can be a bit of a perfectionist. I can want it to be a certain way. It's actually a really good big reason why I challenged myself to do today's podcast and let it be imperfect. I'd had this idea for a while, but I kept putting it off because I want my office to be prettier. I want, you know, a better lighting. I want, you know, just all this stupid crap that you guys would probably be like, what are you talking about, girl? But I do that. Like, I will beat myself up. And then I get mad because it didn't go right, or get mad because I didn't show up, or I get mad because I didn't play full out or whatever dumb story I'm telling myself. The reality is that there are only two emotions in this world. Everything will boil down to one of two things. Every feeling is either based in love or it's based in fear. That's it. And if I feel angry, I can boil that down and boil that down and boil. Okay, well, why? And this, and this and this. And all the way at the bottom is my fear. Okay, well, what's the fear that you have? What is the energy that comes? So I just ask myself all these questions. Pit of my stomach, frustrated and mad at myself. I really want to shout that out. Noticing where the feeling hits in your body. So you did that sort of intuitively knowing where that feeling hits in your body. Like I just did this week long. A month ago. I did this week long retreat for trauma. And that was a question they must have asked us 150 times. What are you feeling? And where does that feeling show up in your body? It really helps you to home in on what's going on with you. So feeling frustrated or angry, feeling that fear I see. Fear would be that I'll never change, right? Like all of the. These are all just stories. None of it is true. But if you can identify the energy that comes at you when you fail, identify the energy and then go, okay, be woo woo with me for one second. I want you to imagine that that energy is coming from yourself as a child. Okay, just do this with me for two seconds. You can judge it later and roll your eyes and think it's stupid, but it's very helpful. I go, okay, what age is showing up right now? And if you read the last book, there's a whole chapter on this about what age is showing up, what age is showing up? And I swear to you, if you are willing to get quiet and ask yourself the question, an age will show up immediately. So let's just do this as a community. If you're willing to do it with me, think of the emotion that you feel when you fail. Think of a specific thing you've done recently that you feel like you failed at. Okay? Sit with it for a second. Come up with a memory. And when you, when you have a memory, I want you to throw some heart emojis, hidden emoji. So I know that you guys, like have your memory in your mind of the thing that you remember failing at and the emotion that it made you feel. So we have this emotion, right? We have this thought, this feeling. And now I want you to ask yourself, like, close your eyes if you can not if you're driving, close your eyes and ask yourself, what age am I right now? What age pops up for you when you think of this fear, this emotion, this feeling? What age is showing up? And it can be any age from the time you were a child to the time you are now. And when you know what that is, will you put it in the comment? Will you just say the number of the age? I'll tell you today that the version of me that showed up this morning was 2019. Was the year 2019. 35. Laurie says, yeah, thank you. Thank you for your honesty there. So a lazy teenager. Oh, that judging word, lazy. 12 11. Yeah. So good, you guys. 44. Now that you have this age that you're thinking of that comes up that goes along with this emotion, can you just ask yourself, like, literally, again, close your eyes if you can take a minute, take a deep breath, know that you're safe, and imagine yourself as you are now, the age that you are now, talking to yourself at that age. See yourself at 11, at 17, at 19, in middle school. You, as you are now talking to yourself at that age. Okay, 43. Whatever it is, ask yourself as you are now, and you were then. What do you need? What does that age version of you need? It's going to be something really simple. It's going to be something really simple. I'm not going to lead the witness, but I want you guys to share in comments. When you have. When you talk to that version of yourself, what is the thing that they need when they're feeling this way? I did this recently with Sawyer, who's 17, and he was rolling his eyes, so he just thought it was so ridiculous. Oh, Mom. You know. And then as we're doing this, he just starts bawling. Don't tell him I told you. He just starts bawling. And he's like. He was talking to a little kid version of himself. Hug, acceptance. A hug. Rest, conversation. A hug hug will come up a lot. Support will come up a lot. My first thought was a hug. Lindsay, that's absolutely correct. When Sawyer did this, his little kid version wanted to play. Wanted to play. He's in junior year of high school. All he does is work. He's pushing himself so hard. All he wanted was just like, just to play with his friends and laugh. And then we did a little deeper, and he's like, he wants a hug. It is so freaking powerful to just do exactly. You could do this anytime. Anytime you're feeling a really strong emotion, get it internalized. How old am I? The version of myself now, asking the version of myself then, what do they need most in this moment? Oh, they need a hug. And, guys, I literally want you to imagine like you're watching a movie. This sounds cheesy, but remember, your subconscious does not know the difference between things that you imagine and things that you really experience. I want you to imagine you at the age you are now. Just give a hug to that kid version of yourself to 8, to 43, to 14. Just the thing that it asked for. If what it asked for was community, I want you to take it on a walk in your mind and show it you and your Besties having coffee this weekend? If the thing that it asked for was rest, I want you to imagine that you take it. You two go sit on a sofa together, and you're watching your favorite Disney movie. Imagine yourself doing the thing with that little kid or that younger version of you that it's asking for. Okay? That's step number one. When I do that, I feel immediately lighter in my spirit. Immediately lighter. Okay? So that's one. And number two, this is how you figure out your reset. Whatever word you got from that younger version of you, if it was a hug, okay, to me, that represents love, warmth. What is a reset in your real life? Don't think this is cheesy. This is awesome. What's a hug in your real life you could give yourself as a reset? What feels like a hug to you? Is it a warm bath? Is it for me, it's laying on my heating pad and reading a book? Is it getting to snuggle up in your favorite spot and watch your favorite show on Netflix? What feels like a hug? What feels like community? What feels like rest? Find something that you could replicate in your life, preferably every single day, that will give you the feeling that that younger version of you is craving. That way you're getting ahead of those feelings. And also, you have a routine that you're already doing. So on the days that it gets hard, you have something you know you can come back to. Yes, Someone just said this. I'm going to step up and encourage myself in the third person. It sounds so weird, but it really does help. Have you ever seen that quote that says, be. Be the grownup that your younger self needed and didn't have, I think of this process of, like, thinking through that lens all the time. And because your subconscious doesn't know the difference between the things that are happening and the things that you make up, it's a really powerful tool. Yeah, I hope that was helpful, guys. And like I said, if you wanna go back and listen to that full episode on Keeping a Promise to Yourself, it's Wednesday's episode. This is a Rach Talk episode, though, and I did promise a rage talk episode, which means a little bit of teaching and a little bit of fun. So now we're gonna move to the fun portion. It is Friday after all, by golly. So let's dig into some things that do not matter. If you wanted a moment of only teaching, we're now gonna talk about lightness. We're probably gonna talk about chicken. So this is your. This is your moment to check out. If you are not interested in a Rage Talk episode. Here we go.
- [42:26]
Morgan Stewart
Go.
- [42:26]
Rachel Hollis
Okay. I did ask. I was like, wouldn't it be cool if I was cool enough to know any sort of pop culture information and I could give my hot take on it in today's episode? I don't know pop culture. Sometimes I watch people telling stories about, like, someone said something to somebody else and these two people are feuding and I have no idea who they are. And it's my favorite thing. It makes me feel so old and also so free that I'm not entangled in whatever, you know, the 22 year old influencers are fighting about. But I did go on Google, my old pal Google, and I asked it to tell me on May 8, 2026, what is the top pop culture news? It's like, tell me what's happening so that I can talk about it with the guys. First of all, in the most important update I've ever given, I am now reading that the number one trending headline is that Hocus Pocus 3 is confirmed. Disney confirmed. Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker and Kathy Najimy are returning for a third installment. This is obviously amazing for us. If you are too young to remember watching Hocus Pocus when it first came out. I mean, you missed a moment. You missed a moment. But I have to say, if I'm being totally honest, and I'm so sorry because I love these women and I love this franchise. I did not Love Hocus Pocus 2. I probably put too much pressure on it. I wanted it too bad. I wanted it to be amazing. I thought it was just. Okay. I'm so sorry. So Hocus Pocus 3 is coming out and we're really pumped about it. Then there's other stuff I don't care enough about to comment on. Don't care about that. Don't care about that. Met Gala 2026. I know it's not for everyone. I have to tell you guys that literally one of my favorite days of the year. Do you all know what Met Gala is? Does everyone know what Met Gala is? I think you do. It's like such a pop cult. Like, it's a huge thing, right? This is a fun fact about me, your girl, your. Your favorite friend Rach is wearing. We love baggy. We love oversized. These, these bad boys that you're so jealous about. These are Carhartt scrubs that I bought off ebay. Okay? They're. They're. Here we. Here we are loosey goosey. We are feeling good. Also you just got some stretch mark action. You're welcome. I don't wear fashion, but I love the Met Gala red carpet. I have looked at this red carpet every year for a decade. It's one of my favorite things, and one of my greatest gifts in life is all of my children. But if you get to choose, have a fabulous gay son. If you get to choose, you know, it's amazing. And once he got of a certain age, Jackson and I watch the red carpet Met Gala together. And this was the first year. This is gonna sound so cheesy, but this was the first year that he was not home. We used to sit on the couch together, and we would cast the Vogue website onto the tv, and he and I would go through hundreds of. It was like. Like the highlight of her year. It was so important. It was like. Yeah. It was like, oh, I just loved it so much. Okay. I made him promise. I was like, you go anywhere, right? You go anywhere for college, and you. You know, mom will pay for any school. But I have one request, and that is, we must still have a Met Gala tradition. And so this year, we both got on our laptops together on the phone and went through, like, 150 looks. And maybe you don't care about it, but I think that a lot of the outfits that people put together for that, it's like art. It's the most beautiful thing. My best dressed always. And I have no opinion about these people. I have never seen a single episode of the Kardashians, but I don't think anyone does it better than. Is it Kendall? Whichever one's the model. The Jenner. Who's a model? I don't know anything about her. I don't know if she's a good person. I don't know if she's bad. I don't know anything. That woman is beautiful, and she kills it. Big thing on the red carpet this year was, if you haven't seen this, lots of dresses, but it looked like nipples. Not for me. Love that. For you if you like it. I love it. Okay. We love that. The best dressed. This is crazy. This is. This is wild. Not based on theme. Again, nobody cares about Rach. Not based on theme. But my best dress this year was Nicole Kidman. Here's why. Let me tell you why. So many people looked absolutely stunning. Incredible, impeccable. How old is Nicole? And I don't mean that offensively, but I mean, like, did you see the pictures of her? I was like, girl, you let them know what it. Someone with a computer look up the age of Nicole. She's gotta be. She's gotta be in her 50s, right? She's older than me. She is so stunning in those photos. She's got extensions down to her butt like you go. Wait, guys. Did anyone see devil wears Prada 2 yet? I am nowhere near a movie theater. I gotta. I gotta get on like a donkey and travel across two mountain ranges to get to a movie theater. Did anyone see Devil Wear's Prolitute? Because I need to know if it's good or not. Please tell me. Speaking of red carpets, Anne Hathaway. Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt at the world premiere for Devil Wears Prada, too. They need an award for those looks. 58. Look at her go. And her daughter went. This is like. So, anyone else? Sorry, did you grow up reading Us Weekly or, like, People, Mailbags, stars. They're just like us. Us. When I see celebrities who had babies back when I was reading Us Weekly and now those babies are grown adults. I can't. Yeah, 10 out of 10 on Devil. Okay, yes. So this is my question. Excited for Practical Magic? I believe that that's why Nicole's showing up looking like a shining star is because new movie coming out, Practical Magic 2, which I think we can all agree her and Sandra Bullock, those were who we wanted to be in the 90s, which is why we're wearing giant baggy clothes now. Okay, okay, that's my recap. My terrible recap of the Met gala. Apparently, Jersey Shore is ending. If you. If you would have said a billion dollars, Rach. $1 billion. Is Jersey Shore still on the air? I would have been like, of course not. But apparently it is. Oh, Jersey Shore family vacation. I don't know what that means. Anyone here like it? Any. Any big fans? Mortal Kombat 2, the new movie starring Carl Urban. Who's that? I don't know who that is. Apparently has intense fight scenes and some and fatality fans. I don't know what that means. I'm happy for you, the makers of Mortal Kombat 2. And okay, here's news we care about. My gosh, I can't believe I waited to the end for Martha Stewart news. Guys, Martha Stewart has approved Cate Blanchett playing her in a new biopic. Okay, y', all, if you knew how many times I've watched the Martha Stewart documentary and the Martha Stewart masterclass, you'd stop being friends with me. You'd think I had a problem. You'd almost think that I watched it so many times that I moved My entire family, from the west coast to the Hudson Valley because I want to live Martha Stewart's life. You'd almost. I don't want to be Martha Stewart. I just want her far. That's all I'm trying for. But apparently now there's a biopic and Cate Blanchett. We love Cate Blanchett. Love, love, love this casting. That feels exciting. I don't know anything about the movie. I don't know, but I don't care. It's Martha, it's Kate. We're here for it. We're ready. Let's go. I'd like to finish us off today on our Friday hangout. First of all, did we like this? Is this a thing? I mean, mostly the people who showed up are still here, so I feel great about that. I will post this as a podcast episode for everybody who wants to relive this life. But I was thinking it'd be fun to do this on Friday. So if you guys think this is groovy, give me a heart and we'll. We'll come back and have Friday. Friday coffee together at 11:00am Eastern. Okay, great. Okay, we'll do it again. Let's talk about chickens real quick. I live in the Hudson Valley, and we. I. Okay, let me just, like, give you a quick backstory before we land this plane. Today. We move from Los Angeles to the country. I am in the country. I am dangerously close, guys, to maybe not being able to have lash extensions anymore. Not because of the country, but because I'm in the middle of nowhere. I found a place. It's an hour away. Your girl has been driving one hour both directions to get to a lash place, and I just don't think I can. I'm on my remaining bits. I mean, we are down to our. And I've put a few fake ones in today because that's how bad it was. I sleep on my left side, so, you know, anyway. Out in the country, middle of nowhere. Want Martha's life? Been looking for a home we rented when we got here from la. We think we found say a prayer. Say a prayer for our family. We think we found a spot, potentially. Don't know yet. Buying in New York is actually crazy. If you have been. I've lived in California and Texas. How real estate works in New York is a wild thing I didn't even know existed. I thought all real estate was the same. Not in New York. In New York, you need a lawyer to buy a house. You need. It's like a this, a that. We're going to put an offer in. It's an accepted offer, but it's not a real offer. We got a closing date, but it's not a real closing day. Nothing's real until it's real. I don't understand this world. It scares me. We're gonna try anyway. All of that say thank you. Someone just said my skin looks great. Let me tell you real quick what that is. I just adhd moment. Clo de Peau. I've used it forever. Speaking of Martha, Clo de peau is fantastic. And there's some Botox going on. It is. I gotta tell you that truth, because I used to see people all the time. I'd be like, oh, my gosh, you look so fresh. Did you just get back from vacation? Why does your skin look like that? And girl, you better believe I do. Every serum I do the red light mask I'm doing, I take really good care of my skin. But when I get compliments on my skin, it is always when that dysport kicks right in. And people are like, no, it's not that. It is. It is. You think it's the skin, but it's like it's a cheat code. And I just want you to know, because I don't want you to be like, oh, by my skin. No, no, no, no. It's a thing. Anyway, chickens. I think I found a spot. So my first question is, are we getting chickens? Had this whole fantasy, I'm gonna have my own eggs. I got these chickens, but, you know, I wanna research first. I start doing. I watch the YouTube videos and I wanna know good, bad and ugly. And I'm like, I'm not afraid of the chicken poop. I'm not afraid of the smell. I'm not afraid of the. I'm not afraid of any of it. But then I realized for the first time. Did you guys realize this? Chickens don't lay eggs their whole lives. They lay eggs, like three, four years, and then after three or four years, they're not laying eggs anymore. What do you do? Some people eat them. Some people let them wander off into the desert. You know what I don't want? I can't eat a chicken that I just hung. I can be a chicken, mom and then eat my chicken, baby. I can't do that. I love chicken. I love meat. But I live in the country, and one of the perks about being here. You'll be so jealous. There is a farm stand on every. I could walk to a farm stand from my house right now. I'd be there in 11 minutes. I can walk down and get fresh eggs from my neighbor who is a farmer who has lots of chickens, who probably doesn't mind when their time has come. You know, he doesn't mind. I'll let him do that. I can get fresh eggs is my point. And then I don't have to, like, also before I get chickens. Gotta get a dog. Gotta get a dog. We couldn't get a dog. Cause we live in a rental. But when we actually get a house. First thing on the agenda. First thing on the agenda. I was looking through old pictures yesterday because my son is in eighth grade, so there's like, all this stuff for eighth grade graduation. I was finding old pictures for him, and I found this picture of Ford and Jeffrey. If you're new, Jeffrey is our dog. And he passed away more recently. And it was devastating. And I. When I saw that picture, it made me so sad. And I was like, Jeffrey, like, send us a good puppy. Like, send us a good dog that we can love, that can be our sole dog that we can have. So before we get chickens, we'll get a dog. But before we get a dog, we need to get an actual place to live. I have not unpacked in a year. So if you don't know this about our story, we were in a remodel last year. We were doing a remodel in la, and we didn't fully unpack because we were remodeling. We, like, lived out of just a few boxes or whatever. And then as soon as we finished that remodel, we decided to move here. And now we're in a rental. We're in, like, a. What would typically be an Airbnb, but we were just like, can we, like, rent it for a long time? So we don't have our. All of our furniture is in storage. Half my clothes are in store. Like, I. We as a family have not unpacked in a year. And it is the thing I am most looking forward to in the world. So, yeah, if you're. If you're the praying type or the good energy type, if you could send some good energy our way, that everything will flow smoothly with the real estate in New York, and we will finally get to live out my Martha Stewart fantasy that does not involve Cate Blanchett. Guys, we just talked for an hour, and I was planning on 30 minutes. What else is new? I hope that this episode and this format was helpful for you and that maybe it felt fun to, like, come in and have coffee today. I appreciate Those of you who, you know, did the visualization with me and showed up honestly in the space and, you know, added your comments and your energy to it. But yeah, I really appreciate it. I thought this was fun. So hopefully we do it again and maybe at some point I'll learn how to use YouTube and do it in more than one place. But I hope you have the most amazing weekend. I hope those of you who are mamas in the US are gonna just absolutely be celebrated so incredibly well. Kez asked what I wanted for Mother's Day, and my reply was, Imagine you're at a really fancy hotel and you go to breakfast and you order the pastry basket. It that is what I would like for Mother's Day, which is so obnoxious. Like, not one pastry. I want at least four. He's a baker, so I was like, I want a pastry basket. Like we're at a fancy hotel and then we're gonna have tea and we're gonna have scones and a pastry basket. So I'm really looking forward to Mother's Day and I hope, like, you have the most amazing time and your kids celebrate the heck out of you. And I will be back soon with more conversation. Always check out the podcast. There are over a thousand episodes at this point. If you want to take a deep dive on anything, I'll see you soon. Thanks, guys. The rachel hollis podcast is produced by me, rachel hollis. It's edited by andrew weller and jack noble. Your outdoor space is where you unwind and make memories. So make it count.
- [58:25]
Belgard/OpportunityAtWork Announcer
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Rachel Hollis
Designed forward and built to last. Learn more@belgard.com that's B E L G
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Belgard/OpportunityAtWork Announcer
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