← The Rachel Hollis Podcast
The Rachel Hollis Podcast
970 | What If Things Go BETTER Than You Expect?
00:42:11
Upgrade to the Ad Free Premium Podcast Experience - https://rachelhollis.supercast.com Get your copy of Rachel's Book Here: Audible, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Millon, Bookshop.org, or wherever books are sold! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices In this encouraging episode of The Rachel Hollis Podcast, Rachel explores how anxiety and past experiences can cause us to expect the worst, even when our lives have changed and we’re better equipped to handle challenges. She encourages listeners to question old beliefs, stop letting past disappointments define future possibilities, and consider a powerful alternative: what if things go better than expected? Through practical mindset shifts, Rachel offers tools for building optimism, challenging fear-based thinking, and opening yourself up to new opportunities.
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Ladies, if you're in that phase where your body is just doing new things, sleep's weird, energy's weird, cravings also weird. You are not alone. It's totally normal. Menopause and perimenopause just means your body needs a little support. And sprouts makes that support easier so you can start feeling more like you. Tons of fresh organic produce for fiber, sprouts, protein and creatine to keep your muscles and bones strong and your energy up. And supplements that can help you manage mood shifts. So whether it's perimenopause, menopause, or any other health journey, it's easier at Sprouts Farmers market. Lysol is known for proven disinfection and today it also delivers a clean that smells great, including lavender scent. Lysol Disinfection wipes All Purpose cleaner spray and power toilet bowl cleaner clean and kill 99% of viruses and bacteria. The all purpose cleaner can be used on hard, non porous surfaces in the kitchen and the bathroom. Disinfecting wipes help clean everyday surfaces like remotes, tablets and smartphones. And the power toilet bowl cleaner disinfects both the toilet brush and the bowl for two in one disinfection. Don't just clean Lysol, clean. What if things go way better than you think they're going to? What if it all works out? What if it's so far beyond what you can imagine that that's why you're not imagining it? And what if that happens not because of some magical scenario, not because you manifested it, not because you're lucky, not because the universe picked your name out of the hat. That is not what this episode's going to be about. This is going to be about some optimism grounded in practicality, okay? Grounded in some pragmatic thought process. What if everything works out not because you have a magic wand, but because you have set yourself up to imagine a life that's way worse than what is actually possible for you? What if things go way better than you expect them to because the version of your life that your anxiety keeps telling you to brace yourself for doesn't actually exist? Think about this for a second. What if you are standing here today and you are defending yourself against a reality that will not actually happen, or maybe is a reality that hasn't happened for a very long time? So think about this for a second. Somewhere right now, there are people listening to this who are bracing themselves for something they're afraid of that's never going to actually happen. I know that I am not the only person in this friendship circle who has experienced an anxiety that tells you that. That bad things are coming. But those bad things that at least my anxiety tells me about, those are based on past experiences. And I'm wondering if anyone out there listening to this needs to be reminded that they are no longer living in that past experience, but very likely dragging the past experience with them into their current reality. So that's what I want to dig into today. I want to ask you the most dangerous question I know to ask. Okay, you ready? What if you're wrong about how this all turns out? Hey, guys, I'm Rachel, and welcome back to the Rachel Hollis Podcast. This is the place where we tell the truth and we talk about all the things, so hopefully we can actually get somewhere. And today's episode is inspired by my very real life. As always, I was thinking about this concept of the reality that we create for ourselves and how oftentimes I will accidentally let my anxiety convince me that things are going to be way worse than they ever turn out to be. So right now in my life, I am buying a house. And I'm not just buying a house, guys. I'm buying my dream house. I'm buying a house that I would have drawn in a journal when I was a little girl. I am buying a house that I could only imagine for decades and decades. So all of that to say that there's a lot of hopes and dreams and fear wrapped up into buying this house. And I'll add another layer here and say that I'm buying a house in New York State. And y', all, y' all do things really different. I've had houses in California, in Texas, and in Hawaii, and I have never encountered a real estate world quite like the one I'm currently navigating. And because it's something new to me, it scares me when I feel fear about something that I'm unsure of. My anxiety will come up with all kinds of stories about all of the ways this could possibly go wrong. And as I'm navigating this process and getting closer and closer to the end of it, I hope I was laughing to myself today about how much fear I've experienced over the last few months about whether I will or will not get this house. And as a side note, I, to the core of my being, believe that if I don't get this house, if our family doesn't get this house, it's not the right house for us. I really believe that. So if I believe that as a foundational truth. How is it possible that I still have carried so much fear about all of the ways that this might go wrong? And I've had so much anxiety about all of the ways that this might go wrong? Well, that's happening because I am creating my own reality. And today I reminded myself that most of the things that I have been most afraid of in my life never actually happened. Which had me self coaching to remind myself that not only do most of the things I worry about never actually come to pass, but also if I look back on my life, most of the time the things that I was afraid of worked out way better than I imagined. So wait, if I have all of this evidence to back up the idea that most of the time it works out better than I think it will, why do I still convince myself that it might not go that way? This whole thought process led me to today's episode because I feel like if this is something that I struggle with, there's a good chance that some of you struggle with it too. And for clarity, this isn't about positive thinking, though I do absolutely believe in the power of positive thinking. And if you did not listen to episode 965, which is all about how you can choose positivity and how you can train your brain to look for more positive solutions, I hope you go back and dig into that episode. But today's conversation is something that I think might be just as useful as the power of positivity. Today's episode is about how most of us are making decisions based on information that expired like a long time ago. And once you actually see how many things in your life you are viewing through the lens of a reality that no longer exists, you can't unsee it. Maybe you are listening to this episode and you're feeling really overwhelmed by life right now, but you keep trying. So maybe you start things and then you get overwhelmed and you stop and some time goes by and you start again. Maybe you've got three different books in that TBR pile. Maybe you've got a whole bunch of podcasts in the queue that you keep meaning to listen to. Maybe you have tried and tried and tried. And babe, I know know you are not lazy. I know that you are working so hard. You are not undisciplined. I know that you are tired in a really specific way. Not just working hard and not getting enough sleep, but probably tired by just the level of life that has come at you in the last handful of years. But I am willing to bet that some of that Overwhelm. And some of that tired that comes at you is coming at you, because these are layers of memory that are stacking on top of each other. So let me explain this. Every single time that you have got excited about something, about changing your life, starting a new job, a prospective relationship, like you're going to relaunch a product that you have any sort of fresh start that you have gotten excited about, there is a voice that shows up right on cue that says some version of, yeah, but you know, remember last time? That voice, by the way, is not random. That voice did not show up to ruin your day. It didn't show up just to be mean. That voice, as we've talked about many times, is actually doing its best to protect you. So remember that your brain is wired to keep you safe. And what your brain thinks is most safe is the same doing the same thing over and over and over. Because right now, in your current state, even if your current state isn't great, you're alive. So your brain goes, okay, well, if we just keep doing this thing, this person will stay alive. I will stay alive. Your brain genuinely believes that if it can talk you out of trying something new, frankly, if it can keep you from hoping for something different, it will save you from being hurt again. But knowing why our brains are doing this thing, knowing why that voice in the back of our mind shows up to try and convince us to stop, to stay stuck, to stay down. Just because we know why doesn't make it easier to navigate. Because that voice can also be super crushing. And we buy into it and we believe it. And you're like, yeah, you know what? You're right. Why am I even trying to get healthy every single time I fail? So what's the point? Grab the Doritos, put on some Bravo, and let's just slide on into home. There are all of these justifications, and the justifications, by the way, are going to forever point you in the direction of the least tension. It would be easier for you to stay on the couch and eat snacks and do nothing. That would be easier. And it would feel better. Maybe not in the long run, but right now, in this moment, if the choices. You know what? I promised myself I was gonna go jog three miles or I'm gonna stay here where it's nice and cozy and watch Netflix and order takeout. One of those, at least in my mind, feels way better than the other. And if you think that my natural inclination is the three mile jog babe, you don't know me very Well, I still, at 43 years old, have to fight the voice that tells me that staying right here in my comfort zone is the best option for me. And I do this for a living. I literally motivate people for a living. So if I am still convincing that voice, if I am still trying to talk that voice around, and I have training and I have built frameworks for this, what are the odds that that voice might be winning against you more times than it's not? So today I want to ask you this. How many of your expectations about what is possible for you is based on the recommendations of that voice? Let me add another layer. Was that voice built in the last six months, or is that voice old? Has that voice been with you for five years or ten or two decades? Or since you were a kid? You have been working so hard on yourself. You have all this new information. You have those books, you've been listening to, podcasts you've been working on yourself. That's more recent work. How ancient is the voice? If something is old and ancient and has been with you for a long time, it's strong. And not only is it strong, it knows it. The exact buttons to push and the exact things to say to get you to stay here and stay stuck. But we have to stop listening to that reasoning because it's based on an old way of thinking. We have to stop letting old evidence run the new version of us. So here's the thing about reality. Pain, real hardship, real stuff that we have walked through. I'm talking the big breakup that you went through, or the business that you started and failed, or the pandemic that took 18 months of our lives, some people even longer, and nobody saw that coming. I'm talking about the rejection. I'm talking about the humiliation that you have experience that you can still feel in your body when you think about it, right? That thing that can still make you sick to your stomach. All of those things that happened, those were real. And I am never going to be the person who tells you to ignore those things or pretend that they didn't happen to you or tell you to just get over them. Because that's not how life works and that's not how we work. But as we have talked about before, your brain does not know the difference between something that happened and something that is currently happening. I really want y' all to get this today because there is a solid chance that you are still running a program that is fear based about something that happened years ago. You feel scared in this moment. You're like, I'm scared in this moment. But if you dig deeper, you find that that fear is based on something that happened in the past. Your brain runs the same alarm for an old memory that it would run if the actual room was on fire right now. That is a survival mechanism and it's really helpful. By the way, if something hurt you in the past, you don't want to walk into the same exact scenario and do the same things again. So your brain's trying to warn you to play it safe. And to all of that is really important. Except survival mechanisms don't have an expiration date, so nobody tells your brain that the thing that happened five years ago is done and it doesn't need to fear that anymore. And by the way, not only is your brain afraid of that thing, but likely you keep thinking about the thing. You keep bringing it up over and over and over again. You keep going back and analyzing it and why did this happen and why did he do this to me and how did I not see that coming and how did I not know? And gosh, if I had just gone left instead of right, and gosh, if I had just not invested that money and gosh, if I had just done this, that and the other. The more that you obsess over that thing that happened way back when, the more you pull that into your everyday life, you just build a thicker and thicker and thicker frame between where you are and where you want to be. And now you see every part of your life through the filter of what was not. What is Quick question for parents when was your child's last eye exam? Myopia, or nearsightedness, is becoming more common in kids, and it's not just about needing stronger glasses. If myopia continues to progress untreated, it may increase the risk of more serious vision complications later in life. The good news? An eye doctor can help identify myopia early and recommend options designed to help manage it over time. One of those options is Essilor Stellist lenses. Stellist lenses are designed specifically for children and are part of an approach to myopia management that corrects their vision while supporting eye health. As their eyes continue to grow, they look like regular eyeglasses, but their purpose Built for young wearers. Every child's vision is different, which is why starting with a professional eye exam matters. If you have concerns or even just questions, your eye doctor can guide you through what solution is best for your child. Visit essilor.com to learn more about Stellist lenses And to find an Essilor expert eye care professional near you. Ladies, if you're in that phase where your body is just doing new things, sleep's weird, energy's weird, cravings also weird. You are not alone. It's totally normal. Menopause and perimenopause just means your body needs a little support. And sprouts makes that support easier so you can start feeling more like you. Tons of fresh organic produce for fiber, sprouts, protein and creatine to keep your muscles and bones strong and your energy up. And supplements that can help you manage mood shifts. So whether it's perimenopause, menopause, or any other health journey, it's easier at Sprouts Farmer's market. I remember talking to a friend of mine who is an energy worker. She works with pain in the body, often left over by trauma from the past. And I remember her telling me this story about a client of hers who came in with horrible back pain, like in a really specific spot in her back. And no matter, chiropractors, Doctors, she had MRIs, like she had had everything done. There was nothing in her back. There was no reason why she should have this pain in her back. And so she had come to my friend, she was like, you know, like most people, when you've exhausted every sort of medical thing you can do, you're like, all right, I'll try Eastern medicine, I'll try woo woo. I'll try anything. I just want this pain to go away. So she goes to see my friend who starts talking to her about her life. Kind of like how you do talk therapy. Like, nothing to do with the physical stuff in her body. Just like, hey, tell me what's going on, like, what's happening? And as she starts chatting, she starts talking about her ex. And my friend said like, very quickly, like within a few sentence, she just went from like normal to like rage filled. She starts talking about her ex. And he did this and he did that and he did and he wasn't. Didn't sound like he was a good guy. Sounded like he'd done some pretty crappy things. And one of the things that she kept alluding to was like how he had tricked her, how he had shamed her, how he had stabbed her in the back. And my friend was like, ding, ding, ding. And so they explore this idea. What do you mean? He said. And she like explained, whatever. And then like her back starts physically hurting with this story. All right, where I'm, I'm not taking you down too. Woo Woo of a path today, except to say that, yes, in fact, all of your trauma can show up in your body. But the irony was, the more that she talked about this, the more she experiences pain. And it was this whole thing, and my friend, like, talked her through and whatever, and they would work it out. They were able to get resolution. They were able to find, you know, peace. They were able to release this trauma from her body. It was incredible. And I find these stories so fascinating, but that's not why I'm telling it to you today. I'm telling you the story because the woman had gotten divorced over a decade before. She had not talked to this man in 10 years. But within a few breaths of beginning to speak about her life, she had rage coming out of her mouth about someone she had not spoken to in 10 years. I am not saying that every single thing you are experiencing is to the extremity of that, but I am curious how many of you are making choices, are seeing life, are believing things about people based on something that happened 10 or 15 or 20 years ago, and you don't even want to admit it to yourself. But the reality is that that has become the framework that you see life through. And maybe you hear me say that, and on some level, you feel a little defensive. And the defensiveness shows up because of two reasons. One, defensiveness shows up for people because they're like, wait, but you don't know. You don't understand how awful my parents were. You don't understand how bad the bully was. You don't about my ex. You don't know the way they hurt me. You don't know about these friends. That's one. The other defensiveness is the person who's like, yeah, those things happen. But I moved on and I built a whole new life. And yeah, if you ask me about it, I might be frustrated, but it's ancient history for me. But here's my thing. Feeling defensive is a trigger. We are triggered by something. If you felt a defensive reaction to the idea that you might be looking at your current life, life through past experiences, that is a trigger. And my therapist says you should never waste a good trigger. A trigger is a sign that there is something that you need to explore, that there is something that you need to look at. If you got defensive, some part of you is still bracing for the exact scenario that you thought you left behind. And this can show up in every area of our life. It can show up in really big ways. You went through a really bad breakup, and now you unintentionally sabotage all potential new relationships? Or you have decided before you even start that there's no one for you and you're probably just gonna have to be single for the rest of your life if you don't go up for the promotion at work because you've already decided that you're not smart enough, you're not strong enough, you couldn't lead well. Or maybe it's smaller ways. You had a friend group that drifted apart in your 20s, and 20 years later you still think that you're bad at keeping friends, so you don't even try to make new ones because you're convinced that is just not the path for you. Or how about this? Have you ever gone on a health journey and you fell off your plan and you didn't do it the way that you wanted to, and then you now are too afraid to begin another one? Or you think no diet would ever work for you, or you don't think you're strong enough, or you've decided that your body just doesn't respond to certain things that work for everybody else, so you stop putting effort in. There are all sorts of reasons that we convince ourselves not to do something, not to try for something. We convince ourselves to be afraid. We convince ourselves to be bitter. You are going to have your own journey with that. What I hope you get out of this conversation today is just recognizing that it might be happening to you. And if you can recognize that you are doing this, let's take it one step further. I am willing to bet that if you are looking at your life through the filter of what has happened in the past, then you have allowed the thing that hurt you to hurt you more than the actual event that thing happened. Whether someone did something to you or you made a choice that you regret, it's done. It's done. If you continue to drag it behind you like a luggage, if you continue to let it anchor you to the earth, you are making things so much harder than they need to be. The thing that happened is done. And in that thing that happened, there were lessons, there was strength, there were things that came out of it, even if the only thing that came out of it is, oh, my gosh, I am never gonna date a guy from the south side ever again. Whatever your thing is, whatever it is that you walk through, there were lessons in it, there was information. And there are things to be gleaned if you are ready and willing and able to to take the good stuff out of the bad experience. But if the bad stuff of the bad experience is currently affecting your life. You have got to decide to put an end to that. Just like there was an end to the thing that happened. Because if you don't decide the ending, your brain will fill it in for you. I failed becomes I am a failure. She left becomes I'm not lovable, right? The business struggled becomes I'm not cut out for entrepreneurship, I was overlooked for the promotion becomes I'm not leadership material, my kid is struggling becomes I'm failing as a parent or I'm a bad mom. Our brain will fill in what something means, and I wish that our brains were kinder. They're not. The event is done. It's over with. You have to decide what you're going to pull out of that experience. Are you going to pull the lessons out and use them as a foundation to get where you want to go? Or are you gonna let that be what we're writing on your tombstone? Ladies, if you're in that phase where your body is just doing new things, sleep's weird, energy's weird, cravings also weird, you are not alone. It's totally normal. Menopause and perimenopause just means your body needs a little support and sprouts makes that support easier so you can start feeling more like you. Tons of fresh organic produce for fiber, sprouts, protein and creatine to keep your muscles and bones strong and your energy up. And supplements that can help you manage mood shifts. So whether it's perimenopause, menopause or any other health journey, it's easier at sprouts. Farmer's Market from corner stores to content creators, businesses are what keep the world moving. But no matter what type of business you're running, staying connected is crucial to success. That's why millions of business owners rely on Spectrum Business for fast, reliable Internet, advanced wi, fi, phone, TV and mobile services. Shop packages built for your business budget with tailored connectivity solutions. Plus/Spectrum Business even offers 100% US based customer support 24. 7 Visit spectrum.com business to learn more. Restrictions apply Services not available in all areas. Back in 2003, Sofie failed. Back in 2020, Sarah messed up. That's it. That's the rest of your life. BS guys. BS I have to call it. There's so many things in this life that will try and convince you that failure is something that should make you give up. I'm here to tell you that I do not know another way of living as a human being than to occasionally do things you wish you didn't do or to occasionally experience situations that you wish you hadn't had to go through. That is true for every human. What is not true for every human is what they're going to do with that experience. So every time in your current life that you have this story going on that is negative and it's based on old patterns and old ways of being, you get to choose. And you get to choose with this question. What if that negative thought process is wrong? What if it actually works? What if your kid turns out to be awesome, right? Maybe they're never going to excel at advanced trigonometry, but what if they just turn out to be an awesome human? You get to have that awesome human as part of your family. What if you're a pretty good mom, right? What if the relationship gets better instead of worse? What if the woman of your dreams actually is inside that dating app that you're too afraid to open, right? What if this is the year that you get healthy? What if this is the year that you get strong? What if this is the year that you decide to stop giving a flying crap of what other people think about you and wear a bikini to the beach, Right? What if. What if it's better? What if your best chapter in your life Wasn't in your 20s or your 30s or freaking even in your 40s? What if there is no deadline to you becoming awesome? What if your Life starts at 47 or 52 or 31? Fill in the blank with whatever age you are and just be like, yeah, this is the year. This is when it starts. What if right now, standing four feet away from you is the exact breakthrough you have been praying for and the only thing standing between you and it is that you have to decide to call this thing into your life. See, right now, your brain is wired from that old past behavior to just look for negativity. And if you are looking for negativity, if you are looking for things to add to the fear, if you are looking for justification for why you're so scared to move, or why you're scared to speak up, or why you're so scared to try, I promise you, you will find it. But if you decide that you are gonna look for the things that are working, if you make this your prayer, God, show me how it works out, universe. Show me how you're supporting me today. Show me the ways that this is mapping in my direction. You are going to get what you find. You are going to get what you look for. You are not broken, okay? You aren't I cannot tell you how many times in my life that my anxiety riddled mind has tried to convince me that I'm broken, my thoughts are broken. You know, I have a lot of mental illness in my family. Oh, you know, it's going to be me too. And like you're going to get that depression too. Like so many hateful whispers of the fear in my anxiety that has tried to convince me that something's wrong. And I don't know if this goes too far off on a tangent, but I just, I have the feeling that maybe someone else needs to hear this today. Your brain has been taught how to think. Okay, stick with me for one second. There is a saying that is probably overused but is really helpful for me, which is neurons that fire together wire together. What that means is to try and make it as easy as possible to think as quickly as possible. Your brain fires certain thoughts together. And this goes back to those old ideas of like, fear based things and. But what it more means for me is that have you ever noticed that you have the same thoughts over and over and over? When I have the same anxious thoughts over and over and over, my mind would try and convince me that I was having those same thoughts because I was crazy, right? Oh, yep. You're never gonna get past this anxiety or you'll never get over this postpartum depression. My brain would try and convince me of all sorts of things. It's not true. You don't have obsessive thinking because your brain is broken. You have obsessive thinking because you had the thought and then you thought it again, and then you thought it again and your brain went, oh. Every time that Becky walks out the front door and sees this thing, I'm going to give her this thought because she's always thinking that thought. And then the thought comes more and more and more and you decide that that's who you are. It's not. It's not. You have to force your brain to think in new patterns. And just like it learned that thought pattern, I promise you, it can learn a new one. This is not wishful thinking. This is how our brains work. And for clarity, having faith in your ability to change your thought pattern in a way that is more supportive for you and your life. That's not denial. Denial is telling yourself that nothing bad is ever going to happen, that you're totally going to be fine, that you don't need to do anything, that everything's going to work out. Faith says something bad could happen. But I trust that I'm going to be okay and that I will be supported and that I will navigate it even if something bad happens. And let's go one level above faith. Let's go into hope. Hope knows that something bad could happen, and it also knows that something good could happen. And if both of those options are possible, then I refuse to spend all of my energy preparing for only one of those. That's what optimism looks like. And optimism is a practice. Some people have been lucky enough to live lives and have family members where it felt really easy to be optimistic. And then there are those of us who had the opposite. And we have had to learn, we have had to fight for our optimism. Because I am one of those people that have had to fight for my optimism. I can tell you this is a skill. The same way confidence is a skill, the same way any habit that you have is a skill. And if it's a skill, that means it's something that you can build through repetition. Building optimism through repetition looks like a few things to me. One, it starts with that question, what if it works out? What if this actually works out for me in the way that I'm hoping that it will? Or what if it's better? And when you find yourself falling into an old pattern of believing that it might go wrong, just flip it. Just flip it. Yeah, but also, what if it goes well? The second thing that you can do for this is to catch yourself when you start rehearsing the disaster. I am the queen of this. My imagination is phenomenal. I'm a writer. I can imagine the worst case scenario. Like stuff that is so morbid you would stop being friends with me. Seriously, if you find yourself in a scenario where you're imagining things going wrong, literally stop it, like mid thought, mid word, and actively force your brain to think of something else. I like to go, where would I be if I could be anywhere in the world right now? I could be anywhere in the world right now. I could be doing anything. What would I do? It's just one of my favorite things to imagine. Maybe I'm having coffee in Paris. Maybe I'm laying on a beach somewhere. Maybe I'm taking a nap. Maybe I'm watching something on Netflix. Maybe I'm reading a book with a cup of tea. Whatever it is, it just immediately has my brain go to a place that feels positive inside of my imagination. So I'm using my imagination, but I'm using it for something that is positive instead of this crazy spiral of what could go wrong. So start training yourself just like oop, I'm doing a negative thing. Quick. Where would I go if I could go anywhere? Quick. Which of the Avengers would I make out with if I could make out with anybody? Quick. What's my favorite flavor of cake? Just anything other than the thought that you're having, which teaches you how to pattern interrupt when your brain is going through those cycles. The third thing that I want to encourage you to do is start collecting evidence. This could be a list on your phone. This could be something in your journal. Find evidence of the ways that life is going. Right. We are the kings and queens of keeping detailed records of all the ways we've been hurt and all the people who pissed us off and how much we didn't sleep last night and how bad the traffic was. Start keeping a record of all of the ways that life is awesome. Gratitude. Practice is incredible, but if you don't want to do that, just start saying this. Universe, show me how it works out. Universe, show me the way things are lining up. Universe, show me how you're supporting me. Start keeping a record. Look, if you are scanning for evidence that life is against you, you are going to find it every single time. There will always be something. If you start scanning for evidence that life can surprise you, that life can be beautiful, that humans are awesome, you will find that, too. Same exact world, same exact city, same exact day, different results. And it is based entirely on what you have decided to look for. The reality is that two people can live the exact same kind of hard year and have completely different beliefs coming out the other side of it. One person is collecting all of the disappointments, all of the things that happen, all of the proof that life is out to get her. The other person is collecting the same disappointments, but she's also noticing the unexpected kindnesses, right? She's noticing that that door opened. She's noticing that people surprised her by showing up. She's noticing the serendipity and the synchronicity and the little moments so that when she comes out the other side of it, she has resilience where the other person only found doom. You get to decide which one of those people you are. So let's bring this one home, okay? Maybe somewhere along the way you decided whether it was your choice or it happened subconsciously, that this thing that you want didn't work out. And because it didn't work out back then, you decided that it's not going to work out now. Maybe you decided that you have been hurt and you would rather not try than be hurt. Again. And maybe the business didn't take off the first time that you tried it, and so you decided that you're not even going to attempt it. Here is what I need you to hear me say. You are a different person now. You are a different person now. You know more than you knew then. Okay? You have healed parts of yourself that back then you didn't even know were broken. You have learned, actually learned the hard way, things that you didn't have access to the last time you tried this. You have experience now that you did not have when that old story got written. Babe. The circumstances are different. The people around you are different. The world is different. The resources you have are different. The timing is different. You are, in almost every measurable way, not the same person who lived through that thing that you keep using as evidence against your current self. You know how to ask for help now. You know your own worth a little better now than you did back then. You know what red flags look like. You might have had to learn those red flags the hard way, but you know what they look like. Instead of finding out 18 months into a relationship, you would notice them right away. Now you know how to walk away from something before it costs you everything, right? You know things now you did not know then. That is not nothing. That is actually everything. That is actually the life experience that you need to have this thing that you want. And that is the entire difference between who you are now. Right? And who you were back then. But you are letting the old version of you drive the ship in the current reality of your life. I have watched this play out over and over again. I've been doing this work for so long. The woman who tries again with everything that she learned last time will never get the same results that she got last time because she is not the same woman who she was walking in. Guys, that's not a coincidence. And that is not luck. That is what happens when you stop assuming that the next chapter is going to rhyme with the last one. Why are you assuming that the outcome has to be the same? Why? Look, things might not go exactly like you hope that they will. I can promise you that. But they also might go way better than you are currently allowing yourself to imagine. Consider that the next time that you feel scared, the next time that you talk yourself out of it, the next time that that voice tells you it's not gonna work, just consider it. You don't even have to make any big moves. You don't even have to change behavior. All I want you to do is start to ask yourself the opposite question. When your mind tells you all the ways that it goes wrong, you just start to ask, actually, what if it goes right? Guys, I hope that this episode was helpful, that it motivated you, that it gave you some ideas. I'd love it if you'd share it with a friend. If you think she would dig it too. We will be back soon. Every Monday and Thursday. I actually and until then, as always, I love you and I'm rooting for you. The rachel hollis podcast is produced by me, rachel hollis. It's edited by andrew weller and jack noble. On this Disney cruise we came to play. Hanging with Goofy on a private island. Getting oohs and ahhs from Census Spa. We're on board for all of it cause Disney Cruise Line is where we came to play. This year's girls trip to Telluride was the best. We one upped ourselves with my Sapphire Preferred card and with 5 times points on Chase Travel plus 3 times points on vacation homes with top brands, we got this incredible cabin. It was a mansion. And with three times the points on dining, we ordered a Wagyu steak dinner. And that pistachio gelato was too good. So where should we go next year? I've got ideas. Chase Sapphire Preferred the card that's preferred for a reason. Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase bank and a member FDIC subject to credit approval terms apply.