← The Rachel Hollis Podcast
The Rachel Hollis Podcast
984 | Better This Week: Your Mindset
00:33:35
Upgrade to the Ad Free Premium Podcast Experience - https://rachelhollis.supercast.com Get your copy of Rachel's Book Here: Audible, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Millon, Bookshop.org, or wherever books are sold! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices In this "Better This Week" episode of The Rachel Hollis Podcast, Rachel shares practical strategies for shifting your mindset when you're feeling overwhelmed, discouraged, or stuck. She encourages listeners to stop waiting until they feel motivated, instead focusing on taking small, intentional actions, challenging themselves physically, keeping promises to themselves, and creating a simple plan that builds momentum. Rachel reminds listeners that lasting confidence and resilience are built through consistent action, not perfect circumstances or the right mindset.
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This episode is brought to you by Peacock and the new original series the Five Star Weekend. Jennifer Garner stars as Hollis Shaw, a famed cook who invites her best friends to Nantucket after a devastating loss changes her life. Based on the best selling novel by Ellen Hildebrand, this a list ensemble also stars Darcy Cardin, Gemma Chan, Regina hall and Chloe Sevigny. The five Star Weekend is now streaming only only on Peacock.
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Hey guys, it's Rach. Welcome to another episode of Better this week. This is a new series we're doing here on the POD where we talk about a really specific subject with the intention of helping you improve in this one area by this time next week. And today's episode is so freaking good, if I do say so myself, because it is something that I have needed so many times in my life and that I feel like I have really solid frameworks around mindset. Or more specifically, how do we get our mindset in the right place when we are feeling overwhelmed, when life is feeling hard, when things are not going the way you thought they would or they should, when you're feeling discouraged, I mean, you name it, I feel like I have lived through some version of it over the last 10 years. And time and time again I have had to find a way to get myself back on track, to stand back up, to go again, to keep fighting for my dreams, to keep fighting for my family. And I got some really good ideas about how we pull that off. I felt like this was a good one to share because honestly, I know for me and I believe this is true for you as well. We do not have the luxury of staying down. You know, I know you guys. Like I've hung out with you so much over the last 15 years. You've come to book signings, you've come to Rise Conference. We interact in the comments. You're in, you know, the premium community community. Like I know you. And because I know you, I understand that you are working hard not just for yourself, but for other people. There are other people counting on you. Your family is counting on you. Your babies are counting on you. Your friends are counting on you. Your team at work, your team at church, they are counting on you. And because they are counting on you, you have to find a way to stand back up and go again. And this is not from the perspective of, like, pretend that life isn't hard, Pretend that the bad things don't happen. We're not doing that. People love to come at the optimistic and say that it is toxic positivity. It is not toxic positivity to keep fighting for the things that you want. We can acknowledge that life is hard. We can acknowledge our grief. We can acknowledge our pain. And we can keep going because we must. We do not have the luxury of staying here and staying down. So if you need that reminder today, if you need to get your mindset in the right place, I've got ideas. I've got ideas. And I know that they work because I have used them so many times. That said, I think you're already sensing this. If you're not or maybe you're new here, let me just say this is going to be more of a tough love kind of motivational conversation today. This is not the, like, I'm going to give you a hug and we're going to talk through some therapy. This is specifically for someone who's like, rach, I need you to kick my butt a little bit. I need to get myself in gear. That's what today is. So if you need the, like, hug version, let's listen to a different episode. But if you need the tough love version, I got you. Let's you and I get your mindset back in the right space and back on track. You're still here, which means you want to talk about your mindset. Specifically, you want to talk about what to actually do when you feel overwhelmed, when you feel discouraged, or like you are working and working and working and still not making progress. Because here's what we know. Wishing that things were different, wishing that you had made a different choice, wishing that life was easier. Wishing that you didn't have to deal. All of those wishes don't actually make anything better. Not for me, and I'm guessing not for you either. Wishing and hoping is not going to change anything. You are going to change something. And you are going to change something by thinking of your mindset in perhaps a different way than you have before. Here is my thesis, okay? You do not think your way into a different mindset. You act your way into a different mindset. And I am going to give you five different ways that I personally do this, but I want you to stay grounded in this thought. You're not going to think your way to feeling better. You are going to act your way to feeling better. I know it's counterintuitive. It's kind of not the way that people would typically come at this. But when I am feeling overwhelmed, I don't really have the capacity to go and sit in a corner and meditate and do some deep breathing and, like, get myself to a higher vibration. At least for me personally, that does not work. That works when I have it as a practice. That works when I'm doing as a daily routine and life is going well. But if I'm already in a state of overwhelm, and I have found that taking action is easier for me than trying to calm my nervous system down. So assuming that you have a similar way of being to me, let me tell you how I get around this. And let's see if any of these ideas work for you and can help you change your mindset before the end of the day. So the first thing that you are going to do is, is make a decision before you feel like making a decision. So here is where most people get this backwards. We believe that if we feel better or when we feel better, we will make better decisions, right? If we feel motivated, then we will get up and do the thing. When we feel confident, then we will take the leap. When we feel energized, then. Then we're going to get that workout in. It's not how it actually goes down, especially if you are already overwhelmed. It's actually the other way around. You have to make the decision to change before you actually change. You have to act like the person that you want to be while you still feel exactly like the person you currently are. That's it. And this is a wild way of approaching things because so many people are in this pattern of waiting. They're like in a holding pattern, thinking that at some point they're going to feel better and then they're going to do better. But that is not what actually works. The whole move is that you do not wait to feel like doing the thing, but before you do the thing. The very first person I ever heard say this, I think was, I want to say it's Gretchen Rubin back in the day said, act the way you want to feel. I hope I'm not misquoting her. Act the way you want to feel. You know, when you're having a hard day, smile when you don't feel like it. You get home from work and you're feeling stressed out, but you don't want to bring that into your kids. You act pumped up, you act excited and you sort of retrain your nervous system and, and it catches up with the way that you are behaving. The same thing is true for your mindset. You have to give yourself permission in advance and on purpose, by the way, and then your feelings can catch up. Sometimes it takes a few minutes, sometimes it might be several days. But it is the only way that I know of, in a state of overwhelm, to change the way my mind is working. And this is, this is not about willpower, okay? This is not about being naturally disciplined. This is about understanding the way that our minds work, which is this simple fact. Behavior changes belief faster than belief changes behavior. Behavior changes belief faster than belief changes behavior. It is easier to make yourself do something physically to take an action and then that action starts to reorient the way that you see yourself. Instead of, I'm going to believe this, I'm going to say the mantra, I'm going to like, repeat these words. And then if I say it enough, I'll be that person. You know, so many of you have asked a hundred different versions of questions surrounding the idea of confidence. You call into the hotline, you ask some question about confidence. I've gotten it over and over and it always to me comes down to this fundamental truth that confidence comes from competence and competence comes from doing things. It is the same when it comes to your mindset this week. You are not going to wait until you feel ready. You are not going to wait until you feel motivated. And you are not going to wait until you, quote, feel like yourself again. I want you to pick one thing doesn't have to be big, but one thing that you can commit to doing specifically when you don't feel like it. The discomfort of doing a thing that you don't want to do but is aligned with who you want to be is the whole point. Okay? It's like working out a muscle in the gym. We are going to make the decision before we feel like actually doing it. This episode is brought to you by Peacock and the new original series the Five Star Weekend. Jennifer Garner stars as Hollis Shaw, a famed cook who invites her best friends to Nantucket after a devastating loss changes her life. Based on the bestselling novel by Ellen Hildebrand, this A list ensemble also stars Darcy Cardin, Gemma Chan, Regina hall and chloe Sevigny. The five star weekend is streaming July 9th only on Peacock. There's a fire inside you you can't ignore. Stand still. Not a chance. You're a lifelong learner who's come this now. We are here to help you keep going further. Capella University. What can't you do? Visit Capella Edu to learn more. Number two, this one's gonna sound counterintuitive again. You're gonna move your body. I know, I know. I say this in every single episode around health and wellness and frankly, I incorporate it into things that have nothing to to do with health and wellness. But stay with me because this totally matters when it comes to mindset, and I am living proof. Okay? You have got to move your body to change your mind. When you move your body, you change your mind. You don't have to run a marathon. You do not have to do some kind of brutal hit workout. But you need to do something. Listen to me. That is harder than what you've currently been doing in your workout. If you want to change your mindset today, I want you to put some effort in. I want you to go on a longer walk than you normally go or I want you to walk faster than you normally walk. I want you to run faster than you normally walk. I want you to go up by £2 in your bicep curls. I want you to do something where you are physically challenging yourself you to do a harder thing than you did yesterday. This is the whole psychology of people who are super into cold plunge or they go into the sauna. Those people, yes. There's all sorts of amazing benefits to our body when we do those things, but it's not always about how cold that water is or how hot that sauna is. It's about doing something hard on purpose. You hear people say this again and again, especially those who do it inside of their morning routine that they are doing a hard thing that they choose. Let me take a little side note here and just say if you're listening to this episode, there's a solid chance that you already understand the fact that life is going to put you through hard things that you have no say in. Raise your hand if you have lived through something hard in the last five years that you did not plan on, that you did not see coming, and that life gave you no choice about. I think everybody's got a hand raised right now. Life is going to kick your butt sometimes, even when you are not expecting it. It's gonna be hard even when you don't expect it. There is something so empowering about Doing hard things that, that you are in control of. It is a hard that you choose. So I want you to challenge yourself to move your body every single day. But right now, specifically, as you're in this time period where it feels extra difficult, put a little more oomph in, do a little something more. And if at all possible, I'd love for you to get that done in the morning. Because when you do it early, you have got something to clap back at your brain when it tries to tell you all the crap that it's been spewing that got you into this negative mindset in the first place. When your brain tries to tell you you can't do something, you have a receipt, babe. You're like, no, I went up £5 on my bicep curls today, Pam, so you can take a long walk off a short pier. You don't get to tell me anything today when you already walk the mile and you hadn't felt like walking. You have something to clap back with right? When you went on a run, when you only plan to walk. When you did push ups when you weren't going to do any. It doesn't matter what it is, but you are challenging yourself to do something more than you are already doing. You already know something about yourself, right? You already know in this one act that what your discouragement has been trying to convince you of is a lie. Your discouragement wants you to believe that you can't get up off this floor. Your discouragement wants you to stay here and stay stuck. Your discouragement wants to convince you that you are not enough. And by doing something as simple as a little extra umph in that workout, you have got something to say to that voice when it tells you that you can't. When you move your body, you change your mind. All right, number three. You're gonna make progress on something that matters. You are going to make progress this week on something that matters to you. To you. Not to your mama, not to your husband, not to the other people work. Not to. To you. Now, this one is so simple to say, but almost nobody does it when they're in a state of overwhelm. This is the first thing to go, the plan. Okay? You need some kind of plan. Not your whole life plan, not your 10 year plan. You need a this week plan for one thing that matters to you. And I want you to hear me right now. Guys, if you need the one thing to be so low, like if you need to lower the bar on the one thing, if the one thing needs to be that you're going to clean out your junk drawer or get your car washed or write one page of your dissertation. I don't care. I don't care how small it is. I care that the plan aligns with. With who you are becoming and that you can accomplishment. I care that you have a plan, not a wish. Okay. Not an idea. Not a O. That'd be nice. Not a oh, when I feel better. No. What are we doing this week? I've done quite a few episodes on this concept, but in case you haven't heard me say it, we want to plan the work and then work the plan. Often times, planning the work is way simpler than the second part, which is actually doing the things that will get you there. Lower that bar, make it so simple. But let's plan something for the next week that will help you make some traction. Look, most people feel like they're not making progress, and it's not because they're failing. It's because they're doing nothing. Right. They're not doing anything that they can actually fail at. They're sitting there wishing that things were different. They're sitting there feeling sorry for themselves. And I'm speaking. I am speaking from personal experience. I can lose so much time feeling sorry for myself, wishing that things weren't this way, wishing that it had worked out differently, wishing that it wasn't this hard, wishing that we hadn't lost people that we love. Like, I could wish for all those things, and I can feel sad about all those things. I can stand back up and I can keep going. Because me wishing that things were different doesn't help my kids. And you wishing that things were different isn't going to help your life be better. A wish with no plan becomes just another reason for you to feel discouraged. Because in that wishing, babe, nothing changes. Nothing is ever going to change. If anything in that state where we're feeling sorry and sad and we're wishing that it was different, we're actually just wiring our brain to stay there and stay stuck. It's why taking some kind of action, even against a small goal, can help you shake things up, shake up the energy, shake up the vibration, and get some momentum behind where you're trying to head. So this week, you're gonna name one thing, you're gonna write down the plan, even three ideas for what you can do to get closer to that goal, and then you are work the plan that you created. You're going to do it on purpose, regardless of how you feel. You have to take action, even if you don't feel like it. If you didn't understand this part earlier in our convo, let me reiterate it now. You're not going to feel like working out. You're not going to feel like pushing yourself harder. You're not going to feel like taking action before you feel like it. You're not going to feel like it. With love in my heart, I say unto you, I don't care. I don't care that you don't feel like it. Right now. It can't be about how you feel because if feeling your way into this was going to help you get out of it, you would be out of it by now, right? If feeling your way into it was going to help you stop being discouraged, you wouldn't be this far into this episode. So let me be your coach. I love you enough to challenge you right now. Don't ask yourself how you feel. Do the thing. Do the thing. Whatever it is, it's worth mentioning here too. If this idea of like creating a plan and figuring out how to work the plan, if that is something that you want help with, I want to make sure and remind you that this month's Premium episode so this came out the first Monday of the month. It's a video class. It's over an hour long. It comes with a workbook. It's part of our Premium Community that came out first Monday of the month. It is worth a dive into that episode if you haven't watched that yet because it is all about building a plan for the last half of the year. So we do an assessment on the last six months and we use that information to figure out how we are going to get to our goals by December. If you have not watched that episode yet, make sure that you jump in to Premium Community and grab it. If you're not a part of Premium community, it is $10 a month. It is all of our podcast episodes without any ads, as well as that monthly deep dive coaching class with the workbook. There's a community there. It's a private community. It's for those people who want to really work on their life and need some structure and some, you know, community around them as they do that. So if that sounds interesting to you, it is episode 978. You can go back or you can find the link to Premium Podcast in the show notes to this episode if you want to dive into that. All right, my next thing that is going to help you change your mindset this week is keeping a small promise okay, so there's this old commencement speech. I think it was like a Navy SEAL or something. But the entire speech is built around one single instruction which is make your bed. The whole idea is not about having a clean room or you know, if you have a tidy bed that it changes something about your day. It's that you are finishing one task as soon as you wake up. It's the same as pushing yourself a bit in that workout is that you have this proof sometimes before 8am that you are a person who follows through. Carter's has your family covered for every summer. First for steps, first swim lesson or first sleepover. Our clothes help kids and parents shine thanks to comfy design and easy dressing details. Visit Carters.com to shop the latest styles or find a Carter store near you. Hi, it's Sierra Miller. I can't wait for you to check out my new collection of shoes and accessories at Designer Shoe Warehouse. If you love shoes as much as I do, then trust me, I got you. From cute sneakerinas to the perfect flip flops to stunning heels, these shoes are all style, no drama. It's a girls girl summer and DSW has just the shoes shop the Sierra Miller collection right now at your DSW store or dsw.com. Keeping small promises to yourself can be a huge mindset shift in who you perceive yourself to be. So if you have told yourself that you're going to start, start the workout, if you're going to build the business, if you're going to write the book, if you're going to change, if you're going to do the thing and then you haven't, you are reinforcing the belief that you are not someone who keeps their word to themselves. Remember we talked about this in Girl wash your face. This idea of I'll start tomorrow. You know, we just keep telling her, oh, I'll start tomorrow. Oh I'm going to do it on Monday. Oh I'm going to, you know, when the kids are older, when this, when you are just reinforcing your self belief that you are not someone who does what she says she's going to do. And I don't say that to be mean. I say that because if you want to get out of the state that you're in, you got to look in the mirror. You've got to be really honest about what you are doing. That is subtly, or maybe not so subtly sabotaging the way that you see yourself. So if you can feel that sense of erosion, right like under the surface, if you say things, but then you don't actually do what you say. Your subconscious doesn't believe you. And if your subconscious doesn't believe you, you're on a really shaky foundation, which might be why you find yourself here in the first place. What people do in this situation is they're like, well, I've got to get a goal, or I've got to get a promise for myself. That's massive, because if it's a really big idea, if I'm really excited about it, then I'll actually follow through then. That's not how it works. The fix is not a bigger promise. It's actually a smaller one that you can keep. So I want you to think of something, whether it's making the bed or drinking a certain amount of water or, you know, getting to inbox zero, something that you can actually do each day that you can keep your word to yourself. Because when you can keep your word, even on the small things that compounds, that builds one on top of another. That's a foundation, guys. You can build a foundation on anything on the small, like the. The smallest grain of sand when stacked on another and another and another and another and another. The smallest things can become an incredible foundation for you. So I want you to find something this week, some small promise that you can keep to yourself every single day. All right? My last piece of advice for shifting your mindset through action, not through thinking your way out of it, is say the plan out loud. Now, if you are blessed enough to have someone in your life, like a true cheerleader, who you can absolutely trust, who can. Who will hype you up, say the plan out loud to them. But if you do not have someone that you are 100% positive will support you no matter what you say, I don't want you to tell anybody. I just want you to say it out loud to yourself. You can say it out loud in the car. You can say it out loud in the bathroom. There's something that happens when we give voice to what we plan to do, right? So I am going to walk a mile today. And, you know, then later, while you're having coffee, I'm going to walk a mile today. And then later, while you're doing the laundry, I'm going to walk a mile today. You are reinforcing audibly not just with your mind, but you're. Now you're saying it out loud. Maybe you said it to someone else and you have an accountability buddy, but you're putting it out into the world. You're getting it out of your mind and into the world. It's a way of taking action before you take action. This. It doesn't have to be some big announcement. You will literally, like, send a text, hey, I'm finishing this chapter of my book on Friday. I just wanted to say it to someone so that I have an accountability buddy. Or, hey, I'm going to walk around the block every morning this week if you want to join me. Like, literally one sentence to one person, but just get it out of you and into the world because you have the courage to call your shot. So in all of these things, you are taking action, and in all of these things, you are shaking up your current state. You don't have to do all five. Even one or two can change the way that you feel right now about your life and your goals and your dreams. You do not have to fix your entire mindset this week. You do not have to fix your entire life this week. But you can make a choice that will have you feeling better today. Like, what is one thing that you can do from this list that will make you feel like you are back in the driver's seat of your life? Because you are. Even when it's hard, even when you feel discouraged, even when you do not know what you are going to do, you are still the one in the driver's seat. We just went through the most, I'm going to say, top five most stressful weeks of our life. I mean, it was absolutely crazy. And now that we're on the other side of it, it's awesome because we lived. But the amount of times that I was like, this is why people don't try and do big things. We were trying to close a deal, and we did. And it's amazing, and I'm so excited. I'll tell you guys about it at some point here, but I. I mean, probably a hundred times in a week, I was just like, this is why people don't aim at big goals. Because you try and do something big, and it is so scary and it is so overwhelming, and you have your name on the line and you have money on the line and you have all of these things. And it just was nearly debilitating. And I think because I've lived through moments like this so many times, I know that if I can just keep taking steps forward, I will eventually get where I'm trying to head. That's the whole secret. Most people are never going to discover that truth because they will not keep taking steps forward because it's so daunting and it's like, you know, yay. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you feel like at any moment you're about to be clobbered, and at any moment it's life or death. And at any moment, it would just be easier to stop trying. So many times in the process, it felt like it would be easier to just stop trying. But I know that if you stand up and you keep going, you are going to get where you are headed. If you don't know that as true, it's because you haven't pushed past this wall that is in front of you. When you find the way to stand up and keep going and keep taking your steps, at some point you look back and realize you passed through a wall that felt like it was made of brick and stone and fire and lava, and the wall was actually made of feathers. The wall is in your own mind, but your mind is incredibly powerful. And when your mindset is aligned to help you, you can move mountains. When your mindset is working against you, you'll stay down and stay stuck, you know, because of the molehill. You won't realize that it was just this tiny little thing that you could have gotten past because it feels impossible. I promise you, you can get through this thing. I promise you, you can achieve the dream. But you must keep going. You must keep going. You have to stand up. You have to go again. You have to understand that you are the captain of the ship. You are the one in the driver's seat. You do not have to move 10 miles down the road. You can move an inch today. An inch in the direction that you want to head is worth so much. Stand back up and go again. I hope that I've said something today that helped you feel encouraged. I hope I gave you an idea for how to get in control of your mindset this week. I hope if you have a friend who you feel like needs to hear this too, you will send it to them. Make sure you subscribe to the podcast if you haven't already, and check back again soon. We do four episodes a week, so we'll be back soon with more motivation to help keep you going and get closer to your goals. Until then, as always, guys, I love you and I'm rooting for you. The Rachel Hollis Podcast is produced by me, Rachel Hollis. It's edited by Andrew well and Jack Noble. So good, so good, so good. New summer arrivals are at Nordstrom Rack stores.
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