Best Of 2025

Summary

The Read: "Best Of 2025" (Published Dec 25, 2025)

Podcast: The Read
Hosts: Kid Fury & Crissle
Episode Type: Annual "Best Of" – listener-chosen standout moments and classic Read-style advice

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Episode Overview

This "Best Of 2025" episode is a festive, wide-ranging compilation of the year’s funniest, shadiest, and most candid moments as chosen by fans. Kid Fury and Crissle revisit everything from messy hip-hop beefs and pop culture showdowns to their signature advice for listeners in sticky personal situations. True to their style, topics move from sharp cultural commentary to playful roasting, all filtered through their irreverent NY-by-way-of-Miami-and-Oklahoma personalities.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Segments

1. Pop Culture Shade: Sydney Sweeney, The White House & American Eagle Ad Backlash

• Timestamps: 03:14–08:37
• Hosts clown recent American Eagle ads featuring Sydney Sweeney, along with the bizarre spin-up from conservatives and even the President’s social media comments.
• Kid Fury critiques the ad’s racial undertones:

  “Y’all have for so long deluded yourself and attempted to delude the rest of the world into believing that white, blonde, blue-eyed women are so beautiful that y’all bitches just look at any blonde white woman and think, ‘oh, she's so pretty.’ It is not hard to be quote unquote pretty… when you're white and blonde.” (05:04)

• Crissle skewers Fox News’ priorities:

  “It was the ridiculousness of the content of the ad... and the way y’all are acting like this is bigger news than what Trump is doing as president.” (07:21)

2. Beef Breakdown: Cam’ron vs. Omar Gooding

• Timestamps: 08:51–28:46
• A wild digression covers Cam’ron’s seemingly random shade towards Omar Gooding, leading to music industry-level pettiness.
• Omar fires back with multiple rap diss tracks—hosts debate who’s actually “winning.”
• Kid Fury:

  “He spent real money to put together an audition, a booking, a shoot… just to be like, hey nigga, that movie you thought that you got booked for, it's not coming out. Well, he still got paid. You paid him right after he made 3, 4 diss records towards you.” (16:32)

• Crissle, on Cam’s elaborate (and ineffective) prank:

  “I cannot believe what I'm looking at right now… It's beyond childish.” (17:47)

• Ultimately, the consensus is Omar came out on top, getting paid and putting out music, while Cam’ron looked pressed and unbothered.

3. Chloe Bailey & Burna Boy – International Love & Cultural Humour

• Timestamps: 29:10–31:45
• Crissle loses it over photos of Chloe Bailey cozying up to Burna Boy.
• “It is something about African and Caribbean genitals. Dick especially.” (29:13)
• Multiple comedic anecdotes about friends lost "to Jamaican dick... Nigerian dick."

4. Interview Excerpt: Ms. Tina (Knowles) Remembers Friendship, Family, and Beyoncé’s Touch

• Timestamps: 31:47–40:01
• Ms. Tina Knowles shares heartwarming stories about her late friend Johnny, family support for LGBTQ relatives, and the serendipity of Beyoncé's album release.
• “He prophesied that he manifested it, and she came out with that record, and then I would go to these concerts, and... that picture at the end of the concert of me and him…” (33:51)
• Reflection on familial acceptance vs. societal expectations and how her progressive upbringing shapes her advocacy to this day.

5. Black Church Critique: Marvin Winans’ Building Fund Antics

• Timestamps: 42:52–54:10
• The hosts react to viral clips of Pastor Marvin Winans scolding a church member for only bringing $1,200 instead of $2,000 for a building fund.
• Kid Fury:

  “$1,000 as a nigga in this economy on this nation, for the building fund, mind you... To me in this economy is so past bold... It’s so brazen… venomous.” (45:51)

• Crissle emphasizes empathy for working people—memorable biblical allusion:

  “It will be easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to see the kingdom of heaven.” (50:00)

6. Cardi B Antics: Lawsuits, Shade, (Maybe) Pregnancy, and “Growth”

• Timestamps: 68:04–78:30
• Cardi B dodges a $24M lawsuit, but immediately gets into more hot water for throwing a pen at a reporter upon leaving court.
• The hosts roast Cardi’s claims of “learning to control my emotions” (73:32), question her maturity, and bemoan her recurring legal issues.
• “You are 32 with three and a possible kids. I’m not seeing the growth here.” (76:00)

7. Advice Letters: Relationship Woes, Petty In-Laws, and Messy Proposals

a. Masturbation Drama in a Lesbian Marriage

• Timestamps: 85:13–97:50
• Listener’s wife is scandalized by revelation of solo play.
• Crissle, candid:

  “I’m not explaining to no 67-year-old dyke that I like to touch myself... I’m not going to feel bad about it.” (93:04)

b. Mother-in-Law Oversteps with Pregnancy News

• Timestamps: 98:15–114:01
• Another listener’s MIL repeatedly steals milestones; hosts advocate for setting boundaries and letting the husband lay down the law.
• Kid Fury:

  “I’m setting the boundary with no sugar on top. I'm setting the boundary and I'm standing 10 swollen toes on the top of that.” (102:16)

c. Unimpressed with Proposal, Demands a Do-Over

• Timestamps: 116:07–134:26
• Sandra’s fiancé flubs a surprise proposal; she wants a redo.
• Both hosts encourage reflection:

  “It sounds like you want all that so that Instagram and Facebook give you the compliments you want.” (125:57) “You could have an engagement party… all these other things you’re gonna have pictures and glam and stuff for anyway.” (132:16)

d. Friend's Creepy Boyfriend Sends Wild Texts

• Timestamps: 137:01–146:06
• Listener debates telling her friend about the boyfriend’s bizarre “parallel universe” love texts.
• Kid Fury:

  “The longer you take to say something, the longer you are going to exist in the middle of it.” (139:48)

• Crissle:

  “Why wouldn’t you just say, if something happened, I would regret not expressing how I really felt?… Why would you say, if Donald Trump walked up to you on Fifth Avenue and blew your brains out, I would just be devastated that I never told you how perky your titties are.” (143:05)

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Other Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Cam’ron’s pettiness:
  “God help me if I ever think that putting money in my ops pocket is the way to win a beef.” (23:28)
• On church-building scams:
  “That church still not done after 20 damn years? But you have a home.” (51:58)
• On setting boundaries with elders:
  “I’m not allowing you to set no standard of how this family thing is going… You already getting too spicy...” (105:01)
• On messy proposals/weddings:
  “You want a Disney story. Tiana without the frog.” (118:38)

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Episode Tone

True to The Read’s brand, this episode is both hilariously petty and radically affirming. Shade is thrown with wit, but the hosts always drop deep, sometimes tough advice, centering self-respect, boundaries, and community support. Whether dissecting pop culture or weighing in on listener dilemmas, Kid Fury and Crissle are candid, compassionate, and absolutely unfiltered.

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Recommended Segments to Listen To:

• American Eagle ad/White House tangent: 03:14–08:37
• Cam’ron vs. Omar Gooding saga: 08:51–28:46
• Ms. Tina Knowles interview: 31:47–40:01
• Advice Letters (especially Mother-in-Law drama): 98:15–114:01

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If you want a mix of pop culture hilarity, sage advice, and razor-sharp commentary about Black life and celebrity, this “Best Of” is a perfect sampler plate of what makes The Read beloved.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

You probably downloaded the trailer. Nah, for real.

[A]

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[B]

Hey.

[A]

Sunset Gardens, a senior community that is anything but relaxing. Listen to Kenya Barris new laugh out loud Audible original comedy Big Age. Age does funny things. I was just saying this. My knees. Go to audible.com bigage series to start listening today. Let us know how it goes. Let them know we sent you. Well, howdy do and Merry Christmas. Happy Kwanzaa. As well as all of your other holidays this season, it's Mariah time. And it is also time for some traditions. If you didn't know, I go by the name of Scrooge.

[B]

And I am Crystal Jean. And this is the Reid Special holiday edition. Hooty hoo.

[A]

Yes. May all

[B]

be. Oh, that's New Year's.

[A]

That's a Christmas.

[B]

That's next week. Yeah, it is.

[A]

All right, next week. But now we have the present for you holiday girlies in the form of best of. Thank you once again for providing some suggestions on our Instagram and other places for some of your favorite moments of the read this year. So without further ado, let's see what you picked. Dredging up our bad behavior again.

[B]

My favorite. Well, love this time of year.

[A]

Love it. For you. All right, let's get started.

[B]

Hello.

[A]

Thank you for calling the Lincoln Laney Dance Academy. We're now teaching night school courses on the Mamba as well as the Bankhead Bounce. Here we are. It's 2025.

[B]

It is. Yes. Yes. Like, this is the President of the United States.

[A]

It's crazy. Crystal.

[B]

Like it's crazy tweeting about Taylor Swift and Sydney Sweeney. What the fuck? Why is the White House.

[A]

Sydney Sweeney's a registered Republican, so I love her. I hate it.

[B]

I hate to tell about that bitch. I told about that bitch.

[A]

And like I said, I've been so parked in with my Pringle and my tissue and my penny, and I've just been like, girl, minding my business. So when you said Sydney Sweeney was like mama from get out. I was like, wait, really?

[B]

And now she's a Republican.

[A]

A bit about the family now, but that, that add along.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that add along. Jen's a pass down from. I was in Soho yesterday and it was three black girls on the sidewalk in front of me and it was an American eagle up there and they had a Sydney Sweeney banner out and they started doing that ad and I died. Genes are passed down from parent to child,

[A]

often determining things like hair color and texture and breast size and how much better you are than other races.

[B]

Is that she's not. I mean, y' all couldn't pick nobody pretty in the. To do this ad.

[A]

Like, girl. Okay, so let's discuss. Cuz I wasn't gonna say nothing.

[B]

Why this one? But now we know I wasn't gonna

[A]

say anything cuz the, the Republicans have been in the largest tizzy. Like the liberals, the, the Democrats, they just hate sexy, unspeakably hot white women. And I'm like, oh, this one, Sydney Sweeney has large breasts. Like, the thing is, y' all have for so long deluded yourself and attempted to delude the rest of the world into believing that white, blonde, blue eyed women are so beautiful that y' all bitches just look at any blonde white woman and think, oh, she's so pretty. It is not hard to be quote unquote pretty.

[B]

Right.

[A]

When you're white and blonde. Yes. When a lot, a lot of y' all are just white girls. Cindy Sweeney is not an unattractive person by any means, but jumping out the window and attempting to, to claim that bitches don't like this because she's just too fucking gorgeous. Then why was Barbie the biggest movie?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know who's sexy? Fucking Margot Robbie. Now that's a gorgeous white bitch.

[B]

Yeah, but like so many, like, I just feel like there are so many young girls genuinely beautiful. And I'm not seeing it for that one in particular. It's. I don't know, something about the eyes maybe, but I, I also tend to let y' all have it about White people. Because I'm. I'm not seeing what y' all are seeing any fucking way. But why is the White House and the President weighing in on fucking jeans? Like, why. Why are you. Why is the White House posting about American Eagle?

[A]

Because I wouldn't be surprised if people who sit in the chairs or the committee, people who own American Eagle, people who sit at the top of absolutely. Voted for him, put money in pockets over there. It's very, very, very obvious that the ads are dog whistles. Like, that's why. And the funny thing is racist. Biggest Republicans, people on the right, conservatives be the loudest and first ones to defend some shit when they get the sniff of somebody being onto the bullshit.

[B]

And this is what.

[A]

Y' all louder than the people who don't like the ad. Most people are just clowning it for being whack and racist.

[B]

I would if white people hadn't made it such a big deal. Like, American Eagle ads have never been any of my business. I can't tell you what an American Eagle commercial look like. I would have this. It was the ridiculousness of the content of the ad. And then the way y' all are acting like this is bigger news than what Trump is doing as president. Like, for Fox News to be spending hours dissecting this American Eagle story and not talking about the Epstein files or old girl Maxwell being downgraded to or upgraded, I should say, to a minimum security prison. Like, Trump is finna pardon her or something. Like, there's the Republicans and their redistricting bullshit and what the governor down there in Texas is threatening to do to all these lawmakers. There's actual things that are going on. And this is what y' all are focusing on. And this is where a giant section of the country is getting their news. They tuned into this station all day, every fucking day. And following the President on his little MAGA social media site. That true social bullshit. This is what we dealing with.

[A]

If.

[B]

All right.

[A]

I had a joke about Truth Social that came to mind when I was using the restroom a couple weeks ago, and I don't.

[B]

Okay, all right, all right.

[A]

It was pretty good.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Did you see Cameron and Omar Gooding?

[B]

No. Doing what?

[A]

Omar Gooding has released not one, but two diss records directed towards Cameron because Cameron went on his podcast where he was interviewing 50 Cent and randomly shaded Omar Gooding saying something like, you know, black actors like Omar Gooding Jr. Mind you, Omar not a junior.

[B]

Oh, I would.

[A]

They have to, like, wait for blah, blah, blah. Oh, he. Of course he did. He was like, or they have to wait for blah, blah, blah. Whereas, like, you know. Or they have to, you know, Hope someone like 50 Cent will give them a chance. Some shit like that. It was, like, unnecessarily shady, and it sounded like he was just fishing for black names. Omar decided to respond with. Yeah, with rap music.

[B]

Is it good? Is the song good?

[A]

It's not bad. It's not as bad as you might think. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, okay. Can he rap better than camera if you want to get in the booth.

[A]

See that? That's tricky. That's tricky. I don't think. I don't know how current day Cam' Ron would fare against this.

[B]

Oh, wow. Okay. So he's really not bad.

[A]

But I also wasn't. He's not great. Like, Well, I. I was prepared for it to go either way.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Cause when you say, oh, my God, I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? But why would.

[A]

Some of it, I was like, okay, this ain't bad. And then some of it, I was like, okay, that wasn't a very strong bar, but fine, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Why would cam' Ron bring him into this? That seems strange.

[A]

That is the part I don't. I was like, for him to bring up Omar Gooding and say his name wrong feels incredibly random. For Omar Gooding to respond with two rap songs is also random. Is there something that we're missing?

[B]

Maybe he meant Cuba Gooding Jr.

[A]

Maybe he took.

[B]

You know, black people get names wrong all the time. All the time.

[A]

It's true. But then, like, Cameron posted a photo of him from Wild and Crazy Kids talking about this. You like, okay, you were talking about. Okay, so everybody knows that.

[B]

Is that bad.

[A]

He also played peanut in Baby Boy, and we bought it like he did.

[B]

Well, niggas respect Omar Gooding's career. What are you talking about? There's not. No.

[A]

Right. I don't.

[B]

All right, See? Cause now it feels like, what was the reason? Like, why? And why egg it on. When you brought that man's name up out of nowhere, you brought his name up.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. Like, why did you bring up Omar Gooding?

[B]

Did y' all have some kind of beef?

[A]

Or did you mean Cuba Gooding? Because I could give you a couple of reasons why.

[B]

And then you got embarrass.

[A]

It's probably not working as much.

[B]

Right? But I mean, I would Argue Cubic Gooding Jr. Is far more successful than

[A]

Cameron, so why would you maybe him at Mason?

[B]

All right, Niggas doing Nigga, Shit. You know, it looks like they're. He's. If Cuba's from the Bronx, then Omar probably is too. Looks like maybe.

[A]

So Omar's, I think, is from la.

[B]

So did they not grow up in the same house?

[A]

I don't know. Maybe by the time Omar came along, they were already on the west coast, perhaps. So maybe he grew up here. Maybe he was. I really don't know where he was born, but I think he claims the West.

[B]

No, he was indeed born in. No, he was born in la. You are correct. So. All right, well, I was thinking maybe, you know, oh, they grew up around each other, not around Harlem and the Bronx are next door, but. Okay, never mind. I don't have. I don't have no explanation.

[A]

Neither do I. I'm sorry. I don't know where this came from, why it came from, where it's going, but it's there. It exists.

[B]

Oh, yep. Family moved to LA in 1972 when he was. When Cuba was four. So. All right, that clears that up.

[A]

Work out. But I'm also not going to go out. I'm not gonna be on the lookout for whatever he has to say about this because I don't care. That bad. But I'm just saying, if you're expecting to hear music in response, which was what I was hoping to. You won't be, because Cameron, I think under that picture of. Of wild and crazy kids, Omar cam says something like, I'm. I'm wrapping up vacation. I'm back in a pod. Back on the pod. Next week or something. Something. Something like that. So it's not like he's going to address it on podcast. To which Omar responds, okay, with a video of himself, like in a pool, I guess, with his kids or something. And he's like, nah, bro, that's not how. That's not it. Get in the boo.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like right now or shut your ass up. Essentially, Cameron and Omar Gooding.

[B]

Not still. Not still with this, mind you.

[A]

Omar Gooding has released like five records. Cam on her is elite zero.

[B]

This is still happening.

[A]

No way. It's still going on. I think it's gonna keep going on. Yep. I'm.

[B]

I'm.

[A]

I've never been this. More like. I'm so confused. I still don't understand why this is taking place. Like, what is the inception? Because I know, like I said, Cameron had 50 son on the show. He was trying to guess 50 and say how 50 has kind of become a person similar to Tyler Perry in Hollywood, where a lot of black actors who can get work anywhere, rely on him for work, right? And he, for whatever reason, goes ving Rhames like Omar Gooding Jr. Like, they da da, da. Basically, like, dissing them. Omar Gooding, well respected, you know, still working, successful, happy. Ving Rhames was just in Mission Impossible, like, last year, this year. So that was random. Omar was like, okay, fine, I'm going to diss you. The records were pretty good. He's like, get in the booth. Let's argue. Cameron said, oh, I'm on vacation, but I'll be back for the podcast soon. That was the last I heard. I think Omar put another dis record out after that.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

So, Cameron, now, this is one of the craziest things I've ever. I wanted to just preface this.

[B]

What am I looking at?

[A]

Are you seeing what took place? Okay, you are. This is one of the craziest things I've ever.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

New York niggas are crazy. Okay, so nice.

[B]

I'm wrong with him.

[A]

Cameron claims that amidst all of this, Omar Gooding went to Miami because he was booked for a film, auditioned, did all of this stuff, and laughed at Omar saying that the movie is never going to come out. And the reason he knows that is because Cameron himself is the one who booked him for this fake movie. And he knows all of those movie producers, everybody in those rooms, essentially set him up to come in there and audition, take his shirt off, do all of these things. And then Cameron plays the video of him watching the audition and laughing at him.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I was like, okay, you spent money on this?

[B]

Real money.

[A]

He spent real money to put together an audition, a booking, a shoot, all of these things just to be like, hey, nigga, that movie you thought that you got booked for, it's not coming out. Well, he still got paid. You paid him right after he made 3, 4 diss records towards you, right? And now he's still laughing. He went and did another project after that one and is back in the studio. And you still. So it's like, Cam, Cam Killa. As someone who's been a dipset fan since I was in, like, ninth grade, what the fuck? I have to ask what's going on? What's going on?

[B]

What?

[A]

Who does all of this?

[B]

Why haven't you gotten in the booth? That man put out five songs.

[A]

You're a rapper. He's not. I'm actually. This one. This one blows me over with a feather.

[B]

Yeah. Cause you went through all that trouble to set up, like, a fake green room or fake Whatever. Like, you went through all. I cannot believe what I'm looking at right now.

[A]

It's pretty crazy. I don't get it.

[B]

It's beyond childish. It's.

[A]

But it's like a. It's a thing that I know his type of. His friends, like niggas, like, they will think it's hilarious. But I have to ask because they're also. Why. Right?

[B]

Paying a. You hate you. It's no way you can justify that making sense to me. Like, it is no way you're gonna come out looking like you won't in that situation to me. Cause you gave that. You put money directly in that nigga pocket. You do. You did the nigga who's currently clowning you, like, for. For what?

[A]

Like, you didn't even get him to dress up like Ginger Minj or something. Like, actually embarrassed him. That's the first person that came to mind.

[B]

Of all people.

[A]

I don't know why Ginger's the first

[B]

person that would be funny. He went on an audition. So many actors audition every day.

[A]

Like, every single day.

[B]

That's working. Do you work? What do you do for work now? Cause it's clearly not rap.

[A]

It doesn't matter. Do you know how many actors not only audition going to pre production? There are actors who film whole movies that don't come out. Look at the.

[B]

It happens all the time. It happens all the time. You're not. This is what I'm saying.

[A]

Like, but they continue to go on. They did their job. It's not their job to release the movie. It's not. So gave him a job.

[B]

You paid for his flight, hotel, whatever. Like, you.

[A]

I don't get. I don't understand. I genuinely watched this and I was like, yes, this is childish. Yes, this is petty. But I don't see the win. Like, I can. I can look at things and be like, this is incredibly immature. This is. This is petty. But it was really funny. Or I see how you got one up on your.

[B]

Right. Right.

[A]

I don't with it.

[B]

I don't even see how you won. It looks like a L in so many different ways. On top of the fact that that man has put out three, four, five songs clowning you, and you have not put out even one.

[A]

And he laughed about this.

[B]

So camera fans come.

[A]

Omar Gooding, you think that is a checkmate? Be careful. My inbox is full of grimy shit you've done past and present. People really got it out for you. Seriously, be careful. Ain't nothing but love over here. Can you book Me to Toronto next, right?

[B]

Since you paying for niggas to go on vacation. What an idiot.

[A]

He said y' all said he was gonna cook me on the mic. That's y' all champion.

[B]

All right. See these Harlem niggas? I. I really need Cameron fans to explain this to me. Like, how? Because I'm looking at his. I. I can't believe it.

[A]

I'd love to. I am a fan. I don't. I don't know.

[B]

Show me.

[A]

You have to ask a straight childish nigga and I don't know where.

[B]

Well, I'm looking in the comments. I see Peter Guns, so that lets me know already, girl.

[A]

I mean, it's a child. Like, it's a child.

[B]

No, but no people, really? What's funny about it? I don't know. Okay.

[A]

I don't. I don't know. But you know what? It's kind of. I don't even know why. Just not making this connection. This all started with him in a conversation between 50 Cent, who he's gassing up and covering in gold flakes. 50 Cent would totally do some stupid shit.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. But honestly.

[A]

And I would still be confused and be like, well, y' all are childish, though.

[B]

Y' all have very juvenile mental. Yeah, like, that is true for a lot of grown ass people. Men especially. So. Yeah, I just don't see how. Would you. I don't. I really don't see how you want.

[A]

You spent coin and gave this man a job. And then the laugh was like, oh, he filmed it.

[B]

It's not coming out.

[A]

The movie's not coming out. Who gives a fuck?

[B]

Like, you flew me out and paid me for a prank. Ha ha. I guess you got me. Yeah. Can you prank me in Toronto next? And then Texas Caicos after that? And then I'd like to go to the south of France, bitch.

[A]

Tom Holland will get a phone call from his agent. Like, that movie ain't coming out. And he just goes and films something else. Like, no one. I don't.

[B]

This is.

[A]

I don't get it. And I am a fan.

[B]

You see how. You see how regressive your mindset has to be to think that this was, like, a good idea and you was, like, really getting one over on that nigga. I know what I'll do. I'll book him for a job. See how embarrassing it is that you signed the paperwork and got mic'd up? What?

[A]

No, it should have been something like, maybe like, oh, you scheduled an audition for him, and when he pull up, it was just a parking Lot full of kids dressed in wild and crazy kids T shirt. And they just throw eggs at him, right?

[B]

Or did you even get something embarrassing

[A]

on camera that was incredibly char. I don't think so. So it's just they were laughing when he, like, they were laughing when he took his shirt off and shit. But it's like, okay, you know, got a dad bod. You know, God turn off.

[B]

God help me if I ever think that putting money in my ops pocket is the way to win a beef.

[A]

It's never gonna happen. Not the God I know. Not mine.

[B]

No, not same. My God. Believe in common sense. We really understand that. We big on that. And I'm just not. This footage of you sipping tea. Watching this man audition is like.

[A]

Not watching him eat dog food out of a Dixie cup.

[B]

Not having sex.

[A]

Not watching him.

[B]

Like, he's not doing anything demeaning or he just is.

[A]

He's doing his job as an actor.

[B]

Being an actor, is that embarrassing to you that. That a working actor would audition?

[A]

Oh, baby.

[B]

Ugh. You know, I'm starting to feel like every time we talk about celebrities, the recurring theme is grow the fuck up.

[A]

With a lot of them.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. This.

[A]

With a lot of them.

[B]

I really thought last week when you brought this up, it was gonna be like, wow, what a crazy story. We'll never talk about that again.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

Uh, I want. I want the rest of you Cam' Ron fans to step forward and explain to I'm 5 years old. How this makes sense.

[A]

Or even if you down in your petit soul have like, an answer or an inkling into how this is a W. Yeah. How this is a V, bitch. Like, is it.

[B]

Is it just one U? It don't even got to be the W. Can we just get one of them U's? Cuz this. I'm not seeing it. Listen, if you hate me, you can also book me to fly first class.

[A]

Yes, please.

[B]

And put me up for two to three days in somebody.

[A]

Schedule can be open.

[B]

All right. And a check on top of that. Yeah, you actually can. You can go right ahead and book me for that.

[A]

And I don't even have to do the work of filling the movie.

[B]

I would love to see. I actually have a list of destinations across the planet I would love to see. So if any of y' all are just like, God, I hate Crystal. What could I do?

[A]

I know I've been watching White Lotus, and so I've always been, let's pay her rent.

[B]

We'll fly her to Thailand and pay her rent. And That'll show that bitch her stupid ass. Oh, yeah.

[A]

She didn't even know that we just paid for her ass to go to fucking Thailand and swim with the turtles and have vacation.

[B]

Well, I got footage of you signing the contract and getting mic'd up. Okay? And I was gallivanting around Thailand for three days and got paid. Oh, yeah, yeah, you can.

[A]

It was us.

[B]

You can't be so petty and childish that you don't actually win the argument or the fight fight or whatever. Like, you can't.

[A]

That's not.

[B]

If it was petty, childish, funny, and you actually got one over on him, I would be saying something completely different. But this just looks like a waste of time.

[A]

This just made a song.

[B]

Time and money should have just made a song. I'll book you for my goddaughter's baby shower next. Okay? And I'll be there. Long as that payment clear. I'll be there. Girly pop.

[A]

Like, what are we confused about?

[B]

When are you gonna get in the booth and respond to me on wax? Aren't you a rapper? Why is. Why is Omar Goody out rapping you?

[A]

I hate that. I hate that. I hate it. And I love Omar Goody, bitch. Y' all know Smart Guy, one of my favorite shows. You know, I joke about Baby Boy all the time. I grew up watching this movie.

[B]

What are we singing?

[A]

Said if you like Godfather or Harlem, you're gonna love this. Cam said. Cam said the executive produce alongside me want in. Get at him. I'm out of the country. Cameron posted it as well, saying, you know, this is what we've been talking about for a few months now. It's almost time. Thanks, 50 Cent, for the opportunity. My nigga. We're gonna burn this shit down. Okay, now

[B]

if Cameron is the ep, maybe it won't be so bad.

[A]

What makes you feel that? Why do you feel. Well, Cameron won't even rap back to Omar Gooding. Why do you feel like the way

[B]

I pushed that completely out of my hippocampus? Well. Cause he was impatient. So I'm like, at least it's not just 50 Cent, you know, buying something and deciding to make it, you know, like a power 2.0.

[A]

But. Oh, did he respond? Oh, Cameron did respond.

[B]

So you can respond to Dame, but not to Omar Goody.

[A]

You really turned into a chatty patty. Damn.

[B]

A chatty patty. I. I don't want to hear Shaddady until he respond to oh, My Gooding in the booth. In the booth.

[A]

Mo and Marcus.

[B]

I'm so mad. I forgot about that you don't get to say shit else. That man put out nine songs.

[A]

Nine.

[B]

And you ain't put out one verse. Do it. Hurry up.

[A]

Why I'm so confused,

[B]

niggas? Grown ass men get offline.

[A]

Y' all seen Chloe out in these streets with Burna Boy?

[B]

I seen Chloe.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

I said, oh, God, get my niece. Listen, it's something. It is something about African and Caribbean genitals. Dick especially.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you see? I, I, I'm. I, I am saying what I'm saying.

[A]

What are you saying?

[B]

I'm saying for that girl to be curled up, hugging that nigga's knee like she was that Nigerian dick done sent her to the goddamn Stratosphere. Bitch, why you laying up? She look like Lainey laying up, licking on this nigga knee, just happy to be there. Oh, that dick done sent her into a whole nother time and space. And I know it's something about y' all from those regions specifically. Cause too many of my homegirls done been lost to Jamaican dick. Grenadin dick, Bajan dick, Nigerian dick.

[A]

I been trying to tell y', all, but you won't listen to me.

[B]

Too many of my homegirls done got caught up. So when I saw Chloe grasping at that nigga's joints, I said, oh, God, it's over for my sister. It's over for my niece.

[A]

I know that dick hit the spot. And she woke up the next day and was like, did you know there are oceans on Saturn?

[B]

I saw, I saw them. I saw them with the orgasm you

[A]

gave me on Saturn.

[B]

I saw them on Saturn. And we should go.

[A]

Let's go back.

[B]

Let's go tonight.

[A]

But not no Shay. I feel like Chloe is T. And God, what's his name? Burner Boy. Nose up in the air just to say Lopez.

[B]

Oh, yes.

[A]

I've never. Me, me, myself, correct me. I've never seen Verna claim a single dollar in the street. None of them. Every girl that I known that has dealt with Burning Boy, even motherfuckers he was seriously dating for years. Stefan. I'm like, I had. I didn't know until after y' all broke up and you talked about it, you feel me? Like Chloe, barely at the functions. This nigga shirtless with.

[B]

That's right. Letting Chloe walk him. I agree. His nose is wide open, too. But I seen my niece yesterday. I said, oh, she gone, baby. I wanted it to be, you know, oh, they just doing a song, you know, this is for the song. I wanted it to be that so bad, child.

[A]

No yeah, they both singing Chloeanne.

[B]

They put that dick, so. Oh, my goodness. Ms. Tina, I. You look beautiful today. Thank you for being here.

[C]

Oh, thank you for having me. I haven't seen you guys since the launch.

[A]

I want to ask about your best friend, Johnny, and I loved reading more about him in this book and you sharing a bit more of his story and talking about the experience with him just not wanting to play basketball and how you stepped into the right frame as a best friend. It was like, hey, I want to play. That took him home, and as Krystal mentioned, your mom put him onto, you know, making clothes, and eventually he moved in with. With you and was basically just running the house and making dresses for the girls and stuff. And I guess, like, I wanted to know how it feels or what the experience has been, like, to kind of commemorate that friendship and sort of, like, immortalize your friend and have pe. You know, get to really connect with. With this person and really feel impacted. Because as like, a gay black man who has experienced a lot of those things and recognizes all those things, it's very touching. And it also really touched me that his friend is, you know, putting his story out there and sharing, you know, the love that y' all have.

[C]

Well, I mean, that's one of the best parts about this. You know, when B did that album and he got that recognition, oh, my God, it was the happiest feeling. And I know that he is, you know, up there in heaven playing his house music because he used to tell me he was going to be famous, and I'd be like, okay, Johnny.

[A]

Okay, it is.

[B]

You know, but he.

[C]

He prophesied that he manifested it, and she came out with that record, and then I would go to these concerts, and I had no idea that she had that picture at the end of the concert of me and him, because, you know, they rushed me out of the concert every night.

[A]

Fair.

[C]

Okay, we don't. So you're not. She's not waiting on you, right?

[B]

Get in the car. You got to go. Get in the car.

[C]

And I'm like, I'm staying out here tonight because y' all help me sitting in there. And it take her, like, 10 minutes to get there. So I stayed and I saw that picture. Oh, my God. I cried. And. And, you know, Johnny gave us that picture because Beyonce called me. Beyonce's office called me one day, and they were like, we need a picture of Johnny. And I said, oh, my God, I gotta go. And I'm going to a. I was going to, like, a podcast, and I said, I don't have time because I have these four big things of pictures. And I went in there and pulled out, and that picture was at the top. And I said, I don't know if they told me they wanted a picture of him. This one has me in it, but they could just crop me out of it. And so when I saw that picture up there, I was just so happy. And when I saw all these young people, that reminded me of him, because I would stay at his section and I would say, oh, my God, go get him. And he would come over and I would say, your outfit is fabulous. And they would have on these outfits that were. They look like what was on the stage. And I knew how much that cost and how long that takes every week or two weeks. And they would be like, me. And I was like, that's Johnny. Like, it just. It was the best. And so now for me to follow that up with a book is just. I mean, he was my favorite person in the world, so it's like reliving those moments. And it's so funny, because I just finished. I had finished the audiobook. And as many times as I read this book, I cried, you know, at the loss of him and my mom and my dad and Marseille and all the people that I lost.

[A]

It was.

[C]

It never. It never. It never stops hurting that I lost him, you know, But I know he's here.

[B]

I know he's here, and I have

[C]

to tell y' all a quick little story. So on the 29th of July was the day that the album came out. And, you know, I never keep up with dates, but I went to do this interview with TS Madison, and she said, oh, yeah, Beyonce put the album out on the anniversary of Johnny's death. And I said, no, no. Do you know it was July 29th. It was the same day as his put that album out. You know, that's the end. That's him talking to us. Right?

[A]

That was that picture at the top of the thing, too. It's like, we're not even going to waste time. Johnny said, here you go.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

There's this photo.

[B]

That's right.

[C]

I mean, definitely seeing this.

[B]

Yeah. Your daughter has such attention to detail that I think I just assumed she did it deliberately. But you talk about. I mean, they did, too.

[C]

And I was like, oh, I, I. And I, I, I couldn't wait to get out of there. And I called her and I said, guess what? You know how you put the record out on July 29th? That's the thing of Johnny's death, and she got really choked up about it. Had no idea. Like, you know, she's beautiful. 14 1. He passed away.

[B]

Right. And in that same vein, I don't know too many people, black or white or anything else, who were not homophobic in the 50s and 60s. So reading about your family and how everybody just embraced Johnny and was like, what you not gonna do is come for my cousin and, you know, trying to keep him safe, teach him how to, you know, fit in with others and all that, how. How on earth. You were like a little natural ally going, you know, talking to the white boy about where the going with him so he could find his people and not feel so alone. When you left Galveston, do you look back now like, oh, my goodness, we were really different, like, progressive. Yes.

[C]

When I said that my family was progressive, but I don't think they knew. I think they just, you know, it started with his mama, Selena, my sister. And from the time Johnny was like, you know, I asked her, I said, when did you know that Johnny was gay? And she said, girl, I knew from day one. But they were, like, super tight. And she treated him so well. My mama treated him. So I. Family treated him well and gave the example for my. You know, my brothers were like macho men. They were athletes, and my nephews were too. And so they all protected Johnny. There was never any of that because it came from, you know, we do things in the image of our parents, and the example that they gave us is, no, people are not going to mistreat Johnnie. You know, and I really. I didn't even realize it. It's just like, you know, in the book, I talk about the fact that my mom was married before and that her. Her ex husband, who she had a really tumultuous relationship with, my mama had to go live with him.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And then we grew up with him as our grandfather, other grandfather. Like, his kids were like our sisters and brothers. Now, we didn't know that was weird,

[B]

but we got to remote that people

[C]

would be like, that's your stepbrother. And I'm like, no, that was my mama's first husband's kid. And it's funny because my ex husband, his ex wife is my best friend. So I don't have those reservations about rules. Like, if I love somebody, I love them because they're a good person. And I don't care how they came to me. Doesn't matter.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But I realized that my progressive thinking was because of my family, because we just weren't the traditional family. And we had to protect each other because it was. It was a whole bunch of us because my sister had eight kids, my brother had four kids, and then it was us five kids. And when you fought one person, you

[B]

had to fight everybody.

[C]

We had to stick together.

[B]

Yes, and you were a fighter. You were clear about that, too. Like, who want it? I'm ready. I'm ready.

[A]

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[B]

Woo.

[A]

I'm parched. And you know what would really do my thirst? Something spectacular. It'd be a crisp Sprite zero sugar. That's right. Unk is watching the sweets, okay? Cause summer's coming up and I'm trying to be thought Tiana. So you get the crisp lemon lime flavor just without the sugar. And there isn't like any crazy compromise and hidden asterisk and, you know, national Lampoon, like mystery of what's actually happening to you. It's refreshing. And as someone who might be obsessed with carbonated beverages, it just gives me exactly what I need. So try it out. This is Sprite Zero sugar. Obey your thirst. Dad, I've always wanted to say that Pastor Marvin Winehams and many. Oh yes, of his homies, churchgoers in

[B]

front of let's talk about it. Let's talk about it.

[A]

Are putting on the big cape, the mcu, the dcu, the boys, they're putting on all like the girlies have come to fight the Big fight. The Holy Justice League, the Justice Congregation. So Marvin Winans went viral this past week after clip came out of him basically humiliating the fuck out of.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

A member of his church because they were doing some day of giving shit for church building fund, sanctuary, rebuilding, whatever bullshit. And he formatted this in a way where it's like we're asking for you to come with a thousand plus a thousand. So like you have a thousand, you also bring someone who has 1,000 with you. And if you don't, then you stand in this line and we gonna stand in order of people who have the most money. Then also E does indeed equal MC squared. So you have to think of that when you line up as well. Anyway, this one lady came up there with $1200 and he basically rebuked. Rebuked her light skinned ass and told her to take her ass up the line. Because that's not what he asked for. He asked for $2,000. They have been on this man's ass. Rightfully so in my opinion.

[B]

Correct, Correct. Same.

[A]

Because where the everlasting fuck did you get then on earth? Since then the woman in question who he embarrassed has defended him saying she was in the wrong line.

[B]

Just sowing this seed of $1,000 and plus $235 and receiving the blessings to come to all that participated.

[A]

Now that that's only twelve hundred dollars.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Y' all not listening to what I'm saying. If you have a thousand plus a

[B]

thousand, I'm gonna work on the other 800.

[A]

Well that ain't what I asked you to do, baby.

[B]

You are a victim.

[A]

His Marvin Winans mentee, Fred Hammond, a gospel singer from Detroit said, you know, this is my church. And he posted like a extended cut of the footage which Fred did nothing. It did nothing.

[B]

Like I don't know why people kept saying that. Oh, you just need context.

[A]

It changed nothing. It changed nothing. So correct for this, you know, there's been a lot of hustling around trying to maintain the narrative that there isn't anything. There isn't like a blood sucking leech like element to these types of goings on.

[B]

And

[A]

my two highlights for this experience of events. Are you forgetting how much money a thousand dollars is? Are you hoping that n. Come on. Have forgotten how much money $1000 is? $1000 as a nigga in this economy on this nation, for the building fund, mind you, for the building fund of this shit. Like shut up.

[B]

The church you've been building for two

[A]

decades, you on a side patrol or

[B]

you want money, Keep the money going. Marvin.

[A]

No. What are you talking about? We have been, as a community, we have been memeing the fuck out of the black church building fund since before I was born.

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

So the fact that you feel like you can step your black, bald ass in front of any congregation and ask for $1,000 plus $1,000 to me in this economy is so past bold that I don't even know. I don't have. I don't think there's a word for it. It's just so brazen. It's so, like, venomous. And then for you to be like, 1200 isn't 2000. Fuck you and the land you call home.

[B]

Right, Bitch?

[A]

Are you.

[B]

She was like, I'm working on the other 800. And he was like, that ain't what I asked you. N. So give me my. I don't see you giving me my fucking check back. I don't see that.

[A]

Are we get.

[B]

Oh, no, bitch baby.

[A]

My other part of it was a little more petty. And it's just like you already asking me for a ridiculous amount of money to go buy a cybertruck or go, you know, get some cigars imported or whatever the fuck, right? But you also want me to do arithmetic on the day of. Like, I'm not finna do. Say how much money you want.

[B]

Just say 2000.

[A]

Just say 2000. 1000 plus is giving 19.99. Just say $20. What the fuck are you talking about? But then stand in this line in the order of who has the longest hair and who would also wash my feet with theirs. Like, you shut the fuck up.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Anybody else shut up defending this. Shut the fuck up. You not talking about. Here, come give this $2,000 for this organization that you have receipts and history and memory of going back into the community. This organization that put them shoes on your baby's feet that's sitting next to you. Even then asking for $2,000 would be nuts. Everybody is broke. Bitches can't afford bread. Bitches can't afford eggs. So that would still be bold. A sanctuary building fund for a business 20 years old. Goddamn old. That look like you're standing up just fine to me. And you trying to cuss me out, bitch. And get on Instagram and Facebook Live and defend yourself. How about you hold.

[B]

Cause what do Marvin's house look like? Yeah, thank you. I want to know what. What does Marvin's home look like? The outside and the inside? Who furnished that house? What sort of vehicles do you have? Is this Christ like behavior? Marvin Winans do you think Jesus would tell the congregation to first of all separate themselves by who was giving the most? It's actually when you think about what it took for the average person who lives in Detroit to come up with $1,200 to throw away.

[A]

Insane. Insane.

[B]

Insane for you to then turn around and talk to this woman with such disgust. You sneered at her. You talked down to her for being in the wrong line. Really? That's how you talk to people who are coming up with money to give to you, for you to go ahead and mismanage however you want to because they think they giving it to God and slowing back into God. Yes. Insane.

[A]

Including bitches who did not get up, would not get up, could not get up, laughed.

[B]

I could not believe what I was looking at. I said, this is supposed to be a man of God.

[A]

I can't believe you're doing this to us right now.

[B]

It will be easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to see the kingdom of heaven. And this is exactly why the more money you have, the more societal power you have, the less you feel like you have to give a fuck about other people. And that's bad enough when it comes to regular degular everyday people, but those of you who are purporting to be messengers of Christ, where it's literally your job to behave in a Christ like manner like that, you are, you're the head of this church. This is how you talk to people giving you money. You didn't say wrong line. Here, take your check back, go in the broke bitch line and we'll like. Not even that. You. That ain't what I asked you to do. All right, well you know what? Now that I'm thinking about it, God asked me to put this $1,235 towards my child.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who is growing two inches every six months. And do we just constantly need new clothes? Food cost. Trump said the food cost was gonna go down. Them shits have tripled. All of a sudden we releasing the tariffs on shit that can't be grown in America because duh, hello, surprise.

[A]

And we all about to get here

[B]

running Health and Human Services. Y' all trying to double the. The government is shut down right now because Republicans want to double the cost of health care. Like, bitch, you know what? Actually my God just told me, take your check back, put a stop payment on that check, do whatever you have to do and keep your money, girl. Cause this is insane. Do you know how much $1,200 is in 2025? I feel like you don't.

[A]

This is where I'm. This is where I'm so lost. This is where I'm so lost.

[B]

That woman donated her money to this building, and this is how you talk to her.

[A]

And you know, in reality, she donated money to the spinners that you want to put on your Rolls Royce.

[B]

You know where that money's really going? Cause why is that church still not done after 20 damn years? But you have a home. Marvin Winans better be living in that church for it to still not be done.

[A]

And bitch still asking people for $1,000 is insane. And you ask them for two. You asking a bitch to come up with $1,000 that they got from who knows where? Cause everybody broke. Plus bring another bitch with a thousand dollars, too. Would you also like a unicorn? Would you like a phoenix? Like, would you like a polyjuice potion as well? Bitch, what are you talking about? From where? For what? Y' all robbing the community blind and they getting on the Internet with an attitude. Cuz bitches are calling you out. Like, we ain't been calling out this behavior for decades.

[B]

What happened to a willing mind? For if there is first a willing mind, it is accepted according to what one has and not according to what he does not have. I just don't. This is not what. There's not. Nothing about this is godly. It's just this is the exact opposite of how Jesus would behave. Jesus would turn your temple right over. Jesus would be flipping every table, booth, and pew you got up in that bitch. I just could not believe. And then there's. Well, it was. Y' all taking it out of context. It's. Cause she was in the wrong line. You think it's okay to talk to people who are giving you $1,200 because they stood in the wrong line? Y' all really think that's acceptable? And okay, you are under spell.

[A]

Could have parachuted into the building and actually busted it up. Like, she could have come careening through some pane of glass and literally been like, here's a $1,200 check. And you still should have been like, thank you so much. I don't know why you brought the Evel Knievel stunts with you, but with this $1,200, we can fix that window. Plus, like, bitch, you in the. That's not what I asked you. Ew.

[B]

Tell Marvin to give up 80% of his salary till the building fund is done before he asks y' all for one more damn dime. Insane. So I, I did see that Tamar did, like a joint post with some, some plastic surgeon, oral surgeon, something like that. Somebody who was like, I did. It was on her Instagram where this doctor was like, hi, I'm a such and such oral surgeon, plastic surgeon, doctor. And I fix teeth and Tamar is my client or something like that. So I'm hoping this person wouldn't put her professional name and reputation at risk for a stunt for Tamar Braxton. You know, like, if you, if you get on Instagram crying about how people don't believe you, which I understand how hurtful that could be. Like, like, damn, bitch, something happened to me. I'm having some sort of medical emergency. I don't even understand what's going on. And the first thing you bitches say is, this better not be fake for promo.

[A]

But if you release promo for, for an ep, like two days after you tell us about things, you have to know some people are gonna go, er,

[B]

well, especially when you're known to have a flair for the dramatic and the messy and the ridiculous.

[A]

I didn't even consider that flair.

[B]

If I were you. I probably would. I probably would've put out that trailer or whatever and been like, so weird to be promoting shit when I still got a bloody mouth and stitches. But I do have an album coming out. I hope y' all support it, even though I won't be able to tour for a while while I finish healing or whatever. T. I probably would've said something like that just to get around it in the caption, but, you know, I'm also not one of them people who gonna go type to Tamar and, like, harass her about it. I'm over here, nowhere near Tamar speaking my opinion, so.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I also don't consider it harmful necessarily, for. But I, I, I do empathize with her because that must be hard to deal with all your fans being like, bitch, we don't believe you, or you better not be fucking playing with me. Like, okay, girl,

[A]

we shall see.

[B]

We shall.

[A]

Did you see this white man on ABC News?

[B]

You got to be more specific than that.

[A]

Oh, my God, you're so right. You're so right.

[B]

That's not telling me anything. I don't know. I have no idea what you mean.

[A]

The white man suing Tyler Perry for 260 M's.

[B]

I did not. He went on. Oh, God, let me find this.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I watched the 12 minute interview this morning.

[B]

Ooh wee, ooh wee.

[A]

I mean, I'll say this, Crystal is pretty much what we talked about. He doesn't really say much of anything new. They go over the stuff we talked about. New for me was that I had to actually see the photo of Tyler Perry by the jet ski.

[B]

I told you. I told you. You deliberately ignored.

[A]

It was like, nope, you're gonna see it, you're gonna look at it, you're gonna tell her.

[B]

You are. You're gonna. You are going to tell her.

[A]

And so, yeah, a lot of it was. Essentially, it was maximizing his voice, his movement to sue this man and have him held accountable for what he alleges happened to him. Um, I didn't find anything necessarily off putting or odd or even noteworthy outside of that, except for the part where he was asked if it was true that he asked for money before the lawsuit to buy his silence. And he said no. I wanted accountability and I wanted to hopefully prevent that sort of thing from happening to other actors or in the future. And I did have a moment, of course, where I'm like, you mean like the black actor that helped you put this case together, that is currently in a situation with Tyler's business partner, who says the very thing happened to him who you still have not talked about. Oh, that's a bit interesting. But, you know, I don't know much about algebra, but I can kind of look at things and say, two things can be true. White people ain't shit. White men ain't shit. And also, Tyler, you gotta step up to the front, hon. Yeah, you have to step up to the front. You do, you do.

[B]

I. My thing is, once you've been this egregious and this ridiculous, this disrespectful, this, this thirsty in your pursuit, just unendingly going after this white man who is cute. Like, he's cute. I get why you found him attractive. But to be sexually harassing this man the way you did at that point, I don't care if he takes a couple hundred of your M's. I don't. I don't. Why.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

Why should I leave that man alone? You can go be with anybody who wants to be with you. Go pick one of the many, many people who want to give you their booty hole and be with them. Leave this man who told you no once, and that should have been a girl.

[A]

And that's the thing, too, because after my eyes were accosted by the.

[B]

I told you to look at it. When we talked about it and you

[A]

said no, truthfully, it's the.

[B]

You refused. I said, you need to look at Tyler Perry, talk about you don't see the stud.

[A]

I have to talk about that, too. You know what? No, we don't. We already did. We already did it. Just brought it back up for me when I watched this, and I saw it again, and I'm just like, God,

[B]

you old man, right? You thirsty old nigga? Who talks like this? Ew.

[A]

Anyway, so just this week now, I've seen something from Offset where he. He had, like, some shady comment where he directed it to Stephan like, I'm cool on a bitch, like, I'll pass her, or something like that. Like some sports reference, obviously. And Stephon, promptly after that, posted a photo of him catching a football on his Instagram story. Hilarious. I loved it.

[B]

Why would you say that to a wide receiver? A professional wide receiver in the National Football League? Why would you say that?

[A]

Like, you set yourself up for an easy, hilarious joke, you dumb ass. Like, that was so stupid. It was like.

[B]

Anyway. Lord.

[A]

So I saw that, and then I saw, like, one other thing before these braids. There's, like, something else. Obviously, I don't give a fuck. That bad. But then I saw this picture that someone tweeted of Stephan next to a photo of Wave, and they have matching cornrows.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

This appeared to upset Offset.

[B]

Maybe the boy wants to look like his daddy. What's so bad about that? Same way Lil Future looked just like Russell.

[A]

Let me tell you something, Future.

[B]

You can't tell me shit. It. I said what I said. Why?

[A]

And it still don't make no sense.

[B]

When was the last time you saw Wave Offset? When was the last time you were physically in the same room as your son? Answer quickly.

[A]

I just. You and this lady are not together anymore.

[B]

Thank God. Cause she said she could have killed him. She said she was so stressed. Offset stressed her out so bad during this last pregnancy with that child, whose name I don't remember, this baby, that the baby was born five damn pounds. And she was just so sick of. It wasn't just the cheating. There was the gaslighting and the manipulation and, of course, all this other shit that comes with being with a fuck nigga. And she said it was to the point where she could have killed that nigga with her bare hands and that she was gonna end up in jail. So she knew she had to step away. Like, yes, you did actually need to step away. But this. Y' all should have been broke up then, y'.

[A]

All. Yeah, a long, long time ago.

[B]

Long before culture even but okay, whenever

[A]

that was that you were performing on stage and that n came on there with a marching band and a sheet cake from public.

[B]

I'm sorry. Yeah.

[A]

Half a dozen chicken wings.

[B]

Hijacking your performance and making it about him and his apology, like, that was the day, right? It should have been. But, yeah, that's what she said. She was close to killing that man with her own bare hands.

[A]

Well, amen. Look at where we are now. Not in prison.

[B]

Amen.

[A]

But I would just. I'd love to know, because I feel like me. It's me in this situation. Right? I'm putting myself in offset shooting is gross. Where are the to give about these braids? I don't.

[B]

It's just braids. She didn't change his last name.

[A]

And. And if she.

[B]

It's not Wave. Diggs, calm down. If you hate it that bad, why don't you come get your son? Why don't you raise him?

[A]

Why don't you braid his hair?

[B]

I just don't. I don't have it for niggas. Y' all get all big and bad and mean and start threatening this shit because the.

[A]

You know the name of the lady who braids his hair, like, because your

[B]

son has the same braids as this nigga. Really? Now you threatening somebody's life. Don't do that.

[A]

Also, mind you, they fans are claiming that this picture of Wave is old as shoes. He has individual straight backs right now.

[B]

Oh, work.

[A]

And if anything, Stephan maybe got his braids to look like waves.

[B]

Oh, so these aren't both.

[A]

So they're not, like, side by side at the same time. But you wouldn't know that because you haven't answered Crystal's question.

[B]

I'm looking at the braids, and it is a unique enough design to wear. I don't think it was an accident, but.

[A]

No, certainly not.

[B]

It does make sense. If it was like, oh, yeah, I like that. It would. Now, what would be funny is if Stephon Diggs saw that picture Wave and was like, I'm gonna have my girl. Whoever his braider is, he's like, I'm gonna show her this and tell her. Give me that right there.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. That's what fans are saying, is that

[B]

he did it to antagonize. Okay, well. And see how easy it is to provoke you talking about when somebody died for playing with my son, then y' all gonna call me a crash out and I don't care. You trolling with my kid. That ends.

[A]

You need to worry about the judge gonna call you.

[B]

I don't. Right. I don't have. You can be as mad as you want to. Reacting in a physically violent way is only going to end over braids. Over braids?

[A]

This isn't a picture of Stephan punching wave in the fucking face.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Braids.

[B]

How does.

[A]

Why do you feel emasculated by a nigga having a hairstyle that matches your kids? Why does that threaten you? Do you feel like that is a signal that he will eat the child?

[B]

No, It's a sign he's going to replace you as a daddy because you don't daddy.

[A]

Well, thank God someone needs to take care of a nigga. Like, he should have one. Like, why is that upsetting? I don't get why you niggas be mad.

[B]

I'm the only one that can neglect my child, Right? If I'm not, we don't get no daddy. Damn it. Yes. I would rather you not have a father figure. God damn it.

[A]

Or just.

[B]

Or even just. Your mama's man is cool. He treats the kids well, like they're his own. Like you would. You should want that. Same way Cardi should want whoever offset ends up with to treat her children with kindness, love, respect, integrity.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

You should want that man to be good to your children first and foremost and above anything else.

[A]

The court said that

[B]

this girl. Please, Please.

[A]

I'm trying.

[B]

Okay,

[A]

okay. So, Susie. The court and the court ruled that in the case of assault on one Imani Ellis, a security guard at the office or office building for an OB GYN working with Cardi B the time that she was pregnant a few years ago with, I believe, culture.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

They went ahead and threw that on out and said that she was very much innocent and did not have to pay the $24 million in the civil lawsuit for assault against Imani Lewis. Hooray. But wait.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

She didn't touch the curve.

[B]

Child. I couldn't believe this shit. I could not believe this shit. My nigga. I could not. There's no way I'm witnessing this.

[A]

This planet is the funniest goddamn spec. It is a joke in the cosmos. It is hilarious. This is the funniest place in the universe. This lady did not touch the curb before she threw some shit at somebody else. I'm delighted. This was fierce. Okay.

[B]

I can't believe it.

[A]

So she's walking out in a very. Another cunty Tim Burton.

[B]

She always looks great.

[A]

Always looks great. And I mean, this lady's pregnant. Let's just. She's pregnant. This lady's pregnant. But, like, I personally don't give a shit. And I'm not supposed crime. So, like. Or invested. So some people are. One of them is an alleged reporter who decided to scream at her if the baby was Offsets or Stephon Diggs. Insiders are claiming that Offset is publicly bragging about getting you pregnant for the fourth time. Do you foresee any paternity issues with Stephon Diggs? Stop disrespecting you. I don't know if it was a pen. I don't know what this thing. Whatever was in her hand. She tossed it in the direction. Yeah, and she tossed it in the direction of the reporter. And then she, you know, chastised him and said, you know, do you hear any women ask me questions like that? Why do you feel like as a man, it's your place to ask me something like that? That's fucked up. You don't have no manners. Act like somebody raised you, then

[B]

act like somebody raised you. Is funny coming from someone who just threw an ink pen at somebody else or asking her a question like, when are you going to act like somebody raised you? You stay in court.

[A]

You're wearing the same outfit. Like, minutes ago, girl, you dodged 24 M's

[B]

and you got another for this same shit. You stay in court. You are always getting sued.

[A]

The lady suing you came out right behind you and said, well, babe, you better know that we're writing that appeal today. It'll be in the hands of the girl leaves today. Oh, I'll see her next week, of course.

[B]

Lord God.

[A]

Let's see how that goes. You gonna write back into court with this same lady now who feels empowered because you could not help. Yeah, but throw something at somebody who, yes, asks you a shady and disrespectful question.

[B]

Yeah,

[A]

but you have been cardi b now for a while. You have caught a few of these cases now.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

When is the self restraint course? When is the where? When is the anger management session? When do you talk to the lady about controlling yourself, if for nothing else but staying out the courthouse? So you have to pay people millions of dollars. You just like, you couldn't even get in the car.

[B]

I couldn't believe that shit. Like, girl, you are leaving the courthouse. The security was looking like, I know. You know what? I'm never not gonna have a job.

[A]

I know. That security guard band hooked down to her and said, bitch, are you absolutely serious?

[B]

That was her lawyers. Her lawyers were like, so you just wanna keep. So we just. We can't work for Nobody else. We just constantly gonna be putting out your fires, girl, what are you doing?

[A]

So her attorney said, get in the fucking car.

[B]

Shut up.

[A]

Get in the car.

[B]

You know how most people would just ignore that? While reporters are shouting whatever to them and cameras are flashing, they just kind of hide their head or walk out with their head high, either way. But they march towards their vehicle, get in and speed off somewhere. They literally don't talk to them. Reporters, journalists, nosy bitches, fans, whoever else that's sitting outside the courthouse waiting, like, they got they shot. That's all that matters. Why did you even speak back? And you know what really killed me? So she just did an interview with Billboard and they said, you know, it's been seven years since invasion of privacy. What has changed about you since then? How have you grown? And she said, I've learned to control my emotions and understand how life works and how to play chess better. You've learned to control your emotions. Are you, Are you sure? Cause somebody just got on your nerves asking a question that you've read probably millions of times online. This question of, like, are you pregnant? And if so, by who? You came across that in real life and immediately threw an ink pen at the person who asked it. But you've learned to control your emotions. That must be you. You must be controlling your emotions in private, where can't nobody else see it, because in public you're acting like the exact same girl.

[A]

Yeah. That's what really matters, huh?

[B]

And it, I mean it, especially as far as the courts are concerned.

[A]

I, I'm, I.

[B]

So she did a TikTok. Did you see this TikTok she did after court where she took off her blazer and she's very clearly wearing this padding.

[A]

No.

[B]

So she. So she did put out that TikTok yesterday, and she's dancing to whatever her new song is, Bodega Barbie or whatever it's called.

[A]

It's not the Jay Z song.

[B]

No, not Imaginary Players. It's some song she's teasing. I guess she's teasing some song from her new album. But she's obviously wearing some kind of square shaped padding under her outfit, which. So either she's pregnant, so. Right. My first thought is, you are pregnant. You're just playing it up for the drama or to throw people off about how far along you are, whatever else. And you know, people are speculating. So you wore this padding knowing everybody was able to see it in this outfit. Like, like the way she got out the car when she was going to court. She. It was almost like she went to put her hand on her belly and she was waddling up in that bitch. So I think she wants to drive confusion about it. I think she wants to troll people about whether she's pregnant.

[A]

Maybe she's not. And am I? The drama is the thing, perhaps, which

[B]

like I already said, would be deeply annoying, but I didn't even consider that there was a third possibility of her not being pregnant and also not doing this for the sake of promoting an album, but doing it because she's just childish and thinks it's funny. That didn't even occur to me. But I think now I'm thinking like that might be it. But I'm tapping out because Cardi B,

[A]

maybe it's a merging of two where it started as that and then someone could be was like, hey, what if we just make the album, call it am I the drama? And do a whole thing with it?

[B]

Sure. My thing is I'm not a big enough Cardi B fan to go back and forth with tricks and games. I don't like that. That's not funny to me.

[A]

Yeah, me neither.

[B]

I'm not entertained by it. Even if I was, I don't find it funny. So you can go over there, be a troll, be immature and act like a little kid all you want to. It's a free country. My point is you're 32 with three and a possible kids. And I don't. I'm not seeing the growth here. And so all the things I said about Nicki Minaj when I. When Nicki was acting like a dumbass in every interaction with you and taunting you and trolling you and all that shit you, all of that is applying to you as you are now in your 30s, a grown ass woman with multiple fucking kids and still acting like you did when you first came out. I'm not talking about showing your real personality, being a ghetto bitch, cussing in interviews, blah, blah. I don't care about none of that. That. I'm talking about your fucking antics, the shit that keeps you in court. I'm mildly annoyed by this is she not pregnant thing for you to leave court after just getting away from a case and immediately opening yourself up for another case. When are you gonna grow up?

[A]

Mind blowing. Mind blowing.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Mind blowing. If I was a driver and took her home, I would have just.

[B]

I'm taking you around.

[A]

I would've forgotten. Dropped her off at the place.

[B]

Bitch, you're out of your fucking mind. I don't know.

[A]

Clearly home is not where the heart is. You need to go to the place. And in this billboard, you just dodged $24 million and threw a pin at them. You couldn't ignore a question without throwing

[B]

some shit at them. Is this not felony ground? What are you doing, Sweetie? You need.

[A]

This needs to be addressed today.

[B]

You.

[A]

You have to talk to therapy.

[B]

Call that therapist back today and say, I'm actually not done. I thought I was done. I'm not done.

[A]

In some. In some cases, they will pencil you in somewhere, like, if they have, like, an emergency, or they will find somebody else if it's a practice, who might be available. You need to find, like. Cause, girl, baby, $24 million you could have easily given to Imani and probably still will now. I mean, you couldn't get into the whip. You couldn't hit the curb. You were barely on the sidewalk before you threw some shit at somebody else.

[B]

But told Billboard how she's matured and grown up so much and she has better control over her emotions. Where. Where is she?

[A]

The drama?

[B]

God forgive me. Maya Campbell seems to be doing so well. She seems to be in a really good place. If you don't know, she has had, I think, an assortment of mental health issues. She's not been doing great in the past, but she seems to be doing well, looking really healthy and good now. So I was like, I love to see this Maya Campbell, like, one of the original baddies from my childhood. Just, like, so fine, so talented child. And then in that very same breath, she was talking about how she wants to get her mother's story told. And the. What. The. What she was talking about actually sounded interesting. And then she said, so if somebody could put me in touch with Tyler Perry. Tyler Perry, if you. If you can hear this, if you listening to this, like, I would love for you to produce my mother's story. And I was like, see, it's always the Lord gives and then the Lord takes. Because

[A]

a lot of us. This is why.

[B]

I'm so sorry. I was just like, are you. Are you doing. And that.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

You might not be doing that.

[A]

Why would you have to branch out? This is why the girls. Why would you have to let other people write things for them or. And. Or direct things? So this is why we have to spread it out, you know, this is why I love people like Issa of House Ray. This is why, like, girls like Lena of House Way, who I can say from my experience and from things that I've seen are like, oh, this is the door that's opened for me. Hey, everyone.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

You know.

[B]

So Lady Brunson because of House Abbott.

[A]

House Abbott. Lady Brunson, first of her name. You see what I'm saying?

[B]

I do.

[A]

Bringing in the girls new as well as the girls iconic, legendary of your. And that's. It helps, I think because the girls are going to be like, oh, I need a movie to be made. A black movie.

[B]

Let me call Tyler Berry. Yep. Like there are other people out here, sweetie. But I do, you know, I. I do get it. I don't want my moment of like, girl, really? Tyler, of all people. Let's just. Let's just stay hydrated and meditate a little bit more.

[A]

Like, I'll get people to watch it, cuz. One of you niggas just hit me. Talking about, I think duplicity explains how she got on a boat in acrimony. You're not going to terrorize her. I'm not going to allow you to do this. His latest bullshit, okay? I promise you. This nigga just opens his thesaurus, flips through the page with his eyes closed and picks a word and then he just makes a movie based on its definition. Loosely.

[B]

I've never even heard of this.

[A]

You don't need to.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I don't know if it's a show or a movie.

[B]

He just always. He's just always doing some shit.

[A]

He just picks a big word and then just makes a movie. Ubiquitous.

[B]

He went. You know what he did?

[A]

Cromulent. Stop hearing. Pierre, please let me get it out. And Ryan.

[B]

Destiny, please. He went to Google and he typed in synonym for dishonest.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

[B]

And thesaurus.com came back with duplicity. And he was like, that's it. God damn it.

[A]

Brilliant. I'm a genius. Three or more syllables.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

I hate it.

[B]

God bless all the black actors and Bigham.

[A]

Starring Keke Palmer doing our best.

[B]

Woo.

[A]

I'm parched. And you know what would really do my thirst? Something spectacular. It'd be a crisp Sprite, zero sugar. That's right. Unk is watching the sweet, okay? Because summer's coming up and I'm trying to be Thot Tiana. So you get the crisp lemon lime flavor just without the sugar. And there isn't like any crazy compromise and hidden asterisk and, you know, National Lampoon, like mystery of what's actually happening to you. It's refreshing. And as someone who might be obsessed with carbonated beverages, it just gives me exactly what I need. So try it out. This is Sprite. Zero sugar. Obey your thirst. God, I've always wanted to say that. So I've been laser focused on cooking my own healthy meals this year. But in truth, I'm constantly stuck in a loop of organizing my Tiffany Pollard meme collection, bewigging my dog and decimating my meager foes on my PlayStation 5 Pro. I haven't the time. Now, you might be thinking, certainly there is something that a beautiful young lady like yourself can do to get the nourishment that she deserves. Well, that something lies within the cradling arms of Factor. With delicious food prepared and delivered right to our homes, Factor allows me the time to adorn my 10 year old Yorkie with Remy from Brazil and Bangs from China. After our hair show, I can pop my Factor meal in the wave for two minutes and soup or whatever meal you order from him. Speaking of meals, Factor's meals are made by real chefs and designed by dietitians. Both integral to the protection of my wilted gut and porous intestinal tract. There's a short rib on the menu with potatoes and green beans and let me tell you something succulent. So in between sessions of Cindell ripping people apart with her 60 inch bust down lace, a luscious meal fit for my exquisite taste and impossibly high standards awaits me in the frigidator. So head to FactorMeals.com theread50off and use code theread50off to get 50% off your first factor box plus free breakfast for one year. That is FactorMeals.com theread 50 off use code theread50off offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription for purchase. Make healthier eating easy with Factor. You have a question? Okay. What's your name?

[B]

It's mj.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, okay. Mary Jane. Yes. So first of all, be careful cause I'm not gonna help you. I don't need help. MJ said. Fuck that bitch and the clique you claim.

[A]

I think I can speak for everyone

[B]

in here, kid Fury, we are all

[A]

so proud of you.

[B]

Oh,

[A]

So proud of you.

[B]

Make him cry. Make him cry. Make him cry. Make him cry. So proud of him. Make him cry. Make him cry. Make him cry. Our first letter this week comes from PNW Rose, who says I've been blissfully married for 14 years. We have really been through it, especially in the beginning because of our 18 years, our 18 year age difference. We didn't realize there were that many years between us until an Earth, Wind and Fire song came on. And I said, oh, my mama had us cleaning the house with this. And she said she first heard it in the club, But we were already in love. And I was 35, too grown to pass on love. Now I would just say you're 35. Y' all have an 18 year age gap. That means she was 53. So I'm gonna let y' all have that. Normally I would be like 18 year age gap girl. What the. But if you were 35, I' ma let that go, obviously. Okay. So anyway, we love trash TV. Love after lockup, love at first sight, 90 day franchise, all of it.

[A]

It that's documentary.

[B]

So we were watching Summer House, the episode where Jesse Solomon gets his toe sucked. We love to pause the TV and debate, laugh, discuss, etc, so when Paige and them were telling Jesse how problematic it was to get his toe sucked, I said, as soon as you walk in the room is cheating. Anything that could be considered sexual is cheating. Except of course, watching porn or masturbating. My spouse stopped me right there and said, wait, you masturbate? I said, yeah, why not? It's not all the time. Anyway, she broke down in tears.

[A]

In tears?

[B]

I'm a femme and she's an old school dyke who feels like I should have just come to her for sex or said I was feeling horny. But to me, this has nothing to do with her. Sometimes I can't get to sleep or one of us is out of town or some weed made me feel away and I don't want a whole session. I also don't like being the aggressor sexually. Our sex life is slower but still steamy and satisfying. That's a tongue twister. But my darling Studsman is equating masturbating to who knows what the fuck because she won't talk to me. She says she needs time to think about how she's gonna handle this. I'm not sorry. It's my body. I'll do what I want. And I don't think I should feel guilty. I'm not pleasuring myself and then uninterested in having sex with her. It has nothing do with to. To do with her. So what do y' all think about all this? Should I feel guilty for masturbating? Do you think we're headed towards divorce? Thanks. Pnw. Rose. Rose.

[A]

Okay, I've heard of this type of spat in like in relationships before and for the people on your partner's side or from her perspective. I'm Just like, I don't get it, but if I love you, I should try. I just feel like I would be like, is this a legit concern of yours, or do you want to argue with me right now? Like, is this a. I don't know if that's a productive response, but I'm just like, are you actually feeling some type of way about this specifically? Or are you, like, do you want to argue? Like, are you. Because some people like fighting. Some people like to fuss at you for a reason to, like, make up. Because they find that, like, I just. I honestly feel like motherfuckers be bored and so they fight sometimes.

[B]

I am sure.

[A]

Now, this could vary. Like, I laughed. I feel like my initial response would be like, are you legit? Right? Like, fussing?

[B]

Is it a joke? I would think it was a joke.

[A]

Fun. Fun fussing, right? Because this is my living body. I may do with it as I please. The same way you may do with your body.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What you like. If you. If I want to bust and you're in the shower or you're taking a bath, relaxing or something, or who fixing the something, cooking, whatever. Should I come interrupt you? No.

[B]

No, you shouldn't.

[A]

Should I wait when I could just do it myself?

[B]

Why.

[A]

I don't understand. So if I were to get to the place where I realized, like, this is actually something that's legitimately bothering you, coming from a place, I think I would want to understand where that place is. Maybe try to help you understand where that place. Places that you can unpack that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, with the people who need to help you unpack it, or you just do that over there. But it isn't fair or even logical, I think, to villainize your partner for masturbating.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It doesn't make sense.

[B]

It does not make sense to me either. And the way she is, is responding to it, I think is more of a red flag for me than even that she feels that way. Like, the feeling itself is weird enough.

[A]

Right?

[B]

But now she won't talk to you, and she needs time to think about how she's gonna handle this. You need time to think about how you're gonna handle me touching my own body? Did you think I never played with my own pussy? You're joking, right? Like, first of all, sex between two women to women is going to last for a minimum of 45 minutes. Sometimes you just want to chicka chicka and get on out of there. Like, I'm not. I'm not trying to devote, you know, Hours to having sex with you every single time I feel like having sex. And again, this is my body. I've been touching on this body all my life. Like, no, I'm not gonna feel bad about it. So should you feel guilty? Of course not. But whether y' all end up heading for divorce, I think is going to depend on whether your wife can get over herself.

[A]

Like, I agree, you.

[B]

She's having some some sort of existential crisis because you touch on your own parts for. Is. Is a therapist available? Because at this point you said y' all been married for 14 years. Y' all fell in love when you were 35. So you're roughly Earth.

[A]

Earth. When I. This is a lot for her.

[B]

So you're 49. That means she's what, 67 now? I'm not explaining to no 67 year old dyke that I like to touch myself.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[B]

So I'm like, are you.

[A]

Do you want to just fight with me? Like, do you want to just like argue?

[B]

I actually love that question. I don't think. I don't think that question is particularly helpful in the overall sense. I think it'll probably make things a little worse. But it's funny and it's what I would want to say.

[A]

I feel like it would have been like an impulse reaction for me. I'm not saying that's what you should say.

[B]

I think I would have said, are you high? Are you high?

[A]

I would have said something like, are you tweaking?

[B]

Let me look at that weed. What's in this?

[A]

Like, are you. Are you joking?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you have a camera? Does this.

[B]

I would laugh. Yes. I would laugh so hard I would think you were joking. Like, you can't be serious. I should have just come to you.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

What if I didn't have an hour and a half to bust a nut? What if I just wanted to get it over with and go about my day? I should have come to you every time. What if you're out of town? What if you're at work? What if, like you said, I smoked some weed and now I'm horny? Like, it's.

[A]

What if I just want this nut to be by myself, on my own little groove and my own little thing. Like sometimes. Much like the bath that I just referenced before. You just want to take a bath?

[B]

Yeah, I just want.

[A]

You don't want the nigga to leave the house while you take a bath. You know what I mean? You can just. That's just me time

[B]

this.

[A]

I don't Understand why this is.

[B]

You know, it really shouldn't be. And it doesn't have to be something that y' all break up behind. Hopefully, hopefully she takes it. It takes no more than a month to figure this out for herself and get back to normal. Because.

[A]

And honestly, I think the month is considering y' all gay and y' all

[B]

been together for 14 years. Because let me tell you something, if I'm talking to somebody for 14 days and she be like, you can't touch yourself, sweetie. We're never speaking again ever again. I'm simply not responding to your phone calls or text messages.

[A]

You're blocked on everybody. Are you okay?

[B]

No, you're not.

[A]

And what do you think?

[B]

To say thank you for telling me up front that you wasn't okay. Thank you so much for telling me before I could.

[A]

Who knows when I would have found out otherwise.

[B]

Fourteen years deep, when I missed her

[A]

watching Tiger King. Oh, you. You flicked the beans, tears. She didn't even walk in on you. You just were like, oh, yeah, I masturbated crying.

[B]

I'd be worried because y'. All, because y' all have been locked in for 14 years. I would give it a month for her to snap out of this.

[A]

Yeah, I think she'll.

[B]

And after that, you need to call somebody. You need to call your dyke sister circle. You need to tap in. You need to call. There's actually this. An older, very incredibly attractive black stud mask. Like, I don't know what she calls herself, but she has like a podcast. Maybe you need to reach out to her. See, do she have some advice for you or something, but that you talk

[A]

about that light skinned lady?

[B]

No, no, she's not light skinned. She's a pretty brown. I saw her. She interviewed Woody Hoochie. Daddy's Woody.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

The Britney Grinder free Brittney Grinder video booty.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, I saw the clip because Woody, I follow Woody on Instagram and she posted a clip talking about how she don't like light skinned girls and she don't like skinny girls,

[A]

so get away

[B]

from her with all of that. But anyway, I love listening. You gonna have to reach out. You gonna have to find somebody to help you work through this. But I'm not going to stop masturbating. I'm not going to lie to you and say that I'm going to stop masturbating. You are being absurd and you need to figure this out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Good luck.

[A]

Good luck, sweetie. Okay. Considering there could be something, you know, very deep that is attached to this for her that she does speak to somebody about. And maybe within that month that Crystal mentioned, you'll figure that out. And so when you know and she can go and figure that out, however, she does have to, regardless of whether she is cognizant of it, is verbal about it, she has to recognize that the way that she's treating you is absurd.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And so the next step we take is what? Cause I'm going to play with my pistol.

[B]

And that's the longest shirt of it, sweetie. It's mine. It's built right in. What do you mean? Half the time I touch it, I don't even try to. It's just right there.

[A]

Like, what are you, bitch? And with everything this motherfucker puts me. Shut up. I do what I want with it. Who are you?

[B]

The government? Best of luck, Rose. So our first letter this week. Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. Comes from jaila. And Jayla says, hi, Crystal and Kiff. I'm pregnant with my first child. And my mother in law has made it about her from the very beginning of my pregnancy. And right now she's sitting on top of the very last nerve that I have.

[A]

Yeah, I bet.

[B]

When we told her we were pregnant, she was so excited, but didn't show any excitement for me or my husband. Just that she was gonna be a grandmother again. Then when we went to tell people closest to us, like family and friends, she had already beaten us to it. I'm talking about literal aunts and uncles.

[A]

It's so annoying.

[B]

The person who officiated our wedding, our godparents, the aliens in space, literally any and everybody. I was annoyed because this is my first child and she stole the opportunity for my husband and I to share with people after trying to give her some honor and respect of being the first to know.

[A]

Was it his first child?

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

No.

[B]

This is. This is her and her husband's first child. Her brother in law and sister in law already had.

[A]

Oh, got it, got it, got it.

[B]

So that's why she's already a grandmother. Okay.

[A]

Which is like. Okay, calm down.

[B]

Chill out. She even shared the news with her sorority. And someone I'm not close with anymore reached out to me because they found out because they mama is in it.

[A]

That is wild. The sorority for what?

[B]

When I expressed to my Especially because you gotta be at least 50. Why are you okay, Anyway, when I expressed to my like having a little

[A]

face group Facebook group with your sorority. Yes, it's fine is one thing, but telling them about this when the news

[B]

isn't Public like, girl, what's wrong with you?

[A]

Are you okay?

[B]

When I expressed to my mother in law that I had asked her not to share the news with anybody, which she did anyway, she is. She essentially hit me with, oh well, too bad. Bye Rocco.

[A]

I don't get this. I don't. I do not understand this sentimentality.

[B]

Then the day we announced, after I explicitly said in American English to her to not post on social media, she made her own post on social media with a ridiculous song attached and announced again that she was going to be a grandmother. I kind of iced her out after that because I was beyond annoyed. We shared our gender reveal after we told everybody that we wanted and posted on social media. And once again, she never congratulated me or my husband. But of course she said she's happy that she is a boy mom and now a boy grandma. She even said she was glad we weren't. Ha.

[A]

She sounds like an idiot.

[B]

She even said she was glad we weren't having a girl because quote, I would have had a hard time with her.

[A]

She also sounds like she's at least 80.

[B]

She is the one who really has an issue.

[A]

Did she also say she drums a fish?

[B]

Come on, big mama.

[A]

What the fuck are you talking about?

[B]

I can tell she has an issue with girls by the way she talks and how she constantly got me fucked up. And at this point, I do not want to tell this woman another thing until I scoot this baby out my cooter.

[A]

Why would you?

[B]

I genuinely want her to have a relationship with her grandchild and I don't want to be that daughter in law. But I can't help but feel protective of my child and feel that if she can be this way with me, it will only spill over to my baby. Of course I can see her overstepping, continuously disrespecting me and not listening to boundaries in the future. Especially because homegirl lives less than 10 minutes away way. If you were in the situation, would you continue to keep her at bay or try to keep the peace? I feel like I'm always bending to accommodate her feelings at the expense of my own. And the more pregnant I become, the shorter my fuse is. I know that's right.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

Thanks. And I love y' all so much. I never miss an episode. Jayla.

[A]

Jayla. I'm just going to try to make this rapid fire, but I think you know what direction I'm gone. I'm setting the boundary. I'm setting the boundary with no sugar on top. I'm setting the Boundary. And I'm standing 10 swollen toes on the top of that. And if you have a single solitary issue, I suggest that you express it elsewhere. I don't understand this sentiment of I'm the pregnant one over here, but you get to say whatever the you want to. You get to do whatever the you want to. You get to have attitude with me. You get to micro manage me, macromanage me, manipulate me and freak the system. And I feel like a lot of parents, especially women, do this to daughter in laws because it's like, I wish you would try to tell me how I'm gonna navigate the family here. I'm not gonna tell you how to navigate the family that you had. This one's mine, right? This is my baby.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

That going in my body.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

If I say that you can't drink milk in this house cause I don't like it, guess what? You're dairy free until your motherfucking feet hit that mat again, bitch. I don't give a fuck about what you're talking about. We are going to have an absolute sitcom relationship if that's what it takes for you to respect that. This is my child, my family, my household. Yeah. And I'm calling the shots in here. Okay? He also can call a couple of shots depending on how you.

[B]

But the baby girl, the baby, especially

[A]

before this baby gave.

[B]

Right? I'm number one, period. It's growing inside me. Ain't no grandchild without me. You've been pregnant and so you should understand this.

[A]

Why are you doing this?

[B]

Boy, moms, they're weird. They're weird. They're weird. They're weird. They're weird.

[A]

I mean, I'm talking about not only am I going to be firm, I'm going to be petty.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

About it. You done already taken my, like an experience from me my first time getting ready or being able to share with this person, that person. That person. We're having a baby.

[B]

And that would have been enough for me. That would have been enough for me. Child, you didn't have to put nothing

[A]

else in the letter.

[B]

Right?

[A]

But you taking a step further to tell complete strangers. And I got bitches hitting me up because we have moms in the same sorority.

[B]

Bitches I don't even like no more. Girl.

[A]

What?

[B]

Girl. Girl.

[A]

And then I say something to you and you're basically telling me, oh, well. Oh well, I got your oh, well. I'm glad you feel that.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Because when I tell you draw four, I can match that energy, bitch.

[B]

Yeah, I'm sending that Right back. I'm sending that right back.

[A]

We're not doing it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I would be very, very firm on it. Because outside of your own mental and physical well being, and I would assume the same thing for your kid as you are, you know, moving further and further along into the pregnancy, I'm not allowing you to set no standard of how this family thing is going. And if it means that you go right back to that fucking. I didn't want. I was going to say a sorority, but I know you bitches don't put them on us.

[B]

All four of them are like, leave us alone. Leave us alone. I swear to God, you better not say no Sigma. You better not say no Delta. You better not say no Alpha Kappa Alpha or no Zeta.

[A]

Leave us alone. Say nobody say, hold on, I'm gonna say that.

[B]

No. Goddamn it.

[A]

If you don't like my feelings, my messaging and my fences, bitch, take that shit right back to Facebook messenger and you pour into them and let the or right back. But when you come over here, ho, you know what time it is?

[B]

You know shit.

[A]

You cannot like it all you want to, but you are going to respect it. I'm not gonna walk in your motherfucking house and ask you why the fuck you making a plate for your grown ass son. Because that's your business in your house. You not gonna come over here and do a fuck thing, right? You already getting too spicy. And I let you have that.

[B]

Yeah,

[A]

baby. When I tell you we would have a upn ass relationship until it gets better. Season three quiet.

[B]

Yeah. And that's on her. And that's.

[A]

I'm not gonna let you play in my face and get used to it. Fuck that.

[B]

Absolutely not. I completely agree. I think this woman deserves a thorough cussing out. But since that's not usually the way to have, you know, a healthy relationship between everybody involved. It sucks when we have to be more mature than our literal elders. It's kind of like, damn, I would think you would be the one showing me how to. To be mature. But you're actually older. You're the bitch who should be able to live. And I just know that lady wakes up and clocks in for her shift on Facebook. I know she does. I know she does. I know she is on that all day right now.

[A]

I'm just.

[B]

Every morning. Good morning, Saints. I just know she.

[A]

I feel it. There's no way that's not the case.

[B]

She got some sparkly little blingy thing with her sorority on it. And anyway, anyway, I think what you really, like realistically need to do here is make sure that you and your husband are on the same page.

[A]

Because he's gonna be the problem for sure. This is his mom for sure. He's for sure.

[B]

So. So he is going. If she's allowed to disrespect, you keep overstepping her bounds and things like that. It'll be because her son allows her to do it. It won't be because. So you need to talk to your husband and make sure y' all are on the same page right fucking now before the baby gets here. About what y' all are going to do and how others are going to the. You need to just set up the parameters for how people are going to be with your newborn. And it sounds like y' all are on the same page because after she pissed y' all off with the pregnancy announcement, y' all were like, okay, we doing the gender reveal our way and we not telling her first. Fuck that. Cause she don't know how to act. So let's have a plan. Now. She not finna be in the delivery room. I don't give a fuck if you wanna be there. That's too damn bad. And yes, my mama can be there and yours can't. Cause I'm the pregnant one and he not. Oh well, tough, tough titties. Should have had girls.

[A]

You suck. It's not because you like it.

[B]

If you were nice, maybe I would want you in the room. But I hate you and I don't want you.

[A]

You are a stressor.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I am doing the most monstrous thing that biologically happens to the humanity.

[B]

Right. I need to be in there with my lo fi music and pretending I'm giving birth in a lavender field. And I do not need you live streaming on Facebook so that your sororis get the first look at every had your grandchild suck my ass. So whatever it is, like if it's hospital stuff, it's if it's who comes over after the baby is born, if it's touching kissing the baby. A lot of people, oh my God have gotten a lot stricter about that since whenever she last gave birth, Frost was right. Well, because it's. I'm sorry you not putting your nasty lips on my unvaccinated fresh ass newborn.

[A]

Remember when he had this shit eating green cause he got Dr. Doctor backed him up. He could not wait to tell Rasheeda mama. Oh see, yes, physician said you're wrong.

[B]

And that is right. You're not supposed. Whatever. However you would feel most comfortable. This Is your first child. I don't care if you're overprotective. You. This is your first child. I be doing a lot with my dog. You think if I had a human baby, I wouldn't be a hundred times stricter? I absolutely would. And anybody who don't like it can get the especially. Especially in this Covid.

[A]

And with all the snakes that came out the grass during. It's like, oh, you're nasty. Uh.

[B]

Oh, right. And it sounds like you're probably gonna give birth in the winter when cold and flu and all other kinds of germies and viruses are everywhere. Yeah. You can be as strict as you wanna be about your newborn. And if she don't like it, then your husband needs to be the one to check her. Because if you do it, it's not gonna be in a nice way where mama still feel good about herself.

[A]

Do it anyway. However, Crystal is 100% right that it should be like, oh, okay, that's how you feel. Get your girl.

[B]

Yeah. And they be like, if I say

[A]

something, you already know.

[B]

Mama, Mama, let's go talk. You need to take her out on the lanai and have a conversation with her.

[A]

It's the lanai.

[B]

About what's really finna happen. And it's not right. It's not Jayla wants this. It's. We want this.

[A]

We just don't say nothing. Just finish the sweet tea.

[B]

That's what you need to do. You needed to shut up mama. Cause she not playing. And you'll fuck around and not see this child for weeks after it's born if you piss her off. I would suggest you don't piss her off. Cause she not playing. We not playing. Not she. We are not playing about our child. We.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

You don't.

[A]

Because the moment that he starts doing she, she, she.

[B]

Yeah. Then it's.

[A]

It becomes a bargaining thing because she the problem. And you my son. Da, da, da.

[B]

Right.

[A]

She has to hear from his perspective. I'm over your shit as well. You don't think I wanted to tell cousin such and such I was having a baby? Are you okay? You ain't got nothing else to do.

[B]

A lot of grown men have trouble confronting their mamas like that. You don't have to say it mean like we do, but you. Cause we are mean gays. So you don't have to be like us. But you do have to be able to stand up for yourself, advocate for yourself and say, I get you. You always been my mama. I'm always love you. You're My fucking mama. Duh. And at the same time, I'm a grown man with a wife and a child. This is my family. And we don't have to do things your way. And we will not. You will not be allowed to force your way. It's not. Oh, well, too bad. I do whatever I want to do. There are repercussions.

[A]

No, you. You really don't.

[B]

You really. This is my child, Mama. And if you can't listen to that and hear me clearly, then you will feel. Then you will feel it.

[A]

Jamaican proverb, true.

[B]

Good luck, jaila. But it sounds like, yeah, just you and your husband need to make sure y' all on the same page about things. And then, yeah, let him handle it.

[A]

And he is probably gonna have to just spell it out. You will not see this baby. We're not playing with us.

[B]

Don't play with us. Let me catch you put one shriveled lip on my child kissing my brand new baby that can't even be vaccinated yet.

[A]

The moment that you pull out a Mentos.

[B]

You know, newborns get herpes because of that. We're not. Yes, newborns can get herpes because grown people kiss them all over their face and stuff after they were born. And they not vaccinated against nothing yet. People are strict about it for a reason, so.

[A]

And then, wouldn't you know, I have a mug shot, right?

[B]

Cause now I have to go in jail and. Right. And now you won't see your child because you'll be dead. You won't see your grandchild because you won't be here.

[A]

Maybe in the spiritual realm because you had me.

[B]

Because you had me up.

[A]

Not on God's earth.

[B]

Good luck to you and your husband, Jayla. Congrats on the baby.

[C]

Hey, y'.

[B]

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[A]

Woo. I'm parched. And you know what would really do my thirst? Something spectacular. It'd be a crisp Sprite, zero sugar. That's right. Unk is watching the sweets. Okay. Cause summer's coming up and I'm trying to be thought Tiana. So you get the crisp lemon lime flavor just without the sugar. And there isn't like any crazy compromise and hidden asterisk and, you know, National Lampoon like mystery of what's actually happening to you. It's refreshing. And as someone who might be obsessed with carbonated beverages, it just gives me exactly what I need. So try it out. This is Sprite Zero Sugar. Obey your thirst.

[B]

God.

[A]

I've always wanted to say that

[B]

our next letter comes from Sandra, who says, my fiance and I got engaged in 22 and it wasn't exactly my ideal proposal. I told him specifically when I got the idea that he was proposing, that I wanted my hail my hairs, that I wanted my nails and hair to be done and I wanted to be dressed really cute. And most of all, more than anything, I've wanted the proposal to be a surprise. Surprise. He immediately failed at the surprise thing because he told me when he bought the ring and when it arrived. Then I realized the day he was proposing because he set up the date. I usually set up all of our dates. So I figured this was it. Mind you, my hair wasn't done, nor my nails and my dress was a basic sundress from Ross. And I was not ready at all and kept dropping hints that I knew he was trying to propose. And since I told him I wanted it to be a surprise, I thought he would wait longer until I wasn't expecting it. Well, he didn't. He proposed by recreating our first date, which was cute for a first day, but it was during COVID so basically everything was closed. But I wouldn't.

[A]

That's perfect.

[B]

But I would not have recreated that day for a proposal. So really I just felt like he didn't listen at all and kind of ruined what is supposed to be my one and only proposal proposal.

[A]

Oh my God. I want to die.

[B]

We've talked about it multiple times, argued over it multiple times, and I've even suggested that he just try again. What?

[A]

I'm sorry. Okay.

[B]

I've been losing weight and my ring will need to be resized. So I said that could be a good opportunity to try again and surprise me this time. I'm not sure if I'm doing too much or he's not doing enough. He does pay all the bills for our home because right now I'm trying to build our business as Amazon sellers. Do you think I should just be grateful that he's a provider? He is really sweet, but I'm not sure if this is going to be something I can just get over as it was really important to me and he knew that. What do y' all think I should do? Thanks for the advice, Sandra.

[A]

See now. Okay. Sandra, you okay?

[B]

How delightful.

[A]

I feel like we've been advocating for corny niggas, and then it's like, it's gonna be heifers like you who just. Who pushed the needle too far. Cause you want. You want to be Snow White. You want to be Ariel. You want to be.

[B]

You want a Disney story.

[A]

Tiana without the frog. Like, I don't. And I don't give. I've never. I. I will give a fuck about marriage and especially the ceremony around it. Like, I just don't care. I respect everyone's right. I believe every woman should have the right if they're in love and so on and so forth. I have nothing against it. I'm just not so dialed into interested I in the ceremony or the traditional acts around marriage, proposing engagement. And I don't give a fuck about that. If a nigga wanted to get married to me and I was okay with being married, he could literally. We could be walking out of Ralph's and be like, hey, I got you this. I'm getting married next week.

[B]

Let's do it. What day we go right down to this courthouse?

[A]

Like, Thursdays, you know, I know Thursdays are real. Okay, all right, fine. That's me. So I say that to say, you're not going to get that much empathy or energy out of me when it comes to this, because I wouldn't give two fucks left to Thursday. That's 1. 2. I just questioned it in general. Why the fuck you say the nigga?

[B]

Cool.

[A]

He's sweet. You like him enough to get married to him. I wanna jump right back to the beginning of this letter. Were you like, I want it to be a surprise, but I also need my nails done, I need my hair done. I need new lashes, I need my highlight. I need concept. Okay. I have to get a brand new dress. Savage Fenty underneath.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, girl. I also have to get a new bag, like, but it has to be a surprise. So make sure that you plan an elaborate proposal in fucking Times Square, right, With a performance by Cat's Eye and Drew Hale and fucking Sabrina Carpenter and. Right, right.

[B]

I want Bruno Mars, and it has

[A]

to be so right. And Silk, Sonic and the Pips and

[B]

so, like, bring out Anderson Paak, too. And don't forget.

[A]

Don't forget it. Okay, we need an in and out truck. I don't care how you get it.

[B]

I don't care.

[A]

A sacred boob. And it better be a surprise. Like, what the fuck are you talking about?

[B]

Yeah, the only way that could be a surprise is if you always have your hair and nails done and you always dressed real nice and all that. If that's a special occasion for you, how is it supposed to be a surprise, baby girl?

[A]

Then it was like, oh, he went to, like, recreate our first date or something, but it was Covid, and it wasn't really giving, so I didn't like it. So I told him to start over. Like, what are you talking about? Most of these bitches never get like, it is. I'm talking about Temple of Doom. I'm talking about the Philosopher's Stone. It is the chamber of Secrets to get this nigga to agree to marriage to matrimony, much less a happy one. Oh, my God. It is the Azkaban prisoner, girl. Bitch, it is the mother. It is the bridge to Terabithia. It's the lion. It's the witch. It's the wardrobe, girl. It's the mice and the men. You can't get these niggas to do it. You have a nigga who's like, let me do some sweet, corny shit for you. And she was like, it's Covid. Ain't enough people in this Orange Julius. Like, what? What the fuck are you talking about? Why does it even need to be? Like, if you have a guy who's willing to make a sweet romantic effort and you really like him, okay. And you're pleased with the ring because that's important.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. It matters. I'm supposed to wear it. I need to like it.

[A]

And we're talking about the proposal. We're not even talking about the wedding. We're talking about just when he asks you to get married, which, spoiler alert, you're gonna say yes, because you're planning all of this, but you want it to be surprised. I don't know why you're nitpicking and it doesn't sound like you. There's no point in this letter where he was, where you said, like, he responded by saying, girl, fuck you and your ideas. I don't even want to marry you, you lame ass bitch.

[C]

Right?

[A]

He's making an effort, but he's like, oh, no, nail's not done that day. No, this ain't a fresh blowout. No, I don't like this date. Yeah, why does it even matter why I want you? Before we talk about this nigga or any of the festivities around it, I want to know why it is this important that the time, place, and manner in which this man asks you a question is so specific. I need to know why.

[B]

Well, I mean, I get it, but I think you.

[A]

I get wanting it to be romantic.

[B]

Sure, I get one. I think you really. You really illustrated an excellent point of, like, you want it to be a surprise, but you also want all these other things that would. If. If you. If you don't get your hair and nails done every week or every two weeks religiously, how is he supposed to surprise you? Go ahead and pull out your finest fashion nova and go get your hair blown out and get your nails done for no reason at all. Like, how is he supposed to. You want it to be romantic and this. You wanna look good and all this, but he can't plan the date. So you like, oh, I knew you was gonna propose because you planned the date. Well, girl, what is he supposed to do then? Propose at home in the living room? You finna be dressed for that? Probably not. So you. I think you do need to kind of think about whether what you're asking for is really realistic, because I don't. It sounds like you need to. It sounds like you need to turn into the type of person who stay with her hair and nails done if you really want it to be. And dressed, you want all this.

[A]

But that's not even the only problem. Like that. You're 1,000% right.

[B]

Well, you said it. I'm like, but that's really it. That's really it for me because. Because I think I don't necessarily have a problem with you wanting those things, but it sounds like they're incongruent. Like all of these factors together don't go together. And what is that for? Do you want all that? It sounds like you want all that so that Instagram and Facebook give you the compliments you want.

[A]

Exactly. And you have a wedding today.

[B]

It's more about what people will think as opposed to what you will think I can't. It's more about how other people would see it as opposed to how you saw it or how you felt. You have this dream proposal in your head. That's nice. I'm not. I'm not saying you can't have that fantasy, but you're not even. You're not. It's not even realistic. And it's not.

[A]

You got women like Chrissy Lamkin out here just like, well,

[B]

well, I mean,

[A]

been with this nigga since Harry met Sally. And.

[B]

And that's your fault. That's your fault.

[A]

Every bit of wife material.

[B]

That is y' all fault. Y' all wanna be wives so bad, and you stay running behind a man who not gonna marry you. That's your bad.

[A]

And you got a n who's like, well, it's Covid. So it is a perfect time to propose to my lady at the Lenox Mall food court.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it's all for us.

[B]

And this is three. This is three years. And she's like, ew, he proposed in 2022. And in 2025, you sent an email to the read talking about, I want to do over on my proposal.

[A]

If you're this girl, like, specific about the time, place, styling, lighting, angle, cinematography, catering, like, if you're this anal about about it, how this is gonna be, then you need to be involved. And if you're gonna be involved, it can't be a surprise.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's really it, sweetie. Unless you the type to just be dressed to the nines to go run errands like you just looking like a

[A]

group that you're getting married.

[B]

It is not.

[A]

And have an engagement party.

[B]

You could have an engagement party if you wanted to be dressed up and all cute and take pictures that's totally separate from the wedding. You get your engagement party, you get your bridal shower, you get your wedding, you get your honeymoon. There are so many opportunities for you to post photo dumps and get all the likes you want.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. Who cares?

[B]

It really sounds like you want likes. This is for social media.

[A]

Ryan Coogler does not have to direct the proposal. My glove. Yeah, as I said at the top of this, he ain't even got to produce my goddamn wedding. We can go right down to. Where do I frequent? Cold Stone. Oh, not anymore, but some place that sells candy. We go to it's sugar and get married, bitch, for all I fucking care. Yeah, we can get married right down at the Barnes and Noble.

[B]

I would like to look nice proposal. If only because as soon as people realize you're getting proposed to, they start recording. And somebody's gonna put that on TikTok. And I don't wanna be looking crazy in the dog park, hair all over the place, wearing sweatpants with a hole in them. And here you go. Talk about, will you be my wife?

[A]

No, nigga, no shade. I'll give you this. That part of it. A nigga can finesse if he really just pays attention. Like, if you. Unless, like Crystal, I think said, unless you just kind of all over the place with when you get told up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If a nigga just pays attention or just looks right, he can easily figure out when you're gonna get your things done or he can even plan it for you.

[B]

But if he plan, he can plan. He can't plan an event because then you'll know you're getting proposed to. It's like you're.

[A]

No, he can plan. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He would have to finesse something to make sure that she's gonna have her hair and nails done and be dressed

[B]

because she wants to be dressed in something real cute, too.

[A]

But she. That. But she can get her hair and nails done. Oh, well, I don't know how that works. I was gonna say, like, what if he got her hair and, like, the dress part maybe would be like, the next day. Oh, we're going to. Like, I got my homeboy hooked me up with, like, four seats. Oh, no, I'm just spitballing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, like, okay, and then tomorrow we're gonna go to this thing. So it's not like, oh, I have to do it all at the same time, Something's up, type T. But again, I'm trying to make up a surprise for somebo. It's damn near impossible to surprise because she is planning the proposal, especially with this redo and how she wants it done.

[B]

A redo? Now you know it's happening. How could it possibly be a surprise when you are already engaged?

[A]

Thank you for writing this in, though, and balancing the acts and reminding listeners that some of y' all was crazy, too, because this doesn't make.

[B]

I don't think you're crazy, but this is. I do think you need to really think about what it is you want. Yeah.

[A]

And why you have to be surprised.

[B]

You need to ask yourself why you want it. It could be that he don't care what you care about, but it doesn't sound like that. You said he's very sweet. He pays all the bills. I wouldn't Recommend y' all let a nigga do that.

[A]

He's made some attempts, and you ain't like him, which is fair.

[B]

And y' all keep arguing about it. For three years, y' all have been arguing about this. I actually would not marry you at this point.

[A]

I was gonna say that, too.

[B]

I actually would not marry you at this point. Cause you.

[A]

I was gonna say the exact.

[B]

You want them likes. Girl, you dreaming. You are having nightmares about all the likes that you didn't get.

[A]

It has to be that. You make a good point, though, about just, like, you're out wherever and people see him get down on one knee and strangers do, for whatever reason, record it.

[B]

They sure do.

[A]

Like, I don't know why people do, but that is a good point. And also, I don't blame you for wanting to be cute and dolled up for your engagement. You're gonna want to take pictures and stuff. I think that's fair. But it just seems like you're being like, no, not there. No. Not at this time. No. Figure it out. It had better be a surprise, bitch.

[B]

Like, why don't y' all have an engagement shoot? Photo shoot, yes. Where he's down on one knee. And the pictures and everything, the background, everything is what you want it to be. Since y' all are already engaged, why don't y' all just do that and then proceed with the wedding planning and all this. It sounds like this is legit getting in the way of y' all building up.

[A]

It does, which is so silly.

[B]

Yeah, it don't.

[A]

Because, like Crystal said, it's you. You won't. You're thinking about what other people are thinking. You're thinking about the excitement behind posting this huge moment for you. And so, like, that. That's fine. But just go in with that. It doesn't have to be a mystery, thriller, romance, crazy, stupid love. Like, it doesn't need to be that. Especially when you have a bridal shower and you have a wedding. You have all these other things that you're gonna have pictures and glam and stuff for anyway. Girl, just. Yeah, that man love you. Because I'd have been just like, girl, well, you tell me when you're ready, because I'm done.

[B]

And how much of a surprise could it be if y' all had already talked about getting married and you knew a proposal was on the way? And I. That's actually what I would prefer to do. Don't ask me out of nowhere to marry you. And we haven't had that conversation because you're gonna Be you're gonna get a. Let's wait till we get to the

[A]

house and talk about this horror story true blood you found.

[B]

You about to get embarrassed on this Jumbotron.

[A]

Don't do that. Yeah, yeah. Don't you ever do that. Don't ever do that.

[B]

But I'm not quite so picky about the rest of it. So I. If I were you, I would book an engagement photo shoot and have my dream moment there and let it go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because if he's paying all the. Well but. But he might don't want to pay for that because he's paying all the bills C. So he's the only one working you trying to get so then if he don't want to pay for all that, then this is why women need to have their own. This is why you need to have

[A]

and this is why Tim Cook tells you every year that the latest iPhone has the camera. Baby, you better get your 1,999 and a fucking tripod.

[B]

You better set up that little timer, that little 10 second timer. You niggas better get in position.

[A]

That's right. Autofocus, babes, Porsche mode and all there

[B]

you have or even you know, dress up. Go to a nice dinner, a nice restaurant. He can tell the waiter this is common shit. And then the waiter's there all they slide the ring in on your dessert and they take pictures like it. Oh oh. I don't.

[A]

I again, I really don't get it. Like I in general don't get it. I feel like the proposal in my mind is always like a spontaneous, sometimes fun, intimate thing. And you put the bells and whistles on the.

[B]

Yes. On every vibrations at the end. Right. You could. As long as we've had the conversation and we've agreed that marriage is where this relationship is going. You can propose to me at a liberty game. Like I don't the rest of that. I.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Let's just make sure we're on the same page. Cause you might be thinking marriage and I'm thinking in two weeks this relationship is over.

[A]

So let's make sure 1000% we're aligned. 1000%.

[B]

And you could propose to me in the lobby at that point.

[A]

Cause I'm so serious.

[B]

Cause one thing about me since I have a job and I can make my own decisions with money. I'mma have my engagement photo shoot and my party and my bridal showers in different cities so that all my homegirls can make it and my wedding and my. My reception with the two Drawers. I'm gonna have all that shit that I want. Cause I have a job and I can remember when.

[A]

Remember homegirl just a couple of weeks ago who wanted like a specific nanny or cleaners for the house?

[B]

Oh, yes, she wanted a cleaner.

[A]

And she make more than two times where her nigga make. And she was like, oh, he doesn't want us to get this. He doesn't want to get that.

[B]

She probably on maternity leave.

[A]

When you make your coins right now,

[B]

I want her to write, soon as that baby get off your nipple, write us back that when you make your.

[A]

Like, when you do make that coin,

[B]

you can make your own decisions. Yes, but I tell that n. The

[A]

photo shoot is at 11am Girl, the

[B]

last thing I would be doing is pressing this nigga about it, honestly. But good luck. Good luck. He has a lot of patience, cuz. I would have been told you to shut the fuck up about this.

[A]

Hair, nails, hips, breasts, location, Magic hour. That nigga was and flopped. And she told him, do it again.

[B]

Do it again.

[A]

The reason he's still with you, bitch, you better hurry up and marry that nigga.

[B]

Girl. Girl. Dear Chrisly Kid Fury, I need help figuring out whether to tell my friend something or leave it alone.

[A]

Probably.

[B]

I don't have a ton of clo. I don't have a ton of close friends ever since moving to a new city a few years ago. But one of my closest friends in the city I live in has a boyfriend, and he has been sending me the wildest text messages. Of course, he has long, dramatic paragraphs talking about how beautiful I am, how he'd ask me out if we were in another dimension, how I'm a queen from a man's perspective, all while saying that he loves his girlfriend, AKA my friend.

[A]

Call the police.

[B]

It's giving.

[A]

Call you said.

[B]

I've heard enough.

[A]

Special Victims Unit. Call the bau. Do me a bitch.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Bitch. Okay.

[B]

He's also sent me details about the smut book he's writing, and in the same breath asked if I had any ideas for how he should propose to my friend. The mental gymnastics are wild. And just to give y' all an idea of how far he takes it, one of the last messages said, if you got shot dead in the street, and I never told you how I felt, that would make me sad. Like, sir, be serious. She knows he texts me, but claims that she doesn't know what we talk about. And if she ever found out he was sending me stuff like this, I know she would crash out. She's already a little possessive, and her mental health hasn't been great lately, so I'm scared saying something will make things worse. At the same time, it's starting to feel shady for me to stay quiet. I haven't entertained anything on my end, but I don't like being in the middle of this. Should I tell her or. Just stay out of it. Thanks so much. Love you guys. Parallel universe queen. This nigga's a deep weirdo. I'm gonna have to agree with calling the authorities asap. What?

[A]

So you don't like being in another dimension in another dimension, but you don't know if you should say something? Sweetie, the longer you take to say something, the longer you are going to exist in the middle of it. You understand that, right? This person isn't just sending you messages that are inappropriate. He is, and I am very serious. He is sending you messages that I find alarming. It isn't just, oh, you're beautiful and sexy in an unparalleled universe. I'd ask you out. That gives me, like, you work a regular 9 to 5. You do slam poetry on the weekends. You probably, like, paint in Battery park and give it away or some shit, but, like, that's fine. You're still. That's still grounds for me to go to my friend and be like, so

[B]

it's getting bizarre over here, girl.

[A]

Your man is calling me beautiful and talking about the mcu, so I don't know what you want to.

[B]

Cause what does that mean? You would ask me on another dimension? What the. The fuck are you talking about?

[A]

Okay, in the. Then. Then if I got shot and dead and died.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And, you know, okay, next Is yous

[A]

has come to a close. I believe the series is changed, and there's no need for a rebound. Not this damn stuff. So what's gonna happen? Like, bitch, not only would I show my friend this, I would charge my iPad and show it to her on that.

[B]

Yeah. Ooh, yes. And tell her, sis, I know you. Things have been hard for you lately. I tried to just kind of let this rock. Like, you know, your man's a little weird. He writes fan fiction and shit. You know, I'd let people be neurodivergent, but. But it's crossing a line, and I'm uncomfortable. And so I want you to know, like, the type of stuff he's been saying to me. I was trying to be considerate, but at this point, it feels like it's something I need to share with you.

[A]

At first, when you told me that he makes his own socks. I was just like, okay, he's quirky.

[B]

A lot of niggas darn.

[A]

But, girl, baby, it's time to have a conversation.

[B]

It's strange. He would ask me. I'm a queen. From a man's.

[A]

What the fuck does that mean?

[B]

And sprinkling in. Oh, I love my girlfriend. Oh, you're so sexy. I would love to see your pussy glisten in the moonlight. But how also, do you think I should propose to Ashley? You think adding these little random shits in between takes away from the creepiness of your messages?

[A]

Bitch. Bitch. What I tell you? I'd be like, ashley, I'mma hold your hand when we go

[B]

like you did. Oh, girl, you held her finger.

[A]

She said she cried every time she watched Babs. I was.

[B]

I couldn't take that. I. And I'm so glad y' all followed up with that, because I said, how? Where? What scene? What scene?

[A]

It was so funny.

[B]

That whole video. I. I was Amber. That whole video. That whole video.

[A]

You really were. Amber was just like. She was not away from me with this. With House. That bullshit in that room. Like, were you talking about rent?

[B]

She wasn't.

[A]

She was like, y' all are not about to sit up here, act like

[B]

y' all pissed her off. Pissed her off.

[A]

I had to be like, no, the music was tea. I just don't like it.

[B]

I just don't like it. You said that about a lot of shit. You said that about Wicked and y', all, bro. Yes. Y' all talked about. Anyway. Anyway, y' all need to go watch that video if you haven't already. But.

[A]

Oh, God, that shit was fun. But, yes, like, I would honestly be holding her hands and just be like, girl, the FBI is already on the way, so, like, we don't even have to. But I just want to let you know that I'm here for you and

[B]

we're going to get through this because that nigga's weird. If you. Why would you say. If you got shot in the street and I. Why wouldn't you say.

[C]

Why?

[B]

Why. Why wouldn't you just say, if something happened, I would regret not expressing how I really felt? Like, why wouldn't you say it that way? Why would you say if Donald Trump walked up to you on Fifth Avenue and blew your brains out, I would just be devastated that I never told you how perky your titties are.

[C]

Like, what?

[B]

Why would you say it in the creepy room?

[A]

You're already a sci fi nerd. Why couldn't you have just been like if you blipped to another Earth far, far away.

[B]

If the quantum star Felix exploded in

[A]

the supernova, Thanos snapped the mind stone from your ear.

[B]

Make it nerdy. Yes.

[A]

You were brutally stabbed to death in the back of an rv.

[B]

Like God in the woods. That would be inconsolable.

[A]

Mom.

[B]

Danny, you know what? Yeah, actually. Mum.

[A]

Danny.

[B]

FBI. CSI Mum. Danny, at this point, somebody need to go check your backyard. Get her excavating some shit.

[A]

Come get her. We are.

[B]

You're weird.

[A]

I hope that answers.

[B]

Let her crash out. Yes, let her crash out. You don't want her to crash out. You don't want her to be sad. It's worse that her man is going around acting like this with her friends.

[A]

I would be worried for her safety. My safety. The safety of small animals.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. For real. No, I'm so serious.

[A]

They're actually dead ass. This person's.

[B]

Why would you send me excerpts of the smut book you're writing? I'm the friend of your fiance or girlfriend. You thought it was appropriate to share sexual content that you wrote with me. In what dimension? Not this one. In the same dimension where you would. Where it would be appropriate for you to ask me out.

[A]

You know, it would be really, really sad to me if you, you know, ended up decapitated somewhere. Anyway, here's some nudes. I drew some porn.

[B]

A little hint.

[A]

I want her gone. I want her gone. Get her out of here.

[B]

Sorry. He's so weird.

[A]

He's weird. Girly Pop, you need to tell this. Your friend this asap. I understand you. You having concern for her mental state and her reaction to things, and I. I honestly believe. I have faith that y' all can work through that. It is for her. But even if this wasn't super, like, creepy, it's still inappropriate. And she knows. She has the right to know. And you also hit something on the head when you said it's getting to a point where it feels shady. Because it is because you're keeping something from your close friend.

[B]

So.

[A]

So get it out there, get through the hard part, and then have an investigation started because

[B]

that nigga is weird. Girl. Yeah, it is hard to. It's hard now because your conscience is whooping your ass because you know if it was you, you would want your. Mm. This is wrong. This is wrong. And you're not participating in the wrong, but you're allowing the wrong to happen without saying something to your friend. So you are complicit in that way. That's why the Guilt is beating your ass. So despite you might be legitimately afraid or wary of how she'll react, but you should still say something, if only so you can sleep at night knowing that you have washed your hands of that weird nigga and. And you've gotten her to a safe house and she can, you know, she can't process bitch.

[A]

And I'm still going to bed with a combat knife on my dresser for at least three months.

[B]

I'm sorry. It's something about this nigga that really gives me the creeps. Like, I don't get it anyway.

[A]

A queen and a myth. A queen from a myth.

[B]

Girl, why are you even talking to me like this? This. Why are you even speaking to me in this way?

[A]

Jesus. I don't know. What is it? Like, men just start. Like, just stop. Take a day off.

[B]

Oh, yeah, no, they're not gonna do that.

[A]

Make a sandwich.

[B]

Take just one. Like, a sandwich could be so good. God.

[A]

Like, what do you be.

[B]

Thank you. Yeah, good luck. Parallel universe Queen. Let us know how the breakup goes. That's gonna wrap up the letters this week. If you have a question for us, send it on over to AskTheRead Gmail.com the new LinkedIn hiring pro can't undo your last hire the empty seat, who is actually just that, an empty chair in your office because you couldn't find someone to fill it, so it just sat there costing you money with all its fancy ergonomic features. But LinkedIn Hiring Pro can make it easy to fill that seat with the right candidate. With nearly 60% of businesses finding someone to interview in the first week alone, hire right the first time with LinkedIn Hiring Pro. Post your first job today and get $100 [e-mail] Pandora offer. Terms and conditions apply. Eczema as unpredictable, but you can flare less with Epglis, a once monthly treatment for moderate to severe eczema after an initial four month or longer dosing phase, about 4 in 10 people taking EBGLIS achieved itch relief in clear or almost clear skin at 16 weeks. And most of those people maintain skin that's still more clear at one year with monthly dosing.

[A]

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[A]

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