Bird-In-Law

Summary

The Read — “Bird-In-Law” (November 20, 2025)

Hosts: Kid Fury & Crissle
Network: Loud Speakers Network

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Episode Overview

In this vibrant, shade-filled episode of The Read, Kid Fury and Crissle tackle pop culture’s latest messes — from Nicki Minaj’s erratic UN speech to a messy mother-in-law situation and the shenanigans of Boosie and Offset. They dish on Black excellence, the perils of being a new mom with a boundary-stomping MIL, and the continual drama in hip hop. Expect the duo's signature comedic therapy session flavor, heartfelt advice, and a heavy dash of no-holds-barred commentary.

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Black Excellence

[02:21 – 10:05]

• Kid Fury spotlights Dr. Valencia Robertson Wells, the first Black woman president of the 120-year-old Alabama Optometric Association.
  • “As someone who comes from a long line of niggas who can’t see... I appreciate Black optometrists.” — Kid Fury [03:14]
  • Discussion about the importance of Black healthcare professionals, maternal mortality, and medical racism, especially for Black women.
  • Crissle and Kid Fury swap horror stories about Black women being mistreated in medical settings.
  • Side banter about movie recommendations, “One Battle After Another,” and a detour about “Wicked” and Cynthia Erivo.
  • “Black women, so strong — we’ll always make a way. But now, should we have to?” — Kid Fury [05:08]
  • Congratulations to Dr. Wells for her leadership and inspiration.

---

Hot Tops: Pop Culture Shade

[10:13 – 61:25]

On the Labubu Movie

• The duo discusses rumors of a Labubu (collectible toy) film — horror or not?
• Crissle: “Them little demons coming to life and killing children in their sleep, that’s what makes sense.” [10:36]
• Lively tangent on fakes vs. real Labubus and “Lefoufu,” the knockoff.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Honored at Black Film Festival

• [17:19] Kid Fury is both confused and amused:
  • “He’s Black. And it’s not a secret… But has he ever made a Black film?”
  • Both hosts grapple with what makes a “Black film,” sponsorships, and what it means for representation.
  • Crissle: “And until you set foot on that (Tyler Perry) compound, you won’t be getting shit else.” [20:19]
  • Light roast of The Rock’s acting ambitions.

Stephen A. Smith Leaves NBA Countdown

• Crissle rejoices: “Stephen A. Smith is the worst part of ESPN to me. So him not being on Countdown is probably going to make it more tolerable.” [24:45]
• Recap of sports TV rotations and why she prefers others like Colin Cowherd.

Nicki Minaj’s UN Speech & Alignment with Trump

• [27:56 – 38:34]
  • Kid Fury details Nicki’s erratic keynote at the UN on Christian persecution in Nigeria.
  • “The thing about it isn’t just the Trump of it all, but the fact that I have struggled to understand what this person has been saying in general lately.” — Kid Fury [27:56]
  • Crissle fact-checks (with receipts) Trump and Nicki’s “persecution” narrative.
    • “I decided, what does Trump really want with Nigeria?” — Crissle [31:48]
    • Explores the real sources (poverty, resource conflict, not just religion).
  • Crissle speculates on why Nicki would stump for Trump:
    • “There’s a very good chance she’s looking for a pardon for one or both those niggas from this man.” [34:19]
  • Both ridicule Nicki for double-shouting out the Barbs at the UN.
    • “Barbs, I know you’re listening, I love you so much. You’re the light of my life.” — Crissle mocking Nicki [35:43]
  • Discussion about the backlash in Nicki's fandom.
  • “Aligning yourself with Trump is crazy. She’s really out of her fuckin’ mind.” — Crissle [36:12]

Cardi B’s Baby & Tour (and Offset Drama)

• [46:12 – 59:18]
  • Cardi confirms her new baby and new tour. Crissle gives congrats, Kid Fury praises the creative rollout.
  • Sharp take on Offset’s rumored bid for half her money in divorce.
    • “If culture decides to share.” — Kid Fury [53:16]
    • Crissle: “Imagine a nigga playing you your whole marriage... and then he like, actually, you owe me half. Nah, I would lose my mind.” [53:32]
  • Debates Cardi’s potential as a performer, high bar set by Beyoncé.

Other Quick Reads

• Tory Lanez fined $20k for contempt in Milagro Grams defamation case.
  • “You either gonna answer these questions or it’s gonna get worser.” — Kid Fury [64:31]
• Boosie’s messy Breakfast Club appearance mocking Diddy and — once again — making everything about d*cks.
  • “Why does it always come back to dicks for you?!” — Crissle [67:28]
• Hosts believe “everyone is a little gay,” make jokes about celebrity sexual fluidity [72:29].

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Advice Segment — Listener Letters

[78:20 – 96:21]

Notable Letter — Bird-In-Law Trouble

[80:31 – 96:21]
Letter from Jayla:

• Jayla’s pregnant with her first child. Her mother-in-law has repeatedly overstepped:
  • Announcing the pregnancy before they could, revealing gender, making everything about herself (“glad we weren’t having a girl because ‘I would have had a hard time with her’”).
• Jayla expresses fears MIL will continue to disregard boundaries once the baby’s born.
• Asks: Should I keep her at bay or keep the peace?

Key Insights/Quotes:

• Kid Fury: “I’m setting the boundary with no sugar on top. Ten swollen toes down.” [84:38]
• Crissle: "You already took my experience from me... My child, my family, my household — I’m calling the shots." [85:29]
• Advice:
  • "Set clear, firm boundaries now. The real issue is making sure your husband is 100% on your side before the birth." — Crissle [90:06]
  • “If she don’t like it, your husband needs to be the one to check her.” — Crissle [91:58]
• Jokes about overprotective parents, post-COVID, and being petty with a boundary-pushing MIL.

Other Letters

• Danny’s Struggle with Sister and Dad [96:38 – 107:42]
  • Danny’s sister snitches to their dad (a controlling narcissist) about taking his dog, disregards boundaries.
  • Kid Fury: “How do you deal with a family member who disrespects you and denies your pain? You don’t.” [99:20]
  • Crissle: “Help your therapist unpack that guilt... Why would you feel bad about that?” [102:45]
  • Guidance: Put distance between yourself and family who repeatedly harm you, and mourn what you thought the relationship was.

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The Read (Final Shade)

[111:15 – 133:18]

Kid Fury’s Read: Lazy Transphobia in Rap

• “If you cannot come up with a bar that references trans people without a punchline about genitals: write about something else.” [111:15]
• “It’s not just offensive, it’s boring. Shut the fuck up.”

Crissle’s Read:

• Pharrell’s out-of-touch remarks at Black Ambition, minimizing Black/brown-specific opportunity work, pretending politics is just “division,” and his fundraising for controversial causes.
  • “You too damn old to act like you don’t understand that Black and brown people are oppressed in this country.” [114:31]
  • “We don’t align, period. And I honestly can’t think of one thing [Trump and I] agree on.” [117:24]
• Donald Trump calling a reporter “Piggy.”
  • “You look like a boar they gave blonde eyebrows and brought to life.” — Crissle [120:07]
  • Both hosts drag Trump for fatphobia while being… Trump.

Bonus: Patrick Beverly Assault & Sexist Commentary

• Patrick Beverly lets a white colleague denigrate Megan Thee Stallion, only to get arrested for violently assaulting his own sister the same week.
  • Crissle: "Maybe focus less on Klay [Thompson] aging and more on why you put your hands on your sister.” [131:01]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Nicki at the UN:

  • “I'm like, Heavenly father, call on him. If ever there were a time for you to take the wheel...” — Kid Fury [27:56]
  • “Aligning yourself with Trump is crazy. She's really out of her fuck.” — Crissle [36:12]

• On Boundaries with MIL:

  • "If I say you can't drink milk in this house cause I don't like it, guess what? You're dairy free until your feet hit that mat again." — Kid Fury [85:31]
  • "Make sure you and your husband are on the same page... He is for sure gonna be the problem." — Crissle [90:03]

• On Boosie:

  • "Why does it always come back to dicks for you? Even when there’s no reason to be thinking of a penis, you find a way." — Crissle [67:28]

• On Cardi’s Tour Drama:

  • "Why are you on this lady's pot? You want half that net worth, half that fortune." — Crissle [50:10]

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Structure & Flow

The episode moves fluidly between topics, with cultural commentary, personal stories, and listener advice. Kid Fury and Crissle blend wit and wisdom, seamlessly interweaving pop culture shade (“Hot Tops”) and heartfelt, tough love in the letters segment. Tangents and asides are as sharp and relevant as ever, with the show’s tone remaining unfiltered, laugh-out-loud funny, and biting.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Black Excellence: 02:21 – 10:05
• Labubu Movie/Pop Culture: 10:13 – 19:55
• The Rock at Black Film Fest: 17:19 – 20:53
• Stephen A. Smith: 23:25 – 27:20
• Nicki Minaj UN drama: 27:56 – 38:34
• Cardi B/Offset: 46:12 – 59:18
• Tory Lanez, Boosie: 62:14 – 72:51
• Listener Letters (MIL drama): 80:31 – 96:21
• Listener Letters (Sister/Dad Issues): 96:38 – 107:42
• The Read (Final Shade): 111:15 – 133:18

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Overall Vibe

• Tone: Hilarious, incisive, honest, — and frequently petty (in the best way).
• Theme: How to maintain boundaries and self-respect — whether dealing with celebrity antics, toxic family, or being a Black person in hostile systems. No pretense, no mercy for the foolish.
• Takeaway: Speak up for yourself, laugh at the mess, and don’t let anybody — not celebrities, mothers-in-law, or rappers — get you off balance.

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For more episodes or to send in your own letter, follow The Read (@ThisIsTheRead) and visit thisistheread.com.

Transcript

[Kid Fury]

Meat Song. His fantasy lineup not so great. A no name QB and an injured rookie running back. But you know what is great? Getting a single line unlimited plan for $35 a month and a free Samsung Galaxy A15.5G at Cricket Wireless. No injuries, just reliable service. Cricket may temporarily slow data speeds if the network is busy. Must bring your number to Cricket on select unlimited plan. Pay $40. First month new lines only. First month service charge and tax due at sale. Cricket 5G is not available everywhere. Fees, terms and restrictions apply. See cricketwireless.com for details. Hey, guys. The holidays are nothing without friends, family and flannel. That's right, flannel. The vibe that you can always count on, that you can always rely on. Okay? Especially now that I'm a Southern California baby. Feels like my right. It has to be from L.L. bean. It's the shirt you wear when you pick out your tree, the one you wear when you're decorating it. Maybe you wear in a pumpkin patch of sorts. Or maybe just having delicious seasonal coffee with someone that you will be breaking up with in a matter of weeks. Either way, holiday traditions are how flannel fits in. Okay, Maybe you'll wear it while you're opening some presents. Maybe you'll wear it while you're drinking a hot cocoa with a snide look on your face because you got the baby that thing that they wanted for the holiday. Maybe it's a family movie night. Maybe it's a friendsgiving. It's perfect to wear and it's perfect gift. It's flannel of the holidays, actually. It's the uniform of the season. And like all things Elbean, it's cozy, it's effortless, and it's made to last. So go check out L.L. bean Flannel. Invited to the holidays since 1912. Well, well. Welcome back to the show, everyone. I'm Betty Nicks.

[Crystal]

And I'm Audie Crooks, and this is the read. Thank you for returning.

[Kid Fury]

It is, in fact, into this fall thing as we transition into its time by Mariah Carey. Until then, we shall get into our regularly scheduled festivities, starting with our Black Excellence. And this week, Black Excellence is going to go to an Alabama native by the name of Dr. Valencia Robertson Wells. She's been elected president of the Alabama Optometric association, and she is the first black woman to ever lead in the 120-year-old organization's history.

[Crystal]

Oh, of course she is.

[Kid Fury]

Of course.

[Crystal]

Of course she is.

[Kid Fury]

She's an award winner in the optometrist space. She's a public health advocate and a mentor. And as someone who comes from a long line of niggas who can't see same, I appreciate black optometrists. I'm reading on because of them. We can that black optometrists make up just 2% of the profession nationwide. Shocker. Spoiler alert. So this kind of representation goes a long while and I really. I'm always going to be very passionate for black representation in the healthcare space.

[Crystal]

Same. Yeah, it's important.

[Kid Fury]

I'm a cisgender, masculine presenting individual mostly.

[Crystal]

Most of the time.

[Kid Fury]

Mostly.

[Crystal]

You have your moments.

[Kid Fury]

The way that they do. Black women and femmes.

[Crystal]

Oh, it's pretty bad. It's pretty bad. Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

Like, I'm having a baby. I have cramps. I can't see just anything. And it's like, well, what the fuck do you want me to do about it?

[Crystal]

Tease.

[Kid Fury]

And like, like, I have spoken about doctors and people in medicine, emergency services, all that stuff and how they have it rough.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Kid Fury]

But just on average, the stories of black women throughout history and generations of going to the doctor because you have a headache and it's like, bitch, that's your fault.

[Crystal]

Yeah. I saw a video of a black woman in labor and the. The white nurse was just kind of.

[Kid Fury]

Like, okay, bitch, you're so mean. Somet.

[Crystal]

Yes. And this I saw another story of a woman who. I think maybe both of them got kicked out of the ER or the hospital, but the other one went and literally gave birth in the car.

[Kid Fury]

Word.

[Crystal]

Like, this is how we've been in childbirth. One of the most vulnerable things you can do with your body. Like, it's just insane that. Anyway.

[Kid Fury]

And we'll go like, oh, yeah. Black women so strong will always make a way. And now should we have that too? Because Dr.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Kid Fury]

And here's my birthing vagina.

[Crystal]

And we have higher rates compared to the white girls. We have higher rates of everything wrong. Like the. The fetus and. And newborns having issues, maternal health declining. Like, all of it. All of it.

[Kid Fury]

The girl should really look like Tiana in one battle after another. Have you seen Paul Thomas Anderson's One Battle After Another, which took a while to meet its financial. You know, I haven't funding.

[Crystal]

You know, I have not one battle. Oh, that came right up. Whoa.

[Kid Fury]

Leonardo DiCaprio.

[Crystal]

That's who that is.

[Kid Fury]

Regina Hall.

[Crystal]

Regina Hall. So it's a comedy.

[Kid Fury]

No.

[Crystal]

Oh, no.

[Kid Fury]

Regina hall is that girl. I mean, yes.

[Crystal]

I mean, she is.

[Kid Fury]

But I was hoping that's just what God did.

[Crystal]

Okay. Oh, this is the movie she's been promoting with Chase, Infinity and T. Okay. Now, I didn't. I didn't know what they was doing together. I just saw the three of them. Okay. Okay.

[Kid Fury]

I think you might like it.

[Crystal]

I'm gonna go see it after Wicked. Cause I'm going to see Wicked tonight. When the show. The show airs Thursday, so I'm going to see Wicked. But I will. I will put this on my list. The reviews are great.

[Kid Fury]

Let's talk about very quickly, Cynthia, the warrior princess. Touch that white girl one more time and get your sv. She's sick of it. Y' all see it too.

[Crystal]

Y' all are. Yeah. The. And the person who did it being like, this is something they just do. They just run up on celebrity. Like, this person has a history of doing this. And they.

[Kid Fury]

They're like, I'm not talking about some lame ass shit. Like, finally met Ariana Grande tonight. That's why you're getting.

[Crystal]

You're going to jail. What are you. This isn't. This is not an okay way to, like, this is what we mean when we talk about parasocial relationships and y' all being too attached to these celebrities.

[Kid Fury]

You don't get to meet nobody.

[Crystal]

You didn't meet anybody. You almost got your block knocked off you. This isn't like, this is the wrong kind of fame. You can't be that desperate to be close to people that. Who are famous. Like, this is just. Y' all are so weird. Ariana Grande that I. I felt my heart went out to her in that moment because, like, yuck and yikes. Y' all are strange.

[Kid Fury]

But Cynthia was mad, soaking up Oscar buzz and singing and being, you know, her dream role again.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

With this black woman, her extra long nails, who's just like, you know, I pulled a tarot for you this morning and it really spoke to me. And she's just having a good time. And here you come with your terrible ass highpoints like Donkey Kong Bonanza. Trying to carry this bitch and throw her over your shoulder like a fucking freak show.

[Crystal]

You.

[Kid Fury]

How you didn't get your ass beat.

[Crystal]

Yeah. That was really quite the. Quite a mess. But Cynthia, Yeah, Cynthia was not having it. She was like, please do not let this extremely thin body fool you. I will beat your ass.

[Kid Fury]

I walked into the room nest first.

[Crystal]

Them too. You know, they just be rubbing pussies together and having a good time.

[Kid Fury]

I think that they just, like, they have a tincture tee.

[Crystal]

It's something they do, man.

[Kid Fury]

I don't know what they just find out. They Talk about shapes. Like, everyone.

[Crystal]

Like, I think they did shrooms together. They must.

[Kid Fury]

They shroom it out. They're on the psilocybin. Like, they are shrooming it out. Talking about the shapes of clouds and being like. You remember this? Yep. Yeah. Last time I went on this trip, I remember I realized that in a former life.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

I was like a Native American princess or something.

[Crystal]

They facetime each other before bed, and they're like, I'll see you in our dreams.

[Kid Fury]

Yes.

[Crystal]

Meet me in the lilac field when.

[Kid Fury]

My chakra touches your chakra on the next planet. You know how it is, girls.

[Crystal]

Meet me at the nexus of creativity and lesbian imagination, and we'll take it from there. Like that. I know it.

[Kid Fury]

I'm fine with it.

[Crystal]

Oh, because the movie is great.

[Kid Fury]

Like, the movie's great.

[Crystal]

So I don't keep doing your lesbian spiritual. Whatever y' all are doing. I don't care. Keep it up. It is so good.

[Kid Fury]

If it defies gravity, bitch, I vote yes. Thank you.

[Crystal]

Ah. So, yeah, I'm gonna go see this. This movie that you are loving so much after I. Oh, yes.

[Kid Fury]

I bring it up because Tiana Taylor, incredibly pregnant woman with assault rifle. Oh. And I feel like that should that. Like, when I think about pregnant women, especially pregnant black women. Like, yes. That's what y' all need be like. Oh, the test is positive. Yeah.

[Crystal]

Because you're gonna need it.

[Kid Fury]

Just in case you're gonna need to pop. Someone gonna test your game. Yes. Well, this is really about you, Dr. Wells, and all of your contributions.

[Crystal]

Bringing it back to this queen.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

Yes.

[Kid Fury]

Congratulations. And all of your efforts and your hard work. And shout out to Alabama.

[Crystal]

Now, y' all did that one thing.

[Kid Fury]

Let's discuss some pop culture in our segment that we call Hot Tops. Oh, wait, I forgot something to look up. So they're making a Labubu movie. Have you heard?

[Crystal]

No.

[Kid Fury]

Have you heard about the Labubu film?

[Crystal]

I have.

[Kid Fury]

Is it a hard. Shut the fuck up. Is it gonna be a horror movie?

[Crystal]

Oh, well, that's the only thing that makes sense. Them little demons coming to life and killing children in their sleep. That is what makes sense, because they look like. That's some shit they would do. It needs to be a horror movie, actually. Yeah. That lines up. Mm.

[Kid Fury]

It could be fierce if it gives. Like, Gremlins. I just can't imagine the Gremlins is a horror film.

[Crystal]

But whoever.

[Kid Fury]

Technically.

[Crystal]

But whoever makes Labubus is not going to let them be used for that purpose.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah, they will. Why would they because it's going to make a whole bunch of money. They don't give a fuck. They know these shits are ugly.

[Crystal]

Won't it impact the sale of the toy? Isn't that what happened with the Chucky doll?

[Kid Fury]

But that's what I'm saying. Like, Gremlins isn't an inaccessible horror movie. In fact, some of us watched it when we shouldn't have. Oh, I know.

[Crystal]

Absolutely.

[Kid Fury]

Me, I had no business like Coraline. I just rewatched Coraline a couple of weeks ago. That movie's, I think, rated pg. And it's got moments that are pretty horrifying. So I think it could be a horror film that is like goosebumps.

[Crystal]

Oh, so nobody is murdered or.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah, no, not like extreme violence, but just still spooky.

[Crystal]

Okay. Because I'm thinking, I don't know why you would.

[Kid Fury]

They like run around and cause mischief and like knock things over.

[Crystal]

Okay. Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

So horror movie for five year olds. Yes.

[Crystal]

Okay. Okay.

[Kid Fury]

I was thinking that's what my guess would be.

[Crystal]

Adult.

[Kid Fury]

I don't think they're gonna let. Let it be bloody right. But I don't know.

[Crystal]

Well, no, because I don't think anybody would let their licensed product be a thing that comes to life and then kills people. Like, that seems like a really bad idea.

[Kid Fury]

Sony Pictures has acquired the screen rights.

[Crystal]

Interesting.

[Kid Fury]

That's just about as much as we've got right now. Project remains in an extremely nascent state.

[Crystal]

Okay. Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

With no talent or producers attached.

[Crystal]

They said we literally just have the idea and somebody to produce it. It is.

[Kid Fury]

Listen, it is a fear. Everyone kept saying le boo boo. I actually don't even know what it is, but it's trending at the top of everything every day. And so someone's gonna buy it.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

So it's ours. And when we figure it out, we'll let you know. That's really it. So it probably ain't even gonna be no damn horror movie. That could have just been some Internet shit.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Kid Fury]

It's probably whoever put that prob. Like, what else would it be? Horrifying.

[Crystal]

It's not a horror movie. It's the Labubus Take Manhattan or something. It's not finna be.

[Kid Fury]

When I first read. Yeah, I agree. When I first read about this, I pictured. Is it called Ugly Dolls? That movie that came out a couple of years ago with Kelly Clarkson. I've never seen it, but she has a song that's very beautiful from it called. I think it's called Broken and Beautiful.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Kid Fury]

And I've Heard that song a ton. But the song I think is just about these dolls that are like kind of funny looking and outcasts or some shit. When I thought of clearly not even knowing if that's the name of the film, never seeing the movie, when I was like, oh, Labubu movie. That's the first thing I thought of. Cause I'm like, they're.

[Crystal]

It's gonna be about them being idiots, right? And how society is mean to them because they have nine teeth and they.

[Kid Fury]

Smile like nine me.

[Crystal]

Oh no. I know. Because my niece asked for a labo, a real one. Cuz she spent her money on a fake one even. As opposed to cuz and her mama said, I guarantee you this $10 Labo Boo at the checkout at Quick Trip is not real.

[Kid Fury]

No, it isn't.

[Crystal]

And so she wanted a real one for Christmas. And I said, well, how can I tell? And Terry was like, the real one have nine teeth. So Amy had to go traipse around.

[Kid Fury]

Hold on.

[Crystal]

Are you going to check if you have a fake labubu? I will evaporate.

[Kid Fury]

Please.

[Crystal]

Okay. You don't have to. Please don't put her back in my face. You can keep.

[Kid Fury]

I'm not going to show you this.

[Crystal]

Thank you. Thank you so much.

[Kid Fury]

Christ. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Okay.

[Crystal]

A real girl. Of course you got a real one.

[Kid Fury]

Of course I do.

[Crystal]

You could tell cause I mean Labubo's shout out to them. Cause they didn't jack the price up when they got super popular. So there's still, you know, like it was $40 or so the one I got for her, which is too much.

[Kid Fury]

Which is still insane.

[Crystal]

Right? But at least it wasn't 200.

[Kid Fury]

But was that like one of the keychain ones?

[Crystal]

It's. Yeah, one of the little ones that the kids put on their backpacks and shit.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah, but those are really the girls. Yeah, the kids want to show them off on real bad.

[Crystal]

Real bad. You think that child waited till Christmas? No, of course not. She opened it as soon as it got there.

[Kid Fury]

She said happy holidays. Thanks anyhow. Hello, girls.

[Crystal]

Thank you so much. I have two months to flex Dallas before Christmas break.

[Kid Fury]

The real deal. Oh, I'm sorry, girl. Did you get that from the Quick Trip poor?

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

Anyway, I said, so where's the Lefoufu?

[Crystal]

Now that's what we call the fake one. Where is the Lefoufuu? Somewhere.

[Kid Fury]

It's like that better than Lefufu.

[Crystal]

She don't even know where it's At. No, more the real one.

[Kid Fury]

Lefoufu. Almost not French.

[Crystal]

Lefoufu sound like a black labubu. I don't know why, but it does.

[Kid Fury]

Like a Haitian labubu.

[Crystal]

Huh. So anyway, I had to learn quickly the difference between the reals and the fakes. So I could, you know, up here in New York, send her.

[Kid Fury]

Imagine that Goddy's kids, when you don't even want to look at them.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Kid Fury]

That is love.

[Crystal]

And then it was in my home.

[Kid Fury]

That's hard.

[Crystal]

It was in my home for like.

[Kid Fury]

And then it was in your house.

[Crystal]

Yes. And I had to mail it off.

[Kid Fury]

You have natural things that brought along with it, right? Yeah.

[Crystal]

God only knows. I had to pray over my belongings after that thing came in my home. Yes. Because you know, they not. And you know, I got Florida water in the house. But I say this, this will not do. But anything for the kitties. She loves it.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah. That's adorable. Yeah. I'm eager to see what direction they're gonna go with this. I really don't think it's gonna be a bunch of little chuckies running around biting people and ripping their limbs off.

[Crystal]

If it is, there's no way.

[Kid Fury]

Day one I'm talking about, I am going to be front row.

[Crystal]

They. No, they're going to have to invite you to the premiere.

[Kid Fury]

Premiere down. I will dress this one girl and you won't be the only one A rated Harle. Boo.

[Crystal]

Boo.

[Kid Fury]

But I do think it's going to be like the Smurfs, Rihanna shit. Where it's going to be a bunch of them just doing bad. Making fart jokes because you don't let.

[Crystal]

Your licensed product murder people in film and tv.

[Kid Fury]

You try to keep it as open and wide reaching as possible. Of course. We'll see. Dwayne Johnson, formerly known as the Rock, shall be honored at the 8th American Black Film Festival in February. I made the same face when I read this too. And then I had to go on a journey with myself because I'm like, well, he's black.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

And it's not like a secret.

[Crystal]

No. He claims it.

[Kid Fury]

So where he does. But I'm still like, I don't.

[Crystal]

Has he ever made a black film? This is what I'm saying.

[Kid Fury]

But I don't think he's ever made a film where he's just not like a cool guy that has. That's really strong. I don't think he's really like.

[Crystal]

Right. But this is the American Black Film Festival, is it not?

[Kid Fury]

Yeah. So I think it's just about him being black American.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Kid Fury]

Is tea, like no shade.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Kid Fury]

ABFF is tea.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

And this feels like. Okay. I wouldn't even be surprised if he lobbed for this or his team, I was going to say, especially because he. That Smashing Machine movie flopped into the dirt. And I think that that was his attempt to be like Dave Bautista and be like, I act and I have dramatic rage. Oh, and I am in cinema and the girls are like, this is late. I don't like this movie. I don't know.

[Crystal]

We don't think so.

[Kid Fury]

So, yeah, a black movie. No, I'm really nothing I can think think of. I'm trying to think of if he's had like a funny cameo in one even.

[Crystal]

I'm coming up blank. But. But I he black. Yeah. So. So that's all you, really.

[Kid Fury]

And film.

[Crystal]

So, yeah, I knew that you would.

[Kid Fury]

Get it because I was just like. The only reason I think I'm going to bring this up is because I have to dive into the fascination of why this confuses me.

[Crystal]

Because, yes, he's black and in movies, but he has never made a black movie. And this is the Black Film Festival. But I get it. That's a very big star. So, sure, give him the award. Have him come out. Advertisers, sponsors. I'm sure all of that goes up with a name like that attached somehow, someone.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, big time. So I didn't even think of that.

[Crystal]

Yeah, so it does make sense in that one regard. But when you first said it, I was confusion.

[Kid Fury]

I made the exact same face. And then I was like, well, he.

[Crystal]

Ain'T did not one Tyler Perry movie. This can't be right.

[Kid Fury]

And until you have been bewigged by Batman.

[Crystal]

And until you set foot on that compound, you won't be getting shit else.

[Kid Fury]

You ain't Taraji Henson, bitch. Jesus Christ.

[Crystal]

Oh, God.

[Kid Fury]

Okay, he's trying. He's just like. He's made all of his popcorn money, but now he wants to like. He wants to be like, respected as an actor. Oh, but it's like, girl, you could just be Jean Claude Van Stallone. They don't care.

[Crystal]

Are you actually a good actor? Maybe I should see this movie, the Smashing Machine or whatever he said. Oh, okay. You saw it. Yeah. Okay, well, all right.

[Kid Fury]

I saw some of it. I decided to spend. I decided to spend the rest.

[Crystal]

You said I actually could not finish it.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah, there were other things to do.

[Crystal]

Yeah, well, maybe you were not that. And that's fine. You know, we can't all be Viola Davis Somebody has to make the silly action movies and the fantastic fives and all. Whatever. The five, the speed, whatever it is.

[Kid Fury]

It's four. Oh, and. Or. No, the karma was not created overnight.

[Crystal]

Yes, there.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, fast five.

[Crystal]

Fast five. Yes. So, see, I knew it was something with a five, but that's a very good point. Viola Davis didn't just wake up one day and say, I'm tired of being a cashier. I'm going to be the best actress. The best actress anybody's ever fucking seen. Like, you go to school, you work on your craft. Like, this is. It's a real thing. The Rock. You just have that look. You are that tall with that body. That is how you got into all these fighting movies and action adventure. That. Like that. You fit that look. And that's a perfectly fine look. I'm a wrestling suit. You made so much money, bro. Like, yeah, if you want to be taken seriously as an actor, maybe invest some of that money into. Ooh, maybe he did, though.

[Kid Fury]

Shut up. I think it's time to. I think it's like, that's what I'm saying. Like, maybe you don't need to, like, rush in immediately after Black Adam. Be like. But did you know? Did you know within me there's an.

[Crystal]

August Ocean, Sage county in my spirit.

[Kid Fury]

That's right.

[Crystal]

Y' all just won't see it.

[Kid Fury]

Take your time.

[Crystal]

Yeah, go. Go to the Yale Drama School or one of these other. Like, you can get in. They'll let you in. But you're going to have to work for it. You're going to have to try.

[Kid Fury]

Okay, well, God bless.

[Crystal]

Maybe. Maybe next time.

[Kid Fury]

And the film's there. Because that's another thing, to your point, could bring out seats, butts and seats.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

And black films will be seen.

[Crystal]

Yes. And that is great in them. Right.

[Kid Fury]

But you know, that's going to happen alongside it.

[Crystal]

It will be. Yes. For other films that we probably do want to see.

[Kid Fury]

Stephen A. Smith says, I call all the shots. No pun intended. I do what the fuck I want to do. And I left NBA Countdown because I'm busy. So I bring this up because I want to know if it's true. I had. He said, you know, after his departure from NBA Countdown on the espen.

[Crystal]

Yeah, you're.

[Kid Fury]

He said, how many times do I have to say they can never. Like, we had a zoom like a couple weeks ago, and it was like, wow, still disrespecting me.

[Crystal]

Oh, right, right, right, right, right, right.

[Kid Fury]

Like, financially, them. And financially they can't.

[Crystal]

Yes, you. I'M not calling cowherd. Please be respectful. You think I'm over there with that little bitch?

[Kid Fury]

Excuse me. Get your mind right. I had a contract negotiation last year, he says that started in June and ended in March going into April. Decided that particular moment in time that I wouldn't be doing NBA Countdown anymore because I didn't want to. I love doing the show, but after the show is over, I got a whole bunch of other stuff that I got to do and I didn't want to be stuck in studio until midnight. No shade against espn. No shade against my wonderful colleagues. No shade.

[Crystal]

Well, NBA Countdown's pretty bad. Sorry. I like Malika Andrews, Kendrick Perkins. I mean, you know, I'll always love him as a Thunder fan, and he does show a lot of love to the Thunder, but I'm not really a big fan of his analysis. Shams is just there to break the news. That's his job when he's there. I like Wendy, you know, that sort of thing. But NBA Countdown Stephen A. Smith is like the worst part of ESPN to me. So him not being on Countdown is probably going to make. Make it more tolerable. But also, I don't. I, I love when the. What are they even calling Inside the. Oh, inside the NBA. They're calling it inside the NBA on espn, too. I would much rather watch Shaq and Kenny and Charles and that little adorable white man on Inside the NBA over NBA Countdown any day. No shade. So I. Whether you quit or you were asked to leave, I don't care. You're not there anymore. And that's all I need to see. Because let me tell you something. I told you, sports is running all day long in my house. I get up. I cut on. Get up. I sit there and listen to Greeny for a few hours. And then when Stephen A. Smith gets a hootin and hollering, I cut right on over to FOX Sports 1 and I. And I listen to Colin Cowherd. And then when Colin Cowherd go off, I switch right back over to ESPN and it's normally NFL Live or something else. Like, at that point, I do not. I cannot handle that man screeching at the camera for whatever it is, right?

[Kid Fury]

So, yeah, it gives me barbershop. But like on the days where it's like, oh, here. It's like.

[Crystal]

It'S. I can't, I cannot do. I can't do him or Pat McAfee. Neither one of them. So I just sit there. I said, colin, can't hurt. Is you with me for the next three hours while I'm over here getting shit done in the background. Cause I cannot handle them too. So goodbye. Goodbye. This will actually make it a lot easier for me to watch NBA Countdown. So this is great news.

[Kid Fury]

Well, Steven says, in case you haven't noticed, I got other things on my plate. I'm a busy man. You continue to be dead.

[Crystal]

That's true.

[Kid Fury]

You love. Just so we're clear, I mean he is everywhere, all over you.

[Crystal]

Just they, they love you so much. I cannot figure it out.

[Kid Fury]

So we're clear. This story is a non story. This is not some epiphany that everybody's getting attached to that. Oh my God, this happen. He's being yanked off the show. It didn't happen like that. I'm available when needed and when I'm not needed, I got other stuff to do on my own.

[Crystal]

Yeah, NBA Countdown is not his show. Malika is the one who hosts it. It would. If he got yanked off a first take, that would be something else because that's your show. But this is just espm. Recycle y' all all day. Put y' all on these different shows all day.

[Kid Fury]

And see, that's why they didn't get.

[Crystal]

You because you not finna be on all day different programs all day long. Over, down over there, down to the ESPN that they simply cannot pay you enough to do it. So well, that's how it goes.

[Kid Fury]

Someone else who's very hard working and knowledgeable in news had a recent engagement with the United nations and that is none other than rapper Nicki Minaj where she delivered, she delivered an intro speech for some panel or some talk keynote that they had about a religious persecution of Christians in Nigeria, which is something that she was, you know, flash freeze tweeting about the other day and you know, kissing up to Trump behind it. So when I heard that this was going to be a thing, I was like, heavenly father, call on him. If ever there were a time for you to just take the wheel just across the board. God. Because I'm like, the thing about it is not just the Trump of it all, but the fact that I have struggled to understand a lot of what this person has been saying in general lately. Oh yeah, it has been very erratic and just indecisive. So I was a little worried after watching this like 5 minute speech where she admits that she was very nervous or whatever at first. Eh, you know, I walked away with it. Walked away from it with like two key highlights. Maybe three. One, it thankfully wasn't as what's the word unintelligible or just all over the places I feared it might be. It's pretty concise, pretty clear. I didn't really disagree with a lot of this sentiment as much as, like, questioning the timing, certain other things. Yes, Direction.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Kid Fury]

What have you. But, like, ultimately, on paper, she didn't really say a lot that I would argue with outside of, you know, Trump setting some sort of standard for whatever she said at the beginning, where she was like, thank you to Trump for having the conversation and, like, setting some sort of standard for politics, global, globally, or whatever she said there. I was like, nope. But I get it. Comes with the territory. He says, come out, do the thing. Get a bag. You have to lick the boot. So that I was like, all right, girl, you can miss me with that. I don't need an appetizer. I'm just here to eat. And then maybe towards the end, like, one of the last things she said was something to the effect of being passionate or always standing up for people who are persecuted for their beliefs. And I'm like, well, girl, record shows that's not true.

[Crystal]

Right?

[Kid Fury]

So, again, it's like, what's happening?

[Crystal]

Exactly.

[Kid Fury]

And that was it.

[Crystal]

I had that same question, what is happening? And so I tried to dig a little deeper, because this does not make sense. He said, the idea that Trump just really cares about anybody, much less Nigerian Christians, is not holding water with me. So I said, what does Trump really want with Nigeria? And I decided to look that up. And I read PBS and the BBC and Nigerian journalists and, you know, credible sources like that. And they said, yes, some Christians have been victims of, you know, jihadists, violence, extremists, terrorists, that sort of thing. But that Nigeria is pretty much half Christian, half Muslim, maybe a little more Muslim. And Nigeria's security threats are much more complex than just Christians are being targeted. It boils down to, yes, sometimes in some cases, it is legitimately we're targeting you because you're Christian. But that is a minority of cases. And for the most part, anybody can get it. It's not like they ask you first, are you Christian or Muslim, before they kidnap you and take you away from your family and make them sell all of their earthly possessions to pay the ransom to get you back. And so it boils down to, yes, religious extremists, but people not being targeted for religion. Resource competition, poverty, land disputes, that sort of thing is what's really behind all this. It's not some targeting of the Christians in Nigeria. Right. Cause I listen as soon as Trump says it. I'm like, let me go double check.

[Kid Fury]

No. So valid.

[Crystal]

So I said, okay, now what does. Now that I know what's actually, actually happening, and it's not some genocide of Christians in particular in Nigeria. What does Trump want with Nigeria that I still don't have the answer for? It might be oil, some other resource. Maybe it's just killing black people for the fun of it. That sounds like something he would enjoy.

[Kid Fury]

Honestly, gun to my head, I wouldn't know which one to pick. Yeah, all of it. I don't. That man is.

[Crystal]

Yes. So there is a. Let me quote this. Nigerian conflict researcher and human rights lawyer Bulama Bacardi told pbs, these attacks are indiscriminate. They attack state institutions. They target Nigerians in their places of worship. They target Nigerians in civilian locations. In essence, it is a war against Nigeria. End quote. Period. Again, not specifically targeting Christians. This is. They don't like the country or they don't like what's going. Like, they have all these different issues, and so they taking it out on everybody for the most part. So then I said, well, why would Nicki Minaj chime in on behalf of Donald Trump and go speak to the United nations about this. This problem that he's mischaracterizing and trying to make it seem like something is not? Then I said, well, Donald Trump's a rapist. Nicki Minaj is married to a rapist. Her brother's a rapist. There's a very good chance that she's looking for a pardon for one or both of them niggas from this man. That makes a lot more sense than Nicki Minaj caring so much about the persecution of people for their beliefs across the world, because people are being persecuted right here in the United States.

[Kid Fury]

That's where I'm like, speaks by this.

[Crystal]

Same man who you're thanking for his attention and level of care for these people in Nigeria. You could be speaking it out while you calling out the Barbs twice in this speech, which I found to be incredibly embarrassing.

[Kid Fury]

I could not believe the second time, it was really embarrassing.

[Crystal]

Yes.

[Kid Fury]

Because the first time she said it was like, you know, Nigeria has, like, a lot of beautiful barbs I can't wait to meet. And it was just like, all right. Yeah, she said it again.

[Crystal]

Barbs, I know you're listening. I love you so much. You're the light of my life.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, no.

[Crystal]

Yes. That's Nicholas. Because she knew the Barbs was gonna be pissed, and so she said, I want to make it clear again. This isn't about taking sides. It's about standing up in the face of injustice. No, the fuck it's not.

[Kid Fury]

I'm glad that, like, a good percentage of barbs were, like, okay, babes. Felt like at least a sizable enough. Because she was plucked enough to march down to the UN and waste her time.

[Crystal]

85% of the barbs are gay anyway. And they've put up with a lot. They've put up with a lot from this bitch over the years. But aligning yourself with Trump is crazy. She's really out of her fuck.

[Kid Fury]

Like, the pardon tea gives me something to munch on. Cause I was sitting here like, I'm never gonna get it. And that's fine.

[Crystal]

Mm. Mm. Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

I just completely assigned myself.

[Crystal]

He said, no, I need to. I need to understand.

[Kid Fury]

Don't get it.

[Crystal]

I need to. I need to get it. Yeah, I need to understand. So now I have. I had to go listen to actual journalists about what's really happening in Nigeria. I said, that makes a lot more sense. And then why would Nikki do this? Well, I mean, there's also the. The fact that she isn't a citizen of the United States, although she's married to one. But I don't think, you know, wealthy people are really worried about being kicked out of America. I don't think she's doing this with Trump so that Trump will let her stay. Rich people can always stay. The problem. The I. What I think Nikki is looking for is a pardon for that husband and. Or that brother.

[Kid Fury]

That is the. That makes the most sense out of anything that I think of.

[Crystal]

Or maybe herself. Maybe she's in the Epstein files, and so she's. I don't know. I don't know.

[Kid Fury]

Who the fuck would she be? Well, how old is, anyway?

[Crystal]

Nikki's 42. If Chris Tucker is in there, she could be in there. This is all I'm saying. Okay? I just don't know. But you love rapists a lot, girl. Like, maybe. Maybe you love them so much because you are one. I don't know. That's just me, the spitball. And I have no idea what you do, but it makes me extremely uncomfortable that of all the bullshit Nicki Minaj has done, you are now stooping solo. You are sinking into the absolute depths of hell by taking up the mantle for Donald Trump. Girl like you. It's been so many things she can't come back from. For me, this is just another one that you could toss onto the pile. But a lot of the barbs are pissed and rife.

[Kid Fury]

And I yeah, you can't make this better, girl. Most sensible theory that I heard because I was just I had to go.

[Crystal]

Look into it for myself. Yes, I had to. I said no, I'm gonna figure this out. I'm gonna make it make sense.

[Kid Fury]

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[Crystal]

Oh, yes, The emails. We only have the emails at this point. We don't even have the files themselves, but these emails that. That repressed homosexual in the White House, he just want to suck some dick so bad.

[Kid Fury]

Blowing Bubba and then.

[Crystal]

And then Bubba going from being Bill Clinton, which I had a lot of fun with, to maybe being a horse, which I had a lot less fun with, but I don't believe either.

[Kid Fury]

I need to know that. I need to know about that.

[Crystal]

Yeah, I said, please not. Not a horse.

[Kid Fury]

I. I don't even want to. I'm not interested.

[Crystal]

Yeah, not a horse. But, you know, nobody has denied that Trump sucks dick, though. They just said it wasn't Clinton's dick. Bubba is a horse. But that's what. That's much worse.

[Kid Fury]

I don't. I can't do this.

[Crystal]

He's a repressed homosexual.

[Kid Fury]

I'm very fascinated by where this goes. Cause the doll was like, oh, the girlies should sign for the release of these files because, baby, we want to know. I'm cleaner than Charmin. There's nothing going on over here, hon. So now that it sounds like we're essentially waiting on your seat, sounds like you want to see how that's going to go.

[Crystal]

They're going to heavily redacted. Talk about ongoing investigation. I would be excited if I thought there was a chance in hell we were really going to get the full unredacted.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, I'm not excited for that. No, I don't believe that.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Kid Fury]

I'm excited for just like a drama, like a reality show kind of.

[Crystal]

Well, it has been fun.

[Kid Fury]

What's he gonna say?

[Crystal]

It has been a while.

[Kid Fury]

Like, what's gonna be the excuse? Yeah, because it's always ridiculous. So it's probably gonna be like, did you know that Oprah was the inspiration for Begonia? You've never seen it.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Kid Fury]

She's an alien.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, spoiler.

[Crystal]

That is a zero percent chance. I was gonna go watch that. So you're good. You are good.

[Kid Fury]

I don't even know what that movie is. I've never seen it. Yeah. So I don't know what they're doing over there, but I'm very fascinated to see how this all goes and what weapons will allow to be to use during the Purge. The first one. The first One. Oh, God. Because if. If we're permitted bladed weapons. I have, like. I think I'm good.

[Crystal]

Oh, yeah, you definitely good, you know? Yeah, you definitely are.

[Kid Fury]

But I'm just like, okay, I can't wait to see what the next excuse is going to be. It's so ridiculous. And then they're going to Marjorie going, I'm so toxic with the taste of your lips.

[Crystal]

All right. Not mar. They are, really. And people are, like, acting like Marjorie Taylor Greene is, like, somebody we should be embracing. Like, she has defected from maga. Y' all are out of your. Look how easy it is to trick and swindle you hoes. What?

[Kid Fury]

Y', all. I don't know. He called the Marjorie Taylor Brown because grass turned brown midday or when it rots.

[Crystal]

And, you know, I bet that took him all day.

[Kid Fury]

I bet that that's what I was New York Times best. Like.

[Crystal]

I bet that took him all day. Yeah. And then there go Nicki Minaj being like, this is the nigga. This is the one. I'mma. I'mma attach myself to talking about, I stand up for injustice for anybody. Trump is sending ICE into cities across this country as an immigrant. You don't care about that, right?

[Kid Fury]

She's like, I'm a proud New Yorker. And I was like, ice is in.

[Crystal]

New York right now. Right? Ice is in New York right now. My whole block got ice can fuck right off signs in the window. But that bitch. You want to talk about people being persecuted, but you're not talking about Trump sending ICE into all these cities across the country right now, ripping people away from their homes and their families and their jobs. You don't. But you don't have nothing to say about that as an immigrant. Okay. Interesting. Interesting. Okay. All right.

[Kid Fury]

Cardi B had her baby. It is indeed a boy. And I went searching for, like, the announcement of it. Cause, you know, the tweets and headlines and stuff was like, oh, Cardi B reveals she had a sign.

[Crystal]

Oh, right, right, right. I didn't hear you at first. I'm like, who had a baby? Cardi?

[Kid Fury]

Mm. The reveal was pretty much just her in a really fun outfit, looking not pregnant. Mm. And lip syncing to her song hello. And so quite a number of people were like, oh, wait.

[Crystal]

Oh.

[Kid Fury]

It was like, very. I haven't read the caption. I figured I would do it right here.

[Crystal]

Oh, okay. Sure.

[Kid Fury]

This is almost a week ago. My life has been. My life has always been a combination of different chapters and different seasons. My last chapter was the beginning of a new Season and starting over is never easy, but it's been so worth it. I brought new music and a new album to the world, a new baby into my world, and one more reason to be the best version of me. One more reason to love me more than anything else or anyone else so I can continue giving my babies love and life they deserve. This next chapter is me versus me. It's me against all odds. Me against everything meant to get in my way. I've started prepping for tour, getting my body right, getting my mind right. There's nothing that's going to stop me from giving you guys points of a lifetime. I've learned, I've healed. I'm loving the woman I've become. That's the next era means to me. And I'm stepping into it better than ever.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Kid Fury]

Hello? It's me.

[Crystal]

Yeah, well, everybody's life is a combination of different chapters and seasons. That's just life, how time works. But, yeah, congratulations. I'm very happy that you successfully gave birth. Doesn't look like you had any real complications. Hennessy put that faja on immediately. Said that we all know that's what you be worried about.

[Kid Fury]

So.

[Crystal]

Yeah, good. Good for her. That's good news.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, is that waist trainer?

[Crystal]

Yeah, it's. I think faja is just the Spanish word for like girdle.

[Kid Fury]

Got it.

[Crystal]

But good for her. This is what I expected.

[Kid Fury]

I thought that it was absolutely delightful that the reveal was just kind of like, well, now that that's out the way, get them tickets. Yeah, she's here.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Kid Fury]

I actually really don't have any doubt that her. I believe her show will be pretty good. I know that you are of the mind that she is a trash performer and sucks at the game of life and is just a flop ass artist in general.

[Crystal]

That's a little extreme.

[Kid Fury]

But I remember Live Bongo's performance. I remember live forms like that. I think that this show could be a great show performance and entertainment value wise. I think that the main obstacle I see standing in its way is the landslide of personal drama in her life.

[Crystal]

Yeah, that's pretty bad.

[Kid Fury]

This week that husband offset is. Is spiraling.

[Crystal]

What is wrong with niggas?

[Kid Fury]

Gone. Gone.

[Crystal]

I could not believe the shit that came out. What bereaved Nigga, are you okay? No, really, really not.

[Kid Fury]

No.

[Crystal]

That nigga said I'm. You actually can go ahead and come up off of that money. Thank you so much.

[Kid Fury]

It's like if you were never gonna stop cheating on this woman and you weren't right and you have every door open that says I can have all the pussy I want. I can get married to another light skinned girl with a big ass. Yeah, I could have more kids.

[Crystal]

Sure.

[Kid Fury]

Why are you on this lady pot?

[Crystal]

Because he also wants half of that net worth, half of that fortune. He wants that 50. 50 baselet. I don't know. I guess the argument is that he, you know, as. As amigos. No, he gave no certain amount of.

[Kid Fury]

I don't know. No, it was cute for the both of y', all, but incorrect.

[Crystal]

Yeah, I mean, I. I'm never going to argue that a man should get half of a woman's money.

[Kid Fury]

Bitch, you gotta be answering. Beat it. Beat it.

[Crystal]

Just the thought almost sent me to the floor. Girl, if you don't go somewhere, absolutely not. Nigga, get a job. How about that? Fuck that.

[Kid Fury]

I know that's what really plucks into. Cause he put out this Halloween mixtape or whatever and people paid it dust. To be honest with you, I didn't even know about it. But I didn't.

[Crystal]

Yeah, I don't care. Right.

[Kid Fury]

It feels like he's just spiraling.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

And his wife has just had a baby with somebody else and just wants to never see him again.

[Crystal]

And I've seen a lot of people ask the question that if he built her career, how come he can't build his? Well, and I think that's an excellent question.

[Kid Fury]

There's dinner. I'm just like, come on.

[Crystal]

It's almost like you didn't build either one. And Cardi, A huge part of Cardi's market marketability is her personality. She's so fun. She gives great interview, great content. Like people feel like they can relate to her.

[Kid Fury]

She's, you know, her dating amigos was things right. Oh, that's an add on.

[Crystal]

Yes.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, she's dating this nigga who's also hot right now too. You're not instrumental in a fucking.

[Crystal]

Right. And Cardi didn't even put out albums and stuff like that. There was singles and stuff, but she didn't put out whole projects and all that.

[Kid Fury]

This is her second one.

[Crystal]

And yet she continued to climb. And while the Migos did not. And yes, we know Takeoff. Takeoff, right, we know Takeoff died. And of course that changed a lot. But y' all was.

[Kid Fury]

And they were having issues before.

[Crystal]

Yes. Right. Y' all were already not really getting along, not really putting out music together. It was like take off and Quavo doing shit without you. So I just. The idea that Cardi would need to give this nigga half of anything. You can have half of a Chico stick, and then you can get the fuck out my face, and that is it. I don't know.

[Kid Fury]

That's if culture decides to share.

[Crystal]

And that's if Wave looks up from his iPad long enough to be like, sure, Daddy. Otherwise, it's a child. Yeah, Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

I. I read that you need some grains.

[Crystal]

I said, oh, God, I would be nauseous. Imagine a nigga playing you your whole marriage. You finally leave. For real, for real, for real, for real. And then he like, actually, you owe me half. Nah, nah. I would lose my mind, actually. That would not be. Why would you?

[Kid Fury]

In the streets where I left you, right?

[Crystal]

You see how Cardi New is at work making the Patriots look good? Go get a job. Get a job. Yeah, pretty. Pretty gross. But I don't know. I didn't expect better from Offset.

[Kid Fury]

Like, of course not.

[Crystal]

When has Offset done anything admirable ever?

[Kid Fury]

That's what I'm. That's all I. All that to say. Like, I get that she has a tour starting, like, eight weeks or something.

[Crystal]

Oh, right, right, right.

[Kid Fury]

But I'm like. And I believe that the show is probably gonna be a good one, because I think she's a good performer. The album's good, but, like, every single week is some drama. New baby rumors. You're, you know, Offset driving you fucking crazy, dissing you on a new song. Nicki Minaj agitating you. JT agitating you. This, that, the third. So it was like you having a newborn plus three other kids and touring, which is. I don't give a fuck how much you love it or love performing. It is exhausting.

[Crystal]

Yes, it is. Yes, it is. You really have to be on.

[Kid Fury]

Dealing with fuck shit at the same time could be tricky. Like, I wouldn't be surprised if there's at least one show where Cardi's like, I'll make this one up to you girls. Like, no, shade.

[Crystal]

I hope not. I hope. Cause she's got a few months, too. She's got a few months, so. But I don't have a lot of hope that the performances are gonna be great. And I'm not holding everybody to the Beyonce standard. Before y' all start being like, everybody not Beyonce. I know none of you are Beyonce, so that's not right. But even to the standard of other rappers, Kendrick Lamar put.

[Kid Fury]

That's not fair either.

[Crystal]

Why not? Why not? Why the hell not?

[Kid Fury]

Cause, like, I. The same reason. I wouldn't even go, oh, yeah, because Beyonce. I wouldn't. Kendrick either. Outside of.

[Crystal]

She can do what Kendrick did. And Kendrick's show is great. But yes, you need the right people behind you. Oh. See, Kendrick. I mean, and the show, you could tell that he was on. He was on FaceTime with Beyonce for.

[Kid Fury]

A lot of this. Like, I went to the tube prior to that. And he's been dialed in in terms of a full artistic.

[Crystal]

Right. He put. Yes. And that's all I'm looking for, a full package, not just you in different cute outfits and the background dancers doing most of the work.

[Kid Fury]

Right. So that's what. As Beyonce fans, she kind of raised that standard for us, at least when it comes to our performers. That's like, so what's the vision?

[Crystal]

Like, what was.

[Kid Fury]

Did anybody sense any themes there?

[Crystal]

Like, it's supposed to have some kind.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah, no, I don't. I don't think that there's asking. That's asking much. I would think that this would have that. Cause the album is this whole am I the drama villain era.

[Crystal]

There's so much you can do with that.

[Kid Fury]

The crows are my friends type tea. Like, if this doesn't have that. If it's just a bunch of costume changes and Cardi B medley, I would find that to be a little disappointing. Even if she does a couple cute eight counts and stuff.

[Crystal]

Right. Right. I'm looking for a vision here. I am. You are one of the top artists in the world. I am looking for a vision, which. And if the, you know, if it comes out, I see the clips online or whatever and it's great, I will happily give her her things. I am not a hater. I will happily say, okay, Cardi, and if it looked that good, I'll buy a ticket. But I've never seen that from her, so I'm gonna have to see it first before I invest in that.

[Kid Fury]

She might mess up like, a little piece of an A count.

[Crystal]

I don't care.

[Kid Fury]

That bitch, like, when she's in it, she's in it. But I think to your point, like, the reason I'm like, I feel confident that this could be a good show is because the whole rollout here has had theme.

[Crystal]

Yes.

[Kid Fury]

And even when she was doing the whole promo of like, taking it back to New York City street hust style thing, there's been a lot of thought put into stuff that if there. If that wasn't matched in this live show, I would be like, whoa, whoa.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

But even if it is there, you being incredibly agitated and having a newborn and other kids and traveling all the time is going to be a lot but she might be like, girl, ho, my Marita.

[Crystal]

The nannies will be clocked in, I'm sure. As they should be. I don't have anything. Please don't take that as shade. It's a wonderful thing for people to have the help they need with their kids. But even with.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, wouldn't you if all.

[Crystal]

Oh, baby, I. I wish I had a nanny for me, please. I would absolutely get a nanny for my baby. I wish I could hire a grown woman to come take care of me. Be for real. But even if all four of the kids have their own nanny, own tutor, own whatever, and they probably do. But even if with all the help in the world, touring is so draining. So, yeah, I'm wishing her the best, though. I would like to see this succeed, especially if she got to give offs at half because I really doubt they had a prenup.

[Kid Fury]

Like a. She should like get on a zoom with the team and be like, all right, this segment of the show that we had, scrap it. We're gonna make it a Summer Jam style segment. Yeah, let me put this nigga's face up on the screen and I eat lunch. Like, she should just fully diss this nigga and anybody else who has something to say up on that stage. But yes, I would.

[Crystal]

Put me in it. Put me in it.

[Kid Fury]

Yes, put Crystal's face up on the stage and be like, put me in it. But you know what, Moonshae, I feel like you hurt her feelings. I don't even feel like she was mad at you. I feel like. I feel. Not really, because she didn't like, consider the way that she's responded to criticism from others and the way that she responded to you. She was very much like A, B, C as well as D. Have a good night. Nikki was like, papa Bear, I'm so sorry that your dumb ass fucking stupid.

[Crystal]

Crackhead nanny and you're cunt rapist of a father. Yeah, that's true.

[Kid Fury]

She did.

[Crystal]

Well, the thing is that I didn't make. Never mind. Well, I do not want to rehash Cardi Gate, but. Good. No, but I mean, it came up recently because the interview I did with Lauren LaRosa came out this week on Chrissal's couch. And so of course we talked about it then and she brought up the same, you know, Cardi, really? Her response was just like, damn, the whole, you know, dying on the table thing, kind of crazy. I'm like, well, maybe you should stop saying it about yourself. And then other people wouldn't have anything to quote you On. But yeah, I. I am. I'm glad she had this baby earlier than I thought she would. This is a good three months, I think, until the tour starts. And hopefully she's. She's ready and. Because the carbs are. They have been waiting a long time for this. The carbs have been waiting like a decade for. For this fucking tour. So it ain't. It ain't me you need to be worried about. It is not me you need to be worried about.

[Kid Fury]

This is like her first big yes.

[Crystal]

Cuz she's been.

[Kid Fury]

Holy shit.

[Crystal]

Yes. So like you don't even need to be worried about Crystal. Yeah, you need to be worried about what the carbs think. Cuz they. They fuck.

[Kid Fury]

They told you know what you're getting yourself into. Right.

[Crystal]

Right. Cuz they the ones been waiting all this time.

[Kid Fury]

So I think she's gonna look like, have a good time and look back on it and be like, wow, that was fire. Hopefully.

[Crystal]

Hopefully so.

[Kid Fury]

But you're also gonna learn some lessons in that as well. That shit is no joke. Yeah, it's no joke, but good luck. Tory Lanez was found or held in contempt during his latest deposition. It's like the second, third time this shit had happened. This time he's been fined $20,000.

[Crystal]

Damn.

[Kid Fury]

Because he basically refused to cooperate. Reportedly during this deposition, deposition for Megan the Stallion's defamation lawsuit against Milagro Grams, he was asked questions such as how he first came to know the defendant, whether he communicated with her, and whether he sent her Instagram, direct messages or text messages. He reportedly said that he got jail for 10 years. Right now you can do whatever you'd like to do.

[Crystal]

I asked you a question.

[Kid Fury]

So the judge said, well, I would like to have you pay 20,000 United States dollars to the system. We playing games, bitch. And I'd like you to know that when this trial gets underway, we will make sure to let the jury know that you refuse to answer the question. So we'll see how that goes for her and we'll see how that goes for you. And keep thinking that we won't keep you here. We don't care about you. Okay.

[Crystal]

Do you understand that you have to answer these questions? This is part. You okay.

[Kid Fury]

Wow.

[Crystal]

You're.

[Kid Fury]

I mean, you don't real have to. But there will be consequences.

[Crystal]

There will be. Right and.

[Kid Fury]

Or not.

[Crystal]

Right. And I'm reading here that his lawyer got fined 5k because she couldn't get him. You'll be paying that too. That must be part of this 20. Is it part of the 20 or not, regardless, you'll be paying that. So then it's 25. Because you'll be paying your lawyer's fees. That is your fault.

[Kid Fury]

Attorney Morgan shall pay plaintiff's counsel the amount of 5,000 for her part in construction and her failure to uphold professional standards.

[Crystal]

Yikes. Yikes.

[Kid Fury]

So attorney Chris Lamarck is likely going to be like, okay, girl, good night.

[Crystal]

I already didn't want to do it. I already didn't want to do it. It.

[Kid Fury]

I know that I am your 20th legal representative. Good luck on 21. I hear it's a lucky number. I'm out.

[Crystal]

If we're going to have to drag you into the courtroom, then let. Then that'll be what we have to do. You either going to answer these questions or it's going to get worser. It's going to.

[Kid Fury]

You see how you didn't want to even be here, and you are.

[Crystal]

So. I do love it. I love it. I love these niggas getting what they deserve. Right? Cause y' all put Megan through hell. And I am so glad she is standing on her seeing both of you. I don't know if Milagro. I don't know prison time is even on the table for her, but a part of me hopes it is. Probably isn't. But who gonna pay your. Your bills, Milagro? Who's going to handle whatever restitution you're ordered to pay this girl? When all this is said and done, you're gonna be like Tasha K. Fleeing to some other country, drinking wine on Instagram Live, and trying to revive your career. That's gonna be you? Yeah, just a few.

[Kid Fury]

Maybe they. They're okay with that.

[Crystal]

Okay, good for. Good for them.

[Kid Fury]

Because let's talk about what Boosie Badass is not okay with. Crying. He's on the Breakfast Club. Last week, the topic of Sean Combs and his recent conviction came up for reasons unknown to me. But, yes, they asked him if he spoke with Sean. Lucy said, no, I ain't speak to Diddy. But, you know, Diddy was my partner, bro. I feel like Diddy ain't never did nothing wrong, bro. I just feel like he didn't do nothing wrong. Imagine me giving, like, a red fraction of a fuck about what you feel right in terms of wrongdoing, Criminal wrongdoing at that.

[Crystal]

You know so much about it. You didn't. You don't see nothing wrong with it. Cause you don't see nothing wrong with.

[Kid Fury]

You about to go back to jail right now.

[Crystal]

You don't see mad at You. You don't see nothing wrong with all. First of all, Boosie, are you aware even of all the shit that Diddy did? I feel like you may not be, but even if you did know every single detail. Right? Right. And he probably cannot. And he probably cannot. But even if. If it's not made by Kellogg or Post or Mars, he has no idea what you're talking about.

[Kid Fury]

Let me tell two words. Little Debbie, get out my face.

[Crystal]

He probably would still think it wasn't nothing wrong with all of the heinous shit that Diddy did anyway, because Boosie is not a good person. But yeah, being mad at him for crying, that's where you take.

[Kid Fury]

All right, I'm mad at him right now though, man. He went on the floor crying at that thing. He went on the floor and went under the thing crying. There was a dick under there. Chin up, chest out.

[Crystal]

There was.

[Kid Fury]

You mean you did. He then went back there laughing at you. Did you see that down there in the fetal position, you know, just hamming it up, laughing, trying to make jokes and like that. Like he ain't facing 24 possible months his own damn self or a gun charge. But yeah, let's laugh at the other locked up nigga. Like you ain't a dumbass yourself. Furthermore, you mad at him for crying. I'm mad at you for having eyes that look like two Chuck E. Cheese pizza. I don't say nothing about it until you say something. You see, sometimes you just shut your ass up and keep your opinion to yourself. That's one, two. There was a dick under there. Like, why does it always come back to dicks for you? Even when there's no reason to be thinking of a penis, you find a way to involve it. Yeah, I don't think about dick as much as you.

[Crystal]

And you know, and we can speculate as to why that may be, but that shouldn't be life. It always comes back to dick. With Boosie, it's like, maybe you should focus on the fact that you have not had one sip of water since 9, 11 bloodshots. It don't. Them eyes tell the whole story. Go hydrate somewhere and focus on this case that you have coming up for your damn self and let some diddy in the dick. There was a dick under. What do you mean? What does that mean?

[Kid Fury]

That bitch eyes would like to bloom. And you out here talking about somebody crying, got shitty shiny and gold manager blood pressure.

[Crystal]

My favorite part was when he said, I'm not going to jail. I don't speak that out my mouth. Your word is a powerful source.

[Kid Fury]

You don't have to.

[Crystal]

I love when people be like, well, don't speak that into existence. It'll still happen. You don't have to. Whether you speak it or not, the evidence is still there. Like you. You don't have to be like, oh, I'm excited about going to jail. But whether you say it or not, if these people have the evidence and they can convict you, that's exactly what they're gonna do. They're gonna send your black ass right back to jail. Speaking, it is not gonna change that.

[Kid Fury]

You can say, I'm not speaking that out my mouth. I'm from down south. Your word, your mouth is a powerful source. Source. I agree with that. It's still up to the judge. It's up to God, but it's up to the judge. You know, people say he gotta do two years. That's not a fact of this case. It's up to the judge what the judge want to do. I'm confident, man, and I'm confident that the judge has looked at the possibilities and arrived at a recommended 24 month sentence. Making sense?

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

It's just about whether or not they're going to decide that that is something that they move forward with. And as someone who simply watches like Criminal Minds, svu, A and E shit like that.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Kid Fury]

You know, I wouldn't start a channel dedicated to make, you know my opinion here, but I want to just go ahead and guesstimate that if the judge was to be like, if someone say, hey, Judge Blank, have you seen this quote from that nigga Boosie?

[Crystal]

Please.

[Kid Fury]

The judge might go, oh, perhaps this bitch is not taking the game seriously. How about 26 months? Like, I don't know what's happening, but I don't think he does either.

[Crystal]

Yeah, I agree that your words hanging his bloodstream. Your words. I, I definitely agree that your words and your, your mouth are powerful, but they are not magical. And well, you saying I'm not going to jail is not going to keep you out.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

So I don't know why you saying I'm going to jail would put you in it. It won't be the words that do it. It'll be the things that you did.

[Kid Fury]

I will say that I even believe that the mouth, the words and mind and mouth can be a magical source and tool. However, not in the sense that you refusing to say I'm going to jail or say the word jail will prevent you from going. That is just not how magic works. From my Perspective. I believe you understand it, but I see what you were trying to dance around.

[Crystal]

Good luck, I guess. But I actually think you'll be like, oh, man, jail. Like, sad face, but then also kind of happy face, because there's dicks in there.

[Kid Fury]

There are lots of dicks.

[Crystal]

And you. You got out talking about dick, and you haven't stopped. You have not let up talking about dick.

[Kid Fury]

Not even just under tables, above tables, next to them.

[Crystal]

You're really fascinated by it, which is weird because you have one. It's kind of like. Kind of like this thing, something. Maybe.

[Kid Fury]

Maybe there was a dick under there.

[Crystal]

The magic is in the beach. Men are the prize.

[Kid Fury]

And why are we even still trying to act like that would even bother him? Like, we.

[Crystal]

Like, all these are gay. Everybody is gay or bi or what a try. Everybody is fluid sexual. That I think y' all should. Y' all should come to terms with that. All these people, these extremely powerful, rich celebrity, they are all doing gay.

[Kid Fury]

Bubba's a Bubba.

[Crystal]

Trump be on his knees gobbling dick.

[Kid Fury]

Gags him.

[Crystal]

And he loves getting gagged. He loves it.

[Kid Fury]

Spit off. I'm sure he does. Let me just choke up a little bit. Yeah, yeah.

[Crystal]

Oh, no, Melania, please. He ain't sniffed that muff in 20 years. But whoever Bubba might be, child, Bubba got a phone call the other day. Like, I mean, since everybody know, you might as well.

[Kid Fury]

But it wasn't Bill Clinton. We're just saying, right?

[Crystal]

No, no. I mean, that's what Epstein's brother said. Like, Bubba is not Bill Clinton. Like, okay, well, yeah. Thanks for ruining our fun. We were having a lot of fun on TikTok with that. We were having a lot of fun on TikTok. And I mean, a lot.

[Kid Fury]

I'm gonna continue to. I don't give a fuck. I don't respect that bitch at all.

[Crystal]

I'll gladly spread lies about Trump. I don't give a fuck. Do I look like I give a fuck? I'm still in the motherfucker house.

[Kid Fury]

I'm gonna just leave the hot tops there. What.

[Crystal]

What else could there possibly be?

[Kid Fury]

That boy, David is finally a suspect in the.

[Crystal]

Oh, in the case of that little girl. Yeah, yeah.

[Kid Fury]

Okay. Can't say the one thing that I gathered from this report today for my question of, like, what has the holdup been? Why is this going so slow that it seems like they had their eyes on multiple people?

[Crystal]

Oh, okay. Well.

[Kid Fury]

And so they're probably just going. Being very careful at going slowly, being meticulous, and when the time is right.

[Crystal]

Yeah, cause get everybody. Yeah, same thing like with Epstein people. What if Democrats are in Epstein files? Get them all. Get all of them. And it's not underaged women, it's girls. There's no such thing as underaged women. Women are by definition of age. Those are girls. They're girls, they're children.

[Kid Fury]

Sometimes you just have to like, remember.

[Crystal]

How insane like they do. They do. They really, really do.

[Kid Fury]

Women remind you of that. This one.

[Crystal]

By definition, women are adults. Underage women, there's no such thing. That does not exist. Right, exactly. You mean girls, you mean kids, you might even mean teens, but you do not mean women. So.

[Kid Fury]

And no one says underage men because.

[Crystal]

That isn't a thing. You see how dumb that sounds? It doesn't exist. So, yeah, just like with the Epstein files. I don't care if it's Democrats, leftists, I don't care. I do not care. Get them all out of here. Same with whoever's involved in the death of this girl. Round them all up, charge all them bitches and put them all away. Whatever you need to do.

[Kid Fury]

Poor thing. That's it. We'll wrap this up here and come back so we can read some letters. Hey guys. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help your business stand out and succeed online. Every dream needs a domain. It's a thing, girl. Squarespace domains make it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all inclusive price without hidden fees or add ons required. And with Squarespace collection of cutting edge design tools, anyone can build a beautiful professional online presence that perfectly fits their brand or business. I've used it quite a few times for a few different websites and it truly is incredibly easy going. From the old days living in my own house learning HTML and coding. So I just put a blog spot page up together that look half decent and going from this, which is essentially click click. Oh, do you have a photograph? Oh, that's fine, we can give you one. It's just. It's so easy and quick. So if you're Interested, head to squarespace.com theread for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code theread1word to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Let them know we sent you. Let's get back to the show. Hey y'.

[Crystal]

All.

[Kid Fury]

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[Crystal]

Yes it is. Send your Questions to AskTheRead Gmail.com we may read them aloud on the show. We do have an update this week from Kelly. If you remember, Kelly wrote us about her roommate using her sacred and how she did not fucking appreciate that bullshit. Yeah, and so Kelly said, hi Kid, Fury and Crystal, I'm dead at y' all reading my letter. I wrote that in the heat of the moment after work and forgot about it. So imagine my surprise. I wanted to update y' all to tell you that I did talk to her about it and I did not ask her to pay for it. But she did say that when I told her the products she was using were the cause of her hair being dry, she felt like that was me telling her to use my sacred no. She also reassured me that she only used a little bit and once she used a little she realized she should have asked and put it back. Personally. That sounds like bullshit to me because she still didn't tell me she used it once she realized she should have asked what y' all know? Sound like she was just scrambling for an answer, but y' all hit it right on the head that I don't like her and I'm moving out so I should move on. I told her not to use my things without asking and she hasn't used my sacred sense, but she has used my laundry cart and God knows what else. She also plays dumb a lot. For example, I asked her to help me Carry something downstairs when I was having a yard sale and she said, why? So clearly I'm not dealing with someone who uses logic. I think she plays dumb on purpose just to piss me off. Either way, I'm using my energy to focus on my move and I'm gonna let Karma do her thing. Appreciate your support and advice. Much love, Kelly. Okay.

[Kid Fury]

Hilarious.

[Crystal]

Boy roommates. It really be one or the other.

[Kid Fury]

I thought you telling me that I had dry, matted, destroyed, eviscerated hair was a way to say, use my expensive hair products.

[Crystal]

Why would it be that? Why would it be that?

[Kid Fury]

Why would it be that?

[Crystal]

Why wouldn't I.

[Kid Fury]

That would have been use my.

[Crystal]

You should use my sacred.

[Kid Fury]

Use some of this in the bathroom when you get a chance.

[Crystal]

Wash your hair with my sacred and see what a difference it makes. Like, that would have been use my. You're moving in? Just a couple weeks.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

So this is. I'm glad. I'm glad you didn't send her a Venmo request. Like, and you can. $20. Thank you so much. Okay, so our first letter this week comes from Jayla. And Jayla says, hi, Crystal and Kiff Fury. I'm pregnant with my first child. And my mother in law has made it about her from the very beginning of my pregnancy. And right now she's sitting on top of the very last nerve that I have. Yeah, when we told her we were pregnant, she was so excited, but didn't show any excitement for me or my husband. Just that she was gonna be a grandmother again. Then when we went to tell people closest to us, like family and friends, she had already beaten us to it. I'm talking about literal aunts and uncles.

[Kid Fury]

It's so fucking annoying.

[Crystal]

The person who officiated our wedding, our godparents, the aliens in space, literally any and everybody. I was annoyed because this is my first child and she stole the opportunity for my husband and I to share with people after trying to give her some honor and respect of being the first to know.

[Kid Fury]

Was it his first child?

[Crystal]

Yes. Yes.

[Kid Fury]

No.

[Crystal]

This is. This is her and her husband's first child. Her brother in law and sister in law already had.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, got it, got it, got it.

[Crystal]

So that's why she's already a grandmother. Okay.

[Kid Fury]

Which is like. Okay, calm down.

[Crystal]

Chill out. She even shared the news with her sorority. And someone I'm not close with anymore reached out to me because they found out because they mama is in it.

[Kid Fury]

That is wild. The sorority for what?

[Crystal]

When I expressed to my. Especially because you gotta be at least 50. Why? Are you okay? Anyway, when. When I expressed to my like having.

[Kid Fury]

A little face group, Facebook group with your sorority. Yes, it's fine is one thing, but telling them about this when the news.

[Crystal]

Isn'T public, like, girl, what's wrong with you?

[Kid Fury]

Are you okay?

[Crystal]

When I expressed to my mother in law that I had asked her not to share the news with anybody, which she did anyway, she essentially, she essentially hit me with, oh well, too bad. Bye Rocco.

[Kid Fury]

I don't get this. I don't. I do not understand this sentimentality.

[Crystal]

Then the day we announced, after I explicitly said in American English to her to not post on social media, she made her own post on social media with a ridiculous song attached and announced again that she was going to be a grandmother. I kind of iced her out after that because I was beyond annoyed. We shared our gender reveal after we told everybody that we wanted and posted on social media. And once again, she never congratulated me or my husband. But of course she said she's happy that she is a boy mom and now a boy grandma. She even said she was glad we weren't. Ha.

[Kid Fury]

She sounds like an idiot.

[Crystal]

She even said she was glad we weren't having a girl because quote, I would have had a hard time with her.

[Kid Fury]

She also sounds like she's at least 80.

[Crystal]

She is the one who really has an issue with you.

[Kid Fury]

Did she also say she drums a fish?

[Crystal]

Come on, big mama.

[Kid Fury]

What the fuck are you talking about?

[Crystal]

I can tell she has an issue with girls by the way she talks and how she constantly got me fucked up. And at this point, I do not want to tell this woman another thing until I scoot this baby out my cooter.

[Kid Fury]

Why would you.

[Crystal]

I genuinely want her to have a relationship with her grandchild and I don't want to be that daughter in law. But I can't help but feel protective of my child and feel that if she can be this way with me, it will only spill over to my baby. Of course, I can see her overstepping, continuously disrespecting me and not listening to boundaries in the future. Especially because homegirl lives less than 10 minutes away. If you were in the situation, would you continue to keep her at bay or try to keep the peace? I feel like I'm always bending to accommodate her feelings at the expense of my own. And the more pregnant I become, the shorter my fuse is. I know that's right.

[Kid Fury]

Of course.

[Crystal]

Thanks. And I love y' all so much. I never miss an episode. Jayla.

[Kid Fury]

Jayla. I'M just gonna try to make this rapid fire, but I think you know what direction I'm gone. I'm setting the boundary. I'm setting the boundary with no sugar on top. I'm setting the boundary and I'm standing 10 swollen toes on the top of that. And if you have a single solitary issue, I suggest that you express it elsewhere. I don't understand this sentiment of I'm the pregnant one over here, but you get to say whatever the you want to. You get to do whatever the you want to. You get to have attitude with me. You get to micromanage me, macromanage me, manipulate me and freak the system. And I feel like a lot of parents, especially women, do this to daughter in laws because it's like I wish you would try to tell me how I'm gonna navigate the family here. I'm not gonna tell you how to navigate the family that you had. This one's mine, right? This is my baby.

[Crystal]

Exactly.

[Kid Fury]

That going in my body.

[Crystal]

Correct?

[Kid Fury]

If I say that you can't drink milk in this house cause I don't like it, guess what? You're dairy free until your motherfucking feet hit that mat again, bitch. I don't give a fuck about what you're talking about. We are going to have an absolute sitcom relationship if that's what it takes for you to respect that. This is my child, my family, my household. Yeah. And I'm calling the shots in here, okay? He also can call a couple of shots depending on how he act. But the baby, especially before this baby game, right?

[Crystal]

I'm number one, period. It's growing inside me. Ain't no grandchild without me. You've been pregnant and so you should understand this.

[Kid Fury]

Why are you doing this?

[Crystal]

Boy, moms, they're weird. They're weird. They're weird. They're weird. They're weird.

[Kid Fury]

I mean, I'm talking about, not only am I going to be firm, I'm going to be petty about it. You done already taken my, like an experience from me. My first time getting ready or being able to share with this person, that person, that person. We're having a baby.

[Crystal]

And that would have been enough for me. That would have been enough for me. Child, you didn't have to put nothing else in the letter, right?

[Kid Fury]

But you taking a step further to tell complete strangers. And I got bitches hitting me up because we have moms in the same sorority.

[Crystal]

Bitches I don't even like no more. Girl.

[Kid Fury]

What girl? And then I say something to you and you're basically telling me, oh, well, oh well, I got your oh, well, I'm glad you feel that way. Yep. Because when I tell you draw four, I can match that energy, bitch.

[Crystal]

Yeah, I'm sending that right back. I'm sending that right back.

[Kid Fury]

We're not doing that.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

So I would be very, very firm on it. Because outside of your own mental and physical well being and I would assum the same thing for your kid as you are, you know, moving further and further along into the pregnancy, I'm not allowing you to set no standard of how this family thing is going. And if it means that you go right back to that fucking. I didn't want. I was gonna say a sorority. I know you bitches don't put them on us.

[Crystal]

Leave us alone. Leave us alone. I swear to God. You better not say no Sigma. You better not say no Delta. You better not say no Alpha Kappa Alpha or no Zeta.

[Kid Fury]

Leave us alone. Say Nobody say. I'm gonna say that.

[Crystal]

No. God damn it.

[Kid Fury]

If you don't like my feelings, my messaging and my fences, bitch, take that shit right back to Facebook messenger and you pour into them and let them pour right back. But when you come over here, ho, you know what time it is. You can now like it all you want to, but you are going to respect it. I'm not gonna walk in your motherfucking house and ask you why the fuck you making a plate for your grown ass son? Cause that's your business in your house. You're not gonna come over here and do a fuck thing, right? You already getting too spicy. And I let you have that.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

When I tell you we would have a upn ass relationship until it gets better. Season three quiet.

[Crystal]

Yeah, and that's on her. And that's.

[Kid Fury]

I'm not gonna let you play in my face and get used to it. That.

[Crystal]

Absolutely not. I completely agree. I think this woman deserves a thorough cussing out. But since that's not usually the way to have, you know, a healthy relationship between everybody involved. It sucks when we have to be more mature than our literal elders. It's kind of like, damn, I would think you would be the one showing me how to be mature. But you're actually, you're the bitch who.

[Kid Fury]

Should be able to live.

[Crystal]

And I just know that lady wakes up and clocks in for her shift on Facebook. I know she does. I know she does. I know she is on that bitch all day. I'm just every morning, good morning saints. I just know she.

[Kid Fury]

I feel it. There's no way that's not the case.

[Crystal]

She got some sparkly little blingy thing with her sorority on it. And anyway, anyway, I think what you really like realistically need to do here is make sure that you and your husband are on the same page. Cause he's gonna be the problem for sure.

[Kid Fury]

This is his mom for sure. He's for sure.

[Crystal]

So. So he is going. If she's allowed to disrespect. You keep overstepping her bounds and things like that. It'll be because her son allows her to do it. It won't be because. So you need to talk to your husband and make sure y' all are on the same page right fucking now before the baby gets here. About what y' all are going to do and how others are going to the. You need to just set up the parameters for how people are going to be with your newborn. And it sounds like y' all are on the same page because after she pissed y' all off with the pregnancy announcement, y' all were like, okay, we doing the gender reveal our way and we not telling her first. Fuck that, right? Cause she don't know how to act. So let's have a plan. Now. She not finna be in the delivery room. I don't give a fuck if you wanna be there. That's too damn bad. And yes, my mama can be there and yours can't. Cause I'm the pregnant one and he not. Oh, well, tough, tough titties should have had.

[Kid Fury]

You suck. It's not because you suck.

[Crystal]

If you were nice, maybe I would want you in the room. But I hate you. And I don't.

[Kid Fury]

You are a wrestler.

[Crystal]

Yes.

[Kid Fury]

And I am doing the most monstrous thing that biologically happens to the humanity.

[Crystal]

So I need to right, I need to be in there with my lo fi music and pretending I'm giving birth in a lavender field. And I do not need you live streaming on Facebook so that your sororis get the first look at your grandchild. Bitch, suck my ass. So whatever it is, like if it's hospital stuff is if it's who comes over after the baby is born, if it's touching kissing the baby, a lot of people.

[Kid Fury]

Oh my God.

[Crystal]

I've gotten a lot stricter about that since whenever she last gave birth.

[Kid Fury]

Frost was right.

[Crystal]

Well, because it's. I'm sorry you're not putting your nasty lips on my unvaccinated fresh ass newborn.

[Kid Fury]

Remember when he had this shit eating green cause he got Dr. Doctor backed him up. He could not wait to tell Rasheeda Mama.

[Crystal]

Oh, see, yeah.

[Kid Fury]

Physician said you're wrong.

[Crystal]

And that is right. You not supposed. Whatever. However you would feel most comfortable. This is your first child. I don't care if you're overprotective. You. This is your first child. I be doing a lot with my dog. You think if I had a human baby, I wouldn't be a hundred times stricter? I absolutely would. And anybody who don't like it can get the especially. Especially in this Covid.

[Kid Fury]

And with all the snakes that came out the grass during. It's like, oh, you're nasty. Uh. Oh.

[Crystal]

Right. And it sounds like you're probably gonna give birth in the winter when cold and flu and all other kinds of germies and viruses are everywhere. Yeah. You can be as strict as you wanna be about your newborn. And if she don't like it, then your husband needs to be the one to check her. Cause if you do it, it's not gonna be in a nice way where mama still feel good about herself.

[Kid Fury]

Do it anyway. However, Crystal is 100% right that it should be like, oh, okay. That's how you feel. Get your girl.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

And they be like, I say something you already know.

[Crystal]

Mama, Mama, let's go talk. You need to take her out on the lanai and have a conversation with her. It's the lanai about what's really finna happen. And it's not right. It's not Jayla wants this. It's. We want this.

[Kid Fury]

We just don't say nothing. Just finish the sweet tea.

[Crystal]

That's what you need to do. You need to shut up, mama. Cause she not playing. And you'll fuck around and not see this child for weeks after it's born if you piss her off. I would suggest you don't piss her off. Cause she not playing. We not playing. Not she. We are not playing about our child. We.

[Kid Fury]

Exactly.

[Crystal]

You don't.

[Kid Fury]

Because the moment that he starts doing she she, she, it becomes a bargaining thing because she the problem. And you my son. Da, da, da. Right. She has to hear from his perspective. I'm over your shit as well. You don't think I wanted to tell cousin such and such I was having a baby? Are you okay? You ain't got nothing else to do.

[Crystal]

A lot of grown men have trouble confronting their mamas like that. You don't have to say it mean like we do, but you. Cause we are mean gays. So you don't have to be like us. But you do have to be able to stand up for yourself, advocate for yourself and say, I get you. You always been my mama. I'm always love you. You're my fucking mama. Duh. And at the same time, I'm a grown man with a wife and a child. This is my family. And we don't have to do things your way. And we will not. You will not be allowed to force your way. It's not. Oh, well, too bad. I do whatever I want to do. There are repercussions.

[Kid Fury]

No, you. You really don't.

[Crystal]

You really. This is my child, Mama. And if you can't listen to that and hear me clearly, then you will feel. Then you will feel it.

[Kid Fury]

Jamaican proverb. True.

[Crystal]

Good luck, Jayla. But it sounds like, yeah, just you and your husband need to make sure y' all on the same page about things. And then. Yeah, let him handle it.

[Kid Fury]

And he is probably gonna have to just spell it out. You will not see this, baby. We're not playing with us.

[Crystal]

Don't play with us. Let me catch you put one shriveled lip on my child kissing my brand new baby that can't even be vaccinated.

[Kid Fury]

Yet the moment that you pull out.

[Crystal]

A Mentos, you know newborns get herpes cause of that. We're not. Yes, newborns can get herpes because grown people kiss them all over their face and stuff. Stuff after they were born. And they not vaccinated against nothing yet. People are strict about it for a reason, so.

[Kid Fury]

And then wouldn't you know, I have a mug shot, right?

[Crystal]

Because now I have to now and now. Right. And now you won't see your child because you'll be dead. How might. You won't see your grandchild because you won't be here.

[Kid Fury]

Maybe in the spiritual world because you had me.

[Crystal]

Because you had me up now in God's earth. Good luck to you and your husband, Jayla. Congrats on the baby. Our next letter comes from Danny, who says hi. Crystal and K. Fury, thank you both for being one of the highlights of my week and the best podcast in my rotation. Oh, thanks, baby.

[Kid Fury]

Thank you.

[Crystal]

Long story short, I cut my younger sister off last week after she decided to snitch to my dad about me taking my dog to my apartment. I'm guessing the dog lives with the dad and the sister for some reason, right?

[Kid Fury]

What's the problem?

[Crystal]

I knew my dad didn't want me to, but I missed my baby girl and hadn't seen her in almost six months. I told my sister that my dog means a lot to me and my mental health, but she still Went and told him, I'm just gonna park the car right there for a second.

[Kid Fury]

I'm so. I'm a little frazzled.

[Crystal]

My dog. If, for whatever reason, I had to let Laney go live with somebody else and I had not seen her, the idea that you would be mad at me for coming to pick up my dog and taking my dog back to my apartment for any amount of time.

[Kid Fury]

No, it was like a mental health.

[Crystal]

Right. And I hadn't seen Lainey in almost six months. I don't even like being six hours apart from her. Like, I don't even like being separated from her at all. Bitch. Okay, you'll get there. We'll get back to the letter. This is about Danny, not me. This isn't the first time my sister's gone and told my business when I specifically told her not to. My dad is a controlling narcissist who hates when good things happen to me.

[Kid Fury]

Why does he have your dog?

[Crystal]

Daddy provided absolutely zero additional context for that.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, no.

[Crystal]

In the past, my dad has punished me for doing things like traveling to see my friends because they bring me joy.

[Kid Fury]

Okay.

[Crystal]

My sister has a deeply close and almost uncomfortable relationship with my dad, and she will do anything to get his approval. She doesn't receive the same scrutiny I do and doesn't see the double standard. I know that cutting her off is what's best for me, but I miss her. She's my best friend and one of the only people who really understands me. But I can't continue to be around a person that keeps disrespecting my boundaries, my personhood, and my community. I want to have a conversation with her in the future, but given her lack of reception to me, expressing my feelings and saying that my feelings don't matter, I worry I will lose my sister for good. I sent her a text explaining that I need to take a step back and reevaluate our friendship, and she never replied. My question is, how do you deal with a loved one who continues to disrespect you and denies your pain? I want to remain firm, but I'm. But I worry she will never reach out. My therapist told me that if a friend treated me the way she does, I would have cut her off ages ago. But I can't help. But I can't help but miss her and feel guilty. Thanks so much for all you do. And the light you continue to shine in this dark world. Peace, Danny. Danny uses he, they, pronouns.

[Kid Fury]

Okay, Dani. How do you deal with a family member loved one who continues to Disrespect you and something else denies your pain. Denies your pain. You don't. Oh, well, you don't. You don't continue to do that. I think that there are ways. Cause you said the therapist.

[Crystal]

The therapist said, yeah, if a friend did this, you would have been. Cut him off.

[Kid Fury]

So maybe we begin to dig into the specificities of. Of this sister, this relationship. Yeah. With this sister, the history end. Why you have these sensitivities? Because I think that a lot of people say this when it comes to family, and I think it's just like a. Give you. Like a natural. Oh. Obligation to this person because that's my sister or brother or mom or dad or whatever, even though it isn't obligatory or healthy. But I think that given that you are in therapy, you can maybe open the door to that quest if you will just be like, listen, I want to dig into my relationship with my sister, my history with my sister, and why I feel this someone who is treating me like shit. Ooh.

[Crystal]

All right. Therapy. Therapy. Fury.

[Kid Fury]

Because I think that when you are able to start filling in some of those blanks, it will make distance easier for you because it does sound like it's super complicated for her. Well, so why should you be the one who's suffering and in pain when you just wanted to see your dog, that's yours? I'm still. Don't know. Like, I assume that your daddy is depressed or sick and just loves his dog, and the dog just. It's weird, you know, has been mentally supporting the dad and you were like, oh, well, I miss my baby. Let me just go have, like, a weekend with her or whatever. But no context given. I don't know. All right, so you went to go get your dog. It really doesn't matter.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

Your dog. That you want your dog.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Kid Fury]

That helps to brighten your day, make you feel better. I don't even understand where snitching comes from, because. What are you going to go tell she went to go get her dog? Why? It's hard.

[Crystal]

Like. Like, you just knew he would be mad at me for that. So you, like, what was the reason? For real, like, you wanted him to yell at me or be pissed? Like, you just. Why would you do that as my sister? I really don't get it.

[Kid Fury]

It doesn't make any sense. Like, you intentionally trying to agitate him and me and start drama and then also back up and be like, oh, well, I don't care. You're toxic. You're a mess. He's toxic. He's a mess. I can love y' all down and navigate through that and choose the best and healthiest decision, which is me. Yeah, like, you not doing it. He not doing it. I went to go hang out with a homie. How dare you. I went to pick up my dog. That's mine that I haven't seen in half a goddamn year. Fuck you. Oh, okay. Well, why don't I go do something good?

[Crystal]

Yeah, why don't I? I. Yeah, I. I think I agree with all of that. I. I definitely think this is something to bring up with the therapist. Like, you're right. If this was a friend, I would have cut them off a long time ago. But I miss my sister. She is my closest friend to that effect. And I feel guilty about not talking to her anymore. Help you let your therapist help you unpack that guilt. Cause why would you feel guilty for cutting off somebody who does things to hurt you? Why would you feel bad about that? Yeah, that's something deep in that childhood somewhere that needs to be dug up and examined. Um, but yeah, somebody who, sister or not, somebody who disrespects your personhood, your boundaries, your community, all these things that you keep talking about, how are you supposed to have a friendship with them?

[Kid Fury]

Right?

[Crystal]

Like, the base, the. The foundation of friendship is respect and honesty and treating each other with kindness. And like, that is the basics of having a healthy relationship with another person. When one of us has whatever attachment to somebody else that. That causes them to choose this person's side and. And do anything for their approval, including throwing me under the bus. There. There will just quite naturally come a point where I cannot tolerate that anymore. And it sounds like you're there with her, so.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah, right.

[Crystal]

I mean, there's a lot of ways to deal with loved ones who don't act right. A lot of ways. And distance is so effective for this.

[Kid Fury]

Like, it really is when you simply.

[Crystal]

Don'T live near them niggas. You can ignore a lot.

[Kid Fury]

True.

[Crystal]

A lot.

[Kid Fury]

But old girl's mother in law takes him and his voice.

[Crystal]

That's why she was like, I can't get away from this woman. She knows where I live.

[Kid Fury]

Like, can't stand this.

[Crystal]

And she can pop up whenever she wants. What the fuck? You can't. But yeah, you're worried that your sister will never reach out. I get that. Because you're worried that that means your sister will never see how much she's hurting you and say, hey, I'm really sorry. You're my sibling. I love you. I should have Never betrayed you with the dog. And I know Daddy is crazy and all. Like, you're worried that she will never get to that point, and that's a real possibility, that she'll. You're worried that you'll have to mourn the end of your relationship with your sister. But, yes, it sounds like the relationship or the closeness you once felt like you had with your sister, either it's gone or it was never really real in the first place. Like, maybe you've always accepted her being dismissive of your identity or your community or disrespecting. Like, maybe you've always tolerated that and now that you're in therapy, you're seeing something's wrong with that. Or maybe your sister genuinely used to be different and now she's changed somehow. But regardless, you're gonna have to mourn the fact that what you thought you had with your sister is no longer in existence.

[Kid Fury]

Right?

[Crystal]

So.

[Kid Fury]

And it sounds to me like your father's been a tremendous source of trauma.

[Crystal]

Probably the reason you're in therapy.

[Kid Fury]

And a lot of your sister's behavior is very reflective of that, on top of supportive of it. And it's possible that you were like, you've given up on dad, but you're trying to cling to this other piece of family that's like, you and I were both raised by this motherfucker. How do you not see what I see? Why can't we be on the same page? Why can't we have, you know, X type of relationship? You might really be yearning for her to, like, Crystal kind of said like. Like, for her to see you and respect your feelings and just be on your side, be supportive of you. And she's not only lacking in the support factor, she's, like, actively acting against it to go out of her way to be like, she took her dog and she took. Just so you know, it's just like.

[Crystal]

Danny took the dog.

[Kid Fury]

What are you on?

[Crystal]

Right? You're being a weird bitch. For what reason? When you know how to do it.

[Kid Fury]

I think a lot of her. Right. I think a lot of her currently reminds you of him and it doesn't make sense to you somewhere and you're grieving that. But yeah.

[Crystal]

Oh, man, I really hate to hear it, Danny. Family stuff is usually the hardest shit to work, work through. But, yeah. Wishing you the best of luck with your therapist as y' all try to figure this out. Let us know how it goes. If we read your letter recently and you have an update, please send that to us. We would love to hear it. But let's wrap up the questions right there. And again, if you have a question for us, you need some advice or whatever else from Kifier and Crystal, send that on over to AskTheRead gmail.com we're going to take another quick break and then be right back. Hey y'.

[Kid Fury]

All.

[Crystal]

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[Kid Fury]

This is an Etsy holiday ad. But you won't hear any sleigh bells or classic carols. Instead you'll hear something original. The sound of an Etsy holiday which sounds like this.

[Crystal]

Now that that's special. Want to hear it again?

[Kid Fury]

Get original and affordable gifts from small shops on Etsy. For gifts that say I get you shop Etsy. Hello, we are back. It is the read and it's time for the read. I'll begin because this should be actually very short. I would like to dedicate this read to the rappers, the lyricists, the poets Wordsmiths out there. If you cannot come up with a bar or a line that references trans people without a punchline related to genitals, write about something else. Rappers. I don't know. Like. Like, I'm so tired of cisgender rappers using trans as a punchline. And the other side of that punchline is Reproductive, Oregon.

[Crystal]

Yep. Makes sense.

[Kid Fury]

Shut the fuck up. Like, I hate it is like, it will ruin a song for me in one fell swoop. I hate it. It's just late. It's not even just that it's offensive. It's like, that's the only thing you think of. Of course you would, because you ignorant. I'll give it to jt. JT is one of the only rappers who I ever heard say a trans or have a trans bar. And it didn't have nothing to do with that. And it wasn't like, inflammatory. Something like pretty as a transgender or pretty like a transgender. That was it.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

Like, yes, many transgender people are incredibly amazing to look at. Fine, whatever. But when it's like, we got them dicks or whatever, it's like, girl, get the fuck out of my goddamn ears. I hate that shit.

[Crystal]

That is how them niggas do it at home.

[Kid Fury]

We got them dicks.

[Crystal]

Oh, Boosie.

[Kid Fury]

Maybe that's what Boosie was talking about. It was a gun underneath. Whatever it is, that's it. I just. I don't like it. Yeah, please think of something else. Think of something else.

[Crystal]

Anything else. Why are you even talking about trans people?

[Kid Fury]

For what?

[Crystal]

You could just not do that.

[Kid Fury]

Listen, I'm over it.

[Crystal]

Oh, okay. You said. And I thought you was lying, but you meant it. Okay. I, too, don't have a whole lot, but I'm a digging a couple niggas asses. No, Boosie.

[Kid Fury]

I don't think he's doing the bending. No, he. Wait, I don't. You know what I mean? Yeah, the bending is the. He's doing the bending.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

I think Lucy's a body.

[Crystal]

No, when Janet said, so you in the bending, she meant, so you're the top.

[Kid Fury]

But what is the other thing she said?

[Crystal]

Cause at first she was saying, so you bend over for some man. He said, ain't no man bending.

[Kid Fury]

So. Yes, yes. Yeah, okay, okay, okay. I should at least know the Me Tyler Perry. I'm going to hold it against me for not knowing what a.

[Crystal]

Anyway, Pharrell was at the fifth annual Black Ambition demo day, which is kind of like the Rock being at the American Black Film Fest.

[Kid Fury]

No, sh.

[Crystal]

And he decided. Yeah, So I saw a clip of him on stage talking into a microphone, saying, I hate politics. I despise them. It's a magic trick. It's not real. I don't believe in either side, because if you're on either side, you're supporting division.

[Kid Fury]

Okay.

[Crystal]

It's not a popular point of view, but I gotta say, when I think about it, the Wells are drying up. And then he started talking about, you know, talking to a room full of niggas, being like, for whatever it is you do, do you think you're the best? Do you want the job because you're black or because you're the best? And these niggas are dutifully like, because I'm the best. And then he's like, do you want someone.

[Kid Fury]

I'm black. Odds are that's why I'm the best.

[Crystal]

You're. Come on, come on.

[Kid Fury]

There was nothing really I was gonna do about Taylor.

[Crystal]

Do you want somebody to support your startup because you're black or because you're the best? So I think for me, it's about us having the best ambition. And that's why you should support these businesses. Yes, they happen to be black and brown, but it should be based on the fact that they're the best, not because of a shade of skin color. So, first of all, Pharrell, you too damn old to act like you don't understand that black and brown people are oppressed in this country. Do you think we would need a fifth annual Black Ambition Demo day if black and brown people run already ignored and shut out and denied the same opportunities, especially for financial assistance and backing that white founders and CEOs and creators, et cetera, do? Like, we have our own shit because they keep playing us. That's why we have our own shit.

[Kid Fury]

Passed them for eons and been given no credit for being the best. And you know that, right?

[Crystal]

And you really should know that as a nigga, you really should understand. Racism, misogyny, white supremacy. Like, these are concepts you should really be able to understand. So, first of all, there's that. Why would you tell a bunch of black people, well, do you want it because of the content of your character or your skin color? Like, bitch, you acting like anybody is giving us things simply because we're black. Like, what kind of welfare?

[Kid Fury]

Because I deserve it in itself.

[Crystal]

That's not how it.

[Kid Fury]

And that could really be the first and last of it for us to.

[Crystal]

Even get in the door. We gotta be incredible. So the. The idea of whether we're good or the best Is not even worth debating. It takes a lot to even get here. As a person who belongs to a marginalized group. This is when people are rich for too long, they really. I was thinking they lose touch with realities. Cause it's like, girl, what the fuck are you talking about?

[Kid Fury]

And it's absolutely delicious to be like, I hate politics. Let me go on a rant about politics.

[Crystal]

Right?

[Kid Fury]

So.

[Crystal]

And speaking of. And speaking of that very thing, Pharrell, who said, I don't like to pick sides. I don't like to be a part of it. Because once you pick side upside, you're. You're endorsing division. It's like, well, yes, there are two sides. Because we don't agree. There's nothing wrong with being divided. Especially when one side believes that grown men should be able to have sex with children and should be able to commit genocides and fascism. And my side does not.

[Kid Fury]

I really just set myself off of a ridiculous vision of like a high school aged Pharrell busting in unannounced to the debate club. Like, stop.

[Crystal]

This is.

[Kid Fury]

This is the morning division. Enough. Come together. What?

[Crystal]

Right.

[Kid Fury]

No, we just have different points of view. What are you.

[Crystal]

Okay, and for you to not be a fan of politics, you're going to have to explain why in 2018 you raised $60 million for the friends of the Israel Defense forces fundraiser. Or 6 million. Sorry, you're gonna have to explain why you performed at the fundraiser for the Friends of the IDF just seven short years ago.

[Kid Fury]

Then aren't the Friends of the IDF the idf?

[Crystal]

Do they not get enough money from us?

[Kid Fury]

Yeah, you need celebrities.

[Crystal]

You bitches got free health care. What the fuck else?

[Kid Fury]

Why, like, tyrants and beasts and bitches all across the world also want to be John Lennon? Like, why? You also have to be on, like, Joe Rogan and have a seat by Beyonce.

[Crystal]

Anyway, it's just. Yeah, it's really not making sense. Pharrell, there was really no part of these remarks that made sense from the picking aside as divisive. Duh. I would like to make it very clear that I'm not on the same page as Tri. I am not on that nigga's team. We do not align, period. And I honestly can't think of one thing we agree on. Not one thing. So, yeah, I'm on the opposite side of that big bloated bitch in the White House. I absolutely am. Which did you see? This is not even part of my read. But did you hear him call some reporter piggy?

[Kid Fury]

No, baby, they were that's amazing.

[Crystal]

They were like, why is the Saudi prince here? It's kind of strange that an American president would invite the Saudis here. Let's talk about the journalists that they killed. And, you know, 9, 11. And Trump said, quiet, piggy, to this reporter. I don't know if this is a reference to her body, her size. I didn't actually see the reporter herself, but there must be zero mirrors in the White House if Trump thinks he can call anybody else any derivative of fat.

[Kid Fury]

You look like if aliens took all the farm animals and made one of them. Like, you look like every animal.

[Crystal]

Like a boar that somebody slapped a human. You look like a boar that somebody gave blonde eyebrows to and then brought it to life.

[Kid Fury]

How dare you.

[Crystal]

I just said it, bitch.

[Kid Fury]

You look like if Pumbaa was Timone.

[Crystal]

Did they replace all the mirrors in the White House with, like, a filter or something where he looks in it and sees a bad bitch? Cause, like, you really, you. You have no clothes.

[Kid Fury]

It's like Charlotte and Wilbur.

[Crystal]

You are not.

[Kid Fury]

Was the pig Wilbur?

[Crystal]

Yes, the pig was Wilbur, but Charlotte was a spider.

[Kid Fury]

The spider. Yeah. You look like both of them at the same time. Like, how dare you, Piggy.

[Crystal]

You can't be calling Nobody piggy, Ms. McDonald's nutcase. You look like you live off of.

[Kid Fury]

McDonald's, and, I mean, you're actually demented.

[Crystal]

Yes, I do. I think he is sliding right on into dementia. Gotta be. He went on a whole rant about how great McDonald's is, and he loves the filet o fish, but they need to put more tartar sauce on it. I'm like, this is the. Ew.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, my God.

[Crystal]

I said you would like that tartar sauce.

[Kid Fury]

It is ridiculous.

[Crystal]

You want them to squirt that right in your mouth, don't you? Yeah, definitely. You want to open up real wide.

[Kid Fury]

Bet you call it Bubba one, right?

[Crystal]

Like, yes, Shoot that load right on in.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, Bubba Gump. We're in a seafood thing. Cussing dud. Maybe Bub is a fisherman, baby.

[Crystal]

You have no space to call. Nobody else. Nobody. Anything.

[Kid Fury]

Anything.

[Crystal]

Nothing. Not their body, not their hair, not their intelligence.

[Kid Fury]

Intelligence. Fashion sense. Nothing.

[Crystal]

Nothing. Piggy. I would have been like, you the piggy. Who the you talking. You the piggy, girl. Who in the the fuck are you talking to, bitch?

[Kid Fury]

The Miami Herald or whoever would have been like, well, you know you can't do that, right? Like, I understand.

[Crystal]

I don't know who that was.

[Kid Fury]

Stood up on both of your feet and said, okay, bitch, since we're talking about Mothers.

[Crystal]

Oh, you want to talk about this?

[Kid Fury]

You ranked on this nigga in the White House? The dozens. Really? With the president? Yes. She started it.

[Crystal]

Fuck, are you kidding you? I'm not taking that from no bitch. I'm not taking piggy from another fat bitch. I'm simply not. You need to be calling Ozempic your damn self. Who are you talking to?

[Kid Fury]

Without even. You got me a stretch of fat folks, sir.

[Crystal]

Have you seen you literally. Do you know your belly stick out? Do you know that?

[Kid Fury]

And that ass. You're fat everywhere.

[Crystal]

And that's exactly how Bubba like it.

[Kid Fury]

I hate this.

[Crystal]

That nigga started fantasizing about tartar sauce. I said, yeah, you like it hot? You like it hot. He sucks like he do. Suck and swallow. He do it all words. He do it all nasty.

[Kid Fury]

But never spit.

[Crystal]

Never, baby. I gargle with it. Bubba like it like that.

[Kid Fury]

Not Donald Trump being a bra. Cum P.

[Crystal]

I just couldn't believe it.

[Kid Fury]

I'm so Smithy's pig.

[Crystal]

I almost forgot about that. I'm so glad I was reminded. I said, oh, this got all the ideas. They must have took every full out the White House.

[Kid Fury]

Maybe he was talking to another bottom.

[Crystal]

I think he never sees himself. And the White House photoshops him or. Or puts out AI shit so much.

[Kid Fury]

And that's when he thinks so C. If every photo of it. No mirrors anywhere around, right? And every photo that he sees has been doctored so he looks like.

[Crystal]

Because I know the whole room was confused. Like, it ain't no way a fat bitch is calling another fat bitch a fat bitch. It ain't no way.

[Kid Fury]

Wait a minute.

[Crystal]

He must have said Iggy. Sir, I'm Rachel.

[Kid Fury]

Why? Excuse me, is your nickname Peggy? Oh, is it Peggy? Did you mean to say Peggy?

[Crystal]

You meant to say Peggy the Skylar sisters. You did. You was not talking to me. It ain't no way in the world. And Patrick Beverly.

[Kid Fury]

I know the name.

[Crystal]

Yeah, you do. As the sports aficionado on this show, you would sure do. So last week or a couple weeks ago, he was on a podcast with Jason Williams, which I don't listen to N cast. And of course it's called hooping and hollering. And they said something about Megan Thee Stallion.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, fuck.

[Crystal]

Jason Williams.

[Kid Fury]

Like, what now?

[Crystal]

Well, so this was the clip that was going around where they were like, klay Thompson is falling off and it's gonna start there, right? And so Jason white ass was like, well, you know the thing about pussy, it only take one pussy to drag a battleship across the desert. That's how powerful it is. Klay Thompson. I'm not saying that's what it is, but that might be what it is. Basically blaming Clay's slump on Megan's vagina and calling her a pussy. Not derogatory, but just being like, you know that pussy.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah, no, that's.

[Crystal]

And Pat just kind of laughed and was like, oh, yeah, you know, pussy is powerful. Whatever. Klay Thompson saw that clip and was like, you niggas speaking on My Girl is insane. Don't ever do that bullshit again. Like, just simply don't speak on my.

[Kid Fury]

Woman past the reading.

[Crystal]

Referring to my girlfriend as a pussy is disgusting. Is disturbing, especially from people who also played in the league. If I talked about your wives that way, you know, you would have an attitude. And then tagged Pat Beverly and said, do better, fellas. Very disappointing. So I was glad that Clay. I didn't even think this was going to be something that needed to come back out or be addressed after Clay got them together. Child, when I tell you, either that same night or the very next day, Patrick Beverly was arrested for assaulting his own sister.

[Kid Fury]

That's why I heard about this.

[Crystal]

That's why you heard about it. Because his mama called him and said, come get your sister together. She's sneaking out the house to go see her little boyfriend. Patrick Beverly. Yeah. I don't know how old his sister is. I don't know if she's a teenager or in her 20s. I don't know. Old enough to sneak out the house. You know, she's not eight, but.

[Kid Fury]

Right.

[Crystal]

Patrick Beverly. Patrick.

[Kid Fury]

Sounds like you punched your teen sister.

[Crystal]

That's exactly what it sounds like. But, you know, whether she's a teen or in her 20s, it's assault, of course. So this says he scolded his sister before he grabbed her by the neck with both hands and picked her up off the ground, having her feet come off the floor. His sister claims his grasp on her neck made her feel pain and as if she was losing oxygen and unable to breathe, and lasted between 20 and 30 seconds. He then took her out the bedroom by the neck, slammed her body against the walls of an open room area of the house, laid her on the sofa, stood on top of her and punched her on her left eye with a closed fist and said, he will be the family relative to kill her, and then followed the boyfriend outside. Don't know what he did to the boyfriend outside, but the boyfriend called the cops. The cops said, yeah, there are markings on your neck and whatever it is in the whites of your eyes to show that you lost oxygen for however amount of time you have been strangled. And so he was taken into custody, booked for felony assault, and then went on social media and said, don't believe everything you see on the Internet with the praying hands emoji.

[Kid Fury]

I said, okay, Wendy.

[Crystal]

I don't have to believe everything I see on the Internet, but I am going to believe your sister. And I believe that you have the propensity to do some like this. Especially when you sat back and let a white man talk in such a derogatory way about a black woman who you've probably never met and who for sure never did shit to you, calling her pussy and being like, oh, well, you know, pussy will do anything. Blah, blah, pussy this and pussy that. When Clay said he's simply out of his prime, I don't know why y' all couldn't accept that as a reality. Like.

[Kid Fury]

Like, it doesn't.

[Crystal]

He's an old man. Luca's gone from the math. Kyrie is injured. Might still be injured even with that number one. Well, old man in the NBA, I think he's like, 36, 37, right?

[Kid Fury]

35.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Kid Fury]

Is old.

[Crystal]

Yeah, it's old for the NBA. Right? But there's so many factors here to why Clay might not be playing as well as he used to eight fucking years ago. Him being old is the number one and most obvious, and you are two old niggas who don't play no more. So you would understand aging, right.

[Kid Fury]

Without him even saying that. That was my response to those comments. You're like, oh, he's so busy. And Megan, thee stallion pussy. That's why. And I'm like, klay Thompson's been playing basketball for an incredibly long time.

[Crystal]

Klay Thompson, he hasn't been a virgin this whole time.

[Kid Fury]

Right?

[Crystal]

He's been fucking y'. All. If. If fucking was all it took, nobody would be good. Like, be for real.

[Kid Fury]

35 years old is.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

You know, you get up off the couch after an episode of Severance, it's like, was that my ep?

[Crystal]

You wake up, like, my knee feeling kind of tight. Weather must be changing. Come on. So, like, just.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, the athleticism of being a professional basketball player.

[Crystal]

Right?

[Kid Fury]

Well, and. But of course, any reason to.

[Crystal]

To shit on women, right?

[Kid Fury]

Like, let's all take turns stabbing daggers, right?

[Crystal]

So maybe don't worry about why Klay Thompson, who's still in the league when you are not, is having, you know, less shooting accuracy or whatever than he did a few seasons ago and worry more about why you the type of nigga to put your hands on your own sister, strangle her, punch her in the face, and then tell her you'll be the one to kill her. Worry about that. You have your own goddamn issues here. Klay Thompson loving Megan Thee stallion out loud is not one of them. Get a life.

[Kid Fury]

It's never going to be right. And I'm just never going to respect or validate your opinion on women when, bitch, you can't even have a conversation. Why should I think about anything they have to say? Literally, you fighting your any woman. Yeah, but your sister, that sounds like she is not even a legal adult yet. And beating her up for having a.

[Crystal]

Boyfriend, sneaking out the house.

[Kid Fury]

Bitch, you shouldn't be outside, right? You shouldn't be in front of a microphone. You shouldn't. No one should have access to you except to see her.

[Crystal]

And when your mama called, you should have said, girl, you are a grown woman. Handle your daughter. Kids sneak out. Why you went over there and beat her ass is beyond me.

[Kid Fury]

But maybe cause you ain't got shit else to do. Maybe that's why you worried about Klay Thompson and his actual job and his actual bad beast.

[Crystal]

Correct? Correct.

[Kid Fury]

Mind yours.

[Crystal]

Correct. Clay's old now, nigga. Even LeBron got to put himself in the cryo hyperbaric chamber or whatever and rejuvenate his blood cells.

[Kid Fury]

The hyperbolic time chamber.

[Crystal]

Even LeBron gotta infuse himself with newborn blood or whatever to try to stay. That nigga is falling apart.

[Kid Fury]

Toddler's eyelashes, eye of nudes, baby.

[Crystal]

Play for the first time the other day against Utah. Cause that nigga said I got sciatica. Hello.

[Kid Fury]

Hello.

[Crystal]

Old nigga's not supposed to be playing this game. This is a young game. Oh, what happened to Klay Thompson? Shut up. Klay Thompson. Four time NBA champion Klay Thompson. Shut the up. Nothing happened. He's 35. Oh, y' all pissed me off. Y' all pissed me off with that stupid. But, yeah, I saw that news of him getting arrested and I said, I will talk about this on the show, actually, because. Yeah, yeah, you. You don't seem like you're that great of a person, Patrick Beverly, you got other things you can be focused on. Pick one of those instead. All right, that will wrap up this week's episode of the Read. Find us on social media at. This is the Read. Our website is. This is the read.com. thank you so much to the beautiful Lauren LaRosa for being on this week's episode of Crystal's Couch. We talked about so much them dumbasses that she works with over at the Breakfast Club and you know, being black women in media, stuff like that. So go check it out. Chrysaliscouch.com and wherever you get your favorite shows, any news or etc from you this week, Kiffury.

[Kid Fury]

As usual, you can find me@kid fury.com you find me at patreon.com Kid Fury for extreme and. Yeah, happy holidays and things. I think I'm gonna probably do like a cooking stream or something next.

[Crystal]

Ooh, fun.

[Kid Fury]

I don't have any legit plans. I'm getting back into standing up like a mom in the kitchen and making.

[Crystal]

Oh yes, you need one of them mats, one of them padded mats.

[Kid Fury]

Cause oh yeah, I have that.

[Crystal]

Okay. Oh, you lower back start hurting your grievance.

[Kid Fury]

I wear like I cannot imagine running back and forth professionally at this age. Girl, you're gonna have to get into the fact that I'm gonna get there when I get there.

[Crystal]

Why you not running around to the 21 year old stating, suck my duck, I can't do it. I'm elderly. I cannot do it. My knees crack.

[Kid Fury]

And as a late ass former athlete your goddamn self, bitch, you should be like, at least he's getting a bad bitch in the midst of all of that because life lifes again.

[Crystal]

Old niggas worried about the wrong. But yes, that's it.

[Kid Fury]

And you know, be careful of them dicks.

[Crystal]

All right, all right, all right, all right. We will see. We will see y' all next week.

[Kid Fury]

The who's down in who Newville were making their list, but some didn't know. Walmart has the best brands for their gift. What about toys?

[Crystal]

Do they have brands kids have been wanting all year? Yup. Barbie, Tonys and Lego.

[Kid Fury]

Gifts that will make them all cheer.

[Crystal]

Do you mean they have all the brands I adore? They have Nintendo, Nespresso, Apple and more.

[Kid Fury]

What about so the who answered questions from friends till they were blue? Each one listened and shouted From Walmart. Who knew? Shop gifts from top brands for everyone on your list in the Walmart app.

[Crystal]

Clorox toilet wand. It's all in one. Clorox toilet Wand. It's all in one. Hey, what does all in one mean? The Caddy, the wand, the preloaded pad. There's a cleaner in there inside the pad. So Clorox toilet wand is all I need to clean a toilet. You don't need a bottle of solution to get into the toilet revolution. Clorox clean feels good. Use as directed.