Transcript

Kia Fury (0:00)

Would you sell your soul for greatness? Or what would you be willing to sacrifice? Find out on September 19th in the new Jordan Peele produced horror film only in theaters starring Marlon Wayne's in the role of a lifetime as the greatest football player of all time. The goat Tyreek Withers also stars as his up and coming protege. It's directed by Justin Tipping and produced by Mucky Pra Productions. Just never meet your idols, okay? It's only in theaters September 19th. A real Etsy Buyer review for handmade.

Crystal (0:35)

Home decor by a real Etsy seller.

Kia Fury (0:38)

I could not be happier about the.

Crystal (0:40)

Quality or the wonderful personal message supplied with it describing its journey into existence. Discover original items created by real people and loved by real people just like you. Special starts on Etsy Shop the Etsy app.

Kia Fury (0:57)

Boo. Wednesday Season two has the whole world buzzing and has just released its jaw dropping finale episodes. If you haven't started watching it, now is your chance. It stars the incredible Jenna Ortega as the one and only Wednesday Addams alongside the legend Catherine Zeta Jones as Morticia Adams and Fred Armisen as my Uncle Fester. Their chemistry is hilarious. The writing, the burden of it all. It's fantastic. And this season's been packed with all kinds of twists, cameos and fun. Fun surprises, shocks, laughs and an ending that will leave you breathless. If you love Adam's family, you're in for a R to go check it out. Go watch the final episodes of Wednesday Season two, now playing only on netfl.

Crystal (2:05)

Well, howdy. My name is Millianne Crockett, hand makeup artist to the Donald J. Trump and I am Taylor Townsend and this is the Read. Thanks for coming back.

Kia Fury (2:18)

Thank you for returning indeed to the Read podcast where we read, but we also listen. No, that's not okay. Welcome. It is September. It is. I think today's Virgo day. I think today's big Virgo day, ain't it?

Crystal (2:40)

It will be, yeah. When this comes out. When this comes out. It will be indeed. Yeah.

Kia Fury (2:46)

Lovely.

Crystal (2:47)

It's the big Virgo's birthday. The Virgo's birthday.

Kia Fury (2:51)

My mommy's birthday was yesterday.

Summary

The Read: “Janet’s Third Album”

Episode Date: September 4, 2025
Hosts: Kid Fury & Crissle

Overview

In this robust and fiercely funny episode, Kid Fury and Crissle return from Virgo Season birthday festivities to tackle hip-hop and pop culture’s latest drama, dissect audience questions, and deliver scorching reads. In classic Read fashion, no star is safe (unless their name is Beyoncé), as the pair break down Tamar Braxton’s drama, Cardi B’s courthouse antics, music industry feature snubs, August Alsina’s relationship controversy, and much more—all sprinkled with therapeutic doses of Black excellence, personal empathy, and sidesplitting laughter.

Key Segments

1. Virgo Season & Black Excellence

[02:18 – 07:00]

The Virgos are out in full force. Kid Fury marks his mom’s birthday while Crissle’s is on the horizon.
Black Excellence:
- Kid Fury shines the spotlight on Kendall Ray Johnson, Georgia’s youngest certified farmer, now 10, who received a full ride to South Carolina State University at age ten.
- “They awarded her a full scholarship valued at $83,000. Man, those United States dollars.” – Kid Fury [04:37]
- Kendall’s maturity and commitment to agriculture are celebrated as the future of Black excellence.
The duo reflect on the rigors of real-life farming and living sustainably, then make a quick detour to Khalis’ fineness.

2. Trump, Memes, and Morbidity

[07:12 – 12:22]

Crissle and Kid Fury discuss recent Trump death/illness memes and the public’s collective schadenfreude.
Memes about Trump's health are dissected in relation to previous “Princess Kate is dead” conspiracies.
- “I want him to rot.” – Crissle [12:16]
The hosts joke about how New York will be celebrating in the streets whenever Trump passes, likening it to carnival season.

3. Hot Tops

[12:22 – 36:00]
Your weekly culture rundown—the messiest in the business.

a. Tamar Braxton’s Drama

[12:22 – 17:24]

Tamar’s alarming posts about an accident, subsequent music drop, and fan skepticism over her intentions.
Crissle empathizes: “It must be hard to deal with all your fans being like, ‘bitch, we don't believe you.’”
Discussion around giving grace amidst Tamar’s dramatic timing.

b. Cardi B’s Courtroom Chaos

[17:27 – 29:44]

Cardi B dodges a $24 million lawsuit, then immediately throws an object at a disrespectful reporter outside the courthouse—while pregnant.
Both hosts criticize Cardi’s lack of self-restraint:
- “You stay in court… when is the self-restraint course?” – Kid Fury [21:41]
- They highlight the irony of Cardi telling Billboard she’s learned “to control my emotions,” only to instantly demonstrate the contrary.
Discussion turns to the performativity of Cardi’s rumored pregnancy via TikTok teasers: “I’m not a big enough Cardi B fan to go back and forth with tricks and games.” – Kid Fury [26:04]

c. Karen Huger DUI & Return

Quick acknowledgment of Real Housewives of Potomac star Karen Huger’s release from serving time for DUI, with advice: hire a driver next time.

d. Lil Yachty’s Meet & Greet Disparities

[34:04 – 36:32]

Viral TikToks show Lil Yachty charming women and ignoring male fans at meet-and-greets.
- “It’s insane anybody’s spending their hard-earned money to meet Lil Yachty.” – Kid Fury [34:27]
Crissle points out: “Simple shit… paying money to meet Lil Yachty, it’s almost like just, which is what you get because why did you do that?”

4. Music Industry Woes: Feature Snubs & Entitlement

[36:32 – 53:12]

a. Tyrese vs. Mary J. Blige

[36:32 – 41:15]

Tyrese vents publicly after Mary J. Blige turns down his feature request.
Crissle and Kid Fury mock Tyrese’s attempts to recruit the internet to pressure Mary:
- “She heard this custom made song and said, no thank you.” – Crissle [38:27]
- “No one… is going to pressure Mary J. Blige to do something.” – Kid Fury [38:31]

b. Young Thug vs. Kendrick Lamar

[41:15 – 53:12]

Young Thug laments Kendrick’s refusal to collaborate, claiming Kendrick needs “street” features.
The hosts eviscerate this logic:
- “This man has 78 Grammys, 35 Pulitzer prizes… He’s not up at night because he hasn’t got Atlanta n****s.” – Kid Fury [45:14]
- “You asking him for a feature, not the other way around.” – Crissle [45:57]
Jabs at Thug’s “delusional” reasoning and the broader trend of artists broadcasting their feature rejections as personal slights.

5. August Alsina’s Relationship Controversy

[53:43 – 59:59]

Discussion about August Alsina’s five-year relationship with 22-year-old Zoo, raising eyebrows due to their ages and the timeline.
- “You’re saying that the two of y’all… started talking when you were, like, freshly 18 is the best.” – Kid Fury [55:01]
Crissle and Kid Fury parse out age dynamics, grooming concerns, and why “just because it’s legal don’t make it not weird.”
“A lot of people… look back at relationships like this and go, wow, I'm processing this differently than I did at the time.” – Kid Fury [58:00]

Advice Segment: Listener Letters

[63:47 – 99:47]

Carrie and Sandra Updates:
– Carrie reflects on being “a ginormous idiot” for confronting a reckless driver while her kid was in the car.
– Sandra clarifies her disappointment in her fiancé's proposal and vows to show appreciation instead.
Letter 1 (Lex, Lesbian Bed Death):
– Lex, a femme lesbian, laments her partner’s declining sexual interest.
– The hosts counsel empathy: “Instead of telling her why she shouldn't feel the way she feels, try empathizing with the way she feels.” – Crissle [77:30] – Stress, body image, and financial worries are cited as real barriers (“Excuses and reasons are very different.”). – Kid Fury suggests, “Focus on meeting her emotional needs... because once they're addressed, you’ll get right back to it.” [74:04]
Letter 2 (Janet, Friendship Snub):
– Janet is hurt after her longtime friends ignore her son’s graduation, despite celebrating another’s in the group. – Both hosts agree Janet’s irritation is valid and speculate that the friends’ excuses (“I just like posts without reading them!”) feel disingenuous. – “You comment congratulations, nephew, without reading the post, bitch?” – Crissle [87:30] – Final advice: Bring it up once more, but if the bond isn’t reciprocated, consider distancing emotionally.

The Read (Signature Rant Segment)

[101:12 – End]

Kid Fury’s Reads:
- James Gunn/Viola Davis & DC TV – Pleads for proper investment in Black women–led superhero shows—"Please don't waste that lady's time. Don't waste my time."
- Jinkx Monsoon as Mystique Idea – Bemoans Marvel's lack of courage to cast a trans woman as Mystique, calling it a “perfect idea that will never happen.”
  - “Disney doesn’t have the balls. They don’t have the goddamn nerve.” – Kid Fury [109:04]
- Latvian Tennis Player's Outburst – Defends Taylor Townsend, denounces tennis’s ongoing double standard and racism:
  - “Yelena Ostapenko, you lost… How you gonna try and speak to somebody else about class?” – [109:57]
Crissle’s Reads:
- The Texas Ding Dong Ditch Murder – Eviscerates grown men who murder children for childish pranks, underscores the need for self-control:
  - “Your big grown ass 42 years is supposed to be able to put some distance between how you feel and how you react.” – [117:17]
- Rabies Vaccine Denial for Dogs – Scathingly drags anti-vaxxers applying their philosophy to dogs:
  - “There’s no such thing as an autistic dog! …You stupid bitches are declining to give your dog a mandatory vaccine because you think the dog might be a little weird.” – [125:09]
- Netflix’s “Unknown Number: The High School Catfish”
  - Outlines the mother’s abuse and a system that allowed nearly no consequence:
    - “Who does this?...You have an obligation to not harm others, especially your own child.” [145:06]
  - Furious at production for platforming the perpetrator.

Notable Quotes & Moments

Crissle on Trump’s demise (Block Party):
- “I'm having a festival and, baby, I already know Nueva York, we finna turn up.” [11:44]
Kid Fury on Cardi B’s restraint:
- “When is the self-restraint course?” [21:39]
Crissle on friendship snubs:
- “You comment congratulations, nephew, without reading the post, bitch?...So fuck my baby. And I'm stupid.” [87:30]
Kid Fury on music feature entitlement:
- “This man has 78 Grammys… Imagine him being up at night because he has not yet received the approval of street niggas and hoes.” [45:14]
Crissle on self-control as the episode’s theme:
- “Your big grown ass 42 years is supposed to be able to put some distance between how you feel and how you react.” [117:17]

Final Thoughts

This episode of The Read is a classic showcase of Kid Fury and Crissle’s wit, cultural insight, and empathy. Beneath their shade-throwing humor lies a consistent call for empathy, self-control, and confronting the real reasons behind our actions—be it in music, relationships, or daily life.

Listen for:

Savage but insightful hot takes.
A masterclass in holding the culture and each other accountable.
Hilarious banter and quotables for days.

“Thank you for returning indeed, to The Read podcast, where we read, but we also listen.” —Kid Fury [02:18]

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Janet's Third Album