Mailbag Classics

Summary

The Read: Mailbag Classics – November 28, 2024

Hosted by Kid Fury and Crissle, "The Read" delivers a blend of sharp wit, candid advice, and cultural commentary. In this special holiday episode titled "Mailbag Classics," the hosts delve into classic listener letters from their archives, offering their unfiltered perspectives on a variety of personal dilemmas and pop culture critiques.

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1. Hooking Up with a Cousin: A Family Affair Gone Awry

Timestamp: [01:14] – [09:04]

The episode kicks off with a listener letter detailing an unsettling experience of hooking up with a male cousin during a family visit in Kansas. The cousin’s flirtatious behavior and subsequent hookup leave the listener grappling with guilt and confusion about how to handle the fallout, especially with the cousin persistently reaching out.

Notable Quotes:

• Kid Fury: “[...] You fucked your cousin. Like, girl, you fucked your cousin.”
• Crissle: “You shouldn't have been sleeping with somebody if you knew because you said right away you could tell that he was sort of feeling you or he was flirting with you or whatever. So you should have just been like, uh, no, yikes, let me stay away from you.”

Discussion: Crissle and Kid Fury respond vehemently, condemning the actions and emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries. They advocate for ending the relationship to prevent further emotional complications, highlighting the importance of maintaining family integrity.

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2. The Tyler Perry Conundrum: Creative Critique

Timestamp: [09:45] – [13:03]

A listener questions why Kid Fury doesn’t appreciate Tyler Perry’s work, prompting a deep dive into Perry’s latest projects. Kid Fury criticizes Perry’s portrayal of classic Black figures and recurring problematic themes, particularly in his recent movie where every character contracts AIDS, which she finds both offensive and illogical.

Notable Quotes:

• Kid Fury: “I’m tired of him taking classic black actresses and turning them into Harriet Tubman.”
• Crissle: “And he made Cicely Tyson do this long ass speech. It was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.”

Discussion: The hosts dissect Tyler Perry’s creative choices, expressing frustration over perceived misrepresentation and lack of originality. They urge Perry to reconsider his narrative approaches to better honor the legacy of the figures he portrays.

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3. The Great Color Contact Debate: Style vs. Substance

Timestamp: [14:25] – [17:35]

A listener shares her disdain for cheap color contacts, fearing that poorly blended lenses appear unnatural and “clown-like.” Crissle and Kid Fury echo her sentiments, stressing the importance of quality over quantity in personal aesthetics.

Notable Quotes:

• Crissle: “I do hate terrible weave, unblended weave. [...] Your edges be just a totally different color and texture than the rest of your head.”
• Kid Fury: “Just wear your goddamn contacts.”

Discussion: The conversation highlights the significance of investing in quality beauty products to maintain a natural and appealing look. The hosts discourage the use of inexpensive alternatives that compromise appearance and self-expression.

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4. Dating App Fatigue and Dental Hygiene: Swiping Left on Bad Dates

Timestamp: [20:07] – [25:31]

The episode transitions to a listener recounting a disastrous date marred by her date’s poor dental hygiene. Despite initial attraction, the visible plaque and yellowing teeth overshadow the evening, leading her to question whether to continue pursuing the relationship.

Notable Quotes:

• Kid Fury: “You partly want to wear a pad or something when this dude kisses you because it's pathetic.”
• Crissle: “He wants to kiss you, but you just want to gag.”

Discussion: Crissle and Kid Fury emphasize the importance of hygiene in dating, advising the listener to prioritize her well-being over potential relationship prospects. They underscore that addressing such fundamental issues early can save much emotional turmoil later.

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5. Anal Sex Confusion: Navigating Intimate Boundaries

Timestamp: [40:00] – [48:15]

A young listener poses a provocative question about incorporating anal sex into her relationship, expressing hesitation and discomfort with the idea. Crissle and Kid Fury respond with a mix of mockery and straightforward advice, ultimately urging her to prioritize her comfort and boundaries.

Notable Quotes:

• Kid Fury: “It's a little bit gay. [...] I'm not gonna lie to you.”
• Crissle: “Have fun down there. But I will never.”

Discussion: The hosts tackle the sensitive topic with their characteristic humor, stressing the importance of mutual consent and personal comfort in any intimate relationship. They encourage open communication and self-awareness when it comes to exploring new sexual experiences.

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6. Friendships and Highs: Dealing with Feelings of Abandonment

Timestamp: [79:07] – [86:57]

Another letter discusses feeling abandoned after a best friend partakes in her first high without her. Crissle and Kid Fury sympathize, advising her to move past the experience and focus on future opportunities to bond with her friend over shared activities.

Notable Quotes:

• Kid Fury: “Girl, you know good damn well any job you’re gonna get is gonna make you drug test.”
• Crissle: “Girl, you know good damn well any job you’re gonna get is gonna make you drug test.”

Discussion: The conversation highlights the complexities of evolving friendships and the emotional impact of shared experiences. The hosts advocate for resilience and adaptability, suggesting that relationships can strengthen through understanding and forgiveness.

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7. Fake Instagram Posts and Family Acceptance: Navigating Homophobia

Timestamp: [82:49] – [88:26]

A listener reveals that a cousin falsely claimed she was seeking a “good man” on Instagram, leading her homophobic mother to confront her about her sexuality. Crissle and Kid Fury discuss the challenging dynamics of coming out to unsupportive family members, offering strategies for coping and eventual acceptance.

Notable Quotes:

• Crissle: “I would have just told my sister, like, bitch, try me.”
• Kid Fury: “Don’t resent her for it. Understand that that is a reaction that sometimes you get from your family.”

Discussion: The hosts provide compassionate advice, acknowledging the pain of homophobic reactions while encouraging the listener to seek support and maintain self-respect. They emphasize the importance of patience and strategic communication when dealing with unsupportive family members.

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Conclusion

Throughout "Mailbag Classics," Kid Fury and Crissle offer a mixture of humor, tough love, and insightful commentary. They tackle a range of personal issues—from taboo family relationships and sexuality to cultural critiques and friendship dynamics—providing listeners with both entertainment and practical advice. Their dynamic interplay ensures that even the most sensitive topics are addressed with clarity and a touch of irreverence.

Note: Advertisements and promotional segments interspersed within the transcript have been excluded to maintain focus on the substantive content of the episode.

Transcript

[Kid Fury]

If you dunk, Michelle, you badonka dunk your way back into the competition.

[Crystal]

RuPaul's Drag Race is back, only on MTV with show stopping celebrity guest judges like Katy Perry, Dochi Sam Smith, Adam Lambert and more. The splashiest season in her story is making major waves.

[Kid Fury]

Raider Queen is back. I hold their face in my dainty.

[Crystal]

Little hand because wetter is better. RuPaul's Drag Race is back. New season tonight at 8, 7 Central on MTV. Happy day.

[Kid Fury]

Hey, y'all.

[Crystal]

Welcome to a very special episode of the Reading. It is the holidays, so we're taking this week off, but we're having a very fun, festive mailbag of classic listener letters from our archives for you today. Sit back, relax, enjoy the holidays. We'll see y'all next week.

[Kid Fury]

It says, dear Kid Fury and Krystal. So last year around this time, I went to Kansas to meet some of my family on my mother's side for the first time and ended up having a girl and guy cousin my age. We all get along really well and hung out all weekend. As I spent more time with my male cousin, however, I started getting the vibe that I only get from guys who try to date me.

[Crystal]

Oh, no.

[Kid Fury]

But I brushed the feeling off and chalked it up to my paranoia.

[Crystal]

Nope.

[Kid Fury]

Near the end of the weekend, my cousins and I were drinking together.

[Crystal]

I'm actually gonna ask you to stop right there because I see where this is going.

[Kid Fury]

After my female cousin went to bed.

[Crystal]

No, no.

[Kid Fury]

My male. No, don't do this. People are going through things. My male cousin immediately made a move on me. We ended up hooking up. You're like. Afterwards, I felt super guilty because. Okay, you might need some water. Wait, you're gonna knock things over. Get. There's some water right there in front of you. Sweetie. You almost killed my colost, so I really don't appreciate this.

[Crystal]

Oh.

[Kid Fury]

Afterwards, I felt super guilty because one, we're fucking related.

[Crystal]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Kid Fury]

I only hooked up.

[Crystal]

Oh, my God.

[Kid Fury]

I only hooked up with him because I was feeling lonely and he was so thirsty for me. Which I'll get back to that comment.

[Crystal]

Oh, my God.

[Kid Fury]

It became clear that he was a typical light skinned nigga and felt actual emotions for me, whereas I was trying to have some quick fun. Shakat, you. Wait a second. Wait. He texted me and called me throughout the year, which, of course, I promptly ignored. What? As the holidays are approaching, he keeps hitting me up and I'm going to have to face him again. Please help. How should I deal with this without hurting his Drake ass.

[Crystal]

Are you kidding?

[Kid Fury]

P. S. We're not first cousins.

[Crystal]

But still I don't give a If you are 90th cousins. What?

[Kid Fury]

Yeah, you're hyperventilating. Just so you know, I was having, I was having some, some Campbell's chicken noodle soup as I was reading this earlier and I had to put it down.

[Crystal]

I still can't breathe. Right.

[Kid Fury]

First of all, sweetheart, so you fucked.

[Crystal]

Your cousin and your question is how to deal with his emotions and not how to deal with the fact that you fucked your cousin. What? You fucked your cousin.

[Kid Fury]

Like, girl, you fucked your cousin. Listen. And the subject says help kissing cousins. Listen.

[Crystal]

You fucked your cousin.

[Kid Fury]

First of all, you slept with your cousin.

[Crystal]

You slept first, last and everything in the middle. You fucked your cousin. You fucked your cousin.

[Kid Fury]

You're like baffled.

[Crystal]

Like you fucked like you were a grown woman and you fucked your cousin.

[Kid Fury]

Well, yeah.

[Crystal]

And you knew he was your cousin.

[Kid Fury]

And then your excuse is I only hooked up because I was feeling lonely and he was so thirsty to me. Bitch, I told you I was coming back to that. First of all, this is some eves.

[Crystal]

Bayou shit you can't place.

[Kid Fury]

Did you say some eavesdropping? Anyway, you need to stop blaming him and calling him Drake and saying that he was thirsty and he has light skin emotions.

[Crystal]

Drake doesn't fuck his cousins. Don't do that to Drake.

[Kid Fury]

You fucked him. Like he didn't pin you down. Praise God. Like you both made the decision to hook up together as cousins even though you're both cousins. So this is a problem that you both met. I don't care how he feels about you or how you feel about him. You know, you shouldn't have been fucking her cousin. Girl, gross.

[Crystal]

Secondly, like you fucked your cousin.

[Kid Fury]

Second, you shouldn't have been sleeping with somebody if you knew because you said right away you could tell that he had, you know, was feeling with, he was feeling you or he was flirting with you or whatever and blah blah blah. Before you and the other cousin even started drinking. You say that you could feel that this nigga liked you or had some kind of feelings for you or whatever. So you should have just been like, uh, no, yikes, let me stay away from you.

[Crystal]

How lonely are you? Like, I know you said you only did it because you were lonely, but bitch, you are. You are on a whole nother. Not ever in my black ass life have I ever. Will I ever be lonely enough as a fully grown. Like I actually cannot, I cannot get past the fact that you Fucked her cousin. Like, I just. There's so. There's so many other issues here, but I'm mentally at a roadblock of you fucked your cousin. Like, you fucked your cousin.

[Kid Fury]

Well, this is something that happens a lot. Apparently the kissing cousins is a phrase that shit happens.

[Crystal]

Well, yeah, kissing cousins is a phrase. And I know a lot of younger children especially will experiment with each other, not going as far as sex, but it's not uncommon for kids to explore their sexuality in that way. But you are not children.

[Kid Fury]

Yes, you're an adult with common sense and.

[Crystal]

Well, no, I don't know, maybe not.

[Kid Fury]

But you're an adult, and you are clear that this was not appropriate. Cause you said one. We're fucking related and we're cousins. Yeah, you knew that this was wrong. And before you were drunk and before all of that stuff you said that you knew that this nigga was sort of feeling you. You should have completely removed yourself from that situation from beginning 100% some more. Said, dick is a beautiful thing, and she was right.

[Crystal]

But not your cousin.

[Kid Fury]

That good.

[Crystal]

Not your cousin. What? What? I got first cousins, second cousins, cousins by marriage. I got. Nigga, I got all the cousins, and I would never fuck none of them. Are you. You knowingly fucked a cousin.

[Kid Fury]

That's just. I found out so much dick in the world.

[Crystal]

Me and my first girlfriend found out after we had been together for like four years that we were not cousins. But, like, her aunt used to be married to my step uncle. Like some wild shit like that where we were absolutely not blood related and not even legally related. But when we found that out, we were so like, ugh. Like, it was still, like, right? Ugh. Like, I mean, not. Not nowhere near as nasty as you, but we were still just like, gross. You fucked your cousin? Dog, I almost died in the studio. I really did. Like, I almost died.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah, you really did. Almost.

[Crystal]

Your cousin almost. Almost fell on the floor. Oh, my God.

[Kid Fury]

So listen, your cousin acts like Drake.

[Crystal]

Because he fucks his cousins. I would be emotional if I was a cousin fucker.

[Kid Fury]

How should I deal with this nigga without hurting his Drake ass feelings?

[Crystal]

Now you're worried about hurting his feelings? You fucked your cousin, though. Well, I can't get.

[Kid Fury]

You are astonished.

[Crystal]

I am flabbergasted, nigga. I'm actually speechless. I cannot.

[Kid Fury]

This is another thing where you need to speak to him and own up. What, to the fact that you made a poor ass fucking decision?

[Crystal]

Poor decision is putting it mildly.

[Kid Fury]

I thought Jack's decisions were poor, but this is pretty Bad, sweetie.

[Crystal]

Poor decision is. Is. Don't even begin. You made a poor decision. Like, George W. Bush made a poor decision when he didn't send help to Katrina.

[Kid Fury]

Like, and do not behave like a fuckboy. Do not use somebody you know for your own emotions, your own feeling, and then turn around and try and make it seem like they did something wrong, especially your cousin.

[Crystal]

Oh, my God.

[Kid Fury]

You're not even just betraying a nigga you slept with. You betraying family. God damn it.

[Crystal]

You like Faith, except worse.

[Kid Fury]

Like, faith fucked my husband. I just love that line.

[Crystal]

The family fucked my husband. Oh, girl, you your cousin. If I knew you, I would just call you. I would, every time I saw you, be like, hey, cousin. Like, literally, I would never call you anything else. I would be obsessed with that fact about you.

[Kid Fury]

You just.

[Crystal]

Yo, if you your cousin, I hope.

[Kid Fury]

His mama or whoever it is, your aunt, whoever I. Uncle, I hope they never find out about this.

[Crystal]

I could just hear Dustin saying, so you a grown titty woman and you. And you willingly lay down. What, did you suck your cousin's dick? Are you kidding?

[Kid Fury]

Like, was there no moment where you were.

[Crystal]

So when you put your lips on.

[Kid Fury]

Your cousin's mouth, there's just, like, bile in my mouth. Like, I can't even do it anymore. Next letter. Good luck with that. I'm finna.

[Crystal]

No, I don't wanna read number one. And it's so funny that you've mentioned this person a couple of times, because the very first question is to you.

[Kid Fury]

Oh.

[Crystal]

And it comes from someone who said, I have to say, I love and adore you both so much. You two make me laugh, scream, cackle, and facepalm. But my question is, why doesn't Kid Fury see it at all for Tyler Perry?

[Kid Fury]

Oh, God.

[Crystal]

The people want to know why don't.

[Kid Fury]

See it for Tyler Perry.

[Crystal]

That's right.

[Kid Fury]

I think that Tyler Perry is. He has, like, good intentions. I think that his delivery and a lot of the things that he creates are just sometimes kind of dangerous and sometimes just plain abysmal.

[Crystal]

Okay, so give us an example of something that he did that was dangerous.

[Kid Fury]

I'm tired of him taking classic black actresses and turning them into Harriet Tubman. Stop doing it. I'm tired of Cicely Tyson or fucking Lynn Whitfield or Maya Angelou, although Maya Angelou really can't help it.

[Crystal]

Right?

[Kid Fury]

And I'm tired of, like, what was the lady's name who was just in this whole. The Temptation Movie? Who was. I think she was on rock. I can't Remember her name right now. You know the. No. The Temptation movie that he just did with Journey Smollo, where everybody gets aids.

[Crystal]

I don't know who else is in that?

[Kid Fury]

The lady who plays like, her mama. One of y'all know who I'm talking about. Anyway, why do they always have to talk like they went to the Harriet Tubman classic? Like, why do they have to act like they were step dancing with Kunta Kinte? Like, why do they all get that dialogue in their scripts? Well, I mean, maybe that's one thing. Secondly, stop giving all these niggas lace front hair. Like, why do. Why do you keep giving these male. Our male black actors, you know, the sexy guys, you take down their sex appeal when you give them, like, an afro lace front or a cornrow lace front or, like, pigtails, like, Or a Beijing. Or like. Or like, you do their edges with a toothbrush. It just. What are you doing to just let them have normal hair? Like, Boris Cardro is bald, and there's nothing wrong with that. Why did you have to give him a mini fro lace front? That is so gross. And then you can see the glue.

[Crystal]

So. So this is what bothers you about Tyler.

[Kid Fury]

I'm not even finished.

[Crystal]

Okay, no, keep it going.

[Kid Fury]

Like, there's more.

[Crystal]

Get it all out.

[Kid Fury]

Why do all these n have aids? Who hurt you? And I understand that you have been hurt, Tyler, but Jesus Christ. And then he said some. Like, he. He made some comment, like, saying that HIV is, like, the sinner's disease or something.

[Crystal]

Oh, no. Did he really?

[Kid Fury]

Yes.

[Crystal]

Oh, Tyler.

[Kid Fury]

And it's like, are like. It's like a punishment or some shit like that. So that's like that last movie that he did with beautiful Jurnee Smollett and Brandi and Kim Kardashian somehow got a job. That in itself is an issue. Like, listen. And you. You know what I'm saying? It's like, the moral of that story is that, like, everyone in the end gets aids. And if you haven't seen it, I just kind of spoiled it for you. But trust me, I saved you a hell of a lot of time. Energy and positivity. Like, listen, just don't do it. Why does everyone have to get aids? Like, why.

[Crystal]

What happened in.

[Kid Fury]

If any Tyler Perry character coughs in their movie, you're just like, okay, that's the one. There's aids. That's it.

[Crystal]

Okay? And he gives everybody AIDS and claims.

[Kid Fury]

It'S the sinner's disease. Or, like, it's a punishment unless he's gonna go on Ellen and say that that wasn't true.

[Crystal]

I can watch Tyler Perry and then.

[Kid Fury]

The movies are bad. Listen, you should have never asked me this question. I'm so sorry.

[Crystal]

Let it all out.

[Kid Fury]

Madea's Family Reunion. The film.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

That was one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. Not one of the worst black movies. Not one of the worst, like, semi Christian movies. Not one of the worst comedies. It is one of the worst films I have ever seen in my life. That fucking afro lace front. And then Lynn Whitfield's over here talking crazy. And then they had that old lady with that long, beautiful silver hair. They're like struggling to take her around, like this old plantation. And then Cicely Tyson does this long ass speech. In the end, she was like, starting now, starting now on this land. And Maya Angelou almost fell out in the bed. And then that girl who got like raped by her daddy is like, you don't get to speak to me. You know what I'm talking about. In that film where she was crying. I mean, that scene where she was crying, she's like, yeah, you don't win. You don't win. It was. That was the worst movie I've ever seen in my life, girl.

[Crystal]

Secondly, my dear ma, I don't have a problem with weave or hair dyeing or high heels or plastic surgery. But I do have a problem when those things are done cheaply and poorly and similarly, like with color context, when they are like professional and you went and got them like custom blended to your eye and you spent like $300 or something, then I'm sure those color contexts look very nice. But for the rest of you who go to the swap meet and spend $45 on a three variety pack of hazel, blue and emerald, no, that shit does not look good. And it's a little fucking scary because it blocks off your irises. So it's kind of like clown masks. Like when you can't. I'm terrified of clowns. Cause I don't trust nothing that talks and his face doesn't move. I can't see into your soul when you have cheap color context in because it blocks off the essence of you. It closes your eyes. And the eyes are the windows. This is to the soul. This is in the Bible. So.

[Kid Fury]

You are so dumb.

[Crystal]

But I had. I sat here and really thought about it. I was like, I don't hate weave, but I do hate terrible weave, unblended weave. I don't hate plastic surgery, but I Do hate when you bitches have like one tith the size of a watermelon and one the size of an avocado. Like, I do want y'all to get it well, get it done well, girl.

[Kid Fury]

It shouldn't look extreme. You know what I'm saying?

[Crystal]

I shouldn't look at you and be like, God damn them color contacts.

[Kid Fury]

If you're altering something about you typically, I thought the point was it should look like natural. Even if you add like a really bright color. Like, it should blend in somehow. And look, you know, somebody tweeted me.

[Crystal]

The same thing and was like, so where should I go to buy a weave so you won't judge me on my weave like that.

[Kid Fury]

Why do you even fucking care?

[Crystal]

First of all, why are you pressed over my opinion? I don't know. But secondly, it's not even about where you buy it. It's about how you apply it. If you apply the weave in such a way to where it looks like it is growing out of your head, then it's going to look better than if you just go get a stick, straight blonde wig, lace front, cut it off and put it on your head and call it a fucking day, girl.

[Kid Fury]

Where 20 minutes prior to getting to the studio, I was on the train and I was staring at this young lady and I was like this leave out, like, you know, saying. And I'm thinking the only reason I know this is because. Well, because it was just like, first of all, this is a honey brown. That is a jet black. And it's just like this.

[Crystal]

Doesn't your edges be just a total different color and texture than the rest of your head? And you want the rest of us to pretend that we don't see it. But.

[Kid Fury]

And then it's just like rotating around like sand dart and it just doesn't look.

[Crystal]

Yeah, so that. And so that hopefully that ends you. I don't hate all. If I. If I can look at your eyes and not tell that you're wearing colored contacts, then I don't mind them. But I'm gonna assume 99% of you I can see it. And I wish you would stop. So that wraps up the question. Send yours to readmail.com I can't believe you care.

[Kid Fury]

Just wear your goddamn contacts.

[Crystal]

Like people really be in they feelings because I don't like colored contacts. Why does that change your life? That shouldn't change shit about your day. Me not liking them. Girl, who cares?

[Kid Fury]

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[Crystal]

No, he came to yellow and slightly green.

[Kid Fury]

I mean a tent. He came to the date with flowers and is a very nice guy. But I could not focus throughout the date without wanting to gag at his teeth. So the date ended. We texted each other when we got to our own homes. He wanted to recap how great of a time he had. I agreed and I told him I liked him. But in order for us to move forward, he would have to go to the dentist.

[Crystal]

Fair.

[Kid Fury]

Gotta love honesty.

[Crystal]

Fair.

[Kid Fury]

Right up front.

[Crystal]

Cause n got yuck mouth.

[Kid Fury]

Like I don't. I'm not gonna lie to you. So no, I told him, please don't take it the wrong way, but this is the only way we can move forward. He replied and said it has been on his short list of things to do. Oh, no shit, huh? But we'll move it up since it is important to me and he wants me to get closer to him. I also suggested that I would help in any way. Emotional support and even recommend. So let me just pause and say this is how the fuck you do it. Ain't no sense in pondering and being afraid of what the response gon be. And then nobody knows what's going on and y'all niggas fall out and hate each other. She said, hey, your teeth are gross. It freaks me out. I, you know I'll be here for you. I'm not trying to, you know, fuck with you.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

Do you want some recommendations? I have a number. Okay. It has been a week. He has been off vacation for a few days and he has not made an appointment. I think that. I think that is the least you can do. I'm not saying wait outside the dentist's office. But you said you were going to put in some effort. We go out again on this Friday and hopefully he will not try to kiss me because I will curve him and hurt his feelings. How long should I wait for him to go to the dentist? I told myself mentally, 30 days to make an appointment. After that I will walk away. Is that too short of a time? Am I being shallow? I just can't do it. It was very hard for me to even tell him that. Cause the conversation could have went another way and he could have cursed me out. I don't want to keep asking him about it, but something needs to be done. Don't do it for me, do it for yourself or the next chick if I have to walk away. P.S. he does have insurance. What should I do?

[Crystal]

Wow. So there is no excuse. He does have insurance.

[Kid Fury]

Yes.

[Crystal]

Hmm. So my personal feelings are that 30 days is way too long to work.

[Kid Fury]

I thank I said the same thing.

[Crystal]

For a nigga to get all the bacteria cleared out of his mouth, if you have insurance, why wouldn't you go? Especially if it was so bad that a total stranger, somebody you just met is like, hey, so the plaque buildup in between your teeth is noticeable and it's gross. Like, I don't understand why he needed somebody else to say that. To feel like, oh yeah, that's something that should be a priority in my life.

[Kid Fury]

You know, it was on my short list. What?

[Crystal]

Why? Why was it on your short list of things to do?

[Kid Fury]

Taking care of the teeth in your mouth.

[Crystal]

Like, oh man, if your vagina is leaking some kind of creamy white stanking substance for months and months and months. I'm just saying. And you have insurance, then going to the pussy doctor to get that shit adjusted should not be on your short list of things to do. And that's what you have going on in your mouth. It's like a blatant problem here. So yeah, 30 days is way too long. Actually, I would not go out with him on Friday or any other time until he had that all cleared up.

[Kid Fury]

I was about to look up, see if the pigeon don't brush his teeth. But pigeons don't have.

[Crystal]

Well, maybe it's something else. Maybe it's like the pigeon doesn't clean his toenails. Something, something, right? Or he cleans his. I don't know, nevermind.

[Kid Fury]

Maybe that's covered in the 40 pages of the bath book. Well, I mean, I feel samesies.

[Crystal]

Yeah, I don't think I would go out with him, girl. Really? Like you are kind of doing the Most with the, okay, it's been a few days. Why haven't you made an appointment thing? But I guess I would have just.

[Kid Fury]

You shouldn't have to do all that, right?

[Crystal]

You should not have to do that. But I would dispense the advice and then be like, have a nice life. You know, clear your teeth up before you meet the next girl, right? And just kind of move on. I don't want to think that the prospects out here are so slim and dating out here is so hard that.

[Kid Fury]

I have to settle for the nigga.

[Crystal]

We have to be patient for a nigga with gangrene on his thumb, slightly green, so it's just growing on his teeth, girl.

[Kid Fury]

My God.

[Crystal]

No, father. God.

[Kid Fury]

Well, I think that that wraps that one up. I come home from work and there are cop cars outside of our mother's house. We live at home. I walk in and see my sister's eyes red from tears and two cops speaking with her. The cops then proceed to tell me, there's a hole in your ceiling. So I naively respond, well, we've lived here for about 10 years, so the house is starting to settle. Then I come to my senses and say, that doesn't explain why cops are here and not maybe a contractor to fix the ceiling. He says, you know Jason, right? And they leave shortly after. This is where I start to get confused. I immediately look at my sister and ask what's going on and don't leave anything out. Long story short, she says they tracked him down, him being the boyfriend, to our house, and he has warrants for burglaries, and he assaulted Slash, ran from a copy after getting stopped in her car.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Kid Fury]

Which I guess explains how they ended up at our house in addition to them staking out our house for the past week.

[Crystal]

So they have. They've been known where he was at and I guess following his. It must be serious if they were staking him out to find his ass. I mean, they don't do that. They don't beat the dumb out of the five and dime. You must have really done something.

[Kid Fury]

You are fucked. She ends up getting the hole fixed in my room by a family friend. But last night, my mother was ranting about how she doesn't care for the relationship and jokingly said she's going to look him up after finding out he was in jail to see what he did. So here's the thing. I'm assuming that the mother was not there when this whole thing happened, right? Okay. So it goes on to say, I decide to Google his name first to see what she could possibly find. And there's an article with our address in it regarding the arrest. It says not our exact address, but the 1200 block of such and such.

[Crystal]

Of such and such. Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

Mind you, I have told my grown ass sister to tell our mom repeatedly. But if the cops are ever at someone's. Because if the cops are ever at someone's house, the homeowner deserves to know. Especially if an arrest and sealing holes are involved. Fair. She even mentioned to me that the family friend who fixed the hole called her to ask about the sealing holes just because he generally cares and is nosy while my sister was sitting right next to the mom. Okay, you would think she would take that opportunity to tell her then, right? Wrong. So once my mom started asking me questions and connecting the dots out loud, I just fucking told her. I don't feel bad because I told her dumbass to tell our mom immediately because mom is an Aquarius and hates to be embarrassed or told information she should know by strangers. We definitely have that cliche TV nosy neighbor who will literally flag my mom down to stop and ask about cops. I didn't want my mom out here in this looking fucking crazy. But the plot twist is now our mom is mad at me.

[Crystal]

Another plot twist because she feel like there have been just many, many.

[Kid Fury]

All right, this is like the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo or one of those like thrillers.

[Crystal]

Everything is happening.

[Kid Fury]

Everything is happening because she says I should have told her. Of course I said I told, I guess the sister to tell you and asked her if she was in my shoes. Would she have told you? She lied and said yes, but whatever girl. So then she cussed me out and called me untrustworthy because I should have known. I should have known my conniving sister would not have told her. Am I the. Am I wrong in any of this? I don't think so. I also don't feel like. I also don't like feeling like a cast member of love and hip hop and an SVU crossover episode. Okay, I guess that's the end. It says that she changed all the names already and obviously my name ain't Electra Abundant. So you can just read that. Okay, so the boyfriends, the girl, the sisters boyfriend is trash. And clearly, you know, they say it's just a big rich town and he just comes from the poorest part. So I don't know. I don't know exactly what the fuck his major malfunction is.

[Crystal]

So maybe I missed this, but were there holes in the ceiling because they were shooting with the cops.

[Kid Fury]

I don't know. That part was magically left out. I'm assuming that they chased this nigga to the top, to the house somehow. I guess maybe he got up on top of the house to. I don't know. There was no explanation on how he fell through the hole.

[Crystal]

Okay. Or where the hole came from.

[Kid Fury]

Or where the hole came from. She said she came home and there was a hole. Her sister crying, and the cops was outside.

[Crystal]

This is too much.

[Kid Fury]

And then a family friend fixed the hole promptly after. I'm guessing very promptly.

[Crystal]

Because, Mama, it's been within a day or so. Cause it sounds like it's all in the dark. Okay, well, I understand that if you go through something this, you know, traumatic, that you may omit details when, you know, recounting this story because there's just so many details to remember.

[Kid Fury]

And the nigga fell in her room. Not in his girlfriend room. Not even in the mama room.

[Crystal]

Your room, I mean, I would say. Are you wrong? No. It was your sister's responsibility to tell her about her trifling ass boyfriend.

[Kid Fury]

Absolutely.

[Crystal]

And the shit that he did in her house.

[Kid Fury]

1000%.

[Crystal]

Your mama taking it out on you. Is your mama being mad and wanting to take it out on somebody and why she's not doing that to your sister? Or maybe she's doing it to. To both of y'all. Like, both of you trifling bitches should have told me what happened in my house. Like, that maybe I could understand, but I would look at it like, mama, it was not my business to tell.

[Kid Fury]

Right?

[Crystal]

And so therefore, I did not tell it.

[Kid Fury]

I gave her an opportunity to tell you she did not take it. And I'm telling you now. You know what I'm saying?

[Crystal]

And I have had to do that before. Tell people. If you don't tell somebody, xyz, I'm gonna do it. And I'm gonna say that I told that nigga to tell and he didn't. And that that's the only reason I'm coming to you like this.

[Kid Fury]

Like, I don't see the problem.

[Crystal]

Right. I don't either. I feel like your mother is just very pissed that she's been housing a felon for all this while. And so she's taking it out on you when you don't really deserve that. But I feel like everybody should be focused on getting this man out of the house.

[Kid Fury]

Far away from everyone in the home.

[Crystal]

The number of children, the number of felonies, the number of warrants and he.

[Kid Fury]

Just had a baby with somebody else a couple months ago.

[Crystal]

Right. How is your sister this emotionally connected to somebody who has a newborn in.

[Kid Fury]

Her car running from the police?

[Crystal]

A nigga who is in so much trouble that the police actually have, like, special detectives assigned to find him. They have checkpoints and they've been knowing where you live at, girl. They was just waiting on a chance to get his ass and did so.

[Kid Fury]

In your sister mind blown.

[Crystal]

Everybody needs to focus on getting this nigga out the house, out of yalls lives.

[Kid Fury]

A question I would have is, is this type of behavior typical of your mother and like, her blaming you for other people's mistakes, your sister or otherwise?

[Crystal]

That's a good question.

[Kid Fury]

Cause if it is, then I would like. I mean, I'm gonna lead you to the same answer regardless of whether or not she. But if she is that way, then I would know, like, not. Not to involve myself in anything that does not have to do with me and my mom. You know what I'm saying? But I would make a point regardless to say to the both of them, like, I'm staying far and wide out of both of y'all business.

[Crystal]

How about that?

[Kid Fury]

Like the end. Please do not bring it to me. If the police bring it to me or if one of y'all niggas bring it to me through a hole in the ceiling, I am going to leave that with y'all. I'm letting you know now. Do not turn to me in the future and ask me why did I not say anything. Because this is the answer. This moment right here, the result of this bullshit that ain't got nothing to do with me. Not my house, not my nigga. Like, somehow it's my fault now when I was trying to be honest and fair with everyone. So I'm not going to be involved in anybody's business from here on out. Just letting you know.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

In fact, maybe even come up with a petty. Not a safe word, but just a phrase. So in the future, if this happens, you could just say that phrase and bring everybody's memory back to this moment.

[Crystal]

Like, right, right, right. Remember the last time that this happened? Remember when that nigga fell through that hole in the ceiling in my room? Does everybody remember?

[Kid Fury]

Just say holes and I touched my.

[Crystal]

That's just your word. But when you say holes, you know, like, oh, that's right.

[Kid Fury]

When you are not in it and you were staying far away from it. Holes.

[Crystal]

Like, I do understand your mama being like, this is my house. I'm letting yalls Grown asses stay in my house. So I need to know what's going on in my house.

[Kid Fury]

Yes.

[Crystal]

Totally understand that.

[Kid Fury]

Get it?

[Crystal]

And so maybe, you know, in the future, you know, if you don't have the mama you could talk to like that, which, you know, sometimes you can't just tell your mama what you will and won't do.

[Kid Fury]

That's true.

[Crystal]

So in the future, I would tell my sister, like, look, bitch, the next time one of your goofy ass boyfriends do something dumb, you got one and a half hours to tell mama before I facetime her and be like, this is what's happening in your house right now. Look at it. It's debris everywhere. And I did not do it. Like, it's gonna be one or the other. Like, your sister has to step up and take responsibility for herself and her actions and the nigga that she has invited into her mother's house and the things that he has done. Cause you can't be getting cussed out over shit that ain't true.

[Kid Fury]

It just is not fair.

[Crystal]

Right? It's not fair. And I would be. I would be, like, stuck on how unfair it was that this had nothing to do with me.

[Kid Fury]

The next time I come home and there's a giant hole in the house, I'm grabbing a post it and I'm riding on it. That this ain't got nothing to do with me putting it on the front door, and I'm.

[Crystal]

And I'm walking back out. I will be at the public library until the rest of you are home and have decided who is at fault.

[Kid Fury]

I'm gonna call Mama Avenger. Did you get my note? You home yet?

[Crystal]

Okay. Yeah. Okay, girl, text me when you get to the house. Like, I'm not. I'm not dealing with.

[Kid Fury]

I'm staying away.

[Crystal]

Hi, y'all. I'm, like, really nervous.

[Kid Fury]

I'm.

[Crystal]

I'm over here, girl. Over here don't mean nothing to me. Okay.

[Kid Fury]

All right.

[Crystal]

So I'm Desiree. I'm with my friend Jaleesa. We're from Dallas, and. Hey. All right.

[Kid Fury]

Dallas. Jaleesa is like a different world.

[Crystal]

It is like a different world. Especially with friend and her linen pants. Fran is Freddy. We actually just saw Issa at dinner.

[Kid Fury]

Lover.

[Crystal]

She said. She said she couldn't make it, but come y'all come party with her after. I don't know where y'all going, but.

[Kid Fury]

It done.

[Crystal]

Got the she do got the she do got the. So my question is, last week, I was at work, and a situation happened to me that I, I'm very pro black and I'm very like, you know, like, I'm about that life for the most part, you know, except in a workplace. And I actually got called the N word at work. Oh, no, I'm having somebody's job. But by a Hispanic male, that don't shock me.

[Kid Fury]

I'm from Miami, so I really don't care.

[Crystal]

It was, it caught me off guard. I really didn't know how to react. My manager was with me, so of course I. And it was a man, so I wasn't gonna like hit him or any. Although that was my manager.

[Kid Fury]

The manager heard it.

[Crystal]

My manager, he was a fragile white man.

[Kid Fury]

He heard it.

[Crystal]

Yes. I didn't have no backup, so I went for the hit. This Hispanic man. However, like, my question is, since then I've really been battling because I never really had an issue with Hispanic people in general at all. Like, for real, like, you know, but how do you move forward and not hold that against like the whole race? Like, it sounds like a hard thing. I mean. So I think I understand what you're trying to say, but what I think is important for you to remember is that anti blackness is global. And everybody, like, I think, who was that? Was it Andre 3000 who had like a jumpsuit that said how come across cultures everybody has a word for nigger or something like that? Or dark skinned people are the most despised?

[Kid Fury]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

Anti blackness, the idea that we are lesser than is a global idea. It is not exclusive to America. And it can be very easy for people who immigrate to America to pick up on the idea that hating black people is the best way to assimilate.

[Kid Fury]

Because everybody wants somebody to make them feel superior.

[Crystal]

Right. Everybody wants to feel like they're higher on the social chain than somebody else.

[Kid Fury]

And they know everybody hate.

[Crystal]

So it's very important to keep that in mind. However, you should not allow that feeling like it's fine to hate that one person at your job. Like you hating that son of a. I dare you. That's fine, that's fine. But it's very important to not let that leak over into like not caring about or having compassion for all Latino people in general. Because that is crazy. At that point you start sounding white.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

And you have to really be honest with yourself. Sometimes you'd be like, bitch, do I sound like a white bitch right now? Because I need to adjust my way of thinking. If so, do you know how much.

[Kid Fury]

Of a difference would be taking place in like several communities that are non white if they Stop. Is this, like, a white thing to do?

[Crystal]

Right. People of color in general know that as long as they're not black, then things are not as bad as they could be. People know that. So I would keep that in mind. And really, I would encourage you to not let that infiltrate your heart and have you feeling some type of way about all Latinos. It's fine to hate that one motherfucker, but everybody is not like that. And really, the rest of us need to be able to stick together, right, against white supremacy. We really need to be able to do that. So try your very hardest, girl. I'm, like, begging with you right now.

[Kid Fury]

Please get him fired.

[Crystal]

All right? Or get him, like. Well, I mean, so if your white boss is a. And he's not gonna do nothing about it, then you probably can't get him fired. That's the, like. That's the shitty part about stuff like this. Okay. You could go to hr. Good luck, though. Good luck. If ain't nobody backing you up. That's all I'm saying.

[Kid Fury]

No, shade. I would have barely.

[Crystal]

If you don't have it on videotape or ain't nobody there to be like, yeah, he' should be fired, then good luck to you dealing with hr. Because HR is looking out for the good of the company, first and foremost, not for the good of you. Yep, they are looking out for themselves. They're making sure the company don't violate no laws. That means you can sue them. That's all that means. So good luck to you, and I hope you don't let this experience color your opinion of all Latinos. Hey, guys. I'm 27 years old, and I finally ate ass for the first time.

[Kid Fury]

Next. What else we got?

[Crystal]

Surprisingly, I enjoy doing it so much that I'm including this act into my normal sexual routine.

[Kid Fury]

Cool.

[Crystal]

And now that it is a part of my regular routine, my girl asked if I would allow her to return the favor. Oh. Oh. I'm hesitant on this matter. Not only because this is completely new for me, but I feel that having any. Having anyone's tongue in my ass would be kind of gay. I have nothing against gay people, but I'm just not about that life. Sorry I didn't read this all the way through. It just popped up. My question to y'all is, have you ever gotten your ass eaten on, girl? And if you're significant.

[Kid Fury]

Studs, love eating this Thriller laugh.

[Crystal]

And if your significant other offered, would you accept it? Oh, my God.

[Kid Fury]

Do you look at it?

[Crystal]

Do you think two straight men do this show. I don't think this question is for us. Right. This must be one of the people.

[Kid Fury]

Who got the attention to every podcast, because clearly you're unfamiliar with us.

[Crystal]

Oh, my God. But the email address looks so real. I don't know. Also, what position would you take if you did accept it? Something about a man being bent over and having objects inserted into his anal cavity really makes me cringe, but I would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks so much. Keep up the great work.

[Kid Fury]

First of all, the nigga don't do it. Why are you even asking us if you're so disgusted by it? And it's just so gay?

[Crystal]

Well, it's great when he eats a girl's ass, but just the thought, then.

[Kid Fury]

Maybe you're a giver and not a fucking receiver. Like, why are you asking us? Because there's a little piece of your brain in the back that's really curious as to how that feels. I'm here to tell you as an actual 1,000% homosexual male.

[Crystal]

That's right.

[Kid Fury]

That's you. That. That ain't got no. You know what's gay? Having a man put his tongue in.

[Crystal]

A man's butt or cuddling with a nigga, like, in a sexual way, like, after y'all got done smashing because he's your boyfriend. That's gay.

[Kid Fury]

That's pretty gay.

[Crystal]

Being in a relationship with a man is gay. Being in love with a man is gay.

[Kid Fury]

Marrying a man's gay.

[Crystal]

That is gay. Having feeling, romantic attraction towards a person of the same sex. That is gay.

[Kid Fury]

You only talked to us about your girlfriend.

[Crystal]

Mm.

[Kid Fury]

Now, I'm assuming that when you say girlfriend, you're talking about a girl, so.

[Crystal]

That's right.

[Kid Fury]

I'm just confused. Like, I don't. Here's the problem with niggas like this. Y'all are so uncomfortable with your sexuality and this. And you're, like, comfortable in how dumb this is. Like, it doesn't even. You're not even really acknowledging the fact that you don't have sexual feelings for a man unless you do. But I'm taking your words for it. So you don't have sexual feelings for a man. You're in a relationship with a woman.

[Crystal]

That's right.

[Kid Fury]

You like eating ass. So you're already into the backdoor action to a degree. Now she wants to return the favor, which I'm giving her five high fives she gave me.

[Crystal]

I've never offered.

[Kid Fury]

Never in my.

[Crystal]

Nigga. I will get so fast. Oh, you don't want me to be here? No. More.

[Kid Fury]

Can you. I'm actually. It's time for me to go.

[Crystal]

I'm so sorry. I am allergic. I should have told you.

[Kid Fury]

Mommy. Dudes, I have to catch my Uber.

[Crystal]

Woo. Girl, you know the A train stops going express at 10:45 on weeknights.

[Kid Fury]

You know they start charging you after two minutes.

[Crystal]

I gotta go. So Uber is surging, so I'm gonna just. But this has been fun. I will talk to you later.

[Kid Fury]

I just assume that the average straight nigga's ass smells like.

[Crystal]

Not to mention the forest you must have to go through to even get to it.

[Kid Fury]

My God.

[Crystal]

And there are just dingleberries and all kind of.

[Kid Fury]

You know what? They didn't have to hear that other.

[Crystal]

Distorted produce located in there along the way. I'm sure it doesn't smell right. I know most straight men. I know, they're not cleaning that ass out before. No, they not. They're lazy. I know. There is a doodle ring all up in there.

[Kid Fury]

Look, I'm just saying that she's vogue. Like, she clearly knows you better than us. So I'm gonna just assume that your hygiene is together. If it isn't, nigga, you don't even need to be asking questions or considering it until you figure out how to thoroughly wash your figgy pudding.

[Crystal]

Every time you call it that.

[Kid Fury]

I'm sure I got that for money. So something about figs. Because if you think about it, figgy.

[Crystal]

Pig and how everything man scented, so many things man scented have fig in them. It just takes me down. Anyway, so.

[Kid Fury]

Yes, it's not gay to have a girl eat your ass. And I think that you would actually be surprised by how much you like it. Because sexuality doesn't have anything to do with like, nerve endings and pleasure. So.

[Crystal]

Right. It can feel good. Regardless.

[Kid Fury]

Regardless. Throw them legs back. 50 cents at Vivka did it. I think maybe Joelle Santana talked about doing it once, but let me not misquote nobody really. Either way, it's straight niggas out here getting their butt ate because it feels great. Like, let the girl do it. You're gonna like it. If she asks for her best friend Tuan to come over and do it too. That's when you have to start asking questions.

[Crystal]

You don't have to be on your knees and bend over.

[Kid Fury]

Right?

[Crystal]

You don't lay down.

[Kid Fury]

Get in a sling.

[Crystal]

It's right there. It's not far.

[Kid Fury]

Right.

[Crystal]

It's just.

[Kid Fury]

It's a little bit. I think it's further.

[Crystal]

I mean, is it not the same distance from The. No, it's not.

[Kid Fury]

No. Cause I feel like y'all have. I feel like our gooch is longer.

[Crystal]

Is it?

[Kid Fury]

It might be.

[Crystal]

Huh.

[Kid Fury]

I don't know.

[Crystal]

I don't know. We should get a tape measure.

[Kid Fury]

Anyway. I just feel like we have, like. Like, a man has, like, a scrotum and then, like. Like, hair on that.

[Crystal]

Right?

[Kid Fury]

And so, you know what I'm saying? You're already passing this entire, like, plane.

[Crystal]

But I'm saying you can't. You can't eat a man's ass while he's on his back.

[Kid Fury]

Absolutely.

[Crystal]

Okay. That's not. He's gotta throw his legs up, I'm saying. Right. But you can still get to it.

[Kid Fury]

Absolutely. His side standing up, there's all.

[Crystal]

You don't have to. If you feel emasculated bending over, there's other positions where your girl could eat your ass.

[Kid Fury]

And honestly, I feel sorry for you. Like, your sexual experiences are gonna be so whack. And this is why none of your fucking girlfriends and wives have had orgasms and they gotta figure out how to do it when they turn 50. Because y'all niggas are just like, oh, I don't. And back to the homosexual part.

[Crystal]

Okay, that's right. Right.

[Kid Fury]

The problem with this is that y'all are so uncomfortable with anything that you feel is emasculating or isn't masculine or is gay, even when it doesn't make any sense. Homosexual means that you are sexually attracted to somebody of the same sex. You are sexually involved with someone of the opposite sex. So I don't understand how you feel like that's gay. You are just. And then that whole shit ripples along into the rest of society, and then the next thing you know, well, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, that shit gay. Because I don't need to see my taste. Like what? Like, shut up and get that booty ate.

[Crystal]

How you gonna eat something that say sugar on it, nigga? That's right.

[Kid Fury]

Who is this chef motherfucker looking over this cookie crisp ass bitch?

[Crystal]

Okay? You can't eat no cereal with a man on the box, my nigga. That's gay.

[Kid Fury]

Hard stars and horseshoes, clovers and blue moons. Get that gay shit outta N. Be.

[Crystal]

Looking for things to make you gay. Like, what happened to just being gay? Why can't they just be in a gay relationship? Why isn't that enough?

[Kid Fury]

Y'all be the ones who are so concerned with this gay shit. I do not wake up in the morning and be like, oh, another day gay. Let me go see what kind of fag shit I can get into today.

[Crystal]

Like, oh, man. Ugh.

[Kid Fury]

Anyway, I wish you well. I don't care if you try it or not, but I think that you would be pleasantly surprised if you did, because it just feels good. The end.

[Crystal]

All right.

[Kid Fury]

But you may not like it. Some guys don't like it. Some gay guys don't like it.

[Crystal]

So I was always against it because I just don't feel. I just. Not against it, but more like, hesitant to try it because, you know, backdoor action. I just don't.

[Kid Fury]

It doesn't.

[Crystal]

It's taking me a while to accept that that's the thing people do. It's fine, you know, we're all on a journey.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

But I just don't want you to think that because you ate my ass, that means I'm gonna eat your ass.

[Kid Fury]

Now, you see, here's the thing. I've never been in a position where it's been like, okay, now let's reciprocate. I've never had anybody be like. Like, wipe their face and be like, okay, your turn. That's never happened. No one's ever asked. I don't think that anybody who knows me ever will. And it feels almost hypocritical to be like, oh, absolutely. Go for it.

[Crystal]

Right?

[Kid Fury]

Have fun down there. But I will never.

[Crystal]

But I shall not put my lips.

[Kid Fury]

Now, see, the thing is, I know what I'm doing. You know what I'm saying? I know what. When I get into the shower.

[Crystal]

Oh, right.

[Kid Fury]

How I handle my business. You understand what I'm saying? So I know that I wouldn't embarrass yourself leading you to a valley of despair. I wouldn't do that to you. But I don't know what the fuck you're doing, you know what I'm saying? Like. And I don't need to go down there and find out. It's just that I don't even. I'm not even interested in trying to take that risk.

[Crystal]

Nope.

[Kid Fury]

It's just not my thing. Everybody has their thing. I deal with the other side. So you deal. So you deal with this side, I deal with the other side.

[Crystal]

I'm not going.

[Kid Fury]

I got friends. You got back.

[Crystal]

I'm not going out back. Right.

[Kid Fury]

We do. We don't need to mix and mingle here. But you have the opportunity, sir, to try something interesting. And I just feel like, why?

[Crystal]

Oh, my God. That's really. It.

[Kid Fury]

One of y'all takes something like, what, stud? Is like, your turn. Like, does that happen?

[Crystal]

No, it's More like, please let me eat your ass. I don't care if you don't want to eat mine.

[Kid Fury]

Great.

[Crystal]

I want. I've been thinking about eating your ass all day. Please let me do it.

[Kid Fury]

Hey, y'all, I don't know about you, but maybe this dating app fatigue thing the Internet is talking about is real. Because I'm tired from swiping this way to that way. How many likes are too many likes? Is. Is that the bubble you tap? Should I send a message? I'm nervous. Oh, they sent a message is two words. Well, I don't know how to respond to that. It's too much. It's too much. And a lot of dating apps are all about pursuing someone else. But there's one that's carved out a space for you to find yourself. Field on field. An app where curious people come to connect. You have the breathing room to explore your own desires and go on a journey wherein the person you discover is yourself, you, friend. Because if you can't love on you, if you can't know all about you, if you can't get into you, how ain't anybody else supposed to, right? On field, you have options, maybe more than you even think. With 20 sexuality and gender identities to choose from, you have the freedom to explore who you are and what you like in ways that you've never even imagined. Plus, there's no pressure to swipe. If you happen to skip someone's profile, you can always go back or undo a dislike, all at no extra cost. If you're looking for friends, connections, all kinds of things, and all kinds of forms, F eeld is the place to do it. So download field, that's f e e L d. Get it on the app store or Google play. Go have some fun. Meet yourself and maybe someone fun.

[Crystal]

Hey, y'all. Acorns makes it so easy to start automatically saving and investing so your money has a chance to grow for you, your kids, your dog. Maybe if your dog spends all your money like mine and your retirement. Look, you don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that fits you and your money goals. And you don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you invest with the spare money you've got right now. You can start with $5 or even just your spare change. Okay? Acorns gives you and your money a chance to grow. You don't need to feel like financial wellness is impossible. Acorns gives you small, simple steps to get you and your money on track. So head on over to acorns.com the read or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today. Now wait girlies, because this part is important. Paid non client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorn Tier 2 compensation provided investing involves risk. Acorn Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important [e-mail] the read so from Carlton, who says, I took your advice and told my boyfriend and it went well. We laughed about it. He apologized like, nigga, clean your course. It went well, right? He apologized and he has been spotless ever since. And we even managed to make it back to the bedroom. Amen. There was one hiccup, however. His sister, who it turns out also listens to this show, figured out that I sent in this letter after he brought up the subject in front of her as a joke and she went on a rant. She said, I obviously don't respect her brother or our relationship because I can't seem to keep his business to myself and that I embarrassed him by writing into the read and he should think about that if he needs someone that childish in his life.

[Kid Fury]

Girl, don't nobody know who the fuck your brother is. Girl, we don't know who he is and he needs to clean his nails. Like, that's just nasty.

[Crystal]

So Carlton continues and says, rachel, I know you are listening. So maybe if you spent less time in your brother's affairs and more time focusing on your own, your man would not have left you and you would have something better to do with your time than just being around people's houses uninvited, pissing them off, talking shit, planting seeds of doubt in their relationships. You need Jesus. No shade. But shade. Thanks again, Kip Fury and Crystal, you guys are amazing. So listen, it's going to be mad awkward at the next family function, okay? If the sister's listening, I mean, you know, you can send us your song, you could just let it go. But you know, I feel like Carlton said, you know, bitch, try me. So you just never know what's gonna happen when you write into the show. Well, you just.

[Kid Fury]

Here we are. We are just right here.

[Crystal]

All right?

[Kid Fury]

Like, life is a TV show.

[Crystal]

And the fact that she sent the message through us was like, I know you listen.

[Kid Fury]

Since she is listening and she has so much to God damn say.

[Crystal]

Oh, Jesus, I just want you to know.

[Kid Fury]

Okay, sure. Why not?

[Crystal]

All right.

[Kid Fury]

Yes.

[Crystal]

And our first one this week is from a young lady who calls herself I Up. She says, hi, Crystal and Kiffury, my boyfriend of five years has been asking me to have anal sex for the past two years.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, God.

[Crystal]

But I've always said no.

[Kid Fury]

Oh God. Oh God.

[Crystal]

It's just not my thing. And on top of that, my best friend, who is averse bottom, told me about all the prep work and I don't have the time or patience to do that. Well, fast forward to the end of March. My boyfriend asked me yet again to have anal sex and I told him no. He begged and begged and I got so annoyed that I said, why don't you just ask Desmond to do it? Desmond being the best friend, I don't.

[Kid Fury]

Want to hear anymore. I don't want more.

[Crystal]

I kept asking him to have anal sex with my best friend, flipping the script on, and of course he kept saying no. But I kept asking because I wanted him to see how annoying it is to be asked something repeatedly after you said you're not interested. That was until two weeks ago when I asked him again and he said, okay, I'll try it. At first I thought he was just joking and he freaked out and said he was just fucking around on me. So I let it go. I spoke to my best friend about it, and he was annoyed that I even offered him to my boyfriend in the first place.

[Kid Fury]

I know that's. Motherfucker.

[Crystal]

I would have been annoyed with that shit too. Anyway, I was on my best friend's computer and I went to his downloads to get a video that I pulled from my email, and there were some explicit videos. I clicked it out of curiosity, and it was two guys having sex. I thought it was kind of hot to watch those guys having sex. And I thought about my boyfriend and best friend and how that might be kind of interesting.

[Kid Fury]

This is going like. It's like a roller coaster every time. I think I know what's about to happen. Go ahead.

[Crystal]

So I asked my boyfriend again. He said no. And I begged him and told him that I really wanted to.

[Kid Fury]

So now you really want him to fuck your friend?

[Crystal]

Yeah, now she really wants it. So she said I begged him and told him that I really wanted to watch, and he finally said yes. I then went to my best friend who immediately said to me, hell no. But after I begged him to, he agreed. I set everything up.

[Kid Fury]

What the fuck is happening in Ask the Read?

[Crystal]

I set the whole thing up. They were going to have sex at my house and I was gonna watch with a glass of wine. And there were two rules. No kissing and only front to back. What the fuck is wrong? Only front to back. They can't have sex facing each other. The day came and they had sex. I figured now my boyfriend got the need for anal out of his system, he would be fine. But I was wrong because now he keeps asking me to have anal sex again with my best friend. I asked him if he's gay and he said no. He just likes the feeling. I haven't told my best friend yet that my boyfriend wants to do it again. And I'm concerned that if I don't let my boyfriend have sex with my best friend that he will start having sex with other guys to fulfill that desire. What should I do? Sincerely, I fucked up.

[Kid Fury]

Go and find a new man besides the one that you just turned out. You weird, weird person.

[Crystal]

You really did turn your boyfriend out. Like you. You basically coerced him into having sex with your friend after he told you.

[Kid Fury]

Several times he didn't want to and you begged both of them.

[Crystal]

He's like, this isn't a good idea. But you in insisted and now, duh, he likes the feeling. He been wanting to do it. Like, oh, girl, what was you thinking? About what?

[Kid Fury]

This is probably the. Like, we have gotten some weird letters. Usually they're just gross. Now when you said I fucked up and the first thing was my boyfriend wanted to have anal sex, I was like, okay, gross. Now we're gonna have a disgusting letter again this year.

[Crystal]

Oh no.

[Kid Fury]

This was just.

[Crystal]

I love it.

[Kid Fury]

Layers. I don't know where to begin.

[Crystal]

I clicked it because the title said, the subject line said, my boyfriend of five years had sex with my gay best friend and it's my fault. How could I not?

[Kid Fury]

What the.

[Crystal]

I have to know. I have to know. And it is your fault. That's what's crazy. Like you did this.

[Kid Fury]

You didn't want to get it in the butt. Bad, bad girl. Now let me tell you something. It is.

[Crystal]

It's.

[Kid Fury]

It's an uphill battle.

[Crystal]

I was gonna say that would have been me. Like, if you asking me to open up my balloon night, it's gonna be a hell no. It's gonna be a hell no, girl. I can't do it. Ain't enough deep breathing. Ain't enough gun oil. Ain't enough relaxation. No, it ain't enough concentration. I'm not going to. Cause that's going to hurt.

[Kid Fury]

As I've said a million times. Like, I don't really know it. Definitely. You know, unless your wig is the.

[Crystal]

Size of a pencil, it's gonna hurt.

[Kid Fury]

It's not gonna feel great either way the first time. See, because that. Anyway, I don't have the time to break down the biology or whatever, I guess. I don't know. The thing that always confuses me about straight men who want to have anal sex with their girlfriends or wives or whatever so badly is that you have other means. Like you have two other holes. You know what I'm saying? And.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Kid Fury]

Men. And, you know, we have the prostate spot, the G spot, prostate, whatever, which is a real thing. Women don't have a prostate and their G spot is in the other hole. So it's like, I don't. I understand women being like, that will not happen. It just won't. I don't see the point. I don't wanna.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Kid Fury]

You know what I'm saying? Gay men have no other choice.

[Crystal]

So I know there are some women who really like it. I guess it stimulates them in a different way. And I'm, you know, if you love it, then that's great for you, girl. It's just not for me personally. So I understand you saying, no, the fact that you decided that I could.

[Kid Fury]

Understand you not wanting to try it, and you could have tried it and liked it. Cause I do know women who also love it.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Kid Fury]

But I can understand not wanting to put yourself through the process of trying a shit out at all. Because even with myself, it was initially, you know, in my Intro to Gay, I was kind of like, this, this won't work. I thought I wanted it and I did it. I had to actually see the girl.

[Crystal]

That's how I know people don't choose to be gay.

[Kid Fury]

Exactly. Like, what the fuck you want to go through all of this? We're not talking about the woes of a bottom. Maybe I'll write a book one day.

[Crystal]

You should.

[Kid Fury]

Either way, you really should. I just don't understand how you turn it. First of all, it's extremely problematic for you to turn around and be like, well, if you want to fuck somebody in the ass so much, why don't you go and fuck a guy? And then for that guy to be your best friend, right? And then somehow you ended up watching gay porn. And I know a lot of women also who love watching gay porn. Like, it turns them on. And I don't know why, but I don't either. I'm not a woman, and gay sex is a part of my real life, so I can't question you like what you like. I just know a lot of girls that like it. So it must be a fake.

[Crystal]

Maybe it's like, wow, two dicks instead of one.

[Kid Fury]

I Don't know, like. But none of them are for you.

[Crystal]

Well, I have a friend who is sexually free. I'll say that.

[Kid Fury]

Okay.

[Crystal]

And she likes the feeling of double penetration. She likes one in the ruta and one in the tuna. Yes.

[Kid Fury]

That probably feels like. If I were a woman, I would be pushed. I would want to know what that felt like. There's, like, some things that are like.

[Crystal]

Yeah. Because a thumb in your ass is not bad.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah, but it's a thumb, right?

[Crystal]

Exactly. A thumb is fine. I mean, but it took me a while to even be okay with that. I'm like. I don't know. Like, we could just not fun in other places.

[Kid Fury]

And if you've got big tits and you've got that. You know what I'm saying?

[Crystal]

Although I don't really like my titties. I don't, like.

[Kid Fury]

I don't understand why anybody would.

[Crystal]

You could honestly ignore my titties every time and I would be fine with that because they are so annoying. Like, they're boring to me. I don't.

[Kid Fury]

But they're yours.

[Crystal]

I'm just like, if I could take them off, I would.

[Kid Fury]

That would probably be so great.

[Crystal]

Oh, my God. If you could come home and take your titties off, oh, my God. Women across the planet would be happier. You could just be like, it's been a long.

[Kid Fury]

That needs to be what Dr. Miami focuses on.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Kid Fury]

Removable titties.

[Crystal]

Removable titties.

[Kid Fury]

Like, just find out a way for.

[Crystal]

Us to take these off.

[Kid Fury]

Just put them down and just wear.

[Crystal]

Them when they're convenient.

[Kid Fury]

Put them on a charger or something. Get back to them when you're ready.

[Crystal]

Oh, bitch, my titties are on low. I can't even take them out today.

[Kid Fury]

No, none today.

[Crystal]

I didn't even charge the backup battery or nothing for these hoes.

[Kid Fury]

So what were we talking?

[Crystal]

Oh, you.

[Kid Fury]

Then after deciding that you love the sight of gay sex, then just. You switched from being. What is. I lost language. I don't know, sarcastic or whatever. Or facetious. Whatever word.

[Crystal]

Yeah. You went from. From trying to turn it on his head.

[Kid Fury]

Mock him.

[Crystal]

Right? You went from, like, trying to teach him a point to then being, like, dead serious.

[Kid Fury]

I want you to fuck him, and I want to watch.

[Crystal]

And I wanna. I would not wanna watch my best friend have sex. Ew. I wouldn't like, ew. Gross. Ew.

[Kid Fury]

Ew.

[Crystal]

That is nasty.

[Kid Fury]

With your man.

[Crystal]

I mean. But not at all.

[Kid Fury]

I just don't understand why how this worked for you. Like, I know a lot of freaky couples and just freaky people. You know what I'm saying? And I would dabble in a few things.

[Crystal]

Things.

[Kid Fury]

But I would never be like, I really want you to my home girl.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

And let me watch.

[Crystal]

I mean, I'll watch, but I don't want to watch people I know having sex. And I especially don't want to watch my man have sex with anybody I know have sex.

[Kid Fury]

I won't watch one of my friends have sex.

[Crystal]

Okay, that's better. Yeah, I won't watch my friend have sex because that's just a private, tender moment. And I don't want to think of you. I don't wanna know the things you holler out. I don't wanna see the look on your face. I don't wanna see your vagina like your vest. Oh, no. It's just wrong. It's like, how do you have friendships?

[Kid Fury]

We have different types of friendships.

[Crystal]

Nah, it would be like watching sibling.

[Kid Fury]

Your man said no several times. Your friend said no several times. And then you tried to convince them to do it anyway, and they finally said yes. Because this man is gay. And so having dick is not foreign to him.

[Crystal]

I mean, and if your boyfriend is fine, he was curious and you begging him to do it.

[Kid Fury]

So, sure. He wanted to try anal so much. Probably for the same reason. What I was just saying, he wanted to know what it felt like, and now he felt it. He liked it. Duh. Which, if you just think of the science of the body, like, I mean.

[Crystal]

I'm not surprised that any man enjoys anal sex because I'm sure that's very. That's a very tight area. So I'm sure it feels fantastic for your dick. I'm sure.

[Kid Fury]

No, I don't want to get too vulgar. Someone. I have several bisexual guy friends, and I've dated guys and slept with guys that are bisexual. And somebody described the difference between them to me. Great. One day because he was like, there's not like a really one that's better than the other. They're both great for different reasons.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Kid Fury]

And basically, like, you can do more with a vagina, which makes sense because it has the elastic plasticity. It's made for that. You know what I'm saying? Quote, unquote.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Kid Fury]

So you can really, like. You can go in there, go crazy without worrying about having to take this bitch to Cedar.

[Crystal]

Oh, you might have to be a little more careful in that.

[Kid Fury]

Right. I don't want to have to take you down to Mount Sinai or wherever.

[Crystal]

I'm gonna rupture something.

[Kid Fury]

Right? Shit. You might still be able to kill a few girls if you don't play.

[Crystal]

There's rough vaginal sex. Sex too. Like, there's a such thing as doing.

[Kid Fury]

The most, but you definitely can't do a fraction of that.

[Crystal]

And nobody.

[Kid Fury]

Well, some people are able.

[Crystal]

Okay, well, I just don't know what kind of magic y'all must be pulling off back then.

[Kid Fury]

Do some training, okay. And they get to where they can handle whatever's thrown at them, literally.

[Crystal]

You know, I've seen some. Some screenshots, and I'm gonna just leave that right there.

[Kid Fury]

Either way, if your boyfriend now decides to go and fuck your friend again. Oh, well, girl, like, I don't know. I mean, obviously he shouldn't. But you put him in a situation where he's like. He went from, like, begging you and dying and being excited for this experience, and then you gave it to him with somebody else. And now he knows how much he likes it and you are, like, telling him whatever about it. Or did she say she wanted to watch it again or she didn't want it to happen again?

[Crystal]

No, she doesn't. She thought he would do it once and get it out his system. That's not how sexuality works either. It doesn't.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, my gosh, girl, you did fuck up. At least you know you need to just break up with him.

[Crystal]

You should have broke up with him when he kept asking to have anal and you didn't want to do it. And he kept asking. You should have been like, this ain't gonna work out. Cause you have a deep, deep desire to go and booty hole. And I'm not gonna give you that.

[Kid Fury]

And I'm not going to let you do it.

[Crystal]

So we just need to end this right now.

[Kid Fury]

Cause whether he fucks your friend or some other guy or some other girl who allows him to do it, anybody with a willing booty hunt getting in some booty again. And so if it's now, it's just.

[Crystal]

As great as he thought it was gonna be. You did fuck up. You did, sis.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, well, are you gay, bitch? You asked me to do this.

[Crystal]

And you have a bum line to.

[Kid Fury]

Go up so bad.

[Crystal]

He probably is waiting on her to break up with him.

[Kid Fury]

He's probably like, I was just. I was hoping, like, I didn't know how to do it myself. I want you to get the wrong idea, but thanks. Not like, just leave him, nigga. And be like, you know what? My bad. And I hope you had a good time. And I'm sorry I brought both of you in this for my whole, like, I hope you at least had a tweet, oops, oh my moment and touched yourself while you was drinking the wine or something. Like, I would never be able to get the memory of my man fucking my best friend or my best friend fucking, like, every time I see that person again, I'ma think about that. But you liked it. If you dunk, Michelle, you could dunk a dunk your way back into the competition.

[Crystal]

RuPaul's Drag Race is back only on MTV with show stopping celebrity guest judges like Katy Perry, Dochi, Sam Smith, Adam Lambert and more. The splashiest season in her story is making major waves.

[Kid Fury]

Raid a queen is back. I hold their face in my dainty.

[Crystal]

Little hands because wetter is better. RuPaul's Drag Race is back. New season tonight at 8, 7 Central on MTV.

[Kid Fury]

When we're trying to make progress, life's curveballs often feel like taking one step forward and three backflips back. A Chime checking account makes financial progress easier with features like no maintenance fees or getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit and with fees in everything. And I mean everything. Concert tickets, airlines, movies, every video game. It's just like their fees and everything. And with Spot Me, Chime will spot you up to $200 when you exceed your balance. Sickening. Eligible members also get complimentary boosts to temporarily increase a friend's Spot Me limit. And when you give a boost, your friends can boost you back to temporarily raise your limit. Friendship make progress towards a better financial future with Chime. Open your account in two [e-mail] the read that's chime.com the read Chime feels like progress. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp Bank NA or Stride Bank NA members. FDIC Spy Me eligibility requirements Overdraft limits apply. Boosts are available to eligible tribe members enrolled in Spyme and are subject to monthly limits. Timing depends on submission of payment file Fees apply at out of network ATMs.

[Crystal]

We have another update from I fucked up. You remember her from a couple weeks ago. She. She's the one who said her boyfriend had sex with the gay best. She is so this update. I have not read this. I'm just now looking at this.

[Kid Fury]

Great.

[Crystal]

It says, hi, Chris Lynn Kiffuri. Following your responses to my question, I decided to talk to my boyfriend about how I felt, but it ended up with him convincing me to let him do it one more time.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, my God.

[Crystal]

However, this time he suggested that I join in. To ease my concerns, I went back to my best friend to ask if he would do it one last time. But with me joining in, he immediately said no and started to question why I keep involving him in my sex life. You know your friend.

[Kid Fury]

Your friend asks the good question. Now, your friend also fucked your man. Agreed to. So I'm not giving him too much leeway or room, but that is a solid question.

[Crystal]

I explained to him that he's a person I trust and I wouldn't be comfortable doing this with a stranger.

[Kid Fury]

You shouldn't be comfortable doing your periods.

[Crystal]

He still thought it was all weird, but he told me that he would do it if I paid his cable bill for the next three months. And under the condition that the two of us don't do anything with each other, we picked a day, and my best friend walked me through the steps of getting prepared. You were definitely right about the woes of a bottom.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, so he wanted to do both butts.

[Crystal]

Oh, my God. We had the threesome, and it was an interesting experience. Anal wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, and I'm open to doing it again.

[Kid Fury]

You wasted everybody's goddamn time when you could have just took it out the butt the first and. Oh, my God. Madam, Madam, Madam.

[Crystal]

Well, following the threesome, I asked my boyfriend to do it again, and he told me, no.

[Kid Fury]

Jesus, I'm going home. I'm finished. I don't even wanna. I'm leaving.

[Crystal]

Because when I asked him why, he said that he isn't sexually or romantically attracted to men and that he only had sex with Desmond because I didn't want to have anal sex and because to him, ass is ass. But since I'm open to it now, he doesn't see the need to keep having sex sex with my best friend. In fact, he said he's uncomfortable that I am so close with someone that we both had sex with and he no longer wants me to see my best friend because that means he will have to see him too. I feel bad because I got us all into this situation and now I'm stuck between choosing my best friend since second grade or my man who I want to spend the rest of my life with. What should I do? Oh, you asking us again.

[Kid Fury]

This is a listener letter. This is a sequel.

[Crystal]

Sincerely, I up again, sis. Break up with him.

[Kid Fury]

We told you the first time to leave this nigga, and you not only stayed with the nigga, but you were like, huh? Let's try it again.

[Crystal]

Oh, my goodness. Oh, no.

[Kid Fury]

After your friend told you, no, please, I don't want to do it anymore. I'm finished. I'm done. I don't want any more dick for your men. I'm fine. You said, no, let's do it one more time. And in fact, to ease it for everybody, gonna have him ease on down my road too. And then you go in and find out that you kinda like it. So you could have got fucked in.

[Crystal]

The butt the first time, right?

[Kid Fury]

And everybody would have been fine.

[Crystal]

My God, had you just tried it out from the beginning, it's wild to me that after you see him fucking somebody else, now you're open to trying it. Like, why couldn't you have had that revelation before? Oh, break up with this man. Break up with this man.

[Kid Fury]

God.

[Crystal]

I definitely thought the boyfriend was like, I have to leave you, cuz. I want to be with niggas now. But that's not it at all.

[Kid Fury]

I really didn't, you know, and for whatever reason, I honestly believed when he was saying, like, I just want to do it. Like, I want to try it. Like, if this is what it takes and whatever, like, at least you'll be there. And it was kind of like a backwards. What do they call that? Cuckolds.

[Crystal]

Oh, is that porn? I think that is it. Where there's a black man. Your wife or something.

[Kid Fury]

I don't know if he has to be black. It's usually black. I guess that's what the market asks for.

[Crystal]

But I don't know why y'all want to see some. Some big black with a massive penis all in your wife. And your wife is over here moaning like she never does with you. Like, I feel like it would hurt your feelings.

[Kid Fury]

I don't know. Whatever. But again, you know, I'm not here to question anybody's sexual appetites. However, you could have just tried it and you would have avoided all of this. But way worse than that, you were already in a pickle in a jar of pickles.

[Crystal]

Lord. And you decided, oh, God.

[Kid Fury]

The best way to make the situation better.

[Crystal]

We don't deserve it.

[Kid Fury]

Would be to do it again with your friend.

[Crystal]

Ugh, I am not having sex. I'm not going in a threesome with my friend. Man, Hell no.

[Kid Fury]

That nigga was like, why do y'all keep asking me?

[Crystal]

But then you did it.

[Kid Fury]

But no, exactly. I mean, he did it the first time.

[Crystal]

It's like, y'all. Y'all are disgusted by the question. But then y'all. Y'all be like, oh, this is so awful. It's almost. What time do I come over?

[Kid Fury]

It's almost like really rock star of you. If you have that kind of relationship with a friend to be like, you know what? Sure. Like, that's very Samantha of Sex in the City. Although I don't watch it, so I'm probably wrong, but it's like, it seems like something that's like, yeah, sure, whatever. I'll do such and such. It'll be like. Like the Real Housewives of Atlanta. But it actually happened. And you know, then we'll never talk of it again. But then you were like, yeah, sure, I guess I'll do it one more time. I don't. I'm confused from every angle. In fact, I'm confused from this nigga too, because he's talking about, oh, I'm not gay or whatever, which again, I understand that and I believe him. But now you uncomfortable, right? Because you don't want her to be friends with this nigga no more because you fucked him twice.

[Crystal]

And now it's awkward for you.

[Kid Fury]

And now it's awkward for you after you already. After you asked her, after the first time you asked her if you could do it again and she said no and finally did it again with her. And now it's awkward. You don't ever want to see this nigga again. Everybody involved should really just keep their genitals to themselves for maybe like a month. Just let them cool off, talk to em. Talk to your undercarriages and just, you know, figure out how you got into the situation that you are in and how to prevent that from ever happening again. But I. I mean, if you and your friends can have a stable relationship here on out, I would choose him before I choose cause niggas.

[Crystal]

Yeah, me too. But you just need to break up with him because you have led this relationship in such a weird direction.

[Kid Fury]

He needs like a few weeks.

[Crystal]

This is just so much.

[Kid Fury]

Or more with his thoughts.

[Crystal]

Huh? Okay.

[Kid Fury]

I can't believe she did it. And then was like, you know what? It wasn't half bad. Oh my God. Oh no. Bitch, I gave you. Look, don't do me like that. I singled you out for a purpose. You shot right up. So don't be nervous.

[Crystal]

No, I have a great question for you guys.

[Kid Fury]

What's your name?

[Crystal]

My name is Ed.

[Kid Fury]

Nice to meet you. What's your question?

[Crystal]

So we all know the iconic Missy Elliott.

[Kid Fury]

Yes.

[Crystal]

The misdemeanor Elliott.

[Kid Fury]

Yes.

[Crystal]

So if you had a chance to be in one or a few of her music, which one would they be?

[Kid Fury]

That Is a good question.

[Crystal]

Lose control. I planned this since I first bought my take in.

[Kid Fury]

And you did. Well.

[Crystal]

I wanted to be in the lose control video since the very first time I saw it. I. It's probably one of my. No, it's definitely top two favorite Missy videos of all time. And so, yeah, definitely. I don't even have to think about my answer to that. I would definitely be in that video.

[Kid Fury]

Get your freak on and gossip folks.

[Crystal]

Yeah, gossip folks was the number two.

[Kid Fury]

Gossip folks because I knew the whole dance. It looked like my school. And Trina was in the video. Actually, I take it back. One minute, man.

[Crystal]

Yeah, that was a good one.

[Kid Fury]

Shar Jackson is in the welcome to the get your freak on hotel.

[Crystal]

Yes.

[Kid Fury]

What'd she say about him looking like a five dollar brother? Well, yeah, those would probably be the two for me. Those are the same.

[Crystal]

Oh, right, right, right.

[Kid Fury]

Damn, there's so many. Oh, shit.

[Crystal]

And before I pass the queen of.

[Kid Fury]

Videos, may I have three?

[Crystal]

Okay, three. No, I said one or more.

[Kid Fury]

I will also like to be in. Ooh, can I be in the ladies night video?

[Crystal]

Yes. Oh, my gosh, yes.

[Kid Fury]

Okay. You only did one, bitch. What is your point?

[Crystal]

Because he said which video was. And I said Gossip fox was the second one. You was over here thinking about your answer so hard you ain't even hear me.

[Kid Fury]

No, you don't have an attitude with me.

[Crystal]

So before I pass the mic, I just want to say thank you guys for being yourselves. It's so amazing to hear you guys every week. I love you.

[Kid Fury]

Thank you.

[Crystal]

Thank you. You guys are amazing. Thank you. Hi, my name is Sam. I'm from Denver. I'm here with my friend. I hope y'all come out soon. Denver has legal weed, so we might have legal weed. So this is a much lighter question than. Than others.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, sure. Okay.

[Crystal]

My friend got high for the first time without me, and I just feel so abandoned and I really need some friendship advice. I thought you was gonna say she high right now off these edibles and she's having a fit. She want to go to the hospital. Tell this it'll be okay. You feel abandoned, cuz she smoke weed without you? Yes. Girl, why did y'all have like some kind of blood pinky promise that y'all was gonna. Oh, you did. Oh, okay.

[Kid Fury]

Girl know the. You didn't. No, you didn't. You like to get high and you mad that that friend did not experience their first high with you. It's happened to me. I've had friends who have gotten high. You Know for the first time without me, and I'm like, damn, that was probably something. I wish I could have witnessed that. So I could laugh at them, right?

[Crystal]

Yes.

[Kid Fury]

And we could all laugh and be high together. So what, do you never want to speak to her again? What's the problem?

[Crystal]

I never did it before, and she left me out.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, so you never got to.

[Crystal]

Oh, so you don't smoke either? Oh, I thought she was a weed head. No. Oh, she left you out of that experience together. And y'all had sworn to do it together. She's right there. Damn. Okay, well, pass the mic to the lion ass friend.

[Kid Fury]

Come on. I can't see y'all nowhere.

[Crystal]

Why did you do that, friend? So I'm the friend. Okay. And in my defense, weed is still federally not okay.

[Kid Fury]

Oh, that's fine.

[Crystal]

No, we don't care about that. I know Louisiana is probably not as cool about it as New York City. I'm sure, because in New York, you can have an ounce without getting arrested.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah, so I'll be in the Apple Store.

[Crystal]

So I don't feel like I want to be that peer pressure friend that's like, hey, girl, come on, let's smoke. And now you can't pass a drug test when you. Y'all are the cutest little virgins.

[Kid Fury]

So does the friend. Do you want to get high, sis?

[Crystal]

Yes, but I needed a job, so you can't smoke. Okay, well, then she did you a favor. Get out your feelings.

[Kid Fury]

She helped you out.

[Crystal]

Girl, you know good damn well any job you gonna get is gonna make you drug test. So be happy she smokes without you. I would be so mad if a texting me like, we getting high knowing good and well I can't smoke. I would be so pissed. Get over it, y'all. Yeah, y'all can get high together many, many times in the future.

[Kid Fury]

Alrighty. Do we have another one?

[Crystal]

Yeah, we sure do. So this is from D and D says, a couple of days ago, I woke up to my mama on the phone with my grandma discussing Instagram. When she got off the phone, she asked me if there was anything I wanted to tell her. I was in shock because I didn't know what I'd done. But apparently my messy ass cousin lied and pretended that I posted a picture on Instagram saying that I was looking for a good man. D is a man. So.

[Kid Fury]

Oh.

[Crystal]

So the cousin got on Instagram and said, I'm looking for a good man. Like, pretended that he said that, like, you know, like, he's a homosexual. Anyway, I never posted anything of the sort because other family members follow me as well. She told her mama that shit, and so her mama told another one of my aunts, and it eventually got back to my grandma. Keep in mind that this bitch, slash my cousin is in her mid to late 20s and has had countless abortions. But that's a different story.

[Kid Fury]

Well, read your cousin.

[Crystal]

Read. My mama proceeded to tell me that gay gays go to hell and asked me if I was gay several times. My brothers were around, which made it all the more humiliating for me. Yes, I am gay, but I'm not ready to talk about it with my family because I still live my. Still live with my parents, and the people around me are extremely hateful towards homosexuals. Anyway, instead of my mama asking me about the picture and giving me the benefit of the doubt, she decided to just humiliate me. I think she owes me apology. What do you guys think?

[Kid Fury]

I think she owes your ass an apology, too.

[Crystal]

I don't know.

[Kid Fury]

And I think that your. Your cousin needs her ass.

[Crystal]

I think, first of all, you owe your cousin an ass whooping.

[Kid Fury]

Well, he can't because he's a guy.

[Crystal]

Oh, I thought that didn't apply to family. You can't fight family.

[Kid Fury]

I'm not gonna punch my female family member.

[Crystal]

You know what? I take that back, because actually, I'm thinking about my cousins, and they wouldn't either. But when we were kids, we fought all the time.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah. When we were, like, little kids.

[Crystal]

Yeah. It didn't matter. So I guess. Okay, so you can't fight your cousin, but damn it, she needs it. I think, though, I don't know if your mama. I don't think she tried to humiliate you. Like, I realize that that is what she did, but I don't think that was her intention.

[Kid Fury]

That doesn't mean that she shouldn't apologize.

[Crystal]

I think she reacted poorly.

[Kid Fury]

That doesn't mean.

[Crystal]

And she should have taken. Right. She should have taken some time to consider the situation and talk to you about it privately. But I don't think she tried to humiliate you. And I'm also not sure, like, it didn't. From the letter, it sounded like you haven't told anybody. Like, not your mama, not your brothers, not anybody that you're gay.

[Kid Fury]

So I don't know, like, don't resent her for it. Understand that that is a reaction that sometimes you get from your family. It's rough and it's horrible, but you get through it. Don't resent her for it. She really just wants the best for you, I'm certain.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Kid Fury]

But at the same time, I do think that if you feel your feelings were hurt and you were humiliated, you should communicate that to your mother. And hopefully she gives you, you know, what it is that you're looking for spiritually. And in the meantime, in between time, you need to find a homegirl or another female family member to whoop your cousin's ass to the Whitestone of the white somebody.

[Crystal]

Because obviously your cousin was trying to out you, which is dirty enough, but to lie to out you is even worse. Like, she needs multiple ass whoopings for what she did. But I don't know. Like, this is just so. I kind of feel like I went through this same thing when I was in high school. I think I told this story. My parents found my senior yearbook and found where, you know, a girl had written a message to me, and they flipped out.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

And so I denied it. But this is the thing. Your mother knows that you're gay. She's asking you if you're gay, and she's telling you all this stuff, but your mama knows that you're gay. I guarantee it. My parents knew and they. But when they were confronted with it, they just went into shock and they couldn't deal. And that's exactly what your mother did. And maybe your mother is not always going to be, like, homophobic and not willing to listen or whatever, but for now, this is. I mean, that's the advice I give people who live with their parents, to just. If you know they're homophobic and they're gonna do something crazy like kick you.

[Kid Fury]

Out, wait until you're out of there.

[Crystal]

Goddamn. Yeah, just ride it.

[Kid Fury]

Wait until you're completely outside of depending on them in any way, shape or form.

[Crystal]

So to me.

[Kid Fury]

But if it comes about now, I think that you just gonna have to rock it out and do your best in terms of getting through. Cause eventually your family, I guarantee, will just be like, ugh, I hate this gay shit. But you're still my son or my grandson, whatever, or my brother or whatever. I love you and it's fine.

[Crystal]

Yeah, that's probably how they're going to react in the end. But I don't really see the point in addressing your mother about it if you're not going to come out at the same time.

[Kid Fury]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

Like, I don't see the point of being like, mama, I want you to apologize for what you did, because that was really wrong. And you didn't even ask me about it before you went off because you're. It's like talking about the surface problem, but you're not getting to the actual problem. So what's that gonna solve? You're still gonna walk away knowing that your mama said these hateful things about gay people and that's the way she feels like you're not ready to have that open conversation. I'm not blaming you for that either, but I just feel like, you know, maybe swallow it and take the L on this until you're ready to talk about it with your mama. That's just what I would say.

[Kid Fury]

Right?

[Crystal]

Not saying that she was right at all. But if you're not ready to address it, then don't be ready to address any of it. Yeah, come back when you're ready and.

[Kid Fury]

Make sure your cousin gets.

[Crystal]

Oh yeah, but find somebody to issue that fade to your cousin. I wish I could do it right. Damn, that was so dirty.

[Kid Fury]

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