The Constantly Concerning Kiss

Summary

The Read – "The Constantly Concerning Kiss"

Podcast: The Read
Hosts: Kid Fury & Crissle
Episode Date: March 19, 2026
Theme: Hip-hop/pop culture’s most “trying” stars, Black excellence, NYC living, and all the tea

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Episode Overview

In this lively and irreverent episode, Kid Fury and Crissle return to riff on the latest in pop culture, hip-hop shenanigans, and Black excellence. The show kicks off with nostalgia, spirals into rants about bizarre celebrity behavior, covers major entertainment news (with a sharp focus on Oscar night), drags feuding rappers, spotlights inspiring Black stories, and dives into hilarious listener letters—culminating in a trademarked fiery "Read" aimed at the Academy Awards and a certain “blacker-than-thou” white rapper.
Tone: Playful, exasperated, honest, and very, very Black.

Contents:

• Black Excellence: Inspiring pilot's story (06:04)
• Oscars Recap: Wins, snubs, and drama (07:24 – 18:04)
• Hot Topics: Teyana Taylor, Rihanna incident, TV reboots, rapper beefs, divorces, and media news (15:35 – 55:40)
• Listener Letters: Burnout, video games, and... dog-kissing partners?! (59:13 – 97:23)
• The Read: Academy snubs & Jack Harlow’s “got blacker” comment (99:06 – 130:05)

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Moments

I. Black Excellence: Jordan Davis Becomes an Airline Pilot (03:59 – 07:01)

• Kid Fury highlights Jordan Davis, who pursued his passion and became a pilot despite the odds, noting the scarcity of Black pilots (3.4%).

  "We have no shock that this brother did three years and over 1500 flight hours... and is now an official airline pilot." — Kid Fury (04:36) "Only 3.4% of US airline pilots are Black. I mean, that is kind of obvious, you know, whiteness, white supremacy..." — Kid Fury (06:04)

• Sweet moment: He flew his mom from Huntsville (where she gave birth to him) to Chicago for the first time as a pilot, with pride beaming in their Instagram cockpit selfie.

• Instagram handle: “air.jordan_94”

• Both: Discussion on sharing space in transportation and need for diverse representation.

---

II. Oscar Night 2026: Black Wins & White Nonsense (07:23 – 18:04)

• Oscars Recap: Lowest-ever ratings; more people catching highlights than live show.

• Black celebratory wins:

  • Ryan Coogler: First Oscar for Best Original Screenplay.

    "He was the only nominee that didn't have a co-writer... That man's mind has been very, very—That was a beautiful... it was very nice to see him win." — Crissle (08:29)

  • Cinematography: First Black and Filipina woman to win.
  • Michael B. Jordan: Best Actor for dual roles, up against heavyweights.

    "He played two people. And many of us forgot that that nigga wasn't a twin." — Kid Fury (10:12)

  • Reflection on “playing in our faces”: Why do these movies win so many awards except Best Picture? Typical Oscar politics.

• Snubs/Controversies:

  • Amy Madigan (white actress) wins over Wunmimosaku: She "chewed" her role, but still, the frustration lingers for Black nominees.
  • Delroy Lindo: Did not win Best Supporting Actor despite a powerful performance.

    "Delroy Lindo put his whole foot in Delta Slim..." — Crissle (108:54)

  • The “Angela Bassett” effect– expectations that Black actors perform gratitude for snubs.

• Oscars experience:

  • Stereotypical Black reactions to Black wins, not watching "the white stuff," etc.
  • Amusing but pointed commentary on “Family Feud” rooting.

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III. Teyana Taylor at the Oscars: Joy, Misery, and Microaggressions (15:35 – 22:14)

• Teyana Taylor: Put a white man in a headlock as a joke, and people online (both Black and white) overreacted.

  "Y'all are mad at that? For real. You niggas need some joy in your lives." — Crissle (16:50)

  • Kid Fury reads Teyana’s public response about joy, grace in victory/loss, and “miserable hearts” on Black Twitter:

    “Clapping for someone else’s victory requires something many people never learned—how to win with grace and pure joy. And how to lose with grace, chin up, and dignity.” — Kid Fury quoting Teyana (17:45)

• Microaggression at Oscars:

  • Security pushed Teyana when she tried to help a producer onto the stage for a Best Picture group photo.
  • Kid Fury/Crissle roast the security guard, noting a similar incident would never happen to a white woman (“Imagine this happening to Emma Stone. Like, it wouldn’t. They just would never do this to a white woman whose movie just won Best Picture.” — Crissle 21:04)

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IV. Celebrity/Pop Culture Hot Topics

- The Rihanna Shooter Update (22:20 – 28:13)

• Update on the unstable woman who shot at Rihanna’s mansion: facing 14 counts of attempted murder.
  • Discussion on mental health in the criminal justice system: hospital vs. prison (“A lot of times Black people […] preach: don’t want to take the time to say out loud, bitch, I’m fucking struggling.” — Crissle 68:26)

- “A Different World” Reboot (28:20 – 32:38)

• Nostalgic hype: Returning original cast including Jada Pinkett, new actors (Malia Joy Moon as Whitley & Dwayne’s daughter)
  • “Excited for how they’re gonna depict Hillman today vs. the 90s.” — Kid Fury (30:36)

- Rap Feuds: 50 Cent, Mayno, Papoose, etc. (39:46 – 46:48)

• 50 Cent: Series of embarrassing diss tracks (AI video and all), gets “cleared” by King Harris, Papoose, and others.
  • “This video sucks. The song sucks.” — Kid Fury (43:14)
  • Repeated pattern: 50 Cent attacking women in diss records after losing lyrical battles to men.

    “Why is it every single time that you have an issue with niggas, you then attack women in their circle?” — Kid Fury (43:53)

  • Speculation on DL/insecure masculinity

---

- Divorce News: Kandi Burruss & Todd Tucker (47:11 – 54:06)

• Divorce settlement reached, business entanglements, and a few loving jabs at Kandi’s formidable planning/business acumen.
  • “I appreciate a woman who… you don’t play about your businesses, your money, your career…” — Crissle (50:54)

- BET+ to Paramount+ (54:06 – 56:49)

• Paramount acquires and folds BET+, Tyler Perry bought out.
  • Ms. Pat Show spared, Tyler Perry “no longer having steak in any goddamn thing.” — Kid Fury (56:51)

---

Listener Letters & Answers (59:13 – 97:23)

1. Switch Game Suggestion (for non-violent, strategy-loving adults) (59:13)

• Zelda: Breath of the Wild, Super Mario games (Odyssey, Wonder, Paper Mario), Stardew Valley, Overcooked (for family play).
  • Kid Fury: “Legend of Zelda… really great game, will be fun for him, will be fun for you to watch probably.” (60:42)
  • Crissle: “Overcooked is so fun, and the three of y’all can play.” (64:15)

2. Burnout and Relationships: Surviving in LA (66:07)

• A listener struggling with overwork asks how to “show up” for loved ones and find gratitude when burnt out.
  • Crissle: Validate how hard things are; gratitude journaling is good, but don’t skip saying “this shit is hard” out loud.

    “You don’t have to feel like it to do it anyway.” – Crissle (71:00)

  • Kid Fury: “Give yourself grace for your setting right now… Find solo and communal rituals to refill your cup.” (75:34)
  • Both: Venting is healthy, prioritize connections, burnout is real under capitalism.

3. Dog Kiss Dilemma: Boundaries & Breakups (83:11)

• Listener Peach can’t stand her girlfriend’s family all kissing their dog on the mouth – help!
  • “I've gotten her to compromise on not kissing the dog before she kisses me or while he's in the bed.” — Peach (84:44)
  • Outraged, both hosts say: black dog parents show love, but don’t kiss dogs in the mouth – at all.

    “I would have to break up over this.” — Crissle (91:32) “Kissing her in the damn mouth? No… That’s a hard NO for me.” — Kid Fury (88:05)

  • Hilarious riffing on the bizarre particulars (“Can you not lick that dog in the mouth and then try to lick my clit?!” — Kid Fury 92:28)

---

The Read (99:06 – 130:05)

I. Delroy Lindo’s Oscar Snub (99:06 – 109:34)

• Kid Fury delivers a passionate rant at the Academy for denying DELROY LINDO Best Supporting Actor in favor of a bored, absent Sean Penn.

  “I’m not satisfied. I won’t just be grateful. …He deserved it. He deserved it. …He deserved it way further than him.” — Kid Fury (107:13)

• Points:

  • Delroy’s performance was moving, nuanced, and Oscar-worthy.
  • Sean Penn’s “boring” role (“I don’t even know if Sean Penn rose his eyebrows in the film.” — Kid Fury 102:40)
  • Outrage over three Oscars for Penn, inertia-racism, and media’s expectation Black actors “perform” even when snubbed.
  • Both annoyed at industry’s “just be grateful to be here” messaging; no, give the bad bitches their flowers AND their trophies.

II. Society in Decline: Trump, Economy, & World War Outrage (111:06)

• Gas prices, beans at $9, U.S. triggering yet another war, and Trump melting like old Velveeta.

  “Gas up. 2,000 goddamn dollars a motherfucking gallon. Plane tickets cost $50,000. D.C. to New York, literally.” — Kif (111:48)

III. Jack Harlow Says He 'Got Blacker' With His New Album (119:24 – 130:05)

• Both hosts eviscerate Harlow for his NYT Popcast interview claim.

  • “He said, ‘I love black music… and of course I’m hyper aware of the politics of today.’ ...the idea that your cracker ass got blacker because you decided to make black music is absurd.” — Crissle (120:14)
  • “Let’s also talk about the form of the word, the ‘-er’. Specifically at the end of that: blacker.” — Kid Fury
  • “You don’t get to claim that you’re one of us… What were you thinking?” — Crissle (128:24)
  • “You will always and forever be white. Like blacker? Your music will never be black.” — Kid Fury

• Riff: Comparing Harlow to “Drake with a white daddy,” mocking the idea, and drawing a line between “influenced by” and “claiming to be.”

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Notable Quotes by Timestamp

• "Only 3.4% of US airline pilots are Black..." — Kid Fury (06:04)
• "He played two people. And many of us forgot that that nigga wasn't a twin." — Kid Fury (10:12)
• "You niggas need some joy in your lives." — Crissle (16:50)
• “Clapping for someone else’s victory requires something many people never learned—how to win with grace and pure joy. And how to lose with grace, chin up, and dignity.” — Kid Fury (17:45)
• "It just would never happen [to a white woman]…" — Crissle on Oscars security incident (21:04)
• “…Why is it every single time that you have an issue with niggas, you then attack women in their circle?” — Kid Fury (43:53)
• “I appreciate a woman who… you don’t play about your businesses, your money, your career…” — Crissle (50:54)
• “Give yourself grace for your setting right now...” — Kid Fury (75:34)
• “I would have to break up over this.” — Crissle (91:32)
• “Can you not lick that dog in the mouth and then try to lick my clit?!” — Kid Fury (92:28)
• “I’m not satisfied. I won’t just be grateful. …He deserved it. He deserved it…” — Kid Fury (107:13)
• “You will always and forever be white. Like blacker? Your music will never be black.” — Kid Fury (122:29)
• "You don't get to claim that you're one of us... What were you thinking?" — Crissle (128:24)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Black Excellence: Jordan Davis – 03:59–07:01
• Oscars—Wins, Snubs, & Highlights – 07:24–18:04
• Teyana Taylor/Joy v. Misery – 15:35–22:14
• Rihanna Shooter Update – 22:20–28:13
• A Different World Reboot – 28:20–32:38
• Rapper Beef/50 Cent – 39:46–46:48
• Kandi & Todd Divorce – 47:11–54:06
• BET+/Paramount+ News – 54:06–56:49
• Listener Letters – 59:13–97:23
• The Read (Delroy Lindo/Society/Jack Harlow) – 99:06–130:05

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Final Thoughts

The Constantly Concerning Kiss is classic Read: sharp, Black, no-filter, hilarious, and cutting. The episode serves up both celebration and critique—honoring Black triumphs, calling out bias, and never letting up on trifling celebrities or systems. The hosts’ blend of pop culture, personal experience, boundary-pushing humor, and hard truths make the episode a must-hear for anyone wanting to stay in-the-know and entertained.

13 years in, The Read is still a party you don’t want to miss—unless you kiss your dog on the mouth.

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[End of summary.]

Transcript

[Crystol]

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[Kif]

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[Kif]

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[Ad-Lib Advertiser]

We're married.

[Kif]

Me to a human, him to a bird. Yeah, the bird looks out of your league. Anyways. Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty. Liberty.

[Crystol]

Liberty, Liberty. Happy,

[Kif]

Your kisses sweeter than honey. Guess what? So is my money all I'm asking you to do? Hey, guys, I'm Manon Bannerman.

[Crystol]

And I'm Wunmimosaku. And this is the read. Thank you for coming back.

[Kif]

You know what it is. And then I would like to ask those of you at home who I guess sit somewhere in the millennial. If y' all remember that episode of Tiny Toons when Babs was singing Respect by Aretha Franklin, but it was like the song dubbed over her performing. Oh, my God, it is so fucking. I don't know when is the last time I seen it, but I remember it quite vividly.

[Crystol]

This sounds ridiculous.

[Kif]

It was really dumb. Sometimes they would just put actual music over a cartoon for a chase scene or something like that. But for whatever reason, I think Baby Babs was trying to audition for something. She had backup dancers.

[Crystol]

Oh, wow.

[Kif]

And it was Aretha Franklin's voice coming out of her body, so she must have cleared it or something, right? Hilarious. That episode makes me cry.

[Crystol]

Oh, good times.

[Kif]

Welcome back, folks, at home and beyond. How is it in New York? Is it warm?

[Crystol]

It is not. It is a. It is a very chilly 30 degrees. So I heard y' all are going through like a heat wave, though. I'm like, mm, I don't know that that's.

[Kif]

Bitch, it was 95 black ass degrees yesterday. That's crazy.

[Crystol]

Well, it's too early for that.

[Kif]

It's March. Uh, so what's going on?

[Crystol]

Yeah, girl.

[Kif]

The apps were like extreme heat warning. Yeah, girl, if you ain't gotta go outside, don't.

[Crystol]

In mid March.

[Kif]

It is crucial.

[Crystol]

That is that is. That's not good. Sorry. That is not.

[Kif]

Not even in the Valley.

[Crystol]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kif]

They probably could have baked a potato outside. Bitch. I said, you know what? This is nothing. I blame Donald Trump.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

Because who besides the devil would want it? This turned out exactly that.

[Crystol]

Yeah. The weather is not doing normal things across America. D.C. was under a tornado watch the other day. I said, now wait a minute.

[Kif]

Yeah, it's a wrap. It's just about a wrap. God said, all right, this planet has fully jumped the shark, so let's just get it done.

[Crystol]

Let's just go ahead and shut this shit down. Yeah, it's not looking. Looking good for us.

[Kif]

Everything is wrong.

[Crystol]

It's all wrong. That's the perfect word for it. God help us.

[Kif]

Well, you know, it isn't excellent. Black people this week, black excellence. I'm going to give over to a brother named Jordan Davis. In 2020, I guess when we had time to think, Jordan said that he was going to explore the passion that he's had for flying even without money. Now, we in the Negro world, we've always found a way. We have no shock that this brother did three years and over 1500 flight hours later.

[Crystol]

Oh.

[Kif]

He's now an official airline pilot.

[Crystol]

Wow.

[Kif]

Now, because of them, we can reported this because something very special came out of this. He recently got to fly his very mother for the first time. And it was a flight from Huntsville, Alabama, which is where she gave birth to him, to Chicago. And so it was very, very sweet. He got posted on his Instagram where his. Guess what his handle is. Air Jordan.

[Crystol]

Oh, my God, the children are adorable.

[Kif]

I mean, that's brilliant. Brilliant. Underscore 94.

[Crystol]

That's really great.

[Kif]

Yeah, but I thought this was adorable. Maybe this was a tweet on a note, but you can see him up in the cockpit with his mommy sitting next to him, beaming, all proud. And God bless, you know, the ladies in this age, because you really have to. You have to, like, claw, bite, and steal for many of them to get on an aircraft. So, I mean, let's be very direct.

[Crystol]

Yeah. My ex simply will not fly. She will not do it.

[Kif]

Oh, there's a little video of him on the thingy. So he was probably talking to that to her and announcing it. I have to watch that later. There are more videos on the Instagram. Oh, I love that. But it also says here that only 3.4% of US airline pilots are black.

[Crystol]

Mm.

[Kif]

I mean, that is kind of obvious, you know, whiteness, white supremacy, and the fact that a lot of pilots, especially white men, apparently loved little boy and little girl folks like their co workers. Oh, co pilots and other things. Yes.

[Crystol]

Gotcha. Okay.

[Kif]

So between that and, you know, many other black people just being like, the fuck? I want to be up there on purpose for, like, I barely like going up there to go across the street. However, that does affect us. Only 3.4% of US airline pilots being black. I mean, I feel like all industries, but especially modes of transportation where we have to share our time, space and safety with others. We need the culture up in there. Yeah, we do.

[Crystol]

I fully agree.

[Kif]

So congratulations, sir, for making it to your dream through whatever odds and also getting to share this awesome moment with your mommy.

[Crystol]

Yes.

[Kif]

Okay, let us move into a pop culture segment that we call Spider. Brand new douchebag.

[Crystol]

Nope.

[Kif]

Let's start with. Let's start with the Academy Awards. They took place this past Sunday for whatever reason, hosted by Conan o'. Brien. And I did exactly what I said I was going to do. I didn't watch it. I waited for. Which I guess many people decided because apparently it was the lowest ratings for the Oscars so far. But I feel like last year was the lowest ratings before that. So it's just.

[Crystol]

There's a lot going on, bro. You want us to sit around and look at a bunch of very rich and beautiful people, pat each other on the back for hours, like we have real problems.

[Kif]

So.

[Crystol]

But I watched it and it was a fun show.

[Kif]

God bless. I waited for the result results to come out afterwards. I looked at them and I was like, well, good to see that they didn't directly play in our faces. Mostly not. Um, so that was nice. Obviously, congratulations to Ryan Coogler. I think it's his first Oscar. He got it for best original screenplay. That's a really big.

[Crystol]

Very deserved. My God. Ooh. And the only one that didn't have a co writer. He was the only nominee that didn't have a co writer like that. Man's mind has been very, very. That was a beautiful. It was. It was very nice to see him win. It was. That really made me smile.

[Kif]

Sinner's also got cinematography. Cause, duh. Another incredible moment.

[Crystol]

Yep.

[Kif]

Didn't get score. Original score.

[Crystol]

Yeah. And score. And then, of course, best actor.

[Kif]

Yes. So beautiful to see Michael B. Jordan win that best leading actor role.

[Crystol]

Him and his mom.

[Kif]

First nomination that. Listen, Black cleared it. First nomination win up against Lionel DiCaprio

[Crystol]

and that Timothee Chalamet, who I guess is not gay. I don't know what's Going on with him.

[Kif]

Ethan.

[Crystol]

Ha. Yeah. Some big names.

[Kif]

You cleared the girl.

[Crystol]

You did. You really did. Like, I was so proud, my man.

[Kif]

Actually, I will get to Timitaze.

[Crystol]

Okay.

[Kif]

I'll get to her. Because I have more to say at the tail end of this.

[Crystol]

Okay.

[Kif]

Let's just. Yes. Congratulations to them. It was so gorgeous to see those people get their things. It was lovely to see Michael's reaction, him being there with his mom, thanking his family. It was just a really gorgeous moment. I'm so, so happy to see him get that award. Because, baby, not only was that movie excellent and his acting was excellent, he played two people. And many of us forgot that that nigga wasn't a twin.

[Crystol]

Like, immediately forgot. Immediately. It wasn'. I thought it was gonna throw me off the whole movie. No, he killed that shit. It was. And you know, I am the stereotypical black person who just wants the black stuff to win. I didn't even watch most of the white stuff. I don't care.

[Kif]

I want niggas to win. On Family Feud.

[Crystol]

I will actively, ferociously cheer for the

[Kif]

black family and, like, piss for the rest of the day if they lose.

[Crystol]

So I am that person. That's why I'm like, I'm not gonna trip off of some of the awards that they lost. Cause I didn't even see one day. And so I have no idea whether it deserved it.

[Kif]

I will get to that.

[Crystol]

Okay? So I wasn't even gonna argue over all that. I'm just glad, like you said, they didn't completely play in our faces. I don't know how you win Best Screenplay and Best Cinematography without winning and Best Actor without winning Best Picture, but I am gonna leave it alone.

[Kif]

Yeah, happens all the time.

[Crystol]

I am gonna leave it alone because those wins were very much deserved. I believe the cinematographer is also black and Filipina, in addition to being the first woman to ever win that. So it was, you know, Ryan going up into the audience and running down with her baby down the aisle so he could see her, like, do the acceptance speech and all. It was just really sweet. And, you know, I tried to keep my other very Auntie ish comments to myself. Because I was like, now? Yeah, I know. When they played In Woman's Face, I was like, okay, I don't like that. But of course, I didn't see the other movies. I don't know if that lady with the crazy haircut deserved a win. I ain't watch. What's it called?

[Kif]

Amy Madigan Tour.

[Crystol]

Children.

[Kif]

Weapons.

[Crystol]

Weapons, Yeah. I ain't look at that. You know, I ain't look at that.

[Kif]

It was my second favorite movie of last year behind Singer.

[Crystol]

Okay.

[Kif]

So, you know, that's why we're tor lasting. It was so funny.

[Crystol]

That's why I said, I'm gonna leave it alone.

[Kif]

Lived up to the hype. Amy Madigan. First of all, Amy Madigan's an excellent actor.

[Crystol]

Never heard of her a day in my life.

[Kif]

She's like. She does the things. This role was excellent because it had this really delightful and seamless balance for her as a performer between campy and funny and peculiar, then absolutely terrifying. I don't want to be in the same zip code as this person. It was just Amy, Maddie, Chef's kiss. The bitch had everybody dressed as Gladys for Halloween. This is not to take anything away from Wumi at all, Right. I was like, if anybody was gonna beat the doll, I won't complain for it being Amy Madigan as Aunt Gladys. Cause she absolutely chewed.

[Crystol]

Wonderful.

[Kif]

Chewed. Made me laugh and also made me wanna shut my eyes. And I never get scared at horror movies. You know how.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

I go to sleep to them.

[Crystol]

They relax you. They soothe you.

[Kif]

They actually do. So people ask me all the time, how do you feel relaxed when you're watching a horror movie? Because I don't get super scared. I like to be frightened. And then also most scary things are quiet and dark. It's really easy to just chill out.

[Crystol]

That's true. So they're usually not for me. But like I said, I let y' all have that because y' all actually watched the other movies and I did not.

[Kif]

So, I mean, Sinners is a horror movie, too. Perfectly scary in many of them.

[Crystol]

And I keep re. I. I have rewatched Sinners so many times. But I stop after the white girl goes outside and they sing that song that her mama used to sing right before she gets turned. I stop at that exact one of

[Kif]

the scariest parts of the movie.

[Crystol]

Well, right. So when they're, you know, they're all out there singing and she's just looking, and she doesn't realize what's going to happen to her. I can't watch it after that. I just can't. Cause it's like after this, it gets the reason so bloody and so terrifying.

[Kif]

I mean, she gets a sense that something's off. I think when she sees one of

[Crystol]

them, it's too late, right? And then it's too late.

[Kif]

And she turns around and then one of them floats up in the air.

[Crystol]

I'm like, you can't Turn your back to no white people. You know that.

[Kif]

But she. She didn't. She's a white person, and she thought that she could.

[Crystol]

Well, she. She thought. Yeah. Well, she thought that they thought she was white so she would be safe. And so she probably. Oh, sister, sister. Um, so. So I rewatched Sinners, but up until. And it's a shame because there's some very funny moments in Sinners after that that I miss a lot. Like when Pearline didn't want to eat the garlic and they were like, bitch, Please don't make us have to kill you right here. Anyway, so. Yes, that's nice for the. For the Madigan lady loving each other cornbread. God, what a movie. Oh, and I didn't appreciate that Delroy Lindo didn't win either. Although.

[Kif]

Oh, no, that's my reading.

[Crystol]

Oh, okay. Well, amen. You said don't even worry about it.

[Kif]

On the other hand, was Robin okay?

[Crystol]

Okay.

[Kif]

It was wide open. Burglary in the. Fudgeing after the sun. Up high.

[Crystol]

Okay, so. All right. I'm glad we agree on that one. Who.

[Kif]

All right, I'll wait.

[Crystol]

Okay.

[Kif]

Plucked, diced, chopped. The girls are upset with Teyana Taylor for having a good time.

[Crystol]

Are they really?

[Kif]

Yeah. Niggas and whites for putting that white

[Crystol]

man in a headlock. Cause that was funny.

[Kif]

That was a little strange. I thought it was hilarious. I found it funny, too.

[Crystol]

It just seemed like something.

[Kif]

And obviously, if you've paid any attention to the cast and the director and the relationship and the way that they speak to each other, at least since the movie has come out, I don't think that Teyana Taylor would have done that if she wasn't comfortable and he

[Crystol]

wasn't comfortable with her doing very obviously. So

[Kif]

I don't know. But even if you watched it and it was like, okay, this is a little weird, or it's a little, like, peculiar or cringe. Even the comments behind it of niggas being like, oh, you know, this is why you can't let anybody in rooms like this.

[Crystol]

Oh, girl.

[Kif]

Or Blankety Blank. Are you okay?

[Crystol]

When was the last time you were in a room like that? I'll wait.

[Kif]

There's that. Furthermore, why do you want not want people to have a table for giving

[Crystol]

that white man a noogie? For giving him a little. Please be for real. Because she was clapping and cheering for other people who won. Y' all are mad at that. For real. You niggas need some joy in your lives. That's very miserable.

[Kif]

But then they get Mad at you if somebody win and you have black skin and just don't do anything right.

[Crystol]

Because you're not allowed to seem upset or disappointed that you lost either. So it's like, what exactly are you supposed to do?

[Kif]

Or even indifferent.

[Crystol]

Yeah. You can't even act like you ambivalent about it. Just. You just. No matter what, if you black, you lose. Okay, great. Okay.

[Kif]

Telo said the world holds so much misery that miserable hearts forget the face of the.

[Crystol]

Oh, my God. That's literally what I. Exactly. Tiana. These niggas are miserable.

[Kif]

They grow comfortable being sore losers. So when they see real sportsmanship, it unsettles them.

[Crystol]

Oh, my God. Yes.

[Kif]

Like holy water touching a demon. Because clapping for someone else's victory requires something many people never learned. How to win with grace and pure joy. And how to lose with grace, chin up, and dignity.

[Crystol]

I. Yeah, also. Yeah, exactly that.

[Kif]

There was another moment where. Where Teyana Taylor was cussing some man out who she said pushed her. Oh, there's footage of this. And apparently afterwards, it was reported that the person who. The man who pushed her was a security guard contracted for the. For the thing. And the Academy basically apologized. Or. No, the security firm that was contracted for the Academy apologized. So apparently what happened is that the cast, after winning for. After winning Best Picture, a lot of people from production cast, they take a group photo and says that they were doing this on the stage, the Oscar stage. It says here from Variety that Pam, Abdy and Mike DeLuca were having trouble getting up onto the stage. So Tiana came down to get Pam. When she went to go back up, there was a security guard who forcibly stopped them from going back to the stage and put his hands on Teyana. This is a source via the Ride.

[Crystol]

Okay.

[Kif]

Or Variety.

[Crystol]

Got you.

[Kif]

The source explained that the guy had watched her walk down, and when they went to go back up, he forcibly was trying to stop them. It was then that Taylor got angry. The source added that the guard said, you owe me an apology.

[Crystol]

Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Now I'm beating ass. What? We just won Best Picture, and I owe you an apology. You won't be working this event again, sir.

[Kif]

Are you stupid?

[Crystol]

You are. You got to be. You took an edible, didn't you? You took a. It just hit. That must be it, because. What? You can't act like you don't know who Teyana Taylor is. Like, you don't think she deserves to be up there. She literally was in the front row of the. Of the function. Like, yeah, you.

[Kif]

I'm sorry. Did she drop a wet turd on your shoes?

[Crystol]

You won't be working, but you will not be back. Owe you an apology.

[Kif]

For what?

[Crystol]

Oh, no, you won't be back.

[Kif]

Security industry specialist, Inc. There was a brief interaction involving Ms. Taylor and a member of our security team during this show last evening. Our security personnel was working to manage a crowded area and ensure the safety of all guests. During that interaction, there was an incidental contact, and we regret that the situation escalated. This is not the standard of professionalism we expect from our team, and we have addressed the matter internally to help ensure situations like this do not happen again. Now, if I'm going to take this seriously or as the truth. Yeah, that motherfucker is definitely working. Never working again, right?

[Crystol]

At least not the Oscars. You won't be back at this. You might could go guard something else, but you won't be back at this show.

[Kif]

I would honestly be.

[Crystol]

I'm not sure what you were thinking over.

[Kif]

If they let him continue working for

[Crystol]

them, this lady is.

[Kif]

He could probably go get another job. Security, you know, as a security guard somewhere else.

[Crystol]

This is just. But imagine this happening to Emma Stone. Like, it wouldn't. They just would never do this to a white woman. There would never be no incidental shoving of a white woman whose movie just won Best Picture. And they trying to take a group picture on stage like that just would never happen.

[Kif]

It would have let every person on the stage from Best Picture take turns shanking her.

[Crystol]

Security would have picked her up and carried her on stage before somebody fucking shoved her. Like the disrespect of this woman who was also a nominee. And again, you act like she was a seat filler at this shit. She was sitting front goddamn row.

[Kif]

How thanks to Leonardo DiCaprio.

[Crystol]

This is so disrespectful, man. The fuck? Oh, God. Just another day.

[Kif]

But y' all is just like, oh, you can't let some niggas in this room. Or not. I guess not. Because their black bodies will be assaulted, disrespected, and called out of their name.

[Crystol]

Security said the same thing he said. And actually quite enough of all that colored nonsense, man. Yeah. You won't be back, sir.

[Kif]

All right, let's move on. Update on the Rihanna shooter. The young woman who decided to take an assault rifle and bloodshots at the gate of Rihanna's big LA mansion.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

We also discussed that Rihanna promptly got on a PJ and stuck both her middle fingers out the window.

[Crystol]

And we don't know where she is.

[Kif]

I don't and don't mind.

[Crystol]

And I never need to know where she is again. I would not be surprised if she never, ever spoke to us again.

[Kif]

And fine.

[Crystol]

Yep.

[Kif]

I have so many albums.

[Crystol]

Mm.

[Kif]

You know what I'm saying? I've had the skin thingies.

[Crystol]

The makeup is still right there.

[Kif]

Laura still have the lip mask.

[Crystol]

I have the jewelry. I have a pair of earrings I bought when she was doing like fenty diamonds or whatever that was. I still have those earrings.

[Kif]

Yes.

[Crystol]

So I. I have more than enough. Thank you, girl. Not to mention all the incredible looks over the years. I have that big ass Rihanna book. Remember when she put out that book?

[Kif]

I have that too.

[Crystol]

I'm good. I'm Gucci. Thank you, girl. You just. You gave us so much.

[Kif]

Yeah. Anyway, onto this dumbass. Okay. This clearly very sick woman, Ivana Lissette Ortiz.

[Crystol]

Mm.

[Kif]

She looking at 14 counts of attempted murder, baby girl. As well as use of a firearm, assault with a semi autic firearm, semiautomatic firearm, and shooting into an inhabited dwelling with enhancements.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

This bitch is going into the ground.

[Crystol]

She is, baby. California was possibly the worst state to do this in. Oh, baby, they are. I'm not even sure what kind of mercy will be given for your clearly poor mental health. But, yeah, it's either prison or a psychiatric institution probably for the rest of your days.

[Kif]

I think she will probably be in a psychiatric institution for the rest of her days. But I wouldn't be surprised if they just put her in prison. Cause I feel like even that, like, for a judge to be like, okay, something wrong with you. You're gonna put you in a hospital. I feel like that's spotty. Cause they put. I think they put many people who should be in a hospital, just put them in prison.

[Crystol]

Oh, yeah, they do.

[Kif]

It's not like they do give a fuck about anybody's mental health. For real.

[Crystol]

Right. And there is a very common misconception that being in a psychiatric institution is better somehow. You've never been in one. If you think that you've never been in one, Worked in one. You probably don't even know anybody who's ever been in one. If that's what you think it is very not. Some people think pleading insanity is like a way to get off, baby. Say goodbye to shoelaces. You will never be alone again. Somebody is coming and knocking on that door every 20 minutes. Everything you do is going to be monitored. Yeah. You will never rest.

[Kif]

If they don't knock, it's because you have a. A glass the size of an envelope.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

Just like a regular.

[Crystol]

That they can peek in and look

[Kif]

in this door, and they can peek in and make sure that you still there. Yep, that's it.

[Crystol]

And you will never be left alone again. It's not. That's not no vacation. That actually sounds like hell, so. But she also very believed. She needs help. She needs help.

[Kif]

If you. Let me tell you something, Ivana. We discussed the possibility of you not taking your meds. Guess who's gonna make it?

[Crystol]

Oh, you will take the meds. You think you could slip it under your tongue, in your cheek, somewhere? You. Oh, baby, they have ways. You will be taking that medication. You will be going to group. You will be going. You will be meeting with that. With that state psychiatrist. Oh, God. It's not. It's not a fun thing.

[Kif]

It is not fun.

[Crystol]

No, but it's better than you being in a.

[Kif]

And I was not in a criminal way.

[Crystol]

Right. But it's better than you being in gen pop when you very clearly are not well. So.

[Kif]

Right.

[Crystol]

You are maybe gonna get the help you need. It's just a fucking shame that it had to go this far before you got that help.

[Kif]

And we don't know that you will, bitch. Yeah, because they already done set her bail to $10 million.

[Crystol]

Oh, she's not getting out. She's not going anywhere.

[Kif]

One million for all 10 victims that were present during the shooting. Oh, it says it was later reduced to 1.875 million. Still.

[Crystol]

It don't matter. It don't matter. Right? Because what is it, 10% of that? Who is coming up with $200,000, roughly, to get you out of jail just long enough for you to go to trial and then go back to jail? Who's doing that?

[Kif]

Remember what you said about, like, possible people? And I was like, oh, who could have stepped in?

[Crystol]

Oh, yeah.

[Kif]

And you were like, imagine all the people who did and were like, girls.

[Crystol]

You tried. And she.

[Kif]

They're not gonna give her $500. No.

[Crystol]

Like, sweetie, we literally did our absolute best.

[Kif]

She's going on killing sprees.

[Crystol]

Right? Well, we told you to leave that alone. I said, ivana, you keep talking about Rihanna. You've never actually met her sister. Like, maybe we should go outside. Do you want to go to lunch? Like, let's talk about something that's happening in our real lives. And you. You know, you got something else going on. Things aren't going the way they're supposed to up here, so I'm trying to have empathy for that. But you take a. You take A semi automatic weapon in California and shoot up anybody's house, but especially Rihanna's. You're not. I'm sorry, girl. It. I'm sure all her friends and family are like. It is way beyond me at this point.

[Kif]

This report from ABC says if she's convicted on all charges, she'll be facing up to life in state.

[Crystol]

Yeah, she's not going anywhere. She isn't. She'll be right there.

[Kif]

Rough. So the reboot Requel series for a different world. You know, they talked about this or I think they fully announced that it was in production not long ago. And Jasmine Guy, Kaden Harrison, Chris Summer, Daryl Ann Bell. Like, I think they even got Jennifer Lewis.

[Crystol]

No, I heard about Jada Pinkett.

[Kif]

Yeah, that's. I. I think Jada Pinkett is like the latest confirmed returning actor.

[Crystol]

Oh, amazing.

[Kif]

But it was already confirmed that Charnell Brown, Jennifer Lewis were going to be joining. That was apparently announced last month. And the other members, I think it was kind of announced up top. And then Jada posted a selfie in front of her trailer with Lena James on it. And I was like, okay, okay, well, it's time. They're collecting the girls. I was already gonna watch it. No shade. Because in the name of Kia, we're getting into the thing. I love a different world anyway. But in the name of my good sis, we're gonna be there. I should throw a fucking premiere party. If she's interested in watching, you should.

[Crystol]

I'm so excited about this. The girl that they cast to play Whitley and Dwayne's daughter is so perfect. Like she really looks like she could be. I think her name is. Yeah. Malia Joy Moon. I saw her on out dot com. She uses she and they pronouns. So I was like, work legga bigotiga. But she really looks like she could be their offspring. And of course the show is about her. Her trying to like get out of her parents shadow at this school where they're like iconic or whatever. So this is going to be. I'm very excited for this. I'm sorry. I am looking forward to this one.

[Kif]

I'm looking forward to it too. I'm gonna give it a shot. Especially because so many people from the original are involved. I'm really interested to see how they're going to depict Hillman today.

[Crystol]

Right.

[Kif]

And the differences between then and the 90s.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

And yeah, now that I've. I didn't even know anything about their kid. I mean, honestly, if you were like fury, guess what it's gonna be about, right? But now looking at this girl, I'm like, oh, my gosh. It really does look. She could be Dwayne Whitley's kid.

[Crystol]

Yeah, I saw her in the Alicia Keys musical in Hell's Kitchen.

[Kif]

Hell's Kitchen.

[Crystol]

Yes. She was in Hell's Kitchen. And great. So I am very just.

[Kif]

You know how I know that?

[Crystol]

Because she's like the. Wait, how do you know that?

[Kif]

Collegiate school.

[Crystol]

Oh, okay. That show was actually pretty good. I very much enjoyed myself at that production. But, yeah, this is great. The more original cast members who come back or do cameos or whatever, the better for me. So I'm excited. Hey, y', all, you can spring into your summer plans, which are stacking up quickly. Okay. Concerts, festivals, parties, nights that turn into mornings. I am very much so looking forward to this summer. Going to Puerto Rico with some friends, gonna go hang out back home in Texas with some family members, and trying to just relax and be as much into the vibes and the good time as I possibly can. And so, you know, a calendar like that deserves a fit that shows up just as strong. That is where True Religion spring collection comes in. Okay. It carries that signature true DNA, which is iconic, legendary, beautiful, the moment, but with a twist that feels fresh, unexpected, and of the moment. So the womenswear drop brings the range of sporty and spicy, flirty and sexy and cute and confident. I had the distinct honor of receiving some pieces from True Religion, and I actually just wore them last night. I had this very cute cropped flannel shacket that I got in addition to these mid rise jeans, denim shorts with the cute little detail on the back that I wore just last night, had all the girlies giving me compliments, asking me about them. The cropped flannel shacket, especially in this springtime, where it's like kind of warm, kind of cold, or it's warmer in the day, gets colder at night, was so perfect, especially because I have a shorter torso. So the crop link stuff really looks great on me. It was super, super cute. So thank you again, True Religion, for hooking me up with that and Kyrie. I know they sent you a few things too, didn't they?

[Kif]

They sure did. First of all, for men, it's all about statement pieces with True Religion with personality, because that's exactly what I want out of my style, personally, as a butch queen, I want to be giving Runway, I want to be giving tunnel walk with trade. I want to be giving influenced fit. And so I'm really excited about what they sent me as well, personally, My favorite thing that I was able to get was this baggy nylon overall in black. And I got like a nice oversized tee to go with that. It's giving me West Coast. It's giving me kid Fury. Makes you jump, jump. I also got a lovely charm bracelet because again, butched queen giving you a little, little femininity on the edge of it. I truly love all the styles that I was able to receive. And now that the spring and summertime is coming up and my alter egos turning 20, I plan to be outside shaking my chest and showing off these fits.

[Crystol]

Yeah, I can't wait. I got a twill cargo jumpsuit that I'm wearing to the very first day of the WNBA season. Shout out to the WNBA season. It's actually happening. Um, so I cannot wait to pull out that jumpsuit and stunt on everybody at Barclays Center. You can get the same thing by heading on over to True Religion, checking out that spring collection, finding something that works for you. Dress for the life you want. Shop our favorites by searching the read on true religion.com let them know we sent you. Girl, go get yourself something cute.

[Kif]

Well, it's 2026, and I decided that this is the year to finally launch my line of stiletto cut press on toenails, a thrilling new venture with a market that is untapped. This new business will of course require a home online for people with boring ass feet to come peruse our inventory to re. That's where today's sponsor, Squarespace, comes in with the Assisther, the all in one website platform designed to help your business stand out and succeed online. With all the necessary tools to provide services while getting paid in the same place, I can rest assure that all my hard work hand painting beauty enhancements for your bunions will not be in vain. Featuring on brand invoices and online payments, all my business is essentially taken care of. I can even schedule appointments and use tools for email marketing. And that way I can really take your pause to the next level. So head to squarespace.com threed for a free trial, and when you're ready to Launch, use the RF code theread to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Okay, get ready to dazzle those bitties in style with Squarespace. Oof. Okay, I think that's the rest of the good stuff.

[Crystol]

Damn, we were really on a roll.

[Kif]

Is there anything? Oh, the end is kind of good. Okay, so Dwight Howard has said on Instagram that he's retiring. I'm very confused. When I read this at first. Right?

[Crystol]

Okay.

[Kif]

When I read this at first, with everything that's going on with him right now, I was like, might as well, girl. You might as well. Between you losing custody of your child for reported child abuse, which is not the first time that it's been reported behind you, and then you going back and forth with your new wife of like a year and y' all both calling 911 on each other and accusing each other for all kinds of stuff. And then two days later, you like, I'm retiring from what?

[Crystol]

You haven't played in the NBA or overseas in three years. You absolutely nobody was looking to add you to their roster.

[Kif]

Crystal. I'm not even going to read you this long ass Instagram press release.

[Crystol]

Okay.

[Kif]

But get a chance. Check it out. It is like. Oh, God, it is so delusional. It's almost like it is just so. Like this person is in a simulation of sorts of.

[Crystol]

Mm.

[Kif]

It's so diluted. This nigga said he going on tour to.

[Crystol]

To do what?

[Kif]

Every 12th of the month from now on will be D12 day, where I visit cities all over the world to do acts of kindness.

[Crystol]

Um. What? What?

[Kif]

And I need you to get into the fucking. I'm just gonna read it.

[Crystol]

Oh, God. Oh, I see it.

[Kif]

I'm not. It's lengthy. It's lengthy. I don't want to read all of it. There's other stuff to go. It is delusional, girl. He said, I know some of you might think. I thought. I thought he retired, but I didn't. The game retired me.

[Crystol]

That's a read. I didn't retire. Y' all said I was done, right? So. Okay, that's. That's rare for people to drag themselves like that. Oh. Since I didn't get a chance to

[Kif]

have a farewell tour, I decided to.

[Crystol]

Oh, that's what this is? A farewell tour?

[Kif]

Well, it's like breezy ball, Nick King,

[Crystol]

nigga. A farewell tour is when a player is. Has announced that this is gonna be their last. Like LeBron is probably finna do next year, where you announce that it's gonna be your last season so that you get all the accolades and everybody sucks your dick for the whole season and you get to feel so, so special and loved. Like, that is what you deciding to go to a different city on the 12th day of every month and give out snacks to the homeless. What? What are you talking about? That is not boy. How about you put the white girl.

[Kif]

I need y' all to go read this.

[Crystol]

Put that powder down and. And just focus on the Cinnamon girls. You know, focus on your mental health. Focus on whatever demons you've been battling for however long. Like, you just need to worry about yourself. Don't worry about coming to our town and. And doing nice things for us. You do something nice for you, okay? You take care of you. We're actually so good. We do not need this. What is this video? Oh, my God.

[Kif]

I don't know how I hit play.

[Crystol]

Oh, okay. I was about to say, is this AI? But no, he tagged the people who made it, so. All right, well, this is sad, but okay. That's really pathetic,

[Kif]

Truly.

[Crystol]

This is what happens when.

[Kif]

You know what else pathetic?

[Crystol]

Let niggas be gay. Oh, my God.

[Kif]

Speaking of 50 Cent, he's next up. That was a seamless transition. This is also what happens. This nigga has now released a new diss track, I guess directed towards the fellas on the podcast, let's Rap about it, which is Jim Jones Mayno. And what's the young, young nigga that everybody thinks? Gorgeous Dave East. Oh, yeah, I'm not. I'm not everybody. But here's the thing. So he has this diss track called what the Fuck Is He Saying? It's no. No more. No more tricks, no more tries. And it features Max B. He posted. First of all, it sucks. It is horrible.

[Crystol]

Like, all right.

[Kif]

It is truly horrible. I was like, is. Did he. Is this AI? Is it. Is it like, oh, I'm gonna troll you by making a bet. I don't. It is so bad if 50 Cent is a good rapper. From what I can remember, I haven't heard him. Actually, the verse he did on Pop Smoke. Pop Smoke's record, the Woo. Okay, I think it's him. Pop Smoke and Roddy Ricch. Love his verse on that. Other than that, I haven't heard anything interesting from 50 Cent in, like, two decades. So go to watch this diss record. It is an actual AI video. Like the video. The music video for this is 1,000% AI. So, I mean, media, not so sure. Okay, but when I first clicked play on this, I was like, is this facetune? Why does 50 looks like he did back in the day? He looks so much younger. And then I realized, yeah. Oh, Max B is now surfing on the top of this car through Times Square.

[Crystol]

Oh, my God.

[Kif]

I don't know if next week. Stand up straight. Then it was just, like, fully AI Jim Jones in the interrogation room at a police station. It was just full on fuckery. I'm like, okay. Outside of you contributing to this heat wave in Los Angeles with this fucking video. It's bad and the song is bad.

[Crystol]

So, you know, here's the thing. It can't be both.

[Kif]

No, we can't both.

[Crystol]

It can't be both.

[Kif]

Y' all could have just got a white background and two camera multi cam.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

AI video for a bad song. Now here's the issue for me, right? You did a diss record the other day towards ti his kids. His kids cleared you. I mean, oh, yeah, his children cleared you.

[Crystol]

I'd be laughing at that for a while now.

[Kif]

You have more. This video sucks. The song sucks. May know he came back immediately with a record called Bleed Like Us. On the intro of the record, he says, this nigga made us wait four months for this. Mayo clears him. Papoose is driving around in one of his expensive cars somewhere with a million chains on. This isn't even a record he recorded, and he's just playing a beat. Papoose is like, lyrically, if there's anything that you know about him as a musician, you know that he's a freak lyrically, girl.

[Crystol]

Oh, Lord.

[Kif]

Broiled rotisserie. So now you have Papoose eating you. Mayno has chewed. King Harris has chewed. It's don't make no more music.

[Crystol]

Give it up. Delicious Deal is his.

[Kif]

And you know what? You know what 50 Cent did as a response to the papoose diss? The live Papoose diss post Clarissa Shields and accuse her of, you know, I guess, being a hoe and cheating on him or something like that. Clarissa Game Online cleared his ass too. Why is it every single time that you have an issue with niggas, you then attack women in their circle?

[Crystol]

That's a really good question. Are you scared of niggas?

[Kif]

Every one of these diss records has also mentioned the fact that you don't have the same smoke for men that you do for women that you beat men. All of these women have come forward and said that you have been physically violent with them, that you burned down your baby mama house, like, and you responded that like being, oh, well, your bitch ugly and she gay. Like, sometimes you have to just accept that it's fine. You know what I mean? This is why you got all this pressure with Puffy.

[Crystol]

I'm like, when are we gonna get to the gay? There it is like, he's one of

[Kif]

those DL niggas and keywords. One of those some DL men are not this ridiculous, this misogynistic or violent towards me, but he's one of those types of DL men that. That are so conflicted with their sexuality that they have all of this wild, inexplicable behavior.

[Crystol]

Lord help us.

[Kif]

You always into it with niggas. Nobody really knows why, though. And you are actually violent towards women. Frustrating for women not to say that straight men can't be the same way. Sure have them absolutely want.

[Crystol]

Sure they can.

[Kif]

But when I look at the ingredients for this recipe when we're doing the meal prep. Gay.

[Crystol]

Okay. And I mean, I. I can't argue with it. I wouldn't be shocked. This is just very. For me, it keeps. I keep coming back to the. How is it that women get dragged into shit that they don't have nothing to do with? Like, you literally just did this with Tiny and her children. Chewed you up. It's almost like you don't learn. In addition to being like a violent misogynist, you don't learn from your mistakes. So you stupid. On top of that, you really gotta pick a struggle, nigga. And it's AI Music, AI video. Everything's trash. Like, come on, girl.

[Kif]

Girl, baby. This is what I'm saying. Like, you can do all of the trolling and shit that you normally do, and I think the girls, you know, they live for it. At the same time, I think they're also getting tired of it. But the worst part is you have now entered an era of playing yourself. You're running out of power books.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

And you now have been cleared by three people in a matter of, like, three weeks. One of them being, like, 18.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

12.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

Everything that you have put out in response to them has either been a horrible song or a diss to a woman. It's.

[Crystol]

I'm not impressed. Yeah, that's really it. I'm not impressed by this behavior, nigga. All right.

[Kif]

No.

[Crystol]

That we won't be doing.

[Kif]

Wow. What a wide open flop.

[Crystol]

Yep. Garbage.

[Kif]

I actually don't care about the. Well, Candy and Todd have apparently settled the divorce.

[Crystol]

Oh, good.

[Kif]

They get into a deal on March 11, and apparently they just have to submit their agreement documents this week, including child custody arrangement, support plans. I think that's more of a concern for Todd. Candy also went on a podcast where she said that it's been complicated and, you know, a bit messy. I don't think she said messy, but she basically was like, it's kind of sticky and complicated divorcing when you have multiple businesses with the person you're getting a divorce from.

[Crystol]

Yeah, of course it is.

[Kif]

And she kind of ended it by Saying I want to get back into my creative space and blah, blah, blah. But I definitely. I thought that before they got divorced, to be honest with you. Like, you want three restaurants and a movie studio and water park and shit with this nigga, like, right?

[Crystol]

It's too much, Mike.

[Kif]

Go do that or you do something. But then I thought, it feels a lot like a scheme. Please don't set up. Please do not by Todd. Yeah, I know Mama Joyce is just rubbing her old nipples. I know that. She is just gleeful.

[Crystol]

She's very pleased.

[Kif]

A, fuck that nigga. And B, told you. Yep, I told you. Just shaking her cleavage and nobody wanted

[Crystol]

to listen to me. But I said it, and I was right. Like, okay, girl, we get it. You. You win. Are you happy?

[Kif]

Gonna take her as shocking because she's like, first of all, don't invite. Play with my mama.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

And secondly, yes, you're right. So here go with Shanelli. Mama Joyce probably sent her, like, a screenshot from Mugler. Like, all right, so I want this one, and I want this. And actually, let me send you a Louboutin link. Shop it. Yeah, Kandi's got it.

[Crystol]

I mean, she does. And Mama Joyce just wanted to make sure Kandi could still have it so that Kandy could continue to distribute it to her. We couldn't let. We could not let Todd get in the way of that.

[Kif]

And at this point, I agree.

[Crystol]

Oh, I love it. I just love it. This is.

[Kif]

We're good for them.

[Crystol]

Yeah. I'm glad they came to a resolution that is, you know, everybody's working in the best interest of the children here. Hopefully, like, that's really my primary concern. So as long as we can all be adults about this. Wonderful.

[Kif]

And honestly, I've seen way messier.

[Crystol]

Oh, yeah.

[Kif]

Especially public celebrity kind. This one, it seemed pretty contained, pretty couple, like, little messy things here and there. But overall, it feels like they wrapped this up really quickly.

[Crystol]

Nowhere near as bad as it was.

[Kif]

Probably because Candy had her attorneys.

[Crystol]

Like, girl K could afford attorneys. And so, yeah. Yes, she not paying for kids attorneys. And so, yeah, he probably wanted. Remember when he tried to say that he was coerced or forced or whatever into sound?

[Kif]

Yes.

[Crystol]

It's like a baby thinking about it. Cause, like, nigga, you thought kick your

[Kif]

little feet right over the chair.

[Crystol]

It's so funny because Kitty, you know, like, I appreciate a woman who, you know, you might be a little heart eye emoji about a nigga, you know, you might. I, I, I love when people can just lean into, like, the joy and whimsy and getting swept up in love and all this. But at the same fucking time, you don't play about your businesses, your money, your career, the things you have worked so hard for. And you see 1,000,000,000 other horror stories from rich women who married niggas who don't have nothing and walked away with nothing at the end of that. And you said, it's not gonna be me, so I just don't know what Todd was thinking. I don't know. Like, you had to know Kandi was not going to be the bitch. As much as Mama Joyce talked about Todd wanting Kandi's money, from day one, she was like, this nigga is a pa. What are you talking about? Like, from day one, you had to know that all of the things were going to be in order.

[Kif]

I'm sure she has probably Riley's daddy made her happy.

[Crystol]

Yeah, yeah, I. Yeah, I. When you have enough money, you don't really need somebody rich because you already rich. You just need somebody to treat you right, that you enjoy being around and can dick you down good. And as long as Todd can. Do you know, y' all having y' all threesomes or whatever, y', all, they really, legitimately seemed happy for quite a while, so.

[Kif]

I mean, they really were. But.

[Crystol]

Yeah, but shit changes.

[Kif]

Marriage is hard.

[Crystol]

People grow apart. Things happen. That's fine. But we just. Again, the important thing is that we all act like adults, even when things aren't going well, because we have children, and it is important that we do right by the children. So.

[Kif]

Yeah, and I think you hit the nail on the head for me, anyway. And, like, a repeated thought of mine, which is, girlies be all in love, but not in lean. Not Eileen. You have your things.

[Crystol]

Yeah, yeah, got to. You have your things.

[Kif]

You have your source. What did I open the show with? Your kisses might be sweeter than honey, but you know what else?

[Crystol]

Guess what?

[Kif]

My money. Mine. So all I need is your respect.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

Aretha.

[Crystol]

Listen, Riri, What a show. A show, a song. The gospel truth.

[Kif]

But, yeah, you know, Ms. Candy is over here sitting down at Denzel Washington play and being like. Oh, yeah, check.

[Crystol]

Mm. Mm. So Todd was not gonna get eye

[Kif]

on the prize and the kitties.

[Crystol]

Mm.

[Kif]

Mm. And you know what? I feel like Riley and her sister are still gonna be locked in.

[Crystol]

Mm, yeah, probably so.

[Kif]

The children and their smiles.

[Crystol]

Probably so. And those other kids, they have Blaze

[Kif]

and Blaze and Ronnie. Oh, shoot. What's the Ronnie? No, I feel like it's an A name. Oh, yes.

[Crystol]

Ro. Candace.

[Kif]

No, the boy. It's Ace.

[Crystol]

Ace.

[Kif]

Ace and Blaze.

[Crystol]

Ace and Blaze.

[Kif]

I was like, it starts with an A. Yeah. There you go. All right, last story, the good one. Paramount has bought out BET and will be folding it into Paramount. They specifically bought out Tyler Perry's stake.

[Crystol]

I see.

[Kif]

So that streaming platform will be shutting down. I think they said when. June. Yes. And their programming will then appear on Paramount plus, moving forward, the president of BET Network told, I think, Hollywood Reporter that the move will ensure the stories we champion, the creators we support, culture we represent, go further than ever before. Yeah, it says that a thousand. A thousand hours of BET plus programming will join Paramount plus, including all of the Queen's Men, Zatima, the Ms. Pat show, which I love, and D. Ara from Detroit, which is also pretty excellent. So this is really not a bad thing, you know, unless you're really dialed into the letters bet And I guess the intent behind that, which hasn't really been valid for some. Some time now, but you won't lose your shows.

[Crystol]

Yeah, that's all I was. That's all I was. I was honestly only worried about the Ms. Pat show. I'm not gonna lie.

[Kif]

Yeah.

[Crystol]

Cause, you know, and they don't tend to cancel shows that rack up, you know, Emmy nominations or whatever, but still, when I heard this news, I was like. And what y' all see? Because. Because that's why I was like, let me not get too sure of myself, but the Ms. Pat show is genuinely hilarious. And so I wanted to make this really, really excellent that they didn't get rid of that. Like, make sure y' all don't. Y' all can cancel all the King's Men or whatever the fuck else. Whatever Tyler Perry is doing over there, I don't give a shit. But don't touch the misspat show.

[Kif]

I never watched that, but God bless, there's just never gonna be a time.

[Crystol]

And I don't blame you. It can't possibly be good.

[Kif]

So, yeah, I mean, that's pretty much it. BET plus ain't got nothing to do with Tyler Perry no more. And in June, you can find your shows on the Paramount plus, love this for the girlies. Not really sure, you know, about Baby Shark Ellison, but big picture right now, keeping my heart and eye on the prize. Yay.

[Crystol]

Yay.

[Kif]

Tyler Perry not having steak in any goddamn thing is gonna make me feel better about life. That's it for the spider tops this week. We're gonna take a very valid and fair break, and then we're gonna come back and read your letters.

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[Crystol]

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[Kif]

Hey, we're back and it's time to read your letters.

[Crystol]

Yes, it is. Send your questions to askthereadmail.com we may read them aloud on the show. Our first letter this week comes from Alayna, who says, hey y', all, I heard you talking about the Nintendo Switch last week and I had a question My husband bought a secondhand Nintendo Switch which only had two games. A kids racing game and Fortnite. We're pretty cautious with money and the only other game we've bought so far was Bluey for our daughter, which. Pretty good. Pretty good.

[Kif]

This is a cute game.

[Crystol]

She uses it sometimes and my husband has been using it on the nights I put her to bed. So I want to buy him another game. However, I tried to google it and I don't even know the terminology. I grew up in a house that did not let me watch tv, so I definitely never learned about video games. I think he would like a strategy based game. I hate the gun sounds in Fortnite and would love to see him playing a game without violence. Do y' all have any suggestions? He grew up playing Mario and used to play Clash of Clans. I've never heard of that one. Sis.

[Kif]

I think that's a mobile phone.

[Crystol]

Okay.

[Kif]

I mean it's a mobile game, I think.

[Crystol]

Okay. That's all I know about video games. Thanks, Elena.

[Kif]

Oh, thanks, Elena. I love video game questions.

[Crystol]

Same.

[Kif]

So you want like a suggestion for a Switch game for your hobby? Well, I think we will both, especially without violence and gun sounds. I think we would both put the Legend of Breath of the Wild, Tears of the Kingdom on.

[Crystol]

Yes.

[Kif]

Breath of the Wild Fantasy.

[Crystol]

Especially Breath of the Wild. Right.

[Kif]

Especially before Tears of the Kingdom. You're really going to need that content.

[Crystol]

You are.

[Kif]

But I think it's just a really great game. It will be fun for him to play. It will be fun for you to watch probably. It's really cute. I think even your. Your say daughter. Yeah, I think even your daughter will get a blast out of watching it. It's really big. It's really expensive. Oh God, it's gorgeous. It's a game that also won't end super quick. So it's something that you could really.

[Crystol]

That is putting it mildly. You will be playing that for years.

[Kif]

But that's the good thing. You don't have to be like, oh well, what now? Play.

[Crystol]

You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Kif]

So I would definitely suggest the Legend of Zelda games. Pokemon Pocopia again is pretty fantastic. And Sperms of Mario.

[Crystol]

Oh my goodness.

[Kif]

There's Super Mario Brothers Wonder, which I think is getting a Nintendo Switch update at the end of the month. That is just old school Mario, but more modern with new bells and whistles in it. If you've ever played Mario, you will probably get a kick out of that game. Mario Kart. Mario Kart World. I mean, yes, and what's the other big Mario game?

[Crystol]

I was going to recommend some Mario games, too, because I play those. I loved Paper Mario.

[Kif]

Oh, fantastic.

[Crystol]

So fun. Super Mario Odyssey is another good one.

[Kif]

Excellent.

[Crystol]

If he's already. Since he's already familiar with Mario, those games might be really fun again.

[Kif]

Mario Kart, um, and Super Mario RPG is good. And, oh, Super Mario Galaxy. If he's never played that, Super Mario Galaxy and Super Mario Galaxy 2 are on Switch as well. Only because if baby girl wants to go see the Super Mario Galaxy movie this summer.

[Crystol]

Yes. And your kid can also play those Mario games. Your kid will probably get a real kick out of Paper Mario. Me and my nephew played that together, and we just loved it. So there's actually lots of options if

[Kif]

she, you know, loves the girly things, like her Uncle Fury. Princess Peach. Showtime.

[Crystol]

Ooh. I have.

[Kif]

I have not played through that game.

[Crystol]

Cunt.

[Kif]

Cunt. Cunt. Peach going on her own adventures, trying to save, like, a theater or something. Everything is, like, live shows, and all the worlds are like, oh, this is. This play about a mermaid that's a singer. And then she can, like, transform into a mermaid to save the mermaid.

[Crystol]

Oh, okay.

[Kif]

And she can transform into, like, a chef, a karate master. There's one where she's, like, Samus. She's like a super, like, a space person. There's one where she's, like, a detective. It's really cute. Hubby will probably like it because it's Mario adjacent. Daughter will probably like it Cause it's cute and it has a girl protagonist. I mean, I loved it.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

But, yeah, I think there's a bunch of good suggestions.

[Crystol]

Yes. There's also a Luigi's Mansion. Since we're staying in the Mario World. Luigi's Mansion is great.

[Kif]

So good.

[Crystol]

Stardew Valley is another very popular one. They even have Oregon Trail on Nintendo Switch.

[Kif]

I did not know that.

[Crystol]

Yeah. And Zelda the Link's Awakening. That's also a very fun one.

[Kif]

Fantastic.

[Crystol]

So you. There's really a lot of. We've given you a lot here. I know you said y' all don't. Oh, and overcooked. Overcooked is so fun. And overcooked. The three of y' all can play.

[Kif]

So because the three of you need

[Crystol]

to play that

[Kif]

you cannot play overcooked by yourself.

[Crystol]

You. I mean, you can, but it's nowhere near as fun. It's nowhere near as fun. Overcooked. Up to four people can play. So y' all can. I think we've given you more than enough Options here, sort of sort through, see what sounds right for you guys. But I. I'm just waiting for one of y' all to get mad enough at your kid and or husband to sell me your Switch two. We got so many emails from people being like, crystal, you need it. I'm like, I'm waiting on y'. All. You don't need to get mad at your man and say, who want a Switch 2 for $150.

[Kif]

I'm just saying when you do get one, I'm excited.

[Crystol]

Okay.

[Kif]

I just built my second Pokemon center. I built a house from scratch for some other Pokemon to live in. I mean, just the flooring, the wall you built, you designed the roof and then you decorate it. Maybe a table here.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

Maybe a bed there. Oh, I can now I have a recipe for a nicer bed. I'm gonna put a hammock outside of it and I'm gonna let Charizard live here with Charmander and Charmeleon. I also have a house now over by the ocean where I. All right, first of all, two stories get into the material and I live there with my girl Squirtle, Wartortle and Blastoise. This game is Tea T Bitch Squirtle. But take your time.

[Crystol]

Right that.

[Kif]

I love my little Squirtle.

[Crystol]

That's just funny. But good luck with picking out a new game for. For you and your man. All right, our next letter comes from Lisa, who says, Dear Crystal and Kiff Yuri, I am at my wit's end. I'm an introverted, possibly neurodivergent 34 year old black woman currently in survival mode. I have two jobs with a third on the way and can barely make ends meet. I make about $1,400 a month living in Los Angeles. Woo woo baby. One of the most expensive cities in the country.

[Kif]

But anyway, it does not make sense.

[Crystol]

My God. With two jobs. Anyway, I got laid off from a remote job in 2024 and since then I've been working in property management and retail. When I left Victoria's Secret in 2013, I swore I would never go back to retail again. But here I am. My daily life consists of residence and maintenance, blowing my phone up and having to put a fake smile for entitled rich white people and pretending like I give a damn about they day while my 26 year old manager urges me to be more personable to increase sales. After a long day of masking, I come home to pick up someone's trash on the ground or a resident knocking on my door to Complain about they damn neighbor or oh my God. All while having my own chores, classes, job hunting and trying to remain a bad bitch. I'm tired and my cup is empty. Sometimes my friends or my mama will call me and I'll just watch the phone ring because I just cannot do it her. I'm so lucky that I have people who want to spend time with me. But on my days off, I just want to sit in my apartment with my dog in silence. I know I have a lot to be grateful for, but it is so hard to feel that way right now. My questions are, how do I show up for my loved ones when I feel like I have nothing to give? And how can I change my mindset from lack to gratitude? With love and admiration, Lisa Woo.

[Kif]

Lisa, my heart goes out to you, girl. That is a very. That's a overflowing cup of a lot. Yeah, I think you should start this one off because. Okay, well, I mean, my word, I.

[Crystol]

I want to say, first of all, I fully understand because when I have a day off, I also want to sit in my apartment with my dog in silence. So I don't see nothing wrong with that. And the fact that you're so overwhelmed and you don't really have a lot to give makes complete sense given how much you're working and you about to add another job to it. Like, yes, it makes so much sense that you're tired and burnt out and you just don't have it for people. So you've got two questions here. First, about showing up for loved ones when you are not really feeling it. And secondly, changing your mindset. I think as far as changing your mindset goes, it is first important to acknowledge how hard things are for you. Like, not to try to downplay it even within yourself. Not to try to be like, oh, well, you know, I need to be grateful because at least I have a roof over my head. And this and this. Like, yes, those things are like, yes, you know, yes, we'll get to the gratitude journal. But a lot of times black people, especially black women, preach. Don't want to take the time to say out loud, bitch, I'm fucking struggling. And shit is hard. Harder than it ever has been. The cost of every fucking has gone up. These crackers voted for Donald Trump because they thought eggs was going to go down. And now here we are in a war with Iran. You can't get a basic economy plane ticket for less than $500 to travel within this fuck ass country. Like, everything is high ass shit. You're Worn out, burnt out. You're beyond burnt out. A couple of days off don't fix burnout. You are worn out. And it's okay to be real about that to yourself. Like the fact that you still show up to all these jobs and then you ain't cussed out none of these rich, entitled white people and then you come home and take care of a dog too. Like, pat yourself on the back, girl. Yes. Like, first and foremost, give yourself a lot of props for still kicking it and doing so much and surviving under this, you know, late stage capitalism hellscape that with this giant toddler in the White House who is going to kill us all, you know, so that he can make another billion dollars or whatever. So. But you know, sometimes this is so hard when you're just fucking exhausted and you feel like you don't have it for nobody else. You live in California, you live in la. Yeah, yeah, you do.

[Kif]

Because I mean, you still have to, have to, like, you still have to get.

[Crystol]

Yeah, yeah. I don't, I don't normally like to recommend drugs, but a little edible can change my mood. It really can. I can go from God, I'm just really not feeling it to once edible kick in, you know, let me start texting some niggas back. So maybe like I, I like to save that for the end of the day now. I'm not high all day, every day like I used to be, but a little edible can help with that. But also, you know, when you do have the strength or the energy to reach out, just sending a text saying, hey, you know, things have been kind of hard for me. I would love to reach out and catch or I would love to catch up sometime, that sort of thing. When you have that sort of energy or space. But something my therapist said to me recently that has really resonated and stuck with me, even though it's probably the 90th time she said it. And I'm sure she would be like, of all the times I've said it, now is when you decided you need to, to clock in, right? But she said, you don't have to feel like it to do it anyway.

[Kif]

And, well,

[Crystol]

so. So sometimes you, you see that phone ring at the end of a long day and you like, I just don't have, like, I cannot sit here and talk to you about Real Housewives of Atlanta and, you know, whatever. Like, I just don't have it. But you answer the phone anyway and you say, hey, girl. They say, hey, how you doing? Blah, blah, blah. And you can Say, you know, honestly, I'm feeling so worn out. I had the shittiest day. Can I just rant to you right quick? Because these fucking white people. And then I went to work and these assholes. Somebody put the shorts in the T shirt section again. And I'm so fucking sick of people acting like they don't know how to goddamn act like it's everybody's first day on earth. Like, sometimes you just need the space to rant and yell about how much of a shitty day you had to somebody other than your dog and your mama or your friends. Be like, damn. Like, I honestly did not even know you were. You were struggling like that. So it's. It's a. It's a tough situation to be in because sometimes exactly what you need is the thing you don't feel like doing. And that is so often the case for, like, issues of being exhausted. What you need is to have your cup replenished by people who care about you as a human being. And not for what you can do for the sake of capitalism, but the last thing you want to do because capitalism has drained the fuck out of you is then give more energy to other people. So sometimes it is a matter of just answering the phone anyway and, you know, or you can listen to other people. Yeah, I mean, sometimes. Sometimes it really is like that. Or, you know, you. A friend calls and you think you're about to sit here and vent about whatever, but then she actually wants to vent about her fucking, man. Because why is this nigga so stupid? And we. And I told him a million fucking times, make sure you latch the gate behind you. But he didn't. And then the fucking dog got out, and this nigga left the freezer open so all the meat is spoiled, like. And things like that can also make you feel better because y' all are commiserate. Well, I mean, I know a lot of straight women, and so,

[Kif]

yeah, it's

[Crystol]

usually something like that where it's like, we have been planning a vacation with these kids for nine months. I told this nigga, all you need to do is make sure everybody's passports are in the back. Like, you just take care of the passports. I will handle everything else. We get halfway to the airport, where are the goddamn passports? You know, so anyway, saying all this to say that sometimes that commiseration between two people, that also will help to strengthen you, build up your relationship, make you feel better, because you're not the only one. And when you are just day in and day out being worn out, you can start to feel isolated. Like you said, all I want to do is sit with my dog in fucking silence. But sometimes we do actually need other people. And it sounds like since you're not going to get a break as far as work is concerned. I mean, I pray you do. I pray the perfect job opportunity just lands in your lap. But until then, you're gonna have to look for other ways to feel replenished. Cuz Donald Trump don't deserve to take the joy out of your life.

[Kif]

He just don't truly. Don't truly don't. Garfield mouth has absolutely no business. Um, I agree with everything that was just stated. I think you definitely have to give yourself grace for your setting right now and how. And be proud of how you have been able to navigate this without exploding. The way that I would. The way that I would. I would turn into veruck assault where I would just blow up and then burst.

[Crystol]

Can't do that in retail, unfortunately. I know you want to. I know you do.

[Kif]

I mean, well, after I pop. That doesn't matter.

[Crystol]

Got you. Okay.

[Kif]

They just roll me out or whatever. But anyways, I agree also about like venting on the phone with people who are calling you because for some people it can be. Some people can be like dismissive of it. I think many a times those people are just uncomfortable with that kind of conversation because they're not used to it or because they don't like to have tough conversations because it makes them feel emotions they don't want to feel. Oh yeah, Sometimes people would just want to call you and be like, oh, girl, you watch Reggie Dinkins this week and you have to be like, oh, absolutely. Real quick, do you mind?

[Crystol]

I got to get this out. I'm finna lose my mind. I need to let it out.

[Kif]

Can't you just. I need to. I need to explode about these horrible people in my life and in the world. Whatever. I totally agree. And I also agree as someone who loves to just sit back and listen to the theme music or like the background music of the PlayStation 5 menu with my dog in my lap and my eyes half closed. I get that. And I also agree that you do have to. You have to find time and ways to connect with people in your life. Girl, I, I have to plan it. I, I have to like prioritize it and be like, oh yeah, you have to be around people because it's healthy.

[Crystol]

Yeah. Because it's good for you. It really is. Humans are social creatures.

[Kif]

Answer the phone.

[Crystol]

Yep.

[Kif]

You should have a conversation.

[Crystol]

Yep.

[Kif]

Check in hey. Hi, girl. How are you? And if it's not natural for you, or if it's not, like, your instinct or whatever, you just gotta prioritize it and figure a way out. But I totally agree with what Krystal said in the sense of don't do it and hold something in. Don't be on the phone on FaceTime, homie over or whatever. And you're just, like, right on the surface, right. Bubbling up in your chest is all of this stuff that you want to get out, but you hold it into yourself because you, you know, you don't know how that person's gonna react or you don't want to rustle ruffle feathers. The entire thing that was just said about black people, specifically black women, not wanting to rock the boat at work, at home and all these things.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

If there is anybody who deserves to flip the boat over.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

Like, are you kidding? Black women and fans?

[Crystol]

Absolutely. 100% sure do.

[Kif]

So I'm capsizing this, bitch. We're all swimming.

[Crystol]

Yeah. And I mean, this is friendships and family, things like that, they're supposed to be reciprocal. Everybody is not always having a great day. Sometimes you just need to vent. I can't tell you how many times I have been that person for other people, and other people have been there for me. Like, or maybe your mama is the person you feel safest with to be like, mama. If one more bitch asked me, how much are the 5 for 25 panties? I'm going to lose my fucking mind. It's in the name, bitch.

[Kif]

It's 5 for 25.

[Crystol]

They're 5 for 25, you dumb, dumb person like you, whoever, you can let all of that frustration out. They might laugh. They might, you know, commiserate. Oh, girl, yes. When I worked in retail, same thing happened. You know, things like that. But you. You feel better when you let it out. And I. I just want to reiterate the message of. Times are hard for most people. But. And that's putting it mildly. That is really putting it mildly. Gas went up, like $2 since this war started. But anyway, anyway, times are hard. However, it is so important that those of us who are still human. So we're excluding those assholes in the White House.

[Kif]

There's no way, right? Lizards and teams, right?

[Crystol]

Literally, obviously, demons sent straight from hell to ruin our lives and destroy the planet.

[Kif]

Without question.

[Crystol]

The rest of us have to find the love, the joy, the happiness, the creativity, those moments of things that really matter outside of capitalism. And I know I say it a lot, but we're not put here to make the shareholders as much money as possible. We're not put here so that Jeff Bezos can buy his 38th yacht or whatever. Him and that funny looking woman he married can go stand on red carpets and shit. That's not the purpose. Connection with other people is what really matters.

[Kif]

So take her defense. They both funny.

[Crystol]

So take your time. You know, there are gonna be times where you just can't do it and that's fine. But when you do have that energy, when you do get the chance to rest up and then the next day you have a day off, you're like, you know what, Let me call my mama. Let me see. Do my homegirl wanna go, you know, walk around and just talk and catch up? You know, you don't have to be even things that cost money. But yeah, please do make an effort to, to have those kinds of connections in your life, because they are what really will sustain us moving forward. So.

[Kif]

And have a solo ritual too. Meaning. Like, when I lived in Miami, I. When I was like really stressed out, I would go to the beach by myself. I would sit in the sand or just like wait in the water and I would meditate, I would close my eyes, I would pray. It almost made me feel better. You might not be close to a beach. Maybe you can go to a park. Maybe you can go to somewhere else where the sun is touching you prayerfully and you getting you some fresh air and you just have some time outside of being at home in silence with your pet.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

To just soak in that good old vitamin D and, and stuff like that. I would absolutely. Even if it's just a couple times a month. Treat yourself. Treat yourself.

[Crystol]

Yes.

[Kif]

And also connections with people.

[Crystol]

Yes. Best of luck, Lisa. Really, just. I'm sorry to hear this, but yeah, the same way we tell people to journal about gratitude, you can also journal about all the things that are shit. You can let that out too. Good luck, babe. Our last letter comes from Peach, who says, I recently traveled with my girlfriend of nine months to her family home. She's been working and traveling for the past year and she wanted to retrieve her dog and for me to finally meet her family. As soon as we walked in the door, her goldendoodle ran up and they

[Kif]

shared a kiss in her mouth. I was, those dudes are so cute.

[Crystol]

I was disgusted, but tried to hold my composure since it was my first time meeting most of her family. No one else seemed like this behavior was out of the norm. In fact, her mother and younger brother were Also overly affectionate with the dog.

[Kif]

She proceeded to like making out with them. What is.

[Crystol]

She proceeded to kiss her dog throughout dinner. And I cringed hearing the tongue action.

[Kif]

Why? Ew.

[Crystol]

When we went to bed, she wanted to be intimate. Girl.

[Kif]

Okay, what did you tell her? What happened?

[Crystol]

But no amount of bathing or teeth brushing could get me to participate in such activities. It didn't help that her dog was also in the room with us licking his balls.

[Kif]

Yeah, that never helped.

[Crystol]

It's a gross sound. Lainey. B. Anyway, we'll get there.

[Kif]

I don't know. It sounds. It's horrible.

[Crystol]

It's disgusting.

[Kif]

It's so horrible.

[Crystol]

The next morning, I tried to explain to her how uncomfortable I was. But she had every excuse saying that her dog is used to this behavior. The dog initiates it. The dog is clean. And that it would be cruel to minimize the affection. Now that he's older, I would break up.

[Kif]

We agreed so on.

[Crystol]

We agreed not to argue about it on the trip. But not much has changed since we got home. I like the dog. I just want them to have boundaries.

[Kif]

This is hilarious.

[Crystol]

I've gotten her to compromise on not kissing the dog before she kisses me or while he's in the bed.

[Kif]

Oh, wow. Like what a compromise. Listen, listen. If you wanna make out with buttons, that's fine. But it won't be before me.

[Crystol]

But she still feels like she's being controlled and I'm still uncomfortable. I know you both are dog people and I do like having the dog around, but is it unfair what I'm asking? I don't wanna break up over this, but I'm not sure I can get used to it either. And before you ask. Yes, she is. Please help Peach. Of course she is.

[Kif]

I knew it. Of course she is. She tongue kissing the dog. The family tongue kissing the dog.

[Crystol]

Duh.

[Kif]

Like, girl, you didn't even have to say it. We knew.

[Crystol]

We knew.

[Kif]

Is Lainey a golden doodle?

[Crystol]

Lainey is a cavapoo.

[Kif]

Oh, yes. Yes, yes. You talk me that.

[Crystol]

Yes.

[Kif]

Okay. You said that. You know, we are both dog parents.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

Let me tell you something. Not once.

[Crystol]

What? Once?

[Kif]

Never. I mean, we're black dog parents, so that is probably. Yeah. Something to do with it. My dog often like my dog know not to be in the kitchen. I think maybe a couple of days ago I was heating up her human grade food and I turned around and that dog was. You know, I warmed it up and. So are you supposed to do that?

[Crystol]

You heat it up on the stove? No, you put it in the microwave. I don't think you're supposed to microwave that food.

[Kif]

Really?

[Crystol]

I'm pretty sure the package says don't. Do not microwave. Maybe it's a different brand. I don't know. Which brand you using? Read the label.

[Kif]

I will read them again. It's frozen.

[Crystol]

Oh. Oh, well, you're supposed to thaw it.

[Kif]

Yeah, no, I thaw it first, but

[Crystol]

then you warm it up for a treat. Cold. I just add a little.

[Kif]

I'm gonna check the package.

[Crystol]

I add a little hot water and mix it in, and that will warm it up.

[Kif]

Oh, that makes more sense. But I don't. I put it. She has also dry food. This is too inside baseball.

[Crystol]

Anyway, okay. Anyway.

[Kif]

I will definitely be checking the package now.

[Crystol]

Cause I do. But I get it. I spoil the hell out of Lani in a lot of ways. I really do. But, I mean, I'll bake it.

[Kif]

I should be in there for, like, 20 seconds.

[Crystol]

I'm not judging. I was just confused because, well, now

[Kif]

I'm concerned for my dog.

[Crystol]

Oh, no, she. I'm sure she's fine. I'm sure she's fine, but.

[Kif]

Well, she is, because the bitch. I turned around and the bitch was at my ankle in the kitchen. I said. All I did was say. I said. And she went right back over. Yeah, Yesterday she came into the house. I went downstairs to get her from after daycare, and she came in the house. I took her a little harness and stuff off, and she just was up looking at me, and I said, y' all go long. And she just knew to. Just turned around and went. She says, time. Anyway. What did you say your name was?

[Crystol]

Peach.

[Kif]

Peach. No. This is such a hard no for me. Link will not lick my mouth. What she does do a lot is when I'm giving her good scratches, she will lick my hands. Oh, yes, Lainey, that's it. That's it. That's the spot. Yeah, but Link will get real close to my face and just sniff. Did you eat some greens that smell like a. Maybe some ham hocks or something? Yeah, but she doesn't. She won't lick my face or get super close to it. But sometimes she does get super close to it, but she does not. She knows not to lick my mouth, and I'm certainly not kissing her in the damn mouth.

[Crystol]

Right, Right. Lainey is also a licker. She'll lick any if. Put your toes up like. She is a licker. But. And part of the problem is that them white people at daycare love making out with dogs. And so she's used to that. So I'm working very hard to train her out of that. She'll try it. But also, if you say no, she'll stop. So stop. But more importantly, I don't make out with my dog. I can't imagine wanting my mouth and her mouth to touch. Like, I don't get it. I really don't get it.

[Kif]

I don't know the white myth of, like, oh, their mouths are cleaner than.

[Crystol]

Yeah, who said that? She literally would. She'll sniff shit if you let her. And she loves putting her tongue in her own ass and all up through her vagina. She loves eating her own genitals.

[Kif]

Her vagina that was just dragged across sand and dirt.

[Crystol]

There's no way. And I clean Lainey religiously. There's no way. There is.

[Kif]

And in terms.

[Crystol]

No way.

[Kif]

Cleanliness aside, I don't need to kiss my damn dog in the mouth.

[Crystol]

I just. You know, I think I'm too much of a Virgo for that. I really don't even want to kiss people in the mouth like you. I need you to Listerine first, and

[Kif]

I know that about you. You don't even like watching people kiss them.

[Crystol]

I ain't watching people kiss.

[Kif]

I'm like, I think that is so fierce.

[Crystol]

I think about the billions of germs y' all are passing to one another, and I feel disgusted. So I. I love kissing. I don't think. I mean, once. I know. Once. I trust your mouth, then sure. But you're.

[Kif]

I steep hill to climb.

[Crystol]

I think this is part of dating white people.

[Kif]

Yeah.

[Crystol]

And so if you don't want to break up over it, I think you're just gonna have to get used to it. You're gonna have to ask her to swish with Listerine before she kisses you. Maybe that's Yalls compromise.

[Kif]

Use a washcloth.

[Crystol]

But I don't. Yeah. I don't think it's unfair for her to say that you're controlling her by being like, I'm gonna need you to not kiss the dog right before you kiss me is so funny.

[Kif]

That is so stupid.

[Crystol]

Oh, she would not last one minute in my black American household. But, yeah, since you don't want to break up, you're gonna have to find a solution that. That really works for the both of you. However, like, if you're. He said I would break up behind this.

[Kif]

This 1,000%.

[Crystol]

Y' all been together nine months. Yeah. And. And you haven't. That's the thing. She's been working and traveling a lot, so she hasn't been with the dog. This is your first time seeing how she acts with the dog. And.

[Kif]

Yeah.

[Crystol]

So, you know, maybe this is really throwing you off. But I. I think.

[Kif]

And she liked the damn dog. Yeah. She's like, why do you have to kiss Minkus?

[Crystol]

I have found that black people do like dogs. Black people. I've. I've not found a bunch of black people who are like, get that damn dog away from me.

[Kif]

But I know a few. It's a more afraid of dogs.

[Crystol]

Yeah, but the. The dog's tongue being in her mouth. I.

[Kif]

Why?

[Crystol]

Yeah, why?

[Kif]

And then you saying, like, it is wild for someone to comment on you doing this really wild, unnecessary thing for you to say. You're trying to control me.

[Crystol]

What are you talking.

[Kif]

I'm not telling you what time to come home, Right? I'm not telling you, like, oh, this is only a gluten free household. I'm saying, can you not lick that dog in the mouth. And then try to lick my clipper?

[Crystol]

Right?

[Kif]

I won't lick.

[Crystol]

Oh, my God. Imagine. And then your shit start itching. Because it's got dog germs all over it. Oh, no.

[Kif]

But I was trying to control you.

[Crystol]

Oh, no.

[Kif]

Now I'm trying to control my ph balance and all this. This is fucking ridiculous. I would 1000% leave. That's one of those things that sounds like any. It starts as maybe like an orange flag. And then snowballs into something. Oh, we are definitely not compatible.

[Crystol]

Cause the dog is not going back to live with her family. The dog is gonna live with y' all now. So she went to get her dog back. So, yeah, I would say, call me after your dog meets his very tragic, you know, end of his life. And maybe we can. We can date again after your dog has died.

[Kif]

I would just.

[Crystol]

But there's not. No. I kissed Lani on the top of your head.

[Kif]

Can you imagine if someone said that to you?

[Crystol]

I mean, I would be like, we're. I mean, so that's the thing. So I kissed Lani on the top of her head at Christmas. And my nephew was like a. What is wrong with you? Yuck. And I was like, now I could kiss the top of her head. Cameron. It's not.

[Kif]

I do that to Lincoln, right?

[Crystol]

Like, and again, I wipe Lainey down regularly. I comb her, brush her, all this. I'm not. I almost said she cleaner than you are, little boy.

[Kif]

But, well. Well, with that jungle juice staying all over your mouth, right?

[Crystol]

It's, you know, stuff like that. I'm not really tripping off of. But the exchange of saliva with a beast. I'm not. Not gonna do it. I would have to break up. Yeah, unfortunately. I'm sorry to hear this, but, yeah, the sound she makes when she's licking her own shit is just like, I'm trying to go to sleep. And this is your. I guess this is your nighttime routine. Mind you, I've already brushed your teeth.

[Kif]

I've already said that. I genuinely ask her to stop or I just leave it. And the thing is, she's gonna follow me and keep doing it. It is so gross. And I'm like, I feel bad for asking you or demanding rather that you stop doing that in my ears.

[Crystol]

Right.

[Kif]

Because I understand that you're doing your thing. You're trying to be clean.

[Crystol]

Like, I want you. Yeah.

[Kif]

But it is like, horrible. Asmr.

[Crystol]

And I clean Lainey's teeth with, like, teeth with, like, pet antibacterial dental wipes. Like, I. I go to lengths to make sure this dog is as clean as she can and as jerky.

[Kif]

That's for the dog, right? Not so that you can kiss it.

[Crystol]

Right. That's so that when she decides to go licking on her other parts, things aren't getting even more disgusting than that already is. And I'd be like, I don't want to shame you. You know, like, this is your. This is what you naturally do. Like, when I catch her humping stuff, she's got a stuffed dog that she humps sometimes. Or the daycare will be like, Lainey was a little humper today. I'm like, damn, I'm sorry. Like, but I don't want to shame her for her sexuality or anything. You are who you are. Yeah, you know, she's a dog, but this is too much. I would have to leave this white

[Kif]

woman many times when Link is doing it, it is towards the end of the day and maybe I'm playing, I don't know, Resident Evil or some shit, and I have like the wireless PlayStation headphones. And sometimes I'm like, woo, you know what? This is for my immersion anyway, because I don't want to harass her and then use her.

[Crystol]

Right, right, exactly. So.

[Kif]

But yeah, I would absolutely leave this white lady in the dust because you're not going to do this gross ass thing and then try and share that grossness with me and then argue me down about it. When I say, no thanks, you put your damn health at risk. You swallow bacteria, bitch. Don't get mad at me because I don't want to do it too.

[Crystol]

The world is dirty enough. Why do we need to add frenching our dogs to it, bro? No, thank you. So good luck, babe. I don't know how you gonna get over this. I don't think I could. For her to be like. And now you controlling me because I don't want to share spit with your dog. For real. That's controlling.

[Kif]

I don't even want to watch you do it.

[Crystol]

Okay. Yeah, no, I'm. I. I get disgusted watching you do it, bro. Um, but, yeah, good luck, Peach. That is going to wrap up the listener letters this week. Again. If you have a question for us, send us an email. Askthereadmail.com we'll be right back.

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[Kif]

Me to a human, him to a bird. Yeah, the bird looks out of your league. Anyways, only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. We are back, folks, and it's finally time for the read. I guess I'll start because I already mentioned what I'm gonna talk about.

[Crystol]

Oh, Lord.

[Kif]

Yes, I Said this on threads already. I'm not satisfied. I won't just be grateful. I don't give a fuck what y' all talking about. Congratulations to again, the folks involved with Sinners. Oh, God, they're just deserved awards. Let's talk about Delroy Lindo not getting the award that he deserved. What the fuck is wrong with you bitches? Are you okay? The thing that pisses me off the most about this, besides the fact that he absolutely deserved this and y' all should know it because you apparently saw the movie enough to vote for all of these things to win. I'm plucked because I'm sure I mentioned this when we were talking about Sinners around its release date. He has many moments in the film that touched me, but the one specifically where he is in the car with Dan and he's driving some.

[Crystol]

He's talking about Woo.

[Kif]

And to know that Delroy as an actor himself would inserted a lot of his own instincts and his own sort of his own personal, like, direction and thoughts into it. And to know that that was a part of the film that truly touched me. And outside of all of his, you know, the rest of his amazing performance, you know how you mention all the time, you forget that he's in it or whatever, he's like, yeah, I'm really, really, really disappointed that he did not get that Academy Award, especially because the person who did get it makes no sense to me. Sean Penn, excellent actor. Sean Penn. In one battle after another. Nothing, absolutely nothing. I have seen one battle after another now a couple of times. I've already mentioned how I feel about the movie. I love everybody black. I love everybody black in it who. Who has been acknowledged. It has a lot of the movement of a great cinematic picture. As a black person watching it that isn't married to a white person, don't have mixed kids. A lot of it. Most of it was like, all right. Sean Penn's character was either not written to have much of an emotional range or was not directed to, or Sean Penn just didn't want to. He has some. There's some nuance to the character being like essentially the lead of ICE or like a high ranking ICE member, ICE agent, but also is sexually attracted to fetishizing.

[Crystol]

Oh, okay, okay.

[Kif]

All while also trying to join some sort of white supremacist secret society or some like an Illuminati for Trump. Obviously there. There's a lot to do. Either Sean Penn was like, I don't want to. Which could make sense seeing as how he didn't even Fucking go.

[Crystol]

Sure didn't.

[Kif]

Or no one required for him to do much of anything. He is like the. The whole two hours or however long that goddamn movie is. I don't even know if Sean Penrose is eyebrows in the film.

[Crystol]

Wow.

[Kif]

So outside of just like and Sean Penn, this is his third Oscar. He didn't even give a fuck to go, what the fuck is wrong? Like, I don't understand. I would have actually been a little less ticked off if it had been a few other people in the category. That movie, as far as I'm concerned, is overhyped. Is not bad. It is not bad. I wouldn't have given it Best Picture and I absolutely would not given. I would not have given Best supporting Actor to someone who was boring as all get out. It does not make any sense to me. And like I said, yes, I am excited and happy for the wins that took place. It doesn't mean that I have to ignore the ones that didn't, right? It doesn't make. Doesn't. It pisses me off so bad, bro. Because he deserved it. He deserved it. And it was another thing I read. Cause obviously I didn't watch it, but it was something I read. I saw reports, posts that people were trying to Angela Bass to him. Like, why didn't you look excited and do a backflip and pee on yourself when you lost?

[Crystol]

Cause I out acted that nigga and everybody knows it. And y' all played in my face.

[Kif]

I'm certain he watched these other movies, right? Or at least that one, right? Because every. No one will shut the fuck up about it, right? Maybe I don't seem super excited because

[Crystol]

I should be winning because I deserve it over him.

[Kif]

I deserve it way further than him. And furthermore, why should I be clapping and jumping down for who he here, like the presenter, right?

[Crystol]

He's not even here to accept the award. He just at home somewhere or whatever. Like, be for real.

[Kif]

I'm so annoyed. Like, I'm so annoyed. I'd actually be pissed off at costume design too. But I haven't watched that Frankenstein movie. I've seen many photos and stuff from it. Those costumes do look cool. So whatever. I don't have the full knowledge. I'm not gonna look at that.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

But what I have seen is one battle after another. Twice. What I have seen is sinners probably eight times. There is not a day. There is not a day. There isn't a day. Benicio Del Toro. Damn. And he wasn't even like, oh, my goodness, look at this range. Look at this Acting. But Sean Penn ain't do a fucking damn. So to know that y' all gave this award to him, likely just because he's Sean Penn over the other people in the category who actually did better than him. It wasn't even like you were pity awarding him like you did with Leonardo DiCaprio in the Revenant. Great movie. He should have won about five awards prior. You just knew there was a meme at that point of like, why doesn't Leonardo Garpia have an Oscar? So you gave it to him. You did it with Jamie Lee Kermis. Oh, my God. Hollywood royalty. Oh, we all love Jamie Lee Curtis across race and culture and ethnicity and nationality. Isn't she so great? Let's give it to her. Angela Bassett looking there like, well, that doesn't make any sense. Sean Penn has three now. Suck my balls. You bitches are out outside wild for that. And then you pushing Teyana Taylor for having a nerve to go and collect some of her homies from this film that just won. And. And trying to get them on stage because they can't get on stage. Security. Fuck all y' all bitches. Each and every one. All y'. All.

[Crystol]

And I won't.

[Kif]

I'm not going to lean into. I mean, maybe I've said this before, but I'm. I'm absolutely over this idea of, you know, being grateful for being in the space or, oh, don't let an Oscar, you know, determine how you feel about your work or validate. No, no, no, no. This is the ceremony for bad bitches doing acting things. I'm a bad bitch doing acting things. And I'm better than all of them. Give me this award, period. I don't give a fuck if it's. It could be another Benicio. It could be Bad Bunny giving his fucking Grammy away to the Lord. It could be Jay Z pouring Sir Davis into a Grammy and drinking it. It's mine. It is mine because I beat all you bitches. Cowboy Carter took that to get his bitch album of the year. Y' all played in Renaissance contemporaries in

[Crystol]

the audience real bad weeping and self titled. Lord God,

[Kif]

I'm over it. I'm over feeling like we should either ignore these things or get over these things or live with these. It's essential with the Baptist and that man calling them. And it's just like, well, I mean, get over it. I mean, what? Yeah, because I'll actually give that more grace than I will give the rest of you grace for trying to tell anybody how to feel about it.

[Crystol]

Right? At least he's ill, right? At least he has a condition, right? Y' all just racist.

[Kif]

Yeah.

[Crystol]

Just down deep in your spirit, I don't know how you watched that. And I said, I'm not gonna trip. Sean Penn I don't really know a lot about, but, you know, I know enough to know that that's, you know, like a bad bitch in the white world. So, like, I wasn't tripping. And.

[Kif]

And not for this movie.

[Crystol]

Right. And I didn't watch the movie, so I was like, let me not trip too much. But I know Delroy Lindo put his whole foot in Delta Slim, so it just was really confusing to me. Yeah. So I was waiting to hear somebody install it. Yeah.

[Kif]

Not to mention Delroy, I think, is in his early 70s. Sean Penn is like 55 or 56.

[Crystol]

Really?

[Kif]

Yeah.

[Crystol]

Wow. That. Huh? I would have thought they was the same age.

[Kif]

Fuck y' all hoes, right?

[Crystol]

Really would have. No shade. Definitely would have thought y' all was the same age. No shade.

[Kif]

Maybe they did too. Oh, we about to put Sean Penn in the ground. So this fuck ass work. But that don't even make sense. Like I said, because he already has two accounts. Academy Awards. Fuck y'.

[Crystol]

All.

[Kif]

I don't understand why we have to keep doing this bullshit. And then you try to police niggas feelings about your bullshit. You can have my testes, you can have both of my breasts, head and shaft, bitch. Fuck y'. All. And while I'm here, Trump. Cry harder, bitch. Cry harder. You fuck ass bitch. You look so sad in all these goddamn press conferences and shit like that, bitch. Because your. Your fucking approval rating is as above, so below, bitch. You got the mag stepping down. Cause this shit don't make no fuck ass sense. And they're tired of watching you give head to BJ over the across the streets. You look sad, girls. Oh, you know, they're telling me that, you know, we just see what you're doing and we, you know, we're happy that you're doing it. We agree with it, but, you know, we're not gonna get involved crying looking like Timothy Chalamet sitting next to Kylie Jenner. Why would y' all not pluck with him giving that half ass clap? Everybody else shot up to their damn feet, looked incredibly excited for Michael B. Jordan. And here you got this nigga sitting next to Kylie Jenner like. Like he's confused as to why he didn't win for whatever Marty supreme, whatever that movie is called, because you sitting next to Kylie Jenner and you look like Tom Sandoval. Nobody like you got paid and you will likely be nominated many more times.

[Crystol]

Eat it well, white people be disappointed, you know. Right? Yeah.

[Kif]

So Trump girl, you cry harder you dumb.

[Crystol]

Them other country said this is not my war. The nobody told you to go over there, starting with them. That's very much your problem. Who said that? We are not helping.

[Kif]

Even like hey girl, this is pretty fierce. Like I'm not even mad at it.

[Crystol]

Okay.

[Kif]

Will you help us? No, not at all. Never and not one day. But you know, shout out to you.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

Weep bitch, weep. Like Crystal said gas up. 2,000 goddamn dollars a motherfucking gallon. Plane tickets cost $50,000. DC to New York, literally.

[Crystol]

It is so bad. Oh my God.

[Kif]

Milk, eggs, bread, everything man.

[Crystol]

A four pound bag of black beans at the grocery store was $9. I said I'm have to shop around cause I know I can find beans cheaper than this. What you mean? Four pounds of black beans is $9

[Kif]

Klarna for a honey nut O. I

[Crystol]

said I'm simply going to have to shop around. Cause you all got me fucked up

[Kif]

on top of you now. Having people's daddy, mama, brother, sister, cousin get back in line to get shot up and blown up and killed just because.

[Crystol]

Yep, yep. Just because. Yep.

[Kif]

It's not giving what you thought it was gonna give, bitch. It's not. It's not. You really just wanted to. You wanted to be powerful and loved. You wanted to start a cult and feel like the most powerful person on planet. Not even close babes. Not even. Because if someone can strong arm you into a world war, you ain't shit. So fuck you. Fuck your back. Fuck whatever those blemishes and blots are that keep popping up all over your body because they won't take you out.

[Crystol]

She's decaying.

[Kif]

And yeah, fuck every single thing that you stand for, you are ruining or helping to ruin. Not even just this nation. Most. And you are still speaking in front of every mic that you possibly can. Making excuses, deflecting, talking about the fuck nothing, McDonald's and whatever they got at Panera Bread and then blaming Joe Biden and Obama right back to Barack Hussein Obama. Shut your ass. Him and his wife over here about to write a Broadway show. They not thinking about you.

[Crystol]

Them people are rich and out of office. Please, please be for real. Oh God.

[Kif]

I'm finished. Fuck that bitch.

[Crystol]

Yeah, fuck that bitch.

[Kif]

I love that he's watching all the girls we like.

[Crystol]

No. Didn't nobody tell you to do that. The answer is no, what's her name?

[Kif]

John Kent or Joe K. The man who just stepped down was Secretary of Defense or something. Oh, whatever his job was. Because he was like, he's a veteran. His wife died.

[Crystol]

The guy who the. No, it's not Secretary of Defense. That's that drunk bitch. But I know what you're talking about. The one who is.

[Kif]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Crystol]

Not that bitch.

[Kif]

The drunk rapist.

[Crystol]

Right. No, but the one who was like, as somebody who has actually served this bullshit that y' all are doing, I actually have to. I have to step away.

[Kif]

I lost my wife.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

To an unnecessary.

[Crystol]

Joe Kent. That's his name.

[Kif]

Yeah, it's Joe Kent. I. I'm like well, maga.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

I mean, MAGA was like publicly. And here's the release. Suck my dick, bitch. I will have nothing to do with it.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

Large Marge, get me out of here. Marjorie Taylor.

[Crystol]

And mind you, the girlies are just like, Trump appointed this man. And so.

[Kif]

Right.

[Crystol]

Yeah, he. He was the director of the National Counterterrorism center and said, I cannot in good conscience support the ongoing war in Iran. Iran posed no imminent threat to our nation. And it is clear that we started this war due to pressure from Israel and its powerful American lobby. Period, point blank. And absolutely everybody needed it. Knew it, so don't come around here asking.

[Kif]

And then he walked off like Lebron with the briefcase, short shorts on.

[Crystol]

And that's all I had to say. Good night and God bless. I'm out of here. Yeah, I saw that. I said, well, goddamn. When your own appointees are saying this war was pointless,

[Kif]

everything I see him in now, he just looks so sad. He's a giant baby. He's a giant rust colored baby.

[Crystol]

Evil baby. He is that. An evil baby who is rotting from the inside out. That's why we keep seeing these giant patches of like some sort of flesh eating disease creeping up all over his body. That is a corpse. He want. He not too much.

[Kif]

Stewie. Even Stewie Griffin wasn't trying to start war. That evil baby just wanted to kill his mom.

[Crystol]

You said Stewie. I thought you meant Briana Stewart.

[Kif]

I was like, now wait a minute, said Stewie Griffin.

[Crystol]

Not that girl. Not my white queen.

[Kif]

I hope I live to see the day where the textbooks are like the history textbooks children. I mean, well, back when we.

[Crystol]

Back when we had whatever history. I pass once textbooks are allowed to tell the truth again. This is gonna be so crazy.

[Kif]

If ever that one might be Ross. But there will for sure be publicly.

[Crystol]

Oh, absolutely. Not in America, but somewhere Somewhere else, they're gonna tell the truth.

[Kif]

It will for sure be banned here.

[Crystol]

Oh, God.

[Kif]

But yeah, they're like, girl, let's talk about the time. Lord, help us that the host of the Apprentice ruined the planet and Americans

[Crystol]

let him because they were that mad over a black president. They were that incense. Tell me, was your life better under the Obama administration or right now?

[Kif]

I just. I would love to get sort of like, a poll for that.

[Crystol]

I know 4 pounds of black beans wasn't no damn $9. I couldn't get over that. I said, if my meemaw could see these grocery prices, it ain't no way, baby, we would grow beans before she paid that amount of money for black regular. Degla. Black beans. Beans. Anyway, speaking of white people, I mean. And they have always been a cheap staple. It's cheap basics that are right. Beans and rice, supposed to be cheap.

[Kif]

Beans is like Red Dead Redemption. Like, back in the Old west, you have nothing but, like, a can of beans.

[Crystol]

Yeah, baby, I cook. Me. I cook me a pot of beans every week, and I cook them from scratch. I buy dry beans. Yeah, they're good as fuck.

[Kif]

Oh, I just knew. I forgot that beans come in a can. I just said it in my mind.

[Crystol]

I'm thinking of a giant can.

[Kif]

I'm thinking of, like.

[Crystol]

No, I'm talking of.

[Kif]

I mean, they do have. But, like.

[Crystol]

No, I'm not buying no damn canned beans. I'm making beans.

[Kif]

I'm used to making them from dry beans. I do. I forgot that you can just go into the store and buy canned.

[Crystol]

Yeah, you can. But why would you do that? I mean, because it's so much more convenient. You can literally just open the can, heat it up, and the beans are ready. Whereas, you know, cooking them will take a couple hours.

[Kif]

Bread and celery and shit.

[Crystol]

Okay, see, now it's going too far.

[Kif]

Chop up a cucumber.

[Crystol]

Now it's going too far. But the anyway, is it when we're

[Kif]

all living underground due to nuclear fallout.

[Crystol]

Oh, God. Well, speaking of white people doing the most with the least, Jack Harlow released an album, Girl Called Monica, which.

[Kif]

Anyway, I'm sad. I'm so sad.

[Crystol]

He did an interview with the New York Times.

[Kif]

Sure did.

[Crystol]

Podcast called Popcast, and mentioned that his musical direction has shifted from his last project to this one, saying.

[Kif]

To what?

[Crystol]

Saying that he has gotten blacker with this new studio album. He said, I love black music and the sound of black music, and everyone does. No shit. This is exactly why you have a career, because everybody loves Black music, especially when, as Delroy Lindo so eloquently stated in Sinners, especially when it don't come from black people. So, yeah, you're popular, you have a career and sell tickets and albums because black music is so incredible and people really, really love when non black people make it. And he said all this about being very aware of politics today and how, you know.

[Kif]

Oh, so you said it. Anyway,

[Crystol]

talk about how another. A lot of other white people are, you know, moving towards pop and shit, you know, doing more white shit. But not him.

[Kif]

You should do that as well.

[Crystol]

He got. He decided to make soft, intimate, melodic music. He, you know, when with. With this album Monica, which I'm sure is like his white way of saying my nigga. But he went to Electric Lady Studios, you know, to soak up d' Angelo's influence and talked about how making Monica was. Anyway, I got blacker. I love black music, the sound of it. And of course I'm hyper aware of the politics of today, that safer landing spot that a lot of my white contemporaries have found. It appealed to me to do something that at a time when there's plenty of people expecting to take some of the routes the others take, to take the route that might not be expected, but is also the one I genuinely want to take. So first of all, wow, you are very poorly spoken. I want you to work with somebody to help you articulate yourself more clearly. But beyond that, the idea that your cracker ass got blacker because you decided to make black music is absurd. You are not the first, third, three thousandth white artist to tap into what niggas are doing. You will never be John B.

[Kif]

Let's also talk about.

[Crystol]

You'll never be John B.

[Kif]

Can we also talk about the form of the word, the er. Specifically at the end of that, that the blacker.

[Crystol]

Oh, yeah, you got blacker, right? What do you mean? Where was the black before?

[Kif]

You will always and forever be white. Like blacker. Your music will never be black cuz

[Crystol]

you're not black, cuz you're. And you're never going to get blacker. Cuz you're never going to get black in the first place, though. You're simply not that person. I told y' all last year that Drake is just Jack Harlow with a black daddy. And I don't think Jack Harlow himself. I don't think Jack Harlow himself could've far better music. But I. Well, I. Right, but you see the point.

[Kif]

Yeah,

[Crystol]

yeah, right.

[Kif]

Costumes.

[Crystol]

And this isn't even specifically about. Not for me. It's not about every white person who makes black music. There are lots of them who have either, you know, make R B or whatever, and they. They sort of stay in their lane in that way. You know, they pay homage or whatever to the. The people who came before them. Adele is the first one I'm thinking of here where it's like, you're very clearly influenced by, you know, black legendary JoJo, Amy Winehouse, when she was alive. They all cited their black influences. What they never did was claim to also now be black because of that influence. That is ridiculous, you dumb bitch. And then to be like, well, unlike these other white people who want to go the safe route, right?

[Kif]

You should have said, who's eating that up? Who was that comment for?

[Crystol]

You should have pulled a Miley Cyrus. You should have did.

[Kif]

I wish you would have just did that.

[Crystol]

And I said that. You really should. This is. They've been chewing him.

[Kif]

Just went on about her business and now she on the record with Beyonce and we like it. You could have just, you know what she did? She stepped into the light, Caroline.

[Crystol]

You could have just made your music and let that be. You could have also even put out this R B influenced album called Monica. And we probably would have assumed it was about Monica, you know, like the singer without all of this.

[Kif]

I thought it blew my mind.

[Crystol]

Well, because. And I didn't even think nothing of it until this got blacker shit came out. And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? Who is your Monica? I'm not actually going to go stream the album to see if he's talking about, you know, the Monica that we all know and love from Atlanta. I actually don't care because this comment, this.

[Kif]

Yeah, I hope he's not.

[Crystol]

This quote alone was more than enough for me. It was like the white people chewing up Timothee Chalamet because he said he don't want to do opera and ballet. That was this for me. As far as Jack Harlow is concerned, I don't want to hear shit else. And I. I actually don't even think I can name it. The only Jack Harlow thing I've ever even heard is his verse on Lil Nas X song. So I actually don't even know.

[Kif]

It's a little nut. Oh, yeah, he does have a song was going Nazi.

[Crystol]

What was that? What was that song? It was really popular. Industry baby.

[Kif]

Yeah, it was.

[Crystol]

And I. And I liked Industry baby. But again, stay in your white lane. Like this. This just didn't have to happen.

[Kif]

It was such a It's such a ridiculous and stupid, like, brazen thing to say. Like, where did you. Who do you think are actually set off your thoughts this week? That I miss when white rappers are controversial. And I threw direct shade at him and a couple other people. This is before I heard this. Like, this is before I heard any of this. He's just. They already get on my damn nerves, and I'm tired of it. And I wish that we were keeping the gate closed a little bit more. It's some of these people that just because they're good lyricists doesn't mean that we should just be opening them with wide arms. Like, I remember when Jack Harlow was visibly a dweeb and not just internally. The nigga got contact lenses and grew some peach fuzz and wore a tank top. And even the black girlies were like, oh, he's kind of cute. Now he over here with a My Nigga album talking about he's blacker than what?

[Crystol]

Then Jelly Roll, then Post Malone.

[Kif]

We sure. Okay, that's a lie.

[Crystol]

All of you are black, are white. All of you are Caucasian, and that's fine. Be your white ass self. I know. His publicist was like, of all the things you could have said.

[Kif]

Listen, of all the day and age, the publicist might be the one. Oh, no, this day and age.

[Crystol]

Oh, wow.

[Kif]

Well, I mean, the publicist might be like, you know, the black people, they love you, so just let them know that you're even blacker this age time. I've nearly never seen a swing record I knew about. I think the first one.

[Crystol]

Yeah, it's not happening.

[Kif]

Popping or whatever it's called.

[Crystol]

I'm not streaming that. I'm not purchasing that. I. I'm not gonna have anything to do with that. I just really couldn't believe you set yourself up like that because again, what an idiot you are trying to sell to niggas. Did you think we wanted to hear that from a white boy? Did you think you was that cool that you could say, I got. And we was gonna let that slide? Okay, girl.

[Kif]

Well, I don't know how old Jack Harlow is. I'm sure I could guess what his demographic looks like. And there are probably a lot of white kids a lot like him, so he's probably speaking to them anyway. You go to a Cantrick concert, you go to a Lil Wayne concert. It's still astonishing to me how many white people are there.

[Crystol]

Yeah, that's true.

[Kif]

Yes, they're allowed to go.

[Crystol]

That's true. I mean, I would assume that since you Said you got blacker and that you're leaning more into an R and B sound. That you are trying to court black people. But perhaps not.

[Kif]

Of course, he can always land on them, though.

[Crystol]

We. We are so accepting of this. That we have a term for it. It's called blue eyes. Sold. We let white people come play with our things. But you don't get to claim that you're one of us. You don't get to go that far. What. What was you thinking? Like, I just. I can't get over it.

[Kif]

Didn't watch cis, but I bet he watched one battle after another. Guaranteed. Guaranteed.

[Crystol]

Oh, man.

[Kif]

Black or the Berry? Shut the fuck out of here. What a fucking dumbass.

[Crystol]

The worst kind of white boy. Just be white. We'll let you know.

[Kif]

I could never be interested in it. But even if I halfway wanted to listen to it. I'm not going to listen to no. My nickname. You better be talking about Monica Bellucci, bitch.

[Crystol]

Like, you better be talking about Monica off of Friends. Right? God damn it. So, yeah, Fuck Jack Harlow. Child. Get right on out of here with that. Good luck we're booking that Slate show. Why wouldn't she rap?

[Kif]

Like, the most controversial shit that Eminem did with his lyrics was like, talk about killing his wife.

[Crystol]

I mean, that was pretty bad. Better. That was pretty bad.

[Kif]

Sodomy or something.

[Crystol]

Yeah, that was pretty gross. Sodomizing his mother and things. You know, it's pretty gross. He. He. He went a little. He went far. But he didn't go so far as to be like, and I'm black. And I'm blacker than black. I'm black. Y'. All

[Kif]

right. He just drove right.

[Crystol]

Like,

[Kif]

so sustainable career. I don't understand why y' all won't just shut.

[Crystol]

He can fuck right off into the ether. I'm done. There ain't shit else to say about.

[Kif]

Don't put them glasses back on. Minkus. Stuart. Minkus.

[Crystol]

Minkus.

[Kif]

Oh, I miss little Minkus.

[Crystol]

Okay, well, that is going to wrap up this week's episode of the Read. Make sure you check us out on social media at. This is the Read. Our website is ThisIsTheRead.com. i do believe we have sold out this anniversary show.

[Kif]

What? Okay.

[Crystol]

In like, a day. That's quite crazy. So, yeah, we'll see y' all in Atlanta next month. Sunday, April 26th. Those of you who have tickets, we will see y' all there.

[Kif]

Oh, I'm excited.

[Crystol]

Yes. Shout out to y' all for. For being so supportive. It's our 13th year doing this Shit, who would have thought, bitch? Not me. But here we are.

[Kif]

So you. You bitches bought tickets and you finna pay for gas money to come see these two dumbasses? We love you.

[Crystol]

I'm so grateful. Thank y' all so much.

[Kif]

Your heart is true. You're a pal and you're a confidant.

[Crystol]

Yes. The support 13 years in does not go unnoticed. I am so, so appreciative. So thank you. We're excited to see you guys and party with you. Next month, new episode of Chrysalis Couch featuring Jade of all Jades Yalls absolute favorite. Out now. Answering more. She always is.

[Kif]

That has to be like a terrifying week where you're like, okay, we gonna talk about me. Oh, Jade is here. Fuck.

[Crystol]

You know, she's. She's just a good time. But yeah, Chrystal's Couch for all those details. Any other news or announcements from you this week?

[Kif]

Yes. Please go check out my podcast Furious Thoughts. It's on the YouTube, it's on the social medias. It is also on the podcast dsps. Shout out to Monet X Change for being on the pod this week. We had a really good time and yeah, go give me a like almost subscribe and things like that. Also patreon.com kipfury if you want more of my breasts playlists and Furious Thoughts exclusives. And I would also like to echo what the doll just said. So grateful 13 years.

[Crystol]

Man, it is really crazy.

[Kif]

Our child could go to like, I don't know, could play with like little league flag football. I don't know what I'm talking about. Thank you for loving us.

[Crystol]

Yes.

[Kif]

Excited to go to Atlanta and hug all y'.

[Ad-Lib Advertiser]

All.

[Crystol]

Yes. Cannot wait from the stage. A virtual hug that you can still feel.

[Kif]

Isn't that nice? Cozy.

[Crystol]

All right, y' all take care of yourselves. We will see y' all next week.

[Kif]

Or do the best you can.

[Crystol]

Yeah.

[Kif]

Jesus.

[Crystol]

Cause beans is $9. Beans insane. Eczema is unpredictable. But you can flare less with Epglis, a once monthly treatment for moderate to severe eczema. After an initial four month or longer dosing phase, about four in 10 people taking Eblis achieved itch relief and clear or almost clear skin at 16 weeks. And most of those people maintain skin that's still more clear at one year with monthly dosing.

[Kif]

Hempglus Lebricizumab LBKZ a 250mg per 2ml injection is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older. Who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema, also called atopic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals, or who cannot use topical therapies. Epglis can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to Epglis. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have not new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with Eglis. Before starting ebglis. Tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection.

[Crystol]

Ask your doctor about eglis and visit eglis.lilly.com or call 1-800-lilyrx or 1-800-545-5979.

[Kif]

The Chevy Bolt is backed by popular demand and it's better than ever with over 2 1/2 times faster charging with public DC fast charging so you can get up to 87 miles of range in just 10 minutes. And and huge tech upgrades like an 11.3 inch diagonal touchscreen and a bold new look, all in Chevy's most affordable EV. We are so back. Learn more at chevy.com bolt 2 1/2 times faster charging With 150 kilowatt public DC fast charging 2027 volt when compared to 2023 bolt EUV. Actual charge times will vary. See the owner's manual for details and limitations.