The Tale of The Bridesmaid and The Rodent

Summary

The Read, Episode: “The Tale of The Bridesmaid and The Rodent”

Date: February 12, 2026
Hosts: Kid Fury & Crissle
Podcast Theme: Weekly, irreverent commentary on pop culture, Black culture, personal anecdotes, and on-air therapy for two New York City transplants.

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Episode Overview

This week’s episode is a wild ride through Super Bowl reflections, the constant struggle with New York City rodents (literal and metaphorical), and a scathing examination of pettiness—familial and celebrity alike. Kid Fury and Crissle deliver their signature blend of humor, side-eye, and no-nonsense advice, tackling everything from Black excellence and Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl halftime show, to mice-in-luggage disasters, celebrity mess, and dog etiquette.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

NYC Winters, Summertime Anticipation, and Mouse Drama

• 00:00–07:29 | Winter Struggles & NYC Living
  • Crissle and Kid Fury bond over New York's brutal winter and the anticipation of summer, sharing anecdotes about coping with the weather. Crissle is getting a pedicure because “it’s 32 degrees — sandal season!” (04:28)
  • “My entire concept of what it means to be cold has changed.” — Crissle (04:34)
  • “Summer in New York is perfect though. It’s just like one of the most amazing, unmatched experiences.” — Kid Fury (06:06)
  • The episode segues into a hilarious aside about finding a wrapped Magnum condom in the snow, sparking speculation about its story. “Someone is out there getting the wor. Like, what do you mean?” — Kid Fury (07:03)

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Black Excellence: Celebrating 20 Years of Kid Fury

• 07:29–09:21 | Self-Awarded Black Excellence
  • Kid Fury commemorates 20 years as Kid Fury, reflecting on his journey and growth, from a “little gay boy” afraid to speak up, to a powerhouse podcaster.
    • “Black excellence to the little gay boy that was too afraid to even speak up or have his voice heard.” — Kid Fury (08:18)
    • “She’s a big girl. She’s all grown up.” — Crissle (09:03)

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Hot Tops: Super Bowl Super Bunny

• 09:24–15:14 | Super Bowl Halftime & Bad Bunny Review

  • The duo is blown away by Bad Bunny’s halftime show, praising its perfection, authenticity, choreography, and celebration of Latin and Caribbean cultures.

    • “That performance was perfect. It was a masterpiece.” — Kid Fury (09:39)
    • “I didn’t understand most of it... and still I was immersed.” — Kid Fury (10:15)
    • “It just felt like, this is not my culture, but I see my culture in this.” — Crissle (10:56)
    • Highlight appreciation for representation: “He shouted out most of the countries, not all, but everybody’s flag was there...and put the US and Canada last, which I was like, correct.” — Crissle (13:56)

  • They address backlash, especially from conservatives and anti-Black commentators, advising them to “just not watch it.” — Kid Fury (15:16)

    • “It’s a 15 minute annual anthology concert. Next year it’s gonna be somebody else.” — Kid Fury (15:14)

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NYC Petty: Celebrity Fights to Brooklyn Rats

• 19:24–24:48 | Celebrity Mess

  • Rumor review: Ja Rule vs. Tony Yayo on a Delta flight — pillow throwing, first class chaos, and the petty legacy of New York rappers. “You’re going to get kicked off this flight over arguing with this nigga. Mind you, Tony Yayo’s 47. Ja Rule will be 50 at the end of the month. Too damn old.” — Crissle (21:54)

  • The “petty spectrum”: From legal beefs over unwritten rapper contracts, to 50 Cent weaponizing DoorDash commercials for trolling. (32:19)

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Space & Ocean: Existential Tangents

• 24:58–28:48 | On Cosmic & Aquatic Dread
  • Kid Fury shares existential dread inspired by space movies, reflecting on cosmic insignificance and the terrors of the bottom of the ocean.
    • “There’s just something about knowing that you are this small.” — Kid Fury (26:20)
    • “I find it very reassuring. It’s like, why do I have anxiety? Are you kidding?” — Crissle (27:07)
    • “Godzilla could be down there. I’m fine with that.” — Crissle (28:50)

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Pop Culture Relationships: Megan & Klay, Cardi B, and...BroRilla

• 33:51–39:02 | Good Vibes: Megan Thee Stallion & Klay Thompson

  • Megan Thee Stallion’s role in organizing Klay’s birthday bash; mutual admiration for how their relationship seems wholesome and drama-free. “I just love to see them together. They are so cute. She love her man, her man, her man.” — Crissle (35:51)

• 39:08–46:38 | Messy Vibes: Stephon Diggs Alleged Super Bowl Drama

  • Cardi B unfollowing Stephon Diggs ahead of the Super Bowl, speculation about his romantic rules, ex drama, and tour plans for “single summer Cardi.” Discussion about how women can reclaim their power post-breakup.
    • “It’s fuck these niggas season. That album’s calling my the drama Bit. Fuck these niggas.” — Kid Fury (43:42)

• 47:32–61:17 | Family Petty: Glorilla vs. BroRilla

  • Deep-dive into Glorilla’s family feud, with her sister “BroRilla” airing grievances about lack of financial support and subsequent (messy) viral internet exchanges.
    • “You niggas would drain her dry.” — Crissle (49:46)
    • “I'mma take care of my parents willfully, too. The rest of y’all...” — Kid Fury (50:09)
    • “If you have a job, you need to have some for everybody.” — Crissle (56:24)

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Listener Letters: “The Tale of the Bridesmaid and the Rodent”

• 63:04–78:51 | Letter #1: The Mousegate Relationship

  • Aneesa discovers a mouse-infested suitcase after visiting her boyfriend, who gaslights her by blaming her car. Hosts go all the way in:
    • “You feel like you were gaslit and unsupported because both of those things were taking fucking place.” — Kid Fury (68:43)
    • “A mouse was in my car. And I only saw it after I saw that it destroyed my things — and both of these things took place because of you.” — Kid Fury (76:51)
    • “How do you mend the relationship, Aneesa? You fucking don’t.” — Kid Fury (71:50)
    • “Ain’t no couples counseling for this.” — Crissle (75:27)

• 78:52–88:12 | Letter #2: Can We Just Be Platonic?

  • Marco’s ex tries to introduce “rules” for friends-with-benefits — but only after sex. Hosts call out the manipulative behavior and urge Marco to move on.
    • “He admitted he hid the rules because he knew it would change my answer, and that made me feel played.” — Marco’s Letter
    • “To deliberately withhold information so that you can get something for your own benefit? That’s very manipulative.” — Crissle (87:10)

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The Read: Rants & Raves

• 89:43–105:00 | Weekly Reads

  • Kid Rock & NFL: Dragged for saying Jay Z is a DEI hire. “Jay Z can’t be a DEI or nowhere. It literally makes absolutely no sense.” — Kid Fury (90:10)

  • Jake Paul’s Political Nonsense: Ridiculed for conflating ICE and 911. “That’s like somebody said, if you don’t like the police, don’t eat donuts.” — Kid Fury (93:56)

  • Trump White House Racism: Critique of White House posting a video depicting the Obamas as monkeys, and Trump’s non-apology: “Was it not a mistake to not watch the whole video? ...You did this deliberately.” — Crissle (97:55)

  • Chris Brown’s Super Bowl Delusion: Mocked for his “They need me” post after Bad Bunny’s halftime show. “It’s not like Kid Rock did a show and then he was like, ‘Oh y’all need me.’” — Crissle (101:04)

  • Corey Holcomb Violence: Called out for punching a woman and blaming TMZ. “TMZ didn’t punch that lady in the face, bitch. You did that.” — Crissle (103:33)

  • NYC Dog Etiquette: Furious rant on irresponsible dog owners—dogs in grocery stores, not picking up poop.

    • “Why am I over here picking out green onions and rudabagas...and here come your dog sniffing along the goddamn produce.” — Crissle (105:54)
    • “If you have a dog, and you do not want to clean up, don’t get a dog.” — Kid Fury (110:03)
    • “Leave the goddamn dog at home and pick up the shit on the sidewalk.” — Crissle (109:02)

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Standout Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I'm that OG baby. That original doll. So you can lick my titties and suck my breasts.” — Kid Fury, celebrating himself (08:27)
• “Domino’s... that's culture.” — Both (16:15)
• “No, but, like, I honestly was thinking about a way to discuss this, and all I could think of was hold their nuts. Like, just hold everyone’s balls.” — Kid Fury on responding to MAGA Super Bowl outrage (18:13)
• “If you have a job, you need to have some for everybody.” — Crissle on family expectations (56:24)
• “How do you mend the relationship, Aneesa? You f***ing don't.” — Kid Fury (71:50)
• “I'm not a community garden.” — Marco’s Letter (before 80:58)
• “Jay Z can’t be a DEI or nowhere. It literally makes absolutely no sense.” — Kid Fury (90:10)
• “Why am I over here picking out green onions and rudabagas...and here come your dog sniffing along the goddamn produce.” — Crissle (105:54)
• “Pick up after your goddamn dog and leave it out of places where it is not allowed to be.” — Crissle (109:22)

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Timestamps for Significant Segments

• 04:28 | Crissle on NYC Winter & shifting cold tolerance (“It is 32 degrees today, so I'm going to get a pedicure. Sandal season.”)
• 07:29 | Kid Fury awards himself Black Excellence for 20 years of Kid Fury
• 09:24 | Hot Tops: Super Bowl talk and Bad Bunny review
• 19:24 | Ja Rule vs. Tony Yayo airplane pettiness
• 32:19 | 50 Cent’s DoorDash trolling commercial breakdown
• 47:32 | Glorilla versus BroRilla family feud
• 63:04 | Letters: “The Tale of The Bridesmaid and The Rodent”—mouse-in-suitcase disaster
• 78:52 | Letters: Marco’s friends-with-benefits “rules” gone wrong
• 89:43 | The Read: Rants on Kid Rock, Jake Paul, Trump, Chris Brown, Corey Holcomb, and NYC dog etiquette

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Final Thoughts: Episode Vibe & Utility

This episode is a testament to Kid Fury and Crissle’s unmatched ability to extract both humor and realness out of everyday disasters, pop culture mess, and timeless urban struggles (rats, toxic men, dog poop). Their language is cutting, always funny, and deeply reassuring for anyone navigating adulthood, city life, and digital chaos. Longtime listeners will relish the blend of therapy, shade, and practical truths they deliver.

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Transcript

[A]

Well, howdy do, folks. This week's episode is being brought to you by Audible. And a brand new story from Kenya Barris, creator of Black Ish. This one is Big Age, a hilarious and heartwarming Audible original comedy about love, aging and finding your way in life's next chapter. So it's a lot about me, except without the love part. Big Age stars comedy legends Jennifer Lewis v1, Jennifer Lewis, friend of the show Cedric the Entertainer, and and niecey Nash Betts. Don't you ever forget the Betts. It follows recently retired couple Dot and Bushwat's reluctant relocation to their new Floridian home, Sunset Gardens, a senior community that is anything but relaxing. Listen to Kenya Barris new laugh out loud Audible original comedy Big Age. Age does funny things. I was just saying this. My knees. Go to audible.com bigage series to start listening today. Let us know how it goes. Let them know we sent you.

[B]

Woo.

[A]

I'm parched. And you know what would really do my thirst? Something spectacular. It'd be a crisp Sprite, zero sugar. That's right. Unk is watching the sweets, okay? Because summer's coming up and I'm trying to be thought Tiana. So you get the crisp lemon lime flavor just without the sugar. And there isn't like any crazy compromise and hidden asterisk and, you know, National Lampoon like mystery of what's actually happening to you. It's refreshing. And as someone who might be obsessed with with carbonated beverages, it just gives me exactly what I need. So try it out. The Sprite, zero sugar. Obey your thirst. God, I've always wanted to say that. Welcome back, nigglets and friends. I am the publicist, social representative and legal counsel for Laney. We will give us a spree. So there's.

[B]

You have your fucking work cut out for you. I know. That's right. And I am Rekia Jackson. This is the Read. Thank you for joining us.

[A]

It is. Thank you.

[B]

Her little badass.

[A]

She is young bean. She is smol.

[B]

Okay, yeah, all right. She bad bean is what she is.

[A]

Lainey was over there. Lainey was over there. Like, everybody can kiss my ass. Don't come nowhere near this place. And matter of fact, you over there, get off of that computer.

[B]

I told her, mommy is leaving to go to work. I am going back to the studio because you simply do not know how to fucking act. And she just went in her crate and laid down because she knew. She knew she had one chance.

[A]

Check out link. Check out link last night. I'm trying to do like A cute video with her. She does a normal thing where she just turns her head away from the camera. And that's just, like, incredibly disrespectful. I'm like, all right, bet we're not getting this done. I put it down to the side. Then one of my friends called me on FaceTime, like, literally 10 minutes later. And I'm now having conversations with somebody on the phone. And she walks back over, gets directly on my chest, and ensures that she's blocking the camera because nobody will speak to her mama but her.

[B]

It's like, bitch, you literally did not even want to talk. You didn't want to be near me.

[A]

I just had you over here and you refused.

[B]

Right?

[A]

So what's the truth?

[B]

Yeah, they're just shady ass dogs, man. I don't deserve it. But, you know, I'm glad she has representation. Cause I'm coming for her.

[A]

Well, how's New York? Did I smelt yet?

[B]

No, but it is 32 degrees today, so I'm going to get a pedicure. Sandal season.

[A]

Yeah, it's good enough.

[B]

I will never complain about temperatures under 15 degrees ever again. My entire concept of what it means to be cold has changed. I mean, it. It was 27 yesterday, and I was like, laney, we can. We don't even need coats. Like, what? This is. This is balmy out here. It feels incredible. So now that it's actually slightly above freezing, and it's going to be in the 40s next week. Oh, n. Look at that. I'm so excited.

[A]

He is.

[B]

But it is still filthy. Snow and ice absolutely everywhere. So. Still pretty gross, right? I mean, it's. You know, it's no Los Angeles, but how could it be?

[A]

I mean, it is no Los Angeles, but we have our. You know, our struggles as well. I mean.

[B]

Oh, yeah, it rained.

[A]

I barely got any sleep last night because the AC was too low. And I was like, oh, my goodness. It's 67 inside. It's 65 outside. That's rough.

[B]

The concept.

[A]

I wish I was joking. I woke up in cold sweats, shaking like a base head. But okay. You know, it's rough.

[B]

I don't know, actually running the AC in February. I actually do not know shit about that. That's not my life. And I have AC cover zone. Oh, God. All right, all right. The other nine months are while we live here. We just gotta get through March, and then we'll be all right.

[A]

Cause, baby, what a time.

[B]

Summer in New York is perfect, though.

[A]

It's just like one of the most.

[B]

Nothing better.

[A]

Amazing, unmatched experiences and feelings. And like each summer, I mean, born bred New Yorkers could be like, girl, let me tell you something about summers of like 2002. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, but for the decade that I lived here, lived there, every summer wasn't. I mean, part of it is like, oh, my God, the sun is out and it's warm.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then the things right, like, it's just like the city comes alive. Everything wakes up. It's just like everything to see and do.

[B]

And we gonna be extra outside after this winter. That's what I'm saying. As soon as it hits 60 degrees.

[A]

The arrest rights might go away.

[B]

It's gonna be orgies in the street.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

Speaking of orgies, why was it a Magnum in the snow? When I was walking Laney yesterday? I said, you know what?

[A]

Talk about bravery. Someone is out there getting the wor. Like, what do you mean?

[B]

And it was new. It was wrapped. I was like, damn. So you was probably on your way. And then I saw the box not too far from that. So I was like, damn, you was on your way, buddy.

[A]

That nigga was like, matter of fact, never mind, never mind. I'm going to go home and make myself one. It's not worth it.

[B]

So. But yeah, we are just counting down the days till it's really nice outside again.

[A]

Well, amen. Well, let's get the program started the way we usually do, with some black excellence. And this week, black excellence is gonna go to me. That's right. Starting June 4th, I will officially have been Kid Fury for 20 years.

[B]

Holy shit.

[A]

It's wild. It's a bit anxiety inducing because old. But also, it is an incredible milestone and one that I'm grateful for. And I think it also speaks a bit of what goes into my mind that I think I was washing the dishes or coming from the bathroom and I was like, wait, 20 years. That number and that number.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So black excellence to the little gay boy that was too afraid to even speak up or have his voice heard.

[B]

And look at you now.

[A]

Who became the big gay boy who speaks up for a living. You guys are welcome. You know, you guys are welcome. I'm that OG baby. That original doll. So you can lick my titties and suck my breasts. Suck my titties and lick my breast. So, okay, congratulations to me for 20 years. I'm so glad to be alive to see you.

[B]

Yes. That's so real. Look at you. 20 fucking years that is quite the achievement. You should be proud of yourself.

[A]

For sure she'll be able to drink next year.

[B]

Wow. She's a big girl. She's all grown up. Look at you. You've nurtured her this far.

[A]

Yes. So happy birthday to me. Maybe I'll have an orgy on June 4th.

[B]

Okay. I definitely needed to hear that. I needed to hear that.

[A]

What a better way to celebrate.

[B]

Look it now.

[A]

Speaking of celebrations, this week's Hot tops is going to start with the Super Bad Bunny. The Super Bunny.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Someone probably said super Bunny. That sounds amazing.

[B]

It does.

[A]

Sounds like a cartoon from like Nickelodeon. Like a rabbit. Anyways, Bad Bunny halftime performance. I would like. I would speak, but I have no notes. I have like, I don't have a single note. I don't have any additional extended commentary. I don't have a director's cut. Bitch, I don't have nothing for you. That performance was perfect. It was a masterpiece. It was excellent from beginning to end. And I didn't understand most of it right.

[B]

Same.

[A]

The stuff that I did was probably. Cause I grew up in South Florida and I think I knew like two songs. So yeah, there's that. And still I was immersed. I was entranced. The set, the design of his production and staging, the choreography, the cultural references, you know, giving the Grammy to the young boy watching him on tv, the.

[B]

Younger version of himself. Oh, that was so sweet. Oh, I could have cried.

[A]

Only thing stronger than hate is love the wedding.

[B]

The kids sleep on the chair at the wedding. Which is how it be. Kids pass out in the middle of these parties because we party all fucking night when we have an event like this. Like, it just felt like this is not my culture. But I see my culture in this. Yes, yes.

[A]

And like growing up in Miami again is like Caribbean, Afro, Caribbean, Latin, Caribbean. So, like, a lot of that I did recognize too. So it kind of almost took me back to being in Miami first. Yeah, I could see how I recognize this. But either way, like, I agree with what you're saying. It's like we are not attached to that culture necessarily. But the authenticity and like nurturing, care, community and consideration that went into every aspect of that. Not to mention he's a great performer. One of the biggest goddamn performers in the world. The biggest. No, no, it's perfect. Absolutely. Like amazing. Astounding. Star spangled.

[B]

It took me back to my years living in Washington Heights, especially the parties going on until 3:00am like, girl, I do actually have to get up at 6:15 to go to Work.

[A]

But I know they partied till six.

[B]

I'm in y' all neighborhood, y'. All not in mine. I'm in yours.

[A]

So that's it. And that is.

[B]

And you have to understand that, like, when you move somewhere, you are joining that community. You are not trying to force that community to be like you. And this is what they do. But anyway, yeah. Everything about it, just so thoughtful, so intentional. I saw that the same person who choreographed Kendrick's show also choreographed this one. Yes.

[A]

And I was like, that explains a lot. I'm pretty sure she's awesome.

[B]

Yeah. I was like, so then you're always going to be working. You're simply never.

[A]

She's on every burger, never going without.

[B]

Cause this was just incredible.

[A]

Bacon and cheese on every burger.

[B]

You did not. He said beforehand, you do not have to know Spanish. You just have to, you know, know how to catch a fucking vibe, basically. And that's true. The story that was told was so clear.

[A]

So I re from beginning to end.

[B]

I just loved every second of it. I had a ball during the halftime show.

[A]

It was so gorgeous. The choreography. Thank you for bringing it up, too. Cause I was kind of wondering who did the choreography when I was watching it. And I forgot to, like, look it up or whatever.

[B]

But.

[A]

That fucking choreography. There were so many lines and so many things, but it also didn't feel like. And now they're gonna dance. It felt so, like, involved in everything, you know, performing on Top of the house with Pedro Pascal and Anita and Cardi B and all these other Latin celebrities. Performers. Yeah. Jessica Alba just vibing and shit like that.

[B]

And then the roll call at the end with all of the America's flags.

[A]

Oh, my goodness.

[B]

And then, you know, he shouted out most of the countries, not all of them, but everybody's flag was there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then putting the United States and Canada last, which I was like, correct. It's where we belong. It's where we belong. But.

[A]

And it's not about you, but.

[B]

And then the football sang together. We are all America. Which is so true. Like, the US Gets a lot of attention for reasons we all understand, but North, South, Central America is comprised of many countries.

[A]

And so many of them, you know.

[B]

United, we are so much stronger. And I. It really just felt like, God, y', all, if we could just all put down the anti blackness, look at how powerful we could be if y' all would just stop hating the blacks. Not just black Americans, but the blacks who are also very much a part of your culture and denying them and their Influence in your own individual cultures. We could just be incredible. Like, this world could change. So I just loved every minute of it.

[A]

And to that point, you have to watch this show and be like, oh, I'm upset. You have to love to hate. Like, you have to wake up and be like, what's gonna piss me off today? And make me go off of. Like, you have to go out of your way for this to be pissed you off.

[B]

Cause you can just not watch it.

[A]

You can just not watch it. Girl. It's a 15 minute annual anthology concert. Next year it's gonna be somebody else. The year after that, it's gonna be somebody else. And do you know how many. I was gonna use, like a really old school song. Do you know how many of y' all have performed? And I just didn't watch because I didn't care. Yeah, didn't like the.

[B]

So many times most of the time.

[A]

And it's not just like, oh, well, girl, you don't watch sports anyway. I watched the commercials.

[B]

That's. That's not sports.

[A]

I didn't say it was. I'm there in front of the TV during the show, and if I didn't want to watch the halftime, I would go and watch, you know, I'd go get some crackers and listen to the rest of the family smacking dominoes through a table.

[B]

Oh, now that's culture.

[A]

Domino's.

[B]

That's culture.

[A]

Now give me a. I would have that on my stage.

[B]

Yeah, it would be Domino's if my uncles and granddaddies really making a big, big noise. Like they finna fight over Domino's cards bid with some kind of shoot and die, some shit y' all not supposed to be doing.

[A]

Do you know how diabolical it is to say my bedtime is eight and you niggas are out there say it breaking furniture until 2am so what's the truth?

[B]

Caterwauling me and all my cousins.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[B]

Lined up head to foot in one bed, all six of them. And y' all talking about, go to sleep, nigga. How?

[A]

Just looking at each other like, okay, well, so watch out. Y' all want to play jets or.

[B]

Right. I'm thinking of a number. Y' all guess it just whatever. Cause they will not let.

[A]

Cause we're not gonna.

[B]

Because the adults are ready to drink freely. That's what that meant. We had to go to bed while the sun was technically still up because they was ready to get drunk and didn't want us to see them acting like that.

[A]

I will say, though, sometimes I hear my mama cackling, and I'd be like, oh, they're having fun.

[B]

Oh, yeah, no, I know y' all are having fun. I just want to be a part of it. But.

[A]

But the uncles and my daddy and them hollering at each other, it's just like, okay, this isn't fun. Not for me. Like, I don't hear anything joyous.

[B]

Oh, yeah, like, you niggas sound serious. Actually, this sounds like somebody. You just keep me up, right? Oh, it was. It was great.

[A]

Yeah. So, yeah, I guess, again, to the point, like, I really don't even. Like, I know there has been, like, a lot of commentary, negative commentary around this. A lot of MAGA and the rest of the idiots that I try to ignore for this era, you know, this is me year.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, fuck y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

No, but, like, I honestly was thinking about a way to discuss this, and all I could think of was hold their nuts. Like, just hold everyone's balls. Who the fuck cares what you're talking about? Boricuas. Stand up, Latinos. Stand up, dummies. Sit down. Don't nobody. Like, are you okay? Do you know how much you have to, like, really get off by being mad to be mad at this?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

A concert presented by Apple Music. I'm worried, but not about me.

[B]

And they had their own halftime show, so I don't know why y' all didn't just watch y' all Whites Only program. And.

[A]

Because it sucks. But even MAGA hater.

[B]

But that. That's what y' all wanted. That's. That's literally what y' all wanted. So just watch your boring white shit and leave us alone.

[A]

Y' all couldn't even lie and act like you liked it. So what do you want? Moving on. I woke up this morning and I saw that apparently Ja Rule and one Tony yo of G Unit had an altercation a Delta Airlines flight.

[B]

I saw this video. I did.

[A]

What is happening right?

[B]

Because not in the Delta one like this. I. I wish I had been on that plane. Boy, I would have been gagged.

[A]

These aren't recliners. This is not Delta 1. This is just first class.

[B]

That's. That's not Delta 1.

[A]

These don't go bad. Oh, no, wait. This one does go back. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. I saw the COVID I know Delta.

[B]

1 when I see it.

[A]

Yeah, I just see this clip of them Standing up right here, scream in these people's airplanes. Oh, yeah, this is 1,000%. Ms. Delta, Ms. 1Delt. Now look at these two niggas talking about, let's shake, nigga.

[B]

Let's shake.

[A]

Let's shake. Shake what? I didn't know that that was the.

[B]

Thing calling each other scary ass nigga, police ass nigga, all that. I heard Ja Rule got removed from the plane, but I didn't see that clip. That's just.

[A]

Cause he threw a pillow.

[B]

Okay, well, that's where the flight attendants crossed the line. I guess they. God damn it, you are playing too much. And I'm just not going to deal with it. Yeah, just get off.

[A]

Just get off.

[B]

Just get off the fucking pillow.

[A]

Of course, somebody call, you know, they call the law, the marshal, whoever. You don't ever.

[B]

You don't want the FAA involved with this. I promise you don't. Just get off the aircraft, Take the next one out.

[A]

He. And you know what the funny thing is? He admitted that he threw the pillow, laughed about it. Tony Yale also admitted that he threw the pillow and laughed about it. Like, Ja Rule laughed in the sense of like, yeah, that dude just pillowed this goofy ass nigga. It was hilarious. It knocked his head off. And Yale was like, yeah, this nigga threw this pillow at me with his pussy. Now he ain't on the playdoh for.

[B]

I mean, yeah, it's a nice pillow. Them Delta 1, they give you like a full size pillow. Baby sheets.

[A]

Yeah, they're very comfortable.

[B]

And a comforter too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You go right, right to bed. Soon as they serve that little meal. Thank you so much, sister. I'mma go ahead and dim my light. Put on.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Put on these.

[A]

Imagine go to sleep. Imagine getting on a flight.

[B]

No.

[A]

Where you get to literally go to bed.

[B]

It's the best.

[A]

Not sleep, but bed and be like, I'm going to get kicked off this flight over arguing with this nigga. Mind you, Tony Gaye was 47. Ja Rule will be 50 at the end of the month.

[B]

Too damn old.

[A]

Way New York niggas, New Jersey niggas are petty on a completely different level. I'm not talking about petty. Like, yo, she fucked my man, so I fucked her brother. I'm talking about. It is decades in petty to the point where everybody around you is like, girl, better go. That couldn't have been an eye roll or, fuck you, fuck you too. And then we go to bed, put on a little eye mask.

[B]

None of y' all are really even relevant anymore. So I don't know why you couldn't have just sat there, enjoyed your pre flight, drink your warm nuts. I don't know why y' all don't.

[A]

Let me tell you about a warm nut.

[B]

Because I get on and they. And they just bring them right out. There you go. Would you like some nuts?

[A]

See, I'll just drop these warmed cashews. Almond.

[B]

Yummy, yummy. I don't know why y' all can't just take an edible, have a glass of champagne and then go to sleep. That's what I do when I have the privilege of flying in Delta 1. I enjoy it and go the fuck to sleep.

[A]

When I'm president, I'm going to make it so that every black American gets to have at least one business class light Delta 1 flight to the African nation of their chief. Oh, oh, well, perhaps Caribbean.

[B]

We're gonna cash. Well, first we have to get Delta to fly the Delta 1 planes to those countries, which they don't.

[A]

I didn't say just Delta.

[B]

Oh, you mean like a similar plane?

[A]

Delta's not the only plane with beds.

[B]

Come on, Emirates. Come on, British Airways.

[A]

That's what I'm gonna be doing when I'm president.

[B]

And that is a good use of your power and the country's money. I agree.

[A]

And by that I mean me and another reality somewhere. Who got your shit together isn't. Girl, I don't know how I fell into this rabbit hole the other day. I think. No, I do know. I was watching Interstellar and then I watched some other space movie, Interstellar, because it is just gorgeous. Like, it is so fucking pretty. What they do with a lot of those shots in space at the same time. It was ridiculous. Because I have a recurring nightmare. I don't even want to say it out loud because it gives me the chills. I have a recurring nightmare where I'm just like lost, free floating in just like the pitch black cosmos. Okay. Or it's like some. I don't know, it's like some color or something that's impossible to explain. Cosmic horror fucks me up.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

And at the end of Interstellar, he literally gets sucked. Oh, spoiler. He gets sucked into a black hole on purpose and then ejects from the ship he's in and then starts floating around in space. And then I guess he uses string theory to save his kid. The ending was weird, but I went to watch this video from. It was like one of those videos, I forget who does it where it's like astrologer answers your questions. About space. Lawyer answers your questions about law.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This one is an astrologer who was talking about, I think someone asked, like, the difference between a galaxy and a universe. I don't know, girl. Why did I go look up a map of the Milky Way?

[B]

Wait, an astrologer or astronaut?

[A]

No, an astrologer.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

No. Yeah, astrologer. Are they not the ones who study space, or is that astrology?

[B]

No, astrology is more about, like, the planets and their alignment and, like, what's happening at any given point because of where the planets and sun and moon and all that shit is. Astronomy is the study of, like, space.

[A]

Oh, astronomer.

[B]

Right. Oh, astronomer. Okay, okay. Cause I'm like, okay. And then they was gonna say, what, that Aries was gonna rise again and the planet was. Okay, so a map of the Milky Way. Let me look this up. Actually, no.

[A]

Well, maybe it won't scare you.

[B]

I'm scared of space because I'm not going up there, so it ain't no problem.

[A]

There is just something about knowing that you are this small. First of all, our solar. Ugh. Our solar system.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Is nothing in comparison to the Milky Way galaxy. It is invisible, practically. And our planet is nothing in comparison to many other planets in this solar system.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So when I think about how small and insignificant and how much other shit is going on out there, it just makes me. Ting. Ugh. Ugh. I'm getting the chills now.

[B]

You don't like it?

[A]

I'm getting the chills now. No, there's just something scary about it to me.

[B]

Oh. I find it very reassuring. It's like, why do I have anxiety? Are you. Are you kidding? Anxiety? Look at this. Like, look at the fucking Milky Way. I'm less than a dot. In this context, yes.

[A]

But we have to deal with the rest of the dots. My thing is, we're not a dot. We are. Whatever.

[B]

This is beautiful.

[A]

You can see, Betty. I like. The best part about it, for me is that I'm like, well, I won't be here long enough. Like, living a long life. I won't be long here long enough for it to make a difference. You know what I mean? It just. It is what it is.

[B]

Human lifespans has been what it is.

[A]

I don't have to think about it.

[B]

But when I do, I like this. I mean, it is overwhelming. It is.

[A]

That's a perfect word. It is overwhelming.

[B]

Overwhelming, yeah. I agree.

[A]

It sends a chill down my stomach. I can see why, but I think I'm just afraid of space. At the same time. I love cosmic horror movies, but that's something different.

[B]

I'm just in no danger of going up there, so I. It's nothing to be afraid of.

[A]

That is true. That is true. Cause you know something that's similarly scary to me?

[B]

The bottom of the ocean. Yep. Another place I'm not going.

[A]

Never.

[B]

So whatever weird things live down there, they can just do that. Them niggas will never be my business.

[A]

And we. They say the same, like they don't care. They're not interested in coming up there. They can't. And we can't survive down there. Isn't that God saying something? That's their business. This is ours.

[B]

Literally. That and you brave scientists who decide to find a way to go down there and study them niggas. Anyway, hats off to y'. All. I won't be doing that, though. That's not right. But it's not my portion.

[A]

And I. Godzilla could be done with that.

[B]

I'm fine with that. Well, sure. I mean, what the fuck do I know?

[A]

Sure, how do I know, right?

[B]

You can make up anything. And I'll be like, yeah, why not? Cause I ain't going to look.

[A]

Well, it's 2026, and I decided that this is the year to finally launch my line of Stiletto cut press on toenails, a thrilling new venture with a market that is untapped. This new business will of course require a home online for people with boring ass feet to come peruse our inventory tow re. That's where today's sponsor, Squarespace, comes in with the Assisther, the all in one website platform designed to help your business stand out and succeed online. With all the necessary tools to provide services while getting in the same place, I can rest assure that all my hard work hand painting beauty enhancements for your bunions will not be in vain. Featuring on brand invoices and online payments, all my business is essentially taken care of. I can even schedule appointments and use tools for email marketing. That way I can really take your pause to the next level. So head to squarespace.com 3 for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the code the read to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Okay, get ready to dazzle those bitties in style with Squarespace. So I've been laser focused on cooking my own healthy meals this year. But in truth, I'm constantly stuck in a loop of organizing my Tiffany Pollard meme collection, bewigging my dog and decimating my meager foes on my PlayStation 5 Pro. I haven't the time. Now you might be thinking, certainly there is something that a beautiful young lady like yourself can do to get the nourishment that she deserves. Well, that something lies within the cradling arms of Factor. With delicious food prepared and delivered right to our homes, Factor allows me the time to adorn my 10 year old Yorkie with Remy from Brazil and Bangs from China. After our hair show, I can pop my Factor meal in the wave for two minutes and soup's on or whatever meal you order from him. Speaking of meals, Factors, Meals are made by real chefs and designed by dietitians. Both integral to the protection of my wilted gut and porous intestinal tract. There's a short rib on the menu with potatoes and green beans and let me tell you something succulent. So in between sessions of Cindell ripping people apart with her 60 inch bust down lace, a luscious meal fit for my exquisite taste in impossibly high standards awaits me in the frigidator. So head to factor meals.com theread50off and use code theread50off to get 50% off your first factor box plus free breakfast for one year. That is factor meals.com theread50auth use code the read 50 off offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription description for purchase. Make healthier eating easy with Factor. I'm gonna skip over these other petty niggas from New York. I was gonna use examples of other petty like Cameron suing J. Cole over breach of contract because he did two features for J. Cole, like, but the agreement was when I need a verse, give me a verse. And J. Cole been giving him a run around about three, four, five times. So he's suing him.

[B]

Well, if they put it in writing, then yeah, that's. You can definitely sue.

[A]

Yeah, if it is in writing, then I guess you can. 50 Cent, also a petty nigga, did a commercial for Doordash where he literally makes fun or pokes at the fact that he's a troll and now he's delivering beef. And then he took a whole bunch of products out of this doordash bag that were not food. There are items that you can get on Doordash, but they were all without him saying a name. They were all related to people that he's trolled or has like public views with. And so it's kind of up to the person or people who know to like get these clues. Cause Doordash ain't gonna have you saying Fuck Diddy on this. Yeah, but there is a part at the end of the clip where he just busts out laughing and everybody behind the camera's busts out so they know what's going on. They love it.

[B]

Doordash apparently was one of them clues about his son.

[A]

One of them was a clock, so maybe that meant like. Or time until, you know, time until.

[B]

He dies and doesn't leave his son anything since Doordash want to pay that horrible person to be their spokesperson. Interesting Clay day. Just questions, you know, I'm just wondering. Just wondering. Woo.

[A]

Klay Thompson's birthday bash just took place. His beautiful baby boo. Oh, yes, the Boondocks. Megan was very involved.

[B]

No, no, you brought it up. And now I have to talk about it. It's Granddad, yo. No, I know the way Riley was like, granddad, this is a whore.

[A]

He said it plain and faint.

[B]

The way that Riley was.

[A]

Both the kids were like, into this house.

[B]

She do not love you, Granddad. I can't believe you think that girl wants you. She finna take everything you got this house and all of your money and then she's out of here. Yes, she's covered in glitter. She smell like baby powder. Because she's a stripper. She is a whore. What are you talking about? He was a granddad.

[A]

Then Katt Williams came and got her.

[B]

Oh, God, that show.

[A]

Granddad was so heartbroken. And Riley still said, I told you.

[B]

She was like, stop. How Granddad?

[A]

But Granddad, what the fuck was.

[B]

Anyways, anyways.

[A]

So, yeah, Megan was very involved, I think, with helping put together his birthday party. They both looked very ecstatic. Oh, yes, Megan, this red. Forgot to comment on the red gown.

[B]

Can we, can we have a moment of silence for the polka dot dress? The white dress with the black polka dots.

[A]

I. Yeah, I know which one you're talking about.

[B]

That I. I mean, you know, queer. But I've never felt gayer. Yeah, Megan's body is.

[A]

I've never felt straighter.

[B]

Megan is so perfect.

[A]

Like, she's really.

[B]

It don't make no goddamn sense how fine she is. The way that thing move. Oh my God, Meg. Jesus.

[A]

And she just went. That was just her going to the beach. You walked the beach?

[B]

Jesus Christ. She is so fun. Oh, I just love to see them together. They are so cute. She love her man. Her man, her man. Oh, on.

[A]

She booked his favorite rap group, Grown Thugs and Harmony to such a old. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. And he up on stage, just grinning he's having a time, and he's like, he gag when these niggas came out. Yes, he up there.

[B]

I'm getting.

[A]

Who love Bone Thugs. Whose favorite rap group is Bone Thugs? Only the niggas that I know are spiritual hips niggas. I'm talking about n that carry an ar and cry.

[B]

Right? Right. Like, I don't want to have to.

[A]

Blow the block up, kill nobody, because I love that I have to. But don't push me.

[B]

I tried it. Yeah. Actually, you snatched my little sister, so you do have to die. But I don't want to do this.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, I agree. I think they're super cute. I told you. I feel like Clay, to me, seemed like he just can't wait to be old. And now probably, like, old with her and some kids running around.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I'm telling you, I feel like one day they were laid up somewhere. He fell asleep watching anime with her on her titties, and she just looked down at him like this one.

[B]

And I know he was knocked down on them titties. Who probably had a nipple in his mouth and just put him to sleep. He just fell asleep like that, Mouth wide open with the nipple hanging out. I was like, oh, God, I'm exactly where I want to be. Do not wake me up.

[A]

Oh, Jesus.

[B]

I was so happy with his little sailor cake.

[A]

You do look very happy.

[B]

The pictures with his parents and everything. I just love the. That Meg has found a family that really loves her and cherishes her. And, oh, it just makes me so happy. I'm like, I don't think I could be happier if I was in this relationship. I just love to see.

[A]

I just do.

[B]

Feeling like I'm wanting, you know, for.

[A]

Once, I feel like my fuckboyometer is not going off. When I'm, like, gathering these things, I don't want to jinx it, but they genuinely just seem like a vibe, and it gives me, like, they. They. These might be the ones.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So good for them. On the other hand, whose fuck boyometer has been going on for me for a while is Stephon Diggs. So let's just get into that.

[B]

I don't know what you mean.

[A]

Oh, you don't?

[B]

That's a good man, Savannah.

[A]

That's interesting. Well, let me catch you up.

[B]

That's a good man.

[A]

Oh, speaking of 50 Cent, this nigga posted, I think, the day after the Super Bowl. Imagine you wake up today and you lost your bitch at the Super Bowl.

[B]

One of your bitches.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Real sad.

[A]

Also, this lineup is real Sad. Stephan, did you not get a. I told you, I.

[B]

Most of the time, I don't see what y' all see in him. It's rare that I. That I see it. I don't know. You didn't feel like you needed to do something? I mean, it's the super bowl, but, you know. Okay.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

I don't. I don't. I do not know, but. Huh.

[A]

Horrible. I mean, I need a haircut right now, but I'm at home.

[B]

I'm not. I'm not on the world's biggest stage. Yeah.

[A]

This is a tangled web of fuckery. I don't even know where to begin. Okay, so the girlies were like, oh, my goodness. Cardi unfollowed Stephan right before the game. There was also, like, a video of her on a red carpet somewhere, and a reporter asked her if she had any, like, what encouraging words she had for Stephan before the game. And she just looked at Smile and said, good luck.

[B]

That was hilarious. Oh, I laughed. I said, oh, she hates that nigga.

[A]

She's over it. She was like, look at her eyes.

[B]

She was disgusted. But she catches. She really did.

[A]

I go for it.

[B]

You know what you wanted to say, sister?

[A]

Yeah, we definitely do. She kept it cute. You know, the streets say Stephan Diggs had about three faux hoes at the end of the party. Like, I don't know what is going on. I don't know what is going on. One of them is the woman that he allegedly had a baby. Well, not allegedly. That he did have a baby with in November.

[B]

So why wouldn't she be invited? She had baby mama just like Cardi. Why wouldn't she be?

[A]

She's sitting over there with his family talking about I love you before kickoff. Apparently, one of his other girls, that I think they say, okay, this is alleged. I don't know if this is true or not, but one of these women. Can't remember her name. Is someone that allegedly offset. Cheated on.

[B]

Oh, yes. I heard that same thing.

[A]

And then I guess he. She went over to Stephan or something.

[B]

Mm, I don't know that.

[A]

No. Okay.

[B]

I thought he went up to her. She.

[A]

I think she's Steph. I think she was Stephan's baby mama first. Or they were in a relationship, whatever. She was connected to Stephan romantically. Then it sounds like. Went to offstage, like, went to one of his concerts. They hung out afterwards, whatever. And she tried to play it off, like, oh, I guess if I go to a Beyonce concert, I'm gonna be. They gonna say, I'm Fucking her, too. Girl, don't act things. And yeah, Cardi was there, I guess, to shake that ass and shimmy shake for Miss Bad Bunny and get her.

[B]

Like she was gonna be there anyway.

[A]

You know who won this game? Me.

[B]

Yeah. And didn't have to get on a microphone or nothing. Just was cute hair, beautiful face beat, cute outfit. And was there to party with her people. You know that. I thought her role in the super bowl performance was just fine. But I also didn't see an issue with Stephan inviting people who also gave birth to his children in the past six to eight months to be there, because why wouldn't they? His kids can't come watch him.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Watch him. Whatever. You know, people do that. They bring their kids to the game. So. Yeah. Yeah, it makes sense.

[A]

And we obviously don't know a lot of the, you know, complications and nuances and petty group chats and texts and back and forth and DMs and shit, but, you know, given what we do have in front of us, seems like Belcaliz has had enough. She said me and my baby gonna be. And. Yeah. So here's the thing, Cardi. Cause, you know, I've already got a plan. I've been having a plan. Cause I knew we were coming here, right? So here's what we're gonna do. Here's what we're gonna do. We are having at least bi weekly zooms with the lady.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

We're getting her booked. We're having. Cause you have to get on the road. You have the children. You tell the label, management, publicist, whoever the fuck, I don't care how. But we are making sure that I have the zoom with the lady. Matter of fact, you're rich. You could probably just have a therapist come on the road with you. You are speaking to the lady. That has to happen. I think the kids are gonna have to speak to the lady eventually as well. So that's what we. I think we need to do. In alongside that, we're entering single Summer Cardi going on her first tour. It needs to be these niggas. Matter of fact. Matter of fact. Recorded this record tonight. Bitch recorded this record for all these niggas. Name names and drop it right before the tour. Performing every night, put their faces up on screen. Hot hot. 97 summon jam style. You could probably just like, censor out their eyes or something. There's probably legal loopholes where you could do that. Drag these niggas. Fuck these niggas. Season that album's calling my the drama Bit. Fuck these niggas. Ooh, Merge.

[B]

With Merge. Yeah, with a. You know, some famous line, popular line from whatever this song is that you're talking about. I'm sure that would sell out. And I think that's a good idea. Especially the closer we get to summer, like in April, May. I think this is a really great idea. But the tour starts tonight. Wednesday, February 11th. The tour starts in a few hours.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[B]

Maybe not for these first couple of months worth of dates. And the tour ought to be wrapped up by summer, I'm pretty sure.

[A]

But something where there's Will, there's a way.

[B]

Exactly. And if it's good enough, we'll say it again.

[A]

We'll hop into a little studio or something, girl. And you know it, girl. Sell a football at the shows that say pretty and petty on it. I'm just, you know, we're spitball ideas. We're spitballing.

[B]

You gotta help her out. Cause this is.

[A]

Cause I saw this nigga as a fuck nigga from the.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Well, I didn't know it was gonna be this outside. I don't give a fuck. Messy. But, I mean, he does kind of give offset toothpoint now when you.

[B]

Yeah, offset with even more money. Imagine.

[A]

Yikes.

[B]

Yeah. So, I mean, you know, I've. I've already said everything that need to be said about this nigga. I am genuinely wishing her and her baby the best. I hope the tour is good. I really, really do. I think it's a minute I want it to be.

[A]

Did you see her perform Bodega Baddie on snl?

[B]

I did. Mm.

[A]

Share your thoughts with Cardi B's recent performance.

[B]

Well, remember when I said that Cardi was gonna look incredible? Come out there, give you a little 1, 2. But the backgrounds and the dancers and the set and all that was gonna be carrying the majority of what constitutes a performance.

[A]

You don't think compared to the rap girls compare today?

[B]

I don't think.

[A]

You don't think. I'm not saying she's Sierra, but that.

[B]

Girl goes up there at any time. I didn't say it was bad, but I forgot about it until you just now. Like, I didn't go back and rewatch it like I did Bonito Bowl. I watched it. I was like, oh, that was cute. You know, cultural.

[A]

Why didn't you tell me that's what it was called? I said Super Bunny.

[B]

Well, Super Bunny's cute too, but Bonito bowl is just kind of right there. Super Bunny's adorable. I like that.

[A]

So, yeah, this Is exactly what Alderson.

[B]

It was a good performance on snl. I just. It was exactly what I expected it to be.

[A]

Okay. I thought it was really cute, too. Oh, Kim Kardashian and Lewis Hamilton. Right at Super Bowl. I guess they dating cute couple Glorilla and Bro Rilla. I'm okay. I'm finished. I'm. Because you know what? It gets to a point where we, like, we all have to just be honest. And that's just the line that I refused to cross.

[B]

I can say is community.

[A]

Bro Rilla is absolutely heinous.

[B]

I did not make that up. I did not make that up. That's fucking terrifying.

[A]

Oh, man. I'm not saying you made it up, but, Jesus, you brought it to me. My.

[B]

It's been very messy.

[A]

Bro Rilla. Bro Rilla. Oh, my God. That is hilarious.

[B]

Doing a lot.

[A]

Yeah. So if you guys don't know. Glorilla and her sister Victoria have. Which I love that their names rhyme. Victoria, Gloria.

[B]

Yeah, that's right.

[A]

Well, they're not having a good time. They're not seeing eye to eye. And in fact, I would say they are openly dragging each other. Seems like Glorilla's winning. But for context, Brorilla went on the Internet and said that, you know, Glo hasn't been helping the family financially. She is taking care of her parents, and they need money, and everybody's struggling. Isn't she not shit for that. And so people went to Glorilla's doorstep. The first thing I saw was glow, saying, ask her why she stood and she had three abortions. Now, Crystal, I just got off. I just got off God's enemy. I just got off God's Internet. And I played the most innocent game I could play. I might have played Super Mario Maker or some shit, because I just needed a second.

[B]

Sometimes it takes us a while to find our way in life.

[A]

Listen, and you gotta make sure that you're right.

[B]

This is. This whole situation is when I found out that Glo has. That family, has 10 fucking kids.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I said, oh, you think I'm finna be supporting 11 grown N. I don't. I don't have that kind of fucking money. How much money? That's not how that works. If I said, okay, mom and daddy retired, Everybody else, do whatever you want to do. When push come to shove, I'll pay your rent, I'll pay your bills. I'll take care of your car payment and all that, she would be out of money by the end of the day. You niggas Would drain her dry.

[A]

Furthermore, me, I'mma take care of my parents willfully, too. The rest of y'. All. Yeah, like, if there's, like, an emergency or, you know, birthday coming up. Yeah, all the boo boos you want. But it's 10 of y' all niggas. One of y' all better go up here and get a job. I'm not taking care of you.

[B]

Oh, no, it's 10 of y'. All. 10 of y' all need to go get a job. The fuck? Hello? Fuck, no. And I don't know what Glorilla's relationship is like with her parents. If they still have to work, then, oh, well, then, oh.

[A]

Glorilla went on live with her mama on the phone to clear all of this stuff up. She was like, mama, Toria said she gave you $1,300 last month or something like that. Now, tell them how much money she owed you before that. 1200. She was like, mama, what happened with you? What. What do I do every month? Or what happens every month? Ever since I became famous, her mama was like, oh, you pay my rent well. And you offered to buy me a house, but I told you, I want no house. Mind you, you have to go look at the clip of this. Because as her mama is clearing the stuff up on the phone, I know.

[B]

Her face is like, yeah, like this.

[A]

She is like, got to be.

[B]

Okay. I'm glad they did that.

[A]

The girl went on tmz.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Talking about it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. Talking to that white man and. Yeah.

[B]

Wow. Well, this is what happens when you decide to come to the Internet and be messy. What you should have said is, glo, don't take care of me. I still have to work. I still have to go clock in down to the FedEx or else I don't have anything. And my sister won't sit back and financially float me so that I don't have to do nothing but slide in girls DMs all day. That's what you should have did instead of making it about the whole damn family. Cause Mama said, oh, no, actually, you know I'm serious. Yeah, I work, but rent is everybody's biggest bill, and I ain't gotta pay that.

[A]

Oh, speaking of, girl, let me tell you what the daddy said on the live. The daddy. The daddy said, victoria need her motherfucking ass.

[B]

What? Okay, so everybody's sick.

[A]

She know better.

[B]

Everybody's sick of her.

[A]

I was like, God damn. But then I saw a screenshot from one of the brothers, allegedly, who was like, oh, you know I didn't say nothing about this or whatever, but she don't take care of the family. But I don't need anything. And I'll never hate on my invention. He put this part in caps, all caps. I'll never hate on my invention. Talking about Glorilla. She wouldn't be who she is without me. I introduced a mic to the family. Why would I give y' all anything? I wouldn't give y' all bitches anything. Yeah.

[B]

This whole story, I say, you know, I'm just gonna thank God once again that everybody in my family works. Every single one of them niggas of working age works. And they don't ask me for shit when I give. I get to give freely of my heart. Right? They. They desire to have their own things. Nobody wants to live off of me. It's probably one of the greatest privileges of my life that niggas are not hitting me up. Because, I mean, first of all, you gonna get your feelings hurt asking me for significant amounts of money over and over again. Yeah, you gonna get your feelings hurt. But this whole thing. I saw that the cousin had posted some screenshots talking.

[A]

I ain't see that.

[B]

Yeah, well, she was defending Glo, saying, you know, I didn't know her name was Victoria. I've been calling her Bro Rilla. It was like, bro Rilla? A lie.

[A]

But she go by Scarface, of course.

[B]

But basically, the cousin was, like, showing screenshots of every time this girl's birthday come around, she text her, hey, cuz, love you. Send me your cash tag. You know, like, doing shit like that. And I do that same thing for, like, my little cousins and stuff. Like, I send money on birthdays, Christmas, shit like that. But what do y' all expect her to do when you are in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, fully able bodied and capable of working? Get a fucking job.

[A]

The moment that the mama and daddy were like, we straight. You help out.

[B]

So then this is about.

[A]

And on top of that, we are not looking for any house. The mama clearly said, I didn't want you to buy me a house.

[B]

Okay, then.

[A]

Cause I was. I didn't want a house right now. And I travel with you a lot, so it wasn't even like, I didn't want to have a house. So I agree. It seems like maybe a couple of the siblings, at least these two, feel some type of way that she done took off. And I guess they're just regular Memphis that are related to.

[B]

And they all look alike. So I know you can't Go nowhere without people being like, you can a glow. Cause y' all do all look alike. Y' all got all that same face. So that might be annoying that you are just at the UPS store and people are constantly like, oh, my God, why glow Realistic got a job.

[A]

But I can't imagine that I would be annoyed by that.

[B]

Explain to niggas that when y' all Google and Google, AI tells you that Glorilla has a $2 million net worth, first of all, that's probably a lie. But secondly, even if it is true, net worth does not equal dollars in the bank. And even if it did, if she's constantly financing everybody she knows, she not gonna have a net worth of anything. How much actual cash she has on hand, I don't know. But like you, this young, gentle stud. You can work. You can get a fucking job.

[A]

Oh, you can. Absolutely. Girl. There. You know how much wood there must be to break down on this?

[B]

Somebody hiring help at they barbecue shack. Somebody hiring somewhere. Absolutely right. It's a Home Depot or Lowe's near you that would love to see you come. You need to go install ceiling fans. Something, baby. Get you a job, girl. Get you a job.

[A]

I'm just saying, like, to your point, I have nine other siblings.

[B]

Yeah. Mm, mm. It's not happening.

[A]

On top of how many cousins, I can just be wheeling and dealing everywhere.

[B]

Because Y' all want $5,000 a month each or something. I don't have that.

[A]

What elementary school teachers need to tell us, if you have some candy, you need to have some for everybody.

[B]

Well, and that's why you had to. You had to pass it out later, not in the middle of class. Same with these birthday party invitations. You can't bring them to school and not give one to everybody. Otherwise you gonna have. Like, if you want to exclude people, you're going to have to do that on your own time. But I don't know why you thought, like, you're simply going to have to work. And I saw that somebody gave her $4,000, and then she turned around and bought a $3,200 chain. I said, this is why you don't have shit. I saw a video of.

[A]

I saw Tory lanez sent her 2,500 because she went on TMZ and said 2,500 would make it right.

[B]

Okay? So again, that's another sign that you just need a job. Cause $2500 is really not shit in the grand scheme of things, babe.

[A]

Or maybe you shouldn't get a job yet, because who knows?

[B]

What you do with your money, right? Cause if you had 4k and then spent 3200 on a chain and then was talking about, I got $500, you going on live talking about you'll give away $500 to anybody who will roast this hoe. Talking about your sister.

[A]

Wait, wait.

[B]

You don't have $500.

[A]

You're mad because your sister is giving away, is not giving the family money. And simultaneously, you are offering strangers money. Hundreds of it, Hundreds of dollars.

[B]

You don't have it to give. Baby girl, I see why don't nobody support you. Cause the decisions you make financially are terrible. You came into a few little boxes.

[A]

Your behavior is toxic as shape.

[B]

I said, damn. Well, this. I don't think this went the way you thought it was gonna go. Cause all the comments I saw were like, I also am not supporting 11 grown people. More than half of y', all, especially.

[A]

If I don't like them and they don't like me.

[B]

Especially that momma and daddy cleared it up. Said, we not. We not wanting for nothing but pays mama rent every month. What the fuck else do I have to. I don't have to explain to you niggas?

[A]

And let me tell you what stud face said. After that, she got in the car and she was like, I don't know why mama would say that. I must have to clear this up because I don't even know why she would say that. And then my dad ain't nothing but a broke ass nigga with can't even put. Oh, no. He said, she said, a broke ass trick can't even put gas in his car. This was after. Oh, the car that blow ballparents, obviously. But the thing is, she never showed any actual text messages from the mama. The text message she showed was her mama talking about cooking or something like that. And then she posted some other screenshot from. Screenshot from an app I never heard of. That was like a completely different sentiment, which leads me to believe that that was not real. But what she also did on that live was leak her mama's phone number.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Like, I gotta show your numbers, you know? Yep. That's her number, right? That's her number. Bitch, we don't know what the fuck.

[B]

Oh, God. You see how family is so fucking embarrassing, girl? Yuck. How gross.

[A]

It's giving. And you telling me that she. She got this amount of cash and used most of it to go to get a chain. Screams, you are trying to follow behind your sister. Keep up with your sister. You wanna be. And baby I am begging you to just go and pilot a tractor somewhere. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Like yeah, I'm, I'm. You going to go go get your cdl. Go do that. Drive a truck. But this is really ridiculous.

[A]

John Deere and hit the block. The block.

[B]

And if your daddy is a broke ass trick who don't know don't have enough money to fill up his gas tank or whatever, then maybe you got it from him and maybe why don't.

[A]

You Give him the $500 the Apple.

[B]

Just don't fall too far from the treaty because wow. Can't say it enough. Get a fucking job.

[A]

Prorill is just fantastic.

[B]

Yeah, the Internet is really hell.

[A]

It's just so good.

[B]

It's really hell for that.

[A]

And then she should reclaim it. Just take it. I would use it. That's fierce.

[B]

She might. I don't think she's above stunts and shows and tricks and ridiculousness to end trending.

[A]

I disagree. Because how the fuck your sister gonna say how you stood and you had three abortions and then belly dance while she clearing you on on Instagram Live. Bitch, you from Memphis too. I know you got reads. You're like, come on, get us with the laughs.

[B]

No, no, I don't think so.

[A]

Well, that is going to be it in the name of bro Brorilla. Because that one almost came out. So we're gonna wrap up the hot tops there. Took a break and come back.

[B]

Hey y'. All. Chime makes your everyday spending work harder by delivering real rewards and financial progress. Forget overdraft fees, minimum balance fees and monthly fees. Chime is not just smarter banking. It's the most rewarding way to bank Jo who are already banking fee free today. It takes just a few minutes to sign up. Head to chime.com the read that is chime.com T H E R E A D Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services the secured Chime Visa credit card and MyPay line of credit provided by the Bancorp Bank NA or Stride Bank NA. MyPay eligibility requirements apply and credit limit ranges $20 to $500. Optional services and products may have fees or charges. See chime.com feesinfo advertised annual percentage yield with Chime+ status only. Otherwise 1.00% APY applies. No minimum balance required. Chime card on time. Payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms.

[A]

Gentlemen, whether you're two dates in or.

[B]

Going 20 years strong.

[A]

A Valentine's Day gift is always a good idea, even if you let the kiddos pick it. Just hit the Walmart app and get it delivered in an hour with express delivery.

[B]

Sound good?

[A]

Great. Subject to availability restrictions and fees apply. We are back, ladies, germs and everyone around those what? We're back with your letter.

[B]

Yes. Yes we are. Send your questions to askthereadmail.com we may read them aloud on the show. We do have an update this week from Macy. If you remember, Macy emailed us last week about her time with her therapist ending soon and how to handle this. And so she said, hey y'. All, My time with my amazing therapist ended about a month and a half ago and oddly enough, she popped up in my Facebook friend recommendations yesterday. So hearing you read the letter that I wrote put me squarely in my feelings because I still miss her dearly. During our last session, she affirmed me and highlighted some of the ways that I've grown during our time together and we came up with a game plan for me to take a couple of months off before starting the search for a replacement. I already have a few consultations scheduled in the next few weeks and I am looking forward to finding a good fit. In the meantime, I finally looped my PCP in on my anxiety diagnosis and I am also getting comfy in my new chapter as Alexa Pro Baddie. Ew. Thank you so much for taking the time to give your input. I appreciate you, Macy. Crystal, thank you for having Dr. Raquel on Crystal's couch. That episode was released right before my last session and it really helped me put my thoughts and words together as our time drew to a close. Oh Macy, I'm so glad that all of that was helpful for you. As you could tell, we're a couple months behind on this sandbox. It's just a lot of letters, right? I cocked that, but I'm glad it was helpful. Babe. Good luck finding a new one. Okay, first letter this week is from Aneesa who says, I've been in a relationship for a little over four months and things have been going great. Our only setback is that there is a two and a half hour drive between us, but we make it work by taking turns driving back and forth every week. Two weeks ago my boyfriend was supposed to come to me but he was having car issues. I volunteered to make the drive but he insisted we wait. I reminded him that I had to attend a friend's wedding as well as a work trip immediately afterwards so we wouldn't be able to see each other for a couple of weeks and that I was fine with driving and would fly out of his city for my travels. He reluctantly accepted and I hopped in my car. When I got to his place, things were different. It was spotless, which is nice, but he had also replaced a lot of furniture. The weirdest part of all was that he suddenly had a cat. He assured me that he just wanted a.

[A]

Did he?

[B]

He assured me that he just wanted a change and that he found the cat during the recent snowstorm.

[A]

This nigga got a cat and new furniture.

[B]

When I asked why he hadn't brought these things up, he said he wanted to see my reaction. I was a oh yeah, I was a little suspicious, but I was mostly just so happy to see my man again. He kept us very busy for the three days I was there. Tickets to musicals, shows, nice meals, shopping, and other adventures. When I finally got in my car heading to the airport, I was exhausted. I was so tired that I thought I hallucinated seeing a mouse scurry across my passenger seat. But I sat up with one eye on the road and the other firmly fixated on a real live mouse in my fucking car.

[A]

Where's this going?

[B]

I quickly pulled over while screaming and crying. I opened all the doors to let the mouse out, and people stared as they drove past while I ran around screaming, oh my God. Oh my God, I just got. I finally got back in the car to see the mouse had left, and that's when I noticed a hole in one of my suitcases.

[A]

Oh, my word.

[B]

I immediately panicked because this suitcase held my bridesmaid's dress and items for the wedding. I carefully opened the bag and immediately noticed several mouse droppings. There were no holes in the dress. However, that little fucker found a piece of carefully wrapped cake and oil and frosting seeped through the satin bag holding my dress and all over my wigs and makeup. I called my boyfriend and the first thing he said was, you have to be better at keeping your car clean, girl.

[A]

Hell no, girl. I would have hit the quickest U turn. I'm so sorry, babe, I can't come listen.

[B]

To which I replied that that mouse wouldn't be in my car if they weren't first in his house. He seemed offended by this, but to me, it all started to add up. The house being so clean, new furniture keeping me out, the house and a cat. And the cat. I was able to make my flight and immediately had to find dry cleaners for my dress the day before the wedding. And he was very Unhelpful. During this time, he continues to deny his involvement and even blamed me for trying to see him and squeeze in travels at the same time, resulting in me experiencing a series of unfortunate events. We have yet to see each other again. Every time we talk, we argue. I know this is a stupid argument, but I feel gaslit and unsupported. Is there any way we can mend our relationship? Love you both, Anissa. Oh, man.

[A]

You know, sometimes when they. When they end it with like, is there any way to fix the relationship? I feel disrespected. I feel like. Sometimes I feel like. Like, who do you think we are?

[B]

Why do you want to.

[A]

Like, you obviously want to hear from these two brash fags that you shouldn't, like, be with this. Like, maybe it sticks. You know how they say, like, sometimes you have to hear from people you don't know or people don't know you?

[B]

Anissa.

[A]

I caught it within seconds of you describing this. You feel like you were gaslit and unsupported because both of those things were taking fucking place.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes. Okay. For those of you who have been around for a while, you'll remember the mouse era of my.

[B]

Oh, my God, the way I forgot about that until just now. You.

[A]

So if you do remember, you will understand that I have a particular sensitivity when it comes to things.

[B]

Yeah, you do.

[A]

And especially their placement in my things or my home. I believe that mice should be outside or just cleverly tucked away in a wall like Jerry, where they only come out when I'm asleep to take a piece of cheese and I never see them again. Like, I want my mouths to be stealthy. Like, I don't know they're there. I don't hear them. They have a little bed in the wall where they go to sleep, and then that's it. So let's just start with Lai 1. Oh, my car is up, so I can't come to you. The car has mice in it. All right, cool, I'll come to you then. No, no, it's fine. Don't come. I gotta pee. He's. Mice in the home that you want to miss doing. Yep, yep, you go. Anyway, instead of this nigga being like, I gotta call the exterminator first. He's like, yeah, sure, Drive two and one half of God's living hours to my rat infested residents. Lay up with me. Watch these games that you don't give a fuck about. Watch me fall asleep to sisters. All the while the mice that I know are in here have Accosted, bombarded, and infiltrated your belongings. And then they shit. And then they shit all over your things. Your. Your wigs, all your makeup, they're just. They're just gnawing at your little highlighter and your fucking fenty beauty and all this other goddamn shit, and you don't even. This nigga don't even say nothing to you. You in the car, the mice hop out. Oh, where are we going? Let me ride a passenger. What now? There's a hole in your luggage, shit in your belongings, cake over your dress. And this nigga is lying. Oh, you gotta be cleaner, bitch. Are you okay? Are you dizzy? Did you hit your head? What are you talking about? I ain't never had no goddamn mice in my life. All of a sudden, I come to kick with you for three days after you seemed bewildered and flummoxed. And now I have a mouse problem. Are. Are you okay?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, well, you the one who wanted to force those yellow pills. How do you mend the relationship, Anissa? You fucking don't. Are you cool? Are you okay? Why do y' all want us to yell at you? This man placed mice into your things and they shit on them. And then you had to find last minute. Last minute. You spent the gas to this fuck niggas house. You spent the gas to the airport. In fact. In fact, you situated the schedule so that you could just go from the house to the airport. That's how bad you want to see this lion ass nigga. Then you continue to fucking lie to you on the way to the dry cleaning that you have to pay for. Do you know how much fucking dry cleaning costs?

[B]

I do. Especially for formal gowns like that.

[A]

That's exactly. And you need to have done that right? It's the day before the fucking wedding, so it's even more mend. Mend. Mend what? You need to have him pay to mend your suitcase.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Unfinished. I just. I don't.

[B]

I'm still like aneesa. I do agree with your fury.

[A]

Droppings. Droppings.

[B]

Yeah, the whole you need to keep your car cleaner would have sent me over the fucking edge, nigga. Cause it wasn't no mice feasting in my suitcase on the way to your house. Right? Flames.

[A]

Flames on the sides. On the sides of my face. Breathing, burning.

[B]

I think once I saw that tape.

[A]

I would have had to pull over.

[B]

Yeah, I'm gonna actually have to block you. I actually.

[A]

No dead ass. Like so. For real.

[B]

And I think, you know, it's possible that your boyfriend is Just so ashamed that he had mice that he just.

[A]

Couldn'T say, I would've seen.

[B]

Yeah, but turning it around and putting it on you is the worst possible.

[A]

Way to handle that. Insane. First of all, sure. You know it. I understand people being embarrassed if they have a pest problem. Yeah, but people have pest problems. They do.

[B]

It happens. Exterminators are in business for a reason. Pests exist.

[A]

All you would have had to say is, like, I need to call an exterminator. I want you up here when it looks.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

What do you think she was gonna do, break up with you?

[B]

Right. In fact, I would have appreciated that so much. Yes. I would have taken a video of the house and been like, babe, I found mice. Look, I had to get brand new furniture. I got a cat now. Meet Waldo. Like, I can't have you coming up here right now.

[A]

I'm so sorry.

[B]

I'll wait until the exterminator comes, and then you could come visit. I would have. I think Anissa would have been like, oh, my God. Thank you for telling me, because if it had been a mouse in my suitcase, oh, my God, what if it had ruined my dress? I would have lost my mind.

[A]

Like, hit you when I get back.

[B]

You can't.

[A]

Anissa probably would have checked in. How's the mouse?

[B]

Like, this just didn't happen. The fact that he turned around and.

[A]

Like he said, then he turned it around on you to make it even worse.

[B]

And even now, he still is denying it and trying to blame you for being like, well, that's why you shouldn't have came down here to see me before you was traveling. Like, okay, nigga. All right, all right. So y' all have been together for four months. Gone and leave. Just leave.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Don't mend shit. Ain't no couples counseling for this. A nigga that will lie to you like that and stand 10 toes down on the lie and try to put it on you is really that somehow this is your fault. You. You have to. This relationship is over, Aneesa. It ain't no way.

[A]

Like I said to Cardi, it's, you know, down with fuck nigga season, so, you know, start picking out your summer outfits now and get ready to throw ass. This is ridiculous.

[B]

We barely talked about it.

[A]

Not only would I have blocked him right after the cleaning your car thing, I would have. As soon as I touched down, I would have shit. This nigga mouse traps. I'm, like, blocked him on everything. And just the pettiest thing that I could think of. You got Me that I'd have been sending them little traps and shit to.

[B]

His fucking house if you had called him about the mouse thing. And he said, babe, I'm so sorry. I was so embarrassed. I was praying that this wouldn't affect you. Let me replace your suitcase. Let me pay to have the dress cleaned. Let me this. Like, that would have been better even. Since he couldn't be honest up front when he was confronted about it, he was honest and did his best to repair it. This nigga is still trying to put it on you, girl. It ain't nothing to save here. Insane. Fucked up. He's a fucked up person. Leave him.

[A]

It's not even just like, oh, there was a mouse in my car. Yikes. It's like a mouse was in my car. And I only saw it after I saw that it destroyed my things. And both of these things took place because of you. You had numerous opportunities to tell me what was going on, and then you had a number of them. As Crystal just said, to make up for it, you said you had to go through the dry cleaning and all this stuff. And he was being unsupportive. What?

[B]

He don't get to do that because this is his fault.

[A]

I feel like you could take this.

[B]

Nigga to small claims court, really could, and be like, your honor, this nigga got a cat and then told me it was just cause he found it during the snowstorm. No, you found a mouse and said, I need a cat.

[A]

No.

[B]

And where there's one mouse, there are hella others.

[A]

And that is why you had to.

[B]

Replace all of your furniture. Cause them niggas ate. Chewed their way right through it.

[A]

Yuck.

[B]

Oh, you had an infestation.

[A]

That's what it sounds like, babe.

[B]

Yuck.

[A]

Three days and they fucked my shit up like this, Right?

[B]

You could have just told me the truth. Now we can't be together no more because you couldn't tell the truth in the beginning. And then when you were called out on it, you tripled down on your lie and put it on me. You didn't even say, babe, maybe those are Cinderella's mice. And they thought they were building you a dress and instead they messed it up. Like, he didn't even. He. He made it your fault. He said, you know you got Taco Bell in that car.

[A]

That'S up there with. It was a compilation, babe.

[B]

I wasn't watching my ex porn. She was just in a compilation of nut videos.

[A]

Shut your ass up, you dumb ass lion ass bitch.

[B]

Yeah, this nigga an good luck Finding another one forever. Woo.

[A]

Yikes. Please update.

[B]

Tried the fuck out of you. All right, all right. Next letter comes from Marco, who says, hi, Chrisland K. My ex told me he didn't want us to have sex anymore, and I agreed. You know how it goes.

[A]

That's a hilarious sentence.

[B]

One day, we were hanging out, doing yoga, watching movies. Nothing too scandalous. I was being respectful, even though my inner goblin was doing backflips. Later that night, he made a comment about how he used to stretch me like. Like them yoga poses when we used to hook up.

[A]

Okay, so now that's not okay.

[B]

That one tiny sentence flipped a switch, and suddenly my brain said, you know what? Let's be unserious today. I flirted back, and then we agreed to hook up later in the week. So y' all went from I don't wanna have sex no more to let's.

[A]

Fuck later this week because of a yoga pose.

[B]

Oh, the gays, you know. Fast forward to the main event. Sex happens. Afterward, he reveals these rules that he conveniently did not tell me beforehand because he already knew I would say no. One of the rules was that he wants to sleep with other people too, but will still sleep with me. He said he'd use protection with others but go raw with me, and I did not like that at all. I don't share well. I am not a community garden. What hurt wasn't just the rules. It was the strategy. He admitted he hid the rules because he knew it would change my answer, and that made me feel played. I told him I needed space. He later sent me a voice message crying about how he ruined our friendship and how this was his fault. I forgave him for hiding the rules, but the vibe was on life support. We tried talking again, but our energy was way off. On top of that, he's about to get super busy with work and he still wants the freedom to hook up with other people. I realized I'd be sitting around wanting him while he's out living his best life, and that would slowly turn me into a main character in some tragic gay indie film. So I told him.

[A]

I was gonna say Tyler Perry, but he's a guy.

[B]

So I told him we should just be platonic friends and not fuck around anymore. Did I do the emotionally mature thing in this situation, or am I just a horny, dramatic little Mexican who hates to share and misses good intimacy? Please advise before I text this man something I'll regret. With love and theatrics. Marco. Love it.

[A]

Um, wait, what was that last. Oh, it was. Marco said, was he emotionally mature?

[B]

Did he mature thing? Yes. Or he's just corny and dramatic.

[A]

In saying that you want to just be platonic friendship friends.

[B]

I mean, I guess. Or maybe with the way you handled the whole situation.

[A]

I don't know if. I don't know what that. If that has anything to do with your major. I don't know. This sounds just like a very, like, complicated, tied up, but also manipulative. Yeah. Set of scenarios and situations. And it. First of all, I was very. I didn't take that first sentence while correctly. I thought you meant that he said that you shouldn't have sex anymore and you agreed that you shouldn't have sex. Have sex. That is rather than like. I agreed with his, like. I thought that you meant like, oh, yeah. I also don't want to. Oh, I'm glad that we agree. That's the way I said that.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

I get. Yeah. Halfway through, I was like, oh, okay. Yeah. I think it is weird to be like, to do this with someone's emotions and feelings where it's like, I'm gonna open the gate and let you get closer. I'm gonna shut the gate again. Oh, you gotta be quicker than that. Oh, like it's just some st. Like, bitch, you don't wanna fuck. And then you're telling me, ooh, I wanna stretch you out. And then you're like, ooh, but I wanna fuck other people. But I'm not gonna tell you because, girl, if you don't go find somebody else to go and fuck around with. It's Cardi's fuck these niggas season, and I'm getting my coochie cutters ready for the summertime. Like, that's. That's gross. And I think, to be honest with you, I wouldn't even want to be platonic friends.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I wouldn't even be one of you. I mean, I wouldn't desire to, like, hate this person. I wouldn't even expect to never speak to him again if we didn't. I'd be fine with it.

[B]

But.

[A]

Yeah, I wouldn't even continue speaking to him, to be honest with you. I would at the very least be taking an extended break from conversation, connection, anything like that. Because it is clear that you have feelings that are deeper than sex. You even agreed not to, but still, what have you. And it's clear that he knows that. And he's still kind of pushing and pulling and playing around with you and making rules, but then having hidden rules. Like, he had Starbucks menu Bitch, go play with somebody else. Like, nobody got time for that. And there's way too many N out here.

[B]

This whole rules thing. As soon as I heard that, I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?

[A]

Are you my fourth grade teacher?

[B]

There's no rules. We're not together. And rule is the wrong word to use anyway. Like that.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Rules are something that, like, a person in power establishes that you have to follow. That's not. That was the. That was the wrong word here, right Now, I assumed that y' all were just going to fuck around this one time and then stop, but that was a foolish assumption on my part. Y' all clearly were talking about. Even though you said you didn't wanna have sex no more, like, y' all agreed on that, y' all immediately reneged on that and said, actually, let's do it again. And so I guess you all were planning to restart your sexual relationship without being in, without being together. And I usually will advise people to not do that, especially in the case of, like, this ex. I think it works better if y' all were never in a romantic relationship and y' all are just fuck buddies. But this whole. We use today, but now we trying to be friends, but we still sleeping together. Girl, stop. Stop deluding yourself. No, it's not what you want or he want or whatever. Like, somebody's feelings always get hurt in these situations. So I think telling him. I think this was a good idea to say, you know, we can just be platonic friends, but I also think it's fine to say that and then not actually reach out and try to be friends. I think you have feelings for him. You said. I mean, the fact that you didn't want to have a sexual relationship knowing that he was also gonna sleep with other people lets me know that you have feelings for him.

[A]

Exactly. I'm not a community guardian. Right.

[B]

Like, what do you mean? Cause I honestly, if the sex is that good, I would have been fine with you fucking other people as long as. Look, you. You like, nine to five, I'm the weekend.

[A]

You know, I know that's.

[B]

I would have been fine with that. But you. I think you very obviously still have a thing for this man. And so it's probably for the best that y' all just cut it off here. You cut your losses and go your separate ways. But, yeah, this is, I don't know, gay mess. Just the sort of thing that our people do. Hiding, not unfamiliar hiding. The. That whole rule thing is really throwing me off. Cause, like, how you Think we snuggling after we just fucked and now you like, oh, by the way, I do want to fuck other people, but I'll use condoms with them.

[A]

Yeah. Rule one, girl.

[B]

Rule two, my dick is still returning to normal. And here you go. What? And right. The fact that he hid it until after y' all had sex. Like you said he knew you was gonna have an issue with it, but he still wanted some ass or whatever, that's very fucked up. That's very manipulative. To deliberately withhold information so that you can get something for your own benefit. That's very manipulative. So I don't even think you should be prioritizing this person as somebody who is a friend. Like, I think it's time to cut him loose completely, move on. You can find friends that don't act like this.

[A]

So at least you ain't asked. How are we supposed to mend it?

[B]

Yeah, me.

[A]

So I'm looking for and your droppings.

[B]

Well, because poor Anisa, she's like, it's been going great. The only problem is the distance.

[A]

But no, he's a mouse infested lion.

[B]

It's the lion ass boy for me. Because it just didn't have to be that way. But yeah. Good luck, Marco, with moving on and finding new friends and new people to with. I know you can do it. All right, guys, that is going to wrap up the letters this week again. If you have a question for us, send it to asktheread gmail.com. we'll be right back.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

I missed that. No, he didn't. Let me google this. No, he didn't. No, he did not. No, no.

[A]

I respect him for his hustle and his music, but it seems like there's a little bit of DEI higher there going on. Black guys love Jay Z.

[B]

Black. Black guys. What do the. Do you know who runs the NFL? It's not black guys. Black guys are in the NFL, but they don't run.

[A]

I'm not that ignorant. I know a lot of us love Jay Z. Not just black guys, but in the league where you have this problem, it seemed like, oh, we'll bring him in. Listen, again, I'm not gonna do too much to my check. And if Jay Z. First of all, Jay Z can't be a DEI or nowhere. It literally makes absolutely no sense. But regardless of what kind of higher he is to the NFL, you would crack it higher for turning points. You are a free based hire for maga.

[B]

Jay Z has more qualifications for shit like this than you or any other cracker you could have named could possibly. Like what? What? I don't.

[A]

Only thing that you're qualified to do is holler and look like something off of breaking.

[B]

The idea that the NFL wanted more black men to watch the super bowl is really ridiculous. Black men are already watching the fuck out of the super bowl that they needed Jay Z to. What now do I think this was a y' all showed up with all that Colin Kaepernick take a knee thing? Yes, but the. The suggestion that he is a D I hired, like he was just thrown in there like he's just some random nigga instead of Jay fucking girl. And this is coming from Kid Rock. Okay. All right.

[A]

Meanwhile, you look like the bolt the butler off a scary movie too.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

Performing at the fucking Turning Point. Halftime, whatever the fuck. Show me that everybody hated so you can get in the bin along with Jake Paul. Now, this might be the first time I've ever talked about you or you've ever been in a read, because I really just try to pay you no mind. Even though you have somehow finagled a position in the sport I watch. I don't need you to ever talk about politics again. Is giving well first. Okay. Jake Paul recently said that if you don't like ice, you don't agree with ice, then don't call 911. First of all, Jake, I'm Going to give you a bit of a news flash here. 911 has absolutely nothing to do with ICE or enforcing immigration dispatching anything to those fucking idiots. 911 is an emergency service. It is a dispatch service for emergencies. People bleeding out on the side of the road. Oh, there's a prowler in my home. Emergencies. In fact, if you call 911 in most places and be like, I think there is an illegal down the street. They'll probably tag you most places. So I don't know how much they offered you to say this dumb ass shit. They're like, okay, you're a famous white. Come on down. We got Nicki Minaj eating cookies in the back. Just, you know, we'll write you the check. But then they didn't give you a prompt of anything to say. It was just, like, freestyle. Because that didn't make no goddamn sense. Don't call 911 if you don't like ice.

[B]

What are you talking? The same Jake Paul that lives in Puerto Rico. All right? What are you talking about, nigga?

[A]

What?

[B]

I thought you was gonna talk about that fake American when he called Bad Bunny a fake American.

[A]

Oh, I don't know.

[B]

Like, you live in Puerto Rico, though, which is real colonized America. It's a real colony of our. What are you talking about?

[A]

This makes me even. I was already happy to see AJ, like, crack your shit. Anthony Joshua was running laps around your ugly ass, and it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in my life. And so this just kind of cements it. I hope you beat your ass again, or anybody else for that, for that matter. But next time that you say some, like, maga thing, get one of. Get. Do like, the podcast and the YouTube do. Tell them to send you a prompt, say this, don't say that. And, you know, here, you can just use some wiggle room 91 1. If you don't like ice, don't call 911. That's like somebody said, if you don't like the police, don't eat donuts. What the fuck does that have to do with anything? Bitch, ICE is not fucking dumbass. You and this other bitch get in a bin, and I got something for all of you hoes. I'm awake this year, bitch. Oh, gosh, I'm joking.

[B]

Well, so did you see the video that the White House posted with the Obamas as monkeys? Oh.

[A]

Oh, my God. Maybe my brain tried to forget it. That was.

[B]

I can't believe how much shit happened this week.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

I said, now, I really don't have standards for this administration. I know these are the worst people in the world, and they'll do fucking anything, but this is low, even for you niggas. They deleted it after, like, 12 hours. They had they. Number one coon, Tim Scott, talking about how this is so racist. And I hope it was actually surprising that there were Republicans saying that the White House should delete this and apologize.

[A]

I mean, it was so blatantly right.

[B]

And it's. The first part of the video is a bunch of lies and conspiracy theories about election tampering back in 2020, which, bitch, you're back in office. Like, what do you want? And then the very end of it being this clip of the Obamas being monkeys. And so there was a press conference or whatever. Trump was talking to the press on Air Force One, and of course, they asked him about it. I saw this, and he was like, I mean, I. I looked at the video. I didn't watch the whole thing. You know, there was some. We were talking about some election voter fraud that happened in Georgia back in 2020, which nobody talks about. Nobody's talking about the voter fraud, but I didn't watch the whole thing. So I just sent it along to the staffers, and they posted it. So the one person was like, who. Who is the staffer? Like, name. Name a name. Who? You can't name a name because the staffer is Donald J. Trump.

[A]

Donald J. Trump calls coming from the House.

[B]

And so they asked if he was going to apologize, and he said, no, I didn't make a mistake. That's it. So you posted or you authorized the posting of this video and allegedly didn't watch the whole thing, but didn't make a mistake? How can that be? Was it not a mistake to not watch the whole video? Because you also said, oh, a lot of people found that offensive, and I would have, too, if I had seen it. Like, okay, all right, so then did. So then. So then the mistake was not watching the whole video. Right. The mistake was telling people to post something that you didn't actually something. So you should apologize. You're not gonna apologize because you did this deliberately.

[A]

Yes. You laughed about it.

[B]

Y' all didn't delete it for a very long. Well, in Internet time, 12 hours is a long time to have some shit like that up, especially when it's the White House, because y' all had thousands of comments talking about this like, y' all knew what it was. You did it on purpose. And now you talk about, oh, well, I didn't watch the whole thing. It's not a big deal. Talk about the voter fraud. Girl, you are really full of it. And I just couldn't believe that, like, stooping to that level for what? Like this? Like, what? You want to troll the country? You just want to get people all up in arms and have them be mad knowing that it ain't anybody can really do about it. And the people who do have the power not going to do about it. Okay, speaking of, Chris Brown got on Instagram after Bonito Bowl.

[A]

Oh, boy, another one.

[B]

Chris Brown got on Instagram and posted to his stories after the super bowl halftime show and said, I think it's safe to say they need me with a smirk emoji. And I just have to say, Christopher, we absolutely do not. We really don't. First of all, that performance was good. What are you talking about?

[A]

That performance was.

[B]

It was a great show. What do you mean they need you? Nobody thought it was boring. Nobody thought it sucked. Nobody thought it was whack. It didn't flop. It's the most viewed super bowl halftime show of all time. It was great. Bitch, what are you talking about?

[A]

They need you to do what?

[B]

Come and do some backflips? Start sweating like a fucking cokehead.

[A]

Parking lot pimpin. Do they need you at the Wetzels? Oh, you're gonna do a doordash ad needs you to do what?

[B]

Even without Jay Z standing in the way of you being the super bowl halftime performer, Christopher, I think you perhaps do not understand that you are what's known as a liability. And most massive companies are not going to touch you because of all the risks that come along with being associated with you to this day. You are not accountable for your shit. And that is reflected in the way you acted after this halftime show. Nobody needed you to post this. And then afterwards, he was like, oh, I. I just love pissing y' all off. I love. I ain't gonna lie. I just love when I piss y' all off with the crying, laughing emojis. Like, girl.

[A]

Why.

[B]

So you're Trump. You're just posting shit to get under people's skin and make them annoying.

[A]

Gabrielle Union said, you got the girl.

[B]

Did you get the job?

[A]

Get the job?

[B]

Yeah. Did you get the part? Like, no, you're not going to get the part. And that's just what it is. And saying that after that incredible performance made zero sense. It wasn't like. It was just. It's not like Kid Rock did a show and then he was like, Oh, y' all need me. Okay. I would have let you slide on that because I. I'm sure you could put on a better show than Chris Rock, but that was excellent.

[A]

Chris Rock.

[B]

We actually don't need you doing that double mint gum song that you was gonna do with the strobe lights and all that forever. That actually do not need it. You already know. Do the kids.

[A]

Do the kids know that that song was for gum?

[B]

Oh, woo.

[A]

It was a good song, even though it was for chewing gum.

[B]

Next up on my list of bitches, Corey Holcomb.

[A]

Girl, step up.

[B]

If you remember a month or two ago, Corey Holcomb would. However you say, y' all know I'm country. This video came out of him punching another comedian, Christina Payne, in the face outside of a comedy club. He had previously denied it, but, you know, video will tell the truth when won't. And he got on his podcast. He has a podcast called 5150. And I'm like, as envy psychiatrical as in the grippy scene socks day. What are you talking about? Like an involuntary 51. Like what? I don't know what that means. I don't know what his context is for that. But there's this minute and a half clip from this episode where he talks about how TMZ has ruined his life.

[A]

I saw it.

[B]

And they got him good with this one.

[A]

You got me?

[B]

TMZ got me good. I'm finna be in the poverty line. I'm finna be on food stamps. And apparently he. When this video came out, he lost a lot of bookings. People have stopped calling the jobs have.

[A]

Dropped a woman in the face.

[B]

Punched a woman in the face. And in the video, of course, there's no sound. You can see the two of them. There's a big crowd of people. First of all, you can see that there's some sort of verbal altercation going, but then he steps up and then just fucking socks her. And then niggas jump in, you know, and it goes the way it goes. But. But this whole thing about. Well, you know, people been saying shit about me for a long time, but once TMZ posts the video, then, you know, what's done is done. And you niggas talking about me is one thing, but TMZ posting a video is a whole nother that's totally different. And, you know, now I don't know what I'mma do. The jobs is drying up, and it's TMZ's fault. TMZ didn't punch that lady in the face, bitch. You did that.

[A]

Like, are you fucking okay?

[B]

You're not. It's actually something wrong with you. For you to be 57 years old and still incapable of taking responsibility for your own fucking actions. You hit that woman. You lied about it. The video coming out, that's not TMZ's fault. It's your fault, because there wouldn't be a video had you not punched her. And I'm sure you publicly lying about it.

[A]

But he didn't get nothing but the footage.

[B]

But you did it. It wouldn't be nothing to show if you had not fucking punched her. And then you lied about it. And you lied about it, right? Assuming that this shit would never come out. I'm very glad it did. I mean, I never cared about him in the first fucking place, but to hear that his bookings have dried up. Good. You gonna be in line down to the welfare. Good, good. Cause that's what you get for punching that girl. For what?

[A]

I was so aghast. Like, I was like. I watched the video and I was like, this nigga isn't this, like. No, he. Like, he does need a proud of people.

[B]

You just gonna go up and steal on a girl in her face, really?

[A]

And then lie about it, and then the truth comes out and you're like, well, it's all yalls fault that I'm losing jobs and I'm about to be broke. Good.

[B]

And it's your fault. You're the dumb bitch who did that to you. We TMZ and the fans and the people who booked you and then said, oh, never mind, you crazy bitch. That's nobody's fault but your own. Again, you're pushing 60. Maybe learn to keep your fucking hands to yourself. Last but not least, y' all with these dogs.

[A]

Oh, boy.

[B]

Bringing dogs into the grocery store.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

You know what motivated this is that I've seen white people do it many times, and I just. The city has a website where you could take pictures of people with their dogs in the store, submit a complaint, and then they will go find the store because the store is supposed to stop them from letting these people in. Oh.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

I had to look it up because I'm disgusted. Now, y' all know I have my dog. I love Lainey as if I gave birth to her my damn self. But there. She does not go places where dogs are not allowed, because dogs are not allowed. When I saw a black woman do it the other day, I said, oh, I'm fed the fuck up up, cuz. Why am I Over here, cuz. Why am I over here picking out green onions and rudabagas and. And then here come your dog sniffing along the goddamn produce.

[A]

I have never taken link into a.

[B]

And I do not understand it. And I do not understand it. Why. Why do y' all bring.

[A]

I've never even taken her inside a restaurant.

[B]

Do not take dogs into food service establishments because you don't belong there. The one and only place I smuggled Lainey was to your show. And in my defense, I thought she was allowed because they didn't sell food.

[A]

You did say that.

[B]

I thought she was allowed because they didn't sell food. They were like, okay, no, don't do that again. And guess what I have not done since.

[A]

And Laney was also the size. Like, you could have tucked her in the brass.

[B]

And she was in my brassier. Lainey was £3 at that point. Nobody even knew she was there. He was sitting there chilling because she was under my bosom asleep. She did not give it. She. So you know, but that. That's bad enough. Okay, Like, I was wrong. My bad. Sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

However, food service establishments, you know, you cannot bring your fucking dog in here. The grocery store got big ass signs. No pets. Service animals only. And what do you raggedy bitches do? Bring your nasty ass dogs in here anyway? Why take that n home? I understand. Sometimes you walk in the dog and you're like, oh, my God, I'm finna cook dinner. I just need to run in here and get an onion. I need to go get some eggs. Blah, blah, blah. I get that. But you know what? Sometimes you have to be inconvenienced. You have a dog, and so you are inconvenienced.

[A]

Yes. That comes with having just like, kids.

[B]

Or any other responsibility. Sometimes you gonna be put out. Sometimes you have to go out of your way. That is the choice that you made when you decided to take on this responsibility. Take that goddamn dog home. Why is this sniffing all around the deli and they custom slices of cheese and they. They artisanal cupcakes and.

[A]

And my grocery store is literally two blocks away from here. And there have been times where I'm walking Link and I'm like, oh, I need to go to the grocery store. I just.

[B]

Girl, you're going home.

[A]

I walk her the other way.

[B]

You're going home.

[A]

And then I'm going out, and then I go to the grocery store, and.

[B]

It is a pain in the ass. Especially when the wind chill is negative 5 degrees. Yes, it is. I understand. And at the Same time Lainey, who I could probably smuggle in a store for real under my coat. I still don't take her. Cause that's nasty.

[A]

If you have a telfie, you sit here.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Don't let her have a zipper, please. She's.

[A]

You're in there.

[B]

I'm leaving you a little hole for some air, and that's it. But I don't do that trifling shit. Leave your goddamn dog at home and pick up the shit on the sidewalk.

[A]

Let me tell you something. Shit on the sidewalk is just so. It is just so egregious. It's so low for so many reasons. But shit on the sidewalk in New York is a different kind of beast. Because it is either freezing and so it is now a shit rock.

[B]

Or.

[A]

It is baking and so it's a shit rock. Now you can smell shit for three blocks. Just get the. You said this already.

[B]

So gross.

[A]

If you have a dog now, if you do not want, don't get a dog. Do not.

[B]

It's part of the job. It's part of the job.

[A]

It is part of it. Pick up the poop or train the.

[B]

Dog to go inside. And then you can just collect them little puppy pads and throw them away. But either way, you have to dispose of shit. Pick it up. The snow and ice being everywhere is making the poops that y' all don't pick up that much more visible. And I'm disgusted. As somebody who does clean up after her dog, I'm disgusted by y'. All. I don't know. And I've seen all races of people do it, so I can't say niggas or anybody else. I have seen all of y' all act like this with your animals, and I don't fucking get it. Clean up after your goddamn dog and leave it out of places where it is not allowed to be me. You got this nasty ass mutton here around the carrots with a sweater on, talking about, my mommy made me wear. Your mommy need. Well, it's not the mutt's fault, the mother's baby, but I'm still annoyed. I'm irritated. And I. I mean. And I'm taking a picture and I'm reporting the. And I know them employees are like, I do not. Why the do I have to stand at the door and turn you bitches away? Like you can't read the fucking sign that says your dog is not allowed to be in here. They got two, three big ass signs at the front of the grocery store. No dogs no animals. Service animals only. And y' all walk right past that like you cannot read. And bring your fucking mutts in anyway. So now the store is getting in trouble because them employees don't make enough to sit here and police the fuck out of y'. All. And y' all don't give a about the rest of us.

[A]

Oh, my God, that is so true.

[B]

So now I gotta tell 411 it's dogs in the fucking grocery store. And maybe some fines for these eating.

[A]

Cheese inside of bag.

[B]

Cause maybe y' all need some fines to actually start enforcing the rules. But that's how disgusted and fed up I am with this bullshit. Leave the fucking dog.

[A]

I barely see those signs. I barely see those signs. Because it's just in me to be like, I wanna bring.

[B]

I don't need. I don't need the. I know she's not allowed. She's not a service dog. I'm not gonna pretend she is. This bitch, the way she'll forward roll and get on her and get on her back and expose her belly to anybody who looks at her service. Oh, no. You can tell she don't have a job.

[A]

Like, I don't understand why this bitch.

[B]

Don'T have a job. You can tell she don't. She not trained to do a damn thing but ask for love. She's thirsty for yalls attention. She wants it back that. Oh, baby, the way Laney will just roll over out to the world. Anybody, just anybody, please come rub this belly. It's not exclusive. Yes, it is. So pretty, right? These aren't.

[A]

They're so cute. But every time I sit to the poop thing, every time I walk in my dog, especially on my block. And I'll see because there's like a park nearby. So like, a lot of people are walking around. Every time I see somebody on the street who dog poop. And they keep walking. I be wanting so bad. Holler than Principal Joe Clark. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up.

[B]

Like, do you need a bag? I'll give you one of my bags, but pick this up.

[A]

I have.

[B]

Pick it up. The world doesn't belong to you. This isn't your private sidewalk. When you get a house with a yard, your dog can shit in your yard. And you don't have to pick it up as much as you want to. Because that's your private land that the rest of us don't get to be on. But the sidewalk belongs to everybody in New York. We need the sidewalk. Everybody on the fucking sidewalk. Constantly. Okay? We walk here, pick up after your fucking dog or don't have one.

[A]

Especially given the fact that you have icebergs that have narrowed down the fucking sidewalk anyway, so you don't even have space. We already got limited space.

[B]

And then your dog's steaming pile of shit is right here in the middle of the limited space we have. Pick it up.

[A]

Only warm thing I want. Crazy bitch.

[B]

Pick it up.

[A]

For now. That is just violent. Like, I don't get it.

[B]

It's disgusting.

[A]

I don't get it. Do you think you fertilized in the block? What the fuck is wrong with y'?

[B]

All? It's a rule that people have to pick up their dog shit just because the city wanted to get on your nerves. Or do you think it's a matter of public fucking health, like you thought the city said? Oh, yeah, you, Carissa, you in particular. We wanna piss you off, so we'll make a law that says you have to pick up your dog's shit, girl. It's disgusting. We already have a rat problem. We don't need nothing to entice the rats. Pick it up.

[A]

Not to mention, I've said this before, like, other dogs will pass by some shit and be. And it's like they're texting.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Like, oh, let me see what Spike's talking about.

[B]

Lani want to see what's in the downloads. And I. Thankfully, now that she's gotten older, she will kind of look at poop as we walk by and be like, oh, no. Mm, mm, no, thank you. But piss. Oh, she's fully locked into piss. She's reading the pee mail. Oh, she's downloading the PDFs.

[A]

So is she doing the thing where it's just like you can't even get through one block? Oh, that's true.

[B]

Our walks. Cause there's pee everywhere. We go outside for ladies fun. This is her exposure to the world. She don't get to go outside if I don't take her outside. So I'm patient with her. Especially now that the temperature is a nice warm 30 degrees. We can go outside for a long time. When it was zero degrees. No, we going outside to pee and then we going right back upstairs. But she gets through most of the time. Take her time on these walks, because I get that this is her time, but, yes, she's fully. We can't go more than a few steps without her stopping to investigate somebody's urinary activity.

[A]

Yeah, younger length was the same thing. Like when I first got her, a lot of those Walks were sniff walks, because outside of smelling pee, I've just.

[B]

It's fun for her.

[A]

I've always assumed that it's like, oh, let me get used to the. Get familiar with the environment, the surroundings and things. And then after a while, the walks were less sniffs and less sniffs more as we would. Because she's like, all right, I don't know where we going. And I know we gonna turn right here and then we gonna go over there, so on and so forth. When I moved, it was a similar thing. So it was. You know what I mean? She had to do a lot of sniffing.

[B]

Like, what is not a new neighborhood? The fuck is this? Yes.

[A]

And now she just be like, all right, yeah, we going to go back. Hurry up. Why are you not walking fast?

[B]

So, yeah, pick up the poop.

[A]

Don't take the dogs into.

[B]

Take the goddamn dog home.

[A]

It shouldn't. Take it home even need to be set.

[B]

Take it home. Just take Poppy at the bodega. Do not want you to bring that dog in there while you ordering your. And turkey bacon, egg and cheese. Leave the nigga at home.

[A]

And let me tell you something that, like, dogs love more than the scent of a Croissan' wich wide open space like you are. Like, they would rather be out at the park or somewhere where they can run around way more than smelling like potato chips and greens and cookies and sh. So they can smell all that shit at the house.

[B]

As someone who's deeply attached to her dog, leave that nigga at home.

[A]

It's just. Yes, yes, Link is my chest. I love this girl. I am obsessed with her. And she is still a young black American queen. And with that comes standards and some shit. We just do not pick up the phone and we do not put up the phone.

[B]

It was devastated to see a black woman have her dog in the grocery store. I said, oh, this is really just.

[A]

Last night when I was on the phone on FaceTime when she came and interrupted me and I told her to move it. Then she was like. She was, like, fussing around at the side of the bed, just trying to get my attention. And I said, girl, if you don't go find somewhere to go sit down. And you know what she did? Hopped up on the bed and she sat her ass down. And I jumped back on the phone like, I'm sorry, I gotta talk sometimes.

[B]

Sometimes Lany got up on the arm of the couch and then was looking at me like I needed to come get her down. And I'm like, you got your Black ass up there. Now get down.

[A]

She ate your MacBook.

[B]

I said, get your ass down. And then she sat down. I said, no, not sit down. Get down. Get your ass down. And then she gonna very slowly walk off the cow. Bitch, you are playing with me. You are playing, but, you know, that's fine. My baby, I love her, but she don't go in the.

[A]

Yeah, she's still young.

[B]

I go to dinner with my friends. I don't bring my fucking dog. What's wrong with y'? All?

[A]

It's so easy.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

It's so easy. Even the summertime we outside, you know, when they be like out on the sidewalk or whatever, when they open up the streets and shit, even that where they be having like the dog on a leash under the table. I don't even.

[B]

That's not as good because you're allowed to do that. That's different because you're not inside of a restaurant. Although I am still prone to leave ladies ass at home. Like, bring her out for what? She's gonna want fries. She gonna beg somebody to drop something down that she can't eat. Then her poops are gonna be messed up for two days. Like, no, I'm not doing that. I'm leaving her at home. She wants to sleep. Dogs sleep like 17, 18 hours a day. If you let them, if you let them, if you don't dress them up and take them outside places they have no fucking business being. Leave the dog at home. Especially when it is simply not allowed. She's just not allowed.

[A]

That bitch be up at 7. She run around like. She run around like sha'. Carri. I'm talking about when she goes to daycare to see her homies and shit and they drop her back off. I take the leash off of her and it's just like, she sits still and the moment the leash comes off, sprints down the hallway to nowhere. I follow her, I put the leash down, I come in and she's just wagging her tail, looking at me. I'm like, bitch, A, you owe B. Oh, where? Why are you so excited?

[B]

State of mind.

[A]

It really is. But she's hyped until like 9pm or so. She's looking at me like, well, girl.

[B]

And Lani won't go to bed unless I go to bed. I tried to stay up late the other day to get her to go to bed without me, and she just laid down at my feet and was like, I'll just sleep right here. We going to bed together. I'm like, all right, nigga but yeah, that will.

[A]

She'll age out of that life as well. Because Link gave me about four or five times, maybe three. And she like, all right, I'm going to be.

[B]

And I'm, I'm, I'm trying not to rush these days where she's still acting like a puppy because I know I'm gonna miss em. But they are challenging, to say the least at times. But, you know, I still just don't take her where legally she cannot be. And I feel like that's honestly the bare minimum.

[A]

I feel like it's right.

[B]

Yeah. Because you're not leading dogs at home. And that will wrap up this week's episode of the Read. Find us on social media at. This is the Read. Our website is. This is the read.com. thank you so much, Jameela Bell, for being on this week's episode of Crystal's Couch. You can find all the episodes in our patreon@crystall's couch.com. thank you so much to Apple Podcast for the feature. It means a lot to me in my little show where I'm just, you know, doing my best to help out in my own little way. Yeah. What about you, Kid Fury? Any news from you this week?

[A]

Nothing I would like to disclose. I would like for you to go to kidfury.com as well as patreon.com kidfiery for more information. Our new February playlist just went up on Patreon. So you can go over there and if you're very kind, I'll show you my bracelets. I love the word breasts, if you haven't noticed. And I think it's cause it ends in the. Can you say breasts?

[B]

There's something about it that when you say it, it reminds me of Trixie Mattel. Don't know why. Nothing about you ain't the way you say it.

[A]

Maybe that's why I get it.

[B]

And my breasts. I had my breasts.

[A]

My huge breasts.

[B]

My breast was popular. Winging in his face. It's just so funny.

[A]

Just pendulous is too far.

[B]

All right, wrap this shit up. Take care of yourselves. We will. See y' all hoes next week.

[A]

Happy black history, Gentlemen. Whether you're two dates in or going 20 years strong, a Valentine's Day gift is always a good idea, even if you let the kiddos pick it out. Just hit the Walmart app and get it delivered in an hour with express delivery.

[B]

Sound good?

[A]

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