Bert Kreischer "You have little sister feet" | the really good podcast

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: Not This Again with Bobbi Althoff
Episode: Bert Kreischer "You have little sister feet"
Date: March 10, 2026
Host: Bobbi Althoff
Guest: Bert Kreischer

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Episode Overview

This episode features comedian Bert Kreischer joining Bobbi Althoff for a lively, meandering conversation filled with generational differences, personal stories, irreverent humor, and quirky insights. The dynamic between Bobbi and Bert is marked by playful teasing, candid reflections, and digressions into unexpected territory—including Russian mob tales, parenting, social media habits, human trafficking fears, and the mysterious concept of “little sister energy.” The episode balances lighthearted banter with thoughtful anecdotes, all set during a mutual pedicure.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Generational Differences and Aging

• Ages, Offense, and References

  • The conversation opens with confusion and playful sparring about their respective ages (03:44).
  • Bobbi, 28, and Bert, 53, joke about getting offended by age and not recognizing each other's cultural references—like movies (“Caddyshack” and “Fletch”) that Bert claims defined his generation (06:39).
  • “For like 25 to 35 is the same thing really. It's just conversation wise. It's more difficult with a 25 year old... There's things you don't know.” – Bert (05:19)

• Aging, Attraction, and Self-Image

  • Bert opens up about finding older women attractive as he ages, countering the stereotype that famous men date much younger women (22:02).
  • “I would clean up on menopausal women. I'm talking, I'd do Jeffrey Epstein's island. But there'd be railings everywhere so they don't lose their balance.” – Bert (23:29)

The Infamous Russian Mob Story

• Backstory and Reputation

  • Bert shares a condensed version of his notoriously viral story about joining the Russian mafia while studying abroad and robbing a train (03:19, returns at 35:32).
  • “So in 1995, the mob ran everything. They told us that. And they gave us two banditti. Young, young gangsters to kind of watch over us... We drank and we robbed the bar cart. And then when everyone passed out, we Robbed the whole train...” – Bert (35:32)

• Legacy and “The Machine”

  • The story became the basis for Bert's movie “The Machine” (36:53), which he confirms he now shares at the end of every stand-up set.

Pedicures, Feet & “Little Sister Energy”

• Pedicure Process and Preferences

  • The hosts get Russian pedicures during the taping, sharing tips, gripes, and preferences (00:40, 17:09).
  • “Gel gives me such anxiety. Gel's like an arranged marriage... you gotta go get it taken off.” – Bobbi (00:41)
  • “I kind of like this pedicure better than an Asian pedicure. Why Russian pedicure? I just love the attention to detail.” – Bert (17:15)

• The “Little Sister” Concept

  • Bert coins the phrase “little sister feet” about Bobbi, later expanding it to “little sister energy” as a compliment, indicating someone who is approachable, humorous, and can “bust balls with the boys” (12:12, 14:12).
  • “You have little sister energy. That's what I like about you.” – Bert (15:07)
  • “So like... I'm offended.” – Bobbi (14:21)

Family Stories & Parenting Styles

• How Bert Met His Wife

  • Bert shares the story of meeting his wife in Los Angeles, recalling her feistiness as part of the attraction (13:41).
  • “She dresses him down in front of... everyone. How dare you come and make a fool out of yourself. You think I date a fool?...” – Bert (16:00)

• Parenting, Schools, and Spanking

  • Both discuss generational attitudes toward discipline, parenting, and their children’s experiences in school (18:50).
  • “I love to go to my daughter's school. It's so fun. She loves it. It makes her whole life if I go there.” – Bobbi (18:50)
  • On corporal punishment: “We got hit.” – Bert (19:08)

• Family Surprises

  • Bobbi reveals learning as an adult she had a 40-year-old half-brother through her father (19:41), leading to a story about meeting him and connecting over their similarities (20:31).

Safety, Social Media & Human Trafficking

• Online Safety and True Crime Paranoia

  • Bert describes his fear of human trafficking and the lengths to which he educates his daughters about it (27:34).
  • “All I text them about is human trafficking. I'm terrified.” – Bert (27:40)

• Location Sharing Habits

  • They bond over obsessive family location tracking, with Bert sharing his location with a long list of people for peace of mind (31:06).
  • “Let's share our location with each other for the rest of our lives.” – Bert (30:53)
  • “I share mine with people. Can I tell you one of the people I do it with who had to edit his name out?” – Bert (31:05)

• Technology and Social Media Generations

  • The differences between discovering Facebook/Instagram in their youth, parenting in the digital age, and even the annoyance of watching TikToks at full volume (40:35).

Fame, Celebrity, and Parasocial Relationships

• Fame vs. Celebrity

  • Bert and Bobbi discuss the nuances of feeling “famous” versus being a “celebrity” (42:04).
  • “Tom Cruise is a celebrity.” – Bert (42:23)
  • “I'm famous. Meaning, like, I get recognized... but I don't know. I think people think there's an accessibility with me...” – Bert (43:25)

• Parasocial Connections

  • Both acknowledge the tricky nature of fans thinking they could get along with them, or having parasocial relationships with people they’ve never met (40:09).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Anxiety Over Nail Gel:

  • “Gel's like an arranged marriage... You gotta go get it taken off.” – Bobbi (00:41)

• On Aging and Attraction:

  • “I would clean up on menopausal women... I'd have like seats in the shower.” – Bert (23:29)

• On Human Trafficking Fears:

  • “All I text them about is human trafficking. I'm terrified.” – Bert (27:40)

• On Little Sister Energy:

  • “You have little sister energy. That's what I like about you.” – Bert (15:07)

• On Celebrity Hierarchy:

  • “Celebrity is the diamond, famous is like silver.” – Bert (43:57)

• On Social Media Evolution:

  • “I was the first generation of social media...” – Bert (08:32)

• On Learning New Trends:

  • “But it would suck to like, have to learn new words...” – Bert (06:53)

• On Family Quirks:

  • “My dad's old though. He's, he's 70, about to be 76. He had me at 50.” – Bobbi (19:29)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:19] – Bert’s famous Russian mafia story (short version)
• [12:12] – The origin of “little sister feet”
• [16:00] – The dramatic story of Bert meeting his wife’s ex at yoga
• [18:50] – Bobbi on volunteering at her daughter’s school; discipline across generations
• [19:41] – Bobbi finds out as an adult about a surprise half-brother
• [22:02] – Bert on attraction to older women as a function of age
• [27:34] – Bert’s concerns about human trafficking, sharing advice for young women
• [30:53] – The pair share their phone locations and discuss privacy
• [35:32] – The full “machine” origin story (Russian mafia and the train robbery)
• [42:04] – Debate: Are they famous or celebrities? What’s the difference?
• [43:57] – Bert’s “celebrity is the diamond, famous is silver” analogy

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Episode Highlights & Tone

• Playful Banter: The entire episode is defined by sharp, offbeat humor and an undercurrent of affectionate teasing between Bobbi and Bert.
• Candidness: Both share personal stories about family, fears, and professional worries with surprising candor.
• Cultural Clashes: Generational and cultural gaps are explored, especially in terms of references, technology, slang, and parenting attitudes.
• Mix of Light and Dark Topics: Ranges from pedicures and “feet talk” to anxieties over human trafficking and privacy in the digital age.
• Meta-Commentary: They acknowledge and joke about their own conversational meandering and unfinished stories.

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For New Listeners

If you’re new to “Not This Again,” this is a quintessential episode—equal parts random and revealing, with an irreverent, intimate tone. You’ll find yourself laughing at Bobbi and Bert’s asides, pondering their more serious moments, and likely googling odd phrases like “little sister energy.” Fans of conversational podcasts that wander through personal, cultural, and comedic terrain will find much to enjoy.

Transcript

[A]

On December 12, Disney invites you to go behind the scenes with Taylor Swift in an exclusive six episode docuseries.

[B]

I wanted to give something to the fans that they didn't expect. The only thing left is to close the book.

[A]

The end of an era. And don't miss Taylor Swift. The Eras Tour the final show, featuring for the first time, the Tortured poets department. Streaming December 12th only on Disney Plus. Burt. Yeah. No, not gel.

[B]

You're not gonna get gel.

[A]

Gel.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Gel gives me such anxiety. Gel's like. Gel's like an arranged marriage. Gel's like. So you're gonna be together forever. It's two weeks until we decide. You come off and then you gotta go get it taken off.

[B]

Yeah. You're crazy.

[A]

You have little sister feet.

[B]

Little sister. What does that mean?

[A]

Like you.

[B]

What is little sister feet?

[A]

That's creepy. I can't tell you.

[B]

Oh, please don't. Thank you.

[A]

So what's the. Are we rolling yet?

[B]

We're about to. Let's start.

[A]

This is great because I go to the Vietnamese nail salons and I don't know what they're saying, but.

[B]

What. What language Russian are you. How do you know that?

[A]

I lived in Russia for how long?

[B]

Oh, God, I don't know what you guys are saying at all.

[A]

Yeah, it's all you.

[B]

Translate.

[A]

She's just saying, I didn't know you spoke Russian.

[B]

That's crazy. Yeah, I want to speak.

[A]

I said. I said that one time. I'm at a gas station and there's two, like, four older Russian men all in tracksuits, drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, and they're talking Russian. Now, I. I can speak a little Russian, but I can't. I'm not fluent at all. I used to be pretty fluent and I can understand sometimes what those people are saying. And so I heard them, I understood them, and I lean in and I go, yes. Like, I mean, says, I know what you're saying. And they were not sharing recipes.

[B]

What were they doing?

[A]

They were talking about killing someone. And I just leaned in like, I speak Russian.

[B]

What'd they say?

[A]

And they were like.

[B]

And I was like, oh, what does that mean?

[A]

Like, what are we. What were we saying? Oh. And I was.

[B]

You didn't know, though?

[A]

I had no.

[B]

Okay, that's good. You saved your life by knowing how.

[A]

I love that you go, how do you know Russian? That is my favorite question I've ever been asked.

[B]

Is that sarcastic? Why would you. Why. Why would that be your favorite?

[A]

Because I overtold the Russian mob story so much.

[B]

Oh, you were in the Russian mob?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Banditi. Bandit. Bandit. Knesna. It's. It's. How you say, like, young gangsters Bandit.

[B]

You. You were a young gangster in Russia?

[A]

I cannot believe you don't know this story.

[B]

Well, welcome to not this Again. Today.

[A]

I'm here with Bert Kreischer.

[B]

Go ahead, tell us about you being in a Russian mob.

[A]

No. You'll lose. Every viewer you have, they're like, we've heard that's bad. No, no, it's just. Oh, okay. It's gone viral already, and.

[B]

Well, I. I want to know briefly. Give me the. Give me the infinite version. Yeah.

[A]

When I was 22, I got involved with the Russian mafia, and we robbed a train.

[B]

Why were you in Russia?

[A]

I was studying abroad at Florida State.

[B]

Oh, that's. Is that normal to go study in Russia?

[A]

No, not at that time. And at the time, it was 1995. The mob ran everything.

[B]

You're that old? 1995. You were in college. You were 22. How old are you?

[A]

53.

[B]

That's not that. Is that old enough to be.

[A]

Okay, wait, how old do you.

[B]

I wasn't alive yet.

[A]

But how old? When were you born?

[B]

97. Yeah. Yeah, you were. You were in the Russian mob before I was alive. That's crazy.

[A]

What a.97?

[B]

Yeah. How old did you think I was? I looked.

[A]

Well, I don't know what year you'd be born, but I thought you were probably 33.

[B]

That's so rude.

[A]

Well, you said, I've been smoking weed for 15 years.

[B]

No, I said 15. It's been 15 years since I tried an edible because I was, like, in high school. I think I'm 50.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

But I'm only 28, so don't.

[A]

You're 28?

[B]

Yeah. What do you mean? Why are you shocked?

[A]

No. I mean. No, I was, like, just saying that, like, out of, like, excitedness.

[B]

What age do you stop getting offended about age? Like, Like, I get. I'm like. I get offended that people think I'm over 30 already. Will I ever stop being offended about age?

[A]

Oh, for women. So funny. I was on a plane with my wife, and someone thought she was pregnant.

[B]

Oh, that's so sweet.

[A]

I know. That's what I said, because she's 56.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I was like, oh, they think you can still get pregnant. How cool is that?

[B]

Was she not flattering?

[A]

She's not flattering. No.

[B]

Okay. Well, I guess that could go both ways, because. Why does she look pregnant?

[A]

I think it's. I get to a Certain age with women where I think it's sexy when you find out a woman's like 56 and still looks good. That's so. So to find out someone's age, I go like, nice.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

But like at 30, there's no difference for me for, for like 25 to 35 is the same thing really. It's just conversation wise. It's more difficult with a 25 year old like to talk to you. There's things you don't know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That I couldn't explain to you.

[B]

Like what?

[A]

Like. Like Caddyshack. Like you've never seen it?

[B]

Never even heard that word in my life.

[A]

So it defined my personality.

[B]

Caddyshack?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is that a person? No, it's a place or a thing.

[A]

It's a movie. It's a.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's a. It's one of the best movies that's ever been made.

[B]

Caddyshock. Who does it have in it? Why are you laughing when I say Caddyshock?

[A]

I mean, every guy in here defined who we are. You had every male leading character, every. So every man in Caddyshack, a guy picked who he wanted to be. You were either Danny, who's the young guy who gets laid, who's the hero of the story, or you're Chevy Chase, the slick guy that can putt and play golf with barely having to work at all and gets all the chicks. Or you're Ronnie Dangerfield, the loud guy in the room. Hey, that hat looks nice on you. What are you gonna free bowl of soup with that hat? Or some guys are Judge Smails. And I would argue Judge Smails is the hero of the story. But yeah, Caddyshack defined us. Fletch. Fletch. Ever watch Fletch?

[B]

Never again. That's another thing I've never heard of.

[A]

So if, if my wife died, I would have to marry a menopausal chick just for references.

[B]

Yeah. I hope that doesn't happen. But I would hate.

[A]

I would hate to be married. I mean, it would be nice to be married to someone you as young as you. Because I'm sure it'd be fun to be naked with. But it's. But it would suck to like, crazy. It would suck to like have to learn new words, like kind of.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, that's so lit.

[B]

I. I don't say that. I feel like you got the age. I don't think that's so lit. I feel like that's like a. The next, the earlier generation later. I'm not five. I'm 28. My daughter does.

[A]

Your daughter does?

[B]

Yeah, she's. She's just started. She's in elementary school now, so she's. I never. I was like, I'm between those two. Like.

[A]

So do you still do slangs?

[B]

Do I do slang?

[A]

Like, you see, like, a cool outfit on your friend.

[B]

Yeah. And say what.

[A]

What do you say? Like,

[B]

what would you say?

[A]

Oh, I'd say, like, that's fire.

[B]

You would not say that.

[A]

It's Fire Festival.

[B]

And I wouldn't either. I don't. I don't really do, like, the trendy every once in a while, but it's not. I feel like I'm a little too old for that. I'm almost. I'm between a millennial and Gen Z. You're what?

[A]

Gen X?

[B]

You're not a baby boomer?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay, well, that's good.

[A]

Although I think I have boomer tendencies.

[B]

Do you? What's the age of baby boomer? I feel like my dad's a baby boomer.

[A]

Like, giving up on your phone is a boomer move. You're like, fuck this phone. Fuck. I can't even see anything. Just someone fucking get me a pizza from grubhub. I don't even know how Grubhub works.

[B]

Yeah, you. You do that.

[A]

Boomer tendencies.

[B]

I'm surprised you use. I. When I looked at your phone, I was like, you record stories and stuff, and that surprises me about you.

[A]

Well, I was the. I was in the first generation of social media. Like, I was still using social media, but I was using it for friends, so I thought it was cool.

[B]

I was also in that.

[A]

No, but you. Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

[B]

I feel like a lot of people were the first. I think it was. It happened when we were.

[A]

But now it's like. It's like. I remember hearing a kid, really smart kid, and I wanted him to be an agent. He was from Chicago, and he sold shoes to us, and he was the. One of the quickest, smartest kids I'd ever met. Angelo Blando. And I said, I want to set you up with my agency. I think you should be an agent. And he went into my agency, and they're like, so, what are you looking to do? And he goes, I want to start a YouTube channel. And I just like, wow. And by the way, I think he's making a killing on his YouTube channel.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you thought that was silly?

[A]

I thought it was so silly.

[B]

I. I was in elementary school, and Facebook was, like, popular. And I remember we all would use it, and my mom would be logged on on her computer to make sure I wasn't doing anything crazy in the other room. She would, like, monitor what I would do.

[A]

See? But I got. I got to. I would argue that, like, Facebook, for me, was so much more fun because it was almost like opening like. Like a time capsule. Because, like, you got on Facebook and you just checked to see what was happening. Yeah, I got on it and was like, shut up. He's in jail.

[B]

Because you saw all the people from when you were.

[A]

Because we all logged on at the same time. And there was this kid, the wild kid in our class, grown up, and I. I Googled him. And on Facebook, and there was a page. They had a page. My kid, my kids in my class had dedicated. He was in jail. He had gotten a manslaughter dui. And he like, whoa. And then that was Facebook for me was like, oh, shut up. He's gay. Get the fuck out. Like, that was.

[B]

Yeah, I feel like I kind of do that now on Instagram. I'll randomly decide to go look up all the people that I went to high school with, and I'm like, what are you doing in life right now? Yeah, all the people who are so much cooler than me back then.

[A]

Do you ever Google people you had sex with? No, I did it with my wife one time.

[B]

You Googled your wife?

[A]

No.

[B]

What did you do?

[A]

No, I said to my wife, I

[B]

was like, you did it with, like, you act. Sat there and made her watch you Google people you had sex with?

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

Okay, tell me. I'll shut up. What did you do to your wife?

[A]

I forgot how much I enjoy you. Oh, so this is going to be so tough. So I had said to my wife, I was like, you've never Googled, like, an ex to see what they're up to? And she's like, no, I'm done with them. I was like, oh, it's fun. You can see, like, if they're succeeding or they're not succeeding. And none of mine were succeeding at the time. So it was really fun for me. And I said, it's fun. Let's come on. And I was with a group of people, so I said, give me his name. And she gave me his name. Jeff Bagwell. It's not the real name. So I type it in and I go, does he work at a tractor supply store? And she goes, yeah, his daddy owns that tractor supply store. I was like, oh, cool, Cool. Here we go. Like, oh, my God, he died last Week. She was like, what? I was like, oh, it's usually more fun than this. She was like, oh, I gotta call his mama. Oh, my God.

[B]

That's how your wife talks?

[A]

Yeah, really hardcore.

[B]

I don't feel. I watched your story yesterday, and I feel like she didn't talk like that.

[A]

She does. She. Her dad's in town right now, so it's really thick. Daddy, do you need me to get.

[B]

There's no. I just watched your stories. I don't feel like she sounded like that. Do you have more wives than I know of?

[A]

No. That's how she sounds to me. Really? Yeah.

[B]

I feel like you're exaggerating it.

[A]

Well, that's what I do as a comedian.

[B]

Like, so bad, though. Like, I feel like she talked like I do.

[A]

Look, if. If you heard her.

[B]

Let me. Let me watch this back real quick, cuz I now need to be wrong. I need you to be wrong about your wife.

[A]

She. She is going to love you right now.

[B]

She drotic. Wait, I feel like.

[A]

Is it this video, like, to close my day?

[B]

She's in this, right?

[A]

By thanking my beautiful wife who I made laugh so hard.

[B]

Is this awkward for you to listen?

[A]

I said, this is tough for a blood cut. It's gonna be really rough the day I die. You better hope you get hit by a butt that's a redneck. All right. I love you, baby. Thank you for everything today.

[B]

Oh, you're right. Okay. Wow. I didn't pick up on that. She did sound like. In my head, I made her out to sound like me, but she doesn't.

[A]

No, she has. She is. Whenever anyone meets her, they go, where are you from?

[B]

Where is she from?

[A]

I'll tell you her answer. This is how long I've been married to this woman. Rural. A small rural town in Georgia called bow. About 1200 people running the border. Georgia and Alabama.

[B]

How'd you meet her?

[A]

Three times.

[B]

Okay, well, how did you meet her the first time?

[A]

Getting ready to hike Runyon Canyon.

[B]

That's. Why was she in Runyon?

[A]

She was working at the apartment at the base of Runyon Canyon.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like on. Curse on. I think it is. And she was writing, and she was a roommate. She was hot. And I said to my buddy, that girl's hot. And he was like, I know the other girl she's with. Let's introduce ourselves. And she was a complete and total. Okay, this turns me on.

[B]

Like your wife was.

[A]

Yes. Oh, I. I think every guy in here likes a hint of.

[B]

Really? I don't. Okay. Yeah, it's Interesting because I'm so nice. That's probably. Yeah.

[A]

I thought you were gonna go, that's my brand.

[B]

Oh, no. I'm so kind. That's. That's why no one. Yeah, but.

[A]

And then the next time I met her.

[B]

Is that why I have such a large male following? Because I'm mean. Yeah. Really? That. I thought they thought I was cute. Not that I was a. But that makes sense. Okay.

[A]

You got little sister energy.

[B]

Can you tell me. Actually, you start. You started this off saying I had little sister feet.

[A]

You have a little sister feet? 100.

[B]

Can you tell me what that means?

[A]

Like, they're not sexy, but they're not gross.

[B]

That's so weird.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why? What's. Why are they not sexy?

[A]

So like.

[B]

So I'm offended.

[A]

It's like the coolest thing you can get in life is like. Is like a good little sister.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then the even cooler than that are when your friends like your little sister. When your friends dig your little sister, and your little sister can hang out. She. Because cool thing about little sisters is they can hang out with the boys and they can bust balls with the boys. And I tried to raise both of my daughters as little sisters.

[B]

You have kids?

[A]

I have two.

[B]

Okay. I had no idea. I thought you were like a. I don't know a lot about anybody. Don't be a. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no.

[A]

That's fine.

[B]

I can't believe you have kids. And in my head, you were just like a single. Like not single. A married man with no kids. You just chose not to.

[A]

Okay, but little sisters can stand up for themselves. No one pushes them around. They're fun. And they always have good senses of humor. They're always. It doesn't matter. I'm not talking nothing about looks. I'm talking about the energy of a little sister is the fucking coolest thing in the world. That's what I. That's what I like about you. You got little sister energy.

[B]

I've never.

[A]

So the second time I meet my wife, we're at yoga class over on Yucca at the ymca and it just.

[B]

You didn't plan to meet too here again? Oh, this is fake.

[A]

I'm at yoga with my buddy Croy, and I'm like, dude, that chick is so hot. She is such a.

[B]

How old was she?

[A]

30. 30. Probably 31 maybe. Okay. So I say to Croy, he goes, she doesn't look like a. And her ex boyfriend, who she had just broke up with, shows that at yoga class with a dozen roses trying to win her back.

[B]

Aw.

[A]

And she dresses him down in front of. How dare you come and make a fool out of yourself. You think I date a fool? Only a fool gets broken up. I told you what my ultimatum was. I'm done with you. Leave. You turn around and leave. Take your goddamn roses with you. Ain't no one want your roses in front of everyone.

[B]

I feel like I'm, like, imagining the Notebook right now. This is so cute.

[A]

And my buddy Croy goes, you do not want to date that chick. I sat next to her in yoga class, and I made her laugh the entire class because I sweat profusely. And then we went bowling. And after one time, randomly, we go bowling. And that's the third time I meet her.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And she goes, he's cute. Give my number. I was like, I'm staying away from this chick. Then she called me. She goes, how come you ain't called me? And I was like, I don't know. And she was like.

[B]

Are you concerned about your feet right now?

[A]

No, not at all. They look great. Beautiful fucking feet.

[B]

Do you think so?

[A]

No, I know so.

[B]

What makes you think that?

[A]

Because I grew up in Florida, and I took care of my feet.

[B]

What do you do to take care of them? How does one take care of them?

[A]

First of all, I'm barefoot a lot, so they're very strong.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So they're so. They're. They're good. I have really high arches, and I get pedicures probably once a month.

[B]

Do you?

[A]

Yeah. I kind of like this pedicure better than an Asian pedicure. Why Russian pedicure? I just love the attention to detail.

[B]

It's. You're gonna have the prettiest feet you've ever had in your life after this.

[A]

So excited.

[B]

Don't worry. It's. It's only like, 600, so.

[A]

Yeah, no wonder.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Look at them. They're like. It's like they're. They're like. They're detailing our feet.

[B]

No, it's the cleanest your feet will ever be. When I stop getting these, I'm like this. Nothing compares.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They cut off every single little piece of dead skin that you've cut.

[A]

Oh, I got rough.

[B]

How do you have calluses on the bottom of your feet?

[A]

Yeah. Cause I walk around barefoot everywhere.

[B]

They're going to like. You're going to have baby soft feet at the end of this.

[A]

My little sister one time during the pandemic.

[B]

You have a little sister?

[A]

I have two little sisters.

[B]

Oh. Do you have any older sisters?

[A]

No.

[B]

Older Brothers? No, just three of you.

[A]

Three of us.

[B]

You have two little sisters. That's cute.

[A]

Yeah. And they're fucking hysterical.

[B]

Oh, they're. I'm. How old are they? They're, they're old too now.

[A]

My youngest sister's 43.

[B]

Oh, she's kind of young.

[A]

Yeah. And then probably has kids your same age, I think.

[B]

Kids that are the same age as me.

[A]

No, as your kids.

[B]

Oh. I was like, wow, she started so

[A]

young and then she has kids.

[B]

Do you know what though? At my kids school, I all of the parents are like 40, 45. I'm weirdly young to have a five year old. And her teacher is like the sweetest lady ever. She just like, I'll volunteer in class. Like I try to volunteer at least twice a month.

[A]

Really.

[B]

I love to go to my daughter's school. It's so fun. She loves it. It makes her whole life if I go there. So I try to go as much as I can and the teacher will sit there. If like the kids are feeling sad or whatever, she'll be like sitting there pinching their shoulders and stuff. And I'm like, that would have never, that never would have happened in public school for me.

[A]

So we got hit.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I was in the generation.

[B]

My sister did too. I didn't get hit at school. My sister. Well, no, they asked, they called her into the principal to give her like a spanking.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And my parents were like, you better not do that. They like told. But my parents would like spank us. I don't know why they were so against this.

[A]

You got spanked?

[B]

I got, I got hit so hard growing up.

[A]

That's so. That's like.

[B]

My dad's old though.

[A]

Oh really?

[B]

He's, he's 70, about to be 76.

[A]

That's my dad's age.

[B]

I know, he's really. He had me at 50.

[A]

Wait, what? That's crazy.

[B]

Almost 50.

[A]

What do you have older, older, older brothers and sisters?

[B]

I don't. Well, my mom had some, so before she met my dad. She had some for my dad though. I'm his first. Well, no, I was his first forever. Until he found out in the last 10 years that he actually did get somebody pregnant when he was younger. So now I have a brother that's 40 from my dad. But he didn't know about him, so. Yeah, he lives in Florida.

[A]

I love one of those.

[B]

He's great.

[A]

Is it as fun as you think?

[B]

It's actually. He has two kids that are like in high school and we like started hanging out as if my dad didn't miss the first 40 years of his life.

[A]

For real.

[B]

Isn't that crazy? 40 years of his life. Missed it. And now we're.

[A]

How old is this? We should have been doing this the whole time. Oh, perfect. Wait, wait. Sweet, dude. The first time you guys, like, this is how my brain works. I envisioned that you got onto Florida to meet your new brother.

[B]

He came here, but. Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then he takes you to an oyster shack.

[B]

He did not do that.

[A]

And then. Okay. Takes you to a Buffalo Wild Wings. And you guys both eat wings the same way. And then you're like, slowly realize it. You're like, both grab your beer with your left hand and wipe your face and clear the foam off. You're like, what are we doing? I'm in love with this so much.

[B]

Are you enjoying your. This is your foot detailing.

[A]

Oh, my God. And you got the thing to suck the dead skin.

[B]

Yeah, it's going to suck.

[A]

And then will I have a pile of dead skin like cocaine that I can take home with me?

[B]

No.

[A]

She's not even listening.

[B]

She's like, that's ridiculous. Well, speak it in Russia.

[A]

Cocaine.

[B]

What did you say?

[A]

Cocaine. What? Okay. I think he's so. Like, one of the most important phrases you ever need to learn when you go to a different country is how do you say cocaine?

[B]

Oh, how do you say kakbasabut means.

[A]

How do you say cocaine?

[B]

Oh, I. Like, I'm going to go to Russia and say that.

[A]

Yeah. Human trafficking.

[B]

Yeah. They don't want to help you with that one. That's not what they want to help you with. Yeah. My. My dad is old. Very.

[A]

How old's your mom?

[B]

She's 12 years younger than him, so whatever that is. They're not together.

[A]

Your mom's, like, my age.

[B]

No. 12 years younger. 76.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. No, that's not.

[B]

That's not your age. You're not. You're not gonna be 76 in 12 years, Bert. You're old.

[A]

No. Your mom. It's so funny because, like, I don't feel old at all.

[B]

You don't?

[A]

No.

[B]

Really? That's amazing.

[A]

I say, put my sweater cord. I don't feel old, but I definitely will be hanging out with someone, and then I'll be like, that's so cool. He's like, let me introduce you to your mom. My mom. And then you see his mommy, like, who's this smoke show walking up? And he's like, my mom's 50. And you're like, that's still six years younger than my wife.

[B]

I have a question. Do you. Are you like. I mean, I guess it makes sense. You become like, you're now attracted to 50 year old women. Hardcore. That's crazy.

[A]

Hardcore.

[B]

But I guess that makes sense. Like, I'm not attracted to like little boys, obviously, but I was one when I was.

[A]

What happens is, I think and it started with porn. Like, I just, I would look at like porn and it just wasn't the stuff I did. It was like, girl. Like, I was like, that seems young. And then I was like. And then MILF stuff seemed like not even relatable. It was like, oh, that seems broken. Yeah. And then I was like, I just kind of was like, I like what I get. It's like, you know, if you grow up eating Italian food, you like Italian food.

[B]

Okay, so you, you have a 50 year old wife, so you like 50 year old women?

[A]

I like flaw. Like a little subtle flaw. I like that vulnerability that shows up in A woman at 56 is just. It's the best.

[B]

I'm glad you won't be one of those people who, if you ever became single, started dating like young girls. I feel like that's odd.

[A]

I would clean up on menopausal women. I'm talking, I'd do Jeffrey Epstein's island. But there'd be railings everywhere so they don't lose their balance.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I'd have like seats in the shower.

[B]

I'm so glad I didn't like bring my mom in.

[A]

Epstein's island would be like, no pool would be over four feet. Cause I don't want them to get confused. Okay.

[B]

There would be like maybe minus the human trafficking or whatever he was doing.

[A]

Oh, at 56, they're cool with being traffic.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, do I get the points?

[B]

Oh, okay, I'm. I'm gonna.

[A]

I wish you got this joke. It's very funny. Jeffrey Epstein trafficked young girls. But I would. I'll tell you later.

[B]

And when you learn how to say the whole sentence in Russian.

[A]

Yeah, Hang on, I can say this. Small. Dvochka.

[B]

Small.

[A]

Young. Young. Young versus old. No, babushka. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, I've heard that word.

[A]

What does that mean, grandma?

[B]

Oh, why have I heard that word?

[A]

Malinki dabouchka versus babushka. Yeah, yeah, small. In Russia when you want something and the waitress is going, you go. And it just means girl. Let's go.

[B]

Oh, that's so mean.

[A]

It's awesome.

[B]

That's evil.

[A]

It's awesome. It's like going back to the 50s. Russia's fucking cool as shit.

[B]

Is it?

[A]

Don't you love Russia, Mother? Russia, mother. Okay.

[B]

No. Do you. Is it safe right now to live there?

[A]

I think for me.

[B]

Okay. For everyone else.

[A]

I wouldn't go there if I was you. Why? Because. I don't know.

[B]

Are they not in. They're not. Are they not in war right now?

[A]

They're in war, but it's not. It's like on the. It's like war is, like, kinda, you know.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't know. I don't know a lot about politics, but I don't think it's all over the country, really.

[B]

I do feel like it might be

[A]

like our civil war wasn't everywhere.

[B]

Was it not.

[A]

Was it in Florida?

[B]

I feel like it was.

[A]

It was, like, right on the Mason Dixon line. That's.

[B]

I don't even. I don't. I'm so. I would fail history every moment of my life.

[A]

I know so little.

[B]

Yeah, I can tell, but I can't.

[A]

I asked Bobby Lee if the Gaza Strip was, like, Vegas for them. Like, the Strip. Yeah.

[B]

I could tell you that it's not. And I don't know.

[A]

Do they go to bachelorette parties on the Gaza Strip? Maybe. Wait, what is, like, lifting their burqa

[B]

faces up, like, oh, my, oh, my. How many. Let's see. How many ways we could get canceled today?

[A]

I think they got more to worry about than this podcast.

[B]

Not bad.

[A]

Have you ever watched this podcast going, this is my hill to die on. Not freeing Palestine or freeing Israel.

[B]

Do you feel like the people who get offended by that are actually from there? I think they'd be here. I think they're.

[A]

Yeah, people here would be offended.

[B]

Everyone.

[A]

The Internet is so wild right now.

[B]

I do. Like, what do you. What are your opinions on the Internet?

[A]

I. Honestly, I'm at. I'm at the point in my life where I can't believe what's being said on the Internet. So I just keep my mouth shut and go stay in my lane. Like, I can't believe what's happening on the Internet. It's so wild. I mean, it's so wild that I'm

[B]

just like, what parts are you referring to?

[A]

Dudes that look like me.

[B]

Doing what?

[A]

Just saying fucking wild shit. It's like, everything's just. I don't know. I'm out. I'm not even gonna talk anymore. Cause I think you could do the math.

[B]

Dang. I can't. I suck at. I suck at math. Don't. Don't even.

[A]

I love this this is awesome. What's the price point on this? I could do this at home once a week.

[B]

Oh, yeah, you should. For both of us. It was 1200.

[A]

Oh, my God. I'll tip them.

[B]

Will you?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. What is the 20 tip on that?

[A]

No, just. No, my tip will be, hey, don't give your passports to another guy, okay? That means you're turning. Because that's. That's how they get you in sex slavery.

[B]

Is that. Why do you. Why do you just hold on to

[A]

your passports and then once you get your passport, you can't go anywhere.

[B]

Oh, okay. That's great advice.

[A]

I have two young girls I am all about.

[B]

How young are your girls?

[A]

Oh, no, keep going. 22 and 19. And all I text them about is human trafficking.

[B]

Are you very afraid of that? You've brought that?

[A]

Terrified. I'm terrified of terrified.

[B]

Terrified human trafficking.

[A]

I'm terrified of it because it's real. It's not real.

[B]

Yeah. Do people think it's not real?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I think the majority of people going, oh, yeah, in like, Mexico and San Francisco.

[B]

Wait, it happens here.

[A]

It happens here in Miami.

[B]

I guess I'm one of those people who think. I spend very little time thinking about human trafficking.

[A]

So I get. So I get into. I have very weird circles of weird, intelligent people that I'm friends with.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't know why I'm friends with them. Meaning.

[B]

And they're not. They know a lot about human trafficking.

[A]

So one of my friends is a big billionaire, okay. And I brought up human trafficking. He goes, let me set you up with a guy that. Probably the foremost expert in human trafficking. He'll give you all the info you need. And when he sent me the stuff, I was just terrified. It's not. It's. Dude, in Miami, girls get out of clubs. Uber driver goes, hey, let me give you a bottle of water. You look like you've been drinking. Bottled water's drug. Take them, drive them on a boat, never see him again.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

It's insane. My biggest fear is my free will taken away from me. That's like. Yeah, that's why I'm having such a hard time with these blood thinners.

[B]

That's free will taken for sure.

[A]

Yeah, but that's like when you see, like, Game of Thrones. Do you remember Game of Thrones when they took the guy and they cut his junk off and his free will was taken away from him.

[B]

Yeah, I'm fucking terrified. I used to be terrified of getting kidnapped and tickle. Tortured, but I know that sounds crazy. Do you know it's a really. You shouldn't do it to kids. You shouldn't do it. It's not fair. I hate it. I'm gonna start advocating against tickling of children.

[A]

But how come you didn't grind her feet the way you grinded mine?

[B]

That's next. She's doing that last.

[A]

Oh, for real?

[B]

Cause I'm getting jolly. Or not. Oh, yeah. But when I was a kid, I feel like I was always being pinned down and tickled a lot. And you laugh, but you're not. It's not funny. And I'm crying to stop, but laughing the whole time. So I had a big fear that I would be kidnapped. And I was like, they're gonna tie me up and just tickle me. And that was my biggest. Do you know what? I'm so afraid. I wish I could put trackers on my kids. How old are your kids?

[A]

22 and 19.

[B]

And I track em with what though? Cause is it on their phones? Yeah. Do you know, though? But my kids are young, so they don't have trackers yet. Oh, I do track them, but, like, it's not easy. And I wish that I could, like, ship them. I would ship them.

[A]

I wish there was like, a thing you could pill they swallowed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Stayed in their system for.

[B]

Or even just like, how you chip a dog. Like, why can't you chip a human?

[A]

I don't. I don't know why you can't. I would.

[B]

Have you seen the Black Mirror episode where they do that?

[A]

No.

[B]

I was frowned upon in it. I don't know why it was frowned upon. Yeah, like, it was. It was like the. The story. The episode was about how, like, fucked up it was to.

[A]

Do you have an iPhone?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Trust me.

[B]

No. Okay, but what. I'll do it even though I don't trust you.

[A]

Hey, will you pass me my iPhone?

[B]

What do you want me to do?

[A]

Let's share our location with each other for the rest of our lives.

[B]

Okay. I share my location with so many people.

[A]

Do you really?

[B]

I'm so.

[A]

I share mine with people. Can I tell you one of the people I do it with who had to edit his name out?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's so fun.

[B]

I don't know who that is.

[A]

Are you serious? You're lying.

[B]

Swear to you.

[A]

Are you serious?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, well, how do you share? Okay, so Bobby, now you're gonna make

[B]

sure I don't get trafficked? Is that what's happening?

[A]

Are you ready? I go to Bobby.

[B]

I feel like. Isn't it? Are you sharing it with.

[A]

And then I go, no, that's not

[B]

how you do it.

[A]

Share my little phone?

[B]

You're so old.

[A]

Is this your.

[B]

Oh, you are. You do know how to do it. You have the older phone or something.

[A]

Share. You ready? Yeah, share indefinitely.

[B]

I'm gonna show up at your.

[A]

But what's crazy is I find it so fun to, like, all of a sudden just go, yo, where's what's his name at?

[B]

And then.

[A]

And then you're like, whoa. Is he mount? And you're like, oh, he's in a private jet. Oh, shit.

[B]

How can you tell he's on a private jet?

[A]

Because he was flying through the mountains of Utah. It was either that or he was hiking faster than Hussein Bolt.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. He was like, flying through the mountains of Utah. I was like, what are you doing in Utah? He goes, I'm on a private jet. How did you know that? And he was like, oh, that's right. We got drunk. He shared our locations.

[B]

That's pretty funny. Do you ever unshare yours with people? After a long time when you're like, this is awkward. I don't talk to you anymore.

[A]

No, I have crazy. You want to see who I share my locations with?

[B]

Are you. Are you Bertrude?

[A]

I am. Why? Since my daughters and my wife call

[B]

me, I cleaned house on who I share my location with recently. I was like. I had. Yeah, I had some, like, people that I was like, I don't. I haven't talked to you in, like, 10 years. I don't know why we share locations.

[A]

So my dad, my sister. It's a cameraman I worked with once. Another cameraman. My sister, my assistant. My wife, my old assistant. Comic. Comic. My daughter, an editor. I know. My old trainer, Tom Cruise. My old bus driver.

[B]

This is. That's weird. That's weird. If your phone ever gets stolen and they know the password, you. The safety is being compromised of all these people.

[A]

I sent my ID to a weed dispensary last night. I think I'm done. They're like, can you send a picture of your driver's license? I was like, I think that's normal. My wife's like, what are you doing? And I was like, I'm trying to get edibles. What do you got?

[B]

Oh, you've got Chanel nail polish. It's very fancy.

[A]

What do we got? I need something dark and masculine.

[B]

Do gel.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

Do you have more options?

[A]

Gel sucks. Let's go purple.

[B]

Very dark and masculine.

[A]

Stop wearing purple. You know that song?

[B]

No.

[A]

You guys want to hear a song that they're gonna love?

[B]

It's in Russian. Yeah, okay.

[A]

I listened to.

[B]

You do use the phone like an old person, though. It's a new phone.

[A]

Well, I can't see anything.

[B]

Cause you got, like, two hands on it. You're like,

[A]

I can't see anything.

[B]

What, do you need glasses?

[A]

I do. Of course I do.

[B]

Does that happen to everybody when you get old?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Damn. I'm not looking forward to that.

[A]

Start wearing purple. Wearing purple. Do you know that song, Gorgo Bordello? Okay, you ready? Tell me if this reminds you of home. Okay, you guys ready?

[B]

Listen.

[A]

Start wearing purple. Wearing purple. Start wearing purple for me. Now, they said this reminds you a little bit of Russia. A little bit, right? How about this? Watch this. You ready?

[B]

What do you sing?

[A]

It's like a. It's like a song you learn in Russia.

[B]

What is it, like a nursery?

[A]

It's like. Yeah, it's like patty cake.

[B]

Really? What is it a little bigger?

[A]

I'm not really sure.

[B]

You know, we've. I don't think we've finished a single story we've started. So let's go back to you being in the mob, because I don't remember you. You went there. We got sidetracked.

[A]

So in 1995, the mob ran everything.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

They told us that. And they gave us two banditti. Young, young gangsters to kind of watch over us.

[B]

Why would you agree to go to there?

[A]

I was gonna get a minor in Russian.

[B]

Okay. Did you?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And so I. I think I did. I don't know. I barely graduated from Florida State.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And so I went over there and I became best friends with these two gangsters. We did everything together. And I accidentally. I tried to say in Russian, yamashina, which means I'm the man, right? Mashina. No, no. Yamashinu means I'm the man. But I said yamashina, which means I'm a car. Oh. And they started laughing, and they're like, you're the machine, huh? And so my. I got the nickname the Machine from them. I kind of gave it to myself, and. And they loved me. We drank and we stole a boat, we ran a pool hall scam. And then one day we go to Moscow. Different mafia runs Moscow, different mafia runs St. Petersburg. So any different mafia runs a train. So they passed me off to my new banditi, and things got out of control, and we drank and we robbed the bar cart. And then when everyone passed out, we Robbed the whole train and then. Yeah, it's a good story. I made a movie out of it, actually.

[B]

Actually, what's it called?

[A]

The Machine.

[B]

Oh, you've seen it? No, you were nodding like you've seen it. Okay.

[A]

Yeah, I made a movie out of it. I tell it every time I go on stage. I tell it at the end of

[B]

the day every time. How often do you go on stage?

[A]

Probably 100 times in three months. So whatever that is, I do. I did a 50 city tour the last three months and then I do stand up on when I'm home.

[B]

Oh, 50 city tour?

[A]

Yeah, I'm on a tour. Permission to party.

[B]

Are you going to tour this weekend or something?

[A]

Yeah, this weekend. I'm not excited to fly, but yeah, I'm really excited.

[B]

You fly to each location, so I

[A]

fly in and then I live on my tour bus for four days. I love my tour box.

[B]

Does your wife come?

[A]

Sometimes.

[B]

Is she coming?

[A]

No, she won't come on this one. Right now. We're impressed. For the TV show Free Bert. So I'll fly in and then I'll fly to New York and then I'll fly to Austin and then I'll fly. I'll be kind of flying everywhere promoting the TV show.

[B]

Do you fly first class?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Every time?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They pay for you. You pay for myself?

[A]

I pay for myself. I started flying first class probably before I should have started flying first class because the anxiety I got waiting for an upgrade would make me sick to my stomach because I don't like flying. And so at one point I just thought, you know what? This is the price of doing business. If I've got to get to these places all the time, I'm just gonna fly first class. And then that's it.

[B]

I was flying first class for a while and then I was like, this is such a waste of money.

[A]

Yeah. Cause you're £80.

[B]

I'm almost. No, but.

[A]

But a regular seat's like a Cadillac to you.

[B]

Yes, but like, I'm at the point

[A]

where I almost need a seatbelt extender.

[B]

Are you tall?

[A]

Six. One.

[B]

Okay. Your average height?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You need a seatbelt extender, though.

[A]

At a certain point I was getting towards 275 pounds.

[B]

Well, how much are you now? Is that two for three. Okay. Do you still need one or what?

[A]

No, no. Now I do the thing to find out if I'm skinnier than the last person that wore my seatbelt.

[B]

I've never even thought of that. Is that a thing?

[A]

Next time do it. Put on your Seatbelt. See how fat the person was in front of you and then go, whoa.

[B]

That makes. But do I make mine loose every time I get out? So that wouldn't be accurate.

[A]

For real? Yeah, I know I'm tight.

[B]

Yeah, but when you get out, you don't loosen it.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

I just go click.

[B]

I think your thing is off. Because I think most people would loosen it first.

[A]

Most people loosen it and then undo it. No, no, no. Click and you're out.

[B]

Does anybody in here just take it off? Okay, that's weird. That's. Everyone's weird in here. Not me.

[A]

Well, maybe then I'm sitting after little twinks like you. Oh, this is a really aggressive color.

[B]

We have the same no color, kind of.

[A]

I think we do.

[B]

You. You picked it.

[A]

I think I do. I might be colorblind.

[B]

I think you. Well, no, you're not, because now you see.

[A]

No, no, no. I love it. I love it, I love it. It looks like I just kicked a grapefruit. Okay, good, good, good.

[B]

I like it. We're kind of matching.

[A]

I do kind of like it.

[B]

Are we matching A little bit? Yeah. It looks like a dark red.

[A]

Do a lot of people think they could be your friend because they watch you on this and they go, I could get along with her.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think that that's the tricky part of the Internet.

[B]

But they. Did they have parasocial relationships with you or what?

[A]

I have parasocial relationships with people that I've never met. Do you? Yeah.

[B]

Do you, like, consume a lot of Internet?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You do?

[A]

Probably more than I should. My daughter's put parental controls on my phone.

[B]

Why? Because you do too much.

[A]

Yeah, I get on the. I get on. I get on, like, Instagram, especially if I get into, like, a good vein, and I'll just keep digging until I get to the end of it.

[B]

And you're like, yeah, there's no end. Are you. My dad's old, so I wonder if you do this too, because it really bothers me. But he. He recently started watching TikToks, and he watches them on full volume in places. Do you do that? I hate. I hate it. That's so. That should not. That should be, like, a rule. You can't do that.

[A]

My daughters are like, hey, why don't you just put up on the TV so we can all see it?

[B]

Because so do you laugh at the stuff you're watching? Like, it's like my dad will sit there and be like, look at this, look at this. And I'm like, dad, can you, like, not. First of all, get off of Tik Tok. You're too old to be on it.

[A]

My laughter. My laughter percentage is probably very low.

[B]

Is your serious?

[A]

No, it's. I'm really into.

[B]

What are you into?

[A]

This sounds really weird, but I'm into watching people pretend to not want to be famous, but want to be famous. Like, I love the energy of, like, some woman casually rowing across the Atlantic Ocean and posting it on social media, but doing it almost like people running. You know, I'm running 50 miles this morning. I'm doing this for my grandmother. And you're like, are you.

[B]

This is so niche.

[A]

Like, it's like. I love those because it's almost like you're getting. It's almost like voyeuristic. Like, you're getting to look at a part of their personality that they don't know that you're looking at, but you are. Cause I have that. I'm obviously, I'm in front of the camera. I want to be in front of the camera.

[B]

Do you enjoy being. Would you call yourself famous?

[A]

Yeah, I guess. Yeah.

[B]

I wouldn't call myself that, but I

[A]

think I'm more famous than you.

[B]

Are you? Yeah, Yeah. I wouldn't call you it either. I wouldn't call anybody. I feel like that's like. I feel like it's reserved for, like. Like Tom Cruise. You know Tom Cruise. Like, he's famous.

[A]

Tom Cruise is a celebrity.

[B]

Okay, so, fine, you would consider yourself

[A]

not a celebrity, but I'm famous.

[B]

What makes you a celebrity?

[A]

Oh, it's a body of work.

[B]

Like an A list, right?

[A]

Oh, it's a body of work, and it's people wanting to work with you and appreciating what you've done and. And. And having shared a moment with someone.

[B]

You have that.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. Having shared a moment with someone where if you ran into them, you couldn't even know where to start. Like, you couldn't be, like. You'd be like. Like, I ran into Michael Irvin, football player, who. If you're my age, you're always. If you're anyone's age, you're a huge fan of. Okay, National Championship, super bowl mvp. I mean, just everything about this guy, he's crazy. He's a celebrity. And I met him, I was working with him, and I didn't know where to start. I was like, dude, I'm such a fan. And he was like, thank you. But, like, if people see me, they're like, I liked your special.

[B]

Okay, cool. That feels like.

[A]

Hey, Man, I hope your TV show does well and you're like, good.

[B]

I don't know. I feel like you could. You're kind of there too.

[A]

No, I'm famous. Meaning, like, I get recognized. I get recognized probably more. I. I think because I'm loud and I talk loud and I'm a large personality. I get recognized a lot, but I don't know if I don't. I think people think there's an accessibility with me that they're not gonna. There's no. I'll tell you, this is the difference. Okay. Like, this is. I don't know much about medals, but I think you'll get this celebrity. Is the diamond famous? Is like, silver.

[B]

Okay. What's between that? Nothing.

[A]

Well, there's stuff. There's like Kim Kardashians.

[B]

Oh, yeah? What would you consider Kim Kardashian?

[A]

Probably. I. I'd put her in diamond phase, but for a long time she was cubic sarconia, where it was like. Well, it was like, not make it to you fake it, but like she was creating her own diamond. She was her. They were putting like, we are diamonds, but they weren't really. And now they are diamonds.

[B]

Yeah, they. I mean, I think that that's what a lot of people.

[A]

That's actually a brilliant analogy.

[B]

It is what?

[A]

Like. Like Kanye west said diamond.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's always been a diamond, even when he wasn't a diamond. And he was telling people he was a diamond, he was a diamond, and now he's like a ruby. Because you're like, I don't know. Should you know? Like. Yeah, you're like, I know it's still very valuable, but, like, I don't know if I want to wear it on my ring every day.

[B]

Yeah, that's. That's a good, good analogy.

[A]

This is a great fucking analogy.

[C]

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