Night Beat and The Columbia Workshop

Summary

The Relic Radio Show: Night Beat and The Columbia Workshop

Release Date: May 27, 2025
Host/Author: RelicRadio.com
Description: Unearthing audio artifacts from radio's golden age, featuring a variety of old-time radio genres including horror, science fiction, comedy, and adventure.

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Introduction

In this episode of The Relic Radio Show, host RelicRadio.com takes listeners on a nostalgic journey through two classic radio segments: Night Beat and The Columbia Workshop. The episode delves into gripping crime dramas and thought-provoking narratives, showcasing the rich storytelling of radio's golden era.

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Night Beat: "The Black Cat"

Broadcast Date: November 3, 1950
Cast Highlight: Frank Lovejoy as Randy Stone

Plot Overview

"The Black Cat" is a suspenseful crime drama set in the gritty streets of Chicago. The protagonist, Randy Stone, a dedicated reporter for the Chicago Star, is on the trail of a mysterious murder tied to a menacing black cat. As Stone navigates the rainy, dimly lit alleys of the Madison District, he encounters a web of deceit, madness, and supernatural elements that blur the lines between reality and the eerie folklore surrounding the black cat.

Key Characters and Developments

• Randy Stone (Frank Lovejoy): A tenacious reporter determined to uncover the truth behind the Halloween killing of Nick Corby.

• Mike: A disturbed individual with a gun, driven by a twisted sense of justice.

• Mrs. Corby: The grieving wife of the murdered Nick Corby, whose sanity is questioned as she blames the black cat for her husband's death.

• Mr. Bay Dell: An eccentric accordion player with a hidden agenda, adding another layer of mystery to the case.

Notable Scenes and Quotes

• Randy Stone's Determination:
  [01:17] Frank Lovejoy: "Night Beat, starring Frank Lovejoy as Randy Stone."

• Describing the Black Cat:
  [01:28] Randy Stone: "It was on the corner of Martin Street. Two or three shadowy figures stood staring at a big, ugly black cat on the street. They walked around in circles like some demented thing, its yellow eyes catching the light from the street lamp above."
  [02:35] Randy Stone: "Well, that cat's gone crazy. Old time. And I wouldn't go near it if I were you."

• Tension Between Characters:
  [05:38] Randy Stone: "I thought I'd better go up and have a talk with Mrs. Corby."
  [06:07] Mike: "Nick won't like Tilly standing out here in the rain."

• Climactic Confrontation:
  [25:08] Mrs. Corby: "She put it there."
  [26:05] Mrs. Corby: "She's going to spring at me. I can't stand it, Mike. Take her away."

• Randy Stone Reflects:
  [27:06] Randy Stone: "Mrs. Corby turned out to be the missing witch in my Halloween ball. She'd taken the shots at night and then planted the gun in Old Bay Dell's room."

Themes and Insights

"The Black Cat" intertwines themes of obsession, madness, and the supernatural. Randy Stone's pursuit of the truth leads him into the depths of human psychology and the shadows of urban legends. The black cat serves as a symbol of misfortune and the unknown, challenging Stone's perceptions and pushing him to confront the darkness within the city and himself.

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The Columbia Workshop: "Double Ugly"

Broadcast Date: November 30, 1941
Cast Highlight: Isabel Jewell as Sally and Jim Backus as Matthew Eberman

Plot Overview

"Double Ugly" is a poignant narrative exploring themes of self-esteem, loneliness, and societal perceptions of beauty. The story follows Matthew Eberman, a man plagued by his own ugliness and the harsh judgments of those around him. His interaction with Sally, a woman who seemingly loves him despite his perceived flaws, challenges his understanding of acceptance and love. The tale delves into Matthew's inner turmoil and the destructive power of hatred and loneliness.

Key Characters and Developments

• Matthew Eberman (Jim Backus): A man whose self-worth is deeply affected by his appearance, leading him down a path of isolation and despair.

• Sally (Isabel Jewell): A woman who shows genuine affection towards Matthew, contrasting with others' superficial judgments.

• Hazel: A manipulative figure who tries to pair Matthew with others, exacerbating his feelings of inadequacy.

• Mrs. Corby: Serving as a narrative bridge between the two segments, adding depth to the interconnected stories.

Notable Scenes and Quotes

• Matthew's Struggle with Self-Worth:
  [31:15] Police Officer: "Have you in the past 15 minutes fired a revolver?"
  [31:41] Mrs. Corby: "I won't play if I have to be Matthew's partner. He's so awful looking."

• Sally's Compassion:
  [33:03] Police Officer: "I think I never been so happy. In all my life."
  [38:32] Police Officer: "I get lonesome too."

• Climactic Emotional Breakdown:
  [53:23] Police Officer: "Why did it have to turn out this way? Is that a man ought to be married no matter what?"
  [54:42] Police Officer: "Those carpenter boys sure know what to do with their hammers."

• Matthew's Final Realization:
  [55:16] Police Officer: "That's right, Mr. Stone... Matthew Everman was never a person I really wanted to be."
  [52:08] Mrs. Corby: "I think hatred's the greatest thing in the world."

Themes and Insights

"Double Ugly" poignantly examines the impact of societal standards on individual self-esteem. Matthew's journey highlights the destructive nature of self-hatred and external judgment. Sally's unconditional love offers a glimmer of hope, suggesting that true acceptance transcends physical appearances. The narrative underscores the necessity of empathy and understanding in combating loneliness and fostering genuine connections.

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Conclusion

This episode of The Relic Radio Show masterfully juxtaposes two distinct yet thematically linked narratives from the golden age of radio. Night Beat's "The Black Cat" offers a thrilling exploration of crime and the supernatural, while The Columbia Workshop's "Double Ugly" provides a deep dive into human emotions and societal issues. Together, these segments showcase the enduring power of radio storytelling to captivate and provoke thought.

Notable Quotes Recap:

• "[01:28] Randy Stone: ...its yellow eyes catching the light from the street lamp above."
• "[31:15] Mrs. Corby: ...You're the ugliest, crawliest, most horrible looking boy I've ever seen."
• "[33:03] Police Officer: I think I never been so happy. In all my life."
• "[52:08] Mrs. Corby: I think hatred's the greatest thing in the world."

Host's Closing Remarks:

Frank Lovejoy wraps up the Night Beat segment with production credits and transitions back to promotional content for future shows, maintaining the classic radio ambiance that defines The Relic Radio Show.

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Additional Information

• Production Credits for "The Black Cat":
  Produced, edited, and directed by Warren Lewis.
  Scriptwriter: Lou Russof.
  Music by Frank Wirth.
  Cast includes Loreen Tuttle, Will Gear, June Foray, Tudor Owen, Ken Christie, Lamont Johnson, and Lou Krugman.

• Production Credits for "Double Ugly":
  Written by George Lloyd, directed by Perry Lapity.
  Starring Isabel Jewell as Sally and Jim Backus as Matthew Everman.
  Musical score composed and conducted by Van Cleave.
  Additional cast: Warner Paul, Eddie O'Shea, Betty Jane Tyler, Sammy Hill, Jeanette Chinley, Ed Mayhoff, and Brad Barker.
  Sound engineered by Al DiCaprio.

Listeners are encouraged to explore more episodes and support The Relic Radio Show through RelicRadio.com.

Transcript

[Host]

This is the Relic Radio Show. Old time Radio entertainment Still standing the test of time from relicradio.com this is the relic Radio Show. Welcome back. Thanks for joining me this week. We're gonna start off this week's hour with Nightbeat. We'll hear the November 3, 1950 broadcast cast titled the Black Cat. After that, it's the Columbia Workshop and double ugly from November 30, 1941.

[Randy Stone]

Hi, this is Randy Stone. I cover the night beat for the Chicago Star. Stories start in many different ways. This one began with a Halloween killing and ended with a black cat. Sweet revenge.

[Frank Lovejoy]

Night Beat, starring Frank Lovejoy as Randy Stone.

[Randy Stone]

Yes, Halloween had come and gone, but tonight night was still a good night for any leftover spooks, witches or black cats. As the hallowed Eve itself, the rain came down like a million little hammers as I slashed down the street. It was a tough night to be out, but I had to have a story for tomorrow morning's paper. And the public isn't interested if you get your feet wet doing it. Tonight I was digging in the garbage of Chicago for a yard. The Madison District. Wooden houses that lean crazily to one side. Apartment houses put together with spitting orange crates. Great spot for a cynic. It was on the corner of Martin Street. Two or three shadowy figures stood staring at a big, ugly black cat on the street. They walked around in circles like some demented thing, its yellow eyes catching the light from the street lamp above. An old man was trying to coax it away.

[Mike]

You got to come home with me. I got milk for you. I have. And a warm fire. You like to be warm, don't you?

[Randy Stone]

Well, that cat's gone crazy. Old time. And I wouldn't go near it if I were you. And she's been acting like that since she took Nick Corby's body away almost an hour ago. Won't let anyone near it.

[Mike]

Well, he shouldn't have done it. Nick won't like Tilly standing out here in the rain.

[Randy Stone]

I won't mind too much, Mike, him being dead. Come on, Pop. I'll take you home. The cat'll come in after a while.

[Mike]

They killed him until he knows who done it. Ain't you going to tell me who done it?

[Mrs. Corby]

Tilly?

[Randy Stone]

What's with that old guy laugh? Harmless stuff. What about this? Corbin went out for a walk with a cat.

[Frank Lovejoy]

Somebody heisted him, took his go and.

[Randy Stone]

Left a bullet hole in his head.

[Frank Lovejoy]

Good exchange.

[Randy Stone]

Cops get anything at all?

[Frank Lovejoy]

Nah, I didn't bother much.

[Randy Stone]

Asked a Few questions and shoveled him.

[Police Officer]

Into the meat wagon.

[Mike]

I call her and she won't come.

[Randy Stone]

Well, well, well, well. I guess I'll be moving on. Me too. Hey, you want to know something? Yeah, always.

[Frank Lovejoy]

This will give you a laugh.

[Randy Stone]

You look just like him. Like who?

[Frank Lovejoy]

You look just like Nick Corby.

[Randy Stone]

Before or after the bullet? So I plugged up the hole in my head and started walking away. Nothing here for me. Another Madison street special. Guy robbed and killed. He'll stay dead and the man with a gun will go on living. I'd gone five or six yards when I heard someone calling me. Oh, what is it, Fox?

[Mike]

Jimmy, she's following you. There she is. See her?

[Randy Stone]

Well, yeah, so she is. Come here, you scrawny thing. Hey. Hey, this ugly old doll's going for me.

[Mike]

Oh, she likes you.

[Randy Stone]

What's the matter, Jilly? Things getting tough?

[Mike]

Hey, will you pick her up and take her to my place?

[Randy Stone]

All right, all right. Where do you live?

[Mike]

Right here in the Martin apartment.

[Randy Stone]

Okay. Up you come, you black bansh.

[Mike]

15 steps going down here in the basement. I'm the janitor here. Come in and warm up a bit.

[Randy Stone]

No. No, thank you. No, thank you. Here's your cat. I've got to get moving.

[Mike]

Terry don't want you to go. You hadn't ought to. She don't want you to.

[Randy Stone]

You tell her I'm practically engaged to someone else. So long. I'd like to have accepted the old man's invitation to stay in for a short talk with him and the cat. But there didn't seem to be any room for the three of us. So I walked back upstairs, flagged the cab and sank down on the seat. But before the driver, something jumped at me and landed in my lap. It was the cat. Drive it. Just a minute now.

[Mrs. Corby]

What is it?

[Randy Stone]

I gotta take this cat bag. I'll be out in a few minutes. Hello, mister. I'm losing chairs. On a night like this, everyone wants a chair. I ain't waiting. Nice boy. Come on, Philly.

[Mike]

Mike.

[Randy Stone]

Here. Come, take a cat.

[Mike]

Oh, she went after you, and I couldn't stop her. She liked you. And when she likes a man, she don't let go of him. That's the way it was with Nick. It's no use. You can't get away from her. Maybe she thinks you're Nick. Oh, you look a lot like him.

[Randy Stone]

A lot. I'll show him my birth certificate sometime. Mike. Mike, what are you doing with that gun?

[Mike]

I'm cleaning it. Got to clean them all the time. They don't work as a soldier. And I ought to know. You got to clean him and clean them.

[Randy Stone]

Look. Look, Mike, if the cat won't stay with you, why don't you take it back to Nick Corby's wife?

[Mike]

I wouldn't do that. Ms. Corby's afraid of the cat. She even tried to kill her once. But Tilly was too smart. Mrs. Corby tried to kill Nick, too.

[Randy Stone]

How do you know?

[Mike]

Nick told me. He was my friend. He played checkers with me. And you know what? He didn't call me Crazy Mike like the rest of them. He gave me his gun to keep for him. After that time Mrs. Corby shot at him.

[Randy Stone]

Is that the one you're cleaning now? No. Here's his head. Where does Mrs. Corby live?

[Mike]

All right here in this building. Did you know number 18?

[Randy Stone]

Well, maybe I'll go up and have a talk with you. You lock Tilly in the other room. I'll go up and see her.

[Mike]

You ain't gonna tell her, are you?

[Randy Stone]

Tell her what?

[Mike]

That I'm gonna kill her.

[Randy Stone]

All going to do any killing with that gun. I hadn't liked the vacant look in his eyes and the tight lines around his mouth. So while we've been talking, I'd slip the magazine into my pocket. But it still left him. Pretty dangerous. So I thought I'd better go up and have a talk with Mrs. Corby.

[Mrs. Corby]

Who's there?

[Randy Stone]

Mr. Stone.

[Mrs. Corby]

Oh, come in. I'm so glad you came.

[Randy Stone]

Sit down. Thank you.

[Mrs. Corby]

You don't look like a policeman.

[Randy Stone]

I'm not. I'm a reporter.

[Mrs. Corby]

Did the police send you?

[Randy Stone]

Oh, not exactly.

[Mrs. Corby]

Oh, I might have known. What's another killing to them when it happens on Madison? Who am I to ask for protection? Who am I to be worried about a crazy man saying he's going to kill me?

[Randy Stone]

Well, maybe I can help.

[Mrs. Corby]

Can you bring back my husband? Can you bring him back so that he'll pay the rent every month and see that I have something to eat and a dress to wear? Can you bring back the feeling I had a belonging to someone? That's the way it was till the cat came. That's who killed him.

[Randy Stone]

The cat?

[Mrs. Corby]

Yes. He said he was going out tonight. I told him. Now. I told him. Go. Go, Nick. Now, don't you go.

[Randy Stone]

Or. Or. Why?

[Mrs. Corby]

Nothing. She couldn't stand seeing us happy. He put his arms around me. That cat would come whining and scratching at me, hating me with everything in her.

[Randy Stone]

Oh, look, Mrs. Corby. You're upset now.

[Mrs. Corby]

Always talking and whispering to each other. I go crazy mad. Nick stroking her and the cat purring and mocking me. I tried to poison her. I tried to shoot her, but I couldn't. She's too clever.

[Randy Stone]

While the police will get at it, Mrs. Corby, in a few days the whole thing will blow over.

[Mrs. Corby]

I told them who did it. They said they'd look into it, but they won't till it's too late. That's the way the cops work around here.

[Randy Stone]

I'm kind of confused, lady. Just. Just who is it you're talking about?

[Mrs. Corby]

Mike.

[Randy Stone]

Mike? Did he kill your husband? Why?

[Mrs. Corby]

Because he's crazy, that's why. Talking soft and low one minute and the next a raving maniac. He'll kill me too, if the police don't stop him. What's that?

[Randy Stone]

Tell me. The cat at the window.

[Mrs. Corby]

Get away from there, you sneaking, lying thing. I'll. I'll kill you. I will.

[Randy Stone]

You. Here. Take hold of yourself, lady. Take hold of yourself. It's only a cat.

[Mrs. Corby]

Cat. It's a she devil. A scheming, rotten sea devil. You get away or I'll rule this.

[Randy Stone]

She picked up the empty bottle and threw it at the window and the cat disappeared. For a few minutes I thought Mrs. Corby had gone out of her mind. I finally quieted her down. She wouldn't let me leave her at first. But when I told her I was just going to bring the police back, she locked herself in the room and told me to hurry. When I got out into the hallway, old Mike was standing by, an empty grin on his face.

[Mike]

Carrying on, wasn't she?

[Randy Stone]

What were you doing up here?

[Mike]

Just listening. I like to hear people yell.

[Randy Stone]

Why, you. Come on downstairs. I want to talk to you.

[Mike]

I made some tea for us.

[Randy Stone]

I like tea. How did Tilly get out?

[Mike]

I opened the door and out she came.

[Randy Stone]

Did you want her to scare Mrs. Corning?

[Mike]

Worked good, didn't it?

[Randy Stone]

Mike? Mike. Tell me, did you like scaring people or is it just Mrs. Corby?

[Mike]

Here's your tea.

[Randy Stone]

I like tea, thanks.

[Mike]

Mrs. Corby don't like old Mike.

[Randy Stone]

She thinks I'm crazy. You. You think I'd be here talking about important things if I thought you were?

[Mike]

Yeah, we got important things to talk about.

[Randy Stone]

Mike. Why do you want to kill Mrs. Corby?

[Mike]

The bad woman always running around. That Mr. Bay Dale, you know, the one that plays the music.

[Randy Stone]

And Nick didn't like that.

[Mike]

No, Nick didn't like the music, man. He hit him once. Made him bleed all over.

[Randy Stone]

Oh, when was that? Stage boy, yesterday.

[Mike]

He was fighting about Nick's wife and Mr. Baydale said, I'll kill you for this.

[Randy Stone]

Do you think he did?

[Mike]

On a dark corner in the rain, when nobody was watching. They'd done it to him.

[Randy Stone]

I got to kill her for that. And him, too. I'll tell you what, Mike. I'll go down and get the police here and they'll look after it.

[Mike]

You know what? I lost part of my gun and.

[Randy Stone]

I can't use it. Well, you won't need it. I'm going for the cops.

[Mike]

Oh, it takes him too long. I'll do it with Nick's gun.

[Randy Stone]

I got it hid for him. Where is it?

[Mike]

I hid it good. It's under my bed. It's in this box.

[Randy Stone]

Now, let me take a look At.

[Mrs. Corby]

Ain't here. It's.

[Mike]

It's gone.

[Frank Lovejoy]

You are listening to Nightbeat, starring Frank Lovejoy as Randy Stone. What's big? Well, the Grand Canyon is tremendous. Mount Everest is gigantic, and the Big show is colossal. The Big Show. An hour and a half of the very best in comedy, music and drama. Tallulah Bankhead is mistress of ceremonies, and your stars for this Sunday's premiere include Jimmy Durante, Fred Allen, Ethel Merman, Meredith Wilson, Frankie Lane and many, many more. The Big show will be heard for an hour and a half every Sunday on NBC, starting this. And now back to Nightbeat and Randy Stone.

[Randy Stone]

The old man's face went white when he couldn't find Nick's gun. And I could see a crazy rage coming to a boil. I don't mind telling you that I was scared. Then suddenly there was an explosion that seemed to come from the basement window. Somebody was shooting at us. I pulled Mike down to the floor. For a minute I thought Mike had been hit, but he was only dazed and maybe scared.

[Mike]

They want to get me before I get them.

[Randy Stone]

Oh, my coat.

[Mike]

She don't like me and Mr. Baydale don't like me.

[Randy Stone]

Where does he live?

[Mike]

Next door in the room. And Klaus?

[Randy Stone]

Well, I'm going to talk to him. Don't leave this room and you'll be all right. Understand me?

[Mike]

Where's Terry? I ain't seen Terry.

[Randy Stone]

The cat'll be all right. You just stay here on the third floor of the rooming house. I heard accordion music coming from behind one of the closed doors. I knocked on it.

[Mrs. Corby]

Come in.

[Randy Stone]

I pushed the door open. I stood looking at a guy in his middle 40s wrestling with an old accordion. One look and I Was sure he wasn't the man of distinction. There was a cloudy glass of muscatel sitting on a dirty table at his side. His tongue was a little thick when he spoke.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

A music lover, no doubt.

[Randy Stone]

I see that your clothes are soaking wet. Just come in out of the rain, Maybe a few minutes ago.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Do I detect a tone of authority in your voice? Let me guess.

[Randy Stone]

Policeman? No. Greatly relieved.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

They frown so on. Musicians who slid from concert hall to bar room. From a Steinway to an accordion. Who are you?

[Randy Stone]

I'm Randy Stone, Chicago star.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Ah, yes, the star. Your people was kind to me in happier days. I dare say. You want an interview? One of those what's become of stories? I'm sorry, I can't oblige.

[Randy Stone]

I'm composing at the moment. Look, Mr. Faydel, I have a few questions I'd like answered.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Ah, but haven't we all?

[Randy Stone]

Question number one. Have you in the past 15 minutes fired a revolver?

[Mr. Bay Dell]

That simple? No.

[Randy Stone]

Mind if I look around?

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Not at all.

[Randy Stone]

Now what's the use? You could have ditched the gun.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Perhaps you would like to hear my newest work.

[Randy Stone]

I'm more interested in Nick Corby at the moment.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Lucky fellow to be shot down, destroyed without a moment's warning, no remorse. A shot. And one less specimen of misery in the world. You rather think I did it, don't you, Mr. Stone?

[Randy Stone]

From what I'm given to understand, you're a likely candidate.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Poor demented Mike has been talking to you. Do you believe it?

[Randy Stone]

I suppose you were composing when he was shot.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

I've been rehearsing the answer to that question all evening. I know it so well I could set it to music.

[Randy Stone]

Well, I'll take it straight.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

I was with Mrs. Corby when the news came in. In fact, I opened the door for the policeman.

[Randy Stone]

Mrs. Corby will swear to that, I suppose.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Indeed she will. By in person, Mrs. Corby. Now, Mr. Stone, before you go, perhaps you'd be interested in buying an etude I recently finished for $1.

[Randy Stone]

I'll sell it to the cops. You'll be seeing them pretty soon.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Will you please send one that can play oboe? I've written a variation in A minor for accordion and oboe that goes like this.

[Randy Stone]

I don't know. I seem to have a knack of getting mixed up with offbeat characters. They fascinate me like a stage door fascinates some Johnny's. And I get to know what makes a guy tick, even if it means ducking a couple of bullets. There wasn't much doubt in My mind that either old Mike or Mr. Bay Dell had helped Corby out of this world. And even though they were interesting characters, they were both dangerous. And it kind of burned me up that the cops hadn't done anything about them. Mrs. Corby wanted protection and she was entitled to it. So I hopped into a cab and went down to headquarters. Sergeant Kelly was playing four handed canasta all by himself. Hi. How about some gynastic? How about a little murder on a night like this? Now this is an old one. 3 hours ago. Nick Corby. Oh, him? Boy's just finished on him another report. Not a written one, but I know all this stuff. Shot through the temple, very close range. He was robbed. Bad spot that, Martin Avenue. What kind of gun was used? 45. Should have seen that. Neat round little hole in his head. Looked like a bomb crater. Mrs. Corby feels her life is in danger and asks for protection. How come she didn't get it? Swanson told me about her. She's nuts. Talked about a cat killing her, then some harmless old guy she wanted to pull, some old droller. She's nuts. Well, she asked for something she's entitled to. And that harmless old man, somebody took a couple of shots at him. Why didn't somebody tell her? Well, I'm telling you now, you gonna send some boys down right away. You guys are gonna get a blasting for my paper if you don't. What are you all worked up about? A guy was killed, that's all. And a couple of nuts with guns are on the loose, that's all. Our boys questioned them and couldn't see no reason for doing more than they did. Now be reasonable, Stone. You gonna get someone down there or do I start writing? I'll do what I can. Good. And Randy? Yeah? If you're gonna start writing, be sure you spell my name with two L's. When I got back to Mike's place in the basement, he was gone. While waiting for him, I rummaged around a bit just to keep busy and see what I could find. I didn't even hear the door open.

[Mike]

But then you won't find it.

[Randy Stone]

Oh, hello, Mike. What won't I find?

[Mike]

What you're looking for? Oh, Mike knows.

[Randy Stone]

What do you know?

[Mike]

He knows who killed Nick. He knows for sure now, who was.

[Randy Stone]

It to be there?

[Mike]

He done it.

[Randy Stone]

How do you know it was him?

[Mike]

I found a gun in his room. Nick's gun. With three bullets missing. One for Nick and two for me. That's how I know.

[Randy Stone]

Let me See it, Mike?

[Mike]

I got it hid good this time.

[Randy Stone]

That's fine. It's fine. We'll give it to the police when they come, won't we?

[Mike]

No. Nick wants me to do it myself.

[Randy Stone]

He wouldn't show me the gun or told me where he'd hidden it. And the look on his face told me that whatever was left of his brain was concentrating on what he was going to do. I ran next door and back upstairs to warn the musician. He was gone. Landlady told me, try the bar on the corner. The storm had got a new lease on life. And I was glad to close the door of that bar behind me. The place was empty but for the bartender and my friend with the accordion.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Live one.

[Randy Stone]

What'll it be? A little conversation with Shostakovich over there.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Tell the gentleman I have nothing to discuss with him. He is not a patron of the art.

[Randy Stone]

You heard him, Mr. B. You've got to get out of here.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Then tell the man what my terms are for conversation.

[Randy Stone]

You better buy him a drink. Oh, he's had enough.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

A small subsidy of 50 cents may buy you a piece of posterity through my compositions.

[Randy Stone]

Yeah.

[Police Officer]

Better buy him a drink, mister.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

He gets stubborn.

[Randy Stone]

All right, all right. Then make it quick. Thank you.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

I will now dedicate to you.

[Randy Stone]

Look, Mr. Bedell, any minute now the door may open and you.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

How dare you interrupt me in the middle of a presentation.

[Randy Stone]

Wow. Humor him. You'll get no. I'm very sorry. Go ahead. I tell you, keep your eye on that door.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

The piece I have selected for you is a bit of American minstrelsy. Two lovers stood on the corner. Above them the street lamp shone. A shot rang out through the dismal nights and the dead man lay alone.

[Randy Stone]

No. That's just great. Now, listen to me. Mike found the gun in your room. The one that was used to kill Corby with.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

That's why they call him Crazy Mike. His retarded mentality makes his hallucinations very powerful. And all with no aid from Bacchus, the God of wine.

[Randy Stone]

Don't sell a guy like that short. They kill a lot quicker than the ordinary person.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Listen to that storm. A fine night for death. A fine night for sweet oblivion. Did he show you the gun?

[Randy Stone]

No, but I know he's got it.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

And he found it in my room.

[Randy Stone]

Yes.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Sweet, faded traitress. She put it there.

[Randy Stone]

What do you mean?

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Nothing.

[Randy Stone]

Close it up, boys. Probably be another power failure before long anyway. All right. If you're smart, you'll come with me to police headquarters. It'll go a lot easier with you if you don't wait to be picked up.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

No, I may be better served this way. Mike is looking for me.

[Randy Stone]

Yeah.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Then I shall walk home slowly. From the same corner, under the same street light, complexities may become peace. And the struggle ended. Yes, I like it this way.

[Randy Stone]

Look, mister, you're a sick man. A very sick man.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

On the contrary, I can't remember when I felt better. Good night, sir.

[Randy Stone]

Ten more minutes.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

I'll stay till then. Good night again, Mr. Stone.

[Randy Stone]

The guy was mad. Didn't I say something about Halloween? Well, I had the two spooks, Crazy Mike and Mr. Bay Dell. I had the black cat, too. All I needed for the repeat performance was a witch and a broomstick. I got back to Mike's basement room thinking I'd stay with him till the boys from headquarters got there. Mike? Mike ain't here.

[Police Officer]

Who are you?

[Randy Stone]

Randy Stone. She called the Star. Ah, Johnny told me you'd be around. Well, I'm glad you got here. Did you take Mike in?

[Frank Lovejoy]

I couldn't find him. I'm waiting here for Gill.

[Randy Stone]

Show up. He's got a gun. He's planning to use it. Kelly's upstairs talking to Mrs. Corby. Now, one of you guys better get down to the corner bar and keep your eye on the accordion player named Bay Dell. Yeah.

[Mike]

Who's he?

[Randy Stone]

That's the guy Mike is going to kill. I can't leave here. Maybe you better tell Kelly to go after Bay Dell.

[Frank Lovejoy]

And you stay with Ms. Corby.

[Randy Stone]

He'll be plenty happy to get out of there.

[Frank Lovejoy]

She's driving him nuts about that black cat.

[Randy Stone]

Have you seen the cat? No. I heard him yawing outside and went out and looked around, but she was gone. Kelly Let me into Mrs. Corby's room. He was looking pleased with himself. Hello, Stone.

[Mrs. Corby]

Oh, you.

[Randy Stone]

Well, we're getting places on this thing, aren't we, Mrs. Glory? Well, I convinced her to give me some of the real facts.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Good night.

[Randy Stone]

And it turns out that she don't think Crazy Mike done it. Do you, Mrs. Corby?

[Mike]

I, I. Mr. Bay.

[Randy Stone]

Bill. How do you know? Mike found a gun in his room. Three bullets. Where's the gun? Where's the gun? Mike's got it. He's looking for Bedel to give him the rest of the bullets in the head. That's not so good. We got a man at Bay Dell's room waiting for him to come home. He's at the bar on the corner. I'll go get him. You stay here with Mrs. Corby. Well, Eddie, it looks like your worries are all over now.

[Mrs. Corby]

You promised to take the cat too.

[Randy Stone]

There we go again with a cat. Okay, we'll take her. I'll be back in a few minutes.

[Police Officer]

There.

[Randy Stone]

Keep the door locked down. Okay. You didn't tell me about your boyfriend before, Mrs. Corby.

[Mrs. Corby]

I tried to shield him. I. I knew they wouldn't do much to old Mike.

[Randy Stone]

Why did he kill him?

[Mrs. Corby]

Nick made fun of him. And Mr. Baydell wanted me for himself.

[Randy Stone]

He told me he was with you when the police came to tell you about the shooting.

[Mrs. Corby]

He'd come in about two minutes before they did and made me say it. He came up the fire escape through this window.

[Randy Stone]

Well, it'll be over in a few minutes.

[Mrs. Corby]

Well, if they take the cat away. If they don't. Who's that?

[Mr. Bay Dell]

You're doomed, lover.

[Mike]

Open up.

[Mrs. Corby]

Don't let him.

[Randy Stone]

I've got to. I've got to hold him for the police.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Your persistence would have done you well in the musical field, young man.

[Randy Stone]

You're not doing so bad yourself.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

I saw a rather heavy set gentleman searching for me. You sent him, no doubt?

[Randy Stone]

No doubt. And he'll be back.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

And Mike, where's he? He disappointed me keenly. I waited and waited for him on the corner. By the way, has my true love told you all?

[Randy Stone]

Yeah.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Did the sweet tone deaf person tell you that she was insanely jealous of her husband's relations with a black cat?

[Mrs. Corby]

Don't believe it, Mr. Scoville.

[Randy Stone]

How come, Vadel, 15 minutes ago you were ready to let Mike get you. Now you're singing a different tune.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Mike disappointed me. I would gladly have paid on the street corner, but in a stinking jail. No, I'd rather not.

[Mrs. Corby]

Don't listen to him. He's crazy.

[Randy Stone]

You're wasting your time.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Did the lady tell you that she came in through the fire escape three or four minutes after the shot was heard?

[Randy Stone]

Well, let it go. I'm not the judge of the jury.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Oh, very well then. Let us sit here and just listen to the story.

[Mrs. Corby]

What frightens you?

[Randy Stone]

It's only thunder. The lights.

[Mrs. Corby]

The lights are out now.

[Randy Stone]

Cutler. Hysteria. It's only a power failure. They'll be on in a few minutes.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Oh, quiet please. The beauty of darkness was never more necessary than now.

[Mrs. Corby]

What's that?

[Randy Stone]

Probably the police.

[Mrs. Corby]

Who is it? Just Mike the cat. Take it away, Mike. Mike, please take it away.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

The lady Rival.

[Randy Stone]

I'm Mike. Come on, old timer, give me that gun.

[Mike]

Here we are. Don't move. None of it. I can't see in the dark, but I'll shoot at the first thing that moves.

[Mrs. Corby]

The cat. She's looking at me. Oh, Mike.

[Randy Stone]

Take her away, Mike. The police are downstairs. They've come to straighten everything out.

[Mike]

It didn't call me crazy.

[Randy Stone]

Poor old Mike.

[Mike]

You can't see in the dark room but. Terry.

[Mrs. Corby]

Billy.

[Randy Stone]

Ken.

[Mike]

Thank you, Tilly. Billy.

[Frank Lovejoy]

Billy.

[Mike]

You show me where he is so I can shoot him.

[Mrs. Corby]

I come afraid of her if she touches me.

[Randy Stone]

Mike, I'm coming to that window and you'll give me that gun.

[Mike]

I got a bullet for you too, if I have to. Here we are, Billy. He was there with Nick when it happened. You can see him. Just walk over to him, Tilly, and.

[Randy Stone]

Huh.

[Mike]

After your eyes in the dark. And I know where to shoot.

[Mrs. Corby]

She's coming home.

[Randy Stone]

I watched with a horrible fascination as the cat landed on the floor. She looked around the room carefully, her yellow eyes flashing with hate.

[Mrs. Corby]

Don't let her touch me. Don't. I can't stand it.

[Randy Stone]

Easy, Mrs. Corby. You'll excite Mike.

[Mrs. Corby]

She's going to spring at me. I can't stand it, Mike. Take her away. I did it. I killed him. Isn't that what you want to know? Now take her away. Take her away.

[Randy Stone]

Mike fired straight at Mrs. Corby. But somehow his shot went wild and then it was all over. Kelly'd been working his way up the fire escape and he got Mike from behind.

[Police Officer]

Okay.

[Randy Stone]

Okay, old timer. Let me have the gun.

[Mike]

We evened up for him, didn't we, Tilly? We evened up for Nick.

[Randy Stone]

Come on, Pop.

[Mike]

I'm coming. Just a minute. Now you listen. Tilly's happy now. She's happy now. We got her all right.

[Mrs. Corby]

She made me do it. That he hated me and she made me kill him.

[Randy Stone]

The boys took over and there was nothing left for me to do. Mrs. Corby turned out to be the missing witch in my Halloween ball. She'd taken the shots at night and then planted the gun in Old Bay Dell's room. I walked the broken down musician home. I felt I owed him an apology. I'm sorry about tonight. Everybody makes mistakes and I picked tonight to make the one of mine.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

I made a bigger mistake than you did, Mr. Stone.

[Randy Stone]

And what was that?

[Mr. Bay Dell]

When Mike was at the window, I should have shouted, here I am.

[Randy Stone]

But he would have killed you. Yes.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

Good night, Mr. Strong.

[Randy Stone]

Good night, sir. Yeah. I've got a talent for getting mixed up with weird characters. Three out of the four were wacky. Off their rockers. Old Mike, Mrs. Corby Vadel, the accordion player. The fourth character, of course, is me. You know what? I'm not so sure about him either. No, am I, Tilly girl, I would have sworn that cat said something.

[Mike]

Copy Boy.

[Frank Lovejoy]

Nightbeat, starring Frank Lovejoy, is produced and edited and directed by Warren Lewis. Tonight's script was written by Lou Russof with music by Frank Wirth. The part of Mrs. Corby was played by Loreen Tuttle. Mike was Will Gear. Others in tonight's cast were June Foray, Tudor Owen, Ken Christie, Lamont Johnson and Lou Krugman. Frank Lovejoy will soon be seen in the Warner Brothers adventure drama breakthrough. Three Chimes Mean Good Times on NBC. Here is a special listening note for all of you who enjoy following along step by step with Randy Stone as he covers the Night Beat. Starting next Friday, November 10th, Nightbeat will be heard exactly 1/2 hour earlier over most of these stations. Next week in this time period, you'll hear the premiere of a new series starring Monty Woolley as the magnificent Montague. Remember, next Friday, Nightbeat will be heard 1/2 hour earlier. Consult your local papers for the exact time. Tallulah Bankhead as FEMC brings you the big show Sunday on NBC. The Columbia Network welcomes you to the Columbia Workshop tonight. The workshop spokesman is one of the stars of our play. We present the noted actress, the stage and screen Ms. Isabel Jewel.

[Mrs. Corby]

This is my first appearance on the Columbia Workshop and I should like to tell you how it came about. A friend of mine, Mr. George Lloyd, a very gifted writer, came to me some months ago with the idea for the script we are going to present in a few moments. It is called Double Ugly. I was tremendously interested in the idea and when I saw the completed radio play, I was more than excited about it. Mr. Lloyd and I asked ourselves where the best case in radio was to present a drama as unconventional as I'm sure you'll agree this one is. We decided there was one program where we would love to see it produced, the Columbia Workshop. And I am so happy to say that that is where it is being done tonight. Jim Backus would be heard as Matthew Eberman, and I am playing the part of Selleck.

[Frank Lovejoy]

Thank you, Ms.

[Randy Stone]

Jewel.

[Frank Lovejoy]

The Columbia Workshop, directed by Perry Lapity, presents Double Ugly.

[Mrs. Corby]

Double Ugly. Double. Double Ugly. Double Ugly.

[Police Officer]

Ever hear of a man named Eberman? Matthew Eberman, his name was. Had his name in the papers quite a lot. Matthew did kind of a funny story concerning Matthew, too. Had to do with murder. Matthew was an Ugly guy. Ugly as a mud fence. And he hated that. He hated everyone telling him how ugly he was. Why, ever since he was a kid.

[Mrs. Corby]

I won't play if I have to be Matthew's partner. He's so awful looking. It makes me sick to have to look at him with those terrible big hands. No, I won't play. And I'll tell him so to his face. Matthew Weberman, you're the ugliest, crawliest, most horrible looking boy I've ever seen. You're a double ugly, that's what you are. Look at you. Look at you. Double ugly. Double ugly. Double.

[Police Officer]

And sometimes Matthew would cry. He'd go home and beat his big fists into his pillow and nearly choke getting the sobs out of him.

[Mrs. Corby]

Don't cry, Matthew. What do you care what they say? Friends don't matter unless they love you for yourself. Don't cry, Matthew.

[Randy Stone]

Mother loves you.

[Mrs. Corby]

And Mother thinks you're a wonderful boy.

[Randy Stone]

Oh, there, there, now. Don't you cry.

[Police Officer]

And then Matthew wouldn't cry. It was a funny thing, too. He came from a good family. Enough money, education. And if he hadn't been so ug. Well, if he hadn't been, his voice would have been kind of pleasant to listen to. One time, I remember he got along okay with just his voice. It was at a masquerade. Why he ever went, I don't know. Wanted to be with people, I guess. Anyway, he did go to the party and dance with all the girls in the place. And all the time he kept hearing his mother's voice.

[Mrs. Corby]

Why, I hardly know my own boy all dressed up like that.

[Police Officer]

And one girl was so beautiful. Some lovely duchess, maybe from 100 or 200 years ago. Like a soft cloud of ruffles and the set of magic flung all about her.

[Mrs. Corby]

Oh, look, I'm cherished. I'm quite out of breath.

[Police Officer]

I think I never been so happy.

[Randy Stone]

In all my life.

[Mrs. Corby]

Oh, is that a compliment for me?

[Police Officer]

Yes. Yes, partly.

[Mrs. Corby]

Partly. How charming. Who are you? I hardly know my own boy. Our masquerade is so romantic. It's perfectly all right to fall in love with a stranger.

[Mike]

Someone.

[Mrs. Corby]

You haven't the slightest idea who it is, do you?

[Police Officer]

Do you mind if I fall in love with you?

[Mrs. Corby]

Well, it's a masquerade then.

[Police Officer]

Then I will fall in love with you. I. I've never said it before. I. I love you.

[Mrs. Corby]

Who are you?

[Randy Stone]

I love you.

[Mrs. Corby]

Who are you? I know it isn't quite time to remove. I'm ask. But I'll tell you who I am if you'll tell me who you are in that costume. I hardly know my own voice. Ladies and gentlemen, Unmas. Well, it doesn't matter now. Here, I'll take mine off first.

[Police Officer]

No.

[Mrs. Corby]

Well, remove yours. No, you silly, you must. Ah, come on, take it off. I'll take it off of you myself if you don't.

[Police Officer]

No, no, no.

[Mrs. Corby]

But I will. I will. Matthew. Eminence. I don't care who knows it. I'll tell him to his face, his promise.

[Police Officer]

Some lovely duchess. A soft cloud of lace and the scent of magic all about her.

[Mrs. Corby]

Double, ugly, double, ugly, double.

[Police Officer]

Matthew's mother died and Matthew went away from town. It was after that he had to do with murder. I told you about him as a boy so maybe you could understand him later on. You see, he never knew a soul to talk to. Except some of the men who worked in the same plant where he did. He got a job there in his plant, throwing sacks into a truck. At lunchtime, Matthew would listen to the other men talking. His big hands opening, closing, regular.

[Randy Stone]

You know what I think? I think it's better to be married no matter what.

[Police Officer]

That's right, Handsome. Still, lots of men don't get married. That's right. You ain't married, are you, Eberman? No.

[Randy Stone]

How come, Eberman?

[Police Officer]

I don't know.

[Randy Stone]

I thought I'd never get married. I wasn't good looking. I thought women married only good looking men.

[Police Officer]

Shucks, Eberman, if a woman married me.

[Randy Stone]

One ought to marry you.

[Police Officer]

I never knew anyone to marry. Listen to him, will you? Handsome Say, that's good. I gotta tell that to the wife. And that was right. He was kind of shy. Women after that girl at the masquerade ball. The man named Handsome thought it all over and got his wife to invite Matthew to the house for supper one night.

[Randy Stone]

This here is Eberman I was telling you about. That don't know nobody to marry, Hazel.

[Mrs. Corby]

Why, Mr. Eberman, ain't you ashamed? Well, there's lots of girls around that's dying to get married. Ain't you never wanted a home? Look at our little place. Ain't it cute? Man needs a woman's touch and vice versa.

[Randy Stone]

It acts a true devil. Sure.

[Mrs. Corby]

Look at handsome here, Mr. Eberman. He wasn't no use to himself at all all alone. Now we got a real good life worked out.

[Randy Stone]

Now, Hazel, don't force her.

[Police Officer]

That's all right, let her talk.

[Mrs. Corby]

Oh, I would anyways, Mr. Eberman. Handsome don't hold no water with me.

[Police Officer]

The fat wife talked and Matthew listened. And he began to wonder if maybe there wasn't something in what she said. Maybe you'd just grown up in the wrong kind of atmosphere. Girls he grew up with always look at you.

[Mrs. Corby]

Look at you.

[Police Officer]

No, still, it was lonesome. He could quit the plant if he wanted. He had all that money his mother left him when she died. He only worked because it was so lonesome. Then Hazel said, well, now, let's see.

[Mrs. Corby]

Who'd be a good girl for you? Hmm? What type do you go first?

[Police Officer]

Matthew couldn't say. That awful fat woman in the rocking chair. The sound of that squeaking. Maybe she'd give it up. But Hazel wasn't going to let him give it up. She was going to match him to somebody. Finally, she hit on just the girl I know.

[Mrs. Corby]

Sorry. Mason.

[Police Officer]

Sally Mason. A big easygoing blonde. Like a soft cloud of ruffles and lace in the scent of magic. No, not getting it mixed up. Sally wore a white dress and Sally did most of the talking. You see, Hazel arranged for them to meet at a party at her house. She had all the men and their wives from the plant. And a guy named Lefty played the piano. Played piano? Like old time movies. Everybody had a swell time except Matthew. He sat alone over in one corner of the porch. He heard the screen door open and close and a big bunch of white that was Sally moved over to him.

[Mrs. Corby]

My Dear, you are Mr. Everman. What do you mean by running away from the party? I'm your girl tonight, ain't I?

[Police Officer]

Sure, but I thought maybe you wanted to be with some of those fellas that talk more. I'm pretty quiet.

[Mrs. Corby]

No, I don't mind. I think that's the mark of a gentleman. You ain't so much like these ginger around here. Gorgeous night, ain't it? I think nature's just about the grandest thing in the world, don't you? Trees and flowers and all. Ain't so many flowers around here, though. I like sunshine and clean scenery all around, don't you? I get so lonesome here. It's lonesome for a girl. That is, of course, if you ain't married.

[Police Officer]

I get lonesome too.

[Mrs. Corby]

You do? Well, I never thought men got lonesome. I thought it was only girls man can get out.

[Police Officer]

I get lonesome.

[Mrs. Corby]

Oh, sure. I remember now. Hazel told me you're afraid you're too ugly looking.

[Police Officer]

What are you laughing at? I do get lonesome. And that's the reason.

[Randy Stone]

Only you're not to laugh.

[Mrs. Corby]

Don't you? You're hurting my arm. How better so I wasn't laughing. Except. Except it's funny to think of a man being so. Well, I didn't mean to hurt you, Sally. I know. You got the biggest hands I ever seen. Do you think I'm pretty? Do you? I get so lonesome.

[Police Officer]

Matthew couldn't get it out of his head about this funny girl. Do you think I'm pretty? He didn't even know. He couldn't even remember what she looked like when he went to work the next day.

[Mrs. Corby]

Ain't so many flowers around here though.

[Police Officer]

He heard her saying those things to him all over again. What did she look like though? He threw some more sacks into the truck. When he started to get his lunch there was something over by the gate he had never noticed before. Something pink and fresh. His big hands opened and closed.

[Mrs. Corby]

Hi there, Mr. Everyman.

[Police Officer]

It was Sally. All in pink. Organdy like a gas balloon at a children's party.

[Mrs. Corby]

I guess you're surprised to see me, ain't you Mr. Everman?

[Police Officer]

I guess I am.

[Mrs. Corby]

Well, I thought maybe you might like a little home fixed lunch. Don't it look good? We can eat over there in the shade if you don't mind having the lady as company. Come on. I was all alone today and that's why I come. Looky here. I even got some chocolate creams for after. You like them?

[Police Officer]

Uh huh.

[Mrs. Corby]

I do myself. Here's a cute bracelet. Little tiny bell. Must be hard work to make a thing like that, don't you think? Have some of these sandwiches, Mr. Eberman. They're gorgeous.

[Police Officer]

Sally chatted away all in pink and self consciously turned her wrist to make the little bells tinkle. Matthew ate steadily and silently. Big thick sandwich.

[Mrs. Corby]

Just like a party, ain't it?

[Police Officer]

After a while it was time to go back to work. Matthew stood up and didn't know what to say, just looked. Sally's face was kind of shiny from the heat and the pink had gone limped and bunched. But a breeze picked up the loose strands of her hair and her foot twisted like a little girl.

[Mrs. Corby]

I'm glad I come.

[Randy Stone]

Me too.

[Mrs. Corby]

You know, you never called me by name. It's Sally.

[Police Officer]

I know.

[Mrs. Corby]

Call me by name. I like being called by name.

[Police Officer]

I will.

[Mrs. Corby]

Can't you do it now? It won't hurt none.

[Frank Lovejoy]

I've got to go back to work.

[Mrs. Corby]

Okay. So long.

[Police Officer]

So long. You look pretty in pink.

[Mrs. Corby]

Why? Say, I'm glad you like it. It's one of my favorite colors.

[Police Officer]

But Matthew had gone back to work after that day. Matthew saw her often. It was funny how she seemed to like him. That bracelet was the only thing. Sometimes he felt he could. What about those pictures in the paper now? He swung the sacks into the truck faster and seemed glad to hear the whistle blow in the evening. How's things, Everman? Fine.

[Randy Stone]

How, Sally?

[Police Officer]

All right, I guess.

[Randy Stone]

You ain't planning to take the fatal step, are you? What did I tell you?

[Police Officer]

No guy is too ugly to get.

[Randy Stone]

A woman if they find the right one. Hey, what's your hurry?

[Police Officer]

The men and their wives at the plant watch the romance develop.

[Mrs. Corby]

Gonna get hitched, Mr. Eberman?

[Randy Stone]

It's better to get married no matter what.

[Police Officer]

No matter what. Matthew never asks Sally to marry him. Until the day he saw her out by the fence where she lived talking to Lefty, the man who had played the piano at Handsome's party. The first night they met. He saw Lefty pinch her cheek and heard Sally laugh.

[Mrs. Corby]

Oh, Lefty, you say the silliest things. You can't expect a girl to take you serious. Oh, now there. Don't.

[Police Officer]

You take your hands off her.

[Mrs. Corby]

Oh, Matthew, look what you've done to Lefty. You knocked him off.

[Police Officer]

Cool. You're not to fool around with guys like that. I don't like the woman I'm going to marry fooling around with guys like that.

[Mrs. Corby]

Mary. Oh, Matthew, why, that's the one thing in the whole wide world I always wanted to be.

[Police Officer]

And all the men and their wives stood in the church and the wives thought the bride looked prettier than any they'd ever seen. Matthew took his bride to Niagara.

[Mrs. Corby]

How's married lifestyle? Say, it's a grandma sting. You should come and see us. Pay a social call. Yeah, I hear you got a nice little place to live. Yeah. Flowers and the trees. Oh, you gotta come and see it.

[Police Officer]

And the men in their wives at the plant did come and see it. They sat around the house and put their feet on things and spilled cigar ashes on the floor and talked loud and common. Matthew didn't say a word. Just sat and listened and looked at the mess they made. They stayed a long time and Matthew thought they would never go.

[Mrs. Corby]

Well, now you know the way. Don't be strangers.

[Randy Stone]

Don't worry.

[Mrs. Corby]

We'll be back real often. Now we know the way. Good night.

[Police Officer]

Good night.

[Mrs. Corby]

See you soon.

[Police Officer]

Good night, Matthew. Look at the rugs and the footmarks on the chair. The place looked ugly.

[Mrs. Corby]

Imagine entertaining folks in your very own home.

[Police Officer]

They won't come again.

[Mrs. Corby]

Why not?

[Police Officer]

Look at the rug.

[Mrs. Corby]

Oh, that ain't nothing. I'll just run the sweeping.

[Police Officer]

They're not coming again.

[Mrs. Corby]

But a house ain't nothing without folks coming in.

[Police Officer]

We got each other. Well, yes, but they never had another party. Maybe Matthew saw his face in the ashes on the floor. The house grew quiet and Sally got nervous.

[Mrs. Corby]

It's just that we sit here and sit here and don't say a word. Matthew. I get lonesome. Can't we have a party? Or why can't we go to other people's parties? Can't we do that?

[Police Officer]

And the yard grew up in weeds and the flowers didn't do so well. The tree didn't grow. Even the smoke from the plants seemed to find its way over to the house. The white got gray and it got black and splotches.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

The paint peeled.

[Police Officer]

Matthew lived. Sally put on weight.

[Mrs. Corby]

Matthew, see the pretty pink ribbon? I got to match my hair. The lady at the dime store said blonde hair got all the gifts. So I got this bottle of stuff. Only a dime. And look how it brightens up the color of my hair. Have a chocolate cream, Matthew. These creams come from the dime store, too. I can't even notice the difference from the ones you used to buy me.

[Police Officer]

He walked away. He always walked away. He wanted to tell Sally how much he wanted to be close to him, but he couldn't. She build the house with frilly things and all the fussy doodads that go with.

[Mrs. Corby]

You just won't believe what I got to show you, Matthew. It's like a movie actress I'd seen in the Night magazine. Look, a little napkin. Just like a little ball of fur. Angel, my angel. Ain't you the sweetest thing? Would you like a chocolate cream like Mommy? Oh, Matthew, a scream. Look at him eat those creams. Oh, dear. Delicious. Ain't the angel Mama's little angel? Mustn't talk. What is it? What's the matter, darling?

[Police Officer]

Matthew walked away.

[Mrs. Corby]

What's the canary's jump on their perch, Matthew? I don't understand them birds, Matthew. They don't sing a song like canaries is supposed to. Oh. Oh, you bad boy. Scaring a little sister. I just won't talk to you again. Ah, now, don't make that funny face up, Mama. Mama didn't mean to hurt her feelings. Come, Matthew, edit a scream. Here, darling, we'll divide a chocolate cream. Oh, now, don't mess Mama all up. Look at that, Matthew. All down my negligee. Now, you just go and get on your papa's lap. Now. Wouldn't you like to sit on Papa's lap? I love you. You hit him oh, Matthew, don't do that way. Matthew.

[Police Officer]

What are you crying for, Sally?

[Mrs. Corby]

You shouldn't have hit him. Look at him. Don't you cry, angel. And Mama won't either. Not Matthew. He was just like the kid in Double Ugly. Double ugly. I think maybe kids would make it not so long. Double Ugly. Double ugly.

[Police Officer]

No. Matthew got up and went out of the house and walked. He walked and he wished he could get it all straight in his mind. Nothing was happening the way he wanted it to. Why couldn't he make the little house behave the way he thought of it a long time before? Like when he thought how nice it would be to get Sally a house with flowers and trees. Why didn't the flowers grown?

[Mrs. Corby]

I like the house, but I get lonesome.

[Police Officer]

Lonesome in your own home? Why go to those awful parties with ashes and footmarks on the chair and men with their arms around Sally? She shouldn't have allowed that she belonged to him. She was the only person who ever belonged to him. Hadn't you come to the plant yard that day?

[Mrs. Corby]

Hi there, Mr. Everman.

[Police Officer]

Sure she had. She liked him and she didn't think he was so ugly.

[Mrs. Corby]

Sure, I remember. You're the one who was afraid. You're too ugly.

[Police Officer]

Sally just laughed. She didn't seem to mind at all. She belonged to him and nobody else.

[Randy Stone]

Had.

[Police Officer]

Lefty pinching her cheek and laughing at him. She shouldn't have allowed that. She shouldn't be singing that song unless he play. She should stop. He wanted to love her and make her understand that she was all he ever had.

[Mrs. Corby]

Mama's little angel wanted chocolate cream.

[Police Officer]

He wanted to leave that dog alone. Why couldn't she treat him like that? The dog ate chocolate cream soup. Pictures in the paper.

[Randy Stone]

No, no, no.

[Police Officer]

Wait.

[Randy Stone]

No.

[Police Officer]

That's. That's getting the story mixed up. That's. That's getting ahead. And that would ruin the story. Listen to those hammers. Those carpenter boys sure know what to do with hammers. Yes, sir. Matthew walked back to the house. Too bad about the paint. And the smoke that came over the bottom of the plant and the weeds all around. He was surprised to see the tree look bigger. Maybe he hadn't noticed the tree for a long time. Little house looked so lonesome.

[Randy Stone]

All cluttered up and lost in the weeds.

[Mrs. Corby]

Matthew. Matthew.

[Police Officer]

Yes?

[Mrs. Corby]

Where have you been, Matthew?

[Police Officer]

Walking.

[Mrs. Corby]

Oh.

[Police Officer]

He looked at her. Where was that pink, fresh thing you'd seen before at the plant? The shining face from the heat and the loose strands of hair caught in the breeze?

[Mrs. Corby]

You never called me by Name? I like being called by name.

[Police Officer]

A big fat blonde lump.

[Mrs. Corby]

These creams come from the dime store and you can't even tell the difference.

[Police Officer]

The way they got smeared down her neck. She didn't even seem to care. Where was that pink and fresh thing by the gate? Sally was standing by the canary cage and wiggling her wrist again. She hadn't done that for a long time, since Niagara Falls.

[Mrs. Corby]

Look, Matthew. I found that bracelet with the bells on it. I thought it might make the canary sing. Come on, birdie. Do you think they stick, Matthew? I never seen them so quiet before. Listen to the bells, Birdie.

[Police Officer]

Matthew's hands were opening and closing at a side like they were grasping for something to hold and never find me.

[Mrs. Corby]

I don't understand them birds at all.

[Police Officer]

You've gotten fat, Sally.

[Mrs. Corby]

Oh, it don't matter. I don't care. Nobody cares if married women get fat. That's what Hazel says. I like Hazel. She's good company. I don't get down her way much now, though. My ankles swell up. It's from these French heels. Ain't they the cute shoes, though, Matthew? Make the foot look small. My ankles swell up, but they do make the foot look small. My wrists swell up, too. I don't know what's wrong with them. Oh, I wish I could get these birds the same. Oh, I'm bored.

[Randy Stone]

Bored.

[Police Officer]

So that was it. She wasn't happy in the little house anymore. What did she have to get bored for? He wanted to love the little house, but she got bored.

[Mrs. Corby]

Can we ever go out, Matthew, or have someone in? Hazel is having a. Can't we go? Gee whiz, all we do is just sit here and sit here. Can't we go, Matthew? Can't we?

[Police Officer]

Aren't you happy with me, Sally?

[Mrs. Corby]

Yeah, but we never do anything. I get crazy here all the time. I just get so I. I can't stay still another minute or I'll scream. If we had some kids, then maybe we'd mean more to each other. Have something to talk to each other about. Kids is awful. Good company and conversation about kids is good company. And good talk between a man and these.

[Police Officer]

He wanted to kick walls, tear the house down, anything. There she was, singing a song. Lefty song on the piano. It wasn't good for it. And there was that dog barking again and eating great big dishes of chocolate cream.

[Mrs. Corby]

Mama's little angel mustn't buy.

[Police Officer]

Oh, where was that terrace he'd seen once upon a time? Some lovely duchess, maybe from a hundred or two hundred years ago.

[Mrs. Corby]

I hardly know my own boy. Now, there's no reason you can't tell me who you are. Your mask. I'll do it for you. Look at you.

[Police Officer]

Maybe if he grabbed Sally and held her close, that would make a difference.

[Mrs. Corby]

You're the ugliest, crawliest boy I've ever seen, Matthew. Ever.

[Police Officer]

Why did it have to turn out this way? Is that a man ought to be married no matter what?

[Mike]

No matter what. No matter what.

[Mrs. Corby]

I think hatred's the greatest thing in the world.

[Police Officer]

No matter what.

[Randy Stone]

No matter what.

[Mrs. Corby]

I get so lonesome. If we had kids, we'd mean more to each other. Can't we go? Why can't we go have one at night.

[Police Officer]

The biggest. Just get a minute to think. Think without all that noise. Then he could get it straight. He had to have quiet. Sally was so fat. Maggie stuffed his mom full of dime store chocolates. One after another, one after the other, one after the other. And the whole room began to turn. Matthew. H. Sal. Remember the blonde Sally with her eyes and her mouth wide open singing rusty songs over at the noise of roommates going around.

[Mrs. Corby]

Matthew, I hardly know who I own.

[Police Officer]

A big fat blonde lumbo covered in pink and a bow to match in her hair.

[Mrs. Corby]

Matthew, look what you done. Look what you done.

[Police Officer]

Matthew looked all around the room. No trees, no flowers. The canaries and the dog were quiet.

[Mrs. Corby]

Matthew.

[Police Officer]

They was like kids to me.

[Mrs. Corby]

Little helpless babies. And just look at your hands. All red. You look so ugly.

[Police Officer]

That big blonde was as still as could be, except her wrist. But her face hated him. She said he was ugly. Ugly. This wouldn't be like the house they plant anymore. No trees, no flowers.

[Mr. Bay Dell]

That bracelet.

[Police Officer]

That fat blonde hating him wasn't the woman he married. What was she doing there? She was bored. She wanted to go. Can't you even say you're sorry?

[Mrs. Corby]

Matthew, don't do like that with your hands. No, no. I don't want you near me. You'll get those awful hands of yours all over my negligence. Matthew. Matthew, put your hands down. No. It says here he just beat her head against the floor with his feet hand again and again.

[Police Officer]

Read all about it.

[Mrs. Corby]

Extra paper.

[Randy Stone]

Hang by your neck until you are dead.

[Police Officer]

Those carpenter boys sure know what to do with their hammers.

[Randy Stone]

Listen.

[Police Officer]

I guess they're getting ready for in the morning. Cutting down a tree to build a thing like that. Well, that's. That's the story of Matthew Eberman, I guess. There's just one thing I'd like to ask you. Just in case you print any of what I told you. Sure. Anything you want. What can we do for you? Only put my name in anything you print, that's all. I'd just like to think only my name is gonna be in print, that's all. You know what my name is, don't you?

[Randy Stone]

Sure.

[Police Officer]

Sure, sure. Sure you do. That's right. But Matthew Everman. That's my name. I guess maybe. You wonder how I could tell you all this. Like I was talking about somebody else. It's because Matthew Everman was never a person I really wanted to be. He was somebody I knew and didn't like. And I hated him just like everybody else did. Because he was ugly. That's no excuse for what he did. Poor Matthew. Hating makes so many lonely people. And it makes ugly people, too. Ugly and mean on the inside. I guess the best thing would be if everybody were friendly and understanding. Wouldn't it be a nice world if people were but pictures in the papers. There won't be any pictures in the papers, will there? No pictures. No pictures.

[Mrs. Corby]

Double ugly. Double ugly. Double ugly. Double ugly.

[Frank Lovejoy]

The Columbia Workshop is presented Double Ugly, written by George Lloyd, directed by Perry Lapity and starring Isabel Jewell as Sally and Jim Bacchus as Matthew Everman and the narrator. The special musical score was composed and conducted by Van Cleave. The cast included Warner Paul as Hazel, Eddie o' Shea is handsome Betty Jane Tyler as a little girl, Sammy Hill as the duchess, Jeanette Chinley as the mother, and Ed Mayhoff and Brad Barker. Sound was by Charles Range, Jerry Sullivan and phil airhorn. Al DiCaprio engineered. This is the Columbia broadcasting System.

[Host]

There's more from Nightbeat, the Columbia Workshop, the Relic Radio show and all of the Relic radio podcasts@ Relicradio.com. if you'd like to help support this and all of that, you can donate through the website as well. Well, your support makes all of this possible. Thanks to those who have helped out. Thanks for joining me this week. I'll be back tomorrow with an hour of mystery on Case closed and next Tuesday with our next episode of the relic radio show.