The Saint and Escape

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Relic Radio Show – "The Saint and Escape"

Release Date: April 8, 2025

Introduction

In this captivating episode of The Relic Radio Show, hosted by RelicRadio.com, listeners are transported back to the golden age of radio through two enthralling segments. The episode features Vincent Price as the charismatic detective Simon Templar in The Saint episode titled "Ladies Never Lie," followed by a dramatic adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald's renowned short story, "The Diamond as Big as the Ritz," presented under the Escape series. This summary delves into both narratives, highlighting key plot points, character dynamics, and memorable exchanges that encapsulate the essence of old-time radio storytelling.

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Section 1: The Saint – "Ladies Never Lie"

Overview

The Saint segment introduces audiences to Simon Templar, the suave and cunning protagonist known as the Robin Hood of modern crime, originally created by Leslie Charteris. In "Ladies Never Lie," Templar encounters Claire Gordon, a woman desperate to confess a murder she claims to have committed.

Key Characters

• Simon Templar (Vincent Price): A clever and resourceful detective who navigates complex criminal cases with charm and intellect.
• Claire Gordon (Joan Banks): A distressed woman who approaches Templar with a confession of murdering her husband.
• James Gordon (Peter Leeds): Claire's husband, whose mysterious activities and untimely death become central to the plot.
• Louie (Larry Dobkin): Templar's butler, who provides assistance and occasional comic relief throughout the episode.
• Timothy Kerrigan (Jim Nusser): A lawyer involved in the Gordon family's affairs, whose true intentions are pivotal to the unfolding mystery.

Plot Summary

The episode opens with Claire Gordon seeking out Simon Templar to confess her husband's murder, despite having no direct evidence or clear reason to believe Templar is the right person for such a confession. As Templar converses with Claire, he remains skeptical, probing deeper into her motives and the circumstances surrounding her husband's death.

Timestamps & Notable Quotes:

• [02:08] Simon Templar: "Mrs. Gordon, I can think of many reasons why a woman might want to kill her husband. In some instances, she actually does. But I can think of no reason why she should come to me and tell me about it."

• [04:05] Simon Templar: "If what you're getting is it that the only way I can be sure is by killing you. Then how much was Mr. Gordon's life insured for? A hundred grand."

As the narrative progresses, James Gordon confronts Templar, revealing conflicting information about his wife's confession and his own knowledge of her presence. This confrontation leads to a deeper investigation, wherein Templar uncovers that the confession was strategically made to establish an alibi for Claire, positioning her to appear innocent after the murder.

The plot thickens with the involvement of Timothy Kerrigan, the family lawyer, who is implicated as having ulterior motives tied to the Gordon family's financial affairs. Templar deduces that Kerrigan orchestrated events to manipulate insurance and inheritance, ultimately leading to the confirmation of Kerrigan's guilt.

Further Notable Quotes:

• [24:27] Claire Gordon: "Our investments, they were unfortunate."

• [26:07] Simon Templar: "It was Kerrigan. Uh huh. I thought it would be. He didn't see me."

Conclusion

In a masterful display of deduction and confrontation, Simon Templar exposes Kerrigan's scheme to defraud the Gordon family, ensuring justice is served. The episode concludes with the unraveling of multiple layers of deceit, highlighting Templar's unwavering commitment to uncovering the truth.

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Section 2: Escape – "The Diamond as Big as the Ritz"

Overview

Transitioning from detective drama, the Escape segment presents an adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald's "The Diamond as Big as the Ritz." This narrative explores themes of wealth, secrecy, and the intoxicating allure of immense riches through the eyes of John Unger, a young man who becomes entangled in a family's guarded empire centered around a colossal diamond.

Key Characters

• John Unger (Jack Edwards, Jr.): The impressionable protagonist who discovers the hidden wealth of his wealthy friend.
• Percy Washington (Danny Merrill): John's affluent friend who invites him to spend the summer at his secluded Montana estate.
• Kizmine (Linda Mason): Percy's enchanting sister, whose beauty captivates John and complicates the unfolding events.
• Timothy Kerrigan (James Gordon): The family's manipulative lawyer, whose sinister control over the estate's secrets is revealed.
• Louie (Larry Dobkin): The family's charming butler, who harbors his own affections and plays a pivotal role in the narrative.

Plot Summary

John Unger recounts his summer vacation at Percy Washington's remote Montana estate, initially unaware of the family's extraordinary secret: a mountain-sized diamond concealed within their property. The grandeur of the estate, with its opulent decor and lavish amenities, masks the dark reality of how the Washington family maintains and protects their wealth.

Timestamps & Notable Quotes:

• [32:02] Co-Host: "I sure do appreciate you not making jokes about it. You know, the way some of the fellows do when I say I come from Hades."

• [34:07] Co-Host: "What are we stopping for? This is just a deserted canyon."

As John grows closer to Kizmine, their budding romance deepens, adding emotional stakes to the unfolding mystery. Suspicious activities, such as the enigmatic "cage" housing countless enslaved aviators, hint at the sinister lengths the Washington family will go to protect their empire.

Further Notable Quotes:

• [44:12] Timothy Kerrigan: "We've shot down wandering prospectors, men of that sort."

• [50:36] Co-Host: "Oh, yeah? Well, where is it? Where do you keep this diamond that's caused so cockeyed much trouble?"

As the story climaxes, the protagonist witnesses an attempted takeover orchestrated by new antagonist, Mr. Washington, who seeks to expand the family's dominance through sheer force and manipulation. The revelation of an atomic bomb planted within the mountain as a fail-safe measures the family's power and secrecy.

The narrative crescendos with an intense confrontation over the diamond, leading to the destruction of the estate and the dispersal of the Washington family's wealth, highlighting the destructive nature of unbridled greed and the illusion of security that immense wealth can provide.

Climactic Quotes:

• [54:37] Timothy Kerrigan: "I want you to understand this is only a sample. I'll give you a thousand cut as fine, set in pedestals of platinum..."

• [57:00] Co-Host: "Atom? Atomic bomb."

Conclusion

"The Diamond as Big as the Ritz" adaptation culminates in the fall of the Washington family's utopian dream, serving as a poignant critique of the corrupting influence of wealth and the lengths to which individuals will go to preserve their status. The story reinforces the timeless message that true value lies not in material riches but in genuine human connections and moral integrity.

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Final Thoughts

This episode of The Relic Radio Show masterfully showcases the enduring appeal of old-time radio through its engaging storytelling and memorable performances. Vincent Price's portrayal of Simon Templar adds a layer of sophistication and intrigue to The Saint segment, while the Escape adaptation of Fitzgerald's work delivers a riveting narrative that captivates listeners with its blend of luxury, mystery, and moral lessons. Whether delving into the detective prowess of Templar or exploring the gilded cages of unimaginable wealth, this episode stands as a testament to the rich heritage of radio entertainment.

Notable Quotes Compilation

• Simon Templar: "[02:08] 'Mrs. Gordon, I can think of many reasons why a woman might want to kill her husband. In some instances, she actually does.'"

• Simon Templar: "[04:05] 'If what you're getting is it that the only way I can be sure is by killing you. Then how much was Mr. Gordon's life insured for? A hundred grand.'"

• Timothy Kerrigan: "[44:12] 'We've shot down wandering prospectors, men of that sort.'"

• Co-Host: "[50:36] 'Oh, yeah? Well, where is it? Where do you keep this diamond that's caused so cockeyed much trouble?'"

• Simon Templar: "[57:00] 'Atom? Atomic bomb.'"

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Conclusion

The Relic Radio Show continues to honor and preserve the magic of old-time radio, offering both nostalgia for seasoned listeners and intriguing narratives for new audiences. With its meticulous adaptations and stellar performances, the show remains a cherished portal to a bygone era of storytelling excellence.

Transcript

[Host]

This is the relic radio show.

[Co-Host]

Old time radio entertainment still standing the.

[Host]

Test of time from relicradio.com. welcome back to the relic radio show. We begin this week with vincent price as the saint. We'll hear his episode from January 7, 1951 titled Ladies Never lie.

[Co-Host]

Much.

[Host]

After that, it's escape and the diamond as big as the Ritz. From July 21, 1947.

[Narrator]

The Adventures of the saints, starring vincent price. The saints. Based on characters created by leslie charteris and known to millions from books, magazines and motion pictures, the robin hood of modern crime now comes transcribed to radio Starring hollywood's brilliant and talented actor Vincent price as the saint.

[Simon Templar]

Coming.

[Claire Gordon]

Mr. Templer?

[Simon Templar]

Yes?

[Claire Gordon]

Let me in.

[Louie]

Quickly.

[Simon Templar]

All right.

[Claire Gordon]

My name is claire gordon.

[Simon Templar]

I can recommend that chair.

[Claire Gordon]

I don't have time, Mr. Templer. I want to confess.

[Simon Templar]

Confess what?

[Claire Gordon]

Murder.

[Simon Templar]

Maybe I'd better take the chair. You're quite serious?

[Louie]

Of course I am.

[Claire Gordon]

When anyone confessed to murder merely as.

[Simon Templar]

A joke might depend on their sense of humor. However. Whom did you murder?

[Claire Gordon]

My husband.

[Simon Templar]

I see.

[Claire Gordon]

You don't believe me.

[Simon Templar]

I have no reason to believe or disbelieve.

[Claire Gordon]

But I did kill him all right. You ought to do something about it.

[Simon Templar]

Mrs. Gordon, I can think of many reasons why a woman might want to kill her husband. In some instances, she actually does. But I can think of no reason why she should come to me and tell me about it.

[Claire Gordon]

Well, I had to confess to somebody.

[Simon Templar]

You could have chosen the police.

[Claire Gordon]

Oh, they're so vulgar.

[Simon Templar]

Murder is not a monopoly of the upper classes. Nor is it in itself an especially refined acidity.

[Claire Gordon]

You don't understand. Before married jim, I was claire wheelock.

[Simon Templar]

Of the something or other. Wheelocks, no doubt.

[Claire Gordon]

Still, I absolutely refused to go to some pokey, dirty little police station.

[Simon Templar]

Some of them are quite large and I understand, clean from time to time.

[Claire Gordon]

Tell some grubby little man all about my personal affairs.

[Simon Templar]

Murder, according to the statutes, is a public affair.

[Claire Gordon]

I think you're nasty.

[Simon Templar]

I'm only trying to be reasonable.

[Claire Gordon]

After all, I heard you weren't always reasonable when and beautiful women were concerned.

[Simon Templar]

Oh, that's true. Only on shrove Tuesday.

[Claire Gordon]

I despise you.

[Co-Host]

Wait.

[Simon Templar]

Maybe today, Isro. No, it's Sunday. Hey, she could be coming back to make an appointment for shrove Tuesday. No.

[James Gordon]

You're simon templar.

[Simon Templar]

I'm afraid I am. You seem to have janked.

[James Gordon]

Why was my wife here?

[Simon Templar]

Your what?

[James Gordon]

Wife. And don't try telling me you didn't.

[Simon Templar]

Know she was married, you low individual. I think you'd better tell Me about myself Inside, huh? Now then, you are James Gordon.

[James Gordon]

And my wife was just here.

[Simon Templar]

How do you know?

[James Gordon]

I saw her leave. Are you going to try denying it?

[Simon Templar]

Well, not if you saw her just leave. Well, that's good.

[James Gordon]

Now, if you don't mind, I'll take my coat off.

[Simon Templar]

You're warm. I'm about to beat your brains out, you know. Watch your language. And why do you think your wife was here?

[Timothy Kerrigan]

Pretty obvious, isn't it?

[Simon Templar]

I don't know. After all, I never met your wife before you. Furthermore, Mr. Gordon, you're dead. Are you being whimsical? I'm only trying not to make a liar out of your wife. She told you she was a widow? More or less. Actually, she came here to confess.

[James Gordon]

Are you trying to pull my leg?

[Simon Templar]

I've always thought that a highly overrated indoor sport. Except, of course, in the right company. She came here to confess.

[James Gordon]

To what?

[Simon Templar]

To murder. In you.

[Claire Gordon]

To what?

[Simon Templar]

Apparently, her confession was premature. If, that is, you really are James Gordon. Well, thanks for the premature. And, of course I'm James Gordon. Who else would I be? Should I get. No, no.

[James Gordon]

You can take a look at my wallet.

[Simon Templar]

Thank you. Driver's license, Blue Shield medical plan card dated, oddly enough, only a week ago.

[James Gordon]

What's odd about that?

[Simon Templar]

Apparently, you don't expect to die. You are James Gordon.

[James Gordon]

Well, thank you. Now, would you like to tell me why my wife was here?

[Simon Templar]

She came to confess to your murder.

[James Gordon]

You know, Mr. Templar, I think I'm.

[Simon Templar]

Beginning to believe you. Fine. Keep working at it. Claire is eccentric.

[James Gordon]

If you say she told you she'd murder me, well, she must have told you she did. But why?

[Simon Templar]

I'm not dead. Therefore she didn't murder you.

[James Gordon]

Then why did she make such an idiotic confession?

[Simon Templar]

Wishful thinking, perhaps?

[James Gordon]

No, just something.

[Simon Templar]

Or perhaps it was only anticipation. Excuse me. Hello, Mr. Templer. Louie. Louie.

[James Gordon]

A half an hour ago you called for a cab. A half an hour ago I arrived. A half an hour ago I was still warm. I am now understudying in icing.

[Simon Templar]

Oh, Louie, I'm sorry. Come upstairs and thaw out. I've had company. A blunt to start with.

[James Gordon]

What are you up to now?

[Simon Templar]

Her husband.

[James Gordon]

I'll come up. I'll bring a large wrench.

[Simon Templar]

That won't be necessary, Louis. Bye, Mr. Templer.

[James Gordon]

What you said just before.

[Simon Templar]

You mean. Perhaps she intends to murder me?

[James Gordon]

But why should she want to?

[Simon Templar]

She came to confess, not to confide in me.

[James Gordon]

I. I better run along. Get hold of Clarence.

[Simon Templar]

I.

[James Gordon]

Well, I'm sorry.

[Simon Templar]

I bothered you, Mr. Templar. Oh, it's all right.

[James Gordon]

Thanks for your patience.

[Simon Templar]

Forget it.

[James Gordon]

Goodbye.

[Simon Templar]

Bye. Well, so much. That's right, Sergeant. Man named Gordon shot to death on my doorstep. No, sergeant, I never shoot anyone on my doorstep. It's untidy. I don't know, I. Look Sergeant, I have an idea. Why not drop in and see for yourself? Sergeant was quick. Come in.

[Co-Host]

Hi, Mr. Templer.

[Simon Templar]

Oh, Louie, I forgot you were coming up. You warmer?

[James Gordon]

Yeah, a little bit, thanks. Friend of yours?

[Simon Templar]

Who?

[James Gordon]

The gentleman who's laying down dead outside your door.

[Simon Templar]

No, we barely met.

[James Gordon]

Oh, well that's nice. You ready to leave now?

[Simon Templar]

I'm afraid not. I have to wait for the police.

[James Gordon]

That's too bad. You know, the guy might be a conservative dresser, but I don't think he does credit to your doorstep.

[Simon Templar]

I wouldn't say that. His name is James Gordon. Of the Gordon Gordon.

[James Gordon]

Oh, well that's different. Yeah. Did he kill himself or did somebody help him?

[Simon Templar]

I don't think he killed himself, Louie.

[James Gordon]

Why?

[Simon Templar]

Well, he'd just taken out a Blue Shield card.

[Claire Gordon]

Or.

[James Gordon]

Planning for the future, huh?

[Simon Templar]

Yes, it also means he expected to have a future. Louis, while we're waiting, would you look up James Gordon in the phone book?

[James Gordon]

Okay. Well, I could tell you now. He won't answer the phone.

[Simon Templar]

I want his address.

[James Gordon]

But he's moving. It's gonna be to morgue, but his.

[Simon Templar]

Wife will still be there.

[James Gordon]

Oh, here it is. 12 Seven Oaks Drive. It's a very high class neighborhood.

[Simon Templar]

A very high class wife.

[James Gordon]

Maybe I ought to run home and put on my white tie.

[Simon Templar]

Don't be silly, Louis. Under the circumstances, the ties should very definitely be black.

[James Gordon]

You know, those cops were very nice.

[Simon Templar]

So they were.

[James Gordon]

In spite of what you asked them.

[Simon Templar]

What do you mean?

[James Gordon]

You asked them if somebody confessed to murdering James Gordon.

[Simon Templar]

So I did.

[James Gordon]

Yes. So don't you think it's a little early for a confession?

[Simon Templar]

No, you don't understand. You see, in this particular case, the confession was made before the murder.

[James Gordon]

Oh, well that explains it. That explains Nothing, Louie.

[Simon Templar]

Mrs. Gordon visited me just before Mr. Gordon did. Uh huh. No, no, no. What she did do was confess to murdering her husband.

[James Gordon]

Yeah, but he was still alive.

[Simon Templar]

That's right.

[James Gordon]

Maybe she'd come clairvoyance or something.

[Simon Templar]

Oops.

[James Gordon]

12 7. Old strideness or something.

[Simon Templar]

Good.

[James Gordon]

Yeah. Should I wait?

[Simon Templar]

You'd better come with me. Okay.

[James Gordon]

Except. But why?

[Simon Templar]

Well, I have a feeling I'll need a witness.

[James Gordon]

Oh, so you really don't know Mrs. Gordon very well.

[Simon Templar]

If her confession was true, I. I don't want to know her at all.

[James Gordon]

But it couldn't have been, huh? Except maybe it wasn't.

[Simon Templar]

Yeah, that's one way of putting it. Sure.

[James Gordon]

And that's a way nobody understands too. Me included.

[Simon Templar]

Good evening, gentlemen.

[James Gordon]

Boy, is he half wrong.

[Simon Templar]

Good evening. Would you like to see Mrs. Gordon? Come in, please. Whom shall I say is calling? Who? I beg your pardon? Who shall I say is calling? Better grammar. Listen, bud, for what I drag down here, whom is good enough? Oh, oh, the Gordons don't pay. Well, if you are referring to recent history, the Gordons don't pay, period. Oh, they're having financial difficulties. I ain't having no difficulties on account they ain't got no finances. Explains the hospital plan. And you better slip your English accent on and announce us. I'm Simon Templer. This is Louie.

[James Gordon]

Yeah. Hi.

[Simon Templar]

Very good.

[James Gordon]

Since when has Brooklyn grown butlers?

[Simon Templar]

Louis? The Gordons have been in trouble, Mr. Gordon.

[James Gordon]

Ain't nothing more about Mrs. Gordon.

[Simon Templar]

Mrs. Gordon will see you. This way. Oh, thank you. Not only will she see you, but you'll see her. Looking at it objective. You're getting the break. She is quite a dish, sir. You are speaking of the woman, Mr. Gordon. Love. Who says that's the door. She's on the other side.

[James Gordon]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. You might open it for us.

[Simon Templar]

What's the matter, you broke an arm or something?

[James Gordon]

If he ain't careful, they're gonna send him back to Brooklyn.

[Simon Templar]

Mrs. Gordon. Yes, of course. It's been a little while since we last met, Atwood.

[Claire Gordon]

Since we what?

[Simon Templar]

Met.

[Claire Gordon]

We haven't met.

[Simon Templar]

We haven't.

[Claire Gordon]

If we had, surely I'd remember. Mr. Templar, I believe you.

[Simon Templar]

My butler said we met at my home within the last hour.

[Claire Gordon]

Well, I'm sure you have a charming home, but I was never in it.

[Simon Templar]

Well, I may be able to refresh your memory if you will be patient with me. You came in in order to confess.

[Claire Gordon]

Confess what?

[Simon Templar]

The murder of your husband.

[Claire Gordon]

Chancellor, if this is some kind of joke, then it's not in the best of taste. Besides, everything else but her husband and happens to be a bribe. And in splendid health. So you see, I couldn't very well have confessed to any such silly thing.

[Simon Templar]

Mrs. Gordon.

[Claire Gordon]

Yes?

[Simon Templar]

Your husband's health is no longer what it used to be. He's dead.

[Claire Gordon]

Good.

[Simon Templar]

Kim. Yes, Mrs. Gordon.

[Claire Gordon]

Hello.

[James Gordon]

The temple.

[Simon Templar]

She's gonna thank this letter.

[James Gordon]

That the temple. King Arthur would never have let you sit down on a seat of a round table.

[Simon Templar]

I couldn't afford to be Chivalrous, Louis. I had to make sure her faint was.

[James Gordon]

Oh, you thought you might be putting on an act.

[Simon Templar]

Yes. However, from the way she fell, it.

[James Gordon]

Wasn'T no act, huh?

[Simon Templar]

No.

[James Gordon]

Could that mean that the rest of her story about never being in your apartment or confessing that that's also true?

[Simon Templar]

Hardly.

[James Gordon]

Well, then maybe she's a twin.

[Simon Templar]

No.

[James Gordon]

Oh, why not?

[Simon Templar]

Too easy. Come on, help me put her on the couch.

[James Gordon]

Yeah. You think maybe she's. She's just plain nuts?

[Simon Templar]

Perhaps. Or perhaps, and I quote, a playwright of some insight. There's a method in her madness she's coming to. It's about letting look after it. Come on. Long.

[James Gordon]

Okay.

[Simon Templar]

Think you guys can find the front door? Oh, yes. We brought our Compass. How was Mrs. Gordon? She was fine. I don't think she's doing quite so well now. You might look in on him. It will be a pleasure. Good night. Good night.

[James Gordon]

Well, that was a nice visit. Of course, our hostess happens to faint. But where we going now? Maybe we could make somebody else faint.

[Simon Templar]

No, your cab, first of all. And then. Yeah, we wait. For What?

[James Gordon]

Santa Claus? Mr. Templer, he was here recently.

[Simon Templar]

Not Santa Claus. Louis, we're waiting for Mrs. Gordon to recover.

[James Gordon]

Oh, that's considerate of us.

[Simon Templar]

Not really. It's nasty of us.

[James Gordon]

Oh, it is, huh? We're gonna hate ourselves in the morning.

[Simon Templar]

Well, that will depend on where Mrs. Gordon leads us tonight.

[James Gordon]

Well, she ain't in no hurry. We've been waiting 10 minutes already.

[Simon Templar]

I'll give her time, Louie. She had to recover from a faint, make a phone call, dress for the street.

[James Gordon]

Yeah, maybe, But I get nervous.

[Simon Templar]

You probably need a tonic. Had a call.

[James Gordon]

It reminds me, I had a call up in the Bronx. One.

[Simon Templar]

Oh, sorry.

[James Gordon]

A redhead comes out of the house 15 minutes after I start honking the horn. Has me drive her to Grand Central. I ask her, why the delay. She says she was very busy murdering her husband. And I laugh like anything.

[Simon Templar]

But you know what she had murdered her husband.

[James Gordon]

That's the last time I'll tell you. What story. I was supposed to say that I'm sorry.

[Simon Templar]

Hey, Living.

[James Gordon]

Oh, yeah, yeah, down the block. Mrs. Gordon, huh?

[Simon Templar]

Mrs. Gordon.

[James Gordon]

No, it's a nice car she got.

[Simon Templar]

Give her a chance to get into it.

[James Gordon]

Oh, yeah, I always forget. Well, she's in.

[Simon Templar]

Now, wait a minute. Give her time, Louis. She has to straighten her hat, do her lips, put on her gloves, signal for a right turn, and then.

[James Gordon]

And then pull away from the curb.

[Simon Templar]

And then turn left, right. Come on, let's go. Louie.

[James Gordon]

All right. Hey, Mr. Templar, you think maybe she's leaving for parts unknown like that redhead?

[Simon Templar]

I doubt it. It would amount to a second confession. And one that would be believed.

[James Gordon]

Yeah, for a woman would just faint it. She's driving plenty fast.

[Simon Templar]

True. You see, Lou, ain't no one ddles in the shadow of the gallows.

[James Gordon]

Hey, she's pulling up in front of that park entrance.

[Simon Templar]

We better stop here.

[James Gordon]

Out.

[Simon Templar]

Huh? Out. She's.

[James Gordon]

She's heading into the park. We follow her, huh?

[Simon Templar]

Yes. Strange.

[James Gordon]

Maybe she's just a nature lover.

[Simon Templar]

Mr. Templar, at this hour of the night?

[James Gordon]

Well, it's a law says you gotta love nature only in the daytime.

[Simon Templar]

It isn't love which brings her here. Careful, Luigi. Stopping?

[James Gordon]

Yeah, near the lake. Hey, there was a guy waiting for us.

[Simon Templar]

There's no way we can get any closer. She might spot us on the path.

[James Gordon]

How about getting in amongst the trees?

[Simon Templar]

That's an idea.

[James Gordon]

Yeah, except how good is it? They ran out of trees just here.

[Simon Templar]

Not close enough to see him, but at least we've just met another figure in the cave.

[James Gordon]

I'll stick to Mrs. Gordon, that is. We can't see him. We haven't been introduced to him.

[Simon Templar]

We have to do something about that.

[James Gordon]

Hey, this is Gordon scramming.

[Simon Templar]

He's coming back along the path. We stay where we are.

[James Gordon]

Look, she's almost running.

[Simon Templar]

Yes, probably on very good advice, huh? Just be on time for her appointment with the police. They might not approve of her having gone for a midnight stroll in the park on the night her husband died. She's gone.

[James Gordon]

Yeah, but the guy is still there. We're interested in him now.

[Simon Templar]

Very much interested. He'll have to come back this way. We can cut him off. Got to find out who he is, Louie. Got a handkerchief, boy?

[James Gordon]

You want us to blow my nose?

[Simon Templar]

No, no. Do as I'm doing.

[James Gordon]

Oh, make like a mask bandit or something like.

[Simon Templar]

Yeah, general idea. Hurry, Louie.

[James Gordon]

Yeah, okay, I do. I'm now a masked bandit, but I ain't happy.

[Simon Templar]

I don't have a gun, but perhaps it'll work anyway.

[James Gordon]

What's the gun you don't have?

[Simon Templar]

Yes, I'll double up. My right hand in my coat pocket.

[James Gordon]

Here he comes.

[Simon Templar]

Okay. Stop right there, bud. What? Get behind him, Lefty.

[James Gordon]

I ain't lefty. Oh, yeah, I'm. I'm behind him. Legsy.

[Simon Templar]

What is this? Stick up. What do you think it is? You can't do this. Sure we can. Maybe you like to argue so much you would prefer being ventilated. Being what? Shot? Look, you don't have to shoot me. Hold over your lip and I'll enjoy it. Shut up. Hand over your poker. Hand over my what? Boy, are you ignorant. The money bag, mister. The wallet. Oh, here, here. Thanks. Now, keep walking the way you were, see? And don't try looking around. I ain't got no objections at all to shooting the guy in the back.

[James Gordon]

I won't look around.

[Co-Host]

I won't.

[James Gordon]

Well, he's gone.

[Simon Templar]

So are you.

[James Gordon]

Now, we ought to scram through Mr. Templar if he yells for cop.

[Simon Templar]

I don't think he will. He might have to explain what he was doing in the park. At this time of night, he'd have.

[James Gordon]

An easier job than we would.

[Simon Templar]

See? His name is Timothy Kerrigan. Tape is in his wallet. Member of the bar Association? A lawyer.

[James Gordon]

Oh, fine. They'll probably sue us for nothing.

[Simon Templar]

A lawyer? Most probably the lawyer for the Gordon.

[James Gordon]

Well, that would explain why Mrs. Gordon yelled for him. But why would they have to meet in the bar?

[Simon Templar]

I don't know, Louis. Except that anywhere else they might have been seen together and overheard, that would be bad. It might be murder.

[James Gordon]

Well, here's your house, Mr. Templin.

[Simon Templar]

Yes, Louis.

[James Gordon]

Gonna go to sleep?

[Simon Templar]

I imagine so. Nothing to be done tonight, as far as I know.

[James Gordon]

Yeah, well, anyways, now we got three suspects instead of two.

[Simon Templar]

Three?

[James Gordon]

Yeah. Mrs. Gordon, Kerrigan and the butler.

[Simon Templar]

The butler is never guilty, Louie. Hey, how about coming up for a drink?

[James Gordon]

What was that you said?

[Simon Templar]

Come on, let's go.

[James Gordon]

Hey, Mr. Templar, about butlers. Maybe this one ain't guilty, but sometimes one could be, huh?

[Simon Templar]

That's true. But the one we met tonight is too charming a character.

[James Gordon]

Don't look now, Mr. Templar. Keep walking. But your charming character is carrying around the young cannon.

[Simon Templar]

Good evening. How's buttling these nights, huh? Go on inside the apartment. With pleasure. Now, hold it. Nobody move till I put the light on. Okay, all the way in. Now sit down, both of you. No, you can't jump me. Easy sitting down. Intelligent we sit. As for you, you're either an idiot or in love.

[James Gordon]

It's the same thing.

[Simon Templar]

I didn't come here to make conversation with you, Templar. Why did you come? To make sure you forgot about. About Mrs. Gordon's confession. An idiot in love. That's got nothing to do with you. Suppose I refuse to forget Mrs. Gordon's confession? You'll forget it either by agreeing or by being dead. You want me to promise to say nothing of the confession to the plea? That's right. Suppose I do promise and then you leave and then suppose I don't keep that promise?

[James Gordon]

No, no. Why do you have to bring that up?

[Simon Templar]

I, I, I come back and kill me then. What good would that do Mrs. Gordon?

[James Gordon]

All right.

[Simon Templar]

If what you're getting is it that the only way I can be sure is by killing you. Then how much was Mr. Gordon's life insured for? A hundred grand. OIG. How'd you know? There had to be a motive for his death. A motive that would place Mrs. Gordon in danger of being considered likely to have murdered her husband. The Gordons had no money. Insurance was the most probable motive in existence. Kerrigan handled the Gordon's finances. Yeah. Mrs. Gordon is in love with Kerrigan, isn't she? No. I think. Yes. Who cares what you think? All right. Let's find out how innocent Mrs. Gordon is. Look. Pull the window shade down front window. Pull an armchair over to the window and why you then be silhouetted prettily for the benefit of anyone outside in the street. The drawn shade will make it impossible for you to be identified. Exactly. Your build is much the same as mine. You will therefore appear to be me to anyone outside. You will also provide a perfect target. The whole. The only one who would have any reason for wishing me dead. The murderer of James Gordon. You love Mrs. Gordon. You're convinced she's innocent. She's been here before and should be able to find her way back. Well, would you sit in that chair? Two in the morning. By this time the police would Long have reached Mrs. Gordon. They've probably finished with their preliminary questioning. She could plead sleepiness. They'll have left the Gordon home, allowing 15 minutes to get here. She should be arriving at almost any moment. Shut up. Naturally you're not worried. Perfect target though you make.

[James Gordon]

And besides, Mr. Templar, even if she does shoot him, he'll be killed by the woman he loves. What more could a guy want?

[Simon Templar]

I told you this. Yes, you were saying that car. Yes, I heard it.

[Narrator]

It doesn't have to be her, but.

[Simon Templar]

I'm sure it is. High heels. Well, Mr. Butler, I'm getting out of here.

[James Gordon]

He dives very nice.

[Simon Templar]

And in time. I wonder, with no ready made target for her, what will Mrs. Gordon do? You better get in the next room, huh? Yeah, okay. Oh, Louie, would you open the door?

[James Gordon]

Oh, I don't mind if. If you do. I wouldn't like to get shot on your doorstep. There's no way to appreciate your hospitality.

[Simon Templar]

I get it. Hello, Mrs. Gordon.

[Claire Gordon]

I. Well, you're not alone.

[Simon Templar]

No, no, that's Louis. Remember but better remember inside.

[Claire Gordon]

All right, send him away.

[Simon Templar]

Well, I promised him a drink. He hasn't had it yet. I can't send him away.

[Claire Gordon]

But what I have to tell you is confidential.

[Simon Templar]

Louis is in my confidence.

[Claire Gordon]

All right. It might turn out more convenient if you are difficult.

[Simon Templar]

About what?

[Claire Gordon]

Forgetting that I was ever here before. Forgetting I came to you with a confession of murder.

[Simon Templar]

Sorry, but I have a remarkably retentive memory. For example, I remember a girl I used to go to school with.

[Claire Gordon]

You better forget her for the moment.

[Simon Templar]

Oh, I couldn't. I loved her very deeply.

[Claire Gordon]

How would you feel about $25,000?

[Simon Templar]

I love them very deeply too. They're being offered to me for a promise to forget. Yes. And if I don't keep it, you'll.

[Claire Gordon]

Sign a paper admitting your promise and acceptance of the money. That would make you an accessory. You wouldn't dare change your mind.

[James Gordon]

Hey, she's smarter than me.

[Simon Templar]

Mrs. Gordon, you're young, you're beautiful, and $25,000 is very attractive. Nevertheless, I. I shall refuse all of you, even if. Yes? I wondered how long it would be before you produced that and the revolver you killed your husband with.

[Claire Gordon]

I didn't.

[Simon Templar]

If you convinced me in a lot better way.

[Claire Gordon]

Can I convince you?

[Simon Templar]

Oh, yes. Your confession helps.

[Claire Gordon]

It does?

[Simon Templar]

Of course. Your husband's death makes you richer by a hundred thousand dollars, doesn't it? Yes. Otherwise you had nothing.

[Claire Gordon]

Our investments, they were unfortunate.

[Simon Templar]

Mr. Kerrigan handled them.

[Claire Gordon]

Yes, he's our lawyer.

[Simon Templar]

So your husband handed over his money to Kerrigan. Did he also know he was handing over his wife as well?

[Claire Gordon]

What did you say?

[Simon Templar]

I meant his life, of course. A natural slip of the tongue.

[Claire Gordon]

You know, you still haven't told me how my confession was going to help me.

[Simon Templar]

I didn't say it would help you. I said it would help convince me you hadn't killed your husband.

[Claire Gordon]

Well, that's the same thing.

[Simon Templar]

Not quite.

[James Gordon]

Mr. Templar. That was the back door.

[Simon Templar]

Yeah, I know. I was saying. Oh, yes. The fact that you didn't kill your husband is actually of minor importance in view that would be a good time to borrow your gun. Louis, will you keep Mrs. Gordon company while I see what the boys in the back room are doing?

[James Gordon]

Yeah, all right. Mr. Temple.

[Simon Templar]

It was Kerrigan. Uh huh. I thought it would be. He didn't see me. Came into the room, headed for the door to the living room. He sneaked it open a bit when I. Is he alive? Yeah, I just got him on the shoulder. He was working in the back while she was. Yeah, that's right. Hey, Louis.

[Co-Host]

What?

[Simon Templar]

Mr. Temple, will you phone the police? They've one wounded murderer to collect. One beautiful accessory before and after the fact. Oh, no, no. But of the highest class. Class. Her butler will help her. Wait. More soda, Lou?

[James Gordon]

No, no, no. What are you trying to do, drown me?

[Simon Templar]

Here you are, Louie.

[James Gordon]

Oh, thanks a lot. In. Oh, hey, Mr. Temple. Look, I know Kerrigan shot Mr. Gordon. And I kind of hear Mrs. Gordon were like that. This is a new phrase.

[Simon Templar]

It'll catch on, Louis. Believe.

[James Gordon]

Yeah. Also because they needed the insurance though, to live happy ever after on being the high class types. But why did Mrs. Gordon confess to you before her husband got killed?

[Simon Templar]

It was an attempt to establish an alibi for herself, Louis. She expected that I'd immediately phone the police or else take her back to her home to view the corpse. In the meanwhile, Kerrigan would murder Gordon. That would have left Mrs. Gordon in the clear.

[James Gordon]

Yeah, but you didn't do either of those things. Why?

[Simon Templar]

I didn't believe her. She had really killed her husband and was willing to take whatever consequences there might be. Why come to me?

[James Gordon]

Uh huh. So that loused up her alibi. Especially because her husband, instead of staying home and getting shot, had become suspicious of her. And he trailed her here.

[Simon Templar]

And was in turn trailed by Kerrigan, who saw a natty opportunity for double crossing Mrs. Gordon and keeping the money for himself. Himself? He handled the Gordon's affairs and had the power of attorney.

[James Gordon]

Yeah, yeah, but look. Mrs. Gordon faint when you told her about her husband's death. You know that was real. You pointed that out yourself.

[Simon Templar]

Of course it was, Louis. But she didn't faint at the news of her husband's death. As such, the reason she fainted was because she realized that she'd confessed to me and that her husband had been shot at a time for which she had no alibi.

[James Gordon]

Well, now I'm almost smart. Now I can enjoy my dream.

[Co-Host]

Oh, that's good.

[Simon Templar]

Yeah.

[James Gordon]

Hey, you know that lovesick butler tells me he's going back to Brooklyn. And a kind of life in the upper classes is too low for his taste.

[Simon Templar]

Poor fellow. He loved not wisely, but too well. On the other hand, what's wrong with Brooklyn?

[Narrator]

You have been listening to another transcribed Adventure of the Saint. The Robin Hood of modern crime. Now here is our star, Vincent Price.

[Simon Templar]

Ladies and gentlemen, in our cast, you heard Joan Banks as Claire and Peter Leeds as her husband. Hi. Appleback was the butler and Jim Nusser Kerrigan. Larry Dobkin plays Louie. This is Vincent Price inviting you to join us again next week at this same time for another exciting adventure of the Saint. Good night.

[Narrator]

This adventure of the Saint was written by Louis Vinnie. The Saints, based on characters created by Leslie Charters, is a James L. Sapphire production and is directed by Helen Mack. Vincent Price is soon to be seen co starring in RKO's production of his Kind of Woman. All you Saint fans will be glad to know that the Saint comic books are on sale at all newsstands. Your announcer, Don Stanley. Three chimes mean good times on NBC. Well, it's Sunday again. That means another gala broadcast of NBC's big show. This evening, hostess Tallulah Bankhead has a whole flock of guest stars, including Marlena Dietrich. And when the two glamour gals, Tallulah and Marlena, get together, look out for Flying sparks, the drama. This Sunday evening, Theater Guild on the air presents the 10th story, the third man, starring Joseph Cotton and Sign, Tallulah and her big show with Marlena Dietrich. Later on NBC.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

Escape. Escape. Tonight to a fabulous world where there is a diamond as big as the Ritz.

[Narrator]

The Columbia Broadcasting System and its affiliated stations presents Escape, a new series of programs of which the this, the third, is the diamond as Big as the Ritz by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Produced and directed by William N. Robeson.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

In a country as large as ours, there are many odd and wonderful corners hidden away, but none more fabulous and wonderful than the one conceived in the imagination of F. Scott Fitzgerald and located in the pages of his famous short story, the diamond as Big as the Wrist. It is described in the words of John Unger, 20 years old, impressionable and quite willing to swear to the truth of this whole strange affair.

[Co-Host]

I'd been going to the St. Midas Prep School for a couple of years, and this was my second summer vacation. I'd met this fellow, Percy Washington, during the winter and got to be pretty good friends with him. Only I didn't know about his family or where he came from or anything like that. Of course, I knew he must be rich because all the fellows at St. Midas come from wealthy families. So when he invited me to spend the summer at his home out west someplace, that was okay by me. Well, we'd been on the train overnight when he first mentioned it. I don't even remember now what led up to it. We'd been talking about first one thing, then another. Exactly where is your home, Percy? I mean, you bought the train tickets and all.

[J]

It's in Montana, sort of.

[Co-Host]

Montana? Oh, yeah. Pretty wild country, isn't it?

[J]

Some of it is.

[Co-Host]

Now, you take Hades, Missouri. Where I come from, it's been settled for 150 years. One of the first towns on the Mississippi River.

[J]

Indeed. Oh sure, that's very interesting.

[Co-Host]

I sure do appreciate you not making jokes about it. You know, the way some of the fellows do when I say I come from Hades. Why, my father's plantations.

[J]

Do you know that my father is the richest man in the world?

[Co-Host]

Huh?

[J]

By far the richest.

[Co-Host]

Well, I read about a man that paid taxes on a five million dollar income.

[J]

Small fry. If my father paid tax on his real income, he'd disrupt the whole economy of the United States.

[Co-Host]

No kidding. I like rich people. And the richer a fella is, the better I like him.

[J]

My father could buy out all the millionaires in the country and not even know he had done it.

[Co-Host]

Is that a fact? I visited the Schlitzer Murphy's once. They're plenty rich. Why their daughter Vivian's got rubies as big as hen's eggs and sapphires that glow like headlamps.

[J]

I like jewels. Always have. I used to collect them instead of stamps.

[Co-Host]

And diamonds. Whether Schlitzer Murphy's had diamonds as big as walnuts.

[J]

Oh, that's nothing.

[Co-Host]

Huh?

[J]

Nothing at all. My father has a diamond as big as the Ritz. Please, I'm not joking.

[Co-Host]

But you mean as big as the Ritz Carlton Hotel?

[J]

Exactly. My father has a diamond as big as the Ritz.

[Co-Host]

Well, from there on it was something like a dream. We got off the train about dusk at a little whistle stop called Fish, Montana. There wasn't anything there, not even a station. Just a broken down old buggy and four or five sheep herders lounging beside the track. And I suppose wondering who we were. Anyway, Percy and I climbed into the buggy and without saying a word the driver cracked his whip and off we went. I don't know how far we traveled. We didn't seem to be following any road. After an hour or so it got dark. But the driver kept right on, never saying a word.

[J]

I hope you'll pardon this inconvenience, John, but we have to take certain precautions, you know.

[Co-Host]

Oh, that's all right.

[J]

Anyway, we're almost there.

[Co-Host]

You're home you mean?

[J]

Oh no. To the place where we consider it safe to transfer.

[Co-Host]

Transfer? What do you mean?

[J]

There's the signal now.

[Co-Host]

Headlights.

[J]

Pull up the horse Absum. Here we are.

[Co-Host]

An automobile? But how? Well, there's no road.

[J]

Oh, this car is specially built, doesn't need roads.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

Welcome home, master.

[J]

Good evening, Gigsum. Oh, come on John, lets get in What?

[Co-Host]

That door opened by itself.

[J]

Sonically controlled, you know.

[Co-Host]

Gosh, what's this car made out of? Silver?

[J]

No, platinum. And those are emeralds in the hubcaps.

[Co-Host]

And the upholstering.

[J]

It's fur mink.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

You're ready, master.

[J]

Anytime, Gigsum. You've probably noticed the exceptional brightness of the headlights. The lenses are cut from diamonds.

[Co-Host]

Boy, what a car.

[J]

This old junkie. We use it for a station wagon.

[Co-Host]

What are we stopping for? This is just a deserted canyon.

[J]

Oh, we're not there yet, John. It's a little further. Wait, you'll see.

[Co-Host]

Percy. What's that? That noise?

[J]

They're sending the hooks down.

[James Gordon]

Hooks?

[J]

Yes, to attach to the wheels. You know. That's what Gixum is doing now. But oh yes, I forgot to mention. Gigson will look after you during the visit.

[Co-Host]

Look after me?

[J]

Your personal valet.

[Simon Templar]

Of course.

[J]

There'll be other slaves available too, whenever you need them.

[Co-Host]

Do you have a lot of slaves?

[J]

Oh, three or four hundred, I suppose. Oh, already. Gigsome.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

Yes, master.

[Simon Templar]

Hello.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

Hoist away.

[Simon Templar]

Look, look.

[Co-Host]

We're leaving the ground.

[J]

Yes, there's a hoist up there on top of the cliff. Has cables about a quarter of a mile long.

[Co-Host]

But what for?

[J]

Oh, it's the only way in.

[Co-Host]

Imagine hoisting an automobile a quarter of a mile up the side of a cliff.

[J]

It's nothing really. As you may have guessed, John, this is not going to be like anything you ever saw before in your life. Well, John, there it is.

[Co-Host]

That's your home. Oh, it's magnificent. Palatial.

[J]

It's not a bad little place.

[Co-Host]

How big is it?

[J]

I suppose you mean the number of rooms? I think it's around 140, but Father may remember exactly. Then of course, there are other buildings. Slaves quarters and things.

[Co-Host]

Why hasn't anybody ever found out about it? This place, I mean.

[J]

Well, for one thing, it's the only five square miles in the United States that have never been surveyed.

[Simon Templar]

Huh.

[Co-Host]

Why not?

[J]

Oh, things were arranged.

[Co-Host]

I don't see how that's possible.

[J]

Believe me, it hasn't been easy. I understand Grandfather had to bribe three government bureaus, a vice president and half of Congress once to keep this place.

[Co-Host]

Off of the maps. Oh, but surely somebody stumbled onto it. Prospectors, people like that.

[J]

Oh, yes, that happens occasionally. Then of course, we have to arrange things. You mean not always. Usually we just take them prisoner and keep them. Same as the aviators.

[Co-Host]

Oh, planes come here?

[J]

Well, once in a while they fly over. Of course, they never get away. We have nine anti aircraft batteries around the hill here.

[Co-Host]

You shoot them down?

[J]

Oh, yes. Great sport. It does upset mother a bit, though. And there's always a chance that one might get away. That's father's greatest worry.

[Co-Host]

This place, this whole thing, it's fantastic.

[J]

Oh, come now, John. I picked you for a fellow with his feet on the ground and you haven't seen anything yet. You know, this is only the beginning.

[Co-Host]

And it was only the beginning. We crossed the acres of lawn and entered the great chateau. And from that moment on, vision upon vision tumbled together in a gigantic kaleidoscope of color, symmetry and exquisite harmony. But there were corridors lined with gleaming crystals lit by lamps cut from emerald. And there were great halls carpeted with chinchilla, fir and ermine. And some with floors of clear transparency, flaming in the shifting glow of a myriad colored fire beneath them. And there was a white haired man, pink faced and pleasant, who was Percy's father. And a lovely lady with dark hair piled high on her head like a fragile queen, who was Percy's mother. Soft music came from hidden places. Perfumes fill the air. Exotic foods and wines more rare than pearls. And finally, sitting in my chair in the great banquet hall, I quietly fell asleep. I thought there could be no more nor greater wonders. I was wrong. There were many more and greater ones. And one of them I discovered the next morning in the garden.

[Louie]

Hello there.

[James Gordon]

Huh?

[Co-Host]

Oh, you're lovely.

[Louie]

My name is Kisman. You're John Unger. And you're a friend of my brother. Are you from the East?

[Co-Host]

No. Well, at least not exactly. I'm from Hades. Oh, Missouri.

[Louie]

Would you like to sit down here on the grass?

[Co-Host]

Well, yeah, sure I would.

[Louie]

I'm going east to school this fall. You suppose I'll like it?

[Co-Host]

I think so. Of course, it'll be different from all this.

[Louie]

Well, that's what Jasmine says. And she's in the east now. I've never been outside.

[Co-Host]

Who's Jasmine?

[Louie]

My sister. She's older than I am.

[Co-Host]

I hope you won't be offended, but you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.

[Louie]

Yes, I know.

[Co-Host]

What?

[Louie]

I surprised you, didn't I? A year ago I would have said thank you, but Father says it's very necessary to learn to take things for granted. So now I just take it for granted that I'm beautiful.

[Co-Host]

You see, you're pretty sophisticated, aren't you?

[Louie]

Oh, I'm not at all. I think sophisticated young people are terribly common. I'm not a bit like that.

[Co-Host]

I didn't really mean it. I only said it to tease you.

[Louie]

Well, I'm glad. I wouldn't want you to think anything like that. Why? I don't smoke or drink even. And I never read a thing except poetry.

[Co-Host]

I was only kidding.

[Louie]

I believe girls should enjoy their youth in a wholesome sort of way.

[Co-Host]

Oh, so do I. I like you, John.

[Louie]

I wish you'd spend some of your time with me this summer. Not all with Percy.

[Co-Host]

Oh, I will. Kiss mine. I will.

[Louie]

You may be in love with me if you'd like to. I'm absolutely fresh ground, you know.

[Co-Host]

I am in love with you.

[Louie]

But of course, we'll have to meet secretly. My parents wouldn't permit it if they knew.

[Co-Host]

Well, then, that's what we'll do.

[Louie]

Well, I have to go now. I'm supposed to be with mother at 11. Aren't you going to ask me for a kiss? Jasmine says boys always do nowadays.

[Co-Host]

Well, some of them do, but not me. We don't expect nice girls to do that sort of thing. Hades. It was a funny thing. Percy's family were polite, friendly, always smiling. Yet all the time I had a feeling that some terrible and golden mystery lay hidden just around the corner. A few days after I'd met Kizmy, Percy remarked casually that an unusual event had occurred. A man had escaped from the cage. I didn't know what he meant then. But the next morning I was walking with Percy's father on the grounds of the estate.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

The slaves quarters are there, Mr. Anger.

[Co-Host]

Oh, yes, they're very nice.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

They're adequate. During one period of my youth I became absurdly idealistic. Allowed them to live in luxury. I even equipped their rooms with tile bars.

[Co-Host]

I suppose they use the bathtubs to keep coal in. Mr. Schlitzer Murphy.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

I should imagine the opinions of Mr. Schlitzer Murphy are of little importance. They did not use the tubs for coal. They bathed in them. Unfortunately, several caught cold and died. So of course, I had the baths removed.

[Co-Host]

Shall we move on, Mr. Washington? Percy said something about a man escaping from the cage. I didn't quite get it.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

The cage, eh? Well, perhaps you'd like to see. It might prove interesting. Just as a novelty. It's over here.

[Co-Host]

These trees. They're 60ft tall and they have roses blooming all over them.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

Rather interesting development by a Swiss botanist. They are the only ones in the world.

[Co-Host]

I'll be darned. Though I suppose you'll see them all over the country in a few years.

[Simon Templar]

No, no.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

These are the only ones that was arranged. Here we are. Cage.

[Co-Host]

It's a pit Dug in the ground? The grating on top.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

Oh, yes. It's not really a cage, except in a certain sense. Well, boys, how are you getting along?

[Louie]

Come on down here.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

Throw me Buddy Forehead.

[Co-Host]

How many men are down there?

[Timothy Kerrigan]

About 50, as I recall.

[Co-Host]

Who are they?

[Simon Templar]

Oh, aviators.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

We've shot down wandering prospectors, men of that sort.

[Co-Host]

Yes, but why are they kept there?

[Timothy Kerrigan]

They've all had the common misfortune of having discovered El Dorado. Gentlemen, I'm sure you'd like to know that your companion who departed without my permission has been taken care of. We know what you mean, y'all. He was shot. He was shot by some of my agents in 14 different places. Golf, Mr. Unger.

[Co-Host]

They found him then. The man who got away.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

Those places were towns. My agents were over eager. None of them could offer a positive identification. I am afraid the man may still be at large. So you see, it's not all Utopia here. We do have our difficulties.

[Co-Host]

Isn't it a little unnecessary holding them like that?

[Timothy Kerrigan]

Well, not at all. It's the only way to keep this place hidden.

[Co-Host]

Yes, I guess that must be important. Percy was telling me something on the train. I thought he was just kidding, but he said you had a diamond as big as the Ritz Carlton Hotel.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

Oh, yes. Yes, indeed. As a matter of fact, it's much bigger than the Ritz. Much bigger.

[Co-Host]

Well, summer went on and I was more and more in love with Kismine. Oh, she was priceless. Exquisite, like no other girl in the world. After a couple of weeks, I kissed her, of course. And I was really in love for the first time. I should have known. I should have put two and two together when Percy's father showed me the cage. But I didn't. Until one morning, late in the summer. I'd slipped off with Kiz mine to the rose garden. Kiz mine. I think we ought to elope.

[Louie]

Oh, I don't know. It would be much nicer to be married here. But then it would be more romantic to elope.

[Co-Host]

Yeah, all the Sunday supplements would write stories about fabulous heiress elopes with. You are fabulous.

[Louie]

You know, I knew an heiress from Omaha once. I don't think you'd like her. She visited my sister here.

[Co-Host]

Oh, you've had other guests, Anna?

[Louie]

Well, yes, we've had a few.

[Co-Host]

Wasn't your father ever afraid they might talk outside?

[Louie]

To some extent. Or. Let's talk about something pleasanter.

[Co-Host]

What's so unpleasant about it?

[Louie]

Well, I grew quite fond of some of them.

[Co-Host]

You mean they told and your father?

[Louie]

Oh, they didn't get a chance to. Father had to be sure.

[Co-Host]

That's murder.

[Louie]

What else could we do? In the cage? They'd have been a constant reproach to us. And Father does it so nicely. They're always drugged in their sleep. And then we tell their families they died of scarlet fever. And butte. I'm not sure how that affects people. The statistics there.

[Co-Host]

Of all the horrible.

[Louie]

It is not. After all, it'd be terribly boring here without ever having anybody. Why, Father and mother have sacrificed some of their best friends.

[Co-Host]

Well, you're no better than the. That's what they plan to do with me.

[Louie]

Oh, couldn't you forget it and be nice to me until you're put away? It's only for two or three weeks.

[Co-Host]

You'd go on this way, kissing, talking about love when you know I'm not much better than a corpse.

[Louie]

You're not a corpse. You're not. I won't have you saying I kissed a corpse.

[Co-Host]

Oh, that wasn't what I said.

[Claire Gordon]

You did too.

[Co-Host]

I did not.

[Louie]

You said that.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

Just a moment. Who kissed a corpse?

[Louie]

Well, nobody. We were joking.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

You two haven't any business here anyway. Kiss mine. Go read. Go play golf. Don't let me find you here when I come back.

[Louie]

Yes, Father.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

Good day, children.

[Louie]

You see? Now he knows. You've spoiled everything. You don't really love me.

[Co-Host]

Here's my new. Tell me, what's the reason for all this secrecy?

[Simon Templar]

What?

[Co-Host]

If you are rich and have this place, why would it be so terrible if anybody found out about it?

[Louie]

Why, it's on account of the diamond, of course.

[Co-Host]

Diamond? What is this diamond all of you talk about?

[Louie]

Well, it's the. Oh, you'd better ask Percy. I'm always getting things mixed up.

[Co-Host]

Well, I will ask him. And another thing, I'm getting out of here tonight. If I have to dig through the mountains, I'm going back east.

[Louie]

Take me with you.

[Co-Host]

No.

[Louie]

Why not?

[Co-Host]

Tis, my dear, your father wouldn't permit it.

[Louie]

If you won't take me, I'll go tell him I want to marry you.

[Co-Host]

No, you can't do that. He bumped me off this afternoon.

[Louie]

Oh, please take me, darling. We'll be terribly poor and very happy. And I'll cook things for you. Oh, herbs and berries and things. Won't that be fun? You will, won't you, John?

[Co-Host]

Well, my head was really in a whirl. This whole thing was fantastic. So was the family. Even Kiz.

[James Gordon]

Mine.

[Co-Host]

I couldn't think of anything to do, but I rushed to see Percy But.

[J]

John, why didn't you ask me before?

[Co-Host]

Because I thought you were kidding all the time.

[J]

I know you wouldn't have believed me if I told you.

[Co-Host]

Well, I'm ready to believe anything now.

[J]

Well, it was Grandfather who started the whole thing. Purely by accident. He came out here from Virginia after the War between the States and stumbled onto it.

[Co-Host]

On the what?

[J]

The diamond. That's what made this all possible.

[Co-Host]

Of course.

[J]

Grandfather spent two years going around to different cities of the world, selling bits of it. Then he started building this place. He put his money in jewels, but Father found that radium took much less space.

[Co-Host]

But why the secrecy?

[J]

Oh, it just wouldn't do if anyone found out. Ruin the economy of the world. The thing's too big.

[Co-Host]

This has been going on for three generations. Then the cage and this thing of inviting friends.

[J]

Oh, yes. You see, there wasn't really any danger before. Airplanes they are. What worries.

[Co-Host]

You knew when you invited me here what would happen.

[J]

Please, John. I thought you'd be more sensible about it. After all, you can see my position.

[Co-Host]

Oh, yeah? Well, where is it? Where do you keep this diamond that's caused so cockeyed much trouble?

[J]

Oh, I thought you'd guessed. You've noticed the hill the chateau stands on?

[Co-Host]

Yeah.

[J]

It contains a cubic mile. And except for a thin covering of dirt, it's one big, solid diamond.

[Co-Host]

It was nearly midnight. I don't know what woke me, but all of a sudden I was staring across the patches of moonlight, spotting the urban carpet of my bedroom. Staring at three slaves I'd never seen before. They just slipped inside the door and stood there, each with a vicious length of shiny copper wire. The official executioners. I lay there on the bed, watching them, counting heartbeats, not daring to move. Not daring not to move. They didn't know I'd wakened, and they began edging across the room.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

Come on, all three of you. There's no time now for this. All hell's broken loose. Hurry.

[Co-Host]

I took one long, deep breath, the first one in several moments. And then I was out of the bed in an instant, throwing on my clothes and dashing through the long crystal corridor to Kiz Mine's room. Kiss mine. Are you awake?

[Simon Templar]

John?

[Louie]

Over here, by the window. So they woke you up, too.

[Co-Host]

If you mean three of your father's slaves, no.

[Louie]

Airplane.

[Co-Host]

Airplane. So that's what it is.

[Louie]

At least a dozen. I saw them crossing against the moon. Oh, look. They're circling way over there.

[Co-Host]

You think they're here on purpose?

[Louie]

Oh, yes. They dropped warnings to Father. It's that man who got away from the cage, you know.

[Co-Host]

Oh, good for him.

[Louie]

Yes, wasn't he clever? Well, I think we'll open up on the many seconds.

[Co-Host]

Open up?

[Louie]

Yes, our anti aircraft. Oh, this is going to be thrilling.

[Co-Host]

Thrilling. Oh, look.

[Louie]

They're in range now. Bravo. Bravo.

[Co-Host]

Kiss mine. Get away from that window. Oh, good heavens.

[Louie]

Did you see that?

[Co-Host]

Yes, and we've got to get out of here. Can't you understand? They'll bomb the chateau next.

[Louie]

I know. There's a little grove across on the side of the mountain. We always keep one of the cars there. Oh, we have a nice view of everything.

[Co-Host]

A nice view. Kismine, you don't seem to understand. They mean business. They're out to finish off you and your whole family.

[Louie]

Oh, but it all seems so sick. Or when you come right down to it, they've never even met us. What time is it, John? Is it morning yet?

[Co-Host]

I don't know. I've lost my watch. Seems to be getting lighter all right.

[Louie]

It's quieter too, now.

[Co-Host]

They've knocked out your father's guns. Every last one of them. Won't be long now.

[Louie]

Oh, it seems such a shame. The family put so much work on the place. Everything's always been so pleasant.

[Simon Templar]

Yeah.

[Co-Host]

Well, you better get some sleep, Kismine. I'm gonna walk down the path a little ways.

[Louie]

Oh, you'll come back?

[Co-Host]

Yes, Kismine, I'll come back. At the edge of the wood, I stopped and looked out across the valley toward the wrecked chateau standing on its diamond hill in the center. The bombing had stopped. The planes droned over the far rim of the plateau, seeking some sort of formation. Then, on a little knoll just below me, three men appeared suddenly from the underbrush. The first one strode imperiously ahead. The other two bore a heavy burden between them. It was Mr. Washington and two of the slaves. I stepped behind a rock and stood motionless, watching them.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

All right, this is far enough.

[James Gordon]

We'll stop here.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

Now hoist it up. Hold it there. Both together. Easy now.

[Co-Host]

The burden they held up to the heavens was an immense diamond, cut and polished, catching the first faint rays of the dawn and gleaming like a fragment of the morning star.

[Simon Templar]

Now you out there.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

You there.

[Co-Host]

I could see no one else anywhere in view.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

You above there. I want you to understand this is only a sample. I'll give you a thousand cut as fine, set in pedestals of platinum. And I'll build you a temple a thousand feet high. Cast of silver, solid gold. And on the top of it, I'LL put one diamond a hundred feet across. Set there forever to catch the rays of your sun.

[Co-Host]

A thought began to dawn on me. I couldn't believe it.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

I'll letter your name on the temple in Amrous. And I'll see that the whole world worship's at its base. All you have to do is make everything the way it was before Mr.

[Co-Host]

Washington was offering a bribe to God. He stopped talking, and the three of them stood there looking up at the heavens, waiting for an answer. And then, at the far end of the valley, out of those same silent heavens blossomed the white puffs of parachutes. The man who tried to bribe God looked up and saw them became old in an instant. And turning with lowered head, walked down the path toward the chateau. With sudden premonition, I whirled and headed for the spot where I'd left Kismine. Kismine in the car that needed no roads.

[Louie]

Haven't we gone far enough, John?

[Co-Host]

I suppose we're 10 miles from the chateau.

[Louie]

It's all so hectic. This rushing about and losing sleep and everything.

[Co-Host]

Hand me those field glasses.

[Louie]

Here they are. Well, can you see anything?

[Co-Host]

No.

[James Gordon]

Wait.

[Louie]

What is it?

[Co-Host]

It's your father and mother. And Percy. Yes, and the two slaves still carrying that big diamond. Wait. They're going in a tunnel down below the chateau. So that's it. They've got an underground escape.

[Timothy Kerrigan]

No.

[Louie]

I remember now. The mountain's wired. Some kind of atom bomb.

[Co-Host]

Atom? Atomic bomb.

[Louie]

Oh, that's it. Father's had it for years. He always said it would disintegrate, the whole work diamond and all. Of course, he only regarded it as.

[Co-Host]

A last resort, so he'd rather have it like that. They're all inside the tunnel now. The troopers are moving in.

[Louie]

I don't suppose there's really anything to be done about it now.

[Co-Host]

And there wasn't.

[Louie]

I keep thinking about things the way they were. It was all so pleasant. I don't suppose it will be ever exactly like that again.

[Co-Host]

Not ever. Kiss my. And maybe it never was. Youth's a time for dreaming. And dreams die too.

[Louie]

I'll probably have to take in washing. But of course we'll be very happy. What will we do, John?

[Co-Host]

Do? Oh, we can love a while underneath the stars. That's a form of divine drunkenness. We can all try. And then there may be other diamonds in the world. Who knows? And even though it's a shabby gift, there's always disillusion. Turn up your collar, Kismar. Before you catch the moon. Let's go to sleep.

[Narrator]

The diamond as Big as the Ritz by F. Scott Fitzgerald was adapted for radio by Les Crutchfield and produced and directed by William N. Robeson, with Jack Edwards, Jr. As John, Danny Merrill as Percy, and Linda Mason as Kismine. The special musical score was conceived and conducted by Cy. Escape is presented by the Columbia Broadcasting System and its affiliated stations. Each week at this time next week we invite you to escape to the China seas with Joseph Conrad in his gripping story of a typhoon and so good night. Until next week at this time when it will again be time to escape. This is cbs, the Columbia Broadcasting System.

[Host]

That's the Relic Radio show for this week. There's more from the Saint Escape, this podcast and all of the other Relic Radio shows at the website relicradio.com you'll also find our show Outcast Stream there with even more old time radio lots to listen to there, all made possible by your support. If you'd like to help out, visit donate. Relicradio.com or click on one of the links on the website. Thanks to those who have thanks for joining me this week. Be back tomorrow with an hour of mystery on Case Closed and next Tuesday with our next episode of the Relic Radio Show.