Today’s episode of The Rizzuto Show turns into a full-on wilderness survival documentary… except nobody survives with dignity intact.

The gang kicks things off talking about King Scott’s rain-soaked blood drive experience, complete with lightning, wet parking lots, and accusations that his blood immediately got thrown in the trash because “ginger blood isn’t FDA approved.” Real teamwork stuff. Then things somehow pivot into a full review of the St. Louis Aquarium, where Rafe realizes he’s accidentally been recommending what may actually be a third-grade field trip destination to every adult tourist he’s met for the last five years.

Apparently, for the low low price of fifty bucks, you too can enjoy seven mirrors, stressed-out otters doing all the heavy lifting, and a ropes course so terrifying it nearly destroyed an entire family emotionally in real time. Nothing says “fun day in St. Louis” like watching a dad’s cargo shorts lose a battle against gravity while suspended from the rafters of Union Station.

But the true centerpiece of this daily comedy show is Riz’s attempted baby deer rescue.

A tiny fawn gets trapped inside an MSD fenced enclosure behind his house during a storm, and what begins as a heroic wildlife rescue instantly devolves into one of the funniest group-chat pile-ons in show history. Riz insists he “did everything he could,” while everyone else points out that his version of heroism mostly involved making phone calls, avoiding mud, refusing to climb a fence, and eventually taking a nap while the deer repeatedly knocked itself unconscious.

Meanwhile, Moon keeps demanding bolt cutters, Lern is ready to climb barbed wire with a quilt like it’s 1987, and Rafe essentially puts Riz on trial for crimes against masculinity. Somehow, despite all odds, the deer survives thanks to the ACTUAL heroes: two MSD workers who show up with keys while Riz continues defending his life choices from the warmth of indoors.

Also in this episode:

Why St. Louis weather feels personally offensive now
The aquarium train ride narrated by a wildly underutilized John Goodman
Why ropes courses are apparently medieval torture devices
The ethics of touching wild animals
Final week of school energy
Another kid crawling into a claw machine
Why everyone immediately turned on Riz in the group chat
And the growing realization that “calling someone else” may actually be Riz’s superpower

This daily comedy show somehow combines wildlife rescue failure, aquarium disappointment, family trauma, weather rage, and public humiliation into one beautifully chaotic morning.

Honestly? The baby deer may recover faster than Riz’s reputation.

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