Welcome back to another absolutely unhinged episode of The Rizzuto Show, your go-to funny podcast where the only thing more unpredictable than the news is… us. Today’s chaos kicks off with King Scott officially turning 45 — which means he’s now halfway to yelling at clouds and fully committed to wearing tracksuits like it’s a lifestyle, not a phase.

Naturally, we celebrate the milestone the only way we know how: by immediately spiraling into conversations about golf, naps, and whether turning 45 unlocks a new personality trait where you just start roasting everyone in sight. (Spoiler: we’re rooting for it.)

Then things get… emotional? Somehow? After a night at the Stifel Theatre seeing David Byrne, Lern admits she cried — yes, actual tears — during a performance that she describes as “spiritual.” We break down the experience, the unexpected power of Talking Heads songs, and why a room full of stylish 60-year-olds might actually be the best concert crowd on Earth.

But don’t get too comfortable, because the show quickly takes a hard left into one of our favorite segments: Guess the Gender (and Age) — featuring some of the most chaotic, unexplainable crimes we’ve ever covered. Including:

A Florida “Poopetrator” terrorizing a neighborhood (yes, exactly what it sounds like)
A full-on orthodontist meltdown involving pants removal and a slap heard ‘round the waiting room
A Subway sandwich dispute that escalates to violence over stale bread (honestly, relatable… but still illegal)
And a Taco Bell soda cup scam that somehow turns into a full-blown firearm incident

We also tackle the internet’s newest pointless debate: which direction you should face in the shower — because apparently, even hygiene isn’t safe from overthinking anymore.

It’s weird. It’s chaotic. It’s definitely a funny podcast — and somehow, it all makes sense when you’re listening.

If you came for laughs, questionable life advice, and stories that make you feel better about your own decisions… congrats, you’re in the right place.

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King Scott Turns 45: Golf, David Byrne, & A Poopetrator in Florida!