How To Awaken Your Brain To Heal Yourself

Summary

The School of Greatness: How To Awaken Your Brain To Heal Yourself

Host: Lewis Howes
Guest: Dr. [Guest Name]
Release Date: April 4, 2025

---

1. The Neuroscience of Spiritual Connection

In this episode, Lewis Howes engages in a profound discussion with Dr. [Guest Name] about the intricate connection between spirituality and brain function. Dr. [Guest Name] elucidates how a spiritually connected brain operates differently from one that lacks spiritual engagement.

• Feel Loved and Held:
  Dr. [Guest Name] explains, “A spiritually connected brain has a bonding network that activates, allowing us to feel loved and held by a higher power” (03:05). This perception of transcendent love shifts the traditional view of the brain from a solitary “brain in a box” to an interactive antenna receiving divine inspiration.

• Guidance Through Multiple Intelligences:
  The discussion highlights the dual attention systems in our brains. Dr. [Guest Name] states, “We have the bowling alley attention for focus, but we also possess the ventral attention system that opens us to new directions and guidance” (05:24).

• Perceiving Separateness and Oneness:
  Dr. [Guest Name] emphasizes the brain's capacity to balance individuality and unity, saying, “We perceive our separateness through the parietal region while simultaneously feeling part of a greater oneness” (06:48). This dual perception reinforces the notion that we are never alone.

2. The Importance of Spiritual Practices in Healing

The conversation delves into the significance of maintaining a spiritual practice as a means to alleviate pain and suffering.

• Spiritual Awakening vs. Medication:
  Dr. [Guest Name] asserts, “There is no greater way to move out of despair than to awaken spiritually” (08:29). While acknowledging the role of medication in immediate relief, Dr. [Guest Name] points out that without spiritual engagement, the underlying pain often resurfaces once medication is discontinued.

• Innate Capacity for Spiritual Connection:
  Highlighting human potential, Dr. [Guest Name] remarks, “We all have the neuro foundation for a relationship with God. It’s an inborn capacity to connect with a higher power” (09:37).

3. Cultural Shifts and Their Impact on Spirituality

Dr. [Guest Name] critiques the 20th-century societal changes that aimed for inclusivity by removing overt religious expressions from public spaces, inadvertently fostering spiritual isolation.

• The Ice Age of Spiritual Silence:
  “Forty years ago, removing religion from the public square was intended to be inclusive, but it became radically exclusive,” explains Dr. [Guest Name] (10:33). This cultural shift has led to a significant decline in open spiritual dialogues.

• Call for Pluralistic Spirituality:
  Advocating for diverse spiritual expressions, Dr. [Guest Name] encourages embracing various religious traditions to foster a more inclusive spiritual community (10:51).

4. Spirituality in Child Development

A critical segment of the discussion revolves around nurturing spirituality in children and its profound benefits.

• Statistics on Spiritual Benefits:
  Dr. [Guest Name] presents compelling data: “Children with a positive, active relationship to spirituality are 40% less likely to use and abuse substances, 60% less likely to be depressed, and 80% less likely to engage in dangerous behaviors” (12:58).

• The Spiritual Child:
  Referring to their book, “The Spiritual Child,” Dr. [Guest Name] emphasizes, “The most important gift we give our children is a strong spiritual core” (13:29). Practical advice includes parents listening to their children’s spiritual expressions without imposing answers, fostering an environment where children can explore their spirituality naturally (18:08).

5. Practical Techniques for Stress Management

Transitioning from spirituality, the conversation explores actionable strategies to manage and reduce chronic stress.

• Forgiveness and Letting Go:
  Dr. [Guest Name] discusses the profound impact of forgiveness on personal well-being, stating, “Freedom and peace come from letting go of grudges” (38:12). Holding onto anger not only keeps individuals trapped in the past but also incurs significant emotional costs.

• The Three F’s Exercise:
  To address stress-related behaviors, Dr. [Guest Name] introduces the “Three F’s” method:

  1. Feel: Identify what you’re feeling.
     “What am I feeling here? Is this physical hunger or emotional hunger?” (49:10)
  2. Feed: Understand how your response feeds the feeling.
     “When I feel stressed, ice cream makes me feel better.” (50:44)
  3. Find: Discover alternative behaviors to address the feeling.
     “Instead of ice cream, I could do yoga or take a bath.” (51:43)

• Breathing Techniques:
  Dr. [Guest Name] shares the “3-4-5 breath” technique to activate the relaxation response:
  “Breathe in for 3 seconds, hold for 4, and breathe out for 5.” (58:28)

• Touch Therapy:
  Discussing the role of consensual, affectionate touch, Dr. [Guest Name] explains, “Stroking at 3-5 cm per second activates CT afferent nerve fibers, lowering cortisol levels” (58:52).

6. Understanding Sleep and Dreaming

The episode concludes with an in-depth exploration of the brain’s need for sleep and the significance of dreams.

• The Necessity of Sleep:
  Dr. [Guest Name] posits, “The brain needs to sleep to dream, which is essential for mental clarity and adaptability” (66:27). Sleep pressure, a fundamental biological need, ensures that sleep occurs despite external circumstances.

• The Role of Dreams:
  Dreams are portrayed as the brain’s high-intensity training mode, allowing for creativity and problem-solving. Dr. [Guest Name] states, “Dreaming keeps the brain finely tuned and adaptable” (67:45).

• Sleep Paralysis Explained:
  Addressing common fears, Dr. [Guest Name] explains sleep paralysis as a state where the dreaming brain and waking brain overlap, causing temporary immobility.
  “Sleep paralysis occurs when the dreaming brain and waking brain don’t transition smoothly, leaving the body temporarily paralyzed” (75:27).

• Lucid Dreaming and Sleep Entry:
  Techniques to navigate sleep stages, such as surrendering to sleep paralysis, can lead to lucid dreaming experiences, enhancing personal and spiritual insights (77:04).

Conclusions and Key Takeaways

This episode of The School of Greatness dives deep into the intricate relationship between spirituality and brain health. Dr. [Guest Name] underscores the importance of nurturing spiritual connections to foster mental and physical well-being. Practical strategies such as forgiveness, mindful breathing, and alternative stress management techniques are presented as tools to awaken the brain and promote healing. Additionally, understanding the science of sleep and dreams provides valuable insights into maintaining a balanced and resilient mind.

Notable Quotes:

• “We are all capable of awakening. Every brain is built to awaken. Nobody's left out.” — Dr. [Guest Name], 03:01

• “There is no greater way to move out of despair as to awaken spiritually.” — Dr. [Guest Name], 08:29

• “The most important gift we give our children is a strong spiritual core.” — Dr. [Guest Name], 13:29

• “Freedom is peace. I think you're a prisoner of the past when you don't forgive.” — Lewis Howes, 38:12

• “The dreaming brain is the brain's way of ensuring mental clarity and adaptability.” — Dr. [Guest Name], 66:27

---

By integrating neuroscientific insights with practical spiritual practices, this episode equips listeners with the knowledge and tools to awaken their brains, heal themselves, and ultimately live a more fulfilling and balanced life.

Transcript

[Lewis Howes]

I have a brand new book called Make Money Easy and if you're looking.

[Rangan Chatterjee]

To create more financial freedom in your.

[Lewis Howes]

Life, you want abundance in your life and you want to stop making money.

[Rangan Chatterjee]

Hard in your life, but you want.

[Lewis Howes]

To make it easier, you want to make it flow, you want to feel abundant, Then make sure to go to make moneyeasybook.com right now and get yourself a copy. I really think this is going to help you transform your relationship with money this moment. Moving forward, we have some big guests and content coming up. Make sure you're following and stay tuned to this episode on the School of Greatness.

[Rangan Chatterjee]

This podcast is sponsored by Northwestern Mutual. Everyone wants to feel good about their finances, right? Well, that's why I've had life insurance with Northwestern Mutual for years. Their financial professionals ask the right questions, truly listen, and help uncover opportunities most people miss. I've seen it firsthand. Northwestern Mutual has been a part of my journey from the very beginning, providing the security and peace of mind I need as a human and an entrepreneur. Find a better way to money@n m.com the Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance Company Milwaukee, Wisconsin paid testimonial by a Northwestern Mutual Policy Owner.

[Unknown]

As America's leading business lender.

Bank of America is on your corner.

And in your corner.

With $215 billion in business loans and over 3,700 business specialists across the nation.

We help businesses thrive so communities prosper.

What would you like the power to do?

Learn [e-mail] LOCALBUSINESS bank of America Official bank of FIFA Club World Cup 2025 Copyright 2025 bank of America Corporation. All rights reserved.

[Rangan Chatterjee]

Westin Hotels and Resorts are designed with your well being in mind. With more than 200 destinations around the world, Westin Hotels makes it possible to keep up with your wellness routine while traveling. And if there's one thing I've learned from being on the go all the time, it's how important it is to prioritize quality sleep no matter where you are. With signature amenities and offerings that help you move well, eat well and sleep well, Westin Hotels makes travel an opportunity to enhance your well being. Look forward to the rest with restorative sleep in Westin's iconic heavenly bed. Find Wellness at Weston, one of 30 extraordinary hotel brands in the Marriott Bonvoy portfolio.

[Lewis Howes]

What do the MRIs say from a brain that is connected to God or has a spiritual practice versus a blame that doesn't have a spiritual practice?

[Unknown]

We have charted this very precisely and the first thing that everyone needs to know is that we are all capable of awakening. Every brain, every brain is built to awaken. Nobody's left out. But it is a choice. Yeah, it is a choice and it is a practice.

[Lewis Howes]

And what are the brains that are spiritually connected versus a lack of spiritual connection?

[Unknown]

A spiritually connected brain, as compared to one that has yet to do the work, has three components. The first is that just as we are loved and held as children in our parents or grandparents arms, the bonding network comes up online and we can feel that we are loved and held. So, Louis, that's not a belief our brain perceives.

[Lewis Howes]

It feels it.

[Unknown]

It feels it because we are detecting something real interesting. It's not a brain in the box that made up. Isn't it nice to feel loved? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we are.

[Lewis Howes]

It believes it is loved and held.

[Unknown]

The brain perceives transcendent love.

Wow.

So we're moving Here from the 20th century view of the brain that makes thoughts like the brain in a box to the emerging view of the brain that is like an antenna that receives thoughts or inspiration or transcendent presence. So if we, when we receive God's presence as incarnate beings, the bonding network comes up online and we watch it through the FMRI that tracks blood flow. We watch, watch the bonding network literally engage as we experience and receive God's love.

[Lewis Howes]

And what happens when the bonding network engages in the brain? What happens to the body?

[Unknown]

It's, well, we are at peace. We have less stress. Cortisol goes down. There's a whole host of downstream problems from dysregulated cortisol, dysregulated diurnal patterns of cortisol. So when we sustain a relationship with God through practice, through prayer, through meditation, through how we treat each other, as you just described, the choice of godly relationships, we literally host and welcome. You know, God chooses when God shows up that we can invite and welcome God. And when we feel God's presence when God touches us, the bonding network comes up online as we are incarnate and shows that we are loved and held. The second circuit that we all have is that there's multiple forms of intelligence, of multiple forms of attention. There's the bowling alley attention, which is.

[Lewis Howes]

Narrow focus, narrow focus.

[Unknown]

And there's times for that, right? We need that discipline. But the bowling alley alone is insufficient. I've got to have it. I've got to get that job. I'm going to do A plus B plus C to close that deal. That is not an accurate map onto the structure of reality because life is Full of surprises and hard left turns. And we have another attention network. There's another system of awareness, which is not our dorsal attention, but our ventral attention. Where the floodlights come on and the world becomes a lot bigger, brighter, and a new direction pops. And that allows us to receive guidance.

[Lewis Howes]

What's that step called?

[Unknown]

So we are loved and held, as we all have a bonding network. And we are guided. We are built to receive divine guidance. We are built to perceive direction from the universe. Loved and held, Guided. And the third circuit, the third component of the awakened brain that we're all built with, ready to go. Is that you, Louis, are in your chair and I'm over here in mine. And we also have friends in New York and Cincinnati and London and Des Moines. Right. We are separate beings. And at the same time, we're part of this great oneness.

[Lewis Howes]

Yes.

[Unknown]

The brain is built to receive and perceive separateness and oneness. The parietal region puts in and out hard boundaries. As blood flows to the parietal region. We see that. Okay, I have my zipped up bio bodysuit. And we're all wonderfully diverse. And we live in different chairs. And at the same time, we're part of one family of life. We're part of one unit of consciousness. That capacity allows us to know we're never alone.

[Lewis Howes]

So is that oneness or what is that?

[Unknown]

That is the oneness. So if you add up all three circuits that run together, they don't run separately. We are loved and held. We are guided, and we are never alone. That awakened brain is yours. It is there for everyone.

[Lewis Howes]

So everyone has that in us. But we need to be practicing and believing it in order to experience it.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Lewis Howes]

What happens if we don't practice and believe that we are loved and held? We are guided and we are all one. We are never alone. What happens to us?

[Unknown]

We feel unloved, we feel lost, and we feel completely, painfully lonely. And that excruciating pain is a big bang at the door. It's an invitation to start to practice awakening, to start to use your awakened brain.

[Lewis Howes]

And as a clinical psychologist, doing this research for a long time and doing all the MRI studies and working with individuals who have experienced this, is there any other way to get out of pain and suffering than seeking a spiritual practice?

[Unknown]

There is no greater way. There is no profound and robust and enduring way to move out of despair as to awaken spiritually.

[Lewis Howes]

But you're a psychologist. Aren't there medicines that people can take that are going to fix them or solve them? Aren't there drugs that people should be doing? And isn't this clinically proven that if you're depressed and you have mental health diseases that the medicine will set you free? Isn't that why we have medication?

[Unknown]

So medication? I'm not against medication. If you're in terrible pain and it's urgent and you need it now, do whatever it takes to keep yourself buoyant. Yes, but that said, when we take away the medication, the majority of the time the pain comes back, as does the deep existential feeling of unlovedness, isolation, of being lost. Why is that? Because we have yet to engage our awakened awareness. We have yet to engage our spiritual capacity. We have a donut sized hole because we haven't deployed this gift we're all given.

[Lewis Howes]

Wow. What's the gift that we're all given that most of us never use?

[Unknown]

We have within every brain the neuro foundation for a relationship with God. We have within every human being the inborn capacity, actually the inborn imperative to be in relationship with our higher power.

[Lewis Howes]

But why do so many of us reject God or a relationship with a higher power?

[Unknown]

Well, it's very easy to feel isolated, to feel lost, because the rich 2/3 embrace the socialization of our natural society.

[Lewis Howes]

Our environment.

[Unknown]

Our environment. Our culture is pretty silent.

[Lewis Howes]

What we consume, what we're putting in our physical space, the people in our environment, the conversations that we're hearing, listening to and having, all that stuff. Right.

[Unknown]

And yet we can choose to cultivate every single thing you've said. So 40 years ago in the United States there was a decision made, it was made with a good intention to be inclusive, which was to throw all religion out of the public square. And you may remember, take down the Christmas tree, take down the Hanukkah menu. We're not talking about religion.

[Lewis Howes]

It's all offensive. Yeah, it's all offensive.

[Unknown]

Someone's gonna be left out. And the intention was good, which was to be inclusive, but it actually was radically exclusive. Everyone was left out.

[Lewis Howes]

Wow.

[Unknown]

And we had an Ice Age, 40 years of an ice age where people don't talk about spiritual and religious life at work, at school, at a cocktail party, at a dinner party, to not.

[Lewis Howes]

Be offensive or feeling exclusive if they don't have the similar belief. Is that right?

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Lewis Howes]

Okay. If they have a. We don't want to force something on them or talk about it. If they feel uncomfortable or.

[Unknown]

But society now has grown up and we've become much more pluralistic. We can comfortably talk about different genders and race and orientation as Part of the fabric of our culture. It's time now to be pluralistic when it comes to our spiritual life. I want to know you. I want to hear about Diwali or Ramadan or Hanukkah or Christmas. I want to hear about the crossing of Uri, grandmother. And I want to hear about the baby that came into your life in the deepest, most important way.

[Lewis Howes]

Something that you said in one of your books called the Spiritual Child. I believe this one is talks about that. You talk about the next big idea in psychology, which is the science and the power of spirituality. And you explain a clear scientific link between spirituality and health and shows that children who have a positive, active relationship to spirituality are 40% less likely to use and abuse substances, are 60% less likely to be depressed as teenagers, are 80% less likely to have dangerous or unprotected sex, and have significantly more positive markers for thriving, including an increased sense of meaning and purpose and high levels of academic success. Why do kids lack spiritual connection in a spiritual relationship today? Why are parents aren't willing to encourage their kids? Do the parents not have the spiritual relationship? Why do you think that is in kids today?

[Unknown]

The most important gift we give our children is, is a strong spiritual core. In fact, I would even go so far to say there is nothing that a parent needs to do more than strengthen their child's natural spiritual awareness. How do I do that? Every parent wants to know, okay, look at those statistics. Your child will be less at risk for addiction, depression. In this epidemic, 82% protected against suicide. When spiritual life is shared, Suicide is tragically the number one killer of high school students.

[Lewis Howes]

Really?

[Unknown]

It's come to rival auto accidents. So it's not cancer Covid by our own hand. And yet we have the antidote. I mean, Louis, if I said, here's a pill, and you can give this pill to every high school student in the United States, and they are 4/5 protected against the epidemic of suicide. What school wouldn't give that out every day at lunch? What parent wouldn't give that to their child? And yet we have the antidote in us already. And it's the realization of how we are built to be in a sustained connection to God or higher power. Why is this not happening? Why is this not happening? Well, I think you hit the nail on the head. Parents don't know how and they don't know if they're spiritual enough. So I went on the road. I thought it was going to be three weeks. It was three years with my first book, the spiritual Child. And parents would raise their hand and they'd ask questions, how do I help my child be more spiritual? What is spirituality? But when parents started to cry was when they said, am I spiritual? So people don't know if as a mother, as a father, I'm spiritual enough. And the answer is, you don't need to be because your child is spiritual. And all you need to do is listen and be totally in awe of your child.

[Lewis Howes]

Kids are like a portal. They're already a spiritual portal.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Lewis Howes]

It's not, you know, it's your job not to throw on material animal magnetism, types of thinking or thought or energy to diminish their spiritual power.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Lewis Howes]

And that's hard to do.

[Unknown]

But you know what? Parents are so in love with their child that if we can just hold our tongue and listen, your child is going to come up and say, you know, I saw Grandma. Or your child is going to come up and say, does God love evil people too? And those are incredible moments. We don't need the answer. We can simply hold the moment and say, wow. Because often the child's actually not looking for an answer. They're looking to engage in the spiritual realm. W and so they're really saying, can you walk with me here?

[Rangan Chatterjee]

Say you've always wanted to have a backyard oasis.

[Lewis Howes]

Here's the thing.

[Rangan Chatterjee]

If you get smart with your money, you can do things like that. With Empower, you can start making the most out of your money so you can go out and live a little. Isn't that why we work so hard to have some fun with our money? Like treating yourself to something special or spontaneously doing something extra for a loved one. So use Empower and get good at money so you can be a little bad. Join their 19 million customers [e-mail] not an Empower client, paid or sponsored. Are you ready to level up your business? Intuit QuickBooks has got your back. Forget stressing over unpaid invoices or tracking expenses. QuickBooks takes care of all that so you can focus on growing. Let QuickBooks be your all in one tool to help with the day to day tasks so you can stay focused on the big picture. Manage and grow your business all in one place. Intuit QuickBooks your way to money. Money movement services are provided by Intuit Payments Inc. License as a money transmitter by the New York State Department of Financial Services. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now we invest in gym memberships and healthy food to take care of our bodies. But what about our minds? Therapy might feel like a big investment. But your mental fitness is just as essential as your physical health. And let's talk numbers. Traditional in person therapy can cost anywhere from $100 to $250 per session, which adds up fast. But with BetterHelp online therapy, you can save on average up to 50% per session. With BetterHelp, you pay a flat fee for weekly sessions, saving you big on costs and on time. Therapy should feel accessible, not like a luxury. With online therapy, you get quality care at a price that makes sense. Your mental health is worth it. And now it's within reach. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. It's convenient too. You can join a session with the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life, plus switch therapists at any time. Your well being is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com Louis to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.

[Lewis Howes]

H-E-L-P.com Lewis When a child asks a question like, does God love bad people? Does God love evil people? Whatever, any question. And a parent says, man, I think I know the answer, but I really don't know the answer. What should a parent do in that moment? When a child asks a difficult spiritual question that the parent doesn't know the.

[Unknown]

Answer to the child's question is an opening for the child to learn to listen to their own heart. So we can say, you know, deepen your inner wisdom. What does your heart say? Or we can say, do you want to sit with me now in meditation or prayer and see what comes to you as the answer to that?

[Lewis Howes]

Interesting.

[Unknown]

Teach the child to receive their own spiritual answers. I can tell you a story about that. I adopted my son from an orphanage north of St. Petersburg, Russia. The most delicious little boy on earth. Madly in love with this little boy.

[Lewis Howes]

How old is he?

[Unknown]

He was 10 months when he came back.

[Lewis Howes]

Wow.

[Unknown]

I knew right away that this sort of, you know, secular, materialist culture was going to tell him a big story about not wanting, not having been wanted, and why did that mother leave you? And so I was going to get ahead of this. And the way I was going to get ahead of this, my husband and I together, was by talking about our authentic spiritual journey to finding Isaiah. So from day one, we said, you know, we had really. It had been five years, Liz we prayed hard for five years before we found Isaiah. And so from day one, Isaiah was a little 10 month voice used to hearing Russian. And we Said Isaiah. Mommy and Daddy, we prayed for Isaiah. And grandma prayed for Isaiah, and grandpa prayed for Isaiah. And everybody prayed for Isaiah because Mommy and Daddy had been crying for you. And then one day we heard they'd found Isaiah. And we took little baby a plane to a train, to an automobile, kids love transportation. Ran up the hill and there, there was Isaiah. And we'd throw him in the air and we'd celebrate the finding Isaiah story. And that's, you know, when he was 1 2, somewhere around 4, he got a little older. And they like symbolic stories. So here was little Isaiah. He loved to play in our backyard by a little creek, a river. And we'd point at the river, he'd squish his toes, and we'd say, isaiah, you see this river here? You came down this river. You were our baby Moses.

Wow.

And he'd say, I'm baby Moses. So that's right, Isaiah, you came down. God sent you to us. So this was the story of finding Isaiah for a four year old. And we always told Isaiah the spiritual story of finding Isaiah. So sure enough, Louis, now he's eight, driving my suv. Everything in parenting happens from the second row.

[Lewis Howes]

Sure. Is your Maria.

[Unknown]

His best friend? Johnny's back there. Mommy, Mommy. Johnny says, my name is not Miller, you are not my mother, and I am not Jewish.

[Lewis Howes]

Wow.

[Unknown]

And I took a big breath. The day had come.

[Lewis Howes]

He knew the original story, the story before the story, right?

[Unknown]

And sure enough, that's right, he was prepared. And I held my tongue, prayed. And Isaiah whips around, turns to Joni and says, I'm baby Moses. And Johnny says, what? And he said, no, I'm baby Moses. And pretty soon, Isaiah realized that Johnny just didn't understand, but that he was baby Moses. Mommy. This time, more desperate, more agitated. Mommy, Johnny says, what about the woman who gave me up the story I'd always knew was coming?

[Lewis Howes]

Yes.

[Unknown]

Ten years before I expected it.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

But there it was again. I held my breath, said a prayer. And from the second row, oh, I know. God whispered in her ear and said that you were crying for me. So if we support the natural spiritual knowing of the child, when the tough questions come, they're ready to receive and perceive a spiritual answer directly from God. He, like every child on earth, has an awakened brain. But as parents, we build that day in, day out sense that just as you and your new wife have God in that bond, viewing your new wife and God willing, your children will have God in that bond. And our message to Isaiah from day one was that this is a family built by God.

[Lewis Howes]

Wow, that's beautiful. It sounds like.

[Unknown]

And it's true.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah. It sounds like you were practicing the first eight years. Step one, which is, you know, show him that he is loved and held by you and also by God. Right. You're loved and held by us, and the world is loving you and holding you high. It sounds like.

[Unknown]

And the river.

[Lewis Howes]

And the river. Right. It sounds like step two, you know, understanding we're all guided. It sounds like he was able to remember that he was loved and held and be guided into, like, having the answers within him for when his friend was telling him, no, that's not true. This is. You were adopted or whatever it is he was saying. And it sounds like he had the inner strength to feel guided in that moment. And I'm curious, what have you learned as a psychologist about the science and spirituality of synchronicities, of knowing that we are guided and how to really have our antenna up and awareness up so that we can receive signals, signs, and the synchronicities of life to know where to move our energy toward, to create more opportunities, abundance with our purpose.

[Unknown]

When you met Marta, was that a synchronicity?

[Lewis Howes]

100%, yeah. Well, I mean, I probably told it on here a few times already, but, I mean, there was just too many synchronicities that were just like, oh, this is. It was weird. It was weird synchronicities. I was like, okay, this is. And let me keep exploring. And these synchronicities were so weird. Those. Like, I felt like I was on the right path. I was like, let's keep. Let's keep hanging out another few days. Let's keep hanging out. You know, I didn't want to not hang out with her, but I was like, I need to keep exploring these conversations with you to see what unfolds. But the first day, you know, within the first five minutes where I knew something was different, I went to pick her up. I was visiting a buddy of mine in Mexico and near Tulum, and she was actually in Tulum at that time. And we had never met, but we connected online. And I just happened to respond to something that she posted online. Right? She was posting something in nature, actually. And I replied to that, and I said, it looks beautiful there. That was it. I wasn't, like, hitting on her or anything. I just replied to what she was posting about. So nature was the first thing that I replied to within her, connecting online. And then she replied, hello, my friend. How are you? Are you ever in my country? And I Don't think she knew I was in Mexico, but I was in Mexico at that time, and I was assuming she meant Mexico. So I said, yeah, I'm actually here with a friend right now in Playa del Carmen. And it's like an hour from Tulum. She goes, oh, I'm in Tulum. Let's. Let's hang out if you have time. So we ended up just getting together. When I picked her up, I had my buddy's jeep and I had my phone, picked her up for dinner. I had my phone in the middle of the. The Jeep, you know, in the middle of the seats in the front. And it was dark out because I was getting picking up for dinner. And so my phone screen kind of turned on as I set it down. Like, the screen turned on, and you could see my screensaver. And it was a photo of a boy, a little boy. And I could see that she looked at the phone because the screen popped up. You see this image of a little boy. And so I kind of looked at her and go, oh, don't worry, I don't have a son or anything. You know, it's our first time meeting. So I was like, oh, don't worry, I don't have a kid or anything. And she goes, I know what that is. She goes, that's you, and you're healing your inner child. And I was like, I get chills just thinking about it. I was like, yeah. And she took her phone. She goes, here's a photo of me. I've been doing the same journey when she was 5. I get chills thinking about it, and I'm just like, oh, something's different. Right away, she understood the journey of healing that I was already on. And that had been up there for, I don't know, eight months on my phone, right? So I've been alive, had it for a while. And she was like, yeah, this is something I was doing, like, in the last year, and I'd been healing and transforming and, you know, probably getting out of a depressed state. That was like a reawakening to seeing the world differently. And so even just in that moment, like, that unlocked the conversation. The whole conversation was spiritual from the first moment. There was no surface. I can't do surface anyways with anyone. You know, we talk right away, and I'm like, tell me about this, you know? And so the whole conversation was spiritual. And the whole first few months was that, like, every time some people might say, oh, that's too deep. When you're, like, going on dates or you shouldn't be, like, going so deep so quickly or having spiritual conversations. But I think why wait to. Why wait to have those conversations? Like, and they can be fun and lighthearted. They don't have to be deep and heavy. It can be like, wow, fascinating. You know, you can get to learn about someone's soul sooner rather than six months down the line, have those conversations. So for me, that was a synchronicity that said, oh, hang out again. And every time we hung out, there was just things like that that just kept happening that was like, there's some force that's more powerful pulling us to keep exploring. And I think I allowed myself to be open and stay in it without rushing to. This is the person I'm meant to be with forever because of one synchronicity. And I think I wanted to continue to not rush a lot of things, but just dive deeper spiritually, which created safety. It created a sense of safety and feeling at home within me and her feeling at home within her. So it made us feel more at home together. That was a powerful. You know, again, I would. I wish I would have learned this, you know, 20 years ago, but it happened at the right time, so. And I needed the painful moments, I think, to awaken to where I'm at today.

[Unknown]

It's a magnificent love story.

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah. It's beautiful.

[Unknown]

And the deep question is, what is life showing me now? What is God revealing to me now? What has my higher power just put in my path?

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah. And understanding. If we believe that we are guided. That's what I was, like, doing. I go, okay, God, just show me the way. Let me just explore this a little more. Let's go hang out another day. Let's have more conversation. Let's just be guided into the possibility, whether it works out or not. I'm just going to lean into this without rushing to conclusions. So what did you then learn from the research of the science of synchronicities and spirituality together?

[Unknown]

The more we pay attention to synchronicity, the more we are able to perceive synchronicity. And on the one hand, it's because we strengthen our eye. We know, yes, this is real. We take it to heart. We think about and reflect on what it might mean, and then we act on it. You chose to go another day to both of you, to look at this more deeply, to walk a little further.

[Lewis Howes]

It sounds like you can't. You don't want to stuff the emotions, but you don't want to stay in the emotions. You got to learn to Let it out in some healthy, conscious way, hopefully not hurting someone else in the process.

[Rangan Chatterjee]

Of your anger or resentment or frustration.

[Lewis Howes]

Or whatever it might be. But you can't stay there also, so you can't spiritually bypass the emotion. Just say, that didn't affect me. And if it did, let it out. And don't stay there. You don't. Don't keep reliving the trauma for years to come.

[Unknown]

I think one of the things we see these days, because there's a growing awareness now of our emotions as many. You talk about it on your show all the time. There's many people talking about this in public. I think what's happened is that for some people, they go to, oh, I get it now. This is why I'm the way I am. This is because of my mum or my dad. This is how I was brought up. And they stay there, and then they start to blame their parents. And I think that's unhelpful. Maybe you have to go through that, but you can't stay there. At some point, you have to come out the other side and go, okay, I've now learned why I have these triggers and reactions. Now let me move to the next part where I process them and move on. And I tell you, a very simple technique that's helped me, Larissa. I don't know if it will help others, but it certainly has helped me, is a few years ago, I chose to take on the belief. And again, I use those words carefully. I chose. I don't have to take on this belief, but I've chosen to take on this belief in life. I believe that every single person is doing the best that they can based upon their experiences. And so let me just elaborate on that a little bit, because it can be quite triggering for people that I choose to believe that if I was that other person, I'd be behaving in exactly the same way as them. Why? Because if I was that person with their parents and the bullying they had as a child and the friends and the influences they had when they were growing up and the toxic boss they had when they were 17 or whatever it might be, if I had their life, I'd probably be thinking and acting in exactly the same way as them now. It doesn't mean I'm saying that what they're doing is right. I'm not saying that. But once you adopt that approach to life, like, you can feel this inner calm, Lewis, because your initial way of interacting with life is with compassion, is trying to understand why is this person Behaving that way now, it doesn't mean it's easy, and it doesn't mean that what they're doing is not abhorrent or wrong. But I choose to take that approach to life, and it's really, really helped me, because now my first instinct, if someone's attacking me online, if something's happening, if someone disagrees with me, my first instinct now, because I've trained it for years, is, oh, I wonder why they think so differently to me. And you just don't generate all this internal stress that affects people in the first place. And once you start interacting with life like that, I think forgiveness becomes a lot easier, because then you're like, oh, if I was that person, I'd be doing the same as them. Oh, their dad cheated. They grew up seeing that. It doesn't make it right, but I think it makes it easier. And again, do you know what I learned that the most. Right. Have you heard of John McAvoy?

[Lewis Howes]

I'm thinking John McElroy, the tennis player. No, no, no.

[Unknown]

So, John, John McAvoy. I had a wonderful conversation with him on my podcast about five years ago. You'd love to. You would love talking to him, I promise you. He used to be one of Britain's most wanted criminals.

[Lewis Howes]

Wow.

[Unknown]

Right? So he was locked up in Europe's highest security prison with two life sentences. Right. With all the terrorists. He was locked up there.

[Rangan Chatterjee]

And he got out.

[Unknown]

He got out. Wow. And he's like. He's one of the loveliest people I know, Right. I would leave him alone with my children, Right. I think he's the most wonderful person. But I spoke to him for two hours and he went through his life story with me and he told me about his upbringing, that his dad wasn't around and that the only male figures in his life were armed robbers. And they came round, they had fancy clothes and they drove nice cars and they had a code of conduct. They treated women well, like they had their own code of conduct. And I remember there was so much in that conversation because he's now a free man, inspiring kids all around the world to get into physical activity. It's an incredible story, but I remember when he left my house after recording on the podcast, my mind was blown. And I saw my wife in the kitchen. I said, babe, you know what? If I was John, if I had lived John's life, I think I'd be in jail right now. Like, I genuinely thought if I had his childhood, I would be in prison or dead. Or dead. And it really helps me understand that. Look, we all see the world differently. It's very easy to judge and I get it. Some things are horrible and really traumatic and you're going to probably need help to process that.

[Rangan Chatterjee]

We all take supplements, or at least we know we should. But why are so many supplement companies charging ridiculous prices for products that really aren't that special? It's frustrating and frankly unacceptable. Livegood is a brand that believes everyone deserves access to high quality supplements without the insane markups they offer premium products formulated by an industry leading team of natural health experts at the lowest prices anywhere. Livegood also has collagen, weight loss products, protein powder, skincare products and more. All high quality products at prices people can actually afford. And I've been trying their organic super greens and loving it. It helps fill in the gaps when I'm not eating enough fruits and veggies and keeps up my energy. I just mix a scoop into my smoothie or water every day and it's been super easy to add my routine and I feel great. Ready to start saving? Just go to livegood.com greatness to save 10% on your first order. That's livegood.com this episode of the School of Greatness is brought to you in part by Skinny Pop Popcorn. You deserve snacks that are better for you and actually taste good. And when it comes to snack options, sometimes it feels like you can't check both boxes, but I'm here to tell you you can with Skinny Pop Popcorn. Skinny Pop uses quality ingredients to bring you the light and tasty flavors you love. Their original ready to eat popcorn is made with just three simple ingredients, popcorn kernels, sunflower oil and a touch of salt. Trust me, the flavor is unmatched. Personally, I can't get enough of the original popcorn. It's my go to for movie nights or when I need a quick, satisfying snack between interviews. It's the perfect, simple, yet flavorful snack in my opinion. In addition to the original popcorn, Skinny Pop also offers a variety of delicious flavors from white cheddar to sweet and salty kettle popcorn. It's non GMO gluten free and there are many vegan options too. So stop everything right now and add Skinny Pop to your grocery list. You will not regret it. Skinny Pop Popcorn Deliciously popped, perfectly salted. Shop Skinny Pop now, but I'm saying.

[Unknown]

There is a cost of not processing that. So let me go back to what you said about Dr. Imani, who I really admire and respect. Yeah, she's great. I don't have the experience that she has with narcissistic individuals, but I don't. So I, you know, she has every reason to believe what she believes. My belief, based on my 23 years of clinical experience, of what I've seen with patients, what I've seen in the research, and what I've experienced myself, is that if you can learn the art of letting go of the past and moving on. Maybe you don't like the term forgiveness.

[Lewis Howes]

Yes.

[Unknown]

So I think that can be triggering for some people because they feel it's like I'm forgiving that person for what they did. I don't mean we don't forgive it.

[Lewis Howes]

But let it go and move on.

[Unknown]

Let go and move on is how I describe it in, in this book. Right? Yeah. I think you do not realize the lightness in your being that exists on the other side. I mean, this. Why don't you. I mean, if you don't mind, like, I'd love to know from you, like, you have acknowledged publicly on many occasions how you struggle with this for years, but you have moved through that. How's that been for you when you weren't able to forgive and now would you say that you can forgive now?

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah. And I mean, the difference is freedom is peace. I think you're a prisoner of the past when you don't forgive. And there's, there's, there's a reward for that as well. Like you get to be righteous, you get to be justice. You get to be right and them wrong, you get to be. You get validation from people having sympathy for you and understanding. And understanding how something is not okay. And that was horrible what that person.

[Rangan Chatterjee]

Did and all these different things.

[Lewis Howes]

You get rewards. But I just feel like the reward of forgiveness and setting yourself free is.

[Rangan Chatterjee]

Far greater than any other reward you.

[Lewis Howes]

Could get by holding your grudge.

[Unknown]

Exactly.

[Lewis Howes]

And holding a grudge and being angry at someone or an event or the government or the world or the weather, whatever, for ruining something in your life or hurting something in your life or causing a disruption in your life and however drastic or small it might be, holding a grudge onto that, that's a cost. There's a big cost. There's a big price you'll pay. There's a big price you'll pay, but.

[Unknown]

You'Re validated in society for holding it. As you say, like, if you hold on, you go, yeah, they shouldn't have posted that post. They're wrong. Your friends will often support you. Yeah, they shouldn't have done it. But what we don't. And I used to be that person. So I'm not judging. Addis know what it's like to not live like that anymore, right? Chapter five in this book is called Take Less Offense. And I say many of us have an overru reliance on being right. And I make the case in that book if I talk about the George Floyd death, right? That's how I opened that chapter, you know, And I kind of explain how it affected me and then what I chose to share on social media and how I got attacked for it. Because if you remember, when the George Floyd death made headline news around the world, it was during COVID it was, we were in lockdowns, I was in the uk, we were in a lockdown and this event happened. Horrible event, tragic event, just to be really clear. And it brought up all kinds of feelings for me. Now I'm a Brit, right? I was born and brought up in the uk. I've got Indian immigrant parents. I'm not American, right? I haven't lived in America and know the history of this country, right? So I understand that, right? I, I have to say this is, I, I'm just watching it from the outside. But nonetheless, whatever the narrative was at the time brought up things for me and I wanted to share my view on social media, right? Like you have a large platform and I felt like I wanted to contribute to this public voice. I don't always comment on public things. In fact, it's quite rare for me. But I felt like I wanted to. I thought about some of the things that my family had experienced when they came to the uk. And I also thought about something my wife told me when she was a little girl in living in the north of England. She can still remember one afternoon when a local nationalist party threw a brick through their window and told them to get out. And she was just watching tv, I think, and suddenly a brick smashes the window and comes in. That is traumatic. That is really scary. So two or three days after George Floyd's death, I shared a well thought out post on Instagram. I explained my perspective and I also shared the impact that racism can have and some of the things that came up for me. And I shared that example of what happened to my wife. And there was a small section who started to take offense at what I said and were attacking me and saying, you shouldn't be commenting, this is not your place, this is a black issue, this is not an Asian issue. And initially I was like, oh, have I done something wrong here? Like I was trying to put out a really careful, kind considered pose to try and contribute to this big public conversation. Initially, I thought I did something wrong, and then I meditated on it. Lewis. I thought about it and I thought, wait a minute. I've not signed up to any code of conduct that determines how I can or cannot react to the death of an individual 3,000 miles away. I am perfectly entitled to share my truth the way I see it. And I kind of feel that many of us these days are walking around taking offense to everything.

[Lewis Howes]

Yes.

[Unknown]

And it comes at a cost. Right. Because people need to understand, as I've learned to understand over the last few years, is that nothing is inherently offensive. Something happens, someone shares something. If something was inherently offensive, every single person would get offended. The fact that every single person is not getting offended means it's not that thing that is offensive. It's something within you that's being activated by that external event. And once you understand that, because I think most of the world don't understand that. They think an event happens. I have every right to take offense to that. Now. People have got every right to do whatever they want. I'm not trying to change what people do. People can decide what they do. I'm trying to make the case in that chat that there is an impact. If you are someone who feels that you're wronged in your life everywhere and everything's against you and everything is offensive, you've got to understand that that is coming at a cost to you. You are generating emotional stress in your body that is not neutral. Maybe the reason you can't make change that lasts in your life. Right. It's because you're walking around getting offended at everyone.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And if you really think about it, we're living in a world of 8 billion people, Louis. 8 billion people are not going to share the same view as you. And to think that they will is almost a little bit arrogant. The question is, why do you need people to share the same view as you? Like, one thing that's been transformative in my marriage, Louis, is when I let go of the need to be right, I'm like, I don't need to be right. I don't need to win this argument with my wife for what she's got her view, I've got my view. It's cool.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah. Is it better to be right or be happy?

[Unknown]

Exactly. I would say one of the most important things you can do in life for your inner wellbeing, which will impact your physical well being. And that's the thing that interests me. That's why, as a doctor I wrote this book because this inner world impacts our physical health. And I still don't think we realize it enough. But there is a cost. There's a cost to thinking the world is against you and that, you know, you can choose to not take offense. You can choose to look at. Let's, let's take social media as a prime example. Someone posts something that you don't like and you don't agree with, you could take a pause there. And instead of criticizing or reacting straight away and going, that person has no right. And you're entitled to do that. But it has a cost. You can train yourself to go, oh, why does that person have such a different worldview to me? What has gone on in their life that has led to them having that? What might I be able to understand here? And I call it in that chapter, adopting a learner mindset. Right in every situation in life. What can I learn here?

[Lewis Howes]

Yes.

[Unknown]

Not, how can I be right and prove my point? What can I learn here? I've applied that on my own life. Like, as you know, the cost of having a public profile these days is you have a lot of opinions about your ability and whether you're a great podcast host or a rubbish podcast host or a. Do you know what I mean? We have opinions about us because of the way the world is these days. And I think learning how to deal with criticism again is one of the most important things we can do. Like, I used to really struggle with criticism. Like, I'd want to push it away now. I don't live this now. I've learned to create that gap between stimulus and response. And anyone can learn to do that. You just need to practice. It's a skill that you can get better at. So if someone is criticizing me now, I go through. Well, I do a couple of things. If I'm feeling triggered, I know myself well enough now to go, ah, wrong. And this is not the time. Okay, you need to ground yourself. Calm down before you start thinking about this. Because at the moment, you're, you're stressed out when you're emotional, and that's very rare these days, but that would happen in the past. And when I'm calm, I go, wow, is there any truth here? And sometimes I'll be like, that's interesting. Yeah, maybe I could have phrased my post differently. Maybe I can learn something and next time I post about this topic, I can improve. Yeah, it's really freeing. Then you're learning. And if I think that there's no truth to that, then I'm like, oh, actually, it looks as though that guy's having a bad day, and they're taking out their bad day on me. And then I open my heart and I go, wow, that can't be a nice feeling for that person. They're taking out their inner pain on me. I'm okay with that. They don't know me, and I'm okay with that. Do you know what I mean? And it's why I'm so passionate, Louis, about this is because I didn't used to be like this. I didn't. And then when I didn't, I found making change that lasts difficult because it's in conflict with who I was. But when you can cultivate this inner calm and everyone can, your relationships will be better, your contentment will be better, you'll feel happier. And I'm telling you, having been a doctor for 23 years, your health will be better as well.

[Lewis Howes]

It sounds to me like a lot of these habits you're talking about, when people can implement them, they will have less stress in their life. And what I'm hearing you say, correct me if I'm wrong, is that chronic stress or is related to 70, 80% of most disease? Is that. Is that accurate?

[Unknown]

Let me phrase it slightly differently.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

80 to 90% of what we see as doctors is in some way related to stress. It doesn't mean it's the only cause.

[Lewis Howes]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Unknown]

But stress is playing a role.

[Lewis Howes]

And so if that's the case, if we can learn to navigate stress with more ease and not let it consume us chronically, maybe it's gonna come, but then only a little bit a day, not every minute of the day, for years. What are the top ways then to eliminate chronic stress so that it doesn't.

[Rangan Chatterjee]

Consume us and make us sick?

[Unknown]

Yeah. So there's multiple ways that you can tackle stress. Right. Because there are external stresses and internal stressors. So let's just break it down systematically for people so they can actually take action after this episode.

[Lewis Howes]

Right.

[Unknown]

And actually start to make changes. So, okay, let's take an example that I've seen patients talk to me about for years. Okay. And maybe you can relate to this. They've been good in inverted commas with their behaviors all day, and they're eating well, and they're. They're resisting temptation for the sweets and whatever it might be. But 8:30pm on their sofa, they're watching TV, and they feel like having ice cream. Can you relate to that?

[Rangan Chatterjee]

Sure.

[Unknown]

Yeah. It's very, very common. And people Would say Rangan, like. Like I don't get it. Like I know sugar's bad for me or this amount of sugar that I'm eating too much is not helping me. But I can't stop eating ice cream in the evenings. So I created this little exercise called the three Fs, which I would use with patients that I write about to help people understand their relationship with stress and with sugar. Okay? So the first F is feel. Right? So. And Lewis, you can maybe try this in your own life, but next time you find yourself in the evening on the sofa craving ice cream, I want you to have a pause before you get the ice cream. Just have a pause and go, what am I feeling here? Is this really physical hunger or is this emotional hunger? Right. It's a very simple question, but often we don't take that pause feels like physical hunger. Okay, fine. So let's say it's physical hunger.

[Lewis Howes]

But it's. Yeah, it's not though.

[Unknown]

But it might be. It might be and you might want it and there's something wrong with it now and again. Right? So it's not body's craving sugar. Yeah, but the more you ask yourself these questions, the more you start to trust yourself. Right? So the first step is feel. What am I feeling? I actually, I don't know, I had a really big dinner. I'm not that hungry, but I just had a row with my partner or I've been on zoom calls all day and I haven't seen anyone or been out for a walk. This is a treat to myself because all day I'll be doing things for other people. Okay, then go ahead and eat it. Right? Go ahead and eat it next time it happens. Do the what? Do the first F and then go to the second F. So the first F is feel. What am I feeling? The second F is how does food feed the feeling? The second F is feed. Okay, so you've identified. Let's say you've identified that you're stressed, you've had a ride with your partner, you're stressed, and you've identified that when I feel stressed, ice scream makes me feel better. Because it does. At least in the short term.

[Lewis Howes]

Temporarily. Yeah, right.

[Unknown]

Then you go, and so you're drawing that connection. Oh, wow, I'm having ice scream because I go to it when I'm feeling this stress. Okay, great. Now you have a degree of self awareness that you may not have had before. And even simply having that awareness changes your relationship with that event. But there's good research on this. But it really does. Even being aware of what's driving your tr, what's driving your behavior changes your relationship with that trigger. Right? And then the third F, which you can do the next time is find. Okay, now that I know what I'm feeling. The first F. Right. Now that I know how food feeds that feeling, the second F, now the third F is fine. Can I find an alternative behaviour to feed that feeling? Okay, so. Oh, I'm feeling stressed because I've been on Zoom calls all day and I haven't had any time to myself and ice cream is going to make me feel better. Okay, what else could I do? Oh well, I love yoga. I could do 10 minutes of yoga or I could go and run a bath. Yeah. And I could, I could soak in a bath with a candle on for 15 minutes. So you're still dealing with that feeling, but maybe in a more helpful way. And you can apply that 3F exercise to most things in life. Alcohol, too much time on social media. Whatever it is, it's a very simple exercise.

[Rangan Chatterjee]

We all take supplements, or at least we know we should. But why are so many supplement companies charging ridiculous prices for products that really aren't that special? It's frustrating and frankly unacceptable. LiveGood is a brand that believes everyone deserves access to high quality supplements without the insane markups they offer. Premium products formulated by an industry leading team of natural health experts at the lowest prices anywhere. Live Good also has collagen, weight loss products, protein powder, skin care products and more. All high quality products at prices people can actually afford. And I've been trying their organic super greens and loving it. It helps fill in the gaps when I'm not eating enough fruits and veggies and keeps up my energy. I just mix a scoop into my smoothie or water every day and it's been super easy to add my routine and I feel great. Ready to start saving? Just go to livegood.com greatness to save 10% on your first order. That's livegood.com greatness. A moment of silence for all of the time lost sitting through bad presentations. Bring your slides to life with Canva presentations. No design experience needed. Just start with a stunning template and drag and drop graphics from Canva's massive media library. A Fortune 500 favorite. Canva empowers workplaces everywhere to create captivating presentations. You'll love the presentations you can easily design with Canva. Your clients and co workers will too. Love your work with canva [e-mail] youm.

[Unknown]

Know my whole thing is I look to talk about the big ideas. But then I want to make it really practical for people so that they can actually apply that. So I think for many people, they're going to go, that's quite a useful exercise for me. Right. So that's one way that we can think about stress. I could talk to you about all kinds of stress reduction practices like yoga, blank journaling. I think breath work is one of the best. Right. We overuse the word hack, I think, these days, but breathing and changing the way we breathe I think really does qualify as a hack. So a lot of people don't realize that the way they breathe is information for their body. Okay. So I don't know if you saw this study, Lewis, or not, but it was from UCLA actually that 80% of office workers change the way that they breathe when looking at email, but they don't know they're doing it. So here's the thing, right? You're engaged in a task. Maybe there's loads of emails and you're on deadlines and you're rushing through them and you're focused. The way you breathe will often start to change. So what will happen? You'll breathe a little bit faster. You'll breathe more from your chest than your diaphragm, and your breathing will be a bit more shallow. Okay, so what does that do? That sends a signal to your brain that there's danger around me. It always comes back to the stress response. Right? Your breathing signals is telling your brain there's danger and then that encourages you to stay breathing in that way. So you're literally sending stress signals back to your body from your brain because your brain thinks you're in danger. So if you can then be aware of that and consciously change the way that you breathe. And there's all kinds of techniques. One of my favorites is what I call the 3, 4, 5 breath. When you breathe in for 3, you hold for 4, and you breathe out for 5. Very simple breath that I've been teaching my patients for years. And essentially, anytime your out breath is longer than your in breath, you help to switch off the stress part of your nervous system and you activate the relaxation part of your nervous system. Right? Very simple 1, 3, 4, 5. Breath will take you 12 seconds, five of them will take you a minute, and you will literally change your state. Because if you slow your breathing down, you then send calm signals up to your brain and then they send calm signals back to your body. So I have a, you know, first thing I do each morning is a bit of meditation and Breath work. Before I actually have my coffee, that's the first thing I do. And I do it as preemptive. Right. So I do it to ground me in the morning. But I also learn about the breath so that if I get stressed in the day, I can just take a step back and do like two or three minutes of three, four, five breathing. And it really helps me. So it's one of many techniques that can help manage stress. Another one that people don't talk about enough that I've written about is touch. Like consensual, affectionate touch is one of the best ways to lower your stress. So we've got in our skin something called CT afferent nerve fibers. So interesting.

[Lewis Howes]

Nerve fibers.

[Unknown]

Nerve fibers. And these nerve fibres are optimally stimulated. Check this out. At 3 to 5 centimeters per second. Right? Okay. So that's a stroking rate of 3-5 cm per second. Now, here's the thing. No one's measuring their stroking rate, but this is how humans naturally stroke. Right. So a mother stroking her baby will stroke at that rate. We're doing that.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And there's some research from the University of Liverpool and I've interviewed this professor on my show, Professor Francis McGlone. He has shown that when we stimulate those CT Afrin nerve fibers with this kind of light, affectionate stroking, it sends a signal to the deepest, most primitive part of our brain and levels of the stress hormone cortisol go down.

[Lewis Howes]

Wow.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Lewis Howes]

So, you know, can you do this yourself too?

[Unknown]

You can do this yourself, but it's better if someone with a partner, it can be done with a pet. Right. As well. Like some, some people like taking your.

[Lewis Howes]

Cat'S paw, like rub it on you or just.

[Unknown]

No, but you get, like, there's benefits both ways. Like, even if you stroke someone else, you also get benefits. And what's really interesting, if you dive into that research, say I was gonna.

[Lewis Howes]

Get my cat tonight and just learn.

[Unknown]

To stroke you, but. Yeah, but look, I've never had pets, but people who do have pets. Oh, it is so it's calming.

[Lewis Howes]

So there's been a. There have been reports on lots of different dreams.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Lewis Howes]

There's been, like, people documenting their dreams and there's. There's studies around that.

[Unknown]

Great question. First of all, let's equip people with what is happening in the dreaming brain.

[Lewis Howes]

Yes.

[Unknown]

And then what different dreams mean. So then they have a playbook at the end.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And what I would say is the dreaming brain is this was the essential question is. Okay, so you got all the dream patterns, right? So we got what we dream. You're looking at what people have cataloged to make sense of why we dream. That's your essential question that we get to. And then there's just like this, this thing like, like the, the dreaming brain and the waking brain, right? Like, and so, and I believe these big ideas are applicable to everybody, like getting groceries, frustrated. Why am I stressed out? Why am I overreacting? Like all the, all the things for living a better waking life, you can't separate them from that, that third of your life you spend sleeping and potentially dreaming, right? So I go way, way back to try to understand this and to make sense of it for myself. And I think you'll find there's, there's science and there's stories, but there's synthesis.

This.

So first thing is all life is, is governed by the rotation of the planet. Let's just start with square one. Like, let's just get to the basic here. Like, like whether it's like those hot springs deep in the ocean and there's some bacteria there, or a Venus fly trap that opens and closes, or the moon and the tides, or sleep, right? Like this, this is governed because that was the foundation on which life arose, right? And when you look at that, what I would say is the material, the living material on planet Earth follows that whether it's the tide or the plankton or fish or you know, all migration. But also the material in our brain really like there's nothing in our skull that if you pieced it out, there's no special ingredient like from Krypton or something. Everything in nature is also everything inside our skull, in these brains, right? That's connected differently, functioning differently. But that was like the first thing that really tripped me out. I was like, we too follow the laws, fundamental laws of Earth's rotation, these circadian rhythms you're hearing about and cycles and, and, and seasons. And that was the first time I said, okay, so the brain is, the brain is the, the waking brain and the sleeping brain are doing a 24 hour cycle for as long as the run you have on this planet.

[Lewis Howes]

Interesting.

[Unknown]

That's the first thing that cycle. It actually, you know, there was like, I love this topic by the way this like goes. There are like people who go into caves for like six months. It's still in a cycle. Oh, like it's not based just on dark blackout shades or not. Like we, we the tissue in our bodies, the cells, it, we're following this Earth's rotation. Okay. So if we say that there's the waking brain and the sleeping brain. And every 24 hours it does its things. Two third waking, one third sleeping. And that, and that happens for the most part. You know, for how long you live. Now, a surgeon in training, I might skip a few nights, so Maybe I've had 500 or a thousand nights, but overwhelmingly I follow this cycle too. And in that cycle we have to ask ourselves, well, what's going on in the dreaming brain? And right away, I'll tell you, it's so important. There's something called sleep pressure. You could defy a lot of things, but you go a day without sleeping, there's something building inside you saying, sleep, sleep, sleep. You'll fall asleep in a dangerous spot. You'll fall asleep standing up. Sometimes you'll fall asleep even though you haven't eaten. Like there's something fundamental called sleep pressure that makes us follow that, that rhythm.

Right.

[Lewis Howes]

Your body will force you to sleep eventually.

[Unknown]

Well, I would say your brain, your.

[Lewis Howes]

Brain just shuts off.

[Unknown]

It's, it's builds a pressure. You can startle people and they'll wake up, but at some point there's this pressure that's bringing you down to sleep. Really, that, that you see that. I think torture techniques were based off of that. We saw that nobody could stay up a third night in the hospital. They tried to get us to a long time ago. The battle day.

[Lewis Howes]

Really?

[Unknown]

Yeah. But two night, second night, you could do third night and pot. So there's a sleep pressure that the brain generates. Not the body, the brain. Because in, just to give you just examples like we're talking about, like regular examples, we're not trying to get. We'll bring the science in, but the, the complexity is in the, in the concept. I can, we can put hearts from one to another, livers from one to another, lungs from one to another. They all follow the, that person's brain's order. So really what we're talking about is the brain is saying, I need to sleep. Brain is saying, I need to sleep. Brain is saying, okay, there's some threat going on or you've got some, some demands. You're running an ultra marathon, you're a surgeon on call. I can go a day, but I need to sleep. So that's the first, the first thing in this discussion is why do we need to sleep? Now I'm going to be bold here. This is a conversation. I think we sleep because we must dream. Now let me just set that up for you.

[Lewis Howes]

Wow.

[Unknown]

What happens when you go without Sleep, you have surges in REM and dreaming sleep right away. First thing you do when you've gone a day without sleep, if you put that person in a brain scan, but there's exquisite ways of checking it, is that they think first thing they do is they dream wildly. Right. Like so that's, that's an interesting thing to me. The longer we go in our night of rest, quote, restful sleep, the more you're dreaming on the tail end. Right. So maybe mental clarity, if we take that phrase, comes from having that longer night's sleep. Well, what happens in that fifth, sixth and seventh hour? You're dreaming more. So when I start to see these patterns, I wonder, one, the brain, not the body, needs to sleep. And then what is the brain doing in sleep? I just check this out, man. It's, it's doing something that if you put electrodes on the surface of, of our scalps and we all fall asleep at night. During the day, the waves, the, the measurements are, you know, sort of wavy. There's different ones that you, depending on how you're engaging. At night, there are some sharp 90 minute patterns. That stuff is designed, that's built in.

[Lewis Howes]

Really?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

So that's not new.

[Lewis Howes]

We don't have that when we're awake.

[Unknown]

No, during the, like it's, if something startles us, the electricity will be different. If we meditate, the electricity will be different during waking. But at night you're on something program then. That's not new, Louis. That's the stuff that I've known for 20 years. And sleep people have known for 40 years. What I'm trying to do is give you an explanation, a synthesis that's not random, that's not a glitch. 7 billion brains on a 24 hour cycle. Sleep pressure, you got to lie down, you got to sleep. The brain is saying you got to sleep. And when it's sleeping, it's doing this 90 crisp cycles. REM sleep. You've seen the, the charts, they're like, they look like Lego. They look like the top of a Tetris thing or a Lego thing. That is something fundamental that's happening, in my opinion. And so that's why I think we must sleep. But I think what's the most important part of sleep is the dreaming. My kidney and my liver don't need to sleep. You could take part of the liver from a mom and put it in the child. It's no longer connected the transplanted liver to the web of nerves. Liver's fine, lungs are fine. Moving between Humans.

Wow.

Right. So what I'm trying to point out there is that it's the brain that's running the show. It's on the earthly pattern, it wants to sleep. And in that sleep, what is it doing? It's dreaming. The brain, in my opinion, with respect and humility, the brain needs to dream. The, the sleep is so that the brain can dream and stay fine tuned and stay fully adapted and stay fully enriched in all the corners of his mind without just the boring, boring part of our day. Right. If the brain only did what we did, driving the 101 or doing this, which is fantastic, but it would become rigid, right. It would become like, like an arm that's never stretched past a certain distance. Right. You get a contracture. Well, the brain tissue. My opinion that dreaming is the brain's way now that people have other ideas, like it's threat training or it's a nighttime therapist. I get that and I think in some capacity, but at the most fundamental level, it's like high intensity training for your mind at night. It just goes wild to make sure all those capacities and resources, imaginations if you will, are accessible to you if you needed them during the day, if the environment or, you know, evolution needed it. So that's like the big explanation about what's happening. When we sleep, we're dreaming. Dreaming is important. It's metabolically active, it's electrically active, it puts us at risk. And even if you are in danger, danger, your brain will force you to lie down so you can sleep, to dream. That's how fundamental I think dreams are.

[Lewis Howes]

Now what if people. That's, that's powerful. I'm glad you shared that. And what if people are listening or watching, say, well, I can't remember any of my dreams and I don't think I dream at all. Yeah, because I can't remember them. So what's wrong with me and should I be worried if I don't have dreams?

[Unknown]

Well, I would say the genius is built in so that that's happening whether you want it or not. And the essential question of. I've had people ask me that, like, well, if I don't remember my dreams, is it useful? I mean, what is it? Well, if you're not remembering them. So let me take that one apart a little bit. Here's my thinking on it. We'll bring in imagination and even sports visualization to try to understand that. And we'll bring in something called autobiographical memory. So let's start with memory first.

Okay.

It's, it's not what you're seeing on tv or like, you know, remembering names or addresses. I like. I like my iPhone. I don't remember phone number again, you know, like, there's that kind of memory. Then there's procedural memory, like riding a bike, tying your shoelaces. Then there's episodic memory, remembering episodes of your life.

Right?

So we have lots of different shades and types of memory. And the one that connects me to the fact that I was here with you maybe about two years ago is something called autobiographical memory. When I. I have gone through so many different things in so many different countries and places, but I feel as if I have been the. I've inhabited and lived through all of those experiences. Think about that, right? What's the thing that stitches all my life together? That's a type of memory. It's called autobiographical memory. And, and so I think by design, by, and importance, it. It's to some rare cases, it's to away avoid waking and dream confusion. So it has this wild run at night, but when you wake up and we'll talk about that transition like this, the transition between dreaming brain and waking brain, it's not a hard line. It's a little. It can be fuzzy in the morning. And that's why some people report sleep paralysis and goblins and weird stuff. But the autobiographical memory has to come back into command because that's what stitches are, waking life together. That's what's. Get food, get to work, get on the subway. So the autobiographical memory takes over every morning when we wake up. And for it, I think, for us to stay, to not be confused about what reality is, because we had such a wild ride. The memory is designed to have dreaming fade to the background. And so I think. I think it's. It's happening electrically, it's happening. And what we're catching are a few glimpses of it bleeding into our waking brain and say, oh, man, last night, what was going on in my head, right? Those are the glimpses and the flares of the dreaming brain bleeding into the waking life. And those are the ones that, that, that we want to pay attention to, you know, so that's the. That's the way I'm thinking about dreaming and trying to explain it too.

[Lewis Howes]

Okay. There's so many questions I want to ask here, but there's different types of dreams. There's nightmares, there's erotic dreams. There's weird, crazy dreams. There's sleep paralysis. And I think I know what that is because I think I've had that a few different Times, So I'd love to start there because this is something I can relate to where I've woken up but not been able to move or speak.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

And I feel like I'm screaming, but nothing's coming out.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

What is that? Terrifying.

[Unknown]

I know, right? But you're asking me to, like, you're asking me to tackle giants of. Giants of mystery.

[Lewis Howes]

Tell me everything, what it is. Yeah.

[Unknown]

In one afternoon. You know, but, but what I. Again with humility. If you hold on to the concept, if you just, if you just say, look, that was. Look, this. We don't have to do a study. But I get what he's saying. We're on planet Earth, we clearly have to sleep, right? Our brain, I, I believe him. Our brain is the thing that needs to sleep. And now what he's saying is that, hey, check this out. While you're sleeping, you, you're dreaming. Whether you remember none of it, a little of it, or some of it, you're dreaming. Okay? If we, if we, if we hold on to that and then always come back to like, if one person later on is like, huh? I am a cycle of waking brain, dreaming brain. Just, if you just walk away, one thing, like you're waking brain, dreaming brain, 24 hours waking times, whatever life is, waking brain. And just to ask yourself, is this contribution to my thinking, to my emotion from the waking brain or the dreaming brain or, or somewhere where it, where it blends. So when you sleep paralysis, a third of people have experienced it. I haven't, but when I wrote, I started writing my sleep paralysis. The. What you describe about this is, this is great. Look, just give me a minute to take this one, because this one, I got a lot of science. When you. What the dreaming brain also does is not just hyper emotional and hyper visual and dampen logic, right. That we, we opened with hyper emotional, hyper visual dampened logic. Okay? So that's there. What it also does is it locks down your body. So you're temporarily paralyzed, right? There's some exceptions or reflexes or sleepwalking, but in general, you're temporarily paralyzed. So the dreaming brain can let loose, be emotional, be wild. And in the morning, that paralysis has to come off.

Interesting, right?

That's a. That we can all agree on, right? That's. That's the dreaming brain and the waking brain. When there is a mismatch of you waking your dreaming brain, the mind is coming to, but the chemicals that have locked down your body, right. The chemical paralysis is still there. People will wake up locked in their body. That's kind of what you're describing.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And then on top of that, they start describing goblins and monsters and different things. Lurking intruders. I've never experienced.

[Lewis Howes]

I've never experienced that either.

[Unknown]

But that's described so much so that if you go to Italy, you go to Africa, you go to other places. They all have a similar story of being locked in the body and having a threatening presence in the room and sometimes a feeling of suffocation.

[Lewis Howes]

Wow.

[Unknown]

That grouping is something humans experience and something cultures have come up with their own stories about. So if people want to look it up, it's like Succubus the incubus and Succubus come from that.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

And it's a famous painting with a goblin on top of a woman who's asleep.

[Lewis Howes]

Right.

[Unknown]

What I want people to go is, ah, I see that sleep paralysis that Lewis brought up was because the dreaming brain and the waking brain, they don't just snap to the next phase that sometimes they bleed into each other, and that's called Sleep Exit. That little window is called Sleep Exit. Sleep entry is a fascinating one too. But Sleep Exit, I've almost.

[Lewis Howes]

I've had it a couple times at night, like in the beginning of Sleeping also, where I've like fallen asleep, but like 30 minutes later I've, like, woken up. It's almost. I'm not asleep yet.

[Unknown]

That's my favorite time.

[Lewis Howes]

I am for a minute. And so my fiance says, I mean, this is just from her theories, but she says, you know, that's you entering a lucid dreaming, like allowing that to happen, allowing the sleep paralysis to happen, because you're half awake, half asleep. And if you stay there and you don't freak out and scream, like, try to scream, you could actually enter. She says that's what happens for her. And she enters the most incredible lucid dreams that are vivid in memories for her.

[Unknown]

She's not wrong.

[Lewis Howes]

And so it's more of just like surrendering to I can't move.

[Unknown]

So she's not wrong. But again, so, you know, people are like, what are they talking? Like, if you just. If you. If. If you keep this conversation on the framework of dreaming brain and sleeping brain, dreaming brain and waking brain, then you know where the explanations land. So what you're talking about is the waking brain entering the. The sleeping brain, sleep world.

[Lewis Howes]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

Very good.

[Rangan Chatterjee]

I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness+channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.

[Unknown]

At Capella University. Learning online doesn't mean learning alone. You'll get dedicated support from people who care about your success. A different future is closer than you think with Capella University. Learn [e-mail] this season a new hot deal has arrived at Metro. $25 a line for four lines. With all the data you you need and four free Samsung Galaxy A15.5G phones, getting Metro's best deals is easy. No ID required, no activation fees. Get a new number or keep your own. It's up to you. That's four lines for $25 a line plus four free phones. Visit a store or go online today only at Metro by T Mobile when you join Metro plus tax for limited time and subject to change max one offer per account.