Kerry Washington Opens Up: Mental Health Struggles, Her Spiritual Connection & The Secret That Changed EVERYTHING

Summary

Podcast Summary: The School of Greatness Episode: Kerry Washington Opens Up: Mental Health Struggles, Her Spiritual Connection & The Secret That Changed EVERYTHING
Host: Lewis Howes
Guest: Kerry Washington
Release Date: May 7, 2025

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Introduction

In this deeply personal and inspiring episode of The School of Greatness, host Lewis Howes sits down with acclaimed actress Kerry Washington. Together, they explore Kerry's journey of healing from childhood trauma, cultivating a spiritual connection, and embracing her authentic self. The conversation delves into how these revelations have transformed her relationships and career, particularly her upcoming action film, Shadow Force.

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Overcoming Childhood Trauma and Finding Self-Worth

Kerry Washington opens up about the profound impact of discovering a deeply held family secret in her 40s—she was conceived with the help of a sperm donor, a truth her parents had withheld for decades.

• Healing Through Truth:
  "I entered the world in a lie... if I'm better, they'll be closer to me," [12:00] Kerry shares her childhood feelings of inadequacy stemming from family secrets.

• Therapy's Role:
  Kerry emphasizes the importance of therapy in her healing journey, stating, "Therapy has been essential to my journey and how I navigate both my career and personal life," [05:50].

• Internal Family Systems (IFS):
  Kerry discusses how IFS therapy has helped her understand and manage different parts of herself, allowing her to distance from negative self-perceptions.
  "IFS has really helped me to not identify wholly with those stories when they come up," [58:27].

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Spiritual Connection and Practices

Spirituality plays a crucial role in Kerry's approach to life and healing. She describes how prayer and meditation have become integral tools for maintaining her mental and emotional well-being.

• Power of Prayer:
  "Praying reminds me that I'm not in control and that there's something bigger than me I can ask for help," [08:48] Kerry explains how prayer fosters humility and spiritual connection.

• Rituals for Grounding:
  Kerry shares her ritual of removing character-specific accessories at the end of the day to psychologically detach from her roles.
  "I have to take off that wedding ring, take off that marriage that's not my life, and put my own ring back on," [51:54].

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Embracing Authenticity in Career

Preparing for her role in Shadow Force, Kerry discusses how stepping into her authentic truth has empowered her both personally and professionally.

• Embodiment of Power:
  "Stepping fully into my authentic truth has allowed me to embody physical power in a way I never could before," [05:00] Kerry reveals how her personal growth influenced her portrayal of a badass mercenary.

• Balancing Act:
  Kerry talks about maintaining her true self amidst the demands of acting, highlighting the importance of rituals and self-care.
  "I have trained my nervous system to always come back home to safety," [55:08].

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Marriage as a Spiritual Partnership

Kerry and her husband discuss their commitment to therapy and spiritual alignment as foundational elements of their marriage.

• Proactive Therapy:
  "We go to couples therapy not because something's wrong, but to take care of our marriage the way I go to the gym or the dentist," [33:57] Kerry explains their proactive approach to maintaining a healthy relationship.

• Shared Growth:
  They emphasize building a partnership based on mutual support, vulnerability, and shared values.
  "We're building a team... investing in courageous conversations," [39:22].

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Achieving Greatness While Feeling Enough

Kerry explores the delicate balance between striving for excellence and embracing self-worth without the need for external validation.

• Redefining Greatness:
  "Can I love myself and also seek more? It's okay to want to be excellent without it coming from a place of deficiency," [15:16] Kerry discusses her journey to align greatness with self-acceptance.

• Unconditional Love:
  Her parents' decision to reveal the family secret ultimately strengthened their bond, allowing her to express love unconditionally.
  "When they gave me the truth, I got to give them that return of unconditional love," [21:03].

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Advice for Listeners Struggling with Self-Worth

Kerry offers heartfelt advice for those grappling with feelings of inadequacy, emphasizing the importance of self-care, therapy, and spiritual practices.

• Embrace the Pause:
  "Therapy has taught me to pause and not believe every single thought that I'm having," [43:28] encourages listeners to create distance from negative self-talk.

• Celebrate Imperfections:
  "There is true strength in vulnerability. You can't get strong without being willing to be vulnerable," [64:31] Kerry advises embracing imperfections as a path to genuine strength.

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Key Takeaways and Conclusions

Kerry Washington's candid discussion on mental health, spirituality, and personal growth offers profound insights into the journey of becoming one's authentic self. Her experiences underscore the importance of truth, therapeutic practices, and spiritual connections in achieving both personal and professional greatness.

Notable Quotes:

• "No matter who you are, you are enough." [64:09]
• "There is true strength in vulnerability." [64:31]
• "When you start therapy in a healthy relationship, it becomes a space not out of crisis, but out of care." [33:57]

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Final Thoughts

This episode serves as a powerful reminder that greatness is not just about external achievements but also about internal healing and self-acceptance. Kerry Washington's journey is an inspiring testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of embracing one's truth.

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Connect with Kerry Washington:

• Instagram: @kerrywashington
• Upcoming Movie: Shadow Force – Release Date: May 9, 2025

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Note: The transcript provided contained several mislabeled sections marked as "Sponsor/Advertiser." The summary focuses solely on the authentic conversation between Lewis Howes and Kerry Washington, excluding actual advertisements and sponsorship segments as per instructions.

Transcript

[Lewis Howes]

Welcome back, my beautiful friend, to the School of Greatness. Today is a blessed day because we get to experience another day of life. We get to have another breath, and we get to adventure throughout the world and create the life that we want today. And I know there might be some challenges and adversities you're going through, and I'm so glad that you're here because this show, and specifically this interview is all about healing from childhood trauma, cultivating a spiritual connection and coming home to yourself. That's what Kerry Washington opens up about today, and she really shares how this revelation transformed her family re relationships and allowed her to finally heal and understand the disconnect she felt growing up. So if you felt like something's been.

[Kerry Washington]

Off in your life, you're really going.

[Lewis Howes]

To want to hear the first part of this episode that talks about how she was able to come home to herself even when she was succeeding at the highest levels. And as she prepares for a new action film, Shadow Force, Carrie explains how stepping fully into her authentic truth has allowed her to embody physical power in a way she never could before. It's so interesting when we are out of alignment in some areas of our life, we can still accomplish and succeed and achieve all these things. But but something deep down may feel off. And Carrie dives in deep about why therapy has been essential to her journey and how it helps her navigate both her career and personal life, her approach to marriage as a spiritual partnership, and the importance of couples therapy even when things are going well. So many other inspiring topics in this conversation. I really hope you enjoy this one. Make sure to tag Kerry Washington over on Instagram. Make sure to check out the new movie Shadow Force as well. Sure to let me know your thoughts on this and share it with a friend or two. And without further ado, let's dive into.

[Kerry Washington]

This episode with the one and only.

[Lewis Howes]

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[Sponsor/Advertiser]

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[Kerry Washington]

Welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness. Very excited about our guest. We have the inspiring, the talented Kerry Washington.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Good to see you. Good to see you.

[Kerry Washington]

I'm so excited about this.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Thanks for having me.

[Kerry Washington]

Yeah. Our mutual friend Gabby Bernstein was texting us this morning saying that we're excited that we're coming on together. I've been researching more about you lately. Obviously, knowing that you were coming on. I've seen your talented care as an actor, as a writer, director, all these different things. But hearing your spiritual journey is what really excites me. And what you were just talking about before we started rolling is that you're very excited about your new movie, Shadow Force, which is coming out in a few days after this launches. And you said the reason you're excited about it is because after your memoir, you started to fully open up about your truth, about all the different lessons, the pain, the. The tragic moments of your childhood and the stressful things that you dealt with, the anxiety, the kind of sexual stuff that happened when you were younger that you opened up about with your book, your father opening up and sharing this kind of lie that was held onto for a long time. So much that I've researched about you is fascinating because you now get to step fully into your truth, into a character, and embody ultimate power.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yes.

[Kerry Washington]

And so I'm curious and we'll dive into some of this after opening up and starting to heal a lot of these things from your past. How did it feel filming Shadow Force and stepping into fully who you are? How did that process feel in that character?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

You said it perfectly. Shadow Force is like this big, splashy action adventure where I play this badass mercenary, but at its core, it's really a story about love. It's about parents, these estranged lovers played by myself and Omar C. And we have this son, and we are willing to go to the ends of the earth to protect this son. So I wrote this memoir about my family, about my mother, father, and me. I'm an only child, and kind of the dynamics that unfolded when we got to step into our truth. And my mom said something really beautiful when we were presenting the memoir to the world. She said, it's like we're not afraid to hurt each other anymore because there's a new strength in our family. And I felt like in making Shadow Force, I got to bring that new strength, that new fearlessness into a character. I got to really embody power and fearlessness and be in a way that I never had before. And I've played really strong characters throughout my career, but this was a new level of embodiment. This was like, what does it feel like to train really hard to, you know, the physical training, the fight choreography, the weapons training, all of that was, like, a very, very physical manifestation of feelings that I felt like I had been cultivating over the past few years. So it was really exciting for me to, like, get out there and kick ass and just act as if there was nothing I couldn't do or wouldn't do to protect my family.

[Kerry Washington]

Interesting. But you said before you played, you know, obviously, a lot of characters and roles before, and I don't think anyone ever felt like you weren't embodying your most authentic self. You were crushing it in all these roles, winning awards, and just at the top of your game. But was there something missing inside that was different from the past?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

I think there are lots of different kinds of strength. And I think, you know, the exciting thing for me as an actor is I get to explore some of those dynamics of how we express who we are in our lifetime. And Olivia Pope, for example, is a really strong person in her brain, like, intellectually, she's really strong. Emotionally, she's strong. But I have never thought of myself as a fighter, as a warrior, you know, and so to get up every morning and train with these incredible martial artists and stunt coordinators to, like, really put my body in a place where I'm wearing that strength in my cells was just a crazy journey. It was so exciting to, like, let the strength not just exist mentally, because Kyra, the character I play in Shadow Force, she's smart and she's emotionally strong, but she's also got guns. Like, guns and guns. And so, like, yeah, like, to become that person and to, you know, it's such a wonderful relationship. The mind, body connection is so interesting. You talk about it a lot on this show. And so for me to get to really, really commit to trying to be as strong and fearless physically as I had become emotionally and spiritually was very cool.

[Kerry Washington]

Yeah. I loved learning about your spiritual journey. I think there was some interview where you talked about, or maybe it was in your memoir, where you talked about in college being on your knees, kind of going through anxiety and stress and overwhelm, where you were starring in the plays and you, you know, looked like you had it all put together on the outside, but the inside you were.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Dealing with anxiety, a total mess, and.

[Kerry Washington]

A lot of other things that were just happening. And you were on your knees praying, and you didn't. And I think it was. You didn't really feel like you had a spiritual connection at that moment, but that opened up a spiritual channel.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah. I mean, that's another great example. Right. Is when you get on your knees in prayer. Again, that's a physical embodiment of an emotional dynamic, because there is inherent humility for being on your knees. So sometimes, like, I'm a person who prays all the time. Like, I pray in my car. I pray when I'm walking down the street. I pray when I'm cooking dinner. But I do feel like there are times when it's really important for me to take that submissive posture and get on my knees just to remind myself that I'm not in control, that I'm not the ultimate power, that there's something bigger than me that I can ask for help that's outside of me. So again, that, for me, that relationship between, you know, how we think, how we feel, and how it lives in the body is such a huge part of how I work as an actor and how I try to live my life.

[Kerry Washington]

Yeah. When you started praying after that moment, what did you start to hear?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

So, like you said, I was in college and I was really struggling. I have, throughout my life, struggled with an eating disorder. And that was, like, the worst of it. That was the turning point where I really was like, I need help. Like, I can't fix this by myself.

[Kerry Washington]

Is this, like, starving, or is this just, like.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

So you know what? For me, I was. I knew that eating disorders existed, and I think I tried to play this game where I didn't want to fit into any easy diagnosis. So I was always kind of like, transforming it and morphing it, and it would be like, Days of binging and then days of starving and then days of over exercising and just kind of like I felt like if I kept moving it that I wasn't any simple sick person. I was just like trying to be my best me. But I was controlled and obsessed by feeling like I wasn't enough.

[Kerry Washington]

Really?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah. So the prayer for me was really. I think what I started to hear was that it was okay to ask for help and that it was okay for me to seek healing.

[Kerry Washington]

Why do you think you didn't feel enough?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

I think for me, that journey started really, really, really early. And I talk about this a little bit in my memoir, but, you know, I was conceived with the help of a sperm donor. And that was something I didn't find out until I was in my 40s.

[Kerry Washington]

Oh, man.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

And that's crazy to me. It was pretty wild. I think my parents would have taken this secret to their graves if they could have. And luckily they weren't able to. They were kind of forced to tell me, to share this with me. And it wound up being transformative for our family because it was the thing that they were most terrified to tell me because they thought that it would destroy our family, that I would, you know, be angry with them, that I would not no longer see my dad as my dad, that it would fracture. This kind of perfect facade, this image that we were portraying to the world. It, of course, as with most things in life, had the opposite impact. It was so healing for my family to sit in that truth and to have the courage to be honest with one another actually made me feel closer to my dad. It made me so grateful to my parents. I understood so, so many of the, like, conf. Dynamics of our household growing up, suddenly I understood. You know, I often say, like I entered the world in a lie, right? Like the moment that I got here, the moment that I emerged from my mom, like they were lying to me about who my parents were. And so I think there was a disconnect very early on. And like most kids, I decided children to make sense of discomfort and unease. They will blame ourselves. Right? Like I must be, because you can't blame your parents because they're responsible for your survival and well being. So you blame yourself. And so for me, I think I decided, well, I must not be enough. Like this weird disconnect that I have, or this way that they hold me at arm's length, or this kind of slight veil where I feel like I'm not getting 100% of the truth. And I couldn't have articulated any of that as a child. But it was a feeling, right? I thought, well, maybe if I'm better, they'll be closer to me. If I'm better, I'll have their full presence. So that's why I think I interpreted it as I have to be more. I have to do better. I have to be better in order to get presence and love and acceptance.

[Kerry Washington]

But you had love and acceptance from them, right?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

I did. I did. I mean, my parents did such a beautiful job, and even their choice of not to tell me was a choice that came out of love. Right. They were trying to protect me in a time when, I mean, this was. You know, I'm in my 40s, so there weren't, like, sperm banks where you could go through a catalog and carefully pick your donor. This was the wild West. People weren't doing this. Nobody they knew had done this. And so they thought not telling me was the best way to go.

[Kerry Washington]

Oh, my gosh.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

And I think for my dad, not telling me was really. Because he. He really was in denial. I mean, he was. He believed the myth of our family.

[Kerry Washington]

What was the myth of your family?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

That I was his.

[Lewis Howes]

Ah.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

He believed that. And so his not telling me, I think, was really. He was sharing as much of the truth with me as he could. My mom, I think, had a more awareness of the reality. And so her not telling me, I think, was really protective. Yeah.

[Lewis Howes]

Wow.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

I know. It's pretty wild. It's so complicated, but I know it's so funny as I look back on it, because I feel like when you're able to look back on your life, you can see. Or for me, I'll speak for myself. As I look back on my life, I can see how everything happened for a reason. And the things that are our greatest challenges. This sounds so cliche, but they have become my strengths, Right? Like, this feeling of I have to do better and be better is what allows me to lean into greatness. It's what makes me seek excellence. It's what makes me train for four hours a day in stunt training and a workout on top of that, and learning the fight choreography. And, you know, it's like, I want to be great in the things I do. The trick for me is as an adult, seeking that excellence and greatness without the attachment that I'm not enough. Like, waking up and saying, like, I am enough, and I still have a right to chase greatness.

[Kerry Washington]

That's what I was gonna ask you. Can you achieve greatness and feel enough at the same time?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

I think you can. I think for me, that's what I'm really trying to do. It's the walk that I'm trying to walk is like, can I. Can I love myself and also seek more? Is it okay to like, to want to be excellent, to be great, to be a champion, to be a master at my craft and not have that come from a place of deficiency? Have that come from a place of joy and seeking?

[Kerry Washington]

When did you start to feel like you were enough? Was it before the lie was revealed or after the lie was revealed?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

I feel like from the moment that I went into therapy in college, those days of, like, getting on my knees and being like, somebody help me. I feel like I've been on this journey of trying to feel like enough, of, like, picking up tools throughout the decades of, like, I know I should feel like enough. And so I know that. That, like, we're all perfectly imperfect. We're all children of God. Like, I should wake up in the morning and not hate myself. Like, we all deserve that. And so I've been trying to cultivate, like, what does that take? What will that look like? What do I have to do? Different healing practices, different modalities in YOG and Pilates and therapy and group therapy and introspection. And so I have been on that walk. But I do think. And it's gradual, right? It's not like you wake up one day and you're like, I'm healed now. But I do think my parents offering me this deeper truth about who I am and where I come from, it, like, gave me permission to relax into who I am and to be like, I'm good. Yeah, I'm okay.

[Lewis Howes]

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[Kerry Washington]

Now, do you feel like before that truth was revealed that you were able to fully relax into your relationship with your parents, even though they were loving to you and supported you and encouraged you?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

No.

[Kerry Washington]

You don't feel like you were able to?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

No. And again, I've always had a really loving relationship with my parents. I have incredible parents and they have given me so many tools. Consciously and unconsciously, they've been a tremendous part of the story of me getting to where I am today. I'm not where I am despite my parents. I'm mostly where I am because of my parents. And then there is a little bit of despite those dynamics, I wound up here. So I do. I think I had a really good relationship with my parents. But I have a great relationship with my parents now because of the gift of truth, because you've offered us.

[Kerry Washington]

You always felt like something was off.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah. I felt like something was missing.

[Kerry Washington]

Did you ever ask them, like, hey, guys, what's going on? Like, in your 20s and 30s? Like, is there something off you guys not sharing something with me?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

What's funny is that there were these kind of smaller revelations throughout my childhood. Like, I talk about in the book how my dad was kind of involved in this investigation. And so when I learned about that, I was like, oh, this is what it was.

[Kerry Washington]

They were hiding this.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yes, There were these. I think the culture of my family was kind of hide the truth to look good and, like, we should do whatever it takes to, like, look good in the world. So as I would learn these smaller truths along the way, I kept waiting to feel the revelatory feeling that I had when I got the big truth.

[Kerry Washington]

Interesting.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Kerry Washington]

Did you have any resentment or anger once they opened up after four decades of hiding this lie?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

I did. I did. I did. It was like a rollercoaster. I feel like I've had every possible feeling that you could have about this news that I got. Any possible feeling you could have. I've had. I've had gratitude. I've felt elated. I have felt bliss. I have felt anger. I felt anxiety. I felt fear. So it was. I mean, I think when they first told me, I felt really compassionate because I. I could see when they told me how afraid they were to tell me. And I remember saying to my dad, and I don't know where this came from, but I'm so grateful that this dropped into my brain to say to him. I said to him, you know, our whole lives, I have told you that I love you on the pretense of a lie. Like, every time that I have said I love you, there's been a tiny filter that my dad was thinking. Like, oh, she loves me because she thinks I am her father. And so in this revelation, I actually got to say I love you unconditionally. Like, I got to say, I know the full truth of you, and I'm not going anywhere. I still love you. And to me, that's a much more powerful love, Right? A love that's rooted in absolute vulnerability and honesty. When you get to show all your dirty laundry to somebody and your greatest fears and admit the things that you're scared to admit, and they don't go anywhere. That is real love. Right? So that's what we got to give each other. When they gave me the truth, I got to give them that return of unconditional love. And them giving me the truth was a way of loving me unconditionally. Because they were saying, we know you might be mad. We know you may not want to be in relationship with us. We know this might change the dynamic of our family forever, but we're going to give you this truth anyway.

[Kerry Washington]

Wow. It must have took a lot of courage for them.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Kerry Washington]

Because maybe they're thinking, ah, we're never gonna say this, but now she's in her 20s. Oh, it's. You can't do it now.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

That's right. My mom was like, what was I supposed to tell you when you're in the throes of an eating disorder? Like, what was I supposed to do when you're totally depressed? Or then, you know you're in a broken relationship? Or she was like, there was never a good time.

[Kerry Washington]

Yeah. Or now your career's taking off and when they bring you back down. Or it's like, let's let her succeed.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

And just. There's never an easy time to tell the truth when there are hard truths.

[Kerry Washington]

But you also. I mean, you have kids, and so they're grandparents as well. So I wonder what that dynamic was like now that they're lying to generations. You know, they were lying to generations. It's like, I wonder how. I mean, your father must have gone through so many emotions himself. I'm not saying it's okay that they lied.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah. But we're all doing the best we can.

[Lewis Howes]

Right.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

And again, like, especially as parents, I think it is really powerful and important, I think, in our journey, that they told me at the right time. Right. Because it's when they told me. So whenever it happened is when it was supposed to happen. And I do think there's something beautiful about the fact that when they told me I was myself a parent, because I had a different level of understanding of how hard it is to parent and how you can try to do everything perfectly, but nobody gets it perfect. It's just there's no such thing. And actually, the ways that our parents are imperfect, that's part of the journey of how we become who we are. That's how we fill in those cracks and become the adults that we are.

[Kerry Washington]

Yeah. And they were trying to protect you and they loved you and they wanted to keep you guys together.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Kerry Washington]

It was part of their journey.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Kerry Washington]

He must have let go of a huge weight.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Kerry Washington]

Like, does he seem lighter and younger? Just, like, emotionally?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

You know, it's so funny when I think about. It was a very important lesson for me. And also how to metabolize fear and how to run toward the things that we think will destroy us. Because initially he wouldn't even take a genetic test. You know, he was like, I don't want to. I don't want to know. I don't wanna know. I don't want anybody else to know. He literally said to me, if you do this, it will kill me.

[Lewis Howes]

Oh, my gosh.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

He didn't want me to write a book. He was like, nobody should know. Why do we have to talk about this? Nobody needs to talk about this. Nobody needs to know. Then I think about moments in my book tour where he's, like, standing in an auditorium, getting a standing audience.

[Kerry Washington]

Oh, my gosh.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Where people are celebrating his presence as a dad and the fact that despite the fact that I wasn't genetically his, that he has been such a force in my life and has loved me so fiercely. You know, he got that in, like, several cities, Standing ovations, cheering him on and celebrating him. And on national television, people saying, like, what an amazing thing you did. And even the fact that my parents made this choice to use a sperm donor in the 70s when nobody was doing that, that in itself is a testament of how much they wanted me.

[Kerry Washington]

Oh, man, that's so beautiful.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

So that journey for my dad, to see him go from being somebody who he thought would lose all respect and credibility and masculinity and ident, to see him be so celebrated and held up, it's a really important lesson. Right.

[Lewis Howes]

It's so powerful.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

The thing that we think will destroy us could be our greatest gift.

[Kerry Washington]

100%. I can relate to that. I mean, you've heard me talk about opening up about sexual abuse, and I held onto the lie or the story for today. Yeah. For 25 years. Because I thought, if anyone knows this shame about me, no one will love me. No one will accept me. People will think I'm less than whatever it might be. I won't be enough.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Right.

[Kerry Washington]

Goes back to that feeling. He probably felt like he would die because everything would be taken away.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah, everything.

[Kerry Washington]

Emotionally, spiritually, physically.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

But you can't take away that he's been my dad 100%. It's like, he's, you know, he's my dad. Nothing changes that, you know? And it's funny because my kids grow up in a world where like, yeah, you can have two dads and two moms and step parents, and they like, the village is big. And so that was one of the things I said to him was like, it's not gonn anything for your grandkids. Even if we know who this Other donor is. That's just another parent. It doesn't take away from you. You hold your space. You hold your throne. You are who you are in this family.

[Kerry Washington]

Let's go. I like that.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

It's so funny, because when I first read Shadow Force, it was one of the things that really drew me to the script, because Omar Sy, who people love from Lupin, he's amazing. He's an incredible actor, and he plays my husband, and he's the dad in this film. And in the script, the dad is the primary parent as the mom. We both used to be mercenaries, and we broke the rules and fell in love, and I got pregnant. We have this child, and then we have to leave this highly trained group of mercenaries that we were in to be on the run. And I disappear because I'm like, everybody's gonna be looking for a mother and a child. Nobody. Because of how we think about parenting in culture, nobody's gonna be looking for a man and a son.

[Kerry Washington]

Interesting.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

And so he takes on the primary. And Omar is such an extraordinary dad. He's got a bunch of kids of his own. And it's so beautiful to see this man parent this child in this film. And the mom kind of on the outskirts, being protecting them, like, taking people down so that they don't get hurt, but not being able to be there to do the day today in the way that the dad is. And I really loved that about this script because I feel like we need those stories and culture. We need those images, and this couple, you know, they sort of learn to lean into partnering again in order to parent. And I think that's also just such an important story to be telling in culture right now that being a part of being a great mom is also, if you're lucky enough to have a great partner, leaning into that partnership and allowing that. And maybe the partner is the dad. Maybe the partner is. You know, every kid takes a village, but, like, leaning into whoever those partners are and knowing that you don't have to do it all yourself. You can be part of the village that raises child.

[Kerry Washington]

Gosh, that's so cool. Yeah. We're talking about spiritual partnership is something I've heard you say before.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Kerry Washington]

When you met your man.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Kerry Washington]

How did you know that you guys were building a spiritual partnership and connecting from a spiritual space, Even though you had this kind of, you know, you had a great relationship with your parents, but there was something missing still with your father. How did you learn to trust your intuition in relationship when you had a broken, partial relationship? Fractured?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

That's such a good question. Relationship with your dad.

[Kerry Washington]

How did you trust your intuition with the man you have now?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

So there are a couple of things. I mean, one is my parents. The fact that my parents are still together is a real gift and a miracle. And I remember, right, like it's not that common. And there were times I talk about this in the memoir where I would be like, you guys should break up. Like, what? You are not happy?

[Kerry Washington]

Interesting.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

And I remember my mom saying to me, like, I know that you think you know everything. I was like 16, you know, she was like you. For you, your 16 years are the full picture, but your 16 years are a fraction of our marriage. Right? Like we were together long before you got here, right. So we have had good times and bad times, we've had ups and downs. Like your little window into this is not the full story. And that was a really important lesson to me in what marriage is, that there are, like, there are highs and lows. It's a journey, it's a path. And like, if you're committed, you have to be committed for the journey. And that's not to say that I don't agree with divorce, that I don't think divorce isn't right for some people, that, you know, some relationships are meant to be forever, some are for a season. Like I. All of that is true. But I think I had an understanding that marriage as a commitment, if you're gonna make the commitment, it has to be about something deeper than ego. Like it has. Something has to keep you if you're going to do it with love and joy. And I mean, I don't know if I need to say any other word other than love. If you're gonna do it with real love, then having something deeper to commit to that's bigger than just the two of you is really important. So I think that's where the spirit comes in.

[Kerry Washington]

How did you guys create that commitment then from something bigger? What did you talk about? And when things are tough because you know you're talking about shadow force, where the role, the father in the movie, he's kind of taking on the father role and taking care of the kid with you kind of running away and escaping or whatever, you know, I'm not saying this is a parallel to your life, but there are times where you're really busy, you're on set all day, 10, 12 hour days for months at a time where I'm assuming you have to have extra support or your husband's taking the lead in certain areas. Of parenting making assumptions here. But correct me if I'm wrong, where he has to step up his. Well, how did you guys communicate the alignment with your guys careers separating ego? Because I know he's very successful and what he's done in the past as well and he's doing now. How do you separate ego and make spirit and love the center when each one of you are evolving in career as well?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

So I mean one thing is I'm always careful to talk too much about about like the us when he's not in the room. Cause I feel like it's interesting. It's sort of like with my kids, like I don't post a lot about my kids or talk a lot about their inner lives or their journeys because I feel like their story is theirs and they have a right to tell their story in their way. And I feel that way a little bit about my marriage too. Like if we were both sitting here, we could kind of agree and co sign on it. But I would say the first thing I thought about when you asked me that question is the importance of therapy. Because. Let's go, let's go. Right. Like individual therapy, couples therapy. Like being willing to have spaces where you do the work. And I remember my dad one day being like, you guys are in couples therapy? Like what's wrong? And we were like, nothing. Like nothing's wrong. It is a place where we go to take care of our marriage in the way that I go to the gym to take care of my body or I go to the dentist to take care of my teeth. Like I feel like as a couple we deserve and therefore we cultivate a place where we care for our relationship.

[Kerry Washington]

Beautiful.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

And it doesn't come out of crisis, it doesn't come out of things that are bad. I mean, in fact, like we spend a lot of time in therapy consciously talking about what we're doing well and acknowledging that for each other. That's so cool because it's really important to not take for granted that there good things to celebrate and acknowledge about each other. Right. And so that's, I mean I feel like therapy is a big part of that spiritual commitment. So one of the things I remember one of my many therapists saying early on to me was a healthy relationship is not just about like give and take. Like I do for you, you do for me. That actually it's important to think about the relationship almost as a third entity that you're both pouring into. It's like a bank account. It's like a spirit or emotional love account where like I'm not just doing for him and then he owes me. It's like we're both pouring into this thing that matters to us, us, which is the marriage.

[Kerry Washington]

That is beautiful.

[Lewis Howes]

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[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Right.

[Kerry Washington]

I'm so glad you said this, because I haven't heard a lot of people in your position talk about therapy and marriage.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Oh, my God.

[Kerry Washington]

And one of the things that Martha, my wife, and I committed to earlier.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Congrats on your marriage. Do you like saying wife?

[Kerry Washington]

It's so weird. I have to say it every. Cause first it was girlfriend, then it was fiance. Then it's like, okay, I'm getting used to wife.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

I love. I mean, I just love the word husband. I like add multiple syllables.

[Kerry Washington]

Husband, husband.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

I love it.

[Kerry Washington]

Yeah, I'm still stepping into it, but it's been a great experience. But one of the things, when we were dating non exclusively before we became committed exclusively, okay, we were having an amazing time, but there was still some, like, little fear or anxiety or worry about getting fully committed because in every previous relationship I was in, it all ended badly in therapy.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Oh. And I was like, because you went to therapy when things got bad.

[Kerry Washington]

Yes. And I always wanted to get into therapy sooner, but the partners I chose resisted therapy. And I was always thinking, what woman would not want a man to go to therapy with them?

[Lewis Howes]

Right.

[Kerry Washington]

So I was always like, what world am I living in right now? But I kept repeating this cycle.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

But then you learned to choose a partner who was willing to walk that walk with you.

[Kerry Washington]

And I said, I want to start if we're going to get committed because we're having an amazing time. I want to start in therapy.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Amazing.

[Kerry Washington]

And so we started right away, within the first few months.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

So smart.

[Kerry Washington]

Not because something was wrong.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

So smart. Because then when you have something that you need to understand, unpack, you're not like, oh, we gotta step in the ring and battle it out in therapy. It's like, no, you know what? Let's talk about that this week.

[Kerry Washington]

Exactly. And it's been the greatest gift that we've given each other. Because in the first year, we just went and we got alignment, we got.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Spiritual alignment and a shared language.

[Kerry Washington]

Shared language. We got to talk about past fears or future concerns. We have to address all the things that we are afraid of and come together and be like, oh, we're teammates. We're building a team.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

That's right.

[Kerry Washington]

We're investing in courageous conversations. We're allowing for imperfections in both of us. No one needs to be perfect. And we're stepping into a process of unity and alignment around shared values and a shared vision together.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

It's so funny because I hadn't really thought about this. I mean, I know sometimes when you're doing press for a movie, oh, my God, this is why we're doing this. Should we have known this earlier? But I think a big part of what pulled me towards Shadowforce was that you get to watch this couple that sort of start out as adversaries because they are like, their marriage is fractured and they actually become a team. Right. And, like, literally one of the hardest, most exciting, most fun fight scenes in the film is early on, Omar and I fighting each other. It's like a crazy. It's like your worst couples therapy. Yes. Like drop kicks. Yeah. Cause we're both, like, highly trained mercenaries. Right. So he's this big guy. He's really strong. He's done lots of stunts in big action movies. And we trained for a long time together to be able to do this dance. And we talked about, like, how his character fights differently from my character, our different fights and what that says about our relationship and how this couple is kind of competitive and they challenge each other, and there is, like, a real friction between them. You know, he's angry that she's disappeared. She's angry that she hasn't had access to the child. And there's heat between them. Right.

[Kerry Washington]

Who's the dirty fighter? Who's the low blow? Is that you?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

I mean, I have to be more strategic. He's a big guy. Yeah. You know, I mean, I gotta use. And as the film progresses, you get to watch them become a team. And so then it was fun for us to learn how to train together. Like, well, what are your strengths? Like, I'm a better shooter than him, but he's a stronger fighter. Right. And so, like, how do we lean into that in the film so that we're an unstoppable team.

[Kerry Washington]

Yes.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

And I think that is so much what marriage is. Right. Like, it's like figuring out, okay, this is your fighting style. This is my fighting style. Here are the things I'm upset about. What are your resentments? I don't recommend, like, hand to hand combat for most couples. It's not okay. Not okay. This is in the 50s. Exactly. But to figure out how to lean into the strengths and how to speak the same language and how to have a shared, you know, whether you Call it spiritual alignment, shared goals, shared priorities. Like, they come together for their son where they're like, this child means everything to us. What do we have to do to protect him?

[Kerry Washington]

Wow. Would you say therapy has helped you not only in your, I guess, marriage and your family dynamic relationships, but also in your career and stepping into owning your power and your worth. Even though you're excelling and succeeding so much, do you still have any doubts or insecurities?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yes.

[Lewis Howes]

Really?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Absolutely.

[Kerry Washington]

Jake Kerry Washington.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah, so what type of, what type.

[Kerry Washington]

Of, of for someone watching and listening who maybe is really struggling and they don't have much going on in their life, or they just feel like things are just keep knocking them down, their career isn't working the way they want to. They don't feel like they're living in love. They don't feel like they're living their dreams or in the pursuit of their dreams. They feel like relationships are kind of off and they really lack self worth. What advice would you give them? Them for anyone watching or listening who might be in that space on how to start the process of truly loving and accepting yourself even when you feel really low?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

For me, part of why therapy is so important is because it has taught me to pause. It has taught me to take a pause and to not believe every single thought that I'm having. To not to not get caught up in the negative self talk, to create a little bit of distance between the stimulus and the response. There's a saying that I love that pause stands for postpone action until serenity emerges. Amazing, right? Like, just take a beat. And for me, in the way that life moves so quickly, sometimes therapy is that beat where I get to go, like, hold, hold on. The story I'm telling myself is that my job is terrible. The story I'm telling myself is that the world is on fire. The story I'm telling myself is that I'll never be in the body I want to be in. The story I'm telling myself is that I'll never find the person I want to find. But, like, maybe I can just pause that for a moment and unpack it and figure out how to walk toward healing. So for me, therapy is a place to, like, pause, to pause and be reflective, take responsibility for the thoughts, be honest with myself, and then try to cultivate some tools. Because some of it could be that I'm not sleeping enough, right? Like, sometimes what I realize in therapy is like, I don't think I'm getting enough sleep or I don't think I'm eating right or my hormones are off, I need to support myself better or this relationship isn't working out, or I don't know if I'm happy on this job or the job is good. But I think maybe I need a hobby. Like, it just gives me. And so maybe for some people, it's therapy. For some people, it could be, like, meditative walking or journaling. But it's like, what are the practices that allow me to pause and get in the present moment and be more honest with myself?

[Kerry Washington]

Yeah. When you're stepping into a role like you are in the new movie, is there any moment you're feeling insecure at this season?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Every single time.

[Lewis Howes]

Really?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Every single time? Because here's the crazy thing. Yes. Yes.

[Kerry Washington]

But you've been frustrated.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

It's excitement, though, right? Like, it's that fear that also I have to remember that the physiological experience of fear is the same physiological experience of excitement. So that fear is, like, holy. I've never done. Because every time I play a new character, I'm doing something I've never done before. Like, I do have a toolbox of, like, I know how to memorize the lines, and I know, but. But I'm becoming a new human being every time I start a new project, a new person with new desires and new fears, and she walks a different way, and she wears her hair a different way, and she has different ways of speaking and breathing and eating. And so I'm starting from scratch every time I start a new role. So I'm always terrified, and I'm always like, oh, God, will I be able to figure this one out? Will I be able to unlock her? Will I be able to be her in the way that the project needs me to be her? So it's super exciting.

[Kerry Washington]

I mean, you've played all these personalities and characters and roles. How do you not get lost in characters and roles and stay true to who your real character is in life? And I've heard you also talk about how the best character you've ever played is mother and wife.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Kerry Washington]

So how do you not allow all the films and TV characters you played to seep into. Into your true essence, your true personality, your true role that you are?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

So I think early in my life, you know, when I was in my 20s or even, like, as a teenager, I actually, I was really hungry for a strong sense of self, and I didn't have one. So the characters allowed me to explore different personalities and kind of take on different people's journeys. And that was really helpful to me to to kind of experience life through somebody else's eyes and get a sense of what resonates and what doesn't. Because I really didn't feel like I had a strong center. Yeah, until when?

[Kerry Washington]

How old were you when you felt like, oh, I'm good with me?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

I think when I started treatment for my eating disorder and started therapy, I started to have a deeper understanding of self. And again, I think it's grown and evolved through the years. Cause also we're always changing, Right?

[Kerry Washington]

Of course.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

So our sense of self is always changing. But I think now I've really learned to see these characters as kind of extensions of myself. When I play a new character, I kind of have two jobs. There's an outside in approach and there's an inside out approach. And the inside out approach is I ask myself, like, what do I carry know about this character? What about her experience can I relate to deeply, personally from your experience? Personally. And then do I have the courage to reveal that part of myself publicly and let the other stuff kind of fall away and let that part of me be my full essence in this character?

[Kerry Washington]

Can you give me an example with the new movie and Shadow Force?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Sure.

[Kerry Washington]

How you thought about that?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

So people say before you have kids, people will say to you, oh, I would kill for my child. And you're like, oh, that's such a cute expression.

[Kerry Washington]

Right before you have kids.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

And then you have children and you're like, oh, I get it. Like, I. I can't imagine something I wouldn't do to protect my children. Right. Like, I love them so fiercely. So then I read this script where this woman is literally taking people out to protect her child. I'm like, okay, well, I've never killed anybody in real life. I'm not a trained assassin. But I understand that love. I understand that fierce motherhood, that mother instinct, that, like, I would do anything for you. And I understand making tough choices for your family that don't always feel good, but are the right thing to do. So I say, okay, I'm not a mercenary, I'm not a killer, I'm not a bi. But I do know a mother's love. So the inside out is like, I need. Do I have the courage to reveal that kind, deep vulnerability that when you have a child, you become powerless. It's like that thing I've heard Obama say of, like, your heart is suddenly on the outside of you walking around in the world. Like, can I let people into that and be that? And then the outside in is like, okay, but now I Have to learn, like, fight training and weapons training and how she walks and how does she dress and, you know, how does she live in the world as somebody who's trained to kill people? And what kind of person becomes somebody who kills people for a living? And so there are, like, all these. And I know a something about that, too. Like, the desperation part of me of feeling like, you don't have options, okay, so can I let people into that? So it's all. It's like a. Like, parts of me that do relate, bringing those forward, and then parts of me that don't relate, learning how to add those on.

[Kerry Washington]

Interesting.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Kerry Washington]

Because I feel like all of us have some type of darkness in us.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Kerry Washington]

And so do you feel like you have to tap into that sometimes?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Sometimes, yeah, absolutely. And sometimes it's really hard to shake at the end. Right. Like, at night, you're, like, feeling the.

[Kerry Washington]

Attraction because you become that energy.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

You do. And I think before I got married and had kids, I was much more of, like, a method actor. Meaning, like, I stayed in the characters all the time for months. Yes. And it was miserable, quite honestly. You know, it's like, really hard and really wrecked havoc on my nervous system. When I got married and had kids, I was like, I need to figure out how to put this down. Like, I don't want to bring this home. I want to be able to have a healthy life outside of work.

[Kerry Washington]

What's the tools or process for letting go of the character when you get home?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yes, some of it is ritual at the end. Like, sometimes I try to. I really try to look at, like, the hair and makeup process and the costume process as very ritualistic. And so when I'm taking the clothes off at the end of the day, I'm taking the character off at the end of the day. Like, I just did a movie where I was playing. It's a movie directed by Ben Affleck, and he and I are husband and wife. And so, you know, every day at work, I have to take off my wedding ring and I pin it to myself. I never not have it with me, so I always pin it to myself somewhere.

[Kerry Washington]

When you're shooting, when you're filming?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yes. And then I have to take this other wedding ring. Right. That belongs to the movie, and I have to put on this other wedding ring. And now I'm in this marriage. So at the end of the day, it's really important to me to take off that wedding ring, take off that marriage that's not my life, and put my own ring back on and step into my life because it's like a.

[Kerry Washington]

Psychological process of becoming a different person.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

But I think it works in life too, right? Like when we give ourselves those rituals. Like there's something if you, when you have a meditation practice, like again, I can pray, I can pray and meditate anywhere. But there is something different about when I sit on that pillow in that corner of my bedroom and light that candle. There's a different kind of drop in, right? Like we have these cues that really allow us to signal to our body different realities, different ways of being present.

[Lewis Howes]

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[Kerry Washington]

Had to train your nervous system to always come back home to safety.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Kerry Washington]

Because you're playing these characters and obviously it's make believe or character or it's movie making.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

The body doesn't know that if.

[Kerry Washington]

And your adrenaline is heightened. It's in fear, it's in aggression or it's in shooting or whatever it's in. Or it's in make believe, love, whatever it is. And so your nervous system in your body, you have to psychologically, like, remove it somehow and get back to the spiritual alignment of your character in life.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah. And who you are. A lot of it is like being an athlete, you know, you have to really take care. You have to make sure because it wreaks havoc on your nervous system. The sleeping and the eating and the exercising, those practices are really, really important to maintain sanity. I remember after the second season of Scandal, I was like, so depleted, so exhausted, and I went to my doctor and we did some blood work and he was like, your adrenals are shot. Like, what is going on? And I was like, what's going on? I play this woman who, like every single episode, somebody walks into my office on the worst day of their life and I. I have to fix it so my adrenals are shot. You know, or when we were doing a scene, some, you know, some crazy scene on Scandal where somebody was lying on the floor of the office covered in blood, and we're all like, screaming and holding them. And I was pregnant at the time.

[Kerry Washington]

Oh, my gosh.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

And so after every take, the other girls in the cast and myself, we would all put our hands on my belly and we would say, it's just pretend. It's just pretend. Cause you just have to remember and like, that little baby doesn't know the difference. That little baby is like her heart is beating fast. Her adrenals are her cortisol. Right. So I had to keep, like, going back and saying, like, we're okay. Let's just pretend. So I try to. That taught me that if I Can do that for my baby. I have to do that for myself too. Right. Like, I have to on the way home, go, like, you're okay. That was pretend. Nobody's dying, nobody's kidnapped, nobody's. We're okay, man.

[Kerry Washington]

Do you feel like you've had a, a new relationship with little Carrie?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Kerry Washington]

With the girl inside of you that was growing up kind of going through this. Everything looks good on the outside or, you know, yeah, I'm taken care of, but emotionally I don't feel taken care of.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Kerry Washington]

Like physically you were taken care of.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

That's right. It's a beautiful way to put it.

[Kerry Washington]

But emotionally or maybe psychologically there was a fracture.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Kerry Washington]

And so you didn't, you didn't feel safe Fully.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Kerry Washington]

How have you repaired that relationship with little Carrie and allowing her to feel safe the way you were? By putting your hands on your belly with your baby when she was going through the emotional uncertainty.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

So our mutual friend Gabby Bernstein, who talks a lot about ifs work, that work has been transformational for me. And I just, I mean, I was familiar with ifs work and I'd done kind of inner child work with other therapist. But this year I really decided to make a pivot and do to work with an IFS therapist. And it has been life changing, which.

[Kerry Washington]

For those that don't know, it's internal family systems.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Kerry Washington]

And so what has been the breakthrough or the self awareness you've created in the process of internal family systems work for yourself?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

It's so funny because in many ways I speak internal family systems language as an actor. Right. Because I am always dealing with these different parts of myself and bringing them forward. So it's a really exciting way for me to understand the different parts of myself that still feel not enough on certain days or angry or resentful or afraid or IFS has really helped me to not identify wholly with those stories when they come up. Right. Like, there's the story. Who's the part that's telling that story? How do I take care of that part and then move on? Right. But like, I don't have to give my entire existence over to that, that part and that message and that story. I can kind of have some distance, which is very, you know, sort of Buddhist and. But like to have some distance from the thought and to say, like, I see you, I understand where that belief system is coming from, but it doesn't have to be the truth. It's like I remember when I was like just starting therapy and I had this therapist who Would say, like, how do you feel? And I was like, oh, I just feel really fat. And she was like, fat is not a feeling. I was like, it's not? Because also, I had grown up in a house where people would. Where my mom. I heard my mom say, like, I feel fat. And I. It was like a. She was like, what's underneath the feeling Fat?

[Kerry Washington]

What was that?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Is it anger? Is it sadness? It's different. I think for me, feeling fat was often like just a. It was like a crutch that I went to that would prevent me from getting to that next feeling underneath. I would make it about the body and not being enough enough, as opposed to diving deeper into, like, what is the feeling that needs to be addressed here?

[Kerry Washington]

What was it in that moment for you? What was your soul feeling where you say, I'm feeling fat, but really, was it the not enoughness? Was it fear? Was it anxiousness?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Usually the feeling fat is feeling unlovable, so therefore, not enough.

[Kerry Washington]

Really?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

[Kerry Washington]

You feel unlovable at times.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

It happens. Yeah. I don't live there. I mean, that's the great thing is that I don't live there. But I don't want to pretend that the thought doesn't come up.

[Kerry Washington]

Sure.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Because I'm really proud to have tools. To have tools and support systems that have helped me figure out what to do with the thought when it comes up. Or how. How to embrace it.

[Kerry Washington]

Yeah. How to navigate it.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yeah, Navigate.

[Kerry Washington]

When you feel unlovable or not enough, is it not feeling lovable or enough with people on the outside of you or not feeling lovable within you?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

I think it all goes back to spirit. I think it all goes back to, like, am I loved by source? Right. Like, am I lovable by God? Because when we don't feel lovable in ourselves in a spiritual way, then we need it externally from other people, whether that's in a relationship or from fans or from an employer or an employee or, like, whatever that looks like. But seeking that approval and love and acceptance and belonging externally is usually because I don't feel like I'm in alignment with the fact that I am loved, that I am. Am loved and okay, just as I am that I like. Because I think that's where the idea that I have to be somebody other than who I am, forgetting that who I am as I am is enough. I'm good. I am. But when we forget that, we're like, oh, I have to be something else. I have to be better. I have to be stronger. I have to be more successful, I have to be thinner, prettier, smarter, whatever it is. As opposed to like, I am good, I am blessed. I am. And I'm on a journey of excellence. So I'm willing to be bigger, better, smarter, more successful, but I don't have to be to earn anybody's love.

[Kerry Washington]

That's beautiful.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

That's on a good day, right?

[Kerry Washington]

I've got a couple final minutes with you. Carrie. This has been really powerful. Two final questions for you before I ask those final questions. A new movie is out very soon.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Once this is released, May 9th, Mother's Day weekend.

[Kerry Washington]

Mother's Day weekend celebration.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

All your bad moms and uplift all your bad dads.

[Kerry Washington]

Let's go.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Power of parenting.

[Kerry Washington]

Take your family out.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yes.

[Kerry Washington]

Watch Shadow Force and make sure afterwards you reveal all your dirty secrets within your family and you open yourselves up so you can be emotionally free as well.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Yes. Yes. You can be a physically and emotionally.

[Kerry Washington]

Absolutely. I'm excited for people to go watch it. Shadow Force, two final questions for you. This is a hypothetical question I ask everyone.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Okay.

[Kerry Washington]

I've been doing the show for 2012 years.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Congratulations.

[Kerry Washington]

Every week for 12 years.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Wow.

[Kerry Washington]

And this is a question I ask people at the end. It's called the Three Truths. Imagine a hypothetical scenario. You get to live as long as you want to live, but it's your last day on earth. And you get to accomplish and create all of life's magic. But for whatever reason, everything you've created has to go with you. Your movies, your tv, this interview, books, anything you create is.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Is gone.

[Kerry Washington]

So we don't have your information, your content anymore. But on the last day, you get to leave behind three lessons to the world. Three truths that you would share from your experiences of what you've learned. What would those three lessons or truths be for you?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

No matter who you are, you are enough. The truth is easier, even though it feels harder at times. And that there is, is true, true strength in vulnerability. There is no way to get strong without being willing to be vulnerable.

[Kerry Washington]

I love those. If you could go 10 years in the future and give yourself one piece of advice today, and, Carrie, 10 years in the future is looking at you.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

And saying, I love this because normally people ask you to give advice to your younger self, but this is really great to project forward.

[Kerry Washington]

Yeah. If you could imagine, you know, where you'll be in 10 years. Imagine where your family will be, your career will be, and all the things, the challenges, the ups and downs you're going to face in the next decade. What do you think your future self would tell you to set you up for success emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially in the next decade?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Decade? I think she would tell me to cherish every moment with the people I love most. You know, like to really, when you're with people that you love and. Or doing things that you love, be fully present.

[Kerry Washington]

Yes.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Because you're not going to get that back.

[Kerry Washington]

Yeah.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

And I think about, like, oh, My God, in 10 years, my kids. Like, when I think about how old they'll be in 10 years, you're like, oh, I need to be in this moment. And, like, what things will I be complaining about in my body in 10 years? Like, be in this body. Enjoy. Right. Like, just, like, really appreciate it. Reminds me of. I went to this incredible film festival at San Quentin, Prince Prison. We have my company, Simpson Street. We had a documentary called Daughters on Netflix that's really powerful documentary about dads who are incarcerated and how they learn to be. Obviously, this is a recurring theme for me. Right. Like dads and parenting. And so it's about these amazing dads who they do a father daughter dance in prison where they get to take off their jumpsuits. And it's a really, really powerful document. Say Quentin did their first annual film festival in the prison, where people brought outside content into the prison, but also prisoners made films that were shown at the festival. It was really powerful, and it was a spectacular day. That warden is really progressive. It's a really special place. But as I was leaving, there's like this big line on the ground. I don't remember whether it was yellow or white. It was kind of faded, you know, worn down. But as you're saying bye, you're saying bye to the prisoners and thank you. And they were giving you tours and showing you their artwork and just, like, so much love. And then I crossed over that line. And they can't. They can't cross over that line. And everybody's in, like, a good spirit, and there's so much love, good vibes. It's a film festival, but one of them accidentally gets close to the line, and one of the guards is like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. And on the way home, I was thinking, you know, when I woke up this morning, I wasn't grateful for the places I can go. I wasn't thinking about hugging my husband first thing in the morning. I wasn't thinking about my freedom and my liberty. But when you're faced with the possibility of not having it, the value skyrockets. Right. Like, I stepped over that Line with this huge increased gratitude for my liberty, for my freedom, for my ability to go home and hug my husband, for my ability to listen to whatever music I want and wear whatever I want. Like, suddenly you get reminded of what to be grateful for. So I feel like that question is an invitation into that kind of gratitude. Right. It's like, who knows where we'll be 10 years from now, but today there's some really good stuff happening, so don't let it slip by you.

[Kerry Washington]

Yeah, don't miss the moment. That's beautiful. That's some good advice from future Carrie. I got to get you out of here. Final question before I ask you. Carrie, I want to acknowledge you for a moment for your healing journey. Oh, thank you for the journey of allowing yourself to feel safe again, for allowing yourself to heal, for allowing yourself to have a beautiful relationship with your family, your extended family, your current family, and to allow yourself to really be a star in your life and create the career you want, but also create the privacy, the safety, and the love you want personally. So I acknowledge you for all of it. It's really cool to connect and get to meet you, and hopefully we'll get you back on in the future with the next big movie and stuff. But this is an amazing starting conversation. I'm so glad you were open and shared, and this is going to help heal a lot of people. So I appreciate you.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

I'm so grateful. And I just. I want to say what one of the things we say at Simpson street is, is we believe that every single person is the lead character in the story of their lives. And so I love that you with this work, I feel like you really encourage people to live that way. You encourage people to place themselves at the center of their journey and be the star of their own story. So thank you for that.

[Kerry Washington]

Of course. Yeah. My final question, what's your definition of greatness?

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Offering up the best of what you have moment to moment? Yeah. It's like, if it's the best, if you're giving the best of what you have, then that's what today's greatness looks like.

[Kerry Washington]

Karen Washington, thank you so much. Amazing.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

Thank you so much.

[Kerry Washington]

Powerful.

[Lewis Howes]

I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you of no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.

[Sponsor/Advertiser]

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