The School of Greatness: Martha Higareda Howes on Their Journey to Marriage
Host: Lewis Howes
Guest: Martha Higareda Howes
Release Date: June 23, 2025
In this heartfelt episode of The School of Greatness, Lewis Howes sits down with Martha Higareda Howes, a renowned Mexican actress, writer, and producer. The couple opens up about their meticulous journey toward marriage, sharing invaluable insights, challenges, and the profound steps they took to build a strong foundation for their union. The conversation culminates in a joyous announcement that adds a delightful surprise to their story.
1. The Decision to Prepare for Marriage
[00:53] Martha:
"I wish everyone went through a similar process before getting married. Before getting engaged and then getting married."
Lewis and Martha emphasize the importance of intentional preparation before marriage. Reflecting on their own experience, they advocate for engaged couples to engage in structured processes to ensure a harmonious union.
[03:34] Martha:
"When you’re engaged, you don’t just rush into marriage. You go through all these steps to make sure you’re aligned."
2. Pre-Marital Counseling and Workshops
The couple delves into the various workshops, books, and therapy sessions they undertook to strengthen their relationship. They highlight the benefits of premarital counseling programs, emphasizing that these are not remedial but proactive steps to build a resilient partnership.
[06:28] Martha:
"We read tons of books together. We went through workbooks, workshops, and even attended therapy—not because something was wrong, but to build a strong foundation."
Lewis adds that the Catholic Church offers such programs, which are beneficial regardless of one’s religious background.
[08:15] Lewis:
"It was an amazing experience because it's something that we did through the Catholic Church, and others recommend it even if you're not Catholic."
3. Understanding and Setting Boundaries with Extended Family
A significant portion of their preparation focused on managing relationships with extended families. Both Lewis and Martha share their struggles with balancing their new family unit while respecting their original families' traditions and expectations.
[42:24] Martha:
"When you get married, it’s not just about blending families. We created a new family, while still cherishing our extended families."
They discuss the challenges of setting boundaries to prevent extended families from imposing their traditions and the importance of prioritizing their marital relationship.
[46:27] Lewis:
"It can be hard because you don’t want to offend your mom or dad, especially in Latino cultures where family ties are strong."
4. Integrating Spirituality into the Marriage
Spirituality plays a pivotal role in their relationship. Drawing from a profound conversation with a priest during a pilgrimage, Lewis shares the counsel he received about placing God at the center of their marriage.
[32:18] Lewis:
"A relationship doesn’t break up due to a lack of sex or communication—it breaks up due to a lack of God." [32:18]
Both partners agree that spirituality provides a solid foundation, fostering love and resilience in their union.
[29:29] Lewis:
"While doing the candle ceremony, we prayed about it, inviting God into our relationship to guide us through both joyous and challenging times."
5. Conflict Resolution and Effective Communication
Lewis and Martha explore their strategies for handling conflicts and maintaining open lines of communication. They stress the importance of addressing issues promptly and understanding each other’s perspectives to prevent resentment.
[70:35] Lewis:
"Why do you think that we don’t think the same way with partners as we do with our best friends?" [70:35]
Martha responds by highlighting the higher stakes involved in romantic relationships and the necessity of separating emotional reactions from the partner’s intentions.
[74:46] Martha:
"When we have disagreements, it’s about finding a resolution that makes both of us feel good, not about winning an argument."
6. Financial Transparency and Shared Goals
Money is a common source of tension in relationships, and both Lewis and Martha acknowledge its significance. They discuss the importance of transparent financial conversations and aligning their financial goals to avoid future conflicts.
[94:52] Lewis:
"Never discuss it, or you find out, oh, wait, what? You had all this debt and you never told me." [94:52]
Martha mentions engaging in financial workshops and reading books like Ramit Sethi’s guides for couples to ensure their financial compatibility.
[96:11] Martha:
"Everyone has a different relationship with money. We had to understand and align our finances to create harmony."
7. Maintaining Intimacy and Supporting Each Other’s Dreams
The couple emphasizes that marriage is not merely a culmination of their relationship but a continuation of nurturing intimacy and supporting each other's aspirations. They discuss balancing personal goals with their shared vision for the future.
[99:57] Martha:
"Intimacy in marriage is about enjoying each other’s love in a physical way, but it’s also about emotional connection first." [99:57]
Lewis adds that supporting each other’s dreams, such as Martha’s pursuit of the USA National Handball Team for the 2028 Olympics, is vital for their mutual growth.
[112:27] Lewis:
"When you’re choosing each other, you’re creating a partnership where both dreams become shared dreams." [112:27]
8. Announcement: Expanding Their Family
As the episode draws to a close, Lewis and Martha share a personal and joyous announcement that marks a new chapter in their lives.
[118:37] Martha:
"We are having twins. Our family is expanding!" [118:37]
This surprise not only adds happiness to their journey but also underscores the depth of their commitment and the strong foundation they’ve built together.
Key Takeaways:
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Intentional Preparation: Engaging in pre-marital counseling and workshops can significantly strengthen a relationship.
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Setting Boundaries: Creating clear boundaries with extended family is essential to maintain the integrity of the new family unit.
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Spiritual Foundation: Integrating spirituality into marriage fosters deeper love and resilience.
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Effective Communication: Open and respectful communication is crucial for resolving conflicts and preventing resentment.
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Financial Transparency: Honest discussions about finances help align goals and prevent future tensions.
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Supporting Dreams: Encouraging each other’s aspirations contributes to personal and mutual growth.
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Celebrating Milestones: Joyous announcements and celebrating achievements reinforce the bond between partners.
This episode offers a comprehensive look into the deliberate steps Lewis and Martha took to prepare for marriage, highlighting the importance of communication, shared values, and mutual support. Their story serves as an inspiration for couples striving to build a lasting and meaningful relationship.
*If you enjoyed this episode and want to hear more about Martha and Lewis's journey or other insightful discussions on building greatness in relationships, be sure to subscribe to The School of Greatness podcast and follow Martha on YouTube and Instagram.