Why Your Past Trauma Is Costing You Real Love | Pastor Michael Todd

Summary

The School of Greatness – Episode Summary

Episode Title: Why Your Past Trauma Is Costing You Real Love
Guest: Pastor Michael Todd
Host: Lewis Howes
Date: April 24, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This episode features Pastor Michael Todd, best-selling author and lead pastor of Transformation Church in Oklahoma, discussing the profound impact of unhealed trauma on relationships and personal success. As he shares wisdom from his newest book, Damaged but Not Destroyed: From Trauma to Triumph, Michael and Lewis Howes explore how unresolved wounds can sabotage love, career, and self-worth—and the essential process of healing to unlock authentic connection and fulfillment.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Why Modern Relationships Struggle

[04:15] - [09:52]

• Inauthenticity: People often bring only a version of themselves to relationships, hiding behind protective façades developed from past wounds.
  • Quote [05:21, Pastor Todd]: “Some people have been married for 10 years and still they've never met who they really are married to.”
• Unaddressed Trauma: Past relational or personal trauma makes authentic trust and intimacy difficult.
  • Quote [06:06, Todd]: “You can never really love unless hurt is an option. And a lot of people are trying to mitigate the hurt, so they also mitigate the amount of love they can feel.”
• Lack of Self-Love: The inability to love oneself limits the capacity to love others.
  • Quote [08:37, Todd]: “You can only love your neighbor at the level that you love yourself.”

The Importance of Healing

[10:05] - [14:59]

• Lewis recounts his own avoidance of healing due to fear of loneliness, and Todd validates that is a universal struggle.
• Recognizing Patterns: Todd urges listeners to “examine the pattern” in their relational history, emphasizing the value of discipline and self-work to break cycles of hurt.
  • Quote [13:21, Todd]: “A season of discipline can produce a lifetime of freedom.”
• Attracting from Trauma vs. Wholeness: Many people unconsciously attract partners aligned with their insecurities and trauma, not their healed selves.
  • Quote [14:04, Todd]: “Most people are attracting to their insecurities. You're attracting based on your trauma, not on the healed version of you.”

Healing Within Relationship

[15:03] - [19:34]

• Michael Todd highlights that healing is still possible post-commitment—but both partners must decide to do the work.
• Process of Transformation:
  • “Trying turns into training. And training can change your destiny.” ([16:13])
  • From Decision to Destiny: Decision → Discipline → Desire → Destiny
  • Quote [18:48, Todd]: “You literally go from a decision to a discipline to a desire. And that desire continued will change your destiny.”

Turning Trauma Into Triumph: Personal Story

[20:12] - [24:14]

• Todd vulnerably shares his journey overcoming emotional eating, triggered by success- and stress-induced pressures and past insecurities about appearance.
  • Quote [20:12, Todd]: “I was an emotional eater... What do you do that makes you feel good? Cookies and cream ice cream...”
• Power of Self-Trust: Building integrity with himself became the bedrock for lasting transformation.
  • Quote [24:15, Todd]: “The person who has broken their promise to you more than anybody is you.”

Habits & Health: The Ripple Effect

[29:31] - [32:10]

• Lewis asks what might have happened if Todd hadn’t prioritized his health:
  • “I would have unhealthy habits that would jeopardize everything ... You need to find ways to medicate, to numb... that’s when people start making stupid decisions.” ([29:31])

Your Body Keeps the Score

[32:19] - [34:42]

• Todd emphasizes our bodies remember and store trauma, affecting physical and emotional health (referencing Bessel van der Kolk’s idea in “The Body Keeps the Score”).
• “Your body is a computer that is taking all the information and it's storing it. Stress, hypertension... we have people dying of heart attacks at 32.” ([32:19])

The Origin of Our Drives & the Danger of Unchecked Ambition

[34:03] – [41:16]

• Todd describes how a childhood experience—being overlooked as a talented young drummer—birthed an obsession with greatness and an intolerance for being merely “good.”
  • Quote [36:18, Todd]: “I decided that being good was not good enough. I had to be great at everything ... if I was great, they couldn’t deny me.”
• As his family faces real challenges (son’s autism, wife’s depression), he recognizes how this “engine” almost cost him his marriage:
  • “I would have lost my legacy ... the thing that meant the most to me.” ([38:43])

Examining the Roots, Not Just the Fruit

[40:17] - [41:16]

• Quote [40:17, Todd]: “Our fruit is always connected to the root... The fruit was, ‘I’m a very successful workaholic...’ The root was: I was an insecure little boy who felt like nobody saw him.”

Shifting Value Systems: From People-Pleasing to Inner Peace

[44:20] - [46:19]

• Michael explains how he moved from caring most about others’ opinions to protecting his inner peace.
• Quote [44:20]: “I cared about people's thoughts of me. Now I care about my inner peace. You can't have both.”
• He recounts canceling six months of high-profile engagements for the sake of his family’s and his own health—at great financial and reputational cost.
  • Quote [45:16, Todd]: “Do I want to look up five years from now and have made however many thousands of dollars... or do I want my family? No brainer.”

The Power of Principles Over Opinions

[50:44] - [53:18]

• Staying true to personal principles (like taking an annual month-long sabbatical) even at potential professional cost is a mark of integrity—and ultimately brings greater success and fulfillment.
  • Quote [51:02]: “A principle is something outside of you that governs you even when you don’t want it to.”

Healing as a Path to New Relationships

[53:39] - [58:27]

• Once inner work is done, how do you choose the right partner?
  • “You do not pick partnerships based on pleasure. You pick partnerships based on purpose.” ([54:05])
• Alignment in vision and values is foundational.
• Couples should intentionally revisit and realign their relationship vision and values at each new life stage.
  • Quote [62:43, Todd]: “A lot of people that have great relationships in one season have horrible relationships in a different season because they never revisioned.”

The Intergenerational Impact of Unhealed Trauma

[78:48] - [79:23]

• “What's not transformed is transferred. So if I don’t deal with what I’m seeing in my eye, it goes to what my son sees in his eye.”

Notable Quotes

• On progress and grace:
  “Progression, not perfection. If someone sees that you are moving forward or making attempts, their ability to have grace for your mistakes grows exponentially.” ([17:24])
• On choosing purpose over pleasure in partnership:
  “There are a lot of people you can be compatible with, but they're not going the same direction as you.” ([54:05])
• On authenticity and long-term impact:
  “Authenticity is your superpower. Be real and admit when you're wrong. If you enjoy the journey, people will enjoy it with you.” ([67:33])
• On generational legacy:
  “Let your family be your greatest achievement. ... If you take all my content away, it would live through them.” ([76:44]–[77:12])

---

Key Timestamps & Memorable Moments

• [05:21]: “Some people have been married for 10 years and still they've never met who they really are married to.”
• [06:06]: “You can never really love unless hurt is an option.”
• [13:21]: “A season of discipline can produce a lifetime of freedom.”
• [14:04]: “You're attracting based on your trauma, not on the healed version of you.”
• [18:48]: “You literally go from a decision to a discipline to a desire. And that desire continued will change your destiny.”
• [24:15]: “The person who has broken their promise to you more than anybody is you.”
• [36:18]: Todd’s childhood trauma about never being “good enough.”
• [45:16]: Canceling work for family healing—“Do I want my family or the money?”
• [51:02]: “A principle is something outside of you that governs you even when you don’t want it to.”
• [54:05]: Partnerships based on purpose, not pleasure.
• [62:43]: Re-visioning in relationships for every season.
• [78:48]: Generational model on the back of his book: “What's not transformed is transferred.”
• [76:44]: “Number one, God is love. The second message would be, you're valuable. And the third would be, let your family be your greatest achievement.”

---

Actionable Takeaways

• Authentic relationships require bringing your true self, not a trauma-shaped version.
• Prioritize healing—retreat, reflect, and invest in yourself before seeking new connections.
• Recognize patterns in your relationship history; discipline brings freedom.
• Heal within relationships by openly acknowledging wounds and working together.
• Purpose trumps pleasure in choosing life partners or business partners.
• Revisit your relationship’s vision and values regularly as seasons shift.
• Inner peace and living by principles create sustainable, lasting success.
• What you do not transform in yourself, you risk passing on to those you love—make healing a multi-generational act.
• Your legacy is less about public achievement and more about the health, love, and values you pass to your family.

---

Final Reflections

Pastor Michael Todd’s message is as challenging as it is hopeful: Our past wounds do not have to define or destroy us. Only by bravely facing, processing, and healing our trauma—within ourselves and our relationships—can we unlock real love, enduring purpose, and generational transformation.

---

Connect with Michael Todd:

• Instagram: @iammiketodd
• Website: iammiketodd.com
• Book: Damaged but Not Destroyed: From Trauma to Triumph
• Other work: Relationship Goals

---

Transcript

[A]

This message is brought to you by Apple Card. Now, spring always feels like a reset, clearing things out, simplifying what you don't need. And Apple Card is built with that same idea in mind. There's no annual fee, no late fees, and no foreign transaction fees. No fees, period. Get started and apply in the Wallet app on your iPhone today. Subject to credit approval. Variable APRs for Apple Card range from 17.49% to 27.74% based on credit card credit worthiness rates as of January 1, 2026. Existing customers can view their variable APR in the Wallet app [e-mail] Apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City Branch terms and more at applecard.com when it comes to your health and wellness, it really comes down to feeling confident in the choices you make every day. Being able to trust what you put in your body matters. What Whether you're tackling fitness goals, building a wellness routine, or just picking up everyday essentials for your family, having everything in one place makes it easier to stay consistent. That's where Iherb comes in. They offer vitamins, supplements, sports nutrition, personal care, and even grocery, baby and pet products. For nearly 30 years, Iherb has delivered authentic wellness products sourced directly from trusted brands in authorized partners to more than 15 million customers worldwide. And if something doesn't meet your expectations, they make it right with easy returns and simple refunds. Visit iherb.com and use code GREATNESS for 20% off your order. Working toward your goals is important, and so is savoring every step along the way. That's why Buick encourages you to live in this moment. To remember that now is exceptional. Designed with sleek style and purposeful technology, every detail of a Buick vehicle helps you show up at your best today and every day. Visit Buick.com to discover luxury that enriches the life you're leading right now. Buick exceptional by design. Welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness. Very excited about our guest. We have the inspiring Pastor Michael Todd in the house.

[B]

Yes, sir.

[A]

Very excited that you're here. Thank you.

[B]

First off, congratulations to you, my brother. You are killing it. And you and your beautiful fiance. Thank you, man. I don't know. I had to. I had to fly out here for this interview.

[A]

I'm excited, man.

[B]

Last time we did this, it was phenomenal.

[A]

Yeah, man.

[B]

And I'm just excited to be with you, bro.

[A]

I'm excited, man. You are a. A rising spiritual leader in the world. You've got an incredible church and community in Oklahoma. You have written a New York Times bestselling book, multiple books. Number one, New York Times bestselling book of relationship goals, which we had you on here for last time. And now you've got a new book, Damaged but not from Trauma to Triumph.

[B]

Yes, sir.

[A]

That I think is going to really inspire and impact a lot of people. And I'm excited for people to dive into this because I think a lot of people are driven by wanting to have love and success.

[B]

Yes, sir.

[A]

They want to feel empowered and powerful. But a lot of us are driven to get into relationships or driven to be successful based on some type of wound or trauma of not feeling enough, not being lovable, having something that's holding us back and we're trying to prove ourselves.

[B]

Yes, sir.

[A]

I raised my hand from the past of me being in that situation in me too. Business, sports and relationships.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we were just talking about this before. That drive, that wound can get us to incredible heights.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But it can also be the thing that kills us.

[B]

Yes, sir.

[A]

And burns us out and go through breakup and hardship. Yeah. I want to start with relationships before we get into success.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Why do you think a lot of relationships aren't working out today?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Specifically to our culture and society. Is it because people are choosing wrong? Is it because they're getting into a relationship at the wrong time? Is it because they're not clear on the tools on how to have healthy relationships and intimacy? What do you think is wrong with relationships today?

[B]

So first off, I want to say that relationships are how we were, I believe, designed to interact with each other in this life. So for everybody that's listening and watching be like, that's why I don't do no relationships. I don't want no relationships. Like you're missing out on, I believe, what is the fabric. The most valuable connection you could have is authentic, real life giving relationship with somebody else. So. So for everybody that's been hurt, I just feel to start there, to everybody who's been burned and wounded and all that other stuff, I do believe that this is how God intended for it to be us to be in relationship. But the reason to answer your question, why I think it's so hard and it doesn't seem like a lot of people are doing well in relationship is because of three reasons. Number one, I don't think that they're bringing their full self to the relationship. I think many times when people start in relationship, they really give versions of themselves. And I understand it to a degree, but some people have been married for 10 years. And still they've never met who they really are married to.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

Some people have been in business with people for years, and they've never really met their business partner. They're getting these versions of them that are triggered by number two, their trauma. So, so, so, so the version I present of you is not really who I am. It's who I am after I was in the relationship with the last guy. It's after I'm in the relationship with the last business partner. So when I come, I don't come with fresh trust. I don't come with fresh expectation. I don't come assuming the best. I come to you like, maybe you won't hurt me like the other person did. So I'm going to give you this much because I never want to actually feel that again. Wow. And you can never really love unless hurt is an option.

[A]

Wait, say that one more time.

[B]

You can never really love is. Being hurt is not an option.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

And a lot of people are trying to mitigate the hurt. So they also mitigate the amount of love they can feel.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

And at the level that you are vulnerable, it's the level that you can actually experience the love, the acceptance, the joy that you really want in a marriage. And so I always ask people, I was like, who are you bringing to this relationship? Are you bringing the broken, battered, wounded, jacked up, pessimistic version of yourself to this? Are you actually saying, you know what? I need to start over. This is a brand new person. I need to maybe not even be in a relationship right now so I can go heal. And that's my burden of even this book. And some of the things that I'm talking about. I really feel like the quality of our life would increase if we would allow the quality of our healing to increase. And most people don't want to take the time to heal. I mean, you used to play ball. Like, think about it. Every contact sport has an off season. And the primary reason for an off season is what?

[A]

Healing.

[B]

Healing. I've been getting hit, I've been running, I've been lifting weights. I've been ripping and tearing and all the different things. And so I need a season so that I can become the version of me that I know I can be up here. But my body, my emotions, my wheel needs time to become that in here.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And a lot of people are jumping from relationship to relationship, business entrepreneurship to business entrepreneurship partner. They're going from this to that. And I'm scared that many people aren't reaching their greatest purpose or their greatest height because they have not taken the time to actually heal. And so that would be the answer to my question. To your question. Holistically, I think people aren't doing good in relationships is because they're not tending to themselves.

[A]

Right. They're not tending. So you said not bringing the full self to the other person. Whether it's intimacy, whether it's friendship or business, they're allowing their traumas to guard them or hold them back as well because they're not allowing themselves to recover or heal. What would be the third thing that you say?

[B]

I would say that the third thing of this now, my mind. You got my mind going a thousand places. Now I'm ready to start Relationship goals, part two. But the third thing would be that they do not give. They don't tend to themselves.

[A]

Yeah. They don't tend themselves. Yeah.

[B]

So what ends up happening is I'm a person of faith. And so the Bible says that you can only love your neighbor at the level that you love yourself.

[A]

So if you have a level 2 out of 10 of self love, you

[B]

only can give at maximum a 2. Wow. And a lot of times you don't give nobody else the maximum.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So again, if you can't deal with you, if you can't look at yourself in the mirror, if you can't forgive yourself, if you can't say, we failed back there, but there's still greatness in the inside of you, if you can't do that to yourself, it's very difficult to love somebody else at that level. And that's where I think a lot of times our relationships are really a reflection. The reason it's not working is because you can't divorce you, but you can let go of them. And you don't like what you're getting from you, but you can not like what you're getting from them and try it again. And so I think that sometimes. I'm talking heavy right now, Louis, but what I am saying is I feel like some people need to take time to reflect and remember to.

[A]

To.

[B]

To retool and then renew. And I think that's how out of that, your relationships will be so much more vibrant, they'll be so much more intentional as well as you'll get to experience the fruitfulness and the joy out of those relationships. Because you've done enough work on you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To know what you're actually looking for.

[A]

This idea of healing is something that I've really loved over my last decade, but specifically over the last two and a half years, I've dived deeper into internal and spiritual healing.

[B]

Yes, sir.

[A]

And it has created a level of peace and an internal environment of harmony that I've never experienced in my life. Yes, sir. That allows me to see clearly, or at least more clearly. Right. Of who's in front of me, what I want. It just gives me more awareness. But I remember many years, if not decades, feeling very anxious when a relationship wasn't working out. Going through a breakup and feeling like I got to get back on, you know, my relationship game quickly and never really taking the time to heal because it was really scary.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was really scary to face the trauma or the shame or the. Whatever it was I was holding on to. It was scary. And all I wanted was intimacy and connection with someone else. I didn't want to be alone.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I don't know if anyone can relate to this.

[B]

Everybody can relate to that. Everybody.

[A]

So for those who are like, you know what? But it's just. It feels. I feel so alone. I feel so scared. This trauma, I don't want to think about it because it's so dark.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or it's so hard for me to focus on. What do you say to people that are really struggling, that really want love, really want intimacy and connection and just deep compassion with someone else, but they're afraid to do the healing work because the trauma is so scary?

[B]

So I would say to you, because I know there's thousands of people watching this that feel that exact same thing, you need to examine the pattern, man.

[A]

That's so true.

[B]

Because if this is a pattern of you continually getting hurt because you do not heal, then it might be better for you long term to do the work to heal so that you can cut the cycle.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I think about Rest in Heaven, Kobe Bryant, when he. When he tore his Achilles and he said he could come back and play before he was fully healed, he was ready. I mean, and he would have probably been better than nine out of 10 people on the floor. He could have fooled everybody, but he knew he wasn't his hundred percent.

[A]

He wasn't his best.

[B]

He was not his best. So if it came down to the last minute when he really needed to be his best, he wouldn't have what he needed to have. So they took the time for him to actually heal. What I'm saying is you may be fooling everybody. You may. Your Instagram is popping, your business is successful. You got the bag and the body, and you got all the different things. But, you know, deep down in Your soul, your mind, will and emotions, you know, you're still hurting. And so what ends up happening is you come in limping to love. You limp into love. Wow. Instead of leaping into love.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You should be able to go a lot higher, but because you're still aware of the thing that you need to be healed, you don't go. And so what I'm saying is, if this is a pattern, if this is. If it's been the same, it was John, and then it was Joey, and then it was Julio, then it was j' Quan, and then it was Jared. Like, if it. If it's the same thing, you might want to step back and get a new perspective, because the pattern is the same. And a season of discipline can produce a lifetime of freedom.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

And that's where I just. My encouragement. I've counseled too many people. I've been around too many people. I've helped so many people get through this hump in their life. And what they realize is what they're scared of. They need the most that intentional time with themselves, that intentional time with God, that intentional time with community. That intentional. They need that because if you discover you. If you find out who you were made to be and walk in your purpose and get confident in that thing, then you actually will attract what you really want to love. And most people are attracting to their insecurities.

[A]

Ooh, man, that's true.

[B]

You're attracting based on your trauma, not on the healed version of you.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And so you're looking for somebody to play savior, and they can't. They've never been able to have that ability in this life. And so I would just encourage those people. I know it's hard.

[A]

Hard.

[B]

I know it's frustrating. I know you probably even tried before. But as someone who can identify with you, like, as someone who did not want to face their trauma, did not want to talk about the bad stuff that happened, did not want to even block stuff out. Like. Like, no. Like, I'm not going there. Like, the journey that I've gone on, to actually take everything that has damaged me and say, you know what? I may be damaged, but I'm not destroyed. This thing that was trauma, it actually can be fuel to make me triumph. I learned that the value was still in me, and then once I learned the value was in me, then I could give and add value to other people. And so I'm telling you, it may be hard, but it's going to be worth it. Wow.

[A]

You've been married for 14 years.

[B]

Now, 14 years.

[A]

14 years together. 21. Is that right?

[B]

Yeah. This is my high school sweetheart, Meta, when I was 15 years old. And she's still the finest woman I've ever seen in my life. I love her.

[A]

You know, I'm assuming, you know, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I'm assuming that when you met her, you weren't.

[B]

I was a boy.

[A]

You weren't on the healing journey.

[B]

No, I was a boy. I was still messing up.

[A]

You had traumas, you had challenges, you were struggling. And I'm assuming when you got married, you still had a lot of traumas and challenges, right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So how do you heal in relationship if you've made a commitment to someone already and you realize, oh, you know what? I still got my wounds and traumas, and I'm still kind of messing up in certain ways, and maybe she is too, but we've been together for three, four, five, six, seven years now. Now we got kids, and we're realizing we've been trauma bonding or reacting or triggering each other or hurting each other unintentionally, or I've been hurting myself. Is it too late to heal and repair because of the baggage of someone in a relationship?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or can you still heal and mend and recreate a new relationship in a broken relationship? I'm not saying yours was broken, but anyone?

[B]

Yeah. This is what I do. And for everybody that's listening, you have to go get my book. Relationship Goals. It's not what we're talking about today, but it will help you. It's how to win in Marriage, Dating, and sex. And you really need to get that. And my answer to your question, Louis, is yes, Overwhelmingly yes. Two broken people who make a decision to do something are way more powerful than a broken person who decides, I don't want to try. Like trying turns into training. And training can change your destiny. And so I've seen it in my life. I've seen it because in the reason I say get the book, because I tell you all the stuff I do, like, I messed up, I jacked up, I lied, I did. I had months of insanity. I did all that other stuff. But this is my motto. Progression, not perfection. If somebody sees that you are moving forward or making attempts, statistics tell us that their ability to have grace for your mistakes grow exponentially.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Many times people are frustrated by the immobility of somebody or the paralyzation of somebody or the nonchalant, I don't care, I'm not doing nothing attitude. But when Somebody sees somebody trying, their grace goes up significantly. What I'm saying is it can't be one sided. But if two people come together and say, you know what, we've been jacked up, we've been messing each other up, I trigger you, you trigger me. This turns into all of this stuff. We've made mistakes, mistakes, we've jacked up, we've cheated, we've hurt each other, we spent money that no people didn't know. Let's be real about it. Like I went on a vacation with my girls. And you had no idea what was happening or where were you really? Out with your boys, watching the game or were you come on like, like real stuff? I have seen all of those things change when people have made a decision. Wow. And this is what I say, I think I told you earlier, it applies to so many areas of your life. When you make a decision, your decision changes into a discipline. You have to do something. That's discipline. Okay, we're going to go to counseling once every two weeks. Or we're going to meet with another couple that's older than us and ask them how the hell they didn't kill each other. Or we're going to, you know what I'm saying? We need a discipline. We're going to take walks together, we're going to talk, we're going to make a discipline. But once you get that discipline, somewhere around the consistency being all the time, even when you don't want to, it turns into a desire.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You literally go from a decision to a discipline to a desire. And that desire continued will change your destiny. You can apply that to any area of your life. You can apply it to relationships, money. You can apply it to what we were talking about earlier, health and working out. But I'm telling you, this is the formula for life. It is a decision. I don't want to, but I'm going to do it. That turns into a discipline. I don't feel like it, but I'm going to do it. Which then one day turns into a desire. Man, I actually want to do this. And then it changes your destiny. And if you can apply that to any area of your life with consistency, you will take every trauma situation and it has to turn into triumph. Every single man.

[A]

And that's something you've been doing in your health journey over the last year now, year and a half.

[B]

About two years.

[A]

Two years. Because I saw you, I think it was about two years ago when I saw you last.

[B]

Yeah, I was a little fluffier, bro. I was a little more packed on. I had a little extra weight on

[A]

you got some extra love on you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But what allowed you to make a decision with your health, to optimize health? Because it's been a two year journey. You've been disciplined on this journey of health. Was there a trauma holding you back? Was there an old pattern holding you back? Was it just life was a school of greatness podcast.

[B]

I'mma be hot, humble, open and transparent. The truth of the matter was I was an emotional eater. If we won, I ate. If we lost, I ate. If somebody died, I ate. If somebody had a baby, I ate. Like, it was like, what do you do that you are in control of that makes you feel good? Cookies and cream, ice cream, blue bell, all that. I mean, burgers with cheese and like, it was just. And it didn't matter what time of night I find myself two o' clock in the morning. Like, what's open?

[A]

Ice cream.

[B]

Let's go ice cream. And I was an emotional eater that I never addressed it, I never even thought about it. When I began to gain another level of success, responsibility, all of these different things. Now it gets magnified because I'm feeling it all the time. Like I'm responsible for this many people's livelihoods and people are depending on me to be inspired and be drawn closer to God and all this other stuff. And you start feeling that pressure and what do you do? You need a release food. I was eating, bro. I got up to £270. I was £270. I was slow, I was trying to hide, I was insecure. Which tapped into another trigger, another trauma of mine of being insecure about how I looked and how I felt and all that other stuff from young. And so I literally got to a point where I was looking at myself and I was like, you're not going to be able to do everything that you were put on this earth to do if you do not do something about this issue, right?

[A]

Your, your current identity did not fulfill your future vision.

[B]

See, bro, you talking my language right now. I'll say it like this. My future self could not get there without my present self, right? And my present self was killing me, right? Like, it was literally destroying all of the opportunity, all of the thing. And I was like, I got to do something about this, right? And so I started on a journey, bro. And literally I couldn't do five pushups. Like, I'm going to put it out there for every person that's like, no, I Should be able to do more than this. I was 35 years old. I could not do five pushups. I had to start with five and 10 dumbbell weights. I was out of shape. I could not run for more than five minutes. Like, it was horrible. And everybody laughing right now, just, okay, hold your horses. Because now it's a whole different thing. Like, literally, for a two year process, I turned my garage into a gym. The trainer comes to my house six days a week. Like, I invested money, I invested in equipment, I stopped buying cars and stopped doing all the other stuff because what good is it to have a vehicle that I can drive that looks good and the vehicle God gave me is trash? Like, think about it. How many people are driving in luxury cars? And the one vehicle that you get and you can't trade out and you can't lease out, you are literally riding around or walking around in a hooptie, right? And I was like, no, I'm going to put, I'm going to put this into this. And literally, I've lost over £50. I'm stronger than I've ever been in my whole life. But the truth of the matter is, the least thing that happened to me is the physical transformation. It's what happened to my mind, it's what happened to my emotions. I am more confident in my word now than I have ever been in your word. In my word. Because a lot of times we say stuff and the reason it doesn't happen is because we don't believe what we say, right? A lot of times it's not anybody external. It's like, I'm gonna make a million dollars. And it's like, ah, I don't even believe that. Like, hopefully it happens. But like, you don't believe your own word. And the person that you need to trust the most when it comes to doing what you need to do is yourself. And many times we know how many times we break our promises to ourselves. I'm not going to eat the cake. And 10 minutes later you're eating the cake. I'm not going to talk to her or I'm not going to make that business deal. It's too much money. I'm like, we know that the person, if you really evaluate the person who has broken their promise to you more than anybody is you.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

So what happens when you don't trust you? It makes you approach other people differently. And so for me, this process has made me trust myself.

[A]

The School of Greatness is brought to you in partnership with Airbnb, with the FIFA World Cup 2026 coming, there are going to be thousands of fans traveling into cities all across the country. And it's such a cool opportunity to open your home, make some extra income and be a part of something global. Personally, I started hosting my properties on Airbnb because I wanted a simple way to create extra income. But what I didn't expect was how meaning the experience would be. You're not just offering a place to stay, you're welcoming people into your world. It's so cool. And one of my favorite things is being able to share the local spots that I love, great places that you can eat, places where you can move your body, and things that make the city feel alive. It becomes more than just a visit for them, it becomes an experience. And during something like the FIFA World cup, that energy is on a whole different level. You get to be a part of that excitement and create real connections with people from all over the world. And if you've ever thought about hosting, this summer is a great time as we welcome FIFA World cup fans. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how [e-mail] host we've all had those moments where we realize we're out of something that we really need immediately. Not tomorrow, not in a few days, but right now. And waiting just isn't going to work. That's where Walmart Express Delivery can save the day. They can get you what you need in as fast as an hour. For those real life moments, Walmart Express Delivery shows up fast. Whether it's baby formula, when you're down to the last scoop, pet food before the bowl runs, empty, household essentials, or even last minute gifts, it's handled. It's not just about food. It's the everyday stuff that suddenly becomes urgent. And as a parent, it can make baby time smoother. When friends come over and something runs out, it keeps the night moving. It helps take the pressure off in those moments. Try Walmart Express Delivery today and get free delivery with promo code. Express Promotion valid for First Express Delivery Order 50 Minimum Subject to availability restrictions apply. Spring is the season for closet cleanouts. It's the perfect time to narrow down your wardrobe to pieces that are well made and easy to wear all the time. And that's where quince comes in. With quince, you get fabrics that feel elevated and pricing that actually makes sense. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality, not brand markup. Everything is designed to last and make getting dressed easy. And it's not just their clothing. They have great bedding options too. And Martha and I actually have their European linen duvet cover set. And it's so soft and comfortable. We love it. Highly recommend doing a little spring cleaning and upgrading a few things you use every day. Just start small and keep it simple. Refresh your wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.comlewis for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Go to Q U I n c e.com Lewis for free shipping and 365 day returns.

[B]

Quince.com Lewis I know when I did 75 hard. And I don't know if you know about that.

[A]

I know. For sale.

[B]

Yeah, bro. I did 75 hard.

[A]

That's hard.

[B]

It's hard.

[A]

Two a days.

[B]

Two a days. One has to be outside a gallon

[A]

of water reading Ted paper.

[B]

You got the whole thing. I did it and I did it not in this shape. I did it a year ago.

[A]

Oh, man. That's even harder.

[B]

Oh, bro. But when I finished that, this is not a season anymore. This is my lifestyle.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I believe me now. So doing the physical work with the emotional and spiritual work, I feel like a new person, bro.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I have literally turned into a different person with the same values, but a different vehicle.

[A]

That's incredible.

[B]

And that is what I desire for, for everybody. It was like my life was in black and white and now it's in full HD color. And I believe that those three components, the spiritual side, connection with God, the physical side, connection with yourself, and the emotional side, the connection with everything that's happened to you. If you work on those, if you do the hard work in those areas, the quality of life that you will live is off the charts.

[A]

Damaged but not destroyed is what we're talking about with the book. What do you think you would have been in five to 10 years? Because you had been. There was a groundswell around you really about four years ago, five years ago. That kind of like social media, all these people in your community and the world is now paying attention to you and your message and your content and your books and your voice. And for great reason. Right. Because you're bringing a lot of joy, inspiration and service to people. Where do you think you would be in 5 to 10 years had you not taken care of the. The commitment, the decision to being disciplined with your health.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But you're still on the rise. You're still serving. You're getting all this real estate. You're impacting people. You're millions of people are following you, where would you be in five to 10 years?

[B]

I would have unhealthy habits that would jeopardize everything, really. Oh, well, it's how the human nature is. If you're not healthy, but you still are making great impact, what ends up happening is that great impact starts to affect you differently because it becomes a harder pressure because you do not have the vehicle or the. Yeah, vehicle.

[A]

The container.

[B]

The container to do what you need to do. So you need to find ways to

[A]

medicate, to numb, to medicate, to whatever.

[B]

Really release all of those words. Right. And that's when people start making stupid decisions.

[A]

Oh, man. What is the decisions that most people make?

[B]

Oh, we're. I mean, it's. It's been the same since the beginning of time. It's the girls, the gold. It's the greed. It's the. Like, you start. You start. You start taking more than you're supposed to. You start investing in relationships that have no actual benefit for your life. You. You. You start. You start becoming folk. You got into it with the right motivation, and now the motivation is just money. And so it changes the heart and the content of what you're doing, because it's not about actually helping people. It's about how many people can help me. Like, when motives change, the ways that I release change. And then, I mean, we haven't even talked about the substance abuse. Like, I can't tell you how many athletes and people that I mentor and pray for and help that they're literally inebriated more than half of the day.

[A]

Like smoking alcohol, drugs, mushrooms, whatever. Yeah.

[B]

They're literally not remembering the life they prayed for. Wow. They were in some locker room or somebody's mom's house, praying that they could get into this situation. And now they are so overcome with their past traumas and their current pressures that they are literally numbing themselves and saying, but I don't even remember. I don't even remember. So you're living the greatest moment of your life, and you don't even remember it. And it's because this is what we do as humans. Because I don't believe that God created our bodies to be able to handle that kind of stress and trauma. And so we have to figure out a way to keep going because we want the results of it, but we can't really keep going because it's killing us. Wow. And so we try to find ways to do it. And that's why I say the safest way to get into the place that you need to be is you need to deal with your past issues so it can change your present situation and it can prepare for you a great future.

[A]

Yes. Do you think we are ever able to run away from our past or our traumas?

[B]

No. Your body keeps the score.

[A]

It does.

[B]

Like, I mean, people. People act like not saying it does something. No. Your body is a computer that is taking all the information and it's storing it. Stress, hypertension, all of the. I mean, we have people dying of heart attacks at 32.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

Like, there is so much information coming to us every day, all the time. So many ideas, so many opinions. All of those things were never a part of the core creation DNA for a human being. So you think about processing all of that and then processing processed food and then taking on all digital information. Digital information. And then worried about everybody's comments of you and how skinny and how, like, think about the stress that you, your body and your mind and your emotions is under. Not to mention that the real life stuff happens. You. You have a miscarriage, you lose a loved one, Covid happens, and your business has to shut down. Like, that means that something has to be prioritized and that something is not anything external. It needs to be us. We need to deal with the issues, the lies, the hurts, the layers that have made us into this person. But maybe the very thing that's trying to take us out.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And so for me, I mean, I just know that part of my issue, even with food and weight and emotional eating, I need to delay. I need to talk about some stuff. I needed to.

[A]

What did you need to talk about? What are you talking about?

[B]

I needed to talk about insecurities. Okay, so I talk about it in the book. But I'll just. I'll just sum it up right now. I had this revelation that I had become allergic to being good. I could only be great. I was in a situation when I was young where I was good at playing the drums at 12 years old. And, I mean, I was really good. And I was in our church back at the house, and I was better than the drummer that played for our main service.

[A]

Like the adult.

[B]

Like the adult service. You know what I'm saying? And all I wanted at 12 years old is to play drums in the big church. That's what I called it, playing drums at the big church. And the guy who was over all the music, he was like, you all really good. And they were always giving me props and all the other stuff, but he would always let this older guy play that was not as good as me. And I would come every Tuesday, the only kid there for their rehearsals, and I'd be there with my sticks. I would come early, I'd make my parents drop me off. I'd know all the music and everything like that, but they would never let me play. And I did this for months. Like, months. I knew all the music, I knew all the songs. I was hoping that he would just fall dead and just fall off the thing. And then I was able to catch it. I mean, this is in my 12 year old bond, you know what I'm saying? But like, like I knew I could do it if somebody would just give me an opportunity. And they never let me play. And I remember being on that maroon chair. And see, this is how subtle trauma can come into your life. And this is why we have to evaluate it. I remember sitting on a maroon chair in the back, and I decided that being good was not good enough. I had to be great at everything. Because if I was great, they couldn't deny me me. Like, if I was great, there's no way. They wouldn't let me do that. And from that day on, at 12 years old, my engine changed. I couldn't be good at anything. Okay, no, I'm not playing a game unless I'm gonna smash you. Wow. Like, I'm not. And now this now seems like at that age, it seems endearing. It's like, wow, this. This young man is, wow. He's. He's proactive and he's gifted and motivated.

[A]

Hungry.

[B]

He's hungry, like. And so now I'm getting attention from it, and now I'm getting accolades from it. And now I'm getting. So it's like, oh, this is great. I made the right decision. Like, I'll never be good. Nothing good is good. I will only be great. So my car had to be great, my business had to be great, my wife had to be great, my family had to be great. My everything had to be great. And this served me for almost 20 years until I reached this level of success. And everybody wants me to come speak, and everybody wants me to do this. And we found out that my only son had autism. So now my wife is broken, she's depressed. I'm confused. I'm the guy that's supposed to have crazy faith, but I can't do anything about my son. He's no longer looking at us. He's not saying any words. His younger sister is developing past him. Like, he's peeing and pooping on himself every Day, like, what's going on? And now my motor is. I'm. I have somebody here that looks like me. That's not great, and it's not even good. I don't know how to process this. So now I'm going to go and I'm going to make more money. I'm going to da, da, da, da, da. But my wife needs me. I have. I have the person I've loved for my whole life sitting here saying, I don't care if we have any more money. I need my husband. I need you to sit with me. And I'm like, well, you sit there. But I got to, like. Because now my motor to be great is no longer what's going to help me. If I would have taken all the dates, if I would have kept going, I would have lost my wife and my family. Wow. I would have lost my legacy. I would have lost the thing that meant the most to me. And this is the culmination of me having to deal with, like, where did that come from? And so I was sitting with my mentor outside of Oklahoma City in a crackle Barrel, and he was. He's listening to me talk, and he just. He's sitting there. His name is Tim Ross, and he has this huge pile of eggs that he's eating. He loves eggs for some reason. And I just remember seeing the eggs. And he said, so when did you have. When did you decide that your standards for this life was greater than God's? And I was like, what are you talking about? And because I'm a person of faith, we. We look at the Bible as principles and practical things that we can use to live our lives by. He said, remember in creation, it said, in the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth and the star, and he told the ocean how far it could come and created land and did all of these things. And he looked back at his work and he said, it's good. He created the solar system and the galaxies and all the animals. And then he looked back at it and said, that's good. And he does all this creating. On the sixth day, he creates man and woman. And he looks at him and said, this is good. He said, if God's standard is good, why is your standard great? And something inside of me was like, whoa, I can't keep living and not even appreciating all of the good that's around me because of the trauma that happened to me at 12.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And now I don't even like good. I don't even appreciate good. Where People would love to have good. I can't have good money. I have to have great money. I can't be good in my relationship. My relationship has to be great. I'm literally missing the essence of life and what's right in front of me. I can't even be grateful for what people would kill for because of the trauma that happened on the maroon chairs when I was 12. Wow. And this is part of what led to me going through this healing journey and transformation so that I could really, really live life to the fullest.

[A]

This is a powerful story, man. And in your book, on page 49, you have a little quote that says, our fruit is always connected to the root.

[B]

Yes, sir.

[A]

So when you thought Back to your 12 year old SEL, where was the fruit that was in the root of your pain?

[B]

Yeah, so. So the fruit was. Now I'm a very successful workaholic, excellence expecting, perfectionist person, Mike Todd. But the root was. I was an insecure little boy who felt like nobody saw him. So I was gonna make sure you saw me. So now everybody will look at the fruit and be like, yay. Like, wow. Like, that is phenomenal. But the root was trauma. The root was damage.

[A]

And the foundation.

[B]

Foundation helped you get there.

[A]

In a sense.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was motivated negatively. But if you never stop and examine it, it would have been the same thing that destroyed me.

[A]

Right? It helped you get to a certain level.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But just like the same thing that helped Mike Tyson get to world champion status is also the thing that destroyed him.

[B]

And this is why I'm telling everybody who's listening right now, it may be time to stop and evaluate. Just because you're doing good doesn't mean you're doing good.

[A]

But, Mike, how can I stop when I need to be relevant? How can I stop when my competitors in the space are gonna outperform me? How can I stop when so much is dependent on me right now?

[B]

And so what I'm gonna say to you is, your value system is broken. Like, if that's all that matters to you is your competitor and not your actual piece, if all that matters to you is I need to be relevant instead of I actually need to be real. Have it, and we'll see how long you do it. But I'm telling you as I counsel, and I lived it, and I've been with. And I'm on the phone with people every day who are like, I mean, how do you. How in the world do you commit suicide with hundreds of million dollars in the bank? How do you there, how do you beat all your competitors and you don't want to live? Like, we've seen that story a hundred times, and we always chop it up like, man, that's sad for them. But we don't realize that if we don't deal with the things that, that. That we got stuff back in the closet of our lives and how our parents treated us and, and. And how. How we didn't get picked for certain things. And I'm not trying to give anybody their story, but what I am saying is that for all of us, if we live in this world, there is something that has happened to us. And for many people, it's very dramatic stuff that has happened to you. You don't even talk about nobody. Your husband, your wife, your closest friends don't even know. But if you don't deal with it, what ends up happening is, at some point, it may be the very thing that delays or totally destroys your destiny.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

What I'm trying to tell you is, like, right now, you watching this, you listening to me and Louis talk about this, this is your sign. It's time to start working on the old stuff.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

It's time to start dealing with the trauma. And I believe that all of your damage can actually be the thing that turns into your destiny. Every wrong, bad thing that I've done, I have now used and turned that pain into a platform. And it's the very reason why people relate to me. It's the very reason I'm on this podcast right now. It's the very reason that we're doing anything. But it's like, if you don't do it, it's going to take away from you instead of add to you.

[A]

So over the last few years for you, as you transformed the emotional eater in you and the insecurity in you into something greater, into security and peace and conscious eating.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I'm sure you're not perfect in your eating style, but more intentional eating.

[B]

I brought my meals with me.

[A]

Exactly, man. What was the value system that you had before and now? What is the new value system that you've upgraded to?

[B]

Okay, so I'll have several layers to this that go into the book, but let me just say this. It can be broken down very simply, is I cared about people's thoughts of me. Now I care about my inner peace. Right. So you can't have both. If people's thoughts of you are more valuable, then you will do everything to keep that going, even at the peril of yourself.

[A]

You'll be a Constant people pleaser. And that is exhausting.

[B]

It's not just exhausting. It will make you extinct. It will kill the reason why you do what you do. So, like practically how this works in my life is that I'm telling you, my engine is I gotta be great. I gotta be great. I gotta be great. Like this is my whole story. We have a breakdown. My son has autism, my wife is depressed. All of these things are happening. I had to cancel six months of engagements.

[A]

Wow. Speaking engagements, I mean commitments.

[B]

It was all my money, right. I literally had to say, what do I want? Do I want to look up five years from now and have made how many ever thousands of dollars that would have been? Or do I want my family? No brainer. Are people going to be mad at me? Are people going to be frustrated? I'm already on the bill. They may never invite me back. But these are the people that I committed to and I want to be healthy more than all of that. So I could have been a people pleaser or I could have done what would have happened, what was best for my inner peace. And so it hurt to Cancel all summer, 2019, all the way to December. I mean, every conference I'd ever gone to, they wanted, they were paying me to come. I was flying all over the world.

[A]

You were on the rise.

[B]

I was going, I mean, literally everywhere. Australia, Africa, London. I was everything. And I had to call them and cancel all. Wow.

[A]

There's nothing that frustrates me more than when things don't move with speed. And when it comes to building a strong daily routine for your life, the tools that you rely on at home should make things run more smoothly without interruptions. And that's the thinking behind T Mobile's 5G home Internet. And big news, T Mobile now has the fastest 5G home Internet. According to the experts at Ookla. Speed test setup is so quick and simple. No technician needed and you're online in 15 minutes or less. And the price comes with a five year price guarantee so you don't have to worry about unexpected price hikes down the road. And when I'm working from home, my Internet does a lot of the heavy lifting. It's prepping for the next show on the school of Greatness, uploading files. I'm doing zoom calls, I'm doing meetings. All these different things are all happening and I need them to happen fast. And with t mobile 5G home Internet, things move fast and stay smooth. Pages load quickly, files upload successfully, and I can stay focused without constant interruptions. It makes a big difference. Visit t mobile.com homeinternet to check availability today. Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply fastest based on OOKLA Speed test intelligence data second half of 2025. All rights reserved. The School of Greatness is proudly sponsored by Amica Insurance. It feels good to be understood. Amica goes above and beyond to customize the right coverage for you by taking the time to really understand your needs. Because creating peace of mind is at the heart of Amica's mission. And whether you're at or on the road, AM knows it's not just about where you're going, but who you go with. Go with the insurer that truly understands you as a mutual company. Amica puts its customers needs first. Visit amica.com and get a quote today. So you had to cut the idea of being a people pleaser as well, which is immediately, which is painful for a people pleaser for.

[B]

For anybody who wants to be great. And you think that your greatness is on the other side of a connection. Oh, and I had to realize that my greatness came from the purpose that I believe God gave me before I was here. And so maybe this was something that was going to make me. And I was right. Like, literally, that was the summer that everything changed. Really. Oh, my God. When I wasn't going after it, something started happening in me. And so many times we're so busy that we cannot see what's actually going on. And I needed a break. I needed time to be out of the hustle and bustle, to be able to actually evaluate, like, what. What do I. What do I care about? Like, what's important, what brings me peace, like, okay, I got money in the bank, but that I'm still stressed. Like, I'm still hurting, I'm still frustrated. Like. And once that happened, it was like the floodgates opened. Like, everything in business, everything in my relationship, everything. Because I started working on what was going on in the inside of me, man. And that's why, again, the message that I'm coming with, with damage, but not destroyed. I just want to be a coach. I want to be a guide, because I've been through it. And most people write this book at 65, 70. Like, the stuff I'm talking about in here, that you wait till you're way past it. And I was like, no, I said, because somebody needs to know. In their late 30s, in their early 20s, in their mid-40s, in their 50s, like, now is the time to start dealing with this stuff. Because the Life on the other side of it has way more value than the one you're living now.

[A]

Right. That's so true. You know, I think something we have in common is we both lean on mentors and guides.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

To give us counsel, to give us feedback. And one of the things that stood out for me last time we connected is that you lean on a mentor. And you have for over a decade at least, as you're. As you've been a pastor. And one of your mentors early on, I don't know if this is the same guy who's eating the eggs, but one of your mentors said you've got to take at least a month off a year.

[B]

That's the same guy.

[A]

Same guy, yeah. What's his name?

[B]

Tim Ross.

[A]

Yeah. And that stuck with me because I go, wow. You had just come off, like, I think again, the number one, your time bestseller, I think when I saw you, and you're like, you either just came back from a month off or you were like, I'm about to go on a month.

[B]

No, I was about to go on it.

[A]

Yeah. You're like, like. But I was like, but this thing just hit number one. Don't you have to go, like, promote it more and, like, do all the press? You're like, you said something like, this is the time where when everything is hot and you feel like you got to go even more and go farther, that's the time you need to take a break. If you've already pre. Scheduled that.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You know, don't just jump in because there's more opportunity.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Be there for yourself first and allow for opportunities to continue to come.

[B]

Yeah, I told, I told you last time, I said I live on principle. Most people live on opinions. I live on principle. And so a principle is something outside of you that governs you even when you don't want it to.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And so for me, the principle was, for what I do, I need to take a month, and I need to give to myself, my family, my spiritual health, because I'm giving out a lot. I'm trying to add value to people all the time, and I need to do this. And so literally, when we did Relationship Goals, it hits number one. Number one. I barely passed English class. Okay, let's be very clear about this, Lewis. And my first book goes number one New York Times bestseller. Okay. Thirteen weeks. It's on the New York Times bestseller list. Thirteen. And it comes down to the time that I'm supposed to go on my sabbatical. And the only reason it's going to come off the New York Times bestseller list is because I stopped promoting it. My publisher's like, hey, hey, keep going. I know what you said, but what? And this was where I felt like my internal spiritual guide was saying to me, this is when I'm going to see if you're a real man or not.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Are you going to keep your word to yourself? And I said, I got to do it. I shut off social media. I shut off everything. And as well, I shut off the New York Times bestseller.

[A]

Right. Because the week you left is off the list. That's crazy. How did that make you feel, though?

[B]

I felt like I won.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Because at the end of the day, I became a better man more than I sold more books and became a better success to other people. And this is the crazy thing, my next book, New York Times bestseller. So I feel like it was the seed I sowed on, obeying what I knew I needed to do and live on principle that then, like, paid it forward for the next book. Most people don't get one New York Times bestseller, let alone two. Your first two books are both New York Times bestseller books. I didn't have no big marketing team or anything like it. I believe that was the nod from God.

[A]

He did it, you did it.

[B]

And that's where for me, I just feel like when you do the things you know you need to do to preserve yourself, it always works out for you in the end.

[A]

That's true. It does. When someone goes through the damaged but not destroyed path and they start facing their traumas or things from their past, they start facing it as opposed to running from it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they start to feel a sense of inner triumph. They start to feel a sense of peace. They start to feel a sense of harmony. They start to feel like their full, authentic selves.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And maybe they've gotten out of a couple of bad relationships and now they did this work because they realize that I'm part of the problem. I am the problem. Right. I'm in all these relationships.

[B]

Yeah. I'm the only one that keep going to the relationships.

[A]

And they've taken this time and they've reflected and now they start going on some dates, they start having some fun, they start connecting with people, they start meeting people. How do they know when they're choosing the right partner for them?

[B]

So now you asking a real big question. It depends on where you feel your purpose is. You do not pick partnerships based on pleasure. You pick partnerships based on purpose. And I think that's Where a lot of people get messed up. There are a lot of people you can be compatible with, but they're not going the same direction as you. If me and you were to say right now, let's go to Disney World, There are probably 15 different paths to get there. Like, and there are some people that are like, well, let me stop way over here and let me go over here. But if we were riding in the same car together, we would have to go on the same road, on the same highway, getting to the same place, because our purpose was to go to this destination. I think a big part of my burden for our generation when it comes to business partnerships, relationships, all those things, is to pick partners for purpose, not just for pleasure.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Because the pleasure wears off when you get in a pit, like, when it ain't working. We lost the money when you used to dress up for me, and now you looking like a grandma. Like, all of those things. That's when you have to pick partners that you remember. Why did we get together? What was the purpose of this? What did we say we were going to do? And so a lot of times when people are starting to date and have fun and do all the different things, they're not thinking purpose. And it's hard to think purpose when you have not spent enough time with yourself personally.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

So. Because you don't know, like, the only way. Again, congratulations to you and your beautiful fiance. But part of the reason y' all connect is because of where y' all both want to collectively go 100%. If she wanted to be in a different country as a scuba diver instructor and you knew you were supposed to be here doing this, it would conflict with what you could do together.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And maybe you could be in relationship for a while, and then you start saying, hey, I miss you. And she was like, well, the fish. I love the fish. Like, and I'm being very sarcastic. But what I'm saying is that is what a lot of our relationships looks like. It's like the sex is bomb. We connect physically, but our purposes don't align. And so.

[A]

And it can only last so long.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

To have that sexual chemistry or connection all by itself.

[B]

That's not that. That never has worked. If that worked, all relationships would be together. Like, the truth of the matter is,

[A]

there'd be no divorce.

[B]

There would be no divorce if it. And that's why I say again, in relationship goals, like, there is a formula that and a pattern that I believe that has been set out that has worked from generation to generation to generation, that if you get the right relationships right first, if you get the relationship right with yourself, the relationship right with God, and then you can get the relationship right with. With somebody else, then that pattern takes you to where you need to be.

[A]

What I'm hearing you say is that when you're in alignment with your higher purpose.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And when you're in alignment with your own individual purpose of who you are.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You'll start to align with someone else and you'll start to see, okay, we're on the right track together. And maybe you like different things, but we have a similar idea about a vision and a value system for our life.

[B]

And then what happens is the most magical part.

[A]

Tell me.

[B]

Is that you guys make each other better. So. So my purpose, I thought I had a purpose until I met my wife. And when we got together, it was like, oh, I thought it was going to happen like this. We are greater together. That's where the scripture says, two are better than one because they have great success on their investment. And two are better than one because if one falls, the other one can be there to pick them up. How can one stay warm by itself? No. They need each other. Like, there is exponential growth, there is exponential clarity, there is exponential success when two people are going the same way for purpose and they're in partnership.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

And that's why a lot of times I just tell people it's very hard to pick a partner if you don't know the purpose. If you are starting a company and you're doing tech and somebody else is doing agriculture, that's not the partner you would pick. You would pick somebody in that same space so that y' all could go the same way together.

[A]

But what about someone like you? You met your wife when you were in high school, high school sweethearts, you didn't really know what your purpose was.

[B]

No.

[A]

You just were like, ah, would you want to. We like each other. We love each other. You want to be together? Let's do this. Let's have fun. Let's be together. You know? And I think a lot of people. Not that that's wrong, but a lot of people get into relationship out of attraction, likability. They start loving each other and they're just like, let's just be together without asking the questions about purpose.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So if someone's already gotten into a relationship and they're like, we don't have a purpose, how can they create that as opposed to just end the relationship? And how can they make sure that they're both in alignment.

[B]

So what I would encourage everybody to do, and this is why I encourage you, if you have teenagers or if you have young kids or anything, you need to get them relationship goals. Because there's just certain things that if it's not talked about or you're not known, like, you're just gonna fall into crap, and then you're gonna have to deal with the consequences. So, like, I don't think people should do that, but this is a practical step that people can do. You need to go somewhere that you guys like as a couple and have a vision retreat.

[A]

I did this with Martha. You did it after three months of dating her? Before we got committed, we went to Sedona.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I did. We did a vision retreat.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

A vision and a values retreat.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

We. We both had a journal. I told her to bring a journal. I took it to a top of a vortex. I don't know if you've ever been a Sedona, but essentially a rock. It's supposed to have, like, energy or something. So I went. We went to the top of a rock, and I said, listen, I'm going to do an exercise for us. Put in some, like, meditative music, Just us two up there, Sunset. I said, I want you to dream. Dream about the future, about what you want to create in your future and our potential future.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I would love for you to, for a few minutes, to write down all of your main values in your life now and what you got to value in the future. At least what you think you're going to value. Maybe some stuff changes, but at least your core values. And she did this exercise, and I did it separately on a different piece of paper. And I did the same thing because I want. I didn't want us to be influenced by seeing someone else's. And we brought them together and we said, let's review this. And it's kind of a moment of truth to our values alignment. And thankfully, our values were very much in alignment. And, you know, maybe there's a few things that she had different than me and vice versa. But I wasn't like, okay, cool. I have no problem with that. And she had no problem with mine. So we aligned, and that gave me clarity and peace.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I said, okay, what is our vision for a relationship? What is the vision that you want? Because maybe it's completely different than what I want. So we both did that exercise, and we came together and we said, this is the vision, and it's really to Have a purposeful relationship, a relationship that is of service to each other and to the world.

[B]

That's beautiful.

[A]

And since we were both in alignment, I was like, man, I feel really peaceful. Let's make this happen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, let's commit to this.

[B]

But let's think about it. What is an alignment? If you take your car in for an alignment, what they do is they lift it up and they start making sure that everything is balance.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So that we can actually get back on the rough road and still stay together.

[A]

Right. Yeah.

[B]

Not fall apart. Not fall apart.

[A]

That's true. The wheels don't want the wheels to

[B]

fall off, and we don't want one wheel to be low, so it makes us drift a certain way. And so I would just encourage couples, business partners, friends that may have gone through different seasons, because that's what me and Natalie had to do. I went from a boy to a man, and so we had to revision every decade. And I would encourage every relationship to do that revision every decade. You're not the same when you're in small kids to now you have teenagers. You're not the same to when you have teenagers to when they're out the house. And a lot of people that have great relationships in one season have horrible relationships in a different season because they never revisioned. Wow. They've never faked. Okay, the kids are gone. Like, what. What do we value now? Yeah.

[A]

And your vision when you were 17 together is different than your VIS vision now.

[B]

It's completely different because of the trials we've been through, the trauma we've been through, the triumphs we've experienced, as well as the. The. The world we live in.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I mean, the world we live in now compared to when we were 18, 19, is completely different. And so I would just encourage people, like, yeah, like, get a vision and values. I love that. That's a beautiful ad. A vision and values retreat or some time and just really realign. And when you add the faith component into that and you add the family component into that, it changes the focus. Faith, family focus. When you get that together, bro, it then gives you motivation to why you go to work. It gives you. It gives you a why. And too many people, I'm finding, especially out of the pandemic, they've lost their why. Why am I doing this? Like, why is this important? And that's why I, again, in this book, try to help people realize, like, this may be a pain point. This may have been a hit you didn't see coming. I say this all the time. There's no hit like the one you don't see coming. Like, that's when you, like, get the haymaker and you get weak in the knee. And I think relationally as well as personally, a lot of people have had some hits in the last five to 10 years. I didn't know this was going to happen.

[A]

Health, relationships, career, money.

[B]

Well, I didn't know. There was no way. Everything was bright and sunny and then it was just a storm. And that shit has caused trauma that has made people not get back up.

[A]

Right?

[B]

But I believe that all of those things, if you would just get some of the right tools, and that's what I try to provide you with in this book, some right tools, you could actually turn all that trauma into your greatest triumph ever.

[A]

One of the biggest money mistakes I see people make is waiting for the perfect time to get serious about their finances. And I've been there myself. It can be easy to say you'll just deal with it later, but later has a way of showing up fast. And that brings us to today's sponsor, Northwestern Mutual. They'll match you with a financial professional who work with you to build a plan based on what's important to you, looking out for your blind spots and finding new opportunities to help grow your wealth and protect what you've worked so hard for. They listen to you find out what's going on in your life today and what you have in mind for the near and long term. Personally, Northwestern Mutual has been behind my financial and emotional security as an entrepreneur most of my life. Having someone in my corner helps me make clearer decisions and stay focused on building a future I am proud of. Find a better way to money@n m.com the Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin and Northwestern Mutual Wealth Management Company. Paid testimonial by a Northwestern Mutual policy owner. Imagine never buying gas again. Just plug in your car like you plug in your phone. That's the power of driving electric. It's not just good for the planet, it's actually more convenient and more affordable. I've actually been driving a Tesla for a couple of years now, and I love it. I can charge it overnight in my garage, and when I'm on the go, I hit a fast charger and I'm back on the road in no time. No gas stops, no oil changes, just smooth, quiet, reliable drives. EVs are built for real life, with daily range that lets you go wherever you need to go without worrying. And the savings, up to $2,000 a year just by Skipping the gas pump. And with over 100 new and used EV models available right now, there's truly something for every lifestyle and budget. The way forward is electric. Learn [e-mail] so when did you start preaching? Was it 10, 15 years ago?

[B]

Yeah, bro, I don't even know. It was an accident. Like, it was like something over 10 years, right?

[A]

It's been over 10 years.

[B]

About 15.

[A]

Call it 15 years. And you've been married almost 15 years.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you have seen a rise of service, of opportunity, of abundance to yourself, of transformation, of healing, all these different things. You got four beautiful kids. Four beautiful kids. Right.

[B]

Four beautiful kids.

[A]

You got all these different blessings that have come to your life. And you've been able to bless countless people in your community and globally, some that you know, some that you'll never meet. And you've done a lot of this in the last 15 years.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you have a lot of mentors that you reach out to that give you wisdom, that give you counsel. But if you had to go 15 years into the future, to your future self 15 years from now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And be the mentor to you today.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What would be that counsel you would say after all the things you're about to go through in the next 15 years, after all the ups and downs, the beauty, the joy, the impact, the service. If you could imagine time suspended and you're creating and developing, all these things are happening. And you're now 40, I don't know, you're in your almost 50 at that point, 52 or something. What advice would you give yourself today? Yeah.

[B]

Authenticity is your superpower. Be real and admit when you're wrong. If you enjoy the journey, people will enjoy it with you. History will be on your side. I heard the quote that said that people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in 10. I've really adopted that because our world right now is. So what's in the news media today? What do you do today? What do you do today? But, like, 10 years? How many times have people risen and fallen? How many times has the market went up or come down? How many times have people made tons of money and lost money? Like, like, how many? Like. But if you just stay consistent, be disciplined, enjoy the journey, be authentic. I never have to walk into any room and be something. I'm me and I see a lot of my friends and a lot of people around me. They gotta get ready, they gotta put on to do something. And I. That must be Exhausting. But if you could be authentic and enjoy the journey, people will enjoy it with you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You'll find the people who enjoy it. History will be on your side. Like, if you do everything that adds value to people and. And you actually are valuing who you are too, it just creates a life that. That is actually admirable and a life that I believe that more people really want to live. They're searching for it everywhere. They're searching for it in the bottle, they're searching for it in pills, they're searching for it in porn, they're searching for it in success. And I know because I've looked in all those places, but the only place I found it is in a relationship with the Creator and in a relationship with myself. Like, that's where everything started coming together. And when that stuff started to come together, everybody around me is blessed by default. Like being a service to the world. You only can be service to the world when you have first become a service to yourself. And now everybody, everything around me. Every time a tree is planted with fruit, that fruit's coming off and it's going to nourish everybody. But if that seed is jacked up, it never gets the opportunity to grow and produce the fruit.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And so, yeah, I think that's what I would just. I would tell myself or anybody else if I was the mentor.

[A]

Yeah. Speaking of service and purpose, you live a life of service.

[B]

Yes, sir.

[A]

And we have a mutual friend in common that you have been of service to, even though, you know it wasn't a popular decision for you to do so.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or people didn't want you to support and help out or whatever when they were on the fall or when they were struggling or when they were, you know, in a. In a. In a bad light.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why make decisions to help or be of service to people or lean on people and let them lean on you when maybe others don't think that's the right move or it's not good image or they don't like that decision? Why make those decisions when it could hurt your business? People could leave your church. People could say nasty things about you. Why try to lift someone up when maybe they've done something justifiably that's caused other people to be upset? Why lean on support and lifting others up, up when they're in a bad place in society?

[B]

Yeah. So I'm going to go ahead and show my whole faith card right now because this who I am. I believe for me. Number one, the Bible says, do unto others as you would want them to do unto you. So for me, if I was in a bad spot, if I messed up after helping all these people in the name of God and declaring Jesus and being with Christian and all this other stuff, and I still am human and I messed up, I would pray that somebody who says that they love God and God is love, I pray that somebody that represents him would come and help me. And for me, doing unto others as I would want them to do to me, I feel like is a seed and a testimony of what I've. What I call the grace of God. Like, I'm a jacked up person, Louis. Like, I've written some cool books and I made it through 14 years of marriage, but I was addicted to pornography. I was a liar. I was a manipulator. I had been arrested for car insurance fraud. I had all this other stuff. Like, I know what's in me without God, without the transformation that has happened through my relationship and my faith.

[A]

Faith.

[B]

And so when I see people down and out, when I see people hurting, when I see people broken, especially people who carried a heavy weight in the faith community, like, I just feel like it is my responsibility as a brother or a sister to reach out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And to just help. There's a story in the Bible, the Good Samaritan. People have heard it, even if you're not a Christian or anything like that, that this man's beat up and jacked up on the road, and the priest passes him, and then the person who leads the worship passes them. And it's just this Samaritan that comes. And usually they don't even communicate with each other, but they takes them to the end and says, hey, clean this dude up. Put it on my tab. I'll be back tomorrow. I'll take care of everything. And Jesus is telling this story and is like, which. Who's more like me? The guy who represents me and is in the church? The person who sings to me or the person that was just on the street that said, I'll take care of it. There's nothing they can do for me, but I'll take care of it. That's who I want to be.

[A]

Right?

[B]

You don't got to know my name. You don't got to know all that. I just want to actually be of service. We've said it several times. Be of value and help people. Because one life can turn into millions of people's lives being changed. And so for me, man, I had to get rid of that people pleasing to even do that. Though.

[A]

Gosh, it's so hard.

[B]

Do you understand what I'm saying? Because, like, if you stand by somebody who people don't want you to stand

[A]

by, they're not gonna like you.

[B]

They're not gonna like you. And for me, people cannot like me as long as I know I'm in. Right. Standing with God. Mm.

[A]

That's beautiful.

[B]

And so for me, I've gotten used to, like, Actually, I say this all the time. Is a lot of people hear the message of the Bible or. And they hear. They hear it, but they don't live out the method of the Bible. And for me, I want to live it out. I want to actually be loved to people. I want to show love. I want people. I tell people at our church all the time, you can belong before you believe. Like, you don't got to believe. Like, like, let's just be friends. Let's have relationship. Maybe something you'll hear, you'll be like, I can use that. Like. Like. And they not take it a step further, you can be long before you behave.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Okay. You still going to the club and having sex with everybody. All right, cool. Like, but at least maybe you're hearing something that could potentially encourage you to do something different.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like, and for me, I know it's not popular opinion, but that's what I needed.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I needed somebody to be that real, that authentic, and that accepting. And I believe that the message of Jesus Christ is actually that sometimes we've just had bad representatives.

[A]

Sure, sure.

[B]

And so I'm just trying to represent my man.

[A]

We're talking about damaged but not destroyed from trauma to triumph. Make sure you guys get a copy or two and give it to a friend. This will inspire you. Lots of great stories, lessons, tools, and takeaways. So make sure you guys get a few of these copies. We can get it at your website. We can get it everywhere on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and people can follow you on social media. You are? I am Mike Todd. And also iammiketodd.com we'll have the links up for this as well, where people can get it. If they follow you anywhere, they'll see this out there. A couple final questions for you, man. This has been really powerful.

[B]

So thanks for. Been amazing.

[A]

Thanks for coming on. It's been cool.

[B]

This is every time, though.

[A]

Yeah. Next time it would just be just as good, man.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

I asked you this question last time. The last couple questions I have. I asked you this last time. I'm curious if it's changed. It's called the three truths. So imagine, hypothetically, it's your last day on earth. You get to live as long as you want to live.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You get to create and generate and serve the way you want to. But for whatever reason, on this last day, you've got to take all of your content with you. Books, conversations, they're all gone to the next place. And you got to turn the lights off in this world. But before you leave, you get to leave behind three lessons. And this is all we would. This is all we would have of your content. Are these three truths?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

What would be those three truths for you?

[B]

Number one, God is love. The second message would be, you're valuable. And the third would be, let your family be your greatest achievement. Because I would be gone, but they'd still be here. And if you take all my content away, it would live through them.

[A]

I just got the chills just thinking about that.

[B]

This book I dedicated to my grandchildren. Children.

[A]

Oh, that's beautiful.

[B]

I have no grandchildren right yet. My oldest is 10 years old. But it was said a good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children. And so the. The inheritance I want to leave is not just physical things. I'm going to leave them that, but I want to leave them emotional health and spiritual health. And I believe this book, the content, the value, it's showing up in my daughters and my son, and then their kids and my family will be my greatest success story.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And because that keeps living on.

[A]

Absolutely. That is beautiful, man.

[B]

Can it. Can I. Can I share something about the back cover real quick?

[A]

Yeah, go ahead.

[B]

Okay. So if you look at this back cover real quick. And I wrote this. This is the one the publisher wanted me to have. They wanted me to smile. Okay. But this is my cover right here. And we did a double cover. This is three generations of Todd men, of you, of my whole family. Every man in my family. Oh, wow. This is my dad's cheek. These are my brothers. This is me. This is my eye, and this is my son's eye.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

But it still looks like me. Wow. That's great. But it's. It's. It's every man that is close to me. And this is to paint the picture that if you don't deal with your damage, you affect every person you love.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And this is what I said in the book. What's not transformed is transferred. So if I don't deal with what I'm seeing in my eye, it goes to what my son sees in his eye. Wow. And so this is like the most powerful, creative picture. Shout out to. To my little brother Grayson and my God brother John, who came up with this concept. But this is why that's beautiful. You need to deal with your stuff because the people you say you love the most will experience the most effect if you don't. Wow. And if you can't figure it out for yourself, at least do it for the people you love.

[A]

Dude, this is amazing, man. I'm so excited for this. I want people to get a copy damaged, but not destroyed. That's really cool concept right there. Before I ask the final question, Michael, I want to acknowledge you, man, for doing things that are of service, not to impress people, doing things that are on purpose, not to people. Please. And doing things your way, which is an alignment to a higher power for you, not because you're trying to keep up with everyone else. So I really acknowledge you for that, man, because I've heard, you know, great things about you from other people. I've. I loved our interactions. I love the conversations we've got to have, and I hope we have many more to come.

[B]

Have more, brother.

[A]

More on and off this show.

[B]

But you're about to get married, brother. So I. I got a lot of wisdom now. I'm going to be reaching out to you.

[A]

Say, tell me all that, bro.

[B]

Hit me up.

[A]

Final question for you, and this is an interesting one because we all have a different definition of it. What is your definition of greatness?

[B]

Oh, my goodness. I'm on the school of greatness. My definition of greatness. If you would have asked me this a year and a half ago, two years ago, it would have been different because that's all I could accept. I'm fine with people being great, but it cannot be the only thing that's acceptable. So for me, my definition of greatness has changed to greatness is being good at what you know your purpose to be. Like. If you're good at what you know, your purpose to be, and good at what your purpose to do, you're great. And a lot of people want to be great at everything. But now I just feel like good is okay at what. Let me say it like this. Good is okay at the right thing. And if you're good at the right thing, you're great.

[A]

I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links and if you want, weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally as well as ad free listening. Then make sure to subscribe to our greatness+channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing from feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy and you matter and now it's time to go out there and do something great.

[B]

You love what you do. You also love the idea of not doing it one day. But it's getting harder to know the best way to move into the future towards retirement. We hear about inflation, rate hikes, the changing market, gotta get the kids through college, build an emergency fund, and then there's retirement. Here's where Fidelity comes in. Fidelity can help you find clarity in saving for the future, even as your path and priorities evolve. How? Well, they'll help you create a free, personalized plan that adapts as your priorities change. They'll also show you what's called timely insights, small tips on ways to save and invest to help meet your goals. And you can monitor your plan so you stay on target. The future's coming and so is retirement. Fidelity can help you take it on your way. Learn [e-mail] future expenses charged by your investments and other costs and fees associated with trading or transacting in your account. Apply Fidelity Brokerage Services Member nyse, SIPC

[A]

Guys, we gotta talk about your secret late night Internet searches. You know the ones. Bumpy leg rash, Hair loss. Trying to figure out your body by endlessly searching for answers. We've all done it and it never works. Thankfully, there's Amazon Health AI. It can connect your symptoms with your medical history to offer personalized care 24. 7. So call off the search. Amazon Health AI is here. Healthcare just got less painful.