
Hosted by Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD · EN
I'm Dr. Margaret, a psychologist for over 30 years, TEDx speaker, and the author of Perfectly Hidden Depression. I created The SelfWork Podcast in 2016 to explain mental health treatment and to give you the chance to consider therapy without thinking it's weird or that it somehow suggests you can't fix your own problems. My team is very honored that nine years later, SelfWork has earned nearly 5 million downloads! Each episode features the popular listener question as well as interviews with outstanding guests, authors, and experts, adding to the wide diversity of topics listeners so appreciate. Regularly rated as one of the top mental health/depression podcasts out there (ranked as a top .5% internationally) I keep it short, casual, and focused on "what you can do about it." I'd love to hear from you. Please join me.

Today we're going to focus on how to find community and belonging by finding or creating a "third space." What's that?Many of you don’t remember the 1983 hit show Cheers. It was about a local Boston bar run by a recovering alcoholic who was still very much a playboy. The bar was peopled by everyone from a grandiose psychiatrist, a retired coach, a rather superior-feeling grad student, a mailman, and well... who knew what Norm did! . Characters fell in lust, in love, and out of love. But the strong message from the show was that everyone needed a place of acceptance and belonging - hence the lyrics of the Cheers theme song."Sometimes you wanna goWhere everybody knows your nameAnd they're always glad you cameYou wanna be where you can see (ah-ah)Our troubles are all the same (ah-ah)You wanna be where everybody knows your name"But that was 1983. A lot has changed – a lot. But today we’re going to focus on our remaining need as humans to have a sense of belonging and community - and to combat the loneliness epidemic that's the reality of so many.One of those things is finding or creating what's termed a "third space." We'll focus on how to do that today on SelfWork.The listener voicemail is from a guy who’s been told all his life that he can’t do things for himself – and he’s unsure of where to start – of how to begin or maybe redefine his own independence.Vital Links:Great article in The Atlantic called The Anti-Social Century by Derek Thompson was phenomenal.Research showing attendance at only one cultural/community event decreases depressionAdvertiser's Link:Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! Our Sponsors:* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com* Check out Midi Health: https://trymidi.com/selfworkAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Why is it so hard to treat eating disorders? We're going to find out today in this interview with Johanna Kandel, founder and director of the National Alliance for Eating Disorders.Kandel brings her own successful recovery from anorexia and bulimia to this interview whose message is that full recovery is possible. She's the author of book "Life Beyond Your Eating Disorder, but in her establishment of a thriving clinician-led service organization, she stresses that you can free yourself from identifying with the disorder - and then become it. Eating disorders can far too easily become who you are.Kandel seeks to empower readers by sharing her own past—how her youthful perfectionism and aspirations to become a ballerina fueled her need to control and numb her emotions, which stoked her disorder. She also offers practical advice: “My eating disorder gave me carte blanche not to have to do things that scared me: I didn’t have to feel . . . Basically, it protected me . . . from life.”I loved this conversation. As someone with a history of anorexia myself, it gave me another chance to speak to my own vulnerability.Advertiser's Link and Special Offer:Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!Our Sponsors:* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com* Check out Midi Health: https://trymidi.com/selfworkAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

When I was contacted by Paulina Siegel about being on her podcast, Shit Talking Shrinks, I was intrigued. She and her friend and colleague Victoria Aron are in Season Two of an hilarious, fresh challenge to the stereotype of the "therapist" - someone who's emotionally calm and somehow "above it all." So this is an expletive-filled SelfWork episode today - because guess what? Therapists can use colorful language as well! Yes, we offer our expertise in creating an emotionally safe space for you to risk your own healing and growth. But the old "immutable" therapist - the one who rarely interjects their own personality - is an identity that both these therapists challenge. And they do it with laughter and fun, intelligence and caring. I've long been "myself" as a therapist. I don't suddenly don some cloak as soon as a patient comes through the door. The unique nature of the therapeutic relationship lies in the focus on the issues of one person, the client. And yet, to gain trust, these women believe that being more real is the key to what trust looks like in 2023. So come laugh with us and listen in to what was a very fun conversation! And get to know Paulina Siegel and Victoria Aron, as they tackle issues that especially millennials and Gen Z'ers face. Advertiser's Link: BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! Episode Transcript This is SelfWork. And I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. At SelfWork, we'll discuss psychological and emotional issues common in today's world and what to do about them. I'm Dr. Margaret and Self-Work is a podcast dedicated to you, taking just a few minutes today for your own self-work. Hello and welcome or welcome back to SelfWork. I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford, and I'm so glad you're here. Let me read you an email I recently received. "I feel grateful to be able to write to you as I love the SelfWork podcast. It has brought me so much joy, vitality, support, and wellness over the months. Of course, that made me feel good. My name is Paulina or Pauly Siegel, and I'm a licensed clinical social worker, certified addiction specialist. And I'm master level trained mindfulness practitioner. I specialize in Gen Z and millennials struggling with trauma, O C D, anxiety and generational specific issues. I've also started a podcast called Shit Talking Shrinks, which intertwines clinical expertise and humor to bring you something that is both psychoeducational and entertaining. Our podcast breaks down mental health topics, the human experience and society at large, while leaving you with tangible tools to navigate life more effectively." So, of course I listen to the podcast, and by the way, this one is going to be pretty baudy with lots of language. So, you know, use your own judgment in listening. But their podcast is entertaining and hilarious and real and informative and supportive. Polly has a no holds barred co-host, Victoria Arin, who's in practice herself. And between the two of them, there's an energy that was so refreshing and funny. In fact, I've never laughed more in an interview, and I hope you will as well. As I said, there's a bunch of expletives in this one and we talk about sex. So a heads up there. These two therapists are angry at how the mental health profession teaches therapists that they need to somehow look above it all, or as if they're not human too. And we are most definitely human. We get teed off, we get constipated. We cuss... What we do have (that you've heard me talk about many times on SelfWork), we have experience in listening and sharing a different kind of relationship with you than you're going to get with a friend. We have expertise in certain issues and struggles, and we're going to offer that to you But because it's often deeply personal, we enter a relationship with you that hopefully feels safe and secure while we're also folks just like you. So this is gonna be a journey. But before we continue, let's hear from Better Help. I recently heard a fascinating reframe for the idea of asking for help. Maybe you view asking for help as something someone does who's falling apart or who isn't strong. So consider this. What if asking for help means that you won't let anything get in your way of solving an issue, finding out an answer or discovering a better direction? Asking for help is much more about your determination to recognize what needs your attention or what is getting in your way of having the life you want better help. The number one online therapy provider makes reaching out about as easy as it can get. Within 48 hours, you'll have a professional licensed therapist with whom you can text, email, or talk with to guide you. And you're not having to come through therapist websites or drive to appointments. It's convenient, inexpensive, and readily available. Now you can find a therapist that fits your needs with better help. And if you use the code or link Better help.com/self work, you get 10% off your first month of sessions. So just do it. You'll be glad you did That. Link again is better help.com/ self-work to get 10% off your first month of services And now a different kind of SelfWork. For those of you who can handle the language and wanna have a great deal of fun, come join me and Polly and Victoria. I'm really glad to meet y'all. I I've listened to a couple of your episodes and they're really good and I I was delighted. Yes. And so anyway I love what you're doing and Okay. Can you just tell me a little bit about yourselves First, I'd love to just find out who you are, where you are, where you came from, , Paulie, take the lead. Okay. well, hello everyone. I'm Paulina Siegel. I have a private practice in both Illinois and Colorado. Oh, that's, that specializes... That's a lot . It is a lot. It is a lot. But it's been fun and it's been going for five years now, so I'm really grateful for the journey. But I specialize in Gen Z and millennials. How do you know Victoria? Yes. So Victoria and I met in Illinois. I moved to Illinois in August of 2021. Mm-Hmm. and I met Victoria through a mutual colleague. And this colleague ended up calling me and was like, "You have to meet Victoria. She is the coolest, she's cooler than you." And that's hard to say. That's great. And Victoria, where are you? And, and you're in Illinois obviously, so Yeah, so I'm in the suburbs of Chicago. And I have a private practice as well. Okay. I do, I do concierge, sober coaching and case management. Wonderful. So, yeah, so I'm trained as a social worker. I have certifications and process and substance use disorders. And I kind of, I'm actually coming up on the two year anniversary of my practice. And when I met Paulina, I had no real desire to be part of a podcast. Didn't really think about it. I just knew that I wanted to perform. I lo I've always loved it. I love being center of attention. I love telling stories. . So this is like the best Of both? Both. That's not me at all. Not me at all. No, no, no. . That's how I have a whole room outfit. Right. Studio . Yeah. My whole career is built off myself, but I don't wanna be the center. So... now Pauly, you were trying to tell us what you, what you focus on or what you specialize in. Yeah, Yeah. No worries. Gen Z and millennials, so anyone 15 to 43. I do a lot of trauma o c d, anxiety work. I was very involved in the addiction world for a while and sort of phased out cuz I got a little bit burnt out. And that's why we have the Victoria's of the world because she, she has all the grit and resiliency that's needed to do the work. But I've really liked focusing on more of the strictly the mental health side of things. But yeah, I I really I'm so pleased to talk with y'all and and just talk about millennials, gen Zs. I am always honored when someone, you know, in, in that, in th...