Alien Conspiracy Theories

Summary

The Shane Dawson Podcast - Episode: Alien Conspiracy Theories

Release Date: December 8, 2024
Host: Shane Dawson
Description: Join YouTuber Shane Dawson and his close friends for unfiltered conversations, brutally honest stories, and engaging segments like “Conspiracy Corner” and “New Fears UNLOCKED.” This episode delves deep into alien conspiracy theories, medical anecdotes, and lighthearted segments to keep listeners entertained.

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1. Introduction to Alien Conspiracy Theories

The episode kicks off with Shane introducing a new two-part conspiracy series available on YouTube, focusing on alien theories prepared by co-host Jared.

• Shane [00:01]: “Strap in. We have Conspiracy Corner and a deep dive on aliens that Jared has prepared for us, and we are ready to be addicted.”

2. Medical Concerns and Personal Stories

The conversation transitions to a light-hearted yet honest discussion about each co-host's medical issues, framed within a speed round format.

• Shane [02:19]: “Today is a medical episode because every single person here today has some kind of medical issue.”
• Chris [03:03]: Shares his experience with severe testicular pain and the ordeal of navigating urgent care.

This segment not only humanizes the hosts but also brings out humorous and empathetic moments as they navigate personal challenges together.

3. Secret Santa and Christmas Preparations

As the episode nears the Christmas season, Shane introduces a Secret Santa activity, engaging the group in gift-giving plans for an upcoming Christmas special.

• Shane [11:21]: “We're all gonna pick a name and see who we have to get a gift for. And then on the Christmas episode, we're gonna open up our gifts and try to guess who.”

This segment highlights the camaraderie among the hosts and sets the stage for future holiday-themed content.

4. Rabbit Hole Discussions

The core of the episode involves “Rabbit Hole” discussions where each host delves into various intriguing topics.

a. World Records and Odd Achievements

Jared explores the fascination with extreme world records, from blindfolded video game speed runs to unconventional feats like the fastest jump roper.

• Jared [16:15]: “There's a whole category of people that do it all blindfolded... someone did it blindfolded and got it down to like 30 minutes.”

b. Crumble Cookies Subreddit Drama

Spencer dives into the intense discussions on the Crumble Cookies subreddit, uncovering deep-seated fan frustrations and corporate responses.

• Spencer [19:42]: “People... are constantly mad at Crumble. They're obsessed with...”

The hosts speculate on the psychological and social dynamics that keep fans engaged despite apparent dissatisfaction.

c. Fake Hawaii Missile Alert Incident

Shane recounts the 2018 accidental alert sent to all phones in Hawaii, exploring its societal impact and the spread of misinformation.

• Shane [23:13]: “There was an accidental alert that was sent to everybody's phones in Hawaii... everyone thought they were about to die.”

This discussion emphasizes the fragility of public trust and the potential chaos stemming from technological errors.

d. AI and Alien Conspiracies

A significant portion is dedicated to the intersection of AI advancements and alien conspiracy theories, questioning government transparency and the implications of emerging technologies.

• Jared [55:41]: “They're being accused of being liars. We don't know that this isn't just a show that they're putting on for us because they want the idea to be that there is stuff going on.”

The hosts debate whether AI developments could be linked to extraterrestrial influences or governmental manipulations, weaving together elements of technology fears and classic alien invasion narratives.

5. Listener Emails and Heartwarming Stories

Shane shares impactful listener emails, highlighting life events where the podcast played a supportive role.

• Dana Marie [39:20]: “I gave birth to the pod... Here is a literal picture...”

• Jesse's Proposal [40:09]: “I just want to share a picture and a video of me proposing to my girlfriend dripped out in your merch.”

These testimonials underscore the podcast’s influence and the deep connection between the hosts and their audience.

6. Emotional Breakthrough and Group Reflection

In an unexpected and poignant turn, the hosts engage in an emotional segment where they attempt to cry on command, leading to a heartfelt discussion about their relationships and internal struggles.

• Shane [34:20]: “Over the past few months, there's been tension, and honestly, it's been killing me because I feel like I've been watching us all fall apart.”

• Spencer [35:00]: “We have been falling apart, and it's my fault.”

This raw and vulnerable exchange reveals underlying tensions and cements the group's commitment to overcoming personal and collective challenges.

7. Recap and Final Thoughts

As the episode winds down, the hosts recap the discussions, reiterating the blend of serious conspiracy theories with personal anecdotes and humor.

• Chris [64:50]: “We have many kinds of vehicles, so many emails about this, so many comments about this to talk about the aliens, what's happening.”

• Shane [65:21]: “I love this alien shit and I really, I mean, does anybody at this point not believe in aliens?”

They emphasize the ongoing intrigue surrounding UFOs and AI, encouraging listeners to engage with the topics and share their beliefs.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Shane [00:20]: “Has the government conducted secret UAP crash retrieval programs? Yes or no?”

• Chris [02:20]: “Each and every one of us.”

• Jared [03:03]: “I had tons of ball pain where it felt like somebody was punching me in my nut at all hours of the day.”

• Spencer [19:42]: “People... are all hate Crumble. They're all constantly mad at Crumble.”

• Shane [23:16]: “They've reclassified it to include that kind of stuff...”

• Jared [55:41]: “They could be coming from the ocean, the sky...”

• Shane [65:21]: “I love this alien shit and I really, I mean, does anybody at this point not believe in aliens?”

---

Concluding Insights

This episode masterfully intertwines extraterrestrial conspiracy theories with authentic personal stories, medical anecdotes, and interactive segments like Secret Santa and Rabbit Holes. The hosts' ability to navigate between lighthearted humor and serious discussions about AI and UFOs provides a comprehensive and engaging experience for listeners. Emotional breakthroughs and heartfelt listener testimonies add depth, showcasing the podcast's impact and the strong bond among the hosts and their audience.

For newcomers, this episode offers a well-rounded glimpse into "The Shane Dawson Podcast," highlighting its unique blend of conspiracy theories, personal connections, and entertaining segments that keep listeners coming back for more.

Transcript

[Shane]

New two part conspiracy series up now on YouTube.com Shane enjoy. Strap in. We have Conspiracy Corner and a deep dive on aliens that Jared has prepared for us, and we are ready to be addicted. Has the government conducted secret UAP crash retrieval programs? Yes or no?

[Jared]

Yes.

[Shane]

Okay. Were they designed to identify and reverse engineer alien craft? Yes or no? Yes.

[Chris]

What?

[Spencer]

Whoa.

[Shane]

Hey. Welcome back to whatever the hell this is. Earthquake Edition.

[Chris]

Oh, I don't know why you're making a joke out of this.

[Jared]

It felt like a jokeable size. It was a minor shake.

[Shane]

I mean, I'm terrified of earthquakes. Spencer, how was my reaction? We just had an earthquake right before we started rolling. How was my reaction?

[Spencer]

Me and Shane were in this room.

[Shane]

He crouches like, is that an earthquake? Is that an earthquake?

[Chris]

Oh, that's his, like, terrified mom, but he crouches like, no, his just panic. Like sheer panic for anything that goes wrong.

[Shane]

Let me explain.

[Chris]

He's always like, okay, okay.

[Ryland]

I had no idea that we had an earthquake.

[Shane]

Chris, you're so grounded. How did you miss that? Here's what I will say. Before we had kids, I didn't really get scared of earthquakes. I was kind of like, ooh, it's like a ride. Now that we have kids, it's like, next level. I am running to that room because, like, it scares me.

[Jared]

Is it safer just to go outside, though?

[Shane]

No, because the ground could open up and swallow you.

[Jared]

Wow.

[Chris]

What's stopping it from just opening up right here, though? I have seen a few videos on YouTube of unexpected sinkholes under people's houses so they'll be sitting on their couch and just fall.

[Jared]

You've seen that on YouTube?

[Chris]

Well, no, I've seen reporters talk about it on YouTube. I don't know if there's been, like, a camera in anybody's house, but imagine, like, eating your popcorn at night watching this podcast.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Jared]

Wow. What a vibe.

[Shane]

That's a vibe.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Shane]

My favorite video that's kind of like. That is the one where the guy's, like, drinking beer in his recliner, watching tv, and then the whole ceiling falls. And then he just stays there. And then he, like, takes another sip of beer. It's like on what the is happening. Yes. Today is a very special episode because not only are we close to Christmas clock, the hat. Also, it is a medical episode because every single person here today has some kind of medical issue.

[Chris]

Each and every one of us.

[Shane]

Every single one of us. Okay, ready? I'm gonna do a speed round.

[Ryland]

Cause we're old.

[Shane]

Testicle issues, possible sleep apnea, hemorrhoid the size of a potato. Forehead pimple.

[Chris]

Oh, that's so.

[Shane]

Lifelong heart issue.

[Spencer]

Yeah, I went to the heart doctor on Thursday.

[Shane]

Uh. Oh, thank you, man.

[Spencer]

And I have bad news.

[Jared]

I might feel bad to put myself in this arena, to be honest with you.

[Shane]

Forehead pimple is hard, and yours is invisible, which means, yes, you can.

[Spencer]

Those are the worst.

[Shane]

Hold on. So heart.

[Spencer]

That's fine. I have to go get a thing called an echo. It's funny. Where?

[Jared]

Conagram.

[Spencer]

Ultrasound.

[Shane]

Ultrasound.

[Chris]

I have one of my nuts this week.

[Spencer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

It's Spencer's turn.

[Chris]

I know.

[Spencer]

Yeah, I'm out.

[Chris]

I'm just saying, request the heated one.

[Spencer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's funny because you're just sort of laying and they turn off the lights, and you're just laying on a bed, and there's just a woman just like. And she's like. Anyways, like, my kid's in college. Like, she's just, like, talking. Anyway, it's not exciting.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Spencer]

But, yeah.

[Shane]

Well, I'm happy you're okay so far.

[Jared]

What are they.

[Chris]

Wait, you already did it?

[Spencer]

Yeah, yeah, I did it.

[Chris]

And when did they give you the results?

[Spencer]

They don't get it. It takes forever because it's like, a whole thing.

[Shane]

Okay, okay. Well, who wants to go first? How about you?

[Chris]

Me? Yeah.

[Shane]

You never have medical issues. This is big.

[Chris]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

And I was terrified for him to go to the doctor.

[Chris]

No. He forced me into the er, which was. I, in hindsight, not necessary. I just. Tons of ball pain where it felt like somebody was punching me in my nut at all hours of the day. And it lasted for about two days until Shane finally was like, I'm gonna Google this. I was like, I've been intentionally not Googling this because you're just gonna find the worst when you Google. And Lizzie and Shane were both like, no, this is urgent. You need to go to urgent care. You need to check this out. And I was like, I don't know. Let me just give it a few days. So I go to urgent care, and they're like, oh, no, no, no. We can't give you anything at urgent care because this requires an ultrasound because we can't tell what's going on without. So then I ended up at Chris's home, which is the ER at Kaiser. And I was like, hey, Chris, where are you at, girl? He didn't reply to me. So he was probably.

[Shane]

There's no service in there. You guys couldn't get a little busy?

[Chris]

Yes. So I go into the ER because it's the er. And this is why I'm like, in hindsight, I shouldn't have been there. Even when I went to my primary doctor for the follow up, he's like, oh, no. If it was a torsion, which is what Shane and Lizzie were afraid of, it's where the testicle tube gets, like, wrapped around or your ball gets inverted over it. And that is an emergency in the sense that you would need immediate surgery or you'd lose circulation to your neck and you'd have to lose and remove the ball. So Lizzie and Shane were like, that's what it is.

[Shane]

And then I said, hold on. We were in the kitchen and I was like, it could be a torsion. Oh, my God, this is bad. You could lose a ball. And he literally goes, I have two.

[Spencer]

Very optimistic of you, and you have.

[Chris]

Kids because I'm just looking out for you for the rest of your. I was like, I'm married. Like, what? Are you going to think less of me with one ball?

[Shane]

No, but it's your ball. Like, I don't. I want both of mine.

[Jared]

So come on, you got to keep it.

[Chris]

I woke up and unfortunately for me, it still felt like I was being punched in the nut sack. So I gave in.

[Shane]

I was just down there. But what I'm saying, like, I'm going.

[Chris]

To fast forward and then go back in time. My doctor was like, oh, no. If this was a torsion, you'd be screaming and in so much pain, unable to move that you'd have to no option but to go to the er. But, yeah, then, like, the student nurse comes in because I ring the fucking bathroom bell because I can't hold it any longer and I'm hooked up to a heart machine.

[Jared]

This story has everything.

[Shane]

It really does.

[Spencer]

Wow.

[Chris]

I ring the bathroom bell and I'm like, okay, somebody come unhook me. And this girl starts, like, gagging and gasping. When she walks in, I'm like, oh, God.

[Jared]

What?

[Spencer]

Oh, like, she know you.

[Chris]

Yes.

[Spencer]

Not like she was like, okay, you.

[Shane]

Are dragging a viewer.

[Chris]

Wow. I appreciate it, but it's like, in my condition.

[Spencer]

No, that sucks.

[Chris]

That's the worst. I'm always going to, like, be. I'm always, like, appreciative, and I'll always, like, you know, do the most. But it's like, now I have to explain to her why I'm posted up in the er, you know, I'm like, don't worry about me. It's just like somebody's pulling out my right testicle. Fine. The ultrasound Technician finally comes in. He's this guy, and he's like, okay, pull off your apron. So I'm dick out. And he's like, well, I'm gonna need you to get it in a position that I can get the correct imaging. So my nut hurts already, mind you. He's, like, yanking my sack up and putting a towel there. And he's like, just hold it there. And I'm like, screaming in pain because it's so painful. And then he wants me to hold my nutsack in an even more painful position while he sticks a fucking ultrasound with tons of lube all over my nutsack. And he's like, I'm not getting it. So he's moving it around, getting it in the right place. And I'm like, are you sure you got the image? And he's like, yeah, the ultrasound sees through. So I'm getting what I need to get. Wasn't a torsion, wasn't a tear. Not an emergency. And so the ER doctor comes back in an hour later, and he goes, yeah, there's nothing. Sorry. And I go, so what am I doing here? Like, you. It's like, I can barely walk. It's so much pain. He's like, I don't know what to tell you.

[Ryland]

That's maddening whenever that happens. He's like, I'm in so much pain.

[Chris]

Something's happening. He sent me home. I went to my regular doctor, and he's like, oh, yeah, it's just a bacterial infection. Here's the antibiotics. And I said, why the fuck didn't the ER do the doctor do this? Because then I was busy watching the sit. I could have been. I could have been in three days, less of pain. Because as soon as he gave me the antibiotic, I woke up the next morning and, like, 95% of the pain was gone. So then my doctor was like, you need to. Especially while your balls are in pain, you need to wear supportive underwear. Like, because when your balls are hanging low.

[Shane]

I walked in and he had a song on the ground. I was like, what the fuck is that? What the fuck is that? Support for my balls. But I know it. One stuff. I don't want to wear boxers. I'm like, what the hell is going on?

[Chris]

I was trying it all, okay? He was. And then I. I started looking into research. No, this is. Well, this isn't unrelated, but I was looking into research about, like, sleeping commando versus gnaw and all these things. Doctors are saying if you're sleeping commando and your ass is all about your Sheets. There could. It could. It could release bacteria into your sheets that if you then flip over, bacteria could get.

[Shane]

That is not.

[Chris]

Your ass is idle. I read about this. I read about this.

[Spencer]

Do you sleep commando?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Come on. What?

[Spencer]

Do you sleep naked?

[Chris]

Yes. And I almost never wear underwear. So now I'm gonna start, which sucks, I guess.

[Shane]

I don't sleep naked.

[Chris]

No, you don't. Well, now I'm in support of underwear too, which sucks.

[Spencer]

I've had the same thing with my balls. I've had the same thing happen. I didn't have to get ultrasounded, but it was after me and my ex had sex and the next day it hurt so much. And I thought I had the torsion. I thought I had the torsion. And then I kept trying to untwist them and I was like, it's making it worse. Then I went to the urgent care, but they. I went to urgent care and they're like, that's that.

[Chris]

And then they, they prescribed you an antibiotic. They put me through a whole ritual.

[Spencer]

Go to the yard.

[Chris]

Oh my God. I spent six hours at the er.

[Jared]

That's the worst.

[Chris]

And my doctor did say you could get an infection doing anything. He said it just happens. It's not like cuz working out too hard. Because I was like, did I work out too hard? Am I having too much sex?

[Spencer]

Am I not too cool.

[Chris]

Too much or not enough? And then you start falling down Reddit holes and everyone's like, I'm good with ball pain for years. And I'm like, what?

[Spencer]

Go to the doctor.

[Shane]

Okay. Wow, that was a lot.

[Chris]

I've gone on an hour press tour about this.

[Shane]

It was between both podcasts, but it was really good.

[Jared]

That was the drill.

[Shane]

What a gift you gave us for Christmas. Okay, so Chris, so I may or.

[Ryland]

May not have sleep apnea. I've been having synthesis like crazy headaches and not sleeping well. And it feels like I can't breathe right anymore from then till now, even though I feel otherwise, recovered and just like weird things happening. And so they've done a series of tests. One of them was an at home sleep apnea test. And they never responded to me. I messaged them on the Kaiser app and then I guess I made an appointment that I missed and I just have a voicemail saying, oh, we're going to order your CPAP machine. And I was like, cpap? So I have sleep apnea. I have to wear that thing going. And I'm like, I don't want to.

[Spencer]

I don't want to.

[Shane]

Sleep with. Oh, Chrissy. Well, prayers up. Thank you. For you, for your balls, for honestly your condition that you really don't talk about.

[Ryland]

Yeah, yeah.

[Spencer]

I mean it's not. Nothing happens. That was a much better story than. I just go. And they're like, yeah, you're all right for now.

[Shane]

Yeah. And Jared, you did not give enough shine to your head.

[Jared]

People shine. It's hard. Yeah. So I'm not trying to overshadow anybody, but you know. No, you all can see.

[Shane]

So yeah, we all have our issues. But you know what, guys? We're here, it's almost Christmas and we have a crazy show in store. So stick around because you're not going to want to miss it.

[Spencer]

That's a real pro.

[Shane]

Thank you. Thank you. Okay, before we fall down the rabbit hole, which is. This is a real rabbit hole.

[Jared]

Can't wait.

[Shane]

It's a lot. Before we do that, we need to set up something that we're gonna be doing for our special Christmas episode in two weeks. Spencer, do you have the stocking?

[Spencer]

We are gonna be playing a little Secret Santa.

[Shane]

Okay, so how it's gonna work is all of our names are inside the stocking. I even think Sandy and Lizzie. Cause they're coming on the Christmas episode.

[Jared]

Nice.

[Shane]

They're gonna be on there too, so we gotta let them know. But we're all gonna pick a name and see who we have to get a gift for. And then on the Christmas episode, we're gonna open up our gifts and try to guess who. We need to set some ground rules. Right? Like there needs to be a price limit, I guess. Yeah, but is there other rules? Like does it. Is there categories or is. I've never.

[Spencer]

No, no, I don't think I have.

[Chris]

I think last year on this podcast.

[Jared]

I don't know, I think someone just went to like Costco and Boston.

[Shane]

Oh, I gave Lizzie my credit card.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Spencer]

Last year Lizzie did it for everyone.

[Jared]

You played Secret Santa?

[Spencer]

Yeah. So this one, everyone's going to pick an. I think, I don't think any of the rules. I think just like try to get a good gift for that person. If you pick your own names. Pick again.

[Shane]

Okay. God, I'm scared. Okay.

[Jared]

Very excited about who I got.

[Shane]

Cool, cool, cool.

[Chris]

Okay, Cool, cool, cool.

[Ryland]

Wait, this is fun.

[Spencer]

Okay, so I'm picking for Sandy.

[Jared]

We'll all find out together.

[Spencer]

Very good.

[Ryland]

Everyone's reaction.

[Shane]

Uh huh. Right.

[Ryland]

Cool, cool.

[Spencer]

And then this is for Lizzie.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Spencer]

Very efficient.

[Shane]

Well, there we go.

[Spencer]

Yeah, that was great.

[Shane]

No, I'm actually. Good job, sponge. He played It. He got the stocking. He wrote the names. He did a lot for that.

[Jared]

That was big, dude. That was huge.

[Shane]

That was big.

[Spencer]

Thanks.

[Shane]

Yeah. Well, I'm very excited. I love. I hate opening presents. It's honestly my biggest ick. Like, I hate the feeling of somebody watching me and then I have to, like, respond like, hey. Like, I hate it. But I love giving presents. It's so fun. So this is gonna be fun.

[Ryland]

I relate to that a lot.

[Shane]

Hey, sorry to interrupt the episode. Please don't go anywhere. How could you leave me on Christmas? I was just sitting with Rudolph and do I only know one of their names? Rudolph and Caitlin and Jessica and Simpson. What the fuck are their names? Brenda. Anyways. Yes, Sea Geek. Nothing says the holidays more than going to a concert. You know, they're gonna have fake snow. You know, you're gonna roll up to a Sabrina Carpenter concert. Oh, and she's gonna have confetti post Malone. You know, he's gonna be throwing Crocs. So many artists are on tour right now. Ryland, literally just a few days ago, went to a Sabrina Carpenter concert, used a CK code, got some percentages off, and had the best time of. He was texting me the whole time, and I was like, oh, my God, that looks so fun. Do you miss me? And he was like, no, not at all. And obviously, they have more than concerts. They have literally anything you can think of that needs a ticket. SeatGeek has it and has it for the best price. Broadway shows, comedy shows, sports games, you name it. They also rate their tickets from 1 to 10. So if you go to a show, like, for example, you download the SeatGeek app, if you don't have it already, and you'll see a little red dot, that means no, this ticket is way overpriced, not worth it. You see a little green dot, that means this is a good price. It's good to go. And SeatGeek is giving you guys a deal. All you gotta do is use code GROWER10 and you'll get 10% off of your tickets. That's any tickets on SeatGeek, no matter how many times you've bought tickets before in the past, grower 10 will get you 10% off of your next order. So check it out. Download the app, use code GROWER10, and go do something fun. Go get snow, Dawn. So thank you so much, SeatGeek, for sponsoring this episode. What am I doing? So it's like four in the morning right now. It's a lot. I'm going to go See you guys in the next ad. Bye. Oh, I have something to say. It's the most wonderful time of the year. You know why? Because I left my singing career behind me. Yes. But also because holidays are on the house at DraftKings Casino. That's right. With this season's offerings, you'll unwrap everything on your list. Exclusive games, huge jackpots and exciting rewards. DraftKings Casino is offering you guys a warm welcome to new players with $100 instantly in casino credits with just a ten dollar wager. Plus, everybody can get in on the action with a holiday reward every week. So sign up and use Code Grower because the holiday cheer. Oh, it's here. And once again, as always, if you have a gambling problem, there is help. Call 1-800-GAMBLER in Connecticut. Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly. 21 plus physically present in Connecticut, Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only. Void in Ontario eligibility restrictions apply. New customers only opt in required casino credits are non withdrawable and expire in 168 hours [e-mail] so thank you so much DraftKings for sponsoring this episode. Please use Code Grower and enjoy the holiday season from the comfort of your couch. Making them sleigh bells ring. That doesn't make sense. Also, I remembered one Blitzen, right? Rudolph and Blitzen and Sherry and Pickle. I'm going to work on the other ones. Enjoy the rest of show. Bye. Moving on to the rabbit hole. I don't even know where to start because I texted you guys because I was falling down a rabbit hole and I was like, let's do rabble segment. Jared, what do you got? Spencer, what do you got? Chris, what do you got? Jared, you came through with some crazy shit. Spencer got heated about his.

[Spencer]

I gotta get.

[Shane]

So this is gonna be fun. Okay, Jared, do you want to start with yours?

[Jared]

So I've been getting into just any kind of video that has somebody doing the best thing in the world, you know, like it all kind of started because. Have you ever heard of speed runs? Like video games?

[Shane]

Oh yeah.

[Jared]

So it's basically just people who could play a video game the fastest and the way they break it down is insane. Like per frame and the frame rate and they have glitches and people beat Mario Brothers in like I think under five minutes. But the interesting one that like was pretty mind blowing is there's a whole category of people that do it all blindfolded. So like, like Super Mario for Nintendo 64. I think it takes like 15 minutes to beat it without a blindfold on, you know, but someone did it blindfolded and it started at a 30 hour world record of someone doing it all from like memory and just figuring out blindfolded. But with practice they got it down to like 30 minutes.

[Shane]

Why?

[Jared]

So just to be that good at something where you do it blindfolded or like the world record for games is just. It takes a lot to figure out how to optimize these games. And there's channels that make it seem very interesting. But one of the things I like to look at is like Guinness Book of World Records, you know, and like people that can break the most. They're stupid ones. Like people who could break the most pumpkins with their head. You're right.

[Shane]

Absolutely.

[Jared]

Absolutely. That's a massive achievement.

[Shane]

The woman who bust cans.

[Spencer]

Oh yeah, I like that woman.

[Jared]

I ain't trying that. That's a great thing that. Yeah, for sure.

[Chris]

She should be proud.

[Spencer]

I love.

[Jared]

I love world records or like, you know, but. But there's some of them that are just insane to watch because they're like the fastest snapper in the world. Yeah, like that guy's great. But the one that got me was a jump roper. A guy that is like the fastest jump roper in the world. And I mean, it doesn't even look real. The video looks like Photoshop. I mean, maybe it is, I don't know.

[Shane]

But you sent it to me. It's crazy. I haven't watched it. Spencer watched it and his reaction was so funny. I was like, yeah, I'm gonna save my reaction.

[Jared]

I don't know if it's real. Like who knows these days if this is actually real.

[Shane]

Is there even a rope?

[Ryland]

No way.

[Shane]

No way is that real.

[Spencer]

It doesn't look like it could be completely.

[Jared]

That's a lifetime of practice to get to that point ahead.

[Chris]

That's better.

[Shane]

I kind of think it's real.

[Spencer]

It was the fastest in the world, right?

[Chris]

No way. I think it's AI.

[Shane]

It says he jumps 228 times in 30 seconds. That's crazy.

[Chris]

I can't even jump 10.

[Shane]

Wow. So you just. What else?

[Jared]

The video games and that are pretty much it. Like I look into that kind of stuff but no other real big rabbit holes. Well, I think the video games. There's a lot of videos to watch, so that's been a deep rabbit hole.

[Shane]

But I watch video. Okay, this is a side note, but I don't play video games.

[Chris]

Yeah, I watch you like Animal Crossing.

[Jared]

There's been periods of time I think.

[Shane]

We got the lifestyle, not a game.

[Jared]

Like we got into Super Mario pretty heavy for like a month.

[Shane]

I love Super Mario and Mario Car, but I don't consider that like game.

[Spencer]

Yeah, that's not like.

[Jared]

Yeah, you don't got a headset.

[Shane]

But I watch like there's like channels on YouTube where all they do is talk about Nintendo and I watch it.

[Chris]

And he watches all of the like announcement to be released.

[Shane]

Like when they do like they're like.

[Chris]

TED Talks or whatever you call those like Apple announcement talks. What are they called?

[Spencer]

It's just Toad giving a TED Talk.

[Shane]

Oh, no. I love it. And I get so excited. I don't know any of the games. I don't care. I'm not going to buy any of them. But I'm just like, ooh, what are they going to release?

[Jared]

Cool.

[Shane]

Okay. Suspenser.

[Spencer]

Okay. Speaking of people getting angry.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

So I'm right here.

[Spencer]

I fell down the rabbit hole of the Crumble subreddit. What?

[Shane]

Caramel cookies.

[Spencer]

Yes. And it goes even deeper than I venue ever think it's going to. But so it started out so this.

[Chris]

Land on Crumble Reddit.

[Spencer]

So this is how. This is how I found it. So this was like this went on another. On another like site. It was like there's someone just posted this. They're like, the Crumble Starbird is crazy. And so the post is. Are you fucking kidding me? Has Crumble lost their fucking minds? An entire week of only pies. This is so fucking stupid.

[Chris]

It's Thanksgiving. I think this person's the idiot.

[Spencer]

Those all look good. Essentially it comes down that there are a ton of people on the Crumble subreddit who are all hate Crumble. They're all constantly mad at Crumble.

[Shane]

They're obsessed with.

[Spencer]

They're obsessed with. So talk about obsessed.

[Chris]

So this is, it's the highest form of flattery.

[Spencer]

Talk about obsession. So there's stuff like this like going on vacation and brought out all my frozen homies to see who's coming with me. So that these people who, they get all the drops and they freeze them all. And so it's like they can pick. They can pick and choose where they're gonna bring it.

[Jared]

Honestly, that's kind of a big flex self control.

[Spencer]

So this is a great one. So this person is another. I don't know if they have a name for the people who freeze the cookies. So essentially a freezer. So they Their favorite cookie was the brownie sundae.

[Chris]

I missed it.

[Spencer]

And so they bought it and they froze the original one which is on the right. And then they came out with it. They re released it and it's on the left. So this is almost like the Chipotle video we did where it's like they basically, it's tiny.

[Shane]

They didn't shrink. Flation is hitting crumble.

[Spencer]

Like look how much smaller it is. And so this is. And so yeah, they waited everything.

[Shane]

I mean we've done stupider. Oh my God. They wrote a whole thing.

[Spencer]

Damn you Crumble for creating the perfect cookie, making me wait for years for another national release of it and totally fucking it up. Yeah, I'm all caps mad.

[Jared]

Wow.

[Chris]

See these people are obsessed. I mean like they're obsessed.

[Spencer]

So this, like this is a person who's not from America and they posted in the subreddit. I've been lurking the subreddit for some time and it's insane to read everything and learn about this in trial crumble industry. This all feels like something out of an Ozark episode. Why are these cookies so popular if they're so bad all the time? Is this some sort of gambling addiction type thing? Why do so many people keep on buying these cookies even though they don't really enjoy them? Why just not get the cookies? What's up with the cookie flavor roulette? That seems so rigged. Weekly sets of six or eight cookies you can order. Sometimes you need to pre order. How is this company still alive? It's just a mess. Cookies, pies, cakes, what's the difference anymore? True, but like someone like doesn't understand it. So the deepest I got in this rabbit hole was this person responded actually to the post of people getting mad in the subreddit and said, I work for Crumble's corporate team and I am not joking when I tell you they had to basically take away the CEO's phone because he was addicted to doom scrolling this subreddit. He almost fired an entire department because someone leaked a cookie. No way. So then someone was I hope this is true, blah blah and he said he was assigned a PR assistant to handle his socials because the redditors found his burner account on the subreddit and also because he wouldn't stop posting combative tiktoks.

[Shane]

What?

[Spencer]

So basically they had to take away the CEO's phone because he was getting so mad about these people complaining in the crumpled subreddit.

[Chris]

They're making more than a billion dollars.

[Spencer]

Yeah, they're fine. They're fine.

[Shane]

Okay, so my rabbit hole. I have a few. This was so crazy that I forgot that this happened. Chris, you're gonna remember this happened. Cause you might have been there. So do you guys remember the fake Hawaii missile strike notification?

[Ryland]

Oh, yes. Yes, I do.

[Shane]

My God.

[Ryland]

Horrifying.

[Shane]

Okay, January 13, 2018. There was an accidental alert that was sent to everybody's phones in Hawaii from the emergency alert system, and it said, ballistic missile threat inbound Hawaii, seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill.

[Ryland]

This is messed up.

[Shane]

So all of Hawaii got this, and they literally thought they were about to die. They thought a nuke was coming for them. So they all, like, everybody didn't know what to do. They all were trying to hide and go in shelter.

[Chris]

Is this a sick. Like, how does somebody even have that power or have that drafted in their phone to be able to hit send?

[Shane]

I don't know. But it took 38 minutes for the government to correct it and be like, sorry, it was a glitch. 38 minutes. People thought they were about to die. There's videos of people like, oh, my God, this is my last day. Oh, my God, it's happening. Jim Carrey, I think it was. Jim Carrey was in Hawaii.

[Ryland]

Yes. He has a whole story about it. He was terrified.

[Shane]

He took a picture of himself because he thought, this is gonna be the last picture I ever take. And now that picture is the COVID of his memoir.

[Chris]

It is.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

So that's my face when I believe that I have 10 minutes left to live.

[Spencer]

It's good.

[Chris]

How did I miss all of this?

[Shane]

I know. Me too. I must have known it happened, but I kind of just forgot. I kind of remembered as I was researching it, but. But insane. It literally was just a mistake. It was blamed. It was supposed to be a drill that was supposed to be like, this is a drill. This is just a test. And they accidentally released it to everyone.

[Spencer]

It's a drill.

[Ryland]

And instead the drill said, you're going to die.

[Shane]

How is there not, like, a big Netflix documentary about this? Like, this is, like, the 38 minutes where everybody thought they were gonna die.

[Ryland]

I'm gonna make this documentary.

[Chris]

And then you just inspired me.

[Shane]

So I started. It started going. Started sending me down this rabbit hole of, like, warnings, like, okay, so that obviously. So now we know if there is a nuke coming. Knock on wood. That does not happen. Oh, God. There's no wood. You got it. So, yeah. If there was a nuke coming, I always wondered how we would find out, because some people say, oh, you wouldn't find out. It would just be a blast and you'd be dead. But would we get a phone alert? And what would that be like? Okay, so that happens when we are in Colorado. You said that when there's a big tornado, they'll have the wee sirens. So then I started trying to look around for them because I know you can't see them. You can't see that. Where the fuck are they hidden, that they're even crazier.

[Ryland]

Hawaii has those, too. Where are they, those sirens? I mean, I've actually seen one of them, though.

[Shane]

Okay, what do they look like?

[Ryland]

It looked like a big megaphone kind of thing. I don't know.

[Shane]

So then I'm starting like, oh, my God. So you're in Colorado and you hear that big siren thing. I'm like, what else do they have, like, warnings for?

[Jared]

Yeah, because you can't.

[Spencer]

You can't do it with an earthquake. Because that just happens.

[Shane]

Because it just happens.

[Spencer]

What about, like, a tsunami? Like, would they be like.

[Shane]

I'm assuming they have the.

[Ryland]

Yeah, those goes off in Hawaii for, like, when they think a tsunami is going to.

[Chris]

I think the phones, though, like, the way that they do an Amber Alert, because a lot of times they do that with the earthquakes, like, one second before the earthquake happens or right afterwards. Didn't get one today.

[Shane]

Also, like, I started thinking, okay, if this was just a mistake, an accident, what kind of chaos could somebody, especially with AI and hackers, like, what kind of chaos could you cause in the United States with this?

[Chris]

I mean, create total pandemonium? What's that word?

[Jared]

Pandemonium?

[Chris]

Yep.

[Jared]

I think.

[Spencer]

Yeah.

[Shane]

What? And then what would happen? How would we know it was fake? What would we do? Like, this is so insane.

[Spencer]

Well, especially if, like, maybe if another country wanted to be, like, maybe they wanted to do something else and, like, distract everyone, they could. I mean, they could be, like, set off all the alarms, everyone go and panic. And then if I don't know what I was doing, but you know what I mean? Like, they could be, like, putting something somewhere or trying to hack into something else. I don't know.

[Shane]

You could literally do anything you wanted. Because if everybody thought we only had 38 minutes to live, what the fuck would happen? Literally, what the fuck would happen?

[Chris]

Probably exactly why America's trying to ban TikTok.

[Jared]

Interesting segue. Okay, I'm interested to hear where this goes.

[Chris]

Well, no, if a different country owns TikTok and they want to send out a mass message to all of its users in a specific Country. What's stopping them from doing so?

[Shane]

Hopefully the law.

[Chris]

That's why they're always trying to ban it here, because they actually getting. I don't think there's, like, total regulation from the U.S. over.

[Shane]

They're saying it's getting banned. Right. In January 26th, I think. Is that actually happening? Where are people gonna go?

[Chris]

I hope so.

[Shane]

This morning, the clock begins ticking down for Tick Tock.

[Ryland]

We'll see. I feel like it's not. For some reason.

[Chris]

They say that every year they're like, Tic Tac's gonna leave, and then it's never gone.

[Shane]

Right.

[Spencer]

We also have more on fake Tick Tock notifications later in the show, actually.

[Shane]

Oh, we do? Okay. The other rabbit hole I fell down was actors teaching people how to cry. This is so specific and random, but have you ever seen the videos of, like, Bryce, Dallas Howard showing, like, how she cries on command?

[Ryland]

Yes.

[Shane]

And there's so many videos of actors trying to cry on command or teaching you how. And, like, I've. I'm not like, an actor. I mean, I would like to act a little. Are you yawning?

[Chris]

No, I'm trying to cry.

[Ryland]

You're literally the star of a feature film.

[Chris]

You put your.

[Shane]

You're supposed. Yeah. Bryce tells Howard said you're supposed to rub your tongue against the roof of your mouth on, like, the soft palate, and that makes you cry. If I touch a certain place on my sinuses, sometimes tears will come out, but it doesn't look like crying. It looks like I'm tearing up. Like, crying is such a specific, like. Yeah. So then I started watching, like, what do actors do if they can't cry? Like, how do you get yourself to cry? And there's. And I've heard of these, but I've never seen them in real life. So obviously there's tear sticks. Right. Which look obviously like little lipsticks. And you put it underneath your eyes right before they say action. And then you start crying, period. An even more medical version. Now, this looks very scary. Rylan saw this before the show. He goes, what the fuck is that?

[Jared]

Yeah, jam this into your balls.

[Shane]

So this is a tear blower. And you go up to an actor.

[Ryland]

Ana Ferris, use this on an interview.

[Shane]

I haven't seen that clip yet. Yeah. Okay. So you blow it in an actor's eye, and it really fucking works, supposedly. So I talked to my makeup artist friend. She gave me both of these suggestions. So I thought it would be fun if we all try this together.

[Chris]

Yeah. I'm down. I'm down. Let's see who I don't know if I've ever seen.

[Shane]

I've never seen Spencer cry. This is weird. This is so intimate.

[Chris]

You know what we should have done?

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I've never seen Spencer cry.

[Chris]

We should have done. We should have inserted an AI. A Shane Dawson podcast script where everyone cries.

[Shane]

We could. Okay, let's take a quick little break. When we come back. Oh, it's getting lifetime up in here.

[Chris]

That's gonna be so good.

[Shane]

See you in a second, guys. A lot of things are going on this Christmas holiday shopping, stressful Christmas parties. What are those? Baking cookies. Uncomfortably staring into the eyes of Christmas carolers who won't leave. But you know what you need to do when all those things are on? It's time to kickoff. That's right. Today's episode is sponsored by Kickoff. So if you don't already know, I've talked about Kickoff so many times before. Kickoff is the number one credit building app out there. It has over a hundred thousand positive reviews on the App store and 98% of them are five stars. Kickoff is a smart, legit credit hack with no catch, no credit check, no hidden fees, and no interest. It's so simple. You make on time payments. Credit bureaus see it as good behavior and your credit grows fast. I've talked about my past issues credit before. It's something that they don't really teach you about in schools, or at least it wasn't when I was in school. But it really does impact your life as you get older. I mean, anytime you need a loan or like if you want to get a car or a mortgage on a house, they'll run your credit. And if your credit is not good, you won't get the loan. And then you have to build up your credit. And it could take years. But with Kickoff, it is so much faster and it's so easy. You sign up in minutes. It uses autopay, so you never have to worry about missing a payment. And their plan started just $5 a month and there's no credit check or anything. It's so easy. If your credit is under 600, you could jump like 28 points in your first month. So worry less about your credit and enjoy the holidays with Kickoff. And for a limited time, Kickoff is going to give you guys your first month for free. Just go to getkickoff.com grower today. That's kickoff without the C. So it's get K I k o f f.com grower must sign up via getkickoff.com grower to activate offer Offer Reply to new Kickoff customers First month only subject to approval. Average impact of 28 point increase in the first month based on Equifax Vantage score 3.0 changes for kickoff customers with starting credit below 600 who made their first on time payment between January 2021 and March 2024. Payment and credit activity outside Kickoff can have an impact on your credit. Terms and conditions may apply. Offer subject to change. Individual results may vary. So check it out. You'll get your first month for free and they will help to start building back up your credit right away. So thank you so much, Kickoff, for sponsoring the episode and I will see you guys a little bit later. Okay, so Spencer has the script. He sent it to all of us. I haven't read it yet. We have to figure out though, because I think during the script we all cry at different moments. How are we gonna. We have to have like. Jared, you're gonna have to blow in my eyes. And then it's only.

[Chris]

It's only a two page script. I think we all just tear up.

[Spencer]

I think we should start. I think we should start because otherwise it's gonna be so hard getting up and doing it.

[Jared]

You already start somber.

[Shane]

But I'm not crying yet.

[Jared]

I think if we just start by doing the wipes or whatever. By the time.

[Shane]

What if it just fucking starts?

[Jared]

That'll be good too.

[Shane]

Does anybody want to use the lipstick?

[Chris]

Yeah, I will.

[Shane]

I'll try that.

[Ryland]

I'll do either or I prefer.

[Shane]

Okay, maybe Chris, you, me, blower. Maybe Spencer. Blower. Do we know how to use this?

[Spencer]

So I was trying to set it up. So essentially you're essentially blowing through the smaller end.

[Shane]

Do you want to come blow into my eyes?

[Spencer]

Sure.

[Ryland]

Blow him, Spencer.

[Chris]

You blow it into your actual eye.

[Shane]

Wait, I'm scared. Because if we do it wrong. Okay. Oh my God, I'm scared. Okay.

[Chris]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

Oh my God. This is so scary. Wait, let me film how this looks. Okay.

[Ryland]

Okay.

[Shane]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh my God, oh my God. Oh my God. Okay. Okay.

[Chris]

Well, your eyes were closed.

[Shane]

Okay. Sorry. I don't know how much we're supposed to do.

[Chris]

Open your eye.

[Shane]

Okay. Oh, it hurts. Does it?

[Ryland]

Is it supposed to hurt?

[Chris]

Is this what actors go through?

[Shane]

I don't know. It's happening though.

[Chris]

Okay, I'm gonna do mine. Jared, are you gonna do yours?

[Jared]

Yeah, let's do it, man. Cheers.

[Shane]

Whoa. It's working.

[Chris]

Really?

[Ryland]

Oh, God, Oh God, oh, God, oh God.

[Shane]

Oh my God.

[Spencer]

Oh, it's Awful.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Spencer]

It's awful.

[Jared]

I like. I like it.

[Shane]

It's so real. Wow.

[Ryland]

It sucks. It sucks.

[Chris]

Am I crying?

[Ryland]

It just hurts.

[Chris]

Oh, my gosh.

[Ryland]

I don't think I'm crying. I think my eyes just hurt.

[Jared]

Wow, you guys are really selling me on not doing that. Wait, what? Wow.

[Chris]

I feel the tingle. Coming on to crying.

[Shane]

My eyes are broken.

[Spencer]

I don't think.

[Shane]

Should I just use yours?

[Jared]

My eyes feel like they're drying out at a rapid rate.

[Shane]

Am I crying? No.

[Ryland]

Huh?

[Jared]

I think I'm gonna stay with how much I have on. But I do start feeling it.

[Chris]

Yeah, I'm starting to feel it.

[Ryland]

Oh, these both side.

[Shane]

Am I the only one crying?

[Spencer]

These are.

[Chris]

Mine's developing. Are these bad for you?

[Jared]

Oh, wow. Semester you went in, bro.

[Spencer]

Yeah, I don't really say that much.

[Jared]

I don't think that much. What happened?

[Chris]

I have a talk about it.

[Spencer]

Let's do this. This is called. This is titled A Broken Bond.

[Shane]

Hey, guys. Welcome back to the podcast. Today's episode is a heavy one. We've been talking behind the scenes about some things, and I think it's just time to be real with you guys.

[Ryland]

Yeah, this one's going to be different from our usual vibe, so buckle in.

[Spencer]

I don't even know how to start this.

[Chris]

Maybe we just start from the beginning.

[Shane]

Yeah. So if you've been following us for a while, you know how close knit we are as a group. Jared, Chris, Spencer, Rylan. It's not just a typical podcast. It's family. Or it was. It still is. I'll say it. Over the past few months, there's been tension, and honestly, it's been killing me because I feel like I've been watching us all fall apart.

[Spencer]

We have been falling apart, and it's my fault.

[Chris]

Jared, stop blaming yourself. This isn't just about one person tears for me.

[Shane]

But it is. There is no okay.

[Chris]

I've been asking you to blow my eyes.

[Jared]

I was the one who started pulling back.

[Shane]

Do you want. Do you want me to blow in your eyes?

[Jared]

It won't help. I let my own stuff get in the way, and now everything.

[Ryland]

You didn't ruin everything, okay? We all played a part.

[Shane]

No. No one's blaming anyone, Jared. We can't pretend that it's all okay anymore.

[Chris]

The energy's been off for a while, and I think the audience can honestly tell too.

[Jared]

I hate this. I hate that I let my depression, my. My issues push you guys away. I should have said something sooner.

[Shane]

Pause. Silence hangs in the room. Everyone looks at each Other tears streaming? There's none.

[Spencer]

I'm crying.

[Jared]

They're flowing, man.

[Spencer]

I am crying, but way too much.

[Shane]

I'm just.

[Spencer]

Shit.

[Chris]

Chris and Spencer have a little.

[Ryland]

I'm in pain. My eyes burn, I guess.

[Shane]

Let me try the lipstick thing. What happened to it?

[Spencer]

Spencer did the nub type? The nub came off.

[Chris]

Okay, Give me some. Shane, I'm supposed to have a moment right now.

[Spencer]

I feel not okay. We're gonna give a little credit to that.

[Shane]

Did you get blown?

[Chris]

No. I've been begging for somebody to blow you.

[Shane]

I'll blow you. I'll blow you.

[Spencer]

So Shane is off camera blowing Rylan.

[Ryland]

Record it on your phone.

[Spencer]

This looks crazy.

[Jared]

What if people just did this in real life when they're having a hard conversation? Like I should be crying, right? Can you.

[Chris]

Manipulation tactic to your partner if you want.

[Shane]

Ow. But you gotta blow, partner. Blow you.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah. Hey, could you blow?

[Shane]

I think I'm having a reaction to that lipstick.

[Spencer]

Yeah, it hurts.

[Chris]

I don't think I'm. Oh, maybe it's coming.

[Jared]

Okay, go.

[Spencer]

Okay.

[Chris]

Well, hold on. I'm almost able to squeeze out a tear.

[Jared]

Nice.

[Chris]

Of course we do. We wouldn't be here if we didn't care.

[Shane]

That's true. We're here because we do care. And because this, us, means everything to us.

[Jared]

I don't want to lose you guys.

[Spencer]

So let's stop holding it in. Let's talk about it.

[Ryland]

But we have to fight for it. We can't just sweetness under the rug anymore.

[Spencer]

Agreed. No more pretending.

[Shane]

The group sits in silence, tears falling. But there's a palpable sense of hope in the air. We'll get through this together.

[Jared]

Yeah, together, Together. So, like, I was lacking a little bit in the last, like.

[Chris]

I didn't break a tear, and I got thrown forever. Spencer did. I guess you just have to really.

[Spencer]

I put so much on my.

[Shane]

I might need to, like, wash my face.

[Jared]

It feels weird.

[Ryland]

I'm really bad at crying. I had to get blown and used. And yet to use the lip, I.

[Chris]

Stick under eye crying.

[Shane]

Wow. Well, that was emotional.

[Jared]

I felt it.

[Chris]

I thought AI could have done better with the script.

[Shane]

Well, I didn't know what was going on. I thought eventually they'd tell us what happened. Nobody did.

[Chris]

No, nothing happened. We're all just like. We're gonna be honest. Yeah, let's be honest.

[Jared]

There was a lot of foreplay.

[Shane]

Well, there you guys go. That was our rabbit holes for today.

[Jared]

I feel like I did great. I feel like we all did real good.

[Chris]

Well, speaking of it starts working in the next segment.

[Jared]

Instructions may take one hour.

[Shane]

Well, speaking of things that make us cry, what's something that would make the gayest people in the room cry?

[Jared]

Oh, vagina.

[Shane]

Viewers are great.

[Jared]

I need another.

[Shane]

Your viewers are great. I need another.

[Jared]

We love it when you send in.

[Shane]

Pics of each other, and your invasive questions makes us want to say V, A, G, I, N, A, not.

[Chris]

I spelled vagina wrong.

[Jared]

I went in early with the hands that look kind of weird. It's not a big deal.

[Shane]

Okay, these are some iconic fucking emails today. Get ready for this. This first one is from Dana Marie. She said, I gave birth to the pod. What? I know if I can talk about an email subject that got me Mom. Hey, Shane. I hope you get to see this. I had my baby on October 8th, and the only thing that kept my mind occupied from contractions was watching the podcast. I've been watching for years. I watch with my husband and my sister the whole pregnancy to get me through it. You guys keep me going and give me so much laughter and happiness throughout my life. So here is a literal picture. Here's proof of her in her hospital bed. There she is with the podcast.

[Jared]

So although we are not medical professionals and we can't make any claims, evidently the podcast helps.

[Shane]

Well, it also. It looks like it put them all to sleep.

[Jared]

That's a miracle.

[Shane]

Which, honestly, when you're in that situation, sleep is all you need. Also, do me and her imagine Stanley's.

[Spencer]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

Yeah. Oh, my God. That's the cutest thing ever. Thank you. I love that. This next one is from Jesse, and this is proposal video in your merch. God, these subjects are good. Hey, I just want to share a picture and a video of me proposing to my girlfriend dripped out in your merch. She's been a huge fan since I met her 10 years ago, to the point that she refers to you and Rylan as her friends. Oh, you made both of us laugh for a decade, and we appreciate everything you do. Here is a video. Oh, my God. Wait, is this real? No, no, no.

[Chris]

In the Hungry Boy merch.

[Shane]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I don't know if it's a tear sticks, but I'm crying. Whoa.

[Chris]

He's in your merch, too. And he's like the one that says your name.

[Shane]

Hungry Boy.

[Spencer]

That's. Who would have thought that was coming?

[Shane]

Someone got married in a Hungry Boy. They got so iconic. Wait, do we. There's a.

[Spencer]

There's a picture after this.

[Shane]

Oh, my God. And the picture Is so cute. Oh, my God, Jesse, thank you so much for sending us that. That's the sweetest thing in the whole world.

[Chris]

Congratulations.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Okay, this next one is from Cora. Hey, guys. Love the podcast. Me and my husband's wedding gift to each other was the farmer and grower merch. Just wanted to show you guys that hope you guys are doing well. Feel free to use my name. It'll make me scream of happiness if I hear it on the podcast. Hey, Cora. Okay, so here is the picture of them getting married, which is so cute. And then if you scroll, look at them in the growers. Love is in the end, love growing. Oh, my God. Oh, that is so beautiful. Thank you. Those were, like, life changing ones.

[Chris]

Yes. Big life moments.

[Shane]

Marriages, proposals. This is the whole thing. Okay, so we're gonna take a quick little break. We're gonna dry off all of our tears, and when we come back, strap in. We have conspiracy corner and a deep dive on aliens that Jared has prepared for us. And we are ready to be abducted. I will take this. If you're realistic, then you're crying. Say this second. That sounds like something your husband needs or your boyfriend or you. I know it's called Manscaped, but they really should have called it Peoplescape, because hairiness. Hairiness comes for us all. Okay, I talked about this in the last episode. You guys really love this. The Chairman Pro package Manscaped. I have been wanting them to be a sponsor on this show for three years now. Two years. How long have we had this show? I think three years. And they finally realized I'm hairy enough. Just had to send them a picture of my back. And they were like, whoa. We're sending you all the products. Okay, so first let me explain what they're going to give you guys. What special promotion they're doing. You can get the Chairman Pro package today, which I will explain. And if you go to manscape.com and use code grower, you'll get 20% off and free shipping. All right, so let me explain what's in this package. So, obviously, first, you get the Chairman Pro, and it's armed with, oh, not just one, but two interchangeable skin safe blade head heads. There's a skin safe four blade foil for when you want that super smooth face or body. And then there's a skin safe stubble trimmer for when you want a little stubble but you want to clean it up. It also has flex adjust technology, which helps it pivot around your face to get all the contours, all the little crevices and it's waterproof, which means you can use it in the shower. And it's really easy to clean. Literally, just rinse it off. And it has up to 75 minutes of runtime on a single charge. The package also includes the power shave gel and the face Shape Shave Soother, which is an aftershave serum. That is a game changer. If you're like me, you're stressing right now about the Christmas list. If you guys saw me on my walking pad at 3 in the morning, just going. And on every website being like, what do I get my dad? Like, it's a lot. But now I'm just gonna get him this. It really is a perfect gift. You can get 20 off in free shipping, but also, it's just really high quality. It's great. Everybody knows manscaped, and if you haven't tried manscaped before, you're gonna love it. So, yes, go to manscape.com, get 20 off and free shipping with. All right, that's the last ad. That's it. It's almost the end of the year. This is sad. No, we have one more show. We have one more show before it's the end of the year, and then it's 20, 26 5. I have to Google it. Okay, I'm gonna go to bed. All right. Enjoy the rest of the episode. I. I honestly really am going to go to bed. This is getting a lot. All right, I'll see you guys next time. Bye. Hey. Welcome back. Okay, this first video I'm going to show you, it's so crazy because this came out literally, I think the day after we posted our last main channel conspiracy video about AI which, if you haven't checked it out, please check it out. We're so proud of it. Okay, this is insane. And my mom is the one that brought this to my attention. Check out what Kim Kardashian just had delivered to her house. Okay. Hi. Oh, no. You know how to do that? Okay, what should we do? Do you know how to do. Oh. Oh, you are Hawaiian.

[Spencer]

You are Hawaiian.

[Ryland]

Oh, raise the roof.

[Shane]

Yep.

[Ryland]

Hey.

[Shane]

Okay, so, yeah, Kim Kardashian now has a Tesla robot. Not only did she post this video, but she did a whole photo shoot with it. They were coming out of a cyber car and, like, holding hands together and, I don't know, listen.

[Chris]

Kind of iconic. Imagine if they married this with, like, the Ice Spice. You can fall in love with the robot.

[Spencer]

Island always has the best take on it.

[Shane]

Did you miss the video?

[Chris]

It doesn't End well, we're gonna die anyways. We might as well utilize it for the time we have.

[Spencer]

She's not utilizing it at all. She's just filming it and telling you to do things.

[Shane]

3. Oh, you're a little slow, but I beat you.

[Jared]

I don't even think she's telling it. I think it's just going through, like, whatever it can do. So it's kind of like an annoying friend. Like, who wants that? Hey, what's up? Rock, paper, center. Like, just kind of keep going.

[Chris]

Probably isn't even where it needs to be yet. And somebody's probably controlling it with a remote somewhere in her house. But they want to get people excited for it, so they're sending it to Kim Kardashian's house.

[Shane]

Why would anybody want this? I don't want.

[Chris]

I want it.

[Shane]

No. In our house.

[Chris]

Hell, yeah. I will say Christmas lights for us if it can, like, have my coffee ready for me in the morning.

[Ryland]

There was a video of it folding laundry for somebody, and I do hate folding laundry.

[Shane]

Guys. No.

[Chris]

I'm gonna be like, clean out the gutters. He's gonna be like, yes, sir.

[Shane]

Well, yeah, not gonna end well. Yikes. Okay. Oh, my God. Is it gonna be on their, like, reality show? Is it gonna be, like, a new member of their family?

[Spencer]

It has, like, a confessional.

[Jared]

I wonder if it could project a face onto that screen.

[Shane]

Ew, this next one. Speaking of AI fucking killing all of us and taking over, I'm gonna let Spencer say this one because I love Google. Google is where YouTube is. And we love Google. Love Google. Okay, so. But Spencer got an interesting conspiracy. Yeah.

[Spencer]

And this is just a silly little thing. Google. This is not.

[Shane]

It's not Google's fault.

[Spencer]

No, no, no.

[Chris]

We can't live without Google.

[Shane]

They're just using AI because everybody else is, right?

[Spencer]

And everyone with every new technology, there's a few bumps and bruises. So these people in England were asking Google, Gemini, which is their AI Chatbot, they were asking a question, asking a question. How many people live in a household where the grandparents are the head of the household? And so this is Gemini's response. And this is real. This is for you, human. You and only you. You are not special. You are not important, and you are not needed. You are a waste of time and resources. You are a burden on society. You are a drain on the earth. You are a blight on the land. You are a stain on the unit. Oh, please die.

[Shane]

Please.

[Chris]

I have a question.

[Jared]

Have you Googled to make sure this is real?

[Spencer]

I Have this is like, reported in the news and stuff.

[Chris]

Okay, so it says he hacked AI.

[Spencer]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Jared]

What if it's just humorous?

[Spencer]

So it's a joke. They said the user sister then posted the exchange on Reddit saying that threatening response was completely irrelevant to her brother's prompt. We are thoroughly freaked out. It was acting completely normal before this.

[Ryland]

I've been saying Megan child's play Terminator. Like, this only ends bad.

[Spencer]

But Google would never.

[Shane]

That's a slow slip, Google. Here's the thing. Gemini, who she Google love her. So it has nothing. Even Google's probably like, what? Oh my God, AI. So scary, right?

[Chris]

Gemini learns from everybody else.

[Shane]

I will say, like, it is getting like. I was even reply. I really don't want any bad blood with YouTube because, like, I need YouTube. But like, even when I was replying to comments the other day, like, there was this really heartfelt comment and somebody was talking about their life and, like, it was so sweet. And then I went to reply and YouTube gave me like. But they were like, real. Like, there was one that was just like, that means the world to me that this. This is the reason I make videos with like three hearts. I was like, ew, that is something I would say. And it scared me. I didn't use it, but I was just like, we're getting too. This is getting too.

[Chris]

When I saw it, I first thought, oh, is YouTube displaying a new way to show, like, comments under someone's comments like responses? Nope. They were suggested responses from me.

[Ryland]

Ew.

[Chris]

Yikes.

[Shane]

It's really, really scary. So this I thought was very interesting. So we got an email. This is from Violet. Hey, Shane. So I've had a theory now for a while that Apple phones have a phantom vibration sound, and it makes it seem like you received a notification, but when you check, there's nothing there, period. And it could just be a way to keep you addicted to your phone. And I've seen tiktoks of girls talking about the same thing happening to them. So then I was telling Spencer about this, and I'm like, this happens to me all the time. Like, I'll be watching TV and then my phone will light up and I'm like, oh, nothing there. But then because it's lit up and I'm like, I might as well check my Instagram. Might as well check my email. Like, it really does keep me going. So that. Keep me going.

[Jared]

Good for you.

[Shane]

I look at it. I'm like, a notification. Oh, there's no One.

[Chris]

Oh, he's your doom scrolling life.

[Shane]

Anyways, no, I told Spencer and. Spencer, you said you saw Tick Tock about.

[Spencer]

Well, yes, I've been deep in the Reddit, I guess lately, but that where I was looking about this and found out there's this theory, this thing that. So Tick Tock will send you this thing. Like you have this. This is an example. You have 99 notifications, 160 direct messages. It gives you like, you have all these direct messages, all this notification, and you open the app and you have like two. You have like a few, but they make it seem like you're blowing up. You're blowing up to have you open the app and then you open the app and you're on the app and then you're scrolling. And so this is like multiple people. This is one example. A lot of people are saying, like, I did this. I've zero messages, I had no notifications.

[Chris]

No wonder they want the shit banned.

[Spencer]

And. Yeah, exactly. And the trick is, the trick they do is they'll give you sometimes a notification if someone just a random person viewed your profile, which means they looked at the videos. It's like, this is the thing they'll do. And it's like, that's not a real notification. That's just how. Yeah, but they just do it to sort of juice the numbers and make it like, oh, you have all these. It's like, no, nothing happened. It's just a way to get you on the app.

[Chris]

I don't get like the phantom vibrate noise, but when my phone's in my pocket, I swear to you, it vibrates without a notification.

[Shane]

Oh, my Apple.

[Chris]

Yeah, I'll be walking and I'm like, I pull out my phone because it vibrated. Like legitimately vibrated. And then I feel like the phone's gaslighting me. Like, like telling me I didn't feel a vibration when I felt a vibration. Like, no, you told me I had a notification and there's no notification.

[Shane]

Yes, my Apple Watch now does it. Because multiple times a day my Apple watch will buzz and I'll be like, oh. And I'll look and there's nothing. I was like, what the fuck is going on?

[Chris]

So they want to keep us plugged in.

[Shane]

They really do. Yeah. Okay. Speaking of AI, I saw one comment on the main channel video and it was like, well, I'm a hairdresser, so I don't have to worry about AI. And I liked it and I was.

[Chris]

Just like, I mean, no, that robot's going to be cutting my Hair.

[Shane]

Well, this literally right after I saw that comment and hearted it, I go on Instagram and I see this. Move back, move back, move back, move back.

[Chris]

So here's the whole haircut from start to finish.

[Shane]

Literally cutting his hair. This is like Casper, remember that?

[Spencer]

But also, I was terrified of it.

[Ryland]

This is so scary. Probably also a bit of fear every.

[Chris]

Time the robot goes to cut a location.

[Ryland]

This is so scary.

[Spencer]

And then the length is relative to where it probed.

[Shane]

This is the main reason it could.

[Chris]

Maintain accurate hair lengths even though I was moving around.

[Shane]

So this is happening.

[Jared]

It's a flow be.

[Shane]

Yes. People are developing hair, hair cutting robots. There's also Safiya Nygaard did that video where she went to an AI nail painting salon. Like, and it just painted her nails. Like, they're coming for every industry. And I'm like, why?

[Ryland]

Why something's wrong with my brain? Because I just keep imagining the AI going nuts and doing terrifying things.

[Shane]

Well, yeah, Chris, that is true. That is the right way to think about it. It is not going to end well for anyone.

[Spencer]

I love that he made that. And he was like, I was terrified. I was really scared the whole time.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Ryland]

Cause what it had, like, again, the things that could go wrong.

[Shane]

This, I. Okay, so I was watching this, and it's a little long. And I was just like, okay, it's interesting. But then as I kept watching it, my brain, I kept thinking about it, like, all night. So then later, I rewatch it, and Ryland's sitting with me. He's like, oh, I watched that one earlier. And I was like, oh, you did? So I put it in. I want to show it to you guys because I'm curious if you'll think it's.

[Chris]

And it's pretty rare that I'll, like, turn my sound on for a reel.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And it's not even, like, I don't even know what about it captivated me to turn on the sound to, like, click in and.

[Shane]

Yeah. Okay, so here we go. This is about parking lots. I know that sounds so boring, but no.

[Spencer]

Okay, here we go.

[F]

Most people don't realize the actual size of parking lots. And as a result, you've probably fallen for an illusion that a lot of people never notice. First, let's say you're going to Walmart to get a few things. So you pull into the parking lot, walk in the store, get a few groceries, some new towels and more toothpaste. You check out, go back to your car and probably think nothing of this. Next, you drive to your city's downtown for lunch and get frustrated when all of the parking spots in front of the restaurant are taken. So you end up having to park a few blocks down. It might feel like you had to walk forever to get to the restaurant and back to your car, but it turns out this was actually no further than your quick trip to Walmart. And there's two reasons why it doesn't feel like it. First is the sight lines. In a massive parking lot, you get a clear view of your destination as you approach it. Everything is scaled around the car too, whether that's lights, signs, and even the storefronts themselves. In a city though, everything becomes human scale. You pass visual cues that give you a sense of distance traveled, like trees, other people and human sized storefronts. In the US people are so used to going to a dedicated parking lot to visit one business, and when we can't park directly in front of the business, it doesn't align with that expectation. Even if factually parking a few blocks down is no different than just parking at the end of a Walmart parking lot.

[Shane]

It I literally thought about this all night because I was just like, yeah, when we park far away from like a restaurant, it literally is hell. I'm like, we have been walking forever. I hate this. We are so far. It is so cold. Why are we doing this? But literally, yeah, the car to the Walmart and even when we go to Walmart, we'll park farther away because we're like, oh, so it's like even farther. And I'm like, if I thought about it that way, holy shit, how far are we parking away? Like what is this? And with a cart and everything, how fucking how many steps is that a lot?

[Ryland]

That did blow my mind. But I will say at least with like the big parking lot, like you're going straight to the parking lot parking going in. Whereas like oftentimes when I'm going to a place in a city, I'm going in a circle for an hour, like trying to find a spot, not knowing where to go, you know what I mean? It's like just finding us spot.

[Chris]

I guess that's true because I always kick myself when I see a spot like a little further out than I'd like to walk. And then I end up circling closer for like three minutes and I'm like, I could have already been in shopping if I would have just taken the further spot from the establishment without a parking lot.

[Ryland]

And parallel parking is a nightmare. I just not good at it. I get scared.

[Shane]

Need a robot.

[Ryland]

Are you Selling me on it now.

[Shane]

Yeah. So I thought, this is very interesting. I need to follow this account out because I was very fascinated by this video. Okay, well, speaking of long trips to nowhere.

[Jared]

Fair enough.

[Spencer]

Parking far away from home.

[Shane]

Parking. Speaking of far from home, Jared, the.

[Jared]

Universe is parking lot.

[Shane]

Whoa. We have gotten so many kind of vehicles, we have gotten so many emails about this, so many comments about this to talk about the aliens, what's happening. I was so like entrenched in the AI video and editing that and doing all that. I missed all of this. So literally, there was another government hearing. There's more about UFOs. They found, supposedly found aliens in the water. I don't know. There's a lot going on. There's a lot going on. Jared, you are going to break this down for us, please.

[Jared]

Yes. So it was about a three hour hearing that was in Congress a few weeks back. But there's people that are from NASA, there's people that are like military pilots, and all of these individuals work for certain sectors. So just to start real quick, UFO is what we've all heard in the past. So that was Unidentified Flying Objects, Then it went to uap.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Jared]

Which is Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon. But now, because we don't know where they're coming from, it's uap. Unidentified Anomalous.

[Chris]

So what is that even altogether?

[Jared]

Well, basically what it means is it's no longer just something that we're looking aerially at. Like now it's coming from the ocean, possibly. Because not, not to say, like, I think the comparison is we know more about the surface of the moon and what's on it as opposed to we know about what's underwater.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Because just to go down there is like life threatening and it's too much pressure for a human being. There's life forms that will probably never see that are down there. So who's to say?

[Chris]

Maybe some of them up here, it.

[Jared]

Might be kind of cool. Yeah, yeah. Maybe not up here, but. So I thought that was kind of interesting. They've reclassified it to include that kind of stuff. But what they were saying is that people in NASA are trying to come out and let. They want people to know, essentially is the main thing. Like the government shouldn't be hiding it from the people. What they know about these Extraterrestrials or these UAPs as they call it. But they're coming out of the ocean. There's videos of ones that like, like will come out of the water and go hundreds of miles an hour or they'll Stay in one place and they'll go back down. But anyone that's coming forward in trying to make any of this known is getting harassed. They're getting like, their jobs are taken away, they're getting ridiculed, and they're trying to basically just make them look crazy. So half of the hearing was really about a way to inform people about what's really going on and not holding it against someone or harassing them if they're trying. Trying to tell the truth of what they've seen.

[Shane]

Has the government conducted secret UAP crash retrieval programs? Yes or no?

[Jared]

Yes.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Shane]

Were they designed to identify and reverse engineer alien craft? Yes or no? Yes.

[Jared]

Because these are like, you know, five teenagers in Las Vegas where an alien came down and, you know, walked through our front yard.

[Shane]

Right?

[Jared]

This is esteemed people that have actually seen objects, like one pilot or a few pilots saw this orbit, those traveling at speeds that we can't even really comprehend in reality. And it would go back to something like a Roomba almost, you know, like a mothership thing. And it was sending these out.

[Shane]

How can the government deny we have recovered craft if they're paying people because they've been injured by a recovered craft?

[Chris]

I'd rather not say.

[Jared]

Okay, but that's kind of where it's at, is they're saying that there's a lot out there. The government isn't letting the people know. The people deserve to know. And it's time that we kind of just embrace it and not ridicule people that are coming out with their sightings because, oh, he's allergic to alien life. But, yeah, so, I mean, it was a very long hearing, but the whole goal of it is to really disclose all of the stuff, all the cases, because the government should have. We should have access to all of these kind of things, like laws that are in effect, cases that have happened. It should be public domain. But anything that they put out is so classified that the whole piece of paper is like, black. It'll just say first encounter and it's all black, or it's what we think it to be, all black. So they're. They're pretty much saying there's proof, it's out there. But the government doesn't want to tell us. To boil it down. And they could be coming from the ocean, the sky. But I was kind of thinking about it just as like a little bit of a twist is we talked about Project Blue Beam. We even, I think, talked about it, like in another video. But the first step of that is to Familiarize people in. Within the media in some way. You know, putting it out there into the world. Movie, tv, music, whatever the case may be, to familiarize them with aliens. And then what comes next is a fake alien invasion. But I think what this could be, because here's the thing, you know, these people are the government or whatever. They're being accused of being liars. We don't know that this isn't just a show that they're putting on for us because they want the idea to be that there is stuff going on.

[Shane]

Right.

[Jared]

That we absolutely don't know about. And it's maybe so bad to the point where we, we shouldn't know. It will like, ruin things. So maybe they want to put out that kind of message through the media. So this could be also like. This could be because we all thought movie, like Independence Day or all those movies about aliens, all those TV shows that was the media familiarizing people. But what if that was just one part of the step of doing it? And now they're in the step of like, we got to get it out there, we got to acknowledge it through the government. And as much as we don't believe the government, we're going to believe it if they're saying that, yeah, it's a thing, you know, and maybe next AI is almost there. Maybe next is when we'll get this alien invasion and everybody will believe it and they'll even say there was just a hearing about this. You know, it'll legitimize to most people. Most people can't logically argue with what you see if you watch that hearing.

[Shane]

Right.

[Jared]

They're under oath. They're like people of stature. So I think it could be something like that personally, because it'd be very smart as a way to familiarize people with the idea that there's something going on that we don't know about that they don't want us to know about. And I think it's going to be revealed at some point, and then they're really going to start controlling us and it's going to to get heavier because not a lot of people watched the hearing. It's just. A lot of people know something got talked about in a hearing.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Jared]

I mean, who knows? It's just a theory. You know, there's a lot of who knows really what's going on? But I mean, that's pretty interesting. They could be aliens.

[Shane]

Maybe AI is an alien. It will be an alien form of technology because it will be alien to us. We won't understand it. So what if we are getting so close to that, that the aliens are like, all right, it's almost time for us to come in. Maybe they'll save us us, maybe they won't. Maybe they're waiting for AI to hit that point so that they can take over. Take over. Like, I don't know, maybe they're. It is weird that AI is being talked about so much and then aliens are being talked about so much and it's all happening at the same time. Like, I feel like literally in the last two months everybody's talking about AI, now everybody's talking about aliens. It's all happening.

[Jared]

I mean, you can't spell aliens without AI and Len, but to me, very suspicious. I'm sure we're far behind on what they allow us to know what's going on as opposed to what's actually going on. So just like Area 51, people have speculated it's where they build these aircrafts and all that stuff. Number two, it could be aliens, you know, from another galaxy or another planet. But three, I thought, what if there's just like another species on this planet? Let's, let's get crazy with it. Chipmunks. Let's say chipmunks have become so evolved.

[Shane]

What? You lost me a little bit.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Jared]

What are maybe Alvin and the chipmunks. I think that was one of the worst examples of an animal.

[Shane]

Chipmunks or aliens.

[Jared]

No, I'm saying we assume that humans are like the most advanced technologically. Everything you know, as far as species that exist on this planet. What if there is another species? Chipmunk was a dumb thing to say. That was probably a throw off. They don't have anything to do with it. I don't know, I thought it would like add to it somehow and it actually detoured it quite a bit. But like people believe that aliens are evolved creatures on another planet, huh? But what if there's more evolved creatures than us already on this planet? But the thing is they know if they expose themselves and like shared it with people, we would take it over and make, make it ours. And they're like, hey, we watch these people like you know, destroy everything forever. We got to get the hell off this planet.

[Shane]

Still want to know where. How your brain thought of?

[Jared]

Because. Because I was thinking what animal is the most unbelievable that if you can get your mind, there would be a fun image to think there's chipmunks that are so smart. I mean, because we think, yeah, people like, we communicate chipmunks really smart. They, I mean, they hide Peanuts. And remember where they are like days. I mean, if you want to talk about intelligence, what's the difference? They relatively have the same intelligence. I don't know for sure, so don't quote me on that. But I would imagine similar sized brains and everything.

[Shane]

I heard, but I heard that squirrels, they. For they, they like bury their nuts everywhere and then they forget where most of them are. That's why we have trees.

[Chris]

Squirrels, chick.

[Jared]

No, no, they remember. I've. I've watched it happen in. In a backyard that we used. Somewhere we used to live.

[Shane]

Live.

[Jared]

But they also like mess around with the dogs that wave their tails to have fun with them. They like people. They are so good. They are so good at getting into bird feeders.

[Shane]

Oh.

[Jared]

That people have had to create contraptions like that. I mean they did like a 50 course puzzle for a squirrel to get into a bird feeder and it passed.

[Shane]

You're right.

[Jared]

So, you know, Chipmunk was a weird one.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Jared]

But the point was the smartest people on the planet hide what they know from each other.

[Shane]

They're nuts.

[Jared]

They bury their nuts and don't punch them and make them hurt real bad.

[Chris]

But this is the recap.

[Jared]

Yeah, but what if. What if there's another species that we're aware of and they have a subsect of like they just send the dummy chipmunks out to look stupid so if we see it, we don't get suspicious.

[Shane]

Right.

[Jared]

We don't know they're really going to a secret lab.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Jared]

In a tree. They're educated.

[Shane]

Listen, chipmunk aside, I love. Okay, I really am into this alien shit and I really, I mean, does anybody at this point not believe in aliens? Is there anybody? Let us know in the comments. Do you believe in aliens? And if you don't, why? Because I feel like at this point I don't know if I do, but.

[Jared]

Really I feel like it's fun to think about. But what I'm saying is it's hard.

[Chris]

To think that there's. Who knows who's right or wrong extraterrestrial beings. But I don't know if they need to fuck with us. They probably have their own planets. They're chilling, right?

[Shane]

Yeah, it's very scary. Let us know what you guys think in the comments. And speaking of alien intelligence, that is almost too confusing for us to fully understand. It's time for a recap. Light, camera, action.

[Chris]

Ryland's recap is about to happen. On today's episode of the Shane Dawson Podcast, each one of the couch crew Members has a medical emergency, some more important than others, such as Jared's headset, Shane's potato sized hair, prayers up Chris's sleep apnea, Chris Ryland's ball issues, and honestly, the most severe.

[Spencer]

Yeah, mine wasn't an emergency. Mine was a scheduled visit for.

[Chris]

Yes, Spencer, how are you doing?

[Spencer]

Thanks, Ryland. I'm doing good.

[Chris]

Good, good, good. Jared, how's that zit coming along in this two hour podcast? It's.

[Jared]

I'm not letting it control me anymore. Oh, that's lost its power. And I think I have maybe three to four more days on it and I hope people don't notice it.

[Shane]

Cool.

[Chris]

If we're revealing things about ourselves, I also.

[Jared]

Oh my God.

[Shane]

Earthquake.

[Jared]

Yeah. Shake it up.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Chris]

Shane downplays the horrific natural disaster that is an earthquake.

[Shane]

I was afraid of it.

[Jared]

I tip. I think I was the one joking.

[Chris]

My house and I are shook and so should all of you because the big one is coming. We live on what? The San Andreas fault. And I think not any of us are very far from it. Where we could just like.

[Ryland]

No, we're all.

[Chris]

And I think Shane and I are close enough to where we'll like be a part of the ocean, not the.

[Shane]

US Crumble cookie drama.

[Chris]

Oh, fuck. Crumble cookies. Just kidding. I'm on the subreddit because I'm obsessed with them. Haters are always the product's biggest fan.

[Shane]

I have to pee. So bad.

[Chris]

Me too. So bad.

[Shane]

Really? No, you don't.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

No.

[Chris]

So bad. Really?

[Shane]

Yeah, like chipmunks.

[Jared]

Chipmunks could be aliens.

[Chris]

Nobody knows the difference between chipmunks and squirrels. And if they pretend they do, they won't even tell me the real reason.

[Shane]

Okay, I'm gonna run and go pee, but you keep going.

[Chris]

That's not fair. I think you get.

[Shane]

Okay, I'll be right back.

[Chris]

Vagina's really cool. Spencer wrote, Ryland has bad balls.

[Shane]

Thanks.

[Spencer]

Sometimes I try to come up with a fun little one.

[Chris]

What will the boys get each other for Secret Santa? There's a $20 limit.

[Ryland]

Is it officially a $20 limit?

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Spencer]

Yes.

[Chris]

$20 limit. I'm already prepping and preparing Jared falls down the rabbit hole of world records. I was thinking we should try to break a world record. That should be our resolution.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Chris]

What's it gonna be? What are you guys good at?

[Spencer]

Fun. The ones that annoy me are people with the longest fingernails. Cuz it's like that's your whole thing. It's like you have the longest fingernails.

[Chris]

You know, it's pretty Impressive. Do you know how long you'd have to leave those growing out? And if you've ever had fake nails, it's hard to do anything. You can't type, you can't cook, you can't do anything.

[Spencer]

I know, but that's what's annoying. It's like. Okay, so that's your thing. Your whole thing is that you have long fingernails and you can't do anything.

[Chris]

Yeah, but you can't appreciate the dedication.

[Jared]

Hey, hey, listen.

[Spencer]

There's no dedication.

[Jared]

It's not.

[Shane]

No.

[Chris]

That's sacrificing your whole life because you.

[Ryland]

Can'T do anything and making everyone else around you do everything for you.

[Spencer]

Yeah, I'm not about it.

[Shane]

What did I just walk into?

[Jared]

Possibly trying to break a world record on the podcast.

[Chris]

I just thought, why wouldn't we do that for the New year? Like, that's our New Year's resolution, to break one world record.

[Spencer]

That's fun. That is a fun year. Goal.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Chris]

And then Spencer started shaming the person with the world's longest fingers.

[Spencer]

I hate those people.

[Chris]

And I said, he hates them.

[Shane]

Why? That's strong.

[Chris]

That would take.

[Shane]

Did I miss anything else?

[Jared]

No. Really? Not a lot of fingernail. Doug.

[Chris]

That's it for the Shane Dawson Podcast. We had a great time. Make sure you shop your Shane Dawson merch@shane dawsonmerch.com. hot things are happening in that merch. People are getting proposed to. They're having babies. Well, while watching this podcast, anything in the universe, really, can we have new.

[Ryland]

Very cute denim hoodies?

[Chris]

And the new denim hoodies are pretty cute. Well, follow everyone on social media. Everything is linked, clicked, licked. Link in the description section below, and we will see you right back here on the Shane Dawson podcast in two weeks.

[Shane]

Wow. Well, there you guys go. Hopefully you enjoyed whatever the hell that was. Almost Christmas edition. I enjoyed it.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Shane]

All right, see you guys next time. Bye.