Chili's Conspiracy Theories!

Summary

The Shane Dawson Podcast

Episode: Chili's Conspiracy Theories!
Date: September 7, 2025
Host: Shane Dawson
Guests/Co-Hosts: Rylan, Morgan, Spencer, Jared, Vicki, Chris

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Episode Overview

This energetic and comedic episode of The Shane Dawson Podcast blends family banter, pop culture riffs, wild games, and true crime with the show’s signature offbeat takes on “conspiracies.” The gang celebrates multiple Leo birthdays, digs into fast food scandals (focusing particularly on Chili’s), tests out a viral Walmart cookie dupe, and investigates both silly and serious mysteries—including zombie rabbits in Colorado and the case of a real-life “zombie hunter.” Expect celebrity impressions, sibling drama, absurd theories, and, yes, some actual true crime.

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Main Segments & Discussion Points

1. Big Leo Energy & Family Dynamics

00:23–11:18

• Intro/Birthday Talk: It’s birthday week for Spencer and Morgan, both Leos. The group riffs on Leo energy, astrological traits, and family quirks.

  • Notable banter about “womb mates” leads to good-natured jokes about whether Spencer and Rylan are possibly related in mysterious ways.
  • The family pokes fun about who’s “fashion forward” and comically speculates on each other’s sexual orientation, referencing Khloe Kardashian.
  • Quote:

    “I do have a theory that Spencer was maybe my womb mate… If it came out that Spencer was my roommate, I would accept him.” —Rylan (00:54)

• Creative Pursuits/Life Updates: Stories range from Spencer’s “marmot” video obsession to Chrissy’s struggles with long COVID.
  “I went camping and watched videos of otters and marmots for about three hours with our dad.” — Jared (01:51)

• Big Leo Energy Game: Shane half-heartedly tries to quiz the group on Leo traits, leading to fun self-analysis (confidence, loyalty, creativity, flair for drama).
  “You have to be confident to have a job on camera.” — Morgan (10:16)

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2. Celebrity Dinner Party—Impersonation Game

13:33–38:08

• Hosted by “Steve Hartley” (Rylan as Steve Harvey), the group draws cards with celebrity names and must impersonate them.

  • Points awarded for correct guesses; frequent comedic confusion, off-the-wall impressions, and deduction attempts.
  • Memorable impressions: Adele, Martha Stewart, Wednesday Addams, Lord Farquaad, and more.
  • Quote:

    “If your search history became a Broadway musical, what would it be called?” —Steve Hartley/Rylan (26:35)

  • Fun callouts of TikTok stars, pop culture staples, and jokes about generational gaps (Bella Poarch vs. JoJo Siwa).

• The segment is both chaotic and hilarious, with playful jabs about who’s “out of touch” and in-jokes referencing podcast history.

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3. Conspiracy Corner — Fast Food Shenanigans & Internet Theories

41:27–56:05

A. Zombie Rabbits in Colorado

• Shane reveals the “zombie rabbit” scare—infected rabbits with bizarre bacterial growths resembling a horror movie/fungus outbreak (“The Last of Us”).
  • Concern over official downplaying of risks:

    “They keep saying ‘don’t worry’…but then also humans don’t touch them under any circumstance. That feels like contradictory information.” — Rylan (41:51)

  • Family draws parallels to previous discussions about fungi, hinting this could be a warning sign of broader public health threats.

B. Chili’s Conspiracy Theories

• Tip Calculation Scandal: Jared claims Chili’s calculates gratuity on post-tax and pre-discount amounts, charging patrons more than expected.
  “I was at Chili’s the other night…when they gave me the options, something seemed a little fishy. They were overcharging at a minimum $2 for each tip amount.” — Jared (46:13)
• Drink Watering Theory: Suspicions arise about Chili’s famously cheap drinks being watered down. Shane proposes a “content test” using a breathalyzer after rounds at Chili’s vs. a fancy bar.
• Shrinkflation: The chocolate lava cake is now much smaller for the same price—caught in a side-by-side photo comparison.
  “This is what it looked like one year ago…Now this is what it looked like six years ago.” — Shane (50:14)
• Soup Rip-Off: Evidence that paying to “upgrade” a soup at Chili’s gets you the exact same amount of food in a different container.

C. Walmart vs. Crumbl Cookies

• The group does a live taste-test of Walmart’s new “King Crumb” cookie (alleged dupe of viral Crumbl).
  “For a prepackaged cookie, it’s fantastic…But the frosting doesn’t compare to Crumbl.” — Rylan (55:02)

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4. Theme Park Mishaps

56:05–59:43

• Reports of Cedar Point’s “Power Tower” ride cable snapping, leaving riders stranded. Group jokes they “manifested” this happening since they discussed the ride last episode.
  • Quote:

    “My fear is getting stuck at the top and it not coming down.” — Rylan (56:57)

• Bizarre segment with people being evacuated from a stuck ride, with video reactions from the cast.

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5. Cutting-Edge (and Terrifying) Tech—Robot Surrogacy

59:43–63:36

• Discussion of reports from China about a “robot surrogate” (AI humanoid carrying babies for $13,000).
  • Group reflects on the ethics and emotional implications: “What if the robot feels like it’s their mom?” — Shane (60:43)
  • Pervasive unease and jokes about what happens if a robot goes “rogue” or the child faces stigma as a “clanker.”

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6. (Silly) Garth Brooks Serial Killer Theory

63:36–67:18

• Spencer introduces a viral TikTok conspiracy that Garth Brooks might be a secret serial killer, citing his alter ego (Chris Gaines), “creepy” Facebook videos, and overlapping tour dates with missing person cases.
  • Quote:

    “You think they're all buried in low places?...What if that's his whole thing?” — Shane (66:25)

  • Clearly presented as an absurd, tongue-in-cheek theory, but the group runs with the riff.

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7. True Crime Story—The Phoenix Canal Murders

67:18–73:54

• Vicki details the “zombie hunter” true crime case:
  • Two women were killed and dismembered in Phoenix canal system in the early 1990s.
  • The killer (Brian Patrick Miller) remained uncaught until DNA advances decades later; he was ironically known locally as “the zombie hunter,” driving a gory, zombie-themed car to community events.
  • Miller was caught after police tricked him into a job interview at Chili’s and collected DNA from his water glass, confirming the match.
  • Eerie details: Miller confessed another murder to his wife, went unreported out of fear.
  • Chilling wrap-up:
    “So the whole time that he's stabbing random people in the back for fun, he's branding himself as a zombie hunter?” — Morgan (73:12)

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8. Rylan’s Absurdist Recap

74:22–76:55

• The show wraps with Rylan’s satirical, rapid-fire newscaster summary, touching on all major episode themes: Leo birthdays, Chili’s scandals, shrinkflation, family coming-out drama, zombie rabbits, robot surrogates, and the day’s true crime.
  • Quote:

    “Breaking news out of Colorado. Rabbits with tentacles are running amok…Who can believe them? Really?” — Rylan as newscaster (77:41)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Shrinkflation:
  “Fuck you, Chili. Wow…That side by side is crazy.” — Rylan & Shane (50:29)
• On Zombie Rabbits:
  “We’ve been on this planet for how many years and this is the first time this has happened? Allegedly. I’m not a scientist but now it’s just like, oh, everybody, it’s normal. Look away. There’s something insane going on, right?” — Shane (42:35)
• On the Garth Brooks Theory:
  “You think they're all buried in low places. What if that's his whole thing?" — Shane (66:25)
• On ‘Robot Surrogacy’:
  “If it was just in like a…refrigerator. I’d be a little less…They really gave her a hefty bosom, as they would say.” — Shane & Spencer (62:26)
• On the True Crime 'Zombie Hunter':
  “And so they set up this little meeting to interview him at Chili’s ... what they’re trying to do is gather his DNA.” — Vicki (70:52)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:23 – Leo birthday banter, family drama
• 03:22 – “Big Leo Energy” personality game
• 13:33 – Celebrity Dinner Party impressions game begins
• 41:27 – Conspiracy Corner: Zombie rabbits
• 44:26 – Chili’s conspiracy theories segment (tips, watered drinks, shrinkflation)
• 53:01 – Walmart “King Crumb” cookies taste test
• 56:05 – Cedar Point ride cable snap incident
• 59:43 – Robot surrogacy discussion
• 63:36 – Garth Brooks serial killer TikTok theory
• 67:18 – True Crime Story: Phoenix “zombie hunter”
• 74:22 – Rylan’s recap and outro

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Tone & Style

The episode is brisk, playful, irreverent, and heavily laced with inside jokes and sibling-style roasts. The hosts alternate between careful conspiracy breakdowns and absurd comedy, reflecting their comfort as both family and content creators. Even when tackling darker themes (true crime, robot surrogates, “zombie rabbits”), the atmosphere remains comedic, self-deprecating, and stylized by rapid-fire banter.

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Summary for the Uninitiated

If you haven’t listened, this episode drops you into the heart of Shane Dawson’s inner circle as they bounce between jokes, internet rumors, conspiracy theories, snack hacks, true crime, and a marathon of rambunctious “impersonate-the-celebrity” games. Fast food chains are roasted for their sneaky practices. Rabbit zombies and robot moms are treated with tongue-in-cheek skepticism. And the show closes with a real-life true crime story as narrated by Vicki. Above all, it’s a hang-out session—funny, chaotic, and densely packed with cultural references and personal quirks.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[A]

Our next theory is about chili.

[B]

Guys, this is a painful thing for me.

[A]

This is what it looked like one year ago. Okay, you see that? Now this is what it looked like six years ago.

[C]

Whoa.

[D]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[A]

Hey, welcome back to whatever the hell this is. Big Leo Energy edition. That's right. It is birthday week for Spencer and Morgan.

[E]

And they both wore cowboy outfits, not even intending to. Yeah.

[D]

I have always had telepathy with Rylan, but I think I'm starting to semi get into Spencer a little bit since.

[F]

I've been adopted into the Addams Family. It's sort of growing.

[D]

I do have a theory that Spencer was maybe my womb mate and this is either.

[E]

Okay. Every time we see you, you have a different theory about Spencer. I know he can't figure it out. Which answer some questions I've always had.

[D]

We always all had questions.

[E]

Can we get into that?

[A]

Wait, what?

[E]

It's a little interesting that Morgan's the only tall sibling and she's a. She's a girl. So it's odd that like, she's taller than my brother and I both.

[F]

Very Chloe.

[D]

Dad.

[E]

Right?

[B]

Isn't Khloe like super tall?

[E]

Very Khloe Kardashian.

[A]

Very Khloe.

[D]

If it came out that Spencer was my roommate, I would accept him.

[A]

Wow.

[F]

Thank you so much.

[A]

Wow. How is everyone? That was a lot. That was a lot of backst of family drama.

[E]

I'm good.

[B]

You know, I mean, I think as far as if we're grading on a curve, I feel great right now. I'm not involved in any drama.

[A]

Good.

[B]

I. You know, I recently I got a new camera.

[F]

Yes.

[E]

A nice camera.

[B]

So you guys expect amazingly high quality content coming to the channel soon. And in general, I went camping and watched videos of otters and marmots for about three hours with our dad.

[A]

What's a marmot?

[B]

Oh, you haven't heard about a marmot?

[A]

Dude, Rabbit hole.

[B]

They are like the most cutest groundhogs that you'll ever see in your life. And they're super chill. I think the reason is because in the wild they hibernate for nine months out of the year. So I think for nine months they just have like, no personality, but they're adorable.

[F]

So they're awake for three months of the year?

[A]

Yeah. Goals?

[F]

Not bad. Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

That's pretty much what I've been doing.

[A]

Chrissy, how's your life? What's going on?

[F]

Good.

[E]

I mean, I'm finally healthy again.

[F]

So it's because even like.

[E]

Even like after I was testing Negative. There was still like a long period after Covid where I just couldn't breathe.

[F]

Like, I couldn't catch a breath for.

[E]

A very long time. And so today's like, or maybe yesterday I woke up and I'm like, I can breathe. Wow, it's so good to breathe. Life's so much better.

[A]

The world needs that energy right now. Oh, wow. I'm so happy you're healthy.

[E]

Thank you.

[A]

Okay, guys, this is a big day. We have so much planned. I don't even know where to start. But I will start with this. I had a game idea and then I actually did not plan it, but my game was going to be called Big Leo Energy. The idea of the game was going to be because you guys are both Leos and Spencer all the time is like, I don't feel like I show any Leo signs. I highly disagree.

[E]

But I was like, that is like a shot fired.

[A]

Why?

[F]

At me?

[A]

I love Leos.

[D]

He might have Leo blindness.

[E]

Morgan used to too. She used to say, now I'm just a cusper. And then finally she's come around to like, okay, yeah, I'm a Leo.

[D]

No, I knew Spencer was a Leo today because he said my birthday month is this month.

[A]

And I was like, yeah.

[F]

I was saying this in regards to my poor eating habit because I'll be like, should I eat healthy? Like, nah, it's my birthday month. If I'll eat a pizza.

[A]

Leo energy.

[F]

I think I used to be more. When I was a kid, I was big Leo energy because I would be like singing on the bus, be yelling Like, I was very like. But then I think I've mellowed out since then.

[A]

Well, Leos, as I've researched, I have not. Leos change with the times and they grow into their Leo energy. So I feel like back then you were getting attention by being loud and thumbosterous. I don't know if that's a word. But now as you're getting older, you're realizing that you can get attention in more quiet ways, such as picking out an outfit. Spencer is very about fashion. He is very.

[E]

He's fashion forward.

[A]

Fashion forward explores colors exploratory.

[E]

He thrift shops.

[A]

Lots of good thrift shops.

[F]

It sounds like you're talking about a little kid who everyone knows is gay but hasn't come. He's very fashion forward. He braids hair well for sales for.

[E]

The first month or so. I knew you. I was like, is he gay?

[A]

Okay, can I. Hold on, hold on.

[E]

What? Okay, whatever. Sorry, Spencer.

[F]

It's okay. I'm more just curious what I said that made you think I was gay.

[A]

Wearing a shirt with Garth Brooks on it?

[E]

Yes.

[F]

With a big G. That is the straightest thing you could do.

[A]

No, I never thought Spencer was gay. I did feel like, because when I first met Spencer, well, he was wearing a suit. Although then I realized later you were only wearing the suit from the top up.

[F]

Well, you know, it was Zoom Interview. It wasn't in person.

[A]

From the bottom. It was a dress.

[D]

No, it was a little mini.

[E]

His toenails are painted purple.

[A]

Are your toenails painted? No, but he gives me painted toenail energy.

[E]

Honestly, it's. A lot of the straight guys are crazy. No, lately, a lot of straight guys are painting their fingernails, like, bold colors. Jason Momoa didn't. It did it in fast. And the fur, and he's a man.

[A]

You have Momoa.

[F]

I don't know about that.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[F]

Okay, what was the game?

[A]

Oh, the game.

[E]

The game.

[A]

Okay. You bet. You've never been.

[E]

Sorry, Spencer.

[F]

No, not that it matters. Not a kiss.

[E]

No. Now that I know Spencer, I don't think he's saying literally.

[A]

Not at all. Yuck.

[E]

Barf emoji. Barf emoji. Barf emoji.

[A]

We all got gay people.

[E]

Wasn't a gay alliance.

[A]

We are, like, so close. It's crazy. I don't know if you guys could tell how close we are.

[C]

The proud parent, right, Morgan?

[F]

Of a gay.

[E]

Why are you saying right?

[C]

Because you teased me for having my proud parent cup.

[D]

Mom puts up two gay snowmen in our backyard every year. Huge inflatable ones. And she made sure they were two guys so that people know that they're gay. Mom also wanted me to be gay forever.

[C]

I did not. You?

[E]

Why not? You don't like, you gay baited on the Internet for a minute. No, that was your idea.

[A]

What?

[C]

I never felt it, but during that video. Video? I wasn't sure. At the end, I. I was sitting there just like, is she gonna come.

[E]

Out as a lesbian?

[A]

Set the scene. Morgan had a video where she was basically questioning, is she gay? Because people on the Internet thought she was gay. People in her family thought she was gay. And then she ended.

[E]

She was answering a question. Really?

[A]

And then she ends the video by being like, am I? And then she's like, no, I'm not.

[D]

Morgan, are you a lesbian?

[E]

No.

[A]

If you guys don't know, Morgan has a Patreon where she has a podcast called Seriously, which is so good, by the way. It's. I listen to it. I love it. Well, I watch it and I watch it while I'm, like, cleaning the house and everything. And I laugh and I cackle.

[E]

Yeah, that is one thing about Shane. He listens to a podcast too loud throughout the house at all times. Oh, gosh. I'm like, gosh, put the headphone in.

[A]

That's so mean. I'm not talking about supporting our family.

[E]

Not just yours, but at all hours of the day.

[A]

Okay, well, you told this story that was really good and I loved it, but I almost texted you about it because I was like, I literally don't remember this. You said that your whole family thought you were lesbian and that we brought you outside and had some sort of intervention.

[E]

I don't remember this, by the way.

[D]

Mom, because Brooke and I both remember it, but I think it was just Mom, Brooke and I being, like, having a sit down conversation. And then mom was like, shane and Ryan are wondering if you guys are gay.

[A]

Were we?

[E]

I mean, Brooke came to stay at the house in Colorado.

[B]

Brooke is her girlfriend.

[E]

Yes, thank you for clarifying.

[D]

Very confusing because we always match and we look like we could be dating. And she got married, which I was devastated about, but I'm happy for her.

[A]

You know, Break it up. Break it up.

[E]

So she's staying at my mom's house, and it's like 11am and Morgan and Brooke haven't emerged, and we're like, what are they doing?

[D]

Like, with the experiences that I've had in men of the world. I would love to be lesbian, but I'm not.

[B]

And you're sure Brooke isn't a lesbian?

[D]

She's married to a veteran.

[B]

There's a movie about a girl who's in love with her best friend but ends up getting married at some point. I don't remember the name of it.

[A]

The Roommate. Was it the roommate where she kills her? Yes. Maybe.

[E]

I don't know.

[F]

They were both married in Brokeback Mountain.

[E]

That didn't stop them.

[D]

Also say, the more married people I meet, the less I want to be married.

[E]

Geez.

[D]

Except for you two. You two do very well. Jared and Sandy do very well. But, like, girls my age that are married, every time I hear a story, I'm like, whoo, I don't know.

[E]

Well, don't get married to get married is my advice. Don't just be like, oh, I want to check a box and like, you know, progress in life, because, well, joke's over.

[D]

I don't have any options.

[A]

Okay, wait a minute. This is giving me an idea.

[E]

Oh, God.

[A]

Maybe big Leo energy isn't a game. Maybe Big Leo love is a show. And maybe we have two contestants. And then we bring in. Yeah, we bring in girls and boys or just girls. And we have you guys do blind dates on opposite sides of the office. And then we watch I'm shaking. And then we watch them. That's good.

[B]

You can spell love without Leo.

[F]

That's true.

[A]

Technically, you can't.

[E]

Wait.

[A]

Right?

[F]

Wait, Elio.

[E]

Ok.

[A]

Wait. The game is irrelevant. The game was going to be basically like me going through all the Leo traits and seeing if you guys have big Leo entities.

[E]

And if you did, we go grr.

[A]

And if you don't, we go Max and Jet would say, but I didn't do any research because we did research for the other game we're going to play, which is better. But let's. Let's do a couple. Rylan, what are the main traits for Leos?

[E]

Let me. Let me look it up. Leos are known for their confidence.

[A]

Confidence.

[E]

Ra.

[A]

Is that what we're doing?

[E]

I say rarity. You guys are both confident.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Right?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

I mean, you have to be confident to have a job on camera.

[C]

Definitely. You are.

[D]

Yeah, you're right.

[E]

You have to have confidence.

[D]

You're right.

[E]

Loyalty, Spencer. Spencer seems loyal to me.

[F]

I feel like I'm a pretty loyal person.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay. They are described as warm. Yes. Generous and creative. I would say both of you are very creative.

[A]

Spencer doesn't tip.

[E]

Okay. No, we're going back. This is going to be my biggest.

[F]

Regret on this podcast is saying that he really deserves. I mean, I know.

[E]

I do. I do.

[F]

And I do. Tiff. I do tip.

[E]

With a love for spotlight. For the spotlight. And a flair for the dramatic. Like the lion that symbolizes them, Leos are bold, brave and determined. Especially when pursuing their goals.

[A]

Okay, good. I feel like we have big Leo energy and we can confirm.

[F]

Move on.

[A]

Okay, we're go pee. When we come back, we're going to be playing a crazy game. Dear God. Everybody. You guys go take a break too.

[F]

Craziest game.

[A]

See you guys soon. Hey, what's up, you guys? Sorry to interrupt the episode. Please don't go anywhere. Also, what is happening? Oh, my God. Okay, hold on, guys. I am having a day. I don't know what is in the air right now or what's going on. Like, what is that? Also, I know what you're thinking. Yes. There's more Labuboos behind me. I'm not buying them. This is not my thing. They just keep appearing. But I will Say, Chris got me the cutest birthday present. It's a labubu with the scream mask. A scream Boo.

[E]

Boo.

[A]

So cute. So scary. Anyways, yes. Today's episode is sponsored by Squarespace. I love Squarespace. So many people use Squarespace to create their websites. It is so easy. But also they have a lot of features that, like, I didn't even know about when I first started working with them. Like, for example, you can now sell content on Squarespace. So, for example, if you have a class that you want to sell, like a master class, or even just a podcast or vlogs, you can literally put them on your website and put them behind a paywall and choose the amount you want to charge. And you can do all, all of that on Squarespace. And if you're a small business, like a nail tech or a hair stylist or an artist, you can schedule your clients, you can sell your services. You can do all of it in one place with Squarespace. You also can use their email campaigns, which is huge. If you are a business, keeping your customers engaged and coming back to your website for your services is huge. And with Squarespace email campaigns, all the tools you need to engage your clients, promote your services, and grow your business are built in. If you've been thinking about starting a website or even if you haven't thought about it, cause you're like, I don't need one. Like, like. No, you really do. Having a hub, like a central place where people can go and see everything that you offer, it is really important for a small business. Or if you're a blogger and you just want to talk about your ibs, baby, Squarespace is the perfect place. So they are giving you guys a very special deal. All you gotta do is go to squarespace.com grower, get a free trial, and when you're ready to launch your site, use Offer Code grower to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com grower to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using Code Grow. So thank you so much, Squarespace, for sponsoring this episode. And please check it out. Make a site, have some fun and send us an email. Shane Dawsonpodcastuffmail.com and show us your site. What are you making? What are you creating? Do you have ibs? Lot of questions. I need some answers. All right, enjoy the rest of the episode.

[E]

Bye.

[A]

Hey, welcome back. Oh, my God. Who is that?

[E]

Oh, it's just me, Steve Hartley. Welcome back.

[A]

Where's Chris. Oh, my God, there's Chris. Hey. He's so close, I can touch him.

[E]

I don't think that's ever. This is crazy. I've never been this close to. Wow.

[C]

Yeah, we're. We're couch mates.

[E]

Oh, hey.

[F]

Hey, Steve. Next week. I don't think we've interacted too many times.

[E]

No. I've never seen you.

[F]

You sound different.

[E]

Yes.

[F]

You sound like Santa Claus.

[A]

You know, we've literally done this with you playing this character before.

[E]

Okay. The thing is, I've never consumed a Steve Harvey show, so to be Steve Hartley, that is crazy. It's a little challenging, so I'm just gonna be me in 10 years as a bald man. But welcome to Celebrity Dinner Party. The objective of the game, get as many points as possible. How do you execute on that? Well, all of you have cards. Each card has a unique celebrity listed. That celebrity, you will be impersonating, I'll be asking questions. And you all will get to earn points if your celebrity is guessed or if you guess somebody's celebrity that's being impersonated. Now, I will be asking questions, and I will open the portal. When the portal is open, then and only then, are you allowed to guess who each other are. When the portal is closed, if you guess somebody, you will be banished, killed or murdered.

[F]

Killed or murdered.

[C]

Wow.

[E]

The game's over. Whenever the first person runs out of every card, the person with the most points at the end of the game wins the prize.

[A]

A la Boo Boo.

[D]

You're gonna curse house.

[F]

Wow.

[A]

I think I gave you a labubu last time you were in town. And you left it.

[E]

Oh, no.

[A]

So Mickey's labubu.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. There you go.

[E]

That's huge. Huge. Okay, everybody, look at your first card, find out the first celebrity you'll be impersonating, and we'll get this dinner party started. I have prepared a nice steak dinner for you all. Medium rare. If you like it cooked more, then you're out of luck.

[A]

I love it.

[E]

Bloody yummy.

[F]

I'm not good at this one.

[A]

One.

[E]

Hey. Okay, let's start with our first dinner party prompt. We're starting with Christopher B station. What's the weirdest thing you've ever googled at 2am? Googling at 2am I googled a lot of things. I don't think it's any of your business, but there's damn things that.

[F]

This is the worst. This is so not even saying you got this.

[E]

Who's that guy? Woman to his left. What are you googling at 2am for.

[C]

Me, I'm looking up Meghan Markle. And I am looking because, you know, I just don't like her, and I want to tell everyone on my podcast that. So I need more details.

[E]

This is bordering on a. I know who this is.

[A]

You do?

[E]

You're scaring me, Vicky.

[A]

I mean, whoever you play. Yeah, I think you have a little more energy than that.

[C]

Well, I also don't like her husband Harry. And you know what?

[A]

Even more attitude.

[C]

No, I'm taking them down.

[D]

Maybe they just need a little unwell beverage.

[E]

Okay, that's another buzzer.

[F]

He said a brand name.

[D]

No one gave us any rules.

[E]

We literally did. No identifiers.

[F]

Morgan's having trouble.

[D]

I played soccer at Ohio.

[F]

Morgan's having trouble with this one.

[E]

I think you have to change your. I think I know who you are.

[A]

I need a portal.

[F]

I don't know who that is.

[E]

Well, let me give some other people the opportunity.

[F]

Is he one of those things that floats slaps around outside car dealerships?

[E]

Anybody in here as thirsty as I am? Jared, what is your character's most inappropriate time they've ever gotten the giggles?

[B]

Listening to my son's rap music?

[F]

Oh, no, I do think I know who you are.

[E]

Me, too. It seems like you're the father of that person.

[A]

What'd you say? He's a loser.

[F]

This is Krayla. What? I don't know if I know what that's from.

[A]

Portal. Portal. Portal.

[E]

Okay, we're opening a portal.

[A]

Oh, can I guess?

[E]

Yep. Lizzy.

[C]

Oh, wow. Pennywise, Funny.

[F]

Will Smith and Morgan Freeman.

[A]

I think that was everything. Except for you.

[F]

Okay, I like cheese.

[E]

Wow. Okay, so did Chris get all of those? Except for just.

[A]

Except for. Yes.

[C]

But that was a good guess on what I said. I. I would have to say that.

[A]

Okay, so once they guess you, you pull another card.

[E]

Wait, are you a new character now? Because it seems like the same. Okay, Morgan has your character. Your character. If your laugh changed every year, what would this year's laugh sound like?

[B]

What's that flavor?

[E]

It looks delicious. Same goes for you, Jerry. Same question. Spencer. Chris.

[F]

I wasn't listening.

[E]

Can you repeat the question, please? If your laugh changed every year, what would this year's laugh sound like? Oh, I just want to do the same thing every year forever. Because I'm just thirsty, and I like to help people that are thirsty, too. You know, Vicki, I would have to.

[C]

Say I don't laugh. I'm serious. I give it real. I give it real. I want everybody to understand the real story.

[F]

Can I ask Vicky A question.

[A]

Are you thirsty?

[F]

Because I could hear. Are you a guy or a girl?

[C]

Girl.

[F]

Very good.

[E]

Woman.

[C]

A woman.

[A]

Don't ask your question.

[F]

I love. I love sexy women.

[E]

Does anyone here play sports games? I don't myself, but if you're thirsty, I'd like to assist.

[F]

Oh, that was actually a really good clue.

[E]

You didn't ask me. You didn't ask me.

[A]

What?

[C]

So what. What does your love sound like this year?

[E]

I have a better one for you. You're in a love triangle with two other celebrities. Who's involved and who would you pick?

[A]

Well, Steve. My love triangle would be Steve Jobs. Rest in peace and. Oh, actually, hold on. I'm in prison. So my love triangle would be my multiple bitches that. That have me in check.

[E]

Let's open a portal.

[A]

Someone, please.

[F]

Yo, is Vicky Candace Owens or someone like that?

[C]

It's someone similar. Yeah.

[E]

Adam Sandler. Oh, thank you.

[F]

I did so bad on that one.

[C]

You did great.

[E]

Thank you.

[A]

I. I see a lot of girls. I see a lot of guys, too.

[F]

Yeah, I don't have any more guesses.

[A]

Look at my eyes. Look in my eyes.

[D]

Is Elon Musk.

[A]

I love him, but no. I'm a woman.

[C]

You're a woman?

[A]

Yes. I'm. I'm sorry. I'm a woman.

[E]

Oh, are you Martha Stewart? No.

[C]

That's what I said.

[E]

I was trying to help the world. You're never gonna try out the world.

[A]

Jared. Jared. With the blood test? Yes, with the blood test. Oh.

[E]

Oh, I don't know that name, though.

[A]

With the blood tests. What the.

[F]

Her name.

[A]

Oh, come on.

[E]

Did you guys not watch the show?

[A]

Come on, give me a half point.

[C]

Point.

[E]

Give him a half point.

[A]

Give me a half.

[E]

Elizabeth Theranos.

[A]

That's not her name, but Elizabeth Holmes. Yes.

[E]

People don't even know that they have a basic human. Right.

[C]

Oh, that was a good one.

[A]

Yep, yep, got it.

[E]

Dang, that was kind of a kill.

[A]

I have no idea.

[C]

It was a Kelly.

[A]

Wait, who's Morgan?

[E]

Let me ask more. Oh, okay. The portal's closed. Oh, no. My mustache is something I keep forgetting about. Oh, I thought you had a paper cut. Oh, yeah, I bleed black.

[C]

You do look good.

[A]

Oh, my God, babes, it's just you. I don't know who.

[F]

Yeah, you're just you. Back to you.

[A]

I don't know who this is, babes, but I kind of want to fuck him.

[E]

Okay, Morgan, your character's writing a tell all book. What's the unnecessarily dramatic title?

[D]

Better not come for Selener.

[F]

Yo, that sounds like my book. My book would be called you Guys.

[E]

Are Born Both a Pop Star.

[F]

No, I'm dating a pop star. Very lucky for me. Very lucky indeed.

[D]

Is the portal open?

[E]

Sure.

[A]

No. The port was close, babes.

[D]

Spencer's Benny Blanco.

[A]

The portal was closed, babes.

[F]

Someone just lost a point. Someone just lost none of her points.

[A]

You know what? You know what? You know what? Give it a point.

[E]

I technically said the portal was open.

[D]

Hey, Benny, why don't you send Selena some of my product?

[E]

Oh, I get it.

[C]

You, Kylie, you're cutting.

[E]

No, Kendall. No.

[C]

Kylie Jenner.

[E]

Come on, keep thinking.

[A]

Do you? Who? You haven't started a new one, you start a new one.

[C]

I was supposed to be starting.

[A]

It's okay, baby.

[C]

Oh, man, this one's a rough one.

[A]

But come on, get some box, babes.

[C]

Well, let's just go on a trip in an adventure on a boat with my green hat.

[A]

What?

[C]

That's my vibe.

[A]

Can someone just javit so he can move on, please?

[F]

Do you live in Miami, Jared?

[E]

New York.

[F]

Fuck, then I don't know.

[E]

I'm giving up.

[B]

Crazy Morgan.

[E]

Oh, crazy, crazy Morgan.

[A]

That's crazy. What the is going on over here?

[D]

He's a Laboo.

[A]

Boo.

[D]

Oh, it's closed.

[C]

Oh, my goodness.

[A]

Is he a Labubu? Wait, can you open the portal, babes?

[E]

Okay, the portal's up, man.

[A]

Is he?

[E]

Yeah. What? Wait, are you really? Yes. You got it right. Oh, geez.

[D]

Point me up, Spencer.

[E]

Wow. Nobody has gotten what Morgan is. Come on. Dating a pop star?

[D]

Aggressively applying lip gloss.

[A]

Oh, she's Haley, baby. Babes.

[E]

Oh, my gosh, man. Who is she? Portals closed.

[B]

Girls these days are so stupid.

[C]

Man, I'm bad at this game.

[E]

Who have I not asked to go question too recently?

[A]

Well, you haven't asked me one, babes.

[E]

Okay, 33.

[A]

This is fine. They love the way he's looking at me. Babes, you want me to write a song about you? Because I will.

[E]

What's the pettiest reason you've ever disliked someone?

[A]

Oh, my God, babes. Where do I start? I just, like. I dislike a lot of people, actually, with, you know. And then I wrote a song about them, and then when I write a song about them, people cry and I say, yeah, that's exactly what I want to happen.

[F]

I think I know who you are. Does anyone? I don't know if anyone's gonna guess. Muffin. I don't really remember what he sounds like, which is embarrassing.

[E]

I relate to this guy just like everyone.

[A]

Thank you. But you know what's crazy about people? Babes. There's so many of them. And I'm done. I'm over.

[E]

It's the worst.

[A]

Yeah. You know what I want to do? I want to go away for 10 years and they come back and everybody loves me again. Then I leave.

[E]

I wish just everyone it happened to me until they can me, please. Okay, portal's open.

[D]

Shane is Adele.

[A]

Yes, Babes.

[C]

Oh, that's such a good impression.

[A]

Okay, what's my next album gonna be based on? Divorce, babe. Divorce.

[D]

At first I thought he might be the same person as me, but I don't know how to sing.

[F]

Well, you might be British, but you don't live in a castle like me.

[B]

Is a portal open?

[E]

I never closed it. Nicholas Cage for me.

[F]

No, no, no.

[B]

Johnny Depp.

[F]

I'm quite shorter than those individuals, but I don't like you talking about that.

[A]

Guys, guys, guys, guys. Sorry. I just noticed this guy over here is. Ah. You look like you're a little uncomfortable.

[E]

Did you call me a guy?

[A]

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to misgender you or anything like that. Are you not a guy?

[E]

Obviously not.

[D]

Is it Chance Loping?

[B]

Sure.

[D]

He's that. That Bobby girl that has that podcast and she left her husband.

[A]

No. What?

[F]

Oh, yeah, that would be.

[B]

Is that Chaz Bono?

[E]

No. Wow.

[A]

Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris. Who are you? Whoa.

[F]

Ha ha. He's acting very strange.

[A]

I'm single at the moment.

[E]

I think you're all acting annoying.

[F]

I hate annoying things. Like fairy tale creatures and this. The like, you know. I hate them. Get them out of my woods.

[A]

All right.

[E]

Do you know Shrek?

[F]

I do know Shrek. That bastard.

[A]

Are you.

[E]

Whoa. Portal's open. Give a guess. Come on.

[D]

He's Spencer's lord. Poor quad.

[A]

I'm not the monster here.

[E]

You are. Chris, point me up.

[A]

Wow.

[E]

Chris.

[B]

Are you Lex Freedman?

[A]

I'm a boy.

[E]

He's been sabo.

[C]

Oh, I thought of that one too.

[E]

A different pop star.

[A]

Yes.

[E]

You're welcome.

[A]

At this point, I could care less about Hufflepuff.

[C]

Oh, I thought for sure. Benson. Boom.

[F]

Yo, can we get another question, man?

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Thanks, bro.

[E]

If your search history became a Broadway musical, what would it be called?

[F]

Oh, man. Man, I love to sing, but I've never been on Broadway. It'd be called Looking Beautiful all the Time.

[E]

I don't have time for this. I have to go back to school. Can we wrap this up?

[F]

Oh, I think I know who this is.

[D]

What kind of idiotic American school system do you Go to.

[E]

It's kind of strange none of you.

[F]

Go to a wedding.

[B]

Yo, yo, yo, Steve, Can I guess open the portal?

[F]

Is this Wednesday Addams?

[A]

Yes. Thank you.

[D]

Oh, wow, man.

[E]

What are you. Darling, where's your costume? This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else.

[F]

A point for me.

[E]

Hey, number 33, stop tweaking out, please. What do you lie about? Constantly. Even though nobody asks?

[A]

I would never lie. But you should ask me a question about music like you asked him over there.

[D]

He's making Trainer.

[F]

Every Morgan's guest is so mean.

[A]

No, I'm not Megan Trainer Huffle. But I love her.

[E]

Okay, if your search history were to be a Broadway musical, what would it be?

[A]

Oh, I would love to be in a musical, but my search. Search history would be TikTok Trends and K Pop.

[F]

Yo, let's make. Let's not guess and make Shane do this the rest of the game.

[E]

I think whoever this is will be offended.

[F]

Can you ask someone else a question?

[E]

Yes, Mom. What's something you do regularly that would absolutely get you fired if your life were a job?

[C]

I guess if I was to have my way with Wendy.

[E]

Wendy who?

[C]

Just Wendy.

[F]

No more coming.

[C]

Wendy on the ship. You know, we're going on adventures and. Yes, Ship adventures.

[E]

Jared, if you were on a reality show, what would the name of this current season be?

[B]

Getting fired from the show I created.

[E]

Elaborate. What do you love about the show you created everything.

[C]

And it's the portal. I made it.

[E]

Okay, portal's open.

[C]

Justin Bing.

[E]

What?

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

I thought you.

[F]

I thought you almost had my name when you said that you were so close.

[E]

Oh, that seems like.

[C]

Seriously.

[F]

What?

[E]

I can't say that if his name's Justin?

[F]

I never said that.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Is he Justin Bieber?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Oh, my. Wow. That was a. If I've ever heard one give myself.

[F]

A half point, cuz I'm giving up.

[A]

I like that laugh. I think I. I think I figured out who he is.

[E]

Okay, port is open. Is that.

[A]

This was a little bit before my time, but. Is that Roseanne Barton?

[B]

You got it.

[E]

Wow.

[C]

Hey, what did I tell you guys.

[E]

About eating cookies before you had dinner.

[D]

To use a plate?

[C]

Right? Actually, that was rude.

[A]

Can someone please guess?

[E]

No, you need to be better.

[F]

Yeah, no one guesses. I think it's really funny to pick.

[A]

I have a song that did well.

[D]

Dixie d'. Amelio.

[E]

I don't know. TikTok.

[A]

Oh, my ponytail on the top of my head.

[E]

Jojo. I don't think I like, I'm not sure who you are, but I'm pretty hungry, man.

[D]

You just left us, and this is someone else.

[A]

Okay, I get. If I give up. If I give up, you just get. I get a negative point.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Bella porch.

[E]

Oh, I've only ever seen.

[F]

Yeah, I don't know who that is. You know what? You were doing a good job of it. You were actually here.

[E]

Did she just go like this the whole time?

[A]

Yeah, she goes.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

She's like, I'm old and out of touch.

[A]

I didn't know.

[E]

I'm sorry.

[A]

That's okay. I'm old and out of touch, too, but it's okay.

[D]

Do you ever consider asking questions over here?

[E]

I, like, just want to eat, and.

[F]

This is taking way too long.

[A]

Is that shade?

[D]

Do you know how many jobs I have to be sitting here waiting for you to ask me a question?

[E]

If you had to replace your hands with something else for a day, what would you choose?

[D]

Are you an idiot? Why would I not want my hands?

[F]

I'm something of an idiot myself.

[D]

You Americans are so silly.

[B]

I'm off to go eat 20 pancakes and hang out with Kevin.

[A]

What?

[F]

I know who the that is.

[A]

I don't know who that.

[F]

We have similar body types.

[E]

Street day.

[A]

I like.

[E]

I, like, don't have any kids myself, but I have, like, friends and the.

[F]

Best pet in the world.

[E]

This is my best friend.

[A]

Oh, Steve, open the portal.

[E]

The portal's open.

[A]

Scooby Doo. Or no. Jackie.

[F]

Jackie from Scooby Doo. Thanks.

[E]

The Rock.

[A]

Let's go. The Costco guy?

[F]

No, no, no. I'm way more famous than that, dude.

[E]

Do you say let's go a lot?

[F]

Yeah, I play a game. I play a game that. I say that a lot. Yeah.

[E]

Really? How would you say that in Espanol? I don't know.

[F]

I don't speak Spanish.

[A]

I can teach you.

[F]

Nah, that's okay.

[D]

Oh, he's Ms. Rachel.

[E]

Ms. Rachel is much older than me.

[A]

Who the fuck is.

[E]

Oh, he's Zora.

[C]

Yeah, that wasn't good. Morgan, say backpack.

[E]

Say backpack. Backpack. Louder. Backpack. Okay, you're given 30 seconds to ruin Thanksgiving. What do you do, Steve?

[A]

I would never ruin Thanksgiving. I would bring Thanksgiving back to life after someone else ruined it. Probably one of these idiots.

[C]

I have an idea, but is the portal open? Martha Stewart?

[A]

Yes, that was me.

[D]

I have been emailing my new bff, Snoop Dogg.

[F]

If we hear a little bit more from you, ma'.

[A]

Am.

[D]

Yeah, you know what have you been.

[E]

Up to and tell us about your day The. The most recent days of your life.

[C]

You know, I just travel around on a ship with Wendy.

[A]

That's hot.

[F]

Is the portal I know open.

[E]

It can be. Is this Peter Pan?

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

We can get rid of Peter Pan.

[A]

Girls talk too much.

[E]

Yes.

[C]

Girls talk to.

[A]

No, I love Paris Hilton. But yeah, she's. She's hot too. She's a hot potty. For sure.

[E]

She's very hot. I want to. Okay, the Cordle's closed. I would like to know what this British woman, who is she?

[D]

Well, you've basically seen me everywhere. I. I don't know how. You don't know.

[E]

What do you do for a profession?

[D]

Everything. I act, I make up. I. Coffee, huh?

[A]

You're creative.

[D]

I'm a. Yes, you idiot.

[A]

I don't go out. She's kind of a. Yeah. You know, I'm being honest. But don't say that, because I. Honestly, nowadays we call ourselves empowered women. That's right. I'm a girl. And I'm a fucking lesbian.

[F]

Okay, I think I've done the calculations and I know who that is.

[E]

I'm very grateful we are all here having a dinner party together because I'm famished. But I won't be eating the food. Okay.

[F]

That. My calculations say that's not how you get full. I don't think that's what I do either.

[E]

Trust me, I'll be getting full. You'll be first.

[A]

Jared.

[E]

When you're not in the public eye. Never. What are you doing?

[A]

I crochet.

[E]

You. Relaxes me.

[A]

Next. Stop looking at me. No, that's. Who is this lesbian?

[E]

What does this lesbian do when the public isn't seeing? What? When it's not for public consumption?

[A]

Yeah. You know, I'm just like, practicing my music. And, like, honestly, in my music. Music is fucking sick. It fucking hits Steve fucking Gas.

[F]

Did you know that actually in the future we won't need music because the thing I made will have made music for everyone. Is the portal open?

[E]

Very cocky over here.

[A]

He's very cocky. Is this Dracula? Of course.

[F]

Okay. Jojo.

[E]

Jojo.

[A]

Sam. Oh.

[D]

Or I think Chris is Dracula.

[C]

Are you Elon Musk?

[F]

No, I'm same old.

[A]

My interviews go viral because I'm fucking cool.

[D]

Oh, he's Renee. Raph?

[A]

Yes. Oh, my God.

[F]

Wow.

[E]

Have you dated someone unemployed?

[C]

Absolutely. Two of them in a row. Get a goddamn job.

[E]

You gotta do something else other than me Morgans. I can't believe nobody has guessed what you are yet. I don't know that many creative English women off the top of my head.

[A]

Open it.

[D]

Well, maybe if you had a little app called Netflix, you would know.

[E]

Come on, you guys. Portal's over, girlfriend.

[F]

Are you Millie? Bobby bro.

[A]

Yes.

[E]

Eggplant Hannibal.

[F]

Yeah, Hannibal's correct.

[A]

I ate his liver. Wait, are we still. Do you. Are you still someone? You're done?

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

I haven't described my newest person. I haven't been asked anything.

[E]

Mom, what's a product you'd shamelessly pitch in a commercial even if it was super weird?

[C]

I don't really have an answer for that.

[E]

You're above it. Like, too famous for it or.

[C]

Well, I don't promote makeup or anything like that. I feel like women should just be natural. Just go out there.

[A]

Wait, it's Morgan Someone.

[F]

Is that. What do you think?

[E]

No.

[D]

Should I pick a new person?

[E]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

Oh, did Spencer see my card?

[F]

I'm out of cards. It's okay.

[A]

Wait. Ask Morgan.

[F]

It's a really hard card. I'll be honest.

[A]

Oh, no. I'm worried for Morgan.

[F]

That's kind of her old only thing she could do.

[E]

You walk into a bedroom and the walls are covered in art of you. Do you stay or leave or what?

[F]

This is such a hard one.

[E]

Why don't you both take it on?

[F]

There's nothing else to do. Okay, I'll answer for the guy with the pitchfork. Oh.

[A]

What?

[F]

I don't think you have that correct.

[A]

Wait. Wait a minute. Is Morgan a piece of art and she doesn't know what's one? She is.

[F]

Do the impression again and see if you can guess which piece of art is.

[A]

Is it the right one?

[F]

Oh, now I don't know.

[C]

You're not the Mona Lisa then.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, man. Who did you think Mona Lisa was?

[F]

She said you're the guy with the pitchfork. I know the one you're thinking of. That's not the Mona Lisa.

[D]

The same genre.

[E]

Painting.

[A]

And then. Vicki. Wait, are you.

[C]

Do you have any ideas on who I am Older.

[A]

And you don't like makeup?

[C]

No. I don't believe women need makeup. They should be proud of themselves and then jump on a bus and go be an activist. I. I just want to make movies.

[E]

Starring in a movie that's in theaters right now.

[A]

Right now.

[E]

Right. A comedy.

[D]

Jamie Lee Curtis.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Well, let me check in with my producer now. Not Steve. Hardly on the scoreboard.

[F]

Well, it was a good game, Steve. And we have a decisive winner. Our winner today with 11 points is.

[E]

Sitting right next to me.

[F]

It is Morgan Adams.

[E]

And Morgan, you are a luck.

[D]

You've sweep this podcast.

[E]

You've won a direct trip to Hawaii with you and a best friend to the Four Seasons Maui.

[D]

Mom, let's get on the plane.

[E]

Been beach, swimming, snorkeling, and a four day all inclusive buffet.

[D]

You know what, Steve, you can take a piece of cake.

[E]

All right, you guys, I hope you enjoyed today's edition of Celebrity Dinner Party. And if you liked this show, let us know and it will be back right here on the Shane Dawson podcast. If you hated it, shut up and good night.

[D]

Great job, Steve.

[A]

That was crazy. Wow. Well, that was a lot. We're gonna take a quick little break, and when we come back, not just conspiracy corner. Oh, but we're doing some true crime. And is Steve still gonna be wearing a bald cap or is he gonna fix his hair?

[E]

Only time will tell.

[D]

I'm surprised that Shane doesn't steal from Julie Chen and go. Stay with us.

[E]

Stay with us.

[A]

I will now, guys, we'll be right back. Stay with us.

[E]

Oh, wow.

[C]

I like those.

[A]

Thank you.

[E]

Guys.

[A]

Unfortunately, I've been sitting for a long time, so luckily, thanks to our next sponsor, it is time to Kickoff. That's right. This episode is sponsored by Kickoff. And that made no sense. That made no sense, right? I should be standing for this, but I'd rather sit. But you know what? We can sit and kick off at the same time. That's right, because Kickoff isn't about actually kicking. Guys. Kickoff is incredible. If you haven't heard about them, they have been a sponsor of mine for a long time. They've helped so many people build their credit. Kickoff is so easy and. And it's so fast to sign up, and it really does help you build your credit. Let me explain. First of all, having good credit is so important, especially if you're at a phase in your life where you're going to have to start doing things like getting a car or getting a loan for a house. Anything that involves them running your credit is so important to make sure that your credit is good. But with Kickoff, you can start building your credit fast. Users with credit under 600 grew an average of 84 points in their first year with on time payments. So the way it works is you sign up, it's super fast, and then you pay for your plan using autopay and with your auto payments. Credit bureaus see that as good behavior, which means it's going to help your credit. They have over 1 million users and hundreds of thousands of positive reviews, and they're the number one credit builder on the App Store. They have affordable plans Starting at just $5 a month, no hidden fees and zero interest. And there's no credit check. And you can cancel at any time. But Kickoff is giving you guys a very special deal. All you got to do is go to gatekickoff.com and you could get your first month for as little as $1. That's 80 off the normal price. Once again, that's getkickoff.com grower and kickoff is spelled K I K O F F. Must sign up via getkickoff.com grower to activate offer. Offer applies to new Kickoff customers. First month only. Subject to approval. Offer subject to change. Average first year credit score impact of plus 84 points. Vantage score 3.0 between January 2023 and January 2024 for kids off credit account users who started with a score below 600, who paid on time, and who had no delinquencies or collections added to their credit profile during the period. Late payments may negatively impact your credit score. Individual results may vary. So thank you so much, Kickoff for sponsoring. Also go check out their website. They have so many testimonials on there. People who have used it, who have gotten so much help from it. It really does help build your credit faster. So thank you so much, Kickoff, and I will see you guys. Oh, this is the last ad. I guess I won't see you guys again. I'll see you in the episode. Okay, I'm going to go see you guys next time. Bye. Hey, what's up, you guys? Welcome back. Okay, our first theory is one of the scariest things I've ever seen. And let me just say, we called it on the podcast three years ago. We talked about something like this happening and everybody's laughing at us and saying, that's crazy. That's the only thing that would happen in the movies. Here we are, and it started in our home state of Colorado. I said our, but I meant your and yours and yours and yours. Here we go.

[B]

It may be Spencer's. Have you maybe, just maybe.

[A]

That's right. Today we're going to be talking about zombie rabbits.

[E]

Oh, I knew it. Oh, wait, you guys haven't seen this. Living in Colorado.

[D]

Sent this in our family group chat. Do you guys not read the group chat?

[F]

I can't even look at it.

[E]

It's so sad.

[D]

They have a bacterial disease.

[C]

I'm so sad.

[E]

And they're trying to say that they can't transfer this to other animals that they bite. You guys brought this up briefly on the sip and I've been spiraling about it since then. And they were like, oh yeah, it's fine. Like, it's not. It can't spread to like humans. But then also humans don't touch them under any circumstance. And I'm like, that feels like contradictory information. They keep saying like, don't worry, even if they bite your dogs, your dog's not going to get it. But it's not. It's like, what if the dog does and then the dog gives it to the humans and then the humans are overtaken by this. Because I think the first scenario of this that we were talking about years ago had to do with mushrooms, right?

[A]

Yes. It was ants and bugs being overtaken by a fungus. And the fungus would make them get into their brains and make them do things including kill themselves.

[E]

I knew it was wonky.

[A]

Now this to me looks literally just like that. And it was the plot of the Last of Us where all the mushrooms and all the fungus gotten to the people and turned them into zombies and made them grow different growths. We've been on this planet for how many years and this is the first time this has happened? Allegedly. I'm not a scientist, but now it's just like, oh, everybody, it's normal. Look away, there's something insane going on. Right? This looks alien to me.

[E]

There's some. That one on like the right. Where like, oh, there. That one on the right looks like it's taken over.

[A]

Toll face.

[E]

Literally looks like the last of us. Wow.

[C]

Isn't it?

[D]

So don't you feel bad? It looks like it hurts. Hurts. It's horrible. Or there's some with little horns and they look like little devils.

[E]

And so have they to come out with any more information?

[A]

The last time I checked they just said, oh, it's just a bacterial infection. It's totally fine. It's just being spread amongst rabbits. That's it.

[E]

He got so bacterial infection.

[A]

First of all, it started in Colorado. We don't know how far this is going to spread. We have so many rabbits in our yard. I mean literally like a hundred rabbits in our yard at all times. It's crazy. So I'm just saying also, why did it start with a rabbits? That's so specific and weird.

[D]

Do you think they were born that way or did that overtake them?

[A]

Supposedly it overtook them, right?

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know guys, to me this is a warning. This is something happening. I don't know what is going on, but we are heading towards something, right?

[E]

Also, how is it not like the most talked about thing? Like I had to find out about this from you Guys, why is this not on every news station?

[F]

That's so scary.

[A]

They don't want to panic and freak everyone out. But once this transfers from bunnies to a different animal, and then from a different animal to a different. And then to a human, and then from humans. Like, come on.

[D]

Have you ever heard, like, someone say that hell is empty and the demons are upon us?

[F]

Whoa.

[D]

Could be a demon.

[E]

That is dark.

[F]

That's crazy.

[A]

That's the scariest thing I've ever heard. I have to go. Well, speaking of hell on earth, our next theory is about chili.

[B]

Guys, this. This is a painful thing for me. Go ahead, lead us in.

[E]

Almost don't talk about it. To your attention. You.

[A]

Jared, I know the house is split, okay? We have a lot of Chili's lovers in the house. If you're a Chili's lover, raise your hand.

[E]

Oh, wait, who doesn't like chilies?

[B]

I had Chili's last night.

[E]

Mom. You.

[C]

I like it, but it's not my favorite. I like it, though.

[F]

Chili, chili, chili.

[E]

Chill.

[A]

Not.

[B]

This is gonna be painful right now.

[E]

Guys, Let me look at their Instagram. See if they're following any of us before we take them down.

[D]

They email someone and be like, I wanna film alone. Can I rent out the Chili's?

[E]

And they'd be like, chili's follows me. Not a second we'll be doing here.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Did they.

[E]

None of you. Oh, loser.

[A]

Only you.

[E]

None of you lose. Oh, my God, they're following Morgan.

[A]

What?

[D]

Wait, really?

[E]

Yeah. They are.

[D]

Are. Oh, my gosh. Should we DM them? Should we invite them to the birthday dinner?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

Now I know someone who knows Jelly.

[D]

A DM history with them.

[A]

Oh, what is that?

[D]

I messaged them on May 29, 2021 and said, I love you more than anything. And they responded and said, we love you too, face.

[A]

That's so sad that you.

[F]

But you slid into Chili's tms.

[A]

What kind of a night was that?

[D]

Yes, I also slid into Morgan Wallen's dms and I said. Said if we got married, we could both be named Morgan Wallen.

[F]

And he never be like Billy.

[A]

Okay, so, Jared, unfortunately, we're about to.

[B]

They don't follow me.

[A]

So there we go.

[B]

That's enough meaning for me to do what I gotta do. Guys, you know when you go to Chili's or any other restaurant for this.

[E]

Matter, and they hand you delicious chips with salsa? Yeah, I do.

[B]

And they ask you for the tip, but they pre calculate the tip, Jared. So I was at Chili's the other night thinking, this is my favorite place on earth. They would never take advantage of me or any other other innocent soul. And then I get to the part where I'm about to tip, and I'm a generous tipper. I don't actually want to be recommended. I want to tip on my own. I don't like the whole pick an option. But when they gave me the options, something seemed a little fishy. And there's the video right here. Do the math. So as of right now, you can't.

[E]

Do the math for me.

[B]

I will do the math for you. Okay, so let's go to 20% percent, 22%. I can't do the math as fast in my head, but they were overcharging at a minimum $2 for each tip amount.

[E]

They were. No way.

[B]

Yes. But they do it pre discount and post tax. So they're making you pay a tip on the tax, which I don't really know if you should do. I mean, the taxes go to the government. I don't know if you tip on those. But also, like, the three for me, on average discounts like $8. So they're adding $8 on top of your bill before they calculate the tip. And that's not cool. I don't think that's cool at all. Because they don't at any place in the menu, tell you a discount that you're getting. They just do. This is an option for you to get the three for me. And I did the research, and there's a lot of places that are doing this. Because the thing is, you know, you're eating at Chili's. You got a three for me. They got a huge thing of chips and salsa.

[E]

You're bloated.

[B]

You just want to get out, out of there. You just want to hurry up and press a button, say, I'm paying. I would say 99 of people have never looked at the actual calculations.

[E]

No.

[B]

And there's quite a bit of restaurants that are doing this. And I hate the fact that I caught Chili's. But what I recommend you do is custom tip and do the math yourself.

[C]

I'm so impressed.

[E]

Wow.

[A]

It's not just the tip machine that has been caught cheating, guys. There's a laundry list of Chili's conspiracies. We're not going to get into all of them because we don't want Morgan and Island to lose those follows.

[B]

What a shame.

[A]

But we have a few. Okay. The drinks. Okay. So Morgan brought this up earlier. They have very cheap drinks. $5.

[D]

$5. Seasonal or like monthly drink. It's always a special. It's always beautiful, and it's always delicious. And it'll always get you drunk.

[C]

I don't think.

[A]

Well, the theory is that their drinks are, and this is just a theory, are insanely watered down. Like you think you're getting a real drink, but really you're getting a very, very watered down drink. And. And you'd probably need to get a few of them just to make you feel the same effects as one drink. So then I started thinking, maybe that's a video. What?

[E]

While some of us don't drink a profit.

[C]

I'll help you with this one.

[A]

Okay, good. What I'm thinking is we get one of those like, like, like blower things. We go to Chili's, we all have a drink, we blow, we see what the number is. We have two drinks, we blow, we see what the number is. Okay? Then we chill out for a few hours, we get sober. Then we to a fancy restaurant with expensive drinks.

[E]

This seems like a good blow.

[A]

Two drinks, blow and see what the number difference is. And see if Chili's really is giving us watered down drinks. If you guys want us to do that, please give us a thumbs up, leave us a comment, let us know. Because I don't drink, but I will do it for the video.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

If you would have asked me if I believe this two weeks ago, I would have said never. Now, what I know about Chilies, I think they're watering down the drinks.

[A]

I have no idea.

[B]

Faith in Chili's anymore.

[A]

Guys, you know what else Chili's has been caught doing? Allegedly? Supposedly Shrinkflation. Now, I know Shrinkflation has hit everybody. Pretty much every product at the grocery store is in a smaller bag or has a smaller serving size or is a smaller amount, but the price is exactly the same. But you're getting less for your money, right? They would never do that at Chili's. Right, right.

[E]

Maybe they're health conscious.

[F]

Rounds in the PR office. Like we're health conscious.

[B]

The chocolate molten chip thing, you know, definitely says that.

[E]

Well, that's when you're splurging.

[A]

Well, hold on. You're getting ahead of me, because that's what I'm actually going to show you now.

[E]

It shrinks.

[A]

This is crazy. So this is the chocolate lava cake which people are saying has been hit by Shrinkflation. Let me show you.

[E]

It's good though, huh?

[A]

This is what. This is what it looked like one year ago. Okay. You see?

[F]

That is so good.

[A]

My mouth's watering all Right now, this is what it looked like six years ago.

[C]

Whoa.

[D]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[E]

Fuck you, Chili. Wow.

[A]

That's insane. That side by side is crazy.

[F]

That's comical.

[C]

Like, the difference takes up the whole plate. Yeah.

[F]

Ooh, it looks good.

[E]

They're worried about us.

[A]

Spencer found this video.

[F]

Oh, someone. Yeah, someone sent this in. We were just. We were looking at Chili's stuff and someone in the email was like, hey, I'm at Chili's. What the fuck? Who is it? Sophia? And she was like, we ordered a large chili or whatever this, like, soup thing is.

[B]

And then.

[F]

Yeah, the queso thing. And then they ordered us the next size cup down.

[C]

Oh, okay, guys, so we're at Chili's and we paid extra to upgrade the bowl of chili.

[A]

Oh, I know where this is going.

[C]

Fits in the cup.

[F]

Yeah, so they paid to upgrade, so.

[E]

I'm going to do it.

[A]

Hold on.

[E]

Let's do this.

[A]

This.

[E]

Grab that here.

[A]

I'll dump it here.

[C]

All right, let's see how much is going to fit.

[F]

It's literally the same size.

[A]

Caught.

[B]

This is hard to watch.

[A]

This is hard to watch.

[B]

This is brutal.

[E]

Now, I don't want to act like I'm just like, defend, defend, defender. But doesn't Starbucks do the same thing? It's like more ice. But if you get a grande, like a tall fits in a grande.

[B]

Yeah, but you could at least say light ice, like I do, to make sure you maximize it. You can't say light bowl material.

[E]

Say bowl to the top.

[F]

Hey, give me chili. Give me some chili. Bowl to the top.

[A]

Well, we're on to you, Chili's. Should we do an investigation? Should we all climb in a van.

[B]

And go to Chili's One death right now?

[E]

I can eat some chilies right now.

[B]

I still love the old timer.

[E]

That's what I like, too.

[A]

Well, speaking of places that have delicious food, but they. Yeah, this next theory is that a bit. Hold on. This next theory is about Walmart, guys.

[E]

This one I can take down without without problem. Oh, my God.

[A]

Okay, hold on. Wait, hold on. Yes, Walmart has been causing some drama in multiple ways. They've been selling my fake merch, which we bought all of it.

[E]

Not bad. Some of it.

[A]

They have been having a lot of fucking recalls. Literally every week. I feel like I see on the news, like, don't eat the Walmart broccoli. Don't eat the Walmart. Whatever this new one this week was. Don't eat the Walmart shrimp. It's radioactive.

[E]

I saw that.

[A]

What? What does that Even literally. What does that mean? I feel like I'm in a Simpsons.

[E]

I think they're trying to give you everyday great value, but that means they get it for as cheap as possible from anywhere in the entire world. Oh my God.

[D]

We should see. We should have Rylan eat it and then do like a light on him and see if he can.

[C]

Oh my gosh.

[A]

No idea. Okay, well, now they're pissing off Crumble, period. They have created a dupe supposedly called King Crumb.

[E]

Honestly, the name name's giving pretty good good.

[A]

And supposedly it's even better than Crumble. And we're gonna let you guys decide. I got my eye on that confetti.

[E]

Well, we do have Crumble's biggest fanboys in the house. We? Shane and I always watch the same girl taste test crumbles every week on YouTube. And I'm like, how is she never burnt out of crumbles? And Shane's like, I wouldn't be either, dude.

[B]

This packaging though, this ain't bad.

[E]

And King Crumb, wow. It's pretty good.

[B]

I mean, Walmart may have done it again.

[E]

Look, I know I just am such a Crumbls Stan. But again, this is prepackaged.

[F]

There's no way.

[E]

But the chocolate chip cookie does look better than Crumbl's chocolate chip cookie, which happens to be trash. That's we agree there.

[A]

Thank you.

[F]

It's 5.97 for a box.

[A]

Wow. Okay, so wait, that's $2.50 per cookie.

[B]

About $3 a cookie.

[A]

Three bucks a cookie. Okay. Because crumbles is between five and six dollars per cookie. That's half the price.

[F]

They so clearly just gone viral on TikTok because they like. I was like, do you have King Crunchies like right at the front? And there's like a huge display of these cookies. They're clearly trying to get them going.

[A]

I'm gonna see if it has the, you know, the crumble split. Let's see. Ready?

[E]

Let me tell you though, it has this smell of a Subway chocolate chip cookie, which is top tier for me. I have to say though, this one that I'm holding feels hard as a ramen smell.

[A]

It smells weird as a rock. But it looks beautiful. Beautiful.

[E]

It smells fantastic. Hard as a rock.

[A]

Should we all take a bite?

[E]

Mine's the nice balance between like, it's not crunchy but it's.

[A]

Let's all take a bite.

[F]

Shout out to King Crumb.

[E]

Oh, it's a little dry.

[A]

Oh, I like it.

[E]

For a pre packaged cookie, it's fantastic. For the price for everything. Fantastic. Yeah, but it's not as moist.

[F]

It's not as soft. No. Frosting doesn't compare to crumble.

[A]

I could kind of eat the whole thing, though.

[C]

Thank you.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

No, have you tried the double chocolate?

[E]

No, but I would like to. It is Subway cookies.

[F]

It's good. Yeah, you're right.

[B]

That's soft.

[E]

And if you're looking for a. Like, that's a good cookie.

[B]

The double chocolate soft guys.

[A]

Double chocolate.

[E]

Double chocolate crumble. Isn't a different.

[B]

Is there any more of the white one?

[A]

They're really good. Listen, if my kid is like, I want a crumb crumble cookie, I'm giving them this pretending it's crumble, and I'm reusing the pink box, and it's gonna be a cheap day.

[F]

They have the same flavors again.

[A]

All right, well, thank you, Walmart for. Oh, God, I can't believe we just ate that. Everything gets recalled from there.

[F]

Oh, yeah, that's true.

[C]

For scaring us.

[A]

Next week, it's gonna be like the king crumb cookies were recalled.

[E]

Yeah. Honestly, these are good. They are.

[A]

They're pretty good. Okay. I do not want to say we manifested this, because before I talked about this in the last episode, I said prayers up. We are not manifesting anything bad. I just had a weird feeling. And we brought up Cedar Point. Guys, have you heard that At Cedar Point, the amazing amusement park that we actually do want to go to.

[B]

I want to go on the ride. Still.

[A]

They have the siren's curse, which we talked about last time, kept breaking. Well, then another ride broke, broke. And this one, guys, the anxiety this gave me. Get ready. So you know that ride at Knott's Berry Farm and Six Flags that I love, where you sit in the thing and then it shoots you really, really high up.

[E]

Yes. And then the one ride I hate.

[A]

And then it drops you really, really far down. And Ryland does not like going on it. Vicky, like, hates it. And you guys are like, I'm never gonna go on that, because what if it breaks? That's so scary. And I'm like, these rides never break.

[E]

My fear is getting stuck at the top top and it not coming down.

[B]

Yeah, well, terrified of that ride.

[E]

Oh, no.

[A]

That might have happened.

[E]

Team of investigators back out at Cedar Point today.

[C]

They're trying to find out why a cable suddenly snapped in the middle of a ride.

[E]

For joining us, I'm Nicole Versanski. I'm Brian Duffy. Frightening stuff. Passengers left dangling in the air.

[F]

For Britney, we live.

[C]

She has some new pictures. And videos, really, from what was a terrifying scene.

[E]

They seem too excited about the way news people talk.

[F]

Is crazy.

[E]

They ran from the ride that launches you hundreds of feet in the air. That's Power Tower.

[A]

As that's gay.

[E]

According to the theme park, a cable on the ride's tower detached. People were on it.

[B]

The cable snapped.

[E]

Yes. You can see it.

[B]

It laying there on the floor.

[E]

You can see from this video, people stuck dozens of feet in the air.

[A]

Dozens of feet.

[E]

And the ride vehicle eventually returned to the loading position. They issued a statement that says safety is a top priority and the ride.

[D]

Will remain closed while we complete a.

[E]

Thorough review and inspection of this ride.

[A]

It's the same statement they give from Siren's Curse. Once again, Cedar Point. We're coming. Don't worry. We're coming to hang out.

[E]

I feel comfortable.

[A]

I don't want to get sued.

[E]

Let's get there.

[A]

Theme parks have issues all the time. I'm just saying. Isn't that crazy that we just talked about it?

[B]

It's the first time I'm hearing about Power Tower having an issue.

[A]

Here's what I will say. Now we have two scary, potentially dangerous rides to ride at the park. That's a very.

[F]

Oh, did you see? I think we. I even put it in there. The ride we talked about breaking all the time broke again, and the people had to climb down from, like, what?

[A]

Oh, there's a video.

[F]

The first one.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[F]

Look at this. Look how. Look at. They had to.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[E]

Do you see the guy holding on for dear life?

[F]

Look how high up they are.

[E]

Yeah, they're like.

[F]

They're dozens of feet in the air.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[F]

Look at that one guy.

[E]

Oh, no.

[A]

No, thank you.

[F]

See, that's right where it's supposed to tip. And they had to climb all the way back.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Dude, if there's a Chili's next to Cedar Point, we got a video.

[A]

We got a series.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Wow.

[E]

Their defense, the safety features worked. They didn't. You know, it snapped and it stopped. No one was injured.

[B]

Airbags went off.

[E]

They did it.

[C]

Way to think positive.

[D]

So you're going with this? I would call my junk the Power Tower.

[F]

That's all you have to say?

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

No one died.

[A]

Well, this is something that Rylan brought up a little earlier in the show. That's terrifying, but also maybe could help people. I don't know. It's a lot. Guys, we're about to have robot surrogates. That's right. This is A real thing that China is developing.

[F]

They make it look like that.

[E]

It's like a chicken incubator.

[A]

So this was an email. We got so many emails about this. This one is from Helene. She said reportedly China is working on designing a board spot with an artificial womb which will receive nutrients through a hose. It's in its abdomen that will soon be able to carry a fetus for approximately 10 months before giving birth. If all goes according to plan, the prototype will make its debut next year. So for those struggling to conceive, you can hire a humanoid to carry your baby for just. Oh, my gosh. Wow. US$13,000.

[F]

Isn't that more than.

[E]

Than a regular surrogate?

[A]

No, surrogates are anywhere from 100,000 to $200,000. That's really cheap.

[F]

Wow.

[A]

I have so many questions. Okay, listen, it is so hard to conceive. Obviously, we've been through the whole journey, and especially if you're a woman and you can't, you know, carry bit. Like, I understand the positives of this, but on the flip side, you have a robot carrying your child. That's scary and there's AI involved. Involved. And then what if the robot goes rogue? And now does a robot feel like it's their mom? And then is that. And then 20 years down the road, is a robot gonna ask for custody of my child? There's just so many scary, crazy elements to this. But also, how is a robot do. I don't know.

[E]

I'm also just worried about, like, is the child actually gonna be okay? Like, are there gonna be problems with the. You know what I mean?

[A]

Like, I mean, here's what I will say, because I think a lot of people do get confused about the whole surrogacy thing, which, like, is understandable. But how it actually works is the surrogate who's carrying the baby, they do not have any genetic attachment to the baby. They are, you know, they are helping to grow the baby, which is a miracle and incredible. But it's actually an egg donor and sperm put together to make an embryo, and then that embryo is a baby, and that is put into a surrogate. So it's not like the baby is part robot or something. Yeah, because the embryo is the baby, and that's what's growing. But I don't. That. I don't know. But maybe 20 years in the future, it'll be normal. I don't know. It's just the pictures are freaking me out.

[B]

I wonder if they'd already tried it with animals.

[A]

Probably.

[B]

If they're Already, like growing pigs or something like that in a robot.

[A]

I mean, here's the thing. If. Okay. I don't know.

[E]

I don't be the guinea pig for it. No.

[A]

And I have a weird feeling about it. But here's what I also will say. If it wasn't in a woman robot.

[E]

I'd be a little less so shapely.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

They really gave her a hefty bosom, as they would say.

[A]

Like, if it was just in like a. A yeah.

[F]

Little box.

[A]

Refrigerator.

[F]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

I was married to a man and she was walking around my house, I'd be pissed off. There's no way.

[F]

That's literally like a. What's her name? A Megan Fox movie.

[A]

The robot's like, you can't get me pregnant again either.

[E]

It is crazy.

[D]

How does it give birth?

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

Hydraulics open.

[A]

I think it's like an easy Bake Oven. Like just open it.

[B]

I saw a video. I saw a video on it earlier. And after like the 10 month term or whatever, there's hydraulics that will actually birth the baby out o.

[A]

Listen, I was bullied a lot as a kid.

[E]

Sorry. To me.

[D]

Imagine being called a clinker cuz you were born from a robo.

[E]

Here's.

[F]

Yeah, you're. That's so it's clanker.

[A]

Okay. 20 years in the future. If you're a clanker and you're watching this love, you're human. You're human. Well, that got very dark. Let's lighten it up. Before we get to true crime, let's talk about some maybe true crime. That's right. There is a reason Spencer is wearing a Garth Brooks shirt. Not just because he's a super fan.

[F]

Hey, I got Friends in Low places. That's the only song I know.

[A]

But there is a theory that Garth. Garth Brooks is a serial killer.

[F]

Okay.

[B]

Yes, allegedly.

[F]

Very allegedly. It's a thing going around on TikTok right now. It was started by a comedian named Tom Segura. Let's start. It started with this video. This is Garth. This is a Garth Brooks interview when he's much younger.

[A]

Oh.

[F]

So in the video they ask him like, would you like to do this? And he's like, I'd rather kill somebody.

[A]

If somebody called you up and said.

[D]

Hey, we got this charity thing going on. Would you ride a bull?

[F]

I'd rather kill somebody about it. That'd be fun. He says it really seriously. And I was like, okay, that was really weird. Cut to a few years later they his videos. So the reason I love Garth Brooks is. He's so out of touch with reality. He's so. He's a great show on Amazon. I highly recommend you guys watch it. It's a reality show that will test your idea of what's real and what's not real. And so the theory started with this video. This is his Facebook intro video. And just tell me the vibes you're getting from this. From this. Well, I guess it's official. We're now on Facebook.

[E]

I really wasn't sure about this at the start, but then a friend of.

[B]

Mine said something that just made all kinds of sense.

[E]

She said, think of it more as a conversation. I like that.

[B]

But I'm already finding out on my own. So it's wiping the walls out between you and me.

[E]

And I really like that. Or I guess in my case, hotel room. Did Chat GPT write this?

[F]

This is a real video I want to post.

[E]

Cool stuff, slick stuff, neat stuff I'm.

[B]

Gonna post is gonna be raw stuff like this.

[E]

Does he have a wife to run.

[F]

This by, Ms. Earwood?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, gosh.

[E]

Yes. So this is truly a conversation.

[F]

Then I say, let the conversation begin.

[E]

He's doing a much better Hannibal Lecter impersonation than I did.

[F]

Anyway, he has all these weird videos from especially early Facebook when I don't think anyone was, like, getting any feedback on anything. He was just like, give Garth the camera and just let him go. And so then. So then also on top of that, he has obviously. I'm not obviously, but he has this alter ego called Chris Gaines, which we have.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[F]

And so this is. He was like. He decided he really wanted to become. He didn't want to be a country star, just a country star. He wanted to be a real rock star. And so he released this album, this Chris Gaines album, under this under a pseudonym. I don't think it did that well. And then he got really embarrassed by it later and has tried to scrub the Internet of any trace. He's really tried to, like, eradicate it. But anyway, the, you know, people are connecting. It's like he has an alter ego. He's a weird talker. He said he wanted to kill people. And then they started tracing his tour dates stop. And finding there's everywhere he went. It was like missing person, missing things person.

[E]

At the time that he toured there.

[F]

Yeah, right around then. But also he is touring, like, big cities.

[A]

Oh, my God. You think they're all buried in low places. What if that's his whole thing? I got friends in.

[E]

It's real Chills six.

[A]

Wait, so has he responded to this?

[F]

Yes. So unfortunately. So this comedian guy, he told all his fans, fans, and they're. They go to his on his social media for forever. It was all the comments. Where are the bodies? Guards, show us the bodies. So much so that he has comments turned off on every season.

[E]

Wow.

[F]

But, yeah. So that's it there. It's not, you know, it's more of a silly theory. So keep an eye out for Garc.

[E]

You know, he looks good on your shirt. Yeah.

[D]

Did you like the.

[E]

Who else looks good on a shirt? Yeah.

[F]

Amen. That's what Garf would say. But anyway, yeah, so that's. I figured that's a good lead in from some potential true crime to some real true crime. Maybe.

[A]

Yes. Vicky, you have some true crime, I hear.

[C]

I. I do have a story, yes. So this true crime story takes place in Phoenix, Arizona. And there are two ladies that go out for bike rides by the canal. The canals go all the way down the center of Phoenix. And they. The first one's in 1992, and her name is Angela Brasso. So Angela goes out for a bike ride. Her boyfriend stays back, and he's making her a birthday cake at home, but she doesn't show back up. So he reports her missing. And a couple days later, they find a torso in the canal and had preserved it. So it was a few days later, but he had preserved it it and.

[D]

Left it out for other people to see it.

[C]

Yes. Okay. So then 1993 rolls around, and there is another situation just like it. This young girl, her mom had gone out on a date. She's single, the mom was single. She went out on a date. This gal decides she's going for a bike ride down by the canals as well. So the second lady is Melanie Burnas. And so Melanie goes Miss missing as well. Her mom can't find her, reports are missing, and the same thing. They really find her dismembered and decapitated again. So the same situation, and it ends up being a cold case because they couldn't solve it. They tried. They had 600 suspects, as you know, being suspicious, but they couldn't solve it. So it turns into a cold case. Two decades later, a detective picks up the case and decides to take it on. So then what happens next is that detective goes to a DNA conference. It's right when DNA is getting hot and they're, you know, finding new possibilities, how they can test the DNA. So he goes to a conference, and the lady at the conference tells him, I'M just positive that we can get you a positive match on the DNA on that case. And he kind of like, okay, well, we can try it. Well, 12 days later they find a match.

[A]

No.

[C]

Yeah, they really did. They found it a match. And she's sure it's a direct match. And she explains that the last name of this person is a Miller. So they go back to that list of 600 people, they look it up, and lo and behold, there is a Brian Patrick Miller on there. And so they start looking into him and they realize that, that when they Decide this, he's 42 years old by this time. But in 2014, he would go to community events, parades, different things with this car. He bought a police car and he decorated into a zombie mobile. So it, it basically had drips of blood on the side. He put a full size mannequin in the back seat and she had blood on her face. And then he dresses up in this whole big mask and you can't see his face, so you don't know who he is. But he's, he's presenting himself as a local celebrity. The zombie hunter.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

And so he's driving his car around to different things. And so they go to his job site, which is an Amazon warehouse, and they find him. So then they decide to kind of set him up. They go and they ask him, we would like to offer you a job if you could watch the building across the street and do surveillance while you're on your breaks and out here on your lunch, we'll pay you $40 an hour. Well, he seems really excited about the offer. So they set up this little meeting to interview him at Chili's. Every time you guys said Chili's.

[D]

So he gets to work at Chili's?

[C]

No, he didn't get to work at Chili's. He was just being interviewed at Chili's. It was a meeting. So they're at the interview at the Chili's and really what they're trying to, trying to do is gather his DNA. They're hoping to get DNA, like off of his drink or whatever, but he eats a hamburger and just swallows it down. Doesn't touch any drinks.

[E]

Serial killer.

[C]

Like, yeah, like, wow, we're not going to get this DNA that we need. We're, we're not going to do it. But then finally he takes a drink of water and they take the cup and they send it off. Direct hit, direct match. And it's really him. Yeah. So they found him that way. And then he went to trial for six Months and charged with the deaths and he got the death penalty and he goes to prison. But even after that, they talked to his ex wife and she was only married to him for a few years. But she tells a story of he confessed to killing a 13 year old year old that came to his door and she was just collecting money for a bookathon. But this is the wife story. So she said, yep, he confessed to this murder, but I didn't want to tell anybody because I'm so afraid of him.

[A]

Oh my God.

[D]

Doesn't that make her guilty too?

[C]

That's what I keep thinking.

[E]

Well, I guess he's saying like if he would have found out I told anyone, he would have killed.

[C]

He would have killed it. Yeah, they did some investigating and they never did charge him with it because they couldn't find it. He. He actually killed her and he told his wife and then I threw her in the trash. So she, you know, and so when.

[E]

He was found guilty and given the death penalty, did he give a. Why did he give more information?

[C]

No, he still never. He still pleads innocent. And if you go onto YouTube, I remember the story from a few years ago. Like I say, there's an interrogation video where he's just on those. In. In the interrogation and he just remains chill as a cucumber.

[E]

Just.

[C]

He just.

[A]

And oh my God.

[C]

You know, but.

[B]

And we know for sure Garth Brooks wasn't touring in that area.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Just saying, Spencer, that's something to check into.

[F]

Yeah, I'll look into that. Okay, I'll look into that. I don't think he was famous yet, but I'll look into that question.

[D]

So the whole, whole time that he's stabbing random people in the back for fun, he's branding himself as a zombie hunter?

[C]

Well, mostly his crime was before he was doing that. We're talking two decades before they even caught on.

[D]

But he wanted to be like a ghost face, like brand himself as a villain.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

And no one caught on.

[C]

Nope. Because they just felt like they had like a zombie festival and he showed up, you know, so it was. Was appropriate at the zombie festival. But then he also posed in photos with policemen at these festivals and community events, you know, because he was like a little celebrity all his own.

[D]

He's like Spider man on Hollywood Boulevard.

[C]

Yeah, that's my story.

[A]

Wow. Well, that was a really sad story, but you did a really good job telling it.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

Well, speaking of other things, Vicki has done well, she created a human.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

She's not a robot. And that human is Pretty cool. It's time for a recap.

[E]

My camera action.

[D]

Rylan's recap is about to happen.

[A]

Rylan's recap.

[E]

On today's episode of the Shane Dawson podcast, we celebrate celebrate Leo season with two birthdays in the house. Actually, it's three birthdays. Cause I'm a fucking Leo too. Can't you tell?

[F]

Oh, my God. Sally, when's your birthday?

[E]

Oh, today. Oh, my God.

[A]

Happy birthday.

[E]

Bring me a fucking Suzy cake pleaser.

[A]

Actually, I do have a postmate here right now with our crumble.

[E]

You thought the day couldn't get any better. Crumbles around, arrives. But not only crumbles, but our mini Sally from Sarah, whose head is also detachable. And I'm not Sally. I'm Pete. Pete. Pete.

[F]

Hi, Pete.

[E]

I'm Pete Greek.

[F]

Nice to meet you, Pete.

[A]

Hi, Pete.

[E]

I'm a tourist.

[A]

Wait, is Pete Sally's child?

[E]

Yes.

[F]

Okay, there it is.

[A]

I'd like to see a conversation between them. Yeah.

[F]

What is that sound like?

[A]

Mom. What?

[E]

I feel like Morgan. I don't know really who my dad is, and I think there might be another one in me. Okay, I'm getting my voices confused.

[B]

No, I hear the resemblance.

[F]

Family resemblance.

[E]

Pete, Sally icon. I need to solidify his voice. You know, like I have Sal's voice. You like? I like her horse.

[A]

What does Pete think about King Crumb?

[E]

Oh, King Crumb's fine, but don't try Walmart shrimp.

[A]

Oh, speaking of King Crumb, look what's coming.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[E]

I think I need to go to clown school if I'm gonna keep this bit up. You're good at it. You don't need school.

[C]

You're good.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[E]

Are they.

[A]

I got a lot of Dubai's, but.

[F]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Oh, Chili's.

[E]

We will not slander Chili's. Not in this house. Not when they follow me and my sister. But Jared tries coming swinging hard at Chili's, who's just trying to get their employees better tips. Jared, who's at Chili's right now. What do you have to say for your yourself?

[B]

Once a huge fan of chilies, I would eat here up to three times a week. After seeing the preposterous, I did not support them. And not only that, I got a chocolate malted cake, and it must be a third of the size it used to be.

[E]

Well, they are concerned about Americans. Okay, we're getting worried about what's going on out there. Sally, I would agree with you. Chili's is looking out for our best Interests get cherry.

[C]

Okay, gotta go.

[F]

Bye, Sally.

[A]

Oh. Morgan wasn't a lesbian.

[E]

Morgan wasn't a lesbian, as we found out in her YouTube video from 10 years ago. But we had to confirm today. But Vicki thought she was, but Vicky thought she was. And apparently so did I. When she got really close to her friend Brooke.

[D]

We were sleeping with no pillow in between us.

[E]

That's a little gay. We're still not positive if Spencer is.

[F]

Related to Morgan and you.

[A]

You.

[C]

We're pretty positive he's not.

[F]

Mom. What the hell?

[C]

I adopted you.

[E]

Breaking news out of Colorado. Rabbits with tentacles are running a monk. They say it's not contagious, but who can believe them? Really? Live in our studio is Spencer. What did you find out there in Fort Collins, Colorado Mountain man.

[F]

That's right, Rylan. Half of Fort Collins already has stuff growing out of their fort face and I don't know what to do. Back to you.

[E]

Very interesting stuff developing on the news desk tonight. There's another hot story breaking from the control room. There's another hot story.

[A]

Jereed.

[E]

Jereed.

[A]

Big Brother SDP edition.

[E]

Oh, you guys might all remember Jerry.

[A]

He's actually at Cedar Point right now in front of Power Tower.

[B]

Everyone's making a big old deal about it.

[E]

But hey, shout out to you.

[B]

Cedar Point, 10 years, one incident, dozens of feet up. I still love you. And I'm gonna go on it tomorrow.

[E]

Okay, you guys, that's all the time we have for tonight's broadcast. My executive producer has an important ad to run. If you wanna shop your Shane Dawson podcast merch, go to Shane DawsonMerch.com. there's also a Patreon where you can get exclusive behind the scenes looks at this and other projects. Morgan has a Patreon. I have a Patreon. Jared and Sandy have a YouTube channel. Spencer's a TikTok star, and Chris is also a YouTube Instagrammer. Can't forget my mom. Yeah, the newest and her vlogs are great. Rylan. Oh, so good. I've been watching them all the time. Vicki, thanks.

[C]

They had a good editor. Morgan, help me.

[E]

Yeah, thanks.

[B]

Giving a speech.

[A]

Speech. Speech.

[E]

Speech. Speech.

[C]

That was my speech.

[E]

All right, check out everyone in the description section below. And we'll see you right here in two weeks on the Shane Dawson podcast. Good night, everyone.

[A]

Wow, that was a lot. That was good. This was a lot, right? This episode was crazy. That was really fun. Thank you guys so much for hanging out with us. We're going to go stuff our faces with crumble and we'll see you guys next time.

[E]

Bye. Bye.

[B]

I'm about to go eat 20 pancakes.