Panda Express Conspiracy Theories & HUGE ANNOUNCEMENTS!

Summary

The Shane Dawson Podcast

Episode: Panda Express Conspiracy Theories & HUGE ANNOUNCEMENTS!

Date: November 9, 2025
Host: Shane Dawson
Co-Hosts: Ryland, Chris, Jared, Spencer

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Overview

This "Just Boys" edition episode of The Shane Dawson Podcast is a rollicking mix of personal updates, wild food conspiracies (with a focus on Panda Express' orange chicken), and huge new announcements about the team’s creative pursuits. The group navigates everything from diet woes and straight bar adventures to the potential dangers of AI, viral social media hoaxes, and, of course, the Panda Express conspiracy. They keep the conversation personal, irreverently funny, and occasionally a little unhinged.

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Main Segments & Key Insights

1. Cozy Vibes and Boys Only Energy (00:26–06:29)

• The show opens with the crew joking about “just boys” energy, gym shorts, and the need for a cozy, relaxed episode after a more hectic and glam previous week.
• Jared discusses his intense dieting and recent two-day water fast:
  • "I just got off a two day water fast. So you're seeing me at my probably thinnest in like, at least five years." (04:08)
  • "Now I'm just eating to eat. I don't live to eat. I eat to live." (05:03)
• The crew discuss the challenges of eating out while on strict diets and the joy (or lack thereof) found in food.

2. Personal Stories & Bits: Straight Bars and Camping Misadventures (06:29–10:55)

• Chris reflects on attending a straight sports bar with a friend, feeling out of place amid “intense, masculine energy.”
  • "It was very, like, intense, masculine energy that I wasn't used to. Everyone was like, hi." (07:13)
  • "I'm anxious already. And I go in there and there's another, like, drunk guy with a 49ers jersey on. And he, like, hits me while I'm taking a piss. And he's like, hey, bro, we gotta pull out a win, huh?" (07:56)
• Spencer describes camping with friends, dabbling in mushrooms, and having to dig a “pooping hole”—much to everyone’s dismay.
  • "We did have to go. There was no facilities, so we had to go, like, dig a hole and poop in holes." (09:36)

3. HUGE Announcement: DIY TV Pilot "Cancelled" (11:05–17:15)

• Shane reveals he's funding and producing a new pilot episode called CANCELLED, largely thanks to Patreon support.
  • "My goal for this, obviously, is to pitch it and to have somebody buy it and have a show. Worst case scenario, it goes on, you know, my YouTube channel…" (16:20)
• Everyone on the crew (and parts of Shane’s family) has roles in the pilot, described as a blend between Hacks and American Horror Story. The behind-the-scenes docuseries will be shared on Patreon.
  • "It’s an hour long, and it’s my pitch for a TV show... The show is called Cancel, and it’s about an A list starlet named Rachel, and she gets canceled the night before the Oscars, and it’s kind of her life unraveling..." (12:02)
  • "You have to bring realness, groundedness, sensitivity. You're talking about a dog that might pass away. I said it's you, babes." – Shane on Chris' role (14:00)

4. Podcast/Set Updates (18:05–20:30)

• Shane shares plans for redesigning the podcast set—complete with new plants, books, and special accessories relevant to each co-host’s personality.
  • "Let me show you guys a few images that I've created...a hanging plant, which I bought...I bought books, colorful books. A bookshelf. So that's what I'm thinking for mine." (18:06)
• There’s a running gag about being an “ally” (even to straight people) and hiding secret straightness via accessories.

5. Majority Rules Game: Food & Friend Shenanigans (23:24–45:13)

• The group plays a round of “Majority Rules,” answering questions about who is most likely to do various things.
  • “Who is most likely to photocopy their own dick?” (23:42)
    • Rylan is the near-unanimous answer, met with anecdotes and the joking admission, “If I photocopied my balls, it would just look like a turkey.” – Shane (24:30)
  • Who would steal food at the office, get evicted for a noise complaint, or eat someone first after a plane crash? (general theme: mayhem and self-deprecation)
  • “Which fast food chain is most likely to give you diarrhea?”: Predominant answer is Taco Bell, followed by a discussion on beans and lard.
    • "My choice was Chipotle, though." – Chris (29:03)
    • "All the best beans. Lotta lard." – Chris (29:57)
  • Saddest restaurant to eat at alone? Suggestions include Cheesecake Factory and Little Caesars, both met with collective laughter and disbelief.

6. Conspiracy Corner & Creepy Consumer Realities (46:24–58:31)

• Segment opens with quick-fire updates:
  • Cedar Point: The infamous Wildcat roller coaster's old location is now home to Siren’s Curse—another allegedly haunted and malfunctioning ride. (48:46)
• Discount Store Drug Find: Shane relates an online post about someone discovering a bag of meth inside bedding from a discount store, sparking a discussion of retail horror stories.
  • "A pipe and a small bag of white crystal substance. No, the authorities were contacted immediately..." (50:07)
• Food Conspiracies:
  • The group dives into the concept that most restaurants get their food from the giant distributor, Cisco, essentially making menu “choice” an illusion.
    • "This company has pre packaged frozen food, but they also have like napkins and plates...what they really specialize in is like prepackaged frozen food for restaurants." (63:53)
    • Shane’s Postmates deep dive reveals how restaurants create multiple virtual brands from the same kitchen, all using Cisco stock photos and food: “I find the address...I search that specific address in Postmates, and I find wing zone, 9.6 miles away. Nathan's famous 9.6 miles away…” (67:58)
  • Huge laughter at the notion of reviewing 15 brands of identical jalapeño poppers.
• Panda Express Orange Chicken Conspiracy:
  • Viral rumors claim Panda Express changed their orange chicken recipe, possibly outsourcing to a mass food distributor like Cisco, destroying the original taste.
    • "Panda Express has officially ruined orange chicken. Once the greatest fast food culinary invention, they’ve changed the recipe." – (70:21)
    • Group taste test: "It tastes different to me. It tastes more like American." – Shane (73:07)
    • "This is mushy, which I'm not used to—it doesn't feel right." – Chris (73:25)
• Taylor Swift Conspiracies:
  • The team discusses wild Swiftie theories, like her album colors correlating with new iPhone releases and embedding eerie pop culture references in her songs.

7. Viral AI & Social Media Mayhem (58:31–62:51)

• A hilarious moment involves a viral video of a cat using a toilet, later revealed to be AI-generated:
  • "That is an AI clip from the new app Sora. Literally like TikTok, except it is all AI generated content." (59:31)
• Jake Paul “coming out as gay” in a viral video turns out to be an AI deepfake—Jake admits he’s actually invested in the technology behind it.
  • “He actually came out and said...he is an investor in OpenAI and that he is actually the mastermind behind all of these viral SORA videos.” (62:13)
• Discussion on the future of media: Are virtual experiences on the rise, or is Gen Z rebelling by seeking authentic, in-person moments?

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I don’t live to eat. I eat to live.” – Jared (05:03)
• “It was very, like, intense, masculine energy that I wasn’t used to...” – Chris on the straight bar (07:13)
• “The show is called Cancel, and it’s about an A-list starlet named Rachel, and she gets canceled the night before the Oscars...” – Shane (12:02)
• “All the best beans. Lotta lard.” – Chris (29:57)
• “If I photocopied my balls, it would just look like a turkey.” – Shane (24:30)
• “It tastes more like chicken nuggets, but not like...orange chicken.” – Shane (73:07)
• “Are you in the Four Gang or the Niner Gang?” – Shane, riffing in the recap (76:08)
• “Jake Paul’s not gay. But he plays one in AI.” – Shane (76:24)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:26 – Show start, “Just Boys” banter and vibes
• 04:08 – Jared on water fasting
• 07:13 – Chris’ straight sports bar experience
• 11:05 – CANCELLED pilot announcement
• 18:05 – Podcast set/design updates
• 23:24 – “Majority Rules” game (personal/funny questions)
• 29:00 – The “diarrhea” fast food debate
• 46:24 – Conspiracy Corner intro & Cedar Point update
• 50:07 – Discount store meth discovery story
• 63:53 – Cisco & restaurant food conspiracies
• 70:21 – Panda Express orange chicken recipe theory & taste test
• 59:31 & 62:13 – AI deepfakes (cat video & Jake Paul)

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Recap Segment (74:25–77:42)

Ryland delivers a tongue-in-cheek recap, touching on everyone’s stories—Jared’s diet, Chris’ straight bar adventure, Spencer’s wild camping, Jake Paul’s AI drama, the Panda Express conspiracy, and a nod to their ambitious TV pilot project.

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Final Thoughts

This episode blends lighthearted ribbing with sharp observations about food, pop culture, and digital weirdness. The outrageous food conspiracies, personal stories, and infectious chemistry among the hosts make it a fun and fast-paced listen—even when they’re just “hanging out as boys.” Shane’s transparency about new ventures and love of the bizarre is as front-and-center as ever.

Memorable Cliffhanger:
“This theory is about Panda Express. People are now saying that Panda Express’s orange chicken is no longer edible because they changed the recipe.” (70:14)

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Missed this episode? You’ll walk away in the loop—and maybe rethink your next order of orange chicken.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Now.

[A]

This theory is about Panda Express.

[C]

Finally.

[D]

Not Panda.

[C]

All right, there.

[E]

People are now saying that Panda Express's orange chicken is no longer edible because they changed the recipe.

[F]

No way.

[A]

Hey, welcome back to whatever the hell this is. We're Just Boys edition.

[C]

Not just boys.

[A]

We're just a couple boys.

[C]

Wait, is that something people say?

[A]

No. Okay.

[G]

They usually say, it sounded like a thing. You sounded like a thing.

[C]

Isn't it? We're just girls or I'm just a girl.

[A]

Just a girl. So I was thinking, because we're all boys here, you know, and we are just boys. What does that even mean?

[G]

I don't know, but I hate it. It's in a lot of, like, dating profiles. Like, no, Just a girl.

[C]

Swipe left. What's wrong?

[A]

No.

[F]

I have no idea what this is.

[A]

I haven't heard. You haven't? It's when a girl. Like, I ate spaghetti dry. Cause I'm just a girl. Yeah.

[G]

Like, I don't even know how to do anything.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Is it like, I can't expect it to do anything because I'm just a gay man in the world.

[A]

Is that you're just a g. Start.

[F]

That I'm just a gay.

[A]

Wake that up. The reason I said that is because I feel like today my goal is to just vibe. Do you know what I mean?

[C]

Oh, I am vibing. You can't see the wide shot, but.

[A]

He brought in a poof. His legs are up.

[C]

I'm reclined. I'm like. I was literally like, can somebody install a projector? I'm ready to go.

[A]

Me and Jared are in gym shorts. Oh, yeah.

[D]

I'm always ready for a swim. I'm just a boy. You know, I like to swim. Just a guy.

[G]

Just a boy. That is kind of just a boy thing.

[A]

It is. Yeah. We're very cozy and comfortable. Last week was a lot when we all switched bodies and fucking. The hair and the makeup and the this and that. Like, we need a break.

[C]

Jared's still exhausted from his incredible impersonation. It was fabulous.

[D]

I appreciate that. It was very hard to be you. I have a newfound respect.

[C]

I've been telling people that for years, it's really hard to be me.

[A]

Oh, my God. So humble.

[D]

You're a humble king.

[F]

My back is still in pain from sitting there, you know?

[A]

And listen, sitting in this position for hours and hours while we do this show is ruining my life. And I need to figure out how to change it, but I don't know how to do that. Cause if I'm sitting back and like, really cozy, my vibe is different. I need to be, like, ready to go.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

I could see, like a group of scientists coming in here and taking measurements and figuring out an apparatus that's, you know, invisible to the cameras. It might already be there.

[A]

We don't know. I need a big man. Chris.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

You know where to find him. He has a roster, but right behind me, holding me. Not gay, not gay, not gay. But just like cradling me so I can just tuck into their. Their belly.

[D]

Are they in green suits so you can just edit them out? Just a big guy in a green leotard hugging you.

[G]

We just see Shane move around every now and then.

[A]

It would be fun though, like if, you know, listen, if I make a little joke, a little funny once in a while, it would be, you know, get a little chuckle back there, lose my confidence a little bit. Okay. Can I say, speaking of big men, I want to say something right now, but I don't know if it's triggering or like it's 2025, so I don't know where we are being able to talk about things like this, but. Jared, can I. Can I say something and you let me know if it's too far.

[D]

Continue.

[A]

You are wasting away.

[D]

I know.

[A]

You literally look like you.

[G]

Thank you.

[D]

No, keep going.

[A]

It's crazy, and I was going to say it when you walked in the room, but I'm like, I'm going to save this for the podcast so that you like. Because this is such a genuine reaction. I literally was like, I was a little worried.

[D]

No, that's what I want.

[A]

I just saw you. I saw you.

[D]

I just got off a two day water fast. So you're seeing me at my. Probably thinnest in like, at least five years.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

I think today would probably be one of the first times I've had something that wasn't cooked at our house.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

And it's only because last night I didn't want to cook food after doing two days of a water fast. Way too difficult. But yeah.

[A]

But then I realized I was like, oh, no. Literally, the title of this episode that we prepared for is Panda Express. Conspiracy theory. And theory is about us all trying the orange chicken. And I was like, which is your favorite thing ever? This was not planned like that, I feel.

[D]

So this is like the biggest loser contest right now. Like, can I stay away from. From the orange chicken?

[A]

It's like a temptation test.

[D]

It's okay. You know, for the first, like, two weeks of doing the diet, I was very much triggered, and it was hard. Not triggered. I don't know if that's the right word. But it was hard for me to even go into Ralph's or something like that because I would see all the treats everywhere, and you can't get out without candy bars right there.

[C]

Holidays.

[D]

But I think after, like, three weeks, it just completely left. And now I'm just eating to eat. I don't live to eat. I eat to live.

[C]

Where are you finding the joy?

[A]

Huh?

[D]

Good question. Good question. I. I think just. I'm not looking for it in one specific area. I'm just embracing it in all walks of life right now. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah. Thank you.

[C]

Give him a call.

[D]

I'm a little weak right now.

[A]

Hard to clap. Feels like 7,000 Hot Wheels pouring out of his room.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

Accurate.

[A]

Well, congratulations. I'm proud of you.

[C]

How long do you endure? Is this forever?

[D]

I believe so. I think this is a lifelong commitment.

[A]

Oh, no.

[D]

Well, I've accepted I might never eat out again outside of a very rare circumstance.

[A]

Ever in your life.

[D]

Ever in my life.

[A]

What?

[D]

Which is okay, because one good thing about it is it's totally eliminated the whole where are we gonna eat tonight? Conversation.

[A]

Oh, I love that.

[D]

Which is, you know, which is fun. But now it's just, who's gonna make dinner?

[G]

You know?

[A]

God, who would? Because every night's the same with him. What are we going to do with him going? I don't know. You pick. And then I order, like, you know, a salad from someplace, and he goes.

[C]

We both have our rolls. Whatever. I. I'm not that picky of an eater. I also just.

[A]

Shove it in. Exactly. Fucking right.

[C]

I'm.

[A]

Whatever. Well, we're all proud of you. Thank you. Wow, Chris, speaking of being worried. Oh, I was worried for you when you told me that recently you went to a straight bar.

[F]

Yes. Oh, my God.

[A]

Okay. Did you come out straight?

[F]

No.

[C]

My.

[F]

My. My straight friend who loves football invited me to go to a sports bar and watch a 49ers game.

[C]

Why'd you say yes?

[F]

I don't know. I. I like him a lot, and mainly for that.

[A]

Whoa.

[F]

But so we Went to the. The sports bar. And I've never, like, they were like, oh, you can't just go and you need to wear something 49ers. Or like, it could be trouble. And I'm like, what does that mean? So they gave me a 49ers jersey. And they were like, remember the player on the back is rice. Couldn't remember.

[A]

You better have cried.

[F]

And I went there. I was very nervous. It was very, like, intense, masculine energy that I wasn't used to. Everyone was like, hi.

[A]

What are you talking about? What do you mean?

[D]

Were they not water fasting over there?

[F]

I mean, I felt right at home. I felt right at home is what I meant because I'm so used to that. Anyway, right when I walked in, they were all like, something. They were all like, chanting and like, screaming and like, I was very intense and I was like, I'm gonna go to the restroom. I'm anxious already. And I go in there and there's another, like, drunk guy with a 49ers jersey on. And he, like, hits me while I'm taking a piss. And he's like, hey, bro, we gotta pull out a win, huh?

[A]

And I was like, yeah, but he calls it.

[F]

I don't like talking to people. What I'm being. But he keeps like, he's like, especially after last game, huh?

[A]

Don't.

[F]

And I'm like, I don't.

[A]

Yeah, bro.

[F]

And I like, run out of there, cuz it was so scary.

[A]

Well, good for you. You held your own in a straight environment. Very proud of you.

[F]

Bang bang, niner gang. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

What? Whoa. Yeah, you have to edit that out.

[D]

That's a little too masculine.

[C]

I'm offended.

[A]

Personally, I'm scared. Wow. Well, speaking of straight boy shit, Spencer, I asked you, I was like, well, what'd you do? And you said, I went camping. And I'm like, what are we doing? This is the straightest episode we've ever done.

[F]

Yeah.

[G]

I went camping with two straight guys.

[C]

Weird.

[G]

Yeah, I know.

[C]

Everything sounded.

[A]

Where were the chicks? Yeah. Is it one? I only know. The only thing I know about camping is from, like, the Parent Trap. So is it like, do you just go like, and it pops up or are you building?

[G]

I. Yeah, you gotta, like, set everything up and like, it's like Survivor.

[A]

Yeah.

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

It's like building baby toys all day.

[G]

Yeah, kind of. It's not all day. Once you do it, it's done.

[C]

Okay. You might be faster than me.

[G]

We found a great spot, though. I was very happy.

[A]

What's great about it. I'm like, it's outside. Did you find a Hilton hotel? What did you. What did you find?

[C]

He found some drugs.

[F]

Oh.

[G]

Exposing me.

[C]

Oh, we don't have to go there.

[G]

No, it's.

[C]

I don't care.

[A]

What'd you find?

[G]

We took some. We ate some mushrooms. But also, a good spot is just when you're not near other people. Like, the worst thing in camping is when you're, like, right next to someone else. Like, oh. Because then it's like, what are you. What are we doing?

[A]

Yeah. Are you sure? Pooping hole.

[C]

Comes your significant other.

[G]

We did have to go. There was no facilities, so we had to go, like, dig a hole and poop in holes.

[C]

Oh, God.

[A]

Oh, God.

[D]

This just had, like, a local park.

[G]

Or it was like. Yeah, it was in, like, Angeles National Forest. Just, like, off, like, a trail. There were a lot of people, like, hunting nearby, and it was just like. It wasn't, like, an official campground. It was just, like, sort of, like, pulled off.

[C]

I'm not afraid to be hunted.

[A]

Sorry. I don't do drugs. But if I ever do drugs, I'm not doing drugs. And then pooping in a hole and being hunted. This is too much. I'm worried. I'm worried for everybody in this room now.

[G]

Well, I was wearing orange, but my friend was on mushrooms, and he was wearing, like, dark green. Like, running around the woods. Just.

[D]

What?

[F]

And I was like, you need to.

[G]

Put something else on. Cause they're gonna shoot you.

[D]

You should have told them that you left a candy stash over in that hole over there.

[A]

Whoa.

[F]

Hey.

[G]

I buried some chocolate.

[D]

Hey, dude. Tastes delicious.

[G]

But. Yeah, that was my video.

[C]

Okay. I think a really good video one day would be you taking us camping.

[G]

It's gonna be m. Would be miserable for everyone.

[C]

Be a good video.

[A]

You could take our kids camping when they're old enough.

[G]

Yeah, that's more. That's.

[A]

And then we could go to the Hilton.

[C]

Our kids are going to be like, we're going with them.

[G]

There's a rumor that when Bear Grylls would film, he would, like, cut and be like, all right, we're going to, like, the. The Hilton nearby. Not all of it, but that was, like. He would do that a lot. So maybe that would be our shoe to be, like, set everything. I'd be like, all right, let's go get. Book a hotel.

[A]

Okay. What have we been doing? Well, honestly, what?

[C]

Oh, I know. It is exciting. It took me a second. I was like, what? The pumpkin festival?

[A]

We went to A pumpkin festival? No, that was exciting. Yeah. But other side note, so we talked about this. Oh, my God, six months ago now. So it has been a while. And. Sorry, I'm not gonna talk about the Patreon too much. I know it's annoying, but the reason we started it was because we were trying to start a production company and start funding bigger projects. And I had a pilot that I really wanted to make. I wrote it a year ago, almost a little over a year ago. And because of you guys and all your support over on the Patreon. Thank you so much. I'm fully funding it. Like, it is really scary, really exciting. It kind of like literally two weeks ago, maybe three weeks ago, I was like, all right, we need to make this before the end of the year. I contacted my friend who has a production company now. It is like, every day. We're meeting with people. We're doing it. We're filming in a few weeks. Everybody here has a role in the pilot, which is so exciting.

[C]

Have you. Has Jared seen what his role is?

[A]

Yes, Jared is playing. So a little background on what the show is and what a pilot is. So I don't know if I explained this previously, but basically it's an hour long, and it's my pitch for a TV show. So instead of going around and pitching a script and, like, showing people, I'm like, you know what? Fuck this. I just want to make it myself. So the show is called Cancel, and it's about an A list starlet named Rachel, and she gets canceled the night before the Oscars, and it's kind of her life unraveling, people coming into it, you know, it's kind of what I'd say, like a mixture of hacks and American horror stories. Kind of how I've been pitching it. So one of the characters in the show. Well, we'll go through and say other characters. So one of your characters, Jared, is playing the Vogue cameraman.

[G]

Yes.

[A]

So. And those are the people who, like, you know, you're kind of bored. You're kind of annoyed. You have the camera and you're kind of like, all right, when are we gonna get out of here? And you have a few little funny jokes.

[G]

You do? I do.

[A]

So that's very exciting. I feel like you give Vogue cameraman energy.

[D]

Yeah, whatever.

[C]

Lizzie's the, like, the bitchy producer that's like, we gotta wrap this up.

[A]

Yeah. Lizzie's playing the Vogue producer. So she's very pregnant right now, which is great. Great production value having a pregnant woman with her Belly out. And she's gonna be like, come on, we gotta wrap it up. We got Chalamet in an hour. Spencer is playing a employee at an establishment.

[G]

My name is just employee in the script.

[A]

Yes. Okay, now do a little bit of yours. So one of the characters is having kind of a breakdown in public, and maybe Spencer's gonna film it.

[C]

Oh, shit.

[G]

Wait, is that my line?

[A]

Nice, dude.

[D]

Good job, dude.

[A]

Natural.

[G]

I need to work on it. That was maybe actually the best.

[D]

Giving employee vibes.

[A]

Yeah, that was good. That was good.

[G]

Okay, Chris, that wasn't good, but that's okay.

[D]

Don't spoil too much.

[A]

Chris is playing an employee at a dog adoption center. It involves a dog. And it's a very sweet moment. You have to bring realness, groundedness, sensitivity. You're talking about a dog that might pass away. I said it's you, babes.

[F]

I'm so excited. I can't even believe. Like, I don't know if you know, but right before, you had sent me the message saying that I had a part in it, which I freaked out about. I was so excited. But I was sitting there thinking, like, oh, I haven't acted in the thing in a while and I love acting and I miss it so much. And I even, like, had a whole conversation with my boyfriend about it and how I want to make more time for it. I posted the thing on threads where I'm like, can someone kill me in a horror movie? I so badly, like, want to be in a thing. Like, it's like all I was thinking about and talking about. And then you texted me.

[G]

Whoa, whoa.

[F]

And I was like, oh, my God. This is like my literal dream coming true right now. So thank you. Thank you so much.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[F]

And I'm so excited. And the character's so, like, sweet and loves dogs and I feel like I relate and I'm excited.

[G]

Should we have someone come and kill Chris in episode two? Sure, just go back to the dog shop.

[A]

That's the plan, right? So this is the pilot. We're gonna make it, and then we're gonna be pitching it to all those places and, you know, hope that somebody sees the vision and wants to give us a show. But that's the plan. And the plan is to expand the characters, right? So that would be great. And yeah, yeah, maybe there will be a dog adoption employee that gets murdered. You never know. And then Ryland. This is crazy. So Ryland is playing, like a lead role.

[C]

My name's Dylan. I think I'm described as 30 year old gay Elfman.

[F]

Period.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

I'm an assistant to. I'm an assistant to one of the leads. So I. I'm not a leading character, but I am woven throughout. Well, here's the lead. He. Okay, here's how the writer, director, who's my husband, won't tell me how the season's gonna unfold, even though I have questions. You finish the script and it's on such a cliffhanger. My mom's like, I've read it twice. I need to know what happens next. And his mom, Teresa, also texted, like, I've got to know what happens next. And I was like, I'm sleeping with the writer. I should be guaranteed to know what's gonna happen next. And he won't tell me. Well, and I'm starting. Sorry. I'm starting to feel like it's something like Severance, where, like, Ben Stiller didn't even know what was happening next. And it's like he's. He's just playing it cool. Like, I can't tell you. I gotta keep my lips sealed.

[A]

Yes, it's exactly like severance. Please, Apple buy it.

[G]

Yeah, please. It's like Severance.

[A]

No, but there's, you know, the main girl, and she has an assistant. And then her manager, Sharon, who's, like, kind of an intense, aggressive Hollywood manager, has a little gay assistant named Dylan. So they're always in scenes together. So. Yes, that's you. That's exciting. And. And then my mom. My mom has a role.

[F]

No way.

[A]

Your mom has a role. Morgan has a role. I'm giving everybody in my life, Sandy, because I was like, there's nothing more fun than, like. I think, like, my goal for this, obviously, is to pitch it and to have somebody buy it and have a show. Worst case scenario, it goes on, you know, my YouTube channel, which is still amazing. And I'm excited about that. But I had another idea. I was like, what if we did a tour with it? Like, what if we went to, you know, 10 cities and did, like, live showings of it? And that was so fun to me because I'm like, every time there's a cameo on screen, people get excited. And I don't know, it's just. To me, it feels more personal to have, you know, people from my life in it. And I forgot. I haven't filmed something like this in 10 years. And you forget how many people are involved. I mean, there's like 100 people. Like, we're hiring all these people. We literally, like, we're people that are so doing us A favor, really, because our budget is relatively low.

[C]

What's crazy is it's so much money, but in the. In the world of production, it's nothing.

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

Which is so wild.

[G]

It is funny to hear in a meeting, people, like, talk about it. Like, oh, like, this is. You know what I mean?

[D]

Like, kind of like.

[C]

And you're like, I know.

[A]

I'm like, it gives me diarrhea every night. But. But, you know, it is cool that people believe in it and they're excited about the script, and, like, they think that maybe there's a chance it could actually be a show. So, yeah, the show is called Canceled. We start filming it very soon. I'm very excited. We've been filming all the behind the scenes in the docu series over on Patreon. We have a podcast over there. All of that is over there. Thank you so much. If you have supported it and. Yeah, we appreciate you so much. So. Okay, last little update of the day, guys. I have not forgot about the set. Okay. We've been focusing on the cancel pilot and all those other things. That does not mean I forgot about our podcast set, which is number one priority. So let me show you guys a few images that I've created. So we'll start simple. Right? So here's my background.

[C]

That is cute.

[A]

So I'm thinking a hanging plant, which I bought.

[C]

You did?

[A]

Yeah, I bought the plant. I bought the books. I bought books, colorful books. A bookshelf. So that's what I'm thinking for mine. Let me know in the comments. Do you like it? Is it too simple? Do we need more?

[C]

We start there and then we fill it out as we go.

[A]

Yes. Okay.

[C]

I have a feeling I'm gonna be the one responsible for hanging all this stuff.

[A]

Yes. Also, this was before Podbooboos entered the chat. So now that the Podbooboos have entered.

[G]

They're coming tomorrow.

[A]

They will be incorporated.

[C]

They are.

[G]

They're coming tomorrow. She's so sweet too. She heard on the podcast like, that I like, magnets are like, strong. Magnets are bad for my pacemaker. And she was like, I can take all the magnets out of everything. I was like, no, please don't do that. It's not gonna kill me. But anyway, thank you, Sarah. That was very sweet.

[A]

Okay. Jared said. Okay. So here's my thought for this bookshelf two. I got this hanging alien tapestry thing, which is kind of fun. A neon sign, which I ordered.

[C]

Okay. It's still showing the pink light.

[A]

Okay. Yes. This was before the Green entered the chat.

[D]

That shows you how long you've been working.

[F]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

This isn't just a fly by night project, guys. This is Time's gone in.

[A]

This is months. Okay? Chris is. Okay. Now this is a work in progress because I want Chris to really, like, put his own spin on this. But I was thinking floating shelves with some cute items. And I don't know, if you see in the top right, we have a move I'm gay cup and a little Yoda man. Baby Yoda man. Both of which, just so you know, I have ordered. So this is the cup and this is the little baby Yoda man. So we're already there. We also, I ordered little picture frames. I ordered a bear clock. That's just a white couple. It shows that Chris is inclusive of white people, of a wife, of gingers, of the ginger community.

[C]

He supports straight people. Hetero dude.

[D]

He went to a 49er game. 49er. Gang, bang, gang, gang over here. Okay.

[A]

Bang, bang, bang.

[F]

I'm a straight ally.

[A]

Yes.

[G]

We should get a straight ally.

[A]

Yeah. So that's right now. I think Rylan's angle is perfect. He doesn't need anything. Spencer's. I mean, we got the blanket ladder. I'm thinking if anything, like maybe a fake tree or. Oh, a tent.

[F]

Oh, yes.

[G]

You guys know tents are really big, right?

[A]

You could be in a tent.

[C]

It's a facade. I need a set designer to make, like, a tent facade.

[D]

Sounds intense.

[A]

That's like a popsicle stick joke. Okay, well, I gotta go pee. I'm just gonna be honest. So that's what I'm about to. Really? You're shaking your little legs too. We're all gonna go pee together. Let's all pee in a line and pull out a W. We should get.

[G]

One of those troughs in the office.

[A]

Whoa. All right, we'll be right back. And when we come back, ooh, we have a game. Get ready. Hey, sorry to interrupt the episode. I'm so excited. Today we have a brand new sponsor. I always am so excited when a sponsor wants to jump on board the podcast. And I always want to make sure that I only work with sponsors that I believe in, that I think are great products or companies, and that I think you guys are actually going to like and enjoy. Enjoy and use. And when this one reached out, I was very excited because I was literally talking to Ryland about this. I have been wanting to learn Spanish so bad. Really opened that part of my brain up. I think knowing more than one language really does enhance your Brain. I don't know if that's real or not. I'm not a scientist. But for me personally, I do think that it does help keep the brain alive. And that's why I'm so excited to say today's new sponsor is babbel. So if you don't already know, babbel is an award winning app that makes learning a new language simple and effective. You can learn a variety of languages. Spanish, French, German, Italian, Portuguese. And they have courses covered by over 200 language experts. It's like having a private tutor in your pocket. My favorite feature that they have is the real time feedback. It helps you stay motivated and know, like, this is how much I'm learning, this is how far I've gotten. It's nice to have little checkpoints and also to have a goal. Like my goal is the next time we take a trip to Mexico, I would love to go with my whole family and really communicate with people and know what they're saying. Go into the city and I think that would be really fun and I think it would impress my kids. I mean, listen, I know they're too young to really know what's happening, but they're gonna be like, whoa, what is daddy saying? I wanna be cool, you know, and obviously the goal is to learn an entire language and be an expert at it. But babbel's great. If you even just need like the main go to phrases and words and commonly used things so you know how to communicate when you are talking to somebody who speaks that language. For example, Spanish. Let me give you a little bit of my commonly used phrases. Me llamos cheyne Dawson. Donde esta el bano? That one is gonna be frequently used. So they are gonna give you guys a very special offer to start spe language in three weeks. Click the link in the description below or go to babel.comgrower and you'll get up to 55 off of your subscription. So that's babel.comgrower. so join the millions of babel learners breaking the language barriers every single day. So thank you so much. Oh, sorry. Gracias, Babel. And I hope you guys enjoy the rest of the show. I'm gonna go to el peno. Yeah, that's right. I'm using it in my everyday language. All right, enjoy the rest of the show. Bye. We're gonna play a game we haven't played in a little while. I'm very excited about it. It is majority rules. Okay, Spencer, so you have crafted some majority rules questions we are all gonna write down who we think in this group of just boys is the majority. And then whatever's in the majority gets the point.

[G]

Yeah. So we've played it a few times and at a certain point it's kind of obvious, these questions that it's all going to be one of us. So I have some about people and then I have some about. About just other subjects too, so we can keep it fresh. Okay. Number one, this is a great one to start with. Who is most likely to photocopy their own dick?

[A]

This is easy.

[C]

Okay.

[G]

All right, ready? Reveal on three, two, one.

[A]

Rylan.

[D]

Rylan told me all I needed to know.

[G]

We all got Rylan, except for Chris.

[A]

Whoa, a grower willing to photocopy. That's bold. I've done it.

[F]

That's why I put me. I just did it. I don't know. I was just listening. I'm just a boy. Show us with a bunch of my boys.

[A]

We are looking for art to put behind you on the shelf.

[F]

And they all like, it became a thing where like, they were like, oh, like, like sit on it and scan or whatever.

[C]

Oh, so it's like asshole with your ball.

[F]

Asshole, ball, gooch, the whole nine. And so it does not.

[D]

Okay, was this at the sports bar the other day? This is a 49er gang situation.

[F]

Bang, bang, bang.

[A]

If I photocopied my balls, it would just look like a turkey. I feel like Rylan would definitely photocopy his dick. You do not care. You walk around the house. I mean, not when you know there's people present. Let's just dig out all like, last night was crazy. Just walk. I was like, where did Rylan go? And I look just dick out walking around the house. I was like, I don't like to be naked by myself.

[G]

Yeah, yeah. All right, all right. Alright, up next, who is most likely to steal someone else's food at the office?

[D]

Interesting.

[A]

Oh, this is hot.

[C]

I don't think that it is.

[A]

Don't. It ain't me.

[D]

This is a long shot.

[C]

This is a long shot.

[E]

Me.

[A]

Oh, from you.

[G]

This is tough.

[A]

Oh, interesting. Well, I disagree.

[F]

You sold me like.

[C]

Well, I'll talk after. I don't want to suede anybody.

[A]

Right?

[C]

All right.

[G]

We all got answers.

[F]

Suede, three per su.

[G]

One flip.

[A]

Damn.

[G]

What you say?

[C]

I put Spencer.

[G]

I put you. I almost put myself.

[F]

I was swayed, but not at the office.

[C]

Well, sh. Yeah. I don't think Spencer would eat my food.

[D]

I was wrong.

[A]

I never know what I'm walking into because I feel like, well, every time I walk back here, if it's around lunchtime, it's a different scent.

[G]

That's true.

[A]

I know.

[G]

Sometimes I do eat fish, and I'm like, I'm glad. My office as far.

[A]

You were fun.

[C]

Oh, I don't care. I mean, I got fish yesterday and I don't care.

[A]

Oh, no, I don't care about that. I just mean you're more eclectic than me. I eat the same literal thing every day, and so does Rylan. And you have a big variety. And I'm like, we're having Indian food. Or, you know, like, what's crazy is.

[D]

I was just thinking he probably eats Indian food.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Which is very different.

[A]

Good curry.

[D]

Like when you take. Okay, if you were to take a friend out to dinner tonight, where would you go?

[G]

Like, what type of food would we get?

[A]

Yeah.

[G]

So maybe my favorite is Mexican.

[D]

Maybe like a ramen.

[G]

Yeah, I like ramen.

[F]

My experience of Spencer is that you would depending on the person because you're thoughtful in that way, you would want.

[G]

Them to go, I'm a little bit of a, I'm a people pleaser too. So it's like, I, I, I like, like showing someone a good time. Like, I love when people visit. I like to, like, dress up as Mars 49er.

[A]

Yeah. Here's my defense. Yes. Sometimes in the middle of the night, I will pick it.

[C]

Right? Sometimes if I leave, if I.

[A]

He never finishes his food, and then he leaves it in the fridge for weeks. So, like, I clean up, by the way. And by the way, I buy the food. So in my head, he does. So in my head, I'm thinking, all right, he didn't eat this, so I'm hungry, I'm gonna eat this, and if he bitches about it, I'll buy him another one.

[C]

Well, my thing is I leave it because I don't like to think about breakfast or lunch. So I always ration out a portion for lunch so that when I'm working, I already have.

[F]

You always eat it.

[A]

You never eat it.

[C]

It's because you get to it. I don't have the opportunity to eat it.

[G]

It.

[A]

That's not true. And if that leftover sitting Mediterranean pita grill had been sitting in the fridge for two weeks, you ate it after.

[G]

It was sitting in your fridge for two weeks. Now he eat.

[A]

No, I had self control and I was doing it as a point. I was like, you know what? I'm not going to touch that. And let's see how long it lasts. I, I just threw it out I.

[C]

Clean out our fridge almost nightly. I have a. We do a trash run every night that I have to force you to participate in.

[A]

That's not true. I have to force you to go on my nightly prison walks.

[C]

This is annoying.

[A]

It's our favorite.

[C]

He's like my second or my fourth dog. It's like I already have to walk my three dogs every day, and I have this heavy weight on my shoulders. I don't love my dogs. It's like I'm robbing them of a wonderful life. So I walk my dog seven days a week, no matter how busy I am. Now Shane has implemented a second walk, which is walking him. I have to walk him at night, and if I don't, he pouts like my dog. Dogs, too.

[A]

Oh, but it's how we connect.

[C]

Can't we connect? I'm like, we could connect in the hot tub. We could connect at dinner together.

[G]

Speaking of food, which fast food chain is most likely to give you diarrhea?

[C]

Oh, I mean, it's sad, but it's obvious.

[A]

Wait, so this is a new addition to the game?

[G]

This is. I was switching it up. Yeah. These are the. These are the things category, because there's only so many things we can say about the five of us.

[A]

Interesting twist.

[C]

I mean, you know what it is?

[A]

I know.

[C]

Even though.

[A]

Actually. Though, no. Okay. But one of them actually gives me diarrhea every time. But I'm not gonna put that one, because I don't think they're gonna put that one.

[G]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

You know the one I'm talking about?

[C]

Majority rules.

[F]

I'm gonna write one that isn't true for me, but I feel like other people.

[A]

Me too.

[G]

Yeah. I'm writing mine Isn't that personal in the corner. And I'm writing the majority one.

[D]

Good idea.

[C]

Your personal one. Okay, I'm ready.

[G]

All right, everyone ready? Three, two, one, clip.

[D]

Taco Bell.

[A]

Whoa.

[C]

My choice was chipotle, though.

[A]

That's. Yes.

[D]

But Mike, like, Spencer having one in the corner just as a little bonus. Yoshinoya. Do you know what's in a Yoshinoya bowl?

[G]

Yes.

[C]

No.

[A]

What is it?

[G]

It's like a beef bowl, right?

[D]

It's beef intestines.

[A]

What?

[D]

Oh, that's what their ingredient is.

[A]

Are you sure?

[D]

And I don't even know if they're around anymore.

[A]

Really?

[G]

They are.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

They are down straight from intestines.

[D]

Yeah, it's intestines.

[F]

Wait, I have a question. So you all like Mexican food, but you all made a face about beef intestines. So does that mean that no one here is doing, like, authentic, but, like, cabeza. Like, none of those.

[C]

I draw the line at beans with lard.

[A]

We went to our favorite Mexican restaurant, and I was like, God, these beans are so good because they're. You know when refried beans are light colored and you don't want to know? And I'm like, oh, they're so good.

[C]

What's the secret ingredient?

[A]

What's this here? And she goes, you don't want me to tell you? And I said, oh, come on. What is it? She's like, lard.

[G]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Lot of lard.

[F]

Oh, yeah. Literally.

[A]

And I was like, thank you.

[F]

All the best beans. Lotta lard.

[A]

Oh, Lotta Lard is my drag name. Okay.

[C]

Lotta Lard. Oh, my God.

[F]

It.

[C]

You have to go on Drag Race now. There's no other option.

[A]

Fine.

[C]

Lot of lard.

[A]

Lot of lard.

[G]

Floored.

[C]

It's really good.

[A]

Is it? I thought it was a lot of lard.

[C]

I can hear, like, the engine.

[A]

Lot of lard. Come on out, Lauder. Lard.

[C]

It's everything.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Wow. I've never been more excited about something.

[A]

Okay.

[G]

All right, we're going back to the personal section. Oh, the mo. Who is the most likely to get a evicted for a noise complaint?

[C]

Oh, Honestly, hate to say it, but.

[A]

Lizzie's not here, so I don't know.

[D]

Yeah, I know.

[G]

We couldn't have asked this with Lizzie.

[C]

I'm not thinking from a personal volume standpoint. I'm thinking of what the person's playing. Standpoint.

[D]

So we know who to go with if we want to be on board.

[A]

This is annoying. I am so polite.

[G]

And, like, every single one, Rylan's been like, I know who this is in its venue every time.

[A]

I am the quietest little church mouse.

[G]

Okay, someone have an answer? 3, 2, 1.

[A]

This is so annoying.

[G]

Oh, I said me, but I said me, too.

[A]

Well, it's. It's you guys. It's not me. This is annoying. Are you louder? When we rented this office, I literally was so nervous about my walking pad because I didn't want it to be too loud. I was asking, like, is this concrete floor? Like, I don't want to bother anybody. I'm so considerate. Why would you act like that?

[C]

No, you're very. I'm not saying in a way that affects anyone, but me.

[A]

And my theater room is on the other side of the house.

[G]

So you're evicting him?

[C]

Shane's very respectful. If we're going from a personal volume level, it's me. And if Lizzy's here, it's her.

[A]

You are loud. As in every scenario only.

[C]

Yeah, but then when Shane we get.

[A]

Kicked out of Ralph's cuz he's too loud.

[C]

That's true.

[A]

Gets kicked out of Ralph's.

[C]

That's the truth. That's the truth. Give me.

[D]

Wait, run me through that. How do you get kicked out of.

[C]

Ralph for being too careful. I'll give you a scenario.

[D]

You filmed it.

[A]

Oh my God.

[C]

The pumpkins are right there. They big too. I'm performing. What can I say?

[F]

Always I put me. Because I have had complaints. But like 90% of the year I'm super respectful. I try really hard and I'm never there. I'm never home.

[A]

What are you doing?

[F]

One like if I. If I rarely have people over, I'm gonna play loud music. We're gonna. We're gonna party and I'm gonna do. I'm just gonna do it. And that's gonna annoy people. But it's only once or twice a year, right? And then also I don't have quiet sex. I'm not quiet. I don't have the ability to be quiet. Some people. People real quiet. Some people are not moaners. Some people aren't. I'm loud. The walls are thin. I don't know. You've got a complaint.

[A]

What are you yelling for?

[F]

Maybe have you got complaints?

[G]

Had people come to you with a complaint? Yes.

[F]

Yeah, A couple times.

[A]

Yes.

[G]

Yeah. I put. I put myself because of my downstairs neighbors. Just because it's. They have literally complained to our landlord about it.

[C]

Seems like he has a personal vendetta against you though.

[G]

Yeah. Oh my God, I hate that guy.

[A]

Wow.

[G]

Sometimes I like to stop and just make him mad.

[D]

Let's all get. Let's get Spencer Dan's Dance Revolution for the apartment. Let's make him really happy.

[G]

I just. I want to go buy his ring camera. Just carrying that up into the.

[A]

Hey. Sorry to interrupt the show, but guys, this is big. There is something coming. Something right behind us. Something sneaking its way over waiting to freak us out. What is that? My anxiety. My inner thoughts. Yes, but also Christmas. That's right. The holidays are right around the corner. Every year I go into the same exact panic, which is. Oh my God, what do I get everybody? Did I already get them this? But you know what gift is personal useful. A nice fresh pair of Raycons. That's why today's episode is sponsored by Raycon. And if you guys don't already know the Raycon, everyday earbuds are so beautiful, affordably priced and they have so many features. 32 hours of battery life, active noise cancellation, multi point connectivity. Like I love the fact that I could have the everyday earbuds in. I can be checking my emails on my phone, go to my laptop, watch some YouTube, I don't have to reconnect anything. Super easy. And they come in so many beautiful colors. They're brand new, cool mint, which is my favorite. Not just the Raycons themselves are colorful but actually like the case too. The whole thing is very monochromatic and beautiful. And there's over 4 million people who have bought these everyday earbuds. And Raycon is giving you guys a very special deal for Black Friday and Cyber Monday. Everything's up to 30% off. All you got to do is click the link in the description or go to buyraycon.com grower to save on Raycon audio products site wide. So check it out, look around and as always they have their 30 day happiness guarantee. So if you don't love them, you can return them super easily and you have nothing to lose. Thank you so much Raycon and I'll see you guys later in the episode. Bye guys. I know we've been talking about the holidays. It's snowing in here. The holidays are fun, but they are also very stressful for so many reasons. But one of the most stressful parts of your life, whether it's holidays or not, is making sure that you have good credit. But luckily, today's sponsor, Kickoff is here to help you out. That's right. Today's episode is sponsored by Kickoff. I've talked about them so many times before. They are the number one credit building app on the App Store. And with plans Starting at just $5 a month, no credit check, no hidden fees, they will help you build your credit fast. Having good credit is so important. I've talked about it before. Whether you are trying to get a loan from for a car or a house, if your credit is not up to par, you won't get the loan. You'll have to build your credit up. It could take a long time. But the way Kickoff works is just by using Autopay, they can help build your credit up. So you sign up. It takes literally just a few minutes. Then with the autopay feature, credit bureaus see it as good behavior. Start to build your credit. They have over 1 million users and hundreds of thousands of positive reviews. And they are giving you guys a very special deal where you could get your first month for just $1 users with credit under 600 grew an average of 84 points in their first year with on time payments. So all you got to do is go to getkickoff.com grower and you can get your first month for as little as $1. That's 80% off the normal price. That's get k I k o f f.com grower to get started today, must sign up via getkickoff.com grower to activate offer. Offer applies to new kickoff customers. First month only. Subject to approval. Offer subject to change average first year credit score impact of plus 84.5 points. Vantage score 3.0 between January 2023 and January 2024 for kickoff credit account users who started with their credit below 600, who paid on time, and who had no delinquencies or collections added to their credit profile during the period. Late payments may negatively impact your credit score. Individual results may vary. So thank you so much, Kickoff. Please check it out if you're interested. Getkickoff.com grower I will see you guys later in the episode. Bye.

[G]

What is the. The saddest food to eat alone?

[C]

Oh, wow.

[D]

There is nothing sad about eating by myself.

[A]

I know. I love it.

[D]

I. I can't even.

[A]

Do you mean like a brand or like an item?

[C]

I think a brand. Oh, you tell me.

[G]

Oh, we could do brand. What do you. What were you guys.

[D]

Actually, let's do a restaurant.

[C]

I was gonna put a restaurant.

[G]

Saddest restaurant to eat at alone.

[A]

I got it.

[C]

Or even order or even eat. I think it's sadder if you're ordering it in.

[G]

All right, everyone has 1.

[A]

Yes.

[G]

3, 2, 1. Flip.

[A]

Cheesecake Factory.

[G]

Factory.

[D]

Because it's family style meals and I've eaten there by myself one time at the bar with nobody around and it was very sad.

[G]

Wait, what did you say?

[A]

Chris?

[F]

I put any fine dining establishment. I mean, like, there are places that are very fancy and like feel like a date night place. So me and Chris there is on a date.

[D]

So we're in alignment here. Majority room.

[A]

Cheesecake Factory.

[G]

You guys are closer.

[C]

Oh, you get people watch there.

[A]

That's where everybody's alone.

[C]

No, like you're driving through Panda Express by yourself.

[G]

Yes. That's. You're talking to everyone, right?

[C]

It's really sad.

[G]

That's like the most common.

[A]

Like, that's not a place to take your whole family.

[D]

That's where people cheat and eat their secret.

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

I just feel like. I feel like it's dark. Personally, I would.

[D]

I would say how about this? Let's vote on who wins. I do think Little Caesars is pretty sad.

[G]

I was just thinking like, I think.

[C]

That'S just sad period. Like it's just devastating.

[G]

Yeah, I was thinking like Little Caesar's eating in would be really dark.

[A]

I don't even think that's possible.

[G]

You just be standing there.

[C]

So who won?

[A]

None of us, I guess Little Caesars for all that free promo.

[G]

Yeah, I'm giving myself a point. That's what you get if you have the scoreboard. Okay, I'm going to give you a scenario.

[A]

Ooh.

[G]

A plane has crashed with all of us on it.

[A]

Oh no.

[F]

Why is this a scenario?

[G]

In the snow, it's just us as survivors. There are frozen other passengers.

[A]

Oh no.

[G]

Who of us is most likely to eat somebody first?

[C]

Obvious.

[A]

Once again, different answer. Different. Well, are people keto?

[D]

I will be keto on this flight. I may even be coming off of a water fast.

[A]

He'll just be on a all eating all snow. Yeah.

[C]

No, he'll just be. Yeah. Melting snow. No, I think there's one obvious answer.

[G]

You've said that every time. Every time you say that.

[F]

Leave Shane alone.

[A]

I am not eating people.

[C]

This has nothing to do with you.

[A]

Although I've been told that I would be sweet.

[C]

Why?

[A]

Well, mosquitoes love me. And then I think it was somebody told me they were like, it's cause your blood is probably sweet.

[G]

I have it too.

[F]

Do you eat a lot of pineapple?

[G]

They smell. They smell your blood really sweeter.

[F]

Yeah.

[G]

All right, ready? Three, two, one, Flip.

[D]

I put Spencer too.

[G]

Yes.

[C]

You camp your survival, man.

[D]

That's why I did it.

[F]

And his taste is so eclectic.

[G]

Right.

[A]

I feel like not only would Spencer eat people, he'd be cooking them up. He'd be like sharpening.

[C]

He'd have his campfire.

[D]

He has a keychain with the flint on it with the sparkage.

[G]

Well, we're all alive in the scenario, so it's other passengers.

[A]

Okay, but what if maybe the captain is a powerful new scenario. Everybody in the room is frozen except for you. Who has one of us? Are you eating first?

[C]

Not personally. Like who has the best meat with sweet?

[G]

I have my. Maybe Shane. If you have the sweet meat.

[A]

I do not that meat.

[D]

I might. You know what a lot of lard.

[G]

It's like when you go to a brewery and you get and you get up a little sampler of all the beer. I get a little flight of everyone's meat.

[A]

Why is this making me hungry?

[F]

Shade.

[A]

That's not good.

[C]

Bring out the panda express.

[A]

Okay.

[G]

Okay. This is a. This is the one. I thought of that. I don't know if we're all going to say the same thing, but I think it's funny. We can vote on the winner. What is the worst response to I love you?

[D]

Oh, oh, oh, that's easy. That's obvious.

[G]

All right, ready? Three, two.

[A]

Thank you. Oh, I know.

[G]

I do.

[D]

I win. Just because it's rough.

[F]

That's what I was gonna put thinking about Han Solo, I love you.

[A]

I know. Wow.

[C]

Next time we're fighting and he tries to make up with me, I love you. I'm gonna say, I know.

[D]

See, I think the worst if it's via text, could have just been a K. Ooh, that's rough.

[A]

Or just Harding it.

[G]

Liking it. Just giving it a little liking it.

[C]

Thumbs up would be rough.

[A]

I think the heart's like.

[C]

The heart's like, love you too, in, like, a passive aggressive way. The thumbs up up is like, have.

[A]

I. I don't think I've ever had a scenario where I've said I love you and I got a bad response. I don't think I have. Have you. You never said it. You never said I love you before me, right?

[C]

No. No.

[F]

I don't know.

[C]

I was never in a serious relationship like that.

[D]

I know.

[A]

I'm just checking.

[D]

A lot of hand movement. A lot of this and a lot of that.

[A]

I mean, no, no, I didn't. Should we do one grand finale?

[G]

One grand finale.

[C]

Gf.

[G]

Who is most likely to yell shut up to a loud talker during a movie? Oh, we all kind of know we need it.

[C]

You guys all know.

[F]

I don't know.

[G]

I know.

[C]

If you all. If I don't know, then does that mean it's me?

[A]

It's not.

[D]

You're.

[G]

You're up by one point, so there's a lot on the line.

[C]

Oh.

[G]

All right, ready? Three, two, one, Flip.

[D]

Damn. I was gonna put Ryland.

[G]

I could keep it going.

[A]

Jared, you put me.

[D]

I almost said me. Damn it.

[A]

You think I would yell shut up at a movie theater?

[C]

I am ne. I never, ever feel like I have to apologize for you in social circumstances, but the amount of times I've thought, like, I'm gonna have to go to apologize to the people behind us at a movie theater.

[A]

I don't say anything.

[C]

You get so upset by noises.

[A]

I get upset, and I turn to you and I grab your leg and I say, I'm gonna fucking kill myself. I would never turn around and be like, shut up. That would give.

[G]

Oh, wait, Chris, you said you.

[F]

That's one of the only times in life I will do that.

[A]

I need you.

[F]

Snap. And I'll do it. I can't hear. You did.

[A]

How do you do it? Because if I did it the whole rest of the movie, I'd just be thinking about it.

[F]

I do think about it. For the next, like, 20 minutes, I'm taken out of it, and I'm just stressed that I did it. But, like, either way, I'm taken out of it in my movie.

[A]

Can you do it right now? Like, I want to pretend like we're in the movies.

[C]

You and Ryland be talking, and I'm, like, texting. My phone's on loud.

[A]

Oh, my God. So did you know?

[D]

Nachos. I'm eating some nachos.

[A]

Shut up. Up. Jeez.

[D]

What's going on with him? Back to the com.

[C]

Get a life, loser.

[A]

That guy sounded so strange.

[F]

Mine.

[D]

He must be a 49er fan.

[F]

My nightmare, though, is that happens and then someone yells back, and then what do I do? Am I now in a fist fight?

[A]

I would lose. Yeah.

[D]

What if they say, make me.

[F]

Oh, I'm screwed.

[G]

Then you just got to go to the, like, manager.

[F]

I was in a theater where not only was a group of people, like, talking out loud, one of them answered a phone call on speaker phone, and it was answering. One of them had a glass bowl with, like, very intense smelling food that filled the theater, and they had, like, a giant metal fork, and they're, like, clanking around the entire movie to get the stuff at the bottom. It was insane.

[A]

Shout out to the Lakewood Mall for getting rid of hometown buffet. Because that movie theater people walking in with their hometown buffet bucket was crazy. I would be like, we're really. We're doing pot roast during this movie.

[G]

It's basically the same etiquette as, like, a plane. Like, don't have anything stinky to eat me.

[A]

I'm just saying, if there's one person that's going to find a tuna sandwich in the lobby and bring that on the plane, it's you.

[C]

No, that is not me.

[A]

Wow. So who won?

[G]

Well, currently we have a tie with you and your beloved husband. Oh, is there tiebreaker? I'm trying to think if there's a.

[A]

Tiebreaker, who can be louder.

[G]

Okay, I'm gonna write down my answer for one of these, and you guys both have to guess what your what my answer would be.

[C]

Okay.

[F]

Can I play just for fun?

[G]

Okay, so question. Which celebrity would we. Would we have the Most fun with. On the podcast.

[C]

This isn't fair. You and Shane are always talking about things.

[A]

If you don't say this, I'm angry. See?

[C]

This isn't fair.

[A]

I guess you don't know Spencer as much as I do.

[C]

He doesn't even know himself yet.

[A]

How about you just tell us?

[F]

I'm gonna.

[G]

Yeah, just tell me the answers, and I'll tell you which one is. I would.

[A]

What?

[C]

No, I want the reveal.

[G]

I don't have one.

[A]

You don't even know his real name.

[C]

No, I don't.

[A]

Oh, my God. Rylan just wrote a character name that could work.

[G]

Revealed.

[A]

Garth Brooks.

[C]

That's not fair.

[G]

But you're right.

[A]

Okay, wait. Show yours. What did you say?

[C]

That's not fair.

[A]

Show yours.

[C]

Mall Cop.

[D]

What?

[F]

Kevin James.

[C]

Yes. That's better for the podcast.

[A]

I love Kevin James, by the way.

[C]

Garth Brooks is only.

[A]

Learn his name.

[C]

Garth Brooks is only for Spencer.

[A]

That was the question.

[G]

No, Moff is great.

[C]

He is really good.

[G]

It is good, but I don't think we've ever mentioned.

[C]

I got it. What?

[A]

We.

[C]

It was, like, two years running.

[A]

Joke on the Kevin James was before.

[G]

That was before I was on the pod.

[C]

Bs. See, Paul blurt before Spencer.

[G]

Although now that you say that, I think my real answer would be, like, Adam Sandler. I think he would be everyone. I think he would be the universe.

[D]

My fashion icon, since I look like him today.

[A]

You really do.

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

So I won. What are you talking about?

[F]

Where would Jack Black be on your list?

[G]

Yeah, he'll be up there, too.

[A]

Ah.

[F]

That's what I put.

[G]

Shane is the big winner.

[A]

Okay, there you guys go. We're gonna take a quick little break. When we come back, it's Conspiracy Corner. Oh, my God. And it's one of the craziest conspiracy rabbit holes I've ever fallen down. It's insane. And I'm honestly a little scared for my life to even talk about it.

[G]

Shane did say. Are they gonna kill me?

[A]

What? I did say that. Because I was there. Nervous. All right, stay tuned. Stop. Okay, I see what you're doing, all right? You're watching the podcast, but you're also scrolling around online. Maybe you're doing some Christmas shopping. Whatever you're doing, you know what you're not doing? Building your own website. Why aren't you doing that? You think it's too hard. You think it's too complicated. You don't have time. Christmas is coming. Let me explain something to you. There is a company out there who will make it so easy for you. To build your own website. And I know you're thinking, well, I don't have a small business. Why do I need a website? I don't know. Maybe you want to make a blog, throw some ads on there, make some money. Or maybe. Maybe you want to make a blog where you rank all your favorite Christmas candies. And the perfect way to do that is to make a website with Squarespace. That's right. Today's episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Let me just tell you a few things. They have templates, obviously, you can use, but you can also really personalize it. You drag and drop photos. You pick the color scheme you want, the vibe. You can go as crazy as you want. You can go as calm and minimalist as you want. You can also start selling content or videos. Like, you could make video series where you're teaching people how to make bread. You could put it behind a paywall, put the price you want to charge for it. You could do email campaigns. That's huge. If you're a small business and you want to reach your customers directly when you have a new product or a sale going on, email campaigns is huge for that. And with Squarespace, they make it so easy. They also have so many analytics. Like, you could really dive in and learn so much more about your customers, their activity on your site, what they're looking for. And you can use it to book appointments. Say you're a nail tech or a hair stylist. You can literally have your customers go to your website that you built with Squarespace, book appointments, you know, schedule it out. And it really is so easy. So they're giving you guys a very special deal. All you gotta do is head on over to squarespace.com grower get a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use Offer Code grower to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com grower. And yeah, check it out. Make a site, have some fun. Why not? It's a free trial. So thank you so much, Squarespace, and I hope you guys enjoy the rest of the episode. Okay, bye. Hey, welcome back. Okay, I have a couple updates that are crazy. I know I always say that, but these two updates, not to continue to drag this place, because we do want to go there, and I would love a sponsorship that's.

[G]

I don't know if that's happening.

[C]

Are you kidding me? What, are you gonna talk about the max and ask for a sponsorship?

[A]

No.

[F]

Little Caesars.

[A]

That's our second update. Our first Update is about Cedar Point. Okay, guys, this is getting crazy. The. The amount of emails that we're getting about Cedar Point. Like, we really do need to go there. Yes, absolutely haunted there. There's ride malfunctions. Like, it really is a fascinating location. It really is an amusement park. But this little update is wild. So in the last episode, we talked about the wild cat ride and how it was involved in two different crashes in 1977. Seven. Well, guess what? The wild cat was removed. And guess what is now in its spot? Siren's curse. The rabbit gets stuck all the time.

[G]

Is that the new one?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

And like, curse in the name.

[A]

I.

[D]

You gotta give it to them. They're ballsy.

[G]

They don't give a.

[D]

They're ballsy over at Cedar Point.

[A]

We gotta go.

[G]

We gotta go, gotta go.

[A]

I'm getting more and more excited every day.

[C]

It's in Ohio, right?

[A]

Yes, and I love Ohio. Ohio.

[F]

I've never been.

[C]

When have you been to Ohio?

[A]

Everybody thinks I'm from there.

[G]

You love Ohio?

[A]

I love it. People think I'm from there. I don't know.

[C]

Why have you been? Or you just like it?

[A]

Yeah, no, I went on my book tour and people were like, welcome home. I was like, I think you think I'm someone else. I don't know who it is, but thank you for having me. Okay, this was from Sarah. She said, hey, Shane. So this happened at a discount store near me. I'm back to censoring it because this is crazy.

[C]

Did you get a threat?

[A]

No, but this next one's scary. Okay, so at a discount store, I saw an immediately thought of the podcast. Okay, this is crazy. So this was a post on Facebook. So who. Maybe this is not real, Right? This is alleged. So attention community. That's who posted this. I just got home from discount store and bought myself new bedding. After getting my brand new sheets on, I threw on my new comforter and I found a very upsetting surprise. A pipe and a small bag of white crystal substance. No, the authorities were contacted immediately and the items were taken away to be destroyed. Confirmed to be meth. Discount store was contacted to pass on this information and hopefully items will be thoroughly searched before leaving the store. The comforter was not in a plastic bag, just wrapped in its own material. Please be cautious. And then they posted pictures of the meth and the pipe and the copy cops coming in and all of this. This would be an elaborate prank if this wasn't real.

[C]

What a sloppy drug addict, like, wouldn't they want?

[D]

Well, I don't think there's any super tidy meth addict.

[C]

But don't you think the priority is maintaining the drugs in your possession?

[A]

Well, there's an answer for that. Somebody left a comment and said, if someone is trying to steal items and then get caught, they put their drugs on the item so the police don't find it on them. Then the store puts it back on the shelves, not realizing the items are in. In it. The store I work for caught people and they put all of their stash in a pack of panties and then it was on the shelf for another customer.

[F]

Wow.

[D]

Or this is a very elaborate way for this person who may have been caught smoking meth to say, it wasn't me. I bought this stuff. Call the cops. It was in the pillow.

[C]

Yeah, the mom got pissed off.

[A]

Yeah.

[G]

Yeah.

[F]

In their defense, it's not just them. There's like bloody shanks and poop in the changing room at Ross.

[A]

Hey, hey, hey.

[F]

It happened. It's true. That's not even a legend.

[A]

Okay, guys, we have a Taylor Swift conspiracy, okay? I know, right? There's so many theories about her. Oh, was she a Satanist? She's a reincarnation of the leader of Satan and all these things. This one to me is even scarier. And I know you're gonna be like, what? Once I tell you, you're gonna be like, what? But it goes deep and it really freaks me out. There is a theory that every one of her albums, when it comes out, is correlating with Apple's iPhone. Colors. Sounds crazy, but watch this video.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Whoa. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. And then. Oh, I know what you're thinking. Okay. Maybe that's a coincidence. Spencer, can you pull up a picture of. Yeah.

[C]

No.

[A]

Yes. Are you fucking kidding me?

[F]

I'm convinced.

[A]

Are you fucking kidding? When she brought out that. That orange album and orange everything and orange hearts and orange this and orange merch, and everything's orange, orange, orange. And people start wearing orange to the theaters and all this stuff, and then boom. Apple drops the orange phone for the first time ever. Yeah.

[G]

Who wants an orange?

[C]

So wait, Shane just ran to the.

[G]

Store and bought it, but I'm saying, like, orange is such a specific color.

[A]

Like, very fucking specific. And it's not like Taylor and Apple are communicating and talking about what the next color is going to be to, you know, make money off of each other. Doesn't make sense, right? Until I opened up X one day, which I only do to find big brother gossip. And when I opened up X, I saw what was a Taylor Swift tweet. But then I realized the name of the tweet said itunes. Okay? So I was like, wait, I don't understand. So I click on the itunes page, and I'm like, the banner is Taylor. The picture is Taylor in the. In the bio. It's a link to Taylor's album. It literally everything is Taylor. And I'm like, wait, but this is itunes. So this account has not tweeted in five years. What? The six years. Hasn't tweeted in six years.

[G]

Well, also. Also, the itunes account is following three people. I just looked. It's following Apple tv, the App Store, and Taylor Swift. Whoa, whoa.

[A]

So this next thing involves her music, which. Listen, when I see a reel, you know, that's like, did Taylor mean this? Is this an Easter egg? I'm not that invested in that. This one got me. So let me give you a little background. So supposedly, you can let me know as a Swiftie if I'm right. Taylor is known for, like, taking her favorite TV show at the time and putting it in her music.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Olivia Benson, her favorite show at the. At the time of the Reputation era, when she was writing that was Game of Thrones. And there's a bunch of songs in that era that are literally about Game of Thrones episodes. Look what you made me do. She's talking about a list with names in red underlined. I guess the main character ar.

[G]

Yeah. She has, like, a list of people she wants to kill.

[A]

Yes. The way the throne that Taylor was sitting in, all the snake references, all of that. There's so many more. I did something bad. I guess that was a plot line from the show, like, a bunch of them, which is kind of crazy because you hear these songs and you're like, she's talking about, you know, Taylor Lautner or whatever.

[C]

I think both could be true.

[A]

Both could be true. But then she's like, oh, no, I'm talking about Cersei and fucking dragon. And you're like, wait, what? Okay, so that's interesting. Her favorite show when she was writing this new album was Succession, and she talks about how Father Figure was literally written about the show, which is kind of interesting because people. Which I didn't know that two things could be true. It could also be about her.

[C]

And breaking news.

[A]

Hi, welcome to swiftspiracies.

[C]

They're also saying Olivia Rodrigo, though.

[A]

Well, she's in Succession. Okay, this is crazy. So this is a video. I. Okay, you're gonna start watching this and be like, okay, okay. When it gets to the last one. You'll be shook.

[C]

What's your favorite TV show of all time?

[A]

Friends. Me too.

[F]

Joshua, give me a call sometime.

[C]

Guys like you never go out of stock.

[A]

You missed the right place at the right time. Okay, you scared me a minute. Shake it off. Okay.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

I've been sailing my whole life. When I was 15, my dad bought me my own boat.

[A]

Good thing my daddy made me get.

[C]

A boating license when I was 15.

[G]

That's crazy.

[A]

That one is all the other ones, I'm like, okay, that one is fucking crazy.

[F]

That is crazy.

[A]

I got a boat license at 15. My dad made me. That's crazy.

[C]

Are the writers of Friends suing?

[A]

No. Nobody's gonna sue her. They're scared.

[G]

That's a terrible idea.

[A]

Okay, bless you. This next one is actually from Colby, friend of the podcast friend of ours. He sent me this and he was like, I think you should talk about this on the podcast. Podcast. And I was like, I'm not gonna watch this until the podcast. So this is a real.

[C]

Just trust him.

[A]

Trust him. This is a genuine reaction. I have no idea what this is, but he told me it's gonna shake me up. Please tell me y' all have seen this video where this girl goes to an antique shop in Plainfield, Wisconsin, and she finds this very suspicious looking leather lamp shade. Now, if you look closely, it almost looks like this leather lampshade has tattoos on it. Well, Plainfield, Wisconsin is weird. What? The guy who inspired Leather Face from Texas Chainsaw, the serial un Aler and Grave Robber, who fashioned furniture and utensils and bowls and plates and stuff out of human. Oh, my God. If I okay this.

[D]

That's a find. That's a thrift find right there. I'm jealous.

[A]

This is a movie. Somebody needs to write this Movie. Movie. You go and you get a lamp at a thrift store. Your life starts going to. You're haunted. And it's because it's literally a person. What?

[F]

Colby delivered.

[G]

Colby.

[A]

Yeah. Thank you, Colby. I want your algorithm. I want anything but Spencer's algorithm. Get his algorithm.

[G]

My algorithm's been good lately.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Oh, what does that mean? Different to different people.

[G]

Yeah. Good for me.

[A]

Good for me.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

It's been working for him.

[G]

Been working for a while.

[A]

Wow, that is horrifying. Okay, well, I think we need to lighten it up. This is not a conspiracy. Really? I was gonna put it in the rabbit hole and then I forgot. Spencer, can you show this really funny clip I found? Wait, Randy, watch. Oh, no.

[B]

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[G]

Oh no.

[A]

Are you serious?

[D]

Is that how cats poop?

[C]

She did the most just with that much vigor set up too.

[A]

It's so good. And also, it's totally not real. That is an AI clip from the new app Sora. Literally like TikTok, except it is all AI generated content. And I had no, no idea. I almost, I almost texted you a link to that because I was like, oh, this is so funny. And then I scrolled one more time and it was this guy being like, have you seen the clip of the cat in the. The whatever. It's actually AI.

[C]

Well, what? Jared did have a good point. Like, our cats don't poop like that. But I still believed it for some reason.

[A]

We talked about this in the last episode and I know we talk about AI too much and I promise we're going to stop. But here's why this freaked me out. Because in the last episode we talked about how they were making a new version of TikTok Talk, which was going to be by ChatGPT and Sora, and it's all AI generated. And we were like, who would even look at that? It's not real. You're not connecting to real people who, like, what is it? It's going to be that. That is so funny. We all laughed out loud. We all thought it was real. We didn't even question it. And it's going to be thousands of videos like that, all created by AI, probably run by AI. Literally. The whole goal is to keep us scrolling on our phone forever and ever.

[C]

The algorithm will probably be be so good and so catered to you that they'll probably just be making AI videos specifically catered for you.

[F]

What makes me so mad is almost Everything. Maybe I'm just forgetting one, but almost everything AI you've shown on this show, that was a video. I could tell it was AI and this is, like, one of the first, if not the first one, that I had no idea.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

So we're there.

[A]

We've crossed the line. Like, I know the Turing test is supposed to be when AI like, makes you think it's a person. Whatever. That was the cat shitting in the bath. We've crossed the Turing Test. Speaking of Sora, So. All right, we're gonna talk about it. You guys have been emailing us. This happened after we shot the last podcast, so we didn't know about it yet. So, yes, we are gonna talk about Jake Paul being gay.

[C]

Oh, this is hilarious.

[D]

Is he gay?

[A]

No. Oh. So all these videos started popping up on Instagram and TikTok of Jake Paul being gay and dancing and front of pride flags and putting makeup on. Let's just watch, you know, one of those. Just so you can see. The vibes are immaculate. Honey, I'm serving rainbow realness. Feeling cute and soft. No tough guy today. Just sparkle and sweetness. Oh, okay. Wow. The voice was pretty good. Real talk.

[G]

I've been holding something in for a minute. I don't want to anymore.

[A]

That looks very real.

[D]

I'm gay.

[A]

That's me.

[D]

Took a while to say it out.

[A]

Loud, but it feels good.

[G]

I don't know what that was.

[F]

So.

[A]

Yeah, just lots of videos of him being gay and putting on makeup and doing everything right. Well, people started freaking out for him because they were like, oh, my God. Like, Sora took his likeliness. And they're making these videos, and people are making these crazy videos, and, like, I wonder if he's okay with this. Is he gonna sue them? So he actually came out.

[F]

Should.

[A]

And he came out. He. He actually came out and said, it's me. No, he actually revealed that he is an investor in OpenAI and that he is actually the mastermind behind all of these viral SORA videos. Even back when we did that Jake Paul series a long time ago, off camera, he was telling me about all these things he was investing in. He's always been investing in things way. And then years later, I'll find out about it and be like, oh, my God. Jake Paul told me about that five years ago, two weeks ago. I was like, this won't become a thing. Like, I don't know, whatever. Now we got Jake Paul involved. We got cats shitting in bathtubs. And I'm like, I think this is the future. And like, like we're not gonna have real people. But also, what does that mean?

[D]

Well, just to be fair, this will only exist on the Internet. We're gonna have to start seeking experiences like camping.

[G]

Yeah, right. I think you're right.

[D]

You got to interface with nature in other ways.

[G]

But I, I would make a sore video of Shane and Ryland camping.

[D]

I did hear, I believe, maybe even Sandy told me, that because she works at a high school, she's a little bit more in tuned with that demographic. And evidently right now that demographic by rebellion is actually doing live experiences because it doesn't seem cool to be on the Internet all the time.

[F]

Good.

[A]

But can I watch tv? I don't want to leave the house. Well, speaking of mind altering realities, I saw a video. It's called, I tracked down the company ruining restaurants. If you guys haven't seen it, please check it out. It's so well made. It's so skilled. Scary. So basically the video is about a company called Cisco. Please don't sue me. Cisco, I'm sure I love your jalapeno poppers.

[C]

The largest food distributor in the world.

[A]

Have you guys seen these trucks? These Cisco trucks? Yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah. I worked at a restaurant many times.

[A]

I'm not gonna say every because I don't want to get sued, but pretty much every single restaurant orders from this company, right? So this company has pre packaged frozen food, but they also have like napkins and plates and all those things. But what they really specialize in is like prepackaged frozen food for restaurants. So I watched this video and they basically were saying like, you know, when you go to, you know, like a pub or like a mom and pop restaurant or something, you know, whatever, and you get like jalapeno poppers. Those are the same jalapeno poppers at the restaurant next door or the restaurant across the street, or the restaurant in a different state, or it's like it's all the same, but. But they call it like, oh, we make them here, but they. They don't.

[C]

Or they'll prepare it a little different or season it a little different.

[A]

A little different, right? So then I was watching all these videos about Cisco and how, you know, they literally control the food at pretty much every single restaurant. So some of these comments were crazy. So this one said, choice is an illusion. Going to the grocery store, you can see 10 different cartons of eggs with different labels. But eight out of 10 times, those are all coming from the same farm. This one, I'm a professional chef. I was telling people about this. A decade ago in our local area, people would argue about things such as? Such as which restaurant has the best lasagna and get mad when I told them it's all the same lasagna at all the restaurants. Right. So I was like, I need to look into this. So Cisco, the company, has an app where you can look at all the food that they make and that they sell. So these are the jalapeno poppers on Cisco. These are, you know, the frozen ones that pretty much every single restaurant gets, Sonic's included.

[D]

I recognize them maybe. Definitely.

[A]

So these are what they look like cooked. Okay. So then I decided to search jalapeno poppers on Postmates because I was like, oh, maybe we could, like, try on the podcast, Try a bunch of different ones from different restaurants. And then I tell you they're all the same, Right? So of course, I find these at a restaurant that's like a pizzeria. Okay, so those are the jalapeno poppers they sell. They look eerily similar to the ones on Cisco. Right. Then I find a different restaurant that called the Noodle Nest that's selling jalapeno poppers. Not confirmed, but they look very similar. But then when I was searching jalapeno poppers into Postmates, it showed me these three different restaurants, and all three of them had the same picture of onion rings. Okay, the same. Isn't that crazy? The same picture of onion rings at three different restaurants. And I was like, oh, that's weird. So I go to Cisco, and I'm like, do they sell onion rings? Of course they do. So they sell these onion rings in these huge boxes, and they look just like the ones from the picture.

[G]

Yeah.

[A]

So then I refresh the app, I go back, and it gives me a recommendation for a restaurant called K's Slice of Cake. So I see that they're most famous for their tiramisu. And I was like, oh, interesting tiramisu. I wonder if Cisco sells that. Of course they do. They sell the tiramisu dessert tray. Right? Okay, so maybe this restaurant is getting their tiramisu from Cisco. So then I go back to the homepage of the restaurant, and now there's mozzarella sticks next to the tiramisu Akz Slice of cake. And I'm like, those mozzarella sticks look eerily a lot like the mozzarella sticks on Cisco. Okay, so I'm starting to think this restaurant has a lot of Cisco food. Sorry if you don't, but it's starting to look like that, right? So then I look and I. I notice, oh, the restaurant's only 9.6 miles away. I've never seen K's slice of cake before. That's weird. And then I'm like, wait a minute. Let me go back. Back to the place that had the jalapeno poppers. The pizzeria. I look at the pizzeria. It's 9.6 miles away.

[F]

The same distance.

[A]

Yes. So I'm like, okay, so maybe. Maybe the pizzeria created a fake virtual postmate restaurant for their desserts. Okay. I'm not mad at that. But then I go back and I start to think about the onion rings, and I'm like, wait a minute. How far are those places that had the same pictures of onions? So I go to one of the places that has the onion rings. Cheesecake Daddy. Oh, wait, it's 9.6 miles away. Okay, that's weird. So then I find the address, and I'm like, oh, okay, so there's an address on Cheesecake Daddy's. So then I search that specific address in Postmates, and I find wing zone, 9.6 miles away. Nathan's famous 9.6 miles away.

[G]

Whoa.

[A]

Known as table. 9.6 miles away away. LNB burger boy, 9.6 miles away. Big leaf salads, 9.6 miles away.

[G]

There's so many Pasta Glory.

[C]

This is more albums than Taylor.

[A]

But don't worry, Pasta Glory also has a social media, so they have their own Instagram account where they have a bunch of AI videos of people eating pasta.

[C]

That's, like, sad, though.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Why does it lady look so depressed.

[C]

About that to eat this again?

[A]

All right, so you probably think it's over, right?

[C]

No.

[A]

They also have Jen's Burger Blaze, 9.6 miles away. So then I start to think, I wonder if they have any on Door Dash. So I searched the same address on Door Dash. They also have Goldie's burger and fries, 9.6 miles away. Stuffed calzones, 9.6 miles away. The Calzone Empire, two calzones, 9.6- miles away. So then I searched the app address in Google, and it takes me back to just the pizzeria, A literal place that just says pizza. And they have 15 fake postmate restaurants. Wow, 15.

[D]

They took the Denny's game plan and they showed us what's possible. Shout out to them.

[A]

Good for that.

[D]

I mean, that.

[G]

That's.

[D]

To me, that is really maximizing. Although it is a little bit of trickery.

[A]

It's very. Listen, here's the crazy thing like the reason I was scared to even talk about this is because I'm like, if they're willing to create 15 different fucking restaurants. Yeah, shout out to all those restaurants, like cheesecake daddy, I'm coming. Maybe we'll go in the video to that address and see. Maybe it is like a magical world where you open the door and there's 15 restaurants, although there's. There's four that all sell calzones, which. Yeah, yeah, it's a lot of confusing. Shout out Nona's table. Let's do a taste test. We should honestly get jalapeno peppers from all of those restaurants and just see they're all.

[G]

And the video is just. Well, they're all the same.

[A]

Yep. Okay. Well, speaking of food and restaurants that would never ever do anything to hurt us. This theory is about Panda Express finally, not Panda.

[E]

People are now saying that Panda Express Express's orange chicken is no longer edible because they changed the recipe.

[C]

Well, Panda Express has officially ruined orange chicken. Once the greatest fast food culinary invention.

[A]

They've changed the recipe.

[C]

I can't find anything online that confirms.

[A]

This, but I eat this like once a week now.

[E]

In that man's original.

[D]

I trust him.

[E]

Until people who worked for Panda Express started to message him and tell him that yes, they did indeed change the rest recipe. And according to a former employee here, he even showed you the exact recipe that they used to use for the orange chicken. Except now people are saying that they are using a mass produced food company, something similar to Cisco. And now that nobody actually will ever taste the original Panda Express orange.

[F]

No way.

[A]

Okay, can I just say I didn't actually finish that whole reel before I sent it to Spencer. Answer. I did not know that Cisco was a party.

[G]

That's crazy.

[C]

Seriously, I thought that was how it all tied together.

[A]

String theory.

[D]

And I just like how they took the survey at the bottom of every receipt as their launching pad to do this. No happy people. Fill out something for the comment box. It's always Karen.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

So it's only people saying I just wish it was less spicy or something like this. And they're dictating on like the minority of people that hate on it to change their whole game plan, which is very weird.

[F]

Wait, if that's true, that's really depressing. Cuz I did love their orange chicken.

[A]

Their orange chicken is one of my all time favorite foods. I love it so much. And the fact that I might not be able to actually taste what I remember as a kid anymore. So here's what we're gonna do. We got. We got.

[D]

It's okay.

[A]

We got some orange chicken before we realized Jared was on ketosis. So we're gonna bring in the orange chicken. We're gonna taste it, we're gonna get rid of. Of it really fast.

[G]

Throw it away.

[F]

But it's okay, Jared, because it's the new shitty one.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, no, no, no.

[D]

It's okay.

[A]

Yeah, so I'm gonna know the second I take a bite of that. I'm gonna know if it's the new or if it's the classic. Here, give me.

[D]

Can I just smell it?

[C]

Well, are you giving my fortune away? It was already delivered. I just want to smell something.

[A]

Just.

[D]

Just do this near me.

[C]

Oh, no.

[F]

Didn't Panda Express start in Glendale?

[C]

I don't know.

[D]

It smells like the real orange chicken.

[C]

It smells like the real.

[D]

It smells like the real orange chicken. All right, let's remember, chicken fortune is because I can't eat the fortune cookie.

[A]

Hold on. Let's look. Let's get Jared's fortune. Yeah. Just a second.

[G]

Chris and I are like, I'm just.

[D]

A guy who can't eat orange chicken.

[A]

You're just a boy in ketosis.

[D]

A simple lifestyle will guarantee a happy existence.

[A]

Whoa.

[D]

And I'm just eating simple.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

That's really weird.

[D]

Cool.

[G]

It's Panda Express. Being like, we know you're not coming back.

[A]

Well, wait, now I want enough minds. Fun.

[C]

Well, no, I can't just keep doing.

[A]

Let's look. Our bold and daring adventure is in your future.

[D]

Are they saying I should just eat some?

[A]

Maybe. All right, let's try. It's good.

[G]

Still tastes pretty good, to be honest.

[A]

It tastes different to me. It tastes more like American.

[G]

It tastes less like, sweet almost or something.

[A]

It tastes more like chicken nuggets, but not like. Like orange chicken. Crispy, like, with the hard pieces in it.

[G]

I agree.

[A]

You know, like orange chicken. You saw the candied. Like, hard, like, crunchy. You're like, is it a bone? I don't care, cuz it's so sweet.

[F]

This is mushy, which I'm not used to. And. Yeah, I don't know. It doesn't feel right.

[A]

That's so sad. Our kids are never gonna know what we experienced at Panda Express when they're older.

[C]

Oh, what an unlikely ally will push you over the top.

[G]

Over the top. That sounds almost bad.

[C]

Is that a threat, Panda?

[A]

That seems like one. Wait, what is Chris's. Oh, absolutely.

[D]

That would be a fun company. Like, fun fortune cookies with, like, goofy Fortunes personalized.

[F]

I don't even have a cookie.

[A]

Oh, no.

[D]

Actually recently thought of a restaurant called Cheat Day.

[A]

Oo. You're like, hey, I don't eat food anymore, but here's my restaurant.

[D]

Cheat Day.

[A]

Wait, Ryland's leaving? He. We literally. It's time for a recap.

[D]

This has been.

[G]

Where did he go?

[C]

Oh, you guys missed me.

[D]

Oh, it was one of those. He's just a boy.

[C]

I can't do a recap if I have to pee. I'd be thinking about how I have to piddle the whole time.

[F]

Just a gay boy in the world. He can't.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

You ready for a recap?

[D]

He's method acting. This is Dylan.

[A]

All right, it's time for a recap. Light, camera, action.

[C]

Ryland's recap is about to happen.

[A]

Rylan's recap.

[C]

On today's episode of the Shane Dawson Podcast, we debunk the theory that Panda Express's orange chicken is now different.

[A]

No, we didn't debunk it. We unbunked it.

[C]

Mm. I thought it still tasted pretty good.

[D]

You confirmed it.

[A]

Mm.

[C]

Sally, what do you think? This is so good.

[A]

Wait, you're not gonna have Sally in the recap?

[C]

Okay, well, I just wanted to do one creative thing.

[A]

No, you're just trying to get out of here.

[D]

Jared is wasting away.

[C]

We're looking so hard to find Jared, but we just can't seem. Oh, there he is. Swimming in a shirt that used to hold him. Is that you, Jared?

[D]

That's me.

[C]

Looks like ketosis at its finest. Did you just complete a water fast?

[D]

I did for 48 hours.

[A]

Sally, congratulations.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

Oh, Chris is straight now.

[C]

Just when you thought Chris was at a disadvantage for being gay, Turns out it was a plot twist, and he. He's been acting gay this whole time. Turns out he's straight. Peeing in troughs with straight guys at bars, watching sports. Hoorah. What's the saying?

[G]

Bang bang, Niner gang.

[C]

Bang bang gang, gang.

[A]

Oh. Oh.

[C]

We have Chris live at a peeing trough.

[G]

Oh, what's up, guys?

[F]

I'm here with my boys. Bang bang, Nighter Gang. What's up?

[C]

Rylan, this is Sally. Now, how big is the dick of the guy that's standing next to you?

[F]

I mean, it's pretty girthy. Everyone on the. Everyone in the Niner Gang is thick as fuck. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Sally, are you in the Four Gang or the Niner Gang?

[C]

Spencer's also doing gay things in the woods with his friends. Spencer.

[G]

Hey, Sally. Yes, that's right. I'm doing gay stuff. Like having fun with my friends outside.

[A]

Jake, Paul's not gay. But he plays one in AI.

[F]

Yes, on purpose.

[G]

He's a part of it.

[A]

Are you? Sorry, my leg is killing. I need to. Next time we film this podcast, I will be in a different location. Really? I have to. This hurts my back.

[C]

Coming to us from a different location.

[A]

Yeah, well, maybe. Okay if I sit all the way back?

[C]

Do you still see me take your mic with you?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Shane's become too old to host the Shane Dawson Podcast. His grandpa is really, really showing and he may have to retire soon.

[A]

This is nice.

[D]

Human lamp.

[C]

Ever thrift in the state of Wisconsin. Wisconsin. You might just find an artifact of a real human from the serial killer.

[A]

Ed Gein.

[C]

Ed Gein.

[G]

We're shooting Cancelled. And everyone's in it.

[C]

We all just got a little more employed in our backwards way because I don't know if anyone's getting paid and Shane's losing lots of money. But we are all chasing our dreams. I'm the actor. I've always screamed I was going to be. And Shane is directing, producing, and not starring in his pilot, Cancelled.

[A]

Yay.

[C]

Okay, that's it for the Shane Dawson Podcast. We'll see you next time. I hope you enjoyed. Shop your Shane Dawson [e-mail]. follow his Patreon and Ihey. Everyone's links are in the description section below. We'll see you next time on the Shane Dawson Podcast. Same time, same place, different set. Next time.

[A]

Good night. Okay, bye. I would clap, but I have to hold the mic.

[C]

Yeah. And I have to hold Sal. Yeah.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

That was good. That was good.

[C]

Thank you. Thank you.

[A]

Well, yeah. Thank you guys for enjoying whatever that hell this was. We're Just Boys edition.

[C]

Just boys.

[G]

Don't hate us.

[A]

We're just boys. Guys. Don't be mad at us. We're just little wibble boys. Okay, I'll see you guys next time. Bye.