
Books With Hooks
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Bianca Marais
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Carly Waters
Hi everybody. Carly here, back with another year of my popular publishing predictions. In the past I've done Instagram Carousels and Instagram Lives. But with this year I'm bringing it to you in a webinar format so it can be more interactive. What will 2025 bring? More publisher tech, AI deals? More TikTok shop. I've been told that my predictions are quote, frighteningly accurate. End quote.
Cece Lira
And that I think you might be.
Carly Waters
A witch because these predictions seem spot on and I love preparing them for you guys so you're better prepared for the publishing news cycle and trends in the year ahead. So let's get into it on January 10th at noon Eastern. That's January 10th at noon Eastern.
Cece Lira
The most popular question I always get.
Carly Waters
Is can I watch the recording?
Cece Lira
And the answer is yes.
Carly Waters
If you buy the webinar in advance, everyone who buys it will be sent recording. So I look forward to telling you.
Cece Lira
Guys all about what I think is.
Carly Waters
In store for us in 2025 and.
Cece Lira
What I think is going to happen.
Carly Waters
In regards to AI and bestsellers in the publishing landscape at large. I'll see you guys there. You can purchase the webinar@cearlywaters.com contact that's carlywaters.com contact or head to my socials for the pinned link arlywaters with two T's. I will see you guys there January 10th at noon Eastern for my lunch and learn.
Bianca Marais
Hi there and welcome to our show the Shit no one Tells you About Writing. I'm Bianca Marais and I'm joined by Carly Waters and Cece Lira from PS Literary Agency. Hi everyone. Welcome back to another Books with Hooks. Our first one of the year. Colley, would you like to welcome everyone?
Carly Waters
All right everybody, welcome to the New year.
Cece Lira
We always record into the future, so I'm coming from the past to welcome you guys into the future. Happy New Year. Another year of books with hooks. This is four year I'VE lost track literally of four year, our official four year anniversary. I should look up what, you know, like every anniversary year. It's like a thing that we like, I don't know, wood or like metal. I don't know. We figure what our four year anniversary is. But we're so glad you guys have been along on this ride with us. It's hard to believe we have been doing this for this long. I mean as somebody who has been reading query letters for a decade and a half, I spent a lot of time with your query letters. So it's really interesting for me to be like you guys have literally seen in my head for the last four years in terms of how I think and how I analyze things and how I evaluate. So anyway, thank you to all of.
Carly Waters
You for being here with us to.
Cece Lira
Kick off another year. We are thrilled you're listening and thrilled you're here. Okay, I'm going to start by reading my great letter. Dear Carly Waters, Vince Kern is not.
Carly Waters
Your average wrongful death attorney. Having grown up with his childhood heroes Perry Mason and Atticus Finch, Vince's idealism sets him apart. Much like his old man Jacob, Vince is a straight shooter who strives to.
Cece Lira
Do what's right, no matter the cost.
Carly Waters
Nonetheless, when Vince and Jacob travel from.
Cece Lira
Seattle to the family farm in South Dakota, Vince soon finds himself caught between family and clients.
Carly Waters
And seemingly overnight, what was black and white has become gray, a fragile hostility.
Cece Lira
85,000 words is an upmarket story of.
Carly Waters
Love, loss, and the power of roots and forgiveness to save us.
Cece Lira
My main script is similar in style.
Carly Waters
And tone to Sarah Vaughn's the Farm.
Cece Lira
At the End of the World in Theme to Tara Shelton Harris's One Summer in Savannah and Pace and Suspense to.
Carly Waters
Robert de Goni's the Extraordinary Life of Sam Hell, all tales of loss and.
Cece Lira
The power of forgiveness.
Carly Waters
Vince is up to his eyeballs working to find justice for the death of the Pritchard's daughter when he reluctantly agrees to a trip to the family farm. While there, Jacob undergoes emergency surgery and Vince learns that his father has terminal.
Cece Lira
Cancer and that Aunt Grace is struggling to hold on to the farm, all.
Carly Waters
While Vince's mother is haunting him, begging forgiveness for a betrayal he only wants to forget.
Cece Lira
Angry and grieving, Vince knows he must.
Carly Waters
Return to Seattle or risk sacrificing the Prichard case to his greedy boss. Torn between leaving his father or losing the case of his career, Vince puts work ahead of family. After Jacob dies, Vince, overcome with remorse, makes a fatal mistake in court. He is suspended thereby sacrificing the Pritchard case and wallows for weeks before returning to work after his boss admits the Pritchards are insisting he come back. He soon learns, however, that Aunt Grace.
Cece Lira
Is struggling with dementia and is no.
Carly Waters
Longer safe alone on the farm. She needs him, and once again, Vince must choose between clients and family, but only his ability to forgive will help him decide. The story was inspired by my father, who was an avid gardener and died.
Cece Lira
From cancer, and my mother, who died from Alzheimer's.
Carly Waters
When Thomas Cobb, author of Crazy Heart, read a sample of my debut, he called it graceful and wonderfully imagined.
Cece Lira
I hope you agree.
Carly Waters
Several of my short stories were published.
Cece Lira
In a national award winning literary magazine.
Carly Waters
And I have also had poetry published. I continually work to improve my writing.
Cece Lira
Skills through writing classes, instructional books, and constant reading.
Carly Waters
I live in the Seattle area for nine years and have degrees in paralegal.
Cece Lira
Studies, psychology, and Public health. Currently live with my husband in sweltering Tucson, Arizona Trying to stay cool thank you for your time and consideration and.
Carly Waters
For all you do to help aspiring writers such as myself, Patricia Pat Canterbury.
Bianca Marais
Awesome, Carly. Thank you. Before we go into the actual query letter and the word count, etc, something I want to tell our listeners that I'm super excited about this year is so many of the authors that we have lined up for this year's schedule are people who submitted to books with hooks who started listening to our podcast. So this is the incredible thing is that we are now starting to have so many authors on who began with this with submitting a query letter or writing a query letter. And that's super, super exciting to us. Okay, Carly, what was the word count there and what's your take on that?
Carly Waters
All right, this one clocked in at 463 words, so a little bit on.
Cece Lira
The longer side and we can get into it. So. So here we go. So as I said, I've been reading.
Carly Waters
Queries for a decade and a half.
Cece Lira
I've seen every iteration of spelling of my name. I will say I have not seen the spelling of my name before. C, A R L Y E and.
Carly Waters
Then only one T in waters.
Cece Lira
So just a reminder to everybody, my name is all over the show. My name's all over the Internet. You can always figure out how to spell my name. And I would assume again that we're pitching the show that you're pitching me, that you guys know how to spell my name. And it's one of those things where I always feel like such a Grinch because it's like it's just my name. Da da da da da. But when you are addressing a business letter to somebody and you want them to start, it's kind of like in an interview, right? You're like walking into a situation and you always want to start off on the best foot. And so if I'm starting off on a foot of being like, that's not me, that's not my name. And then I'm like going into the next paragraph being like, I have that energy, you know what I'm trying to say? So, like, you always want to start off on the right foot. And I know that you guys know this, but I'm just reiterating, you want to put me in the best headspace as the person reading this, right? And so it's your first opportunity to be like, okay, let's get Carly in the right headspace. And so by spelling my name wrong, it's one of those things where it's like, I'm not in the right headspace now, right? And it's just again, a simple thing that you can do, obviously, to put yourself on the right foot. Okay, so your first paragraph, I wouldn't start with this. And the reason is I don't really.
Carly Waters
Have any context for it.
Cece Lira
The reason I like starting with either just like a log line straight up or that which is the second paragraph this person has, which is the title.
Carly Waters
And the word count and all of.
Cece Lira
That stuff and the comps is because we need to kind of have a framed understanding of what is happening. Like I. Based on this first paragraph, I don't know if this is literary, if it's crime, if it's historical, which again, the combination of my name not being spelled right and then a paragraph where I have no idea what category to put this in bucket wise. I'm moving on to the next paragraph. Still not really sure what this book is about. And now I'm like, okay, I get our title. So I would put this in all caps. Fragile hostility. I actually really like this title. I think this is a great title. Now I'm like, again, what is this book? And your comps are a little bit kind of all over the place in terms of what they're about. You kind of address this by saying, you know, similar in style and tone to this, you know, and theme to this, and pace and suspense to this. But you're comping historical, contemporary Southern fiction and then historical coming of age. So I'm going to assume based on this, it's probably historical. But you're calling this upmarket with A lawyer protagonist. So I'm thinking, okay, what. What are we exactly getting into here.
Carly Waters
In terms of his profession versus family and.
Cece Lira
And all of that other life stuff? The word forgiveness is used a couple times in the second paragraph. So we, you know, think about. Think of yourself like a poet. Right. We don't need to be duplicating words in such a short amount of space here. So you're going to want to look at how often you use the word forgiveness. Okay, now let's get into our protagonist and what the book is about here. So I guess what I'm struggling with a little bit with this pitch is that balance between the professional and the personal, which I think is always a good push and pull. But I don't quite understand how this Pritchard case is so important necessarily. It's obviously tragic. This family's daughter, you know, child, has died.
Carly Waters
Obviously tragic.
Cece Lira
He's a wrongful death attorney. So, like, there is emotionality and feeling here, but I don't know how this is going to come off. But, like, other than professionally, how connected.
Carly Waters
Is he to this family?
Cece Lira
You know, I think there'd be so much more meaning and depth here if there was, like, a reason that he took on this case. But I guess I don't know for professionality, professional reasons or confidentiality, whether you can work with somebody, you know. But what's the other layer here? If we're going to believe this deeply in this case, why does he want this case? Is it only to advance his career? Well, then he's coming off really callous because he's, like, obviously putting his career above his family. So I think we need a bit more of a, you know, push, pull, you know, career, the identity piece versus, like, the family and like, what we're trying to escape. Because to me, I'm reading this and I'm like, who cares? Like, if your dad is sick and like your family farmer struggling, you know, is. Is there a reason he needs this job? Is he struggling for money? Does he have to pay alimony? Like. Like, what is the reason that he.
Carly Waters
Needs the money from working this case?
Cece Lira
Is it, you know, he wants that money to specifically improve the farm? Like, I'm just not seeing the links between these things, which I think is just a opportunity that's potentially missed here. The other thing is that none of.
Carly Waters
This is really about him.
Cece Lira
His identity as a lawyer is clearly important to him. But, like, again, not. This isn't about him. This is about his job. This is about the Pritchard case. It's not like his daughter has died. It is, again, a case. In the case this has happened. And then the family farm. It seems like he's close with his dad, but he's very reluctant to be kind of drawn back into all of these family issues. So if he is resisting the closeness with the family and then not fully. We're not fully connected to the potential emotionality of his connection to his work, then he is just kind of a sitting duck, in my opinion. In my read of this query letter. Again, that's just my personal read, as always. So that's how it's landing for me. And, yeah, again, it's just one person's take on one day, but that's where I'm at with this one.
Bianca Marais
Thank you, Carly. Yeah. You know, remember for our listeners that when we say things like who cares? What we're saying is, why should we care? Why does it matter? And it's so important for us as writers to make that clear in our queries to agents so that they immediately do care, and they immediately do know why it matters, as opposed to having to grapple with. So why does this matter? And that is our job as writers, is to make sure that that is very clear. Okay, Cece, we're handing it across to you.
Laura Mulen
Few quick micro notes. The paragraph with all the metadata, which I agree should be the first paragraph, that's the one with your comps, the last clause. You don't need it. Like all tales of loss and the power of forgiveness, we already know that they are tales that are comparable to your work. So you're just adding extra words there, and that's a quick fix that could improve your word count. I am probably the only person who thought of this and who will think of it, but in your plot paragraph, when you write that Vince's mother was haunting him, I was like, oh, is there a ghost? So I don't know. I would always be careful with the word haunt in a plot paragraph, because I think literal, haunting, it's really not a big deal, but I would just choose a different word. You don't need the apostrophe in the last mention of the Pritchards. As we record this, it's December and everyone is misusing apostrophe in holiday cards. And so this is very thematic. Again, minor thing that you can just remove. When it comes to the choice personal and work, I agree that we are not being. It's not being presented in a way that's compelling in life. Everyone. Not everyone, but it's quite a common choice. And it's actually quite compelling for someone's life. But the way. The best way to frame this in the story, I think, is to show sacrifice and to show cost. And so what does. Like, what is the cost of him going back to this farm? You know, is it a place that haunts him metaphorically? Is it a place where he suffers? Is it a place where he has bad memories? Where. I don't know, he lost his mother once upon a time, and he promised to never go back? You know, and when it comes to work, is the reason why he. He decided to be so passionate about his work, and he just, you know, dedicates his career to that. Is it, like, what is the larger reason, I guess I'm saying. And it's not just about establishing that with a sentence, but it's about framing everything in a way that makes it seem like it's about the protagonist. Because to Carly's point, it is very untethered to Vince right now. Like, Vince is just there, and it could be anyone else, and the story could just happen without Vince almost. So I do think that there is a potential here, but it's about reframing it to really focus on the protagonist as the son of the story.
Bianca Marais
Thank you, Cece. Yeah. And I don't know about you, but for me, something that always feels more powerful in terms of word usage is redemption rather than just forgiveness. Like, for me, redemption is always much more active, much more powerful than forgiveness. So consider that. Okay, Carly, we're handing it back to you now in terms of the summary of those opening pages.
Cece Lira
All right, so we start with chapter one called A Better Man. We started in Media Res. We are in a moment where the son character and the father character are having a barbecue, and we start right into the conversation about wanting to go back to the farm. It's a very kind of cinematic scene. It's September. They're talking about, you know, barbecuing on the grill and the sounds and the smells and the sights of the moment that they're having together. They seem to be pretty close. You know, they're talking about their, you.
Carly Waters
Know, collective history, about learning how to.
Cece Lira
Kind of plant together. They're talking about tomatoes. They're talking about baseball. They are drinking Scotch, specifically Glen Fidditch, for anybody who is a scotch drinker out there. And, yeah, so they're kind of just going back and forth in terms of dialogue about, you know, what they're eating versus the discussion about going back to the farm and whether that is going to work and Whether they can drag him there.
Bianca Marais
Great, Carly, thank you. Okay, will you give us your take on that?
Cece Lira
All right, so I kind of mentioned this really quickly in my query overview, but I'm not entirely clear if this is contemporary or historical. And I feel like this is a theme that's coming up a bunch on the show lately, where, again, comps were historical. There's nothing specifically grounding this in the present. I would suggest potentially a timestamp or just figuring out some way to make.
Carly Waters
It more clear whether this is historical or not.
Cece Lira
Because some of the references that make me super kind of confused all over the place is, like, there's a great.
Carly Waters
Grapes of Wrath mentioned.
Cece Lira
It's the dad. You know, it says he could have been a character straight out of the Grapes of Wrath. That's a very specific historical reference. And then they talk about they're listening to the ball game on an old transistor radio. And again, could be one of those things where it's an old radio, but, like, it's modern in the sense that they. They kind of have it in their contemporary home. I believe there was another mention of having a microwave or something like that and how that was different from him growing up. So, yeah, I just don't know at all what time and place we're in. And that's something that's super grounding for me is just knowing how in my mind to kind of cinematically bring this to life as I'm reading. So that would be very important to me. The next thing is it does feel.
Carly Waters
A little bit on the nose to.
Cece Lira
Kind of jump right into the conversation about you going back to the farm and how this all connects us. And, you know, I have a couple notes. You guys who are Substack subscribers will see my notes, but I have some notes where it's like, this is a little bit on the nose in terms of talking about the. The relationship to each other in the gardening and growing up. And I don't know, I just think there is so much potential here, because what I think you're really good at is some of these cinematic elements, which is describing, like, the birds and the environment. So I think you have so much.
Carly Waters
Like, clearly, you're very aware as a.
Cece Lira
Writer of trying to make this cinematic.
Carly Waters
So you.
Cece Lira
You are focusing on, like, as I said, birds and. And the. The feel of the kind of chilly nights. And. Anyway, so I think you do a great job with that, with, like, the food, and you do a great job describing food. But I think what we're missing is.
Carly Waters
Again, Some of these. Some of these other opportunities to.
Cece Lira
To be a little bit less on the nose. I think there's a lot of potential there. And so one thing I wanted to point out, which kind of echoes what I was saying about the query letter critique, which is the end of the sample. They're kind of going back and forth, the dad and the son, about whether they should make the trip back to the farm. And then he says, I look away. Why now? I said, again, the Pritchard. You and I both know there's always going to be another Pritchard case. He said, raising his hands. And I'm like, that's how I feel like as a reader. I'm like, what is it about this Pritchard case? Like, what?
Carly Waters
What is it?
Cece Lira
We're just missing something here about why he feels so connected to this being part of his identity and this legacy making thing of his career. Whatever it is, you have to figure it out. And maybe you do. And I'm just not privy to that information because of the small size of my sample. And maybe the query letter is putting too much emphasis on the Pritchard case. Like, maybe we need to do an entire reframing of this pitch, because maybe it's not about the Pritchard case at all. Maybe it is about something else. So I have a lot of question marks still, the big ones for me being what period of time are we in? Why are we so on the nose, specifically about, you know, naming everything? You kind of want to hit home with the reader in these opening pages. And things that are really cinematic are great, but we need to balance that out a little bit more with some of these elements.
Bianca Marais
Thank you, Carly. Before we hand across to cece, for those of you who missed last week's episode, it's Kate Fagan, and she speaks a lot about leaning into your strengths as a writer and her knowing that her strengths were writing memoir and her strengths were writing nonfiction and doing certain things and then really leaning into that with her debut fiction. So, you know, it's always wonderful when someone points out our strengths, and hopefully you are aware of this as the author, but, you know, it's. It's lovely when someone points that out and make sure that you lean into that throughout your work. Okay, handing it over to cece now.
Laura Mulen
I want to echo the note about this being on the nose. This is actually super common mistake. I'm using air quotes when it comes to the first five pages or any. Any really opening pages. It is a matter of taste. There are books out There that start, and they're quite on the nose. And they work and they have, you know, fans. And that's great for my taste. It is way too on the nose because I prefer a more subtle entry point into a story because that allows for surprise and it allows for build up.
Bianca Marais
Right.
Laura Mulen
It allows me to spend time with the character. Before I get that big thematic question, I did want to read a little excerpt here. Truth was, I didn't want to feel what he was asking of me. Our passions were as different as the sun and the moon, fire and ice. I was all right with that. But I could always feel the weight of his sadness and disappointment even now sitting across from him. This is interiority. The protagonist's dad is asking him to care for the land like he does, and the protagonist is saying, you know, this is just not for me. Please note how beautiful these sentences are. Right? And I think you should use this paragraph that I read and use everything else that's here in a different place. I don't think it's your starting point because it is too on the nose, because it is too obvious, and it just doesn't allow for the emotionality to land when it happens so fast. As another note, I also noticed that there was no interiority baked into the dialogue. I did highlight that for you. Our Substack subscribers will be able to see that it is really important to have interiority baked into the dialogue. That means that in your dialogue tags and in your action beats, there should be sprinkles of interiority throughout, or else it reads like a screenplay and you don't want that. This is a book. As a final note, maybe there's a really good reason for this, but the fact that he mentioned his client's name to his dad kind of made me think this isn't super plausible or believable because lawyers typically are very, very cautious when it comes to confidentiality and privilege. And it might seem like, so what? It's a name. You just don't mention anything. Like it's drilled into you that you just act like a complete idiot and just smile and nod and say nothing. But maybe there's a reason. Maybe the dad knows the Pritchards. Maybe the dad is the one who referred him to the case. So, like, there might be a reason for this, but if not, then change it. So, yeah, those are my notes.
Bianca Marais
Thank you, Cece. Okay, we are now going to go to our second query letter, cc. Will you please read that for us?
Carly Waters
I know you've been following along with my vacation updates. And as you know, we're off to France this summer between the French Riviera and Paris. I am going to need some French language training so I do not embarrass myself abroad and I will be working on my French with Rosetta Stone all winter to get ready. Rosetta Stone is the most trusted language learning program available on desktop or as an app, and it truly immerses you in the language you want to learn. My husband and I are both going to focus on Rosetta Stone together as a New Year's resolution. So we're ready for vacation and to set a good example for the kids culturally. Because learning a language of where you're traveling to is a sign of respect. We can't always assume that people speak English. We love Rosetta Stone. It is a trusted expert for 30 years with millions of users and 25 languages offered. There is fast language acquisition. Rosetta Stone immerses you in many ways. There are no English translations, so you really get to speak, listen and think in your new language. It's an intuitive process designed to pick up a language naturally, first with words, then phrases, then sentences. There is speech recognition. They have a true accent feature which gives you feedback on your pronunciation. It is convenient. There is flexible learning on an app or desktop or laptop. On your schedule, there's amazing value. A lifetime membership of 25 languages for any and all trips and language needs in your life. That's lifetime Access to all 25 language courses Rosetta Stone offers for 50% off a steal. Start the new year off with a resolution you can reach today. The shit about writing listeners can take advantage of this Rosetta Stone lifetime membership offer for 50% off visit RosettaStone.com today. That's 50% off. Unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your Life. Redeem your 50% off@RosettaStone.com today. Today get a book deal is on many 2025 New Year's resolution lists for our listeners. But working in the creative industry, I've seen lots of writers and illustrators feel squeamish around money conversations and what is a book deal but a financial offer for your creative output? We should all love talking about money. As a literary agent, I love talking about money and how its growth can improve people's lives. And that's why debunking money conversations are important. Like many people think you need loads of money to start investing. Or they put off investing because it seems like a later problem. Or creatives who deal with art and writing don't have time or passion to research and manage something like investments.
Cece Lira
That is why I'm thrilled that today's.
Carly Waters
Episode is sponsored by Acorns. You've heard me talk about Acorns before. Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing so your money has a chance to grow for you, your kids and your retirement. You don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that fits you and your money goals. You don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you invest with the spare money you've got right now. You can start with $5 or even just your spare change. Growing up as a young girl who was told she wasn't good at math, investing definitely scared me. But I am very proud to say that I've overcome all those mindset concerns.
Cece Lira
And I love talking about investing and.
Carly Waters
How money can be given a chance to grow over time.
Cece Lira
With acorns.
Carly Waters
Head to acorns.com T S N O T Y A W or download the Acorns app and start saving and investing for your future today. This is a paid non client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns Tier one compensation provided investing involves risk. Acorn Advisors LLC is an SEC registered advisement investor. View important disclosures@acorns.com T S N O T Y A W Dear Cece, Carly.
Laura Mulen
And Bianca, I adore the podcast and have learned so much about writing and publishing from listening to each of you. Thank you for the work each of you do to make the publishing journey more transparent and less overwhelming for emerging writers. I am seeking representation for my debut novel, missing, an 85,000 word work of upmarket women's fiction that will appeal to fans of Daisy Florin's My Last Innocent Year and Hannah Halperin's I Could Live Here Forever and Rebecca MacKay's I have Some Questions for you. A campus novel, Missing Eden follows protagonist Lucy Riley's search for her sophomore year roommate, Eden, a young woman who doesn't want to be found. College has not lived up to Lucy Riley's expectations. She hasn't made lifelong friends, discovered her passion, or found great love. She starts her sophomore year at Syracuse University determined that this year will be different. She explores a relationship with a college Republican, writes for the school paper, and decides to befriend her new roommate, a transfer student named Eden, who was hoping for her own fresh start. When Eden goes missing at the beginning of her second semester, Lucy becomes fixated on finding her. But each time Lucy gets close Ed Eden slips through her fingers, leaving only the slightest traces of her presence. As Lucy digs deeper, she uncovers the darker truths of Eden's life. A tragic family situation, a shattered relationship, and involvement in an illicit enterprise. When Eden is found hospitalized, drugged, dehydrated, and exhausted, Lucy realizes her roommate is entangled with a dangerous local drug dealer. Worse, Lucy's own actions may have contributed to Eden's unraveling. Determined to help, Lucy resolves to get Eden out of trouble, only to discover that doing so will require her to risk more than she ever imagined. Missing Eden explores the untethered nature of our college years and how in the search for identity, a person can get lost. As Lucy searches for her missing roommate, she grapples with her own questions of identity and belonging and must learn to let go of the past to face the terrifying uncertainty of the future. I am a writer and lawyer in Pittsburgh. I have been published as a regular contributor to the New York Times and have a short story coming out in the January issue of the literary journal, after dinner Conversation. I was recently a finalist for the Ghost Story Spring 2024 Supernatural Fiction Award and was accepted to the Northern California Writing Retreat. I sat on the board of a local library. I sit on the board of a local literary arts organization, Pittsburgh Arts, and lectures. And I'm currently at work on my second novel, all the Best, Laura Mulen.
Bianca Marais
Thank you, Cece. As you're reading that, that was giving me vibes of your client's book that's actually coming out in May, Laura Leffler's tell them you lied, which might be a decent comp for this. All right, so give us your word count there and your take on this.
Laura Mulen
I had the same thought. So I love that we both were reminded of Laura's upcoming novel. Okay, so from the top, I love the hook. Guess why I love the hook? Because everyone loves this hook. It's like Gone Girl, right? Like a woman goes missing. There will never be too many stories about a woman going missing if executed right. It's one of those things that's a classic. So great job with the metadata paragraph. I absolutely love it. Small, small note. I think you should capitalize Republican because it's referring to a member of the political party. It's. It doesn't matter. No one's going to stop reading a query letter because of it. But you know, we're reading it and we're going to tell you I have a big picture note in terms of the plot and that this is both regarding how you're framing it, but also the Actual plot of the story, the line reads, lucy becomes fixated on finding her. Her being Eden, the person who does not want to be found. This is a really common mistake in these kinds of novels. So, as I said, there will always be a market for compelling missing person stories. And because there will always be a market, we get a lot of queries for it. Like, a lot. I see a lot of queries of this woman disappeared. This other woman is trying to find her. A very common mistake in the framing of these stories is there is no compelling reason for this person to go on this journey and find her. Going on this journey costs a lot. And there is no actual external, relatable, compelling pressure making her do it. It's more like she is curious. You know, she is all of a sudden compelled. And that is not believable. It takes honestly, a miracle to be able to pull that off in terms of the interiority and the emotionality to make me believe that this person's gonna go on this journey. And so it is up to you. But for me, a compelling motivation behind a hero's decision to embark on a quest is essential. And here her motivation is relatable. She wants to find her roommate. Her roommate was her friend. But I think it could be stronger if you offered a bit more context, particularly regarding antagonistic forces and or pressure points. So what do I mean by that? Here's an example. The police could get involved and rule Eden's case as a runaway. But Lucy knows better, and she must do the job the police refer refused to do. That's a way of presenting an antagonistic force. In this case, the police aren't doing the job, and so she has to step in. Another example is, you know, the police could suspect Lucy being involved in the. In the missing person situation. And so Lucy has to find Eden to prove that she didn't do anything to Eden. And so in this case, this is an example of adding a pressure point to the that is directly related to the protagonist. So the protagonist is going to be up against these external forces, and you need that they make her life harder. They make us root for a protagonist because they make the protagonist in this life harder. So, again, it's up to you. I want to be clear. If I got this query letter, like on a normal day, I would have very happily kept on reading and eagerly devoured the pages because it is a hook that I'm interested in because this is very well written and I really liked your author bio paragraph. But again, I don't think that the motivation is framed in a compelling way.
Bianca Marais
Thank you, Cece. Yeah. Another book for this author to potentially read is Bright Young Woman to See the Reason why a protagonist goes on that Quest and you know, what. What's at stake, etc. Because that's really set up very well in that book, which was super compelling. Okay, Carly, handing it across to you.
Cece Lira
All right, so let me start off at the top here. So publishing really does love a campus novel. Like, I don't know what it is about the campus novel. Maybe it's because we're all huge nerds and we, like, want to be brought back to our, I don't know, roots of academia. I do wonder with campus novels whether they're going to be, like, YA or.
Carly Waters
New adult or adult.
Cece Lira
And it's all about the tone and the approach about how you do it. I definitely had my little antennas up trying to, like, decode what part this was going to land. So, yeah, so letting you know, I was kind of like, okay, you pitched this as upmarket women's fiction, but to me, this is more of a mystery or a thriller than a women's fiction. So I have a feeling we haven't quite nailed our genre, you know, the context of how you want to use it in the query letter. So I just had my little antennas up around that. Okay, here's my big picture note. I'm worried we're spending way too much time on the page about this first semester where nothing happens. And then all of a sudden, we get into the second semester where the missing person happens, right? So you have a whole paragraph about college hasn't lived up to Lucy's expectations. Do, do, do, do. Next paragraph. When Eden goes missing at the beginning of her second semester, I'm like, okay, what's happening? Like, how much time is on the page in this first semester? I'm really worried at this point because I'm thinking if we are going to spend, I don't know, a certain section of the book with just introducing us to the world of this campus, we're going to be lost really quick. And by you spending an entire paragraph talking about for semester one, that worries me. So that was another antennas going up moment. It could be we. We're right into the second semester, and, you know, again, my antennas can go down, but that's just an example of when my antennas go up. I really like that. We have some pretty high stakes here. So we get to, you know, Eden's found hospitalized, drugged, dehydrated, exhausted. I was kind of wondering. I'm like, oh, did she just, like, spoil the whole book? And then we get into the. Oh, actually, in. Lucy's own actions may have contributed to Eden's unraveling. Great. So now I'm like, okay, we're rolling here. We have something. We're cooking, as the youths say. And then I would delete the second, last paragraph. I would delete the missing Eden explores the untethered nature paragraph. That's absolutely. Gotta go. Yeah. So those are kind of my. My big. My big picture notes.
Bianca Marais
Thank you, Carly. Okay, Cece, will you give us a summary of those opening pages?
Laura Mulen
So it starts with chapter one, and there are two scenes. The first scene has the protagonist walking into the dorm, and the landline is ringing, and she's alone. Her roommate isn't there, which is normal. She picks up the phone. It's Eden's mother, who doesn't know where Eden is. Again, Eden is the roommate. As a reminder, the protagonist says, you know, she's probably with her boyfriend. And she thinks to herself that it's very normal for Eden to disappear for days at a time. And then we have a line break and another scene. And that other scene has the protagonist meeting Eden on the day that Eden moved in. And, you know, the protagonist met not just Eden, but her parents. And we see her observing the family dynamics, and we also learn about the protagonist. Protagonist situation that she wanted to live off campus, but she didn't have friends to live with her. So she's trying to frame it as, oh, it's more convenient to be nearby. And, yeah, that's what happens.
Bianca Marais
Okay, thank you. Do you think the author started in the right place? Are the pages doing the heavy lifting? Let's hear.
Laura Mulen
Okay, I think the most common note we give on the podcast is this is not starting in the right place. And in fairness, it's really hard to pick the right place to start is why Bianca has her. Great circling the building analogy. This is not starting in the right place. A thousand percent. I am a thousand percent sure of this. Why am I so sure? Because your writing is awesome. Like, your writing is great. All the applause for the writing. I was highlighting so many things. I will get to that in a second. But when the writing is so fantastic, then, you know, it's an issue of not starting on the right place, you know? You know for a fact. Because it's like, well, it's not the writing. It's not that this person can't write. So it's just not very compelling to have the protagonist walk into a room, not really care about Anything. Talk to the protagonist. Not the protagonist, sorry. Talk to her roommate's mother and be like, yeah, it's normal that she's missing.
Cece Lira
Cool.
Laura Mulen
Like, yes, we know that the missing. That the fact that she's missing is ominous because we will have read the jacket copy, but that is just a waste of words. That is not where you should start. I also don't think you should start with the scene where they meet unless we're gonna have a lot more time with them until she finally goes missing. I guess my question for you is, when in the story does she go missing? Is this dual timeline? Do we have a timeline of her of them being friends and then a timeline of her being missing? Or does this happen halfway? I almost wish I could ask you this, because that will determine where you should start. You should play around with different starting points.
Cece Lira
But.
Laura Mulen
But this isn't it. Like, it's. Again, it's very, very, very well written. Like, all the applause for the writing, but the framing is not compelling. It's not juicy. So let us talk more about other execution issues, or not just issues, but, you know, notes. I talk a lot on the podcast about psychological acuity. Psychological acuity is the child of interiority and emotionality. If you don't know how to write interiority and emotionality, you will never know how to write. Psychological acuity. Psychological acuity refers to moments in the story where the author zooms out and offers a larger insight into the protagonist's psyche, into what the protagonist is observing about other people, about themselves. It reveals layers and layers of consciousness and unconsciousness. It's juicy, it's interesting. It's the why people do what they do moment. It's so, so important to novels and all the fantastic, the greats all do it right. And it's so hard to do. So, so hard to do. And yet it's so important to do. And I gotta tell you, this might be the best example of psychological acuity I've ever seen in a query letter. In the shit. No one tells you about writing. Like, I am highlighting so many examples and going, this is brilliant. It's not just, like, it's subtle and it's perfectly baked into the scene. I was like, gosh, like, what did you just do to me? Like, you just attacked my soul in the best way. I loved it. It was just so, so excellent. Substack substorters. Again, you'll be able to see all these really great examples. I want to read one of them, but there's so many. Like, they're Just so many. And they're sprinkled in so seamlessly, so organically, so perfectly. I wanted my new roommate, whoever she was, to see it, see it being. Sorry. Let me give you context. So the protagonist has hung up pictures of her with friends from her first year because they're sophomores, right? I wanted my new roommate, whoever she was, to see it and to know that I was a person who was loved. I wanted to see myself that way, notwithstanding the fact that I was a sophomore living with a stranger in the dorms. Like, the level of self awareness, the acuity, the justice. Layers and layers. There's so much to unpack here. It just makes me so curious to know more. You are clearly a person with an excellent grasp of human psychology. And you know your character really, really well, which is honestly so hard to do. So, like all the applause, I'm in love with your ability to do this. It's absolutely excellent. And there's so many more examples which I will stop talking about now. Things you can improve on other than the starting in the right place. Your namesplaining a lot. Namesplaining, for those of you who don't know, is when you introduce a character and then immediately tell us who they are in a dry way. So, for example, her boyfriend, Ben Marcus. Or my freshman year roommate, Julia, or her mother, Melanie, or my older sister, Amelia. This is a matter of taste, but I think that writing that is so elevated and subtle does not need namesplaining. Find an interesting and compelling way to tell me who these people are. That makes me the reader, be a co pilot and not a passenger in your story. I don't want to be passively fed this information, especially because you are introducing some people twice. Like, we get to my roommate, Julius. So you definitely don't need to do that. I know it sounds like a minor note, but this is a sign of you not either not trusting your reader or not trusting yourself. Sometimes both. And I promise you, I am promising you, you can trust your writing. Believe me, I almost never say this. You can trust your writing. Your writing is very, very intelligent. You absolutely don't need it. So I really like this. I'm curious to read more. No one's ever pressed. No one's ever obligated to send me anything, but whenever this is ready, I would love to read it.
Bianca Marais
Wonderful, Cece. Thank you. Yeah. And for our listeners, sometimes it makes the reader more actively curious if we don't know who Marcus or Amelia are. You know, if we're like, oh, this name has Been dropped. Who is this person? I'm going to keep reading to try and figure it out. So you don't always have to give reader instant context. Sometimes it's nice to. To just make them curious. Okay, Carly, your take.
Carly Waters
All right.
Cece Lira
Okay. I'm going to start with the opening bit about the phone ringing. I felt like, again, I think I talked this in the last one, but there's an opportunity for a timestamp here, because when a landline is ringing, and these are essentially teenagers, like, if you're in sophomore, right, you're potentially, you know, 19, 20, somewhere in there, maybe even 18, having a landline is weird. It's odd, it's strange. It's, you know, in a lot of dorms, there will be obviously a plug in and a jack. And so we kind of get into that. But it really made me go, like, I don't know, is this from the early 2000s or, like, when is this. And we under. I don't know. It just made me feel like this is when I went to university, because when I went to college, it was. I did have a phone. And then my second year of university is actually when I got my first cell phone ever. Aging myself as an elder millennial. But I don't know, that was a bit interesting to me because clearly there's something she's trying to say something about the fact that there's a landline. I'm jumping immediately to where we went in the query letter, which was it's for nefarious reasons, potentially, that there, you know, there's the landline cell phone combo. So anyway, so that flagged for me talking about my antennas going up. My antennas were going up there. Next thing I want to talk about is I haven't done my brand rant in a while. So I'm going to do my brand rant, which is when you talk about brands, there's a lot of pressure on you if you're going to name the thing. So you do this a couple times in your pages. You talk about a Longchamp bag, and then you talk about some Kate Spade clothing, and then you talk about car brands. I always feel like it's risky behavior because somebody who knows a lot about different brands, whether it's, you know, again, fashion and whatnot, there's a whole history of that brand. And essentially, brands are symbols. Brands are symbols of something, right? So if you're saying, you know, you know, this. This. This bag that she brought was from Target versus Longchamp versus Chanel. Like, these are different things. These are something you're saying about her social standing. It's about how she recognizes what she owns. It's about what she recognizes in other people talking about her roommate's mother wearing a Kate Spade dress. So there's always an opportunity there. We're actually saying so much more than what we're saying when we name a brand. And so I went into, in my notes, you know, what a Longchamp bag.
Carly Waters
Represents in terms of a brand.
Cece Lira
And this all can be summed up in, you know, if you guys are succession fans, when they talk about the. The Burberry bag and when he goes on the rant about the. The capacious bag. And anyway, so there's so many examples of talking about what brands represent in pop culture or movies or television or books. So that's my brand rant. Just be really careful about when you are naming something. What does it mean? What are you trying to say? Are you accomplishing that? And I think you do a pretty good job at this. This is more like my brand rant for everybody. Because we're on the podcast, because later on you talk about, you know, recognizing again that she's wearing that dress. Dress is fancier than your parents, and recognizing the labels and the brands of the car. So I do think when we're talking about coming of age, it's very natural to think about your class within the kind of institutional system of something like education and higher education. And we learned the fact that she had a scholarship, and so potentially she's not as well off as some of her compatriots in her class. So anyway, that's my brand rant. You heard it before, you'll hear it again. I will always do my brand rant.
Laura Mulen
Can I. Can I interrupt and do. And do. Tom. Tom. Talking to Greg. Greg. It's monstrous. It's Gargatoon. You could take him camping. I think he mentioned something about being able to put shoes on the subway. I used to have bags. I used to put my shoes in my bag so I could take the subway because I, like, I felt so seen with that. I was like, I am the tacky person that they would be making fun of.
Cece Lira
And then. So this is a perfect thing because that bag was a Burberry brand. And anybody who had a Burberry bag after that was like, well, am I a part of this group of people? That is, you know, ridiculous. And so when you name a brand, like anything, you. When you're naming it in fiction, how we feel about Longchamp as a brand, you know, could change in the future. So whatever you name anything, whether it's a brand or, you know, a business, you know, I talk about that a lot on the show. If you're going to name something, we don't know how it's going to kind of come off or be canceled or go under. You know, for example, like think about Martha Stewart, right? Like the Martha Stewart brand, right? She was at the height of her, you know, pinnacle of her business. And then it goes, you know, completely under. So there's just, there's just. So anyway, I'll get off my brand rant. I just have to do my brand rant.
Bianca Marais
It makes me laugh because it thinks of my friend. It makes me think of my friend who bought his Tesla ages ago and now he's actually got a sticker on the Tesla that's like, I bought this car before Elon Musk was a psychopath. Please don't scratch my car. Because people in Chicago are going around scratching Tesla.
Cece Lira
Yes.
Bianca Marais
Yeah. And when he bought it, he was like, oh, I have a Tesla, look how great it is. And now he's like, please don't hurt my car. So, yeah, good point. Carly and cc, thank you so much again for your incredible insights for our Substack supporters. You can go in. Remember, the Tuesday after the episode airs in that edition is when you will find all the written critiques. So the word nerds can go through all of those and we'll be back again with another Books with hooks in two weeks time. Next week we have an author interview. See you all then. Bye.
Carly Waters
A reminder that this is an unscripted program and our conversations have been edited and condensed and is not a full picture of our feedback or conversation directly with each author. As always, refer back to our written.
Cece Lira
Notes for the Folsom picture.
Carly Waters
Carly Waters and Cece Lira are agents at PS Litera Agency, but their work on this podcast is not affiliated with the agency and the views expressed by Carly and Cece on this podcast are solely that of them as podcast co hosts do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, policies or position of PS Literary Agency. A reminder about all the ways that you can support us as a show. Rate us five stars on Apple Podcasts. Tell your writing friends about us. We'd love to help as many writers as possible and follow us on our Substack newsletter. Get our stacked newsletter on a weekly basis. Bonus videos, articles, essays, advice and more. You can find it at theshitaboutwriting.substack.com that's the shitabout.
Bianca Marais
Writing.substack.com and that's it for today's episode. I hope you'll join us for next week's show. In the meantime, keep at it. Remember, it just takes one. Yes Would you like to stand a.
E
Chance of winning a registration for our upcoming Deep Dive Virtual Retreat so you can learn from incredible agents, editors and authors while also having the chance of winning life changing Prizes? Head to www.shitaboutwriting.com and go to the Deep Dive page. Scroll down past all the details of the amazing lineup to find an image that you can share on your socials along with the reasons why you would like to attend. Use the hashtag Deep Dive or Bust and tag the podcast. Each post gets you a ticket into the draw. The contest ends at midnight on the 23rd of January and the winner will be announced on the 24th. We hope it's going to be you.
Carly Waters
Hi everybody, Carly here, back with another year of my popular publishing predictions. In the past I've done Instagram carousels.
Cece Lira
And Instagram Lives, but with this year.
Carly Waters
I'm bringing it to you in a webinar format so it can be more interactive. What will 2025 bring? More publisher tech? AI deals? More TikTok shop? I've been told that my predictions are, quote frighteningly accurate, end quote.
Cece Lira
And that I think you might be.
Carly Waters
A witch because these predictions seem spot on and I love preparing them for you guys so you're better prepared for the publishing news cycle and trends in the year ahead. So let's get into it on January 10th at noon Eastern. That's January 10th at noon Eastern.
Cece Lira
The most popular question I always get.
Carly Waters
Is can I watch the recording?
Cece Lira
And the answer is yes.
Carly Waters
If you buy the webinar in advance, everyone who buys it will sent the recording. So I look forward to telling you.
Cece Lira
Guys all about what I think is.
Carly Waters
In store for us in 2025 and.
Cece Lira
What I think is going to happen.
Carly Waters
In regards to AI and bestsellers in the publishing landscape at large. I'll see you guys there. You can purchase the webinar@cearlywaters.com contact that's carlywaters.com contact or head to my socials for the pinned link at Carlywaters with two T's. I will see you guys there January 10th at noon Eastern for my lunch and learn.
Podcast Summary: The Shit No One Tells You About Writing
Episode Title: A Query That Ticks all of CeCe’s Psychological Acuity Boxes
Release Date: January 9, 2025
Hosts: Bianca Marais, Carly Watters, and CeCe Lyra
Introduction
In this engaging episode of The Shit No One Tells You About Writing, host Bianca Marais is joined by literary agents Carly Watters and CeCe Lyra from P.S. Literary Agency. The trio delves into the intricacies of crafting effective query letters and opening pages, aiming to provide emerging writers with invaluable insights into the publishing industry. The episode features the "Books with Hooks" segment, where Carly and CeCe critique submitted query letters and manuscript excerpts, offering constructive feedback to help writers refine their pitches.
Segment 1: Opening Discussions and Podcast Announcements (00:00 - 01:59)
Bianca kicks off the episode with a brief promotion of the "Ultimate Planner for Writers 2025," highlighting its features tailored for writers' needs. Carly Watters then announces her upcoming webinar on publishing predictions for 2025, emphasizing topics like AI deals and TikTok's influence on publishing.
Notable Quote:
Segment 2: First Query Letter Critique – "Fragile Hostility" (02:00 - 15:00)
Carly introduces the first query letter submitted by Patricia Pat Canterbury. The manuscript, titled Fragile Hostility, is an 85,000-word upmarket story that blends themes of love, loss, and forgiveness. The narrative centers around Vince Kern, a wrongful death attorney torn between his demanding career and his struggling family farm in South Dakota.
Key Points of Discussion:
Spelling Errors: CeCe emphasizes the importance of correctly spelling the agent's name to make a positive first impression.
CeCe Lira (06:45): "Just a reminder to everybody, my name is all over the show. You can always figure out how to spell my name."
Clarity in Genre and Themes: CeCe points out inconsistencies in the query that make it unclear whether the novel is historical, contemporary, or a mix of genres.
CeCe Lira (08:02): "There's a great Grapes of Wrath mentioned... I don't know what time and place we're in."
Character Motivation: The need for stronger motivations for Vince's decisions, especially his choice to prioritize work over family, is highlighted to enhance emotional depth.
CeCe Lira (09:52): "Why does he need this job? Is he struggling for money? Does he have to pay alimony?"
Reducing Redundancy: Suggestions to eliminate repetitive phrases, such as the overuse of the word "forgiveness," to maintain narrative flow.
Carly Waters (09:08): "Think of yourself like a poet. We don't need to be duplicating words in such a short amount of space here."
Notable Quotes:
Segment 3: Author Insights and Positive Feedback (15:00 - 22:23)
Bianca shares exciting news about authors who have transitioned from submitting to Books with Hooks to appearing on the podcast, showcasing the platform's effectiveness. Carly reveals that the word count of the first query is on the longer side and emphasizes the importance of concise pitching.
Notable Quote:
Segment 4: Second Query Letter Critique – "Missing Eden" (22:24 - 41:45)
Laura Mulen presents her query for Missing Eden, an 85,000-word upmarket women's fiction novel. The story follows Lucy Riley's quest to find her missing roommate, Eden, intertwining themes of identity, belonging, and the complexities of college life.
Key Points of Discussion:
Strong Hook but Weak Motivation: While the premise is compelling, CeCe and Carly discuss the lack of a strong, relatable motivation for Lucy's quest, which may hinder reader investment.
CeCe Lira (28:47): "A compelling motivation behind a hero's decision to embark on a quest is essential."
Genre and Tone Confusion: CeCe notes that the query oscillates between genres, making it unclear whether it's a mystery, thriller, or women's fiction.
CeCe Lira (32:27): "To me, this is more of a mystery or a thriller than a women's fiction."
Pacing and Plot Development: Concerns are raised about the pacing, with too much focus on the first semester of college before the inciting incident of Eden's disappearance.
CeCe Lira (32:47): "Spending way too much time on the page about this first semester where nothing happens."
Psychological Acuity Praise: Despite critiques, Laura's writing is highly praised for its psychological depth and interiority, showcasing a strong grasp of character psychology.
Cece Lira (36:53): "This might be the best example of psychological acuity I've ever seen in a query letter."
Notable Quotes:
Segment 5: Additional Feedback and Writing Tips (41:46 - 48:01)
The agents provide further feedback on Laura's query, emphasizing the importance of starting the story at a compelling point and avoiding being overly descriptive or "on the nose." They also caution against excessive brand mentions, which can distract from character development and thematic depth.
Key Points of Discussion:
Starting in Media Res: Laura is advised to consider alternative starting points that immediately engage the reader rather than beginning with a mundane scenario.
Laura Mulen (36:53): "This isn't starting in the right place."
Avoiding "Namesplaining": CeCe highlights the issue of introducing characters with overly descriptive labels, recommending more subtle introductions to maintain reader engagement.
CeCe Lira (34:58): "Find an interesting and compelling way to tell me who these people are."
Brand Mentions: The agents discuss the potential pitfalls of mentioning brands, as they can imply unintended social or economic statuses, which may distract from storytelling.
CeCe Lira (44:02): "Brands are symbols. Brands are symbols of something, right."
Notable Quotes:
Conclusion
The episode wraps up with Bianca thanking the guests for their insights and reminding listeners about the availability of detailed critiques on their Substack newsletter. She also announces an upcoming author interview and encourages writers to continue honing their craft.
Notable Closing Remarks:
Final Thoughts
This episode offers a deep dive into the nuanced art of writing effective query letters and opening manuscripts. Through meticulous critiques and thoughtful discussions, Bianca, Carly, and CeCe provide emerging writers with actionable advice to enhance their submissions and better navigate the competitive landscape of publishing. Listeners gain valuable perspectives on balancing narrative elements, maintaining genre clarity, and infusing psychological depth into their characters, all while avoiding common pitfalls in writing and pitching their work.
Notable Quotes Summary:
Recommendations for Writers:
By incorporating these insights, writers can enhance the effectiveness of their queries and increase their chances of securing representation and publication.