Podcast Summary: The Shit No One Tells You About Writing

Episode: Untangling Complex Queries: Writing with Clarity Across Timelines

Date: October 2, 2025
Hosts: Bianca Marais, Carly Watters, CeCe Lyra

Episode Overview

This insightful episode dives into the art and challenge of writing complex novels—especially those with multiple timelines and points of view (POVs). The hosts critique two query letters and opening pages from emerging writers, offering practical feedback and advice for achieving clarity and cohesion in ambitious literary projects. Listeners gain actionable tips on structuring query letters, deepening character interiority, balancing magical or speculative elements with realism, and understanding industry preferences—especially around issues like referencing COVID in fiction.

Books with Hooks: Query and Opening Pages Critiques

1. Query Critique: "Worth the Whistle" by Ashley

Query Overview (02:57)

• A grounded speculative novel, 99,000 words, told across four timelines with multiple POVs.
• Protagonist Benny, orphaned at birth, is raised by his estranged grandfather in 1960s Ohio, guided by his magical whistling and a bird, Lullaby.
• After a family tragedy in 2025, Benny’s relationships fracture, prompting his mother (trapped in the afterlife) to attempt a desperate return, risking eternal separation.

CeCe's Critique (05:51)

• Ambition vs. Clarity:
  "Four timelines, multiple points of view. You have given yourself a big challenge. And…we admire ambition here…but we're also honest about the challenges…" [05:51]
• Structuring the Query:
  Recommend splitting the summary into four concise paragraphs, one per timeline, each labeled with the date.
• Focus on Plot Over Vibes:
  "We need plot points. Right now, we have things that are vague. For example, tragic death splinters the family, desperate to make amends. Those are vibes." [08:34]
• Speculative Element:
  Clarity needed regarding the magic—what it is and how it tangibly affects the story.
• Trust Building:
  Clearly outlining arcs builds trust that the author can control such a complex narrative.

Carly's Critique (10:04)

• Need for Unified Hook:
  "We need to know how each of these different POVs are going to come together in this kind of unifying hook." [10:04]
• Simplify and Clarify:
  Query needs significant work to make the premise easily understandable and sellable ("…so much simplification that has to happen…to get to a point where we could just understand it in a more straightforward way…" [10:53])
• Ambition is Good, but Pitching is Key:
  Ambitious novels must still be pitched in a way that is clear to industry professionals.

2. Opening Pages Critique: "Worth the Whistle"

Summary (11:29)

• Starts with a "Bird's Eye" prologue: mother gives birth, dies, unable to convey love to her son.
• Chapter one: Young Benny in a car, being taken by a social worker to meet his grandfather; learns he's leaving foster care; sparse emotional reaction shown.

CeCe's Feedback (12:45)

• Prologue:
  Beautiful, emotional; sets mood but doesn’t evoke curiosity: "Prologues should make me curious. And curiosity is totally different from empathy… I am not curious." [12:52]
• Interiority Issues:
  The child’s interior thoughts and emotions are too light—lack of depth and psychological acuity.

  "His reaction needs more depth, like it's a huge deal…he's reading as generic and superficial." [14:42]

• Strengths: Noted clever lines and strong action beats but urges more internal, emotional layers.

Carly's Feedback (17:34)

• Tone & Setting:
  Enjoyed fairy tale energy of the prologue and the authentic historical setting ("such a subtle way to be…this is a time period when they didn’t have seatbelts in the backseat…"[18:00])
• Need More Reflection:
  Mirrored CeCe’s note, wanting more internal reaction amidst external action.
• Curiosity vs. Confusion:
  She’s unsure how all POVs and timelines converge, which impacts her engagement.

Bianca's Line-Level Notes (20:11)

• Praised showing over telling in action beats.
• Noted instances of redundancy and over-explaining ("she shrugged her shoulders…you cannot shrug your butt").

3. Query Critique: "Whalespeak" by Liz Kalt

Query Overview (23:11)

• Upmarket debut, 89,000 words, blending perspectives above and below the ocean (humans and whales).
• Sloane, a waitress and ocean swimmer, is drawn into mysterious whale beachings; possibly connected to her own tragic past and a specialist from NOAA.
• Speculative elements involve communication with whales and a plot involving oceanic harm.

Carly's Critique (25:45)

• Title and Comps:
  Title could suggest nonfiction, but is otherwise strong; comps (esp. "Remarkably Bright Creatures") are apt but could use stronger language ("It’s a this will appeal, not may appeal" [26:22]).
• Degree of Speculation:
  Curiosity about how fantastical vs. realistic the story will be—"How much are we suspending disbelief?" [27:01]
• Clarity Requests:
  Define acronyms like NOAA; clarify the nature of the human-whale bond and stakes in the relationship with Seth (NOAA specialist).
• Overall Impression:
  Query is compelling and inspires confidence that the ambitious speculative elements can be delivered.

CeCe's Critique (29:41)

• Thread Clarity:
  Felt the whale-beaching plot thread gets lost ("The beaching thread was abandoned…then when Seth started being involved and all that, I felt confused about the central plot." [29:41])
• Plot Structure:
  Push for explicit, stepwise plotting: clear inciting incident, escalation, and climax.
• Interest vs. Clarity:
  Premise interesting, but the plot is too vague to spark excitement.

4. Opening Pages Critique: "Whalespeak"

Summary (31:31)

• Sloane does open-water swimming, senses a whale is near.
• Returns home to find real estate agents pressuring her to sell her historic house. She firmly refuses, seeking privacy.
• Prologue includes a pandemic reference suggesting improved oceanic conditions.

Carly's Feedback (32:37)

• Prologue:
  "Unless this is going to explain the mythology, it has to go…It's a very lovely piece of writing, [but] has to go." [32:37]
• Chapter One:
  Praised compelling depiction of open water swimming.
• COVID References:
  Advises removing references unless absolutely crucial:

  “…there is not a reason to mention Covid…It makes people think about some of, like, the worst times in our recent history and the isolation and the depression.” [34:10]

• Setting Details:
  Wanted clearer cues about season/water temperature.

Bianca's Note (35:31)

• Confusion between character names Quinn and Sloane; gender ambiguity of Quinn not resolved until too late.

CeCe's Feedback (36:33)

• Prologue Disconnect:
  Pandemic references in the prologue and chapter one felt out of place; detract from mood/mystery.
• Characterization & Interiority:
  Sloane’s COVID reaction seemed odd; urges more focus on how offers for her house make her feel.
• Opening Scene's Pacing:
  Found the swim too slow a place to start; recommends a more dynamic entry point.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Ambitious Narrative Structures:

  “There’s a lot of trust that goes into reading a book. We have to trust the author…that you have control over your story.”
  — CeCe Lyra, [06:45]

• On the Purpose of a Prologue:

  “Prologues should make me curious. And curiosity is totally different from empathy.”
  — CeCe Lyra, [12:52]

• Advice for Multitimeline Queries:

  “Have four plot paragraphs, each with the date—this will help us understand how these timelines are going to be braided together.”
  — CeCe Lyra, [07:49]

• Carly’s Pragmatic Pitch Wisdom:

  “You can write an ambitious novel, but you still have to be able to pitch it and sell it in a way that makes sense to us. That’s how those types of novels become mainstream and not experimental.”
  — Carly Watters, [10:53]

• On COVID in Fiction:

  “There is not a reason to mention Covid…unless you need to mention it, please don’t, because this person mentions it both times, which also worries me a little bit…in general, the consensus right now in the industry…is don’t.”
  — Carly Watters, [34:10]

• On Character Development:

  “When someone has an offer for a million dollars on anything…there has to be a moment of, well, what does that money mean for her?...We don’t talk about [money]—but we’re inside her head so we can know…”
  — CeCe Lyra, [38:31]

Actionable Takeaways for Writers

• Ambition in structure is great, but clarity in pitching is essential. Break queries down by timeline/POV for complex novels.
• Plot summaries must focus on concrete incidents—avoid “vibes only.” (Goal, obstacle, climax for each narrative thread.)
• Prologues must evoke curiosity, not just set the mood.
• Rich character interiority is crucial—physical actions should be paired with emotional and psychological depth.
• Avoid COVID references unless key to the plot—current industry trend is against including pandemic content.
• Be precise with character introductions to avoid reader confusion over names/genders.
• Titles and comp titles should be chosen and described with confidence.
• Clarify speculative elements and their impact in the query; be explicit about stakes and hooks.

Key Timestamps

• 02:57 – CeCe reads first query: "Worth the Whistle"
• 05:51 – CeCe’s critique: Ambitious structure, need for clarity, separating timelines in the query
• 10:04 – Carly’s critique: Query’s lack of clear plot, need for unified hook
• 11:29 – CeCe summarizes opening pages: notes on prologue and lack of character interiority
• 12:45 – CeCe on prologue purpose: mood vs. curiosity
• 17:34 – Carly on prologue tone and historical detail
• 20:11 – Bianca’s line-level notes: action beats and redundancies
• 23:11 – Carly reads second query: "Whalespeak"
• 25:45 – Carly critiques "Whalespeak": title, comps, speculative elements
• 29:41 – CeCe critiques "Whalespeak": abandoned plot threads, structural clarity
• 31:31 – Carly summarizes opening pages: open-water swimming, real estate subplot, prologue
• 32:37 – Carly: prologue should justify itself or go
• 34:10 – Carly: avoid COVID in fiction unless necessary
• 36:33 – CeCe: critique on confusion in character names, pandemic references, and starting point

For listeners looking to polish their own writing mechanics or refine their pitches—especially for ambitious, multi-timeline or speculative novels—this episode offers honest guidance, practical structural tips, and direct insights into what agents are really seeking in a crowded market.