
Loading summary
Ryland Adams
What did fathers do anyways?
Lizzie Gordon
No, like, what do fathers do anyways? Like, name one thing a father's do.
Ryland Adams
We're waiting.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah, I have someone who, to be honest with you, I already have the surprise ruined by one of us. Is it me who's burning? No, it's me.
Ryland Adams
I. Ry. I'm turning three years old.
Lizzie Gordon
B is number three.
Ryland Adams
Oh, that sucks.
Lizzie Gordon
It's a number three on the couch. Oh, wow.
Ryland Adams
I even got different happy birthday decorations. I said, leave, Lizzies. Don't do any more work.
Chris
And because you're both mommies, I also got you both a Mother's Day card.
Ryland Adams
Shane didn't even give you one of those. I asked what you wanted for Mother's.
Lizzie Gordon
Day, and you didn't. You said nothing.
Ryland Adams
Well, I know, but I'm not a mother. I want to be a victim of a machine. Thank you, guys. This is beautiful.
Lizzie Gordon
Happy birthday.
Chris
Happy birthday.
Ryland Adams
Your Mother's Day cards are very elaborate, too.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh. What the. Was that in the recording or is that just something that happened to me alone, and I'm the only one who has to be flustered by it?
Chris
Happy birthday, Rylan.
Lizzie Gordon
One, take one. Marker.
Ryland Adams
Hey, isn't it so crazy it doesn't feel like my birthday.
Lizzie Gordon
Is it. Is it, like, because we always celebrate every day as if it's a birthday.
Ryland Adams
Is that our problem or is it that we have kids now?
Lizzie Gordon
I think it's both.
Ryland Adams
Just be age, because. Yeah, like, I don't. There's no. I mean, this is gorgeous and I'm so thankful, but for some reason, I feel like it's for somebody else. I'm like, whose birthday?
Lizzie Gordon
It's yours.
Ryland Adams
Is it? I don't.
Lizzie Gordon
No, it's yours.
Ryland Adams
I don't know if it's like.
Lizzie Gordon
You know how we know it's for you?
Ryland Adams
How?
Lizzie Gordon
Cuz it's number three themed.
Ryland Adams
Oh, my God.
Lizzie Gordon
Should we bring out the cake cruise?
Ryland Adams
Yeah. You guys are sick.
Lizzie Gordon
Are we the sick fuck?
Ryland Adams
You're sick. That was a private, personal moment between me and the podcast.
Lizzie Gordon
I thought it was just something you.
Ryland Adams
Read on, and now you're exploiting it more.
Lizzie Gordon
I mean, when thinking of you, it's hard not to think of number three on this couch.
Ryland Adams
Really? Yeah. There was so much drama in that episode, I didn't even know if people heard that story.
Lizzie Gordon
No, Remember I told you it was 50? 50. 50% Lizzie must die. 50%. Rylan did what? On the couch.
Ryland Adams
Still there. No, I'm kidding.
Lizzie Gordon
No. You know I sucked that up. I just know, Chris, you know, I'm Pregnant with your number three baby right now. That's a lot of candles on that cake. What are you doing? Looking.
Ryland Adams
Whoa.
Lizzie Gordon
We don't have our act together.
Ryland Adams
I can't see.
Lizzie Gordon
I'm gonna be real with you. Chris and I, we did our best.
Ryland Adams
It's too much to have two. I feel for you guys. It's like two episodes, two birthdays, back to back.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah. Happy birthday to you.
Ryland Adams
You guys are gonna sing the whole scene to you. Oh, my. You sick.
Lizzie Gordon
Whoa. What are you doing?
Ryland Adams
Whoa. I was trying to show everyone.
Lizzie Gordon
We'll take a picture. You maniac.
Ryland Adams
Okay.
Lizzie Gordon
Happy birthday to you. Hold on, hold on. I want to take a picture. Oh, no.
Ryland Adams
Okay. Oh, you haven't gotten pictures of the cake. It's an asshole with number three splooging out of it reading, happy birthday. It's weird because the splooge is defying gravity going upwards.
Lizzie Gordon
I know it was a difficult situation to be real with you. I was gonna make a whole asshole cake, and then Mother's Day happened, and I was like, I can't make a whole asshole cake. So I just made this in my car just now. But I will say, oh, yay. Did you make a wish or did I ruin it?
Ryland Adams
Ooh, no, you didn't ruin it.
Lizzie Gordon
Okay, good.
Ryland Adams
I wouldn't blow without making a wish. What kind of cake is this?
Lizzie Gordon
Tiramisu. I figured you wouldn't get a tiramisu cake.
Ryland Adams
That's probably correct.
Lizzie Gordon
What do you have?
Ryland Adams
We can try it, and let's try it after. I think, yes, let's try it. Well, or we'll try it right before we break down. That way we can, like, you know.
Lizzie Gordon
So I desperate. I really wanted to make you, like, an actual asshole cake.
Ryland Adams
Well, yesterday Lizzie's texting me on Mother's Day, by the way, and she's like, oh, I'm gonna make you a cake for your birthday. And I was like, please, you don't have to. My husband's gonna get me 18 cakes. And it's just like, don't kill yourself on Mother's Day. And she goes, no, I'd love to. And if I'm telling you I'm making you a cake, it's not because it's delicious like the other cakes. It's because it's creative and inventive and fun. And I said, okay, whatever you want to do. Do you? And then she texts me this morning and was like, don't expect a cake. I didn't make one.
Lizzie Gordon
I didn't. And.
Ryland Adams
And I was like, I could kill you. Wasn't there a big, huge drama surrounding cake when this first podcast started?
Lizzie Gordon
Yes, because you got mad at me. Because I didn't. I don't like cake.
Ryland Adams
You like a fruit cake?
Lizzie Gordon
I like a fruit cake.
Ryland Adams
A fruit tart.
Lizzie Gordon
A fruit tart. Yeah.
Ryland Adams
And what? I was mad.
Lizzie Gordon
You were mad I didn't eat my birthday cake up on my birthday. And, like, it was weird. These people. These people. Don't get me started.
Ryland Adams
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why do you think that was stemming from inside our own audience? I think that went outside of our audience.
Lizzie Gordon
That was outside of our audience, which.
Ryland Adams
Is a crazy thing to do and say, oh, this person's awful because he's mad that his friend doesn't like birthday cake.
Lizzie Gordon
It was truly insane. Like, it was so funny. There was, like, a drama video. Ryland Adams does not like that his co host, who they won't name, still to this day, still to this day, does not like cake. Okay.
Ryland Adams
Okay.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah. Happy birthday.
Ryland Adams
Thank you. I love the cake. I love the decorations. It's very adorable. And Chris even celebrated for Mother's Day for the two of us, which I don't know if you heard me screaming before, but it's something my husband would not dare do yesterday.
Lizzie Gordon
Would not celebrate you as a mother.
Ryland Adams
Which is crazy, because three hours into the day, I was like, are you even gonna murmur, like, a happy Mother's Day to me? And he's like, you're not a mom. And listen, I'm not claiming to be a mom. When Lizzie text me, I was like, I'm not having the life force sucked out of my body. I am not mother. So I don't need to be celebrated on Mother's Day. But when it comes to my husband, who insists in all scenarios I am mother, like, the kids are going to call you mom. He's always joking that I am mom. I have the tasks of mom. I clean the house like a fucking mom.
Chris
Sorry, I'm being ocd.
Ryland Adams
It just felt like he should have.
Lizzie Gordon
Said something happy and a gift should have been relayed.
Ryland Adams
Exactly.
Lizzie Gordon
Is he going to give you a gift on Father's Day? Well.
Ryland Adams
And he was like, well, happy Mother's Day. And then I said, no, no, now I expect the nines for Father's Day. And he's like, well, no, now we've established your mother's. Your Mother's Day. And I was like, that doesn't know. Then we need to redo Mother's Day.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah. Because you skipped it.
Ryland Adams
Exactly.
Lizzie Gordon
You were forgotten.
Ryland Adams
I'm not trying. I'm not trying to say I am mother. I'm just saying, in Shane's eyes, I am mother.
Lizzie Gordon
I totally understand. I don't feel disrespected by it.
Ryland Adams
Okay.
Lizzie Gordon
As a mother who I don't know, they regularly have the life force sucked out of me, I said having Mother's Day to you.
Ryland Adams
Thank you. She did.
Lizzie Gordon
I did.
Ryland Adams
She did. And I was like, I don't need it. I don't need. I don't need it from anyone but my husband. You know, the one who insists I am mother. Were you mothering on mother's Day? What was going on?
Lizzie Gordon
My husband was so great. My husband mothered on mother's day. I got to, like, sleep, and it was awesome. All I did yesterday was nurse my baby. And then we went to Ralph's.
Ryland Adams
The one people are getting.
Lizzie Gordon
No, we went. We went to good Ralph's.
Ryland Adams
Oh.
Lizzie Gordon
Joe was like, do you want to go to the good Ralph's? And I was like, yeah, I do. I'm really done with the other Ralphs. They're like, not the biz.
Ryland Adams
Have you been to that one?
Lizzie Gordon
No, but, like, the Ralph's near my house is, like, not safe.
Ryland Adams
I was on YouTube the other day, and I got this recommended video, and it was of these guys insist. I don't. Did you watch the video? No, of course.
Lizzie Gordon
Because it's not my Ralph.
Ryland Adams
Did you check to see if it was your.
Lizzie Gordon
Yes, that's what I did. And then I was like, bye. It's not about me. I can't care.
Ryland Adams
These guys were insisting that people had dropped cash out of their wallet at the self checkout. So then they were like, oh, here's the cash you just dropped. Here's the cash you just dropped. And when they'd be like, oh, no, I don't think it's mine, but they're currently paying. They'd try to, like, put it in the wallet, but still another one. And then I realized it's Lizzie Liggy's local ralph.
Lizzie Gordon
If you guys don't call me Liggy until the day I die, I'm gonna be so pissed. I've never loved something more liggy.
Ryland Adams
So just watch out for yourselves, girls.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah. What is the scam that. The scam to be scammed requires you carry cash?
Ryland Adams
No, they were picking up a. Picking up a 20 bill and then jacking the card when they're like, jack hard. Jacking, like, a credit card or a debit card when they're for shoving the 20 into the person's wallet who's paying. At the self checkout, she checked her.
Lizzie Gordon
Wallet to see if maybe they had taken any of her cash. My heart sank because my debit card wasn't there. And by the time it was over, thousands had vanished from her bank account.
Ryland Adams
And the vulnerable.
Lizzie Gordon
Anyone ever gets close to me like that, watch out. I do not like when a stranger's like, let me get in your personal space. No, keep the 20. I don't want it. It's gross. Now I'll trust you.
Ryland Adams
Okay, so who is it? Bristol Farms. Okay, so you picked up this hot.
Unknown
Item from Bristol Farms?
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah, of course. Okay, so I'm at Bristol Farms celebrating my best friend's birthday by taking some pink icing and making an ass on a cake.
Ryland Adams
I would have liked to see the mock up of the asshole cake you were gonna make. Like, did you do renderings?
Lizzie Gordon
No, it's just in my head, I was gonna. Do you wanna know how I was gonna do it?
Ryland Adams
Oh, yeah, of course.
Lizzie Gordon
I was gonna get two box cakes. I was gonna cook them in mixing bowls, like ceramic mixing bowls that you can put in the oven. So there's two round things. Then I was gonna connect them together and then kind of shave off the ends to make it perfectly round, like little bataks. And then in the middle, I was gonna put a hole and fill the hole with white sprinkles.
Ryland Adams
And from the bottom where you're gonna be able to. I think we should add animatronics to this.
Lizzie Gordon
Okay. Yes.
Ryland Adams
Where you're holding the cake, but your hand's under the cake and you have a squeezer down below. Spell out Happy Birthday live.
Lizzie Gordon
That's what it was gonna be.
Ryland Adams
And if you can't execute that, I don't think we can continue to be friends, honestly.
Lizzie Gordon
I agree.
Ryland Adams
So you have until Wednesday.
Lizzie Gordon
Fuck. Can you. I can't give you that cake in front of your mother. Anything's gonna make your mom cry. It's that cake. I can't do that.
Ryland Adams
No, she's come a long way from crying with dicks being drawn on my face.
Lizzie Gordon
Should we try.
Ryland Adams
Should we try it out, see how she reacts? Yeah, it is intense.
Lizzie Gordon
It's pretty intense. It's a lot to take in as a mother. Anyway, I'm at the Bristol Farms, and if you know anything about, like, those little icing packs that you, like, can buy pre made, the guy's like, you know, before you buy this, I should really tell you it really doesn't take that long to make your own icing. And I was like, I gotta put a dick with jizz and a butthole splooging in my car. Like, I don't have time to make my own splooge frosting right now, sir. But, like, I get it. He's like, it really only takes, like, two to three minutes. And I was like, no, I heard you. I'm still not gonna make my own fucking frosting right now. Can you just show me what aisle has the frosting? It was insane how insistent this man was upon the fact that I didn't need to buy frosting. I was like, no, girl, I gotta buy frosting right now.
Ryland Adams
Who's he trying to convince? Like, these are. This is the Bristol Farms in Calabasas, where all these moms are out of control. They're never gonna make their own frosting. Writing.
Lizzie Gordon
He was like, and, you know, a cake, a box cake, is a lot like, just all the ingredients you already have in your house. So you can just Google how to make a cake. You don't need to buy the box cake. And I was like, I'm not even making the cake. I already bought the fuck. Show me where the goddamn frosting is.
Ryland Adams
So now he's trying to make it so Bristol Farms can't even sell their cake.
Lizzie Gordon
I'm being painfully. I'm like, oh, my God. Yeah. No, I get it. Like, I'm still, like, I'm doing a butthole in my car with this frosting. Like, I don't have time to, like, go make my own butthole frosting right now. Like, it's just. It's the thing I got to do because I'm, like, on my way to work right now, like, where I got to give my boss's butthole cake. You get it? And he's like. And I was like, where's the frosting? Anyway, I get the frosting. I get out to my car. You have to cut the nibbins off all the frosting things.
Ryland Adams
Did you know that?
Lizzie Gordon
So I'm out there gnawing on the fucking frosting things, trying to bite the tips off, but because I'm gnawing so hard, it, like, corrodes the plastic and just ends up sealing it all the way down so I can't even fudgeing use it, period. And then I had to go back into Bristol Farms. I'm dodging this man for my life.
Ryland Adams
You did not buy scissors for $15?
Lizzie Gordon
No, I did not buy scissors. I went up to the deli counter, and I was like, can you all take a knife and hack the top off of this for me. And they had to hack it off multiple times because I knotted down so far that it was unusable all the way down. And then Scotty fucking Pippin walks in, and my heart starts rac racing. Because, you know, I loved me some Scotty. Are you kidding?
Ryland Adams
Just tell me real quick.
Lizzie Gordon
We played for the Chicago Bulls when Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen. And you watch sports? No, but I loved the Last Dance.
Ryland Adams
Is that a documentary about sports?
Lizzie Gordon
Remember when we were negotiating our contracts with Spotify? I referenced it in my negotiation to get a better rate.
Unknown
And did it work?
Lizzie Gordon
I said, I've seen the Last Dance. Actually, I probably said, I have seen Save the Last Dance. I'm a idiot, and I will not be Scottie Pippen because he got tricked into a shitty contract for a little bit too long. And they were trying to lock me into a really long contract. Jokes on them. They never fired me.
Ryland Adams
That is interesting. When they canceled our show, they didn't tell all the talent on the show?
Lizzie Gordon
No, they literally didn't tell me.
Ryland Adams
But you were with me when they called me.
Lizzie Gordon
Do you think I'm still working for them? Should I, like, invoice them for the last five years? I don't know. Technically, they only got two years out of me, so I'll invoice them for the first two years. Anyway, Scottie Pippen's there. I've got frosting jizz that I have to tell.
Ryland Adams
Are you the NBA player?
Lizzie Gordon
Yes.
Ryland Adams
How tall is he?
Lizzie Gordon
Big.
Ryland Adams
How big?
Lizzie Gordon
Like, tall tall.
Ryland Adams
Okay.
Lizzie Gordon
And he walked in, his daughter was there, and she was beautiful. And then I, like, called my dad, and he was like, remember that he hit on your stepmom? And I was like, of course I remember that. Of course. And then I called Joe, and Joe was like, okay. And I was like, none of you care. I was thrown for a loop. I was so excited.
Ryland Adams
And you haven't found anyone to carry her either?
Lizzie Gordon
No. What a day.
Ryland Adams
Maybe there's some Save the Last Dance fans out there.
Lizzie Gordon
Well, that's a Julia Stiles film. But the Last Dance is the docus series.
Ryland Adams
I think I started watching that.
Lizzie Gordon
You weren't inspired? God, I watch it. I'm like, I want to be great today. Obviously, I haven't watched it in a while, but someday soon, I'm going to be great again. That day, get ready for the season.
Unknown
Ahead with quality shades built to last. Our friends at Shady Rays have you covered with premium polarized shades that won't Break the bank. Shady Rays is incredible. It's an independent sunglasses company offering a world class product rated five stars by over 300,000 people. Their shades have durable frames and crystal clear optics, making them the perfect choice for all outdoor adventures. They have hundreds of options to choose from, so you're bound to find the perfect pair to match your style. Plus, if your shades ever go missing or take an unexpected hit, don't sweat it. They have the most insane protection in all of eyewear. Every pair is backed by lost or broken replacements. And if you don't love your shades, you can exchange for a new pair or return worry free within 30 days. There's no risk. When you shop, their team always has your back with fast and personal support. I'm personally rocking Shady Rays all the time, especially when I'm doing activities like walking the dogs or going on hikes. These glasses are durable and I'm obsessed with them. And if you all want to explore their website and try some of these glasses out for you, they have given a special offer exclusively for our listeners. Shady Rays is giving out their best deal. Head to shadyrays.com and use code the sip for 35% off polarized glasses. Try for yourself. The shades rated five stars by over 300,000 people. That's code the sip for 35% off your glasses@shady rays.com.
Ryland Adams
Well, you want to know what I did get on Mother's Day?
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah.
Ryland Adams
A neighbor thinking my nanny is the mom.
Lizzie Gordon
They said, happy Mother's Day to her.
Ryland Adams
I'm walking the babies yesterday. I'm on a stroll and this woman pumps into me and she's like, like, oh, giving mom a break today. And I was just like, do I? No. Yes, I am. And she goes, I saw mom yesterday and I was. My nanny's like a foot taller than me.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah.
Ryland Adams
And so I was like, interesting pairing in your head. Not that like you can't date somebody taller than you can.
Lizzie Gordon
I also say that your nanny wears scrubs.
Ryland Adams
I mean that like that's her choice, not mine. That's not a house rule.
Lizzie Gordon
No, it's not a house rule.
Ryland Adams
But she likes it because, I mean, we do have 500 animals and with babies you're getting messy all day, even at bath time. Now they're both just in the bath at the same time. And it's like, oh my gosh, I have to wash my walls every day because all of the water. So it's like she chooses to wear them. I don't have house uniforms.
Lizzie Gordon
No.
Ryland Adams
Although I might because of Me?
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah, that's fine. I'll take it at this point. Girl, I'm so tired.
Ryland Adams
Can you imagine? Yeah.
Lizzie Gordon
I think it would make my life very easy if you had me wear, like, a little uniform. I'd wear it. I'd love it. Do you know how hard it is to pick something while you're fluctuating?
Ryland Adams
Couldn't stop bringing it up. She just kept being, like, so nice that you're giving Mom a day off.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh, my gosh.
Ryland Adams
Didn't have the heart to tell her, so I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm straight. Whatever, girl.
Lizzie Gordon
Whatever.
Ryland Adams
Go for it.
Lizzie Gordon
I'm straight. That's my wife. This other guy, just a friend. Hangs out a lot. Number three's in my butt. It's not a big thing. It's not gay.
Ryland Adams
So my husband doesn't acknowledge me on Mother's Day. Maybe I should have just told my actual wife. Happy Mother's Day.
Lizzie Gordon
You should have.
Ryland Adams
At least Chris texted me, happy Mother's Day.
Lizzie Gordon
I did, too.
Ryland Adams
I know. You and Chris.
Lizzie Gordon
My God.
Ryland Adams
Okay. Thanks, everyone.
Lizzie Gordon
You're welcome.
Ryland Adams
Thanks, everyone. So Joe tried to kill you this morning.
Lizzie Gordon
Morning Joe tried to kill me.
Ryland Adams
What do you mean?
Lizzie Gordon
I was like, can you make me a matcha? And he was like, sure.
Ryland Adams
You drink matcha?
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah, I've always drank a matcha because I can't drink coffee because it makes me faint. You know this. You don't even know me. Who's in hot water now? You. But I didn't drink the matcha, so I'm dying right now. See, for the audio only, listeners, only one eyes kind of closing. The other one's wide open. One's just fluttering. Where are we?
Ryland Adams
Oh, my God.
Lizzie Gordon
What day is it?
Ryland Adams
Joe?
Lizzie Gordon
Joe. He goes, yeah, I'll make you a matcha. And I go, thank you so much. Like, that's so kind of you. Like, whatever. Like, oh, my God, thank you. And so he makes me the matcha, and he brings it out. He's like, it's hot. And I'm like, oh, thank God. Because usually when this makes me a matcha, it's freezing.
Ryland Adams
You don't request an iced one.
Lizzie Gordon
Well, if I. I would. If it's iced, I want it iced. But he's just bringing me, like, a room temp matcha latte. And it's like, girl, nobody wants a room temp matcha latte. But I don't complain. I choke it down because I'm a good wife. And this motherfucker goes, it's hot. Is that okay? I'm like, yeah, that's preferred. I would love a hot latte. It is so goddamn scalding hot. When he serves it to me, it scorches the entirety of my mouth.
Ryland Adams
Why would you drink after somebody told you it's hot?
Lizzie Gordon
I just for him. What could that possibly mean? He's been feeding me like room temp fucking milk for years. Okay, so. And then I like swallowed it because it's like the other option is spit it on my child. And I can't spit molten hot matcha on a baby cuz they'll call the police on me. And he goes, I told you it's hot. And I go, what? He goes, I gave you a hot one two days ago and you didn't even drink it. Jokes on him. Didn't drink this one either. Burnt the out of me and had to wait for it. And it's like in the in motherhood, if you gotta wait, it's trash. Couldn't wait. Had to go, he didn't even care. And this is on the tail end of him trying to frame me for murder, which is really crazy of him.
Ryland Adams
What do you mean?
Lizzie Gordon
Well, we had, we had maybe gotten in a fight. You may have heard.
Ryland Adams
Who, me or the audience?
Lizzie Gordon
No, you may have heard.
Ryland Adams
Yeah, I heard.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah. And I texted you and a few other people that I may have wanted him dead.
Ryland Adams
Did anybody else have different reactions than me to the fight with your spouse?
Lizzie Gordon
No, everybody said kill him.
Ryland Adams
Okay. I don't subpoena me because when you get my text messages leaked, they're not gonna show that I say kill him. No, I might have said like, woo, you're moving to calab masses.
Lizzie Gordon
So I just have like a lawn, like a Rolodex of text messages in my phone that I'm like, I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna go out there, I'm gonna beat him to death with my breast pump. Like he's so lucky he didn't catch these hands. Like I'm just like sending crazy all my friends. Kill him. Kill him dead. Blood in the hallway, bludgeon him over the head. Like it's bad. Then two o' clock in the morning, loudest thump I've ever heard in my life. I'm like, oh. I look over and Joe's not in bed. I'm like, oh man. First thought I have is he is dead. I'm gonna wait to look till morning cause I'm so tired. I'm just gonna try and get a bit more sleep.
Ryland Adams
Is this still like in the heat of the Tenseness.
Lizzie Gordon
No, honestly, we were. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, a little bit. It's the night of. Yeah, well, no, it wasn't even, like, fine, die. It was. Mostly it was, I'm too tired to deal with his death right now. I'll deal with it in the morning. Those are the thoughts you have as a parent to an infant. You know what I'm saying? In a lot of relationships, they say whatever gets said at night while the baby's awake doesn't count in the morning. Like, everybody knows it's a toxic time for parents anyway. I'm like, laying there, I'm like, fuck, I'll just go check because it's forever till he comes back. And I'm like, is he, like, for real, dad? And so I go into the kitchen, the baby gates on the floor. And he's on the floor. Pooh baron. Literally just wearing a shirt, no pants, dick out. He's just on the floor.
Ryland Adams
Why?
Lizzie Gordon
He fell over the baby cake.
Ryland Adams
I know, but why does he sleep with a shirt on? If you're going to poo bear with your dick out, just take the shirt off too.
Lizzie Gordon
I don't know.
Ryland Adams
At this point in my life, that's such a flex. I used to love sleeping naked, but now my testicles need support, period. What a nightmare.
Lizzie Gordon
So anyways, if he had died, I definitely would have put pants on him, tampered with the body so that he's not just dick out when they find him. And then they're going to go through my phone and just see. You said you were going to kill him. He's dead of a head trauma, like, like you tried to frame me for murder. He's like, I fell over the baby gate. It's like, okay.
Ryland Adams
Was it dark?
Lizzie Gordon
It must have been. I don't know. This is like the second time he fell over the baby gate. He hit it so hard, he warped it and broke it out of place. I had to order a new baby gate. God bless us, man. I pray for his soul. I love him so much. And he makes me scalding hot matchas. I'm so tired.
Ryland Adams
Happy Mother's Day.
Lizzie Gordon
No. He was so G on Mother's Day. Except for the one time he was like, can't wait for Father's Day. And I was like, you just lost. Lost everything. You don't get anything now that you said that, there is no Father's Day. It's only Mother's Day again. That's how I felt when he said that. It was crazy choice for him to say that.
Ryland Adams
What did fathers do anyways?
Lizzie Gordon
No, like, what do fathers do anyways? Like, name one thing a father's do.
Ryland Adams
We're waiting.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah, I'll just keep waiting, I guess.
Ryland Adams
And that's why I should be mother, period. Yeah. Yes.
Lizzie Gordon
Okay, we talk about this all the time.
Ryland Adams
All right, fine.
Lizzie Gordon
You may be a man, but sometimes you suffer like a woman.
Ryland Adams
I didn't have to go. I'm like a half mom, you know, like my body didn't go through it. The life force isn't being sucked out of me, but the duties are there.
Unknown
Excuses, excuses.
Ryland Adams
I know that you've probably had to.
Unknown
See a doctor recently, but you've pushed it off. You made the excuse, I'm too busy, it might heal on its own or I don't actually need help. I think all of us have been there because booking a doctor appointment can just feel so daunting. But thanks to Zocdoc, there's no reason to delay. They make it so easy to find and book a doctor who's right for you. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about booking in network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care, and and so many more. You can filter for doctors who take your insurance, who are located nearby and are a good fit for any medical needs you may have and are highly rated by verified patients. Once you find the right doctor, you can see their actual appointment openings. Choose a time slot that works for you and click to instantly book a visit. Appointments through Zocdoc happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. And you can even score same day appointments. I'm obsessed with Zocdoc. You go out of town, down, you need a doctor. You jump on Zocdoc and you find the perfect fit for you. Or even if you're not traveling, you're just at home and you need a specialist, you jump on to Zocdoc and it's so Convenient and fabulous. 10 out of 10. I love it. So stop putting off those doctor appointments. Go to ZocDoc.com the SIP to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's z o c-o c.com the Sip Zocdoc.com the Sip.
Lizzie Gordon
I fed Billy Tzatziki this morning in his high chair.
Ryland Adams
What the fuck is what.
Lizzie Gordon
It's all I want right now. All I Want is bread dipped in tzatziki. So I had to. I can't afford to keep going out and buying it from the fucking Mediterranean Panini Cafe or whatever that bitch is called that's by my house. So I was like, I'm just gonna have to make this from scratch. So I scratched myself some tzatziki this morning.
Ryland Adams
Is it breakfast?
Lizzie Gordon
No, but it's what I needed.
Ryland Adams
Is what Billy needed to.
Lizzie Gordon
So I made some for me and my son. He loved it. It. He got it all over his whole body. And I didn't want to give him a shower, so I just gave him a little whores bath with a little napkin. And then he pooped. And I had to change him while he's covered in dill and mint and yogurt. It was a nightmare. And I was like, joe, can you help? He's like, yeah. And I was like, now? Like, now I have to get ready to go to work.
Ryland Adams
Gotta go to Bristol Farms to get an asshole cake.
Lizzie Gordon
Anthony didn't even care I saw Scottie Pippen. Should we just go from bad to worse?
Ryland Adams
What? It still keeps continuing for you.
Lizzie Gordon
Keeps continuing for me? So you all know I got myself a couch because finally I wanted something that I could rot on.
Ryland Adams
Oh, yeah.
Lizzie Gordon
Which I did get to rot on.
Ryland Adams
Weird that you're not showing it anywhere.
Lizzie Gordon
I'm showing it this week on my vlog.
Ryland Adams
Oh, okay.
Lizzie Gordon
Anyway, the whole vlog is me getting pillows to, like, tie the room together and, like, making the house nice so it's something I can be, like, proud of instead of, like, people can't come in here.
Ryland Adams
You know what I mean? She's getting a nanny, so you have to have a presentable couch.
Lizzie Gordon
Like, do I for a nanny? I mean, she's got to know the truth. She's got to come in. She's got to know where hoarders. She's got to know it's not good out the gates. I don't want to lie, because I can't hold up a facade. Not like this. You know what I'm saying? I'm tired, girl. I can't do it. So when she comes in, she has to know. Well, they have a problem throwing stuff away. And it's not trash. It's just tchotchke. Anyway, okay, so I go out and I buy these pillow covers because I also like to keep, like, real pillows on the couch because we all like to rot on it. So we all want to, like, actually lay on a real ass pillow. So I keep real ass pillows on the couch. Instead of couch pillows. I also keep couch pillows and I want to have blankets that are big enough to go over an entire.
Ryland Adams
You have, like, bed pillows on the couch?
Lizzie Gordon
Yes.
Ryland Adams
Okay.
Lizzie Gordon
I always have.
Ryland Adams
Okay.
Lizzie Gordon
For years and years.
Ryland Adams
I got it. I don't. I'm not welcome there.
Lizzie Gordon
No. No one. Except for maybe a nanny who can accept us for the people that we are. The heathens, the trash, the monsters. So I go out to get new covers for the pillows, and I pick, like, a nice little creamy scheme y thing to go with the navy blue couches I got because it's, like, cute. I come home, they're all a little big and they all need to be washed anyways because I can't, like, trust anything I just buy in public. And besides, like, the conveyor belt got, like, weird black on some of it. So I'm like, already had to scrub some with some detergent in the sink, like, trying to get this grease off of it. Couldn't get the grease off of it. Whatever, it's fine. I put it in the washer. Joe and I get in that catastrophic fight DEFCON 1 fight. Then I go to move the from the washing machine to the dryer and it's all splotched with pink stuff. My entire blush palette fell into the wash. God knows how. Probably while I was multitasking and doing my makeup at the same time, probably.
Ryland Adams
While she was texting all 18 of her friends the four paragraph essay of what had just gone down, she forgot about the blush.
Lizzie Gordon
And here's the thing. I'm not the friend who cut and pastes the same copy to everyone. You all get your own version of the events.
Ryland Adams
That's the wildest thing about you.
Lizzie Gordon
It's hard having a lot of girlfriends, but you all deserve to know what's happening in real time. CNN thinks that they're pumping the news out in real time. No, it's me, girl. Like, y' all need a live stream this life, because it is drama city. Anyway, all my shit was ruined.
Ryland Adams
Oh, okay.
Lizzie Gordon
And then while I was fighting with Joe, I'm scrubbing the blush out in the sink, and I just kept looking at him and I was like, does it not seem like it's a bad time for this? Like, don't kick me while I'm down, dude. Obviously it's not going well for me over here. I'm in the sink just scrubbing the pink out of the like. But I. I managed to get the pink out, so the stuff's all good now.
Ryland Adams
See, the fight was resolved Before Mother's Day, she got the pink out of the stuff.
Lizzie Gordon
I love my husband.
Ryland Adams
That's a new co. Couch.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah.
Ryland Adams
The marriage remains strong.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah. I might have a nanny and I.
Ryland Adams
Honestly, I think that will solve a lot of issues. I think it's very common in the first year of a child's life to run into some riffs and whiffs and.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah. Well, also, like, we don't have any help. Like, we don't have family that lives nearby.
Ryland Adams
Like, I kept telling her. I was like, had Shane and I not had help, we would have killed each other. And it's not that you're. There's less love. It's that everyone's doing what takes a million people to do.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah. We've. We've literally in the last eight months. Because he's eight months old today. We haven't even.
Ryland Adams
Today.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah.
Ryland Adams
Wow.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah.
Ryland Adams
Cool.
Lizzie Gordon
He had some watermelon to celebrate with his dog. It was freaking out.
Ryland Adams
Did he like it?
Lizzie Gordon
He loved it.
Ryland Adams
Really?
Lizzie Gordon
He loves watermelon.
Ryland Adams
My babies are iffy on watermelon.
Lizzie Gordon
For real. Crazy.
Ryland Adams
They like every.
Lizzie Gordon
They love everything.
Ryland Adams
Every fruit and watermelon everything. But whatever. They also went through that two month phase where they didn't like eggs and now they can't get enough eggs. So, like, you can't trust them.
Lizzie Gordon
Eat eggs of this.
Ryland Adams
You can't trust them.
Lizzie Gordon
Got cheese on them. Otherwise he just screams at them.
Ryland Adams
My cheese had mold on it yesterday and I was like, there goes the eggs. And so I just handed it to them without eggs. Now guess who likes eggs?
Lizzie Gordon
Your kids. They're so tricky. And then a bird shit on my water bottle. That might be the end of my horrible day. And by day, I mean week.
Ryland Adams
And the most horrible part about that was that it was missed her. Because when a bird poops on you, it's technically good luck. And so the good luck missed her but still affected her life. Yeah, it's like you don't even get the good effects of the good luck.
Lizzie Gordon
I don't know that it's good luck to just have your on.
Ryland Adams
I think that's what that means.
Lizzie Gordon
Well, no, if it's like you, like maybe. But like, if it was just. It's just my stuff.
Ryland Adams
Well, that's what I'm saying. That's unlucky because, like the luck missed you.
Lizzie Gordon
Which is super weird because I'm literally one of the luckiest girls in the world. World. So it doesn't. It's like, it doesn't add up. I'm not good at math. But that's not mathing.
Ryland Adams
I'm invested for the first time ever in a conspiracy theory that I have created myself.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh, my God, is it the Ralph Lauren polar bear again?
Ryland Adams
Oh, I guess that's the second theory that I've ever been excited about. But I did. I divulged into that one on Shane's podcast. If you're looking for a good conspiracy theory, hit me up over there, period. I don't need to rehash it here, not now, because I have something else I'm pissed about. Motherfuckers. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I'm gonna take down the system right here and right now. So, you know, I've been meditating since 2020.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah.
Ryland Adams
I found an incredible app that I love to headspace. This man named Andy, who I believed was a co founder in it, would read me his meditations. I believe he was like studying this forever. Like, became maybe a monk himself. Maybe I'm making this up.
Lizzie Gordon
An actor? A voice actor?
Ryland Adams
No. Oh. Turns out I've been so, like, for years I've loved this.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah.
Ryland Adams
For years I've just been like touting it. I see all these other influencers and this has nothing to do with my beef with them, has nothing to do with them not sponsoring me. However, I do see them sponsor a lot of creators that have obviously never used the app a day in their life. And I can show them my stats that I've done so many hours meditating on this app. However, in recent months, honestly, even when I was number three recently, where you're sitting now, possibly pregnant with my husband's number three child, it's all gone downhill. And I started thinking like, so Andy's gone. I Google it and they're like, andy sold the company. And I'm like, oh, me, no wonder this is sucking now. And then it keeps getting more and more robotic, these meditations. And I'm like, these are conning me. And using AI voices is to guide these meditations. And I'm so pissed because I'm like, what the. I could probably go on chat GPT if I could figure that out.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah.
Ryland Adams
And just say, give me a 10 minute meditation and have somebody host it for me. And they would do that for free.
Lizzie Gordon
This is the end of the world.
Ryland Adams
Well, I'm here paying God knows how much a year.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah.
Ryland Adams
To have this robotic ass guide my meditations. And so I was meditating this morning and I said, you know what? I've had a nuff with this robotic bitch. And so I Google it and I'M like, is Headspace utilizing AI to guide their meditations, which is their entire fucking ploy, Guided meditations. And it says headspace acquired Alpine AI in 2018, a company specializing in voice enabled AI systems. They're saying it's not confirmed publicly whether they're using that for their guided meditation or just to have you be able to say like, hey, Google started meditation from Headspace.
Lizzie Gordon
Fuck you, Headspace. Unless you sponsor this pod and my friend Ryland finally, in which case you're a little bitch anyways.
Ryland Adams
The voice of. So then, like, honestly, this is AI that spits this out now? Because when I Google that, it's like an AI overview. And it's like if you want to.
Lizzie Gordon
Not have the AI overview, you have to do minus AI at the end of your Google search. Otherwise they're just like, AI is telling you this. AI is telling you this. AI is telling you this.
Ryland Adams
I will say I like Google's AI overview.
Lizzie Gordon
I don't.
Ryland Adams
What I don't like is paying for a service that is putting like a bot influencer in my head to read meditations that they're no longer curating themselves. And you know what, even if they are sitting and typing the script behind the computer, which I doubt they are, yeah, I'm still pissed about it because, like, the lore of Headspace is every day when you open it, it's like, like four different things and there's always like today's meditation. And it's like a unique take on something fresh that could be applied to anyone's life, but it has you thinking while meditating, like, you know, and so now I'm going to cancel my subscription because I'm like, this pisses me the fuck off.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah. And I will also say I don't like when Google's AI gives a summary of it because, okay, this is down a rabbit hole. But like, I did policy speech and debate in college. And the point of me saying this is no matter what, if you want to say something, you can find anything on the Internet to back up whatever it is that you want to say as your thesis statement.
Ryland Adams
Wow.
Lizzie Gordon
That doesn't mean that it's true. It just means that no matter what, somewhere in the world, somebody who seems more authoritative than you because they had the wherewithal to make their own blog to say whatever the they wanted to do on the Internet gave them the authority for you to cite in a speech in front of a bunch of people. It's stupid. That being said, everything that AI is going through is stuff that's on the Internet. So no matter what what you Google what the AI person is going to tell you back as a summary of events. Chance isn't necessarily fact checked by a person who actually knows the true nature of things. It's just taking in information from all of us that put information into it. So it's not even facts.
Ryland Adams
Well I'm kind of mind blown right.
Lizzie Gordon
Now and it pisses me off because you can literally put anything you want in there and it'll tell you whatever you want to hear depending on the algorithm that you've already created for yourself with your previous Google searches.
Ryland Adams
And I just want to say.
Lizzie Gordon
So we're all stupid and now we're all just being led by these stupid bots too. It's like. Like they've created an entire generation of people now who are absolutely goddamn useless. We don't think for ourselves. We ask Google what we should think and then Google tells us what we should think based off the algorithm they've made off of us while they spy on us while we're being stupid and pooping. Get out of here. Guys. We gotta start critical thinking again. We gotta or it's the end of the world. Have you seen Idiocracy? I checked that movie out in 2008 and never returned it. And one time they actually tried to bill me for it from the DVD rental in my hometown. Can you believe that shit?
Ryland Adams
And it gets expensive after it's past due.
Lizzie Gordon
Really expensive years.
Ryland Adams
It's not just like the total of the dvd. They're rac it up days in charges. Did you just wait until they went bankrupt and never no DVD to go.
Lizzie Gordon
Still exists in Scotts Valley.
Ryland Adams
There's a bill still.
Lizzie Gordon
I just can't go there. My face. I can't let your credit destroy. I literally can't let Linda know. I can't let Linda know that. I know you know what I mean.
Ryland Adams
I do also just want to clarify that my theory is just that a theory. And now I'm starting to wonder if AI just fed me what I wanted to hear. Although my gut instincts are that this is a robotic ass that's trying to mask is somebody that is helping guide my meditations which is supposed to make my life better but just angers me because she's robotic as.
Lizzie Gordon
No, that. That. Have you seen Terminator?
Ryland Adams
I don't know.
Lizzie Gordon
When I get a nanny. We should watch it. My husband's texted me twice and I'm scared that that means something wrong.
Ryland Adams
What's going on over there?
Lizzie Gordon
Just videos of my kids Screaming. Everything's fine.
Ryland Adams
She's gonna re watch that 14 times on our way to wherever we go today.
Lizzie Gordon
Yes.
Ryland Adams
She's gonna black out, have it at full volume and act like we need to be excited each time she plays it 14 different times.
Lizzie Gordon
Should I play it right now know?
Ryland Adams
No.
Lizzie Gordon
Okay.
Ryland Adams
Don't do that.
Lizzie Gordon
I will not.
Ryland Adams
I guess that's all that's been going on for me. I mean, this week will be exciting because my mom and my sister are coming in. We have like a hot girl mini cation planned for the weekend.
Lizzie Gordon
What are you guys doing?
Ryland Adams
Well, I don't want to say.
Lizzie Gordon
Why not?
Ryland Adams
We're just going on a little stay. I don't want to tell people where we're going.
Lizzie Gordon
Wait.
Ryland Adams
Cuz they, they can come in real time.
Lizzie Gordon
I want to know.
Ryland Adams
You know, just a little mini staycation. We're gonna go have some fun.
Lizzie Gordon
I want to go have some fun.
Ryland Adams
We'll hire your nanny and we can start having some fun.
Lizzie Gordon
Okay, I will.
Ryland Adams
And other than that, I've just been being a businesswoman. I'm. I'm literally trying to become a businesswoman.
Lizzie Gordon
Okay, can I ask a question without you being offended? Actually, I'm not gonna ask.
Ryland Adams
Well, now my curiosity has peaked.
Lizzie Gordon
No, I shan't be asking.
Ryland Adams
Tell me a category.
Lizzie Gordon
Honestly. You stay empowered and you live your life. You be a businesswoman.
Ryland Adams
Girl.
Lizzie Gordon
Let's talk about how you've taken control. Let's talk about it.
Ryland Adams
Really, it's boring because all of the things I've been doing, I can't yet talk about.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh, why would you even put it there?
Ryland Adams
Because I have to be like. Well, this is why I have nothing going on.
Lizzie Gordon
Cause he's being a businesswoman.
Ryland Adams
Well, lots of things. We've finally made decisions about the Colorado house. But I'm not gonna say that just yet. Yet we finally landed on something that I want to create, which is really cool and well, whatever. I'm just gonna be one of those.
Lizzie Gordon
And he's going on a vacation that no one can know about?
Ryland Adams
No, we're just going to a hotel and having some fun.
Lizzie Gordon
What?
Ryland Adams
Now you're offended?
Lizzie Gordon
I'm devastated no one invited me.
Ryland Adams
You never come.
Lizzie Gordon
I wouldn't. I want to be invited.
Ryland Adams
I ask you. It's just me, Shane, my mom and my sister.
Lizzie Gordon
My babies aren't even fun.
Ryland Adams
I'm like, I have to be home on my birthday.
Lizzie Gordon
That's a lot of people for it to must be. You know what I'm saying? It's just me, Shane, my mom, my Sister. This guy I met at the bus stop, Scottie Pippen, his daughter.
Ryland Adams
Literally, my favorite people in the world aren't even invited. My own children.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh, I was like, so is it me?
Ryland Adams
Okay, girls.
Unknown
Today's podcast is sponsored by HelloFresh, who makes it easier to fit quick home cooked meals into your schedule every week by curating recipes like pasta primavara, chicken Dijon and pecan crusted trout, as well as over 100 seasonal snacks, sides and treats. In 2025, HelloFresh is evolving to fit every lifestyle by bringing customers even more convenience without compromising on the taste, health or homemade quality. Their new ready made meals offer chef crafted, flavorful dishes that are ready in just three minutes so that you can dig in and get outside, get work done, or just get get some me time. Every HelloFresh meal uses high quality ingredients, including seasonal fresh produce and proteins that travel from the farm to your doorstep. HelloFresh is very convenient. They have flexible deliveries that you can pause or skip whenever you need. The thing I love most about HelloFresh is that I don't have to do any meal prep. All the ingredients are delivered to my doorstep. And they've actually taught me so much about cooking because I just follow their step by step guides. I've never been good in the kitchen, but I, I can accomplish a hellofresh meal, which makes me feel fantastic. So feel great with meals that fit into your spring schedule and make the season even more delicious. Go to hellofresh.com the Sip10FM to get 10 free meals with a free item for life. One box with active subscription free meals applied as discount on first box. New subscribers only. Varies by plan. That's hellofresh.com the sip10fp fam for 10 free meals with a free item for life.
Ryland Adams
Well, I think you did put some hot toppity tops down here. Yeah. Okay.
Lizzie Gordon
Okay. They're pretty hot. So grab your iced tea, grab your room temp matchas from your husbands and get ready to be shocked. Because according to who? You know what? I think this is like a no 1 thing on the Internet. You know what I mean? Like, this is one of those things that AI is like telling you it's facts.
Ryland Adams
And if I'm being honest, when I clicked on the link, think it's pulling women in Paris is saying French women.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah.
Ryland Adams
Are all French women Parisian, I think. Or is there other Frenchmen in the continent?
Lizzie Gordon
You're right. Oh, continent. Maybe country.
Ryland Adams
Oh, oh, no.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh, no. Anyways. Oh no.
Ryland Adams
Bring back. Are you smarter than the fifth grader? Somebody requested it because they wanted to see how dumb we are. There you go.
Lizzie Gordon
No, we're not dumb. We're really smart.
Ryland Adams
We're really smart girls. If there's something about us, it's how smart we are.
Lizzie Gordon
We critically really think that's how smart we are. When we're being fed information from AI, we know it, we turn it off, we say AI.
Ryland Adams
Okay, I'm still watching the AI, although I'm not chat gpting.
Lizzie Gordon
Chris fights with Chat GPT a lot.
Ryland Adams
Oh, just a lot. Just when you're feeling like you need to fight with somebody, you just pull out Chat GPT start a fight.
Lizzie Gordon
Not that much, but sometimes ask her.
Ryland Adams
Her hot take on something controversial and you're just like, you're a chat that you GPT. Can you, how do you do it? Do you just download an app?
Lizzie Gordon
I won't pay for anything. I won't download anything either. I just use. If I'm like gonna fight with it, I'll just go on my computer and sign in through like a fake thing. I won't even give it my email because I'm scared of it anyway. According to it, you could probably.
Ryland Adams
I see people doing so much with it.
Chris
Siri uses chat GBT now for what? They're just like combined now.
Ryland Adams
Wow. Wow.
Lizzie Gordon
We really should watch Terminator. So in a shocking turn of events, beards have been decidedly the biggest turn off for women in men. Which is shocking because we're two women who are married to men with beards.
Ryland Adams
I'm a man with a beard.
Lizzie Gordon
You are a man with a beard.
Ryland Adams
I disagree. I disagree with you.
Lizzie Gordon
I think we think beards are hot. But it says 50% of French women surveyed have an actual fear of facial hair.
Ryland Adams
Whoa, 45. Wait, 50 of people surveyed have that phobia?
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah. Meanwhile, 45 appreciate a man with a beard. But they're choosy about the style. And you heard it here first, their.
Ryland Adams
Preference, I mean, I, I, it clicked. Their preference was a three day shade shave. Like they liked the stubble after it had been shaved for three days. And I'm just like, I don't know.
Lizzie Gordon
I agree with that.
Ryland Adams
Facial hair has never really been a make or break for me. It's dependent on the person because there's some people that shave their beard and you're like, bring the beard back. And there's some people that have a beard and you're like, lose the beard.
Lizzie Gordon
Brother Joe has sometimes a way too big beard. I'm like, that's not who we are, baby. You gotta get rid of that, bro. Like, I hate that.
Ryland Adams
Wow. Do you bring him the same energy that you bring me when you judge his beard that's too long? Yes.
Lizzie Gordon
My hate knows no bounds.
Ryland Adams
Now I know where his. His problem stemmed from with you.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh, whose side are you on now?
Ryland Adams
Okay, I told you to kill him. Drag him through the house with blood everywhere. Just don't subpoena me.
Lizzie Gordon
I swear to God, I didn't kill him. He fell over the baby gate, but.
Ryland Adams
He didn't have any pants on, so.
Lizzie Gordon
I wanted to cover his penis so that he wouldn't be embarrassed when you guys came to collect his body. But I didn't do it. They're like, ma' am, your whole phone is full of paragraphs in great detail about how you're gonna kill him. And his wounds match the wounds of some of the things you said you were gonna do to kill him.
Ryland Adams
It's also interesting that you moved the baby gate from the kitchen to the hallway so it was five feet earlier than it was.
Lizzie Gordon
No, it wasn't in the hallway. It was in the kitchen still. Bitch, what are you doing?
Ryland Adams
God.
Lizzie Gordon
This is how innocent people end up in jail.
Ryland Adams
I watched presume innocence. Don't remember who the killer was.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh, should we spoil it?
Ryland Adams
No, no, no, no. Don't be crazy.
Lizzie Gordon
I want to spoil it. I feel really crazy right now. If I put up a peace sign, can I say, hey, what the. Did it. You never see it coming, but that fucking crazy. Okay, spoiler over.
Ryland Adams
Did you watch it?
Lizzie Gordon
That felt good. That was a little crazy, wasn't it? Why did it feel so good to ruin something? Do I need. Do I need help? Why did I do that?
Chris
Is that really what happened?
Lizzie Gordon
Happened? Yep.
Ryland Adams
Wow.
Lizzie Gordon
Sorry.
Ryland Adams
I couldn't remember, so, I don't know. I could watch the whole thing again.
Lizzie Gordon
I told you guys I was gonna spoil it. I put the fingers up. I said, if you don't want it to be spoiled, then do not watch this. Skip ahead to when the fingers go down. I said it all very clearly.
Ryland Adams
Okay, next topic.
Lizzie Gordon
I have to pee so bad. We have a new pope, and he's American.
Ryland Adams
So do we have a new Pope, or is there just an American Pope that's not an American?
Lizzie Gordon
There's only one Pope, baby.
Ryland Adams
Well, you wrote, we have a new American Pope.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah, he's a pope, and he's American.
Ryland Adams
So how did an American get the coveted spot?
Lizzie Gordon
Well, a lot of people think it's because he petitioned to include interesting people to the panel of the Conclave, where it was Decidedly. So a person was elected as the Pope.
Ryland Adams
I don't understand.
Lizzie Gordon
I don't either. And that's why that just happened.
Chris
He also lived in Peru for 40 years.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh, he lived in 40.
Ryland Adams
So he seems like a Peruvian Pope.
Lizzie Gordon
Are you sure it was Peru?
Ryland Adams
Who's getting a call?
Lizzie Gordon
It's me. It's my husband. I should probably take it.
Ryland Adams
What does he want?
Lizzie Gordon
He just ignored. He just hung up. This is. Man, that's crazy. Maybe he wasn't calling me. Who knows? Maybe it was my son calling me from my husband's phone. Anyway, notice how my phone's on work mode, but the person who can get through is my husband, and my husband just has me on silent. This is why.
Ryland Adams
Oh, now he's messaging you. What's the drama? I'm curious.
Lizzie Gordon
I was just calling you back. Nothing's going on.
Ryland Adams
Oh, cool. Thanks for ruining our podcast, bro. I want him dead. Move the baby tonight.
Lizzie Gordon
I've got a new baby gate in the mail. Honestly.
Ryland Adams
Okay, what's next?
Lizzie Gordon
So Taylor and Travis Kelsey were spotted out for Mother's Day. They went out with Mama Kelsey.
Ryland Adams
Okay. And apparently they left Andrea Swift to die.
Lizzie Gordon
Well, that's.
Ryland Adams
They moved the baby gate.
Lizzie Gordon
I was like, that's crazy. But I guess she was there too. None of this is interesting to me except for the fact that Travis Kelce literally has your hair.
Ryland Adams
It's a little shorter. It's like the manicured version of mine. And it probably looks better than mine.
Lizzie Gordon
His looks like a wig to me.
Ryland Adams
Well, he does the tight sides with, like, the. The bigger top.
Lizzie Gordon
And what would you say you do a loose side?
Ryland Adams
No, mine's just long. Mine's like a blob. And that's because I worked so hard on the length. I'm not ready to commit to something permanent yet. But I am leaning more. More towards. This is so tightening up the tops and going a little shorter, but having, like, the long look, but tailored. But that's more maintenance and upkeep. I just have to decide, like, am I going to be a long, long girl or am I going to be a short, maintained girl? And right now, Travis Kelsey is the short maintained, long version girl.
Lizzie Gordon
I think it's great.
Ryland Adams
Okay. Okay, cool.
Lizzie Gordon
This is the hot tea, though. It's like, I guess it's not that hot because Blake's team's already replied again. Anyways, again, we're all aware that Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni are in a massive legal battle. And every week it's a new he said, she said dropped in the Tabloids. Another backhanded thing. Another backhanded thing. The most interesting thing to me that you and I have been texting about but haven't brought to the show is that Travis unfollowed Ryan and Blake.
Ryland Adams
And I think Taylor orchestrated this. I don't. I think Travis is smart enough to know, like, you can't make a bold public facing move like that without the permission.
Lizzie Gordon
You think Travis is smart enough for anything?
Ryland Adams
I think think Taylor has a tight leash. I think she's been on and around fame and this kind of environment for long enough to control the variables around her. I don't think that man would so much as speak without getting permission on what she thinks he can say.
Lizzie Gordon
Here's what I think had happened. I think he sees her being incredibly frustrated because of what's going on. And it's like, okay, I got it. It's annoying. You're being subpoenaed. Your information is gonna be out there. That's terrifying. What has she been saying in private is all about cats or is it nasty? What if she heard text messages say things like, I am trying to bogart Billie Eilish's climb to the top right now by releasing another version of TTPD on the same.
Ryland Adams
Whoa, that would be great. This is why you cannot text things.
Lizzie Gordon
I will never talk to you again. Ryland. I get it. I'm scared. I'm shaking in my dead Aunt Patricia's slippers. Okay?
Ryland Adams
Because Lizzie always used to be like, well, what you think they're gonna hack? I was like, it's not. You can get.
Lizzie Gordon
You never explained the Taylor Swiftness of it. Anyway. Okay, so that if anyone texts me.
Ryland Adams
Anything remotely drama or gossipy, they're blocked. You're blocked. And you can reach me on Instagram dms, where I don't have notifications and I don't.
Lizzie Gordon
Look, I'm blocked.
Ryland Adams
You can call me.
Lizzie Gordon
Well, I'm also blocked from calling.
Ryland Adams
No, you're not blocked. I just. The notification comes through for calls.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh, I'll definitely call you.
Ryland Adams
Okay, thank you.
Lizzie Gordon
Okay, so Taylor Swift responds. And like, the most catty part of it is, like, I didn't even see the movie until weeks after it came out. And then it was just on in the background while I scrolled through my phone. I added the scroll part. That wasn't part of it.
Ryland Adams
She did say on in the background.
Lizzie Gordon
No, I made all of that up. It did say I didn't even see the movie until weeks after it.
Ryland Adams
She said the only involvement. Or she. I mean, her team said the only involvement she had was allowing the song to be used in the trailer. But it seems like from everything we have heard, she was actually at the dinner. Yeah, I mean, I don't know that she knew that she was gonna be at that dinner.
Lizzie Gordon
No know.
Ryland Adams
But whatever.
Lizzie Gordon
But I think no matter what, she has to testify to the fact that she was there and she's evidence in Khaleesi's dragons. Textual implications.
Ryland Adams
Such a nightmare.
Chris
Oh, no.
Ryland Adams
It's okay. Who needs it?
Lizzie Gordon
We really needed it.
Ryland Adams
Such a nightmare for Taylor Swift. I do feel for her because it's like, oh my God, how annoying to be just thrown into legal drama that isn't even yours. But Lizzy and I's big fight with that. She adamantly believes that Travis did this without Taylor knowing. And I strongly stand firm in knowing.
Lizzie Gordon
Travis was like, he would not do.
Ryland Adams
This behind her back because it's like that causes a huge. And then we got so mad about it, we started screaming at each other over it. Like a friendly scream, you know, like.
Lizzie Gordon
Well, the same way I'm friendly killing my husband and. But here's the deal.
Ryland Adams
Then I said, you know what? It's easier when Taylor Swift isn't in the headlines for our friend friendship.
Lizzie Gordon
It really is. You have a really complicated thing with Taylor Swift. I don't know what that's about.
Ryland Adams
No, I love her.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah, but like, you also have a really complicated.
Ryland Adams
Okay, okay.
Lizzie Gordon
You're faster to defend Katy Perry going to space than you are anything about Taylor Swift, who you love.
Ryland Adams
It's easier for me to get behind somebody that the whole world's hating because I feel for them. Everyone loves Taylor Swift. And even if you don't, I know everyone's gonna be like, we hate when you talk about her. We don't like her. Doesn't matter. She. She's a loved being.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah. Beloved.
Ryland Adams
She's beloved.
Lizzie Gordon
I truly think Travis is like, these people are annoying my woman. I'm going to go out on a limb here. I'm going to give her a little gift. I'm going to unfollow. And then they unfollowed. And she was like, God damn it, Travis. And that's why we haven't seen them in public for a little while.
Ryland Adams
And now you think they're fighting over it?
Lizzie Gordon
No, I think she's over it now.
Ryland Adams
That's terms for a breakup.
Lizzie Gordon
Cuz I also think she's pregnant, so it's like they can't.
Ryland Adams
Oh my God. The way that you make things up about this woman is probably Pregnant with twins.
Lizzie Gordon
We're both pregnant with twins. It's going to lead to our friendship and it's gonna be a really good.
Ryland Adams
All right, let's get into some advice though. All right.
Lizzie Gordon
I have to pee, so.
Ryland Adams
Well, we're only gonna do one, so. It's okay. Just pick the. I'll give you two headlines. You guys pick. Gay husband but sad. Hi, you guys. Or sister with my ex behind my back.
Lizzie Gordon
Sister with my ex behind my back. Wow, that sounds like a clue. Murder charge. You know what I'm saying?
Ryland Adams
Yeah. Which one do you like?
Lizzie Gordon
Sister with my ex behind my back. Okay, your husband's probably gay, right? Like, is that what their question is? Gay husband, but sad.
Ryland Adams
I mean, I'm sure the sadness is that he's gay. Wow.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh, yeah, no, I, I, I read that a little bit. I think he's gay.
Ryland Adams
Is she?
Lizzie Gordon
Okay, should I read it?
Ryland Adams
Well, now I'm curious.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah, I need advice on my marriage. My husband told me he hooked up with a man when I was on a girls trip, but says he ain't gay and wanted to try something new. Went through his phone and found out he's been on a fair website since December, the month my mom passed away.
Ryland Adams
On an affair website sight. Yeah, I thought like fair seems like a county fair to me.
Lizzie Gordon
No, an affair. And he has, it's different. He has been paying only fans since we've been dating back in 2021. We have been married for only a year. I feel so disrespected and confused. What should I do? Thanks.
Ryland Adams
Regardless of if it's with a man or a woman, he can't just casually tell you I experimented while you were out on a girls trip. Cheating is cheating. Is cheating. Is cheating.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah, even if you're experimenting with a man, it's cheating that's still cheating.
Ryland Adams
Like this man just cheated on you. And I am so sorry because this is so devastating and I truly wish that people felt safe enough and comfortable enough to explore who they are and their sexual identity before committing to a long term relationship. Which is why you and I disagreed a while back when I was like a person that isn't involved should maybe become involved. Because I don't like seeing people's lives lives ruined. Like, yes, you're only in a year, but like you've committed to a life with this person and you've probably already dreamt about what your life looks like until the end of time with this man and to come home not only realizing you've been cheated on, but that it Was with a man and your husband's exploring. It's just like you.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah, that's gonna be a hard pass for me. Any guy who's like, I something else, I'm gonna be like, well, then go that other thing for the rest of your life and I'm gonna ruin your life. Life.
Ryland Adams
Yeah. I don't. I honestly don't even care if it's one of those, like, machines. I don't like it.
Lizzie Gordon
If I. You're dead to me.
Ryland Adams
I'm so sorry.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah, no, you don't deserve that.
Ryland Adams
There's really no way through this. And if you hit me up in a year and you're like, we made it through, I'm going to be like, damn, I was wrong.
Lizzie Gordon
I'm going to be like, check his phone.
Ryland Adams
But I'm sorry. That's devastating and a bummer. And he's probably bi at least honest.
Lizzie Gordon
I don't even give a what his sexual orientation is. He's a cheater.
Ryland Adams
Yeah.
Lizzie Gordon
And that's all you need to know.
Ryland Adams
And the appropriate way for him to handle this scenario would have been. I am so sorry, but I am having feelings that I cannot.
Lizzie Gordon
That's my toenail.
Ryland Adams
Oh, my God. I thought there was a demon alien coming from the roof to sneak it and kill me.
Lizzie Gordon
I told you, I have have to pee so bad.
Ryland Adams
Okay, we gotta go. See you guys later. I hope you had a great time.
Lizzie Gordon
Wait, I need to know about the sister with the X behind.
Ryland Adams
We're gonna do that in the car, are we? Who knows?
Lizzie Gordon
Promise me gifts.
Ryland Adams
Oh, gifts. Oh, oh, and the cake. I gotta take a bite of the cake.
Lizzie Gordon
Okay, I'm gonna say something.
Ryland Adams
You guys.
Lizzie Gordon
I don't think you want to eat the frosting of the butt and the splooge.
Ryland Adams
Oh, what? Should I just take a stick and then go like. Oh, I kind of just want to it like this.
Lizzie Gordon
It like that. It hard it good.
Ryland Adams
And that keeps it germ safe. So if you wanted to it like this, Chris, you also could it like this.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh, Chris Pratt forks.
Ryland Adams
Dude, I'm not. He already said that. And I already denied.
Lizzie Gordon
You can throw me a fork, brother. There's been because I don't want a lady finger. It looks like it's coated in suggie.
Ryland Adams
You.
Lizzie Gordon
You just got the cream.
Ryland Adams
Do that to the mic. Well, what else is there?
Lizzie Gordon
There's the coffee mix. It's a like a coffee flavored thing here. Do you want want to. Do you want this? Do you want a real bite? Oh, I'm trapped. Doesn't that it is nice. It's different than any cake I feel like you were going to get.
Ryland Adams
It's definitely different than any cake I was going to get.
Lizzie Gordon
Can I have a fresh fork so that I can also have a bite?
Ryland Adams
Wow.
Lizzie Gordon
It's good, huh?
Ryland Adams
Yeah. And I. Wow. It is not secured to the cake plate.
Lizzie Gordon
It's Chris. You booby trapped the out of this.
Ryland Adams
You wanted me dead.
Lizzie Gordon
Chris read his texts. Yeah, I thought you'd like that cuz it's coffee flavored.
Ryland Adams
Does Chris like coffee?
Lizzie Gordon
No. You? Do you?
Ryland Adams
I also like the lady fingers.
Lizzie Gordon
This is. They're lady fingers that are like dipped in espresso or something and then cream is put around them. It fucks pretty hard. It's not too sweet. Like you could go dummy on that.
Ryland Adams
Wait, I didn't get enough of that cake mixture in there.
Chris
I love it.
Lizzie Gordon
It fucks so hard.
Ryland Adams
It's so good. Oh, there's more cake than I. All my bites were really creamy until now.
Lizzie Gordon
I was trying to tell you.
Chris
That's so good.
Lizzie Gordon
It's really good.
Ryland Adams
Wow. All right.
Lizzie Gordon
This might be my favorite cake. Actually. This had nothing to do with you.
Ryland Adams
Wow. Nice. Okay, which one? Which bag should I open first?
Lizzie Gordon
Who cares?
Ryland Adams
Okay, I'll go for the big daddy back here.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh my God. That was big as.
Ryland Adams
Wow. It's not that crazy. Look how beautiful the tissue paper is. Do you have a master's degree in tissue paper, Chris?
Lizzie Gordon
Chris is like Mary Poppins of parties.
Ryland Adams
I'm not kidding. Are you. Do you.
Lizzie Gordon
Do you see he has a tiny little purse back there and when you open it, an umbrella comes out and just fills things with helium. And then he just pulls out this little.
Ryland Adams
Oh my God. It's like a gift basket of a million things. Look it. Chris knew that we were talking about our girl. Wow. Our girl. Taylor Swift, 1989. Thank you. Another hat.
Lizzie Gordon
It's okay to be gay.
Ryland Adams
I'm a lucky dad.
Lizzie Gordon
Aw.
Ryland Adams
Father's Day came early.
Lizzie Gordon
Nice.
Ryland Adams
Actually, this is beautiful. Now I have two new hats because Lizzy got me a beautiful hat. And this is an opposite color palette, but equally as beautiful. Honestly, this is incredible.
Lizzie Gordon
It's a good one.
Ryland Adams
Wow.
Lizzie Gordon
Are you announcing your pregnancy?
Ryland Adams
Yes. You guys, actually, I don't. I'm so on the fence about a third and I'm. I know.
Lizzie Gordon
Are you for real?
Ryland Adams
This isn't the drama I needed to bring.
Lizzie Gordon
Are you for real? Because some of us have already over committed to a third.
Ryland Adams
Hold on. I'm trying to like bring the bag down, but also oh, my gosh. A happy birthday cupcake. Oh, my God.
Lizzie Gordon
Eat it.
Ryland Adams
I've never seen Chris's handwriting before. It feels like I know something too intimate about him.
Chris
It's really bad.
Ryland Adams
Now I know something too intimate about him.
Lizzie Gordon
Intimate.
Ryland Adams
This is so cute.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh, what is that for?
Ryland Adams
This is for. Anytime you say something a little crazy, I just shoot you a little bit.
Lizzie Gordon
You gave him a weapon, Chris.
Ryland Adams
Wow.
Chris
We live in la. Sometimes you gotta have that thing.
Ryland Adams
Can you imagine? Somebody's robbing my house and I'm like, I have a Nerf gun. Back the up. Honestly, this is going to be so.
Lizzie Gordon
The fact that he's opening it right now scares me.
Ryland Adams
Oh, yeah, you're dead.
Lizzie Gordon
I'm so scared.
Ryland Adams
You've already died.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh, no.
Ryland Adams
Okay, well, I'll. I want to do it so bad. I want all of you dead right now.
Lizzie Gordon
And now I've powered him up on espresso cake.
Ryland Adams
Does that have actual coffee in it?
Lizzie Gordon
Yes.
Ryland Adams
Oh, no.
Lizzie Gordon
It's good.
Ryland Adams
Oh, no.
Lizzie Gordon
Do you love it?
Ryland Adams
What's the. Wow.
Chris
This is.
Ryland Adams
Okay, I'm gonna have to do this on the after. I'm gonna have to shoot you guys on the afters if you want to see me shoot them dead to their death.
Lizzie Gordon
Join the Patreon.
Ryland Adams
Join the Patreon.
Lizzie Gordon
Cue the. Cue the comments. They've taken this too far.
Ryland Adams
Yeah. Can you pull out the other things while I'm doing this, Lizzie?
Lizzie Gordon
Oh, the other gifts.
Ryland Adams
Yeah, there's two more things in there. Chris really went all out with a full blown gift basket.
Lizzie Gordon
This is called a gift for you. Thank you. And it's a photo. Hold on. It is.
Ryland Adams
Oh, my gosh.
Lizzie Gordon
A cube of photos.
Ryland Adams
That is really cute.
Chris
It's your family at all different stages before the kids were there, as they got older, all different.
Ryland Adams
That is so cute. I can put it on my desk and I can rotate it. That's very cute. Thank you, Chris. Wow.
Lizzie Gordon
Okay. Okay, this is the last one. One. That's a silly one for the girls. A party game.
Ryland Adams
A game we can play on the.
Lizzie Gordon
Podcast on the go.
Ryland Adams
Honestly, we haven't played a podcast game in quite a long time, so I think we could do that next week.
Lizzie Gordon
I love it.
Ryland Adams
That would be very fun.
Lizzie Gordon
Maybe you've ever gotten a body piercing.
Ryland Adams
Maybe if my mom and my sister. Come on. We could play that with.
Lizzie Gordon
I love it. Give this card to our biggest.
Ryland Adams
I love it. I'm loading my Nerf gun and I'm ready to. You guys.
Lizzie Gordon
Are you sure that's how you load it?
Ryland Adams
Yes.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh.
Ryland Adams
I'm. I'm gonna shoot them. Duck, Chris.
Lizzie Gordon
It hit me.
Ryland Adams
2 and 1. I killed them both. I'm a fucking. Watch out. Watch. I get demonetized for having a gun. Oh, no.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh, no.
Ryland Adams
Oh, no.
Lizzie Gordon
Thanks, Chris.
Ryland Adams
My babies are gonna love this too.
Lizzie Gordon
Okay, one more. This is from me.
Ryland Adams
From the Elizabeth Gordon.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah.
Ryland Adams
Newport beach and Studio City. You're scaring me.
Lizzie Gordon
Why?
Ryland Adams
I don't know. Look at the pink wrapping.
Lizzie Gordon
It's just a bunch of brats. Camp her out.
Ryland Adams
Look who thought of me for Mother's Day. Mom of the Year.
Lizzie Gordon
That is so cute.
Ryland Adams
I'll wear it next week on next week's podcast. That is so cute. Oh, it's Favorite daughter.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah.
Ryland Adams
Interesting.
Lizzie Gordon
I almost accidentally bought you a shirt that says favorite daughter because it was blue and I thought they just all said mom of the year because something's wrong with it.
Ryland Adams
No, it's a brand. It's the. It's the lady that created. Nobody wants this.
Lizzie Gordon
Cute. Yeah, I like it a lot.
Ryland Adams
Yeah, it's very cute. And I love a white T shirt.
Lizzie Gordon
Honestly, I think it's a little see through, but I think you're gonna look good in it.
Ryland Adams
That's okay. I'll just make sure my nipples are hard and you guys can all enjoy the mommy of the year. Oh, God, I wonder. Oh, okay.
Lizzie Gordon
He just keeps pointing it at me.
Ryland Adams
Okay, well, thank you guys so much. This was so nice. This is so beautiful. I can't believe I'm 34 years old. Wow. Incredible.
Lizzie Gordon
He made it.
Ryland Adams
She's made it to 34.
Lizzie Gordon
Looks like he made it.
Ryland Adams
Okay, you guys, we'll see you in a second. Goodbye.
Lizzie Gordon
We've come now, baby.
Unknown
These days, not everyone delivers.
Ryland Adams
But you know who does?
Unknown
Harry's. Harry's sends quality razors right to your door. For a fraction of the price of the big brands, Harry's delivers an incredible shave at an unbeatable value. They have German engineered blades made in their own factory that stay sharp longer. Harry's has customizable delivery options for scheduled refills as low as $2. Half of what you pay for the other big brands. When I first started using Harry's about. About a year ago, I couldn't believe what showed up to my doorstep. These products are beautiful and they feel luxurious. It's weighted and it elevates my whole shaving routine. And while the quality of their shave is incredible, they don't just stop there. They have richly lathering skin softening body wash, incense like redwood wildlands and stone extra strength High quality. Amazing. Selling deodorants for just $5 and hair and other grooming products that fit your unique look and needs, Harry's has the highest customer satisfaction in the shaving industry. They have a no risk trial. If you don't like your shave, no worries, it's on them. They also have a convenient subscription option that you can cancel at any time. So try out this magical razor for yourself. Normally, their trial set is $10, but right now you can get it for just $8, plus a free gift at Harry's.com sip that's our exclusive link. Harry's.com sip for an $8 trial set, set and free gift. Harry's.com sip this is the sip.
Lizzie Gordon
Welcome back to the sip official podcast. I'm Lizzie Gordon, and this is Ryland Ryan Adams.
Ryland Adams
I did just do that when I checked out when we were shopping. Can I get a name for the receipt, Ryan? Because it's like, I don't want to spell Ryland. And then they're gonna be like, not.
Lizzie Gordon
Even my real name. My credit card doesn't even say.
Ryland Adams
Okay, so we're trying the pistachio Dubai chocolates for the sip. And also now Dubai milkshakes have been popping up everywhere. So I saw this one the other day. I didn't get it, but today we're gonna get it. It looks delicious. There's a promo picture outside, and so we're.
Lizzie Gordon
Is there strawberries in it?
Ryland Adams
This viral Internet snack. Are you guys excited?
Lizzie Gordon
You know who else is a viral Internet snack?
Ryland Adams
Who?
Lizzie Gordon
You.
Ryland Adams
What do you mean?
Lizzie Gordon
You're a viral Internet snack?
Ryland Adams
Okay, thanks. You have something in your teeth. And honestly, now you tell me. The person that shrieked when I said we were trying the Dubai chocolate was.
Chris
Oh, I'm so excited. I've been seeing this stuff online on TikTok, everywhere, all over the place, and I've never seen it in person. And I'm so excited.
Lizzie Gordon
The way that you just weaponize that there's something in my teeth is so violent, and then you don't even help me.
Ryland Adams
I'm sorry. So this is what they've got going on. It's interesting because I haven't seen it done with strawberries before.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh, my God.
Chris
I think.
Lizzie Gordon
Girl, I don't think there's anything in my teeth.
Ryland Adams
I think Chris is trying to do you dirty because there's definitely. It's this one, it's that one. You don't see it here. Is that just permanently a part of your teeth?
Lizzie Gordon
Me? What are you talking about? Sucks to suck I can't see.
Chris
So what is the thing that looks. I don't know how to put it. It looks grassy.
Ryland Adams
Pistachios. Oh, I love pistachios. Pistachios is what makes it, like, the Dubai stuff. The crumbles down. Well, I guess I don't know what the cream is. Maybe it's matcha. I'm not actually sure. Where's an ingredient list? Oh, my God. I thought it was, like, the milkshake.
Lizzie Gordon
Thank you.
Ryland Adams
Oh, thank you.
Lizzie Gordon
See? It's not a milkshake.
Ryland Adams
No, in fact. In fact, it's hot.
Chris
Somebody literally just walked up to us and said how incredible it is.
Ryland Adams
Wait, I thought it was a shake. Oh, my God.
Lizzie Gordon
There's a perfect Boston terrier.
Chris
Are you disappointed?
Ryland Adams
Well, Shake Shack has. Yes, I am, because, like, Shake Shack has the Dubai chocolate shake right now, and to me, that looks.
Chris
There's a Shake Shack across the street, so we could do that.
Ryland Adams
Also, this one doesn't have it. I've already been in there.
Lizzie Gordon
Chris, stop embarrassing him in public. Chris. I'm sorry. Oh, what's this place? Why didn't we go here?
Chris
That's the new steak place.
Lizzie Gordon
I said, oh, my God.
Ryland Adams
Chris was campaigning for this place, too. Okay, what are we gonna do? Go sit in the car four miles away from us.
Lizzie Gordon
I know. We're gonna get our steps in.
Ryland Adams
I can't just let this melt. Whoa.
Lizzie Gordon
What is that? Breakfast burrito.
Chris
Oh, that's how this started. Rylan's like, I don't want it to melt because it's a milkshake. And you're like, it's not a milkshake. And he was like, it is a milkshake.
Lizzie Gordon
And then, no, it's not a milkshake.
Ryland Adams
Then what do you think it is?
Lizzie Gordon
I just think it's some strawberries with some chocolate and pistachio crumbles.
Ryland Adams
Okay.
Chris
What was that?
Lizzie Gordon
This looks like baby, which we've seen.
Ryland Adams
A lot of in our day.
Lizzie Gordon
This is, like, breastfed baby, honestly.
Ryland Adams
Yeah, it does look like that.
Lizzie Gordon
Also, did that guy work for Dubai? Like, why was he up in our grill being like, you got to get the Dubai strawberries you already got.
Ryland Adams
No, he saw that we had already ordered it, and he was like, are you guys rolling? And we were like, no. And he's like, dang, that Dubai stuffs everything. I think he's just goes to that 24 hours.
Lizzie Gordon
I think he's one marker.
Ryland Adams
Sorry.
Lizzie Gordon
I think he's an influencer, and he's trying to influence us, and it's hard.
Ryland Adams
Not to hear what we're talking about because we're screaming. I think there's another fork under here.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh, we can share a fork.
Chris
Did we bring the.
Ryland Adams
I love the forks.
Lizzie Gordon
God damn it, Chris. Chris bought really cute happy birthday forks.
Ryland Adams
No, we're going back to try the chocolate. So is this coconut shavings? What's also. Oh, we should get some pictures.
Lizzie Gordon
I mean, it's.
Ryland Adams
Oh, are you worried about lighting?
Lizzie Gordon
I'm just doing what you would tell me to do. One time you yelled at me just to scoot forward a bunch, so I'm scooting forward. I can't win with you.
Ryland Adams
It is just like a bunch of chocolate melted.
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah. How is it? I kind of hated how you consumed it.
Chris
I know you're disappointed because you wanted.
Ryland Adams
A smoothie, but also, it's just like.
Lizzie Gordon
It's just chocolate.
Ryland Adams
It's just like melted chocolate you're putting in your mouth, which, like.
Lizzie Gordon
Well, for fun.
Ryland Adams
Oh, my God. Do you know what I mean, though?
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah, I do.
Ryland Adams
Like, this is just like a bunch of chocolate melted in a microwave, period. I just don't really know the lore, the allure.
Chris
Strawberries and chocolate. You can't really.
Lizzie Gordon
No, they're great.
Ryland Adams
I don't know. I think. I think hardened chocolate covered strawberry would be better, in my opinion, which I.
Lizzie Gordon
Got at Costco this weekend. Delish.
Chris
I would have been more excited about a smoothie, honestly.
Lizzie Gordon
I don't know if these required a man to stop and say, oh, my God. You know.
Ryland Adams
What'S the green bar?
Lizzie Gordon
Pistachio.
Ryland Adams
No, like the sauce, though.
Lizzie Gordon
Pistachio.
Ryland Adams
I do.
Chris
I do like it, though.
Ryland Adams
It's fine. I personally wouldn't buy this.
Chris
I wouldn't be like, you have to get it.
Lizzie Gordon
It. But it's good.
Ryland Adams
It's good.
Lizzie Gordon
It's all right.
Ryland Adams
Yeah, it's fine. Whatever I did, I was. I was always going to be disappointed because it's not a dang. That sucks.
Lizzie Gordon
Dag.
Ryland Adams
Okay, well, we'll be. Once we get home. We're going to try the Dubai chocolate bars. We'll see if I can be more impressed by that.
Lizzie Gordon
Let's hope on your birthday of all.
Ryland Adams
Days know, is this.
Chris
Oh, no.
Ryland Adams
Person backing out too? I don't know.
Lizzie Gordon
Do they have a tight. What is. What is that vehicle?
Ryland Adams
Is he continuing or.
Lizzie Gordon
Yes, he is now.
Ryland Adams
Okay.
Lizzie Gordon
That's quite the utility vehicle. Is that Machine Gun Kelly?
Ryland Adams
Where.
Chris
He does come here a lot. Him and. And Megan are here a lot to this day. Yeah.
Lizzie Gordon
Co parenting. Even though they. They're done.
Chris
I don't know.
Ryland Adams
No, they're.
Chris
They used to be here.
Ryland Adams
What is this guy doing?
Lizzie Gordon
Do you want me to tell him to knock his shit off? You know what, Rylan? He's just looking for lighting.
Ryland Adams
Okay, well then fine.
Chris
So I think there's. It says there's a thing called shredded. I don't know how to pronounce it. K A, T, A, I. F I.
Ryland Adams
That must be what, the pastry. I thought it was coconut shavings, but I guess not.
Chris
That's the crunch element, is the shredded. I don't know how to say it. The crunchy stuff.
Ryland Adams
Okay, well, we'll see you girls at home. If I ever get out of this.
Lizzie Gordon
Parking lot, you just start rolling without me.
Ryland Adams
Yes, because we've been waiting for you for three and a half years.
Lizzie Gordon
Chris poisoned me on the after sip.
Ryland Adams
On the after sip. We went and we tried a delicious restaurant, and Elizabeth is now claiming that it's caused her to shit her brains out. So urgent.
Lizzie Gordon
I had no choice.
Ryland Adams
She had no choice.
Lizzie Gordon
Don't you see me hustling? I haven't hustled like that in 10 years. Is this not the exact same frame?
Ryland Adams
It is. And initially I had it facing the ground, but then I just. I want something to be able to cut through.
Lizzie Gordon
So you needed the shooting time to figure out your. To figure out your.
Ryland Adams
No, I do this because if there's a lot of dead silence or an awkward five minute taste test moment, I can quit.
Lizzie Gordon
I can go to identify if you were doing a down or an up.
Ryland Adams
Okay.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Ryland Adams
I could throw you through the window right now. Oh, these are the cute plateage that Chris got. We were going to eat my cake on this, but, you know, I'm a fork to cake kind of girl, and if you can't stand that, then you shouldn't be around me. Sorry. What do you want me to say, Chris? Well, I always, like.
Lizzie Gordon
I literally brought plates for you for that reason.
Ryland Adams
I appreciate the plates, but if it's a cake involved, I'm gonna just stab the cake.
Lizzie Gordon
I love it about you.
Ryland Adams
And if you don't like that about me, then take your bite first.
Lizzie Gordon
Are these all different flavors?
Ryland Adams
There's two flavors.
Lizzie Gordon
You're scaring me.
Ryland Adams
Get close, get close.
Lizzie Gordon
But when I got close in the car, he started saying some nasty things.
Ryland Adams
What do you mean when I got.
Lizzie Gordon
Close in the car? You're like, who's looking for lighting now?
Ryland Adams
Wow, I'm so excited. Okay, that one could be yours. The pistachio chocolate. Is the girl like this is, you know.
Lizzie Gordon
Have you had it?
Ryland Adams
The one. Not this one. I've had the original. I'm not sure this is the original.
Lizzie Gordon
Where is this from?
Ryland Adams
I actually buy.
Chris
Can I break? Because it says Belgium inside.
Ryland Adams
Yeah. Oh. Show it first, though. Like.
Chris
Yeah.
Ryland Adams
Oh.
Lizzie Gordon
Oh.
Chris
It looks just like every TikTok I've seen.
Ryland Adams
Really?
Lizzie Gordon
I thought this was green.
Ryland Adams
In the TikTok, it's a little less.
Chris
Green, but it has that, like, crunchy.
Lizzie Gordon
Experts would say it's not green at all.
Ryland Adams
Are you blind? No. Has your seeing gone?
Lizzie Gordon
Are you blind?
Ryland Adams
Are you blind?
Lizzie Gordon
This is green.
Ryland Adams
It's green. It's the color of a pistachio.
Lizzie Gordon
Okay, I guess you're right.
Ryland Adams
This is just uber. This is like a neon in your face. Green.
Lizzie Gordon
Got it.
Chris
It's not as green as, like. I hear you, Lizzie.
Ryland Adams
It is cute, though. So indulge in the pistachio chocolate bar. Handcrafted with luscious Belgian chocolate, rich pistachio spread, and crispy. We're never gonna be able to say that word. A delightful treat that promises a unique and unforgettable taste experience.
Chris
I've literally wanted to try this for months.
Ryland Adams
Oh, my God. Put it in your mouth. This is so much better than the strawberries, in my opinion.
Lizzie Gordon
I love it.
Chris
I like the crunch.
Lizzie Gordon
It's a little bit like having a Shredded Wheat.
Ryland Adams
Yes. Honestly, they've gone a little too hard on the Shredded wheat. This is Shredded Wheat.
Lizzie Gordon
This is shredded Wheat.
Ryland Adams
And I loved those.
Lizzie Gordon
They are good. I want their weird flavor of eating them in orange juice, and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.
Ryland Adams
An orange juice.
Lizzie Gordon
I was, like, young and dumb, and.
Ryland Adams
I don't really remember. Oh, you can have the. So this one's with cookie butter. This isn't, like, the rage right now, but maybe it will become the rage. You never know.
Lizzie Gordon
You never know. We could be transiting.
Chris
I'm also very much a pistachio girl.
Ryland Adams
I don't remember, like, the original one having the. So much so.
Lizzie Gordon
I think this is actually the same thing. It's got Shredded wheat in it.
Ryland Adams
It does. It holds. Has the. How are you gonna say this?
Lizzie Gordon
Crumbs.
Ryland Adams
This one doesn't say that. It has that Belgian milk.
Lizzie Gordon
Well, what are these little.
Ryland Adams
Everyone's gonna cringe at how I'm saying.
Lizzie Gordon
Everyone cringes how we say everything.
Ryland Adams
It does have the wheat, so this one's cookie butter. Oh, I think I like the cookie butter better than pistachios, but we could do it without the crunchies.
Lizzie Gordon
I do definitely like the cookie batter. Better.
Ryland Adams
I agree.
Chris
I like the cookie, but the butter better. You don't like the crunchies? That's my favorite part of the whole.
Lizzie Gordon
Thing in this one. I think crunchies are biscotti.
Ryland Adams
I could do without the crunches, but.
Lizzie Gordon
They look like little shredded wheat worms.
Ryland Adams
H h. What do you guys think of these Internet viral treats?
Lizzie Gordon
Honestly, I think the Internet is getting. Getting us a little. I think they're like, this is going.
Ryland Adams
To happen so you're going to die.
Lizzie Gordon
And it's like, well, I. I would have been. Okay.
Ryland Adams
I like the cookie butter one way better than the pistachio one. So much so that I need to out of my line of vision or I'm gonna get sick.
Lizzie Gordon
Is that far enough?
Ryland Adams
Well, I already. I already got my hands.
Lizzie Gordon
Just don't look over here.
Ryland Adams
I already got my paws on it.
Lizzie Gordon
Do you want to rip that out of your hands? I'm scared.
Chris
I really like them both, but yeah, that cookie butter is so, so good.
Ryland Adams
Cookie butter should be all the rage.
Lizzie Gordon
I think it is.
Chris
Have you had the cookie butter cookies at Trader Joe's?
Lizzie Gordon
No.
Chris
Oh, my. You have to try them. They're incredible.
Ryland Adams
I'm not. I can appreciate pistachio, but miss me with like, a pistachio ice cream.
Lizzie Gordon
I. The thing that I am not about is milk chocolate. Oh, I don't like milk chocolate. And I don't like.
Ryland Adams
So you like dark chocolate?
Lizzie Gordon
Yeah, well, honestly, I don't like chocolate. I'm just not a chocolate curtain.
Ryland Adams
What do you like?
Lizzie Gordon
I like naps.
Ryland Adams
Okay, you guys, well, I guess we will go nap. Thank you so much for watching today's episode of the Sip. You like pistachio ice cream?
Chris
I love pistachio.
Lizzie Gordon
I think pistachio ice cream is probably better than this chocolate.
Ryland Adams
Wow. Well, you guys should all go on a date with Shane. And you know where he likes the best? His. He declared his favorite pistachio ice cream ever. Is that casuina? Oh, he loves it. Okay, thank you guys for watching and supporting our show. I hope you had a fantastic time with us. We'll see you next week. We love ya. Goodbye. And that's the sip. The sip. You ruined it. You ruined it.
Lizzie Gordon
You just hate me.
Summary of "Mother's Day & Ryland's Birthday Celebration!" - The Sip with Ryland Adams and Lizze Gordon
Episode Details:
The episode opens with Ryland Adams humorously questioning traditional paternal roles:
Ryland: “What did fathers do anyways?” (00:00)
Lizzie: Playfully echoes Ryland's sentiment, leading to a light-hearted banter about fathers' contributions. This sets the tone for an episode filled with humor and candid conversations.
Ryland reveals he's turning three years old, prompting Lizzie to react with playful frustration:
Lizzie: “Is it me who's burning? No, it's me.” (00:08)
They discuss the elaborate birthday decorations prepared by their friend, Chris, highlighting the blend of celebration and humor in their relationship.
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to their attempts at creating a "number three" themed cake:
Ryland: “It's an asshole with number three splooging out of it reading, happy birthday.” (03:15)
Lizzie: Shares her creative yet chaotic process of making an asshole cake, balancing it with Mother's Day festivities. The segment is filled with humorous mishaps and inventive ideas, showcasing their playful dynamic.
The conversation shifts to personal experiences with Mother's Day:
Ryland: Expresses frustration over his husband's lack of acknowledgment: “I’m not a mother. I want to be a victim of a machine.” (05:00)
Lizzie: Contrasts Ryland's experience by praising her husband's supportive role: “My husband was so great. My husband mothered on Mother's Day.” (07:10)
They delve into the challenges of balancing personal milestones with parental responsibilities, infusing humor and relatability.
An unexpected and amusing incident involving former NBA star Scottie Pippen is recounted:
Lizzie: “We played for the Chicago Bulls when Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen.” (12:24)
Ryland: Expresses mock excitement, blending pop culture references with personal anecdotes. This segment adds an entertaining twist, highlighting their spontaneous storytelling.
The hosts engage in a discussion about the integration of AI in meditation apps like Headspace:
Ryland: “These are conning me. And using AI voices is to guide these meditations.” (31:09)
Lizzie: Agrees, emphasizing the importance of human-curated content. They critique the shift from personalized guidance to automated, AI-driven experiences, reflecting broader societal concerns about technology's role in personal wellness.
A serious turn as Lizzie shares her marital issues:
Lizzie: “My husband told me he hooked up with a man when I was on a girls trip...” (53:02)
Ryland: Provides heartfelt advice, stressing the breach of trust regardless of the affair's nature. The hosts navigate through the emotional turmoil with empathy and candidness, offering listeners genuine insights into relationship challenges.
The trio explores and taste-tests viral internet treats, particularly a "Dubai chocolate" cake:
Ryland: “It is totally different than any cake I was going to get.” (57:04)
Lizzie: Shares her critiques and preferences, blending humor with honest feedback. This segment underscores their playful chemistry and willingness to engage in spontaneous, light-hearted activities.
The episode culminates with an exchange of creative and humorous gifts:
Lizzie: Presents Ryland with a "favorite daughter" shirt, leading to playful tension: “I almost accidentally bought you a shirt that says favorite daughter...” (62:35)
Ryland: Reacts with humor, balancing the affection with jest. The gifting moment reinforces the hosts' deep bond and the episode's celebratory spirit.
The episode wraps up with final thoughts and a tease of upcoming announcements:
Ryland: “Are you announcing your pregnancy? Yes.” (59:35)
Lizzie: Expresses excitement and anticipation for future developments, leaving listeners eager for what's next. The hosts sign off with warmth and humor, maintaining their signature uncensored and engaging style.
This episode exemplifies "The Sip with Ryland Adams and Lizze Gordon" as a platform for uncensored, engaging, and multifaceted conversations that blend personal stories with broader societal observations, all delivered with a signature blend of humor and authenticity.