Ryland's Mom Brings the TEA!

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Ryland's Mom Brings the TEA!"

The Sip with Ryland Adams and Lizze Gordon dives deep into the whirlwind of parenting, personal struggles, and lighthearted antics in the episode titled "Ryland's Mom Brings the TEA!" Released on October 23, 2024, this episode offers listeners an uncensored and engaging conversation filled with humor, heartfelt moments, and candid discussions.

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1. Navigating New Parenthood and Sleep Deprivation

The episode kicks off with co-host Lizze Gordon (Lizzy) sharing her exhausting journey into motherhood. Struggling with sleep deprivation, Lizzy candidly discusses the challenges of balancing breastfeeding and pumping, leading to restless nights.

Lizzy [01:02]: "They're not nasty. I got them polished a month ago."

As Lizzy grapples with the demands of a newborn, Vicky (Vicky) expresses concern over her friend's well-being, hinting at the often-overlooked emotional toll of new parenthood.

Vicky [02:05]: "It’s like the adrenaline probably of, like, the newborn has worn off, and now it’s like your real life is just no sleep at all."

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2. Tribute to Aunt Pat and Coping with Loss

A poignant moment arises when Lizzy opens up about the recent passing of her Aunt Pat due to pulmonary fibrosis. She reflects on her aunt's battle with the disease, her contributions to the Pulmonary Fibrosis Foundation, and the emotional impact of her loss.

Lizzy [04:03]: "I still have to cry for you every day."

Lizzy shares a touching anecdote about discovering what she believes to be a sign from her aunt via a cherished family photo, symbolizing enduring connections despite loss.

Lizzy [09:56]: "They're still here. They're still your family, and I'm doing well over here."

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3. Parenting Challenges and Sibling Dynamics

The conversation shifts to the dynamics between Lizzy and Vicky's children. They humorously detail the interactions and minor conflicts between their kids, highlighting the joys and trials of raising siblings.

Vicky [14:34]: "We're starting to learn some patience."

Lizzy [15:18]: "You are a full-blown chef now."

Their playful banter underscores the camaraderie and shared experiences among parents navigating similar challenges.

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4. Health Struggles: Hemorrhoids and Bathroom Routines

A significant portion of the episode delves into personal health issues, particularly Lizzy's struggle with hemorrhoids. The co-hosts discuss various remedies, including the use of bidets versus traditional toilet paper, and the frustrations that come with managing such conditions.

Vicky [26:16]: "I'm guilty of those pooping scalpels are bad news because in your..."

Lizzy [30:08]: "Show you my butthole."

Their candid conversation provides a relatable and humorous take on dealing with uncomfortable health issues while juggling parenthood.

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5. Kitchen Mishaps and the Hilarity of Chaos

Lizzy recounts a chaotic yet humorous incident where she accidentally starts a grease fire while cooking bacon. The recounting is filled with frantic calls for help and comedic relief as they navigate the panic of a kitchen fire.

Lizzy [36:44]: "I lit the counter on fire."

Vicky [43:10]: "We’re crawling in and out of his bedroom window for some reason."

Their ability to find humor in emergencies showcases the resilient and fun-loving spirit of the hosts.

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6. YouTube Woes and Content Challenges

The episode also touches on the frustrations of content creators, specifically Lizzy's experience with YouTube mistakenly age-restricting her videos due to the portrayal of breastfeeding. This segment highlights the challenges of navigating social media platforms while maintaining authentic content.

Lizzy [33:56]: "These nipples are for children... I'm not being sexually provocative."

Vicky [35:00]: "Because that would have been a good performance video."

Their humorous take on the situation emphasizes the often absurd hurdles faced by creators in the digital age.

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7. Pop Culture Banter and Visits to IHOP

In a lighter vein, the co-hosts engage in playful discussions about pop culture events like the Victoria's Secret fashion show and Taylor Swift concerts. The episode culminates with a humorous visit to IHOP, where they critique their food orders and continue their trademark banter.

Vicky [45:52]: "It's not for them. Oh, that's not even for the thumbnail."

Lizzy [79:45]: "I'm a special mom."

Their interactions at IHOP are filled with laughter and relatable parenting humor, providing a perfect end to a multifaceted episode.

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Notable Quotes

• Lizzy [05:00]: "I don't get over things. But my friend Haley was like, you know, she'll get to kiss him first before he comes here."
• Vicky [10:00]: "It feels like you're still a part of the family."
• Lizzy [34:34]: "These nipples are breastfeeding nipples... not for sex."
• Vicky [44:31]: "So we are in. Cookies."

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Conclusion

"Ryland's Mom Brings the TEA!" masterfully blends humor with heartfelt discussions, offering listeners a genuine glimpse into the lives of parents juggling personal challenges and professional endeavors. The dynamic between Lizzy and Vicky, enriched by their candid storytelling and comedic timing, ensures an engaging and relatable experience for all who tune in.

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Notable Moments:

• Parenting Struggles: Time stamps [00:00 – 03:00]
• Tribute to Aunt Pat: Time stamps [03:00 – 08:00]
• Health Discussions: Time stamps [16:00 – 35:00]
• Kitchen Fire Story: Time stamps [35:00 – 44:00]
• YouTube Issues: Time stamps [44:00 – 54:00]
• IHOP Visit: Time stamps [54:00 – 81:00]

Listeners who haven't experienced the episode will find this summary a comprehensive and entertaining overview of the key points, discussions, and humorous exchanges that define this heartfelt and lively installment of The Sip.

Transcript

[Lizzy]

Sa. Oh, my God.

[Vicky]

Oh, my gosh.

[Lizzy]

There's no slate. Wait, wait, wait.

[Vicky]

Were you out here just watching gay porn or.

[Lizzy]

Yeah, come back, Chris, come back. If you had slated, what would it have said?

[Vicky]

Well, let him get his mic, let him get his headset on.

[Lizzy]

I was gonna put him on camera. Me. Right? Get this out of here. That's all I'm gonna look at.

[Vicky]

You can't even see it right now. Stop with your nasty feet.

[Lizzy]

They're not nasty. I got them polished a month ago.

[Vicky]

Chris, tell us what would be on your slate.

[Chris]

I didn't think about it. I don't know.

[Lizzy]

Right now. Right now.

[Vicky]

What would it be? No, I say it.

[Lizzy]

Happy Halloween.

[Vicky]

Are we gonna do anything for Halloween? Normally you make our costumes, right?

[Lizzy]

Oh, I'm making.

[Chris]

Oh, oh, oh, sorry.

[Lizzy]

I'm making our family's costume this year.

[Vicky]

What does that mean?

[Lizzy]

I'm not making our costume this year.

[Vicky]

So what are we gonna do? We costume list for our Halloween episode. There's no way in hell. Somebody needs to go to Party City or where do they need.

[Lizzy]

Do you want to go to Party City?

[Vicky]

I can't.

[Lizzy]

I don't think I can.

[Vicky]

I can't be bothered.

[Lizzy]

Do you want me to go and I'll just get something for us and you'll just shut up and wear it like a good boy. Girls, I'm so tired. I feel like I'm on drugs. Like, I don't want to make eye contact with anyone. It's like I need to call my sponsor. I feel like a relapse happened.

[Vicky]

Okay.

[Lizzy]

I'm just sure exhausted.

[Vicky]

I am starting to get worried about you because it's like the adrenaline probably of, like, the newborn has worn off, and now it's like your real life is just no sleep at first.

[Lizzy]

I just love him, though, and he's so cute.

[Vicky]

I keep telling Lizzy every week, I'm like, are you all right? Like, you seem so chill. Like, she seems so good. Like, not like other girls that have a baby we've all been talking about.

[Lizzy]

No, no, no, no. I mean, I'm not okay, and I'm. Then that's fine. Do you know what I mean?

[Vicky]

Just kidding.

[Lizzy]

That was a joke to alarm the viewers.

[Vicky]

How much sleep are you getting?

[Lizzy]

What is that? What are you averaging personally?

[Vicky]

Yeah.

[Lizzy]

Not sure. I'm not sure about that.

[Vicky]

I think it's time to call in the troops. And by troops, I mean your husband.

[Lizzy]

It's a light sleep. No, because I gave. I told you on the way out to the shed. I Gave up on my trying to retrain my lactation titties and I'm pumping at night again. This is just how it's going to have to be until.

[Vicky]

I don't know what level of failure that is.

[Lizzy]

I tried for like a week.

[Vicky]

I don't. I know. I don't know like how detrimental that is to anything.

[Lizzy]

It's a nightmare. Cuz I wake up engorged because we give him a bottle before bed and then when I'm engorged, my titties are geysers of milk and so. And he's sleeping longer now. Like last night he slept from seven to two and then from two to six.

[Vicky]

That's six hours.

[Lizzy]

I know.

[Vicky]

You're sleeping the whole night. What are you talking about?

[Lizzy]

No, because I'm not going to bed at seven and then because I'm trained. I know, because I. I try, but it's hard.

[Vicky]

You just can't stop watching clips of Taylor Swift in Miami.

[Lizzy]

God, I wish that was what I was doing. I was. I was waiting for dinner to get to the house and then when it came, I was like, I'm too tired to eat salmon. So then I just took a piece of bread, put some butter on it and put some salami in it and ate that.

[Vicky]

Why didn't you just put the salmon on top of the bread and then just eat a salmon sandwich?

[Lizzy]

That sounds gross. I'll eat it later. But I'm still waking up when he used to wake up.

[Vicky]

Because your nipples are telling you it's time.

[Lizzy]

Yeah. And then I'm just leaking. Then I have to change my bra because I'm worried I'm gonna get that thrush thing. It's a nightmare. So I just. I'm milking at night again. That's my life.

[Vicky]

Yay.

[Lizzy]

And I'm particularly tired because yesterday was a big day.

[Vicky]

Oh, do you want to just jump into it? Do you want to make. Do you want to. Is it too sad for the top of the show?

[Lizzy]

I wonder. Do we rip the sad band aid off and then we go to cuteness and joy?

[Vicky]

I mean, how do we transition to cuteness and joy?

[Lizzy]

The way we always do with no segue and just say that's that. You choose. We could flip a coin. Chris could choose. Should we do cute or sad first?

[Vicky]

Chris. Yeah? What are you feeling? Sad.

[Lizzy]

Oh, wow. Shocking. He's emo. That was an on brand answer for Chris.

[Vicky]

I don't know. Are you sad in real life? Look at him.

[Chris]

You're clinically depressed. I am clinically. Depressed? Yes.

[Vicky]

Are you scream. Crying like Lizzie?

[Chris]

No.

[Lizzy]

Oh, Lizzie.

[Chris]

Just a lot of like quiet and dark rooms.

[Lizzy]

Just like that. Sounds kind of of peaceful. It is a little quiet in a dark room. Get some nice music going. And they're like. And yeah, put some Enya on. That'll turn your mood around. You don't need therapy. You need me. Both of you need me. Everyone needs me. So I had a sad day. Cuz I'm a sad day. I haven't talked about it publicly because I wanted to kind of respect the privacy of my aunt, but my aunt has been sick for a really long time. She had a disease called pulmonary fibrosis, which is a lung disease. And it basically just really slowly fucks your lungs up till you cannot breathe anymore. And there is no cure for it. There are some treatments for it, but what I've seen the treatment do to my aunt is not. You wonder about the quality of life a little bit.

[Vicky]

Yeah.

[Lizzy]

But there are organizations that are working to find better treatments and a cure for it. Long story short, my aunt realized that the battle she was fighting against pulmonary fibrosis was. I'm so sorry. That's okay. That she wasn't going to have much longer with it. When I found out I was pregnant. And from then it was kind of like. It seems like a rapid decline when you look back at it, but I feel like nine months isn't really. That is. Is kind of a long time. So we lost her in August and yesterday was a celebration of her life. But it really meant a lot to her. The work that she did with the pulmonary fibrosis foundation that she. She volunteered for. She raised a lot of money for it. She did like virtual walkathons for it because it's like kind of hard to walk when you can't breathe.

[Vicky]

I'm sorry.

[Lizzy]

No, but it is. And so I know she was really.

[Vicky]

Oh my God. I'm so sorry.

[Lizzy]

No, it's okay.

[Vicky]

It's like when you're not allowed to laugh.

[Lizzy]

No, we needed a break. But she was really proud of the work that she did there. And I know that she spoke at some events and in her memory. I was kind of. You said it was cool that if we.

[Vicky]

Oh, of course.

[Lizzy]

Posted the link to the pulmonary fibrosis foundation that she was doing so much work for. And if anybody wants to contribute to it, it would be. It would mean a lot to me and would mean a lot to my Aunt Pat, who watched the show. So. Yeah. And then this morning, the reason, the real reason I Brought it up is something crazy happened this morning. I don't know if you know this about me, but I am emotional as fuck and I cry a lot, and I don't get over death ever. Like, I'm petty as hell. I'll remember what you did to me forever, including dying on me, and I will never fucking forgive you. Anyway, when she passed, I was particularly devastated because I knew that she would never meet my son. But she did, you know, make very clear that she loved him very much and she wanted him to know how loved he was. This is what I said. I don't get over things. But my friend Haley was like, you know, she'll get to kiss him first before he comes here. And then I. He. When he was born, he had these little red dots, like, on his eyelid, and he still has them, and there's some red dots on the back of his neck. And I Googled it, and some people are like, those are angel kisses.

[Vicky]

Wow.

[Lizzy]

So I thought that was really sweet. But then this morning, I opened my phone, and I keep my baby monitor on my phone screen. Like, that's where I watch it. And I. Before bed, I was not looking at my photo. Sorry, my nose is dripping.

[Vicky]

Yeah. We might have a tissue somewhere.

[Lizzy]

I'm sure we don't.

[Vicky]

I'm sure we do, because I blow my nose up in this joint.

[Lizzy]

Oh, good.

[Vicky]

Yeah.

[Lizzy]

So I opened my phone up this morning. Thank you so much, Chris. And there's just a picture. It's open to my photo. My photos. And it's open to the first photo in my recent. And the first photo in my recent is a picture of me and Pat's sister Mary from years ago. We're just looking super sweet and happy together at her niece's wedding. And then the next picture over is a picture of my Aunt Pat looking so happy and so beautiful at the. At the same wedding. And that's where the celebration of life was yesterday.

[Vicky]

Wow.

[Lizzy]

And I just thought that that was, like, a sign from her. Like, you still have family here. You know, they're not my biological aunts. It's. If you've ever heard me talk about my godmom, Kissy, who was like a mother to me. They're her sisters, and it's her family. So it really did feel like a message from her. Like, they're still here. They're still your family, and I'm doing well over here. And I'm like, nice try. I'm still gonna cry for you every day.

[Vicky]

And they did invite you to Thanksgiving.

[Lizzy]

They Invited me.

[Vicky]

It feels like you're still a part of the family.

[Mom]

Yeah.

[Lizzy]

And they all got to hold Billy.

[Vicky]

It was pretty cute. She was sending me pictures and I was like, wow, there is a lot of love for both you and Billy. And it was just incredible to see Billy just passed around all these women.

[Lizzy]

Well, yeah, it was pretty cute. He got to be held by Mary, and I introduced him to their other sister, who's actually a sister in the Catholic church. So she's a sist assistant and their sister in law. All kinds of sisters.

[Vicky]

Were there other babies at this event?

[Lizzy]

There was one other baby, but she's like, event?

[Vicky]

I'm so sorry.

[Lizzy]

No, it's an event.

[Vicky]

Oh, my God.

[Lizzy]

There was another baby. Zana. She's two.

[Vicky]

I cannot be. I gotta exit the chat.

[Lizzy]

Was that inappropriate? I didn't think it was inappropriate.

[Vicky]

As long as you don't feel inappropriate by me.

[Lizzy]

No, I mean, I'm so tired from being so sad and so tired that I'm like, everything's fine except for these hemorrhoids, which are a real problem.

[Vicky]

We're gonna talk about hot girl butt.

[Lizzy]

Problems all hot girls have.

[Vicky]

Not that I think we should. Wow, this is quite the episode, you guys.

[Lizzy]

And that's the segue. And here's the cute stuff.

[Vicky]

No, we're out.

[Lizzy]

Did you have more to say about the event?

[Vicky]

I mean.

[Lizzy]

Did you want to make it about you and talk about what my cousin said about you?

[Vicky]

Oh, I mean, of course.

[Lizzy]

Did we already tell people that we bumped into them randomly?

[Vicky]

No. Which is so embarrassing. Like, we're in filet by ourselves with cameras. Scream. And we look over and like, somebody Lizzie knows is sitting there, like, Lizzie. And she's like, no, no, this is.

[Lizzy]

Not what I do for a living.

[Vicky]

They immediately apologize to us. And they're like, we don't. We don't hear here. This is, like, so crazy because, like, we would never be here. I was like, it's okay. I'm gay and I'm here too. So, like, you don't have to apologize for me. Turns out it wasn't about the gay thing because they thought I was beautiful.

[Lizzy]

They thought you were a beautiful man.

[Vicky]

And they thought I was the biological dad.

[Lizzy]

No, they started the biological thinking they.

[Vicky]

Were witnessing the affair in real time. No.

[Lizzy]

Literally everyone looks at that baby and says, oh, my God, that is Joe's baby.

[Vicky]

It's ironic for me that he looks exactly like the dad.

[Lizzy]

Maybe it's to stop this narrative. It's to just stop.

[Vicky]

Whose side are you on?

[Lizzy]

My husband.

[Vicky]

Weird.

[Lizzy]

This is the only time I'll ever be on his side, though. I swear to God.

[Vicky]

So are you going to them for Thanksgiving? Are you coming to me?

[Lizzy]

I've never been invited to yours for Thanksgiving.

[Vicky]

I know, but now I have a family.

[Lizzy]

I know, but, like, what kind of food are you gonna have? Like, no offense, but, like, do you. Thanksgiving, I've been really cooking, picking up at Bristol Farms.

[Vicky]

No, I can't do that again. It's too much reheating and I don't have enough oven space. It's almost more work than trying to make something myself because there's not enough places to reheat. And then by the time you reheat the last item, the first item you reheated is cold. And it's like, what the fuck are we all doing here? Yeah, so I'm done with that business. That was my last year of that. What do you think? And plus, that's where Joe and I's feud began, so I can't go back.

[Lizzy]

Is that where it began?

[Vicky]

Oh, my God.

[Lizzy]

I'm just kidding. I was just picking. I don't think. I don't know anything else about it, but I just thought it would be funny to say sorry.

[Vicky]

Okay. So they were talking about me at the event.

[Lizzy]

Yeah, they just think you're beautiful.

[Vicky]

Wow.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

What else?

[Lizzy]

That's about all they said about you.

[Vicky]

Uh.

[Lizzy]

Oh, that really beautiful man you were with.

[Vicky]

Thank you.

[Lizzy]

You guys do a podcast? Yeah. Where you just eat fast food. Huh.

[Chris]

It's crazy.

[Lizzy]

It pays me rent.

[Vicky]

Where were we going?

[Lizzy]

We weren't going. We're not really going anywhere. Let's be honest.

[Vicky]

I felt like there was a segue.

[Lizzy]

Billy met your babies.

[Vicky]

Oh, yeah. Oh.

[Lizzy]

What are you doing for Thanksgiving? Why are we talking about Thanksgiving? It hasn't even been Halloween. Girl, we can't do that yet. We gotta calm down.

[Vicky]

Yeah, we gotta figure out your kids.

[Lizzy]

Are already wearing grateful T shirts.

[Vicky]

Well, yeah, Teresa brought those over. And they conveniently fit because right now we sleep in, like, the long sleeve onesies under the sleep sacks. And so a little bit bigger is better than a little bit tighter. Because when you're after the bath, you're just trying to get that thing.

[Lizzy]

Yeah, because they're all lotion.

[Vicky]

When they're a little loose, it just goes on a little nicer. And lately, sometimes bath time is hit or miss. It's like we're either entering a battlefield or it's the best hour. Really? Yeah.

[Lizzy]

Damn.

[Vicky]

Well, they're getting to the stage where they're consciously jealous of each other. So whoever I pick for the bath first, they're jealous that the other one's in the bath. And then they're. They're starting to throw little, like, tantrums in a way where they'll act out to see if it works. Like, if Jet gets a toy that Max wants and Max wants it, he'll look at me and kind of fuss for a second and look to see if I'll solve his problem. That's kind of like, I gotta start the beat. Like, start the parenting.

[Producer]

Parenting.

[Vicky]

Yeah. What are you doing of being like, no, sometimes you don't get what you want, or no, sometimes there's two of you. One has to get out of the stroller first. So we have to learn some patience.

[Lizzy]

You should just get them both out at the same time.

[Vicky]

We're almost one year olds. Yeah, I should have four hands, huh?

[Lizzy]

Yeah. Octomom.

[Vicky]

I'm like, you guys, I know that there being two of you is sometimes hard for all of us, but also, you guys are going to be so grateful that you have best friends.

[Lizzy]

What if they never like each other?

[Vicky]

They will.

[Lizzy]

Okay?

[Vicky]

They're already. Oh, my gosh, it's so cute. Yesterday I took a minute long video of them just staring in each other's eyes and talking back and forth. Jet was sitting inside this toy car we got. Max was on his knees in front of it because he pulls himself up. Now he's a big boy, and they're just talking back and forth.

[Lizzy]

Can we hear the conversation without showing it?

[Vicky]

Oh, I guess you could. I don't know.

[Lizzy]

You want to keep their secrets? Because I feel like if they played it.

[Vicky]

What if they're just like, fuck you. But it's so cute. They're interacting with each other. They're playing with each other. One will crawl on top of the other and just think it's a nice seat. And then the other gets mad and we're looking at him. We're like, yesterday, Max crawled on top of Jet, and we were like, how's Jet gonna solve this problem? He turns around, grabs Max's nose. That didn't work. Starts pulling his hair. And then Max is like, okay, I'll exit.

[Lizzy]

Oh, my God.

[Vicky]

Sometimes they get in big girl fights.

[Lizzy]

I got a pretty cute photo of the two of them where you zoom in and you just realize Jett's grabbing the shit out of Max's earlobe. Yeah, it's the cutest thing, though. He has this little baby fist full.

[Vicky]

Of baby ears and it's Already Starting where? I'm like, no, no, no. Like, the door will be open, and then Max will look back. I'm like, don't. Don't leave. Stay in your residence. Because I'm starting to, like. I'm starting to baby proof. I'm bolting all the furniture to the wall, siliconing all the edges.

[Lizzy]

Oh, my God.

[Vicky]

I know. It's all happening.

[Lizzy]

I don't think I can do that in my house.

[Vicky]

You're going to have to.

[Lizzy]

I feel like Billy's going to fuck around and find out.

[Vicky]

I'm. I don't. I don't think we can fuck around and find out when there's furniture that can fall over on top of them. That's one thing you're going to have to do.

[Lizzy]

Do you know my friend Hayley did?

[Vicky]

What?

[Lizzy]

She showed Lily videos of furniture falling on children that climbed on it, and she said, that'll be you.

[Vicky]

I don't think my kids can comprehend that.

[Lizzy]

Oh, no. Lily got it. She got the message. She was like, okay, I won't do it.

[Vicky]

Everything Max does now is pull himself up on everything. So, like, I think I'm always at this point where I'm like, I can't wait. Like, I remember a couple months ago, I'm like, I just can't wait until they're sitting on their own. And I'm like, they're sitting on their own. I keep being like, I can't wait till they're walking, but really, then it's like, it's over. With two of them?

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

I'm screwed.

[Lizzy]

Well, that's what I keep trying to tell you. That's why I love the newborn phase, because I can just set him on anything and he goes nowhere.

[Vicky]

Yeah.

[Lizzy]

Like, what's he gonna do, you know? Dude, he's added to his little shark thing, too. He started growling. I was like, do you need a burp or are you being aggressive with my titty right now?

[Vicky]

My mom's here. She'll be in the episode later, wherever we decide to go in the car. But we braved going to the Calabasas Pumpkin Festival yesterday.

[Lizzy]

That was pretty cute.

[Vicky]

It was pretty cute. I mean, really. We got home and my mom joked. Shane was like, how was it? Because Shane had something to do. And my mom was like, well, he just ran right in there and right out of there. And I was like, yep.

[Lizzy]

Is that you?

[Vicky]

Yeah.

[Lizzy]

You're here. You ran in and ran out.

[Vicky]

I mean, yeah, I did a loop. I went. I went. And I experience what I had to. They can't do anything yet. I mean, they can look.

[Lizzy]

Did you get pumpkins?

[Vicky]

No, because we're going to go to the actual pumpkin patch. This was like Calabasas puts on like a festival. There were like all these vendor booths. There was a live band playing. There were tons of food trucks. There were a bunch of blow up activities. There were a bunch of like activations. Face painting, animals. It was at a park, so it's just this big, huge ordeal. But we just took stroll around the whole thing. They were turtles and snakes. And I was like, no, thank you, snakes. This guy was holding up the snake and like talking about his snake.

[Lizzy]

We're not here for that. I was thinking it'd be like goats. Yeah, Snakes at a children's event.

[Vicky]

I mean, if it's a family event, I don't think you have to have children to go. Oh, but my mom and I got a cute photo. If only Max would have been looking, but whatever. Three out of the four people looking is a miracle.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

And it was successful. They enjoyed looking around. And I'm just getting more and more brave every day at taking the two out. I'm finally at a place where I'm like, oh, well, the day is manageable.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

No matter what happens at this stage in our life.

[Lizzy]

You know, I've also found that, like, because I've been up Billy's schedule to like, when I brought him here to meet you.

[Vicky]

That was very fun too. Lizzy was a brave girl. Drove with Billy alone in the car, came over here for the afternoon.

[Lizzy]

It's safe to come here, though. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know that I could take him to the mall.

[Vicky]

Well, right.

[Lizzy]

I'm about to. I feel like I'm on the brink.

[Vicky]

You and Joe have taken him to the mall?

[Lizzy]

No, but I mean, like, me by myself. Take him to the mall on a hot day.

[Vicky]

That's good because you can walk around in the stroller in the air conditioner.

[Lizzy]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. He hates sitting in that stroller. And honestly, I think it makes him sick.

[Vicky]

Really?

[Lizzy]

Yeah, he threw up so hard in the car, it came out his nose. He's like this.

[Vicky]

The stroller has always been my boy's safe zone. Like, if they're upset, that's the one place where you put them in and.

[Lizzy]

You'Re like, I gotta see. This is so boring. Show me pictures of them being small in the strollers.

[Vicky]

What was in the car seat? Yeah, I, I. Although I would have fallen victim to your stroller. Too. Because they have the best marketing.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

But because I had two, I had to think in a different picture.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

And then the lady I work with was like, yeah, every mom gets that one. And it's actually kind of hard to manage and not the best in the world.

[Lizzy]

It's actually, it's very easy to manage. But he fucking hates being in it.

[Vicky]

I wonder why?

[Lizzy]

Because he's turned into a little macaroni in it. Like his. The way that it's shaped with the newborn insert. It doesn't fit his body.

[Vicky]

Too small.

[Lizzy]

No, like it's literally, it's. It's for him to fit in it. Right. His back has to. He's like sitting on his back but he's bent in the back. Do you know what I mean? Instead of being bent at your butt.

[Vicky]

How is it in the car seat? The same.

[Lizzy]

It is the car seat. Yeah, yeah. It's a bummer for him.

[Vicky]

Wow.

[Lizzy]

Maybe we need a new stroller and I left my. No, I'm not going to get a new stroller. Cuz I think it'll be fine once I take the insert out. Oh, yeah, okay. Cuz then the straps won't be like fighting against the insert.

[Vicky]

Okay. What were you going to say?

[Lizzy]

Told you it was boring.

[Vicky]

I know.

[Lizzy]

I told you.

[Vicky]

Okay, what were you going to say? This is like for you and me only.

[Lizzy]

You're a full blown chef now.

[Vicky]

Oh, yeah. Our nanny's out of town and our. Listen, she loves to cook. I wasn't even like a job requirement of hers. She just loves it. She loves it and she. When she prepares a meal, it's good for three days. So then like, even when she's not here, I have food ready for me in the fridge. And because she's out of town, I've been having to learn myself.

[Lizzy]

Oh, no. What? You have to feed yourself?

[Vicky]

Not me, my kids.

[Lizzy]

Oh, I'm gonna stick with my. What you have to feed your kids.

[Vicky]

We've just always fed them from scratch because she loves to cook. And so, yeah, I roasted my own butternut squash. I made their own chicken. I pureed them both together. That was very successful. Yesterday I was in the kitchen all day trying to make them sweet potato and turkey. How'd that go?

[Lizzy]

What kind of turkey?

[Vicky]

I thought I could.

[Lizzy]

Yeah, pureed ground turkey.

[Vicky]

Yeah, I mean, it was seasoned, but it goes into the sweet. But you seasoned it well. Okay.

[Producer]

She left it for me.

[Vicky]

Seasoned.

[Lizzy]

It was freezer. But that's crazy for you because I know you're the kind of Guy who's like, I put chicken breast in a pan and spit on it, and then I eat it. And we're like, that's up. That's some serial killer, brother.

[Vicky]

Well, I thought I could just steam the sweet potatoes, and turns out I didn't steam them for long enough. So then when I. There were like, chunk chunks inside of the puree, and I was like, oh, good thing I have another one. And so I just boiled it over the stovetop, and that was very successful. And that puree turned into a beautiful mash. That was perfection. And then I just pureed the turkey into it, and now I have a beautiful sweet potato turkey puree with no weird shit in it for my boys to eat for the next three days.

[Lizzy]

Perfect.

[Vicky]

And this is two meals. I only have to probably accomplish two.

[Producer]

More over the next week.

[Lizzy]

Oh, my God. You did it. This is a home stretch.

[Vicky]

I'm learning a lot, and I'm actually thinking I will make butternut squash even for myself. That thing's so easy. You just slice it in half, put it in the hole.

[Lizzy]

Cutting it in half is not easy.

[Vicky]

That part's not.

[Lizzy]

That's like cutting through bone. You need a fucking bone saw to cut through a squash. And nobody tells you that.

[Vicky]

It was really difficult. And I thought I was gonna chop my fingers off at one point, and.

[Lizzy]

It kind of tastes like farts, but no. Yes, it does. Okay, well, yeah, but you love farts because you added to the document butt problems.

[Vicky]

Oh, well, you were talking about your butt problem. And then you're always talking about how hot girls have stomach problems. And, like, do hot girls have butt problems, too?

[Lizzy]

I think they go hand in, but I just.

[Vicky]

Oh, my God. I saw a reel on YouTube. Yeah, YouTube short.

[Mom]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

And it was this heart doctor, and he was like, here's the things you should never do. Alcohol, duh.

[Lizzy]

Wipe your butt with toilet paper. Duh.

[Vicky]

And he was like, and mouthwash is bad for your heart because it comes up from your gut. And he was like, everything that happens in your gut starts in your mouth. And alcohol kills the good bacterias that go down to your gut. And he was like, so you hot girls shouldn't be having mouthwash? And I was like, well, then how are we getting our mouths clean?

[Lizzy]

You brush them in floss, babe.

[Vicky]

Without mouthwash?

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

Do you use mouthwash? He said you could use the non alcohol based mouthwash.

[Lizzy]

I think I probably use a non alcohol based. I use something called spree. Is that. I don't know if there's alcohol in it or not. But.

[Vicky]

Well, as I started eating cleaner, I oh, this is disgusting. Can you guys stop eating your food?

[Lizzy]

Put your food down.

[Vicky]

Put your food down, go to another video and come right back. It's not a good thing for a YouTuber to be like, leave me my video.

[Lizzy]

But if you're eating, we're just conscientious.

[Vicky]

We're letting you know before you put that next shovel of food in your mouth and want to barf because of what I'm about to say, I might barf.

[Lizzy]

Go on.

[Producer]

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[Vicky]

Well, no, I just, I'm because I'm eating cleaner. I feel like there's less waste. There's less waste.

[Lizzy]

Oh, you're eating so clean you stop pooping.

[Vicky]

So it's very minimal and but I'm thinking It's not because I'm constipated.

[Lizzy]

Like, what do you like?

[Vicky]

Wait, what.

[Lizzy]

What. What are the boxes of minimal poop? Like, which boxes do you check to make a minimal poop?

[Vicky]

Small and skinny.

[Lizzy]

Small and skinny, but sharp.

[Vicky]

And so then I was thinking fiber. But I eat a lot of fiber. I mean, veggies. I'm eating oatmeal. I'm eating, like, yeah, real fiber and still sharp. So then I was like, I think I made myself a fisher. These pooping scalpels are bad news because in your.

[Lizzy]

I think it's probably a hemorrhoid. Does it hurt all the time or just when you're pooping?

[Vicky]

Oh, it. There's like. There was a sharp sting all the time, but. But I'm very. I'm very familiar with hemorrhoids.

[Lizzy]

Oh, you are.

[Vicky]

Normally you can look at or feel the hemorrhoid, the little bubble of. And this is not a hemi. Okay. I'm familiar with the world.

[Lizzy]

You don't think it's an internal hemi?

[Vicky]

I didn't think so, no.

[Lizzy]

Is there bleeding?

[Vicky]

There was for a while. And that's what initially was scaring Shane.

[Lizzy]

He's like, no, if you're. If it's a bad blood, your poop's black.

[Vicky]

He's like, you're bleeding when you're pooping. And I was like, yeah, that's why I wasn't telling you, because I know that you'd freak out and think I was dying.

[Lizzy]

No.

[Vicky]

And I was like, I just got the pre novo scan and they said everything looked good. My prostate, Well, I had that brain thing, but I got that checked out and all was okay.

[Lizzy]

Yeah, but what? Just if your poop is black, it's bad?

[Vicky]

Well, no, it wasn't black, but there.

[Lizzy]

Was like your buttholes.

[Vicky]

Sliver of blood coming out at the end. Wow. I'm so sorry, you guys.

[Lizzy]

We're all going through it. Sounds like a honey.

[Vicky]

I don't know. But I had successfully moved the bidet to my office because that's where I would do my business. But then, as you know, Max took over my office and when I have to go to the bathroom aligns perfectly with his nap time every single day. I had just had it this week and I had to act like a plumber. I had to remove. Oh, my God. I thought I was like a do it yourself girl. This weekend I spent my whole weekend. Every time the boys went down, I was like, raking out leaves from all of the planters, filling up all the Big green trash cans, like, doing it myself, moving my bidet from one bathroom to the other. And then, of course, I connected it wrong, and it was leaking everywhere. But I'm a girl who can do hard things, so I fixed it. And now since I've been using my bidet again and not, like, wiping aggressively because I have to have a clean ass, I'm doing a lot better.

[Lizzy]

Think about how hard a person wipes.

[Vicky]

I mean, I don't know how were.

[Lizzy]

You using wipes or just regular toilet paper?

[Vicky]

Regular toilet paper. But I've been thinking about stilling the coterie dipes that are 99% water.

[Lizzy]

I use, like, a medicated adult wipey that you can flush, and it feels pretty good on my belly.

[Vicky]

My butt doctor at one time was saying, like, the wipes are not. Are no bueno, but because it depends.

[Lizzy]

On what wipes you're using, he's not wrong. It's a complicated.

[Vicky]

I just like the bidet. Okay. And that's because then it just sprays it all out.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

And it's simple. You don't have to touch it. It's no mess.

[Lizzy]

Are we like a medical podcast? Are we, like.

[Vicky]

We don't have to fight over sitting or standing. Although when I make sure that it's clean, I do stand for the last little wipe just to make sure that everything's gone.

[Lizzy]

Just to make sure it crunches.

[Vicky]

How are you guys doing that?

[Lizzy]

I'm done with you. I'm thinks you're a maniac. It's literally everybody thinks you're a maniac for standing in white.

[Vicky]

It's so. I guess your cheeks would already be spread wide if you're sitting, so maybe you'd have more access.

[Lizzy]

When you stand up, your cheeks go together, brother. You're getting poop all over your cheeks. You're doing. That's.

[Vicky]

I. I guess I'm not built like you guys. I guess I.

[Lizzy]

No, there's not. No, you are built like us.

[Vicky]

No, I'm not built like other girls.

[Lizzy]

No, you literally are.

[Vicky]

Well, I would like a tutorial one day. Like. Like, just when you're not pooping just after a pee. Just give me, like, a tutorial.

[Lizzy]

Show you my butthole.

[Vicky]

Well, you don't know you're sitting, so I won't see your butthole. I just need you to, like, set it up like a YouTube short in front of you and show me the antics. Like, and maybe you can convert me. I'm open. Here's the thing about me. I am. I'm open to what other people have to say, are you. No.

[Lizzy]

No, not even a little bit.

[Vicky]

All right. And Lizzie got here and she said, I can't leave my car because I have a hemorrhoid. And I was like, that is not what I said.

[Lizzy]

I said, I'm here, but hemorrhoids don't want to get out of the car.

[Vicky]

Oh, I think they would want to get out of the car. I think sitting is makes your hemorrhoids worse.

[Lizzy]

But it's like, everything's just awful, you know, Everything's just awful. I had my 5 week checkup with my OB GYN and I was like, she's, you know, the hemorrhoid. She goes, yeah, that's not something I deal with. So if you need like a referral, you have to go see your regular doctor and then she can refer you to someone who can deal with your hemorrhoid problems.

[Vicky]

That's the ickiest thing about Kaiser. I hate the appointment to get a referral, to get another appointment to get to the doctor you need to see. It's like, well, then I'm not going to do any of it.

[Lizzy]

Like, how many times do I have to spread my ass to get some hemorrhoid? You know what I mean?

[Vicky]

And then I just end up looking a butt doctor outside of Kaiser and paying out of pocket because I can't do these fucking referrals. Like, you think I have the time for three appointments before I solve my issue? No, no.

[Lizzy]

And also, y'all are late. You're like, late every time. We don't have time for that.

[Vicky]

So your hemorrhoids are just related to birth?

[Lizzy]

Probably. I've heard that they're a fairly common thing for women to encounter during pregnancy and after pregnancy.

[Vicky]

And Chris, what are your hemorrhoids like?

[Chris]

Yeah, I mean, I've been really lucky the last few years. I haven't really had any, but I have had them and they have been awful when they happen. Yeah. But I don't know. For me, it was always like, dietary stuff and fibrous stuff and probiotics and. And I love Panda Express and prepage. Oh, I know. There was a guy named Daniel at the mall who worked at a Panda Express, who loves the podcast and stuff and was very friendly. You just reminded me.

[Lizzy]

Hi, Daniel.

[Vicky]

Hey, Daniel. Next time we go to Panda Express, hemorrhoids girl, how are your hemorrhoids treating you?

[Lizzy]

What? And do you sit or stand?

[Chris]

I once got. Did you ever get. Mine were so bad at a point where I got Like a suppository. It was like a little thing where you put up for some reason when.

[Lizzy]

You said that, I could smell it.

[Chris]

And I don't know why.

[Lizzy]

It smelled like burp a little bit. It was more of a burp than a fart smelled.

[Chris]

But it, like, melted immediately. It was straight, but it worked. It helped a lot. And that was my worst. It was like a little, like. It looked like a wax.

[Lizzy]

No, but, like, what was it? Was it an ointment?

[Chris]

Oh, no, it looked like a pill. It looked like a wax pill.

[Vicky]

And it dissolves up up there?

[Chris]

Yeah, like, almost immediately. It's very quickly.

[Lizzy]

I had a suppository when I was too sick to take pills in high school. They were like, you're gonna put this up your butt? And I was like, oh, God, it.

[Vicky]

Seems harder and messier to take off your clothes and stick it up your ass and just pop it in your mouth.

[Lizzy]

It's like a tiny little bullet. Well, no, I was throwing everything up. I couldn't get. I couldn't keep anything down. And they're like, we could give you an iv. And I was like, from the. You can.

[Vicky]

This is some super hot girl stuff.

[Lizzy]

Yeah. They were like, if you're not gonna stop puking, and you're gonna have to put this in your butt, girl. And I was like, fine, I'll put anything in my butt before you put something in my veins.

[Vicky]

Okay, so Lizzie's nipples are too exploitative for YouTube. She's had to.

[Lizzy]

Can you believe that?

[Vicky]

No, I can't. Did you. Did the problem get solved? No, it's that last YouTube demonetized girl, you know, and not to be a conspiracy theorist, but I saw that it was doing. It was performing worse than the. The others.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

I think it's because it has yellow monitor.

[Lizzy]

It is. You have to say, I'm 18, so I did a vlog about sleep training my son, and I open it with. Because I wear these silver nipple caps on my.

[Vicky]

Oh, we know. We saw your Jennifer Aniston nipples in the last video.

[Lizzy]

So, you know. Sorry. So many pictures of my baby. And also, we don't need to show them. No, but I have to read what. I have to read what YouTube said, because it's fucking crazy.

[Vicky]

Got it, got it, got it.

[Lizzy]

So YouTube flags my video as provocative and inappropriate. And I'm like, for what, bro? Like, for what? Tell me for what?

[Vicky]

This is something. You should have had me contact my YouTube contact.

[Lizzy]

He's literally already told you I'm not on his rooster no, he told you.

[Vicky]

He would help you on his roster. But this. That was a. That was a copyright claim. Oh, that was music.

[Lizzy]

Then talk to him now.

[Vicky]

It's too late. It's been.

[Lizzy]

It's not too late. I mean, it's never too late.

[Vicky]

Wow.

[Lizzy]

Let's call him.

[Vicky]

Lizzie confuses everything with everything. That was. That was a copyright dispute, and he couldn't get involved because it was a third party. That was copyright claiming you.

[Lizzy]

I was doing.

[Vicky]

This is YouTube misunderstanding your nipples for being provocative when they're just Mommy.

[Lizzy]

Yeah. So I dispute. Let's call him.

[Vicky]

Well, I don't.

[Lizzy]

Right now. Call him right now. Read with two E's. Read.

[Vicky]

I love Read.

[Lizzy]

I love Read.

[Vicky]

I love.

[Lizzy]

We thought his name was super cute. I'm so glad he might be able to help me, even though I'm not on his rooster. So I disputed the claim. I was like, there's nothing. Like, these nipples are for children. Do you know what I mean? Like, this is literally for my child. They're not. I'm not being sexually provocative. I'm feeling.

[Vicky]

So you have to confirm that you're 18. If you're not watching here. No.

[Lizzy]

Okay. Is there throw up in my nose?

[Vicky]

Okay.

[Lizzy]

Sorry.

[Vicky]

Okay, so that's. So that's the problem.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

And then because you're a mom and you don't have the time or energy, you just.

[Lizzy]

No, I disputed it. No, I disputed it. I was like, bro, these are breastfeeding nipples.

[Vicky]

You were able to write it in.

[Lizzy]

I was like, these aren't for sex. They're for feeding. And I wrote it very clearly. And then they hit me. Back. They go. We reviewed your vlog again and confirmed it's not appropriate for younger audiences. Under our community guidelines, your video will remain age restricted.

[Vicky]

Oh, wow.

[Lizzy]

Content.

[Vicky]

They. You. Because that would have been a good performance video.

[Lizzy]

These. Your content was age restricted because of our sex and nudity policy. Bro, I have so many shirts on in that fucking video, and no one's having sex. Just so we're clear. No one's having sex. Fuck your shit, bro. Let's call Reed.

[Vicky]

I wish you would have told me to call Reed on Tuesday when you uploaded.

[Lizzy]

I wish you would have said, I. You. You know I'm dumb, okay? You know I can't take a lot of this information.

[Vicky]

Take on that.

[Lizzy]

You're just letting me be out in these streets breaking my baby's nec to carry her the wrong way.

[Vicky]

Okay.

[Lizzy]

You could save a life and a vlog. I'm good with it.

[Vicky]

Oh, you started A fire in your kitchen. And I told you, shut up and tell the podcast.

[Lizzy]

Oh, my God, I'm so tired. I forgot I started a fire in my kitchen. God, I hope my landlord doesn't watch this. I lit the counter on fire. I. Like, literally, it wasn't just a fire. Like, I lit the countertop on fire.

[Vicky]

Is there a burn mark?

[Lizzy]

Yeah, you can lit it on fire. Of course there's a burn mark. Work. I was doing too much. I was sleep training. I was making bacon. I was feeding the dogs. Like, I was looking at myself on the Internet, reading comments, responding to comments.

[Vicky]

Like, she was defending me in the sip. Comments for the girl that was giving her her flowers.

[Lizzy]

Had to pull up. I was like, take those flowers. I don't want them. They tainted. And so I wasn't paying attention. And then the alarm went off to wake up the baby from there. Now nap. His nap. He's got a gender. And I pick him up and I. We go to. Was that problematic? I didn't mean to be. I didn't mean to be. Anyway, we.

[Vicky]

So far, he can't talk and he's got a penis. All right?

[Lizzy]

So it seems like he is a person with the penis. So I take my.

[Vicky]

We'll let him decide later.

[Lizzy]

Grace. You broke the house down, Boots.

[Chris]

How did I do that?

[Vicky]

Are you gonna start this? Shut up.

[Lizzy]

It was that. That fat ass. I was gonna say it's his fat ass, but it sounded like there was more.

[Vicky]

Oh, my gosh. And then he almost killed himself sliding. Oh, Chris.

[Lizzy]

Chris, you okay?

[Chris]

I don't know.

[Lizzy]

Sorry I called your ass.

[Vicky]

The gender stuff took him out.

[Lizzy]

It was like, in a JLO way. Yeah, but not in like a JLo, you know what I mean?

[Chris]

I take that as an offense in.

[Lizzy]

Like a 2000s Jloa, when she was still hitting it, you know what I'm saying? Now she's getting hit by it.

[Vicky]

Her asses hitting her.

[Lizzy]

Yeah, well, I just meant it like the proverbial it. Like the world is just not into it right now.

[Vicky]

Well, keep going, JLo. Keep fighting the fight.

[Lizzy]

No, take a break, bitch. Stop fighting. Just chill. Get a bidet. Relax.

[Vicky]

I bet she has a bidet.

[Lizzy]

She's hot, but she doesn't seem to be using it. She acts like a girl with gnarly hemorrhoids and no fucking cure on the horizon.

[Vicky]

Yeah, last week I was acting like a girl without a bidet. And nobody wants that.

[Lizzy]

Nobody wants that. I'm a girl without a debate. Tired. Anyway. This tired mom literally kitchen on Fire. So I walked away from a burning pot of bacon, and it was a pan. I don't make bacon in a pot.

[Vicky]

Why was it on your stove and not on the. Why was it on your countertop and not your stove top?

[Lizzy]

Okay. So I had started taking the first round of bacon off and putting it onto a paper towel, paper plate really close to the open fire. Stove top.

[Vicky]

Oh.

[Chris]

Idiot.

[Lizzy]

And then when I picked up my phone, I knocked the plate it into the fire on the stove top, and then it started a grease fire on the plate, and I was gone for, like, 15 minutes. So that burned like I started a fire, and I didn't know.

[Vicky]

Do you keep a fire distinguisher in your kitchen extinguisher?

[Lizzy]

Yeah, but I.

[Vicky]

What do you call them?

[Lizzy]

Extinguisher.

[Vicky]

Uh.

[Lizzy]

Oh, yeah.

[Vicky]

Help. Life is hard. We need some help.

[Lizzy]

We need some help.

[Vicky]

We're just two single mom moms that are doing our best.

[Lizzy]

One of us struggles with codependency, but it's not him.

[Vicky]

I'm not codependent. Okay.

[Lizzy]

Okay. I'm not either.

[Vicky]

Lizzie thinks, because I'm considering people that wanted to go to the same event that I wanted to go to, and I'm considering if, like, their schedule. She's like, that's codependent.

[Lizzy]

I'm like, because it talks like a duck. I'm gonna call it a duck, bitch.

[Vicky]

You want to go to the pumpkin patch with me?

[Lizzy]

I'm considering inviting me because you're codependent. Like, you don't even want me there. This is just because you can't handle it. Anyway, I walk away from the stove, and the plate catches fire behind my back, which is super shady. Super shady, right?

[Vicky]

There's a baby and two dogs in the house.

[Lizzy]

Yeah. And my husband sleeping. And his husband sleeping. And so I take the baby to the nursery and I start changing his diaper. We're, like, singing about nonsense. I wrote a song about babies who love cocaine. It's really catchy. Do you want to hear it right now?

[Vicky]

Yeah.

[Lizzy]

Another side quest. Because he's a baby that loves cocaine. Snorting lines and playing baby games. He don't need a nap, he just needs a bump he's gonna rail some snow and let's go.

[Vicky]

Seems like your country.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

Okay.

[Lizzy]

I actually wrote that song years ago for my other friend's baby, but now I do it for my son. Anyway, so I'm singing about cocaine and babies who love it and changing his diaper, and Bubs comes into the room, and he just starts whining like crazy. And he. Bubs is very communicative. And we actually joke about it because, like, we have a voice for Icky, because Icky's not very. Like, he's dead behind the eyes. He's a Frenchie. He's crazy. He's like a shark. But Bubs. We know what Bubs wants, and we know what he's saying because he expresses himself very clearly. Like, he has a bark for potty. He has a scream. Cry for eggs. He has a specific bark for dinner time. He has a specific dance and bark for breakfast time.

[Vicky]

He's multifaceted, and there's a reason he went viral on the Internet.

[Lizzy]

He's brilliant. He understands too much, and that's why he's an. Anyway, this is a wine I've never heard before. It's just, like, straight up crying, like. And I'm like, whoa, bro. Like, do you have to potty? And he's like, gives me nothing. So he's saying no. And I'm like, okay, you don't have to potty. Is this about breakfast? Because this is not your breakfast sound. And he, like, gives me no whining. Just start. And then he goes back into the swing, and I go, bro, you need to chill. I'm around with this baby who loves cocaine right now, and you are a buzzkill with this crying. Like, go get your dad, homie. Like, why is it always on me? Starts crying again. I go, all right, do you want. I'm just gonna go and try and take him out. Get to the kitchen, and it's on fire. And that motherfucker's trying to tell me. He was trying to tell me the kitchen.

[Vicky]

So you have a distinguisher.

[Lizzy]

Luckily, I do have a distinguisher, but it's. I didn't use it because I was thinking it was overkill. I didn't want to be dramatic. So I opened the cabinet where the distinguisher is, and I was like, no, this is too distinguished. And so I shut it. And then I was gonna pour water on it. But then I remembered from fucking 2003 in PE class, they were like, never.

[Vicky]

Throw water on a grease.

[Lizzy]

And I was like, well, it's bacon, so it's a grease fire, so we can't pour water on it. But I still was like, I'm gonna test it. So I filled a cup with water, and I just poured a little bit of water on it. And immediately it got bigger. I was like, oh, no. And that's when I started screaming. They told me it was true. I believe them now. Wow, it is Getting hot in here. Now you got me. You got me.

[Vicky]

When the door's open because the light's still on it.

[Lizzy]

But this is because of Chris's fat.

[Vicky]

We're trying to pretend it's JLO in the best way. So then I feel like I'm gonna pass out.

[Lizzy]

It's hot, bro. Look at. How am I red.

[Vicky]

Really hot. If we pass out, we might not have to do the food segment.

[Lizzy]

Okay, let's keep going. Turn the air off. So then I start screaming, joe. Joe. Because in my next thought, it was like, I have to stamp it out.

[Vicky]

You're a woman. You can't do this.

[Lizzy]

I can't stamp a fire out. I get injured.

[Vicky]

That was a joke.

[Lizzy]

No, women shouldn't be stamping fires out, though.

[Vicky]

No. Because, like, we're too precious.

[Lizzy]

So I started screaming for Joe, and then afterwards, he's like, what took you so long to call for my help? Like, why? Like what?

[Vicky]

Well, I thought the water could help. Yeah.

[Lizzy]

I was like, well, first I looked at the extinguisher, and he was like, that would have been overkill. I was like, that's what I thought.

[Vicky]

And so what did he do?

[Lizzy]

He stamped it out and stamped. Stop. Yeah, you stamp it out, like, with what? I don't know. Because I'm a woman.

[Vicky]

I don't.

[Lizzy]

It's not my business how he did it. You know what I mean? I just.

[Vicky]

There was a fire, and the man.

[Lizzy]

Was there, and I took. I. Cuz, like, I. I didn't want the baby to get CO2 poisoning because he's little, and I don't how much smoke he can.

[Vicky]

No, that's really scary.

[Lizzy]

So I just shut the door to his. I should have just gone outside, but I shut the door to his nursery and opened the window and then, like, stood next to the window.

[Vicky]

I still think we're crawling in and out of his bedroom window for some reason. Like, that's how I want to enter your house and before he was even here.

[Lizzy]

It's really predatory.

[Vicky]

No, it's. I've always felt like that should be my point of entry, because then I'll, like. Then Bubs won't see. See me.

[Lizzy]

No, Bubs. Bubs protects the baby more than he protects me now. Okay, so be super normal around the baby, because Bubs will smell your shiftiness, and he has a bark for that.

[Vicky]

And so he got the fire out. There's just a slight burn mark.

[Lizzy]

Yeah. And Bubs is a hero. So he got a key to the city.

[Vicky]

Oh, yeah. Cool, cool, cool, cool.

[Lizzy]

Cool.

[Vicky]

Good for him.

[Lizzy]

All of us were like, you're such a good boy. And we gave him a little piece of bacon.

[Vicky]

Yeah, here's the piece of the burnt plate for you.

[Lizzy]

I don't even think he was trying to save us. He's like, she's ruining the bacon. This bitch is ruining the fucking bacon. Get it out.

[Vicky]

Oh, wow. We talk about nothing for so long that we, like, don't have any time for this.

[Lizzy]

Well, do you see the topics? Literally, read the first one out loud.

[Vicky]

Well, I know it's. And I don't want to say anything politically incorrect. I think we've already done ourselves in with calling your baby a he, so I don't know that we should shame people for, like, embracing woke images.

[Lizzy]

Did you read the whole sentence?

[Vicky]

Victoria's Secret fashion show is back. Apparently, they sent the models down the Runway with imperfections as part of their new woke image.

[Lizzy]

Hold on to your seats, people. Gigi Hadid has tan lines. They didn't cover them up.

[Vicky]

No, I saw that. They also.

[Lizzy]

That was their wokeness. They were like, we're not going to cover up tan lines or cellulite this year, ladies.

[Vicky]

Like, what's crazy is for it being gone for six years, I haven't missed it. And I didn't. I didn't realize that I had missed the return of it until Lizzie put it on this document. It's already up.

[Lizzy]

It's over.

[Vicky]

It's done.

[Lizzy]

Yeah, we don't care.

[Vicky]

No, I literally don't care.

[Lizzy]

That was what I wanted you to read. Do we care that the Victoria's Secret show is back? The answer.

[Vicky]

And when I. Here's the thing. When Lizzie sends me these articles, I always try to click it, but then it's always referencing a video. So I think that the video that's embedded in the article is going to get me there. So I sit through the 32nd AD, and then it's either a video for a different story or it's a text to read story without the fucking video that five seconds later, there's another ad. And so I'm fucking done with these websites. Websites, all of these that you sent me today. I had to then go to YouTube and just search the actual video for them.

[Lizzy]

I've never had to do that. I. There are ridicule. There are ridicules.

[Vicky]

I know, but I think. But they're always referencing a video, and I would rather see, like, where the source is coming from rather than, like, read a quote. Like, I want to see the cadence in which Northwest is Talking versus, like the quotations in which they say she's.

[Lizzy]

To be fair, the next topic is Northwest was interviewed by Kim for I think maybe Interview magazine.

[Vicky]

And why is Kim letting her 11 year old be at the forefront of this?

[Lizzy]

I think Kim has made it very clear that she is out of control and that north is calling the shots. Like, she's been very clear.

[Vicky]

North said somewhere else that she is teaching her siblings the word of God. And so someone should. I guess it's her.

[Lizzy]

I guess it's her.

[Vicky]

And Taylor Swift recognizes what. What about. I just feel like nothing that you have to say about Northwest is going to be nice. So I feel like we should save ourselves else in my head, she's just an 11 year old. That's.

[Lizzy]

Would you spend an afternoon with her?

[Vicky]

Absolutely not. But I would spend an afternoon with any 11 year old that isn't my friend's kid. That would be weird.

[Lizzy]

So let's say you're friends with Kim Kardashian and she's like, do you want to hang out with North?

[Vicky]

I'm like, no. Can we just have your private chef make us lunch?

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

And that's the thing. She revealed that her mom hasn't made them dinner in or cooked for them in two years. And listen up. Kim has a kitchen that's hidden in her house where a chef lives. Why?

[Lizzy]

It's not real.

[Vicky]

I mean, you don't remember all their kitchen tours where they have like, what do you call those kitchens behind the kitchens where, like, you have a pretty kitchen?

[Lizzy]

I didn't know that.

[Vicky]

And then like, your actual kitchen that your staff uses is like, hidden in a room.

[Lizzy]

Damn, that's real money.

[Vicky]

And so there's like a chef that lives there never leaves.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

Like there's a bunker in there for the chef for real. And it's like, is he okay? If the chef is already making food, why would Kim go out of her way and be like, no, north, let me make you eggs. It's like, no. If we're billionaires and we employed a chef, I'm not going out of my way.

[Lizzy]

If we to cook, keep a chef in a bunker in our house who's not allowed to leave.

[Vicky]

I'm sad when my nanny who, like, loves to cook is gone.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

You know?

[Lizzy]

Yeah. So I get it.

[Vicky]

I stand with Kim here. If. If you're like, loaded. Loaded, why cook?

[Lizzy]

Yeah. Why?

[Vicky]

Unless you love it. Some people love to cook. It's therapy.

[Lizzy]

I like cooking.

[Vicky]

But if you're a billionaire, my problem is I'm not A fan of people in my house.

[Lizzy]

Stupid.

[Vicky]

I'm not like, if I was a billionaire like Kim, I don't think I could have a fully staffed house.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

It's just. It's not for me.

[Lizzy]

It's awkward.

[Vicky]

It's. Yeah, it's like.

[Lizzy]

It's like, sometimes don't you just want.

[Vicky]

To, like, watch your TV and fart?

[Lizzy]

Now I'm cold.

[Vicky]

Okay. We're all just sad wishing that we were at to the Taylor Swift concert. Isn't it crazy what she has cultivated for herself?

[Lizzy]

The fact that we're not.

[Vicky]

All these that aren't at her show are just living on the Internet wishing they were at her show? It's like, we've been there.

[Lizzy]

Well, we haven't.

[Vicky]

What else do we need?

[Lizzy]

Well, it's different now.

[Vicky]

I mean, yeah, we haven't seen the Tortured Poets Department, but I'm, like, not even a fan of that album.

[Lizzy]

But I still need to texted me the other day and said it was a bop, finally.

[Vicky]

Which one?

[Lizzy]

But Daddy, I love him.

[Vicky]

Oh, that is a bop.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

I just revisited. I still haven't got to the second half of the album because it's just, like, too much. But now that she's wearing her new Reputation suit, I'm like, we're getting Reputation tv, allegedly. And I am living for the unreleased tracks from the era that I love most.

[Lizzy]

Do you want to know something crazy about me?

[Vicky]

What?

[Lizzy]

I have not seen the new Reputation outfit. Do you want me to live react?

[Vicky]

I mean, no, it's not great, in my opinion. I don't love it. Oh, my God.

[Lizzy]

Now I need to see it.

[Vicky]

It's just big, bold snakes.

[Lizzy]

Wait.

[Vicky]

Spoiler as I am. No, I would do. I sent Lizzie this real. They deleted it, but she's like. She's, like, doing dishes with her phone open, and she's like, water accidentally drops on my phone, and it, like, goes to seatgeek and buys Taylor Swift tickets. It goes to Southwest Airlines and it books tickets. It goes and books a hotel, and it's like, oh, no. All because my.

[Lizzy]

It's just different color snakes.

[Vicky]

My dishwasher dropped. It's thicker, snakes.

[Lizzy]

It's different color.

[Vicky]

It's thicker, and it's white and gold instead of black and red. Grow up. And while in Florida, she had Florence come out to sing Florida.

[Lizzy]

Damn, I love that song.

[Vicky]

And it's just like, the parent life is keeping the parent life and $10,000 is keeping us from being really.

[Lizzy]

It's just the parent life. Let's be real.

[Vicky]

No. If I was Kim.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

And I had a billion dollars of private chat and all access. We'd throw our kids on that chat. We'd bring some help for the kids. Kids. And we'd be at Taylor Swift.

[Lizzy]

Well, right.

[Vicky]

Money would solve that problem.

[Lizzy]

Right. You're right.

[Vicky]

So it's being a parent isn't the problem.

[Lizzy]

This is why I'm like, start that male athleisure line, bro.

[Vicky]

I don't think that's what it's gonna be for us.

[Lizzy]

Have I been right about everything else?

[Vicky]

No. We're just two stupid girls. You know that. My husband tried sending us something yesterday, and we didn't understand.

[Lizzy]

I guess immediately we started short circuiting.

[Vicky]

I guess iPhones like, animate. Like. Like. I was like, he's just flexing his new iPhone.

[Lizzy]

Well, Shane just sent us a couple emojis. And in my mind, I was like, oh, Shane's telling us a riddle because he got us a sick present.

[Vicky]

And it was like, one was a plane, but I guess the plane moves now. And Lizzy's like, so you got us tickets to the ERAS tour, and we're going as a family of six? And he's like, no.

[Lizzy]

And then I was like, oh, is the riddle that it's 9 11? And he was like, no. But when they were animated.

[Vicky]

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

[Lizzy]

The point being, I said, shane, you said that to the prettiest, most mentally vacant girls, you know? And we can't handle riddles like that, brother.

[Vicky]

We're too dumb.

[Lizzy]

We're too pretty.

[Vicky]

We're just sad girls that are watching bad quality live streams of the Taylor Swift concert, wishing that we had unlimited.

[Lizzy]

Funds to be there, really crying.

[Vicky]

And in my mind, the craziest part about me is it's still not out of the picture.

[Lizzy]

Do you know what is still crazy in my mind?

[Vicky]

What?

[Lizzy]

The seatgeek owes me a push present.

[Vicky]

Never has worked with Seatbeak. They don't know who I am.

[Lizzy]

And I just really, in my heart of hearts is like, well, they're probably gonna want to send me something.

[Vicky]

I think they're gonna want to send you Taylor Swift tickets. The problem is, it's, like, right before Halloween and right after Halloween and winner. We gonna.

[Lizzy]

Why is that a problem, girl? Because we're going November 2nd. We'll be there in New Orleans or New Orleans. I don't think we should go to Indianapolis because New Orleans is a. To get to it. Yeah. I was looking at flights because I was going to try and convince you it was feasible.

[Vicky]

Well, she was still sending it to me. And I was like, okay, we just need like 10 grand to make this.

[Lizzy]

Like, and how do we get that?

[Vicky]

It's literally a ten grand trip.

[Lizzy]

Like, but how do we get.

[Vicky]

And that's sick.

[Lizzy]

It is.

[Vicky]

That's sick.

[Lizzy]

When you think about how much money you and I have already spent on that.

[Vicky]

I know.

[Lizzy]

Between that and then when we felt like we also had to go to Disneyland because for some reason that made sense. When I look back on that, I'm like, how did we figure that out? Why was that?

[Vicky]

We always need to go to Disneyland. It was pre funny that we just go to Disneyland.

[Lizzy]

I physically can't right now. Look at me. Do you know? Look at me.

[Vicky]

This is a bummer for me.

[Lizzy]

Do I look okay?

[Vicky]

Okay, this is 52 minutes and we still gotta go eat.

[Lizzy]

Do we?

[Vicky]

Yeah.

[Lizzy]

Oh, okay.

[Vicky]

My mom's here, Right? We've gotta go have a party.

[Lizzy]

Let's go.

[Vicky]

And my husband's sending me options.

[Lizzy]

Oh, what are they sending you?

[Vicky]

My producer is sending me options. Does he not know we're just two hot girls that need work to come to her? Oh, he wants us to endure the worst franchise.

[Lizzy]

Burger King.

[Vicky]

No.

[Lizzy]

Oh, what is it?

[Vicky]

Think of the worst customer service we've ever had. It's walk in.

[Lizzy]

What?

[Chris]

Cold zone?

[Lizzy]

No.

[Vicky]

Releases new ice cream creations for Halloween?

[Lizzy]

No.

[Vicky]

Okay, we'll figure it out when we go on.

[Lizzy]

Say we don't have a complete thing here.

[Vicky]

Oh, my God, we're about to run out of memory. Have we already?

[Producer]

Today's podcast is sponsored by Zakta Doc. Who knows adulting has its high points.

[Vicky]

For example, you can eat ice cream.

[Producer]

For dinner any night of the week. It's your prerogative. But there's also stuff that's not so fun, like having to do your taxes and of course, making doctor appointments. But for that one, there is ZocDoc, the healthcare app that makes adulting much easier. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors. Choose the right one for your needs and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about in network appointments with more than 100,000 healthcare providers across every specialty from mental health to dental health to eye care, skin, and so much more. You can also see their actual appointment openings. Choose a time that works for you and click to instantly book a visit. Plus, Zocdoc appointments happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. And you can even score same day appointments.

[Vicky]

I've used ZocDoc on so many occasions.

[Producer]

Whether I'm traveling or in Colorado and I just need to find a specialist. It really takes away the excuse of, oh, but I have to find a doctor. Because with zocdoc, it is seriously so simple. So stop putting off those doctor appointments and go to Zocdoc.com the SIP to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Zocdoc.com the SIP Zocdoc.com thesip 2.

[Chris]

Take 1 marker A mark. 2 take 1 B mark.

[Vicky]

I guess the more that this is like this, the more we might pick up them too on the mic. Okay, everybody, we've made it to ihop. Normally we order out, but we never have luck with that. It always results in Lizzy running inside and screaming that they're trying to upcharge her for something. So we thought we would come in and demand.

[Lizzy]

They are trying to upcharge me for things. And now that we're here, we're gonna confront them.

[Vicky]

So we're here for their Reese's Pieces pancakes.

[Lizzy]

No, we're all here for Vicky's new hair.

[Vicky]

And there's.

[Lizzy]

He can't hear anything.

[Vicky]

No, this is the best she's ever looked. And I told her that too. And I was like, did you ever have bangs? And she was like, yeah, I've had bangs before. But I think the difference was your hair was really short with bangs. That's true.

[Lizzy]

This, like, literally. I got a picture of you the other day. I was like, like, literally gasped out loud.

[Vicky]

I could never find it in our things. But she was like, oh, your mom looks hot as job.

[Lizzy]

Like, really good.

[Vicky]

It was almost like derogatory what she was, the way she was speaking about.

[Lizzy]

But we're both married women, so I kept it respectful and above.

[Mom]

And it should be more about.

[Lizzy]

He also has great hair. So it's two people with good.

[Vicky]

It's just two people in great hair.

[Lizzy]

Are you thinking that light's going to help? Are you joking?

[Mom]

It probably does help.

[Lizzy]

I think you need your.

[Vicky]

I want the brand new mom.

[Lizzy]

You want to underlay me? Is this good?

[Vicky]

I should have brought the air. The Alex Earl light that Morgan had suggested to me.

[Mom]

Do you guys want this one? The lighting's. Well, maybe it's the way we're facing.

[Vicky]

We've got to get this too. Okay, so the pumpkin spice.

[Lizzy]

We're here. I interrupted. My friend Ryland was trying to explain that we are here because they've got.

[Vicky]

Scary face pancakes and the Reese's Pieces Pancakes.

[Lizzy]

Which are not scary, but they do look.

[Vicky]

And the pumpkin spice pancakes. Oh, is that a pumpkin spice latte, too? If anyone would also just like to get their lunch here. You can get anything you want. I'm not. Who am I to stop?

[Lizzy]

Who are you?

[Vicky]

Probably forgot my wallet.

[Mom]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah, me too.

[Lizzy]

Should we still ask Chris to pay for it?

[Vicky]

Yeah.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

Okay. Just checking to see. Oh, my gosh. That looks delicious.

[Lizzy]

What is that? Maybe.

[Vicky]

I. I don't know.

[Lizzy]

I don't know.

[Vicky]

Mom, what do you want for lunch? Lunch?

[Mom]

Pancakes.

[Lizzy]

Does anybody want some milk?

[Vicky]

Yeah. I've been begging.

[Lizzy]

One of us.

[Vicky]

I've been begging for milk.

[Lizzy]

One of us is aching to give you guys some meal.

[Vicky]

Mom, I've been asking. I've heard that. Bryce. Milk makes a person tight and right. And she won't share.

[Lizzy]

I might have to share. We gotta go, you guys. I can tell somewhere.

[Vicky]

My child, I told you that you need to bring your pump on sick days.

[Lizzy]

I know this is going to happen. You guys have to Uber home.

[Vicky]

No, you're Ubering me home.

[Lizzy]

No, you're Ubering yourself home. My boobs hurt.

[Vicky]

What if you look hideous and dark right now?

[Lizzy]

I don't care anymore. I'm a mom. I'm doing bigger things and looking good.

[Vicky]

What? Raising a child. Okay.

[Lizzy]

Singing different about cocaine. No, it's okay. You don't have. Well, the light's off now. It went off. I don't think it does anything.

[Vicky]

How has your trip been? My mom's been here for about two days now.

[Mom]

It doesn't really help.

[Lizzy]

They might just give me a migraine.

[Vicky]

Did you enjoy the Calabasas Pumpkin Festival? Of what? I let you experience of it. This is a cute cheetah print. It's like a subtle cheetah print.

[Lizzy]

Yeah, it's all happening.

[Vicky]

Good. How are you? Oh, if you don't want to be in, I'll cut you out of whatever angle.

[Lizzy]

I'm sorry. No worries with the drinks.

[Vicky]

Anything does anybody want. What do you guys want to drink?

[Lizzy]

A lot of water.

[Vicky]

Water.

[Lizzy]

Perfect for yourself.

[Mom]

Anything else? Mom, try this. Okay. The pumpkin spice called my.

[Vicky]

Could we put some food in now, too? Yeah, of course. Could we do one of the pumpkin spice pancakes? One of the Reese's Pieces pancakes? A scary face pancake. Oh, kids 12 and under. Can we still get one?

[Lizzy]

I just had a child.

[Vicky]

We have three children between the two of us.

[Lizzy]

And we're going to bring it home to them, okay?

[Vicky]

They're at home. They need us. And then. Do you guys want to get something for lunch that.

[Mom]

No, I'll eat pancakes.

[Vicky]

We can always put something in in a second. Do you guys need eggs or anything?

[Lizzy]

No.

[Vicky]

Okay, that's all for now.

[Lizzy]

Okay, so we'll be only one pumpkin, cold, one water, and for you guys to drink.

[Vicky]

Just water for me, two plus water. I was at home. And I'll. I'll keep one menu just in case.

[Lizzy]

And then let me place the order.

[Vicky]

Thank you so much.

[Lizzy]

Thank you.

[Vicky]

Put this back where it belongs.

[Chris]

Your mom is also a pumpkin spice.

[Mom]

Yes, I am.

[Chris]

So we're in. Cookies.

[Vicky]

All right, well, we'll see how their pancakes stack up against the wa. I.

[Lizzy]

That was really good. That was some hot business.

[Mom]

Did you guys know some more else for panting?

[Vicky]

No, we're just saying. I mean, we've gone everywhere for pumpkin things, but last night, Lizzy and I were fighting about something, and I was like, I have ammo on. You don't even tray me.

[Lizzy]

And he's embraced it.

[Vicky]

And she goes, you shut up. I have pictures of you in gay face. I do. And I was like, I'll shut up.

[Lizzy]

Okay.

[Chris]

Said this before, but my favorite thing in the world is the night before we film the text exchange. That happens.

[Lizzy]

Really? It's aggressively talking.

[Chris]

My boss is texting me, telling me what time to be at work, followed by there's.

[Lizzy]

There's a singular boss. So let's be clear.

[Vicky]

No, there's not. This is a collaborative effort.

[Lizzy]

Denise, did you just give me power? You know what happens when I get power.

[Vicky]

You don't have a contract. You can be replaced at any time. Oh, no.

[Mom]

He started out with the F force.

[Vicky]

I said, hay fucker.

[Lizzy]

Yeah. I was like, how do you know?

[Vicky]

Well, I had to let them in. Wow, this chocolate stack looks really good.

[Lizzy]

I said, this workplace feels a little toxic.

[Vicky]

And that's when I said, what do you mean by toxic?

[Lizzy]

Well, see the above.

[Vicky]

Okay. Is there no appetizers that we can share? Something good?

[Lizzy]

No.

[Chris]

Call each other the f. Probably in group chats.

[Lizzy]

Probably.

[Vicky]

Probably.

[Lizzy]

I'm sure we're all doing at the Ellen DeGeneres Show. I'm sure.

[Mom]

Oh, there you go.

[Lizzy]

Different f words are being thrown around, though.

[Mom]

I can't say a thing called that word.

[Lizzy]

You have. We'll never say never.

[Mom]

That's a good point. That's a good point.

[Vicky]

I just can't figure out why they don't have appetizers.

[Lizzy]

Because it's breakfast.

[Mom]

It's TIA.

[Vicky]

It's like 3pm It's a breakfast venue. Oh, are there no breakfast? Are There not appetizers at breakfast venues?

[Lizzy]

Probably not.

[Chris]

Denny's has them.

[Lizzy]

Yeah. I'm so tired, Vic.

[Vicky]

Denny's is a little more secure.

[Lizzy]

We gotta go to bed.

[Vicky]

They're not giving us any copyright music.

[Lizzy]

It's a tired. Is the time changing?

[Mom]

What's going on? It is after Halloween. November 2nd or 3rd.

[Lizzy]

Does it seem silly that we didn't get bacon and sausage?

[Vicky]

I was asking, do we all want to get an eggs? Bacon and sausage?

[Lizzy]

I don't think we want eggs. Bird flu is going around.

[Vicky]

What's going around?

[Lizzy]

Bird flu?

[Vicky]

Really?

[Chris]

Is that a real thing?

[Lizzy]

Yeah, 27 people have it.

[Vicky]

I was gonna give my kids eggs this morning.

[Lizzy]

Let's see what's going on with the eggs.

[Vicky]

Should I throw them away? My eggs?

[Lizzy]

I think about it. But I gave my dogs eggs.

[Vicky]

I guess that's a better test. We give our dogs the eggs before we give them to our babies.

[Lizzy]

Never. We give our husbands the eggs before we give them to our dogs. Don't worry, I'm googling it. FDA eggs.

[Vicky]

Oh, they do have a chicken quesadilla. Do you guys want me to get that? And everyone can have a piece?

[Chris]

So I will not say no.

[Lizzy]

Did you hear me about bird flu? Chicken.

[Vicky]

Oh, my goodness. Is that what's in a chicken?

[Mom]

Is that in California or.

[Lizzy]

It's in Colorado too. I saw this morning.

[Mom]

Really?

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

And I bet some of those chickens.

[Chris]

Are gay as hell.

[Lizzy]

Wow. This is crazy. It says you keep your eggs refrigerated.

[Vicky]

I do.

[Lizzy]

I don't. You're not. I don't.

[Vicky]

Wait, why would you.

[Lizzy]

I'm too big.

[Vicky]

These are the people that are getting the chicken flu.

[Mom]

I think you're right.

[Vicky]

Because they're mishandling their eggs. And then she's online telling everyone. Everyone. That the chicken flu is only coming from gay chickens.

[Lizzy]

Well, show me a heterosexual chicken with the flu and I will change my gym.

[Vicky]

Wow.

[Lizzy]

Just googling chicken flu fever.

[Vicky]

Whoa, wait. We're going to have to Google.

[Lizzy]

Oh, great news, you guys.

[Vicky]

What?

[Lizzy]

The risk of getting bird flu from eggs is low, but not nothing.

[Vicky]

Okay, let's come back when the food. Oh, here's our drinks. Oh, I also put in a chicken quesadilla just for us to share a little bit.

[Lizzy]

And a side of bacon, please, to our part.

[Vicky]

You can get four.

[Lizzy]

Four.

[Vicky]

Thank you.

[Mom]

Thank you so much.

[Vicky]

That looks delish.

[Chris]

Mom's drinking beer.

[Vicky]

Everybody show. Show the top you got.

[Mom]

Oh, you show the top off.

[Vicky]

Does it not.

[Chris]

Am I the one who thinks it looks like a beer?

[Mom]

No, it definitely does. You guys can taste it before.

[Vicky]

Here, let me just get some b. Roll up the top.

[Lizzy]

I'm not worried at the top of the top.

[Vicky]

Let's just get that top.

[Chris]

Do you want.

[Vicky]

Wait.

[Lizzy]

Maybe I should get.

[Vicky]

Oh, yeah.

[Lizzy]

This is my gram.

[Mom]

You guys should taste it before I.

[Vicky]

I'm going to take one second.

[Lizzy]

I don't drink coffee because it makes me fancy. I can't believe it.

[Vicky]

Oh, what would happen to your baby?

[Lizzy]

Have I vainted? No.

[Vicky]

If you had coffee and you think.

[Lizzy]

It'S probably fine if I. I don't know. I have.

[Vicky]

This is very spooky too. It's like. It's like a spider web draining down. Spooky. Do you care if I have some? The pancakes made with eggs.

[Lizzy]

Well, I wasn't gonna eat the pancakes anyway, but did you see. Did you see the last of us? So that really all happened because of food. Too.

[Vicky]

Too.

[Lizzy]

So think about it.

[Vicky]

It tastes like a lot of water with a lot of syrup.

[Lizzy]

Yeah. Never eat again.

[Vicky]

The cold. The cold foam on top is delish.

[Lizzy]

What's it about?

[Vicky]

It's a pumpkin called Foam Brew.

[Lizzy]

The foam is pumpkin flavored.

[Chris]

Thank you.

[Lizzy]

I heard on the Internet that Shane Dawson's no longer a pumpkin Spice Girl.

[Vicky]

Isn't that crazy? Yeah, that's nuts. He's changed his tune. He's decided that it's no longer for him.

[Chris]

It's really impacted us, our pumpkin spice community.

[Vicky]

He's mourning the loss of. And now he's trying to discover who he is in this new world where he doesn't like pumpkin.

[Lizzy]

Honestly, I think change is good. It's scary. Like periods of change can be tumultuous and chaotic. But chaos doesn't have to be bad. Really worried? No, he's going to be fine. He's going to come out on the other end of this as different but stronger man.

[Mom]

You really think so?

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

He's going to find something.

[Chris]

I'm going to vote for you.

[Lizzy]

Thank you. Write me in.

[Vicky]

All right. We'll be back when the food's here. Put it in your mouth.

[Mom]

I like to do this too.

[Vicky]

All right. So the kids one came as like a make it yourself.

[Lizzy]

They gave us two chunks of strawberry.

[Vicky]

Oh, you're going to sad that it.

[Chris]

Didn'T come out like the photo.

[Vicky]

Yeah, I'm a little disappointed. And I was expecting.

[Lizzy]

Well, it's a DIY moment for.

[Vicky]

I was expecting the server to have a green hand to serve.

[Lizzy]

Build your own.

[Vicky]

Oh, okay. So we set ourselves up for disappointment here.

[Chris]

And I don't know how to read Liz.

[Lizzy]

Let's ask her to come back.

[Vicky]

And I does this also.

[Lizzy]

There's a lot more strawberries in there than in here.

[Vicky]

Oh, candy corn.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Mom]

Oh, I'm a candy corn fan.

[Lizzy]

You are?

[Vicky]

I'm a candy corn fan.

[Mom]

I buy it, though, because then I eat the whole bag.

[Lizzy]

You go crazy.

[Chris]

Why does everyone me hold this up?

[Lizzy]

Cuz it's yucky.

[Vicky]

Oh, yeah.

[Lizzy]

Wait, I think I have one too many. Oh. Oe dang. And is there bacon coming too? For real?

[Vicky]

Thank you very much. Thank you.

[Mom]

The coffee is really good.

[Lizzy]

I'm going to say something awful.

[Vicky]

Say it.

[Lizzy]

It looks like someone already ate half the salsa. But. And I'm going to j.

[Vicky]

There only. Are there only three pieces of this quesada?

[Lizzy]

No, there's four.

[Vicky]

Are there?

[Lizzy]

I think we're hiding the.

[Vicky]

Okay, take one. What are you going to eat one. Oh, yeah. Okay, take your pick. Chris.

[Chris]

Oh.

[Mom]

Oh, it's hysterical.

[Vicky]

Oh, that's fine.

[Lizzy]

Everyone. Thumbnail and say bird flu.

[Vicky]

The kids is for us. It's not for them. Oh, that's not even for the thumbnail.

[Lizzy]

Sorry. That's a hot. That's a hot.

[Mom]

That was headline.

[Lizzy]

This gets bird food. And I hope.

[Vicky]

Would you like. Who wants a jalapeno? I know. You want the sour cream. I should have a little sour crema. The salsa. And then we don't need this plate.

[Lizzy]

No. Put it on another table.

[Mom]

No, thank you.

[Vicky]

What are we gonna do about these nasty things? Like sick and nasty? Like delicious.

[Lizzy]

Like 90s slang nasty sick. Oh, I don't know. But my boobs hurt so bad, you guys. No, they just throb.

[Vicky]

Okay, what are we gonna do about this?

[Mom]

You ever see the episode Will and Grace where her boobs just starts squirting milk everywhere?

[Lizzy]

No, I didn't.

[Vicky]

Or.

[Mom]

You have to see it.

[Vicky]

You have to.

[Lizzy]

I will actually look that up. I love long Grace.

[Vicky]

Yeah, there's almost no pan or. No. Sorry. I've taken the liberty of.

[Lizzy]

You give him a bloody nose.

[Vicky]

Yeah.

[Mom]

Yeah, it does look like you did.

[Vicky]

Spooky. Oh, look, we're having creative differences because the. The whipped cream's a little high on the face. Aw.

[Lizzy]

You know, give notes to the whipped cream of fire.

[Vicky]

Hey, we're having some issues with.

[Lizzy]

So far, the quesadilla is delightful.

[Vicky]

For serious?

[Lizzy]

Yeah. You made me your creator.

[Mom]

It does look like it has a bloody nose.

[Vicky]

Wow. This is gorgeous. Oh, shoot. Thank you very much.

[Mom]

You're so nice. Thank you.

[Vicky]

Did anybody else have some of the quesadilla Is it pretty delicious? I'm enjoying it. It looks delicious with the right amount of cheese. Chicken.

[Lizzy]

And I was famished. I was worried I was gonna throw up because I took vitamins and I didn't have enough food in my stomach.

[Vicky]

This is good. It is good. What have I had against IHOP all these years? Just the bad tickets.

[Lizzy]

Yeah. Also, did it take them three hours to bring this food out or is that just my surging that like, it's okay?

[Mom]

I didn't think it took very long.

[Lizzy]

But felt like we were here for five days.

[Vicky]

It's 2pm they probably only have like one chef and one server, right?

[Mom]

Yeah, they said they only have one server.

[Chris]

I don't know what I personally have to inside out, but I think the K is okay.

[Vicky]

What do you have against ihop? What did they do to you every.

[Chris]

Time we ever have it? I'm not wild for some reason.

[Vicky]

I don't know why.

[Chris]

I don't know why.

[Mom]

You better not. You get unwell, we're dropping you at the side of the road. Just kidding. No, we would never.

[Chris]

I'm sorry.

[Vicky]

I like the quesadilla.

[Lizzy]

I like it.

[Vicky]

How's the bacon?

[Lizzy]

The bacon's not crispy.

[Vicky]

Really? A little soft.

[Chris]

Sorry.

[Lizzy]

You got. You got Lucy goosey bacon here before.

[Vicky]

How is Jenny's bacon?

[Lizzy]

It presents crispy every time we go to Denny's.

[Chris]

How good is the food?

[Mom]

I'm not a.

[Vicky]

Any. I'm not a huge bacon fan either.

[Lizzy]

But it's a dull flavor too.

[Chris]

But in general, everything we've ever got soft, right?

[Vicky]

It's like, chewy.

[Lizzy]

Like, my dick's not hard.

[Vicky]

No, it needs to be crispy.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

Or it needs to go back in the fr.

[Chris]

Does the flavor light?

[Mom]

I hate. I'm not a bacon girl, so. No, that's funny, Lizzy.

[Lizzy]

And this looks like he needs a Narcotics Anonymous movie and a shot of adrenaline to the heart.

[Vicky]

This guy, he's having a good time.

[Lizzy]

I mean, he probably is.

[Vicky]

He's the happiest one.

[Chris]

Is spilling. He's spilling his nose.

[Mom]

The blood went all over.

[Vicky]

He's the happiest one of all of us to be here.

[Lizzy]

You know that's a pancake that loves cocaine. Am I right?

[Mom]

He needs a Hazmat team now.

[Vicky]

All right, I'm taking a cut of this. What is this one called? The Reese's Pieces pancake. Pretty good.

[Lizzy]

You.

[Vicky]

It looks good. It's feeling kind of dry.

[Lizzy]

There's. Is there four in there?

[Chris]

It's feeling kind of dry. It's not just me. I'm not the problem.

[Vicky]

There. It's. It is a stack of four. Whatever. Everyone just has to kind of pull for themselves.

[Chris]

Oh, I already licked my knife. I need.

[Vicky]

Oh, I haven't touched this one.

[Chris]

Thank you.

[Vicky]

Are you even interested in this at all? Do you like a pancake, Mom?

[Mom]

I love pancakes.

[Vicky]

Really?

[Mom]

Oh, yeah.

[Vicky]

Where's your favorite pancake from?

[Mom]

My kitchen.

[Chris]

Yeah, that's the best answer.

[Vicky]

Wow, look at the dough. The M M's are melted on the inside, so you get that crunch on the outside and then it's just like melted chocolate pops in your mouth.

[Lizzy]

Is it chocolate or is it peanut butter? Are those Reese's Pieces?

[Vicky]

Well, it tasted like chocolate in my mouth. Oh, it's peanut butter. Isn't that crazy?

[Lizzy]

You killed me.

[Vicky]

I'm just a special mom.

[Lizzy]

You're so beautiful. Is it nap time? Is it 4:00pm? Like, God damn, cannot do this anymore. We have to go, bro.

[Vicky]

What the fuck? I told you to get real food, real sustenance for your breastfeeding.

[Lizzy]

I got bacon. I got bacon.

[Vicky]

Here, mom, take some of those.

[Lizzy]

The bacon's so disappointing though. Vicky.

[Vicky]

What do you think, Chris? Yeah, it's fine.

[Mom]

Okay. I already have a comment about.

[Vicky]

What's your comment?

[Mom]

They look really good because they're thin. And one reason I like make them at home is because I can make them thin. Usually restaurants they come out all too fluffy.

[Lizzy]

No, she's not a fluffy fan.

[Vicky]

Are you.

[Chris]

Are you a crepe person who's not.

[Mom]

Me too.

[Vicky]

I'm going in with the pumpkin.

[Lizzy]

Oh, these are.

[Chris]

These are pretty good.

[Lizzy]

Wow. Oh, she likes it.

[Vicky]

It's very pumpkiny.

[Lizzy]

Oh, but in a good way or in like.

[Vicky]

I think it's farts.

[Mom]

Are you going to try it like Lucy?

[Lizzy]

I have a note for my doctor that says I shouldn't.

[Mom]

Ryan did say to take a doctor's note for any of us.

[Vicky]

You should fork.

[Lizzy]

People do that.

[Vicky]

Oh yeah.

[Lizzy]

That's crazy. Nothing.

[Vicky]

Am I telling things about you that aren't supposed to be told? Because that sounds like me.

[Mom]

No, you're not. But we are.

[Vicky]

Sounds like something I would do.

[Lizzy]

It does sound like something you would do.

[Chris]

You.

[Vicky]

Let's see what a candy corn tastes like.

[Lizzy]

Is it good? Is it even better with the whipped cream? You know what I. With the candy corn.

[Vicky]

The candy corn's.

[Lizzy]

I'm not afraid to admit it.

[Mom]

I love candy corn.

[Vicky]

Do you think.

[Lizzy]

What if you're hungry though?

[Vicky]

Kids one has anything different going on?

[Lizzy]

I think it's just A pancake.

[Chris]

Thank you.

[Vicky]

With a little Oreo.

[Chris]

I like the Reese's one. Enough to almost take back what I said.

[Vicky]

Really?

[Chris]

I kind of like it. I think I might. I'm into it.

[Lizzy]

I'm kind of liking to walk back hating this entire establishment.

[Vicky]

You know, I. I stand. I'm happy that Chris almost hates a restaurant.

[Lizzy]

Me too.

[Vicky]

It's great. It really is nice.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Vicky]

It's refreshing.

[Lizzy]

You loved everything.

[Chris]

It's. I'm just like. I don't hate it. It's just like. It's. I'm never well.

[Lizzy]

Sounds a lot like hate.

[Chris]

No.

[Lizzy]

What do you like better, this place or Chick fil A?

[Vicky]

This place. Thank you.

[Chris]

That's crazy.

[Mom]

So you're really not a fan of.

[Chris]

Chick fil A, but for it's different reasons.

[Mom]

Is it just so good?

[Vicky]

I think we're still working. Thank you.

[Lizzy]

Of course.

[Vicky]

Did you try the pumpkin one, mom, or you're just not there yet?

[Mom]

I'm not there yet.

[Chris]

I'm underwhelmed by the pumpkin again.

[Vicky]

I mean, the pumpkin's nothing like crazy. It's just. It has like a nice pumpkin note.

[Lizzy]

I'm really enjoying the ice.

[Mom]

So really try it. But I thought, why would you put candy on it? But guess what happens to it?

[Vicky]

It's melted on the inside. It pops in your mouth.

[Lizzy]

It's pretty.

[Vicky]

It's a little burst.

[Chris]

Honestly, this is the best thing we eat.

[Vicky]

I really like it. That's really good. I want to get like a whole another stack. And syrup you put.

[Lizzy]

You would add syrup to that?

[Vicky]

I hadn't yet.

[Lizzy]

Oh, yeah, but you would.

[Vicky]

I'm trying to think, like, around and.

[Lizzy]

Find out you're crazy. I'm about to around and find out you're crazy.

[Chris]

It's pretty.

[Vicky]

It's.

[Chris]

It's good enough.

[Lizzy]

I love syrup, but I like a good maple syrup. Something tells me that is not a maple syrup.

[Mom]

No, it's sugar.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Mom]

Sugar from the sun, maybe?

[Vicky]

No.

[Lizzy]

Something tells me it's not even real sugar.

[Vicky]

You know what I'm saying? Yes.

[Lizzy]

Neither is the candy corn I just gobbled down. But that was delightful.

[Mom]

What did you think of these ones, Brian?

[Vicky]

I like them. I tried it without any syrup just to get like the flavor to really know what was going on inside of that.

[Mom]

Are they spicy?

[Vicky]

No. It's pumpkiny, but it's not pumpkin.

[Chris]

Maybe I messed up. I put the. The syrup and I didn't get a lot of pumpkin.

[Mom]

Oh.

[Chris]

So I think maybe I should have tried it without.

[Vicky]

I think the pumpkin explodes without the Syrup. Syrup. What do you think?

[Lizzy]

What's your vibe?

[Mom]

Very pumpkiny.

[Vicky]

Very.

[Lizzy]

I tried this without. Is there spice involved?

[Mom]

Not a lot of spice, just pumpkin.

[Lizzy]

Would you say everything nice? Well, you have to.

[Vicky]

Wait, so neither of you like bacon?

[Mom]

I like that one better.

[Lizzy]

Well, we like bacon, but not this bacon.

[Mom]

Okay. I am the syrup girl, though. I'll tell you first, it drives him nuts.

[Chris]

I put a lot of syrup.

[Lizzy]

Yeah, I put syrup on my sausage and in my tea.

[Mom]

It really gross.

[Vicky]

That's sick. What's that syrup?

[Chris]

Breakfast sandwich at Denny's. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's like, has like syrupy bread and like eggs and everything. Oh, so good.

[Lizzy]

This is not a McDonald's.

[Chris]

McDonald's thing maybe, but they have it at. At Denny's too. Like a classier version.

[Vicky]

Okay, I'm gonna need a thumbnail face. Mom, go. Ah. Put in my mouth.

[Lizzy]

Do it.

[Mom]

No, because he'll use it.

[Lizzy]

I know. He's crazy. Do you see what it does to me every week?

[Vicky]

Is it even on you?

[Mom]

That means. Let me.

[Lizzy]

Abusive.

[Vicky]

Okay, it.

[Mom]

I'm going to do this with the Oreo. Put a thumbnail with it.

[Lizzy]

Okay.

[Mom]

I don't know. I have food in my teeth.

[Lizzy]

She's so cute. Oh my God, I can't stand it.

[Mom]

You're so funny, cuz. I'm not.

[Vicky]

You are.

[Lizzy]

They're precious.

[Vicky]

Too much sugar. Well. Well, honestly, this one was delicious. Don't listen to Lizzie. She didn't try it, so she can't vouch for it.

[Lizzy]

I didn't try anything.

[Vicky]

The Reese's. I just can feel it. Oh, it's what's coming off of you and into me that I'm like, ooh, bluff the bad boy.

[Lizzy]

That's kinda sexy.

[Vicky]

Who wants the last piece of bacon? Chris?

[Lizzy]

I'm okay.

[Vicky]

You don't like bacon.

[Chris]

I do, but your reactions to it.

[Lizzy]

Take that mild last bacon.

[Mom]

Okay. I don't like bacon.

[Vicky]

This is my protein.

[Lizzy]

Take that.

[Mom]

I am not a bacon girl.

[Lizzy]

It sounds crispy too, but it's not.

[Vicky]

This piece was a little crispy.

[Lizzy]

No.

[Vicky]

Isn't that shitty for you?

[Lizzy]

And that's the sip. You know what? That's my karma for being a hateful.

[Mom]

You're not though.

[Vicky]

Sometimes she is.

[Mom]

Lizzy, you're so kind.

[Lizzy]

You should hear what I say about ugly babies.

[Mom]

That might be the sip.

[Vicky]

Is there anything you need to tell the people?

[Mom]

That's really good.

[Vicky]

Yes, I agree.

[Mom]

Peanut butter melts like you say, pops.

[Vicky]

You got the peanut butter sauce, the chocolate sauce. You add the syrup. Nice thin pancake.

[Mom]

Nice thin.

[Lizzy]

Yeah.

[Mom]

And you never want to buy Crusty's pancake mix or pumpkin. The pumpkin one.

[Vicky]

Trash.

[Mom]

I tried bread, and the top burned. I tried the pumpkin pancakes, and they burned, so I don't know what's in it, but they just. Everything burns.

[Lizzy]

Damn.

[Mom]

Okay, just so you know, don't buy the crusty pumpkin pancake, but you can buy the regular crusty, period.

[Vicky]

All right, you guys, make sure you're following all of us on social media. My mom's Amazon store is linked in the description below. We'll actually have to go through her Instagram. Or Amazon puts it as fraud, then they try to shut us all down.

[Lizzy]

Jesus.

[Vicky]

You'll figure it out. It's fine.

[Lizzy]

Oh, we got to call your YouTube guy after this.

[Vicky]

Oh, okay. All right. Thank you guys so much. We're blacking out because we're tired parents. We'll see you next Wednesday. We love you. Goodbye.

[Lizzy]

And that's the sip.

[Chris]

It felt like we're in a cult.

[Lizzy]

We are.

[Chris]

That's.

[Lizzy]

This is.